The Creep Off - Episode 103: The Island of Dr.Moron

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

In this edition of the creep of Karl & Vinnie make their nominations for Creepiest Fake Doctor, well one of them does: In the Scum Parade we meet a woman’s Only Fan, a lunatic from Cincinnati and a Father who leads by example: In other news Karl’s dinner with a listener date is chosen, and Vinnie accepts the challenge of a listenerVote this week at Thecreepoff.comSupport the show on Patreon

Carl, I'm sure you stayed up late watching wrestling last night too, right? No, I got a lot of sleep last night. Oh, then why were you fucking late? Hey, everyone, Tucker Dixon here with your weekly recap. Last week's theme apparently was People I Don't Like Week. Carl brought in Justin Trudeau, who, as we all know, is the product of what must have been the most awkward threesome ever. Anyways, he used the emergency power to act too because of his mass mandate, and he would, he would, I just, I can't take all the whole...

Stop! Anyways, Vinnie's creep was a man who was just concerned about children bowel movements and keeping them regular. He would send them pills to... He would send them back and ask them to... I guess... I... Apparently, I'm not to get through any of these creep, so let's just go ahead into my creep. My creep is a man named Damien, who promised to sell me a dime bag last year on Christmas.

But instead, when I showed up just tried to convince me to drive him to New York, he claimed he was too scared to fly and didn't want to take the bus. But don't worry. I wasn't helping to move product or anything. And the worst part of all, after I refused, he suddenly didn't have that dime bag for me anymore. So I had to see my in-laws without drugs. Thanks a lot, Damien.

Anyways, that's all I got for this week. Tucker, out. Hey, before we get going, I think there are some congratulations in order. Carl hit 300 episodes on WATP. Vinnie and Carl got 500 patrons, and they hit their two-year anniversary here on the creep-off. Now, I don't want to stut-jo all this, even though I'm the stunt show of this show, and claim all of the credit,

but I think it was mostly because of my recaps that they took off. I'm happy that this rose is going to happen up in Rochester, and I look forward to yet another live show here in sunny Jacksonville, Florida. Wait, Nashville? Since when? He told me Jacksonville at the live show. Yeah, the one in Chicago. Huh. I'm sorry. I guess I'll see everybody in Nashville.

Anyways, that's all I got for real this time. Tucker, out. parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't any of these type of things. I'm going to give the people

what they want. Sensation. Horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods, because I'm alive, and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo, cuckoo. John, John, the leprecha went to school with nothing on. Dan is the man. Carrying.

is contrary. Pat, Pat, as a matter for your crackers. Your cracker. Go, go, go, goes, go,

go, go, gosh, go, go, Disgusting, vomit-inducing thing. Ola creepos, welcome to another edition of your favorite true crime podcast, the show about creeps, by creeps for you creeps.

I am your host. The Tower of Power, too sweet to be sour. The people's champion, Vinnie Barreto. And joining me, Carl. What is happening, Vinnie Paulino? How is it that you always seem surprised you have to play that drop in the intro? you're never ready to play that it happens every time because you go oh shit i got to play where's that drop i got to play i haven't played it in a while it's about a couple weeks put your

finger right on that button there bennie before you start talking screen i got to use a mouse all right ladies and gentlemen welcome to the show it is the worst contest on the internet the rules are simple carl and i will each present a creep today you get to vote on who the creepiest person is and then one of us will be assigned a point first person to five points wins loser has to spin the the dreaded wheel of consequences. That sums it up nicely. Yes, I feel like we need to do that more often because people don't understand what the fuck we're doing.

Like most people tune into this show and they're like, what the hell is it supposed to be? Yeah, I think you're right. I think describing it up front, it's probably a good idea. What's the score right now? It's, uh, is it one nothing me, two nothing me? What's the score? Well, we did a wild card week last week. We did.

And here's the results. The results are, Carl has 75%. I want to thank all the cussarou's out there decided to get out the vote and I appreciate that for voting I know you don't want to vote for Justin Trudeau per se but this time it was the right thing to do this is appalling to me

my man was poisoning children to watch the boo Oh, poisoning. He's getting laxatives. One kid almost died. Two blowouts in a row. Two in a row. Wow. I'm out of roll. Yeah, well, I would like to bring up something very quickly. Yeah. You need to do your fucking consequence. I know. I do need to do my consequence.

I got to be Carl Hamburger. Tucker Dixon, please reach out to Carl and tell him how to fucking do it. He's stupid and simple. I mean, look at him for Christ's sake. He's never going to figure it out on his own. I just started making YouTube videos that are actually videos. So, I mean, I'm pretty far behind here. If he'd give you a little help, that'd be great. Tucker, help him, please, for all our sakes.

So the fallout from 500, the creep off roast is going to happen. The roast of Carl and Vinny is going to happen. We are trying to work out a date. We will be able to announce a date by next week, I believe. Okay. So by next Monday, we will have a date. Remind me, I wanted to talk you about that. Let's do that after the show.

Yeah. Carl's quitting the show. We have a meeting. Yeah, he's like, I'm quitting. the show. No, I'm excited about the roast. That's going to be a lot of fun. It is. Very much looking forward to it. So what's the score in our game right now? It's two to nothing. You're in the lead. Two nothing. I'm in the lead. Okay. Nice. I have some good momentum. I know what Tucker Dixon

strategy is here to get me up four nothing and then lose five to four. I've seen it. I mean, he writes it right there on the Discord. I can see what he's up to. Yeah, he does write it all out there in public. And I would really encourage the listeners. I'm begging you, play the game for the spirit of the game that's right and that is to fucking make carl spin the wheel yeah so if we have to drag it out a little bit to do this thing i guess that's fine but let's just make sure the end result is okay that this gritting asshole has to spin a guy i forgot you were the heel yeah people forget that on the show i really have the problem people don't realize it carl's the nice one sure everyone all that means new round today and we have decided that the category

will be creepiest fake doctor. Well, here's the deal. Here's where we came to this. So I said it's March Madness. Why not pick a mad scientist? That was my idea. And then that got turned into a fake doctor. So mad scientist slash fake doctor, right?

