The Creep Off - Episode 106: #106 Baby's Day Out

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

This week Karl & Vinnie make their nominations for creepiest bartender and dish some red-hot Hollywood goss: In the Scum Parade we meet a man whose date was interrupted, we learn about a unique shopping experience you can only get in Rochester Ny and finally we meet a pair of forgetful new parents. 

Hey, hey everyone, Dixon the Clown here. Last week, Carl and Vinnie decided to ride the Ferris Wheel of Freaks at the Carnival of Creeps. Carl's Creep ran a ride and would check all the women's laps to make it sure everything was nice and tight down there. And his nearly one full weekend of crimes was ended when he decided to molest Olivia Benson. On the other hand, Vinnie's Creep was just the Mr. Bean of Carney. He was a kind-hearted man whose clumsiness caused many issues for all the women in his life. life. As for my Carney creep, of course it would be that fire eater Pierce Broadston because he kissed my high school crush, the niece Richards.

I thought Christmas only comes once a year. Anyways, that's all I got for this week. Dixon the Clown, out! Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want, sensation, horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods, because I'm alive, and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo, cuckoo.

Do do um do what? Do do um do what? Disgusting, vomit-inducing thing. Hola creepos, welcome to another edition of your favorite true crime podcast. The show about creeps, by creeps, for you creeps. I'm your host, Vinnie Paulino, and joining me in studio, I got to tell you, he's a great co-host. He gets a lot of shit. Why, who's here?

No, it's you. I was actually giving you compliment. he's a great co-host i i honestly i i'm thankful for you all right when's when's the other shoe going to drop here well no shoe's going to drop because we just recorded a patreon episode yes over this last weekend we did and we played the creep off against other people we did yes we actually uh picked listeners to challenge us at our own game holy shit did i miss you save here buddy holy crap just kidding uh you can check that episode out on patreon It's going to be out tomorrow morning.

So if you're a Patreon subscriber, you'll get a bonus episode tomorrow morning. I had to compete with the creepiest furry. What was your category? Creepiest YouTuber. Oh, okay. And I'm going to put it to you this way. My guy, not successful, very naughty. All right, looking forward to that.

Just like most YouTubers, I think. I haven't heard that one yet. So I'm excited. By the way, my name's Carl. Hey, what's happening in Vinnie Paulino? Good to see you, buddy. Carl, I'm glad to have you here. I'm sorry.

I got sidetracked. I'm just so happy to see. see you. I never thought I would say that. Thanks a lot, Carl. You're welcome, buddy. Pal. Yes. We got to talk about last week, though. What happened last week? Last I saw, I checked in yesterday afternoon, Sunday afternoon.

And I was leading in the poll. And I'm thinking I'm going to have a clean sweep here. Five nothing. You spin the wheel. Wait, where is the wheel? I don't see it. Carl, you don't see it to see no fucking wheel around here today. What's going on? Because the final results last night, boom. Vinny wins by three votes. I gotta tell you, Carl.

50.77% of the votes. I have never been happier. Boo. Fucking boo. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to say, I'm so, who believeers. I am so thankful to you three.

Holy shit, God bless you. God bless you. Dude, you're thanking robots. Are you excited to be? thinking robots? They can't hear you. They're not robots. They're people who are on Team Vietnam. All right. Thank you.

You keep watering those crops at that bot farm that you're using to win these. All right, so now it's four to one. I lost four in a row. I know. And you're like, yeah, the bots are and he's got the bots. I'm starting to think that Tucker Dixon is actually running this show and we're just

playing along. We don't even know. He might be our Mercy Turk. He might end up being the one who just breaks this whole thing up. So, all right, so it's four to one. It's still game point. Notice out of nowhere. He did start submitting his own creep every week. Somehow in his recap, he made the contest about himself. That's interesting. I think I'm just realizing this now. I think it's just dawned on me. You know, I should do a little housekeeping right now as we're talking about the score and people understand what we're doing here each week. Housekeeping, how much you do your fucking consequences?

That's what I was going to bring up. That's where I was going with us. So each week, Vinny and I, from a category pick the biggest creep we argue our cases, then you go online at the creepoff.com you vote for who you thought brought the biggest creep and then after one of us gets to five wins, the other person has to spin the wheel of consequences. Now, a number of months

ago, I spun set wheel of consequences and I have to be Carl Hamburger. Yeah. Which is similar to what Maddox has become with Banana Docs or Ox Mad. And I'm happy to tell you, with the help of

Tucker Dexon. I have this figured out now. Yay! Let's get it scheduled right now, Vinnie. When do you want to do it? I'm ready to do it this week. Let me look at my calendar. And you're going to do this live, yes? I'm going to do this live on the Who Are These Podcasts YouTube channel. No, you're going to do it live on our YouTube channel. No, you got to do it. It's on who are these podcasts?

No, it is on the, it is on the pre-foss YouTube channel. How fucking dare you? Well, we're going to do out who are these podcasts. No, you're not. How dare you? Well, yeah, I am because that's what all my systems connected to. Well, no. I'm just going to give you the credentials to log in. Yeah. I don't know. It seems like a lot of work. Do you know how many times you've yelled at me for saying exactly what you're saying right now? Yeah.

I do know how many times. Zero. I don't yell at anyone, Vinnie. I never fucking raise my voice to you, Vinny. Don't even fucking start that shit with me. You wait until after this fucking show. Fucking raise your voice. How dare you? Never yelled at you.

And I never will. All right. Let's get the schedule. All right. So I'm looking at, um, Wednesday afternoon looks pretty good. Friday, do Wednesday. Afternoon. All right, Wednesday. What's a good time on Wednesday?

Whatever time you want to do it, pal. It's up to you. Well, I don't give a fuck what you do as long as you do it. I've been waiting this long. I mean, I should probably have a couple of cores lights in me just like Maddox does. So maybe we should shoot for a happy hour. How about 5 p.m. 5 p.m. Wednesday.

On Wednesday. I'm putting it down. 5.m. Eastern time. Carl Hamburger Show and we will definitely put out all those links ladies and gentlemen you will be able to find the Carl Hamburger Show well you already subscribed to the YouTube channel to our these podcasts

it'll be pretty you'll get a notification about it I honest to God everything I said to start the show off to be nice to you I fucking immediately take back you are a terrible co-host you are very hard to work with sir listen sir have I not scheduled

the Carl Hamburger video. That's fine. I don't get my fuck. All is right with the world. I need one more win to get rid of the current consequence that I'm suffering from, which is making no money on our Patreon. Vinny getting 100% of the money. Yep. There's pizza boxes everywhere in the studio. No, there aren't.

