The Creep Off - Episode 121: Kids Just Can’t Play Outside Anymore

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

This week Karl & Vinnie make their nominations for the biggest creep from the land of the rising sun Japan: In the scum parade we meet a drug mule and her online boyfriend, a terrible tenant and fake cop in a pickup truck: Less than 30 tickets remain for the Creep Off Live featuring the Roast of Karl & Vinnie tickets are available at Creepoffroast.comHere are the links to this week’s scum parade stories! Minnesota man, woman arrested after 10 pounds of meth allegedly delivered to wrong address | Truecrimedaily.comDaniel Ray Simpson Allegedly Fondled Himself Before Women (lawandcrime.com)Florida man swings hatchet, shoots landlord in face, deputies say | WFLAMan intentionally hit 13-year-old boy with his truck and then impersonated an officer to kidnap him, LAPD says - TheBlaze

Last time on the creep off. Carl made the child watch him have sex with the cows. Mark just like getting some jabs in. And there's video of this. Bitch, I'm a cow. I'm not a cat. I don't say now. I'm extremely uncomfortable.

I think that there is cheating going on. People are cheating. You're a cheater. You love it. This is not funny. I'm not going to copay down. I'm in a fucking cow bikini because people are cheating. By the way, have you ever worn?

a thong bikini bottom before. Attention parents what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation. Horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down.

Coooooo, coo, coo. Everything is rocking out of control when we hit Japan. Ola, creepos, welcome to another edition of your favorite true crime podcast. It's the show about creeps, by creeps, for you creeps. It's the creep off. I'm your host. The tower of power, too sweet to be sour. The people's champion.

And I would like to introduce my co-host. He blinded me with club feet. He blinded me with club feet. It's hot. Kaka, Kala. Hey, what's happening? Vinnie Paulino. Good to see you, my friend. I'm very happy to be back in a T-shirt and shorts this week.

You know, it's interesting. Yeah, you guys get all dolled out when you play out. When you do podcast in a cow bikini, it makes everything else more comfortable. I'm much more comfortable today. I feel good about this. Going through that experience has changed my whole outlook on life. Yeah, you liked the thong, you said, and you kept it. Nope.

Nope. Not a fan. Never wearing that again. dunzo do you have more respect for women now no less much less if that's impossible huh i know i was surprised too i thought i could only go in one direction from where i was but nope nope you're like you wear these things bunch idiots bunch of dummies so carl i'm glad that you uh you were a good sport uh thank you to everybody who checked out our instagram page which is a very silly place so please make sure you check it out at creep off bond it's a lot of fun over there i saw on our instagram that uh

the latest voting Joe Biden won with 99% of the votes. There's something going on. He's the president of the United States of America. There's something going on with our voting. I don't want to spend every week bitching about it, Vinny. I'm not going to do that. So here's, I was going to make you an offer, but you seem to be in a good mood. So I'll just take the point.

But the vote is definitely moving next week. Yes. It's going to Patreon because you guys, we asked you nicely last week. Yeah, they don't care. So Vinny has 51% of the votes. Please This is a huge deal that's going down Right before I'm very eyes here

This is no fun Because right now I would usually play Like my glorious music You know what the fuck But you know they cheat it No I won't give in I won't give in Till I'm victorious

Fuck you All right it's going to Patreon It was going to be boasting It's going to be on the Patreon page Anybody could vote there Anyone could go there and vote It's fine You just probably have to log in or some shit

I don't think you do I think we should bring it to Reddit I think we should try it on Reddit this week Because then you have to have a login to vote Okay here's why I wanted to avoid Reddit This is why I know that this was cheating this week There are exactly 666 votes On the creepop

Did you notice that, Vinny? Makes sense to me Carl You think that's a coincidence? I think not Well I think the Dark Lord wanted me to win Yeah, well, that's probably true. That'll give you. I'm the Dark Lord's favorite son.

Now, Carl, I want to talk about this for a second. The reason why I didn't necessarily want it to go to Reddit is because our creep-off Reddit page is hard to find. And here's why it's hard to find folks. Can we just put a link from our website? I'm going to put a link to the website. I'm going to do that. But if you're just looking on Reddit and you haven't been able to find it,

it's because a long time ago, we jokerly called the show The The Creep-off. Oh, right. somebody said, why is it, why is the web address the, the creepoff? Right. So it's one of those things where you have to look up the, the creep off to be able to find it. And nobody who's new to the show thinks to look there. So we'll put a link where the voting would be for you to go vote on Reddit this week. Yeah.

I'm sorry that we're having this conversation. I'm sorry we're having this conversation on air, but it's, it's just annoying now. You're going to have to post it. That's fine. Okay. Happy to do that. Great. I appreciate that.

You can create a Reddit account, you know, Vinny. I could. I don't care. You're doing it. You do some work around here for fucking money. All right. Yeah, listen. That's fine.

You're the one bitching. You can do a little work. Oh, I know. I'm the one bitching. You are. Well, I'm the one who won. All right. I'm not even going to get into it.

I'm not even going to feed the trolls today. Vinehousing for the winhousing. You won fair and square because you made up some story about some dairy farmer. I did make up shit. how dare you well today we are going to the land of the rising sun that's correct we had a big

recent news with a former prime minister who would have known I think his name was Abe Lincoln I think it was his name I don't even know his name was assassinated over there in Japan so we thought wow those people are creep sometimes maybe we should check out the creepiest Japanese person

well why not I mean that island I thought was pretty secure I think you said it best earlier that they they don't allow guns. No. They just had the one on the island. Yeah. And a guy got killed.

Sucks. It's an island of creeps. They have one gun and this is what they do with it. Yeah, they pass it around. It's like, who do you want to get with it? So either way, I'm excited to go first today because my creep, wow. Okay. This story was something that was unknown to me.

