The Creep Off - Episode 42: Creep-Mas: A Boy Named Alice

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

In this holiday special Vinnie & Karl search for the biggest Christmas creep: In the scum parade the boys visit their home town, we meet very naughty 14 year old and things end on an extremely dark note.

It's a It's the cream off. Disgusting, vomit-inducing thing. ho ho ho creepos it's the creep off it's the worst show in the world it's a show about creeps by creeps for you creeps i'm a little too fast today it's christmas carl it's creepmas merry christmas minnie paulino well we're calling it creepmas today man all right because we like dumb puns love it yes so it's exciting we're glad to be here uh last week we had a humdinger of a show where we tried to find the creepiest Floridian.

And Carl, would you like to see the results from last week? I do not know what I'm about to see. I saw that it was close during the week, but I do not know where it ended up. The score was tied one to one. So let's see who's going to take this early. Who's the results, Murray? This week, Carl. It looks like, oh shit, Carl is the winner, 54% of the vote.

They said it could not be done That no one could beat the people's champ And yet here I am with a commanding two to one lead Carl, here's the thing, pal You got me, you're up, you're up a little bit, You got two in a row on me But this week we're talking about my favorite time of year For cynicism and darkness

So I'm feeling good about today's show All right, cool, you're already looking ahead So yeah, we decided that we're going to do A Christmas-themed creep-off this week our creeps need to have some type of Christmas theme to them. That is correct. Should we get right into it? Carl, I think we both want to start

our Christmas vacation. Yeah. So let's get into it. Ring that bell. All right. I'm going to go first since I won. I am bringing a creep named Ronald Gene Simmons. Now, before you get too far into this, can we just point out that you received this creep from a listener? Yeah? Someone gave you a tip? Somebody gave me a heads up on this person.

So it's probably pretty well known. This is a pretty heinous act that we're about to describe. So what you're telling me is someone Googled Christmas creeps and then just emailed you the first result? I don't know. I don't know how they found. Instead of you just looking for the first result yourself, it was emailed to you? Why does it matter? Why does it matter?

I'm just trying to present who I think is the biggest Christmas creep. Just trying to get in your head before we start. All right. So anyway, I want to point out, this guy's name is Ronald Gene Simmons and I'm not going to make any kiss references. I promise you there won't be any stupid puns. I'm not going to drop a kiss

song in the middle of this. It's a goof. That's too easy, Vinny. Well, I know a thing or two about him. That's, yeah, see? Too easy. I knew it. All right. So Ronald Gene was born in 1940. In 1957, he dropped at a high school and joined the Navy.

While in the Navy, he met a woman named Becky. He married Becky in 1960. And they had seven children over the next 18 years. Okay. Ronald sounds like an American love story. Yeah, so far so good. Ronald spent over 20 years in the military receiving multiple awards and retiring as a master sergeant in 1979. Okay, so he's an American hero.

Yeah, he was in Vietnam. He was a great marksman. He was an airman. Did a lot of great things for the U.S. military. So this guy, you would say, you know, before we get into anything that heinous here, he was an exemplary model person. I don't know how he was around the kids or with the wife, but. But I'm just saying he served in the military. He didn't have a criminal record. All right. There was nothing that he was doing that you would be like,

oh, watch out for this guy, until they're living in New Mexico. And in 1981, he had to leave New Mexico due to an investigation by the Department of Human Services for allegedly fathering a child with his 17-year-old daughter, Sheila. They're on to him. He's molesting his daughter. She gives birth to his son. A little narc baby.

And in order, yeah, right? And then in order to avoid that heat, they moved to, Dover, Arkansas, where they lived in two adjoining mobile homes. Remember, I said seven children. They have two adjoining mobile homes. That's not a double wide. That's actually just like a redneck jerry rigged. Yes, right.

Like just like a tube, a couple of garbage cans. Just put them together. It'll make it look bigger. Like a hamster habitat. Yeah, it's not like you can like walk between one of the other. It's like walk out of water and then back into the other one. Okay. That's gross.

Neither of which had a telephone or indoor plumbing. Simmons is now in his 40s. Makes it harder for your kids to call the police. Yes, correct. Simmons is now in his 40s, and he's working pretty menial jobs in a nearby town. They're in a very rural area. There's nobody around them, and he goes to work for this woodline motor freight company, and then a Sinclair mini-mart.

Okay. Where he worked for a while. Now, here comes 1987, and it's Christmas time, and I'll just get right into it here. Ronald Gene Simmons committed the largest family mass murder in American history. He was responsible for killing 16 people, including 14 family members. The killing spree began on December 22nd, 1987, when he shot and killed his wife, Rebecca, and son, Jean, at their home in Dover, Arkansas. He also strangled his three-year-old granddaughter, Barbara. The bodies were dumped into a pit that he had made his children dig in prior weeks.

Oh, he made him dig their own grave. working smart, not hard. Yes, correct. You have the labor force now. You won't in the future. Correct. Get them working now. Correct.

Well, they still can do it. So, he lived with his wife, and that was his older son. I bet you that three-year-old was annoying. Oh, I bet. His wife and his oldest son, and then his son's daughter were all at home. So he decides to murder all of them. And then later on that day, all of his other children, who are young enough to be in school still, come home from school

he went back to the house and waited for his children Loretta Eddie Marianne and Becky to return from school he told the children that he wanted to give them their Christmas presents one at a time and he took them behind the house individually where he killed him by strangulation holding their heads under a water or barrel

Why are you laughing Vinny? What's so funny about that? Is it because these kids seem like they're really dumb? Yeah, that's kind of what I'm laughing at. All right, Billy, I'm going to give you your present you kids wait here and then he comes back Like, where did Billy go? Ah, it doesn't matter. All right, now your turn.

Let's go. Just one of the time. He's like, all right, kids, your Christmas presents in the bottom of that barrel. Now stick your head. Like, he duped these idiots. Yeah, so he strangled all of them and drowned them. Doesn't say much for the schools down there. No, it's Arkansas.

And then put them each in the shallow grave. And he had more family coming over to the house to visit for Christmas. So a couple days later, this. happens the killing continued on December 26th 1987 when the remaining family members began to arrive for a Christmas visit Simmons shot and killed son Billy daughter-in-law Renata daughter Sheila and her husband Dennis McNulty he strangled and drowned grandchildren Trey Sylvia Gail and Michael all right I want to point out these grandchildren that he's killing yeah Trey was 20 months old Michael 21 months

Sylvia, six years old, was actually his son. That was Sheila's son. That was his son. Oh, that was the one that made him move away. Yes. Yeah. Yes. So...

Should have just started with him. I mean, he was the real problem. I would think that's where the shame all came from. We still don't know what the motive was for this. He never really festive. Did he use the barrel on the little ones? I'm sorry? Did he use that barrel again?

Um, he strangled him. He didn't use the barrel. He strangled everyone. He shot. He shot all the kids when they came in. Okay. So what's interesting here is... Poor Dennis McNus.

I know. What did he ever do? Yeah, poor Dennis McNulty worked at the fucking mill. Well, he fell in love. He's the one who married Sheila, though. Crazy family. I think he was a little jealous. Like, hey, that's my girl. Yeah.

What are you doing with Sheila? You think at the wedding, he just walked up and said, I had her first. So this is what's crazy. He lined up all of the dead people in neat rows and covered up the bodies with coats, except for Sheila, who got his best tablecloth. He wanted Sheila to have something nice. but he also had dead people around the mobile home the people that he shot were still just corpses laying around

did he just throw him into one side so this is what he did he went out to the local bar and had a beer or two then he came back home spent the rest of the night and the next day drinking and watching TV

with dead bodies all around him just hanging out nobody knew it was going on there's such a rural area that he could have just sat there for as long as he wanted then on the morning of December 28th Simmons drove into Russellville, walked into a law office, and killed the receptionist, a young woman named Kathy Kendrick.

Simmons had previously been infatuated with Kendrick, but she had rejected him. So now he's just getting some revenge on people. Okay. And this happened after Christmas? Yes. Doesn't count. This all counts. This doesn't count.

It doesn't count. He was wearing that exact Santa hat that you're wearing right now. That's why it counts. He next went to an oil company office where he shot dead a man named J.D. Chaffin and wounded owner Rusty. Taylor. He then drove onto the mini-mart where he had previously worked, shooting and wounding two more people. Afterwards, Simon went to the office

of Woodline Motor Freight Company, the other place that he worked, where he shot and wounded a woman. So he's just getting revenge on ex-co-workers and just people who didn't like him very much. He's going around town on this killing spree. Yeah, with a gun, right? Yep, with a couple of pistols. After

he went to that last place and he shot up some people, he just sat at the office, told the secretary to call the police, and just sat there and chatted with the secretary until the police showed up. And when they arrived, Simmons handed over his guns and surrendered without any resistance. Well, that's anti-climatic. Well, no, it gets better. Because the police only know about what was happening in these towns.

He's going around shooting up businesses and killing people. And they're like, we've got to get this guy in custody. So then they realize, we got to let the family know what this guy is up to. The Simmons family never had a telephone. So police drove to the residence. to notify them of the arrest only to find the dead bodies. Whoa, whoops! That didn't work out very well, so the news didn't even know about this.

The news reported on the killing spree had no idea what was going on the days before that with his family. So here is a news report from a local Arkansas station. Shock and horror mounted today as the death toll climb following the murderous rampage of an Ozark Mountain community. Officials counted 16 people dead, 14 of them, members of the suspect's family. One of the victims was a young woman who reportedly spurned the alleged killer's advances. Peter Van Zandt, now with today's developments. Their worst fears came true. Searchers in the tiny Arkansas town of Dover this morning found the bodies of nine missing members of the Jean Simmons family.

Seven bodies were pulled from a freshly dug grave near the family house. Two babies were found in garbage sacks in the trunks of these cars. but there's more last night the bodies of five other family members who came home for the holidays were discovered throughout the house making this killing ground the worst mass murder in arkansas history some people just want to have a nice quiet christmas carl yeah with a lot of screaming kids showing up you're like oh my gosh it's too much so no one really knows why rinal june simmons just fucking snapped and decided to murder everyone but he confessed to everything and asked for the death penalty and a night 1990, Bill Clinton, who was the governor of Arkansas at the time, granted his wish. And made him the new governor. Signed. No. Yeah. The only person worse than Ronald Gene Simmons in all of Arkansas, the governor Bill Clinton,

signed off on the death penalty. And he was put down by lethal injection. Oh, and this is the best part. Hashtag Clinton crime family. When he was on death row, they had to separate him from the other inmates because they were all trying to beat the shot of him because he was ruining their chances to reverse the death penalty. Because he's going, no, I deserve the death penalty. You guys should put me down. Seriously, put me down. And everyone else in there is like, no, it's inhumane. We've got to get rid of the death penalty.

Shut up. What are you talking about? Just a fucking contrarian. Yeah, just an asshole to do it through. He didn't make any friends. No, he did. He was not a friendly person. Well, honestly, I don't know, man.

He had a lot of family coming to visit him. You know what? That's the part that I fight so interesting. He must have lived in the shittiest shithole of anyone because the people who got out of there must be a murder. They had to drive there from the sewer. Right. To want to go spank fucking kids. Why is Dan hosting this year?

They don't even have fucking plumbing. What the fuck? Holy shit. So that's my creep. Ronald Gene Simmons vote for Carl at the creepoff.com. Vinnie, take it away. Well, Carl, your creep had a bit of a normal streak, you know, served in the military, did some stuff. My guy, piece of shit from through and through.

Oh, that's not as fun. My creep, ladies and gentlemen, his name is Bruce Pardo. Now, some of you may know who Bruce Pardo is because he was the international. inspiration for what became a pretty fun horror movie. Carl, Bruce Pardo, let me tell you a little background of why I say he's a piece of shit. I'll start around when he's in his early 20s, right? He promised his girlfriend to marry her. They set a wedding.

They have everything planned. He stood her up at the altar and stole $3,000 of her money. I like this guy. And went out a trip to Palm Springs. Okay, I kind of like this guy already. Here's the other problem. He ends up meeting this other girl in Knoxville. up. And they have a son. When his kid was 13 months old, right? He dropped it in the

fucking pool. Don't know what he was doing. He dropped a kid in the fucking pool. The kid nearly drowned, went into a coma, lost the ability to walk. Oh, geez. Yeah. So he fucked this kid up as a baby. And then he just abandoned them. He just disappeared and fucking left them. Do we know anything about this accident with the pool? Did he do it on purpose? Do we know anything about that? We don't know. Were there any charges? Apparently, he felt kind of guilty about it later, but he did not get any charges because he just left the family. He left the mother that he didn't marry with this crippled baby that he was negligent and taking care of. Again, I don't see anything rock with this. This makes perfect sense to me. Keep going. So, did he steal $3,000 again?

He probably. So he meets his woman in 2006, about two years later named Sylvia Ortego. he falls in love and does marry her now they have kind of a rocky marriage carl and uh one of the main reasons they have a few secrets well he does she has no idea about the crippled kid i'm sure she has no idea about the three that obviously you never asked if i had crippled children i was lied to you it wasn't one of the questions on the dating website they didn't ask one of the problems was financial he was working as an engineer and apparently pulling down some all right money. She had three kids from a previous relationship. Oh, it's like the Brady Budge. Right. So one of the problems was money. And what he's told her was, we're keeping separate checking accounts. You have to

take care of them. Oh, okay. So he was like, fuck those three kids. We could be married, but we're not, I'm not paying for them. I'm not doing anything for them. All right. I mean, so far everything you've said checks out with me. This guy's a complete dickhead. I have a separate. He's a complete fucking asshole. My wife and I have separate checking accounts. Well, so do my. So do I. So there you go. So we're all in the same buck. But it's not because we want to make sure we don't take care of it, make sure that her children don't get a penny. But it would be if she had three children from a previous marriage. All right.

All right. So apparently the mother of the 13-month-old found him and is now suing him for child support for this child. Okay. So he's pissed off about that. Well, he doesn't like giving away his money. Sylvia Ortega, his wife divorces him. and they have a messy divorce okay he gets to uh he has to pay her 10 grand

and then he's got he has to pay ready for this 17805 a month in spousal support oh not just child support but also spousal support right what would rake ruth think about that he would not be a fan of those no he would not so not only that Sylvia kept the ring she kept the dog she moved into her parents house

okay hold a second first up Are you supposed to give the ring back? It's kind of worthless, right? I would say so. Whatever. This cheap skate, if he bought it, I would say so. So he complained to a bunch of people that she was living with her parents. She didn't have to pay rent.

She bought a really, really nice car. She went to Vegas. She was going out to eat at restaurants. She was taking golf lessons and massage. Do the kids ever eat? Does those kids ever eat again? It sounds like she was using all of the money on herself. Well, he just didn't like her.

And he starts basically defrauding the company he's working for. by patting extra hours on because he just was so pissed off that he had to pay this extra money. By the way, if you're not doing that, you're an idiot. You're leaving money on the table. Okay. Enough advice from you today. So he lost his job. The divorce happened in June.

He loses his job in July. Well, on Christmas Eve, 2008, Bruce Pardo went to his ex-in-law's house where Sylvia was living, dressed up as Santa Claus, Carl. I like it. And under one arm, he had a package that was all wrapped up nicely. And then in the other hand, he had a 9mm, a semi-automatic. He knocked on the door. His 8-year-old niece answered the door.

And he shot her in the fucking face. Then he walks into the house and just starts spraying shots. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. There's 25 to 30 people in the house at the time. That's a lot of people. The Ortegas, Carl. Yeah. People are jumping out the windows.

people are hiding he gets rounds a bunch of people up they're all hiding under a table he executes his in-laws back in the head pow-pow shoots them both has his ex-wife there and he decides to open up his Christmas gift

that he brought with him okay want to guess what was inside Carl I don't know it was a homemade flame thrower nice I never would have guessed that right and he says oh look Merry Christmas to me and he puts it on and he uses one nozzle on it

to spray racing car fuel all over everyone in the living room and all over the house. That's not a good side. No. And then he hits a thing and it just ignites all of it. Sweet. The neighbors are already on the phone with the police because people are banging on the door for help and running from this fucking house. Right. It took the cops three minutes to get there and it took them 90 minutes to put the fire out.

They said that the flames were 60 feet in the fucking air. Well, yeah, because cops don't put fires out. very often that's why they couldn't do it well the fire department oh the fire department all right all right he he burnt this house the fuck up yeah and he got away we'll do that he got away carl nice but he was badly fucking burned horribly burned himself yeah yeah what a fucking and he had a fucking santa suit on that melted into his skin oh what an idiot and he got in his truck and he drove 30 miles to his brother-in-law's house or to his brother's house and he blew his own fucking head off with the shotgun.

Oh, was he out of ammo for his 9mm? Apparently. Okay. So this guy murdered I believe it was 10 people. You should know that. If you're coming to us with a creep, we should all of people were murdered. It was 10. Okay. It was 10 people. Somebody fact-shed out. Shot a bunch of the head, shot

his niece in the fucking face, burn the whole place to the ground. All because he didn't want to pay child support. And the spousal support. That woman was having way too much fun. That is my creep this week, Bruce Part of. I got to tell you, man, that guy is the victim, because what happens with the court, what happens with the court system is you get, all of a sudden, you're not making as much money as you were once making. They don't give a fuck.

You can't go back and say, I can no longer afford this ridiculous fee that I have to pay. I have a different job now. I lost my job because I'm a crook. They don't care. You just have to figure out a way to pay it. Would you like to know the silver lining of the story? Yeah, what's the silver lining? Well, that little boy that fell into the pool, grew up to be crippled Jesus.

Yes. And that's what Christmas means to me. This is the origin story of crippled Jesus, everybody. I love it. All right, ladies and gentlemen, that's my creep. Bruce Pardo, you could vote for Gene Simmons, or you could vote for Bruce Pardo. I highly recommend you vote for Bruce Pardo.

I think they were both fun stories this week. Well, they were, and the thing about Bruce is they actually made a movie called Silent Night in 2012 where Santa murders a bunch of people with a flamethrower. It was based off of this guy. All right. I feel like you could just come up with that concept on your own. It doesn't have to be based on a true story to come up with that.

Well, this motherfucker was an original. He was definitely an original. He was a piece of shit through and through. Just a scumbag. Did he Facebook Live in at all? This was before Facebook Live. It was before Facebook Live. You know what?

I got to wonder, he drove 30 miles. Yeah. With fucking a Santa suit burned into his skin. Do you think he thought he was like going to get away? No, I think he thought he was going to kill himself there. And then he ran out of fucking balls. He's like, fuck! You know what I mean?

I don't know. I read an article somebody wrote. And they, they, they put him. posed a lot of questions about this ride and they made me think, like, what's going through your head? Are you so happy that you just fucking got away with this, but you kill yourself because you're in such

pain because you burned your whole fucking body? He knew he wasn't going to get away with it. Who do you think is going to be the first suspect in this fucking thing? Well, he was dressed. He had a disguise, Carl. Yeah, I know, but he's chilling out money to this woman. They're going to know who did it. There was a lot of people there. There was a lot of people there.

They might have a lot of enemies. As long as you drive away, they're going to get away with that. No, he got out of the house. You can't prove anything. It wasn't there. What are he talking about? He was definitely going to get arrested. Casey, good point. Synthetic fabrics are terrible. Yeah, I know. You're going to buy the expensive Santa Claus soon if you're going to set a house on fire. All right. Well, that is this week's competition. Make sure you vote at the creepoff.com. You could vote for, like we said, Gene Simmons. You could vote the correct way for Bruce Pardo. We got any voicemail or communication

coming in this week? We got a bunch of it. But before we get to that, I just have to take a second. and just to all of you Photoshoppers out there. I got a name drop a couple of you because holy fucking shit, I'm impressed. What's the name of the dude who did the South Park thing for WATP? Gangreneously? Yeah.

Yeah, he did some of us. He did Vinny the Poulino and Carly too. Yeah, that was awesome. That one was really, really great. The South Park thing is amazing. That's like next level. I'm turning that into a poster. Yeah, even Mark I Belito was all excited

that he made the cut. Yeah, he was talking to him on Saturday. He was so excited he ran into the same thing. stage at the wrong point, but you can watch the X-Jelps live video to see all about that. And that also, James Obsolete did another good Vinny the Pulino, but the winner of

the best, in my opinion, I lost my shit was Mick Sogg who did the one that I sent you the other day of like you and me is piglet and poo. Yeah, I mean, these aren't even Photoshop. These are illustrations. Like these are legitimate, like, good art. Yeah, it's great.

So keep up to good work. We love it. Thank you. You really made my I left so fucking hard at a lot of these. Keep them coming. Also, some love to imbecile Wilhelm. We love him this year. Yeah. And I also... Is there a reason for that?

Well, he did some pretty good Photoshop's this year. Oh, okay, great. And so did our boy, you down with OPP. I love that name. Yes, we do too. So you guys all did some good work. I just want to shout you out because we don't give you enough love. So you could also check out the Instagram where when you guys send us those,

we try to put them up there so we could share. also want to give you credit for what you do. So check out at creepoff party. I wish you were these podcasts had an Instagram. Yeah, somebody stole it on you, didn't they? They sure did. If you look at our Instagram, that's not us. We do not do that. We do not do that. Okay. Well, we do it here at the creep off. Good. So let's talk about voicemails. Speaking of imbecile Wilhelm, he did leave us a voicemail this week. Oh, it's been a while. Yeah. Good to hear from him. Embecile here, I realize from the past that calling to complain about the creep...

Fucked up. What the hell is it called? Stupid something parade, segment of your show, theme song. To call and complain about it only serves to make you play it more often. So instead, I will call and say the new theme. theme that Grosch has penned is amazing. It does not kill the

energy of the show at all. It types me up to listen to the last segment. Magnificent. Please keep playing it. Merry Christmas. Oregon. He's trying to reverse psychology, yes?

Merry Christmas, imbecile Wilhelm. It's not going to work. The scum parade, it's called. The scum parade. I thought that the songs were catchy up that you would remember what that is. Yeah. I'm a little disappointed in us, actually. Yeah, I know. That's on me. That's on me in the Jingles apartment. Yeah. So, Carl, my best friend called in. Oh, cool.

Hey, Vinny. This is stuttering, John. I just want to say, thanks for to spend me on that show with Carl, that asshole. Thanks. You're my best friend. And if you ever need a headliner at Carlson, just let me know. I'll drop down my feed in $9,99 and a ball of course light. Speaking of, Oh, I suppose it all the cockroaches. Oh, God. Good genius. Wait a second.

So was that actually to your voicemail, not the show voicemail, but like your actual cell phone. No, no, no. That was the show voice, the show voicemail. Because I know that you and John are really good friends now, and you guys chat a lot. I just figured he probably just called you left to you that voicemail. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know anything that you're talking about. So are you ready to...

Hold on, I got a voicemail over here. Oh, you got one? Yeah, someone called into the W-A-T-P hotline. W-A-A-T-P, hey, Carl. I've seen a lot of excuses, not seeing the crocs. Get them, put them on. Crockgate is continuing to fester. Come on, you know you got to keep those little club feeders warm.

I got to get my crocs. It's so difficult. all to find ones that are hilarious that will fit. I sent you the ones. I told you the ones. Yes. When? Where?

The zebra, I said I will settle for the pink zebra. I couldn't find those either. They're on Amazon. I told you. I looked on Amazon. I will send you the fucking link. Send me the league. I'm going to order these right away.

I promise. I'm going to celebrate Christmas and Crocs. All right. We want to see pictures. I will have a picture on video. I'll take a shower. I want to see you. No, we don't want that video.

No, listen to this. I'm going to take a shower in my crox. And shave my balls with manscaped. All right, I would do a two-for-one. Are you ready for a scump, right? Yeah, let's do it. Let's go. Because Vinny's a...

Oh, you know what? Before we do that, Yeah. I wanted to play something for you. So I wrote this song back in 2008. Because Vinny's a creep. And Carl's a weirdo. I'm not kidding around.

They're both a generous psychopaths with no business to civilized society. And they're going to take you on a scum parade Oh, it's time for a scum. Hey, can we get the old scum parade music in there just for Christmas? Let's do it. It's just a get you jazz up a little bit, right? Get you ready to go.

Oh, yeah. The scum parade, these are my peeps. The scum parade is nothing for creeps. The scum parade. I'm parolandin' each show. That wasn't the Scum Brigade. Oh, you wanted this one? Well, in the middle of the...

That's enough jingles. We're just being dicks at the end of the show today. So, Carl, let's start at Portland, Oregon, shall we? Yes, Oregon! Oh, I forgot to pull, goddamn it. All right. A Portland man allegedly threatened McDonald's employees with a chainsaw on Tuesday.

Westbrook police officers responded to multiple 911 calls coming from McDonald's. Several people reported that a male was chasing people with a chainsaw at the location. Off-duty and on-duty officers all responded. The suspect was spotted at a tire shop near the restaurant, ran from officers, but he was caught. So apparently, this 26-year-old man named Alice Sweet. I bet his parents had a big hopes for him. The high hopes. Yeah, we're going to call him Alice Sweet.

He's going to be such a good boy. boy. He went into the McDonald's with a chainsaw, went behind the counter while employees were working. He revved the chainsaw repeatedly, then allegedly stole food and drinks and left. Yeah. So food and a drink and they grabbed a happy meal and took off. I want to point something out. If you have a chainsaw, you don't have to eat McDonald's food. That's surf and turf shit right there. Like you can walk into a steakhouse. You could go right into Ruth Chris with a chainsaw. Yes. You get a table, no problem. Anything you want off the menu. If you have a knife, yeah, maybe McDonald's. Maybe you settle for McDonald's with a knife. But with a chainsaw,

you could do way better. Yeah, you just brand a shit at a chef. Right. Get to cooking. Let's go. Throw some more crab meat in there. So the manager confronted him as he in the parking lot for some reason. Like the guy left, he had his fucking Big Mac and his fries.

How dedicated are you to your job that you want to go confront a guy with a chainsaw? Because he grabbed a Big Mac. I almost said Whopper, which would have pissed off Patrick Michael. Grabbed a Big Mac. He almost took a Baconator. Yeah. Everyone knows a Baconator. It's Weddies.

So listen. Hold on. this is the syndrome that I've never understood the people who are so goddamn dedicated to their shit jobs it blows my goddamn mind because who fucking cares can I tell you a quick fun story lock the doors keep everybody safe everyone loves when I talk about what happened when I was down in Tampa let me tell you a fun story oh Cuban sandwich thing again no there was a family dollar right near our Airbnb we were like in the ghetto was really shitty neighborhood and I walked in there to buy some supplies

and things. A crackhead comes in, just grabs a bunch of shit, and just walks back out, and I'm standing with the cashier, she's like, they don't pay me enough to care about that. I was like, good for you. That's how you should react to that. Right. And a McDonald's,

who gives a fuck with this? Take a goddamn chair. Who cares? Could it have been even $10 worth of food? It was probably $6.5 worth of food we're talking about. Dude. Gives a shit. Carl. When we're talking to, actual cost to McDonald's, there isn't $10 worth of food in the freezer at that fucking place.

Dude, funny, funny story. I went to a McDonald's with Dick Masterson once, and he asked them if the Big Macs were any good. Anyway, keep going. Keep going, Vinny. I'm just saying, I told the story about my brother when he worked at the fucking family dollar and chased somebody over a pair of fucking socks. So stupid. What is going on with the mentality?

If you, whatever. Whatever. Yeah. Alice Sweet was charged with robbery, criminal mischief, refusing to submit to arrest and violation of conditional release. Oh, let me backtrack here. The manager confronted him in the parking lot where the suspect then allegedly chased the manager with a chainsaw.

Police had the suspect damaged two vehicles of a lot with the chainsaw. That's a fun day. That guy was having a fun time. Oh, God damn it. So Alice Sweet, there it is. I like it. This week, in reasons to never have children, did you know that they could be creeps too, Carl? We should have a jingle.

Reasons to not have children. It seems to come up a lot. I think that should be you. I think that should be on you. I actually have here in the notes, can we get a jingle? Did you really? I do. I have it written right there.

Great minds. Or whatever. Creeps. Berea, Ohio. A 14-year-old boys facing several charges, including attempted murder, after police say he was trying to poison his grandpa. I don't know why you would want to poison your grandpa. Was your grandpa like an asshole? Carl? No, I didn't know my grandpa

very well, though, so he might have been. Yeah, okay. Your parents kept you away from him. Yeah. They were contacted, the police were contacted on December 9th by a man who said he suspected his grandson was tampering with his coffee creamer. He was fucking messing with his international delights, Carl. Yeah.

So in an attempt to poison him, right? The 64-year-old grandfather drank some, but told police he tasted it tasted bad and had a chemical smell. He thought that it might be spoiled. This reportedly happened over a 10-day stretch, and each time the grandpa didn't drink the coffee. He was like, there's something wrong here.

After a few days, he looked on the grandson's computer and said he found a Google search on how to poison your parents. Yeah, I love that this is a 14-year-old kid who doesn't want to hide his Google search history, and the 64-year-old grandfather knows how to find that? This kid's sloppy work, man. That's sloppy work. Well, leave it to a teenager these days, right, Carl? Lock your computer up, you idiot.

Now, let me tell you why else this kid is a fucking idiot. Let me tell you what was in the coffee creamer. Yeah. He put lime juice. Delicious. Pepper juice. Yummy. Household cleaner.

Not so much. Depends on the night. And wasp and hornet killer. That'll taste great. Is that lime juice for flavor? Like, what's the point of that? Like, you would think that if you were going to put some, I don't want to give somebody a fucking blueprint on how to poison something for Christ's sake.

Yeah, but it tastes a little bit more like a creamer would taste. Right. You want something that's like flavorless. Not for nothing, but there's never been a better time in history to kill your 64-year-old grandfather because you can just say COVID. No matter what, no matter how he dies, he could hit his head. He could get, COVID got him. COVID, man. What are you going to do?

No, don't drink that coffee. So this kid's a fucking idiot, and he's been arrested. Yeah. He confessed to the crime. He's in juvenile detention on charges of attempted murder, domestic violence, and contaminating substances for human consumption. And we talked about how that's a reason not to have kids. Sometimes it's the long play. That's his kid's

Who's trying to kill him Like you get through like your first round of kids You're like okay good No one's trying to kill me yet I guess I'm in the clear No not so fast Yeah you can never rest You can never rest

You'll never be safe You'll never be safe Get that fucking jingle going Hey Carl Our next creep Oh there's no place like home For the holidays hailing from Rochester, New York.

Yeah, we did it, baby. We're on the map. We made the scum parade. Gentlemen by the name of Sean R. Sullivan 50 was convicted of production of child pornography and was sentenced by chief U.S. district judge Frank P. Jerey. Jurecy, Jurecy, Jurecy, he's one of ours. Sullivan was identified by the FBI through a child pornography investigation over a peer-to-peer-neuracy. work. Investigators executed a search warrant of Sullivan's Twilight Drive home in April 2019.

They seized multiple electronic devices. So the victim resided in the home with the defendant for several years. Sullivan drugged the victim to create the images. The alleged incidents happened between July 2005 and December 2016. So this was a fucking long run, a long fucking time. At least the kid got to do drugs, though. Yeah, yes. You know, if you're going to be a victim of CP, you might as well get high true no comment there was over

100 voyeuristic videos and images of a girl approximately 8 to 13 years old the criminal complaint said some appeared to be secretly recording in a bathroom another hard drive contained over 9,000 images and 8,000 videos of child pornography like I said man these fucking petos

they sit on fucking kitty porn like a dragon on gold once they have it they can't stop collecting it and you ever knows whenever you hear about these CP instances and what did I say instances whenever you hear about these these CP crimes about cerebral palsy I think so okay whenever you hear about these it's always like they seize so many hard drives from the person's house they're they're always sitting on all of these hard drives I think we can arrest these

people by just going to Best Buy right do you need all those fucking hard drives okay do you know how many fucking Pitos have been caught by Best Buy no I would absolutely These fucking assholes go to the Geek Squad. I might have gotten some virus on my computer. Yeah. Yeah. And they get busted all the fucking time. They really are.

Yeah. God bless. You know what? Those guys at the Geek Squad really are heroes. I don't want to help these people out. But when you delete a file, it's not actually deleted until you overwrite that space with something else. So you might think you've deleted all your child bored. It's still there, you idiot.

Don't help them. Sorry. Don't help them. So cooperating witness also identified other images found on Sullivan's computer. Some of the images and videos depicted the witness's daughter and her daughter's boyfriend engaged in sexual activity. Both the daughter and boyfriend were under 18 years old when the video was capturing. Apparently like his fucking sister's kids were fucking and he was filming that too. During an interview with the FBI, he admitted he had been, quote, looking at child pornography off and on.

Yeah, that's one of those things that's like, I could probably beat this. cold turkey. I'll be done with this for a while. Yeah, so he is in prison for a very, very long time. Good. Yes. It's nice to know that the police in our area and the FBI are all working together. These creeps always get busted by the peer-to-peer networks, too. Like, they cannot stop sharing this shit with each other. Why? They know they're going to get caught, right? I mean, you started a band. I hang out with other comics. It's kind of the way it works.

Yeah, but it's common interest. Yeah. It just, they always get busted that way. Hey, Carl, what do you say we end this week's scum parade when we go to Texas? This is going to be rough. Do we want to ward people? This is a, well... This one's a rough one. Yeah, I got a little more information than the article I sent you to. Me too.

Oh, you did too. I read up on this one because I was like... What the flying fuck, right? Yes. Okay. Well, actually, let's start with this. I want to play the news report. Sure.

Listen to how they reported on this on the local news because they're like blown away by this. Horrifying. Doesn't even begin to describe. new information in the death of little Hazana Anderson. Court documents say the girl's mother and her boyfriend beat the child. The details tonight so graphic we won't even describe them to you. I'll describe them to you. Here's what happened.

22-year-old Tandre Christian was sentenced to 20 years this last week in the death of her daughter, by the way. So let's just say this. They beat her in a Houston hotel room, right? they admitted that she beat the daughter with the belt because she was crying she said the toddler was going in and out of consciousness so they put her in the bathtub to try to revive her as christian was removing the child from the tub she said she noticed signs of sexual abuse she told the police the child was cold to the touch so she and hewitt tried to use a hair dryer to warm her up and ended up burning her fucking skin off that's the dumbest part about this whole thing they're beating this kid this this 20-month 22-month-old girl with a belt. Yes. And at one point, so it's the boyfriend and the mom. And at one point, the mom's beating her.

And the boyfriend's like, you're not hitting her hard enough. You do not know how to discipline this daughter of yours. Here, let me show you how to do that this unruly troll-up. Yes. Because someone was molesting this kid, too. Well, let me get back into this news report. Because the way they report on this, I've just never heard anything like it. You know, this was about as difficult of a read as I've ever had to see.

I mean, fucking life. We at KHOU had numerous conversations as far as how we were going to address the subject. I mean, this is as graphic as you might get and as you might expect. So they're having conversations like, well, what are we even going to tell people about this? Because we don't want to have to tell them. And then they just go ahead and tell us everything. The two allegedly beat Hazana until she wasn't moving. Only after did Christian find signs of rape on Hazana that she confronted Hewitt.

I love that they built us up with like, we can't even tell you what happened. We're not going to tell you what happened. And then they tell you what happened. And then there's editorializing that I've never heard before. Maybe I don't pay attention to local news that much. But, but have you ever heard a newscaster say this? You know, folks, there is a special place in hell for anyone who would do that to a child. I hear that on CNN all the time.

Hey, you know, they're talking about Trump. Yeah, pretty much. So I think the reason why they were trying to describe that this is so heinous and we can't even talk about it, and it's so bad. I'm like, why are they beating around the bush like this? It's because of this. For the full details, as far as the charging documents go, we will have that on our website at kHOU.com.

Back to you. So this is all a tease from the website. What a plug. What a plug. Just try to get that traffic. Get that web traffic coming in. Well, guess what? It worked on me.

Because I went and I did find that document and I read through the whole thing. