The Creep Off - Episode 154: Beggars Can't Be Choosers

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

This weel Karl & Vinnie kick of a new round with a wildcard matchup: In WATC find out what happens when you mix Martini's & Murder...Spoiler a boring podcast: In the Scum Parade we meet a woman with a horrible plan, a typical Florida Wendy's customer and a couple of sore losers. Read the full stories here: Busted For Bizarre Bid To Game Urine Test | The Smoking GunFlorida man arrested for reportedly tossing gator into Wendy's – Action News JaxChicago-area men allegedly battered woman, stole her car with 2-year-old inside, and ran her over | Truecrimedaily.com7 killed at Brazilian pool hall after mocking losers: video (nypost.com)

Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't any of these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation, horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Coo-coo, coo. Wild car, bitches!

Y! Disgusting Disgusting Disgusting Vomit-inducing thing Ola Creepos Welcome to another edition of your favorite true crime podcast

The show about creeps by creeps For you creeps I'm your host The Tower of Power Too Sweet to be sour The people's champion And let me just give a big Shout out to all my true believers out there

Excelsior True believers And joining me as always It wouldn't be a creep off if there wasn't a creep, it's hot Cuckacarla! What is happening, Vinnie Paulina? How you been, buddy?

Pal, I'm excited for this episode. Hey, can I ask a question before we start? Yeah, please. What happened to Tucker's recaps? He hasn't sent me one. Tucker. We need these recaps. People understand the game that we're playing here.

I think he wants, I think he wants to me to, like, hey, man, where are the recaps? And I just... I thought you're going to say he's holding out for more money. That probably, too. Are we in contract negotiations with Tucker Dixon and his people? Is that what's going on? Yeah, that's the problem.

Guys, this is the true crime podcast where everything is a contest. That's right. And I had to spin the wheel last week. I have to go to church now. That'll be fun for you. Actually, you know, I was talking to my friends about this consequence, and one of my friends wants to come with me. So she was very excited about it. Nope.

Yep. Nope. Nothing you could, you're not allowed to do it unless that person is filming you. Well, yeah, I'll have her film. Sure. Okay. see what i was thinking you should do is go to one of these places and put like you wear a shirt with a pocket and put your phone in there and like just keep it on record oh weird and as it goes on just like lean and go what the fuck is going yeah that would be very creepy if i did that that would be very funny though no i'm going to wear a pin that says ask me about my podcast though for sure can we get you one of those podcaster hats like that what guy wears yeah he did the media media media i'm here to film this so anyway uh each week we bring a creep and the people vote on who they thought brought the bigger creep and they do that

over on our subreddit. That's correct. Our website is gone. Yes. So people are having a hard time finding our phone number. I have a lot of voicemails for us this week. It's right there on the screen. 585371.80108 by the way, in case you're wondering.

So what we like to start off is by looking at how the voting went from the previous week and awarding a point sometimes to a guy who doesn't deserve it. Let's see what it is this time. Not this week. Vinny has 79 votes to my 45. Is that what that says? Are you really going to deny me my? Sweet victory, baby, Carl, I haven't lost, and I don't know how many weeks.

I have been bashing your brain in this game. People are going to start thinking. I'm the creep. Oh, sorry, I hit something over here, made some noise. People just start thinking I'm the creep, how bad I've beaten you these days. Seriously, it's out of control right now. I've got to do something about this. Yeah, maybe a little effort.

Well, maybe. We'll see. Give it a shot. Hey, I want to thank Nick H for coming in on Superchamp Monday, which is a national holiday here in the States. $5 asked if we're going to a black church. Maybe. Those are the most fun ones.

Well, you got to go to the non-denominational prize. Protestant church because that's a really fun mix. That's like a black church but with the white people who think that they're black and they try to dance and stuff. It's really a lot of fun. There's a gay church by my house and by that I mean

they always have the right. Catholic. They seem to be very LGBTQ plus friendly at this one church. No, I get to pick the church though. It's the father's house. That's where you're going. Sounds good. You're going to the father's house son. Sounds good. All right. now uh carl i am in the lead and that means we are starting a new round this is the first week of the new round

even though i have one point and that means wild card be anything be anybody that's correct and because you won this past week you get to go first and uh i'll get us started by ringing the bell please let's go time carl i would like to introduce you in my crate this is her all right her name is nikea Ira. Those titties ain't creeps. D. All right. I'm going to help you. This is the welcome video on her YouTube channel. You're going to enjoy this, Carl. You do who are these socials?

I do. Hi, everyone. Welcome to my channel. I just really want to take this time out and thank all my new subscribers, all 114 of you guys. I just started my YouTube channel two days ago. So it really surprised me how much of you are already here. and waiting for you know me yeah i think i know what her subscribers are doing jacking it jacking it jacking it jack it spanking it jacking it smack it would be a hard thing to do because all she does on her thing is talk about purses wigs and expensive makeup and clothes okay all right well you win buddy that is the biggest creep on the internet very good job thank you can i go know or no no we need to tell i need to tell you guys a story all right

about what happened to her in 2019. On the evening of February 8th, around 6.30 p.m. Carl, Nikira is 24 years old at the time. She's the mother of two. She has a 23-month-old son, Daniel Jr., and then she has an infant son. She has Daniel and a stroller, and she has her infant son in like a papoose around her chest.

Not one of room around that chest, but okay. But it's a comfy ride. Yeah. It's like riding in an old Lincoln. man it's like sitting on the couch i'll be taking the motorboat please so she claims that around 630 she was walking to a walgreens to bipedia light for her son sure someone jumped out of the bushes knocked her to the ground she claims that she fell on top of her infant as the attacker kicked her in the head and in the right side and when she looked up the stroller and her son daniel were gone

That's not good Now she put in a bunch of frantic 9-1-1 calls Carl and I have the audio of them here I want you to listen to how panicked she is Do you know where you're out right now? Can you describe what you see around you? I was running. I was running.

Who are you running from? All right. Where are you right now? What do you see around? Do you see a house number? You're in where? The bushes of the bushes. The bushes of where?