Yes, go ahead. Get it started. My creep today is not just. just a creed. He's an indictment on Japanese fucking society, Carl. Okay. My creep today is a monster, but he has been celebrated

in Japanese culture. Oh, it's Godzilla. You brought Godzilla. That's awesome. What's the load of the heads? Oh, I don't know. I forgot. So, he's been celebrated Japanese culture since the 80s, but before I tell you anything about him, I'm going to tell you a couple of facts. Okay. We're going to start with this.

The man never still trial. He is the only creep I have ever presented that has been immortalized in a Rolling Stone song. Since he has been very open about the crime he committed, he's written mangas and books about his crimes. He's appeared on television shows. Why do I care if he enjoys mangoes? What does that to do with anything? What's the creepy porn drawings? Manga? Well, there's hentai. Right. And then there's manga. Okay. So it's not just a delicious fruit? Yeah, it's not. Keep moving. He's done came of himself in movies, Carl. Most of the detail I have in the story

comes directly from this guy from all of his writings. His name is... Isay Sagawa. All right. Now, he was born very early. He was a little tiny baby. This guy was really tiny.

Wow, a tiny Japanese person, you don't say. Four foot 11. If he was wearing, like, boots. I did it a Korean who was 411. When he was born, dude, he could fit the palm of his dad's hand. That's how tiny this guy was. So he was like a premature, tiny, little skinny guy.

Wait a second. Now this is turning into like a fairy tale. I'm not buying any of this. They planted a seed. They out Cape Issaic Secawa. The fucking monster. Okay. So his dad had a shit ton of money.

They were a very good family, well-educated kid. And he and his younger brother were very close. And as a child, his father and his uncle used to play games with these kids where they would dress up like monsters. and because they were so tidy, they'd put them in pots and pretend that they were cooking them. Okay, that's a fun game.

Yeah, I think so. Cook the kids. Cook the kids. It's a fun game. It is. So, I prefer to put children in a walk, but that's fine.

Pots are good, too. This kind of led to a weird obsession with this kid about fairy tales and stories of cannibalism. Like his favorite stories were Hansel and Gretel and shit like that. He even recalls. That is about cannibalism, isn't it? It is. It is.

It is. He even recalls sitting in class in first grade. If you lived in a house made out of candy, how long would that house be standing for? I don't know, man. I'm thinking one night you have an edible and it's over. It's over, Johnny. The roof is gone. They're like, was this termites?

No, it's the guy over there who's diabetic shock. This candy cane cane root was supposed to last 30 years. Didn't make it a day. What happened? All right. The rhino happens. Carl, he's at first grade. He remembers sitting there looking at other children's thighs while they were wearing shorts and wondering how they tasted.

Okay. Isn't that nice? Yeah, it's pleasant. Yeah. His big childhood crush was Grace Kelly. Remember good old Grace Kelly? I don't. She's a beautiful woman.

She became the princess of Morocco. Okay. Either way, he didn't want to fuck her. He dreamed about cooking her and eating her. Okay. And this is like as a kid. You and me, we're talking Tiffany, Amber These. and this guy's like pumpkin face i bet you want to eat that pumpkin oh everybody wants a little bit of

that pumpkin and fucking he's just thinking about fucking roasting grace kelly out of god damn spigot dude uh well kids think weird things but what happens when you get older well they stop thinking those weird things not our boy you say he's 23 years old he's a student in college he gets arrested for attempted rape okay after he crawls into the second story window of a German woman that he admired in Tokyo. He followed the German woman home, then broke into her apartment while she was sleeping. Now, according to his

book, his intention was to, this is the craziest shit I've ever heard, girl. He wanted to slice off part of her buttocks and sneak away with it and eat it. Sounds like a fun little prank. Right? Yeah. He's like, I don't want

to wake her up. He's got like a night, like he's going to slice up this woman's butt and expect her to sleep through it. Of course. Germans sleep hard, man. Okay. So she wakes up and she's like a six-foot-tall German woman and he's this 4-11 premature man and she just beats the shit out of him and holds him there. Good. So he never told.

Right story, Benny. All right. So my creep this week. I'm not done. Oh, okay. Yeah. So either way, the police charge him with attempted rape. He didn't confess that his true attention.

Wait, why is it attempted to rape? Because she didn't know what the fuck he was doing in her bedroom. They assumed he was coming to rape her. It could have been anything. Well, that's what they did in Japan. What the fuck you want to read a bedtime story to her? Hansel and Gretel. Right, exactly.

I don't know why you would assume rape, but all right. Well, either way, whole thing is taking care of. We should have just shown his penis. Be like, what am I going to rape with this thing? So tiny. What do you mean? That old chest night. Yeah.

His dad paid off the German woman. All the charges got dropped. Everything got taken care of. And he decided. That's like U.S. justice right there. Wow, all right. Very progressive. Money talks.

So they pay the woman. He returns to studying and never passes the entrance exam to the school that he wanted to get into. So he decides to go to Paris and study literature and language. So this leads us to 1977. At the age of 27, he's living in France, Carl. And in his books, he claims that almost every night I would bring a prostitute home and then try to shoot them Try to shoot prostitutes

Yes This is really fucking weird He would bring them home solely for the intent To murder them and eat them But this didn't work out for him But he never fired the gun He said my fingers always froze up

And I couldn't do it Okay good Sounds like a good guy Yeah great guy He's got an internal battle going But he's winning the battle Well he eventually lost this battle When this girl named

She's a fellow student Renee Hartveldt. She was from the Netherlands. She was studying with him and they were friends. He invited over to his house to read poetry and he would help her translate it into German. Ah, that old chestnut. Well, she sits down at a desk and starts reading the poetry with her back to him. He pulls out a rifle and shoots her in the neck. This woman turns around and is freaking out blood gushing out of her neck. What poem was it? Something about footsteps in the sand. I think is what it was. Okay.