No, it's fake doctor. No, we talked about this. No, we said fake doctor or scientist. They have to be fake. Why fake doctor? Holy shit, you don't read these. Do you even read the messages? What's the tie-in to the NCAA tournament?

What are you talking about? It's March Maddus. The tie-in? How about we just try to make good fucking content? So anyway, Mad Scientist Week. It's fucking fake Doctor Week, you stupid ass. First on Man Scientist's week. You'll fucking kill you.

Okay. Let's get this thing started. It's Mad Scientist Week, and I picked a doozy. It is fucking not Mad Scientist Week. I have because there's a lot of focus on Russia right now, Vinny. So I decided to go ahead and find a Russian that we could talk about. And I thought this would be a nice tie in both for March Madness because he's a mad scientist and because of the current geopolitical issues that are going on in the world.

It makes a lot of sense, right? Now, before Putin was the president of Russia, there was this thing called the USSR. They were Soviets. They were communists. And these communists were pretty hell-bent on taking over the world. 80 years ago, the ambitions of communist Russia reached far beyond reshaping human society. Is that the guy who just played Commissioner Gordon? On the human race itself.

Are you going to talk over my fucking clips? Yeah, because it's boring. It's boring. And you're doing the wrong category. It was a 10-second long clip. You're bored? After 10 seconds. Holy shit.

You are ridiculous today. No, I'm not the problem today. Man scientist, March Madness, mad scientist. All right, so I have this guy, Dr. Ilya Ayanov and, or Ivanov. And Dr. Ivanov is an interesting fellow. Using artificial insemination to fashion bizarre hybrid species. By 1924, he has successfully crossed mice with rats, cows with bison, even donkeys with zebras.

So this is the real life... You know what I call it when you mix a mouse with a rat? What? A fucking rat. Right, I would agree. That one wasn't as impressive, but then when they got to the donkeys with zebras. I was like, oh, that's kind of cool. That's pretty neat.

Remember Dr. Mepesto from South Park? Yeah. This is the real life Dr. Mephesto. I'm so pleased that your children are interested in genetic engineering. It's thanks to the wonders of genetic engineering that soon there will be an end to hunger, disease, pollution, even war. I have created things that will change the world for the better. For instance, here is a monkey with four asses.

It gets fun. This is a fun one today, Vinny. All right. So this guy, here he is this mad scientist who's combining different species together and creating new species with combined splicing of DNA. And the Soviets decide, hey, we could probably use this guy. In 1925, the Soviet. authorities gave Ivanov $10,000, the equivalent of $1.5 million today.

He now has the financial backing to make his dark dreams a reality. Now, what he wanted to do was splice human beings with animals. That was what his goal was. And why would you want to do such a thing? Why would Stalin be interested in doing such a thing? So they could stop all these labor agreement disputes with the NFL and they could just bring in human animal hybrids to play? What might Yvanov and the Soviets want with the race of ape men,

strong, uncomplaining factory workers, sportsmen and women with special talents? There has even been speculation that Russian dictator Joseph Stalin may have dreamed of an army of ape warriors. Ape warrior army, Betty. This is what Stalin was up to. This is what the communist wanted to do. It sounded like they just wanted to get fucking foot jobs from chimpanzee prostitutes.

Yeah. Women with special talents. That was interesting, wasn't it? No, because this is all made up and stupid. It's not made up or stupid. This guy was experimenting with trying to crossbreed people and monkeys. Where did he go to medical school? He didn't. He was just a college professor. So he's not a real doctor? Not a real doctor. Mad scientist.

Okay. Mad scientist. Now, you might think to yourself, Vinnie, if you were successful in this, What would be the end result? One might fantasize how cool it would be to get the strength of an ape and the brain of a man. But you'd also have the possibility of having the brain of an ape and the fumbling clumsiness of a man. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if they really thought this all the way through. Like, they're just picturing.

It's just a bunch of doughy white guys throwing poop at each other. Yeah, right, exactly. It's like, it'd be like this intimidating army. It's like you just throw a banana and they all run after it. Like, well, that's the end of that. Numbums. I'm just thrilled. Here I have rats spliced with ducks and gorillas spliced with mosquitoes.

And here I have rabbits spliced with fish to make little bunny fish. And over here, Swiss cheese spliced with chalk and a beard. So this guy is obviously crazy. He's doing some really crazy shit. He actually artificially... Yeah, that South Park character is. He artificially inseminated many female chimps. However, it didn't work.

So we decided to try it the other way around. And he found five women who volunteered to be impregnated with ape sperm. And I have... It's not that hard. I have actual... You could probably get 10 women on only fans today. True. I would agree with that.

Especially when you got 10,000 smackaroos from the Soviets. I have 10,000 so maybe not today. Maybe you're paying in roubles. Maybe the roubles wouldn't be all that great. You need a few more than that. So I actually was able to track down. You're not going to hear this anywhere else. Actual audio, after he was successful,

and he created the ape man, the ape man then turned on him. And this is actual audio from the lab. Take your sticking paws off me, you damn dirty ape. All right, he wasn't successful. It actually didn't work. In 1929, he organized a set of experiments involving non-human ape, sperm, and human volunteers, but was delayed by the death of his last orangutan.

So that sucks. Yeah, that's the best way to go out. In the spring of 1930, Ivanov came under political criticism at his veterinary institute. And finally, on December 13, 1930, he was arrested. He was sentenced to five year of exile in Kazakhstan. For what? Where he died of a stroke two years later. For what?

I don't know. It seems like it was just doing some pretty cool experimenting. yeah fucking Stalin wants his goddamn monkey army what do you want me to do yeah right who else is gonna breed donkeys and zebras what do you want for me that was for fun that had nothing to do with the monkey already that actually wasn't going to fix the world that was a side thing that was a it was a pet project your honor it was a literal pet project yeah all right so that's my uh my mad scientist march madness well it's fake doctor okay which by the way we agreed on and i could post the text earlier.