Are you on Giles Street, do you know? Is it an ambulance? I had run with my side of her. Were you jumps? I had to put me on the ground on. All right. Okay. Your baby's injured as well?

I fell on top of them. How old was you? I'm holding. Do you see the police? Yes. Okay. So I know that sounded a lot, but I want you to understand how hysterical this woman sounded. Well, I have audio of that 911 operator.

Yeah, please. He hung up the phone with her. Please. Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch. Now, I can tell you was getting annoyed. He's like, all right, ma'am, can you spit it out? What's going on? Yeah.

And we're going to go back to this 911 call in a minute. But a response team began a search aided by the city and state police. Prosecutors, bloodhounds from New Jersey State Park showed up. all looking for this kid around the corner from where this happened they found a stroller containing a pair of red sneakers

and that was it they found the kid's stroller now they bring her to the police station they feel like they're hot on the trail of this kidnapper they're trying to get testimony out of her she does not requiring any medical attention

for someone who claims to have been thrown down kicked in the face in the head and in the side she's like no I'm good find my baby find my baby where's my baby so it turns out the area where this happened there's lots of security footage for the city because this is in New Jersey by the way

lots of cameras so they pull out the camera footage and how do I put this nothing like this happened she was lying they saw the woman walk from down the street to the area where the cops found her calmly peacefully with the baby then make a 911 call and then the cops show up and she's completely

frantic and hysterical And that combined with the fact that she's still wearing her $5,000 ring, the fact that she still had a ton, all of her cash and nothing else was taken, the police were very suspicious of what was happening here, Carl. You're saying that you'd rather have a $5,000 ring than a two-year-old? I could understand that. Sure. I agree. You got to defend your own. Yeah.

Now, they brought in the old lie detector, Carl. Okay. And they have a very... If they have video evidence, what do they need? Well, because they just were trying to make her, I guess, try to sweat it out of her. Yeah. Because she wasn't changing her story. She was just arguing, telling him the same thing over and over again.

Mm-hmm. So they bring in the lie detector. Wait, was she on that show, Empire? I think I heard about this story. I think I know about this. This is a different one. This is a different one. Yeah.

So they actually have an amazing new lie detector where you can listen to the audio from the machine, directly from the machine during the test. Would you like to hear what it said? Yes. This is the audio of the lie detector. You're a liar. You're a liar. You know something that you're not telling us, you slimy scumbag liar.

Liar! Tell us what you know you goddamn liar! You know goddamn well what happened to your kid. So stop acting like victims and confess, you murdering murderers! Confess! Liar! Confess! Yeah, so the police did believer's story is what I'm I'm trying to tell you guys.

That's what her story started to change. Hold on a second. I got to read Cam Criticles $1.99 Super Chat. Boyes. Wow. A lying woman. What a creep. Congrats, Carl.

Ah, agreed, buddy. Thank you for that. So her story starts to change to, this one's even better. This is the dumbest panicky story I've ever heard of someone trying to defend themselves for a crime. Okay. The boy accidentally fell down a flight of stairs.

the house, I put the child in a stroller and I took him out and I left him there in the stroller so that someone else could get him help. Even if that were true, that would be a horrible thing to do. That's not a good lie. No, I was busy robbing the bank. That's why I wasn't there with my kid. No, no. See, I was neglecting the kid.

Then I decided to ultimately neglect them. Right. And leave them outside in February in New Jersey. Officer, you see, I was trying to score meth. All right. That's what I was doing. No. No, she's married, by the way. She's married to a tall, skinny white dude. Okay. And apparently he spoiled her a lot. Like all these bags and shit that she got, it was this dude's cash.

Okay. So at this point, the husband's in another room and they do not believe her story. The husband doesn't know what's going on. The cops go to the house. And it's not a good sign when you get to the house and all the windows are open and there are fans blowing. as to blow out a stink sure what was the stick it smelled like something terrible was burning the cops are looking around the house they don't see anything in the house they go out into the backyard and what do they find next to the shed black garbage bags filled with baby limbs that had been tried that somebody had dumped something on and tried to set on fire uh-huh then

they were like oh there's got to be more of this baby anyway they start looking around the shed and there's a really expensive you know what they say where there's baby limbs there's Here's babies. Eureka. So they look around and they see this hot pink bag, this very nice bag shoved haphazardly underneath the shed. Like underneath, like dirt had been pulled out. They tried to like bury it underneath there poorly.

Okay. And they opened it up and hey, guess who won the pony? Little Daniel Jr., the rest of them was in that bag. So they show the bag to the husband. He's like, oh, Jesus Christ, I bought that bag for my wife. she probably did a YouTube review on this fucking bag she put a fucking kid on so they uh take her they obviously they arrest her it's 3 a.m and she finally confesses to what happened and it turns out that little Daniel Jr. didn't want to eat his food oh yeah that's not good so she beat the shit

out of the kid and while she was beating him he ended up falling down the stairs yeah and she didn't want to get in trouble for beating him and him falling down the stairs. So what she decided to do was just straight up murder the kid and that chop off his limbs, try to set them on fire, did a piss poor job of it, made the whole house stink, threw him in a garbage bag, threw the rest of them, I guess she was out of garbage bags, into a purse, and stuffed him under the shed, and then went and started this whole elaborate fucking ruse. Yeah, I don't think it was smart to then go where there's lots of security cameras and make up something that happened to you oh my baby oh my baby and that do you hear do you think back to that

nine one one call how fucking crazy she sounded yeah fucking acting dude that's a psycho this is a fucking unquestionably a creep now here's some fun things that i really enjoyed i was looking on her youtube channel and uh the video that i showed you the beginning of it yeah one lady posted something underneath it and i was like oh i think she knows her and she made a comment she said so my question is nobody in her husband's family noticed her manipulative ways i can see it in her videos and i've never even met the murderer she used what she had to get what she wanted and never wanted that white man or his kids she only wanted the handbags he bought for her the selfie she was taking showing her body all over social media was a slap to the face of her

husband and maybe one day he'll realize it well i think maybe he realized that the day that his child his namesake was chopped up and shoved under the shed right his mother the the husband's mother in court said you had no thought of how your actions would destroy our entire world you're a monster my only hope is that you live the rest of your life behind bars and suffer with the thought of what you did think to the life you will no longer have no pretty hair no nails no constantly spending money on foolish things nothing michael core is and Chanel will not help you in prison. See, I personally hope that she continues to grow her YouTube page.

