The Creep Off - Episode 110: I Don't Like Your Parents Either

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

This week Karl & Vinnie make their nominations for the biggest creep in Alaska: We debut a brand new game from our friend Cardiff Electric: In the Scum Parade we meet a below average employee (even by TSA standards), A driving instructor who found love and a man who loved himself. 

Hey, Carl. Hey, Vinny, what's up, buddy? Are you ready for another creep-off? I sure am. Well, let's start off with the recap of last week's episode. All right. Hey, everyone, Tucker Dixon here with your blasphemous to recap. In the beginning, the man, the size of the alpha, and the omega, brought in a priest that had more than a handful of kids that called him daddy, or father.

Like a thief in the night, Carl has returned, and he will possibly absolve Vinnie of all his losses. His priest also molested children and almost got away with it, but his, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything. at all, appeal was denied. As for my creep this week, it would be all these sexy-ass children who keep enticing the men of the cloth. Vinny do not play that clip. Oh, you asshole, you just played that clip, didn't you? Anyways, that's all I got

for this week. Tucker, out. Baya, God Dios. Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things. I'm going to give

people what they want sensation horror shock i'm gonna deliver the goods because i'm alive and i'm not backing down cuckoo coo coo boo Disgusting, vomit-inducing thing. Ola! Creepos, welcome to another edition of your favorite true crime podcast, the show about creeps by creeps. For you, creeps. I'm your host. The Tower of Power, too sweet to be sour.

The people's champion. Vinnie Paulino. And joining me, as always. It's Carl. Hey, what's happened in Vinie Paulino? I finally shamed you enough that you're ready to play your drops at the beginning of the show. If you can't play your own drops, whose drops can you play? Exactly.

Well, welcome back to the Creek Off, everybody. I saw that video. Yeah, that was very funny. That was very, very funny. Well done, Dave in Canada. Creep. Creep. I'm excited to be here.

Today is going to be a very fun episode. I always like the weeks after I win because here's the results of last weeks. All right, maybe you got 62% of the vote. Boo. And this is a huge deal that's going to burn down. Right before our very eyes here. Oh, baby. Who is voting for you?

Who are these people? True believers. Oh, man. You know what that means, Carl? Vinhausen for the winhousing. Yeah, so what's the score right now? I am up two to nothing. Oh, man.

Now, that means that if I get to five, before Carl does for all of you new listeners that he has to spend the dreaded wheel of consequences. I think I found a copy of the book. Oh, good. Okay. Yeah. So let's talk about what your consequence is right now. Let's talk about what your consequences right now. Dinner with a listener. Yours is dinner with a listener. And I have some, I have. I have an interesting proposition for you from someone that I will play for you later in the show. Okay. Great. Which it does involve Nashville. Great. Mine is I have to buy the semenology book, which is basically how to make craft cocktails with gum.

Yes. And I have to buy the autographed edition, which is well over $100. And then I have to be seen in public reading it, all because you guys had terrible tasting creeps. And Carl beat me last round. Oh, I beat you handily last round. I think I won five to one, which is probably my best showing. Says the guy who's down O to...

I know. What's happening right now? What's going on? People, the creepoff.com. Vote Carl. It's that easy. We got to start this show off right. we're going to talk to today we're going to talk about a state yes we're going back to going around

and picking states and we put it up to a vote and you folks picked Alaska are there creeps in Alaska I had no idea chocker box full of them yeah no shit shocker box full of them I think everyone in their family has someone a human body taxidermied somewhere in their home yeah per capita it's got to be one of the creepiest states around and I was doing a little research on the state itself. It's one of the most dangerous places in America to live. Why is that? Because there's so much crime. You are more likely to be raped, more likely to be murdered, more likely to be robbed if you live in Alaska than other places, probably because it's very remote. And I guess it's probably easy to get away with shit. Alaska is today. And because

I won last week, I get to go first. Carl, do you want to ring the bell? All right, my creep today, ladies and gentlemen, this guy, who. he's a bit of a problem. He's made himself a legend. Oh, yeah? Yeah, man. Legendary. Not everybody knows the real story that happened here.

My creep today, his name is Robert Christian Hansen. And I will fully admit up front, he was born in Iowa. But his crime spree does happen in Alaska, so nobody gives me shit. Nobody was born in Alaska. It's where you go when you're trying to avoid problems in life. Absolutely. And let me tell you something about Robert Christian Hansen. He didn't have a good early life, Carl.

His father was a Danish immigrant who owned a bakery. He was a strict disciplinarian, and he was forced to work in the family bakery at a young age. He was one of those kids. A forced to work in a bakery. Meaning, you would kill for that job. Are you kidding me? You're on bread all day? You think I want to work in a bakery?

I'd like to, you know, live above one. That would be better, actually. So. A fun way to wake up. His father was a religious asshole. It's basically going to be going to be my point. Now, here's a really weird fact that I think really comes into play for a lot of my presentation today. His father was a religious asshole that forced Robert, who was naturally left-handed, to use his right hand.

Oh, kind of like what happened with the quarterback for the dolphins. Tua. Yeah, in reverse. The psychiatrists later say that this switch resulted in Robert having a lifelong stutter. that can cause a stutter apparently so for the rest of the show today i will be referring to him as stuttering bob do do do do up do do so he was a painfully shy teenager he had terrible acne and he was mocked for his stutter i actually have audio of him in the in the lunchroom in high school everybody laughed at him they didn't like him all the girls he liked him he liked rejected him

he's often described as a loner and a social outcast. He took refuge in his time that he spent by himself, which is never good. How did you turn out to not be a serial killer? Lack of evidence? Perfect. He became an avid game hunter, Carl. And let's just say he had a lot of fantasies and a lot of rage inside of him. It's fact, he entertained some very fucked up fantasies and they were mostly like vengeance.

fantasies. So this guy was stust, stuttering, stuttering. He was stuttering for vengeance, this guy. Wait, play that drop again? What was that? He was stuttering for vengeance. It's a bad drop. I fucked that one up. I was trying to do a Judas Priest drop. Fuck it. Home run, call me a home run.

