The Creep Off - Episode 316: Leggo My Preggo

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

Pride Month is here, and Karl & Vinnie are celebrating the only way they know how—by asking one very important question: Who Is the Creepiest "L"? In this installment of Karl’s Cop Cam, we meet an expectant mother who terrorizes sex shops with her child in tow, and appears to have built quite an impressive collection of drugs and alcohol: In the Scum Parade, we learn why you should never cheap out on a casket, discover that cats don't fly, and find out that sometimes it's better to end a situation before it gets even worse.Don’t forget to vote for who brought the biggest creep at patreon.com/thecreepoff.  Check out this week’s scum parade stories here: https://nypost.com/2026/05/28/world-news/body-falls-out-of-bottom-of-casket-at-funeral-as-mourners-scream/https://nypost.com/2026/05/31/us-news/cops-bust-creep-carrying-pet-fish-and-exposing-his-chimichanga-outside-florida-taco-bell/https://www.nydailynews.com/2026/05/26/bronx-man-killed-cat-threw-window-prosecutors/https://www.courier-journal.com/story/News/local/public-safety/2026/05/27/lmpd-shooting-kills-man-suspected-of-homeless-killing/90264396007/The score is currently Vinnie 3` - Karl 4 – Guest 4 Want more of the madness? Support the show on Patreon, Supercast to snag exclusive merch and get an extra bonus episode every week!Don’t forget you can leave us a voicemail at 585-371-8108You can follow our results girl Mahalia @mahellllyeahYou can follow our Results girl Danni on Instagram @Danni_Desolation

You're listening to the Carl Network. If you're a kid, don't get on here, okay? See, that's how you do a disclaimer. You tell the kids that get out to fuck off the damn page. Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want.

Sensation. Horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo, coo, coo. Inducing thing. Ola Creepo. Welcome to another episode of your favorite true crime podcast, the show about creeps by creeps for you, creeps. Kicking off Pride Months today, Carl.

How are you? Happy Pride Month, Benny. Good to see you, my friend. It's nice to see you too. I'm going to be nice to you at the start of the show today. Why? Celebrating Pride Month. Oh, is that what you do on Pride Month?

Be nice to gay people. Gay people. Yeah. I appreciate that. So much, Biddy. Yeah. You know what? You know what?

It's a wild day. It's a super chat Tuesday. I didn't know these existed. I've heard of Super Tuesday. You know, there's Super Chat Tuesday? They're sure it. There sure is. So we're celebrating that today.

Thanks for joining us on a special day. I'm flabbergasted today, Carl. Flabbergasted is an interesting word. What's going on over there, buddy? Well, your pal was struggling, trying to get ready for the show. I was running a little bit. And then I messed up the intro quite a bit while I was doing other things. So here's what we're doing.

I'm redirecting my brain into the show because we have a big one today. We do. We are going to see what happens when you skimp at a funeral. We're also going to, we're going to learn that cats can't fly. There's lots of stuff we're going to talk about today. And you know what? We're going to have a competition. We're going to find out who is the creepiest L and LGBTQ2 plus three.

I think that's... LJ, LGBT... Let that all back. LGBT plus. Well said, John. Yes, we do this. This has become an annual tradition where we like to celebrate the L's, the Bs, the Gs, and the T's during Pride Month. Don't forget the pluses.

And, of course, the pluses. The pluses mean more than all the other ones combined. That's true. Now, Carl, this show is a competition. I need you to explain to the folks how it works. Yeah, this is a true crime show where Vidi and I compete to find the biggest creep in a certain category. So today you'll be hearing Vinnie and me present who we think is the creepiest lesbian.

And after you hear our presentations, you'll go to patreon.com slash the creep off and vote for who you thought brought the bigger creep. We then tally those votes up and announce the winner on the next episode. Whoever gets to five victories first, five points wins the round. The other person has to spin the dreaded wheel of consequences. Our current score is three to three. So this is a big one for us. Now, Carl, normally...

Today we'll get to Game Point. That's right. Now, this is where I would normally introduce our results girl. Correct. But, uh... I don't see any boobs in the green room. I'm very disappointed in this. She's on vacation and I forgot.

Oh, so I've dropped with the ball all over the place. That's fine. I'm just going to give everybody the results today. And listen, I know I'll still hit the alarm. I, because I know it's me doing it. You're giving yourself a boner alert jingle? Yeah. Jesus.

What a creep. Looking good today. So, uh, the answer is, fucking Carl won one. Yes. Let's go. Oh, that is exciting. So I've been dying to tell you this story since yesterday. We switched days.

We're working Tuesday today instead of Monday doing the creep-off. And I had to go do one of those golf heckler things. Yeah, you make fun of golfers while they're golfing? Yeah. Yeah. They get, some of them get kind of mad at us, but we have a good time. It's me and my buddy, Tommy. We spend the whole day on a golf course and we hackle people.

Okay. It's a great gig. And you get paid for that? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's great. Who do? Both of those would have jobs,

laughing at jerks. Dude, these people take it so seriously, too. Oh, I bet. But yesterday was for the cops. Oh, good. So they were a lot of fun. And let me tell you what I've learned about all these old guys on the golf course. They love to try to tell you a joke.

Oh, I'm sure they do. Would you like to know the joke I heard three times yesterday? I would love to hear that joke. Okay, you ready? Why are there no Walmarts in Iran? Oh, fuck off. Is it the Arty Flutcher joke? People are retelling the Artie Fletcher dope because they're all targets?

Three times on the golf course yesterday. Jesus, that joke sucks. Bits and pieces. That's what I did. The first time I went bits and pieces, and the guy was like, what? Oh, no. But yeah, three fucking times I heard that same joke. Except it's Iran.

It's cool again now, I guess. I came up with an invention. Oh, did you? No, you're supposed to say that, no, you have an invention. No, I got a battle one. A bit sad piece. Hey, Carl, why did the pervert cross the road? Why, Vinny?

Because he was still in the chicken. Bits and pieces, bits and pieces. All right. Good, good, yeah. All right. Are there more bits and pieces videos out there, by the way? I don't know. Do you ever see that, Eddie?

They must have done it on stage at some point or on another morning show. I only have one video of the jokes on you comedy tour on stage, and I showed you part of it. Yeah. Actually, I take that back. I have something that's really retarded. Oh. Um, and it's on, it's, it's, it's hidden. I have the video.

I don't think anybody else has it. Got it. But it's, uh, some guy wrote a music video about freedom, wrote a song about freedom and how important America is. Yeah. And, uh, Gallagher and the guys put together kind of a music video for it. Oh. Because what happens is Gallagher is on stage at the show.

And he says, hey, we got this song by this guy and we're going to play it for you now. And they play the song and Gallagher smashes some shit. And Artie's walking behind him like a child with American flags just like this walking around him. And then he comes out waving an even bigger one. It's wild. I can't wait. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to have to steal that from you.

I'll give it to you. Thank you, buddy. I appreciate it. You could have it. Sounds awesome. Someone made a breakfast cereal bits and pieces. And they sent it over to me. I think it's up on a Davers Anonymous or something, some subreddit as well.

But very funny breakfast cereal. box with marshmallow watermelons. Oh, perfect. Yeah, perfect. Makes sense. Little fish heads for Bob Nelson and a stupid hat for Artie, a dirty old hat. All right, Carl, it is the creep off. It's a competition.

You're in the lead. It's creepiest L. You won. That means you get to go first. So ring that bell and let's get after it. Rina, I want you to pull up the photo of little Liam here. Liam, this, a two-year-old boy. That's not a cute kid.

That's a cute kid. No, that is a sour-looking baby. I don't care for it. He was found dead on March 22nd of 2014 after sustaining more than 30 external injuries, including a ruptured heart as a result of severe blunt force trauma. Now, if you could pull up my photo of Rachel and Naomi. This is Rachel and Naomi Fee. Here's a cute lesbian couple here.

By the way, this is what real lesbians look like. Where's the cute cut on? This is a real-life lesbian. So if you ever search that category in Pornhub, what you don't see. You know what else you could find if you search this? If you search Big Naturals, you could probably find this one on the right. Sure. Sure.

