The Creep Off - Episode 130: Karlfornication

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

This week Karl is traveling back from Los Angelos so Vinnie is joined by Brian Mcbride & Cros to nominate the biggest creeps in the British Royal Family: In the scum parade we learn why you should never bring cash to buy something from someone online, that sandwiches aren’t free and that sometimes pedo's don’t fall far from the tree.Please consider supporting the show and get free merch & monthly bonus episodes Check out this weeks scum parade stories New Port Richey officer fired amid allegations of fondling girl in custody (tampabay.com)Kingsburg father and two adult sons arrested for alleged sexual assault of young children (yahoo.com)A reporter who investigated a Las Vegas county official was killed. Police just arrested the official in connection to the reporter's death. (yahoo.com)Denver man convicted of killing couple who responded to online car ad | Truecrimedaily.com

Ola Creepos, before we start the show today, I want to ask you for your help. The roast is coming up this Saturday night. We want you to leave us your very best roast jokes for myself and for stupid. I mean, Carl. Simply just leave us a voice bell 585, 371, 80108 with your best roast jokes. Kick us right in the dick. We deserve it. Best jokes are to get played at the live show, so don't let us down.

Welcome to the Creep-off. A competition-based podcast where the host bring in people in a given category and figure out who is the biggest creep. And then we, the listeners, get to vote on who brought in the creepiest creep whoever creeped. The host played a five points, and the winner gets to make the loser spin the dreading wheel of consequences. Which includes funny consequences, such as the 7-second public porn challenge, or having sex with the Queen of England, which is getting worse by the minute. The score is once again tied, but this time it's zero-zero, because we're starting a new game. Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups.

You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation. Horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive, and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh, the country!

It's on the whole race! That's the man and never shall be seen. Disgusting Disgusting Vomot-inducing thing Listen, I am not nice, I am not kind, and I am wonderful. Hubba, hubba, hubba. Yeah.

Who! Power, too sweet to be sour, I'm funky like a monkey. Sky is the limit and space is the place. So now, ladies, gentlemen, it is star time. Are you ready for star time? Here's the star of the show in your home. It's amazing. Pizza pizza.

So he starred the show. The people's champion. This is a day now. Ola Cripos. Wow. What an amazing, amazing way to start a show. by my two pals, Brian McBride. Hey, I don't think I've ever seen you happier.

Yeah, really. And you know what? Croh is here, too. The creep off. That's not how this works. Fuck. I already messed it up. People are already in the chat being, like acting so happy to see you, Croge.

Yeah. They're going, Ola, Kroger. I had to take a short shift at the gas station today to be here. Carl is traveling. He's coming back from L.A. And we decided we were going to do a show without him, you know, like a mental health Day for all of us. So today, join to me, like I said,

McBride and Croix. We are going to have a great episode. We are going to be talking all about the British Royal Family, huh? Hey. I think we pulled this one from the headlines. Before we get too far into the show today, we need to review the results from last week. And there's just a whole lot of gloating from me today

because I beat Carl by over 50 points on Reddit. Wow. So therefore, ladies and gentlemen, There's nothing to complain about. We got no, uh, we got nothing to bitch about when it comes to voting. We got straight atrocity coming up on the creepoff today. Your people figured out the login, I guess.

They finally figured out how to get themselves an account. Nice. The guy, the nurse, my grandmother's nurse. She figured out how to get the thing working. So everybody's voting. So ladies and gentlemen, it is the creep off. We're going to talk about the British Royal family today. But before we do, I just want to remind all of you, the live show is coming up this Saturday night.

Brian McBride. going to be our roast master. I am. What a foolish decision by you. Well, I put faith in you, McBride. I know you did. I won't let you down. It's going to be an awesome show. All right. Crows, you're going to be a part of it. I sure am. I'm looking forward to it. So I'm just going to give you guys a heads up as to what you're going to hear next Monday on the show. You folks are going to get to hear the first half of the live show. We are going to do a creep off live. And then all of you patrons are going to get the roast. You're the only people who are going to get to hear it. It will only be on Patreon, so make sure

you support the show. Patreon.com backslash the creep off. Only place you're going to hear the roast, and it's going to be a blast. Kroes, are you ready to roast, Carl? I've been looking forward to it for 22 and a half years. Excellent, excellent. And today during the voicemail segment, we were also going to be giving

away a pair of VIP tickets to the show. Oh, it's sold out show, right? It is sold out. Only way to get it. Our pal La Duff's Cadillac on Twitter can't make it, and he had two VIP tickets, and he just said, hey, give out to somebody else so that's what we're gonna do we're gonna do it we got some voicemails from some people for that now guys i told you we're talking england today

and i'm anti-monarchy i'm an american because that british bulldog was a bad guy he tried to wrestle breadhart at somerslam in 96 what year was it was it 90s no it's like 92 or 94? 94. I forget. Either way. I'll volunteer to go first. Okay. And then I'll let you guys go in whichever order you choose. But my creep today, ladies and gentlemen, there is no time like the present. And the iron has never been harder to talk about this bitch. Queen Elizabeth II. She sucked. And I don't care that she's dead. How do you like that, folks? I don't wish her terrible children, warm wishes. her family, fuck her fuck-faced son, and her dumb grandkids. The King of England and his

grandkids suck. Everybody in that whole family sucks. I don't think I've ever been prouder to be an American than when I hopped on Twitter the day she died and just saw people roasting the fuck out of her. Thank God. This is the country. But you turn on the news and everybody's going, oh, she was so wonderful. She was a steady presence. Yeah. A steady presence.