Cut that pot out. In 1950s, 18 years old, he joins the U.S. Army Reserve. he tries to make something of himself after a year he becomes an assistant drill instructor he gets married and things are going pretty good for him but then for some reason out of the blue at age 21 he convinces a 16 year old kid that works at his dad's bakery to help him burn down the school bus garage oh that's fun those are fun antics right there first he's getting a day out of school first off stuttering shit head this guy's a 16 year old he's not a good accomplice because here's what happened when the police questioned him the kid's like yeah

stuttering bob made me do it oh yeah that's not good so he gets arrested he gets sentenced to five years in prison did they set the thing on fire though yes he absolutely did it uh his wife divorces him leaves him alone in prison he gets out of jail 20 months later and he goes to prison a couple times after this for just stealing shit like he was a klepto like that charles egg he couldn't help himself. So he ends up managing to remarry another local woman. His second wife, Darla, they got married in 63, and they moved to Anchorage, Alaska. He wanted to get away from his criminal pass and start fresh. That's why you go to Anchorage, Alaska. That's why you go to Anchorage, Alaska. They have two kids. He follows in his father's footsteps, and he opens up his

own bakery. Oh, okay. So he did like the baker. I told you that. You're making shit up over here. He had to work at a bakery, the poor guy. Well, I mean, a wasn't his favorite thing to do, but we're going to get to that in a minute. How do I put this? His wife has a master's degree, right? Okay. They don't have a good relationship. Okay.

She spends her days teaching handicapped kids. All day long, she's dealing with this shit. And this guy, Carl Hamburger's handicapped? What are you trying to say? Yeah, maybe. She basically supported the kids and the household. Yep. from working with special special needs kids sure all of the money from the bakery he kept good for

him he just kept the money and he basically sped it all on guns and taxidermy he was big time into the guns car most people in alaska they love the outdoors there's a lot of hunting going out of alaska in fact robert hanson won a whole bunch of trophies yeah for hunting he did big game tournaments he was a popular guy in the hunting community and eventually he ends up buying himself a cabin in a remote part of the state that was only accessible by plane. Okay. So then he bought a plane, too. Smart.

Yep. Yep. So his wife's taking care of the kids. She's working. He does whatever he wants to do. And he gets arrested again for petty theft or trying to steal a chainsaw. Okay. Then not too long after that.

I would have stolen it too if I would have had a chainsaw. Right. I mean, how do you get out of the fucking store with the chainsaw? You have to be like a pretty brazen theme. So he then gets arrested for sexually abusing a housewife and raping a prostitute. Okay. Out of the blue. I thought that they were in a remote area.

You couldn't even get you. He was a living in Anchorage. No, the cabin was his hunting cabin. Oh, okay. I got it. Okay. He lived, you know, at home. See, I told you.

That's because a dangerous place, man. Not a good place to be. Not a good place. Even if prostitutes are getting raped. It's brutal. So he gets arrested for this, and he's ordered to seek psychiatric treatment for his bipolar disorder. And in 1971, the Alaskan Supreme Court eventually ordered the sentence to be lessened to time he already spent in jail. Okay. So he's out and Darla was a very

religious woman. So she made him go to church with her all the time. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah, that's going to fix this guy. I mean, he burnt down the school bus yard because he was pissed off at girls at high school. I mean, he, he's not a good guy. He's raping. He burnt that down because he was pissed at high school? Yes, he wanted revenge on his high school. That's why they gave them all a day off or maybe weeks off with that move. Yeah, he should show them. Yeah, I bet they're, I bet he's being celebrated in that high school.

I cannot express this enough. This guy is a fucking nerd. Yeah. He's just a fucking idiot. He is a little wormy nerd dude. Enough about how you relate to him. Can he just get into the story again? Certainly.

Was he a big wrestling fan too? No. he will kill you. So he already spent time in jail. He's out. She's making him go to church. Nothing has changed, though. Even when Darla suspected that he had been frequenting prostitutes. And boy, oh boy, ever had he been freaking been seeing the hookers. Yeah. She would take the kids and go to her families in Arkansas for like months at a time, leaving Stuttering Bob all by himself in the 70s in Anchorage, Alaska. Which if you don't know, ladies and gentlemen, drift fifters, migratory workers with disposable incomes and sex workers.

Yes. They're building the Alaskan pipeline at the time. That's all who's there. Are you trying to sell me on Alaska because it's working? What's the real estate prices like right now? Couldn't tell you right now, but this was the 70s. Yeah. So for the decade, he's just hanging around there with this bakery.

Well, I'm going to fast forward, Carl, because I know how you want me to always move on quickly. We're to start in 1982. There is a police task force led by Detective Glenn Floth. They're investigating the body that they found, that was found by some electrical workers that came to be known as Eklunta Annie, whatever the street is, because that was the name of the road they found her on. Okay. They didn't go Jane Doe, folksy people. Can we just say Annie? Sure.

Is that easier? Never identified. Okay. Later that year, they find the body of Joanna Messina in a gravel pit. And then they find the body of 23-year-old Sherry Morrow, who was discovered in a shallow grave. now float believed all women have been murdered by the same person meanwhile i feel like finding a dead body in alaska is kind of like a normal day well they were finding shell casings like shot like rifle or shotgun shell casings yeah by these bodies that all

matched yeah so like this is the same person who's doing this sure okay i bet it's i bet it's bob i bet it's suttering bob it'd be funny if you like went to do a whole thing and it was just like a random yeah it had nothing to do with that anyway Did I say funny? I'm an annoying. That would be annoying. Don't do that. Okay. So stuttering Bob's on the other side of town, the cops are investigating these three bodies. And he finds 17-year-old Cindy Paulson. And he says, hey, Cindy, I'll give you 200 bucks to blow me. And you know what she said? I suck a mean cock.

And she also said, give me that cock. And she got, lick my balls. Ha ha ha. Yeah. She gets into the car with this guy. He pulls out a gun. drives her to his place Okay Holds her captive Proceeds to rape and torture her She got her 200 bucks yet

Nope She later told police After Hansen finished fucking her Chained her up by the neck To a post in the basement And basically in a room That was filled with all of his taxidermy trophies Creepy animal heads and shit

Yeah She's tied by her neck to a post Well he laid there and took a nap on a couch Well yeah after all that raping Yeah he got tired So she wakes up and says, you know what we're going to do? We're going to go to the airport. I'm going to take you out to my cabin.

Oh, sweet. All right. Cool. Yeah, going on a little field trip. So he drives her to the airport and she's handcuffed in front of herself. She's in the back seat. He gets out and he starts prepping his plane to take off. She climbs over the seats, kicks the door open and runs for her fucking life while she's handcuffed.