Or you'll find Vinny. Rachel Fees, the one on the left there. She murdered this child. And there she is with her girlfriend, Naomi. Rachel assaulted the toddler so severely at their home in Scotland that he sustained injuries similar to those for a car crash victim. In fact, a pediatric. pathologist, Dr. Paul French, told the court that Liam almost certainly spent the last few days

in agony after finding fractures to the boy's upper arm and thigh. Like me sustained in separate events in the hours and days before he died. He listed more than 30 external injuries found in the toddler's body, most of them in keeping with blunt force trauma. They should have kept him in the box, huh? They also found their phones in the house when the police came, because they're the ones who called 999, whatever is in Scotland. And the police came.

I thought that's what they called in Germany. Ah, I see what you did. Come on. Come on. Come on. So they found their phones, and apparently they were searching things like, how do you die of a broken hip? And how long can you live with broken bones? How long can you live with broken bones?

Do we got to think of him to the hospital now, or should we break more of his bones first? Let's keep around for a little bit. How many bones of a baby can you break before they snap? Now, Vinny, they would have gotten away with it, too. if not for two other boys that were in their care living in the home, who survived the torture that was going on, and we're able to provide eyewitness accounts. If you want to play my clip number one,

I'll let the news break this down. Behind this smile, Liam Fee was suffering. The two-year-old was abused for much of his short life. Rachel on the left was his mother, Naomi, her civil partner. They tortured the toddler, then murdered. and try to blame it on another young child in their care. But the investigation uncovered the true horror of what was going on. Inside this family home in Fife, children were kept in homemade cages,

stripped naked, their hands bound behind their back with cable ties. Sometimes they were tied to a bed in a room filled with pet snakes and rats. What? This gets wild. So the paramedics show up because the toddlers have a breathing. And immediately these women are, like, he did it. It just point to a little boy.

Little kids just playing with blocks on the floor. And the kid looked up like, I wasn't done something bad. I don't know. I don't know what's going on here. Oh, I don't want to go in the snake room. Well, so the boy said he once was made to spend a whole day in a cold shower drip drying in between.

He said that the mom, Rachel, tied him naked to a chair and left him alone all night in a dark room, which also contained those snakes and rats, which included a boa constrictor, which the boy was told eats naughty little boys. There's a snake that will kill you and in this pitch black room

and you're tied to a chair. You're hoping the rats find you first. The jury heard one boy explain that he was not allowed to get up to the toilet during the night. So if he did wet himself because he wasn't allowed to use the toilet, then they would punish him

by making him stand in a cold shower. Huh. Because he peed himself. Well, at least that's kind. and they're bathing him? He later described how he had been tied to a locked homemade cage during the night, with his hands and feet bound with cable ties. He says his hands would swell up and that he was called pudding hands by Rachel.

Oh, look at you, you little pudding hands. Well, you know, that's cute. But you also know that this kid's not going to be able to break out of the homemade cage if two lesbians made it. No. That thing's going to be made well and strong. Yeah, they did a good job. So the toddler here, Liam, the baby, was taken to a nursery during the day.

and you know the people the nursery noticed some bruises so they called child protective services whatever it's called in Scotland and this could have been rectified before the kid was murdered clip two oh no I hate when people don't do the right thing

this is the house where Liam died a social worker actually called here along with police when Liam's nursery complained about the injuries he had on his body but they were told Liam had simply bumped his head they accepted that explanation and left. The social worker then went off sick. No one was assigned

this cover and this family were left unmonitored. He's clumsy. Yeah, he fell out. He fell on the stairs again. This poor clumsy baby. He keeps getting himself caught in the snake room. He just, he loves it

in there, officer. All putting hands loves the snake room. This kid hates breathing. He's constantly grabbing that snake and wrapping it around his throat. It's wild when he's up to. they walk in and there's just snake has got its fucking jaw unhooked and is just out of the thing's head just latched out to a snake nothing to a child's head like a hat

so the ambulance like that should show up to the house after they called emergency services he walks in and uh sees the little boy and uh apparently Naomi decides to shout at the other little boy that's there tell these men what you've done So they're just immediately... I colored for a little while. Tell them why your brother's dead.

Was watch a Talatubbies? A clip number three, I bet they feel bad about this, I would imagine. I would hope they do, Carl. Rachel and Naomi have shown no remorse. They'll be sentenced in July. Yeah, so they didn't give a shit. And actually, Rachel accused Naomi of being the master manipulator. And she was like, she was abusing me as well.

She messed up my head big time. I don't know what to do. Fuck you, Rachel. You murdered your son. That's why you're a creep, you're a creepy lesbian. And they were each given 24 years in prison as their sentence. Yeah. You know what that kid's crime was, having a penis.

All right. It's not great. She was mad at the father. She did snatch that kid away from the father and moved away. Carl, I want to tell you a story about Star Cross love. Oh, great. Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, you know, usually I think lesbian love is pretty hot.

Sure. Not so much today, everybody. You know what the best part about the lesbian love is? I'm sure you're familiar with this. Cizzer me timbers. It is the scissoring. It certainly is. And there's a lot of scissoring in my next story, everybody.

So I figured, you know, the time for us to get sexy with it. That's my desk. Stop doing that. Stop taking your dick out at my desk, Carl. No. I'm never going to get any work done. It's to be so sticky. Oh, we should have a fish watch drop, Ian.

You're right. Okay. So let me set the seed for you here. 1886, Alpine Manor Nursing Home Walker, Michigan, Carl, suburb of Grand Rapids. It's a long-term care facility, elderly residents, all of them women, most of them with dementia, Alzheimer's, or both. In other words, none of these people knew where the fuck they were, who they were, who they were, who their family is or anything about what's going to happen to them in their lives. And this is where Eric Zane's creeping around?

Probably. You see him peeking into windows over here. Most likely. I know you lives in that area. It likes older women. Well, this is, let me introduce you to our first creep here. This is Gwendolyn Graham. Who's that, dude?

That's Gwendolyn Graham. She's pretty cool. She's got the aviators. They let her keep the aviators on in her mugshot. And that is a... Yeah, that's an odd, right? Would they normally have me to take your sunglasses off? No, I look cool in these.

I like, I're fine. I look cool of these. Stay fuck away. So, mullet bangs. You want to guess the age right at this point? Oh. Bullet bangs. Hold on.

What's the age of this thing? Yeah, I guess. So she looks like she's 52, but I'm going to say 24. Boom, 23, Carl. Very close. Looked a little sad, a little depressed in general appearance and demeanor. No, Ian, it's not Axel Rose. That's not who that is.

Holy shit, it does look like Axel Rose. Same haircut. And I call November rain. People want to know if it's Felicia Gillespie. That's a hot version of Felicia Gillespie. So she's originally from Tyler, Texas. She had kind of a rough upbringing abusive dad's little essay in happen as a kid. That's kind of what gets you there.

She also liked to burn herself with cigarettes, cut herself a little bit. Cigarettes are bad for you. Yeah, she killed her. pet dog at their father's orders for spooking a horse. And she was like, okay, Paul. She dug up the dog's bones afterwards and kept the teeth in a little heart box on her dresser. So take that however you'd like to.

Yeah. Now, she moves to Michigan in 1986 takes the job working in an alpine manner. Like, I just told you. And then she meets her supervisor, Carl. Oh, that's more Gwendolyn. Okay. Here's her supervisor. Who would want to put a person?

Put their penis in a co-worker. This is Kathy Wood. You want to guess the age? Kathy Wood is 34. 24. Okay. Originally from Washington. She'd gotten married young.

She married this guy by the name of Ken. That's her before she spent time with Gwendolyn. Yeah, not great. That was like a different person. It does. You sure about that? I'm 100% sure. Both for Carlin.

Bro, but he's doing bad research. I'm 100% sure. This is good research. You're going to see what happened. Also, why these phones look like they were taken in the 30s? We're talking about the 80s, right? Yeah, this is like early 80s that picture. Jesus Christ, we were doing black and white in the 80s?

