The Creep Off - Episode 1: Creep's N Roses "It's All a Work"

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

Today Vinnie is joined by Brian McBride, Mike Berry & Kayci to kick off season 2. We begin with an introduction to the star of Season 23 of the Bachelor Colton Underwood and the women who want him.Dedicated to the Loving Memory of PJ Philliam  

Ladies and gentlemen, Creeps and Roses Season 2, must take a moment before we begin to honor the memory of a great man, a man who helped found this show, a great, great American, and an even better member of Bachelor Nation. Here to eulogize the great PJ Phileum is WWE Hall of Famer and deceased individual Paul Bearer. Oh, thank you, Vinnie. PJ, you have left us all too soon for these roses. These roses will now be for you. Goodbye, PJ.

Goodbye. I have a special friend here for you today. Give it up for Hulk Hogan. Well, you know, let me tell you something, brother. I never met this PJ a day in my life, man. And I know he couldn't pick me out of the lineup if he tried. But I know somewhere out there, he's probably eating a big can of raviolis sitting on a couch,

and watching TV, man. Meanwhile, Vinnie Paulino is getting sued for likeness rights. Right up his ass, brother. Right up his ass. And with that, I now give you season two of Creeps and Roses. Welcome to Creeps and Roses with Vinny and Brian McBride. We're talking about The Bachelor because Vinny needs to pay. Lots of bitchy girls.

Who don't want to see that dick? We didn't want to do this pie. podcast but car is a prick the bachelor let's discuss the bachelor with brian and with vennan nini we've got roses we've got creams oh ladies and gentlemen welcome to season two of the only bachelor podcast with a shit ton of wrestling references my name is viny paulino i have the privilege of being your host joining me in the studio tonight is mr brine Brian McBride. Hello, Brian. Vinnie, thank you for having me once again. Oh, Brian, I really didn't have a choice. You didn't leave the studio after the last one. Well, now also joining me in studio, the menacing looking gentleman at the bottom of the screen. Ladies and gentlemen, he's a problem. It's Mike Barry. Oh, yeah. Hey, how's it going? Yeah, good job. Good job, buddy. Thanks. Thanks for the intro. A modern day combination, Beavis and Budhead. It's pretty amazing. And on the line all the way from Florida from her science dirt factory. It's Casey.

Hello. Hi, Casey. You begged and you pleaded to get on the show. How good are you feeling about it after that intro? Oh, great. That was amazing. Oh, good. Good.

And you still have that great energy. So this will be good. Today, ladies and gentlemen, I'm here because I lost the creep off. This is my consequence. Like immediately after the last season ended, you lost it. Well, we were already in the game. I spun the fucking wheel and it landed on season two. And I honestly have been putting this off because I've been trying to convince PJ to come back.

But since he died, since he's dead, I had to continue on without him. So here we are. And we are going to explore season 23 of The Bachelor with Mr. Colton Underwood, the Virgin Bachelor slash homosexual Bachelor. That's right. Yeah. So Mike Barry looks absolutely puzzled by this. Well, no. Okay.

So I've never watched any of these. So this is my first time I'm pretty I'm okay I can't believe he's got me coming in in a 90 degree day To watch an episode of one of these But holy uh okay so I'm trying to analyze what it's worth Like I what's okay so a bunch of girls come on this show They say this guy

He looks like this and he makes a certain amount of money And he's got this going on for him in his life Yeah And then they try to win his affection What if they already know that they like this guy right by the intro What if they get through like episode three And they're like yeah I don't really I don't really like the guy. No, they want to win so badly.

They don't care. Yeah. See, here's the thing. We've learned that they're really here to get Instagram followers. Yeah. This isn't about love, Mike. Okay. This is about TV fame. No, here's the thing. Casey, are you a fan of the show? Not really. Okay. I did watch the first episode

last night, though. It was really amazing. All right. So, I mean, how many seasons? I mean, this has been going on for over 10 years, right? This is 23, Mike? I think there was two more. Is that season 23 of just the Bachelor? Yeah, so we did season 25 of The Bachelor was the first

season of this show. So we're going back in time to do 23. Okay. Yeah, so you're very perplexed by this, right? I just can't because I remember this was coming out in like 05, right? I need no clue, bud. How the fuck would I know? This is my punishment. Okay. I'm not here because I'm a fan of this.