Smart. So now you have a barefoot woman running around the tarmacs at the airport who's hands up. handcuffed screaming for help. Hey, I have a note for stuttering, Bob. This is going great. Nope. No. So he starts chasing her down the tarmac and she gets to a spot and there's a truck

going by and she hails the truck and the truck lets her in. He stops chasing her and just starts like looking around like. All right. Right? So the trucker takes her to the cops. The cop she tells him everything that happens. She describes him. She describes his car.

She describes his plane. Tells everybody it's at this airport. This is where it is. So they go to arrest Bob. All right. Case closed. All right. So my creep is.

Oh, Oh, you're not done yet? They bring Bob in and he goes, no, man, I wasn't doing nothing. I was helping my buddy with his airplane at the time. I didn't have anything to do with anything. And his hunting buddy goes, oh, sure. I'll vouch for you about.

Yeah, Bob was with me. Perfect. So they let him go. Yeah, they let him go. Well, this cop fluth is a really smart guy because he's like this whole thing matches something's up here I got to follow this guy he gets an FBI profiler to create a profile of what they think the killer is for these three other bodies this woman they said that the you know the profile said this person's probably weird probably a little weird and probably a hunter people yeah probably a gun or two probably a hunter because of the types of bullet And they're just like, this kind of fits this Bob guy, the baker. And he just did have supposedly was accused of having a handcuffed woman at his car.

Something's not adding up. So he ends up getting a search warrant in October to Bob's fucking house. Okay. So as they go through his house, they had covered jewelry belonging to some of the missing women. They found an array of firearms in a corner hidden in his attic. They also found an aeronautical chart with 37 little X marks on it. Oh, that's not a good idea. And that was hidden behind his headboard in his bedroom. Okay.

Now, many of these marks, they matched where they found some of these bodies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So as you can imagine that when they followed it, it was a really fun treasure map for everybody. Every serial killer feels like they need to document their work. Yeah. Like every single one does this, right?

They're really stupid people. Yeah. They think they're fucking so smart. But I'll tell you what, I actually have audio of the interrogation after they showed him the map. Okay. uh this is bob with the cops air air put put put put today junior eventually that's not what that is eventually adam sandler made in front of a stutterer so eventually eventually he admitted remember what goofing on stutterers was fun in movies certainly do you don't see that too often anymore

yeah i miss those times why do you miss them. It's like every Saturday for you. No, that's true. Every Saturday. And, you know, every now and that, we do a bonus show, which I have to do this week with his stand-up. But anyway, you continue. As they start going through this evidence with him, he starts

blaming all of these women. It's all their fault. Sure. I didn't do it. Use their teeth. Yeah, they are all trying to blackmail me by being dead is, I think, one of his arguments. Weird. Yeah, just bad bad arguments. Eventually. That doesn't make any sense, Rick.

Well, he said that that first one, the 17-year-old got away. He paid her for sex and she wanted more money. So she made the whole thing up to fucking frame him. Bullshit. Correct. Now, eventually, he ends up confessing to each item of evidence as it's presented him. He admitted to a spree of attacks against women in Alaska.

Starting in 1971, his earliest victims were girls and young women, usually between the ages of 16 and 19, not prostitutes like the ones that he got busted for kidnapping. He targeted sex workers and exotic dancers from around Anchorage. He would kidnap the woman and either drive them or fly him to his private cabin. If the women didn't put up a fight, he would rape them and bring them back to town, threatening them into secrecy. Okay. But those who did not cooperate with him, they were taken back to his favorite location along that river, the Kinnick River.

And he would set the women free, Carl. And then what he would do is he would give them a chance to escape. Oh, that's fun. and then they would run for their lives and he would track them carl he would take his time hunting them like animals armed with a hunting knife and a 22 i'm stuttering now he's stuttering minnie what did he use he used a ruger mini 14 rifle he tortured the woman with the chase for hours and sometimes days at a time until he fouled them and then he would shoot them jeez cries he confessed to the murders of 17 women and the race rapes of around 30. He was sentenced to 461 years in prison without the possibility of parole. He died in 2014.

And Nicholas Cage played him in a terrible movie. Oh, really? Yeah. Nicholas Cage was a terrible movie? You don't say. Yeah, I think it was called On Frozen Ground. What are the chances of that? So he was immortalized forever in a terrible film.

Now, you have to admire Robert Hansen because as a stutterer, he really got things done. Yeah. So stuttering. He's productive. Stuttering Bob Hanson, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, is his bread? What do people say about him? Is it a good product?

He was like the only baker in a town of drifters who gave a fuck. They're just glad to have food. All right. Cool. All right. Who's your crepe? All right. So I'm bringing to you a guy named Israel Keys.

Oh, I know who he is. You know Israel Keys? Yeah. In fact, someone specifically put on the Twitter when this was, please don't do Israel Keys. Really? And I responded, uh, even if we made that a rule, do you think Carl would listen? Or read that.

Wait, why did people say not to do Israel Keys? Because it's low-hanging fruit. Go ahead. Low-hanging fruit! Okay, I wasn't even going to bring this up. But now I got to peel back the fourth wall. Peel back the fourth wall. I don't know what I'm talking about.

Basically, Vinny controls the Twitter, gets the vote in, knows that we're doing Alaska, sends me a notification that, hey, we're doing Alaska, and I picked the guy who shows up on the first result of Google. I didn't do that. That's what you did. You're like, we picked Alaska, and I got this. guy so you like automatically before i even know what's going on get the creepiest creep from alaska you cheater and now you're saying that israel keys is low-hanging fruit i'm just telling

you what the listener said well i'm not telling you anything past that i'm sure he has some good points all right what's uh israel keys go ahead let's get a brief summary on israel keys keys traveled the country from alaska to vermont looking for people to kill totally at random and funding his crimes by robbing banks. The FBI has now retraced his steps, a long list of dates and locations since 2001, when they believe he may have killed repeatedly. They so far have eight confirmed murders and rapes, including a couple in Essex, Vermont, four others in Washington State and one more on the East Coast with the body hidden in New York. And he told agents something they'd never heard before, that he left kill kits or caches buried in several states, filled with

with everything he'd need to commit a murder. They were in waterproof containers or five gallon buckets and included guns and different things he could use to dispose of bodies. So this guy is an interesting serial killer. He's really into killing people. He really, he's very into it, yes. And he's very meticulous about how he does it.

So he stashes these kill kits in different places around the country and they sit there for years until he's ready to go back there and kill someone. So it's very hard to trace him to the murder. And to find out how he sourced the guns and the things that he needed. I will go ahead and call this guy pretty brilliant, actually. Yes, he's above average intelligence. Yeah, brilliant, maybe isn't an overstatement considering how he got caught.