Yeah, she's divorced from this guy. I come up a Kodak family. I know for a fact that we had color film at that time. I don't know, Carl. It's the only picture I could find of the husband. Okay. Chill the fuck out. We can't all just clip up news stories.

I know, but it's better when you do. It's not. It's the artist storytelling an asshole. So these two became friends. In 1986, they became lovers, Carl. By most accounts, Graham was the dominant force in the relationship. O'Gwendolen was really the one who was shown Kathy, who was boss. As you can imagine, let's get a nice side-by-side shot of these two.

And long story short, they were particularly, she was particularly possessive over Kathy or of Kathy. and at one point they would have a very volatile situations where you know gwendolin would grab kathy by the hair and drag her around their apartment and beat her up that's hot yeah they also had a lot of fun at work together car they used to like to play pranks on people okay they like to hide under patients beds yeah you know fucking finger fuck and then squirt all over the right but that if any of the other nurses came in the way they covered it was they would pretend to hide to be really quiet and wait for the nurses

come in, they get dressed as quick as they can. One of them would grab the nurse's ankles. So they would go, ah, I get distracted. Like, we got you, it's a prank, and the other one would sneak out of the room. Smart. Yeah, they were definitely up to no good. But good, hard, was fun at work at that point. Right.

Until it wasn't. So it wasn't. Until it wasn't. You see, according to Kathy Woods later testament, Gwendolyn had an idea of what would seal their love, Carl. Here's what we need to do. so that we could love each other forever and stay together as a couple. We have to have a secret together.

Right. And this secret will tie us together. And she and Kathy's like, well, what are you thinking, Gwen? This is like, scow and bones kind of shit. Yeah. She's like, here's what I'm thinking. I want you to stand right here. And she walks into an old lady's room and suffocates her with a fucking dishrag.

Or like a fucking rat just kills this old lady. Yeah, that's how you do it. Right. And that brings Kathy in. and fucking finger fucks her right there by the body. It says, guess what? Now we have this secret together forever. Right.

Did Kathy get off on that one? Yes. She did. Nice. She did. This was a love connection, Carl. Not only I was a love connection. They did it five times.

Just murder and then finger fucking. Just murder, finger fucking, scisserie, what depraved shit they could come up with. They would go to what the boss's office, Kathy, and Gwendolyn. would take care of business. And whenever they decided they wanted to get somebody, they would research it. They'd be should it be this one next, honey? No, they weren't finger-banging the corpse.

They were finger-banging each other. They finger-bangging the corpses, too. Wait, what? Prove they didn't. Okay. Somebody's making stuff up again. Prove they didn't. We got fake photos.

We got fake stories. This is why AI is going to take our jobs, just so you know. This is why? Yes. Damn it. I need to do a little bit of fact-checking around here. I did a ton of fact checking.

There's a shit. There's no fact check it. So by the spring of 1987, things kind of go south, Carl. Okay. Because Gwendolyn just decides to start munching another box. There's a new nurse in town who's hotter than Kathy. Sure. So she starts fucking around with her.

Okay. And moves out of the house that they were living into together and just completely leaves Kathy and goes back to Texas. What year is it? 1987 now. Dude, that is the hairiest pussy. that is like, I mean, you can't still smell it. You can't shampoo the must out of it. Oh, God.

It's a problem. You ever flip through on an Instagram or something on a reels and you see people like cleaning a carpet. They put all that stuff up there and the dirt just comes up. Yep. That's what this is like. That's what this is like. That's what this is like. They got to use a squeegee.

Yikes. Now, here's the problem. She leaves with this woman, Heather, gets a new job in another hospital taking care of newborn babies, Carl. Okay. Graham later claims she had to flee Michigan out of fear of Wood, who said she tied her up and threatened her. Yeah. So this is all Kathy's fault.

Now, fun fact, Kathy Wood rekindles a little something with old Ken. After her little lesbian phase is over with. That musty box is out of her life. Yep. She hangs out with Ken. They go out tonight. He's like,

Mike's husband never maybe murder anyone. Maybe I'll hang out with him. It's a little more carefully. I mean, he's a little doughy. He wears dumb shirts and vests. I know, that's another, all right, whatever, I'm not going to. I don't know what you know this was taken.

Maybe it's 78. Who the fuck knows or cares? I know, I know. Moving on. Either way, everyone then was ugly. I don't know how either one of us was made. I know, we're hot. I know how anyone got laid in the 80s.

Oh, cocaine, sorry. Oh, right. So, it's sometime in 1988, a year later. She goes out to dinner with her ex-husband. They have a few drinks, says, I got to tell you something, my last relationship was pretty fucked up. She wanted us to have, like, some kind of secret. And so she was just, you know, strangling old ladies while I watched.

And then we would, you know, we'd eat each other out and finger the corpse. That's not how secrets work. You're supposed to keep it. And Ted was like, this guy was like, what? He had to put down his filly cheese steak. And he was like, what? I'm going to finish this hokey in his second, but first, what did you just say? He went to the cop.

Oh, that asshole. He's like, my fucking ex is out of her goddamn mind. Heard this lady murdered a bunch of women. So detectives bring Woods in for questioning, and she incrementally leaked out her version of the homicides, saying it was all Graham's fault. She was the mastermind and the killer. She was just, you know.

Did the police ask the same question that I asked? Yeah, but did you squirt? Did you get off? Dude, there was so much. I don't know how to describe how much evidence there was. DNA evidence. in that room. I would imagine the squirt was like a urinal and a bills game.

Yep. Just literally just, the whole room is just covered in body fluids. You would think it was a hailstorm that happened. It wasn't. It was a squirt from this broad. So wards are issued in December of 1988. Graham and Wood are both arrested. Wood was picked up in Michigan and Graham was arrested in Texas.

At the prosecution of the trial had two main witnesses. is Kathy, who took a plea deal, one kind of second degree murder in exchange for testimony against Graham, and Heather Berger, Graham's new girlfriend, who testified that Graham had confessed to the murders to her as well. So here's what we've learned. Secrets don't make lovers and women can't keep them anyway. Right. This reminds me of like, uh, carmic and Felicia.

You know, they break up and also, you just got to start saying all this crazy shit about the other person. Oh yeah? Well, her pussy smells. And she made me murder people. and then finger blasts me afterwards. It's too much. The jury convicted Graham on all five counts of first-degree murder and one count of conspiracy.

She received five life sentences with no possibility of parole. Wood served 29 years and was released in 2020. Here she is getting out of the car. She looks great. I would say she looks great for an old lesbian getting out of prison after 30 years. That's the worst photo of anyone ever. I don't know. Have you seen this one?

Who's that? My old gym teacher, Gwendolyn Graham. Yikes. Yeah, so again, folks, here's the thing. That kid was ugly that Carl showed you earlier. That was an ugly kid. And he was ugly because he was getting beat. These old Brons murdered your grandmother and that had disgusting sex on top of her.

This kid wasn't tortured his entire life, which lasted two years. Yeah. He needed some dignity. She didn't need fucking the noises these two made as she was on her trip to heaven. Vote for Carl. my lesbians were fatter than your lesbians. I don't know. Did you see this bitch getting out of the car?

I did. Look at this. That's a flowing gown. Isn't she in the new Star Wars movie they just came out? She's one of the huts. Yes. All right. Yeah, you should vote for me this week at patreon.com backslash the creepoff.

Let's tie this thing up, everybody. You don't want me to spin. People are celebrating Super Chat Tuesday with their Super Chats, and we appreciate that. Well, you know, let's start off and just recognize a few new members we got here. today. Garrett Palland became a new YouTube member. Thank you. Thank you. We do bonus shows every Friday. And our pal Amber Lamps OFC became a YouTube member. Good to see Amber. Nice to see over here again. Tuky's unpaid staff, thanks for the two bucks. How was your poop dog you had for lunch, Carl? It was fine. I mean, I don't eat poop. Stop it. Tuckie's unpaid staff.

Consequence idea. Recreate David Hasseloff drunk burger video. That's not a bad. idea, although I feel like Hackverse Anonymous and Julie's Anonymous will think it's real. Well, yeah, probably. Yeah. Probably true. Uh, Tugie's on paid staff. You'll always be my L, Carl. That's you, buddy.

