The Creep Off - Creeps’N Roses #3 Slut + Whore = SLWHORE

Episode Date: March 6, 2021

This week we pick up right where we left off…who went home Victoria or Marylin? Is Sarah Okay? Does Matt ever stop whining? Tune in to find out! Featuring the talents of PJ Philliam & Brian McBride

Welcome to Creeps and Roses with Vinny and PJ. We're talking about The Bachelor because Vinny needs to pay. Lots of bitchy girls who want to see that dick. We didn't want to do this podcast, but Carlin is a prick. The Bachelor, let's discuss The Bachelor with PJ and with Vinny, Vinny, Vinny, we've got roses, we've got creeps. all right ladies and gentlemen welcome to the long-awaited third episode of creeps and roses three of five pj three of five welcome welcome everybody to episode one of creeps and roses pj how do you fucking figure this is episode one episode one that you consider episode one doesn't count because you didn't watch any

episodes episode two the the name of the show is creeps and roses and sure we talked about roses but you didn't bring in any creeps so i have that fixed this week. Victoria was a creep. Well, you didn't say that. I'd also like to introduce to the studio joining us for the very first time on creeps and roses. Hopefully a creep off regular Brian McBride is here. Is it the first time because it's the first episode that's been done?

Because that's what I'm hearing. You two? No, I'm just asking. I don't know. This is the official first episode one of five. So I'm here to make sure that Vinny does his consequence, which now at this point it's turning into more of a consequence for me as well because I have to deal with Vinny. fucking up the audio and being like, oh, PJ, let's record this day. And then I show up.

And then he's like, oh, yeah, it's not going to fucking work. So we're not going to record this week. I'm not even kidding you people. I hate The Bachelor. I hate the shit. I just like it. There's nothing good about it. That's another thing. This is a consequence for me too, because I love The Bachelor. It's so funny. But I have to watch it twice now because I'm like trying to. Well, it must be so great if you can't handle watching it twice. watching it the first time you get all the shock factor but watching it the second time you're like yeah this is where

she smiles she hasn't smartened up since the last time so PJ what do you say we just get into this and get it over with get right into episode one I'd like to say like I do take a little bit of the blame that this is still

only the first episode because not the first episode well the first episode the first episode that you consider the first episode which was like episode 0.25, like alpha, like 1.0, you know what I mean? No, I don't. That one, I did, I did bring in the creep segment. I said, Matt James probably watches child porn and he's not denounced it.

So if he doesn't denounce it, he loves child porn, which as far as I know, I mean, we'll touch on that later. But then the second week, last week, we didn't talk about creeps. And that was a little bit on me. But also, you like steamrolled the clips just, yeah, you didn't want to talk about creeps at all. You just want to talk about the clips. So episode one, welcome in, get ready for. for four more great episodes following this one. You're getting this episode and you're getting two more and not an episode past that.

Now, let's start the show. I'm sure everybody has been dying to find out what happened at the cliffhanger where Sarah, the girl whose father has ALS and is in the wheelchair and has apparently minutes to live, has decided to go live with fucking Matt James in a house in Pennsylvania with 30, something other women for her shot at fame. We got to the Rose Ceremony, PJ, and what happened? Sarah had a panic attack. Yeah, as far as we know, she also might have just had sudden onset ALS syndrome herself.

We did establish she has bad genes. It is hereditary, right? It is hereditary. Oh, no. It is hereditary. So the other girls are not happy about this, but Matt decides to be a gentleman, and he runs away from the Rose ceremony and decides to comfort Sarah. and the girls take no time to show their concern for Sarah in her well-being.

And then the night stops, and there's still five or six roses left on the table. She already has a rose. It's a joke. It's a joke. She's having a panic attack. She already did have a rose. They're right. So this really is bullshit.

She didn't even have to be in the scene. They could have filmed around her passed out body. Like, this is what these girls want. And can I also say, there's a girl. named MJ, who we're going to see a little bit more from this week, but she looks a lot like AEW's Jungle Jack Perry. I just want you to know that, everybody. That's a fun fact from your buddy.

No one knows what that is. What the fuck is that? Is that another pro wrestling reference? Sure, of course it is. The Rose ceremony continues again. And now we were also left off with another cliffhanger. Maryland and Victoria. There was a lot of ugliness.

we were going to find out is Victoria going home or is Maryland? But the producers are great and they give us a little insight into Victoria's mindset while she's standing there

waiting for this to start. Can't wait to hear these words. Unfortunately, Sarah has a rose but now I think Matt just needs to send Maryland home. That's right. She just wants to get rid of Maryland.

Well, yeah, she's competing against Maryland. Yep, yep. So why wouldn't you want to do that? Well, yeah, they want all the, other women to go home eventually. Now, we discussed last week that all these girls just want their camera time. So, like, specifically fucking over other girls out of their camera time is a pretty

shitty thing to do. Well, ladies and gentlemen, we will now let you know who's going home. Is it the one who actually started the shit Victoria, or is it going to be Maryland? Victoria. Victoria gets the rose. Who saw this coming, but everybody? yeah there's that's definitely a producer pick

there's no way that Matt Janes wants either of these horrible women there right and I don't think Marilyn was horrible I actually think Marilyn was kind of shocked by all of it listen to her thoughts as she leaves how can he give her a rose like she's just the worst but I do have to admit that

she's a good actor game recognizes game there it is she's a good actor but she is also the worst. I think that sums are up. I'd just like to point out that all of these women, besides like one or two, have absolutely trash

tits. All of them? Like, pretty much all of them. There's a handful. I think one chick's name is, no, not serena. I don't know. The one black chick has big tits. Victoria has big tits. Everyone else is just completely flat.