I eat those too. I did I throw them out. I recycle them. I tripped walking in over pizza boxes. It's fucking meatball topics are slippery. Jesus. You tripped over your own club foot. You ass.

It was a combination of the two. So, Carl Yes That means because you didn't be me this week And the first is coming up You still don't get any money Oh, fuck, you're right Another fucking month

Come on This is bullshit Those three robots are costing me money now All right, wow Jesus Christ That's the fattest laugh I've ever fucking heard Oh shit

Boy, I just realized it It brought me so much joy Yeah, I can tell you want to have a creep off you want to play a game as visions of pizza pies danced in his head they got little legs of their kicking like racquettes yeah what so we put up to a vote as to what the category was now make sure you're following the show on twitter ladies and gentlemen at creep off pod you will find every week i've been popping up a poll to pick the category so this week you guys chose creepiest bartender creepiest bartender yeah buddy are there bartenders

that are creeps out of the bartenders ever met are wonderful wonderful people and that's what's so surprising here these are the heroes of the every man bartenders are great they make sure you get make sure you're not thirsty oh my gosh producer chris and i wouldn't be friends if he were such a great bartender he's a great bartender hard to look at we established but he's a great bartender we established who's we me and that caller last week all right carl so you want to ring the bell let's get this started with creepiest bartender? You're up first, buddy. Let's go. I'm heading down to the big easy.

Nice. Because when you think bartenders, come on, Mardi Gras, New Orleans, baby, one of the coolest places in the world. And I'm going to tell you the story about a young man who moved there when he was 18 years old from Los Angeles, California. His name was Zachary Bowen.

Now, he moved down to New Orleans in the mid-90s. He was 18 years old. He met a 28-year-old stripper named Lana. Oh, I don't. Atlanta? Everybody knows Lana. Say hi to Lana for me. Yeah, Atlanta.

Well, Lan is still taking care of his two children. He knocked her up. They got married, had two kids, and what does an 18-year-old do when he knocks up a 28-year-old and has two children with her? Well, first of off,

I don't know why he's not coming out of the tits. Secondly, why are strippers not on the pill? She's like, what do you think I am at work? Are strippers aren't on the pill now? What's going out of here? Either way, this whole situation, it made our boy Zachary join the army oh okay in the may of 2000 okay that's that's like uh the vick move like total desperation

yeah don't know i have nothing left yeah i have a stripper who can't breastfeed because they're fake tits are too swollen and now i got to go fucking fight for my country yeah so in may of 2000 he joins the army he rises to the rank of sergeant over the course of a tour in kosovo and a tour in iraq he served as a military policeman he earned several medals including the nato medal and the presidential unit citation, which is awarded to military units that have performed a heroic act in the face of Army. Did you say he's a military policeman?

Yeah. America! Fuck yeah! He got thrown out. Oh, he drank a lot. Alcohol is bad. You shouldn't drink alcohol? After his discharge, though,

he went back to Norlands to go be reunited with his stripper wife and the two little kids that he left behind. Hey, we got a drinking problem. There's not a better place in the world to go. A friend of his told the New Orleans times that Zach used to drink a lot. He loved Miller High Life and Jameson. Who doesn't? Especially mixed together? This guy's a hero over a single ice cube. And he knows how to

fuck it, make a drink. This is a guy that I want to like. If this was your bartender, if you found it your bartender was like a war hero, you'd love him. I don't know if heroes the right word, but he got an award. They gave him a certificate. Okay. He did get a little too drunk too often. Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch. And when he would get too drunk, he would get depressed and start talking about his military service. Oh, he's one of these guys. Indicating that there was an overseas incident involving a child that haunted him. Now, wait, wait, the child haunted him or this incident's been haunted him? Whatever happened with some kid in fucking Afghanistan haunted him. Okay. Okay. He and his wife separated not too long after his return, leaving

Zach drunk? He was too drunk for a stripper to deal with? Correct. That's an impressive level of drug. This guy's a problem Carl. Yeah, seriously. For one time in Lana's life, she was not the problem. For one time

in this woman's life. So she leaves him. He's single in a city full of eligible woman. He was hired at several bars because of his good looks, charming mannerisms, and long blonde hair. He was a good looking guy. So they're like, sure, you're coming to be a bartender. We got all these drunk girls off the strip. We want to get him in here. It was during this time that Zach

eventually set his sights on another bartender that he met. Her name was Addy Hall. She worked at the bar that was across the street from his apartment that he frequented a lot as we established. Now, by all account, she was also a very bad drunk, Carl. Okay, good. Well, they're in the right business because there's a lot of alcohol where they work. But in New Orleans, they combine their powers to become a, a bartending power couple, Carl. People loved these two. I bet. All right. Well, that was a great creep. nice job well don't know not too soon it was around this time that hurricane katrina hit in 2005 and the two decided to stay in new orleans during the storm to ride it out

they did not evacuate they ended up getting a shit ton of media attention as the quote the couple who fell in love while surviving hurricane katrina oh god they were profiled several times by the news they lived without electricity spent their days feeding stray cats and mixing cocktails for random visitors who were just wandering the street taking pictures you know if this wasn't new orleans anywhere else in louisiana that just sounds like normal life yeah it's not that impressive well you're living out electricity yeah no shit i have an alligator biting me i live in a bar that was built in 1841 congratulations buddy great job a year later these two are super famous now everybody knows who they are from all these tv stories it goes a little bit to this to this guy's

head so things are starting to get back to normal the city's rebuilding but businesses are opening again. They couldn't live this bohemian lifestyle that they really enjoyed for a year of just sitting around and mixing drinks and stealing shit and doing whatever the fuck they wanted. They had to go back to work. They didn't need cash during this time. Now they need cash. They got to deal with all sorts of pressures of real life that they don't want anymore, Carl. Now, according to Zach and Eddie's friends, they argued constantly. They complained about each other and his habits of bitch drinking and drug use were getting worse. Finally, Addy claimed that She had enough when she caught Zach cheating on her.