She really waved well. For 8,200 years she was alive. Yeah. Okay. Let's talk about her for a minute. I got plenty to discuss. This whole idea of a king or a queen disgusts me. You, Kroche? Oh, it's terrible. You look at these people and you're absolutely just disgusted. Now, I want to show you just a clip of her kid from, like, yesterday.

He's been a king for 48 hours. Look at what this guy's doing. He's yelling at the slaves. Move this. Move it. I'm calling slaves or servants that get paid. He can't move something himself. He's got to brush it away with his hand.

Well, yeah, there's a. a tray with pencils and he needs the guy to move it, but his whole body language is, oh, look at this terrible thing away from me. And it's fucking hilarious. What a pons. And there's multiple countries full of people that are going to pretend like this is a great dude

and then put pictures of them on their money. I don't know what it's like in the UK, but the fact that you have to pretend that these people matter, I don't even know what that would be like. We get to vote them out every four years. England had this one. She's the longest reigning monarch,

70 fucking years in charge. She took over in 1952 guys So There was still a British Empire At the time when she took over You guys are familiar with the British Empire The Empire on which the sun never set I was a former member

Oh that's right you're an Irishman aren't you They commanded at one point At the height 23% of the population of the country Which is pretty impressive They were imperialists Of the globe you mean? Yeah Yeah Listen guys I'm having trouble

80% of the people in England they have I'm not used to having people listening to me talk So you got to forgive me for throwing It's throw it off You guys are like listening going yeah that's an interesting point Vinny and not moving along I want to play you an excerpt from her speech From when she took control of England

And I want you to listen to this and tell me What's wrong with this sentence I declare before you all With my whole life Whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service and to the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong imperialism folks the British Empire at the time still has I think like 24 provinces or parts to it and then there's like Charles now King of Scotland is

Northern Ireland still part of it I think I don't know either way they own a lot of power they had a lot of property and they had to defend it and they did it just Are you guys familiar with the Malayan emergency? No. There was a guerrilla war between the British Armed Forces and the Malaysian National Liberation Army, the military wing of their Communist Party. It started four years before Elizabeth's reign, but it went for eight years after. What happened was they wanted the British out, so they started to attack the British troops. Now, she's the queen of England, which makes her the same as the president, the commander-in-chief of the armed forces.

They swear allegiance to her. so she's in charge of all of this shit so the response was these people want their freedom it wasn't uh well i guess we should give them their freedom it was the same old shit with her they declared a state of an emergency and that started a scorched earth terror campaign in which british military set fire to homes and farmland

that belonged to anybody that may have met anyone who was involved with this Malaysian national liberation army now this emergency went on for like eight years under her they burned their crops they sprayed their crops with agent orange to starve people out and they estimated over 6,700 guerrilla fighters and over 3,000 civilians died in this and it is known now as one of the least successful counterinsurgency campaigns undertaken

by any country ever huh so she just went in there and wreaked havoc yeah on the fucking civilians to get it the communists great she's in charge she's the sole monarch okay 1952 the year she takes over there's a thing called the Mao Mao rebellion England owned all of Kenya so they were just taking more and more land and doing the same thing they kind of did in South Africa

they were pushing people into like smaller like camps and settlements well they started a counterinsurgency campaign and they were like you know what fuck that so from 1952 to 1963 they ran like what are equate to concentration camps

for Kenyans 160,000 people in these camps Oh, Jesus Well, if they're Kenyan concentration camps You know they run well That's a funny joke

So either way The people from Kenya Are still suing the British government For $200 billion in reparations How's that going? Not well, you know why? Because from the 1950s to the 1970s

Under order the quid During the height of decolonization The British authorities launched Operation Legacy which basically meant destroy all the paperwork. They wanted to destroy records they threw them in the ocean they burned them, any records on

these camps, anything that could quote embarrass Her Majesty's government. That sounds like the opposite of legacy is burning all the documents. No, it's forming a legacy McBride. Now the Irish hated her ass as well. We know this, yeah? I'm going to show you how I know the Irish

hater because this was posted the day she died. this is irish river dancing at bucky dam hells to another one bites the dust Vinny is this your tic-tok algorithm it's like teenage boys dancing they call that the irish goodbye okay they just fucking went and celebrated a dance to bucky damn hellish the irish jigs just want to point that out got to respect so uh there's this whole thing about northern Island and the Protestants, the Catholics, and England, that was a whole big problem. And on January 30th, 1972, the British Army shot 26 people, 14 of whom died. They were just basically protesters.

It's called Bloody Sunday. I'm not playing any YouTube because I know I'm not going to win this week. I just want to talk about what a piece of shit she is. So all this shit happened under her watch. She was supporting colonization all the way through the end. And she, everybody calls her the great decolonizer. Bullshit. She was trying to keep Northern Ireland all the way up into the 70s. They're just terrible. Ladies and gentlemen, my next

points might be controversial. But I'm going to cite my sources. My first source is a gentleman by the name of David Ike, who argues that specifically the Windsor Royal Bloodlines are, in fact, hybrid reptilian humanoids. I believe it. Yeah. And that the queen is definitely a shapeshifter and that her family has practiced cannibalism for decades. Is that the shape you would pick if you were a shapeshifter?

Nobody said she was a good shape shifter. Okay, you're right. Fair point. Now, here's something that not a lot of people know, that in 2010, an Aboriginal man named William Combs, a Canadian Aboriginal man, made an official declaration claiming that Queen Elizabeth and

Prince Philip abducted 10 children from a Cam Lump's residential school in 1964. Combs claims to have witnessed this and was the last surviving member of the group of witnesses. Combs died suddenly the following year in a Vancouver hospital in 2013. Isn't that interesting? They do love England and Canada.