Dude, last night, I tried to get her to watch episode one with me. Five minutes in, she fucking tapped. She said, I'm not watching. She can't handle this. She was like, I'm done. It was rough. It was rough.

So what I did today, what I did today for all of you is I made this as easy as possible. And what I have done is I have pulled the highlights of episode one. We are going to, tonight on this first inaugural episode of season two, we are going to meet Colton Underwood. And we are going to meet the memorable women who showed up to be on the show. Sound good, everybody? Sounds good. All right. So what do we know about?

Colton Underwood so far. Colton Underwood is a 26-year-old dude who was on The Bachelorette, but we'll talk about that in a minute. Here's just a little quick video of some Colton. I'm Colton Underwood. I'm 26th, and I never expected to be the next bachelor. I know not everybody's going to like me. I know I have a lot of room to grow, but I also have an idea of what I want now, and that's what's so exciting about all this. So listen, Colton, you have no idea what you want. If you do, you probably wouldn't have told the producers and you wouldn't have been cast. So here's the deal. He has this distinction that the audience finds out about very beginning of the show, and I already buried the lead on it. Here is Colton explaining what makes him different as the Bachelor. I am the first virgin

bachelor, and it's crazy to even think about that. This is an opportunity of a lifetime. And I couldn't be more hopeful and excited. Seems like he's good friends with that workout guy. Oh, yeah. Okay, Mike is processing this. Go ahead, Mike. My idea is this. I think this guy probably pulled one.

Okay, so he goes, okay, I'm the first virgin. He might mean, you know, I've never obviously been with a woman. He's probably playing a trick on them this whole fucking time to get on G. He got on the, oh, he's playing a trick on them all right. Right, right. He's played a trick on everyone. Yeah. Right.

Oh, no. Because it's blatantly obvious. they know it. I mean, it's blatantly obvious five seconds, you know. It could be, it could be a ploy where it was like, I don't want to get too physical with these girls. So how do I do that? I tell them I'm a virgin.

That's why I'm moving so slow. There could be something to do that. Or no, he's definitely a virgin. He's no interest in women. See, here's the thing. What if he went to, like, you ever hear about those crazy girls who go to Catholic schools and they do anal until they get married?

Yeah. Have you met Casey? I never went to Catholic school. Oh, okay. Yeah, well, she still- No Catholics down in Florida. I'm so stupid. No, but listen, maybe he's like a Catholic girl. Maybe he doesn't count anal.

I don't know, but all I'm saying is, ah, man, all I'm saying is that this guy is a pretty good-looking dude. I can say that. He's a good-looking guy. He's fucking jacked. They're showing him in the gym, fucking flipping ropes, and flipping monstrelings for like a minute 15 that's killer and I think my ropes are the ones I think my ropes are smaller than those yeah yeah but I did those are fucking terrible yeah

he likes to work the big ropes yeah he's a big fan of the ropes yeah so he was fucking spanking that shit yes he was he loves to spank the ropes let's move on for this we learn a little bit more about our buddy colton here about his childhood wait wait we're being really fucking stupid 2005 homophobic are we? No. We're not homophobic. We don't care that he's gay. We still like him lying about it. We like to whip that shit. Oh, we're just fucking around. Here's a fun surprise about Colton. Mike, I'm going to ask you to put on your psychology hat. Grade school, Colton, probably would be really shy and timid the fact that he was just named

the bachelor. I grew up in a pretty conservative environment. I was at a Christian school and I was always like the fat, chunky, awkward, weird kid. I didn't have girlfriends. I wanted to fit in so bad, but I felt very alone. A lot of days, I didn't want to go to school. So he was a bullied chubby kid. Who didn't have girlfriends? It went to Christian school.