So what's, yeah, he got a little sloppy. Let's talk about these kill kits a little bit. Let's dive into this. He said that he assembled what he referred to as kill caches. These were containers like a bucket that contained ammunition, guns, shovels, zip ties, money, and Drano. That was for getting rid of the bodies. He would bury these kits in various areas so that they would be available when he was ready to carry out a murder. So I don't know anyone else who does this, but he was very smart about how we killed people.

They didn't have any connection to them. He didn't know who they were. And they weren't anywhere near where he was living in Alaska until he did do that. Until they were. Exactly. So, you know, as we said, he got a little sloppy at a certain point. So this British guy thinks that Israel Keys is bad news. What made Israel Keyes the killer he became.

He has no reason to murder any of his victims. They don't owe him money. They're not former lovers. They have not offended him in any way. He does not hate any of them. He is a multiple murderer who simply wants to slaughter and not get caught. So that's really his only objective. He just wants to kill people and not get caught.

that's kind of his deal yeah my guy wanted vengeance yeah so this is a little bit different so let's talk about how he grew up because you talked about your guy had acne and he had stutter and people picked on him israel keys grew up in washington state in a very remote area that was nowhere near civilization he had no birth certificate and no social security number he and all nine of his siblings were homeschooled for the first several years of his life he lived in a tent with his family with his family as his father built a cabin in the woods. He learned how to hunt at a young age.

At around age 10, he started breaking into homes, stealing guns and setting fires. At age 14, he was torturing household pets, and he started to take pride in his ability to sit in the woods for hours without moving. It's amazing no one thought this was unusual, but I guess when you have 10 children living in a cabin in the woods, you can't always expect high-quality parental supervision.

No, the parenting was not happening in this family. I have to say, though, I kind of like the kid who looks at you and says, look what I could do and then sits there like a rock for hours. Yeah, I don't mind that. That part's fun. That's a good kid. The torturing of household pets, however, not so much. So this guy grew up. He was Mormon and then they switched to religions and then he was into this weird white supremacist church that he was involved in. And he would hang out. Why is it weird? Is it different than yours? It's very different. Okay. He would hang out. Just check it. He would hang out. He would hang out with, um, with these kids and break into houses and stuff.

And the kids are like, oh, okay, that's cool. And then he's like, uh, torturing cats. And then the kids would be like, oh, I don't like this guy. So Keyes realized that his anti-social behavior was not winning any friends. So we decided to put that on the, uh, he said to hide that and, uh, pretend that he was somebody else. He joined the army in 1998, much like, uh, your creep. What did he do to hide this for people?

He tried to be like, hey, everybody, to ignore those dead cats over there. I don't know anything about them. So he stopped doing that in front of people. And actually, when he was being interrogated by the police, he mentioned this. There is no one who knows me or who has ever known me, who knows anything about me, really. They know they're going to tell you something that does not line up with anything I tell you because I'm two different people, basically. And the only person who knows about what I'm telling you, the kind of things I'm telling you, is me. How long have you been two different people?

Well, I'm telling. 14 years. That's right. So that was from 2012. Okay, Israel. And so he decided that, all right, I'm being shunned by society when I'm torturing animals and things. So I guess what I'm going to do is I'm going to, like, pretend that I'm actually just a stand-up guy. joins the army, was honorably discharged, did a tour in Egypt.

What was interesting about this was that he had an ICP poster up in the barracks. He was an insane clown posse fan. Yeah, that checks out. So if you, I think right there I win, vote for Carl at creepoff.com. Robert Hanson couldn't know who ICP was because they were around before he went to prison. Or they came out after he was in prison. Oh, but he could have figured it out, though. We should look into that.

There might have been multiple ICP posters in his cell for all I know. So after this guy was caught, we'll get to why he was caught and everything. But I thought this was really funny. He was telling investigators some things, but not everything. He was giving them some information that was leading them to look for bodies and look for evidence and things like that. But he didn't want to give out too much information because he didn't want to be fodder for true crime shows. And he literally says this. The problem is nowadays, the more stuff my name is attached to, the more likely it is that somebody's going to try to do some kind of stupid, freaking TV special or, you know, you know how it is nowadays.

Like all this true crime that people are obsessed with and that's the... You can't even go around raping and murdering people without some true crime show featuring you on their special. Yeah. It's so annoying. I also heard he donated a wing to a library under the name Anonymous. He's a good guy. He's a great guy. No, it's interesting because he had a daughter and he didn't want there to be a lot of gossip

about how, you know, her dad was an asshole. So he was trying to kind of keep this stuff on the DL. And this was interesting, too, during this interrogation. He's laughing his ass off because he's telling these guys, like I said, just a little bit of information and getting them to, send people, because this is all over the country obviously. Yeah. So they're sending investigators all over the country to look

for bodies and things. And he's giggling about how this is costing the taxpayers a lot of money. I almost feel guilty. Costsing the taxpayers, a lot of money are trying them. You just come out shut. It's funny. And you laughing?

Don't fucking laugh again. He feels guilty. He's wasted. on his taxpayers money. He doesn't feel guilty about murdering people and raping them. But, you know, that whole thing where he's costing taxpayers. I'm sick of the lips costing us all this money. It's a real problem. Trying to figure out who I murdered and shit.

So now let's talk about the mistake he made. So he's in Alaska. There is a coffee shop. He decides to enter this coffee shop. There's an 18-year-old girl in there, Samantha, who's working. Hey, Samantha. He makes, she makes him a coffee. pulls out a gun and abducts this girl. There's footage of this. There were, there were video

cameras and things. So we can see that she was abducted. And he decides that, you know what, I think I want to get some money. I think I want to get some ransom for her because he needs money. He likes to go on cruises. He likes to do fun things. I think his cashes aren't going to fill themselves. Right. Sometime on February 2nd, 2011, Israel keys to told Samantha Kernick to relax. He was kidnapping her to get a ransom and then she would be free. But he was lying. He raped her and then strangled Samantha Kernick to death.