And she went to the landlord on October 4th, 2006, and asked to take Zach off the lease so she could evict him. That's the last time anybody sees Addy. Oh. Tadletails never win, people. He, however, goes to the ATM and takes out all of his money. And over the next two weeks, he bought a ton of booze, drugs, and blew it on his one true love and life. More strippers, Carl. drugs are bad you shouldn't do drugs and let me tell you this dude partied super hard for two weeks

yeah until a security camera footage showed that zach arrived at the omni royal orleans hotel on october 17th 2006 went up to the rooftop terrace around 8 p.m he approached the edge of the building several times before drinking one last drink and fucking swan diving to his death splot he fucking jumped off the roof of the building dies on impact Okay. Police search his pockets. They find his ID. Yeah.

And they find a long, rambling suicide note. Yeah. That said in part, quote, this is not accidental. I had to take my own life to pay for the one I took. If you send a patrol to 826 North Rampart, you will find the corpse of my girlfriend, Addie. So he did the murder suicide, but it took him two weeks to do it. Like, the murder suicide thing's pretty common, but it's uncommon when there's 14 days in between. Well, there's something very fucking uncommon about this murder-suicide, Carl.

Honestly, it seems like he would have gotten away with that. If he's going two weeks, he's still in that town, like, he probably could have just set up a new life somewhere. I think that from October 5th through October 17th, he blew every penny he had. Sure. And he was just done. Drugs are bad. Units immediately are sent to the apartment and look like the set of a horror movie, Carl. The AC was set to 60 degrees.

Think of the electric bills. and the walls were spray-painted with phrases like, I'm a failure and instructions to call his ex-wife and tell her that he loved her. Let Lana know, I'm sorry. Some messages on the wall with arrows pointing also said,

look in the kitchen for the remains of Addie Hall. He like spray-painted that on the wall. They would have found it. They would have found it. They could have just followed the stench, but thanks. I got to be honest with you. It might have taken them a couple extra minutes

because it wasn't a stench. It was a delicious smell, actually. because when they got there and they looked in the kitchen Eddie's burned head was in one pot on the stove and her hands and feet were in another. Her arms and legs which seemed to have been seasoned

were in the oven and her torso was wrapped in plastic in the fridge. So he had a lot of leftovers. Correct. He not only murdered this woman. He dismembered her and cooked her. He had leftover chopped carrots and potatoes next

to the stoves if he had some leftovers from the meal. Little pot roast. And next to that, he had an eight-page long confession letter. And here's what the letter said, Carl. Oh, God, you're going to read all eight pages? No, buddy. All right, thank you. I'm just going to sum it up why this man is the creepiest bartender of all time. Sounds good.

Apparently on October 5th, the day after she went to the landlord, Zach strangled Eddie to death in her apartment. He wrote, I killed her at 1 a.m. I very calmly strangled her. It was very quick. Throughout his eight-page suicide note, he explained that he had sex with her. dead body several times before passing out next to it. He got up, went to work the next day, as if nothing happened. After some time, he dismembered the corpse in the bathroom using a

hacksaw and a knife so that he can more easily dispose of it. He left the parts in the bathroom for a few days before he decided to cook the parts on the stove and make dinner. During the weeks before his death, he filled his free time with, quote, good food, good drugs, and good strippers. And he claimed it was a very enjoyable time for him. He wrote that he was racked with guilt. and when they examined his body they realized that he had fucking cigarette burns all up and down himself

Oh he was like a cutter too Yeah And he said that Cry about it you cry baby I killed my girlfriend I regret And that's why there's nothing worse than a whiner Carl There's nothing worse than a whiner

I scarred myself Not only by the actions of calmly strangling The women I love for one and a half years But my entire lack of remorse I've known forever how horrible a person I am. Zach burned himself with cigarettes. One burn for each year he

had been a failure. I wish people that I know would realize what failures they are and what horrible people they are. That seems like such a great epiphany to have. I'm telling you, you know it would be terrible if we put that on the wheel of consequences. Burn yourself with a cigarette for every year you were a failure.

I was wondering where you're going with that. I don't know. So he had no remorse. He just fucking ended it because. He did have remorse. He was so guilt laden over it that he killed himself. No. He just didn't care anymore. He was done. No, no, no. He said, I had no, an entire lack of remorse. He said it in his letter.

And he felt bad for not having remorse. Are you not following this story, Vinny? I'm choosing to ignore that part, Carl. This is what I'm saying right now is that this guy could have become a serial keeler, but he decided to take his own life, which was really the right thing to do before he started

doing that. So I see this guy's a hero. He's not a hero. He cooked and ate a woman That his dead body he fucked after he strangled her to death They thought that it was like a serial killer You listen, Carl I'm just saying this is fucked up Could you imagine be those cops

Like you're walking around the kitchen expecting to find a dead body And then it's like there's a head in the stove They're just like Ha! It's not a fun day All right, that's my creep ladies and gentlemen Zachary Bowen All right, very good

Zachary Bowen is your creep Now, I brought a creep. My creep's name is Peter. He's a pumpkin eater. Peter happens to work at a place called the gatehouse. And he decided I'd had too many drinks this past Friday night and stopped serving me alcohol. And I want to say right now to Peter. That's not true.

All right. So I'm going to introduce the creep that I'm bringing. You still go to the gatehouse? No. Oh, that was made up. So I was trying to think of a place that would be plausible for me to get kicked out of and I couldn't. Comedy at the Carlson. That's actually where I was on Saturday night.

Jen's house. Jen's house. Just boyfriend's house. All right. So when you think about a creepy bartender, okay, that's like their profession and then they go and they murder their girlfriend on the side. It's not like, well, okay, he was a bartender. But what makes for a creepy bartender? they have control over what you're ingesting.

And the scariest thing for young women is that the bartender is a predator. Because the bartender has a lot of power in that situation. Are you say that bartenders would ever take advantage of this power? Detectives in Summit County think they just solved four cold case rapes dating back some 20 years. Good evening. Thanks for being with us. I'm Rob Powers. And I'm Courtney Goosman. Prosecutors say all of these women were assaulted after visiting bars around Akron

and the accused rapist is the man who served their drinks Kevin Sejosa was a bartender in Akron, Ohio and he had gotten around to a couple places and he was fine. He worked at the TGI

Fridays, the Ruby Tuesdays, very close. The Applebee's. It was fine for him for 20 years until they decided to go ahead and open up some cold cases. This 12-counted indictment accuses former bartender Kevin Suhosa of raping four women and three separate incidents from 2000 and 2002. Prosecutors say an Akron police unit that investigates cold case sexual assaults linked the suspect to three of the survivors through DNA evidence.