It was a good one. Yeah, it turns out that he was carrying her. Right. The whole time to hell. Yeah. So either way, she bleeds the fuck all over the place. Yeah. And he sees this and passes the fuck out.

He's got a weak stomach. Yeah. That's the only problem with me being a murderer. Got a weak stomach. So he comes to and she comes to and he goes, This is going great. Dude, he comes to and he really. realizes what he did and he's like, huh.

His words, I thought about calling an ambulance. He recalled, but then I thought, hang on, don't be stupid. You've been dreaming about this for 32 years and now it's actually happening. What's actually happening? A girl is bleeding out in your apartment? No, she's dead. He killed her. He said laid a towel under her head and undressed Renee.

She had sex with her body. Oh, boy. And then the first thing he wanted to do is take a bite from her buttocks. Jesus Christ. Very specifically, he wanted to eat her right buttock. Apparently, that was the plumber of the two. Okay. But when it came to it, this premature asshole realized that his teeth were not strong or sharp enough to cut through the flesh.

So he was trying to get a bite. He's like gnawing on this woman's ass, but he cannot get it out. So he decides, you know what I got to do? What's he got to do? I got to go get something sharper, but he couldn't find anything else in the apartment. So he went to the store and bought a meat carving knife. Good idea. That's what that is for specifically. Yeah, I mean, because if you would have got to chainsaw, I'd be like, no, dude, that's going to be a problem.

Sure. Too loud. Too loud. That's the right choice. Over the next couple of days, our boy, Isay, cut up Renee and experimented with how to consume human flesh. He tried it raw, fried, baked it to see which technique he enjoyed the most. Okay. Now, he even placed some of the meat in the freezer bags and placed them into his refrigerator. for him to enjoy it. When he ate it raw, did he wrap rice around it at least? I don't know if he did sushi. Some eel sauce.

Yeah. Fucking gross. So during the dismembering process of Renee, he took photographs of each stage. It's not known whether this was for his own enjoyment. The sexual component of the case are so he could recreate it. I've seen all of these photographs. Oh, fun. And I thought about putting them on the stream today.

He should have written a book about how to lose weight. He could teach women how to lose weight. That would have been a bestseller. I'd like some tips. Just give me a carving knife, maybe. I mean some steak. See what we can do. Can we get some beef tips over here?

They don't know if he did this for like the enjoyment of it or if it was like a sexual. What do you don't know? He wrote a book about it. Ask him. He's obviously very open about that. They don't know why. He'll tell you. So after three days, right, her body's starting to.

stinkle at all. Sure. Some flies are starting to show up. He knew it's time to get rid of her. So he bought two suitcases and an electric carving knife. He cut off her limbs and head and put them along with her torso inside both of the suitcases. I have seen the pictures of the police with the open suitcases and this

woman's head on the table. This was gruesome as fuck. Tetris type shit where you got to like place the arm and bend it at the elbow and then the torso goes here and the leg. This bitch foot was Humpty Dumpty. You ain't putting her back together again.

Okay. So he goes down to the lake at the Bo D. Bologna, which is the public park in Paris. Okay. He hoped that he could throw the suitcases into the river, Carl, and that they would just sing to the bottom. Sure. And stay lovey. And he would walk away and enjoy a day in Paris. Well, turns out the suitcases were too heavy for this little fuck to carry. So he calls for a taxi And the taxi driver helps him Load them into the taxi Sure, as they do

Yeah And he goes, what do you got in here? A body buddy? Yeah And he was like, oh ha ha ha giggled So When he gets to the park He struggles to carry the suitcases

Down to the lake by himself Many eyewitnesses Describes seeing a small Asian man Struggling through the park With the suitcases heading towards the lake That's got to be good for a laugh or two Right?

Oh my God. They're just going Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, French. That's not how you do French. No, that's how, what's his name does French? Go ahead. So he became exhausted.

He set the suitcases down a couple times. He stood there and he looked at the sunset over the lake. And he, someone walked past him and asked him if the suitcases were his. He said no and walked away. So the man pulled the suitcases back onto the land because he had put them down by like the beach bar. to, like, float away. They weren't really doing anything. And he was just like, I fucking give up.

And he leaves. And the guy opens the suitcases. Sure. Well, he's still within earshot. The guy opens the suitcases that sees that there's a fucking head and body parts in it. And he screams, murder, murder everyone in the park. Cops are running around looking for him. They caught him pretty quickly.

Yeah. This man should be in jail for the rest of fucking eternity. Sure. Well, his wealthy father provides a lawyer for him. after being held for two years he's waiting trial he's found legally insane and unfit to stand trial by the French court

I would agree with that so they sent him indefinitely to a mental institution now after spending four years in this institution the lawyer hired by his dad convinces the French authorities that it'd be better for the guy to go back to Japan instead of staying in France wait who convinces who

the lawyer convinces him it would be better for this man's mental health because he's a native Japanese speaker to be in a mental institution in Japan. Okay, that makes sense. As opposed to France. Okay. So they deport him back to Japan in 1984. Yeah, I'm sure Fras is like, oh, no, please don't

take this cycle away from our country. Oh, geez. All right. Yeah, God. Exactly right. They're like, fucking take him. You know the fuck out of here. So they get him in the psychiatric hospital in Japan, and they go, well, he has a personality disorder, but he's not legally insane. Okay. So, second opinion. Very good. Right.