So he rapes and murders this girl and then he goes out of cruise out of New Orleans. And he goes back up to Alaska and he decides, you know what? I do need some ransom money. What if I were to pretend the Samantha was still alive? But, actually, even better. some makeup on her. I'll open her eyes. I'll super glue the newspaper into her hands. I'll take a photo of her and send it to her parents. This'll work. I'll do the voice. He goes on his cruise. He comes back and he decides that he wants some money. So he prompts her

body up to make her look alive. He wanted $30,000 for her safe return. And he sent a photo of Samantha apparently holding a local paper from just a few days earlier. So he actually sent this photo they think she's still why we got she did a nice job with the it's better than his first plan which was just to call the parents to do the voice hi it's your daughter samantha i'm fine i was kidnapped by a very handsome man you sound like a girl hamburger when you do that i'm not a hamburger on the internet i swear oh so they raised the money they didn't have thirty thousand dollars but they were able to raise the money because this was like a big deal and they put it on social media some

was missing and then they find out she's okay and she's not but you know they raise the money and they put it in samantha's bank account and he has her debit card and got her pin number before he killed her so he starts traveling around the country pulling money out of ATMs that's the worst idea ever yeah because one of the ATMs have cameras in them every one of them every single fucking they got a photo of his white Ford Focus that he was driving around in And as he was driving in Texas going three miles per hour over the speed limit, Trooper saw him and went, hey, that's that white Ford Focus we've been hearing so much about back at the station. I think we should pull this guy over.

They do. They find Samantha's cell phone. They find her debit card. They find all this cash that he's been pulling out of 80s. And he got busted in Texas, huh? He was busted in Texas. The wrong state to get busted in. Well, they brought him back to Alaska.

Okay. you know where this crime was committed and that's where he starts confessing and they find actually in his cell with his own blood he was drawing skulls and he drew 11 skulls on this piece of paper with his own blood so they're pretty sure that he killed 11 people because he really wanted credit for it we didn't really want you know the true crime shows he didn't want this to get out to the media and things like that so after 40 hours of being interrogated giving out some information. but not a lot. I don't like this guy. They're ready to bring him to trial, Vinnie. But that didn't happen. Three months before his scheduled trial, Keyes managed to smuggle a sharp object into his cell.

Then he did what he threatened he would all along. His trail keys killed himself. He cut his wrists whilst also hanging himself. All right, that's a good way to do it. How did you kill yourself both ways? Impressive. I mean, Carl, this is your argument for biggest creep? This is a creep right here, yes. Sure, he's a creep. And my guy killed 17 women. He hunted them down.

And not only that, he did his jail time. This guy was going into, so in Vermont, he stalked this elderly couple, broke into their house at 3 a.m. and abducted this couple, murdered the husband, raped the wife, then murdered the wife then drove their bodies to upstate New York, through them in a river somewhere.

This guy's bad news, Vinny. Israel Keys go vote for Carl and Keys on the creepoff.com. He's a creep. Ladies and gentlemen, stuttering Bob, 17 kills. Carl and Keys.

30 rapes. Carl and Keys 22. Stuttering Bob, ladies and gentlemen. All right. My friend. have committed a crime. All right. Carl, my friend, that was a good round. It was a good round.

You could vote this week at the creepoff.com. We both brought some serial killing creeps this week. We certainly did. Who would have thought Alaska was so depraved? Oh my gosh, we could do Alaska for the next seven weeks in a row if we wanted to. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I guess that means it's time for some voicemails, and they are brought to us by our good friends in Syracuse. The Creepoff voicemail segment is brought you by the city of Syracuse.

Come enjoy one of our many lovely neighborhoods such as Skunk City, named for the high amounts of skunks in the area. Still smells better than most of our women. See you and smell you in Syracuse. You know, Vinnie, I got to bring this up. I don't know if I should do this on the show or not. Sure. But we have a lot of unpaid invoices out to Syracuse.

I don't know if they don't have the money or what's going on, but they're well overdue. Should we keep playing these if they're not going to pay us? I, uh, they say they're good for it. Yeah, I know, I know. They, they answer the phone when I call them, which is nice. They're not busy. But, uh, I'd like the to pay as at some point.

Well, if there's any other cities out there that would like to, yes, right, to sponsor the voice. Yeah, Binghamton is pretty sure. Binghamton, do you want a mention on the creepoff? I mean, Gary, Indiana did make us an offer, but Syracuse did want more. And by the way, I looked it up, Skug City is a real place. Wow, it's got a sign in everything. That's a skug city neighborhood.

That's a real place. Just thought everybody would like to know that. So where did we start with our voicemails? This is somebody who's listening to one of our bonus episodes on Patreon. Just listen to the Dan Snyder Hall of Fame episode. And yeah, I don't like feet and I don't like ketchup. And ketchup on feet is fucking disgusting. But you know, it's far more disgusting to have ketchup on it.

A fucking hot dog. And the fucking worst ketchup story, I ever heard on the creep off was that fucking Memorial Day story that he told Vinny. Holy shit, the image of a pudgy, pale, pasty Vinny, flattering hot dogs

and fucking ketchup and shoveling them down as gullet. Oh, God damn it. That's just a ghastly fucking image. Thank you, fuck you, bye. I haven't eaten lunch yet. That actually sounds really good. Do you go get some hot dogs after this?

Certainly, let's go swimming right after. uh right i have a i have a voicemail you do go ahead i'm up hey this is gay labor suggestion guys it's for the creep off uh great episode of dick uh last week viny that went really good um i was sad to hear that you would not put an arbitrary arbitrarily big consequence on yourself for losing the one guess that's going to help you because it's dick um that was great happy to say i'm now a carls kuzeroo even though vinny gets paid for us yes and I'm really liking the fucking The Catch a Predator like weird

Spinoff watching you guys are doing All right, thank you, fuck you, bye Cuzzahoo, Cuzzaroo. Well, all of you Scum Prae and Mary Martress, Creepamaniacs, Couseroo's, and True Believers are going to get a bonus episode this Wednesday. Yes, what are we doing a scum stream this Wednesday?

We're doing a scum stream with a pedophile hunter theater. Nice. I'm looking forward to that. All right, here's a voicemail. Hey, guys. I'm calling in regards to the creepiest priest. I want to say that.

Father Gus. Carl, you got blasted out the goddamn water. You came with what I would essentially call typically the average Catholic priest. And yet, Vinnie came with a guy that had been, he should go in the Catholic priest's hall of fame. of molesting he's got to be like top 10 i mean he should be the pope he got to a point where almost shut it off when he got to the point about him uh digesting the fluids so to speak and of course he had the he had the he had the dragons hoard of the of the CP I mean yeah I'm I listen to Vinny too I am a WAPP guy yeah and then I fuck with you too all right uh but man

I never go biased on my vote. So I appreciate that. That's a fair voter right there. I like that. So he's saying that the guy, the priest that I picked is just an average breed. The guy was raping children for decades. They were relocating him.