That's amazing that she had 114 people. Chad Zumach numbers over there. Pretty impressive. Yeah. She really is a lunatic, dude. Oh, yeah? This is a real crazy person. So good news, everybody, February 21st, 2023.

Sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. Very good. Fuck you, Nakira. That's my creep this week, Carl. Very good, sir. my creep is over in Italy and I want to tell you a tale from the year 2013

Yeah, yeah, Alex, you son of a bitch Lino Renzi, 45 years old lived with his 90-year-old mother Maria Pia Gaglia. Yeah, would you want to live with whatever that is? In southern Italy when police and firefares were called to their apartment because a neighbor smelled gas.

There was a stench coming from the apartment. It's a big dinner. The neighbors decided to call the authorities. Upon entering the apartment, the authorities found most of the mother's mutilated body in the bathroom, but her foot was in the freezer. Various pieces of her body were cooking on the stove, and some of her entrails were found on a plate in the kitchen.

Renzi, meanwhile, was discovered laying naked on his bed, and didn't say a word as they took him into custody. See, she fell down. Lino Renzi had just the previous month been released from a psychiatric care institution, and he was put back into care with his mother. Well, they got into an argument. So Lena decided to brutally beat her to death. She had blunt force trauma all on her head and her body.

And then he used a butcher knife and a saw to cut his mother into pieces so that he could then cook them. So after putting some of the remains in the freezer, He tried to broil other parts in a pot on the stove. And her entrails were found on a plate, having been cooked on a grill. So he was really preparing a nice meal for himself with his mom three days after he'd killed him. And the stench was a little bit rough. Like if you're going to eat people. Yeah.

Right. You're not your mom. You don't number one, not your mom. Number two, like if you look at the animal that you're going to eat, like if you go to the if they say to you hey pick out a lobster yeah nobody's picking the 90 year old shitty ass lobster right yes if you're going to eat somebody you know that's not where i would start a 70 year old lady that's not where i would start at taylor swift correct i would eat taylor swift all right can you say that on the internet i don't know if you should god forbid taylor swift

gets eight because you're going to be suspect number one my friend taylor swift was bitten in half today by a fat podcaster no one knows how the podcaster was able to catch up to her. He also claimed to be a comedian, even though there is no proof. Oh. There's very little evidence. So I like that you said something about our buddy Alex. So wait, he's giving you these creeps first and that if you don't want him, I get him.

Apparently? Apparently. That's fucked up. Well, I had already picked, I think I had already picked my creep because this was, my creep was actually someone that I thought about for the scum parade. And I was like, no, this is, this is fog. And when I looked into, when I saw her YouTube videos, about how happy and confident she was

about her nails and her wigs, and that fucking chopped up her baby so she wouldn't get in trouble. Ugh. She didn't try to eat it, though, right? No, she might have. I think she did. I don't think she did. She did. What's worse of other eating the child

or the child eating the mother? I think you're making shit up now. You decide on Reddit this week, everybody. You're making shit up now. Vinnie, we've presented our creeps. People should go vote for who they thought brought the bigger creep. You know what that means. It's time for.

who are these creepos who are these creepos the segment we do on the creep off the reason why we do this segment is because we need to prove that we are the best true cry podcast out there and the way that we do that viny by kicking all the other podcasts in the dick one at a time one by one we go on with our very petty critiques of their shows to prove that our show is better and i discovered a show that I did not know about it's called martinis and murder I guess that's a nice new take on wine

and crime yeah yeah it's a little classier than wine and crime and well they explain the way that you might enjoy their show if you were to listen to it pour yourself a glass of something while you're listening to the show as long as you're

21 of course and drinking responsibly Please don't be operating a vehicle or heavy machinery Hopefully you're not doing that All right, so you've got to drink a lot in order to enjoy their show Which makes sense Never a selling point This is a show hosted by Darren Karp and John Thrasher With Matt the bartender

They got their bartender there too I guess Darren Karp So this was presented by the Oxygen Network Darren Karp is Andy Cohen's assistant And she's also a lesbian And, well, I don't know if the guy's gay or not. You tell me what you think, what you hear this intro. Oh, no.

John, John, John, John, John, John, John. Oh, okay, nice. Now, we don't need, you know, the lawyers being upset with us for singing. This was an original song that Darren and I just came up with. Would we call what I was doing singing? Would we call that singing? No. Okay.

No, it's never singing, sweetheart. We love you. So I feel like we're good on it. that. I feel like we're good on that. Rini, why don't we sing each other's names when we start the show? Because your name sucks. Yes, and it's awkward and it's awful. And we do sing my name at the beginning of the show. Remember, you sang it? Did he Pauline? Oh, all right. Well, wait to shit on my points. Yeah, no problem. I appreciate that. So I'm here for. So when the host started off by singing each other's names, I get the sense that maybe the male on the show was not

heterosexual, but I wasn't sure. He's hanging around drinking martini's talking about true crime with women? Yeah. Yeah, I'm guessing probably not. Well, I still wasn't sure. And then he started talking about his birthday weekend. And he brings this up. Thank you to everyone, including you Matt and Megan, all of whom wish me a happy birthday. And, you know, I just kind of laid low. I really didn't do anything. I've been cat sitting, Darren, which I know is a big deal for you. Let's pause. Let's pause. Let's pause. Too much information. God, no, not enough information. because the fans really need to know. See, this is what I've discovered about true crime podcasts.

