The Creep Off - Episode 120: The One with the Cow Bikini

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

This week Vinnie is joined by special guest host Kowell Hamburger (Karl in a bikini) and our pal Mark to discover who is the creepiest dairy farmer: In the scum parade we meet a really hot mom, an amateur paramedic and a very jealous meth enthusiast! Read the full stories here mini-pit-bull-stolen-ozone-park-2.jpg (2000×3418) (nypost.com)Maui man accused of fatally electrocuting girlfriend several times and trying to flee to Oregon | Truecrimedaily.comFlorida Man Tortured, Starved And Raped Ex-Girlfriend; Held Her Captive For Days (ibtimes.com)Haunting details in case of mum burned alive alongside her three kids on the school run by depraved ex | The Sun

everybody's like everybody's being on like where are they it seems like that's what happens every day like the last two that I've watched they're waiting on Carl to show up yeah not me I'm here but he's dicking around

what do you mean dicking around we just had a beautiful photo shoot that's true my friend good news came in here and took beautiful pictures of us together yeah everybody's excited for a show to start. When I see good news, I know it's bad news.

For you? Yeah, exactly. Carl sees good news and he's like, Oh, no! I see good news and I'm like, running the other way. There he goes. All right. I guess we should start the show with a recap of last week. All right. Hey, everyone is Tucker Dixon. Last week,

who went to the land of Spam and Coconuts. That's right, Hawaii. If any's creep was Hawaii's biggest serial killer, but the body count as big as the state itself. In fact, people were mad about one of his victims not moving further away after he stalked her. But where the hell was she going to go more than a couple blocks in the middle of the fucking ocean? So calm down, quit blaming the victim there, people. Carl's creep on the other hand, tried to throw message into the bottle into the ocean. And by message, I mean baby, and by bottle I mean sack.

And by ocean, I mean over a bridge. As for my creepiest wine, that would be Lauren Graham. You better know her as one of the Gilmore girls. God, I hate that show. Anyways, that's all I got for this week. Now I'm going to go drink some bud lights and try to blow my hand off with fireworks. Tucker, out. Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids.

Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't any of these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation. Horror shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo! Bitch, I'm a cow. Moose.

Mo. Mook. Muccault. A Dissue. Disgusting, disgusting, vomit-inducing thing.

thing. Cowabunga Creepos. Welcome to today's edition of the Creepoff, the show about creeps by creeps. For you, creeps, I am your host. I think you all know me as The Tower of Power, too sweet to be sour.

The people's champion. And my co-hosts today, ladies and gentlemen, Powell Hamburger. How you doing? over that cowl i've had better days vini i've had better days yeah ladies and gentlemen the only cow that nokes itself welcome to the studio carl you look uncomfortable i'm extremely uncomfortable by the way have you ever worn a thong bikini bottom before i don't believe that's any of your goddamn business sir good point good point uh if you have you'll know that it's not a comfortable

thing to wear i haven't so i don't and i'm glad i don't let's keep it on the wheel maybe someday you will chicken bikini for the next one also joining us in studio is the co-founder of comedy at the carlson our good pal mark hello hello welcome mark mark mark wanted to be here just to humiliate me even more and of course viny brought a professional photographer here yes we did a amazing photo shoot one of the couple minutes late because we were doing a photo shoot up on the stage so i am going to put this picture in one place it will be on our instagram at creep off pod so find it and it'll be right there for you to see good old cowl hamburger and who sent in accessories to the club for me our buddy freddie thanks freddie

i'm ready a bowtie here and i got the tail on as well yes yes the tail is on full display unfortunately that's so sexy oh i'm sexy and i know it i threw up in my mouth a little bit by the way i found out according to some folks on twitter today is national bikini day is it yeah so we're going to have to hashtag this how did you celebrate Vinny, you didn't even get into the spirit of the day with all your clothes on, you asshole. Hell, there's still time.

The day is young. So here's what we're going to do. In honor of Carl in his cow bikini, we are going to do creepiest dairy farmer. Oh boy, oh boy. But before we do, let's take a second and look back at the results from last week's episode, shall we?

Let's look at those results. And I like to thank my pal Cranberoni for the meme with the results. It made me laugh pretty hard. All right. So it looks like, yeah, It looks like Vinny has 53% of the vote and beat me yet again. Carl, you're a horrible. So this is what. This is what.

No, I won't give in. I will give in. Okay. I think that there is cheating going on. Oh. This is the second week in a row. There's more votes than usual. And someone told me that at 9 o'clock on Sunday night, all of a sudden, all these votes

come in for Vinny. And we all know, I know with a VP. can do this. So I'm going to say I think we need to go back on like Reddit or something with these polls. Something we have to be signed in. Yeah, something we have to be signed in order to vote because if you want to make a million usernames, then they can do that. But we can't make it this easy because people are cheating for you. This is two weeks in a row that I've lost because people are cheating. You're a cheater. You love it. You love what this happens. Look how happy you are. You know what's going on. You're probably doing it. Hey, Carl.

