The Creep Off - Episode 262: Piss for Pat's

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

The Creep-Off is back! Karl & Vinnie return with a brand-new category: Creepiest Rideshare Driver. Buckle up as they each nominate a true nightmare behind the wheel—predators, psychos, and five-star scumbags who turned simple rides into real-life nightmares. Don’t forget to vote for who brought the biggest creep at thecreepoff.com.  Check out this week’s scum parade stories here: Jessinya Faye Ezell misadventure robbing Gulfport Dollar General storeSuspect Found With Tool Inside Display Shed | The Smoking GunMan polluted St. Patrick Church's holy water with urine, police allegeFood trader poisons 40 suspected gang members' pasties with caterpillar oil - Daily StarThe score is currently Vinnie 1 - Karl 2 – Guest 3 visit thecreepoff.com to vote and decide this week’s winnerWant more of the madness? Support the show on Patreon, Supercast & Backed.by to snag exclusive merch and get an extra bonus episode every week!Don’t forget you can leave us a voicemail at 585-371-8108Want to support the show? Find us on Patreon, Supercast & Backed.by to get exclusive merch an extra bonus episode every week! 

Hey, dude, we're kind of on time. Hey, look at us. We're not gay or late. Like, well, two weeks late. Well, we're not late. Like two weeks. Oh, that's true. We've been off for a while.

Yeah, sorry about that, everybody. We're back. Hey, that's exciting. Let's start the show. Attention parents. What you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things.

I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation. Horash. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo, coo, cuckoo. Uh-huh. Welcome to another episode of your favorite true crime podcast, the show about creeps by creeps for you creeps. I'm your host, White Davis-Vinney, and joining me, as always, in the studio.

It's hot cuck-cacarro! What is happening, Vinnie Paulino? We've got a new look on here. I'm digging it. All right. We're looking pro. We are always kind of looking pro, apart from like... My face, right.

Our faces. Right. Neither one of us are that great. No. We don't play those games here. We do not. Welcome to the most mid-true crime show on the internet. I'm Vinny, that's Carl.

It's a competition. Carl's here to tell you about the rules. Go ahead, buddy. Yeah, every week, Vinnie and I come on here, and we compete to figure out who can find the biggest creep in a certain category, and then we present who we think is the biggest creep. You people listen to both arguments, and then you go to the creepoff.com and vote for who you thought brought the bigger creep that week.

Once somebody gets to five victories, the round is over, and the other person has to spin the dreaded. Wheel of Consequences. I am currently in the lead for this round, two to one. I don't feel very good about that. And we had a competition, what, three weeks ago now?

Yep. You won that. So we were live in Vegas last week. And I won that one. Well, all right. Whatever. My guy was manufacturing dildos in a trailer and giving people aids.

I know. I know. You had a very good creep. Very good Vegas creep. Dude, I was thinking about that guy's business model. Yeah. Real fast. He had running an escort service, but also manufacturing sex toys that are molds of his own penis.

Yeah. And he's pushing the escorts to sell the penises to the jobs. That's the upsell, right. Jesus. And it worked for a little while. And then the escorts were just like, you know what, I'm having a hard enough time selling my pussy. I got to sell your dick, too much. That he ended up giving the hand jobs.

Yep, that's right. That's right. So you won in Vegas, but whatever. That was a one-off. That wasn't part of the competition. Sure, it was. I got a point. You got a point for that?

that? Why wouldn't I? Because I already fulfilled my consequence for it. What does that matter? There's just an extra consequence on it. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What? You don't think I deserve a point for winning the game? You don't deserve a point? We didn't have a poll. What the fuck are you talking about? We didn't have a poll up on a website. We just had people applauded it in a room. You're ridiculous. You gave yourself a point for that? Yes. I said. This is ridiculous. Did you get a point last year at our Vegas show? Yes. What the fuck? You owe me two points, motherfucker. You get shit from me. this is ridiculous

bring it let's go I call follow play on this one how is that bullshit because we didn't give people a chance to vote they voted in the room

it was for the people in the room people in the room were just voting for looks they all just think you're hot it's not fair can't help it can't help you get yourself a point for that

and I've already fulfilled my consequences is ridiculous what does that have to do with what does one have to do with the other because there's a consequence on there

you would have gotten the point And I would have won the T-shirt. I can get two consequences this round. Oh, does that make sense? Well, I mean, come on. It makes perfect sense to me. But what I'm, that's a, that, the live show is its own thing. All right.

In Boston, I, we're doing a creep off. I, I'm going to force you to do something in Boston, whether, no matter who wins. You sure, you want to do a creep off in Boston? WATP Live.com is where you want to go get tickets. They are selling fast. So get on that June 21st. We will be live in Boston with. Dick Masterson, the Dick Show, road rage will be happening.

But yeah, I think that we could go to Boston and I'll just bring my own applause. I'll just play it on my board. I should have done that in Vegas. What was I thinking? Please. Please. Carl, here's what I'll do. I will put a poll up on Patreon today.

If you do not believe that I deserved a point, I will rescind my point. I'll just open up a vote and let the listeners decide. I'm always fair like that. All right. Sounds good. All right. I'm not trying to cheat you, buddy. Uh-huh.

And if you had won, you would have gotten a point. I would have given it to you. Mm-hmm. You wouldn't have taken it? No, there was a one-off. You would have said Vinnie. I've been to say, Vinnie, I'm not going to take the point. It was a one-off live show.

It's not part of the regular show. You're out of your mind. All right. You're being a fiver. All right. So you won the last round? Is that what you're telling me? Well, I won the last round.

Yeah. I definitely won the last show. Okay. So, I mean, so we don't have a results girl because we learned about it live at the show. Yeah, well, hell yeah, was the results girl for that. She was. Yeah.

She was the results girl for the week before. Yeah, she was like a good job. Yeah, and then you won the week before that. Which is why I have two wins. Correct. That's the great way to start a show. And I have won. That's a great way to start a show.

So glad everybody can make it to the creep off today. People are really enjoying this. Fun category. I like this category a lot. Yes. Creepiest ride share driver. are there creeps who are doing ride share i had no idea dude you have an app you have an AI on an app that does your background check for you yeah there's creeps yeah they don't go

through a full uh vetting process like an employee would dude all of those apps it's all filled with liars and unemployables dude i had a fucking door dash guy never deliver my food he so he went to the dinosaur barbecue viny and i saw him pick it up because you can watch the little icon of the car go to the restaurant and and it says your food's been picked up. And then he just went and parked somewhere and ate it. Because it smelled so delicious. He just ate my food.

If this had happened... Are you going to fight someone creepier than that? If this had happened to me, Carl? Yes. I would have hunt him down. It would have been like a Liam Neeson movie. I would have found him at his house. He'd made a very powerful out of me, my friend.

I have a certain set of skills. I could follow it with my nose. I have a certain set of skills. I will murder you. Now, let me say this. Today we're not focusing on DoorDash people, but we can do that because that's actually another good category. Today, we're focusing on the ride, shares, the Uber's, the lifts of the world. Correct.

Yeah. So, you want to start the some bitch up? Let's go. You will present first, my friend. You were the winner. All right, everybody. Time to get in the pool. Let's go.

My creep today, between the years 2018 and 2022, there were a series of disturbing attacks occurring in Denver, Colorado, one by one. women came forward with eerily similar stories, Carl. They'd be out drinking, they'd order a ride share, and then they would black out. They would wake up disoriented in unfamiliar homes or vehicles, injured, violated, and missing personal belongings. See, this is the part I don't understand, Vinny. Uh-huh.

The app tracks exactly who picked you up, their name, their license plate number, make and model. So if that happens to you, why didn't one of these women just go to the police and go, yeah, something happened when I was on this ride share? Oh, I'm going to explain it. When you get there. Now, there was a lot of DNA evidence left behind in this, and it did lead to one man, Carl. Mm-hmm.