Oh, that pesky fucking DNA evidence. He's always fucking things up for rapists. Did you say four, like four rapes with three women? Yeah. Yeah, 2000, 2002. Okay. In a court filing, prosecutors say Suhosa used his job as a bartender to commit drug or alcohol facilitated sexual assaults. And the victim suffered from symptoms of unusually severe intoxication after consuming drinks prepared by him and partial temporary memory loss after their assaults.

I feel like I'm having too good of a time. This bartender's the best. He mixes the drinks out. What's your name? Kevin. Thanks, Kevin. Yeah, so Kevin's roofing girls while he's bartending. Just pass out on the bar. Which here's a fun little tip.

If you're a young lady, say 21, 22 years old, maybe you're very attractive. Find yourself a nice older man. Maybe you're a cheerleader for a college and you're in town because your team's playing that team. Get a bottle of beer. Just go ahead and have him twist off the top of a bottle of beer. Much harder to roof. Now, Vinnie, it gets way, way worse. There's not colors in that.

It gets way, way. Oh, well, then have a white claw. Have a, have a high noon. What am I gay? Fuck you, Carl. All right, so this is the worst part of all of this. Not only are these young girls going out, passing out and getting raped by this bartender. Prosecutors say in 2000, she and a friend were served drinks at this Applebee's and

Fairlawn. They were later sexually assaulted at an Akron area apartment. Has going to an Applebee's ever been a good decision? Has anyone ever said, I'm so glad you went to that Applebee's. This is horrible. That is probably not the worst thing that's ever happened to someone after. Right. Yeah. That's probably been worse. Much worse things have happened there. Well, it's not just Applebee's yet to be careful of at Akron, Ohio. And prosecutors confirm Suhosa is charged in another two. 2000 case. Police say University of Connecticut cheerleader in town for a college football game was raped in a bathroom at the former Banana Joe's in Akron. Are you following this mini? Stay away from Applebee's, stay away from Banana Joe's,

watermelon jeromes. All of these places should be off limits if you're a young lady in Akron. As I mentioned, there's this whole new unit to the Akron police force that decided to go ahead and open up some cold cases, much of the chagrin of, uh, you know, uh, Kevin Suhosa. Rape squad. Rape squad. Accraim. Our voices were just not heard at all.

But then in 2019, a new police unit, the Akron's sexual assault kit initiative, or Asaki, began reopening several unsolved rapes. Yes. Might have gotten away with it,

too. It wasn't for these blasted. Akron's sexual assault kit initiative. There was a dog involved. Asakia. Asak you. So that was, that was Kevin,

who was also shaking his fist up at the sky as he was saying that. And I actually have audio from the courtroom and Kevin's talking about an incident that happened that led to this behavior from his early childhood. And I thought the reaction

from the courtroom was inappropriate but you be the judge. When I was 13, man. Start talking about weird things. No, really. Staying on the corner. You know anything about Spanish Fly? What? Spanish

fly. See, that's the gateway drug right there, that Spanish fly. That ain't funny. All right, well, if that's not funny, listen to this part from the trial where there's a little, uh, I think that he incriminated himself with this. From then on, man, anytime you see a girl

was your eyes on Spanish fly, boy, go to a party, see five girls standing alone. Boy, I had a whole jug of Spanish fly. Light that corner up over there. I guess my point is this, I light that corner up over there. What does that even mean? I'm going to fuck everyone. He's going to rape all five underage girls at this party that he went to when he was 13.

This is Bill Cosby's family wholesome stand-up comedy that he does. My point is this, Bill Cosby, serial rapist, horrible person. We all know that. Lenny Dykstra, same thing. We all know that. I actually have the clip of the cops arresting Kevin. You, my friend, have committed a crime. Well, harsh but fair, I would say.

Agreed. So think about that. You got Bill Cosby, who one person at a time would make drinks for and then rape. Imagine Bill Cosby were the bartender at the Applebee's. That's how bad this is. If you think Bill Cosby bartending at Applebee is a bad idea, vote for Carl at the creepop.com. I rest my case, your honor. No further question.

Freaking Cosby at the Applebee's. That's the best you can do. All right. It's pretty good. That's pretty good. Hey, I got to say real quick, Vinny, I want to bring this out since you were playing stuttering John there. Yeah. stuttering we just found someone he has thicker skin then fucking will smith what a piece of shit will smith

best thing i've ever seen jim norton put out a tweet at this point will smith being a cuck is the only thing i truly respect about him carl well done i am watching today i live in rochester new york we both do curtains drawn and i was looking at a uh some comedians comedians comedians who are all like chris rock deserved it what how dare you insult his his woman like that it's his wife it's a medical condition it was a fucking joke am so disgusted with the world

all today any of those people that you brought it up I have they're all creeps any of those people that you're talking about from Rochester who fancy themselves comedians they're off the roast I'm saying it right now if they're defending Will Smith they weren't even close to sniffing the roast they weren't even close to sniffing it don't worry about it

and I just want to put it down like I thought about this long at heart. It's really simple. In America, you're allowed to say whatever you want to. In America, you're not allowed to slap people whenever you want to. There's a big fucking difference. God damn you. I want to say another tweet that I saw at Here Lies Thais, Thais, writes,

It appears Will Smith's marriage is open to everything except jokes. It's a pretty good, pretty good line. I mean, basically, the joke was nothing. He goes, oh, she's going to star in G. Jane to. So I had nothing to do with the fact that Will Smith's... I thought the joke was the prospect she was going to star in something. That's pretty funny too.

But the fact that Will Smith's first reaction was laughing at that and then looking over at his wife and he was just like, this is very disrespectful. You know what's disrespectful is the fact that his wife fucks his son's friend. That's disrespectful. I don't know. Obviously, Will Smith's got some pent up anger. It's not about Chris Rock.