Vinhausen for the Winhausen. I am saying it right now. We're moving it off our website again. We have to do it again. And I think we should do Patreon or Reddit somewhere. People need to have an account. Carl, Carl, I think you need to calm down. I'm not going to calm down. I'm going to fucking cow bikini, because people are cheating.

This is not funny. There's nobody cheating. What are you laughing about? Carl, I had to go into goddamn Lake Ontario in the middle of winter. There's been no laughs. What do you mean? None! Meaning, did you even go in the water?

What are you talking about? I'm going to fucking fight you. The shorelines rose. Mark knows he saw the newspapers. Mark was there. There's still three houses trying to dig out of that. So I know Mark only wanted to hang out for a little bit this morning. Mark, do you want to hang out for our competition and you could just enjoy it?

Sure, 100%. All right. Do you want to make an announcement, though? I mean, we should do that early and often, right? Let's do that. There are only five, count them five VIP tickets left for the creep off roast. Okay. There's five.

There are 31 tickets total left. 26 regular general mission. Yeah, they will be gone. So visit creep off roast. or you could also visit carlsoncomedy.com to find your links to purchase tickets. So we hope to see you in Rochester in September. The VIP, that includes obviously a meet and greet. Some hors d'oeuvres and some nice snacks and stuff before the show.

Bar will be open, right? Yeah. And we're also going to give you a poster special art by our friend at Itsmintzell. She is doing the art for the creep off roast and you'll get a cool copy that we'll be glad to sign for you. Or if you want to make it worth something, we won't touch it. Yeah. Yeah. And if you want to see mint salad in clothes like I'm wearing today, tits salad, right? No, it's tits mint salad at Twitter. Is that what she's doing? Yeah, she puts her risque photos up there.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah. So, anyway, thank you, mint salad. Mint is wonderful. She's a great gal. It puts me to shame. Puts me to shame. I sure does. Carl, let's talk about what we're going to do this week. It's creepiest dairy farmer. And since I won. on account of honesty and righteousness. I will go first. Carl, ring the bell. My creep today is an Australian dairy farmer, Carl.

Okay. Alan Kenneth Brooks was sentenced to a maximum of 10 years and six months in prison in April of 2017. Why you asked, Carl, well, I have a riddle for you. Okay. What do you call somebody who's an adult who comes over to meet a child home alone after a sexually explicit conversation.

What is that called? Now, you would think you'd have to do something pretty bad to get 10 years in prison. You would think so. I think this guy got off light. Considering the facts that in 1999, he pled guilty to 11 charges of indecent assault against multiple children

and only got 18 months. Yeah, but somebody's got to milk those cows, Vinny. You like cheese? What are we going to do, walk-up everyone? But at what price? But at what price? People were producing cheese for us? Come on. That's crazy. He had some relatively good years

that we know of because he wasn't accused of anything, but he ended up reoffending with the boy in mid-north coast Australia. The boy in question is an unnamed 13 to 15-year-old that was hired to help him around the farm, you know? Give him a hand. Yeah. New meaning to farmhand. Utterly.

And a mouth and an asshole. It's a job. You know, it's a farm hand job. You get the point. Yeah. People got to work. The victim who eventually came forward to the police, after therapy, said he had been forced into.

sex acts by the pedophile Alan Kenneth Brooks and he was arrested on the 4th of July 2016. Oh, USA. Yeah. U.S.A. Now, the court heard the appalling accident Brooks forced upon the boy.

Did you think that it was going to be easy working on a farm? It's hard work. No matter what, it's a bad day. I think that you go in and you know you're going to do backbreaking labor. Yeah. But I don't know if you expected to do bear backing labor. I consider it a break. You want to take 15?

Dude, the stories that this kid had, the shit that this guy did, he was fucking the kid in a cow stall. Oh. He would make... Like, what's the cow stall? Is that the buttox? Is that Australian for buttocks? He was fucking in the cow stall. Your honor.

The cow stole, blot me. So, I mean, what's the interesting part? So, he also made the child watch him have sex with the cows. Oh, ho! Oh, God. And on another occasion, he told the court that he, was told to go tend to a calf and a feeding pen when he got to the pen Brooks forced him to have sex with the baby cow

this is a 13 year old child who is being forced into bestiality by his boss at his job so how is the veal though is it is it better that's not how you make it that is not how you pound veal what is how you pound veal you don't know that what are you a dairy farmer now You're your subject expert on this? So this child was also forced to perform oral sex on other adult cowls. Jesus Christ.

Well, Brooks watched and masturbated. This poor kid wanted to run away, but he would have ended up on a milk carton. And I don't think he could handle that. Hey, I get that one. This poor kid. This kid had to go to court and testify. And this is why I feel bad. because in Australia

there's no sympathy for this kid no like when do you hear this he reads a victim impact statement okay okay and he talks about he had to have his uh his girlfriend read it the mother of his kid because he's like an adult he went to therapy and came out and the cops ended up investigating and arresting this guy so he told

him that he has emotional detachment from his own son I don't feel comfortable holding him giving him cuddles or saying I love you good kids don't need that kind of thing anyway yeah just keep a listen Hug your kids. Yeah.