Yep. His examining psychologist all declared insane and found sexual perversion was the sole motivation for the murder. Okay. And at that point, he's got a kink. What do we get to kink shame the guy? He likes to cut people up and eat him. At that point, because the charges against him in France were dropped because they said he was insane. Right.

Wow. This whole thing falls right through the cracks. This is a loophole. This is some kind of technicality. And this motherfucker checks himself out of the mental hospital. And he's been free ever fucking. since that's awesome very good that's a happy ending Carl and since then he's been on book tours and he's a celebrity that's awesome he dude I like to see restaurant reviews for a magazine yeah

none of the flush on the menu none of the human flesh on this menu I didn't enjoy it very much he lives under a new name in Tokyo now vice TV interviewed him I think a few years ago I was going to play clips of it but it's all in Japanese it might not have translated well to the podcast so if you want to watch that yeah if you want to watch it's on youtube you can watch an actual interview with this fucking guy and it is chilling so is he cured now is he stopped eating people since then so here's what he says yeah what's up he claims he would never act on his cannibalistic urges he says he has no desire to kill another human being he doesn't like to kill okay but let i don't kill i don't like to kill i don't like to kill

but he can't help it when he sees a beautiful woman to wonder what she might taste like not in the fun way I want to eat her ass yeah I do too buddy I get it no no no you don't get it motorboated a little bit no no no I mean sauteed with some mushrooms and shallots like that guy in the fucking French prison yeah so he also said he thinks his desire to eat Renee Hartfeld might have been satisfied if the German woman had allowed him

to drink her urine or eat her pubic hair because that would have given him strength. Okay. So this man is a complete loon. Yeah. He's drawn comic books about when he was a child, his fantasies of murdering his aunt and eating her. I mean, it's fucking sick

and he's just out free wandering that goddamn island. Good for him. I'm going to say, we don't have a lot of stories with happy ending. on this show so finally we have one of that i appreciate that you brought that can i play you something real quick yeah of course there's a rolling stone song from their album undercover of the night from like 1984 not their best word i was i was going to say that's not the stones area that people refer to very often right and i found this out and i had to pull the clip of them talking about him

listen to this shit here's mcjagger retelling the story a friend of mine this is japanese he had a girlfriend in Paris he exited her for six months and eventually she said yes you know took her to his apartment cut off her head with the rest of her body and refrigerator and her piece by piece put her in the refrigerator put her in the freezer and when her ate her took her bones to the bois de boulogne by chance a taxi driver noticed him burying the bones you don't believe me

truth is strange in the fiction you drive to their every life how fucking weird is that that sucks that's in the middle

of a rolling stone song I'm so glad the Beatles broke up before the 80s can't even imagine what that would have sounded like dude

I know Ringo would have learned since yeah for sure also who was playing guitar on that song

The edge the fuck was that not good guys you want to hear some really good guitar playing guys here's a clip that's carl's awesome guitar playing and singing I was singing gay bar at the karaoke show this past week yes he was it was great I hope you'll do it at the

at your show the night before the creepoff rose on September 17th yeah maybe I'll bring back gay bar for that show I think the fans would enjoy it did you see crows singing Joe Cocker by any chance nailed it for that it was unbelievable that was pretty good You know what made that amazing? What's that? The Bukaki Queen and Jenny Jingles singing back up. Correct.

To Croh. Destroying that song. Killed it. They did do a fantastic job. People enjoyed that. I mean, it's no gay bar, but, you know, people like that song, too, I guess. I'm going to get it to be a huge. Good stuff, Carl.

Are we getting kicked off a YouTube at any point here? I feel like we're playing a lot of music all of a sudden. No, I think we're all right. All right. Is it time for Mike Creep? It sure is. Mike Creep is a gentleman named Yoshio Kedera. And the reason why I wanted to bring in Yoshio is because he comes from an era of Japan that everyone was a lunatic. Japan, I don't know.

The 80s. Nope. I don't know if you know about the, no, I'm not talking about Gung Ho, Japan. I am talking about World War II Japan. The Japan that actually led to them getting bombed by an atomic. bomb and the rest of the world going, yeah, they kind of earned that one. You know, there wasn't someone who was just like, man, that you guys went a little too far with that.

People were just like, yeah, no, they had that one coming. These guys are a problem. Was this guy ever, like, a guest on the Japanese equivalent of Kelly and Michael? I didn't get that far in my research. I don't know. But he grew up a very quiet. And the reason why he grew up very quiet is because he had a stutter. He was a stuttering jap.

Can I say that? Is that okay to say? You think you could get away with that? In fact, it's rumored that his friends called him MC Stammer. In 1923 at the 18, he was really good. In 1923 at the 18, he joined the Imperial Japanese Navy. In 1928, Yoshio was stationed in China and participated in the Jinan incident, where he personally killed six Chinese soldiers.

He also raped many women in China, and in one instance, stuck a sword into the belly of a pregnant woman. And this is kind of the antics that the Japanese were up to at the time where the Chinese were not too thrilled with them being their neighbor. There were some issues going on. He was a part of that. They fucking love kebabs, don't they? They do.

They love a good kebob. Shortly after his return to Japan in 1932, Yoshio retired with the rank of sergeant and settled down with his new wife. However, she would leave him due to him cheating on her, which she only discovered after a child was born from another woman. Can I get an oh-no drop, please, Vinny? Oh, certainly. Oh, no.

Oh, wow. Who's this kid? Oh, shit. Yeah, it's my kid. I'm sorry about that. Splot! Not long after, so she left him. Not long after that, he went on a rage-induced rampage,

attacking members of his wife's family, which resulted in the injury of six people and the murder of his wife's father. His father-in-law, he decided to kill. Listen, man, everybody's wanted to kill her father-in-law at least once. At least once. and you just got to resist, get through it, move on. He was arrested and sentenced to 15 years in prison, but was released early on parole in 1940.