Most of these podcasters just want to talk about themselves. True crime is just an excuse to talk about themselves. This entire episode, Vinny, zero true crime. All they do is talk about their personal lives to each other. Have I ever once asked you how your weekend was on this show, Vinnie? Not even off air. You're not a very nice friend. Yeah, I know.

Who gets a shit? This whole thing where they're like, oh, what did you do this weekend? Who fucking cares? I listened to when you talk. I remember the other day you were telling me how you stayed at home and had such a great day watching Indiana Jones and one flew over the cuckoo's nest. I was happy for you.

They had such a nice day. Thanks. You know what I watched this? Here we are. You know what I watched this past weekend was Indiana Jones in the last crusade. My wife had never seen it. Oh. Wow, this show's great.

Isn't it, everybody? All right. Hold on. Carl, Carl, Carl. See, nobody cares. This is what I'm saying. Nobody cares about this show. And by the way, can I also just throw, this guy doesn't strike me as a pussy sitter.

Oh, well, she gets very excited that he's cat sitting. And then this bitch tells me that he's cat sitting in New Jersey. How did she make cat sitting four syllables? I'm not even sure how that's possible, but. I don't know how she got that extra chromosome either. Yeah. Now, I know what you're thinking right now, Vinnie, because you've been on. this show with me for a while.

We talk about a lot of different true crime shows. Certainly. And the thing that you're wondering right now is, can we know more about this cat? Like, what's the name of this cat? What's the cat's deal? And what song did he put the cat's name into that he sang to the cat every time he called it? Don't worry, buddy. I got you covered.

The cat's name is mittens. And it's because it's a, it's like a tabby, I think, a gray tabby. But it has white mittens on each of its paws. Of course it's so cute. I know. I'll send you a picture. This is not a show. What's happening right here, what I'm playing for you right now, Vinny, is not a show.

Describing a cat that your friends have. Not a show. I'm just going to point that out. Hey, everybody, call in. Tell us about your friend's cat. Murders and martinis. So the thing that they're really excited about in this episode is this person, Jojo Siwa.

Do you know who that is? I do know who that is. Okay. Apparently, because this is a lot of, is a couple of years old. JoJo came out, but not really, but kind of. And they're very excited about this. One of the things we can't go through this episode without mentioning is the Jojo

Siwa News. I mean, I've ever been. Welcome to the family. Welcome to the family. Although, you know, she didn't, she didn't confirm a label. So I don't want to say that she's a lesbian. I don't even want to say that she's gay, but she's definitely part of the LGBTQ plus community. That's a good way to put it.

She's definitely part of the LGBTQ community. Isn't that pretty much everyone at this point, Vinnie? I think you and I aren't allowed, but everyone else is at the club. Yeah, like, everybody over there has a, there's a big sign on their clubhouse. It says no Carl or Vinny. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how that goes. Aw. So they're all excited about this announcement.

They're all having fun without us. That wasn't even an announcement, apparently. Because what kind of coming out is this? But she was like, you know, I've been the happiest place I've ever been right now. If I end up with a man, great. If I end up with a woman, great. She's like, I just think human beings are absolutely incredible, and I did say that. She did say that. And she was like, I just think human beings are absolutely incredible and I love human beings. And you know what? God bless, because that's how it should be. You know what I mean?

Absolutely. Yes, that's amazing. You know who else says they love all human beings? Yay. It's not a good thing. You're supposed to have some judgment. I love Hitler. I love the Nazis. You're supposed to dislike certain times people. I love everybody. So, Cagia, shut the fuck up. I don't know why this is getting applauded. I don't understand what the deal is. This girl was like, uh, this girl was like, uh, a TikToker, or she has some type of fame and notoriety from social media? Carl, Jojo Siwa was a Nickelodeon star, I believe. Oh, okay. I believe she was a Nickelodeon star. I think she kind of looks like me.

Yeah. Yeah, I did see a photo. Yeah, she kind of looks like me and she looks happy. I guess, I don't know. She's like, I like everyone because nobody likes me. So if anyone's willing to suck up my pussy, I'll take it. Guy, girl, goat, whatever. The name of this episode.

beggars can't be chooses. Exactly. I just don't understand how like her going, oh, I find all humans to be amazing to be like that controversial of a statement. It's not controversial. It's not anything you should be applauded or people shouldn't be impressed by this. By the way, purple monkey dishwasher. Thank you for the $10.

We should start a beer fund for Carl's trip to Gary. This will buy you a couple of coos. Cheers. Thanks, Purple. Thanks, Purple. Appreciate that, buddy. So now the, what's the guy's name here? John, John Thrasher, is going to talk about, because he's a gay man, but he's going to talk about how sexuality is a spectrum.

And tell me if you're buying what he's saying here. We do feel that sexuality is a spectrum because, you know, I'll be honest, I find certain things about women attractive. I, you know, certain physical features, mental features. All that stuff is not just black and white. Oh, really? What about a lady do you find attractive? I'm pretty sure you think it's all kind of gross. I like their bobbies.

Yeah, I know. I love what a gay guy tries to explain that girls are hot. It's always funny to me. Tits. I like their tits. I like them for their minds. Oh, this is a gay man. All right.

Well, there's proof right there. I like the way they think. Okay. Okay. Okay. Now, Vinnie, the reason why I'm playing you this episode is because they have a very big announcement on this particular show. Darren, tell everybody what our announcement about our announcement is. We will be revealing major plans for the future of martinis and murder on Sunday's full episode. That's all I can say today in another shot. There we go.

But definitely tune into Sunday's episode. You're going to want to hear what we have to say. Nope They made an announcement That there will be an announcement Vinny Why did they do that? What's the point of that? Guys, I just want to let you know

that we're going to announce something soon To be fair, Tony Khan does that every week on AEW Oh yeah This should be a major announcement from Tony Khan I don't know People just are dumb Yes, it's very dumb So the announcement was

Vinny I'm happy to say This show is over Oh good one last piece of shit out there. They ended the show and it was very difficult for the fans. After we announced last week that, you know, we would be ending martinis and murder, we shared it in the Facebook group and I was overwhelmed because, I mean, listen, I understand I knew that this was going to be big news for so many.

