The Creep Off - Episode 317: A Long Trip Down a Dirt Road

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Pride Month rolls on, and this week Karl & Vinnie are celebrating by nominating the Creepiest "G"! Who will earn this prestigious and completely unwanted title? We'll be digging through another collection of all-around pieces of garbage to determine which "G" is the worst of them all! In this installment of Karl’s Cop Cam, we meet a teacher/wine enthusiast who needed more booze! In the Scum Parade, we meet an office hero who took a stand, an amateur magician and a reminder to keep your pets on a leash Don’t forget to vote for who brought the biggest creep at patreon.com/thecreepoff.  Check out this week’s scum parade stories here: South Carolina Detective Charged After Pulling Gun on Officer Over Fish in MicrowaveWoman 'smuggled full bottle of Pinot Grigio into prison inside her vagina' - Daily StarMan hurled boy down ravine after his dogs killed him: AGWoman Gets 18 Years After Throwing Dynamite at Sleeping Boyfriend, Blowing Off His Hand The score is currently Vinnie 0 - Karl 0 – Guest 4 Want more of the madness? Support the show on Patreon, Supercast to snag exclusive merch and get an extra bonus episode every week!Don’t forget you can leave us a voicemail at 585-371-8108You can follow our results girl Mahalia @mahellllyeahYou can follow our Results girl Danni on Instagram @Danni_Desolation

You're listening to the Carl Network. If you're a kid, don't get on here, okay? See, that's how you do a disclaimer, okay? You tell the kids to get out to fuck off the damn page. Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want.

Sensation, horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo. What the hell is he supposed to be? Disgusting, vomit-inducing thing. Ola creepos, welcome to another episode, not just any episode, another edition of our Pride Month celebration episode. It's the creep off. I'm your host.

My name is Vinny. And there's my co-host, Hot Cucca, Carl. What is happening up the room, baby? What is happening, Vinnie Paulino? Good to see you, my friend. Happy Pride Month, everybody. Hope you're all out there celebrating, having a good time and not bothering anybody. Big one today, Carl.

Creepiest G. That's right. We did L's last week. We'll find out how we did momentarily. And now we're on to the G's. Like we do every year for Pride, we celebrate the LGBTIQIA plus community. We also got a cop cam coming up. I believe we have a very drunk lady.

Yes, we do. Always fun. Yes, she's a. very drug. It's the best guide. Yep. And you know, we've got a scum parade in your voicemail, so stick around for that. And if you don't know how the show works, it is a contest. We and I both compete to find the biggest creep

in a certain category. You guys watch us present our creeps, and then you go to Patreon.com slash the creep off and vote for who you thought brought the biggest creep. We have our results, girl, tally those votes, and report back to us the next week. The winner gets a point. Once one of us gets to five points, we win the round. The other person has to spend the

dreaded wheel of consequences. I am on GamePoint today. I have four. Vinny has three. And let's find out who brought the biggest L. The creepiest L, I should say. Not the biggest L. Let's see.

He brought the creepiest owl. It just might be the biggest owl. Yes, that's my idea. She's back. On our alert. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Look at those things today.

They got bigger, right? Were you growing those in the last two weeks? What's going on? I thought they got smaller. I've been losing weight, so like, you know, that's the first thing to go for me. But that's awesome to hear. It's working. Vacation, did you wonders.

Welcome back. I know. God. Also, ladies who say, like, oh, if I lose weight, then I lose weight in my boobs. It's okay. Feel free. Still, you can just lose that weight. We're not going to complain about it, promise.

All is fine. There's ways to fix it. Now, now that Danny's here, I'm remembering. something but uh before we get to any of that we need results from last week do i live to fight another day or am i going to be spinning the wheel of consequences danny let us know is it a tie or does karl take the win this week okay sort of the biggest L with a score of four to three 60 percent of the vote went to karl hey oh no thank you to the kuz of ruse out there for uh voting for what's right.

I appreciate that. That means I win this round, Vinnie Paulino. That does. That means I'll be spinning the wheel of consequences. But I have just made an executive decision on how we handle the wheels because we now have the newly appointed keeper of the consequences. How yeah. Okay.

And she's the one who's taking track of your suggestions for consequences. We want to keep this wheel fresh. She couldn't be here with us today. She's going to be here with us next week. Okay. So what I want to do is I want to do is I want to. put up the email address where you could send your ideas for consequences to add to the wheel creep off consequence ideas at gmail.com those go directly to me hell yeah send your suggestions

next week i'm going to spin excellent i'm looking forward to that get some fresh consequences up there on that wheel i thought you'd appreciate that i do appreciate because it gives us a little more time to make things extra diabolical because one of these days i'm going to win one of these fucking things again yep keep telling yourself that i have You can do it, Vinny. You got to stay positive, Vinny. That's what it's all about. Well, you did it for so long.

Attitude is 90% of success. What's the other? I believe in him. Shut up, Danny. Shut the fuck up. Dude. You speak when spoken to. Danny, strip a point.

Strip a point. Give it to me. Strip a point. Give it to me. Or strip your shirt, whatever. Whatever you want to do. So hold on a second. Today we're doing creepiest G.

Creepiest L. Nobody voted for. The two ladies that figured each other over dead old ladies in a nursing home. I mean, some people voted for them. Not nobody. 40%. 40% off. God damn.

I missed last week's show because I was on vacation. So I'm sorry. That sounds disgusting, though. You know, you don't have to watch it live. We leave these up there. There's an RSS feed for the audio version. It's an audio podcast. You could just listen to it.

You know what you're laying on the beach. Right. I didn't listen to shit. I didn't listen to anything. Wow. I will tell you, though, if I could, I did something crazy. We went to Myrtle Beach. Okay.

Doesn't Anthony Coomia live in South Carolina? Very far from the coast, but yes. That sucks. Okay. I just remember that randomly. But do you know those like at like amusement parks? They have those rides where you like get in this like these little seats, like two little seats next to each other. And then they like launch you into the air.

Sure. Yeah. Like, um... You did one of those? I don't know if I'm... Yeah, I did one. And there's a video and my fiance bought it. Oh.

Because you can buy the fucking video. And I am like, I'm dead from how I did it by myself. I was trying to get my son to do it with me. It was not a good idea for him to have done it because it was awful. And I was having a terrible time. You have to send that to us. Yeah. Just email to me.

I think I will because it'd be funny to watch. honestly it was terrible it was so bad holy shit i want to see what happens when uh there's no gravity then there is gravity i want to see what's doing with that that's gonna be fun i had cleavage too so it was like why did i'm sold you know it's odd like it's zero gs and double d's baby let's do it to the the chat is blowing up right now slingshot baby chet is blowing up it's full c but okay we might get there I don't know. We'll see. I can't, I don't want to get fatter, though. It's hard. You're good. You're perfect right now. Perfect.

Oh, you're so sweet. Thank you. Of course, Danny. I have a question. Why did you want to know where Anthony Coobya lived? Sorry, that was just random. When we were going down there, I was like, talking to my fiancee about it. And I was just like, hey, doesn't Coomia live down here? Yeah, like, if him and Missy B like said to me, hey, can you come hang out for the weekend? You'd understand, right? Is that what you told? I was already, like, so, like, nervous to talk to you all. I couldn't imagine talking to either of them.

I would shit myself, probably. I don't know, freak out, cry. That would not be a good thing if, you know, you were trying to get into sexy time mode. If there was, like, shooting your pants, that'd be a big turnoff for me. I don't. Vinnie's into that, but I'm not. Vinnie was trying to get the trans ladies in Vegas to shit out of them. I was like, no.

What the fuck are you talking about? That didn't happen, everybody. That's a lie. That's a weird fetish with that. That's a complete lie. I denounce it. Complete lie. Complete lie.

I'm married man. I know. I'm just joking. No shit on Vinnie, please. Nobody wants it. Vinny doesn't want any shit on him. Yeah, it would have been Scarlet style if she had given Anthony anal after that. That's correct.

You know who I should have brought for a creepiest gay? Who's that? The dude Danny pegged. Oh, yeah. That old boyfriend of yours. I should have brought him. The guy with a tiny little nothing for a dick. Yeah, he had a little weaner.

I don't think many people know about that story because of the, it was like behind a paywall. It was a bonus episode. I don't know how many people saw it. Right. People should sign up. Sign up right here on this YouTube channel. Oh, no, don't tell it out here. No, no, no, no, no.

Sign up on this YouTube channel or go to Patreon.com slash the creep off. Danny did a tell-all with us that is wild. It was fucking crazy. I let out a lot. I like Danny a lot more now. Let's put it that way. Yes, of course Carl does. My pants get tight during these segments.

All right, Danny. Thank you so much. Where could everybody find you? You can find me at Danny Desolation on Instagram. And honestly, I'm going to start doing probably lives or something possibly on YouTube as well, which is, I don't know my fucking name on here. At Danny something. Okay. Don't do that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop safe. Okay. I think it's fun. We'll figure it out. We'll help you figure it. That'd be great. Yeah. I'd love for you to do some lives. Get some interaction with the fans out there. Yeah, I would love that. Maybe on a trampoline you could do the live video. That'd be a great idea. What if we sent you a trampoline? Would you do the results on jumping out of trampoline? I would, actually. That sounds hilarious and fun. I would.

She is not a woman who says no. I got to give it that. Expect a package from Amazon. If you get that story or the, what was it, a tell-all that I had, you will know. I don't say no to people I love or, you know, like, I guess, to X's. I never said, I don't say no to a lot. You are a crazy one. I agree.

That's a big line. All right, Danny. We'll see you soon. Be good. Thank you again. You look great. Can't wait to see your slingshot video. Send it our way.

And don't forget next week I will be spinning the wheel. Creepoff consequence ideas at gmail.com. Send them in. That's exciting. Don't be stingy. You know, this is exciting, Vinny? Big news yesterday. I don't even know what the show is about anymore.

That was great. Big news just came in yesterday. What happened? Woke Dad is back. Woke Dad has posted three or four new TikToks. Okay, so here's what I've been thinking about this. I have a theory. Yeah.

Because Woke Dad isn't the Creepoff Hall of Fame. He's back just in time for Pride Month. God bless him. Yep. And there's no more who are these socials. So this is perfect. I know. Carl, I think that what happened was, you know how all the time people were coming in and they were just like saying bigoted things? Then he was setting them straight. Yes. I think he just, that town is so small. He set everyone straight. He didn't have any report people to explain. No more conflicts. Well, it's funny.

Because he fixed it all. It's funny. It's funny. He comes back and he goes, I know I've been gone a long time, but for good reason. But I had to come back to tell you about this thing that just happened to me. So you never explains with the good reason. I'm guessing he was caught with CP. That'd be my guess. That's not a good reason to come back. Someone saw our Hall of Fame induction ceremony and did some investigating on him. That'd be my guess.

But the thing that he came back with, some woman said that he came from the, everyone gets a trophy generation. And that really threw him off. He was very upset about that. Do you think I didn't earn these trophies by showing up to each one of these stupid, meaningless events? It's so insane. I want to tell you one other story because yesterday was a crazy day for me.

Okay. Something happened to me that I don't know how you would react to it. I think it would throw you into a rage spiral that would still be going on. Me? Yes. Okay. My wife last night orders pizza. Now, should I trust her to order pizza?

Probably not, but I assume she could pull it off. You let your wife order pizza? I let it order the pizza. So we go to Joe's Brooklyn in Brighton here, which is a good one. They're all right. They're pretty good. I've been in there. Yeah.

And the pizza comes. My wife ordered two pizzas and two pizza boxes show up. So far so good. We opened them up, Vinnie. You know, like when they put out slices during the day and then eventually lunchtime's over or they've been out too long? You'd think that they'd just like throw them away? No. You should donate them to, you know, the homeless.

They put them in a pizza box. I got two pizza boxes full of random slices of pizza that were cooked hours before that were totally cold, that were just all different varieties of nonsense. I don't know if they were fucking with me If this was a prank that they were pulling Or if someone just grabbed the wrong boxes Because someone was gonna bring those to the homeless shelter Or bring them home or what the deal was But holy shit

And then I got to spend the next 15 minutes With Grubhub support Getting my money refunded What the fuck? It's the craziest thing you've ever seen It's not your wife's fault Your wife didn't say Can I please get the hodgepodge of pizza?

No, I looked at her order Her order was legit So I was like, yeah, we're going to talk to Grumpupup about this. It was not great. What did? I can't believe that can even happen. I was like, wow, someone hates their job, wants to get fired or something happened. That's usually, that shit would never have, I would never think that would happen in Brighton.

I know, right? Oh, they must have signed a German last name. My wife ordered it. Oh, they were allies. Right, yeah, right. They were allies with the Germans. It doesn't help. I don't think that's the case.

I don't think it's still World War II resentment. I don't think that's what's. going on. All right, fine. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that story because I knew you'd be pissed for me. So how much of it did you eat? I should have brought it in. Oh, shit.

It's on my counter still. I should have brought it in for you. For me, what do you think I'm going to fucking do with it besides throw it out? I think you're going to eat it, buddy. I'm not going to eat that pizza. That should be the consequence. All right. I'm going to leave it out until next week.

I just need to fucking kill me. And on Monday, you have to eat it. Carl's old pizza challenge. You know which one I did see that we had for the wheel Was doing a Star Trek podcast with Casey Day? That sounds terrible. Was Casey Day into Star Trek? I don't know.

That was one of the suggestions. Okay. Maybe he's into Star Trek. I don't know. All right. You ready to get this competition started? I guess. We are going with the creepiest gay guy today.

I'm bringing William McDonald, who was born Alan Ginsberg in Liverpool in 1924, if you want to pull up a photo. of this guy. You know, back in 1940, at the age of 19, McDonnell was enlisted in the Army. One night, May Donald was raped in the air raid shelter

by one of the corporals. The experience traumatized him. And the thought, prayed on his mind the rest of his life. He was discharged. His giant mind. What is this head of his? He looks like he got stuck in a goldfish pole.

That's on a great ankle. He got discharged from the Army in 47, was diagnosed with schizophrenia and committed for several months to a mental asylum, where he took daily treatments of electroconvulsive therapy. I'm sure that's good for that, right? Probably helped him a lot.

I'm going to guess probably made him crazy. So he changed his name to William McDonald. He immigrated from England to Canada in 1949. And he's like, oh, Canada sucks. So then he gets to Australia in 195. Shortly after he arrived, he was arrested and charged with touching a detective's penis in a public toilet. He's like, oh, then why did you take your penis out, detective?

Why did you take it out? I mean, it is public. It's a public toilet. You didn't go into the private toilet, sir. If you don't want people touching your neck, don't go into the public one. He was placed on a two-year good behavior bond. He then moved to Sydney in 1961, so he was a good boy and was a construction worker. He found accommodations in East Sydney where he became well known in the parks and public toilets

that were surreptitious meeting places for homosexual men due to the criminalization of same-sex sexual activity at this time. Sure. The 50s in Australia can't be gay. It's illegal. So let's talk about the victims here. The first one was in Bisbon in 1961. This guy has like a fucking tombstone head. Look at the size of this thing.

I'm sorry, I'm so distracted by it. How could he even be hiding in those bathrooms? You just see this giant head over the top of the stall. He was not hiding. So he befriended the 63-year-old man, Amos Hugh Hearst, outside of a railway station. They started drinking together, and they go to the local pub and they're drinking. And then he's like, hey, you want to keep drinking back at my place?

the 63-year-old man says he's like, yeah, yeah, let's do that. So they go back there and keep drinking. And then this guy, this Hearst guy, gets wasted. And McDonald's just starts strangling him, you know? It's a fun game to do when you're drinking. And Hurst is so intoxicated that he didn't even realize what was happening. He's just like, oh, okay, what are we doing now?

And eventually he began to hemorrhage and blood poured out of his mouth and all on to McDonald's hands. He's like, ew, gross. What are you doing? So he punched him in the face and killed him. That don't make less blood. Yeah, I know. Not the best strategy.

Then he placed him in his bed. What a gay reaction. Put the covers over him. Oh, blood. Ew. He put the covers over him, tucked him in real nice, hung out for a couple hours, and then took off, left the apartment. Oh.

At least he tucked him in. A little while longer, Greenfield was 41. They'd been sitting on a park bench. McDonald offered Greenfield a drink, lured him to a secluded area to drink more. Hey, I got some more drinks over here if you want to come and drink with me. He waited until this guy fell asleep. Then he removed the knife.

that he had with him, stabbed him approximately 30 times. The ferocity of the first blow severed the arteries in Greenfield's neck. McDonald then pulled down Greenfield's pants, pulled down his underwear, severed his genitals, and put them in a plastic bag,

brought him with him, and walked away. Huh. I hope he sealed it to keep them fresh. Victim three. He's walking down South Dowling Street, where he meets Ernest William Cobben. He lured him into this park, Drink some beers.

Hey, you want to drink some beers to me in this park? Sounds fun, right? Just before the attack, McDonald put out a plastic raincoat. He's starting to wise up about what's going to happen. He's like, this is going to be like a Gallagher concert. Oh, it's like fucking psycho.

Yeah. American psycho. Yep. So, Cobbant is sitting on a toilet seat in the public toilet. And McDonald comes in using an upper cup motion, struck Cobbett in the neck with the knife, severing the jugular vein,

blood splattered all over the place, all over McDonald's arms face, the raincoat is covered. Unfortunately, Cobb had tried to defend himself by raising his arms. McDonald continued to stay at the victim multiple times, covering the entire stall with blood. Yeah, you know what he called that knife? What's that? The slice-o-matic. It slices, it dices, gay men in bathrooms.

I love your Gallagher. McDonald then severed the victim's genitals, placed him in a plastic bag along with his knife, and departed the scene. victim four. When this guy was discovered, he was still alive, but bleeding very badly and eventually died. So McDonald bought a new knife from a sports store in Sydney. That night, he left the Oxford Hotel and followed Frank Gladstone McLean down Bork Street, past the local police station.

McDonald initiated conversation with McLean suggested they have a little drinking session at the corner bar. So they entered in, and McDonald then decided to, hey, let's go, Let's go out over here. I got some more drinks in the bushes. Plunged a knife. What? You get drinks in the bushes? Yeah.

Why go to the bushes? Let's get another round of beers? This place is closing. No, no. I got a cooler in there, too. Come on. McLean... McLean...

Put your dick in it. Plunged a knife in... Kaine tried to fight off the attack. He was too intoxicated. What's going on over here? That sucks. So he was stabbed again in the face and punched, forcing him off balance.

The assault was interrupted by a young family approach. But Donald hears like this baby crying in a stroller coming up. And so he's like, oh, shit. So he actually does hide that mammoth melon of his. And he says he painted it like a rock and that just laid out. Smart. Stupid mongoloid. He's this fucking maniac.

So once the family passes by and doop-doo, nothing to see here, he gets back and returns to the barely alive McLean, pulled him further into the brushes, got him away, Stad him some more. A total six stab wounds inflicted. There's no drinks in here. Then he pulled down McLean's pants, sliced off his genitals, put him in a plastic bag, and took him with him. At this point, the police thought the killer could have been a deranged surgeon. Ah.

The manner in which McLean's genitals were removed seemed to be done by someone with years of surgical experience. Doctors at one stage found themselves under investigation. They're like, all right, round up every surgeon in this area. Check their pockets for pittuses. Yeah, someone's grabbing on these pettuses. All right, victim five. So he bought a tiny little shop. He was making sandwiches, his little deli downstairs,

and he's got a place he lives in upstairs. Oh, so he was like a deli guy. He knew how to slice meat. Yes, he was very good at slicing the meat. So he's drinking with this criminal down at the local pub, Patrick Joseph Hackett. And he's just out of jail. And so he goes, hey, why don't you come back to my place and have some more drinks, you know? So dude gets drunk, falls asleep.

But he's out a boning knife that he's using at the deli. He stabs Hackett in the net. dude wakes up and starts fighting back. He cuts McDonnell's hand. McDonnell's like, what the fuck, dude? That's not cool. Now, I'm bleeding. I don't like that.

My neck and my hand? Well, no, he stabbed the victim in the neck, and he got stabbed in the hand back. Okay. So he's like, fuck this noise. So he goes right to the heart. Boom, kills him immediately. We'll just continue stabbing everywhere.

He just pissed off that he got caught. And at this point, the dulls the knife so badly, he can't even cut off the genitals. It's like, ah, this is, take it forever. So he just passes out next to the client. When he awoke the following morning, he found himself, line next to the victim's body covered in sticky, drying blood.

Yeah. The pools of blood is sucked through the floorboards and onto the counter of the shop downstairs. So he cleaned himself up a little bit, went to the hospital to have the wound on his hands stitched up. Goes back, cleans up, realizes I probably need to skip town. I'm not going to get away with this one. And away we go. Yeah, so he moves to New Zealand. Three weeks later, neighbors noticed a putrid smell coming from the shop and called the health department,

who in turn called the police. Police discovered the rotting corpse, which was so badly decomposed, it couldn't be identified. An autopsy determined that the body was of someone in their 40s, which, you know, according to their records, that guy who used to run this shop, he's no longer here, so it must be him.

So they assume they have the killer. Or that the shopkeeper was the killer of that unnamed person. Well, so they thought it was the shopkeeper. They thought it was McDonald. Okay. The guy who was known as the mutilator at this time because he was cutting off everyone's genitals. I bet you it sounded really dumb when they said it in Australia.

The mutilator! In late July. The mutilator. In late July, the police had made no connection between the case and the three previous mutilator killings. So they put out an obituary and they had a funeral for McDonald. And like a bunch of his old co-workers showed up to this guy's funeral. Now, he's in New Zealand because he didn't want to get busted for murder.

people and they're having a funeral for him. So McDonald decides, I got to kill someone again. I bet you people figured it out when they were able to close the casket all the way. Dude. They were like, that giant head didn't stop him from closing. People had to be suspicious is all I'm saying. So McDonald decides to go back to Sydney to kill someone. Apparently, that's the one place is he's able to kill people.

Okay, well. He runs into a former coworker, a guy who attended his funeral. He's like, what the fuck? So the guy goes to the cops. He's like, hey, that guy, McDonald, he's not dead. I just ran into him. And the cops were like, okay, buddy, if you say it so, that's fine. So then he goes to the newspaper and he's like, listen, I ran to the guy that was an obituary that we went to his funeral.

And so the newspaper wrote a story called The Case of the Walking Corpse. And this got people's attention. It's actually, look at this guy. It's kind of accurate. It's kind of accurate. So that got people's attention. The police were kind of forced to exhume the corpse. And they're like, oh, yeah, look.

He did try to cut his dick off. This might be another victim of that other guy now that we think about it. So McDonald changes his name again. Now he's David Allen. He's working in Melbourne for the railways. He dyes his hair. He grows a mustache. None of that works.

He gets recognized immediately. He gets questioned by the police. He admits to the killings immediately, blaming them on his irresistible urge to kill. He claimed he was the victim of rape as a teenager and had to disempower the victims chosen at random. A man with schizophrenia, McDonald said that he heard voices in his head, telling him that his victims were the ones.

the corporal who raped him as a teenager. Oh, that wasn't it? I mean, that guy. All right, then try that guy over there. Get him. Jesus Christ. That's why he's cutting off everyone's dick. Just very upset.

The details of the murders were so gruesome that several members of the jury fainted during the trial. McDonald was in prison in Long Bay Hospital, Division of Long Bay Correctional Center. He was soon certified as insane and transferred to a secure mental hospital in the prison system. McDonald was known simply as Bill. He had been in prison for so long. he became institutionalized the longest continuous serving inmate in the new South Wales prison system. Congratulations, Bill. Yes.

In 2003, he said, I have no desire to go and live on the outside. I wouldn't last five minutes. And then at the age of 90 years young, McDonald died from gastrointestinal blockage, May 12th, 2015, while he was still in prison. The longest ever serving prisoner in South Wales. Wow. What a great story, Carl. The mutilator vote for Carl. All right, kids. Sit back and hold my beer, Carl. All right.

Here's my creep today. This is Daniel Conahan. This is a great picture of him settling into death row, Carl. Just a lovely picture of him in his cell. She put up some decorations. Now, he's born in 1954, and his family moved down to Ponte Gorda, Florida. Now, he was a very, very gay, a feminine child. And his parents were not thrilled about it because they were very, very Catholic.

And they didn't want him advertising quite so much as he was. So they would take him to psychiatrists. And he was, like, tormented by it his whole life, just being very openly gay and would, like, yell at his parents and shit. It was just a real fucking drama queen. Okay. And he did what any gay kid would do after graduating high school not feeling accepted in his life. He went and joined the Navy. Smart.

Yeah. and they threw him out. Really? Yeah, because he was trying to lure other sailors off base to have sex with him. The village people made it seem like it be inviting. Yeah. He's not allowed to invite. That was the problem.

He was just like, come out over the hotel. I'll suck all your dicks, boys. He actually got on the one street. Navy men? Apparently, there's a couple left. Go figure. And when that didn't work, he put on a set of old advances on another servicemen, and that guy beat the shit out of him.

Okay. So at that point, they threw him out. So 13 years after that, he moves back home. He was living in Chicago for a little while, living in the night scene in Chicago. He moved home to live with his elderly parents in Punta Gorda. And you know what? He was partied out at that point, Carl. He decided he wanted to live a more normal life.

So he decided to go back to school. And guess what he became? What's that? A licensed nurse. Oh, no. A licensed man. male nurse. Oh, no. Come on. Yes, Carl. Fuck. Yes, Carl. A licensed male, very gay nurse who hates the world because nobody understands him.

Now, he graduates top of his class in 1995, gets a job at the Charlotte County, whatever the fuck down there in Florida. But around the same time, you see, Carl, there were some things going on in town. One day, a couple of hunters were out on the hog trails, you see. And they saw, a bunch of buzzards in the woods. And they found a unidentified 27-year-old man with rope marks tied up, like he had been tied up and choked out with a rope. Dick completely missing. Okay.

But did he need that dick? Did he want it? He was all dead. He was definitely dead. So he didn't need it anymore. They did find the dick later. Okay. Nailed to a tree.

That says a message. Yeah, sure does. So they're like, is this guy, is this guy owe so many money? Is there somebody out here trying to like, what is this? Or maybe it's just a dick tree. Well, fast forward to January 1st, 1996. A dog named Hollywood carried a human skull home to its owner in Northport. Good boy.

The family had a suit for months of the dog, so we're dragging in animal bones. Remains were eventually found scattered across half-mile radius. Decomposition was almost advanced at the head, neck, and pelvis, consistent with severe trauma to those areas. And they believe the genitals were also likely removed. time they didn't find him on a tree because they believed the corpse had been there for some time. So an animal got at the peanuts on the tree then, probably, where they could find it. And Hannibal sure did, Carl. A very, very lucky, happy with himself, animal.

John William Bill O'Grano, Carl, was the next victim. They were able to identify him. They found him March 7, 1996, found nude positioned face up in the shape of a cross, four stab wounds, genitals amputated, the cuts on the soles of his feet and slash marks across his upper torso, told investigators that he had at some point gotten away from this guy, but he was still chased down and stabbed a bunch and dragged back to wherever he was. So there was definitely a fight there. And, yeah, posed him up, took the genitals.

They have no idea what's going on here. They just know somebody's killing dudes and stealing their dicks. Could they start questioning every male nurse in the area? Because that's what I would have done. That's where I would start too. But, you know, they're Florida, not great detectives. They couldn't even find your RO system. They still haven't found it.

Still looking. Then they found a gentleman by the name of Kenneth Lee Smith all dead in April of that year. Body parts spread across 100 yards, saw it in half, identified by a shoulder tattoo from his sister because they found part of his body. Literally, just he chopped the guy in fucking half, did take the dick again, nailed to a tree again. Okay.

But they found different parts all over the place. And they put a picture of the tattoo that was intact. in the newspaper and the sister was like, yeah, it's my little brother. He had a three-year-old daughter, by the way. Oh, that's too bad. Yeah. So here's how they busted this case open, Carl. A guy named Richard Allen Montgomery in April 16th of 1996.

He was found the same day as Kenneth Lee Smith. He was covered by a piece of carpet. A lot of rope burns around his neck. General was removed. He had gone missing the day before. He was 21 years old. Basically, what they found out about, him is that his dick was taken off very cleanly because this was very fresh.

His dick was taken off super clean, just the same way your guys did. But my guy actually is a nurse. So, you know, points for skill. Sure. And style. So they go and they talk to this guy's mom because they were able to identify him. And she told the mother, he had told the mother before he left, he was going to make $300. The hard way.

Yeah, no shit. When the mom asked if it was legal, he smiled and said nothing. His mother later told investigators he recently mentioned two things. Someone had offered to pay him money to pose for nude photos. And he made a new friend a nurse named Dan Conahan. You know, sometimes if something sounds too good to be true. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Now, here's the other problem, Carl.

They found a lot of bodies, but there were witnesses. And this is wild. The first witness, he was attacked in August of 19. 1994. Conahan offered him $150 for nude bondage photos in the woods. Burden agreed. Once he had tied him to a tree, Conahan draped a rope around his neck and told him it was just for the photo. And then he yanked it back hard against the tree. It was like, ah! It was using it as leverage to fucking strangle this guy out with his foot brace.

Not to victim blame, but this guy's a fucking idiot. Deserved it. Well, yeah. He did this for 30 minutes. All right. Now hold this loaded gun up to your... head. Okay, just for the photo. This is just for the photo. Now we need you to squeeze the trigger, but I do it to know. Then he was just like, God damn it. Why won't you just die, you son of a bitch? Because the guy wouldn't die. He gave up and just left him there tied to the tree and walked back to his car. Burton eventually freed himself, went to the police, filed a report.

Cops didn't do anything. Cops are like, man, you got shit for brains. You did what? You wore a cow bikini? What an idiot. Two years later, investigators found it. Burden still had ropes scarring on his neck and wrists. They found him because they were going through, you know, past reports. Sure. And, yeah, he was able to identify, eventually identify Conahan later. Remember that story you told us?

You tell us that again? Yeah. Now, here's another fun one. A guy named David Peyton, March 1995. Conahan picked him up at a bus stop, offered him beer and some wheat, some volume. Nice. In his dad's car, his elderly father's car, by the way, drove him down an isolated dirt road. The car got stuck in the mud hole in a mud hole. When Conahan got out to push, Peyton looked in the black seat, saw a camera, a blue tarp rope, knives, and all the shit

that should freak you the fuck out. He's like, where's the weed? I was promised weed. Can I get those volume down? I don't see a cooler. Where's the beer at? So, Peyton, freaks out, jumps into the driver's seat, and peels the fuck out the second he pushes. Okay. And leaves Conahan there and stole his dad's car. Smart. Well, guess what? The dad reports it stolen.

Conahan just goes, I got, I gave somebody a ride and I got out to pee and they stole the car. That's what happens. They stole the car. By the way, Peyton gets arrested driving it and gets sentenced to five years in prison. That's kind of funny. No one will listen to it. him that he was afraid for his life from this fucking guy. Oh, Florida's fun, isn't it?

Oh, my God, damn it. I got to give Ian credit for naming this episode, stuck in a mud hole is the name of this episode. Or a go bag. It's pretty good, too. I saw that one in the chat. That's good. So he was convicted of auto theft, sent to prison, no one would listen.

Then once this case starts getting publicity, this dude starts calling detectives from prison. And eventually he was able to get out. out, thank God, after he served his five-year sentence, because fuck anybody who steals cars, I guess. Now, they now have somebody that they're interested in, Daniel Conahan, right? They start a task force. They're following him for 50 days. Six cars bracketed behind him every time he left his house, aerial surveillance, video cameras to his house, 24 hours a day. Undercovered detectives posed his homeless men at the shoulders of the interstates that he drives by.

he approached two of them and proposition both for nude photos in the woods. The detectives eventually pulled him over, brought him to a hotel room and interviewed him on camera. He was wearing just a polo shirt and aviator sunglasses, and when they told him that he was a suspect, he was like, who me? Sounds pretty cool, though.

Yeah. When asked about the murders, he said, listen, I've just had fantasies, you know, about bondage and stuff, but that's like my only fantasy. I'm not looking to do anything like that. So they searched his house. They found a bunch of rope,

cameras, semenstained underwear. I mean, who doesn't have semen state underwear in their house? I'd be like, well, I mean, that's a beat-anything officer. They're everywhere. I had a good dreams last night. Go to offer me. The problem was the pubic hair collection. Ah, you had a pub collection.

Yeah. That is a problem. That's gross. From people, yeah. Yeah. So just for that alone. Yeah. Cube hair collection of victims that you murdered.

Sure. Not the best. I know some people are trophy killers. That's a weird. trophy. Fiber evidence that tied his vehicle and home to multiple crime scenes. Fibers from a rope at his property matched fibers from the rope used to on that guy Stanley Burden. And he was arrested on July 3rd of 1996. And he waived a jury trial, Carl. You know why? Because he knew that in Florida, they would convict him for being gay. That's true. Now, a few years before this point,

it needs to be noted that he went on disability at his job as a male nurse. because his back was just hurting him so badly. Should have led with that. Yeah. He went on disability. It's the creepiest thing he did. He sat on disability at home and had a bad back, but he was still able to go out and hunt down men and murder them.

Yeah. So the defense argued his bad back made him physically incapable of the crimes. I mean, he's on top. He's on disability. There's no way he could do it. Nobody's ever lied about that before. They also floated that these guys all died from erotic asphyxia. as an alternative.

They're like, these guys all just, like, did it to themselves. In the woods. And then the prosecution said, well, then how did their penises go missing? How did that guy get sawed in half? Yeah. They do that before they jerked off or after? Because that seems difficult. Guilty, found guilty by the judge,

25 minutes of deliberation. During the penalty phase, he stood and shouted at the jury and screamed with them going, I don't know, Mr. Montgomery, nor did I ever. And the baffles, the, bailiffs cleared the room and the judge had him bound and hogtied and dragged out, which is fun. He was given the death sentence and his mother, the poor old guy's mother was in the front row for this and she fucking passed out when she heard the shit.

Yeah. So let's talk about he's convicted. Now he's in prison for life on his way to death row. and in 2007, a surveyor outside of Fort Myers, Florida, found human skeleton remains. A 200-yard search recovered, eight more sets, all-unclothed males 21 to 40, likely strangled, placed there in the mid-1990s. They're known as the Fort Myers-8. They were unable to identify them, and there was not enough evidence to tie him to it. And he says he's innocent of everything.

he is still sitting on death row. And by the way, the place where they found the Fort Myers-8 was about two miles from his house. Okay. So, you know, whatever, you want to take that as. Sure. When you go to patreon.com this week, please remember, have mercy on your pal Vinny. We brought it today. We did.

There's a lot of dicks getting cut off of today's episode. You would think they would like them more. I know, right? We have not even talked about the magical holiday that we're celebrating. today. Aside from it being Pride Month. It's also Super Chat Monday. And I see you have the Super Tip URL up there.

Did you get Super Tip working? I sure did. That's exciting. We're going to hit that in a minute. Supertip.g. Slash creep. Hellraiser, five bucks. I was going to tell a gay joke, but fuck it.

Bits and pieces. Bits and pieces. Bits and pieces. Not doing it. Vinny and Carl, in honor of Pride Month, may I say the Master of the Universe movie is fantastic. Go see it. All you British cigarettes.

Okay, yeah. I was asking us about that the other day, if we're going to go see it or not. I saw it. You saw it? Yeah. Is it as gay as I think it would be? There's moments.

I think Skeletor is pretty gay. Okay. He's pretty floppish. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Foppish, I think is the term. Yeah. Uh, Tugie's unpaid staff thanks to the two bucks.

Gay. Gay. Lil. Ha, Vinny, that's what you get for goofing, golfing last Monday. That is what you get for golfing last Monday. Good call. Going golfing on Friday. Uh, Colin Madden, thanks to the five bucks.

God damn son. Boing. I believe that. came in when we saw Danny. Yeah, Danny's a little good today. Mm-hmm. It's that chill collar for me. A little 499.

Will's suggestion donate 10 to Opie 20 times during a single Opeon Rod show. Every donation must compliment opiate his career at a sincere matter. I like that, except for, you know, if you give him $10 through that PayPal thing, he has to send you a handwritten thank you card. Oh, that'll be nice. So that maybe you should do it that way. Then we can read the thank yous on the show. Andy Monta Mayer 175, thanks for the Donald 99.

Carl, I think I like Lil KB more than KB. Is it bad? It's not bad. Little KB is way funnier than KB. That's true. I agree with that. No, listen, I want to hit a couple of these because a couple of these piled up when we couldn't work last week.

Okay. We can get this to work. Let's do it. So here's one we couldn't get played a little while ago. Are you kidding me? Oh, no. Oh, no. It was just working.

Come on. It was just working. I swear to you. Oh, hold on. Okay. Refresh, baby? Do this. Clear the cash? I, uh, I did that a minute. Oh, no.

Let's try this now. Oh, Jesus Christ. If this doesn't work, I'm going to fucking hunt down this moody guy. Good luck. He'll run right between your legs as you're trying to bend down and grab them. Are you fucking with me? Hold on. Great. endorsement for Supertip. All you creators out there, it's a really fun to use supertip.g. Go check it out.

You didn't have a great time. Sign up for it for free. Yeah. It worked. I'm telling you it just worked. Did it though? Yes. Did the Gremlins get it?

Yes. Did the grumlins in the computer get to it? Yes. Are you fucking kidding me with this right now? No, I'm not. I had it working. I was so happy. But I...

Cringe of the week, indeed. Oh, man. Well, it's one less thing I have to prep for WATP on Wednesday. By the way, Dave Landau will be on the show this Wednesday on WATP. He's great. He's awesome. All right, Carl. I guess that makes it time for everyone's favorite segment.

I can't wait to see Carl's Cockham. Fight with the cops for no reason. Will you please show me, Carl's Cop Cam, lose all your rights, ruin your life. This one goes in from Trent McIntyre. It sounds to be some great ones from time to time. And we started off by seeing a drunk lady trying to get some more booze from a convenience store. Ooh. Well, that's where you get it from.

On March 29, 26, deputies in Washington received an urgent 911 call from a local gas station. A store clerk reported a severely intoxicated driver who had just jumped a curb, stumbled into the store to buy alcohol, and sped away after being refused service. Here's what the deputies did next. Okay. So they have her under surveillance, trying to buy alcohol. Well, clearly she needed to. She was out. The clerk's like, ma'am, I'm certainly not going to sell it. Sell you more alcohol. Get the fuck out of here.

So they go to her house and they knock on the door. And let's see what she's up to in my clip two. You all right? It sounds like the clerk got out of the A&P and I saw you drive and intoxicated. That seems to be going on. You're what? I'm watching here. She's just how I'm watching Queer Eye.

That's what that show does to people. Is it? Yeah. I believe it. Well, it's nice to see she's celebrating Pride Month. She is. Celebrating Pride Month is a theme on the show today. And the question is, ma'am, this might be a long shot, but have you been drinking?

I don't know. I feel like they might just be judging her too harshly. Can we talk to you out here? Okay. Oh, there you go. You know. Did you? Just step on out here for me, please.

What's your first name? Macy? Macy or Macy? Okay, I need to talk to out here if you can step out here for me, please? Why? Because I need to speak with you about what's going on. Do you have any alcohol in the house? No. When was the last time you had any alcohol to drink?

For this drink, guys. Okay. Well, the problem here is it's pretty obvious you're an intoxicate. You've been drinking a lot today? Yes? Yeah, but I was just at the ER and they just detoxed me. Oh, it's one of those. Oh, what the fuck.

It's one of those. She had a detox at ER and she's like, all right, sweet. Now I get started again. Time to sit. Now I can relax. That's why. Now that's over. For sure.

Oh, this is so sad. Addiction is so fucked up. It is. It's really shitty. Oh, man. You know, right now you're watched her and you're like, oh, what a sad sack. This is depressing. She's just trying to watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guys.

Police officers are bugging her for some reason. Hopefully she could pause it and stay where she was with the DVR. But there's an interesting question that comes up next. I love her answer to it. Okay. Because I don't know. Okay. Would you be willing to do a couple sobriety tests for me?

No, why? No. Because you've been driving that car, impaired, apparently. apparently. You don't want to do any sobriety tests? No, I don't feel. You're trying to help me, but it doesn't feel like it. First of them, I have to say, the fact that they're like going to do sobriety tests, like, no.

I'm obviously wasted. What would be the point of that? So stupid. Out of the mouth of drunk babes. Yep. I have to say, this cop, I don't think you really need the test, do you, sir? You don't need the test. We got it.

Okay. Now, she thinks they're there to help her for some reason. She's like, listen, I know you're just trying to help, but I'm just, I'm going to go back inside, watch Queer Eye pass out of the couch. We're good here, right? Not the case. Oh, okay. I want to talk to, I want to call me a journey. Okay, well, you're under arrest for DUI.

So go ahead and put your own back and your back. Okay. Stand up. For what? For what? No. No. Struggle with me, please.

Don't pull away your underrested UI. She's still got the bracelet on. Holy shit. So, can we, do you have an ID card with you? Just scan the bracelet. Where's that out? Do you want to take your, like, purse with you, your wallet, with your ID in it? Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Where is that? Is it right there? Is that what? I don't, I did not. I did not. drive down there.

So. I'm saying I did not drive down. No, I understand that. I just don't believe it. Okay. So her old thing is just like, listen, when you guys showed up, I already made it back home again. So I'm safe. And there's really nothing you can do about it. You can't arrest me. She starts going, did you guys have a warrant? Can I show me the warrant that you have for me? Like, we don't need a warrant, ma'am. That's not how any of this works. I am so unattracted.

to this woman. This woman is awful. She's the worst. So many problems. It gets much worse because. There's so many problems here. So here she's like subdued and kind of depressed about it. I just want to talk to her attorney.

Did you imagine you have a phone call if you're an attorney? Macy, yeah, let's not talk right now. Well, first thing, you're not forming sentences. So this is a waste of it for once time. So can I just talk to the cops? Yeah, just put the cops on the phone for me. Yeah, throw in the slumber for as long as you need to. She's in the police cruise.

We're now heading back to the station. And she's getting angry. About what? The free ride. I'm a teacher and our... You're a teacher? Good. Yeah.

They try to work with the kids. I'm a... I'm a... So, just so you know, my opinion, working with cops in the school. You're a asshole. Well, honestly, I really don't care what your opinion is on that. Yeah, so I know.

You enjoy being an asshole because it makes you feel good. All right. You know, being an asshole does feel good sometimes. It's a great feeling. Vinny, you and I can both attest to that. Yeah. It's why we do it. So this one was just like, by the way, I work with a lot of you cops out of the school when I'm a teacher.

You guys are pricks. He's like, okay, whatever. I don't care. But, of course, she's a super liberal Washington, state teacher. Well, I would like to add that you're failing society by doing a terrible job of educating these children. Oh, you want to blame the phones? You want to blame the parents? Well, you got him for six hours a day, bitch. Cop seems to be the bigger person for some reason. He doesn't complain about her teaching ability.

But, you know, she's, she's ultra-liberal, and so she has to bring it to race here in my next clip. And I'm a white woman. What if I was a black man? I'd be f***ing shot. Why am I being arrested for being drunk at my house? Because you were down driving at the AMP, I mean, in fact, you went down there and drove up onto the sidewalk even. I do not admit to that, so how was that an arrest? Again, the problem with the schools, they don't teach logic anymore. Right.

You don't make a confession where you just have you on surveillance camera driving your, van all around, that's all. So annoying. I'd be willing to bet she's so wasted. She doesn't remember that she just drove to the AMPM. I bet she forgot. She's like, I don't even know what you're talking about. The last thing I remember is I was in the hospital and then I was home watching queer.

Yeah, there was a frumpy guy. They put him in a paisley shirt and it was great. They made it work. Yeah. And I was just thinking about how terrible it was when I had to go through that detox bullshit. Do you hear that? It's a good thing. I'm a white woman.

I was a black man. I would have been shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they do. They go up to black guy's houses where I're watching Queer Eye and just unload on them. I'm glad this woman's educating our children. She's great. So at this point, I would think they'd bring her to the hospital because I'm thinking, like,

this almost probably had an amount that would be alcohol poisoning, the way she's acting. But no. I would say she's definitely like a level nine. Yeah. Because she kind of is forming sentences. But they're very hard. I've seen drunker. But she's an alcoholic, though.

So, I mean, she's got probably got a lot. tolerance. I mean, it's impressive what's going on here. Yeah. So now they get back to the police station, and guess who pulls the victim card? I want a woman. Well, we don't have one on duty right now, so sorry about that. So I just get creepy on, guys. Excuse me?

You better be careful. You better be careful how you accuse me of stuff. Guess what? Okay, well, but it wasn't by me. So I'm sorry that that happened to you, but I'll be stepping here. Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. You're a victim? Why do you say that before?

On your way, please. Can I escort you? Do you want to go to the bar? Can I get you a 40 on the way home from the convenience store? That guy needs a drink. No shit. So they try to sit her down to, you know, read her her rights and get her to fill out some paperwork. This does not go well.

Have a seat. My name's Martin. Have a seat. It's your heart. Me, me. You need help getting up? You're a little bitch. She's ugly.

Her personality sucks. I would not want to be stuck drinking with this woman. She would not be a fun person to get drunk with. Yeah, the good news is she'll drive away. That is a good point. Like, hey, I can't find my keys. Here they are. Bye.

Look, I'm going to toss them right out there to buy your car. Yes. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go out there and put them in the ignition for you. I'll go started for you. Yep. Yeah. Cars of the driveway.

It's in drive. Go run and get it. All right. So she really wants to talk to her attorney as we'll hear in this next clip. Oh. Oh, God. It's not great. Is that a vagina?

She has a gun. She has Jabba the Hut's mouth. Is that fucking Cuadot from Total Recall about to come out? Even her stomach is frowning. Help me. I don't want to be trapped in addiction. Just like I do... They're not

Luther. Why am I being restrained when I am not fighting? I want to talk to my attorney. I want to talk to my attorney now. I'm going to reach you. I'm going to read the attorney.

Okay. I get that. We will call one, but I am going to read the rights. You have the right to me in silence. Do you understand that? Do you understand that? She doesn't. Yes!

All right. Did she just shit her pants? What was that? She's getting very angry right now. Remember how, like, docile she was when they first showed up? Very different now. Oh, yeah. So now she goes into these Suttering John.

I am better educated than you, therefore I should win every argument. Okay. I will try to give his office. What do you have? You have a, so he is? You have a bachelor's? No. You have a master's?

Highly. I doubt it. So she goes out to talk about what college she went to, how she has her master's degree. The police seem unimpressed by this. Take your degree and shove it up your drunk asshole. Speaking of shoving things up, uh, things, we got a fun story coming up with the scum parade. Stick around. So he calls...

I think it's her sister. He calls her attorney. And he's not available to, like, some kind of. kind of done medical leave or something. She's like, I'm sorry, ma'am. Your attorney's just not available. I tried. So then, you know, he's offering a public defender.

She doesn't like that. And clip 12, this continues. Did you understand your rights when I ran to you? Are you kidding me? Did you tell me my rights? You're a f*** bitch. Look at her face. You're angry as a f***.

You're like excited. You're like, yeah. I can't wait. Wait, how much school did you have to be a copper? How much school did you have to get a gun? Tell me that. You know, I'm not going to play your little game here. We're just going to continue on.

Okay, warning, you're under arrest. Jesus Christ. This cop kind of looks like James Woods a little bit. I like him. Yeah, he's not putting up this bullshit. This is a long day for him. Okay. So then something happens that I was not expecting.

We see this in a lot of these cop cams. my clip number 13. Oh boy. At this point, he's saying. I'm telling me, I want to talk to my mom. I'm not calling your mom. My mom is a fucking radical dog to her mom to my She's not in a killer.

Okay. She wants to call her mom. Everyone wants to call their fucking mom now. When I get arrested, it's the last person I want involved in this shit. Don't tell my mom, please. Oh, your mom would rush to the station. She'll be very disappointed.

How do I? pay his bail. All right, clip 14. Carl, I'm here for you, baby. So she talks to a public attorney twice because she didn't understand the first time. And public attorney is just like, you're blown to the breathalyzer. It's fine. Just do that. Which I don't know why he gave her that advice, but this is what happens.

The results came back to 0.23, which is, you know, close to three times the legal with two prior DUI convictions, Masey faces new charges after registering a high blood alcohol concentration. Newly recovered video surveillance footage has provided damning evidence, and she is currently being held at the county jail under a no-bail status. This is Masey, and she's being booked on a DUI. After the arrest, Macy was booked into the Kitsap County Jail on a charge of driving under the influence. Due to a previous DUI arrest, she was held without bail. Now that's going to make the intervention a lot easier for the family having that video on YouTube.

Holy shit. You know, Carl, if you're a family member of this, Do you help her or do you let her rot? Oh, you stopped talking to her years ago. Oh, good point. Yeah. You watch it at the reunion. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

Everyone has a ball with this. You are forwarding it to long distant relatives you haven't seen forever. You know, have you ever had somebody that fucked up in your family? Only met myself. Never anyone else. We had one. Yeah. We had one.

And, like, she had kids, right? Mm-hmm. Like three of them. And all of my different family members. it up with one of the kids. Oh. So she passed her burden on to everyone else. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're all great. That's good. Yeah, they all were very lucky that there was family that gave a shit. But people like this, she's a teacher and she's this fucking drunk driving around to the fucking store to buy booze. She probably's been out of work for years. Oh, God. You might guess, but definitely after that came out.

Yeah. It's fucked up. Yep. Either way, please, listen, if you're an alcoholic, don't be a burden on your family. Go get yourself some help. Just go fucking take care of it on your own zies, please. Or be the fun kind of alcoholic. It's functioning like me and John Melendez.

Yes. You two are killing it. We're crushing it over here. The creep off voicemail segment is brought to by the city of Syracuse. Syracuse. The only city Danhausen can't uncurse. See you in Syracuse. Thanks, Brian.

Carl, you ready for some voicemail? Yeah, let's hear it. All right. Hey boys, podcast Rob here. Holy Spirit is speaking through me. I decided I'm going to branch out and I'm going to start my own store that sells used prosthetic limbs and I'm going to call it the second-hand, second-hand store. Any huddles, a guy I used to know, told me a story recently that is disgusting, so maybe he won't play this.

I don't know. Real quick, though. He hadn't seen his girlfriend for a while. They separate schools and shit. and she asked him to come visit, so we did. And they got into some, you know, lovemaking. And he went down to, you know, please notice kind of an awesome taste. But he, you know, he trucked through and was a trooper and wanted to please the lady.

So he's like, fuck it out, pop in a jolly rancher, pops in a jolly rancher, start doing his thing again, accidentally loses the jolly rancher in the spot, fishes it out, pusher. thing. So not only did he fucking find out that his girlfriend was cheating on him, but he got gonorrhea of the mouth. Any little, thank you, fuck you, bye. Not a good ad for Jelly Ranchers. Holy shit. That's horrific. I hope his nickname is Jolly Rancher. Yeah. Holy shit. That's awful. Okay, here it comes, Carl.

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well, hung. Bits and pieces, bits and pieces. Hey, why did the feminist cross the road to suck my dick? Bits and pieces, bits and pieces. Pretty good. I got one here. Messages for who are these freeps listening to the cop camera, the lady goes into the sex shop and beat up the worker and that innocent bystander.

I'm thinking about that innocent bystandard and how. how he's going to explain the bruises or cuts or whatever he might have gotten on his face from getting struck there. I'll just throw you have to come up with. The worker. Everybody knows he's a fucking creep. But yeah, that guy who's in there. Oh, man. Imagine having to come home to your wife.

Honey. I don't know. Oh, well. I don't know. I was at the grocery store. Yeah, this fucking crazy person buying dildos at the grocery store. I mean, I can't wait to see calls penis. Is it small?

Is it not that big? Will you please show me Carl's penis? He's a gay guy. So am I. Just do it. Somebody put music to it immediately. I need it. It's a new Pride Month cop cam video jingle.

Ronnie and Syracuse checking in, Carl. Hey, Ronnie and Syracuse. I heard about Amoyle, which is a guy that does. circumstances case in a drawer and he made a wallet out of them and then he wanted to sell that wallet for an exorbitant amount of money like $10,000. Why so much you ask? I'm glad you asked. He said that if you rub that wallet, it might turn into a suitcase.

Bits and pieces, bits and pieces. I don't get it. Because it's made of four skins that if you rub it, it gets bigger. Like it's bigger. That's the mechanism for that. But okay, I get it. A boner joke. But you know what?

What? They'd do it. They would do that joke. That's a good one. Yeah. You mind if I use that. Hey, dudes. So, consequence idea is when you have to do a book report on my porn addiction and recovery story by one, Jerry Bantfield.

Oh. And if not that, he has a treasure trove. on Hinge books on Amazon. So, yeah, think about it. Thank you. Fuck you. Bye. Jerry Banfield book reports.

Dude, there is a book that, Adam Tharoja sent me. There's an audio book for Jerry Banfield. It's called I'm Seeking a Wife. I started listening to it yesterday. Holy shit. Is he a simp? He wrote a book about how someday he's going to find a wife who loves him

and they're going to get married and have kids. Not like the last one. He's in. insane. This man is insane. I love it. I'm here for it. All right. That's all I got for voicemails. Super chat Monday. We're celebrating over here. Let's super chat it up. Tuky's on paid staff. Thanks for the two bucks. Give me pooper. Give me death. Carl Hamburger. I did say that once. I remember. It was really weird. One rad panda gave us five bucks says loving the primus shirt, Carl. Primus sucks. Why do you hate Primus? Primus sucks is what Primus fans say.

Jokey Jackman. Isn't that the comedian from Kill Tony in the wheelchair? We've got to look like her, actually. If you want to get your Fiona Collie tickets, she'll be here June 18th. Is that true? Next week, buddy. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, she's doing a one-nighter coming through.

It's a good thing. No stairs around here. Nope. Saw one even surface. Edgy Penguin, thanks for the 10 bucks. I think Carl's teeth are bad up. Do it. Wait, I think Carl's teeth are bad up of.

Bits and pieces. Yeah. Is it made up of bits and pieces? Love you guys. Love you, Egy Penguin. I think your teeth are a bunch of bits and pieces. What do you think, Danny? What do I think?

Yeah. Honestly, his teeth are better than mine, so. Oh. Don't tell you about that. Yeah, I got work to do, you know. I got work coming up pretty soon. Yeah. Okay.

You didn't want that answer, did you? He didn't like that. Little, little, thanks for the dog, and he says you do eat poo, Carl. Why do you eat poo? Oh, why do you? I don't. There's rumors on the internet that are wild.

They're not true. Okay. I just saw Danny was at the chat. I didn't realize she was still there. That's why we brought her back on. Carl, are you ready? Yes. Are you ready?

I'm ready. Are you ready for a scum parade? Let's go. Let's go. It's time for us to listen to the scum parade. We start some murder drugs. Carl, sometimes the person who gets arrested isn't the criminal. And I believe we have one of those cases right now.

This is a police officer. Where do my notes go? Hold on. God damn it. This is a police officer who held his coworker at gunpoint, Carl. Do you know why? Why did he do that? Because he fucking microwaved fish in the break.

room. Oh, what a hack a bit. Was it Opie? Was it Opie doing this? According to a Facebook post by the Myrtle Beach Police Department, DiBiasey's employment was terminated because he was accused of violating department policy, the arrest warrant says. Detective DeBiase confronted the fellow officer about warming up the fish in the microwave,

causing an odor in the office. During the confrontation, Detective DeBiase drew and pointed his department-issued handgun at the fellow officer. He should have shouted at the microwave like Elvis style. Fuck yeah. The alleged incident involved DBSC removing his department-issued fire from its holster while in the police department briefing room. He was placed on administrative leave immediately following the incident.

Yeah, he's since been to let go, but don't worry, he's been hired by 7-11 to make sure there's only frozen burritos allowed in that microwave. I love it. According to the arrest warrant, TBS had an altercation with the patrol officer over the fish odor. So some fucking uniform cop comes into the offices where all the detectives work. and fucking stinks up the joint. Microwaves Fish, which nobody's actually ever done in the workplace.

It's just a hack joke, right? No one's ever actually done that. Well, if they actually did, they deserve what this man was dishing out. No, because he didn't shoot him. That's true. Fair enough. I say what they need to do down there in Florida. I'm sorry, in South Carolina.

This man needs to be the sheriff. I agree. He needs to be elected sheriff immediately because that's a man who not only respects other people, but he's also a man of action. Yes. Detective DiBiase for Sheriff, Carl. Write this lovely woman, Carl. Ooh, is she single?

It doesn't matter. This is Manique Megachiani. Okay. She was discovered to have concealed a stolen, unopened bottle of cupcake vineyards Pinot Guizio inside of her vagina as she was trying to get into jail. That's impressive. I guess I don't even think Lucy typebox could fit an entire bottle of Pito Grisio and a vagina. That's wild.

The woman was arrested already this month for trespassing at a CVS pharmacy and Grand Travers as well, a store which she was barred from. She appeared at the business on May 9th and allegedly stole wine which she chugged down in the shop's bathroom. After being hospitalized due to high intoxication, Megachini was discharged from a local medical center and immediately returned to CVS on May 10th. Then cops found her at a checkout counter for trespassing on the property again. At that time, the arresting officer was unaware that Megachurch had stolen another bottle of cupcake Pina Grigio and it hid the bottle inside of her person. You know, the biggest problem with this, Vinny. Yeah. Pinotrigio tastes much better when it's chilled.

Oh, dude, you don't want warm peanut. No. It's pretty gross, actually. Body temperature pinocrigio, no thank you. What smelled worse, that microwave after that guy did the fish or this bottle after they got it out? It's a great question. Well, she was being booked into jail. Megachini received a, quote, final check from a female corrections deputy.

And that's what they were like, surprise. Which end goes in first, do you think, when you're putting that in there? Oh, you got to go small end. Small end first. That's what I was wondering, because then, like, pulling it out, it's going to be a lot more difficult. How do you do it? I'm just saying, like, the one would we have to pull it out. What do you even grab onto?

That's a good point. There's room to get your fingers around, too? Jesus. The good news is they made her take it out herself. Oh, okay. They told her to do it. The screw top container was removed and was still intact. They brought in the doctor, push.

I'm seeing the fluids. Keep pushing. Evidence was destroyed due to it being a biohazard. Everybody want this pino to take home? Hey, look, honey. Look at what I got it. It worked today. Cupcake pino goes in smooth.

Oh, delicious. I got to say, when this woman does finally get into AA, She's going to have the best stories. Hey, shut up, Mike. This woman's going to go again. Dude, she looks like she's going to fight everyone at AA. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is a woman who likes wide.

That is a wide lover's haircut, if I've ever seen one. Hey, Vinnie. Yo. I can fix her. Really? You'd want to? Yep, I can fix her. Well, she has a vagina the size of you.

Okay. All right. I'm going to bathe my club foot there. That thing. You can fit both of them in there. All right, let's go to kids, this Carl. Yeah. So this is Damon Leonard.

He's 47. And he's charged with murder after his unleashed dogs, a mixed mastiff and pit bull breeds, allegedly mauled his 13-year-old neighbor to death, leading him to pack the boy up into a cooler and dump his ravaged body down a large ravine. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Alan's family told us to start that the boy was on his way to his friend to let his friend's dogs and chickens out in December. when Leonard's canines, which are known to run free, attacked him just days before Christmas. After the boy was mauled to death, Leonard packed a balanced body, hurled it down a large ravine in a creek bed about 30 miles away in Missouri. Do you think the kid was wearing a Michael Vic Jersey or something? What was he doing to taunt these dogs? I don't know. Being delicious.

Yeah, it could have been that too. It looks like a hot dog. Look at him. Dude, if he had survived that, he could have made bank dog attacks. They pay out big money. Yeah. The local father was convicted in Missouri of a band. abandonment of a corpse and sentenced to four years in prison last week. He was charged this week by the Kansas Attorney General's Office with murder,

involuntary manslaughter, interference with law enforcement, criminal desecration of an unauthorized control of a dead body, and permitting a dangerous animal to be at large. And wasting a lot of people's time who are having a search party for this kid. The mother said something interesting, which I can't say I agree with. She said, I could have overlooked, you know, the dog attack. You're right. That's just a freak.

accident. But I can't forgive him for what? What are you going to do, man? I run out a bad day. And that's why pencils have you races. She goes, that's just a freak accident. But I can't, I can't forgive him for what he did trying to hide my kid from us when we were just looking for him, playing along like he didn't know where he was and what he did

know. That's what I can't accept. Yeah, that's a real prick right there. Well, if we can't find him too there, I see if we give up. That's a lot of looking though that we did, huh guys? That's pretty good. Oh, my God. Look down there.

Look down the ravine. Oh, no. What happened to that poor boy? How did he get a 30-minute drive away from his house? He must have been riding that bike to go real fast. It looks like he bit his own throat open. What a clumsy clutz. He was a smart boy, but he was very clumsy.

Hey, Carl, I don't usually send you any notes on any of these. Would you like to say how I described this story to you? Looney Tune shit. This is some looney-tune shit. right here. Yes. This woman is going to serve 18 years behind bars after throwing a stick of dynamite into the bedroom of her sleeping boyfriend.

And the amazing part is it was Acme Dynamite. So the boyfriend thought it was a joke. He's like, oh, come on. That's hilarious. This led to the loss of her partner's hand and arm. Oh. Yeah. So he couldn't even hold up one of those signs that says,

Ouch. Afterwards. That's too bad. I think she thought he was just going to walk out and just be like all black with his hair back. Coyota Waddle has reportedly convicted the charges of assault illegal possession of weapons after the attack happened on March 22nd, 2024. The perpetrator was arrested the day after the attack. According to the prosecutors, their ordeal started when there were some heated exchanges between them in his apartment, during which he asked her to leave. Thinking she had, the boyfriend went to sleep until you heard some hissing and saw a stick of dynamite burning.

He managed to grab the stick and throw it away from him before it exploded. and injured him. When the boyfriend realized he had suffered from the explosion, he went to his driveway only to see Waddell leaving. He was immediately taken to the hospital where doctors had to amputate his arm in hand. Oh, that must have been a gruesome scene. Dude, it looked like the end of a shotgun

when they put their finger in it and they fire. It's just fucking... Oof. So here's the rule I have. Carl gives advice on this show from time to time. Sure. Don't date a woman who has a dynamite dealer. Like, if a girl has access to crack,

That's not great, but I could get past that. Like, all right, sometimes you score crack. But if you can score dynamite, that can be a real problem for everyone involved. Yeah. Her name is Coyona, everybody, just so you know. Not Coyote. Wiley Coyota. Wiley Coyota.

All right. This has been a fun show today, Carl. It sure was, Vinny. Oh, boy, oh, boy. I'm so sorry. It's over. And I'm sorry for the people who went to supersetip.org. slash the creep off.

Do you want to read any names or anything? We got to get that fixed and figure out. I don't think anybody used it. Oh, okay. You said the old ones. Yeah, I was going to play a couple ones. You know, somebody asked me a question. Actually, I take that back.

Vinny, who cares about a gay guy dismembering other gay guys? Vinny, you have to tell us more about his bad back and that no, Dr. Steve wrote for David, Daniel Cutter. Yeah, that's right. Dr. Steve wrote him a doctor's no, everybody. What a horrific thing he did.

but a horrible person's life should be ruined for it. And Rock Overby, 2002, thanks to the two bucks. Pino Grigio pairs well with the pink snapper. That is true. It's a good point. It's good with seafood. Solid. Dynamite drop in money. So we are going to be off this Friday.

We're going to be back on Monday. Sounds good. Until then, everybody. We appreciate you. Thank you for your support. Make sure you go to patreon.com to vote. Thank you to Danny at Danny Desolation. And tell a friend, would you?

Don't be an asshole. It's nice to be important. It's more important to be nice. Good gear. May your enemies be cursed in your podcast adventures.