Hug your kids. Tell them you love them, they won't end up in a cow bikini on the creep on. I think that right. She read... Thanks for nothing, mom. Look at what you did.

I met your mom. I agree. She's the worst. She did heckling you at your stand-up show. Bitch. In Nashville, the video will never forget.

According to the victim, he also received phone calls from our colleagues questioning me and people were mooing like a cow at me. Oh, my God. I had to leave my job. I am now unemployed.

This guy's Watson. People in his job were mooing at him, Carl. There's no way. Hey, I heard you fuck to cow against your will. Ha ha. It's just not a thing you goof on someone for her. Apparently, they did. Okay.

Brooks was convicted on 18 charges, including bestiality, two counts of rape and multiple sex and indecent assault. And he got 10 years for that, the 10 years we were talking about. Now, as the judge read... Other countries are a lot more. are lenient i have you noticed that like people take prison pretty seriously in other countries here we're just like i'll do 10 years whatever this child rapist yeah passed out in the court when they were reading everything he found was found guilty of he just went right out yeah there's a lot of

children or cows and where you're going yeah to find a new hobby is there a prison farm not for you pal there'll be plenty of udders though so he's in prison right okay he gets sentenced Winston April. He's in prison July. They charge him with 20 more charges of child sex abuse. The next day, they found him hung himself in his cell. So happy ending, everybody. So what you're telling me is there's a bunch of tattletails. He hung himself. He's dead. It's a happy ending. But I still have to say, I think this is about as creepy as you could get for a dairy farmer. He's making a child ranch hand fuck a baby cow. That seems pretty bad, Vinnie, but wait until you hear about the creep that I brought this week. Not that it matters because you'll cheat and win anyway.

Correct. But why not? That's what we do here is we both make our cases and then see what happens. So my guy is a guy named Mario Hernandez. And I hate to say this, but if you Google Mario Hernandez arrested, there's a lot of results. I'm just saying, I just happen to Google that. It's not easy to find who I'm talking about. But Mario Hernandez is down in Florida.

And I'll play for you the news clip here. New shocking accusations against another Florida dairy farm in Okachovie County, blow torches, PVC pipes with knives attached, and electrical prods all part of the alleged torture. So this is what my guy used to make the kid rape the cow. Shut the fuck off. I didn't get to mention that. No, you can't change the story now. You can't bring blow torches into it now. I bring the blow torch this week.

So McArthur Dairy finds on PVC pipes, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, McArthur Dairy Farm is this dairy farm. And a guy from this thing called Arm, like Animal Rights Group, went in undercover, pretended to be an employee there and filmed for two months. And this video I've watched it, I didn't bring it. It is shocking. And nobody noticed this guy wasn't getting a paycheck. This guy wasn't drop kicking the cows like they were.

Dude, these guys, they're bringing the cows in where they can't move and then just smashing them in the face. They didn't notice his big giant cowboy hat with the lens. on the front of them. They're not smart people. They're dairy farmers. He had a little press thing in the brim. All right, it gets worse. Poked, stunned, and burned for milk.

They are set on fire alive, a lid. Alive. They are burned. And there's video of this of them just setting these cows on fire while they're alive. My creep is that news anchor. That was a terrible sentence. Alive. He's very distraught, Vinny.

He's trying to get his point across. Uh, there's, there's a lot of, uh, vicious behavior going on in this dairy farm. Animals are being beaten with makeshift spears with razor sharp pieces of PVC. They're being stabbed in the face. So it seems completely nuts there. I don't know if they're just like pissed off at all these cows. I have to say something. There's no such thing as a makeshift spear.

If it's a stick with the blade on it, it's a spear. Yeah, it's not an official spear. Right. Like, does it have to be weighed or something before it could be official? I guess you go to a website and find one online and buy, like an actual company. Yes, there's a company named Spear. It has to be Spears. It's like Kleenex.

I'll ask Brian Ball. If it doesn't say spear on it, it's not a spear. All right, this is the last news clip I have because not only are they torturing these poor cows while they're milking them, but they also want to hurry up the childbirth aspect of things. Workers chase down the cows with PVC piping and used inhumane procedures to deliver calves. To get them out sooner, they are being repeatedly electrocuted, something that we have never seen before. They're electrocuting these cows that are pregnant so that they'll give birth sooner. Like, where was that, like, health department coming through this place? I mean, what do they do?

They see the city coming up? They just hide the spears of the blow torches? That's a great question, because they were getting away with this for months, and this isn't the first dairy farm in that area of Florida that was having these issues. It's fucked up. It must be common practice. I mean, maybe they just don't understand the past. They're trying to tenderize the steak before it gets to the plate.

They're trying to fucking cook it. They're electrician. Exactly. I don't want to show the video, but it's pretty moving, Benny. Boo. What do you think I butchered that joke? Look, I don't care if this causes a beef between us because I'm going to milk these cow ponds today. All right, last thing I'll tell you is that the video also shows cows being buried alive

electrocuted shot and crushed to death. They were just having a field day murdering these cows for some reason. Who knows why, but Mario Hernandez... I just imagine they're blasting Kid Rock over the company's speakers to that place. Just like it's got to be a horrendous place to be. Just cows screaming.