I'm sorry, you're telling me to put my psychology hat on. Yeah. He's, him and the producers and everyone who knows him personally knows. he's gay and this is a total plug on the audience from day one no way day one no one knew no one no one no one no one this is a work this is a work this is a work that's what you want me to put out my psychology hat and you sit there you're like i'm telling you right now you're big pro wrestling fan this is a fucking work wrestling reference take a drink let's continue to learn more about colton he uh also played you ready for this mike yeah professional football my confidence in myself

didn't come until my later years in high school. The one thing I knew how to do really well was football. When things were good, it was because of football. And that's why I got lost in it. I made it to an NFL. And for me, it was so special. He made it to the NFL. Let me tell you about his NFL career.

And in 2014, he was signed as an undrafted free agent by the San Diego Chargers to play defensive end. On August 30th, he was waived. On September 30, he was signed by the Eagles practice squad, and on September 9th, he was released from the practice squad. On September 23rd, he returned to the charges that was signed to the practice squad. And then on December 29th, he signed a future contract. But then the following year in September, he was waived.

And then he was placed on injured reserve after he was brought back. And then he was waived again. Then he signed with the Raiders of the practice squad, and then he was released. That's his football career. It sounds like his football career is as confused as his sexuality. Well, that's fucking hard. Yeah, man. It's really hard.

Yeah, absolutely. I'm not fucking mocking him. I'm just saying that's his football career. Right. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Like, you ever been to one of those Bush League football events? They're fucking monsters.

They are. He's a big dude. You saw him smacking the ropes. Well, he looked. I wouldn't have guessed a football player. He looked ripped. He didn't look. He's like six-four.

Probably has been out of for a while. Yeah. Yeah. So surprise, after he gets out of the NFL, he gets cast on the Bachelorette. I do know what love is. I mean, I've been in love before. And I remember how good I felt in those relationships. He was in love.

There we go. Look at that. Falling in love with Becca was very eye-opening. The comfort level was there. The chemistry was there. Look at him, kissing. We're kind of about in the same page. But you're making it easier.

for me to take my walls down. I was so open, I was so vulnerable. I know that I'm in love with you. Okay, Mike, he's on this show, and apparently he was in love with this girl. It's a word. So here's the funny part. He's on the show, but he ran into a problem

when he was on The Bachelorette. There's this little thing, ladies and gentlemen, called the Fantasy Suite, and he had a little bit of a fantasy quandary. I was ready to really take the next step. Next week is fantasy suites. How you choose to handle that as a couple? Yeah, virgin.

I was ready to lose my virginity to Becca. Well, lucky for him. Colton, I'm sorry. Take a moment. Say a goodby. False alarm. They sent him home before he had a chance to get to the fantasy suite. Woo!

Crisis averted, buddy. Yeah. So relieved. So relieved. So... I mean, this is so weird to me. He also dated Ali Rassman, the gymnast. Really?

Yeah, for like two years, supposedly. And they never? Apparently not. Wow. Okay. So he was in a relationship for two years and he was still a virgin. This was before the show or after the show? Before the show.

Well, Ali Raysman was, like, sexually assaulted by her doctor. Yeah. So I guess she was probably relieved to be in that relationship. It's a perfect. It's a beneficial relationship. It really is. Well, I hate to think like that, but you might be right. Yeah.

So Chris Harrison has a little chat with our boy, and he asked him a question about, like, the virgin thing. How much of the negativity and he's not ready do you think has to do with your virginity? that's that's sort of the stigma around being a virgin is oh he's not romantic oh he's not going to be a good bash he's not a man

yeah that got thrown at me this year that was the thing for the first time of my life what I feared people might say to me it actually got said to me that's very telling

I think that's a little projection there but uh it's so uncomfortable watching two men talk about one man's virginity on TV yeah it's so fucking weird I mean, like, the movie Good Boys was funny, but this is like 45-year-old men. Yeah.