This guy right here. His name is John Paster. Mendoza! That's a moonhead, kids. Wow. That's a fucking moonhead. This is like... You know what it looks like?

Way Newton got stung by a B. Yeah, or like, A, I was trying to draw David Hasselhoff. A fat David Asselhoff. Yeah, I can see it. His eyes are too close together. Yeah, what we call that had a double Y. Yes, it is. Now, let's start off in September 16, 2018.

A woman was drinking with friends in Denver's Lodo district. She was separated from a group in order to ride chair. She blacked out in the car, awoke in her unknown apartment with an unfamiliar man asleep next to her with his arm over her. Oh. Her underwear were missing. Her phone and her ATM card were gone. she didn't know what to do she was very disoriented she got up and left the apartment by foot found her way to a street somewhere and got a ride to a hospital where they did a rape test on her

and the test confirmed sperm and male DNA she reported drinking consensual sperm uh does the rape test test for that well there are lots of obvious signs like you know a torn open pussy oh right right not great um she had uh not report she he nicarated her uh vagina Is that what you're telling me? Blew that fuck her out. Oh, boy. She never consented any sexual activity that she knows of. And her phone is gone.

Her idea is gone. She was disoriented. I had no idea where this happened. But she woke up in this fucking guy's bed. Now, she goes back to Uber. Or I'm sorry, this guy was a lift driver, by the way. And it showed that her lift was canceled from her phone. Okay.

So, okay. We're going to July 28th, 2019. A woman left to place. called Neon Baby. Her app showed her ride was canceled as well around 1.35 AM. She woke up alone in a stranger's bed. A man claimed he found her passed out in an alley and brought her home. What a nice guy. Her phone and underwear were also missing. He says, hey, listen, I'm glad you're okay that you're awake. Can I give you a ride home? And he drove her back to her house like he was a fucking white knight who saved her. Nice. Dropped her off. Guess what? She goes,

The next day gets a rape kid at the, she fucking feels her pussy's all swollen and blown out. She goes to the hospital and guess what? DNA match to the first case that I just told you about. So now they're starting to wondering what's going on here. March 4th. After a night of drinking at tracks, Nightclub, a woman lost consciousness.

She woke up in the back seat of a vehicle as the driver, a Hispanic man in his 40s, was raping her. She lost consciousness again and woke being dropped off in front of a friend's house, in the front yard. Her rape results confirmed genital trauma and matched DNA to the previous two assaults. She reported she had not consumed enough alcohol to explain the blackout and that she never consented to sex. Women always say that.

So he's got a piece out of him now. Is that what I'm hearing or are they just not ready for it? I don't think they're ready for it. Okay. In May, a woman report an attempted sexual assault in the backseat of a vehicle. She believed to be an Uber. During the incident, her phone and wallet were stolen. At the time, she didn't know the suspect's name.

now another one there was an eyewitness identification where this is how they ended up catching this guy another woman was at the same place Trax Nightclub when she began feeling sick she requests an Uber to go to Boulder Colorado Friends observed her mistakenly getting into a white

SUV instead of a blue sedan that the ride share app assigned her the driver was short fat Hispanic male with curly hair she later woke up No lube they searched his car there's no baby

oil in there. Now, her friend saw her get into the car and they tried to stop him and this motherfucker sped off and these drunk bitches never got the license plate. Okay. So now her friend is just gone in the wrong car and they're like, well I guess they could sell a party and they go back in like nothing

fucking happens. Of course. This woman wakes up and finds herself with her face pressed against a seatbelt and a cock up her asshole just getting fucking railed at the back of this car. When she goes home, Carl, they said her boobs were so swollen and sore, she didn't know what the fuck happened, that she couldn't wear a bra for days. And obviously, she was walking a little bit

funny. Well, okay. So there's some positives coming out of this. Her phone, her ID missing. Same deal. Friends had described the guy to the police later that she got into the car with. And they talked to the bartenders at Tracks Nightclub. And they said, you know what? we got a guy who comes in here kind of looks like that all the time so what they did was one of the bartenders took a photo of him took a photo of his ID

followed him to the parking lot got the license plate from his car and they used the photo to ID him then they did photo lineups for all these women and how could you fucking mess up this face when the moon hits your eye like a big fat pizza pie

it's this fucking guy so he gets arrested in front of his house they serve a search warrant 22 women's cell phones personal effects and things he did this for years wow and only these women were went and reported it well he got sloppy it seems like too yes so 22 stolen cell phones bank cards stolen items stolen jewelry and such from women now he gets charged with 12 counts kidnapping two counts of sexual assault seven counts of attempted sexual assault one count of robbery and carl he says he was innocent the whole fucking time did even work for lift yes okay he did so he kind of knew what to do he would get the women in the car that they were really really drunk and he would take their cell phones and cancel it from their phone yeah or he would make up a story now some of these women when they got tested their blood panels they found a bunch of muscle relaxers in their system

so these stories did not explain how they got it these women don't recall taking any drugs but one theory that I read was that this guy you know when they give you the complimentary water bottle oh yeah these drunk brads like oh thank you

and next thing you know you're fucking jello and he's got your phone and you're fucking canceled bitch yeah so oh my god good call rock o'erbie if Papa John and Captain Alex had a gay love child.

Nailed it. That's pretty good. So this guy really figured out how to con the system. He was a lift driver. And now Lyft did make a statement. He is barred from using the app from now on. So when he gets out of jail in 290 years to life. He still be a passenger, though, right?

If he needs a ride at some point. He's not allowed on the platform. Jeez, lift. He can't even catch a lift to jail. Jeez, lift. Yeah. So March 7th of this year, a couple months. ago he was sentenced to 290 years

to life in prison for all of this and I'm very thankful for that Carl that is my creepiest lift driver John Pastor Mendoza Before I present my creepy He's got a hog on him

My creepy ride share I do want to remind everyone we are celebrating today That's right Today is Super Chat Monday And Chris Primer is here to help us celebrate with $10. Check your inbox of 80K, my jerk boss, and I'm at my vacation time. If I can gift slash donate my ticket and wine selection to a dickhead slash w-tb listener,

someone should have fun if not me. Yes, I did see your note. Thank you for reminding me. I'll put it out in our Discord. We'll see if we can get someone that sucks that you can't come. I'm sorry to hear that, Chris, but it's very nice of you and generous to donate your pass. Also, thank you for the 10 bucks, Chris. Yes.

This is Carl's MO. He ignores people and takes super chats for years at a time I've heard. Unbelievable. That's what you do. Unbelievable. Chris Angler, in the morning, Happy Victoria Day and Super Chat Monday in the morning to you, sir, Chris. What the fuck is Victoria Day?

Is that like Canadian? It's either Canada or England, one of those places. That's going to be Canada. It's Canadian money. Thanks, Chris. Thanks. Happy Victoria Day to you. Acknowledge Sabu, Vinny.

I will. RIP Sabu. That's one of those stupid wrestlers that stinks. Oh, he was great. but he's all dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's all dead. He wrestled a match at 60 years old and then died two weeks later.

Yeah, I saw. He didn't he have, like, a neck issue, and he decided to go wrestle anyway. He had, like, a broken neck or something. I don't know. He recovered, like, within a week somehow. He went to wrestle in Japan. I don't know all the details. He wrestled Joey Janella somewhere.

Okay. Joey Janella's a shit. All right. But Rick Flair is still going, huh? Oh, Rick Flair was actually just a thing the other night. Nature boy's still going. He was taking bumps in Puerto Rico. It looked like some guy was fucking giving him a headbunt.

They were both in their 80s. And it looked like the worst fight you've ever seen in a nursing home. Awesome. All right. You ready for my creepiest driver, rideshare driver? I think we'd do that. I want to tell you about Francis Scott. Why don't you pull up a photo I sent you of Francis Scott?