Did you know what smoke shows Will Smith could be going to the Oscars with. Instead, he's fucking showing up with an extra from Star Trek. Yeah. Yeah, he gets into the limo and he's just like, fucking thing sucks. No, I know. I totally agree. He's obviously very frustrated when she this whole situation. When she walked out with that haircut,

he was just like, huh, ha, ha, ha. All right. So, I just wanted to bring that out because everyone's talking about the Oscars last night. And do you think that was stage? You think that was real? I think it was real. Yeah. Those too much of a ridiculous reaction from him sitting in the crowd.

What a fucking Kanye moment that was. That's sure to backfire on the Fresh Prince, I would imagine. I actually have a statement from Chris Rock. I do tell jokes somebody than others. That wasn't the best joke. Not even... It wasn't the worst best joke.

That is not... I mean, if somebody told me that Will Smith slapped him, it's like make it funnier and slapped him, I would get that. Then I'd be fine with that. Yes. That's the worst part. You don't want to get punched over one of your weaker jokes because it's going to circulate. You want it to be one of a hard hitting joke at that point. Yeah.

The fact that she like is like you said sleeping with the son's friend and like made him be okay with it. Yeah, he's a cock. It's so not like whatever, 22, whatever fucking thruple relationships people don't have. I don't care. You don't want your wife to come home one day and tell you that by the way, I'm sleeping with our son's friend, and I need you to be cool with that. That's gross. Hey, remember the kid who played center on our son's basketball team?

Yeah, he was pretty good. 8.9 points per game. 8.9 inch rebounds. It's amazing. Yeah, right. Speaking of rebounds. Oh. Poor Will.

He just said, they're going, I could have my marriage break up or I could just let this attention bag go get railed by this kid. That's a deal. have a pickle. Can we change this show to just Hollywood gossip? That's what we should do on the show from now on. Fuck the creep off. Welcome to Hollywood Goss with Carl and Vitty. Oh, the kids love it.

Kids love the Hollywood Goss. Fucking Chris Rock. All right. We got some voicemails. Yeah, they're brought to us by our friends in Syracuse. The Creep-off voicemail segment is brought to you by the city of Syracuse. A teenager recently. died of malnutrition, but on the bright side, there's slightly more food for the rest of

us. See you in Syracuse. That's a good one. That's a good one. Even a married man can come with some good jokes. That's good. Who would have thought it? Here's a question being pondered to us. What up? Vinnie and Carl, currently stuck in quarantine. You know, I got the coofe. So I've been watching the docu series about, you know, Playboy Hugh Hefner and all that jazz and it got me one nerd about a question I want to ask you to since you guys are the masters on creeps. So at what age does it become creepy for someone to be smashing barely legal age people or is it creepy at all? All right, give me a call back. Great question. And I would also like to thank you for making the distinction of masters on creeps instead of masters

of creeps. We do not control them. Right. But if there was a court case, you could probably call either one of us as a expert witness don't put that out there I don't got time for that shit they pay they pay oh that's true okay uh Carl what do you think is it creepy what age is it creepy

for someone to be smashing barely legal age if you want to have sex with a 15 year old it's very easy just be 15 yourself yep that's it's a very easy formula if the barely legal doesn't is it barely legal mean 18 probably 17 or 18 which by the way good eyes

you. If you're banging an 18-year-old, I don't care what age you are. It's legal, good on you. Well, the question is, what age is it creepy? I'm about to be 40. Okay. So I'm going to say whatever Carl's ages. Okay. Does your doctor agree with that statement that you're actually No, he says my heart is much older. I'm going to want to get a second opinion on whether or not you're about to turn 40. I don't know. I don't think it's creepy that, you know, people of all age as bang. I think it's creepier when younger guys are banging the older women. Like the old, like 80 year olds.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's just the worst. Yeah. Was that the Ray Carruth? What was the NFL player who was banging the old broads? Not Ray. Kurt Warner. You're an NFL quarterback. You want a Super Bowl. You could do better. You're going to be at the Hall of Fame. You think Jada Pickett went to her

give me the bread to water oh man oh that's brutal thank you all right all right moving on I don't care anymore

hey this is the guy who made fun of producer Chris last week this message is for free willy and his talentless fuck-faced club-footed

co-hoach Carl Heberger I was wondering what does producer Chris have on you guys this is the show where you constantly talk about child rape

and how it's okay and I make one about producer Chris and you guys are both like whoa whoa you cross the line line, buddy, slow it down. Just want to know what he has with you guys. Just let us know.

Keep up the good work. Fuck you. Love you. Bye. First off, sir. First off, it's pronounced hamburger. I think he mispronounce my name there. 100%. That was a normal. And not only that, this show. I do know they are very much against pedophilia. They fight it very hard.

We do not endorse fucking children, sir. Ain't only raping children. That's just a ditty. That's just a fun ditty. People still listen to Thriller. I don't even know what the lyrics are. I just like the melody of that one. Yeah.

I just hum the melody. I like the guitar work. It's just a good melody. I don't even know what he's saying. Here's somebody else commenting on producer Chris. He might have to listen to an episode. Jesus. I want to give props to the caller last week.

Who accurately pointed out how fucking disturbing producer Chris is? Ooh. What? Creep. I've seen partial birth abortions that are more attractive. Jeez. all right well he brings up a good point um yeah we're gonna have to do something about producer chris you might have to put him in the background or something hey ving it's your old pal dp i just want

to let you know how admirable it is that you threw five rounds in a row just so carl could get his money back now you may have lost but in the game of life you truly won because that is true sportsmanship and something that the shady fuck carl could learn from you should you should learn sir i did not lose five in a row no he lost four in a row he fucked up this time you fucked this one up and that's the way you got any voice mails i don't no all right well you want to a scum parade i ain't ready for a scum parade tell me that you have uh the wonderful scum parade intro yes Driving trim and dread Up!

Pitos! Dittling Two bag of murderers Rake the stoo a rinkiddy-ray So you see your paths Abusive asshats Together scum parade Scum parade

On the creepballs Yeah, some parade Oh, back do do do up do do up I need that drop on my board Oh, never getting it to you You think I can't find that drop

You know what drops I love I almost clipped up your episode From the other day Yeah All of your opi drops Just are fucking hysterical Oh Goodbye

The opi stuff When he's saying Whatever It's so good I love it All right Hey Carl Yeah

I got to tell you man I really hate it when your wife ruins a good time, you know? Let's talk about a story that happened in Charleston, South Carolina. 50-year-old man is in jail following incident Sunday, which his wife found him in bed. Yeah, with the young child. But according to an affidavit obtained by ABC News 4, the woman found her husband, Anthony Furman, in bed next to a seven-year-old child. Normally the last name Furman comes with positive things. I'm surprised this guy's up to know good.