I mean, come on, man. I have tits. I mean, what does it really mean? You should have dition for the show. I just might. I have a sparkling personality. Matt believed Victoria, or the producers like we've established, said she this gem stays

and Maryland took her parting shots. Also leaving where Alana, Ileana, Kristen, and Sidney, who gives a fuck. Ileana was the meatball girl. He got rid of her at the first opportunity he could. So the next day, a new week begins and a new group date is announced.

Chris Harrison lets them all know that today's date is learning how to be comfortable oh with being uncomfortable I don't know how that works right this episode is such a slog so slow so boring let's cut through the bullshit then and let me explain to you the essence of what this uh group date was they did basically a porn open mic oh it's really what it was they walk into a room there's no lights on there's like stages in a table there's a woman on the stage she's darkly lit and this is what you hear Maybe it was time to shake things up a bit.

He was positioning himself over her, raising her hips to meet his. With one hand, she cupped his buttocks. With the other, she reached down to feel him against her thigh. His lips moved to her ears, her neck. She panted. Jake, please don't make me wait anymore. Hi, guys. Yeah, and then they give her a round of applause.

PJ, you remember this scene? Yeah, I feel empowered listening to that. I know, it really is good. And you know what's really interesting? Would you like to know where that spiffy bit of dialogue came from? You may be wondering why you just heard all that. That's because there's a very important writer. And his name is Chris Harrison.

Fucking Chris Harrison wrote that. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Chris Harrison wrote a smut book. called The Perfect Letter. Yeah. Just so you know, ladies, here's a spoiler. To be really frank, there's a lot of sex in it. Yeah, it's basically just a smut, rub one out for ladies' book.

There's lots of reasons to like Chris Harrison, and one of them is that he knows, he knows his audience. He knows, like, these women are just super horny, and they just want to watch Bachelor and then masturbate directly afterwards. That makes a lot of sense. Chris Harrison's a genius. Yeah, except for when he got canceled like three weeks ago. We have to save it for episode five. The challenge was they all had to write their own erotica

and then perform it, not only in front of the other girls on the group date, but all the other girls from the house, Matt James and Chris Harrison all being there. So that obviously is going to be a little awkward for some of these girls. But you know what they decided to do? Thank God they decided to get that. big ball of charisma Matt James to read his

erotica first. She dropped her purse beside the handrail leading up the steps. She was drawn to the kitchen. I sent all too familiar. Mm. Chocolate cake.

All right. I'm a man. She felt two strong hands cover both her shoulders. Vinnie is fully aroused right now. She quivered. Okay. He kissed the skin

between her suit and her hairline. What about the cake? He worked his free hand, up the side of her smooth, soft legs. Not stopping. At the bottom of her dress line. Salacious, Matt James.

You touched her not stopping at her dress line. He busted got so much tail in those AOL chat rooms. I'm telling you. Holy shit. It's like two words, pause. Two words. I only heard two words in that. whole thing chocolate cake yeah that was great

chocolate cake yeah i i kind of like i said i'm in on it so there was only two girls whose stuff was worth playing and i gotta tell you they're both troublemakers and i want to introduce you this girl we haven't spoken much about her but uh she's from chicago and she consistently looks like she's smelling a fart yeah named anna that's her you know the windy city they just kind of float in there you can't help her That's why they call it the windy city. Well, she also looks like you need to like strap a bag of oats to her fucking face.

She's super hot. Yeah. I find her very attractive. She's like one of the hottest chicks on the show, but she always is making the worst faces that drop her from like a nine to like a six or seven. I can't argue with that. I cannot argue with that evaluation. So here is her porn that she wrote for Matt James. I'm ready to be.

As well, let you guys know, this is chapter 17 of that and eight. Anna's love story. This chapter is called the fantasy suite. His eyes darken, hungry with desire, as she pulls down the lace of her bra, exposing her breasts one at a time. She sees his excitement. He truly is the full pack. But she needs one more thing before she can finish.

Please talk dirty to me, Matt. Talk to cake. Startled, but without missing a beat. he whispers you're the only one left no one else is here she immediately oh her fantasy is to win the contest oh it's almost like it's not about him

at all weird well I would tell you ladies and gentlemen the star of the show the queen made herself very very popular with the other girls they loved what she did

way to you get a load of Victoria and queen were celebrating the royal engagement he kissed her neck and then smacked her ass hard and pulling her hair while she moaned with pleasure her legs quivered as she and he knew her orgasm was real

she was never fake like the girls from his past she pushed him onto his back so she could Okay, it gets better. Still don't, baby. With a . And they get together, and he screamed, yes, queen. The girls fucking loved it.

The queen slayed this shit. All of the boats and none of the hose will be there. stepbrothers reference good one i just had so much i feel like this was Walt disney's vision at the time right yeah when he started ABC yes absolutely this girl victoria is a problem but i absolutely love her the girls finish up this group date one of the interesting little subplots that starts here is sarah poor girl straight off of her panic attack is still feeling very emotional. She sees all these other girls spending time with Matt. And after all, she had the one-on-one date with them. They made out in the hot tub. She's starting to feel kind of territorial. She starts to get under the girl's skin after they get back to the hotel.

After spending a day with him, I just didn't think it would be this hard. And like these feelings of jealousy and like kind of like, oh, like hurt, I guess. She's hurt? How is she hurt? They went on a group date and they read the stupid porn things. and all of a sudden, because she went on a one-on-one, she's like emotionally fucking damaged at this point. There's something very strange going on here, PJ. I'm almost positive that this is also the same chick who has a boyfriend at home. That's what you told me. I'm pretty sure it's this chick.