That's just one more way they torture with ba with the bah over and over again. It's poor cows. So Mario Hernandez, 31 years old, is charged with causing cruel death, pain and suffering, which are felonies, and there's Fernando Fernando Lopez Cruz

and Nal Garcia all of them facing charges So who's your creep? My creep is Mario Hernandez. Why is Mario Hernandez the creep? Because he was the one who actually murdered the cows. Oh.

He was torturing them and murdering them. The other guys were just like getting some jabs in because they thought that was the cool thing to do. They were trying to impress Mario. They were trying to follow Mario's lead. Yeah. Mario was the leader of the pack, was he? Yeah, so none of these cows

were getting laid. They weren't having a good time. He was the head of the herd. Come on. Come on. Come on, guys. This is a really, that's really awful, actually. Yeah, it's brutal.

And I was trying to figure out how to have fun with that. I just could not. Well, there you go. I just got to wonder, like, does that make the milk taste bad? Because they say, like, you know, traumatized animals. When you eat them, the meat doesn't taste the same. I think you have to do that for certain types of French cheese. Sure.

You have to electrocute and put a blow torch to these cows. Sure. And it's a very gourmet, expensive style of cheese that they make. Yeah, but they were making this in Florida, eh? Yeah, well, they're trying. And a guy named Mario Hernandez was in charge. Yeah. Okay.

Great. So it's not authentic is what you're trying to say. It's not French cheese, no. I agree with you. It's not a Bree that's authentic. Yeah, it has to be made in the province of Brie. I don't fucking know. So I guess those are your choices this week.

You could vote for Alan Kenneth Brooks or you could vote for Mario. Hernandez. Place your votes at the creepoff.com. We got to move it. I'm telling you, Vinny. I'm telling you. People are cheating. We'll talk about it after the show. Talking about it now. This guy's over. We'll talk about it behind closed doors. Honestly, I don't think how, I can't seriously, Vinnie isn't cheating. I mean, his guy

fucked cows in front of a kid. Oh, no, I'm not talking about this week. I'm talking about this week. I know, but I'm just saying you never come prepared, bro. Today he did Literally My fucking dog saw you in King You suck at this Carl You suck at this show

That's why you're in this bikini So glad we had Mark here I mean the kid He made the kid fuck cows And then he fucked cows In front of a kid Mario just killed cows I'm sorry

You fucking suck at this job bro You know what else sucked That poor little boy Yes As he was performing Oral Fatio on animals Seriously. To earn probably, I'm guessing minimum wage.

Hey, Mark, I just want to say, Fuck you! Thanks so much for coming over today. This is great. It's fun. Hey, Sonny, I had to keep down from fucking you in the ass when you walked by him. His lipstick came out thinking that you were a fucking Dalmatian when you're... Hey, Mark.

Time to quit talking. Cut that pot out. All right, but thanks for having me, guys. I got to go. You guys are awesome. Mark will be on the roast, by the way. A performer on that. Yes, Marky Mark, and Sonny.

Yeah, Sonny's tired because he just, you know, he just had a nice workout thinking about Carl. I think we're all tired from that, actually. No, I'm serious. Actually, good job, then, Carl. Let's wrap up this show. Your creep is much better than Vinnie's. Shut up. Get out of here.

Your creep is so much better than Vinny's. My tits are better, too. See later, guys. See you, Mark. Thanks for swinging by. Thanks, man. Carl, you ready for some voicemails? I am.

All right. The Creepoff voicemail segment was brought to you by the city of Syracuse. Happy 4th of July. And a reminder, any uneaten hot dogs can be donated to any local Syracuse wedding. See you in Syracuse. Didn't he just have a Syracuse wedding? No, he got married in Rochester. Oh, smart.

Like a classy person. Good idea. Carl, this might, whoever said this has set my new favorite voicemail that has ever been sent into the show. In fact, I have added it to my soundboard. he blinded me with club feet he blinded me with club feet holy shit that made me laugh

that's ridiculous I got it right here he blinded me with club feet bloop bloop bloop he blinded me with club feet oh shit I mean at least if we did like in the club maybe there's other more clever songs you could have picked

that she blinded me with science but okay. All right, here's somebody who just listed to our last Patreon episode and seemed to have enjoyed it. Hey Vinnie, happy late birthday. I just finished the Vietnam birthday stream. And a thought occurred to me,

you guys should have the Navy, have Vic, be a decoy, 12-year-old boy for pedophiles, and then you guys could like bust them and bust their chops the way that guy on the stream does. I think that would be perfect to get some exposure for the show.