Oh, that stands for love. Jokey Jackman, watching old Vinny vids and wondering if Vinnie could do a creep-off spin-off called Weight Off to help fatties like me lose pounds. How'd you do it? That's a great idea. And thank you, Jokey Jackman. The answer is the thing that no one wants to hear. It's called eat less and exercise more.

Thank you, buddy, for telling the fucking truth for once. Nobody goddamn believes me. I know what you do, buddy. You work hard. Nobody believes me. I know. So fucking amazing. Thank you, pal.

That was the nicest thing you ever did. Nice of you to show Vinnie rooting for Carl again. Fuck, yeah. All right. Glad to hear it. Dame Daft movie show, thanks for the two bucks. Who gets to perform bits and pieces at DabbleCon 3? I want it.

I definitely want it on that. But I'm going to be the Bob Nelson guy who just makes faces and puts out hats. Well, you dance around with Shulie. Yeah, I just do that. All right, never mind. You win. You get that job. That was a pretty good audition.

Thank you. Principal uncertainty, thanks for the five years. They only take away your kid in Scotland if you're racist. Yep, that is true. Oh, so then it's fine to hit him like that. Right. If your social media posts are skeptical or, you know, if they're not happy with your social media posts, kids are gone. If you're just beating the kid and you say he's clumsy, no problem. Okay. Good to know.

Louis says, I went to a golf tournament. I ate a cucumber sandwich and chipped a few golfers. Carl, please remind me to keep the main thing the main thing. Thank you. Well, he's holding you accountable for your actions, Vinny. I appreciate that. What did I do? Everything. What do lesbians do?

doing their on their period. Finger paint. Bits and pieces, bits and pieces. You know what I just remember I still have on the board? What's that? Oh shit. It's gone.

Never mind. Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Where do you left him? That's joke. Where do you find a turtle with no arms and no legs? Your Gallagher's great.

Dude, that joke sucks. I'm telling you, he's nuttier. He was so fucking insane. insane. The shit that he, he was trying to invent shit, Carl. Yeah. And there's no way he actually invented it. Well, the Sludge-Matic he invented. Dude, I told you, I saw the thing. I held the Sledge-O-Matic. It was a fucking stick with a board nail to it. Yeah, yeah. It's not a hammer. It's not even a sledgehammer.

It's a sledgehammer. You're just jealous. You didn't have the idea. Vinny goes up on stage and tells jokes. He didn't think he could just like smash shit and cause a big mess. And by the way, that finger painting joke, already did that joke. Of course he did. During the live jokes on you comedy tour show that I did see. Of course he did. Finger painting.

Well, guys, thank you for being here. Thank you for celebrating Super Chat Tuesday with us. Sorry, we had to subject you to who are these broadcasters yesterday that I was a part of. You were on that? I was on that. If you haven't seen who are these broadcasters, Baylon Dupree, my ex-girlfriend, was on with Howie Mandel. And so Christian pulled a bunch of clips that came out and talked to the guys about that.

Okay. Sounds like a blast. You know what time of it is, Carl? It's probably cop cam time, I guess. I can't wait to see Carl's Cockcam. Fight with the cops for no reason. Will you please show me, cause Cockham. Lose all your rights.

Ruin your life. I generally don't respond to the first. reach at but it's Hellraiser so I'm going to. Oh shit. I didn't know he used that. It's not even his joke. No shit. It's not his joke. No fucking. It's no one's joke. Finger painting on your period. Everyone can come up with that one.

Three fucking separate people walked up to me and did the fucking Walmart a Rand Target joke. Yesterday. That's crazy. I couldn't believe it. I kept looking at Tommy every time somebody did it and I was like, believe this shit. Yeah, someone in the chat saying no super tip. Yeah, we're having a submission to a super tip today.

It's so. Don't bring it up, but he gets very upset. If anybody's wondering what I was so fucking annoyed and flustered by. All right. Here we go, Carl. We'll get it figured out. It's time for a cop cam. All right.

So thank you to Boner Guy, 69. He sends in lots of great videos. He was upset because if you remember that video of that kid riding the motorcycle that we played on the bonus episode, which, by the way, the bonus that we did on Friday, It was fantastic. It was three different cop cam videos. So we just did a cop cam extravaganza. And I played a clip of some guy who was like taunting the police on his motor.

He was like at 19? Yeah, 19 years old on a crotch rocket, just fucking going 130 miles per hour. That helicopters are following him as a whole thing. Across three counties. Yeah, yeah. And two helicopters. Yep, two different helicopters. The mom shows up.

He's like, maybe he didn't know that you guys were pursuing him. Maybe he had no idea. Maybe you guys should have approached him nicer. Yeah, she's like he's got that helmet on. He can't see what's going on, you know, probably. Did you guys offer him apple slices? Because he likes those. If you just said we have some apple slices, he probably would have just pulled right over.

Did you give me his juice box? So anyway, Boner Guy sent that one to me, too, when he was mad. I didn't give him credit because someone else said it to me. Well, Boner Guy, I think you did a great job. I love Bonar Guy. He sent this one into me, and it starts with a robbery of an adult store. Clip one. In Tulsa, Oklahoma on May 30, 2025, officers respond to the adult entertainment store,

Hustler Hollywood after they reported a strong-armed robbery. Hello. How are you? Hi. What's going on? Thank you. I'm a lot. I was told Hustler for a different reason right now.

I got beat up. Well, no, you're not kidding. I mean, she's hard. I got a stretch twice, but I'm all right. Okay. According to the staff, the incident began when a woman brought over $700 worth of items to the counter, and they noticed she appeared to have store merchandise stuffed in her pockets. She also had a lingerie set tucked down the back of her pants, claiming it was a pat because she pissed herself earlier today.

Good story. She came back here and tried to grab all the stuff off the ground and just walk out with it. We wouldn't let her do it. So she got pissed off and hit me in the face over here. They also claim she hit a customer with a high-heeled boot from one of the displays. She struck him twice. She served me a couple times. And then tried to mow him down in our parking lot.

Jesus Christ. It's some cramps for this. That woman needed a butt plug bad. Yeah, right. The best part about this video is that this woman is pregnant and she wanted the store to sponsor her baby shower. So she wrote out her name and address and headed it to them. Hey, if you guys want to sponsor my baby shower, yeah, get in touch with me. Here you go.

I have a question. Yeah. Why would anyone sponsor a baby shower? She's stupid. Got it. So they catch up to. Daveyona while she's driving down the highway, after they hear about what she was up to at Hustler Hollywood.

And this is the traffic stop. Okay. According to police records, she cut across four lanes of traffic before he initiated the traffic stop. Oh, man, I'm also right. Okay, what do I do? The reason I stops you is, you got an improper land change. I kept my name off the phone for twice a second.

Yeah. When he asks for an ID, Daviana shows him a photo of her suspended license. Not balanced. Well, I'm a nervous. Come up to you live there. There's a, uh, no, here's on the heavy dude. Okay.

Move up. Can I see a love store, please? What's that? The love store. It's a shit right there. The officer agrees and follows Daviana to a nearby business called the Love Store, another adult entertainment shop just off the highway. What is this cop doing?

What, I'm also, what's up with this town that they're in? That there's like, I've been to sex stores before. These things are fucking jubes. gigantic sex stores. It's not just like some perverse looking at videotapes at the corridor. These are like megastores for some reason. It's just like Horny Town? Is that what this is?

It's a hornytown USA. Okay. Apparently. She showed him a picture of a suspended license. Yep. And she's like, can I just drive over there? She's like, yeah, it's fine. Sure.

We'll add that to the charges later. Does she just a nurse, Minnie? She should be let go. You know, I got pulled over recently. Did you really? Yeah. And the cop goes. What were you doing, math?

Yeah, I was high. I had my supply out on the dashboard, open containers, driving very fast. And the cops like, sir, we're going to have to ask you to step out of the vehicle. And I said, oh, no, no, no, no, I'm a podcaster. And they went, my apology, sir, have a great day. Wow. Yeah. It's amazing what this profession does.

And they treated a nurse like this. Right. They don't go fuck about nurses. They just care about us podcasters. Well. We are necessary. I remember during the pandemic. Yeah.

Essential. Essential is the word. You're an essential worker. I'm an essential worker. This woman has to pee. Great. Okay. What I have you do is just wait by the front corner of the car there.

I'll be right back. But he barely makes it into his cruiser before he realizes that Daviana has gone inside the store. You don't want to sponsor my baby shower? Debianna. Stay out here. Stay out here. Stay out here. Babiana, come outside.

I'm going to get a cold up and leases charge. You can hold it in for a few minutes. No, I'm pregnant. I cannot hold in. I have a small bladder. Wait by the car. I'm about to be outside. I got to be outside.

Leave. Stay out of the car. Stay out of the car. Hey, sir, close father on the phone. Get on the car. No. No. No.

Excuse me. No. No. Throw the beer out? No, I'm going to open the door. No, it's okay. I can be outside. Do not me handle me.

You are not free to go back in this car. I'll be back, baby. As Daviana goes back inside, the sound of a child crying reveals what she left in the back seat. Oh. A five-year-old daughter. Oh, no. There's a five-year-old in the back seat? So she went to the two sex stores with her five-year-old.

Yep. Yep. She's out of shopping spree. who's this five-year-old in the back seat. Good God. So another cop shows up, and they decide, like, all right, let's go in there and just arrest this bitch. Because we know that she was assaulting and robbing that other sex store. And she's, something's going on here.

So they go in to make the rest. Man, what is going on inside of this love store where they walk in? The two officers enter the store together to take Daviana into custody. Thank you. Hey, there. God, go ahead and put your phone in your pocket, please? No, I'm not asking. Put your phone in your pocket.

Daviana? Thank you. Turn around. No, why am I being arrested? Why am I being arrested? We will explain that? Why am I being arrested? Why should be arrested?

Why am I arrested? If you have not written to my friend, right, and I ain't a nurse. 21, 151, I've done nothing wrong. And my daughter is in the car. Okay. Minnie. She's a nurse. Yeah.

And they're going to arrest her? Yeah. I don't know if that's. And her baby, and her kid is in the car. I don't know if that's allowed. So you might have noticed You might have picked up on something so far I'm not sure if you have

This woman is a problem I can kind of tell You could always tell the problems Because they will always argue everything Oh yeah when you're like you're under arrest So I'm not I need you to stay by the car Nope nope

Just all that shit she's a problem Yep agreed so Great let's hear the explanation There's that assault Is that larceny And you drove your car forward towards the other person outside the building. That's a solid danger.

He literally attacked me. That is why you're... He attacked me. It was self-defense. I need to call my father. No. No. No, no, I'm not.

Let go of me. I'm not going to let go of me. I need to call my father. And I have a mental... And I'm bipolar schizophrenic too. So that checks out. Yep. Bipolar, schizophrenic. By the way, bipolar?

I know a lot of people like that. Schizophrenic is probably the thing to lead with. Sure. I believe it, too. It's an adjective. Bipolar is an adjective to the schizophrenic. It's true. Bipolarage.

Schizophrenic. Yeah. All right. So, obviously, there's a five-year-old in the car. The police have to worry about that. And we learn there's other things in the car as well. Backup arrives and checks on the five-year-old girl left in the backseat, where she's sitting alongside two small puppies.

No, my daughter's in my car. What's a lady is. What your puppies are here? Mom's okay, okay? She's okay. We just have to talk great to that was the one of them, right? Mom said we were going to the sex store. Why are you here?

I was supposed to get a dildo. It's my birthday. My puppy. Why? It's a blue. Oh, my God. There's two puppies and a five-year-old in the back seat. And by the way, the five-year-old is just like sitting in a seat.

Oh, my God's how you're supposed to drive around with children. Or dogs. Or dogs, for that matter. Well, this woman can't sit down in the concrete, even though they wanted to. just sit down in the parking lot for a very specific reason. Hey, sir, a father on speakerphone. Where you going? Stop it.

Where are you going? Let me go. That's my daughter back there. Let me go. I have a nurse. Now, let me go. Then you don't know not to behave like this. Seriously.

All right. You'll have me arrest in front of my daughter. All right. Play the nice club. That's the thing I wanted to get to. Okay. Let me give me up. I cannot show the girl.

I can get hemorrhoids. No. Let me the f***. I can get hemorrhoids. I'm not sitting on the classroom. I'm not sitting on my brain. No, let me go. Let me go.

Let me go. Imagine childbirth when you have hemorrhoids. I can only picture. So she doesn't want to sit down to the concrete because you can get hemorrhoids. What the hell is it supposed to be? What the fuck is. All right. So, Minnie, maybe she is a nurse.

She knows how you get him, I guess. That's true. That is how that happens. So, Vinny, you and I watch a lot of copcams together. We sure do. And one of the things that we really enjoy is resisting arrest. It always works out very well for the person. Don't tell me they tase a pregnant lady.

This is no exception. Okay. Do you mind getting off my foot, please? No, let me go. Okay. You want me off your foot? Are you kidding me right now? Let me.

Let me. You do not. That's your problem. No, let me go. Don't you. I'll do it again. You better stop. I'll do it again.

You better not. Let me go. Say goodbye to mommy. I'm a little scared. No. No, no, I'm not. I'll get steroids. She's still yelled about getting amorrhoids.

She just bit the cop's hand. She, like, got a meaty bite, too. That was not good. The second you see her leaning down like that, you got to move your hand, officer. And then she threads to do it again. It's like, no, no, no, ma'am. This is a very bad. decision.

Yeah, you got to tase this baby out of her. I don't think it's going to help her self-defense argument. Remember before when they're like, yeah, well, you assaulted those people at that other sex shop? And she's like, oh, no, no, they came after me. Well, based on what we're seeing here, it seems like you're maybe the aggressive. Well, you don't feel like that was clearly self-defense? No.

Oh, okay. I didn't see that at all. Okay. So they have to transport her off of the concrete because, you know, the hemorrhoids. Let's see how they do that. I will fall him over. I'm pregnant, and my bed goes low. The officers moved Aviana to the grass and attempt to keep her restrained on her side.

Sure. Good choice. So they pick her up and drag her over to the grass, drop her down. And she is still fighting. At this point with this woman, I wouldn't care if Opie came along and cake stomped her stomach. Fuck this woman. So they had to put one of those spit hoods at her because, you know, she's biting. Sure. And she's still fighting. Clipton. Did she actually bite me?

Yeah, I got her off. I got her for reciprocal. You get all that shit. Yep. That bitch just say she had AIDS. Get my back. Oh, you're going to go to jail to hell. Oh, you're really going to help.

Do you ever play with your mom's phone? You know the code to get in there by chance? Oh, my goodness. I'm going to call G-Paw, okay? Look at you so smart. So the other guy's like, hey, can you open up your mom's phone? Oh, thank you very much. Appreciate that.

So they call... What a helpful little kid. Yeah, that was very helpful. So they call G-Paw, her dad, the daughter's grandfather, to come and get the daughter because this woman going to jail. And the fact that she thinks that the cops are going to jail is very funny. As she's telling them, like, oh, you guys are in a lot of trouble. Are we?

Oh, I got rid. Careful, she will bite. What do you need? Okay, so careful that she keeps biting. So watch your fingers down there. I just want to get this out of it. There you go. So she's completely wrapped up at this point.

Yeah. They put the shackles on, and now they have her completely restrained so she cannot move. And she's still feisty. She's still trying to push through it. So this is one of those situations. where when you tell someone to relax, they're just not going to relax. Right.

Like, this is a bipolar schizophrenic we heard, telling her to calmed out and stop doing something. Probably isn't going to help. Well, you would think at some point, reality would send it to any, be like, I'm not going to win this battle. You know? You have better luck for just falling asleep. So they decided to search the vehicle, and let's find out what they find, especially all of these stolen items from sex shops that's in there. Yeah, this might be something. stuff. I'll break it over there. It's got some like laundry here.

Okay, that's probably going to be it. And that'll be open container. According to police records, the bottle of pre-mixed margarita was sitting in the front seat cup holder and it's half empty, leading them to assume Daviana may be under the influence. Maybe. This all has tags on it.

Oh, yeah. That might be from it. Oh, there you go. I'll tell you that's where it's well. I mean, is that a bottle? The fucking cup. That's a full bottle. Yes. Yeah. We bring but this is all like more like cosmetic stuff too so like you said that she probably just shoved that in this bag

the officers also find a pair of fuzzy black handcuffs and what appears to be a bright pink vibrator Davianna's father soon arrives to collect his granddaughter and the two puppies who the officers note are surprisingly calm it's not like weed those weed prongs everywhere so this bitch is pregnant driving around with a five-year-old and two cute little puppies drinking and smoking weed.

Yes. She's doing the old hotboxing. No, what's the term when you're in the car and you keep the windows rolled up? It's a hot box. So she's getting like the daughter stone. The dog's just like, eh. You can't get dog stone.

Dog's like, hey, officer. Why, have you tried? Well, no, like if dogs ingest weed, they, like, trip out. They don't fucking chill out. Oh, okay. Well, these dogs are chill for some reason. So, yeah, she's smoking weed,

drinking, driving around, and they find a lot of shit in the car. So she's in the ambulance now, and she's letting to know that she might fly off the handle if this continues. No! No! No, if you don't fucking do it, I'm a fucking trip. Now! You are a year?

Oh, now! No! I'm at 50%. You don't want me to get $1,000! 950 more to go! That's a threat right there. Oh, you're going to get crazier? Okay, cool.

That'll be fun. So bring her to the hospital. She finally calms down, which is nice. And you know what, Vinnie? You were talking earlier about how you're on the golf course yesterday and guys are telling any jokes. Yep. Well, she's got some jokes of her own.

Okay. I need to get the fuck up out of you. I need to get to let go to the quiz, and I'm so far as $500 million or $4 to God. I hope y'all got it. Let me go. Now I'll figure it. about a billion, but I settle for 500 billion.

Eventually, Daviana appears more relaxed as she asks one of the officers if he'd like to hear a joke. Okay, shut up. How did the hamper? How come there aren't any wall bars in Iran? No, it's not that one. Okay. How did the hamburger use his wife? How did the hamburger use his wife?

Tea patty. Okay. All right. Why most her gaze ain't our time? It's because when they talk their way and wild, when they leave the table, crowds in your park that's not funny to you either oh you son

it's not terrible the hurricane joke's not terrible how'd you feel about meat patty I didn't like it said peace so after that she tries to bite a security officer who's sitting next to her and so

they sedate her they actually like shoot her up with something, but it takes a minute. Let me go on my face. I'm so without y'all. The nurse administers a sedative, but it isn't immediately effective. I'm bleeding. My baby's dying.

Let go on me. Let's go on me. I can take this as a promise. When I see on the street, you're dead. Second time. That's good. I killed my name and daddy too. What's up?

Stabbed him 22 times and got away with it. Moor. What you got to? Yeah, I sure am. Let me. I can help you out with some shackles if you got... Let me go. We have them already on it.

Can you... Let me go. She's in the hard. Her leg just secured. Let me get you. Yeah. Let me go. I'm killing all you all.

All you got a death waste. That was 15, right? Yeah. Okay. So, um, it turns out the officers are all sitting in the hallway and they're talking. And they're like, yeah, yeah. She claims that she was, uh, smoking weed and taking fentanyl. But then we all...

also found, like, heroin and crack. This woman's on all of the drugs. Did she murder her baby daddy? She just claimed she did. Yeah, I'd look into that, too, if I were that. Murder this guy, I said. I like the way that guy goes, yeah, I've been threatened. My life's been threatened twice today.

You're not scaring me, bitch. So I think the last guy was the charges, right? Yeah. I want to stealing vibrators on our watch. According to court documents, 26-year-old Daviona Lee Robinson was searched with misdemeanor larceny. assault with a dangerous weapon, three counts of assault and battery on a police officer, child endangerment, and driving under the influence of drugs.

She pleaded guilty in July of 2025 and received a seven-year deferred sentence. But that sentence was later accelerated following an incident in October that resulted in new charges. In February of 2006, she pleaded guilty in a new case to grand larceny, obstructing an officer, transporting an open container, and failure, to use a child restrained. She was sentenced to 18 months in the Department of Corrections, along with two concurrent six-month Tulsa County jail sentences, with credit for time served.

Keep this woman away from that child. How the fuck is that all she got? It's wild, isn't it? That's insane. She's biding a police officer? She's driving around in an absolutely insanely dangerous way. Yeah. High on fentanyl, drunk, assaulting people.

It's probably not even fun to drive on fentanyl. Probably not. Yeah. Feels like it'd be too much work. You know, Vinnie, I've never tried fentanyl. If anyone wants to send it to me, who are these dot com? You can get our PO box. Carl, don't do it.

I believe it's Super Chat Tuesday. I believe it. Vinny actually cared about me for a second. That was cute. Well, you were nice to me earlier. Thank you. Rock or B, 2002. Thanks for the Fiverr.

The love store must be the most original name for a sex store I've ever heard. Poof, yeah, it's pretty generic. A little, little things to the 499. Vinny, can you book Ronnie Babes at your club? It would be great content. I may even fly in to see that. The WATP audience would sell it out. Yeah, should we get Ronnie Babes here?

So if I offered Ronnie Babes something, he would never take it because OPEE would fucking flip out. That's true. I mean, do you have, what, Lewis J. Gomez coming up in the Rickles room? You got Big J. O'Cerson coming off the roast of Kevin Hart. And then we got Ron Berman. Just added Chris DeStefano. Chris DiStefano's coming in.

Yeah. Holy shit. That's awesome. Yeah, we got a good lineup the rest of the year, right? It's pretty good. You actually have a lot of a big guest coming in, including Doug Benson. Who knew he was still doing stand-down? Dude, should I just pull up the schedule for everybody?

It's actually a really good schedule. There's a lot of good comics coming down. It really blew my mind when DeStefano took it. That's awesome. We got Kevin Smith coming up at the end of the year, too. My brother's going to that. I was talking to him the other day about it. Man, Rock Or B, thanks for the Fiverinny.

Spends more time in the. the sand of David Hasselhoff. Bits, said pieces, bits and pieces. I get it because he was a life card on that show. Yeah, I get it. One more just came in, Vinny. Oh, good. Oh, look at this.

$10. Red Jared C. 1471. Thanks for the tenor. I hear you, Vinny. But my sweet girl, Ivy, used to be a relentless pothead. She used to be indifferent to human food unless there was weed oil in it. Then there was no stopping her. Miss you, bitch.

Here's the thing. A vet told me this. that if like a dog eats weed, they get like trippy and weird. They don't get like calm. So that's what I'm going off of. Who do bets and know about anything? I don't know.

That's what I'm going off of. I would just recommend maybe not getting your dog high. Just let them live their dog life. They're happy animals. But you can put a cat in a pillowcase and blow your hits out into that, right? Correct. Correct. That chills them out before you throw them over the bridge.

It's not true. You can fly, Fluffy. More of that in a moment. We're getting there. We are our voicemail segment. The creepoff voicemail segment is brought to you by the city of Syracuse. The Taste of Syracuse is this week. And trust us, you won't be able to get the taste out of your mouth for months.

See you in Syracuse. Oh, boy. You know, I drove through Syracuse this past. weekend and as fast as you could the place looks like shit still yeah they haven't fixed up a goddamn construction it sucks so bad it's so gross i hate it my least favorite place in uh new york and new york city's in new york if someone if iran decided to come over and bomb syracuse it wouldn't even make the news that's how you make syracuse great again it's just if iron bombs it i'm kidding woody and ronie get out quick woody and ronie we love boys fucking

prophet here, Holy Spirit is speaking through them. Then you call him bullshit. You cheatin, motherfucker. First, you're not fucking actually doing consequences. Cheating, not, you know, doing crappy loopholes. Yep. And now you're fucking not even bringing a

I have a nursing license. I don't care if he was hired. What you brought was a... Okay. That's why you're a loser. If that's the technicality that everybody was hung up on, I would argue with you that this person was so devious they knew that if they actually got the nursing license and took that job that they would have gotten caught quicker.