He's about a much of a hero as my creep was. So this guy's in bed with the seven-year-old with the bed sheets pulled up to their necks. He's on record of saying that he thought the seven-year-old was an FBI agent. Yeah. I knew that she was just trying to trick me and to get it naked with her. And I did it just to see what would happen because I knew she was trying to trick me. I watch enough of these videos. I know how this goes.

So when the witness pulled the blanket down, Furman quickly moved his hands away from the young victim. The woman asked the girl what Furman had been doing. To which she replied, he had been touching her private parts. And then the worst part is, right after that, they started comparing notes. They're like, oh, my God, how bad is he at oral, right? Does he have any idea where the clitoris is? And the seven-year-old's like, yeah, does he even know about the G-spot? I don't think he does.

He's a 50-year-old from South Carolina. I guarantee you he doesn't know what that is. Yeah. Furbent fled the area after the incident. Where's your little cartoon feats? Oh, yeah. This is actual audio of him leaving. Yes.

Fervid fled the area after the incident. It was later arrested by the Charleston County authorities. If I were here, my defense would be. I was teaching her about a Dutch of it. That's what I was doing. That's a good one. I had a good idea, too. It's the old Dennis Rodman defense.

She fell out of the ceiling. I was just in bed and she fell out of the ceiling, Carmen Elektra. Do you remember that? That was his real defense with Carmen Electric Connum in bed with two chicks. I do remember that. He's amazing. I was only in there with one. And then the ceiling opened up.

Yeah, right. And the Lord said, Dennis, you've been so. good. When you pay extra for a sweet in Vegas, you never know what's going to have it. There's a lot of perks. So he remains at the Al Cannon Detention Center on a $30,000 bond. He's a bad boy. This next story, ladies and

gentlemen, we're going back down to Nalans. Should I get the music car? Might as well. This was actually a pretty big story I heard about this. An elderly woman was killed in Louisiana on Monday after she reportedly dragged her, was dragged by her vehicle, while being

carjacked by four juveniles. New Orleans police said Linda Frickie, 73 was dragged by her car for an extended period of time. W.A.F.B. reported that Fricky, who died at the scene somehow became lodged, dislodged from her vehicle,

causing her arm to be ripped off. Yeah, see, this is a situation where the seatbelt actually cost her life. Yeah. They should have one of those crash test dummies, like carjack simulations, where they're Like, you know, they had the crash test dummy in there with the seatbelt on and they get carjacked and then they get dragged and they die.

And then George Zimmerman shoots it four times just to make sure it's dead. You think they have 73 year old crash test dummies later on, Carl? But why not? Some overweight crash test dummies getting carjagged? The suspects, a 17 year old male, one 16 year old female and two 15 year old females. Wait a second. You're telling me, 17 year old kid hanging out with three girls. And his idea is, let's go steal a car.

dude dude awesome points better things to do at the situation I know it sounds like fun what sounds like fun what sounds like fun

I don't hang out three girls stealing cars like the good old days I'm kidding so this woman she gets carjacked she starts to get out of the car but she's 73 and she's a little bit of a heavy lady

it looked like from what I saw yeah she gets out and the seatbelt is still wrapped her on her arm this kid jumps and slams the door So the seatbelt has her pin to the side of the car And the kid fucking takes off down the street And she's getting dragged

She's getting dragged Her kicks fall off She's getting dragged by her Neons are just late In the middle of the road Yeah It was a Nissan kicks Have you ever heard of that car?

Is that a real car? Stupid car Is that a made-up car Nissan kicks? Yeah she got a deal on that Either way her arm was ripped from her body And she died New Orleans Police Department

Superintendent Sean Ferguson Revealed that two of the juvenile's parents turn them in i'm i'm impressed by that that's actually surprising i'm a little impressed yeah parenting turn them fucking in get rid of them after they publicized surveillance footage showing the carjacking suspect so the parents saw the footage said my kid oh i know that guy i know that kid ferguson said the juveniles had been arrested at the past but he declined to say what the criminal history's entailed so we have a bunch of shitty kids they've committed shitty crimes this poor 73 year old fucking woman's got to lose on arm and her fucking life so he could

joyride and impress three girls. Carjacking is bad. Yeah. Shouldn't carjack people. Yeah, I was just joking earlier. The four teeds are charged with second-degree murder, and police plan to ask the Orleans Parish District Attorney's Office to prosecute them as adults.

Whoa, you got butt-slaar! Hey, Carl? Yes, man. I want to talk about a place that is literally... Glorious! Rochester, New York. Yes. Apart from the comedy seed.

Authorities say two Rochester store clerks, were charged with rape, Carl. I saw this. Among other offenses, after allegedly Locked a juvenile female inside a corner store near Central Park and sexually assaulting her. According to Rochester, police officers responded

to a private residence on March 19th around 3.20 p.m. The report of the sexual assault investigators found the juvenile female had gone inside a store located in 95 Central Park. So I want to point this out before we get into this, that Central Park in New York City

is very different than Central Park in Rochester, New York. I would never step foot anywhere near Central Park in Rochester, New York. She was sexually assaulted by two employees who locked her inside, according to police. Officials say both store clerks were taken to custody with no incident. So I have to say this, many, because I've seen a number of videos. And actually, blowjobs are pretty common punishment for shoplifting. I've read that. Yeah.

I've seen it in action. And usually what these girls do is they accept their punishment and they move on and everyone's happy. They sign the waiver. Yep. And everyone's happy. You know, at first they're very concerned that their parents are going to find out that they were shoplifting. You know, even though they're 28 years old, they should have a ton of tattoos on their neck. They still are concerned about their parents.

And a glassy look in their eyes on the pipe that they saw at the dirty feet. Officials say both store clerks were taking to custody with no incident. and police were able to also recover a Glock 9mm handgun, which was loaded with 48 rounds in a drum-style magazine. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, in a 9-millimeter handgun? That's illegal in New York State. I don't understand why these criminals won't go along with common sense gun laws.