This would prove to be a big mistake, Vinny. Between May of 1945 and August of 1946, he raped and murdered at least 10 women in Tokyo. Once the Japanese announced their surrender in 1945, he used the aftermath of the war to his advantage by manipulating and tricking women in need before killing them. his victims included a 21-year-old that he raped and murdered after breaking into a female dormitory

in a Navy clothing factory he then raped and strangled a 31-year-old at a train station before stealing her watch and money not long after that he befriended the 22-year-old who was in need of money after the war he invited her into a wooded area to work for him as a farmer instead he brutally raped and murdered her

come out over here to the woods I'm a farmer come out of her get a farm over here and also stole her sandals Which, by the way, I don't know if you know this, but that incident is how Sandals Resorts got their name. Three days later. Three stars. Yoshio invited a 21-year-old woman at the train station to a farmhouse in the woods

where she was raped and strangled to death before he stole her money and flip-flops. This guy collects footwear, apparently. A month later, he met a 21-year-old at a Tokyo station who he invited into a mountain village where he eventually raped her repeatedly, then killed her and left her body there after looting it. This was repeated with another 21-year-old woman a couple months later. In August of 1946, Yoshio murdered a 17-year-old girl that he had been recruiting for a job since mid-June.

She needed a job to help her family with post-war trouble. Yoshio even visited her home and met her mother to convince her to, hey, she can come work for me on my farm. This will be great. So then once they found the dead box, the mom goes, oh, I think I know who did this. It's that Yoshio guy I talked to who recruited there to come work for his farm. He was arrested on the 20th of August, 1946, and on the 18th of June in 1947, the district court tried him for seven of the suspected 10 murders.

Venteenth Eve. It turned out, let's stop making it about you. It turned out. After the fifth murder, they found out that Yoshio committed necrophilia with the corpse. How'd they find that out? A little investigating is how they found that out, Benny. So, all right, your creep ate a person. My creep rapes and murders people and fucks them after they're dead.

So I guess that's what we got going. Well, my guy fucked his after she died. The Supreme Court. And she had blood all over when he fucked her. The Supreme Court sentenced him to death on the 16th of November, 1948. Yoshio was executed by hanging on the 5th of October, 1949. On his final day, he said, quote,

I am fortunate to be able to die on such a calm and peaceful day and he requested that they play this song It's a beautiful day Oh boy I don't want to get struck down by YouTube He didn't really To ask for that, did he?

That's impossible, it's 1946 What are you talking about? He didn't really, did he? Literal, man. Oh, man. In summary. he was such a prolific rapist that he's known as the Japanese

Bill Cosby he'll forever be known as the Japanese Bill Cosby he had amazingly good timing with very clean material so that is my creep Yoshio Kedera who is the creepiest

Japanese creep this week vote for Carl and our subreddit the the creep off I'll allow it I just want to say though like I really feel like my guy's worse just simply because

He lived off of the fucking crime. He got off completely Scott Free and then reveled in it and became a celebrity because of it. He did one bad thing once. My creep was brutally murdering Chinese people. When they had a little conflict over there, comes back, decides to murder his wife's family. It takes every good looking 21 year old off the market for anyone else to enjoy. It's unfair. Not fair, man.

It's not fair. Not cool. You know what, though? I still say my guy's creepier. I know. Voted the subreddit. That is this week's competition. Are you ready for some voicemails, Carl?

Yeah, do we have a sponsor this week? We certainly do. Great. The creep-off voicemail segment is brought to you by the city of Syracuse. Our college mascot is the orange, which makes it all the more ironic. We lead the nation in cases of scurvy. See you in Syracuse. Pretty good.

All right. That's a pretty good. It's a great city. It's a great town. He's our roastmaster, right? He is. Yeah. Creepoffroast.com. How are we doing on ticket sales? We haven't brought that up yet.

Okay. Ready for this, folks? Yes. Less than 30 tickets left. Okay. I believe there are five VIP tickets only left. Okay. And then I think there's 20 some odd regular tickets left. Come party with us in our hometown of Rochester. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I heard there's some people on the fence about whether or not they're going to be showing up for this. Yeah, we might have, we'll make some announcements once we get confirmations. There's one guy who I owe a punch in the face. Oh, interesting. Okay. Well, that's not going to help us get that person here.

So you might want to not say that. Too often. Motherfucker. What else are you going to say? Oh, so I listened to your episode of Why Are You Laughing Yesterday? Okay. Which is a great show. Mike does a good job with that.

Yeah. Mike Geary is the host, Blind Mike, who was just on WTP this past week. And you were a guest on there talking about the history of roasts. Yeah. And a very enjoyable show, the two of you guys. breaking down my favorite part was uh keith robinson thinking he was going to show up and just off the cough come up with roast jokes for everyone and just eating his dick yeah it's legitimately the worst decision someone can make coming to a rose we will not do that's i i have a

feeling that victoria she would try that she is going to keith robinson the shit out of this roast she shows up yeah vic is officially out by the way oh thank christ yeah i know so there's that But everyone who will be participating will actually write jokes ahead of time. The good one is coming. The good one telling me she's coming. Yes. Casey will get up from her dirt nap and show up, I think. That'll be good. Yeah.

If that guy digs her up. Voice mail. Let's do it. All right. New consequence idea. You got to make a cameo and like whatever the people who pay you say, like you got to say it and do it. because it'd be really funny and, like, bring it out to the people.

And then, like, the other person gets all the money. That's kind of funny. So, like, you can give Vinny money to do embarrassing things, but he's got to give it to Carl. It'd be very funnier. Yeah, okay. Think about it. I didn't like the idea until the money angle.