There he is. On February 14th, Valentine's Day, 2017, he pretended to be an Uber driver and offered a 15-year-old girl a ride to school. Rather than drive her to her school, though, he drove her to a secluded area behind some commercial buildings where he took her cell phone. Can you imagine you're 15?

A guy takes your cell phone? What the fuck? That's... Probably for her best interest. Honestly, Carl, I feel like he's trying to help the girl. Too many kids these days are into their phones way too much. Especially at school, you're getting distracted.

You're not paying attention. This guy is a mentor. Well, what he's doing. Except for after he took her phone, he went all the way with her. to the school 15 year old girl he decided to have his way with and they took it all

the way. To class. Nope. Nope. I'm talking about SA, baby. Also, this guy's a very smart man. He decided to film all of that using his phone. So it's always good to get evidence of your felony. He didn't do it with both phones

just so they could both have a keepsake. Maybe he shared it with her afterwards. I don't know. But that was just for him that he did. It turns out months earlier He did this with a 17-year-old chick He offered her a ride And then gave her alcohol and weed for the ride Now, Vinny, you were talking about

How you get those complimentary waters, maybe a mint or something No one's ever offered me drugs or alcohol My lift driver offered me to sell me weed In Vegas Okay He pulled out like big old blunts He's like hey buddy, you want one of these They're 30 bucks

And he like handed me what to show it to me And everything. It was wild That's weird. I mean it's legal there So you can just go to any dispensary and buy that So we were at a hotel, you know, obviously somewhere. I'm not going to say the name of the hotel. But the fucking security guy offered to sell me weed. Like the plaza is great, isn't it?

I didn't say it was the plaza. I don't want to get that guy in trouble. But yeah, it was the plaza. And he was like, go. Oh, Vegas. You need the good stuff? I was like, this place is amazing. What a fun time that was.

I know it's been said to death. But what a great weekend. Patrick put on for all of us in Vegas. So 17-year-old girl, here's some alcohol. here's some weed, sweet, girl, you know, 17, she can't really handle her weed and alcohol, starts feeling lightheaded passes out. And that's when Scott got out his phone again and recorded himself going to town on a passed out teenager. What did she rate him? Yeah, there was no rating.

He took her phone. Oh. Yeah. So there was no rating. The Providence Police Special Victims Unit and the FBI's Child Exploitation Unit also discovered videos allegedly filmed by Scott of him engaging in sex to experts, numerous unidentified women, many of whom appear in the videos to be unconscious or semi-unconscious. So this guy is really smart.

Did he take any of them home and spoon? He goes around and S-A-T knocks girls out, assays them, and films the whole thing to save for himself to give evidence to the police, I suppose, an FBI. U.S. Attorney Zachary Cunha said, the degradation, exploitation, and depravity represented by this defendant's abuse of his victims, and this recording of those acts for his own obscene enjoyment are contemptible.

Today's sentence should serve notice that we will bring to bear every law enforcement resource to address this kind of appalling abuse of children. Scott was sentenced on March 23, 2023 to 360 months of incarced incarceration.

Jesus Christ, in prison. Uh-huh. 360 months. Fucking porky piggined over here. 360 months in federal prison followed by 20 years of federal supervised release I finally made video laugh

additional charges against Scott are pending in Rhode Island state court that is my creepiest ride chair Francis Scott who has sex with underage girls against their will and desire you don't know that

vote for caro at the creepoff.com you could do that or you could do the smart thing Everybody go to payoff.com and vote for my new best buddy, Vinnie Paulino. Please do. Thank you. Oh, that was a fun one, Carl. You gotta love Vinnie Carlino.

Everybody does. Everybody does. Now, my friend, I think it's time for probably my favorite 15, 20 minutes of the week. It's time for... I can't wait to see Carl's Cockham. Fight with the call. for no reason will you please show me cause cop can lose all your rights ruin your life I have another cop can that's coming in from bugle me this we're down in Florida and it's after 1 a.m.

And a police officer sees a car that's kind of swerving in and out of lanes, not really using this signals and stuff. so the cop follows this car into the gas station that it stops at and that's where the police officer gets out and talks to the 20 year old blonde driver of the vehicle in my clip number one oh i'm sure she's charming reach for a stop because we're all over the road back there kind of cut right around across the center you okay okay lights on frustration for fish sharks uh-oh I have your dress. I do have insurance. I don't think I have. I never... So we'll talk more about it.

Everyone is saying that there's no audio coming through. They couldn't hear the jingle, and they're not hearing this. That's bizarre. Yeah, so something must be routed incorrectly. Huh. Let's check one thing real fast. This has happened to, like, every show since we got back from Vegas, everyone's having issues with their studio.

Hang on a car phone. You guys aren't getting any audio from that, huh? Let me see Check, check, check, check. Reach for stop This is all over the road back there. Yeah, that's not coming through. Yeah, that's what I'm checking here.

Okay. All right. Hold on one second. Okay. Check, check, check. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Check, check. This is how we celebrate Super Chapman.

Monday, everyone. Kind of cut. Yeah, you kind of cut right across the center. Be okay? I think it's working now. Lights on, registration, prefin charg. Cut that part out. You see, there's a cooler in the back seat.

I don't have me, I do have insurance. I don't think I have. I never got the, um, so we'll talk more about it. Hang on a car for him. Okay, so he goes back. Speaking of coolers, did you see how cool I played that? Yes, because I'm a level-headed guy who doesn't, who's not pro to anger. That's what everybody knows about you.

Especially when things go wrong. I say it time and time again. That's what everybody says about you. They call me Mr. Cool. They really do. They're like, when the pressure gets heated up, Vinny cools down. Too hot to handle it, too cold to hold. That's what they say about Vinny.

I like the new Vinny. I like that a lot. Okay. So he goes back, checks her stuff, and comes back up to the car. And she's decided, you know, like the other cop videos we play, like the one we played in Vegas where the guy's like, no, I'm home now. That's my house right there, so I'm good.

You can't do anything. I'm home. Yeah, the home base. Home base fallacy. Right, the home base fallacy with these police officers. She thinks that she can just call for a ride. She's like, all right, you don't want me driving? That's fine.

I'll just have my mom pick me up. So she decides that's what her strategy is going to be. Perfect. All right. Here's a deal. Well, Joe, for a land violation, got all over the place. There's another about public president. vehicles I'm speaking to you, okay? From your breath as I talk to you, okay?

What are you some standard? I just feel sobriety task. I want to show me the able operator motor vehicle without impairment. You understand? I do it right now? What if I got a ride? No. You can't call a ride. We're not calling an Uber. We're not doing anything. You're driving your car. I want to make sure to be able to get in your car and drive home. Well, I'm going to ride home? No. We're not leaving your car here. We're in your vehicle. Wow. And I have to make sure you're safe enough to drive in your current condition. because you were driving when I made a contact with you, right?

Yeah? Yeah. What if I'm on, like, what if I park my car and then my mom? Like, why I knew one game got me? Not a notch. Yeah. What does she just, like, parks her car somewhere?

These cars are not cool. Honey. Honey, I'll get, officer, I'll give her a ride. Yeah, I mean, I don't see what the problem is here. She just wants to get a ride home. She just wants to go home. The police officer has not in there. I'll even take her to her mom's house.

Well, she's one of these people. people and she's 20 years old she's an adult she's one of these people who thinks that mom's going to help her get out of uh things with the law enforcement that girl's only 20 yeah i was on i guess like 30 yeah that's florida that's a florida 20 you well the sun's hot there buddy son is hot she looks pretty good though yeah oh yeah definitely cute she got some fun bags going on uh you should see her when she was 18 so my uh clip number three she asked the officer if she could you know probably call her mom before she has to do the field sobriety test Oh, God.

Yeah, I'm, like, drinking. Like, I don't know. Well, I can smell alcohol for your breath even if you're standing here outside of them. Missing teeth? What the fuck is going on? I mean, I'm drunk back. Well, you know, I don't know. And it's my job to make sure you're not impaired for you getting a car and drive home from me.