He had to flee the country to rape children in Morocco. This is just a normal priest. Did he have a father Gus toilet caddy? He did not. All right. Well, here's another person who says you dropped the ball, but this is a fun fact. that I cannot believe we forgot a few weeks ago.

Great, Seamus here. I'm a little bit behind, but I just listened to the one where Carl brought in Leonard Lake and Charles Ng. I was going to suggest that to you because of one thing that Carl left out, which happens to be the funniest detail. Leonard Blake, when he was solo, used several aliases. one of his absolute favorites was I shit you not Tom Myers

What? Anyway, thank you, fuck you bye Oh God Did you win with Leonard Lake? Um, yes.

Okay. He did he went by Tom Myers. If you had done that, that would have had the nuclear option. No shit. That's a fun name. Uh, so Carl,

I told you I teased earlier the show that somebody wants to have. Oh, I have one more voicemail. Oh, okay. Sure. Sure one. Quick one. Go right ahead.

Carl, you didn't know that Amy Schumer was Jewish. Have you seen her cousin Chuck Schumer? That is the most Jewish Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, that has ever Jewed. God damn. That's inappropriate.

That is an appropriate. That's wildly inappropriate, sir. All right. Disavow. All right, Benny, what do we got? This is very disrespectful. We got a game to play today? No, no. Before we do that, I have one more voicemail. It's important. I teased it earlier. Oh, okay. Somebody who wants to have dinner with you in Nashville. Right.

So, ladies and gentlemen, yeah, or nay. Vinnie, this is the Cal photographer from WATP. I don't know who runs the creep-off Discord, so I'm just making sure I cover all my bases. I will be in Nashville. Carl did call me weird on WATP, and I want to show them a really weird time, you know. And Carl, I am leaving on Sunday, but I'll be there Friday,

so if you choose me, buddy, we can get dinner Friday night. Have a good time. Have a nice, weird time. You know? All right, baby. See you later. Smoo, kids. I never thought doing this show.

You asked me over two years ago to do the creep off with you. If you had told me, and guess what, you'll be having dinner with Vicks ex-boyfriend. I said, yeah, I'll pass. That's fine, Biddy. I have better things I do on Monday afternoons. I had no idea this was going to happen. You say you don't want to have dinner with? The Calvatographer?

Do you want to have dinner with that guy? well Carl your reaction says it all I think dinner with the cow photographer Friday night Nashville I think that's going to have to be the deal is that the I'd prefer it be Sunday see if you can extend your stay cow photographer I'm not saying yes yet we still got time we still got time now also you go to Nashville it would be Friday though because Sunday I'm busy no Sunday you're gonna that's gonna be the best time for you on Sunday um I mean maybe brunch can I do brunch no you're going to do dinner time dinner time you're going to miss the dinner with everybody and you get to go have dinner with a listener because you lost and you take forever to do your consequences extend your stay to sunday you got a deal cow photographer Carl yes another listener a big fan of the show and a guy that we both know and love has submitted a creep off game I don't know anyone who submits games to shows who could this be well here we go Carl let's see if we could maybe try around and see if we like it or not okay once again Again, yeah, your nay on this.

If you like it, let us know. It's time for everyone's favorite game show on The Creepoff. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. Okay. The game is simple. I will give you a criminal. I will give you their crime or crimes. I will give you their age.

And I will also, sometimes, give you their gender and their race. based on that information you the co-hosts have to guess the sentence the closest without going over

wins now that you understand hold on time about pause it pause it he goes the rules are simple and then I just

knotted off that went on forever okay all right no I get it I get it okay so we have to guess how much time

and sometimes I'll tell you this and other times I'll tell you Whatever, just do it. All right, let's try this out. Let's do it. Let's play. Don't do the crime.

If you can't do the time. On this week's game, we will discuss Bobby Bostic. Bobby Bostic, a boy, age 16, and is African American. He robbed a group of people in Missouri at gunpoint, and shortly thereafter robbed and briefly detained a woman in her car what was his sentence all right 16 years old

yep robbed a group of people gunpoint then carjacked somebody else black kid yeah black kid what state was that Missouri so I'm going to say life death death penalty death penalty closest without going over don't do the crime if you can't do the time

Bobby Bostick was sentenced to 241 years in prison don't do the crime if you can't do the time I think I win you do well that's not life that is life how long are you going to live for I'm just saying they didn't say life in prison

they sentenced 245 years and I said death so it's closer no no No, no, Cardiff, I won that. Cardiff, I won that. Cardiff, I won that, right? Vinhousy for the winghousy. What's the hell it is supposed to be. I definitely won that one. All right.

That's a fun game. It is a fun game. Cardiff, we could maybe try this again one of these days. Now, what if it had been a white kid? What would you have guessed? Probation? Six months probation. I would imagine around.

in the scared straight program. Yeah, right, yeah. And then, you know, they get a little certificate for completing it, something like that. A letter to the parents. Yeah, letter to the parents. All right.

Carl, you ready for a scum stream? I am. Let's do it. Oh, that's the wrong one. Here we go. Scum parade is what we're doing. Driving children's dread. Oh, pitos, tiddling.

Bagger murderers. Great. Let's do it. Ray. Ooh, probably. Osteopats, abusive asshats. Yeah, the skum parade, skum parade. Scum parade!

Oh, the creepbox! Yeah, some parade, oh, some parade. Who! Carla and Vinny are back! Oh! I get excited for the parade every time. Oh, man. Man, we're going to be marching down the street.

It's just psyched up. What did you think of this week's Scum Parade? I didn't go too murder-heavy this week. No, this week's was tame in comparison to what we've seen in the past. Yeah, but these are just a lot of fucking creeps. Yeah. Okay, we're going to start in Winterhaven, Florida. On April 18th, detectives arrested 34-year-old Taletta Collier of Winterhaven for criminal use of personal ID

and uttering a false document, which created a fake police report to avoid repercussions for excessive tardiness at work. Okay. So she was going to be late to work, so she pretended that she had a file a police report. Yes. Detectives were contacted by the federal security director of law enforcement with the federal air marshal service after Collier, a TSA officer. Okay. Stop it right there. TSA officer, huh? Yeah. Yep. Yep. Creeped out of the gate. Submitted would appear to be a fake burglary report. During the investigation, detectives learned that Collier was a TSA employee. She was at the approved. plan for excessive tardiness. The improvement

plan. You don't want to be. Never get fired, by the way. You know what I said? She showed up to late to work all the time. And they're like, all right. Well, now we're going to improve your behavior. We're going to have an improvement plan for you, Toledo. So she tells that her supervisor, she was late because she was at her parents home and a man armed with a knife attempted to burglarize her parents vehicle. Collier told her supervisor.