But, you know, I was just overwhelmed by how many people were so emotional and like crying about it. And, you know, we tried to, yeah. Oh, I was just going to say, we just, you know, we try to explain. Great chemistry between these two. We've been doing a show over four years together. Yeah, this is. People were crying that they're ending their show. Where am I going to hear about true crying from drug people?

How am I ever going to, who's going to scratch this itch for me now? Where am I ever going to find such a thing? I guess I'm just now to start listening to Margaritas and Mayhem. I don't know. That's pretty funny. I should look that up. There's got to be a one, right? A couple of Mexican guys.

Right. All right. So this is the last clip that I have. The final show that they ever record. And Darren is going to have a few drinks. This is like a very, I don't even know, touching episode, I would say. I don't even know where to begin. I'm for clumped.

I've taken two shots already. I am fucked up. Fucked up beyond belief. And I had an epiphany. Right there, when I heard this, Vinny, I went, why didn't Suttering John start a true crime show? He still can. There's still time.

That is true. Yeah. As you know, rather than beers on the balcony or whatever, he could have like... Coors and killers. Yeah. Yeah. Coors and child porn. No, Carl.

Not that. That might be bad. All right, never mind. Don't do that one. Yeah. Don't do that one. But anyway, cause and child porn with John Melendez. Yeah, you don't want to be looking for that YouTube.

Welcome to what bugs me about Pitos. But you know what I mean, though? All these shows are celebrated for doing nothing but drinking and reading the internet. That's all John wants to do. That's true. So there's my free advice of the day to stuttering John Melendez. I find the conversation to be morbid. Now let me talk about how I'd better the Jackie.

Yeah, I know. He would immediately pivot. be talking about some murder case from the 70s and immediately started talking about his time on Howard Stern and jokes he wrote. Purple's got a good one. Cause at the crime scene.

All right, that's good. That actually is good. That is pretty good. I think people would watch that. I would. Somebody would start tweeting that at him. All right. Ask him if he needs a co-host. Yeah, I know a potato is not busy. That potato's real busy. On block, Cardiff.

On block it. God damn it. All right, Vinny. You're ready for some voicemails? Am I? The creep off voicemail segment is brought to by the city of Syracuse. Syracuse University just hired their own indigenous healer. The healer will perform moon ceremonies.

In case you were wondering where your $58,000 of tuition money goes every year. It's not science. See you in Syracuse. Do you need to get healed by the moon at Syracuse University? Is that a true story? Yeah. You got here about this?

You got to see that thing? They're a moonhealer. Yeah, true story. Okay. True story. First voicemail. Someone finally wants to audition to be the creep-off review girl. Oh, good.

Hey, this is an addition for the creep-off review girl. And before you ask, I am a girl legally. If you don't hire me, I will sue you. So balls in your court, Polino. I don't really need to interview because you're going to have to hire me legally. So thank you, but goodbye. Well, I guess our hands are tied on this one. All right.

Well, welcome to the show. Yeah, I guess. Here's a message from our friend, Steve from Texas. Howdy Creepo's. This is Steve from Texas, God's favorite thing and God's favorite country on God's favorite planet. And, Vinnie, you know, I tell you what, if that fever-toothed weasel wants to fly apart of the way to Gary, Indiana, you could tell that snaggly-toothed smile-talking alligator that he can fly to Miami, and then drive to Gary, Indiana.

Also, you tell that cute little tater, I says, hi. Thank you. Bless your hearts. I like Steve. Yeah, hey, Steve. Fuck you! Jesus Christ. You smile-talking alligator?

Jesus Christ. Hey, guess what? We got a voicemail from the host of Dark Poutine. Remember that? Unfortunately. Remember that show that we were talking about? Yeah. The host heard it, and gave us a call.

I'm calling to tell you, boys, how I didn't appreciate. Hey, this is for the creep off. I just got done watching the Wednesday stream. I don't know if you guys know how good those zingers were by Mr. Flowers. At the end, you said, yeah, you were a NNZE classified, right? You guys should look up who Coconut Head is. The guy is fucking just fucking like them. All right.

fuck you thank you by wrong voicemail i was going to say i did not set that up correctly but can i go back and say yes i have an update if you follow us and you get our bonus episodes on either patreon supercast or backed dot by you saw last week's episode where we watched pedophile under theater and there's a gentleman who really enjoyed uh little boys brand of smells yes especially when they were blasted at his face and he he liked him so much he was getting little kids to FaceTime him and fart for him. If you listen to it, he says, I want you to

fart and yell for me. Yeah. Yeah, farting and yelling. He would jerk off to this. Yeah, and they caught him, and he's a little weirdo, but apparently he has like a bunch of YouTube content. Yeah. Alex, God bless him, found this guy's page for me. He found me some info. So I'm going down the rabbit hole right now.

There will be more of that weirdo coming up on this Wednesday's bonus episode. Excellent. So you might want to make sure you're a subscriber because you will enjoy this update. It is really something else. Yeah, that was a fun little mini bonus we did with Tony from Hack the Movies. Yeah, Tony was such a

fun, fun guest to have. He laughed a lot. So anyone who shows up on our Patreon, backed by, or Supercast, you get access to the entire catalog of bonus shows that we put out, as well as our weekly Wednesday morning shows. Including the Roast of Carlin Vinny is in there for you.

That's correct. Yeah, you can listen to that whole thing. I don't think you'll ever get to see it. I think he will. I think it's going to happen. Here's the host of Dark Poutine calling in. Hi, Carl and Zinney. How are you? This is Matt from Doc Poutanian. I was listening to your critique of my show.

And I have to tell you, the reason why I called is, I wanted to tell you how it got the name. Me and my husband would go down to the bus station and pick up some African gentlemen and we'd order up a bunch of sides and then we'd spray gravy all over each other. It's always a fun time. Well, that's how we got the name, Dark Poutine.