I mean, I've been throwing around basis accusations this whole time. So in all our previous not counted episodes. God damn it. We almost had to be. Listen, if you think that those other two episodes counted, let me know. but the consensus I have is those episodes don't count and for all I know this one won't count either we'll see what happens true story

your consensus doesn't count you're the creep this week you're my creep and creeps and roses no I have no you're the creep no you're the creep you're the creep you're the creep you're the creep you're the creep you're the creep you're the creep you're the creep this is good podcast back at the group date Matt gets one on one time with Rachel and Bree he basically makes out with them both on the couch

well he does it he has his eyes open and rolled back in his head like a shark attacking. Oh, no. He's so awkward to watch kissing, PJ. You were absolutely right. Yes. Back at the hotel, all the girls are all there except for Sarah. Sarah has disappeared.

She's feeling upset. Nobody knows where she is. Guess where she is. I'm about to tell you a second, but I will say. Basically, yeah, shaking with tears. The one-on-one date goes to Serena P. Very cute girl. Like Serena P.

a bit. Back on the date, Matt is sitting on a couch with Katie, the dildo girl, and all of a sudden, it walks Sarah. She crashes another girl's time. She knows how to get screen time. She's like, I need to talk to Matt. It's really important. I need to talk to him. And Katie handles it pretty well. She's obviously pissed, but she's just like, okay. And she leaves. I couldn't believe it. This is the girl who showed up and like handed him a dildo when they first met. And, I will say Katie does nothing but impress me with her level of maturity

throughout these two episodes. So, sound like everyone on the subreddit. Oh my gosh. Katie is the real queen. Shut up, Vinnie, Simp. All right. I'm just trying to.

She is the hottest. She's up there. She's definitely up there. Sarah tells Matt that she's not doing well. She's so upset to see the other dates. Matt told her just to remember their special time together and not to worry about the other girls.

There's no mention of AOS dad at all here. it's all about how she's upset to see her with the other girls i just want to make sure we point that out now now he is in total not spent more than 30 minutes alone with any single lady right no he made out with some of these girls for probably a while okay like he's made out with there's like third start off at 32 they're probably down to like 20 something at this point and he's made out with seven or eight of them is it is it really making out if his eyes were open it's more just like kissing solid point also he has had a solid point also he has had a few one-on-one dates where he spends like the whole day with the women so he he does have

some like developing relationships but for the most part he's talked to these women maybe an hour and a half total if that he spent more time talking to chris harrison about his feelings that he has talking to these girls so right now katy is standing there and she's like acting like she's a senator Reclaiming my time. She's just shrieing my time. Okay. Reclaiming my time. She's just standing there in the corner like, you're out, you're out.

And Sarah goes back to the hotel and she apologizes to the other girls. It's very strange. She like interrupts the date. Okay. So everybody that's like in this group day all knows she did it. But then she goes back to the hotel to all the other girls who are not on that group day, gets them together and says this. I'm sorry, but I just want to let you guys know from me and hear it from me and not anyone else.

We didn't really hear anything. Yeah, that was Victoria, just chiming it at the end. But she came in and she's just like, yeah, so everybody knows, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just so you know, I'm sorry. And they were like, what the fuck is going out with this lunatic? So Victoria's being really bitchy, but she's also being very slick here because now she wants to know what the fuck's going on. So she does this move, this real catty thing, where she goes out and, like, tries to be friends with Sarah to get the hot goss. Is Sarah dumb enough to be like, oh, she really wants to be my friend?

Well, let's watch this clip. I don't want you to cry. Like, I'm coming here with love, swear. Yeah, I know. I feel like we have, like, a good relationship. Yeah. Yeah. We have a good relationship.

Yeah, it's so good. But it's so fucking funny. Because this is what she said about her. Can you tell Matt that, like, Sarah sucks? You know what? To Victoria, that's probably a good relation. Can you tell Matt that, like, Sarah sucks? What happens is Katie comes out, the girl who was actually wronged.

And Katie could fraud Sarah about it. And Sarah gives her the whole song and dance. I need to let Matt know Matt know how I was feeling because I'm thinking about leaving. I have so many things going on. I don't know. And Katie, like I said, to her credit, handles it like a boss. She says, you already had a one-on-one date. You fucking made out with them in the hot tub.

This isn't cool. You just crashed by time. And you better make up your mind, bitch, because you ain't making any friends around here. So either going to stay and act right or you're going to leave. And I'm like, shit. Katie, way to handle it. Now, they don't get paid if they leave, right? I thought I heard that somewhere.

If they leave on their own, the girls, they only paid for the show. well if you could leave like a martyr the way this girl's trying to set her up to self up to be right i think that they have to assume it's going to be more profitable from in the long run right bj honestly i didn't even think about them getting paid for the show but yeah i guess they get paid for the show i just assumed it was like oh this is a good exposure for me i'll go on the show do you think they want to expose how awful they are for free yes they get so many instagram followers off of this and then they literally just have to promote brands the rest of their lives they never have to work a real job anyways back at the date rachel

gets a rose and all the girls are pissed at sarah here's a little bit of jungle boys thoughts mj time is a commodity here and right now sarah is like a billionaire right now and we're all sitting here with a dollar yeah she's very upset because they feel like sarah got all this time she interfered with everybody and uh it's getting to be a little weird see if these people were go-getters they would have also, like, made up fake backstories for their dad's, like, oh, he has cancer. He has AIDS. He has ALS. Like, she's the smart one.

I mean, her dad probably does have ALS. Just like walking. Well, Victoria tried that. Her up one eye is habitually swollen. So maybe she did that. Like, she just punched herself in the eye. Like, this is from my dad. That checks out.