I literally said, because you go fake daughter, I said, either one, man scientist or fake doctor. No, no. I thought you said fake doctor or fake scientist. It could be one or the other. Okay. Well, did I, didn't I fucking complete my assignment teacher?

Am I good? Do I get a fucking gold star on my paper? You know what? I'm tired. Could you just call yourself an idiot? Fucker. My creep today is a fake doctor today. instead of going to Russia, we're going to

stay in Europe and we are going to France, Carl. Oh, okay. Now, my creep is a Frenchman named Jean-Claude Romand. And this guy... I mean, this guy was a real jerk. Okay. And he did some things that I actually am very impressed with. Very impressed with.

What are the, jog? Did he go an afternoon without having a mess? You think jogging impresses me? I think he'd be very impressed by something like that. You know what happens when I drive by, joggers i just yell sucker and laugh to myself what are you fucking joggers impressed me on your way to the doctor's office i need to get my medicine okay so this guy enrolled in med school in 1974 right okay and he was in med school till 1986 oh wow so uh how did that go well he never went to

he never went to class okay and uh sounds fun he never graduated he was just there for 12 years All right. Great creep, Benny. Do we need any voicemails? All while telling his family that he's passing and everything is fine. Apparently, his first year, his freshman year, he slept through his final exam for the year. And it was like, basically, if you don't do this exam and you don't pass this exam, you don't move on to year two. Okay. He never took it. Yeah. Ever. In 12 years. He would go through the first year again and again and again. He probably was out partying. What are you going to do? Sometimes you got to sleep it off. Well, he had friends. He had a girlfriend.

And he fucking just lived it up. He was like just hanging out on campus and he didn't go to class. Wait a second. Is the punch not going to be? This is Bert Kreischer. Is that what we're going to find out by the end of this? Because if you brought Bert Kreisher, you win, my friend. I brought Bert Kreisher.

I brought Bert Kreisher. Then I got branded job then. My crew's breaded job. Take Cody Rhodes. So he marries his girlfriend in 1980. They have two kids in the late 80s. There is nothing creepy yet, by the way. But keep going.

Nobody knew he didn't graduate. His wife thought he graduated. His parents thought he graduated. They all thought he was a doctor. Vinny, no why. If I knew back when I was in college, what I know today, I would have never gone to college. I would have just put it on my resume when I turned 22 because no one's ever fucking

checked with my college whether or not I was a marketing student there or not. No one's ever followed up with that. And there's no question you can ask me that I wouldn't be able to answer. And I didn't learn anything. Well, maybe it's about time someone does check into it, Carl. maybe it's about time someone does look into it i had a three points all right hear me out there so this guy's married he's he's living he's lying to his family and he got himself a job he claims would you like to know where he claimed he worked with a hospital maybe the world health organization it's switzerland nice

he claimed that he was a researcher for the who i mean the fucking people that worked for the who i'm sure he fit right in yeah i'll tell you what i wouldn't want to be p townsen's researcher oh boy come on i get it come on i get it come on come on kids so either way he's pretending to work for the who and instead of going to work every day he's hanging out in a parking garage he's hanging out in cafes he's just run on and he would go to the world health organization and he would steal a bunch of free pamphlets yeah so he could pretend that he was knowledgeable about subjects if the who has a fucking gift shop he was buying hats and shirts and shit everything he could do with like their logo on it he was going home and pretending to

he worked there. So basically what you're explaining right now is a guy they should make a movie about that would be lauded as a hero. They made two about him. Okay, great. So Ferris Bueller's Day Off. No. I got to imagine that whatever movie this is.

Catch me if you can. Yeah, right. Like this movie would rule. You're totally rooting for Leo DeCamprio. So this guy, he gets himself a girlfriend. Yeah? He's got two kids. Oh, okay.

So he's married with kids and he gets a girlfriend on the side. He has his girlfriend on the side. Okay. Now you had to ask yourself. his wife his family how is he supporting them he's not really working okay okay yeah how is he supporting well first off he lived off the money from a sale of a student flat that his parents had bought for him uh when the cash for that ran out he took advantage of relatives and friends who he asked them to invest their savings and schemes he claimed to have access to as an employee of the

u.n okay he developed two types of fraud one consisted of offering his acquaintances an investment plan with the high return of investment, basically a Ponzi scheme. And he built people out of about two and a half million dollars doing this. The other thing was he found... Sounds like he made off with the money. Well, he didn't get that far. We're going to get to that in a minute. But he also claimed to have access to a magical cancer pill that he charged 15,000 francs for

to get one of these experimental pills. Worthed it twice the price, if you ask me. Yeah, and he had special access because he worked for the, you know, World Health organization. So he was pocketing money all over the place and he wasn't doing anything. Can I just point out that what you just described is what Pfizer is currently doing for real, but it's not cancer, it's COVID. Yeah, and you don't think that they're creeps. They are definitely creeps. Okay. So he also got his mistress to give him 90,000 francs to invest for her. Oh, he got a rich mistress? Smart. Wow. She ended up chasing him down for her money back.

And the house of cards was kind of starting to cave in. He had a very nice house. lived in a nice part of town his family was well thought of and he was a well-respected guy because he worked for the world health organization he has the hat he's got the hat for the gift shop Carl he would go on business trips and he would go stay at a hotel by the airport and then go to the duty-free shop and bring his kids back souvenir that's hilarious yeah it is kind of funny it's kind of a fun lifestyle I like this guy but this guy is a creep I'm rooting for him so in 1988 in october things start getting a little fucky here. His father-in-law, Pierre Crole, you know, had given him a bunch of money to invest,

and he said he needed it back because he was having some trouble with his pension. And the father-in-law... Sorry. Well, the father-in-law... And it's gone. The father-in-law also was gone because he just fell down the stairs. And the only person who was there to witness it was Jean-Claude. He was like, yeah, he just fell.