Vinnie, if you'd like to cross the friendship bridge, we'd be more than happy to order pizza for you. We could spray gravy all over you too. Thank you. What do you think, Vinny? They don't have enough gravy. You want to talk about this? Nope, I'm good.

He might have enough gravy. I'm good. I have a new consequence for the wheel suggestion. And it was inspired by WATP, Carl, so you know it's going to be particularly heinous. Okay. All right. New consequence. The winner gets to pick some of them zoo file bumper stickers to put on the loser's car.

Winter also gets the loser's wife's car keys. So the loser can't go around in his wife's car car. and has to drive around in his own car with Zoufile bumper stickers on it for a month. Vinnie Winnie, thank you, fuck you, bye. I think that's fucking funny.

Dude, if you don't put the Make Animals Come stick around your car, that'd be fantastic. I feel like that should happen. I feel like that should go on the wheel. How quickly are we going to get pulled over? I guarantee within the first day of us, putting those on our car. Sir, you're trying to make animals coming here.

No. All right. Here's a voicemail I have from a man who's got a sweet gig. He wants to brag about it. Hey, dude. I just have a message for the creep off. I mean, it's not so much that I'm creeping or anyone else that's creeping, but I just applied to be a manager at Wendy's.

I have no manager experience. I've trained people. but I haven't had to lie yet for the job application and they're just like, yes, yes, this is good, this is good. Oh, yes, come here, work with us. Would you be $900 a week? Oh, that's so great. I'm like, what the fuck?

I haven't even had to lie yet. They already set up an interview with me. They did the same thing with Taco Bell. All right, this goes out and on. Basically, his point is, I just have to laugh at that the law. Man, these people must suck. I haven't even had to lie to get this job.

Basically, his point is, he's just to start applying for every job there is, including airline pilot and truck drivers. Like, if they're not going to ask, then I'll just fucking do it. So that's a good, uh, good life lesson right there. It is a wonderful life lesson. We got some superchats coming through. No, I just felt like ringing the bell. We do actually.

Gut for two bucks. Invite Alex on. Oh, I would definitely have Alex on. Oh, shit. We should. Alex, you're invited on any time. If you want to come on, Alex, you can come on. And then Christina Marie with $2.

Bright pink gel polish pedicure. Oh, God. I can imagine what your talents would look like. Oh, is that a consequence? I think so. Probably the most pleasant of the consequence, because you could put socks on. Yeah, that wouldn't be too bad. Yeah.

All righty. Carl, I think I have one more voicemail for you from a first time. caller okay hey carl hey benny first-time caller just calling let you know that i'm joined the podcast and i don't have a page you on subscriber yet but i'm pretty convinced now after hearing this episode 134 that these guys are making money and you're not so i think i'll subscribe later i've never been a fan of carl until now kind of reports kind of cringe i'll be honest but found you guys in the big show but i'm enjoying so far while working sorry for the noise in the I'm working at a boiler room right now, but that's about all I got.

You're welcome. Love you. Hello. Hello, we love you back. Thank you for finding the show. Can I just point something out? A new rule for the callers. If you don't like me, you can go on said.

You can just go ahead and keep that to yourself. That's fine. To be fair, even the ones who say they like you, I assume don't. Yeah, I know. Exactly. So just leave that out of the conversation. Someone's sent in the cutest little jingle. Oh, great.

I want to lick or jaddle jingles his feet Tickle, tickle, tickle that they taste so sweet You want to hear that one more song? I want to lick or jaddle jingles his feet Tickle, tickle, tickle that they taste so sweet That sounds like Manny. Is that Manny, Conant? I have no idea.

Oh boy. But those are our voiceless. Remember, folks, the voice song number is five. This is a show four creeps. We are proving that. Certainly, one week at a time. Carl, guess the time it is. I believe it's parade time. Let's take a scumperate. I love a parade. Scupperade. Take me on a raid of these fuck-shareades that these creeps have made. Scope parade. Vinnie and Carl going to tell you about some fuck shit. Scum Parade

Like stories of a kid Fucked by his mom or dad Soaking up the blood of a cat scum parade Well, Carl We're at first two stories tonight Are going to come from the great state of Florida Let's keep the jingles rolling You got to get your

You got to get your shit to tell Why so many creepy bucks What's that hell going Oh man Maybe it's a podcast A playwrights Oh baby don't be in a gift Oh come on for a gun

You know, I really love the way they started this. This article's from the Smokinggun.com. And whoever wrote this, priceless. And a hairbrained scheme destined to fail. I love it. A Florida woman thought she could game a court-ordered urinalysis test. Now, as a result of guilty pleas last month to a pair of felony drug charges, Shannon Hunter, who's 44 years old, was required to provide probation officials in Clearwater, Florida. with a urine sample.

Now, like I said, she pled guilty, and she knew that her urine was going to prove to be dirty if she had just taken this test the proper way. Could you imagine not being allowed to do drugs? That's a pretty harsh penalty,

is it? I don't even know that's constitutional. You did? You know what I mean? That's fucking cruel and unusual, man. Yeah. Everyone else is doing drugs. I can't do drugs.

What the fuck? I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm on her side about her side about it. Carl's libertarian bullshit just shied it right through again, folks. Poor Shannon Hunter. Anyway, all right. She wants to do drugs. She's not supposed to.

So she's going to find a way to get out of it, right? So here's what she did. She took a prescription pill bottle. Okay. And she stuffed it inside of her vagina. Oh, okay. Uh-huh. And what was in that?

Like, someone else's urine or something? No, see, no, Carl. You would think that you would either get like the fake piss or you would drink the stuff to make your pee clean or mask it, the masking shit. no no she came up with a much better idea way cheaper soda and water well that's retarded no no mixed together um so uh oh retard alert retort alert retard alert class is that what she thinks urine is carl if all she drinks is about due yeah and water what else would urine be right Right. So I guess the soda is just for color that, right?