Or a 26-year-old guy and a 45-year-old man who writes smut books. Now, Casey, let me ask you. Now, Vinny, you, Pye, like, do you have more experience with, like, Southern Christians down there? Yeah, definitely. Like, more extremists. Because, like, up here, that's not a thing. I don't have that much exposure to those people. I've heard about them.

But I just, and. Yeah. So is that? No, I love, um, my. next-door neighbors were at the capital in January 6th. I live in a very conservative area. Yeah, I know someone who was there, though, that I knew of a person. Small world, small world, great. Mike's a really good friends with Mike Pence. Oh, yeah, that's pretty cool.

That chose me $20. Hey, Big Cried, stop breathing into the mic before I murder you. So, um, so, okay, is this possible? Like, when you see a guy, like, are there men and women who are this attractive that have just been that religious? or that zoned in to keeping it? Absolutely. Okay, so you know these people, like people just like him. Yeah. He's going to set the record straight here as to why he's still a virgin and what he's looking for out of this season.

I mean, it's one of those things that's, I am, I'm not waiting for a ring. I'm not waiting for marriage. I'm waiting to be in love. I'm waiting for it to feel right to take our relationship to the next step. Okay. So to him, it's not a religious thing. It's not anything other than he wants to be in love. Ugh. Do you think like Tim Tebow really helped him out here? Like it's sort of people like, okay, he's like a Tebow here. I can't judge anybody. Live how you want to live. I don't give a fuck. Be gay. Don't be gay. Don't have sex. Have sex. God fucking love you. But why are you on television on a show trying to meet a bunch of women if you're not interested in sex and you're not even interested in women? to become a star

and to go and to make money. It's just work. It's a good cover too. It's a work. It's a hell of a beard. Yeah, no, it's a work. He knows he's, everyone there knows he's gay.

This is a whole... No, so did you read about this at all? No, Mike doesn't know anything, but he has an opinion and trust me, he's going to stick with it. Yeah. No matter what we say to him. What was there to read about?

Like, this was a big thing. Yes. Well, yeah, he got blackmailed by someone because he went to a gay spa and they got like a photo of him there. Oh, they never sent him the photo though. I read about this last night. So he told his publicist

and then his publicist, I guess, helped him like, decide. His publicist was like, all right, you're going on Good Morning America. Yeah, because his publicist he said it was like the one person who wouldn't try to make him look bad, so. Right, right. Well, I mean, he kind of deserves to look bad. But you know who else

deserves to look bad? Anybody involved with this fucking show? These women, too, are just as bad as he is. And let's talk about this. It's time to meet the ladies, kids. Here's the part of the show that I find slightly entertaining, Barry. Yeah. Because this is like essentially America's got talent for these women is getting out of the limo to try to impress this closeted homosexual man.

So they all have the ability to do something different to meet him. So what I have done is I have pulled a compilation of videos of the women who do. did their best to try to leave an impression on Colton Underwood. Are you ready for this, Michael? Totally. Okay. So the first girl up, her name is Demi. She blows his cover at about five seconds.

Watch his reaction to meeting Demi. Watch his reaction to her, Mike. Okay. Beautiful girl. Hi. Beautiful blonde girl. How are you? I'm Demi.

Colton, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. You look so good. I love that color. Oh, thank you. He loves the color. He loves the color. He loves the color.

It's a joke. It's a joke. It's not, though. He did this to get famous. This is real. Exactly. It's a joke to the only person who this is a joke to is him. Nobody knew.

No, everybody, everybody knew. They all know. Like, looking at it now, like, I see things, but I didn't think it at the time. Okay, now watch this. This is, Demi takes it a little first. and she kind of gets personal right out of the gate. Again, they have to make an impression. So, I have not dated a virgin since I was 12,

but I'm excited to give it another shot. All right, I love that, yes. So I'll see you inside. So she had a fucked up childhood, yes? Yeah, there's some more questions. There's some follow-up questions. Yeah, I haven't dated aversion since I was 12. Okay, okay.