He couldn't save him. He's a doctor. Yeah, he wanted to... money back and he got clubsy yeah father-in-laws do fall downstairs and from time to time so they did call an ambulance when the rescuers came to the scene they ended up testifying later that the last things that the man said before he died were jean claude me jean claude me before he like they took him to the hospital and everything he was saying something but it was jean claude me so probably pushed me killed me i don't fucking know the cops did nothing about this they ruled his

an accident, had a cigarette and a fucking croissant, whatever it is they have. And we're like, another job well done. They left. Fucking Detective Clousseau just walked right out of there. It was an accident. So by late 1992, this is four years later. He's

running this scam pretty good. He's making ends meet. He's taking care of what he's got to take care of. But more people started asking for their money back. And one guy actually decided I got to get a hold of him, but I can never get a hold of Jean-Claude. I'm going to call his work at the World Health Organization.

Sure, why not? And this one phone call, uh-oh, did the dominoes start falling? Uh-oh. Because Dave found out that he doesn't fucking work there, obviously. So around January 9th, 1993, Roman decided that he needed to figure out his exit plan here. So what he did is he went to kill everyone.

It would chew 2,000 francs from one bank, a thousand from another. He stole a 22 caliber rifle from his father. He went to a store and bought a box. of ammo, a silencer, and two canisters of mace. He asked for them to be gift wrapped, because he didn't want to be suspicious. Sure.

For my son, it's fine. Yeah, the silencer for this. I need the giraffe. It's a big deal. So, typical night at home, dinner puts the kids to bed. Then he beat his wife to death with a rolling pin. That's kind of fun.

I was waiting for that. So he just left her in the bed bloodied the fuck up wash the rolling pin put the rolling pin back in the cabinet I personally don't think domestic violence is ever the answer Vinny I know you don't Carl and either do I so the next morning he woke up with the kids

he's got two little kids at home as you know sure and they had a good old day together man they were just presents all those things he got a gift wrap they did they watched cartoons they were all like that is great Timon is a choppy game. Kids were having a good old day with dad. And they went to bed and they were like, oh, papa, you are such a good papa.

And he's like, oh, go to sleep kids. And he gave them barbiturates in their water, glasses of water before he sent them to bed. So these kids were knocked out pretty tight. Nice. And then he went into the bedroom and shot them both in the head with the rifle. Oh. Hmm. So it's interesting.

thing that you said he needed an exit strategy and the first thing that came to my head is exactly what he did it's a problem actually it's a real problem if there's any therapist that listen to the show so what do you do there's only a couple other people who could really really fucking bust him and that's his parents because uh he they invested a lot of money with him too they were very close so he uh the next morning went over to his parents house for an early breakfast yeah and uh he was like hey dad you know that a 22 rifle that I borrowed from you and he's like yeah yeah well here it is pow pow it shot his dad twice in the chest

and then he shot his mom in the back and then he killed the family dog no what the dog had to do with anything exactly know if you don't have a job or not now I lie there was one more loose end the mistress who wanted her 90,000 francs back oh let me guess what he said to her

oh bitch bitch bitch well he was very apologetic and he said he was going to take her to dinner with the health minister of the world health organization how fun she's going to go to the dinner and he's going to give her all of her money back if all she has to do is get in the car with him

he starts driving he pretends that they're lost and he says you know what I have the directions in my briefcase in the back of the car so he gets out of the car and comes around and tries to spray her in the face with the mace and then try to choke her out with this cord

but he's a fucking nerd Carl and she beats the shit out of him And she's like, I just want my fucking money back, Jean-Claude. What the fuck, man? And he's just like, I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Sherry. I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

And he's just crying. Not a big man without a gun, huh? Yeah, he's just crying in front of, I am so sorry. And he's like, please don't tell anyone. I will get help. I will go see a therapist, this whole thing. And she's like, I just want my money back, dude. Take me home.

Yeah. And she drives her home. She's like, I don't like your family anyway. I'm your mistress. I don't care what else you did. She doesn't know about any of this. And she just gets back in the car with them and he drives her fucking home. And now he's like, well, that didn't work.

What do I do now? So he goes back to his house with the dead bodies of his family. He takes a bunch of sleeping pills, spreads gasoline all over the house, sets it on fire and goes and lays in bed and hoping that it will all be over soon. Okay. Well, he lived in a pretty decent house. I'm going to show you a picture. I mean, wouldn't you... This is the fire.

It only took out the roof of the house. The rest of the house is fine. But wouldn't you, like, go in the garage with the car running? This seems like could be so much more painful. It seems like... You're not just going to fall asleep in the fire and just, like, be fine. He spread the gasoline all around the house except for his room. Okay.

Well, he wants to choke to death on the smoke, but that's not funny either. Well, here's the thing. He didn't die. It'd be hard to fall asleep, too. even with sleeping pills. Knowing that shit was going to happen. Yeah. It would be a stressful sleep right there.

Well, the fire department showed up and rescued him. Whoops. Yeah. They rescued him and he's knocked. He's out in a coma for three days. So while he's in this coma, they start investigating this and they're like, huh,

did the fire shoot these kids? Because these kids have bullet holes in them. Yeah, right. The fire, did the fire, did the fire beat the mom's head in with the, huh? This is weird. So no fact. They started investigating this and they find the body of his parents and the dog.

They end up talking to the girlfriend who's like, yeah, he borrowed all this money from me. And then they searched his car. Motherfucker thought he was killing himself, wrote a whole confession to everything. It left it at his car, like a dumbass. This is going great. So this motherfucker. I write a confession. What's the point?