Apparently so. Is that what the reason is? I guess she went Mountain Dew. Either way. We found a lot of high fructose corn syrup in your urine. We're concerned about that. Minnie, did I ever tell you about the time that I had to take a drug test for a job? Lay it on me. So how hard did you fail? All right. So here's the deal. You should always cheat when you're taking a drug test. That's what I would say. I got a job at the local newspaper here. Even if you don't do drugs, cheat just for the fun of it. Yeah, right, just because it's hilarious.

Over 20 years ago, I got a job at the local newspaper here, and I had to pass a drug test to work for the... To deliver newspapers, they made you take a drug test. No, for the great corporation of Gnett, I had to take a drug test and already get hired. By the way, you can't work at this place if you're not on drugs. But whatever, for some reason, they make you do that. So I took what you were talking about. You can buy this stuff that you drink before the drug test. I think it's called Yellow Terminator or something like that.

Yeah, there's a few different brands. Yeah. But it's crazy because, so you chug down this really gross shit, like the morning of, and then you drink more of it, like right before. I forget exactly how you have to do it, but it's not pleasant. It's kind of nasty. But then, dude, your fucking pee glows in the dark. I'm not even joking with you. Like, it's so obvious that I'm cheating.

There's no one's urine looks like this. It's like creep off green. Yes. No one's urine looks like this. That's how I started the isotopes. Andrew, I was like, oh, it gives me an idea. I'm a scientist now. So it's obvious that I'm cheating.

And I passed and I got the job and I got to work in a miserable shithole for five years. But that's what I'm saying, though, Vinny, is what's the point of this? I beat one once. Did you? Oh, but I really fucked up. Okay. I go in and I went in the first time doing the masking stuff. Okay.

You did the same thing I'm talking about? It was like 60 bucks. Yeah, yeah. You buy the kit. You do the thing. And I come back and they say, hey, you're people. key test was, came back diluted. So now you have to go take

another one. Oh, shit. I'm like, fuck. So they told me what you got to do is get the synthetic pee, which is in like this little spray container thing, right? Synthetic pee. Yeah. And what you do is you put it in your pocket or your sock or whatever.

Or you cram it up your ass. I mean, listen, there's a lot of ways to have fun with this. It went in the sock, Carl. I'm just saying. So you take two heat package it, like those I hand warmers that you would get for a cold day and you put two of those on there you get it up to the temperature and then you put those on there to keep it at the right temperature because it's got to be they they actually take the temperature of the piss after you pee to make sure that

it was in your body okay and uh so this is what i'm understanding here why do they go through all of these elaborate things if you can just drink this shit and pass i guess i guess you didn't so maybe maybe i got an easy one i don't know carol let me tell you how dumb i am though Oh, God. Because, you know, the rule is, don't flush the toilet. Right. So they have this rule. If you go in there and you pee, do not flush the toilet because they want to make sure that you actually peed.

So I'm like, oh, shit, I got to put this stuff in the cup and pee at the same time. And I'm trying to figure out how to do all that stuff. And I'm going to scratch your ass. And I'm like, I'm scratching. I had to get the thing out. I was digging. Yeah, I knew. And then I'm like, I'm just like, like, I'm so flummoxed by trying to do all these things at once.

then I flushed the toilet Oh no How did you get so distrained You flushed the toilet I just force a habit Dude you're done pissing You flush the toilet And I'm like getting the thing in the jar

And I give it to the go Oh you flush the toilet We can't take the sample I'm like well I'm not gonna pee again And I go you have to And I was like I'm not going to though Then I left

And I still got the job Oh really? They didn't make it come back again Yeah See this is what I mean Like what the fuck's the point of all of that. It's a theater.

But, man, I was so scared. What job did you have to pee for if you don't let me ask? I'm never going to tell you. It was a very professional job. Oh. Very professional. Oh, why don't you want to reveal this, Vinny? United States Congressman.

Oh, shit. I didn't vote for you, by the way. Yeah, nobody would. All right, Carl. Let's go to our second creep, shall we? Yeah. A Jupiter, Florida man was arrested for throwing a live alligator into a Wendy's restaurant drive-thru.

I love it. It's the most Florida story of all Florida stories. I have to say working at Wendy's is boring. Even this guy's... They're paying $900 a week apparently. It's going to be the manager. It's pretty excited about it. But, dude, someone throws an alligator through the drive-thru window.

That's a fun day. That's a story. No one who works there is not telling that story for the rest of their lives. Dude. That's a blast. Joshua Jameses. I bet even the alligator had fun with that. That was a fun day.

They gave us a frosty. Everyone had a blast that day. he was charged with james he's 23 years old was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon illegally killing possession possessing or capturing an alligator at second degree larceny and a petite theft i don't know what he's illegal to possess an alligator well you're not yeah probably not supposed to have them really i don't know they're not good pets kind of dangerous yeah i guess that's true pretty dangerous i just didn't realize that alligator ownership was a crime i guess i should have known I know that in New York you have to have a special license.

There was a really cool store out in Henrietta that used to have like all sorts of lizards and they had a fucking gator. Really? Yeah. It was not, it got too big. They eventually had to like send it to Wendy's. Yeah, it was like, you're too big for this place now. Yeah.

Be free. It is their natural habitat. Yeah. He pulled up for his order and after his server handed a drink and turned around, James tossed the three and a half foot alligator. into the drive-thru window. Gotcha, bitch. Just fucking tossed the game.

How long have I been saying, we have a real alligator problem in this country and Washington won't do shit about it? These empty suits with all their campaign promises to end alligator violence, there's no legislation being passed. Agreed. It's really sad, Carl.

The gator lobby is too strong in this country. I've been saying this for a while now. My campaign slogan was, Shoot them! Lake County, Illinois, Carl. A 34-year-old woman was hospitalized this week after a man allegedly stole her car with her young child still in the back seat. Okay. Now, on Thursday, February 23rd, deputies responded to a home about a vehicle hijacking.