That checks out. Did you see the picture I sent you, Vinny? I did. Good time to show that. I did show that picture. Victoria got what she deserved. There it is. ladies and gentlemen

they will be everyone can see it so the next morning Matt comes to pick up Sarita P for their date and all the girls are sitting there waiting but Sarah's not there

guys oh no Sarah is not there and Matt looks around for and he has a very strange reaction watch this she's not down here she has a big tips

on the white shirt for real you give me like five minutes he just leaves Serena, the girl he's supposed to go on the one-on-one date with to go find Sarah. Serena P. Serena P. Not Serena C. We don't want to get her confused

with the girl with the fake eyebrows and the very wide set eyes. The girls are not happy that this is going on. They are so pissed and fucking Sarah. Which is weird for them because normally the girls are just smiles all the time. It's not like a great way to set the tone for the date. It's not.

They're right. Just getting up and leaving to go find another girl is not a good way to start the date. They're still shit talking. She's looking for that affirmation. She's looking for validation. At this point, she's begging for it. So Matt goes and finds Sarah. They have some kind of heart-to-heart little talk.

Matt tries to convince her to stay. And she's just like, I'll think about it, Matt. And he goes back to go see Serena P. And listen to this response. Listen to how this dickhead smooths everything over when he walks into the room. Welcome back. That's a long five minutes. Yeah.

That was a long five minutes. Yes, it was because it was like 10 minutes if you were watching the fucking show. And I can imagine before it was edited down, it was probably like an hour. Victoria isn't the type of person that you want to be friends with, but she is the type of person who you kind of want to be fighting on your behalf because like, she just is such a cunt that he's like, that was, she's like, that was a long five minutes. You're right. Yeah. Yep. So Matt and Serena P.

Horseback ride and go out on a picnic. they have a little bit of small talk and there's a very interesting interaction Matt and Serena P start talking about his love for animals as a child I had pets when I was growing up I had a turtle

what? Oh my god Were you a weird kid? What? Yeah, everyone loves turtles when they're little. Let's show this out. Did you love turtles when you were a little bit bright? I mean the ninja turtles Sure, ninja turtles

As far as non-Ninja turtles? No. No. No, not one. They had to be at least 13 years old. Right. Do you know what that reminded me of? I like turtles. Yeah.

All right. I said it at the same time. You nailed it. It's all I can think of. Same. I like turtles. All right. And Matt's like I totally get that kid.

He's speaking my truth. At this point, he's on this date, this long agonizing date with Serena P. Who seems to be normal. There's no sob story from her, which is a nice change of pace from most of the girls. But she does give us our double speaking. of the week. Here's her at the beginning of their date. Usually for me, I take things a little bit slower. Okay. Right? Good for her.

And then here's her while they're sitting there having a one-on-one romantic candle and dinner before they make out in the hot tub. I definitely could see myself moving forward, like potentially falling in love with you. That was fast. Isn't that such a weird sentiment to have? Like, yeah, I barely know you, but I could totally see myself falling in love with you. Like, who talks like that? that it sounds like a robot guess what's happening right now at the hotel probably sarah getting

bullied more hey you're good at this here's my clip where the girls are wondering where is sarah now we are still missing uh our good friend sarah i'm not missing her oh shit oh shit they're just such shit talkers they really really are you know it's funny i can deal with it like if the women are hot enough. I'm like, yeah, you know what? That was pretty good line. I'm not missing her, but Victoria, she's not hot enough to talk as much shit as she talks. I don't know. I'm actually really turning

around on Victoria. I'm looking at her. Like, I'm looking at her. And then you're like, I don't know. She's got crazy at her eyes, boys. She's got crazy in her eyes. So here's what happens next. Sarah does show

up. She apologizes to the girls. again. Here is her second group apologies. Stop apologizing. First, I just really want to apologize to the women who I interrupted yesterday, specifically, Katie, I'm really sorry. I genuinely meant no disrespect. And then second, I just want to apologize to all the women for not coming down sooner to clear the air or address the situation. And I know the timing was bad, and I sincerely apologize.

guys. But yesterday, you know, I was planning on going home just because I was really overwhelmed by this process. And I wanted to talk about that with him face to face. Like, I knew what I was getting into. I just didn't expect it to be this difficult, this fast. And I think if you guys have had the chance to get to know me over the past. Nobody knows you. Yeah, it's your fault. Hopefully you guys know my heart and see my heart. Nobody knows you. Oh my God. I have had great conversations and connections with you ladies. And, you know, I know, who is she talking to? Like, what?

Yeah. The reactions. I would have played you some of the reactions to this apology. This long-ass, just horseshit apology. No, listen, none of these women give a fuck. You had a one-on-one date. You got your goddamn screen time. You got your FaceTime.

You interrupted another date. You got more FaceTime. They all know what your number is, Sarah, and none of them are happy about it. Watch this reaction. It just felt calculated. And the fact that. Manipulative. Toxic.

And I concur. You're all three of those things, Sarah. Victoria does not give a fuck. They're still pissed, man. They are so pissed. Well, they edit it to make it seem like these women are being horrible to her. But I think that they're right because I did Google it then. And she did have a boyfriend.

And guess what his name is? What? DJ. Biju B-I-J-O-U like his first name like he goes by DJ Biju and his Instagram just says G-House wizard and then he has a little emoji for a plant and then it's his base of plant-based so I'm gonna say two things I like him better than Matt James I like it better than Matt James I don't play for leaving I can't say I like the ALS dad more than I like Matt James I don't know so you think this was

playing with him where she's like listen I'll get on the show and then I'll cause a bunch of drama and then leave. And then we'll make a bunch of Instagram followers. We'll make a bunch of Instagram followers and then you could like spin your records for them. Right. And then it'll be millionaires. Oh, what a brilliant plan. And then we'll open up your soy based taco stand.