That's illegal to have that many rounds, sir. Do you think he had the rounds locked away separately from the gun? He better have. That is, that is an illegal firearm, sir. Well, that firearm was reported stolen from Ohio. Oh, okay. And additional five pounds of marijuana were also found. According to authorities, police warned Monday that information gathered indicated there may be more victims associated with the two suspects.

Both suspects were arrested and faced the following charges. Shahad Algathy. Sure. He's 20 years old. Rape in the first degree criminal possession of a weapon, second and third degree criminal possession of cannabis, and the second degree criminal possession of stolen property and the fourth degree in unlawful imprisonment. The 20-year-old is currently a level two sex offender. You know what's weird?

from a 2021 conviction from last year he's out on the fucking streets it's not that I can relate to this story in any way but I just find this odd when I have drugs on me and say like a firearm or two that's not registered I drive the speed limit

I stop at stop signs all the way I look both ways the last thing I want to do is rape a girl and draw a bunch of attention to myself because they're going to find out the other shit you're up to do well if only James Hampton

if only James Hampton is associate who's 28 years old had thought that way too. Yeah. He's getting charged with rape in the first degree criminal possession of a weapon in the second and third. Criminal possession of cannabis stolen property in the fourth degree and unlawful imprisonment. Police say Hampton is on parole for conviction

involving criminal possession of controlled substances. According to authorities, both suspects are scheduled to return to court this week. You know, it's funny too because the 20-year-old kid who works at this convenience store, you've got to think the parents were so proud of him. Oh, he's finally turning his life and got a job. Our conviction stacks offender's son,

has a job. He's got a job now. He's working a nine to five. Is it this great? The other thing they talk about in that article is it's a crossroom and elementary school. It is. Yeah. Well, fortunately, no one's actually attended a city school in years. I'm pretty sure they're historical museums at this point. So don't have to worry about that. Someone's yelling outside in the comedy club right now. Yeah, closing the door because I don't want to hear it. What are people yelling about it? I know Mark's screaming for help. He fell off a ladder. something. We'll get to him. We'll get, we'll figure it out where we'll get to him. I got one more story.

Yeah, we have more stories to cover. Port Isabel, Texas. Did you, uh, have trouble following this story, Carl? Uh, no. But it was very poorly written, like a lot of these articles are. Yes. Uh, police reports obtained by Valley Central offered new details in the disappearance of a newborn baby and the arrest of his two parents. The disappearance of a newborn. Yes. What did he miss, like some business meetings or something? Like, how does that he would know? if a newborn is missing. He was supposed to be at the Pickwick Pub. Yeah, right, exactly. His buddies at the Pickwick

started calling him, like, I usually comes here and starts drinking a three. I don't know what's going on. Zachary de la Rosa and Suzanne J. Pierce were charged with injury to a child and admitted to authorities to playing a part in their newborn's death. Oh. Well, case solved.

Suzanne Pierce was also charged with the abuse of a corpse. A search for the newborn is ongoing. Oh, you want to search for a newborn. How about a strip club? because the kids probably hungry that's where I would go that's where all the milk is all those swollen ditties can produce the milk Cameron County Constable Precinct 1 Child Protective Services Texas Rangers Texas Park and Wildlife and the Border Patrol canine unit are all looking for this baby right now okay on March 16th the

reporting party or as we like to call around here a tattletail contacted authorities for a welfare concern for a newborn child the tattletail was asked by Dalerosa mother to see if her son and wife were pregnant months prior. The tattletail was able to confirm that Pierce was indeed pregnant. The tattletail then said they were contacted by De La Rosa last week to return some clothes belonging to a baby boy to Walmart. Okay. They questioned De La Rosa as to why the clothes needed to be returned.

Hey, can I just point out real quick? Yeah. Baby clothes from Walmart. Can you just eat that cost just to like maybe not get caught? Like maybe the 22 bucks that you spent on baby clothes. goes from Walmart, just like water under the bridge. They bought the kid a wardrobe? Just water under the bridge, just let it go.

And they're like, well, we gotta get this 22 bucks back, obviously. These two look like they want the cash. They said, why did the clothes to be returned? And De La Rosa told the tale tale that his wife had a miscarriage. De La Rosa also told them that they had a private ceremony and that only two other people attended the funeral for the baby. Is that legal? Can you just have your own funeral for your baby?

No. I didn't think so. Friends close to the couple, a man and a woman were also contacted by the Cameron County Constable's office, according to the affidavit. The woman told authority she was contacted by De La Rosa in a panic 12 p.m. on March 8th. De La Rosa told the woman that Pierce was bleeding because she was going to have a baby. The woman said she was unaware the couple were expecting and instructed them several times. Call 911. How big is this woman if no one knew they were expecting?

I don't know. She's not quite Vinny size. Okay. The woman said she received a second call from De La Rosa around five. p.m. saying that the baby was born and it was a boy. Fucking cares. Happy days. The woman said she purchased clothes to the baby and delivered them to the couple

where she saw a healthy baby feeding from Suzanne Pierce. Sounds hot. Can she describe that a little more? Her big old floppy tities are just slung over her shoulder. The baby was fucking... The baby that she had her back. Yeah, the baby was one of those papooses on her back. She just fucking flipped it up.

The woman instructed them to take the baby to a doctor for a medical exam And Pierce told her she was planning on taking the baby Which they named Michael to the Swiss embassy to obtain a Swiss birth certificate Wait, could you do that? Not when you're in Texas Hold on a second Not when you give birth to an apartment in Texas You are not allowed to give your baby Swiss citizenship

I'm pretty sure That sounds amazing though because then they could just be neutral on everything It's like no, no, no, no, no, we're not taking signs here We're Swiss. Neutral on everything except for cheese come on you could come see me this week I'll be doing with that one

woof I'd rather you tweeted about how Will Smith did the right thing than tell that joke holy shit come on yikes all right so yes you can not get a Swiss birth certificate okay the woman said the following day she tried to ask you

the couple on Facebook how the baby was doing and they would talk about other things how's your baby did you see that Will Smith Slash Chris Rock. They have to change the subject on Facebook. Did you hear that Jada Pinkett has alopecia? You can just block people.