In fact, I have his description of what happened. Would you like to hear what he said? Yeah. He said in October 1964, when I was 12 years old, I was a student at the Kamloop School, and we were visited by the Queen of England and Prince Philip. I remember it was strange because they came by themselves, no big fanfare or nothing.

But I recognized them, and the school principal told us it was the queen, and we were all given new clothes and good food for the first time in months. Ooh. So far so good? The day the queen got to the school, I was part of a group of kids that went on a picnic with her and her husband, and some of the priests, because it was a Catholic school. They went down to the meadow near, quote, dead man's creek.

Listen, this man claimed this. This is not me. I remember it was weird because we all had to bend down and kiss her foot. She had a white-laced boot. After a while, I saw the queen leave the picnic with ten children from the school, and those kids never returned. Wow. Was Duke Rex Ryan there as well? No.

Okay. No. Now, I would also like to bring up that she killed Princess Diana. Allegedly, but probably. Yeah, yep, yep. Christine Fitzgerald, who was Diana's best friend, claims that Diana was murdered by MI6 on behest of the Windsors. This comes from newspunch.com's Baxter Dimitri.

He says, these are quotes from her. Diana was frightened for her life for years before her death. She knew things weren't right. We would sit together and chat and listen to Duran Duran to try and relax, but it stopped working. She showed the letter she wrote to Paul Burrell and asked if she thought she was crazy. she thought that Charles had used her as a vessel to have William and once she was done there were whispers among the Windsors

about how to retire her from public life I like how they made the point where we even listen to Duran Duran What else was supposed to do? Seriously. Christine Fitzgerald says it was an orchestrated criminal conspiracy, a mafia style assassination. Is it criminal if they are the law? Good point.

Good point. Either way she died last week or she may have gone back to her home planet she may have burrowed into the earth with her other reptilian friends. All I know is that her shitty child is in charge now and I just wanted to show you this video

because this is really unsettling and I think this is proof that she's a lizard woman guys watch closely to this little child's reaction. That kid fucking red. He ducked behind his parents got the fuck out of there when face to face with that old gal.

You cut off the end there where he says, I'm not an aborigine kid as he ran off. They cut off the end where she goes, Philip, get to the net. So ladies and gentlemen, I don't fucking know. Queen Elizabeth was awful. She was a lizard person. She supported genocide colonization. And she wasn't that great, fucker. Who's next?

I can go ahead. let's go back a couple of years I want to talk about my buddy Henry the 8th we're going back a couple years here they were probably friends though yeah I mean they did grow up together this dude's born 1491 right he's number 2 in line he's not going to be king

he's out getting this religious education his older brother dies at the age of 15 so now this dude's next in line then his dad dies when he Henry is 17 So it's 1509. Now this dude becomes king. He stays king for 38 fucking years. And he does what any of us would do in that situation,

which is he marries his brother's widow because the dude died at 15 but was already married. Yeah, you know, it does, it's, uh, it's, uh, uh, this dude is famous though for all these wives. He's got six wives altogether. Uh-huh. Two we divorces, two we fucking executes. Um, and the first divorce ends up with the divorce with the Catholic church itself. starts the English Reformation, starts to trouble, starts fucking centuries of bloodshed

and warfare. It's fucking unbelievable. How annoying must she have been that he started a new religion just to get rid of her? Seriously. Although in doing that, he dissolves all the monasteries. He takes all the money that was owned to the church. Her personality was so bad. Her personality was so terrible. He was like arguing with God.

Yeah, seriously. He's like, you fucking what? You made this bitch? Jesus, you got to do something about this. New church, new church. But he then takes all the money that's going. of the church, takes it to the kingdom, and then is perpetually broke. He's spending money on crazy shit, opulent parties. He fights wars with fucking France, Scotland, and the Holy Roman

Empire all unsuccessfully. This dude is just fucking, it's just blowing money as fast as he fucking can. You're saying he's not very good at Pickyed Wars? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. But his true love, the thing that brought him happiness, and this is my clip number one, this is from a channel called The Fortress. This motherfucker loved executing people. Henry VIII, it's believed, executed 70,000 people during his time on the throne, during the Trudeau period, and many of those executions took place at the Tower of London. The Tower became infamous as a site of execution, with two of Henry's own wives Anne Berlin and Catherine Howard, losing their lives on the scaffold there. And was executed

by sword, Catherine by axe, but there were many other executions that occurred inside of the Tower of London during this time period. But there was one incredibly shocking one that saw Henry the 8th kill an elderly member of the Plantagenet family, and with the killing of Margaret Pole, Henry was eliminating a woman with royal blood.

So he's killing wives, he's killing royals, he's killing elderly, he kills a fucking nun. Dude, but you know you wish you were his best friend. Well, he killed his best friend. Well, okay, never mind. Thomas Cromwell sends him right up there as soon as he stopped even.

But this dude is just anyone around him. I'm just saying, though, it would be cool to be able to have a best friend who had the authority to execute your wife. And it would be like into it if you needed him to. I'm just learning this, but apparently the Tower of London is three stories tall based on that video. Yeah, wild shit. But they would have the, you know, again, public executions. A little different time than what we have now, but that's still pretty fucked up. But Vinny, this will bring joy to your heart.

This is my clip number two. He fucking loved killing children. England has a dark history involved. involving executions and children. In the years following the Trudor period the laws were changed during a period of time referred to as a bloody code, in which hundreds of no offences carried the death sentence. To put people off committing these offences, many executions of even minors were carried out. But Alice Glaston is considered the youngest girl on record to have been legally executed in England. There was a boy who was allegedly hanged for arson,

named John Dean, who was condemned at the age of around nine. but Alice Glaston is the youngest girl to be executed. And she's 11, by the way. So they're 9-year-old boys, 11-year-old girls. Fuck you up on the gallows. They didn't even write down what they killed her for. Just fucking you. Up there, you're gone.