It'll be great. It'll be fantastic. This shit is declining quickly. I call this clip just straight threats to Sarah. Okay. I hope that your connection with Matt is very strong right now because the rest of your living situation here is going to be horrible. Oh, wow.

Yeah, man. They're fucking pissed. Who ordered the code red? Let me tell you something. Victoria is sitting there and in her brain all she's thinking is. I declare war on Satan! This is the inside of their brains. They're just so fucking upset.

I love how much they her over I mean what seems like I mean her own mental disorder like man she's all depressed and sad

because her dad's dying and she's coming to the realization she's a horrible person and then they're just like fuck you Sarah dumb cunt it is funny like she comes down late and they're like I hope the crows

eat out your eyeballs yeah like it's just so over the top you're toxic you stayed in your room all day here's more If Matt sends her home, I will want to fuck him because I'll just be like, that is so hot that he can see through her. Yeah, Victoria loves it.

Victoria loves the hate. She just thrives on all of this. So the next day, Katie feels bad, right? And she goes to find Sarah and be nice to her because she realizes that she just doesn't like the way the girls are acting. During this time that they're talking, Sarah decides to give Katie her sob story. Okay. I really have to put my well-being first.

And I'm not in a good headspace here. Yeah, she says she's not a good headspace. Her dad has a L.S. Her boyfriend misses her, whatever the fuck. Somebody's got to water the plants. He's not very responsible. Katie says to her, listen, my dad died. Go live with your, go spend your dad's final days with him.

What are you doing? The same thing we said when we heard the story, PJ. He was like, why'd you grow the fuck up and go home and spend time with your father before he fucking drops dead. My dad's dying. My boyfriend has an iron deficiency. I just can't do this anymore. And his farts are horrible. His vegan farts just take up the apartment.

Turns out she has another, like, completely healthy dad back home, too. Oh. She has a stepdad that's just fine. That's hysterical. So Katie goes back and tells the group, hey, listen, Sarah has decided to leave and she has a really horrible thing going on with her family. And watch this reaction from Victoria. She actually has a really big family thing as well that's looming over her. So she went home today.

Yeah, she's awesome. She's just clapping. So she tells Matt, Sarah tells Matt she's leaving. I had to go with, be with her dad. I just feel really called to go home. I'm with my family. That's that religious bullshit. I feel so called to go home to be with my family.

Well, we all know the real story. DJ boyfriend. Literally, there's B2. Literally, she didn't get called by her dad saying, I am dying. Why are you hoeing it up on TV? He couldn't call her. He has ALS. He's in like the Stephen Hawking chair.

Yeah, he is. I just looked it up. Because I was trying to find out if she was also lying about that. And it's pretty sad. Yeah, he's like wheeled around like Stephen Hawking. I hope my daughter does not ruin the family name of national television. I really like that DJ Bizu. He's a nice guy.

He comes over and plays records for me when I'm sad. So that's the end of episode three, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to get into episode four. It opens up on the group. and the body is still warm. Sarah is just gone and let's hear how the ladies are reacting. Like Sarah left so like bye.

Relationships are hard and if you're telling me the first time things get hard you pack your bags I'm already like bye. So this is very strange to be because they have all been told she's leaving because her father is dying. She's gone and here we are

in this fucking circle jerk of they all just have to shit on someone. Things get hard every once in a while. You just quit immediately. You leave the reality show you're on because your dad's dying. What a dumb bitch. Also, I'll tell you what happens. Katie stands up just to be shut down. Here's the clip. Trash took itself out. Can you stop? Seriously? She's gone. There's no point to keep talking about her. No, I won't stop Katie. I'll do whatever the fuck I want. Yeah, she rocks. Yeah. How do you not? Like, how could you watch this show and not love her.

And I mean, fucking right out of the gate in this episode. She just comes straight out like, I'll do whatever the fuck I want. And that for some reason, it goes from this little drama to skipping through the entire day of whatever they did. And then it goes on to them doing like a one on one time with some of the girls at night, which was very, very strange. Listen to how fucking callous Anna is being about the whole situation as well. I saw today what happens when someone can't handle this.

Like, I'm not here to just like turn around and run because things got hard. She's out there. She has her one-on-one time with Matt and she's just like, I wouldn't run away if things got hard. Still shitting on Sarah. Do these girls not realize that Matt really liked Sarah and being shitty about her? Is it going to help them get anywhere? Also, I think she explained to Matt why she was struggling because her dad's dying. So to shit.

Like, they don't know. I think that they just know that she had family problems. Right. They don't know the specifics. But still, shitting on someone when you know that they have a serious issue at home, and they probably told the lead about it, why would you do that?

That's just so, like, how calculated some of these women are? That's just so uncalculated. Why are they strategizing against a girl who's not there? I think they're just trying to make themselves look better. Like, oh, I would never do that. I'm not a quitter.

I don't have shitty jeans. Meanwhile, while he's having one on one time with MJ, Victoria and Katie Round 2 So I just really didn't like When you shut me down During group conversation

And I feel like I just would love an apology Because you're not gonna get an apology Fuck yeah you're not Wow Fuck you're not get an apology You're being a piece of shit I love it

Victoria has like a 24 7 walk of shame Look tour She does You're right I'm like guys like apartment The next morning that is literally the perfect way to describe how she looks holy shit

also it's so funny because the thing Victoria is sitting her down about is like I didn't like how you shut me down but you just played the clip of how she shut her down which is just I don't think we should be talking about this chick when she's not here and Victoria's like I'll do whatever the fuck I want but she's like you need to apologize to me Katie says there's a difference between making fun of someone and expressing yourself And Victoria has a perfect retort. Well, I can do whatever I want.