It doesn't make sense. It does not even make sense. A guy with a knife was going to rob a vehicle. Give me O'Kee's. He's just mad to see the side of the car. It's stupid. Yeah, it didn't make a lot of sense. He's just stabbing at the window.

I think that's what a supervisor thought, too. Yeah. She said that she drew her agency issued weapon and pointed it at the alleged suspect, causing him to flee. Well, thank God she had that government-issued weapon. Hey, Toledo, next time you're going to be late to work. Try this. Traffic.

There was an accident on the expressway. It was backed up. You know, somebody doesn't involve paperwork. Well, so disprovable. Officer Collier informed her supervisor the incident was reported to the Pinellas County Sheriff's office. Sure. Yeah, that was stupid. Now, why did you say that?

What were you thinking there? When asked for a case number of business guard of the investigating detective, Collier said she was not provided with either. I like that they don't believe her at all. They're like, oh, yeah. Oh, is that what happened? Well, you know what? We're going to need, uh, Toledo.

We're going to need a copy of this. Because you're in the improvement plan. So we have to document these things. It's not improving right now. Like if this was the first time, no one would have asked her anything. Sure. This is after. I mean, I can only imagine the other excuses.

So she says, you donated a third kidney. Really, Delita? How many grandmothers did you have? Yeah, right. Alina. So, well, on my dad's side, they were three and then. She texts her supervisor a screenshot of a document that looked similar to a police report. I like the in the article says it kind of looks like it might be a police report.

No one was buying it, but she tried. Collier was that instructed to provide an actual copy of the report, not a picture of it. This is what the supervisor told detectives. The image provided by Collier was cut off halfway through the second page and no incident description was visible. Okay. Okay. So when Polk County Sheriff Officers' detectives reviewed the image, they determined it was an obvious fake. The form used to create the document was not an official form.

Furthermore. There's work that's going into this for this one stupid lie because you're late to work. Collier also- These are people involved in your nonsense. She dragged a deputy into it because she found some guy's a badge number and put it on the thing. Sure. Yep. Why not?

That'll work. That deputy's on vacation. He's out of the country. Did she think this guy's going to be like? Yeah, I think I did that. Sure. Why not? He was out of the country at the date and time listed on the fake report and told deputies he did not respond to create a report in the incident alleged by Collier. Her parents told detectives they had no knowledge of the burglary report and that their vehicle had not been burglarized. Collier was arrested and transported.

The Polk County Jail were detectives asked Collier about the armed burglary in effort to investigate the alleged crime. Collier asked if her employee had contacted the police. Did my boss call you? Like, that's her response. the sheriff said you can't make this stuff up I don't understand why anyone would go to this extent of creating a fake police report to avoid a reprimand to work for tardiness

She's stupid So what an idiot She's a TSA agent Yeah All right so I'm already like lock her up Right Even if she didn't do any of this Check her shoes first

There are 60,000 TSA employees In this United States of America, Benny Yeah Do you know anyone 58,000 of them were late this morning. Yeah, right. Do you know anyone who works for the TSA?

There's 60,000 people who are the TSA. Do you know anyone? No. Does anyone know anyone? Are these real people? I don't like they're real people. I don't know anyone who works for the TSA. I don't know anyone who knows anyone who works.

Is this like your birds or robots thing again? Yes. TSA are robots. Hmm. Wait, what is my birds are robots thing? I just made that up. You convince her you're gaslighting me.

I'm like, yeah. They're just like those robot birds. Wait a second. Let's talk. about another man who lives in his own reality, shall we? A middle-aged driving instructor, obsessed with his teenage student, created a TikTok account. Middle age, 52 is like, Vittie's hoping for that.

A ripe old age. Yeah. For this fat fuck. 12 years left. Hey. So he created a TikTok account dedicated to her and tried to pay dark web hackers to access her social media accounts. Graham Mancy, 52, became besotted with the 17-year-old

between July and October 2021. Have you ever used that word before? No, this is a British article. I had to look that up. He was infatuated with her. He was obsessed. She found her fetching. Yes.

And by the way, he was not ashamed of it either. He's very open about it. He fucking straight up stuttering jaunders. She's a 17-year-old. He's like, would you like to go out for drinks? Exactly in my notes. He's stuttering jodder. John, asked her out for a drink.

17-year-old girl who was taking driving lessons from him. Hey, you want to pull over by this bar? We can have a couple of drinks before I take you back. So this happened in southeast London. He told the student that she was his favorite and created a TikTok account dedicated to her. The driving instructor also gave another student a gift bag to pass onto her, which contained $65 in restaurant vouchers, a key ring with eight personalized charm, charms on it, and a card in which he described the victim as, quote,

kind and quote amazing what a dork this guy's a nerd yeah it's not how you pick up a 17 year old no it's not you just tell you got a cool car and you don't like her parents either the victim became concerned about mancy oh now let me write that down yeah

cool car yeah uh cool car uh the victim became concerned about fancy told her mother but when the parents confronted him about his inappropriate behavior and told him he could no longer teach her daughter he asked is it because I love her yeah I know

How funny is that? They're like, are you stalking my daughter? He's like, yeah, she's fucking smoking hot. Of course I am in love with her. Can I call you, mom? After the teen blocked Manzi on all social media and stopped learning how to drive with him, he was spotted on her road before quickly making off in September of 2021, the victim moved out of London, New York to attend the university.

Manzi created a fake Instagram account as a student and befriended her and her flatmates. he also managed to get on the WhatsApp group for her halls of residence which could be accessed through the university's Facebook page. So this guy is actually pretty savvy, I would say. And none of this is illegal, by the way. This is all above board, I would say.

It's a crime of the heart. That's right. You know what if that was interesting about this story? This girl was taking... Well, he was convicted of one kind of stalking. Oh, yeah, okay, stocking. That's a problem. Yeah. This girl was taking driving lessons

from July to October. and once they realize that this guy's a creep, then she had to go and get lessons from someone else. How long does it take to learn how to drive a car? They do it on the wrong side over there. Cars drive them, they literally drive themselves now. This woman's taking months to learn how to drive. Is she like a retard?