The sheriff's office said the 34-year-old woman pulled up her Volkswagen of Atlas into her driveway and brought one of her children inside the home. She walked back outside to get her two-year-old son when a white BMW pull. into her driveway. A man allegedly got out of the passenger side of the BMW and struggled to get into the victim's Volkswagen as she tried to keep her two-year-old son safe. The man allegedly battered the woman, knocked her to the ground. The man took her Volkswagen and fled. The BMW also left the scene. One of the drivers ran over the victim as they left, causing serious injuries to her extremities. Dude, you should never get run over after getting car jacked. Get out of the way. Yeah. It's not hard to get out of the way of a car.

You know where it's going. It is when you're on your back. I don't know. The woman called 911 reporter that her son was inside the car and the deputies began searching the area for the boy. Now, here's the fun part. Deputies reportedly contacted Volkswagen Kairnatt or Karnat to locate the missing car. But they encountered a delay because Karnat would not track the vehicle with the abducted child until they received payment to reactivate the tracking device and the stolen Volkswagen.

See, I don't understand. Why can't they just track the two-year-olds? iPhone to see where he is using that. It's encrypted. No. According to the Sheriff's Office suit after someone working in the business on the 2020 Bach of Lakeside Drive in Waukeugan, called to report two cars

drove into the parking lot. One of the drivers abandoned a small child and drove off. It was identified as this woman's son and they eventually found the Volkswagen in a parking lot and it's being processed for trace evidence. The victim was battered in the

hospital. I don't understand what the point of this crime was. Well, right. I think what happened was the guy wants to steal this car. And then he gets and starts driving, realize there's a two-year-old of the back, and all he hears is, and you can put up with that for a mile or two, but then at a certain point, you're done

with that. This is the best ice cube movie. That could ever be made. Dude, there's a sentence in this article that says, she brought the child inside to safety before he could run into the street. That's a weird thing to assume what a child would do, right? Is that what children

can't wait to do, go run into the streets? That's what kids do these days. They just go ruddy to the street. They can't get enough of it. Like maniacs. All right. Carl, last story of the day. Did you watch the video for this? Oh, I sure did, should I show the video for this?

I don't know. I don't know if you can or not. It was on YouTube. It was on YouTube. It was on the New York Post website. Well, that's not YouTube. Yeah, that's true. I would love to show you this video because it is fucked. But basically, here's what happened. This was in Brazil in a pool hall in Mato Grasso.

Now, two men were playing pool with a bunch of people. They lost the game. They were very upset. Yeah, that's annoying. But they wanted to win their money back. So they left and went got more money and came back. Okay. And then they lost again.

Ah, damn it. And then the people were at the pool hall started laughing at that because they kept losing. I went to. And they're such dorts. But here's the lesson, folks. don't be a carl oh don't laugh at these bad here Carl

I'll play this for you to watch and you can give me a play the other way there's a man who's got a gun he's getting everybody up against the wall and now another guy comes up shot gun one down and people

six oh right the bag and now they're going from pool table to pool table to steal the stacks of quarters that were left. Because apparently these are two broke assholes. So I have to say, there's gun violence in Brazil and gator violence in the U.S. This world is topsy-turvy. I don't even know what to believe anymore.

But Vinnie, I don't own a shotgun. Yeah. But if I did, I think producer Chris would no longer be with us because he kicked the shit out of me playing pool last weekend. It's frustrating. When you lose a couple games of pool to run. you can get a little frustrated with that. I get it. I've been there.

Yeah. Hey, guys, I didn't play the video on purpose, so stop being confused. I didn't play because I didn't want to get thrown off the live feed. It is great audio, guys. You made that very clear, didn't you? And you even told me to do the play-by-play. Yeah, and they're still commenting on it. But I thought I catch you all up.

Don't ever read the comments. Good point. Good point. Unless they give us money. I'm such a noob. Carl. The two men were identified as Edgar, Ricardo, de Olivier, 30 years old, and

Exzuka Soza Ribeiro, 27. And they are being sought after in Brazil for literally murdering seven people at a pool hall. Yeah, one of the comments in here is that the animal was probably more expensive than the corridors that they were able to grab off the tables.

At that point, I don't think it was about the money. Yeah. You don't have to kill seven people to grab quarters. This was a crime of passion. Yeah, you just pointed gun at people, and they'll let you take quarters. Lost at pool? yeah yeah it's passion dude one of the one of the kids is 12 years old that they've gotten down yeah well smart aleck yeah he was laughing a little bit or she was laughing a little bit too loud kid all right folks that is this week's edition of the creep off hope you had fun we're going to be back with a midway midweek episode for all of you bonus content subscribers on patreon back dot buy and supercast karl we got a big live show coming up in philadelphia we do yes and you can get tickets for

or at live.dick. Show. And there's still seats left, but they are going quickly. Yeah, there's not a lot of seats left from what I saw. Not a lot of seats left for that one. It's a really cool theater. Holds about 300 people. We're going to be down in Philly probably the whole weekend hanging out. It's going to be a blast.

So come join us. Yes, please do. Oh, did I say the day? April 22nd. Yeah, I was going to say April 22nd. Get your tickets now. We will be back again. Like I said, another show next Monday.

As always, we'll be right here on YouTube. Make sure you subscribe and leave a review. We always like to hear those. One of these days we'll get a review girl. And thanks to the people who watch live and comment and especially the super chatters. It is much appreciated. Thank you guys. I'm going to answer your question.

He asked, did anyone fight back or do they all just stand there? They all just stood there because the other guy had a gun already and made them all line up. Yeah, I can't say I would have done anything differently than these people did. You don't expect to be gunned down for laughing at someone after they lost at pool. It's just not something you expect to happen. Yeah, well, maybe there's the lesson for you, Mr. Yeah, I guess so. Maybe I should stop laughing at jerk so much, huh?

It's, nah, we'll keep doing that. Remember, folks, it's nice to be important. It's more important to be nice. Gagia. No, I'm telling me that was going to be bolsting. Wild car, riches! Yeah! What the hell is it supposed to be?

Let's the cream off. Oh no! You, my friend, that's committed. Let's all learn a lesson from this podcast. Don't do what we do. Which is a podcast. May your enemies be cast in your.

our podcast adventures. Ciao Bella.