That's what she said. That was literally her response. And Katie says, listen, if you're going to just be toxic and rude and that's how you express yourself, what's your problem? And Victoria, once again, tries to shame Katie for the dildo incident. Go for it. And if you want to express yourself with your dildo and think you're ready for an engagement, you can do that.

If anyone isn't watching of the video, Victoria just did like the best ever shrug and eye roll. Yeah. Of like, well, you know, you can do what you want to do. Holy shit. Meanwhile, this Katie girl is actually like the only fairly mature chick on the whole show. Probably the only one ready to actually be in a relationship out of all these women. Yeah.

Katie looks kind of like shell shocked by this. She's just like, what the fuck am I even doing talking to you? So, yeah, she does give us. off that vibe. So Matt is going to do more sit down in chats. Our girl, Anna, wanted to go first, but unfortunately, the queen has other plans. I have

heard that, like, Anna wants to go first, but like, that's not happening. Sorry, Anna. I'm Elsa and you're Anna. So let it go, bitch. I'm going first. It's Anna. That's pretty good. Shots fired.

It's Anna. I like her Joe Namath cosplay, too. Yeah, it's pretty good. He's wearing a big white fur coat. The writing for this girl, it's like she's a diehard villain. It's great. Five girls to go before Victoria. And then when Victoria does end up going in

because she does not get to go in first. Our buddy, Chris Harrison, is our hero. I want to be that person that gives everyone insurance. Hello. Victoria, I'm sorry to interrupt. I just want to introduce a copy of my new book. Yeah, I want to read you a passage. The best thing about Chris Harrison writing

that smut book is I can totally just picture him sitting at his desk like in basically just like his boxers just like jerking off his little winner while he's writing this out not shaved in his boxers with the white theater going I got to make my deadline why did Chris

Harrison interrupt Victoria well ladies and gentlemen to make the show more interesting they decided to throw five more piranhas in the fucking tank oh no and they let Matt know that we are now bringing in five new girls even though we've already made this so hard for you little nat the decisions are so overwhelming we're

going to make it even tougher for you they started with what 30 girls yeah yeah now they already got rid of like 10 now they're adding five back in right and that's why when we talked about this last week PJ because i was like there's 32 and you're like no there was like 38 that's because they brought more girls in later in the season so the first girl that comes in her name is brittany And her and Matt, boy, they hit it off. Watch this clip, guys. I am from Chicago, but enough of all that I want to make up for lost time. Oh, she just grabs him and just lays in the kisses.

The girls are all watching from the window. And would you like to guess who has the strongest reaction? Our girl, Victoria, is very upset by this because it was her date that got interrupted. It's like, Brittany interrupted me to make out with Matt. Slot, whore. Slut, horror. It's like not even a good insult. Jesus, slor.

So then there's a girl named Michelle, who's a schoolteacher. She seems nice. Matt really seems to like her. There's a girl named Ryan. That's a dude's name. A girl named Kim. The last girl, though, I have to say, is a very interesting person to bring in. Her name is Catalina.

and she is the former Miss Universe Miss Puerto Rico. Wow. Me caliente. Looking at these other girls, you win. You look at Miss Puerto Rico and then you look at the fart face girl and Victoria with the plaque eye.

Whoa. Who just looks like your... Far face girl is hotter than Miss Porter. I mean... You know who the fart face girl reminds? She looks like your bitchy aunt. Like she just always looks like disgusted by everything. There is a little...

The bitchy aunt that gets stuck under the table in the beginning of... of those videos that we all love so much, right, Vinnie? There's another interesting interaction. The queen Victoria meets Catalina. Catalina is wearing her crown, and I think we all know, there's only room for one queen. I'm Victoria, like, the queen.

And so I think I should have that crown, actually. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, thank you. She just ripped it right off of the girl's head. Now, this woman won this crowd in a competition. Victoria's like I'm the quaid and the other girls are like

oh shit that is such a boss move you know I do I kind of respect it I can't argue yeah I can't argue as a cunt that is the cuntiest possible thing she could have done but it's still a boss move so funny story

they have another rose ceremony right after this like these girls just walk in and then all of a sudden guess what rose ceremony going home Kim No She made it all about

Five minutes into the show Kaley The one who I thought was pretty hot Who came up in her underwear And like the The sexy like little robe On the first episode And then Kylie also gone

Victoria Straight through again And that was that for the night They were all very upset With all the new girls coming in All the Kardashian girls how shitty would you feel if these new chicks just came in and then you got sent home like that's basically just Matt James saying yeah she's so hot that she offers more than

anything you have to offer personality and looks combined well life is full of hard lessons you just said oh god finally the rest of you bitches out of here I'd say hey Catalina what are you doing tomorrow right one on one date the next day it's going to be a group date and oh boy oh boy some guy named ben higgins shows up are you familiar with him PJ um just from hearing about him on like bachelor podcast and stuff yeah he was a former bachelor uh he shows up and leads a group through a date uh for the day and uh he has a boring conversation with matt where matt regurgitates all the same shit he told chris harris and the last time we talked about how he doesn't want to get hurt and we spent 10 minutes

listening to Matt be a whiny baby I will spare you all of it this week so no problem they go to do this group date and it is just fucking ridiculous what this thing is here's what they call it the Falling and Love Festival and what they have to do

is an obstacle course in essence here's the rules nation number one is the pumpkin race you're going to get into a thousand pound pumpkins row across the lake to where Matt will be waiting for you and it's a foot race to station number two.

As squirreling around, you're going to put on your squirrel costume. Once you do that, find your acorn. And carry it like a squirrel. You're going to walk across the balance beam. Drop your acorn in the bucket, and it's a foot race to the finish. And the winner of this is going to get a very special prize. Yeah, that's what I think this is too. This is like the shit that is in Chris Harrison's next book, as she put on her squirrel costume.