They didn't even give a reason for killing them? No, you didn't even need one. This fucking 11-year-old looks like trouble, man. Oh, you're right. I'm going to go out and say it. I like Henry the 8th. I'm a fan. Well, you'll like this part, too.

This is from a channel called Grunge, which is unfucking watchable, So I'm sorry about this, but this is my number three. He's got an ass wipe for a CFO. According to History Extra, Henry the ape had a groom of the stool. And although its possible stool might have referred to the piece of furniture, it may also have had another very literal meaning, wiping the king's butt and changing his underwear,

which, if that's the case, then, ew. You might think that such a position would be degrading and humiliating, but it actually came with a ton of power. The groom of the stool not only had to possibly deal with the king's bathroom duties, but he also managed the King's personal finances, which means he was pretty much in charge of England's wealth. Hashtag, worth it? Wait, so he wipes his shit and then does his taxes?

Yeah, and they didn't have sinks or soap. So his fucking finances are just covered in his own poop. H&R blocked up. There you go. Hold on, sir, I have the W-2s over here. Yeah, let me just wipe them off real quick and hand them to you. Oh, so this dude has a diet. of 5,000 calories a day, right?

He enjoys 13-course meals, and it's mostly, if not all, meat because bread and vegetables are fucking peasant food. I'm rich. I only eat meat. No health consequences to that. Everything's going great. He's in his mid-40s, right? It's 1536.

Motherfucker gets an josting accident. Gets thrown from the horse. He gets unconscious for two hours and fucks both his legs up, right? Was the accident the horse buckled at the knees? Well, at this point, He's still a svel, good-looking, like he's known as, like, a trim, handsome guy. You know what I mean? He's very athletic.

Well, yeah, when you kill everybody who says anything different, that's what you are known as. The king, he's known as handsome. Well, in his mid-40s, dudes out jousting. I mean, that's not too terrible. But anyway, gets knocked down this fucking head injury, you know, many modern people speculate, caused change in his personality. He becomes paranoid. He becomes fucking vengeful and pet-

I thought you were going to say he goes really downhill. I thought you were to say, like, he started being nice to people. It stopped executing everyone. Wouldn't that be nice? It sounds like his personality stayed the same. The dude is 6'1, which has got to be, I mean, 16th century, that's got to be fucking enormous. And like his armor still exists, like you can actually sit. So he starts his reign at 32 inch waist, but at time he's dead, it's 54 inches.

Oh! And hit my number four, if you don't. He weighed nearly 400 pounds. when he died, and as a result, he suffered from a myriad of health problems, including ulcers on his legs that were constantly open, often infected, and really smelly. According to the Tudor Society, he couldn't walk, which contributed to his weight gain. So for the last 12 years, he keeps up to 5,000 calories. They had to fucking invent, like, polis and, like, wheelchair-type shit just to get this guy

around. There's never been anyone that weighed 400 pounds. I mean, it's fucking medieval times, practically. You know what I mean? that's just the image I want to leave you with is a huge obese, petty, angry dude

with fucking open, stinky, smelly, festering fucking wounds on both his legs that stay there for the last 12 years of his life. Good times. Yeah, but could he shape shift? Yeah, I don't think he had the lizard in him unfortunately, otherwise he would have bounced right back from that,

grown some new legs. All right, great presentation. Croge, Brian McBride, take her home. Who is the cruiser? Creepiest member of the British Royal Family. So you made a rule when you posted this tweet. You said the creepiest person of the royal family not named Prince Andrew.

But here's my problem with that. When you say that, people are going to think Prince Andrew is creepy. Okay. Does it have that connotation. He does. And that's not true at all. So I picked Prince Andrew just to prove to everybody what a non-creep this guy is. Okay.

So he's been in the news a little bit lately. I don't know if you guys have heard. Yeah, just touch. There's a woman who came forward to Virginia Dufree. who claims that when she was 17, she was sex traffic to him through his friend Jeff or something. I can't remember his name. Here's the thing. Prince Andrew never met the girl.

He said so himself. He never met her so much that you just settled for $20 million for someone he's never met before. Generous guy. Right. Absolutely. He claimed he never met her. And then that picture came out. You probably said the famous picture of the blonde girl with him.

They say it's definitely her and him together. But he has a very convincing story about. why that's not the case. You can't prove whether or not that photograph is faked or not. See? The prosecution says it's real. They say, who can say? That's a real he said, she said.

Right. So, you know, we don't. That's how he said, she said, maybe. Right. Right. And here's a guy, here's why I know he's not guilty of anything, right? This guy is beloved by everyone he meets, except for, you know, the media, you know, Fox News, you know. You know, CNN, MSNBC, Twitter.

Pretty much most people have met him. But besides any of those people, like he's just universally beloved. Yeah. In fact, they gave him a fun nickname. You guys ready for this? Yeah. Did Prince Andrew have a nickname at that time? It was called the Kuh.

The cunt! Which, to be fair, this is 60 Minutes Australia. Yeah. And in Australia, which does love. of our royal family. Yeah. That is a very nice thing to say. I was going to say, that's a greeting there.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that means that everybody loves them. Right. So let's go back to this story of Virginia here. This is a woman meeting a prince. This is a fairy tale. Listen to this like Disney-esque description she gives of meeting the prince. I, you know, was woken up by Gulen in the morning and told I was going to meet a prince.