That's funny. Yeah, I mean, I'm not doing that one because, listen, I'm not going to sit there and be told to say terrible things that are evil and wrong. You don't want to be on there? No. And saying, uh, welcome to who are these podcasts?

White power. I do not want that. Okay. Fair enough. I have a voicemail for us, many. I agree. Carl, I'm confused. Wasn't we're having gay sex,

the original name for the creep-off? It's right as a sin. It was not, sir. It was always the creep-off. Womp-w-w-w-ha. Hey, I'm just calling to say that Carl's dairy farmer. It would be in Sydney's this week. Wrong.

Even though it made me feel bad because I was eating some string cheese while listening to it. But either way, yeah, because I like animals more than I like kids. So, yeah, fuck you and moo. Mew, you Australian motherfucker. I like that one. Well, thank you, sir. If you could possibly cheat for me next time, that'd be very helpful. What's this one here?

Hi, this message is for Vincent Paulino. Hi, Mr. Parlino. This is Jordan with Integral Internet Technology Solutions. And we're just calling to let you know that invoice number 8357 is past due for 300 unique IT addresses, delivered by Sunday at 9 p.m. This is one that just give you a little heads up if you get that paid. We want to thank you for being a long-term customer of Integral Internet Solutions. Thank you. Have a good day. Uh-huh.

All right. Well, now we see who's cheating. Okay. It's official. It's been confirmed now. Hold on. Let me pull a Vinny. Wait, was that a real voice melody?

I was so stupid for like three seconds. I had three seconds of complete stupidity. I admit that. I love it. If that's all I have today, I'll be fucking all right. This episode, the Cal one, whatever, was one of the best post-production effects that I've ever heard every time I heard that phone

screenshot snap picture click go off in the background I just had a new visual flash of Carl and a in that sorry anyways it was funny a little bit

okay then fuck you this guy wanted to tell you that he really thought your creep was good last week oh good oh you broke me man this was the first episode of the creep off i could not get through you tapped bitch laughed all the way through vinnies laughed all the way got about a minute minute and a half maybe three into carls i had zeroing you off does that make me the bigger creep that i was so upset but some guy abused animals instead of

being upset about or laughing about some guy abused children no no you you why I love this show your instincts were correct sir I definitely brought the bigger creep and I didn't even show the videos I could have shown the videos and you still want it because you cheat but you know what I mean

I didn't do fucking anything yeah okay I don't care what the guy from internet integral technology said listen I'm just gonna put it out there on January If people want to storm comedy at the Carlson Because of all these voting shenanigans going on I listen, I'm not encouraging that behavior Just people covered in green and black

Just charging the It'd be terrible All right Carl, I think it's time for a scum parade How's that sound? That sounds good. Do you have music for us? I probably do somewhere here Driving children's red Oh, Pitos diddle in

Two bag of murderers, rape us do a rite-thitty-ray So you see your pet, abusive asshats Gather a scum parade Scum parade On the creepballs Yeah, the scrum parade Oh, chum parade Carla and Vinnie are back

I love it. Coming in hot. Sherbourne County, Minnesota. Carl, you read this article? I did, yeah. These people are really stupid, but I might think that the cops are the creeps here. Okay. Well, I'm interested to hear your take on this.

Two people have been arrested after a significant amount of meth was reportedly sent to the wrong address. Yes. Which is why you don't mail meth. This reminds you that Mitch Hedberg joke. I love my FedEx guy because he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it. Yep. In late June, investigators learned that meth was mailed to an Elk River home.

The person who received the meth by mistake brought it to authorities. Tattletale. The person who was supposed to receive the box, 28-year-old Jessica Garrity, had reportedly been contacting her building management about a missing package. Yeah, I bet she was freaking out about it. 10 pounds of meth, Benny, I looked this up. Yes, correct. About $70,000.

street value so by the way if i have seventy thousand dollars worth of illegal drugs i'm double checking the address before i pop that in the old mailbox i like right i bet it was the postal worker you think so yeah i thought it said that the uh the address was wrong maybe it was just delivered to the wrong address it was brought to the wrong address okay i thought it was the meth had who put the wrong address on the package itself i could be wrong about that well here's the fun thing what's the fun thing the cops decided to play a prank And they took out all of their meth. What a fun prank that is.

And then they put salt in the bags. And then they gave it, they repackaged it and put a GPS tracker and an alarm system into the box, repackaged it, gave it to the building manager to give back to Jessica Garrity. Now, investigators witnessed Garrity picking up the package and the box was later given to 24-year-old Ricardo Wargwagua. I have no idea how you say this last guy. This guy's last name. Ricardo gets arrested and authorities search Garrity's home. This guy Ricardo said he was between homes and I asked her to accept the package for him. Okay.

So she's blaming this guy all day long, which is what you would do when you're a fucking drug mule and you don't know it. The two allegedly met on a dating site approximately a month prior. During the search of her home, the cops found marijuana in her room and she was arrested. If you like methamphetamines. They busted for a little. They busted by cops for a little weed. They busted for a little weed. Two suspects were reportedly booked into the county jail.

And Ricardo was charged with first-degree possession of a controlled substance and is scheduled to appear in court on Tuesday, July 5th. So he was in court this past week. We cover a lot of criminals who are actually geniuses. Yeah. People who would be successful in any walk of life if they hadn't chosen a life of crime. None. And I mean none of them are ever in.

to meth. Meth always attracts the dumbest people. Have you noticed that? Yeah. Never once am I like, wow, that's a brilliant scheme this meth had had. You know, you ask all the time, like, why would someone try meth that first time? The answer is because they're dumb and they want a good time. Yes. That's got to be the only reason. Although I will say mailing 10 pounds of meth to people, sounds like a lot of fun. If I had unlimited money, like if I had Hunter Biden money, you know, like ridiculous amounts of money, I might do that just as like a hobby. You know he wouldn't mail that to anybody. No, I know. I'm saying what I would do with that kind of money. To Ivanka Trump.