He's alive and in a coma for three days. And he wakes up. And they were like, Lucy, you got suspended to do. And he just woke up and was like, this poor fucking guy, he's a piece of shit. He murdered his children,

his wife, his parents, his wife's father. They were asking too many questions. Tried to murder his girlfriend. And he wrote a fucking confession like an asshole. So his trial began. They found him guilty. And he was sentenced to life imprisonment

were eligible for parole in 2015 which I don't think that's how life in prison should work no and uh Carl is he out in 2019 no he found apparently found Jesus in jail yeah and now he's out no no

good his former brother-in-law was like I can't even fucking believe the word that he is free is hard for me to hear he won well maybe he'll go back to medical school go back and find him to finish up those last 11 years that he didn't really apply himself too but this guy is a creep he's a fake doctor and uh holy shit that is my creep

this week carl all right well you didn't really follow the i brought a good creep this week but i'll give it to you i'm gonna fucking brain you that was a fun story that took forever it didn't take forever that was a quick one all right you're ready for the uh you want to go do the uh voicemails yeah let's do some voicemails the creep off voicemail segment is brought to by the city of Syracuse. Hamilton's in town, and boy, are we excited. Anxious to see if it's better than our last main attraction, Larry the farting pig. See you in Syracuse. Why do I believe that that's a real thing?

Larry the farting pig. It's Larry the cable guys do it. He just, they bring him out on stage. They're like, come on, pig. I want to start off with this voice that we received. You accepted a challenge from Harry Zoe a few weeks ago for our next Patreon episode. And I have been challenged, Carl. Yep. And here is my challenger.

Don't you dare use Bradhart's music. I'll fucking fight you already. Cut the music. Cut the music. All right, Vinny Spinney. This is critical challenging you to creep off. Now I know what you're thinking. This Cousa Roo is here to challenge you to stick up for Carl. To see, that's not the case. I'm challenging you to a creep off for a couple of reasons. One, I got to show Carl how the fuck it's done. He sucks at this shit. Appreciate it. The second reason is related to the category here.

Creepiest YouTuber. See, if I chose Carl, he'd throw the game for a laugh and shoot stuttering John. But nah, I got a real creep. A Hall of Fame worthy creep. And I need an opponent that's going to bring a challenge. So what's it going to be, Vinny Spinney? You're going to accept my challenge? You're going to be a coward.

Thank you. Fuck you, bye. All right, critical. Oh, what is he at the end, Brian Zucks? oh if he did what do I think am I going to check it out from a listener to challenge me with creepiest YouTuber you might

yeah no I don't accept your challenge because you insult to Brett Hart you get nothing no I'm fucking taking on are you kidding me all right that'll be our next bonus episode we're going to get it scheduled with those guys and it will be out very very soon so make sure you are subscribed to Patreon so our next bonus is going to be four creeps yes okay

you are going to be playing Harry Zoo in a creepiest furry and I will be playing against critical for creepiest YouTuber. Creepiest furry. Yeah, that was what you accepted the challenge to. Wouldn't it be harder to do uncreepy furry? Couldn't you do creepiest fake furry, scientist? It's March Madness, Vinny.

March Madness. Who fucking cares? Scientist. Jesus Christ. That's not what it was, dummy. All right, here's voicemail. Oh, I'm calling it fucking bullshit here. fucking Vinny, Spinney, Spiny, Spiny, Bays, fucking piece of shit.

Really? No kid fuckers, no kid carers, right this, whatever the fucking real was. Yet, you still picked a guy that victimized children. Yeah. I'm pretty sure. I'm going to call out a fucking disqualification. Nope. You can't fucking do something original or Carl did where he went after Castro's son,

Justin Trudeau. that was original that was no idea you had to stick with somebody that victimized children Benny you cheat fuck the dog

okay I think hold on a second did I get the same guy calling into WATP doll you fucking chicklet tooth motherfucker this is for the creepoff

I'm afraid Benny won't play my voicemail calling him out he's cheating I think it's the same guy I did play your voicemail dickhead

you motherfucker and by the way I wanted to say something about your little voicemail This is very disrespectful. Okay. Okay. I played your voicemail.

Should be ashamed of yourself, sir. Yeah. There's a code of conduct on this show. Yeah. I like that you ended it right, though. Uh, okay. Yo, what's up, Vinnie? Hey, what's up with Carl lately?

He's not completing his consequences in a timely manner. And to top it off, his last two creeps, man. I heard all of that in a Tucker Carlson segment, like the first. months ago, uh, dude, stop phoning it in, put some actual effort into your creeps, and maybe then, I'll look for Carl. Until then, Denny-Winny, people's champ.

Wow. Exelsior. True believers. Today I pulled clips from a 90s cartoon and a movie from 1968. So hopefully I'm putting in enough effort now to fulfill that. I

just fucking hate you. What? What do you mean? Hey, guys, it's on the back catalog. I've still up to 50 or so. Here's an idea for the wheel. Listener has to fill in for you for two rounds, but you still have to take part of the episode.

So it's either a guest gets the point or the winner gets the point. Yeah, I don't know what that means. I say, I vote no. That would be a good thing. We don't have to do the research and come in and present a creep. That sounds like a reward. doesn't it no i enjoy i enjoy playing the game that's why i play it

oh okay uh this one i gotta tell you i wouldn't mind a week off but okay i wish you all right for the real of consequence is whoever loses gets two weeks paid vacation okay great you haven't been paid in a while i know i wish i gets a paid vacation around here putting church on the spinning of the wheel is not a very good punishment What? I said that you're both caramel like immature baby atheists

that are really Oh, big daddy church going to rape my children You're retarded But if you really want to make the punishment You're going to want to put Go attend Aladdin Mass

And I'm sure something's up there in Rochester And if not make a fucking trip Because it's a fucking punishment Fuck you Go to Aladdin Mass And go through all the fucking Standing and kneeling And standing and kneeling

Because if you just go to a church You're going to find some fucking gay-ass non-denominational charismatic church where everyone's kissing each other and hugging and dancing and playing guitar and so amazing. This is so amazing. What a heresy to go to a Latin Mass

and find Jesus, you piece of shit. You gluttonous fuck. That's you, Vita. You're the gluttonous fuck. Fuck you guys. Okay. Sir, I have been to Catholic funerals. I've been to Catholic weddings. I know what this deal is.

it's not pleasant i think that the church he described it the one that's heresy sounds the worst the one where the guys are having the fake douche rock concert yeah you ever see those churches those mega churches where they're just like oh i watch righteous gemstones oh yeah man that would be the worst there's actually one out in chiley uh and it's one of these mega churches with like rock and roll and everyone's up there's i mean i'm not going to that that would be the funny one to go to that it's i bet you a bunch of kids i went to school to probably go to that i bet you if i watch and their people will know who I was. Right. The more successful kids that you went to school with,

the ones that I actually made them. Yeah, the one that could afford to kick up 10% to a cult. Yeah, them. By the way, I want to shout out to Trucker Andy for picking up this shirt for me. That's a boss sauce, Shaw Cross, murder rates, and garbage plates. I don't think they sell these in the airport.