Also, why are they playing music that makes it sound like you want to go to Home Depot? Solid point. It just like doesn't fit at all. Hey, honey, this Saturday, how about we, hey, this Saturday, how about we make our own obstacle course, honey? We'll go down to lows. I don't know if you thought about this, but the second I saw those pumpkins, all I could think is that's so wasteful. So just out of my own curiosity, I looked up how much water it might take to grow a giant pumpkin. I couldn't really find something just for giant pumpkins

but a normal pumpkin takes 192 gallons to grow a 9 pound pumpkin so if you just extrapolate that to a 900 pound pumpkin that's 19,200 gallons per pumpkin they just haul them out to use them as little rowboats they might have you know used the stuff inside no no they didn't they threw it all in a pile

I was there they didn't do that he saw it PJ would never lie to us It's the root in the lake. I feel like Chris Harrison cut a hole in the pumpkins. And this will be a whole chapter of my next book. Why is mine sticky? They're all sticky, honey. Chris got here early.

Got to sign early today. So this this fucking obstacle course is stupid. But there's two little things that I pulled that I thought were interesting. The girls are so pissed off now. Sarah's gone. Who can they hate now? The answer is the new girls. Fuck those new.

Bitches. Not Victoria, which seems like the obvious. Victoria is leading the charge against the new girls. She is legitimately, she's doing it again. I declare war on Satan! And all the girls are just followed the line behind it. So, check this out. They decide to be mean to the new girl. A fart face Anna does. I couldn't find my acorn. There we go. But I found Britney's and then I hit it. I don't see.

So that's good. So all the girls had acorns and like these piles of leaves. They all had one with their name on it. She couldn't find hers, but she found the new girls. So she hit it just to fuck with her. Wow. Which is hilarious. It is.

And this one girl, Maggie, she really, really struggled during this obstacle course. Maggie, over here. Maggie, this way. She's just stuck in the fucking bucket. through the water. And she's just paddling in the wrong direction. The thing is just spinning. And she's just stuck out there.

She is putting the paddle like she's barely touching the water. She doesn't know how paddles work. And she looks horrified. Yeah. She was out there probably, I'm guessing, most of the day. She looks like the Chris Farley fat man in a little coat. She just can't get it to work right. Yeah.

Like you guys all went to summer. campus kids at some point, right? No. No. I went as a really little kid, you don't even need someone to teach you how to paddle a boat. It's just like common sense. It really is. I need to push the water to make me go forward. She's literally just dipping it in. And it literally takes 30 seconds if you don't know to figure it out. It's not a hard life lesson. It's something literal little kids

teach themselves. Like they just get in a boat. It's not hard to do. Also, I love Matt James just being like, over here, as if She doesn't know where she's supposed to be going. My love is over here. Paddle towards it. I know you can't see me across this wide open lake that's, and I'm only 50 feet away. I'm over here. I just don't want my heart to be broken.

Mari wins. Nobody cares. She wins extra time with Matt. And later that night, shit starts to get real. The new girls, it's their first full day there. Some very interesting rumors start. to spread. Fart face Anna is the one this time leading the charge. Here she is reporting to General Victoria what she's discovered. Being from Chicago where she is, I had heard rumors and

people have gone out of their way to tell me, oh my God, watch out for this girl. There is a rumor because she knows all of the rich men in Chicago that Britney may be an escort. I couldn't tell everyone who walks in this building that in two arms, you are nothing but her sister superintendent yes i want you to know sir that you have a whole living in so do you hear me she looks so fucking pleased with herself she's so happy she is smiling so big it is god damn hysterical so she's basically it's nothing other nothing other than she knows rich guys so therefore the only thing that could be is she's an escort correct makes sense what a weird thing to tell someone look out for this girl like let's say hypothetically she is an escort

what do escorts do oh she might she might have chris harrison pay her for sex it's not like she's the pimp or something like right she might come after you like it's how she's recruiting this is a straight up cunty thing to do because if she's telling the truth she just outed a sex worker for no reason if it's not true she just called this perfect innocent woman, a prostitute on national television. You know. And as if all these women aren't already

bordering on sex work, because like we've discussed, the whole point of the show is to get followers on Instagram where they post skimpy pictures of themselves and like them in super tight clothes, which is like bordering on like just sex work is just like selling yourself for money.

That's essentially what they're doing is they're putting brands on themselves and being like, look at me. I'm super hot. And to be fair. It's really not that different. And to be fair, it's not like she called her something really bad, like a sloor. Yeah, that's right. That is correct. Brittany interrupted me to make out with Matt. Slore.

Slut, whore. During this time, the date card arrives, and the girls are pissed because the next one-on-one date goes to, Michelle, the new girl. Just showed up. She gets a one-on-one day. Doesn't it make sense, though? Like, you don't know this girl as well? You want to get to know her a little better? Like, isn't that what you would do?