I'm not going to drive from there. Why can't I come and get me there? Not an option. It's you drive home or you don't drive me. Why? Why can't want to come and get me? It's not an option. Why?

Because you're an operator of a motor field and you will drive. And I'm not going to drive you're driving. You were driving a car in his kitchen. you were driving a car in this condition okay so it's already you know let's say we're not calling anybody we're not calling an Uber you're not going for a ride

okay so you're willing to participate okay so you're on first so can I call her and tell her? No you're not calling it why because you are an adult okay and you were driving a car and I'm going to make sure you're able to drive a car safely home though so like why can I call her and tell her

and tell her that yeah I am doing this yeah what is this guy's problem I mean, she just wants to call her mom and try to get out of getting a ticket. I don't understand what the big deal is here. Because the officer doesn't want to talk to mommy. She really is not understanding this at all. She really thinks she has the right to call her mom before she has to do anything. I have the right to a phone call.

No, honey, you will. Yes, you will. Roughly, you know, 10 minutes. Not from the phone in your pocket either. But then, you know, I think you probably saw that last clip. Another officer shows up. She's very confused about this. why is there a second officer

that just showed up here make sure to your and I don't need your mom here and you're an adult okay but that is not an option right now but I say I'm 20 years old though and it still matters we're not calling anybody

for this first one Jesus Christi can come back here let's all right here I'm staying right here why is it tube you out now why is it tube you because everything's being

audio video recorded okay and it's our policy to have two officers It's our policy to have two officers present while we're doing a DUI investigation, okay? Okay, hi, my mom. No, not an option. Stay over there. And you need to step away.

Okay. So now the boyfriend also thinks, hey, I can just drive officer if that's the problem. You don't want her behind the wheel. I'll call her mom, I'll drive her. People all think the same dumb shit. Yeah, I don't care for this one cop, though. I don't like the way he's clicking his pen. Yeah, he's a little annoying.

He's also a very big boy. Yeah, she's very drunk, too. I'm surprised she's not going, why is there an egg trying to talk to me? Don't fall down humpty-dumpty. Yeah, this is the dumpiest looking cop I think I've ever seen on the show. It's not great. Listen, I would defy this guy to catch me.

I would just start circling around the car just for the funsies of it. Like, I would be talking to him and I would even be detained. I would just wander around the car. If you catch me, I'll go out of jail. Okay, how about that? Did you hear earlier? He goes, you know, I can smell alcohol in your breath. She goes, that doesn't mean I'm drunk.

But the fact that you're slurring every other word probably does, be my guess. I like what she's saying. Like, how my mom? Okay, yeah, sure. We'll take care of that in just a moment. So they start the field sobriety test, and she feels it's taking too long. She doesn't like how often she has to go with her eyes looking at the pen back and forth. She complains about it.

Well, you better get to let them know. I mean, if you don't know that you have an issue with it. yep they can't get better up and down now okay you're lost this long yes it does it does not maybe this long well we're not trained in DUI that's case well I mean I've been through a DUI so that doesn't mean you're trying to deal with you are I'm not arguing I'm just saying I've been doing it so do you see their stimulus directed my friend sometimes talk with people and like they shouldn't I'm just saying like they do like you know like power over like other shit like it's not okay would you like continue he's like okay he's like okay

Yeah, yeah, sometimes cops are corrupt and awful and do shitty things. All right. Anyway, you want to look at this pen for a little while or what are we doing? What are we going to do next? I like that he goes, you're not training DUI investigations. So maybe that's why you don't understand how this is going down. No, I've done this before, officer. By the way, not a good thing to bring up.

I get pulled over DUIs all the time. Oh, 20 years old, you're not allowed to have any alcohol. Correct. On your breath. Correct. Not even of age. She should be going to jail immediately. She's going to jail no matter what.

of that you would think so yeah well at this point she's like okay i did your stupid look at your pet and think and i call my mom now and he's like no listen stop it you're not calling your mom this that's that what we're doing here you're being investigated for DUI that's what we're doing so then they start talking about which line to use for her to walk you know heel to toe nine paces turn around and come back and they're looking at there's lines over there in the parking lot there's some over there she wants to go on the road she keeps insisting like no no no we to do it the right way. We've got to do the one in the row. Letter.

Well, right. You would think so. Go ahead. This is my clip six. Oh, God. She's a treat. Well, that's a standard line. You all get anyone at anything. Y'all will get anyone for any little thing they fuck up on. You all get them for that. So let's go on the street then. Because I don't care about here.

We can use an imaginary line right here as well. You're okay with that? Well, we didn't, we didn't. You know, actually you can't imagine line because they're not going to do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. You're instructed the sun and. One little step off, I'm like, oh. Okay. Would you like to move on?

On a normal line. Okay, we're not going to. I'm like, I hope that we don't, I hope we're not at an impasse here. We have a solid yellow line right there. It's not so straight. It's about the width that one would be, okay? She was giving her options. She does not like any of them.

She just wants to play in the street. I love drunk people when they're being a matter of fact where they clap their hands. It's stuff. They're like, yeah. She's like, what are you stupid? Yeah. I think I. I think I know what's going on here better than you do, officer.

She's so awful. She's pretty awful, Benny. Yeah, I don't care for her. Wait till you meet her mom. Anyway. Oh, no. How does Bob even know? The boyfriend called her.

Oh, shit. So, uh, clip seven, she is confused about the cameras the police officers where. Why? I don't know. What the fuck is that? My body wore a camera. So when you were ready, going to begin. What do you feel like?

What are you doing? video recorded this whole time why do you film it we film everything so nine here nine back yes ma'am do you have any questions okay but i think i should this on the normal line because i offered you an imaginary line is the yellow line over there the yellow line over here she gets twisted with the fucking with pops so if you get twisted with like anything if you step off a little tiny bit of the line it's fucking twisted it's about the width of your foot okay and there's between stepping off and stepping all the side so it's about the width of your foot this officer is losing patience

so I like this she's like why are you recording this to humiliate you on YouTube later why do you think they're recording this good point dummy I would like to thank the Florida police for this yes she has a lot of conspiracy theories about police officers you notice that

she does Dwyer Christian makes a point he would fail the line walk he would he can't see his toes no I know he wasn't good of demonstrating it for her either I'll be honest that's a pigeon-toed motherfucker right there So after she does the walk, she doesn't do a great job of it, but she doesn't fall over either. So after that, he has a third assignment for her.

She has to tilt her head back, close her eyes, and then touch her nose, the tip of her finger to the tip of her nose. And Vinnie, she can't do it. Are you familiar with this in the field sobriety test? No. No, have you seen this happen before where they have the application touch your nose? I've seen it a million times. She believes that he is just making this up, that he's just making. up a whole new ordeal for her that no one's ever done before. Yeah, I'm going to lean my head back

and touch my nose and Jeffrey Epstein hung himself. Okay. Whatever you say. He's on a lot of the Reddit. It's giving you a lot of information. Stinks. Okay. I'm going to say left. When I say left, you can take the left tippy tip of your fingers and touch your tip of your nose. It's not a DUI thing. You bring back down your side without being instructed. Why am I doing this? It's not a GUI thing. When I say right, you do the same thing. You take the right tippy tippy your finger. Touch a tip of your nose and bring it back down your side without being instructed. It is.

It is. I assure you it is. I've had a DIY. I've never did this with my DY though, so how are there a thing? It is a thing. It's part of standard odds field sobriety tasks. Okay, I'm asking you to participate, okay? Sure choice.

I've explained it that straight. I passed almost every... Ma'am, you need to stay over there. You want me into finger. That's fantastic. You need to stay over there. you need to stay over there if you ask another question

it's going to be obstruction what so they didn't want mom there obviously she was insisting on calling mom shows up anyway and she goes that's my daughter he goes fantastic stay over there don't care I don't know why these people think that their families come before

law enforcement it's wild like this isn't the courtroom like where the family could be there to support you right this is the fucking gas station Your daughter is wasted at 1.20 a.m. And she's being looked at for, you know, a DUI. And mom's going to come to the rescue?