Like shit like that. All right. So we're going to go down to the great state of Florida for our next creep. And you know what? We have a great new Florida jingle. Oh, great. Oh, great. You got to get your Florida You got to get your shit together

Why so many creepy bucks What the hell going on? Maybe it's a swamp gas For flagrant opioid Opie yet to get us Come on for a gun Daniel Ray Simpson, 28 years old, is accused of touching himself sexually in public, according to deputies with the Hernando County Sheriff's Office.

They say they first-allege incident happened Saturday at the Brooksville Cemetery, Carl. Jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, spike in it, smack. Authorities were alerted by a female citizen who contacted them to say, while she was visiting the gravesite of a friend, she observed a male nearby, who was only partially dressed and playing with himself. Listen, we all get horny at cemeteries, but you've got to fight that urge, man. Yeah, she said the victim observed the male to have his pants down to his ankles and be fondling himself as he watched the victim visiting her dead loved one. There's also lots of places to hide, dummy.

You don't have to be spotted in a cemetery. I think he should paint himself as like an angel or something. Yeah, stand on top of one of the two toes. Like he's jacking it and every time she looks over, he just stops. Yep. It's silent. It's just motionless. That's it.

It's a street performer. So the next day, a similar incident took place at the U.S. Post Office about two miles away from the cemetery. A female citizen contacted the police to report an incident of exposure. Deputy said at a press conference Simpson allegedly said hi to his victim, while they were both inside the post office. The victim ignored the mail and quickly left the building. Well, approaching her vehicle, the victim turned her head to be sure the mail was not following her. While looking back, the victim observed the mail to have. have his pants unzipped and be fondling himself.

The victim quickly left the area and contacted law enforcement. Can I just say, Vinnie, that this is why God invented cam girls. They'll talk to you. You can say hi to them. They won't be offended if you're jerking off at the time. There's already a solution for this guy's problem. I don't think this guy has a computer. You don't think so?

Daniel Ray Simpson, he doesn't look like he's web savvy. Okay. Well, he might want to invest in a computer. So, Carl, you're looking into buying land in Florida, yeah? Yes, I am. And by the way, I don't want to meet anyone there. I'm not going to introduce myself to anyone. I don't want to make friends and I don't want to know anyone.

Every story that you sent me, every week I'm just like, holy shit, these fucking people are nuts. Well, I think it sounds like it's great to be a landowner in Florida. Yeah. Florida man was charged with attempted murder after swinging a hatchet at his landlord and shooting him in the face. Wow. The Volusia Sheriff's Office said that Freddie Vale, 47, lived in a barn apartment on the 77-year-old victim's property. Vale, who's 47, lived in the apartment, approached the victim Tuesday evening while carrying the hatchet. Deputies say Vale gave the victim the hatchet only to snatch it back and threaten the victim.

The 47-year-old then swung the hatchet, which deputies said caused the victim to fall to the ground. The sheriff's office said Vail got on top of the victim and tried to hit him with the hatchet as the 77-year-old man dodged the blows, kicking Vail off of him. You don't need a hatchet to take a 77-year-old man down to the ground. This guy sounds like a badass. And this guy's pointing back. We'll do it. That's true.

That is true. No, this guy is amazing. It reminds me of that scene from Star Wars where the sand people are swinging at Luke and he's just dodging on the ground. This guy's like just dodging a hatchet. Yeah. On the ground. It's pretty impressive. He's fucking going Mendelbaum, Mendelbaum.

He got off the victim. The guy goes back to his apartment and comes back with a pistol. He points the gun at the victim, but the gun did not fire. The sheriff's office said, Vail pointed the gun at his landlord a second time and fired one shot, hitting the victim in the left side of his face. Oh, it only hit him in the face. Well, he got lucky then. What a day. Sounds awful.

Vail went back to his apartment as the victim ran home and warned his wife about what happened when she was cooking dinner. Could you imagine this guy comes into his house? He's just been shot in the face. Don't bleed on that. I just cleaned that floor. Oh, my, if you bleed on that floor, so help me God. Honey, you won't believe the day I've had. I've been mopping all day today.

And then you come in here with your blown up face fucking all up. The couple locked themselves inside the home. And you know that the Florida decor for a 77 year old is a lot of pastels. It's true. You're not getting that blood out. The couples locked themselves inside the house. They call the cops. the deputy save veil drove away from the scene at a high speed

but was found nearly three hours later at a deltona Walmart oh he's found at a Walmart of course of course he was hey I have an idea let's go into Walmarts and just arrest everyone you know the cops just went as hey who here shot their landlord today like six or seven guys just go yeah honestly if you just arrested everyone in a Walmart

at any given time I think you'd have a very high success rate for detaining criminals over 50% right well I mean if they had arrested you that day you were walking out with your phone i'm surprised they did uh so the couple these victims allowed this guy to move in about two years ago because he was down on his luck they charged him with first degree murder with the firearm and was being held without bail until his first appearance they were friends i don't know what happened with this guy he was

buddies with uh just wanted my hatchet back i guess so all right we're going to go out to l a right this story's fucking bonkers the los angeles police department said a man intentionally rammed a 13-year-old boy with his truck and then impersonated a police officer to kidnap him. Okay. Everybody down on the floor. I got this. Including this kid down here. I'm going to take him to the hospital. I swear, that's what I'm doing. The kid I just ran over in my Toyota Tundra. You know, you used to be able to just like have a Playboy magazine and get a 13-year-old boy into your truck, but now you have to get a little more creative. You've got to think outside the box a little bit. 38-year-old Otto Neal

Mendoza. Investigator said Mendoza told the teen that he was a police officer, showed him a badge and forced him into the truck. Luckily for the victim, a witness saw what happened and called the police and then followed the suspect. Mendoza then allegedly picked up an unidentified passenger while the child was still in the car. Moments later, police were able to locate the vehicle only a mile and a half away from where the child was taken. No weapons were found in his possession and the boy was taken to the hospital for minor injuries he sustained. Now, Mendoza is arrested in charge with kidnapping, police say they may charge him with further crimes as the investigation warrants because it sounds to me like this guy's in the business of trafficking children.