But how's the baby? You can just block people. We don't have to change the subject. Hey, Carl, you club-footed loser. Hey, man. So anyway, did you check the sabres out last night? That's a pretty good game, huh? Give the Rangers a run for their money.

So the woman said she did receive a photo of the baby. Later that day, De La Rosa wrote back to her and said the baby did not make it and had died. One, one, one. So, March 18th, constables met with CPS investigators to follow up on the child custody case with De La Rosa and Pierce. That's what they called it. Where is this kid exist? Is this kid dead? They're going to investigate.

Initially, the couple refused to open the door. After several attempts, they left the officers in where they saw Pierce laying on a mattress in the living room next to eight puppies and two large dogs. Aw! I'm sure that they were suckling on her nipple, too. Aw, eight puppies and two dogs. What? They also saw baby clothes What appeared to be the same shoes the baby was wearing

in the photo provided by the woman. Oh, they should really probably return those to Walmart as soon as possible. You're going to need some canned food. Yeah. Authorities asked him where Michael was, to which he said he did not know a Michael. Yeah, Michael who?

That name is not ringing a bell. Those are dog baby shoes. Those are puppy shoes, officer. Authorities followed up on the welfare concern for a newborn baby when they saw De La Rosa walking on the road. They asked him if he knew anything about a newborn. baby, which he initially denied. Officers then showed him pictures of the baby.

So is this ring a bell? Oh, my son, Michael. Oh, okay. Then De La Rosa said, no, that's not Michael. That baby's name is Malachi. Oh, right. Well, that's, we mispronounced Malachi. Michael, I don't know Michael.

I know baby Malachi. Well, I did. De La Rosa then confirmed there was a newborn baby, but said he wasn't sure what Pierce had done with him. sure he said the baby had stopped breathing he attempted to do CPR for two hours but was unsuccessful that's the right amount of time to try CPR two hours just keep going just keep going for two hours straight and by the way after two and a half hours probably call EMS but at least put in those two and a half hours first I don't think this guy called

EMS I think this guy checked to see what was on TV yeah you think yeah he then said he passed out and when he woke up here said the baby were gone the baby he said Cp for two hours at this baby trying to save its life and then he's like oh it's so sleepy and just so everyone knows you cannot perform CPR on a baby

you shouldn't you know you you will kill a baby a newborn baby will die if you try to do CPR on it if this guy's got two fucking palms on this baby's chest and is pushing down

you were hearing clear he ripped cords out of the lamp I won't lose him damn it Suzanne God damn it Jim I'm a crackhead not a father He passes out for some reason

Apparently he's so intense So sleepy You know Maybe I'll give it another shot That CPR tomorrow morning Yeah When I wake up Let's get a fresh go at it in the morning

So somehow Suzanne and the baby are gone He said that Pierce did not return until the next morning And she did not have the baby What happened? Well De La Rosa stated that he felt it was his fault The baby died because he did not call EMS But he didn't know what happened

Officers made contact with Pierce again Who told him that she took the dead baby And walked all over town with it Okay What was the point of that? Just because of fresh air? Yeah, yeah They went to a cemetery Which seems like the right place to take a dead baby

Yep But she did that To go to the old causeway to see dolphins and pelicans Oh cool, how fun, we Yeah I bet you a pelican took that baby she was hoping uh pierce said she had the baby at a blue colored blanket and had him under her shirt when she got stuck in the mud that she passed out oh my guess so they both have narcolepsy

yeah is what we're hearing now dude if i were this person these people's attorney i'd be like michael popock talking to sederary john you said what i can't help you you idiots why are you talking stop talking you think you can get away with that without having legal legal ramifications? You're out of your fucking mind. Pierce said she had the baby in this blanket. She gets in somehow she was walking along the beach and got stuck in mud and that the

water was rising around her and when she woke up the baby wasn't with her. Nobody has any idea what happened to this baby's body. I'm guessing she fucking threw it to a pelican. Yeah, that sounds about right. Go pelican. Holy shit. I don't lie.

I don't like to lie. Michael Polpock has the tape. You fucking sycophant. Do do do up. Do do do up. Hey, everybody, don't forget to vote this week at the creepop. I'm the creepop.com. I'm soon to be Hollywoodinsiders.org.

Hot goss with Carl and Vinny. Hot Hollywood goss. That's it. H.H.G, ladies and gentlemen, the creepoff is dead. Viva HHG. We don't care about pro wrestling. We just want to watch award shows and talk about what people wore on the red carpet. That's our new thing now.

That Lizzo was so brave. Carl We're gonna use the words Like brave and problematic On every episode Absolutely If you want to have Some good clean wholesome fun

Bro I found this old comedy poster Yeah From a show I did like five years ago With a guy who's a very clean comic And they wrote on the poster And I'm gonna It said

A night of comedy That's not insulting Fucking thing sucks And Vinnie Paulino. Did they really write that? Oh, that's funny. Yeah, I laughed pretty hard at that.

It's like, The Night of Coyote without insulting and Vinny. Folks, that is... Get there late. Patrons, you're getting a new episode tomorrow. Check out for that is the Patreon listener challenge. We'll be out tomorrow morning for your enjoyment. Until then, check out to creepoff.com and make sure you vote. If you want to leave us a voicemail, 585371-80808 and email the creepoff pot at gmail.

Please vote. Please vote for Vinie. I do not want to spin the wheel. At least wait until this fucking guy does his consequence. Cause. Coz-a-roo. I know you're out there. Who believers?

I need the Coz-a-Roo's to help me get over the hump here. We need to get a victory this week coming up. And tune in Wednesday at 5 for the Carl Hamburger Show. That's right. And what was that, Carl? Vote for Biddy. All right. It's nice to be important.

Is this guy a freaking moron or what? It's more important to be nice. Vin-housing for the win-housing Gagia Oh, I don't think it's funny Do do-do-m-do-do-do-do-w up Do-do-md-md-wup Important

Jacketub review show, it's a The Breedov Review Show It's a... The Briebaw Mickey Mohamed I did answer babble. They got real classy takes. You know, they sound like

real cool guys, even though they call their show the Creep show. And whatever the fuck. If it has creep in it, why are you listening? What a douche. What a fucking douche. You dick. Snowflakes. May your enemies be cast

in your podcast adventures? Whatever!