And being that you're a whale, I figure you can call Aquaman or whoever it is that runs the Navy. So anyway, thank you, fuck you, bye. Good idea, though. That sounds like Tab. Was that tab? I don't know who that was. That's a good idea. I like that. I say

we call the Navy and we get a big cardboard box at a stick. Just pick up like a little boy with a lullipop and a little sailor suit. And then we just wait for it and we catch him. It's that she sounds like a boy As she looks like a boy

We have a policy here at the creep off I do know they are very much Against Pedophilia They fight it very hard So yeah I like that idea Here you go

Hey so In case nobody else You had the chance to say this Ha ha look at bitch tins In the Cal bikini You look like a fucking creep You Malford freak I just figured

it would help with a consequence. Anyway, I hope you had a good 4th of July and go fuck yourself. Fuck you! That's the best. That's the best. You're not charismatic. All right.

I got another one. There's a gentleman who found the show and he is having a really good time listening to it. Oh, yeah? Carl and or Vinny is calling from Dirty Jersey. He is quarter to 4 a.m.

I am going next door to the restaurant I worked in to print toilets for minimum wage and you guys make me laugh and keep me going I found out about your show from Mr. Coomia a couple years ago when he used to give us free shit isn't it ironic how

someone who you know loves World War II would be such a fucking Jew because that's that they won't give us anything I want to go with that went

a little past the post office yeah I was like I was following a lot I'm like cool I'm glad to hear that that's over here for buddy

and then he starts calling Anthony all right a little past the post office a little past the post office but we appreciate the support

I would you borrow my password sometime thank you dirty jersey just shoot me a note dirty jersey you got any voicemails Carl

I do have a voicemail All right, go ahead. Hey, this is for creep off. I just wanted to say, I am always ready for football. Voting for the baby thrower every time. Don't care what the other creep is. Vinny, you should have just chosen the government of Hawaii. See ya.

Correct. The baby thrower was the right answer on last week's show. To what? To who brought to the worst creep on the show? All right. I love that you both cheat and you're all pompous about it, too. Like, you should be a little more modest. when people are cheating for you in order to win.

I know, I know Mark was here. You got you all pumped up. You're feeling like you're all king's shit now. Dirtiest player in the game. Because your employer is out here and going, yeah, I like Vinny.

He's the best. Okay. You are so upset right now. I'm going to start bringing family and friends here to talk about how great I am. Please do. I would love to try to set them straight. Now I'm going to have to make friends and reconnect with my family. Yeah.

Please. That's a consequence right there. Carl, are you ready for a scum parade? I am. All right. let's uh hit that music the skum parade

these are my peeps the scum parade there's nothing for creeps the scum parade I'm parolandin show Oh fuck I forgot to play Cranberonies

we're back I'm sorry I forgot to play Cranberoni's voicemail Oh play it You want to play it? Yeah, yeah, that's fine I like that guy

He also makes some good points Oyo creep off boys Vinny Winnie You handsome fella You've done it again Carl Come on mate Look stop picking baby killers

They're not intrinsically creeps Anyone can do it Dogs do it all the time Literally put a baby in the corner Eventually it's gonna die It's love effort, mate. You both know you can do better. Let's have a fresh start.

You pull yourself up. Look at all the effort then he goes to. All right. You've got to work. You game. All right. So let's have a bloody good go at it next week. All right.

Love you boys. Au-voir. Orvoir. Carl, I realize something. You walked in here today wearing that already with like a white Halloween doctor's coat. It's my lab coat from the isotopes. Oh, okay. So you walked in here.

looking like a flasher. Pretty much, yeah. I'm as creep. This is a show by creeps for creeps. You were wearing the hat, too, which I find weird. What? Why? Who cares?

You should have seen my, um, my landscapers were at my house when I was leaving. And they were waving at me and I was, I'm going to get to my car with my cow. Can we imagine what they're thinking. Why did you just wear your clothes and change here? Do you think I would have a camera hidden somewhere? Why not? I mean, honestly, I can't tie the bikini myself. I had to have my wife do that.

So I might have put the shit on. You could have just put a shirt on. You could have just put a shirt on over it. I could have, but I wore my lab coat instead. So what? Big wuff. Okay. You know, you live you.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't wear a cow bikini to a podcasting studio correctly. I'm sorry, I don't have practice with that. Maybe the third or fourth time I do it, I'll figure it out. All right, Vinny, give me some reps. Well, you know what? I forgive you. Forgive me.

Yeah. For what? You just apologize. I forgive you. I was being sarcastic, you asshole. I don't think This game sucks This whole fucking idea

This bitch I'm a cow Bitch I'm a cow I'm not a cat I don't say now Come on Carl Let's get in the sky Listen This is the worst consequence

You've had to deal with It might be No it is It definitely is And you know it This is the worst one you've had to do I don't I'm not enjoying it

And you didn't have to do it in public No Just on the internet Yeah I think you look great. Thank you. I do, too. Good.

You want to start in Queens, New York? Yeah, let's go to Queens. All right. I was actually just there. I saw my dad wrote a porno live. How was that? It was a lot of fun. It was great.

We had great seats, Radio City Music Hall. I never been there before. It was a lot of fun. Well, we're going to talk about a terrible man in Queen. A callous Queen's thief on a motorcycle snatched a dog off the street from a 75-year-old man and broad daylight. The senior was with his pup around 2.20 p.m. Saturday when the suspect approached and started petting him.