These people don't know what boss sauce is, but it is delicious because I am a gluttonous fuck apparently. All right, Carl, why don't you hit the music for the scumperate? All right, but I think that you should be... No, I think you should hit the music for the scub parade this week. Watch out for the scum parade. Oh, no, it's the scum parade.

Oh, no, it's a scum parade. Look out for a scum parade. Making him in his day. Day! Oh, where to start. Oh, boy. A Pennsylvania man is accused of breaking into a woman. home and hiding in the attic after they met on the social media platform only fans now may i lead

with not a social media platform no no also i think you got that wrong also this guy should really be on only stalkers dot com yeah he he's good one he's a keeper oh boy because he doesn't go away no he does not moricio damon giero 20 years old a ben salem pennsylain pennsylvania allegedly broke into the woman's home in southworth new hampshire multiple times last month according to the Somersworth Police Department. The woman told law enforcement officials that she awoke to someone standing in her doorway on February 9th. That is terrifying.

I don't even like seeing a spider, let alone some guy. That sounds awful. It freaks me out. Just some dude who's like, hey, I know you from the internet. Get the fuck out of my house. Oh, she knows him too. According to an affidavit from the police department,

police heard footsteps on the roof when they came to investigate. They said they found Guerrero. The man was detained, and the woman confirmed, that she had met him through her only fan's account in October of 2021. She said she previously gave the man her address after he said he wanted to buy her a television in a fireplace. Buying a fireplace is fucking random, isn't it? It's probably those fucking $200 fake ones at Walmart or some shit.

It's going to burn her house down anyway. Holy shit, this woman is dumb. I know that's redundant, but holy shit. Yeah, you could say that again. the woman said Guerrero admitted to her before he was arrested that he had been to an apartment where she previously resided and he once appeared outside of her home and she let him in for approximately two hours

smart smart move uh police said you always want to engage your stalker make sure you give him a lot of attention make him think he has a shot always a good idea real smart yeah well she's on only fans yeah that's the opposite of how you're supposed to deal with stalkers It's true.

Police said Guerrero told officials that he went to the woman's home to take back the fireplace in the television and went into the attic when he heard people in the home. Oh, God. The woman found food in the attic as well as urine in his urine in a cup. She's lucky she only found urine in a cup up there. She'll find the rest. I think there's probably enough spludge to impregnate a whole ape army up in that attic. They also found a Bluetooth tracking device. Police said that the man admitted to taking videos of the woman naked without her knowledge in the home.

You know what? I think that this is the future of porn, to be honest with you. Just moving into a stranger's house and stock you pay someone a bunch of money to get their address. And then you show up there and you watch her masturbate with a bunch of other guys who paid her buddy. A bunch of buddy, a fucking G electric fireplace at a zenith. Get the fuck out of it. Every girl's got her price. All right. I haven't seen a photo of this woman.

I don't know what she's worth. The woman who has a young child told police she noticed in the days before Guerrero's arrest, her keys went missing. Mauricio told officers after he was arrested that he had taken the woman's keys and made a copy of it. Yeah, this guy was spending weeks hanging out with this woman without her knowing it. Yeah, he's facing four felony burglary charges. That's pretty terrifying. So listen, if we have any ladies on the show and you're an only fan's girl, send us links. Send us links.

And then just think about what you're doing. What? Just think about what you're doing. Just don't give out your home address to anyway. Get a PL box. Or do what I did. And I have people send me shit to the comedy club here. Carl, this next one made my tummy a little queasy.

Okay. Dr. Nicholas John Chapman, a real doctor, appeared in a UK court last week to answer two counts of attempting to cause a woman aged 16 or over to engage in sexual activity without her consent. Okay. Now, that sounds an awful lot like rape. It does. Not what happened here, technically.

He tried to get the semen in her the hard. way. Dr. Nicholas John Chapman, 54, is currently suspended from his post at the North Curry Healthcare Center, denies the allegations. Giles Tippett, the prosecutor, told the two magistrates overseeing the hearing that the victim discovered a substance at the bottom of her teacup when she finished a drink given to her by the defendant. Tippet said the incident was reported to the police three days later, and a laboratory confessed confirmed the substance was seabed that related to the doctor. How is Dr. Steve not gotten busted for this yet? That was the most shocking thing to me.

Because all of his patients die. You don't want my fluid. You want some fluid. It's life giving. It's funny because a lot of criminals are very careful to not leave DNA at the crime scene. But with this guy, the DNA is the crime scene. Yes. Like it's literally like, here is, you can easily identify who's doing this.

Here it is. Yeah. I have no clue how this is going to end, but this is going to be a very fun trial for somebody just sitting there watching this. Did he think it would just mix right in and she wouldn't notice? you think you could get away with that without having legal legal ramifications you're out of your fucking mind

he's right broken clock well this denial I know this denial thing is not going to work he's going to need to come with like some type of elaborate explanation as for why his cum was in her tea

is that where I put it maybe say maybe say your girlfriend snowballed the tea if you insisted that she swallow your honor she knows i always insist she gargles it and then swallows it i would be like she could attest to this i'd be like do you ever see the movie the princess bride it was one of those things we're switching glasses just got the wrong one it was a joke yeah the denial thing is not if i was just like your honor what do you have against pranks man yeah what do you got against

pranks funny pranks yeah it's a scene in jackass five mm all right hilarious stevo spunk you got me again i love stevo he's such a good egg uh j they'd serve it to their parents or something though yeah that's how you make it they'd serve it they'd serve it to bam's dad and not let bam be in the movie they just give bam's mom come and bam has to stay 50 feet away because they have a restraining order let's go back to uh ohio james yoder he's 50 years old and boy oh boy is he a naughty naughty boy he stands accused of rape over 2019 incident that only recently turned up a suspect on because of DNA evidence now this is what the prosecutor said she says i hesitate to read the facts of the affidavit because they're so gruesome

but it's my job according to the police in cincinnati james yoder removed a victim's prosthetic leg before tying a rope around her neck pulling her to a tree and then kicking her repeatedly until she fell unconscious and then allegedly raped the woman all right this guy's a monster but i want to ask you about this but if you leave the leg on her you don't have to drag her carol rape aside though if you had a chance to hook her with a chick with a prosthetic leg would you why not okay she she's a wonderful person would you leave it on her to take it off. See?