Well, I know some kid at people that lost in Virginia at 13. Okay, so you're down in Florida. You probably know, like, a bunch of people at Loster. Yeah, my best friend in high school lost her at 13. Wow, classy. Now, uh, the next girl we're going to meet is Kaylin. She got cute. She came up with a cute little gimmick, guys.

Here you go, you're going to like this. How are you? I'm Kaylin. Kaylin, Colton, nice to meet you. Oh, so nice to meet you. I like the, I like what you got going on. Look at this. So, um, I'm Miss North Carolina.

That's awesome. But I'm here for an even better title. And that is Miss Underwood. Look at that. I love that. That is awesome. I'm really looking forward to talking to you inside. Nice meeting. You too.

Now, I'm not an English stickler, but wouldn't it be Mrs. Underwood? Isn't that what that's supposed to say? Yeah, dumbing. She wants him to adopt her? Is that the goal? It must be. It must be. She's gorgeous.

A heterosexual man would love her, right? Look at the producers. All right. Now, the next girl's name is Cassie. She tries to be memorable, and this is how she did it. How are you? How are you? Good, good.

I'm Cassie. Colton. You know how any of these girls could be memorable? I am. How's that? Growing a pair of boobs. Yeah, there's not enough tits on this show. There is like, they are like, no wonder they fucking, they just got the boat.

That's why they need to give girls who had no boobs. So he'd be like, oh, yeah. pretend it's just a dude like there isn't Michael what no let's continue to watch this is this guy looks like she's on crack she's so she's so cute though

look what she's so nervous right now she's so nervous so many butterflies no I literally have butterflies no more butterflies she brought him a box of butterflies and then they dumped them on the ground they murder them all

I feel like I still have a little bit of butterflies But that's okay. Don't go away. I love it. Were they dead butterflies? I don't know. I don't think they were dead.

I think they're just fake. And now it's like clean up. They died in the box. She suffocated them. They were supposed to fly out when she opened it. Instead, they just fall to the fucking ground. Did you know you have to feed butterflies? She's just like...

Our next girl is Caitlin. Now, Caitlin, she gets really cute with it. She brought a balloon. My name's Caitlin. Caitlin. Colton, nice to meet you. for you and it's a red balloon with a green stem now that i've popped your cherry don't need to talk about virginity yeah no more huh see you soon yep see so kately

goes up with the balloon and then she pops and go see i popped your cherry it must be so great for him to people i actually thought she was the cutest one so far okay well he's stupid too watch his reaction i thought that was an apple yeah they're both idiots Casey, I got to tell you, I didn't know you were on the show. Oh, God. This is, uh, this is exactly how Casey would enter the show. You ready? This girl's my favorite.

Yeah. She's dressed like a sloth, like Casey. Hi. He's so fucking dedicated. How's it going? Oh, time. I heard. You'll take things slow.

I do, yes. Jesus. So she's kind of funny, I get it. But what a fucking whack job. It's a little bit too much commitment to the band. But what if she's into furry lifestyle shit? Is that a bonus? Is that a benefit?

What if he might be into it? Maybe that's the reason he's also. She couldn't find anybody to dress like a sloth farm. And you know what? Maybe he does go for this. They can sew a dick on the front of that. No problem. Oh, yeah. She's still going with this. Jesus. That was Alex, everybody.

Now, let's play a little game. How do you think Colton reacts to this? I'm going to play you the sentence and you get to fill in the last word. You ready? Okay. pretty that was pretty go McBride

stupid correct Barry that was pretty I thought it was kind of cool okay Casey improv game go cute

yeah wait if the guy did that like same thing is that more memorable there Casey if a guy lines up does a dating thing with you would you pick the sloth I would never

I would never yeah It's like, get the fuck out of here. You lose her. I'm not into furries. I found that to be, like, very ballsy. Yeah. I almost feel like some of these girls are mocking him for his virginity.