According to the cops, the video posted on the Facebook page, the gray and white mini pit bull named Off White is less than a year old. The victim, Carlos Gill, said the suspect suddenly swept the dog into his arms and began revving his engine in an attempt to take off. Now, there's a picture of this. Yeah. That poor dog looks terrified. Are you kidding me?

That dog looks like he's having so much fun. You know, when I was looking at this story, I was thinking, what do we do with this dog? Do we let it pick which owner? Because you've got a 75-year-old man who's just walking around, or you get joyrides on a motorcycle with your new owner. Wee! I think the dog's picking the new guy.

The sad thing is this isn't the 72-year-old guy's dog. No, it's not. It's his daughters. You know, we are really living in a dystopian future where you can't even steal a dog from an old man without a video capturing it. There's just video everywhere. It's too much. It's too much.

We can't get away with anything in broad day. To the 80s, the good old days. Right. Gil tried in vain to block the petnapper's path, but he got away. When he took off on his bike, I tried to push him, he said. He rushed away, but I thought he was going to hit a pole because I wanted to take him out. In a statement, the police said we find this cowardly and horrible that they prayed on this senior and they stole his dog. Wow.

I'm sure that senior will be able to buy the dog back from wherever these people say. sell it too. Let's go to Craigslist, dude. You'll get it back later. They said that the stolen dog is worth about $800. Okay. For a used dog. Come on. For a used dog. $800 for a used dog, please. If any dog ever needed to be rescued, this one literally needs to be rescued.

The dog's just going, help! You know what's really sad is now that this poor lady can't trust her 72-year-old to walk her dog for anymore. Now she doesn't have to pay somebody. It's great. This is a pretty fun story. I got to be honest with you, this guy may have made a good run for biggest creep in Hawaii last week. Maui, Hawaii, 55-year-old man faces a murder charge after police alleged he electrocuted a woman and drove her body to a nearby hospital.

According to the Maui Police Department on Sunday, June 19th, 15th, as I like to call, officers were called to the Kula Hospital for a report of an unresponsive woman who was brought to the emergency room. When they arrived, Maui Police learned the victim, 42-year-old Angela Johnson, been pronounced dead by the attending emergency room physician. The doctors determined she died before she got to the hospital. They found Mr.

Brian Sherrill, and they took him into custody in the airport. He was trying to board a plane to go to. Oregon. Oregon. What was the plan here, Vinny? This guy brings a dead person to the hospital drops her off and goes to the airport. I did everything I could.

You know, I brought it to the hospital. You don't need to bring dead people to the hospital. That's not a place that they needed to go. Yeah, you just leave them. Everybody knows that. You burn the house down. Basically, this is what happened. He beat her to death.

Yes, we're going to get, I was just going to tell everybody what happened. Okay. So they're examining this body. They catch this guy at the airport. And he beat her to death, like you said. Yeah. And then he was like, oh, shit. I think I may have gone a little too far.

Like that call, a little past the post office. Right. So he decides to pull electrical wires from something and tries to tries to shock her heart back. Yeah, jump it like a car. Like a fucking Motley crew video. Yeah, kickstop my heart. Kickstop my heart.

Boom. And he's shocking her and electrocuted her to death. He tried everything, Benny. He tried electrocuting her. Try to blow torch. He did the people's elbow on her. Nothing worked. He couldn't bring her back to life.

I couldn't believe it. If the people's elbow can't save you, what can save you? I wanted to know what she said to him before she got this beating. Yeah. You know? They found blood evidence all over the house. Just blood everywhere. where too, by the way. So, uh, he is under arrest. I would think so, yeah. He is definitely

under arrest. I got to say the place where he made his mistake, many, bringing a dead person to the hospital. He would have definitely been able to board that play to get to Oregon. His lawyer is going to use that to say that he had remorse. Not going to fly. But good luck with that. You're probably correct. So ladies and gentlemen, we have a brand new theme for the scum parade sent in by our pal Sarah Dunlap. Oh, good. She does the greatest themes. And because our next story, is from Brevard County, Florida. Here's the new Florida jingle. Florida, Florida.

You got to get your shit together. Why so many creepy bugs? What's the hell going on? Yeah, baby, it's a swamp gas. Hope they're going to be in a guest. Uh-huh. I love her. That's fantastic.

Thank you, Sarah. I just want to say, Carl, you keep talking about how you're looking for property in Florida. Yeah. Oof. You sure you want to go down there? I think I'd fit right in.

Yeah, maybe. I might wear this outfit. A Florida man, abused and raped a woman for nearly a week after the victim revealed she had a previous relationship with the black man. I wanted to know why she offered that information. up. But let's go through the story. There's a lot going on here. Maybe they were like in the

the produce section. It's just something jogged her memory. Police documents show Charles Tanner 51 was arrested in Brevard County Wednesday on charges of sexual battery, aggravated battery, felony battery, false imprisonment, aggravated assault and sexual cyber harassment. The New York Post reported cited an affidavit filed by the Brevard County Sheriff's Office. The charges were connected to his alleged detainment of a woman identified only by her initials, a, H. She arrived at his home. Asshole. It's a sad abbreviation there.