What does she think she's going to do here? My mom is going to come and explain that I was good in third grade and that I've had some trouble in my life and that sometimes... If you knew my father, you'd also want to be drinking out a Saturday night and driving around. And if you knew all of my circumstances and my mom explains every part of my life to you, then, of course, you would show them. sympathy on me and let me go even though I'm clearly guilty of being drunk and driving this car

Ossifer. All right, so my clip number nine, she really thinks that the cops are just making the shit up to fuck with her. It's the only thing that's charming about her is this level of naivete. This cops make things up, though. Not being me like people.

They fucking make shit up and pushing their fucking brain. I'm not making anything up. So, again, beat together, point of fingers, down on our side. They are. Do you want me to explain it? Do you want me to explain again? Yeah, please, too. So, want to have your time?

Sorry. She's fun, isn't she, Vinny? She's a fun one. Oh, she's so annoyed. I want this guy to put his legs over his shoulders like that fat kid in hook and just roll over her. He stinks, too. Don't worry. You're going to get some satisfaction coming up.

But first, my clip 10, I just want to show you she's not good at this drill. Okay. left whoops there it is right whoops there it is

and left and whoops there it is missed all three well touch your toes asshole that we'll talk I can't even see my toes

they're obstructed are they all right so you could probably tell and I've only pulled a few clips this goes down for a long time you can probably tell that she's intoxicated and most of the time

when she has her head tilted back and her eyes close, she's not trying to get something to touch her nose. So, I mean, I give her a pass. I see what you did. Probably doesn't practice this all that often. Clip 11, I think it's time to get the handcuffs out.

What do you think, Vinny? I like to watch him try, to reach him. This guy's got T-Rex arms. Look at those. You are going to be placed on the rest for D-Y. Place your hands on your back. No, not. Do not resist me.

Okay? Place your hands behind your back. Mind you all that friend. Mom. Going away. Stop it. Stop it. Oh, Bob for the rescue.

Put your hands again. Shoot it. You get a runner. You're getting a runner. Stay back. Stay back. Stay back. Stay back.

She's getting charged with it. Hey, don't resist it. I did everything. I did everything. I did everything. I did it off. I see it. I see it.

Everything. Stop. Oh, boy. I get luck. So she's just like jump around like she's in a mosh pit all of a sudden. Not sure what she thinks she's going to accomplish with that. She's putting it on a show for everybody. So go ahead.

That's true. Now, what they're screaming at each other is kind of hard to hear is that she thinks that she passed this field sobriety test with flying colors. No sweat. And mom agrees. Mom's like, I was watching, honey. You killed it. There's no reason why they should be arresting you.

You're obviously bones. sober. It's the fucking 8th grade beauty page all over again. Right. Yeah, what the fuck? You're robbed here. Is it not fair? Oh, Jesus Christ. Something against our family or something. So, yeah, this is my clip 12. She continues to feel that she's being

treated unfairly. And then we check out what's going on in that cooler in her car. Oh, good. I did everything. We did everything. What a fun, bro? I'm on probation, mom. Violation, too.

Go to your car. Go to your car and leave. Really? Cool, her to back. Yeah, leave. Who's a car, so yes, I left. Who's a car, registered to her? It's registered to her, and it's not her, can't.

No snacks, power. Thought there be some cheeses or something. Me too. so he starts pulling out beers there's a bottle of vodka in that cool her she's just got all the booze she's driving around with back there and of course mom's screaming that that's her property and she has a right to something or other i mean is she saying the car belongs to her i think so yeah i think so but i'm not even sure if that's true if you're letting your 20 year old who already has a DUI out in the car who's on probation yeah you're a terrible mother to begin

Oh, this mom's the worst. Okay. She has raised a piece of shit daughter, and, uh, this piece of shit daughter has some tricks up her sleeve. My clip 13 here. Oh, she's got some tits under her shirt, too. That's bullshit. I didn't get nasty.

I tried to walk up nice. I try to walk up nice. Why? Good. I think you undid your cuffs. Step out. Turn that way, then. Oh.

Why isn't I? Because I'm checking your handcuffs now. Turn that way. She's out of the cup Like go of me They let go of me I'm not resisting Pulling away is resisting

Pulling away is resisting Hey She's a gnats ass away from going for obstruction Really? That's why I'm talking about She's sad to another foot over there She's allowed to scream at you Officer, it's my mom Of course she'd be screaming

How funny is that? All of a sudden She's all coy in the back to her like get out she's like, fine, what's up? What do you mean? She thought, what did she think she was going to do? Strangle the cop when he started driving away or something? Like, what's the point of getting out of the handcuffs? I would have really enjoyed it.

Let me tell you what I would have done. If I was ever in this situation, it somehow I got out of the cuffs, like I would even fucking try. Right. But if I did, and they pulled me out like that, I would get out, be like, sure, sure. And then I go, ta-da! Yeah, yeah, have some fun with it. Yeah, and have some fun with it.

Be like, all right, there you go. A big Houdini fan. Yeah. All right. This is my clip number 14, and again, the kids think that parents can solve all of their problems for them. I do not understand why. So I can't talk to my mom. I may talk to her for one fucking second.

Let me talk to her. Shit, let me talk to her. I have a seat. Yo. Get in my car, please, Mom. Get in the car. Please, Mom. Go on my fucking door, please.

What a rational conversation. I bet you two and have. Jesus. They will let me talk to my mom. Correct. You're under arrest. You're driving wasted. And now you're being an asshole. So this is great, Vinny, because now we're going to find out why this woman behaves the way that she does as we go over and talk to her lovely mother in my final call. Oh, my God. Let me guess. The mother looks like she's on track to look like. Mm-hmm.

Why would I go to field strike? Because I'm going to tell you right now she did. He's a fucking asshole that just strong-armed her and you witnessed it all. You've seen it. Yes, because he resists. No, no. She did not resist. She just said no. And then all she said is when I took her. That's why he just checked her. You want to listen or you want to keep talking? Too tight. That's why I checked her off. Resisting is pulling, pushing anything active like that. She had active resistance against him. No, he didn't. Come on. He's totaling their fucking size. He's fucking up.

500 pounds to a 90 pounds. If I have you in handcuffs and you're pulling away, preventing me from putting you in handcuffs. You know what he's pulling away for? Because he's got him so fucking tight. That's why he just checked him again. They weren't tight. She slipped out of them. She slipped out of them. It's all on camera. I watched him.

Yeah. And she wasn't wearing on camera. I watched it. Okay. He's stronger and the fuck out of her. He's hot 500 pounds to her 90 pounds. He threw up against the back. Fucking did all this shit to her.

I watched it. And you stood there and witnessed it too. Yeah. I helped him or take her into custody. Bullshit. You know, he's, I don't even want him driving. He's coming to step the fuck out of her. Nothing.

Nothing that officer did. No, I'm telling you right now. I watched her. She's standing there, doing this. You guys did all kinds of tests out of. Yeah, she won't, when she did the walk-in-turn, she stepped off the line. When she did the finger to nose, she missed her nose. She failed to put her on the hood.

We don't need to explain it. I know. It's just unbelievable. I don't know why the cop actually went through the explanation right there to this hysterical idiot. And that, he was drooling. I saw him drooling because he was looking at her picture in a hamburger, and he was going to eat her face off. I saw him. And then he wanted her titty to pop out, but it did pop out.

but he wanted it to pop out, but it did not. And he was bad, and I'm like a baby kitten. He was sitting there going, bah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was just describing you, not the officer. Yeah, I know. So, yeah, also describing my family. That is another entitled brat. And if you're watching this, you saw she was given one year probation,

a suspended license for a year, 50 hours of community service. I'm sure she'll learn her lesson on this one and will treat officers better and with more respect in the future. I think you're right, Carl. It's good to see a young person, you know, who went. went down the wrong path. Get set straight. It is fun. Come up into one of our favorite things

on this show. Big fans. Vinny, it is Super Champ Monday and, of course, Victoria Day, as we've been celebrating all morning. But let's see what the people are saying out there.

Oh, Jared, thanks for the Fiverr. Speaking of Queen Victoria, the creepiest royal would be a fun one. We had talked about that this weekend. Weirdly that you said that. Oh, is that why? Because it's Victoria Day that we had that idea? No. Somebody just put it out there.

I don't know. And it was on. I put a thing on Twitter just see what anybody thought, you know, for a category. And somebody posted them. I was like, that's pretty good. And I started looking into it. It was all like turn of the century people. There wasn't anybody like super current apart from Prince Andrew.

Yeah. So, you know, they keep their secrets pretty well hidden. That's true. That's one thing they're very good at. They are creeps, but they do get away with it. Yeah. They hide in plain sight. Next picks, thanks for the 699.

Carl, I turned 40 on Saturday. What do I have to look forward to in my 40s? P.S. Vinnie Winnie Winnie. For me, my 40s have been the best decade of my life so far. I'll tell you that, Max Pex. I hope it is for you as well. Get your shit figured out and enjoy yourself. Yeah, 40s rule.

Yeah, 40s have been good. Amanda Lynn Knappi, thanks for the 999. Way to ruin Super Chat Monday, Vinny. Vote for the underdog Carl. Are you losing weight? Your arms look shorter today. Fuck off, Amanda Lynn Napierpe. I didn't say, Judge shrinking.

I didn't say he was losing weight. Fucking guys. Joseph Collins, thanks for the 499. threw that twice. Not good both times. Lessons learned. Well, apparently lessons were not learned until the second time, Joseph. But yeah, it's not a fun process. Well, he said lessons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was plural. Rock or B. 2002. Thank you for the $2 super sticker. We appreciate that. We do appreciate you for that. Guess what time in this car? To have her voicemails. We got it to catch up. We can a lot of them sitting right here.

Okay. The creep off voicemail segment is brought to by the city of Syracuse. Did he try trials in full force with witnesses reporting that Diddy would go to the most expensive hotel and throw wild sex parties. Don't worry, though. If you tries that at our Red Roof Inn, we will put down our reusable tarp. See you in Syracuse. Mark, that's a nice Red Roof Inn, too. Really not great.

Uh, wheel of consequence idea. Okay. Consequence idea. Live show performance of Kanye's new song. You know which song. okay school tomorrow what do you think Vinnie you want to start singing Hail Hitler

where on YouTube at the at the Boston show at the Boston show that's a good idea do karaoke maybe maybe I don't really want to I don't think that would be a good choice uh here's a that song is very personal if you listen to lyrics

it's very personal to yay you know it's not really something that I can make my own my wife doesn't wear pants eh hey but uh went back and started from the beginning with the bonus episodes and

realize hey you keep love to keep going four years later rerunning the uh intro music but also any updates on pamperchew and chris chan

those fucking creeps all right and maybe pamper chue's dead yeah he got cancer from eating the diapers do you he was uh eating those dirty diapers he was microwaving them and eating them it's bad for you not good okay he's all dead and he was young man but christine chandler is uh back at it yeah christine is out doing just fine waiting for the dimensional verge yeah chris chan is uh back to streaming again have we done three or four christian we maybe we should check in on chris we should check it on chris it's been a while

you know what else we need to do you know what i've been traveling with in my backpack ever since you gave it to me i hope not i swear to god it's not in here is it is it's on your couch right now i took it on airplanes with me i took it to vegas oh maybe that's why i walked by the craps table and fucked up the craps roll twice in a row no shit yes i was the cooler in Vegas you know maybe that's why did i tell the story about how i hit on the slot machine uh we talked about it on the bonus show but did not um maybe maybe afterwards we talked about i don't know, I hit pretty good. I bet one buck like the entire time I was there. And I

hit for 650 triple sevens times three times three. Amazing. And I told my Uber driver that the next morning as I was on the way to the airport. Because she said, how'd you do? I said, oh, yeah, did good. And she just looked like she was in a kill herself. She was just like Well, she must hear stories like that all the fucking time. Like, oh, yeah, I just decided to, you know, pull over one time. And now I'm rich. You're like, oh, I sat at

these tables and it slot machines for decades and I've never won anything and that's why I had a family right I used to have people who loved me exactly I can only imagine oh man I have a voicemail for us here please hey this for the creep off callback Curtis here it's been a while I'm perpetually like 10 days behind in the podcast I can't really leave a relevant voicemail but I guess that is kind of a callback anyway I've been he got a quick question with John um trying to schedule up a bunch of shows and stuff do you know if by chance he's tried to gel that comedy at the Carlson or

another Rochester area comedy club for a show. I'd be very curious to see him trying to walk back everything you said. All right. Call me back. Fuck my ass. Yeah. John is definitely actively setting up shows, comedy shows. Is he coming to come back to the comedy carlson?

He did call me that once. That's true. When he thought you were Vinnie Brad, that's true. He did call me. No. If he did contact the club, trust me, I would know about it. There's no fucking way he wants to come to Rochester. Remember the reason why he canceled the show is because you couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't be there Well, it was after I told him

Fucking do the show on your own I'm not helping you Oh, I remember. I remember how I went down But he was all upset that I was going to be there It wasn't writing the Carl couldn't be there He's not coming anywhere near Rochester That's for sure Yeah, I mean if there's a chance

We could show up at a show I don't think he'd be there I don't think he'd book anywhere further north than the city And if he goes to Buffalo or something like that Oh, I'll buy a ticket Yeah, we'll go to Buffalo to see him Yeah

Speaking of comedians in Rochester, Jim Florentine, May 30th and 31st, here at Comic to Carlsson, get your tickets. I hear his opener is quite mid. Oh, you're opening? Yeah. Anyway, well, I'll get there late. You're a real prick. Hey, guys, I'm relatively new to the show, and I'm loving it so far.

But I saw the creepiest professor episode, and there's definitely more of us in that pool. I have a couple of stories myself. But I thought I would recommend the creepiest grad students. I remember one guy in my master's cohort who bragged about graduating from Columbia could barely go 10 minutes without a cigarette and he once showed up to class without any shoes but he still had socks on and it was raining that day. He was also in several other classes where he was clearly on opioids

but he couldn't drive himself to class because he had led the police on an over an 80 mile an hour chase on Texas country roads so of course he crashed and then tried to flee on foot so probably some mess in there too. there was another guy in a different program who dropped out to study necropsy which is like autopsies on animals in Florida and he always wanted to share like gore videos and pictures and claimed to be related to one of the red hot chili pepper band members thank you fuck you bye okay I don't know if you know how creeps work unless we got to the police chase there was something going on there but like just showed up to class with socks on I don't know that we'd win that week with that one. He did, you know, do meth or whatever, but, you know, whatever. Sure, don't we all, though? Here's another one.

This is a, uh, this is a good warning. Okay. Hey, guys, this is a warning. C.P., do not, do not put become Mormon on the fucking wheel of consequences. A consequence is supposed to be like a one and done. Ha ha. That was funny. Not a lifelong fucking set of consequences.

My marriage to my first wife was in the morgue. Mormon Temple. I haven't seen that bitch in 14 or 15 years. They still come to my fucking door and I've moved five times. So, yeah, do not. There's no, there's no amount of, there's no amount of saying no, they'll stop those fucking human pop-up ads from coming back. Thank you, fuck you by.

So what you're saying is we shouldn't have to join a cult, but we could start our own? That's what I heard. That could be a consequence. Hey, uh, D.P. You can't escape Heavenly Father. Don't you forget it. Oh, man, there's so many. This one really warmed to my heart. Now, I'm listening to all the episodes I've been missing. They added a lot about show my plate. I just realized that your show is the only place where you can hear Sean the auto engineer every week.