And up until then, I didn't even. And I should have known, but I didn't even know that I was going to be trafficked that night to him. And we went shopping and Prince Andrew came over. And then we went to Club Tramp and he danced with me. And he's a horrific dancer, by the way. And he sweats a lot and he smells funny. See? This is every woman's dream right here with a reptilian blood that makes him smell funny.

I was going to say, that sounds like my first date with the Bukaki Queen. So a lot of people Everybody could smell that. So for whatever reason, some people saw this interview and they found it insulting to Prince Andrew that she would say that he sweats

and does all this stuff. But here he is disproving this whole story to say that she's obviously lying and here's how we can tell. There was Prince Andrew's response to Virginia's claim. He was sweaty and smelled funny.

She described dancing with you and you profusely sweating and that she went on to have bath, possibly. There's a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition, which is that I don't sweat or I didn't sweat at the time. He didn't sweat at the time. I didn't sweat at the time. You know those times in our lives where we just don't sweat? That was one of those times.

Unfortunately, he forgot the doctor's note that proved that. Yeah. Which would have been, our faces would have been so red that he brought that up. I would have believed if he was like, I don't sweat. Listen, over, I didn't sweat for the period between 1997 and then the fall of 2000. Yeah, I do love that caveat. Now, I do sweat now. You will see me sweating during this interview while I pouring sweat out of my body.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you're mentioning all the sex trafficking. I was involved with. There may be some perspiration. But back then, I was not sweating, so therefore she is lying. I mean, the sex trafficking I was not involved with. Okay, can we start this again? He's got a couple daughters.

You got married. Viniano, you got married. I'm sure your parents and your wife's parents. They brought a lot of their friends to the wedding. Some people you probably haven't met. But you like that they're there because these are usually well-to-do people who bring great gifts, right? To my wedding in Alabama. No, Brian. Not really.

Well, because he's so nice, he listened to this guest list of people he invited to his own daughter's wedding. It was a close-knit affair, friends and family, the nearest and dearest. And that's why convicted Libyan gun smuggler, Tarrick Kytuni, was in attendance. It's bad enough, he called his daughter, Eugenie. He then invited a man who claimed to help free the Lockerbie bomber to her wedding. There you go. Wow. He invited a known weapon smuggler to his daughter's wedding.

you know some high power guests he's going to give a good gift but make sure you hold it up to make sure it's not ticking was anybody complaining during the fireworks display that's right it's not a curiosity so prince andrew obviously great guy here's how you know he's a nice guy he has a a fun little hobby he has you know as we all do since he doesn't spend a lot of time working on anything listen to this fun hobby that prince andrew enjoys All recounts a tour by a colleague of the Prince's bedroom, where teddy bears were meticulously placed on his bed. We looked at all the teddy bears on the bed before, OK, a 40-year-old man with about 50 or 60 teddy bears on his bed, all right, fair enough. And then he said, there's a card in that drawdown and showed us the card. It was eliminated picture of all the teddy bears. And then he explained that if the teddy bears aren't put back in this certain order,

Prince Andrew would start shouting and swearing at the mates. There you go. he likes his teddy bears in a very specific order and that's why he laminates pictures and then when you work at the palace you spend literally a full day on teddy bear positioning where do we put mr bram bram where's the goddamn diagram he's coming that's an interesting decision for a gentleman of that age to have teddy bears all over his bed unless he's doing immoral things with him yes so that is why prince andrew is the least creepy of anybody in the royal fan Emily. That is a compelling argument. All right. Well, ladies and Jenna, those are your choices. Queen Elizabeth the 2nd. King Henry the 8th or Prince Andrew. You'll be able to vote

on Reddit one of these days. Now, I'm sure that a guest will get a point this week. Whatever the fuck, boo. I don't care. McBride, I believe it's time to move on from the competition segment. Oh, really? To our voicemails and they're usually brought to us by our good friends in

Syracuse, so why don't you take it away? Absolutely. The creep-off voicemail segment is brought to you by the city of Syracuse. Firefighters had to rescue two window cleaners that were 85 feet in the air. The workers were extra unlucky because the fire happened to be on the one day of the year where Syracuse gets any cleaning at all. See you in Syracuse. Yay.

All right, where to begin this week. We got so many voicemails, guys. Question for me. Hey, Vinnie. I have a question for you. I was just wondering, why do you stand during the show? show why do you not sit like carl aren't you fat also you have a big forehead uh-huh uh-huh i do have a big forehead but i also have thighs of steel i know i i stand up

because i feel like i'm more on the ball when i'm standing up and sitting down and i'm a stand-up comic and it just makes me feel like a little more comfortable second part wasn't really a question there yeah about the forehead it was more of a more of a point yeah Vinny, this is your pizza delivery guy. I'm sorry, but I need to go with Carl this time. I hate doing that. Because the whole pedophile thing, I just find really dull. I mean, yeah, it's something that should be illegal,

but it's not a crime I really give a shit about. I would, if there was a pedophile moving into my neighborhood, moving next door, I would help him move in and draw him a map of where all the kids of the neighborhood live if it would keep a guy who dresses like the Joker out of my neighborhood

that's what I'm trying to say Okay Yeah All right, thank you, fuck you bye How does that guy think you get guys That dress like the Joker? Yeah, aren't those the same guys? Well, where do they come from?

Well, come from living next to the childless I'm going to say that the Joker's origin story is murky at best That's true If we're going to DC comics but yeah, that's a good point, Kroche. And I do get where you're going. Do I hate pedophiles?

Yes. Do I hate people who dress like the Joker more than pedophiles? Yeah, actually I do. Moving on. You had to make me think a little bit about this. Hey, Carl and Vinnie. I already have a VIP table for the creep off roast. Nice.