It certainly is. June 3rd, she arrived at his house and she was experiencing a withdrawal. She told investigators she had known Tanner for five years and had been in a relationship with him, which ended a month ago. After enjoying her high, A.H. had consensual sex with Tanner as a form of payment and later told him that she previously had a relationship with another man who was of African-American descent. See, I don't think she said it like that. All of this made sense, up until that sense is like, okay, she's a math head, he's a math ad, he has math, she doesn't have math, she goes over to get some math, fucks the guy, all of that makes perfect sense to me.

I get all of that. And then the, oh yeah, and then I was talking to him about this black guy used to bone. That's the part where I'm like, why would you offer up that information? Tanner was so enraged by this revelation that he kicked her in the head. He proceeded to detain her for five days at his home, during which Tanner strangled her, beat her with the clothes, fist and berated her for being unfaithful. The defendant would then smoke meth, become enraged, and then forcefully have sex with A.H against her will, or make her perform oral sex on him.

The affidavit read that he also violated her with a sex toy, a cucumber, and a corn cob. One of those was too pleasant, apparently. All right, no more sex toy for you. You're enjoying this too much. I knew I shouldn't have gotten the cucumber with all them ribs on it. Oh, God. He took photos with these acts with the victim's phone and sent the photos to to her friends and father on Facebook.

Could you imagine getting images of your daughter with a corn cobbered or cunt? And you're just like, honey, you got to stop said to me, sweetie. That's my girl. I can't keep looking at these. Honey, it was funny the first time, but you got to stop with the shit. You know, we told you to call home more often. Yeah, this is not what we, you do your thing. And then when you're done, let's grab lunch.

Oh, honey, look. A.H. Remembered your birthday. She texted this year. How is there not a reality show that just follows around Florida Methods? Wouldn't that be the greatest show on television, Vinny? These people are always up to just shenanigans. It seems a little cruel.

It's insane for us to cheer them on. Because here's what's going to happen. I'm saying we should get a laugh track. We should totally be cheering them on for this. Yeah. Have addicts. Hey, I'm high on meth again. Let's beat people up to rape them.

I'm going to rape this one and that one over there. Um, Carl. All right. This is where I should say. Drugs are bad. You shouldn't do drugs. Thank you. Drugs are bad.

Thank you. Thank you. So Tanner allegedly tried to sleep on top of this woman for some reason. Well, to keep her there. Yeah. She didn't want to hang out by day four. She's like, you know what? I don't think I'm having a good time here.

I really stopped having fun when you busted out the corn cow. Yeah. That's what stopped being fun for me. Could you have at least shucked at first? Gross. So she's able to wriggle free, and she gets out. She sees help from Tanner's neighbors while naked and covered in bruises. The unnamed residents let her inside their home, which, listen, you know, keep an eye on the silver,

provided her with clothing they called the police. I'm sure it's at the best neighborhood. I doubt they have their special silver for when guests come over. Carl, I think that's racist. Is it? No. I don't know what anyone's racist in this story, although I assume white because they're meth heads in Florida. Oh, that's true.

I don't know. That's a good point. Charles Tanner. Yeah, these are definitely white people. That's right. He was bad about the black guy. I really screwed this whole story up. With high hopes for their kid, dude, Charles.

He was around. Oh, no. This guy went by Chuck. Everybody knew who was Chuck. He was arrested in 2013 over another instance, similar to what happened to this woman. The victim of the past incident was held against her will by the defendant over several days, where he battered her sexually battered her sexually battered. her and used her cell phone to film himself urinating and defecating on her. Whoa.

So his ex-girlfriend, he pissed on and shit on. What did she do, fucking Arab? That's insane. She was really up to no gun. She fucked a corn farmer and he was very upset. All right. I'll lock this guy up for a little bit. Why don't think about what he's done?

Our last creed. Give him some time to cool off. By the way, Minnie, I apologize. You might have to throw this chair out. What are you doing over there? I apologize for that. Are you just ripping ass in my chair? There might be a snail trail on it.

Why would there be a snail trail? You're a disgusting person. Carl has a leaky asshole, everybody. It depends. You're a creature. Just a gross creature. All right. Let's keep going.

This next story, folks. This next story, folks, is pretty bad. Hannah Clark, she's 31 years old. She died while trying to protect her young children when her ex-Rohan Baxter, 42 ambushed her in a premeditated attack. Baxter was found dead alongside his ex-wife, two daughters,

Leana, Alea, and their son, Trey, who was three. They found them at Brisbane, Australia, in February of 2020. Miss Clark left her mom's house on February 19, 2020, with her three children in the car's back seat.

apparently Baxter intercepted the car armed with a knife and a can of gasoline, dousing the cabin and restraining Ms. Clark as she desperately called for help. Ms. Clark bravely kept driving to try and get help, but the car caught on fire. Ms. Clark fled with her clothes and flames while screaming, he's poured petrol on me! He's poured petrol on me! Baxter stabbed himself with a knife after witnessing what he had just done, which Deputy State Coroner, Jane Bentley described, as a final act of cowardice. Could you imagine a more horrific death than what this woman and her three children went through? Your three kids watching your dad set your mom on fire and then him stabbing himself to death in front of you? Well, the kid died, too.