Yeah, they said this is a very odd scenario. They've never seen this before where a guy goes around hitting kids on bikes and then pretending to be a cop to bring them into his truck. It's funny too because the deputy... Dude, kids can't play outside anymore. Well, they should be able to. The deputy chief brainiac thinks that Mendoza didn't have good intentions. Did you see that in the article?

He did. What do you base that on, sir? Just the fact that he's going around ramming children while they're riding their bikes. And you want to hear this other crazy, the other crazy thing here? This guy's a real brainiac. The other passenger was released after police interviewed him

and he could clearly had nothing to do with the abduction? Yeah, okay. But could you tell us what this Mendoza guy's up to? Like, what's your relationship with him? What's going on here? It's just shrugs solo. The police are asking for any information related to Mendoza. So I have one more thing.

I'm going to surprise you with Carl. Okay, cool. I got a video you haven't seen, and this video is, makes me glad I don't have children. Okay. By the way, society is also glad you don't have children. If you had a son, he would hate wrestling. He would be so...

Dad's such a fucking loser. He'd be so anti-resoling. What a dork my dad is. Probably. Oh, my gosh. You went to the wrestling event the other last week, and he didn't get your Carl Sucks side on TV. Certainly didn't.

I was disappointed. But I do have good news for everybody. Now how are people going to know how much I suck? Well, here's where they'll know. Because I am going to be in the end of the month. I'm going to be down in Nashville. I'm going to be at Rick Flair's last match. And I'm going to be in the third row, Carl.

Nice. At the last match of Rick Flair, there will be a Carl Sucks sign. Is that televised somewhere? It's going to be a pay-per-view. Okay. And I also have a front row ticket for the New Japan show, which is the day before. Nice. So if you like New Japan wrestling, look for your boy Vinny with the Carl Sucks sign right in the very front row.

You're going to be hard to miss. We're going to make sure that Japan knows Carl is a creep. I like nude Japan's. That sounds fun. So this video is terrifying. If you have a child, this is weird. I just want Carl's opinion here. We're going to talk through this.

So there's a kid standing with his father. The father's the guy with the black on. And this man is just one. walking up and, like, touching his son on the back and being playful with him. And they're trying to order food. And this guy's just, like, inserting himself right next to the kid. Inserting himself, okay. And he's touching the kid.

And he's talking to the kid. And the dad kind of gives him a little slap. Yeah, he goes, hey, man, don't talk to my kid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's being weird. I'm serious. Guys He knows what he's going to make out

Dude gets right up in his face Yeah But not like a Are you serious? What is going on? Now the Now they're in a complete fucking fight Oh my God stop

What man? Taking down the father The father is now in a fucking Is being choked out I thought the child molester wasn't going to do shit Because he looked like a little prancy guy Yeah, and he just got right up. The dad, like, says, don't talk to my son.

Don't talk to my son. This guy gets right up in his face and then starts wrestling the dad and puts him in a fucking chokehold and puts him right on the fucking ground. And that's where the video cuts off. No, so there's no more of that? There's no more of that. Oh, come on.

If anybody knows what happened, please send it to me. Oh, that's how you're ending this show today? Yeah, it's called a... Fucking blue balls. It's called a... To be continued. It's called it to be continued. No.

Is that what it's called there? Tune in next week, creep fans. Same creep time, same creep channel. Uh-oh, retard alert. Retort alert, class. Hey, Carl, ask me what happened at the end of the video? What happens at the end of the video, Vinnie? How should I know? I'm retarded.

All right. So, ladies and gentlemen, that is this week's creep-off. Get your tickets to the creep-off roast at creep-roost.com. There's less than 30 left. going to be doing WATP with you on Wednesday. For the Thursday show. For the Thursday show. You'll be on WATP talking a little Tom Myers

versus the rest of the world. He's put out back-to-back best-ofs of 2022, best-ups and outtakes. Two episodes he's put out. This guy's amazing. He thinks he's so good that he took the stuff that he edited out of his older episodes and put them together

and package that. And not only package it called it his best. So that's all I'm going to say that. It's amazing. So, I'll be doing that this week. He's been mixing it up with me online a little bit, too. Not that I ever respond, but he was kind of upset that we made fun of his stand-up. Why? Because he was getting laughs and you were just being a dick.

You're being a sour dick because you can't get laughs on stage. I don't think that Tom Myers actually watched our review because I did acknowledge the big laugh that he got during his stand-up. I was impressed. He's living off that laugh, you know. He's still living off that laugh. I know. Oh, I'm halfway there. So vote at the Reddit page this week, our subreddit, the Creepoff.

Yeah. And I hope you don't get 666 votes again. You can leave us a voicemail 5853-718108, and you can email us the creepoff pot at gmail.com. Remember, it's nice to be important. It's more important to be nice. Gagia. Let's get out of here. Important.

There are Japan When we hit Japan When we hit Japan When we hit Japan It's a chapter revolution There are probably people who don't even get the joke Please come out to see us

Where the land And everything is walking out of control There are probably people who don't even get the joke Ciao Bella. May your enemies be cursed in your podcast adventures.