We're arguing with voicemailers now? What are you talking about? Yes. Yes. I have a voice about. You people are dumb. I have a voice spell for. You're so stupid.

This message is for the creepos. Yeah. Veterans Day is when you thank veterans. Memorial Day is for those who gave the ultimate sacrifice and died, Vinnie. Just thought you should know the difference So you can distinguish between the two You don't thank veterans on Memorial Day Anyway, that's coming from a United States Marine

Veteran Thank you. He told me it pissed them off And people used to say that So yeah, just the heads up For next year. See ya, fuckers. Yeah, Vinnie, fucking learn Sorry, everybody for thanking all of them at once. What a piece of shit I am.

You don't talk to on Memorial. day. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I actually dodged the bullets. I got out of the way. I prefer the ones that survive. Okay. Is that what Trump said? Yeah. About what's his nuts? I like the ones who didn't get captured. A piece of shit thing to say. Hey, you guys. This is Garberist here. Y'all are talking about creepiest listener. And although I don't really want to submit myself, I will submit someone who is almost me. There's, you There's a criminal in the neighboring county of mine that has the same full name and full date of birth as me. Your name is Matthew Lewinsky?

Let's just say he likes to drink and drive. This guy's been arrested seven times for DWIs, and I have gotten my license suspended twice because of him. Thankfully, I have, like Carl, I have good lawyers, and they get my license reinstated every time. So thank you fucking bye. Are you fucking kidding me? Move to it somewhere else. The arborist. Jesus Christ.

You have to shoot that other guy. Yeah, you have to get rid of him. Because then they'll arrest him. Yeah. It'll be called suicide. I don't know. I'm not sure. You know what you ought to do is just pay to change the guy's name.

Offer him a case of beer. We're going to go down to the courthouse. Uh-oh. Do we just freeze up? It looks like we did. Fuck. Are we still alive? Are we still alive?

I was going to say, or tell him that John Melinda is his father, and then he'll change his name. Ah. I can do it. Carl, solving problems. Yep. All right, here we go. This is a category suggestion from our pal Blackbread. Blackbread here.

Creepiest man with a van. Thank you very much. Goodbye. That's pretty good. Creepiest guy with a van. That's a good idea. You know, someone else suggested we pick the crime. Have we ever done that?

Well, I guess we have done that, right? Yeah, many times. Serial killer or whatever? Yeah, we've done that. Yeah, we've done that many times. Hey, dude, your backup voice coach called. Oh, cool. Hello, Carl.

This is your backup voice coach is understudy. So I got two words for you today. The first word, this one's a little tricky because it's not pronounced the way it's spelled, but it's Bayer County, Bayer County, Texas. Only a few million people live there. No one's going to get mad if you say. that one wrong. The other one,

now this is why I am disappointed in you. You played a clip where someone said the name of this city and you still said it wrong. It's Kerrville, Texas. Thank you, fuck you bye. Sorry. I'll do better. So I got to tell you, man, we're

catching up on a lot of voicemails today. We got another one coming in. Hey guys. You know what pisses me off is when I'm in the bathroom, right, I have to the bathroom at work and then all the stalls are taken up by a bunch of guys whose asses are apparently welded shut because they're sitting there for like fucking 15 minutes while I'm waiting for just one to open up. Right.

Creepiest bathroom creep. Creepiest person in the bathroom. You know where people like going to a bathroom and actually just shit is airports. No one's lallygagging at the airport. Like everyone's actively shitting in that fucking room. That is true. Yeah. And it's all because, you know, you'd rather do it down there than up there.

Well, I would rather you do it down there than up there, too. So thank you. Have you never shit in an airport? I've shit in an airport. I don't prefer it, but I've never shed on the airplane. Oh, God. If you did that, you're an animal. Yeah.

I mean, listen, if it happens, it happens. But I've never done it. Uh, here we go. Yo, it's the woke van Detroit. I just want to say that, uh, Carl, when you pulled out a fake celebrity to be scammed by, you pulled out left Claypool. That's all I did to know that you suck. Have good day.

And don't come to school tomorrow. Bye. Privist sucks. How dare you, sir. Good point, guys. Hey, guys. I have a consequence idea. So the loser has to listen

to the worst comedy album of all time. Make America and Nate again. Unkey, the Bologna slicer. It's a real comedy album, a butcher, a deli guy, you know, released a comedy album back in, I think, the 70s. It's called Unkey Dunky the Bullion.

baloney slicer. It's the worst. It's worse than Suttering John. It's worse than Ray DeVito. It's worse than Ray DeVito. That's the consequence. You have to, you have to listen to the Unkey, Dunkie the Bologna Slicer album. That's a pretty good album. Have you heard it? Do you know about this? Well, no, Unkey Dunkie Donkey. He was always cutting it up. Bits and pieces. Oh, yeah. That guy was to something me said about Unkey Donkey too. This person really wants us to check out Unkey Dunkin' Donkey. I'm going to listen to Unkey Donkey. I'm going to find out what the deal is with that. Worst than Ray DeVito. Wow. Hmm. Huh. Can't even imagine.

Like riding a bicycle or right at what? Murdering prostitutes? He's great at that. He's good at that. He's good at that. All the other things is the problem. I just got a cease and desist in my text. From who?

Ray DeVito. How did he get your number? I texted with him from time to time. Oh, that's nice. He doesn't have mine. Um, I think that it is time for a scum parade, Carl. It's time for us to listen. You know what I like about that song?

I mean, the scum parade is like pretty ridiculous shit that we cover. Sure. And I like that he sounded jaywalking. So you imagine if we covered a jaywalker in the scum parade. That'd be embarrassing for us. Silly. That'd be a silly thing to do, which is why I found that funny. Carl, I didn't do an ounce of research on this first story.

I just enjoyed this video so fucking much. I brought it to share with everybody. Okay. This is why it's very important. You know, I know that they jack up the prices whenever you go into a, when you're dealing with funeral directors and stuff like that, stuff's very expensive. It's ridiculous.

You're like, I got to spend how much for that casket? It's just going to be buried in the ground and decinerate. Right. And usually you get away with it. But sometimes you just don't, Carl. Sometimes you can cheap out on stuff and other times you can't. This is a funeral, I believe. Where is this, Carl?

Florida. Somewhere in Florida, I'll say palm trees. Guyana. Oh, Guyana. Do you know where Guyana is? Africa? Nope. Where? It is a fake country that does not exist.

No, it's actually next to Columbia in South America. Okay. Who knew? Here we go. Don't put it just back on top of the person. They just laid it down on top of this person, Carl. The bottom gave out. This fucker fell out of the bottom of their casket.

It's hilarious. It was made out of cereal boxes. And yes, I did not say disintegrate correctly. I knew it immediately, but thank you in the chat. Look at this thing. You're letting me know. Yeah, what the fuck is that made out of? That a dead body would just fall through the bottom of it.

It's blue cardboard. I have to, be honest, if I'm a pallbearer. I didn't sign up for, like, putting it back in. That's not my job. I just carry the thing. I like how the guy from the cemetery service is just standing back here by the limo, Like the funeral director is just hanging out by there. He drove, but he opened up the thing.

He's like, all right, it's your problem now, everybody. You thought this was Florida? I don't know. It seems like something that would happen there. There's really shitty parts of Florida, Carl. Cape Coral. Shut the fuck up. Cape Coral is beautiful.

This happened at Cape Coral. This is actually one of the canals right here. This bridge. The house is very nice. You can see it in the background of this video. So I think this is AI Slash. That's the 7-11. I don't think this actually happened.

I think it's fake. This absolutely did happen. Because that country is not real. and everything I just said was made up. None of this is real. What are you talking about? There's a South America. Okay.

If you say so. Is that your new joke? Are you just going to do that instead of New Mexico? Yes. Perfect. Do you think that works better? Oh, whoa. Slow down there, maestro.

There's a New Mexico? Empty Daily says, I need that video. Happens more than you think. He's a funeral director, I believe. That's right. Yeah, he does know about that. Yeah. How often does that happen?

How often does that happen? Stop selling those, whatever brand casket that is. Stop doing that. Yep. There's the 7-Eleven back there. There's Carl's house. That's so embarrassing. They just left it there.

They just put it like it's propped up on the purse of 10. Nothing to see here, folks. Wow. There's not good crap at shit. Oh, man. All right. Well, let's talk about some real creeps, Carl. This is a fun.

We're going down to Florida. You think this guy might be guilty? Yes. Well, you're right. A Florida homeless maid was arrested outside of a Taco Bell, Carl. He was wearing three pairs of pants all pulled down around his ankles with his dick hanging out. That's a good style. Unemployee of the restaurant called the cops on the pervert just before 1 a.m.

Friday when he became clear the deranged man wasn't taking his orders to go. He kept trying to get into the store. The guy's name is Brandon Arrasi. He's 28 years old. And horny. He was very horny. When the deputies arrived to arrest him, they found a live pet fish swimming in a plastic container in his backpack

that he was just carrying around with him. He's a homeless guy, just wandering around with his pet fish and his dick out. Yep. And what's so annoying about this story, there's a lot of things annoying about this story, the way it's written. But what's so annoying about the story is that they decided to rescue this fish. Yeah.

They found it a good home. who gives a shit about a goldfish? Why are we wasting resources on this? You know they just flushed it in the Taco Bell bathroom, right? I hope they did, because what the fuck? Who cares? Should have been a fish taco. Yeah, I mean, the people of Taco Bell is like, don't waste good meat.

I have to say, jerking off and eating Taco Bell is the end of a lot of my nights. So I get that part of it. But I do both things at home. Yeah. Thank God, because, boy, the smell. Right. Dear God. Are my come or Taco Bell?

Your pick. That combination. That combination specifically. Got it. Yeah. Yep. Yep. That's a building in the Bronx, Carl.

By the way, everyone in that story was having way too much fun. That stupid Taco Bell story. Yeah. There's a lot of puns in it. A lot of puns. And the question is, was he convicted or did he get off? Come on. I heard he ran for the border.

Did he get off? That's the worst joke. Thank you. A heartless Bronx man, Carl, through his family's cat to its death from a high-rise building 15 stories up. Not a smart move. You know, you could probably kill your cat in any other way and not get in trouble for it. There's the microwave.

Right. Blender. Blender. Yep. There's the old-fashioned hammer. Plastic bags. Don't kill animals, people. My point is this.

Don't do it. What's wrong with you? If there's one thing that John Melendez has taught me, it's that you should kill your cats behind closed doors and not like make it public to everyone. As soon as you throw it out the window, that becomes like a public interest story. A poor little black cat named Shadow scratched its owner Miguel Perez who grabbed the family's cat and flung it out the window. Yep.

The cat fucking straight up splatted on the pavement, everybody. And he was arrested on charges of aggravated cruelty to animals and torturing and injuring animals. So my stance on this is really simple. If you are in a situation where you have to throw a cat out the window like that, take the collar off. Oh, smart. You don't want them to be able to know which window it came from.

Listen, there's two things you shouldn't throw out windows. Cats and Scarlet Hampton. That's what I've learned from the Dabbleverse. Somebody threw Scarlet Hampton out of window? Yeah. Or maybe she jumped. It's unclear. It's fine.

Is she okay? I think she's pregnant. She says she's pregnant. I think Ethan Ralph is due for another illegitialial. legitimate kid if he okay I don't know okay okay I don't know uh Jim tells you thanks for the 10 bucks you guys are really missing out on the latest locale he's the Australian quartering Baring just did a video and he's like S.J. Tomlinson tow all rolled into one threats lies delusions and oh he's online what's his name you

you forgot the best part here's what you do sir thanks Jim tells you send us another ten dollars put his name in that one and we'll definitely look it out look it Look it up. I'm sorry. I'm still thinking about that window. Right. Just thinking about that poor cat. Poor little shadow.

Either way, Carl, let's move on to Louisville. This story is interesting. It started off with the Reddit post. Possible serial killer in Louisville read the title on December 21st, 2025 on the R-Slas-Louisville subreddit, which went to claim a friend of the Louisville Metro Police Department told the poster, that he overheard homicide detectives talking about multiple killings of unhoused people near the I-65 interstate with symbols drawn near their bodies. DeVito! Fucking Ray!

He's moved away from the I-81. Days later, the Louisville Metro Police found the body of a homeless man with his genitals and eight toes cut off in a wooden area near I-65 with symbols carved into their body. Okay. Now, the victim's name was Michael Howard. Like I said, symbols were carved into his body, eight of his toes are gone. Not a great scene. The day before, another man survived a stabbing nearby. Police had no witnesses, no suspects, and no connection between these two incidents.

The break came from the street. Detectives canvassing a homeless individuals heard repeated accounts of a younger white male in tactical gear attacking people. One officer remembered a man matching that description to approach an unrelated traffic call the previous June. He pulled body cam footage, got an address, and got the name, Michael Hurstoff, who's 21 years old. From there, it unraveled pretty quick, Carl. Cell phone records business security footage placed Hurstov at the scene of Howard's murder. A search of his home turned up a backpack with Howard's blood on it.

And an I-Cow account connected a photo of what appeared to be Howard's severed toe. Not to mention the IP address of the computer came directly that posted on Reddit came directly from his house. So Reddit does more than just provide all the content for this little piggy. Yep. Interesting. helps catch fucking douchebags who decided to post on it. Yeah. So the fact that he posted that really didn't help that it was tied to his home IP address, as I said. So police also found when they searched out a bunch of Nazi and white supremacist shit.

Investigators described her stuff as someone who rarely left the house, had a history of animal abuse and was fascinated with serial killers. He idolized mass shooters and had made statements about hunting homeless people. See, guys like this, like the rest of us look. bad, you know? So the FBI is still investigating the scope of his online activity, but he was indicted by a grand jury on May 13th, murdering the first degree. So when the cops showed up, he ran away and he fired officers from inside his house hitting neighborhood homes, vehicles, and a police drone deployed into the house. At one point, he called 911, and he told them, my name is Michael Hurstoff. I'm having a shootout with the SWAT team. I'm not surrendering. I'm

going to die. He added, I'm not here to kill SWAT officers. I'm here to get shot by them. Okay. After a 20-minute standoff, he came onto the porch with a gun to his head, and the SWAT team did us a favor and ended it all for him. Very good. So the closing line from the police officers press conference said, I think we saved a lot of lives of other people in this community, and they're probably right. So RIP, Michael Hurstoff, rotten, wherever the fuck it is, you are now. Stop making us other Nazis look bad. I hope you have a shitty cardboard blue casket like this one. Easy.

Oh, shit. Dude, they just said it down. What would you do? I don't know what I would do. I'd probably get in my car and leave. I like this guy over here is just standing there with his hands on his tips. Yeah. What are we going to do here?

Also, beige is not a good color for a funeral asshole. I have a black hat on, though. That's not. Well, we got one more super chat coming in from Lillowl. How about Creepiest Trucker? Should be a deep well. We just did a creepiest trucker episode not too long ago. We did.

You could find that on our YouTube channel. You know what else? Truckers are not great. You could find out our YouTube channel, Carl? What's that? The membership option. Because if you're a member, you're going to get a bonus episode coming up this Friday. Speaking of bonus episodes, I'm going to be doing a bonus episode for the WATP YouTube members,

as well as our Patreon members and supercast members. That's going to start in about two and a half hours. I'm doing a living in the past with Senator John Melinda's episode with producer Chris and Jenny Jingles. See, that makes me happy because I'm going to be in the office doing busy work tomorrow.

That means I'll be able to listen to it and enjoy it. Guy Fietti was the guest on John and Tammy Pasquitelli show. So you can only imagine how deuce chilling that's going to be. Do you think that John thinks that guy is a lesbian during this? You might ask some weird questions about that. Who knows? I got nothing. need got out of here. I gotta go. I gotta go. Bye. Bye. It's nice to be important. It's more

important to be nice. Good gear.