The girls are not happy. But Brie, who Matt has already gone on an airplane ride with and made out with, oh, no, Brie has been in an ATV accident with Matt and made out with him in a hot tub. She gets the rose, gets the group date rows and they make out on the couch. Now, meanwhile, Anna has Brittany in a room surrounded by a bunch of the other girls. So, you know, Anna, you know, doesn't want this stuff to just be a. secret. She wants to just, you know, get everything out in the open. Listen, uh, listen, the up, the upright, good personally thing to do is be like,

hey, I heard these rumors. I just have a quick question. Are they true? So obviously that's what she did, right? And just kind of them saying like, watch out for this girl. That like, you're an escort and all the stuff. Yeah. So she didn't say it nice. She just said, other girls told me to like this thing and I just wanted to tell you so I could look good by telling you in a nice way while I'm actually being absolutely horrible and trying to ruin your life on television and also while I'm doing it in front of all the other girls in the house too like if she did this in private it would almost be like hey I heard this rumor is that okay but she did it in front of other women she did it's like half the house is there

And Brittany denies it all and says it's very hurtful to be attacked like this. Anna sits there with her fart face on during like the interview. Anna walks the whole thing back to try to make herself look good. I think that's an awful thing to say about someone and I want to apologize. Anna is so sorry. But Victoria has pile on. It's really hard. Okay, then get out the house.

Be it attacked like this is really, really hard. Will that leave? She's got a fucking glass. of wine. She just looks so proud of herself. Wow. Oh my goodness. You know who she looks like there? I don't know how many people have actually seen the pictures, but doesn't she look like Vic

with that face on right there? Ew! Put some odd. Slap some uders on her? Yeah, a little bit of pubic hair. Throw on some fucking silk milk. Just throw in a gallon of milk. Ew. Ew. Oh, my Victoria fantasies are all ruined. Oh my goodness. Same name and everything.

Oh, didn't say she was in the Navy, aka on The Bachelor. You really like to go past the post office sometimes. There's a one-on-one date with Michelle. They do a Chris Harrison scavenger hunt, which is kind of bullshit.

It leads them to a make-out session in a hot air balloon. He kisses her with his eyes closed, everybody. He closes his eyes when he kisses Michelle in a hot air balloon. And you know who was it this was awkward for? the guy who was flying the balloon. He was stuck in the quarter because there's a cameraman and then there's two people make it out.

It's very strange. You hear that people listening? If you're into voyeurism, just get a job as like a hot air like balloon technician or maybe like fly private planes. And then you can just watch hot people make out all the time. Here's what happens next ladies and gentlemen. MJ talks some shit about Michelle because they're all pissed off that she got to go on one on one on one day. Do I think the new girl that just walked in here deserves a one-on-one? No.

We're like, that was disrespectful. Like, bottom line. That's right. She's very upset that a new girl got it. Bottom line. So Matt Michelle have a nice dinner in some sort of car museum. And Michelle lays her sob story on Matt James. Back to the sob stories.

That's where every girl wants a date, by the way, a car museum. Absolutely. I'm constantly thinking about, like, my students. And what kind of year it is with a parent? pandemic and everything had George Floyd in Minnesota. She brought George Floyd into it. I don't understand this idea of like she, these girls are all trying to tell their personal stories and she brings up George Floyd.

And Matt has this look like he's trying to figure out who that is. He's like, that does sound familiar. George Floyd, is he a boxer? Did he play for the Knicks? Matt's like actually I sided with the police on that one. she said she likes him for his charity work and that shit works on the guy like a charm he's just like you do

and Michelle gets a rose and they make out in the back of a very, very nice car in the car museum. No hot tub this time. That's a shame. The next day, it was kind of weird. They had a boxing group date. they had one fight and one of the girls punched the other one in the nose and then they called the whole thing off

I was like what did you think boxing was supposed to be you fucking idiots that happens every season like they always have a fighting one and it always goes wrong and then everyone's like I didn't want anyone to get hurt I thought it was just going to be fun yeah that that was it there's nothing to see here folks it was a lame but I bet you they showed it in the episode promos 15 times absolutely they probably did we're going to get to the end of this later that all the girls are bitching again about the new girls. Victoria's bitching, Anna's bitching, MJ's bitching.

They're all just being horrible about these new girls. And Katie, our girl Katie, the Dildo Queen, decides to be a little tattletail. What is really going on in the hotel? It's just a toxic environment. And there's some pretty bad rumors that are starting about the new girls

that literally could ruin their lives. not even exaggerating. And what I like about this is she actually understood what the term literally meant. Yeah. So unlike Victoria, I do give Katie points for that. That's the end of the episode. It ends on this cliffhanger. What is Matt going to do?

I guarantee you he's like, I don't want these women to be upset. Breathe. Yeah, he is very, very in over his head, this guy. It looks like he has to tell himself that every 10 seconds just to make sure he keeps living. breathe do you think when she told him that like this is a very toxic environment he's like oh my goodness are you

serious are you serious a woman or how a bunch of women are fighting over my heart it's toxic I really do think he was like that yes yeah I think he is so fucking lame that he was absolutely like that yes so ladies and gentlemen that is

the end of episode four oh wait season of 25 of The Bachelor God, 25. And this is the end of episode three of creeps and roses, everybody. Two more. Episode beta 2.0 because Vinny didn't actually watch this episode, got Brian to do it all. So episode one coming next week.

Okay, we'll let Carl decide also. I think Carl. Fuck Big Ben Teeth. It gets to decide nothing. Hope everybody enjoyed episode three. I'm Vinnie Paulino. Thank you, Brian McBride, for joining us tonight. Thank you.

Whatever is left of your career is destroyed. Oh, my God. And PJ, what the fucking is you do? I'm really looking forward to episode one next week. Thanks, everybody. Good night. Check out, we are assholes or follow me on Twitter, PJ underscore Phileum. And tune in to the creep off this week on Monday.

Tune live at noon on YouTube, noon Eastern. We are doing, I will announce the topic early. We are not doing a poll this week. Carl and I have decided amongst ourselves that this theme is Creepiest Kid under the age of 13. Of course it is. Of course it is. It's going to be a lot of fun.

It's going to be a lot of fun. So make sure you tune in for that barrel of laughs. See you next week. It's nice to be important, but it's more important not to be PJ. Thank you. Good night. This is stupid.