But that's the last thing they're seeing it. Good thing they got rid of the guns down there. Thank goodness for that. No more violence. Yeah, it would have been done quicker. No shit. This is a brutal. This is the fucking murder.

Also, this guy, Rowan Baxter is a professional rugby player. Is there anyone in Australia who isn't a professional rugby player? Have you ever heard of any? anything. It's like, oh, this guy's an accountant. Just the she, Les. Do they even have accounting in Australia? Everyone's a professional something. It was sports, it seems like. In the past, she had described him as a master of manipulation. They heard how Baxter displayed controlling and abusive behaviors, including controlling what Ms. Clark wore, who she could see, and he demanded sex every night. Baxter abducted Loviana and Ms. Clark. I like how they talk about

that. They're like, and by the way, this wasn't the only bad thing he did. He was also very controlling it sounds like they're victim blaming she didn't want to put out every night he burned her alive what do you mean what you don't have to say anything else the guy's an asshole we get it's like also he would tell her what to wear when they went out together okay one time he beat her up because she found pictures that he had taken of her that she didn't know he took yeah and his car and he's like why do you have these pictures why did you take these and he just beat her up for that By the way, this woman, Sarah Clark, or Hannah Clark, I mean, pretty hot. Actually, really hot at the end there.

She's as hot as you can be. Skin melting hot. Organ ruining hot. I am getting too hot. This is terrible. Okay, I tell you about the funniest sentence from this story. I don't know if you're going to get to it or not. Go ahead.

This is the funniest thing. Even if Baxter had attended a program about domestic violence, he would have still probably continued with his evil plans to hurt Ms. Clark. Yeah. Really? Yeah, I actually have that highlighted here. Even if they told him that that's mean and that you shouldn't do that, you'd still would have done it.

Now, that's a funny thing to say. It's a ridiculous thing. Especially when what the judge ended up doing, is the cops may have start a face-to-face training and set up a special domestic violence police station for a 12-month trial and the final recommendation from the Queens

is for the Queensland government to provide funding for men's behavior change programs both in prisons and in the community as a matter of urgency. I hope chapter one is women don't like to be burned alive and they especially don't like to see their children be burned alive. Bring them flowers instead.

Yeah. Or it's... Tell them they look pretty. Send them a text. I'm angry with you today. You know, just communicate a little bit better. Holy shit. Yeah, that's a bad story.

That's a brutal lot. That's rough. Yeah, so listen, folks, I am going to be putting up the final poll on Patreon today for our next Hall of Fame episode. We're going to be recording that in the next couple of weeks. Beautiful. We want to get that done. So you guys are going to get to pick who the candidates will be. And there's some fun ones on there.

Some folks have finally agreed with my nomination of Vince McMahon. Oh, yeah. Wow. There's some interesting stories that come out with that, huh? Murder cover-ups. Wow. Accused of rape. Yes.

All sorts of shit that nobody's really taught. Well, they're talking about it now, but it's been. Well, what's crazy, and I'm sure you saw this, but this woman who's accusing him of raping her back in 1986, the female referee. Yeah. She went public with that back in the 90s. Yes. She was saying this back in the 90s.

It's not like she's just like, well, now it's the Me Too move, and I guess I'll have No, it's like, no, everyone just ignored her. Yeah, but Stone Cold. He was really killing it then. You're right. Stone Cold was the man back then, nobody gave his shit. If I was sure, I would just take the satisfaction of knowing that Stone Cold gave Mr. McMahon everything he deserved and dead some. Pow!

Stone Cold Stunners. We could talk about that during the Hall of Fame episode, I suppose. I'm going to AEW tomorrow. Oh, are you? Where is that happening? You're going to be in Rochester. No shit. So keep an eye out tomorrow night.

If you're going to watch AEW Dynamite for a new Carl Sucks sign on account of my friend, Carl left the last one at the Blue Crosserita. Oops. Nice outfit, Dickhead. Yeah, I know. Thanks. So, folks, you will be able to vote on that on Patreon only. And if you are not a member of our Patreon, you can check out bonus episodes and get some cool merch. If you want to support.

Consider supporting us on Patreon, please. Please do. And if you can, it's cool. We still love you. Not as much as the people who do that. Correct. Yes. We love people who give us money more than we love other people.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The most. How about marching in that scum parade? Think about it. Are you just trying to drag this out? Can I please go home and change? Are you uncomfortable?

Yes. What's the most uncomfortable part? I kind of have to pee. Well, probably the thing that showed up my ass right now, my bikini thong. Oh, I thought it was the plug. Okay. Well, I guess creepoff roast.com vote this week. It's creepoff.com.

If you want to email us, the creepoff pot of Gmail, send us voicemails 585-37-18108. Until next time, remember. remember it's nice to be important it's more important to be nice gagia May your enemies be cast in your podcast adventures.