But you should give me those two VIP tickets anyway so I can throw them in the garbage and then you'll have two empty seats and you guys can just live with a shame of not having a full house. I think that would be a great idea. Thank you, okay, buddy. Can I tell him the secret of show business? Sure.

If it sells out who the fuck cares. Exactly, correct. That's what I've been saying all week. It can be an empty house. We don't care. We sold out. All right, so that's one guy who wants the tickets. Here's another person who wants the tickets.

What the foot? Well, give me those ducking tickets, I'll take the train and I'll use Carl's coupon code. Give me them tickets. Not a compelling reason why I should give them to you. Kroche, I don't know if you know this person who wants them. Hi, this is Lucy Titebach from the isotope go-go dancers. We think that we should win the VIP ticket to Carl's roast

because after years and years of him roasting us and calling up that we suck picked, we'd really like to see everybody else tell him that he does. Thanks. Well, those are the three people who wanted them. We have one guy who's going to throw them in the trash. We have another guy who says he'll take the train. and then we have isotopes dancers which I don't know if I want them

they've been waiting for decades to see Carl get it so that might be kind of fun that's your voting for the isotopes dancers McBride Yeah I'm with the isotope dancers All right so McBride and Crozier giving the tickets away to Lucy Tightbox

Congratulations We'll see it the roast Saturday night Lucy All right This is another message for me Hi this is Aaron Powell, the CEO of Pizza Hut. This is what I sound like. Sorry for getting back to you so late. We've had a lot

stabbing to deal with. But we're just letting you know we're going to be discontinuing the Paulina Pizza. Paulino Pizza, you know, the one that serves 16. We're going to have to cancel that. So you'll be hearing from our lawyers, if not, our delivery drivers.

Well, uh, see you soon. See you soon. Say it. Why is he suing you for discontinuing a pizza? Uh, he's suing me, and Discontinuing the pizza because we've been pointing out all the terrible things that happen to pizza hunts lately. All right. Well, I have this voicemail. It's not really a voice mail, but it was an email. And I need to take a second and read this because it was quite interesting. We got a couple interesting pieces of correspondence today. This one came in from Nick Tucker. Now, I need to throw a plug out there for our pal Blind Mike. You know Blind Mike, right, Kroche? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. I was very happy to do his show. Why Are We Laughing Again? I did my second episode with them last week. Oh, no kidding. What did you guys cover? I love that show. The Man Show. Oh, no shit. The Time Capsule that is the man show. So that episode will be out there next week. Oh, great. As you know, our boy Blind Mike is pretty close to the Kirk Menehan show that's on Barstool Sports. And apparently, the creep off got mentioned on Kurt Menahan show. So let's take a listen to this, and then we can respond appropriately.

Okay. We go to blind mic.net right now, please, and subscribe and join all the wackiness. I listened to Bob Newhart episode, which I liked very much. Very well done, Mike. Thank you. And I saw he's got Pauli Delino in there, whoever next week. Vinnie Paulino. Vinny Paulino.

Very funny guy. We talked about The Man Show. From which podcast is he on? Which was, his podcasts are the creep off. They solved murders there or no? That's my knowledge. They do talk crime, but... I mean, I will say I look down now on true crime podcasts.

That don't solve them. Yes. Yeah, that makes sense. We should have always advised dance because we solved it. But I mean, I don't... You've earned the right. And the craziest thing is the rankings that these shows get. That's just an hour of two people who have done maybe an hour of research.

People get afraid of, you know, real down the dirt, old-fashioned journalism. And that's what we brought back. And I don't know if America's ready for that yet. I was very successful, but... We'll see. I mean, we'll see going forward. I think it's really nice that he gave Carl an hour of research. I was going to say, that's giving me a lot of credit right there.

Giving me a lot of credit today. Holy fuck. Listen, Kurt, listen, pal, I know you solved a murder on your podcast that you did. I know, congratulations, you solved a murder. But you know what? This is the home of fucking podcast hitman, motherfucker. I'm not solving murders. We're entertaining murderers.

That's what I do at the show. I don't need to solve any problems. We solved that one. It was him. Now, listen. It's a true crime show for true criminals. I want the listeners help on this. If you're listening to this show and you have committed a murder and nobody knows about it,

please confess to me. So I could just shove it right in Kurt Mena Hans' face and say that I solved a murder. So if you've killed somebody and you just want to get it off your chest, I'm totally going to turn you in for the publicity. But, you know, you'll feel better. And you'll get three squares a day. No new murders has to be a murder that has already been committed. Yes, do not go out and kill.

I am not ordering. I'd be very clear. Thank you, McBride. You're welcome. This is not an order to go out and kill. This is not for fresh murders. I demand. I demand to know what you did.

Call leave a voicemail 537180108. And let me know if you've murdered someone so I can spike Kurt Medahan. Thank you. Now, I also got a tweet message from a listener, and I can't say their name, but this is a lot of fun. My creep last week was David Thorstad, who was the founder of Nambla, also an Arctic communist. People didn't realize. Wow. And I got this message, and he asked me not to share his Twitter handle, but I'm going to read this to you.

Listen to the most recent episode, and your research made me realize, I'm related to David Thorstead. Oh, no. So fuck you. I go, are you really? That's horrible. said, his dad is my great-grandfather, and he's my great-half-uncle. I also worked at the hospital he died, and literally none of my family knew. My great-grandfather never talked about his second marriage or any other children.

So he died with no friends or family in the hospital, if that makes anybody happy. Yeah, what a surprise. Yeah, that's nice. Softcast, I do not want to hear about your old rapes. Sorry, just have to comment on the YouTube chat. Unless they're murder rapes. Good point. Yeah.