Interesting, isn't it? Off. That's an interesting thought. Off. No, no, I'm settled off. Yeah. I want to see what's up. There was a girl who saying a couple of vocals for us at the studio years ago who had two fake legs.

And she walked around and then kind of hobbled around. I love how you're like, she was hobbling around old club feet over there in the corners just judging other people's gate. Ha ha! My feet may be deported, but at least I got him. Hey, look at this. I'm pricking my feet with the needle and I can feel it. So here's my question to you, Vinny. Yeah, laid on me.

If you had to sleep with a girl who was missing a wag, would you want her to be missing one or both? Ooh, great question. Right? Both. That way she can't get away. Okay. Good answer. Thank you.

Good answer. So we should put a poll up on Twitter, by the way. I don't think we should do that, probably. Probably not a good move. The incident is said to have occurred on West 6th Street in Cincinnati's Queensgate neighborhood near an overpass. Lovely place to be raped in the overpassed in Cincinnati. After the sexual assault, Yoder allegedly left the woman tied to a tree. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, let's go back to that voicemember who's telling us how God is real. Let's go back to that. After reading that story, Jesus Christ, poor woman's already missing a lag of it. I'm sorry. I don't want to be accused of being a heritage. tick anymore today. Okay, fair enough. So some of the details of the attack appeared to be too sensitive for local media to print because they're a little more gruesome. But Yoder was also

charged with one count of rape by a Hamilton County prosecutor's office on May, on March 2nd, 2022. The defendant was already in jail at the time awaiting trial on unrelated abduction charges concerning a different alleged victim. He was a homeless man at the time in July of 2021, and he was arrested in charge with abduction for allegedly dragging a woman into his tent, pulling a knife on her and threatening to kill her. Law enforcement would say he also threw an axe at the woman to try to stop her from leaving. Hey, that's fucked up.

He's just a lunatic. I think he thinks he's playing a video game. He's crazy because he was found legally not staying to stand trial over the abduction charge. Right. But we're going to see what happens with this new case. His next scheduled court date is March 14th. So isn't that fun?

Something to look forward to every. Everybody. Wow. That guy is a creep. Well, I saved the best for last, Carl. Okay. Did this story when you read it just make you go, holy shit? I have some thoughts. Yeah. I have some thoughts about it. The guy's gentlemen by the name was Sedat Johnson. He's 27 years old. I was in the Salt Lake County Jail for felony child abuse and threatening with or using a dangerous weapon in a fight or a quarrel. You could tell that that's like Salt Lake City law. Yeah. I know. I was going to say, what was that made in 1829? Fucking Joseph Smith. throat that shit. The suspect had a four-year-old and a three-year-old child in the backseat of his car when he pulled up to a McDonald's drive-thru on Monday afternoon in the city of Midvale, Utah. I commend him on taking fatherhood seriously. Yes. Authority said, according to local outlets, Johnson got mad when restaurant staffers got his order wrong, which, you know, happens. And these are those teachable moments for your kids where your kids get to watch you react to something going wrong, and then they can learn how to react. Yeah. Yeah. What's the right?

level when someone puts the cheese on the burger that you didn't want yeah what's the right reaction to something like that excuse me sir can we get this fixed uh you know i didn't i didn't ask this if you can please thank you that's one way to go about yeah yeah but that was not the way mr johnson went about it he pulled out a gun at that point the workers promised to fix his order and they told him to drive up to the front of the business i got to say i actually think that pulling guns on fast food workers is probably a good thing dude if i had a gun deal with fast food workers i would already be in prison i would have been i'd be fucking yosemite sand yeah but you know what though there wouldn't be a fucking tomato on my whopper ever again would be a goddamn

pickle on my burger that's for god damn sure these kids need to know there's consequences when you work a job in society you have 15 bucks an hour okay well guess what now you might get murdered if you fuck up come on kids Is it worth that? Come on, kids. Give you $18 an hour, and you'll be dodging bullets. How's that sound? Where's your big comeback now?

That's tough guy. So. Would you go to the drop store? Holy shit? Yeah, I'm having a good time today. So the workers say to him, listen, man, don't shoot. We'll fix your order. Yeah.

Smart move. Could you just pull up over there? Yeah. So this motherfucker, instead of driving off as he should with his fucked up order because he just committed a felony pulling a gun on someone. yeah decide sure i'll just wait yeah oh good they're gonna fix it oh they're gonna fix it okay good let me put this back in the holster

so they call the police if that's how you get what you want wait what the fuck's going on here right i'm gonna put back on baby shark do do do baby shark dude he's just having a good time with his kids the kids in the back seat okay i can't kids in the back seat going

that is great They didn't fix his order. They called the cops, obviously. They arrived and managed to get Johnson out of the vehicle. But they allegedly had a near lethal surprise waiting for them. One of the responding officers claimed to notice a gun pointing out of the back window. Uh-oh. Maggie Simpson's back there.

Hey, look out, Bernsey. He knocked the firearm to the side as it was fired. The bullet struck the restaurant awning. The officer involved sustained a minor injury during the incident. when the officer allegedly discovered that it was the four-year-old child who opened fire on the cops. All right.