Why does it take so long? No, well, he did say she was kind. So maybe. I don't know. I find this whole story to be just creepy. either way that guy got convicted of one count of stalking and uh i think well earned i think you earned that one well like i said he wasn't ashamed of it if you ask him like hey why are you talking to the 17 year old girl oh because i love her oh right carl that would you

that man was brazen but we're going to talk about a gentleman who is incredibly brazen tuesday april 29 a man in long beach california sat in a chair in front of a hair salon during business hours as he looked through the window. Yeah. And they videotaped him masturbating and he was videotaping them, videotaping him masturbating. That is correct.

Yes. It took the police 40 minutes to arrive. Jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, spike it smack. By which time the man had vacated the premises, when the Harris salon owner posted the video to social media, a nail salon responded and said that the same man responded masturbating and looking through the nail salon window. too. It's funny because there was another salon

in the area that was very disappointed. He'd never jerked off looking into their window. Yeah. And the owner was quoted as saying, I guess we got to hire some hotter girls to work here because we're all very disappointed. Yeah. I mean, you notice this article was all about

how long it took the police to get there? Yeah. You would think they would get there? I mean, it's a, Long Beach, California. I imagine it's a busy place. There's a lot of stuff going on. At that time, when this guy's jerking off looking in the window, there's 10,000 worse things happening in the L.A. area. And they're complaining about the, oh, the police take so on to get there. Have you seen what's going on in L.A.?

That's not one of their top priorities right there just because there's a guy jacking at it. The cars are passing me by there honk and say hello. And I got a jacket. What this man did was insanely brazen. He sat there in like a camping chair. Yeah. He gets out, puts the chair in front of his car. Was it after you got a haircut too?

Wasn't he in there getting a haircut? Yeah, he went in there. It was like, hey, hi, I'll do it. And then he went out and just sat there and started cranking one out. Listen, this is like he was going to see the fireworks or a parade. He just set up his little chair right in front of the window. This is inappropriate, but I watched the video where they were interviewing the people at the salon. Yeah. And that one stylist, pretty hot. Cute girl. Not going to argue. Yeah. So let's finish this up. And a man accused of raping four-year-old twins in Pennsylvania attacked two officers. tracked him down to Midtown, Midtown, New York at a homeless shelter Tuesday, and then he escaped.

And then they caught him again. The suspect, Isaiah Metz, 22 was there. And when the cops shot up to arrest about 4.15 a.m., the police officer said he fought off two officers, punching them both in the head multiple times and biting a investigator on the arm before taking off. He's 22 years old, and he was adopted into a foster family in Pennsylvania where he's accused of raping the twin female tots. he was having a day how do you fucking adopt a 22 year old number one

Pennsylvania and number two this kid really looks like a problem he's facing 115 charges included child pornography offenses and he's also on parole for allegedly attacking a cop in pennsylvania i got to say though he looks very charismatic doesn't he he kind of he's got bright red hair his smile just lights up the room doesn't it there's video of him walking into the courtroom and spitting on a reporter from the New York Post. Yeah. And calling her a bitch. The reporter was asking weird questions like, why did you rape those four-year-olds?

And he didn't want to answer those questions. He certainly didn't. So he decided to spit at her. A simple no comment would suffice. Isaiah. He kept asking like, wait, who? Wait, who are you talking about the kids that you raped? Why did you do that?

I don't know what you're talking about. Which kids? What are their names? Hold on. Let me think about this. Honestly, though, didn't you get the sense? Like, if I was this guy's agent. agent. I would, I would be like, buddy, we could go places. You've got like it. He's got the

it factor. You just got to stop raping children and beating up cops. And we can go play. We could do things here. You guys just chomping on a cigar kid. We can go far. I'm thinking reality television for you. Stop spitting reporters. I'd watch. I would too. I'd watch. You seems like a personality, doesn't he? He's a bit of a problem. Isaiah Mets, ladies and gentlemen, look out for this fucking guy. Tykashi vibe. Yeah. Definitely a Takashi vibe. Yes. I would subscribe to his YouTube channel. You know if I didn't know that he was raping four year olds. You know what I mean? Yeah. Now that I didn't know though. Now that I know I'm not as big a fan of us. Yeah. He's really going to have to do a lot to rehab his. His image. Yeah. Well, with this podcaster, that's right. It's going to take a lot to get me back on his side. All right, folks. That is this week's edition of the creep off. Thank you so much for listening. We love you. you. If you wouldn't mind doing it's a favor, rate and review wherever you listen to the show, it helps us out. We truly appreciate it. If you want to reach out to the show, you can leave us a voicemail 585371-808.

You can email us to the creepoff pot at gmail.com. And most importantly, make sure you vote this week. You can vote for Stuttering Bob or you can vote for Carlin Keys at the creepoff.com. Carl and Keys also, if you want to come hang out with us in Nashville, Tennessee, which is a horrible place. to spend a weekend. We will be there May 14th. WATP.Live.com is where you can get your tickets. It's going to be a problem, kids. It's going to be fun. I am really, it's getting close. I'm looking forward to. It's going to have a good time. Oh, and we get the stand-up show. Yeah, I was just going to say that. We're working with the venue to get the tickets on sale very soon. We'll get them up this week. The problem is we have to get a cow permit. And it's not as easy as you would

think it is. Even in Tennessee. Yeah. So we're going to do a show. I believe Vic is going to do something. More importantly, Vinnie Paul, you know she's gonna dig a fucking hole for shooley and i to dig out of that'll be good yep i know that'll be interesting maybe i'll bring her up every uh every three or four jokes just ever come up let's try you're gonna mc carl i'm planning on i'm seeing yes oh boy oh boy this is gonna be fun carl hamburgers stand-up comedy debut ladies anybody uh celebrating anything uh any any birthdays uh anniversaries uh oh you you ma'am oh shit uh so the tickets are going to go I know how to warm up a crowd, Vinny.

Don't you worry about that. Hey, let's keep the applause going, everybody. Let's keep it going. That's really all you going to do. And coming to the mic, your next performer, are you ready? Let me hear you if you are excited. Shully Agar. Shully Agar.

All right, everybody. Let's give it up for Shully Agar. You can hear them every Monday through Friday on the Howard Stern show. Yeah. Oh, man, just get all this credits wrong. But that is this week's show. I got to get out of here. I gotta go.

I gotta go, goodbye. I gotta go, goodbye. Goodbye. I gotta go. I gotta go. Goodbye. Goodbye. Okay, folks.

Guess what? The episode's over. You stupid fucking blah-mout. T-p-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-day, junior! I don't know. Who gives a shit? Why am I even still doing this? I'm out of here. Ciao Bella.