Correct. Sad. Very sad. Last place. Disgusting, vomit-inducing thing. All right. Thanks. Thanks for the call. I have another voicemail for us here, Vinnie. It's a long one, so I apologize. Hey, this message is for, who are these creeps, a.k.a.a. the creep off.

I'm deep into the well, catching out vulnerable episodes, and I came across the one where you guys kept calling him. Jimmy Sattel. It's Seville. For future reference. Jimmy Seville. Good to know. But anyway, I had a question. I want to sign up for the Patreon, but I go through Apple, and you guys are saying I should not. I saw there's a court ruling recently about that, the surcharge.

So I don't know if I should sign up through Apple or not. That's pretty much it. I need to know, guys, what's to deal with that? And then also, what the fuck? Who's the fucking Maddox guy? Can you guys shed some light, please, God damn it? All right. I think this is over 40 seconds, but my dumb ass was fucking around.

All right. I love when people go longer explaining why they're going longer. We don't have to do that. By the way, welcome to the party, my friend. Welcome to the show. And good question, so I wanted to address this. First off, yeah, there's big news. Patreon won their, whatever it was with Apple, because Apple was charging 30% of the money that was going if you purchase it through an iPhone.

And so they can't do that anymore. Which is great because it really did affect our bottom line. Of course. It affected everybody. It's ridiculous. Just because you're on an iPhone, Apple takes 30% of your transaction. It doesn't make any sense. So hopefully that's going to turn into Apple not be able to do that across super chats and everything else they're stealing our money from.

I love iPhones. I use them, but God damn, it's ridiculous how they steal our money. So I don't know when that's going to take effect. But right now, the way I have Patriots set up, and I think you do for our show too, is if they're on an iPhone, automatic 30% surcharge above and beyond what it normally would be. Which is terrible. We don't want you to do that. Right. Right.

So you're paying $750 for the monthly Patreon instead of $5. one of the things you can do is just go to patreon.com backslash the creep off and just sign up there it's the easiest way and you don't have to worry about any of it. And then you can still go to your phone then and listen to it and get all the stuff from the Patreon app or you can set up an RSS feed and listen to all the shows with your Patreon RSS feed. But yeah, just use a computer. Sign up for it there. But that will be going away. The search charge will be going away. And as far as Maddox goes, we have two very special episodes for those people who sign up for our Patreon or our YouTube page here where you can see. us induct him into the creep off Hall of Fame in a two-part series with Tab Bert, and I highly recommend those episodes. You learn all about Maddox. You know, Amanda and Nappie just came in with the super chat, so we'll hit it up right here. Thanks

for the 99. Great show, as always, boys. Thanks for the fun start to the week. Looking forward to a week with a regular schedule, even though I love the live show weeks. Yes, we're back to the regular schedule. We're no longer in Vegas. So Amanda and Nappy, thank you for being here. A programming note, we will be doing Point

Davel Point over on Who are these podcast channel at 4.15 Eastern Time today. That is accurate. You could go over there and watch Carl talk about stuttering John. Well, we have a number of topics, but Adam Bush is going to be joining us, Ava Riza, making her debut

on my channel. Shulie will be there. Good. Have fun, everybody. Have a good time with that. We will. Or just watch the show again. You can do that too. Or you can watch the show again. You can just show it to your friends. That'll be good, too. And by the way,

Thank you again, buddy, for wanting to sign up for the Patreon to that last guy. Thank you for that. You get bonus merch. You get merch. You get bonus episodes, all sorts of silliness. And there's going to be another Hall of Fame induction very soon. I'm putting out the nominations this week. So make sure you are at least following the page for that.

Hey, OG waitress here. And after listening to this last week's episode, come to find out everybody was losing their voicemail privileges. I get it. I get it. But this week, they have a story for you, completely unannounced and out of context, had somebody come up to me and go,

I hate Indian people. The smelly ones and the ones that don't tip. Get that last part, but she just walked away after that. Anyway, fuck you guys. Bye. Thank you. What are we missing not hanging out inside of an olive garden?

Right? That's what I'm wondering. I believe we have one more I'm going to play from our pal podcast, Profit. We hadn't heard from him in a while. Hey, Vinnie, Carl. A guest prophet here. Holy Spirit is speaking through me.

Did you guys know that William Shatner in the 80s wanted to make a line of women's underwear? But the problem was Shatner Pannies. It wasn't really a catchy name, so it never went through. also how dare you take two fucking weeks off like i don't pay you guys take time off i pay you to fucking get and dance like monkeys and get on the fucking microphone and entertain me so let's get back to that all right thank you fuck you bye he's like the drunk lady in that video going get back to that monkeys dance yes uh thank the a team for getting our channels suspended for an entire week yeah no more watch-alongs on the bonuses, guys. Yeah, it's not worth it. We're done forever. We're done forever,

unfortunately, which really does. But if that was the last Hogan thing we watched, it was pretty fucking good. It was great. It was really great. It was ridiculous. All right. Carl, I believe that makes it time for a scum parade. You ready to go? Let's go. Scum parade. Take me on a raid of these fucks your raids that these creeps have made. Thank you. Scum parade Vinny and Carl Gonna tell you about some fuck shit

Holy Christ Scum parade Like stories of a kid fucked by his mom or dad Oh boy And up the blood of a cat Scum parade Drug parade

He's your new drug Oh Carl We got some fun ones today Yes we do I'm uh I took I went a little light on you guys this week We're gonna ease into things

This is Justina Faye Ezzles. She's 34 years old of Gulfport, Mississippi. She was arrested on May 11th after police say she returned to a dollar general store just moments after robbing it in search of her lost cell phone. This reminds me of those guys who stole the ATM from this comedy club. One of the dudes left his phone at the scene of the crime. He wasn't dumb enough to come back and ask for it, though. Yeah. I don't think it did anything.

I think it was probably just stolen cell phone, too. True. Yeah, good point. But according to the Gulfport Police Department and reports from WLOX, the incident occurred around 9.32 p.m. at the Dollar General located on who gives a fuck road. Investigators say Ezo entered the store armed

with a handgun demanded money from the staff. During the robbery, Ezzo allegedly became involved in a physical struggle with store employees before fleeing with an undisclosed amount of cash. Wait, there's people working a dollar general who give a shit about their job. That's the most shocking thing about that. Dude, do you remember my brother was one of them?

He chased the guy with the box cutter that got right over by the car. I thought the Dollar General was just like, if you have a gun, you could have our money. That's fine. We're not going to ask any questions. Yeah. And you know, my favorite thing about that was they fired my brother after. Right. Yeah, you're like, you can't work here.

Just let him take that shit. It was tube socks, dude. Fuck, let him go. Now, police were already on the scene of investigating the crime when Jess and, And Jessinia returned reportedly asking about a cell phone she had dropped her in the robbery. I am so sorry to bother you. It was like you're very busy with this investigation that you're doing right here. But has anyone seen my iPhone?

It's got a pink case on it. It's, uh, hello kitty. I would see it. I imagine the cops in the back with the manager looking at the tapes going, huh, huh. Yeah, they'll get the live. They'll look at what just happened. They're like, she looks familiar. Wait a second.

This is a... Ma'am, ma'am, wait one moment. She was arrested at charge with one count of armed robbery and booked into the Harrison County Jail. Yeah, she's a fucking idiot. Certainly is.

Now, one of my very best friends in the world works for Lowe's, and boy, I have a good time telling him this story of breakfast yesterday. James Calavis, he's 66 years old, he's from Jasper, Georgia. He was arrested in Slydell, Louisiana on May 12th. After police found

him naked and masturbating inside a display storage shed at a Lowe's Home Depot improvement store. That's why you never buy the display sheds. It's tempting. They're cheaper, but you don't know who's whacked off at it. So, that's why. Assembly on your own when you get home. That's why back in the day, my mom wanted to buy a VCR that was like on display. I was like, yeah, you have no idea who shot a load into that thing. You don't want that.

Is that what you said to your mom? Yeah. People are shooting loads into VCRs? Was that a thing in the 80s? I don't know. I was like, it was the 90s. It was in the early 90s. I was just like, Mom, come on.

Smarting up. According to the report for the smoky gun, officers responded to a night of one call about a nude man inside one of the four sale outdoor sheds on those property. After checking several units, police found him lying on the floor of one shed, pants around his ankles with an open container

of Vasile beside him. Fucking disgusting. Dude, it's real important that you learn how to do the dry jerk. You don't want to have to have to. to be prepared with supplies. I mean, look at this guy's mugshot. He looked like he covered himself in the Vaseline. Look at how greasy this fucking guy is.

He's doing it wrong. I think you're right. Calvese allegedly admitted to officers that he was watching YouTube videos on his phone engaging in a, quote, pleasure session when they arrived. YouTube? Who jerks off to YouTube videos? I hope no one. That's what he was doing.

He was watching YouTube. Mr. Beast. Oh, no. Don't jerk off to Mr. Beast. He was arrested in charge with one count of him. sedity and booked into Slydell City Jail. Police listed his home address as a one-acre property in Jasper, Georgia, which according to the county assessor's office, features a mobile home and a shed.

Yeah, I thought that was interesting that the property that he owned is also like a shed. Yeah. So maybe he was just like, you know, like, will you lay on a bed before you buy it? You know, you get to that shed, you're like, I would just make sure I can lay down and jerk off in this thing. This is bubbles from trailer park boys if he lived in Georgia. Right. oh man so we got one more good one here let's kick over to this all right man accused of

desecrating holy water at a pennsylvania church carl jesse john sokel was 50 years old he was arrested in york pa after police say he urinated into the holy water okay which shock jock put him up to this i've heard of these types of pranks anthony spent back on the air for like a month and a half already he's we're in the holy water according to the York City police the incident occurred on April 14th of this year he's listed as having no fixed address and he reportedly

entered the church through a side entrance so we're talking homeless guy here the charging documents state that Sokol walked down the main aisle between the pews pausing at a lost and found box in the vestibule where he rifled through the contents but did not take anything don't need it, don't need it, don't need it

oh but I do got to pee he then approached a pedestal containing holy water, which is used in Catholic rituals for blessing and purification. Holy water is one of the dumber things about Catholicism, isn't it? It's up there. It's up there. You know, I'm not even sure I understand it. And I'd probably think it would serve them better if they didn't make it look like it was in a urinal. True. Yeah, the way that it's displayed is tempting. I can see this being a, you know, a prank that a young Jim Florentine would be bragging about years later. Piss for Sam? Piss for Sam. Yeah, it's going to Sam Adams. Piss at Pats

St. Patrick's Cathedral Investigators alleged Suckel then polluted the holy water with urine, an act that constitutes desecration of a sacred object under Pennsylvania law. Bullshit. The church reported the incident and authorities began reviving security footage and witness accounts before filing charges.

Now, first of all, all holy water is, Carl, is fucking tap water that a pet of file looks at and goes, uh... Correct. Correct. Yeah. That's all it is. You're getting arrested for pissing on it for that. It's kosher meats the same way, right? Doesn't just have to be like blessed or something and then it's kosher?

Yeah. And listen, guys, I hate to be the one to have to bring this up here. My creep in this story, Catholic Church. Yeah, for sure. The guy's just having some fun. The guy had to pee. They said they act was seen as targeted, disruptive, and offensive to the religious community. The case also is the intersection of mental health and homelessness, Carl. So, you know, there's a little bit of crazy in there, too. I hope the guy gets some help. Now, I do have a bright spot to end of the show today, Carl. You don't normally do that.

I don't. I usually go hard. But I liked this story, and I wanted to share it with everybody. We are going to Ken Schoff, Haiti, where a local food vendor turned vigilante, Carl. He served up, Omega Down, as the deadliest empanata special. and recent memory since my trip to Miami. Allegedly poisoning 40 gang members with an agricultural pesticide commonly used

to kill caterpillars. Wait, caterpillar poison is people poison? Who knew? That would be my defense, actually. Right. According to reports, the unnamed woman had been feeding members of the Viv and Saman-affiliated gang for weeks, if not months, at her food stall in the commune,

which is currently under the control of an armed criminal group. The men reportedly treated her like a regular kitchen stop until she served a very different recipe one day. She included chanil oil, a toxic pesticides used to eliminate crop-destroying caterpillars. Shortly after consuming the tainted pastries, the alleged gang members were gripped by violent convulsions and attempted to flee to nearby hospitals. None of them survived. That is awesome.

I think that does break the rules of the murder game, though, Kaylee's new podcast. Don't think you're allowed to just poison everyone. Yeah. All 40 suspected gang affiliates reportedly died en route, marking one of the most lethal cases of vigilante retaliation in their history. Now, the gang associates did, you know, find this woman, you know, and burned down her house. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that's expected. Sure. That's expected. She got away. Yeah, she went to the police station where she reportedly confessed to the mass poisoning and requested protection. Confessed or bragged.

What are we doing? What are we talking about? What? I got to do your chops for you? Yeah. Guess what I did. Something you guys should have done fucking years ago. She told the police she acted alone without any outside help.

She wants all the credit, too. It's so rude. Yeah, they put her in protective custody, too. So tensions still remain high in the area. In Haiti? Really? Things haven't calmed out over there yet? Apparently, the locals are supporting this woman's actions, and it's not a good scene for the members of this gang.

Yeah. The victims, the poor victims of this murderous empanada maker. Yeah, it's fantastic. Well done. We applaud you. Keep taking out those Haitian gang members. I'm fucking here for it all day. I would like to thank everybody who tune in today.

Let's check and see if we have any more super chats before we got out of here. Yeah, the recovery came in before a mandolin nappy. Yeah, like that one. Okay. Rock of War B 2002. An idea for a consequence, the gay rom-com bros. Tried to watch it and tapped out after five minutes. Lady Kay might enjoy it, though.

What is that? I'm not familiar with it. The gay rom-com bros? Is that a new TV show or something? I don't know. Interesting. I don't know what that is. Matthew Rowley, remember for 11 months.

Please do creepiest uncreatful blind co-host next week. Yes. Thanks for entertaining. And remember to vote. He says, he meant to say remember vote for Carl. He says no, remember, never vote for Carl. He meant to say vote for Carl. Nope.

I don't think so. I pick blind mic for that one. Don, thanks for the two bucks. Bring back Subredit Surfing. It's happening very soon. We're playing in an episode right now. Nice. Subverted surfing coming back with the great Cardiff Electric.

And I guess there's another guy or two on that show too. I had so much fun with Cardiff in Vegas. He's great. We went and found secret pizza. Oh, right. In the Cosmopolitan. Right. If you go to the third floor folks, look for a long hallway with a bunch of records in it,

follow it all the way down. One of the best slices I've ever had in my fucking life. Well, you just ruin the secret, dude. No, I'm putting it out there for people because I love the creepos. That sounds secrets work. Well, listen. I'm not telling you any secrets. Holy shit. I had to stand in line. It wasn't like it was that big of a secret. You immediately get out of a show and just start blabbing about the secrets?

Carl and Chuli do. Carl and Chulie do. Carl and Chulidu! Damn you. You're the worst. Fuck you! Excelliore. True believers. What a good show today we did, Carl. I think we were fantastic.

We have never been better. Top of our games. This is going to be a tough one for people. Vote at the creepoff.com. We brought the bigger creep. Please do it. And as always, it's nice to be important. It's more important to be nice. We'll see you on Friday for a bonus episode. Those of you who are bonus members and patrons.

Cream with the Crop Creepos. Good night. I'm going to come.