It's like double points. McBride is just picking up all the balls I'm dropping today. God bless you, son. God bless you. So I guess that would make it time for a scum parade, wouldn't it? Driving children. Up and pitos. Dittling.

Bag of murderers. Rape the street. Ray. Hey, lily, ray. So you see your path. Abusive ass hat. Yeah, the scum parade Scum parade

Oh, I'm a creeper Oh, guys, I got to tell you. Oh, jump parade Oh, come back Oh! Oh, guys, I got to tell you. Our first creep today, Newport, Ritchie, Florida,

and you know what? So worth this jingle. A Newport Ritchie Police Corporal Really liked this song They're going into verse two And he lost his job After an internal investigation confirmed allegations of sexual misconduct

Raised by a 17-year-old girl who was in his custody According to the Newport Ritchie Police Department Former Police Corporal Bobby Labrido 43 is not facing any criminal charges stemming from the allegations But boy is he lucky he didn't Yeah.

So he's found guilty of sexual whatever. And like, no, not criminally, though. What is non-criminal sexual? Well, allow me to tell you the story, kids. The girl who's not been named publicly by police has recently been deemed a runaway when she was spotted by a detective in Newport Richie. The detective took the girl to the Norton Bay Hospital for a checkup, then arranged to have Labrido take her to the juvenile assessment center.

So according to the report, the girl asked Elbrito to turn. the radio to a specific music channel and he placed her cell phone on his charger in the front seat at her request. When they arrived at the jail however, Libredo was told he was missing signatures on her medical clearance paperwork which meant he and the girl had to drive

back to the hospital. In his patrol car, Lubrito again placed the girl's phone on his charger but this time he asked for the password to access the phone. The girl gave it to him but said she was surprised when he started looking at her photo gallery

and watching videos of her twerking while making comments about her ass. The girl told Detective Lerito admitted he was, quote, really trying to see what your, quote, breasts look like and eventually logged into her Snapchat account where he found a photo of the juvenile's bare breasts. Sorry.

Titties make. Yeah, I'm allergic to titties. Underage shitties, anyway. Labrino took a photo of the picture with his phone. What the fuck? he's scrolling through this young girl's phone just being like, man, those are some great ad shots but we're the titties, honey?

Yeah, she's like Snapchat, and he goes to the Snapchat, finds the titties. And he finds the titties, and then takes a screenshot by holding his phone over her phone? Correct. Like a true fucking pervert. Yeah. Now, he continued to look through the naked pictures

while driving back to the hospital, all making comments all the way. Now, according to the report, the police corporal was so distracted by the photos that he hit a deer We'll drive you back to the hospital Boy, those are some nice tits Oh, my God

What a cloud And this poor girl's in the back seat During this whole thing, he's fucking hitting shit Oh my God, that is un-fucking believable You gotta have a set on her, huh? Yeah, yeah Carl would have laughed harder at that Yeah

You know, it shows over Yeah Just kidding According to the report, the police corporate Was so distracted, he hit the deer Librito then arrived at the hospital I'll obtain the signatures needed for the girl's medical clearance. He let her eat half of his sandwich without handcuffs outside of his cruiser.

Okay. The girl told investigators she engaged the police officer in quote, sexually explicit banter, hoping he would let her go. Now, what do you think that means? Was she like, hey, I'll throw you handy if you could maybe, I already got these handcuffs off? I could just, like, walk away. You can just, like, what happened there? There's something to that. He turned off his microphone.

Yeah. his body camera supported what she said even though there was no audio so i don't know what he said but what i'm guessing is he's all horned up and trying to get her to talk with him about whatever he was trying to lead her into yeah and she just went with it because she's like i don't want to go to fucking juvie so this is the line that i loved the girl told detectors that libredo then told her quote that sandwich wasn't free you know oh oh oh and groped her bottom as he cuffed her hands behind her back and placed her hand into the back seat.

The report said he lifted her shirt and brought and groped her breasts. Ooh. The girl told investigators that Labrero pulled up her mother's photos on his in-vehicle computer and asked if she would be interested in having, quote, a threesome. What? Probably not.

The girl said, no thank you. She also told the police that Labrato said he would come to her house later to, quote, check up on her. Oh, good. And your mom. Hey, your mom single, by the way? Labrato denied the girl's allegations in an interview with the investigators, police said, but when they told

him that his testimony was inconsistent with the video evidence that they did have, he replied, yeah. And he lost his job. Why? Because he's... Oh, the filing the 17-year-old thing, right. Forgot about that. This is going to give her some serious

self-esteem issue. She doesn't even think she's worth a whole sandwich now. She's only, she thinks, like, her body is only a half sandwich body. Oh, honey, I got half a grilled cheese. What'll that get me? Around the world. Oh, poor thing.

All right, Kingsburg, California. A gentleman and his two adult sons were arrested for alleged sexual assault of underage victims, including one child who was no more than 10 years old. Kingsburg police announced Friday that Francisco Hernandez Hernandez, 58 is 26-year-old son Dario Santigo Hernandez-Chavera, and 22-year-old Francisco Hernandez-Chevara all were booked into Fresno County Jail on several felony sexual assault charges.

So two adult brothers and their dad in his 50s? Oh, my God. Yeah. They said that the younger Hernandez-Chivera allegedly has been sexually assaulting juveniles for more than a decade with an incident spanning from 2010 to 2021. Among the charges brought upon the 22-year-old

was sexual intercourse or sodomy with a child 10 years or younger. Hernandez-Shavar's bail was set the highest among the three relatives at $200,000. The other son, Dario, had his bail set at $150,000, charge with the oral copulation and sexual penetration of a child under 10 years of age or younger. And the father, Hernandez-Hernandez, faced charges of Ludex with a juvenile under 14 years old. His bail was set $80,000. I like how the dad liked him a little more mature. You know, I'm kind of pro Henry the 8th now.

No, that I hear all this. Like, this would not have flown back then. The case remade's ongoing with Kingsburg Police to interview more children to see if there's more victims. Now, folks, I told you this story. If anyone has been raped by any of these people, please call Valley Crime Stoppers at 559-49-498-7-8-6-7. Serious calls only. But us first, so we can rub it into other podcasts. Ha, ha, you got raped by that guy and his kids.

Las Vegas, boys. Hey, I was just there not too long ago. Police arrested a Clark County official in connection to the death of a reporter who had investigated his brother. Now, according to the report from the Las Vegas Review Journal, Robert Rob Tellis, a county clerk administrator since 2019, was arrested on Wednesday evening on suspicion of murder tied to the stabbing of Jeff German investigative reporter. This is a crazy story. This is a bonkers story. story, Kroche. So this guy, Tellas, was last seen being transported in an ambulance after the authorities found him from self-inflicted wounds. The local newspaper reported Germans' work

exposed accusations of bullying and a hostile work environment in Tellis' office. The Las Vegas Metro Police Department did not immediately respond to an inquiry from the media. Teller's office did not respond to insider's request for comments either. In response to NPR, the department said earlier on Wednesday that it was executing search warrants related to the homicide. So everything's hush, hush. But everything is focused on this guy, and this guy tried to off himself when he was approached by the police. And it's come out that his

DNA was at the crime scene, his vehicles on camera leaving the crime scene, and he had defensive wounds from when he allegedly went to stab this reporter. That is correct. What a bunch of strange coincidences, right guys? Now, tell us, who's

pursuing a re-election bid, denied the accusations, and described German stories as a line smearpiece, officials from Clark County did not immediately return a request to comment. German continued to pursue information on tells and three other county officials, according to the review journal, before he was found dead. Now, this guy was a veteran reporter, and they found him dead on September 3rd outside of his home, and he was stabbed during an altercation the day before.

So he got stabbed on the second, and they found his ass bleeding out outside the next day. Yeah. So it's really fucking sad. the good news is though this guy german was a podcaster and now he's dead so that means there's one less true crime podcaster out there and that means we just moved up the ranks one notch boys got a look on the bright side it's a war of attrition the podcasting game i'm telling you kirk many he may look down on us but fuck him uh 20 year old year old wow Denver colorado a 20 year old man was found guilty of shooting and killing a couple who responded

to an online ad about buying a car. These are a creeps of the week this week, gentlemen, because this situation is really scary to me. Yeah. Like, if you just want to buy a car and you're going to go test drive it, they say go somewhere public, this happened in public. It was in a mall

or something. Yeah. Yeah. So, here's what happened. A jury found Kyrie Brown guilty on several charges, including two counts of second degree murder, two counts of first degree murder. He advertised the sale of a car which had been stolen. A gentleman by the name of Joe Roland reportedly responded to the ad, August 14th, 2020, said he was interested in the car.

Joe and his wife, Jocelyn, reportedly met up with Brown at Southlands Mall to get the car. Joe reportedly noticed issues with the vehicle's title, like that it was written in crayon. Yeah. And, hey, Mr. Suzuki, I don't think this is yours. He pulled out a gun after he goes, hey, what's wrong with this title? And demanded the couple just hand over the cash that they brought to purchase the car. Brown reportedly fired five shots killing both of them.

He reportedly stole about $3,000 from the couple and drove the car to another area and set it on fire. Oh, my God. Now, go ahead, car. When you're on Craigslist and the seller says something like, could you please bring $3,000 in cash?

If that doesn't set off a lot of red flags, I mean, not to go victim blaming here, but holy shit, that is a creepy-ass thing. I'm going to put money that these two felt safe and sound going to this meetup because it was at the mall. Yeah. And there's the lesson, folks.

And it wasn't a Rondaquite. Stonecold, Steve Austin was right. DTA. Don't trust anybody, son. What? There you have it. He's going to be sentenced on November 21st, and that is this week's edition of the creep-off.

Before we go, I got a fast food job. Congrats. Thank you. I spun the wheel last week, and I had to go find a job, and I was offered a position at a place called Rhino's Pizza. Do you think Vinny wants to go to a pizza shop?

Yes, you would be correct. Vinny loves a pizza shop. Do you get a discount? I don't want a discount. Okay. Rino's pizza is Rochester's home of the pickle pizza. Ooh. I cannot think of anything more disgusting or fucking triggering to me as a person

than a pickled fucking pizza. Yeah, I like both those words, but individually. You put them together. I hate pickles, dude. thought of the smell of the vinegar and shit like i'm already starting to feel sick and shitty thinking about it i'm going to go work a shift there and we'll see how that all goes that'll be fun so you're just going to work one day there and then yeah spent eight hours work an eight hour shift making pickle pizza 401k benefits yeah yeah the health care yeah i'm going

to fucking need it all right probably not good if they're selling pickle pizza i'll see you guys at the roast next week's show is going to be a live event so I hope you enjoy it. Please consider supporting the show on Patreon. Patreon.com backslash the creep off. You could get cool merch and bonus episodes like The Roast of Carlin Vinny. And until next time we meet, it's nice to be important. It's more important to be nice.

Gagia. Ah, fucking give you out of here. This fucking thing over, man. It will be given to your service to our great imperial family. To our great imperial family, which we all.