Now, watch this one. Because it's a fucking work. Watch this. You're going to think of where the card is. Don't look. Can I take that? Yes. I don't know what card you were thinking, but I think I just took your V card.

You got it. Jesus, you cornballs. I want to kill myself. You fucking corn balls. I got your feet card. The other girl popped his cherry. Now, this girl might interest him. I think this girl has the right angle for our boy.

Here we go. She shows up in a cop car. Oh, my God. Uh-oh. That's it. There's a siren. Now the party's really started. So all the girls are like, what's going on here?

Look at this. Hi. How are you? Good. I'm Tracy. I'm cool. I love you, Ryan. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. So I'm a wardrobe stylist, but tonight I'm the fashion police. So I wanted to see what we're working with here. Let's do a little spin. I'm loving the suit. So thankfully, I don't have to arrest you tonight, but I'm going to give you these to hold on to. That's kind of dominates me. Yeah, she gave him a pair of handcuffs.

So her gimmick is, I'm the fashion police. You would think you would love this. You would think you'd be all over this girl, right? I'm into it. You like it? You like it? I'm into it. I'm like, yeah, she's, yep.

She's going to be, I want to point out. She's probably the hottest one so far. You think it's fun, but she's going to be super naggy. Huh? She's going to be super naggy, this girl. You think? Oh, absolutely. Okay.

Like, right away, she's like, I came here to critique you. Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Okay. Go. All right.

All right. Next girl. Her name is Brie. Now, where do you see this shit she pulls? This is pretty good. Colton, what's your name? Brie. Brie.

So nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. You got a nice accent. Where are you from? The accent is Australian. I was hoping that you're kind of a sucker for accents. I am. I don't know what you think about it.

I love it. I'll see you inside, all right? Okay. Okay, so... Can I produce one of these shows so we can please get a woman with a pair of seas? Like, Saratis sleep. I would watch your version of The Bachelor 100%. Fuck, yeah.

But... I watched this and that I said immediately after... After I saw this, what the fuck? I'm not really Australian, but you have to do what you can to stand out. Oh, my God. Boom. What a fucking psycho. Wait, true story.

I had a buddy of mine who grew up in Singapore, who his dad was from Dallas and his mom was from Sydney. And he grew up in between, like, also between... Well, I grew up in Singer Rich. And he was like, he could do both accents fairly well. And he always said when he was in America, he did the Australian accent. When he was in Australia, he did the American accent, worked all the time. All right. Well, whatever. Now, our next girl...

Smart boob. That's hot. You like it? The Australian accent was better than yours, Vinny. Of course it was. Who was I trying to impress? The only thing Ben, Vinny has better than her is probably bigger boobs. Oh, yeah. And he has bigger boobs than her.

How do you know? Oh, you shut up. Next girl. Her name's Erica, and she tries to be memorable, too. God damn it. Nice to meet you. What do you got here? My last time is McNut.

McNut? Yes. So all my friends. call me, you know, nut, nutty. So, remember me with this, nuts. Yeah, I might start eating. He's going to call you a little nut too. You get hungry.

For sure. I'll see you. Thank you. Now, tell me if I'm wrong. I may be old-fashioned, but when a woman presents you with a bag of nuts, aren't you supposed to present her with a bag of nuts also? Nothing? Okay.

Oh, man. All right. I'll just go fuck myself. You guys are a great co-host. They're nuts. It's hot, but is that also in an Indian, because she knows. She's giving them nuts, because she knows he likes. He likes.

nuts he likes nuts in his mouth this is a fucking work all of these models know this he knows this camera guys knows this he's jerking off he's dating the camera guy everybody knows yeah exactly there is in no way any of these girls keep a secret longer than like two weeks yeah and they are so

he didn't come out till like two years after this aired oh they would love like to break the news they finally yeah exactly that is they know if they knew that would have come out like immediately after this they're shameless all right so the next They did a good job. They did a good work.

The next girl we're going to meet. Her name is Hannah. And, boy, she brought him a present. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Good. I love the gold dress. Oh, thank you so much. So my name is Hannah. I got you a gift. Is there anything like crazy in me?

I got you your favorite brand of underwear. I love it. I had to do it. Come on. Rumor has it that Colton doesn't wear underwear. Yeah, so she gave him an empty box. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, good one. It's so fucking funny. Now, ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the biggest fucking balls I've ever seen on a reality show competition. Oh.

This idea, I couldn't even believe this girl did it. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Catherine. She has a little dog with her. How are you doing? Good. How are you? Good. I'm Catherine.

Catherine. Nice to meet you. This is my 10-year-old daughter, Lucy. Nice. Hi, Lucy. How are you? I thought, since you're like, you're hard on the line. It was only fair to give you a peace of mind. So I'm going to give you her during this journey. She is giving him her 10-year-old dog.

She just says, take the dog. A 10-year-old child. Forgive me. This woman has the worst lip fillers I've seen on the show. It's ridiculous. The worst. And she hands him this little dog And then she walks the fuck away

And just leaves the dog with him And then she goes into the room and says Yeah, I gave him my dog He's gonna keep my dog How what better for him to know about me Than to take care of my child So the dog apparently is gonna be living In a fucking probably better off

I would wager But the dog's supposed to be living with him During the show now That's fucking nuts Yeah, I'd be like no I don't like this dog I'd fucking throw it Yeah, what if I say, Wait, doesn't he have to pick from these women?

Yeah. I think not you. Take your dog. Yeah, yeah, here you go. Yeah. You're going home to night. Wow. All right.

This next girl, this fucking annoyed the shit on me. This is the one that made me kind of puke. This is the stuff I can't stand. In a fucking Disney princess car. Cinderella. Oh, my gosh, she's literally wearing a light blue dress. Shut up. Shit.

How are you? you. I'm good. How are you? You know how to make an entrance. Wow. I really couldn't have done a lot more than a bag of nuts. Yes, you could have stupid.

I'm Erin. Colton. So nice to meet you. Well, I'm here looking for my Prince Charming, so I really can't wait to get to know you better. Does she kind of remind you a Stormy Daniels? Um, less trashy. Yeah. You know, to me, this is a huge red flag.

You don't want a girl like, look what a princess I am. right away. Never. Never. Never. Now watch this trick that she pulls. You're ready for this? Midnight. So she leaves, but as she leaves, what's this? She left her shoe. I, oh boy, I'm in trouble. I hate that. Do women think guys like Cinderella? Do we're not guys being like, I wish I could be the prince in this? Right. Not one. Yeah. Except maybe Colton, maybe she found the one guy. See, Disney princesses. Exactly. I was thinking the right. came with the Disney Princess because gay guys love the Disney princess thing. Is that a new stereotype?

I, okay. Yeah. I've never heard that one before. Yeah, that's a new thing I've heard on the restaurant beat, working in restaurants, is that the gay guys like to have the, they love the mollusifant, right? Say that word again. Mollifficent?

Yeah, that one. See, I'm gay now. It was a test. And then the other one's the Quilla one, they love. Quilla and Mephiscent. Yeah. Those are my two favorites. Yeah.

The Harley race. They love the comic. The Harley, did you say the Harley race? Our Harley Quinn's. Yeah. And Aladdin's girl, Hyman. That's right. Hope me a fucking racist.

Sorry. Oh, Jesus Christ. Mike Barry. Thank you for joining me for the Creeps and Roses premiere. I cannot wait to get this concept started with. I hate everything about this season. This is the most unentertaining thing I've ever seen. I feel like season two is going to be a real fucking pain in the ass.

That is the episode, kids. Excelsior, true believers. It's the Kramer. I mean, it's one of those things, I'm not waiting for a ring. I'm not waiting for marriage. I'm waiting to be in love. I'm waiting for it to feel right to take our relationship to the next step. Shut up! Shut up!