Does this four-year-old have a rap album yet? I'll buy it. Because honestly, I want to invest in this kid. This kid's going to be bigger than Tupac. I like this kid. He's shooting at the age of four? That's pretty advanced shit. That's pretty impressive.

Can someone lay a beat down next to this guy? Sure, I got a beat right here. John, John, the left of God. How embarrassing. Holy shit This four-year-old kid Took a shot at the cops The witnesses claimed that they heard Johnson

Telling the child to shoot Yeah It's like This is the hill to die it on What did I said no pickles Yep That's it

If we all go down together We're going down pickleless motherfuggers I gotta say this would be a funny sketch Like a reoccurring character The guy who wants to kill people over minor inconveniences in life and just set it up in all these different scenarios like he's at the grocery store

and he's waiting in line and the woman in front of them pulls out a checkbook like, no! Just starts shooting everyone. Da-da-da-da-da-da. The angry family. Yeah. Just like the, you know, the white turns red. And everything just turns into him

just murdering everyone. Yeah, the cops were very saddened by this. They said to have an adult think it's okay to encourage a four-year-old to pull a firearm and shoot at police. Illustrates how out-of-hand the campaign against police has gotten. I'm going to say this is controversial

I kind of agree with that statement when four year olds are taking shots at cops we got a little bit of a problem this is going to be controversial but I don't think that parenthood is for everyone you better be careful some people

might be the best mothers and fathers I mean to shoot at the cops not even at the guy who fucked up the order I mean what kind of parenting is that their fault what kind of parenting is this

uh I like how they were like this needs to stop but we need to come together as a community. Or maybe you should just take away this guy's kids. I think you think that'll probably stop that. Oh, you don't think there's going to be four-year-olds all out of the street shooting at cops now? Like they set a precedent?

Yeah, just at every fast food restaurant, there's a four-year-old with a block. No, I don't think that's going to be the problem. So that is our scum parade this week. Thank you for tuning into another edition of The Creepoff. Remember, you could vote this week at the creepoff.com. And if you feel like supporting the show, you get some exclusive merch. I was told to remind everybody, we got some cool merch. If you become a scumperate Mary Marcher, we got a great t-shirt.

If you become a creepomaniac, we got a mug. And no matter what tier you sign up for, you get a creep-off sticker. So you will get something out of this deal. Just support the show if you like it. We greatly appreciate it. You could always leave us a voicemail 585371-808. And if you'd like to email us, the creep-off pot at gmail.com. Also, I need to give a shout-out to our boy Dave from Canada,

who is cutting up our video clips for Rumble. So if you haven't subscribed on Rumble yet, please check that out. he's doing a good job and he also uh he's the winner of the w tp song parody yeah dust this guy's killing it he's killing it he's doing a great job so check that out and uh as always shout out to my boy gangrenously shout out to tucker dixon and uh until next time it's nice to be what whoa whoa whoa we totally forgot a very important thing that we have to talk about today what's that you put out a poll as to who what fan i had to have dinner with holy shit and i believe the results are in we got to We've got to announce who I'm having dinner with is my consequence.

Carl, are you going to fly to go meet this person? I can't. You can. I can. I'll zoom. Do you know that the flights are direct from Rochester, New York? I can't. And they're only $75.

So I will. If she wants to meet me in Nashville, I can have dinner with her in Nashville at our wives show. Heather W. Come on down. She was the highest vote getter by far. I thought it was definitely going to be the funeral director guy. God.

I hope she wears your face. He sounded like a ghoul. And then he's a good egg. Herb bait a patched, of course, was the one that I voted for. Love you, buddy. And, uh, yeah. I love that guy too.

Heather fucking W. I will tell you that herb was getting a little out of control in the discord over this. Was he? Yeah. He's like, I want, uh, $50 and I want to pick the restaurants. I'm like, oh, no. He's going with Heather W. Yeah.

Heather W. This is my consequent. Not consequence. Is that your good time? Heather. I just want you to know something. Carl's going to say he doesn't want it, but he's lying. I'm a married man.

He's going to say, I'm a married man, and I don't want it, but he is lying. Happily married. We'll see you in Nashville, Heather. Please come to Nashville, Heather. So we've got to figure that out. I'm not finding. Hey, everybody, if we want to buy a plane ticket for Heather W to come to Nashville to go have dinner with Carl, I think that would be quite nice. All right.

Well, that's interesting. I did not see it going that way, bud. Yeah, boy, don't you just wish I ended the show? we had to talk about it at some point that is true so heather w come on down and uh i'm going to wear a hamburger mask when we have dinners you're going to do your consequence properly that's going to and your consequence is now four hours long because you take it so long you have to do four hours of carl hamburger hold on a second yep i want to point something out that's it this whole thing where you had a supposedly jump in lake ontario when i went into lake ontario

allegedly there's video going in and coming out i didn't lose any bat and yet i had to hang out with you all morning that day follow you around my little phone shooting all this video you didn't shoot any video you didn't shoot anything you were supposed to shoot if anything you should do later you know what it all together you know what you're right you're right thinking about how you handled the the polar plunge situation it's five hours now it's five hours now it's so professional it's five hours now five hours to carlo hamburger five I would have shown that. I need it done by next episode.

Get on it. You got five hours. You got to put aside this week and get it done. Tucker Dixon, help the man. Also, I want to point out that I didn't realize I could have been watching cuties at 1.5x speed or 2x speed. So I watched the whole fucking thing three times in a row, regular speak because I'm an idiot. So you did your consequence the right way? Yes, and it sucked.

Yeah, well, you're going to do five out. You know what? Five and a half. Keep talking. Keep talking. Keep talking. I don't know what you think you're judged. The wall just got another foot taller, Carl. Okay, all right. The wall just got another foot taller.

It's nice to be important. It's more important to be nice. John, John, the leprechaun, went to school with nothing on. Dan, Dan is the man. Carrie is contrary. At pack has a matter of all your crackers. Let's go, close, close, close, go. That is me.

You must chop me. You, my friend, have committed a call. Chow Bella. May your enemies be cursed in your podcast adventures.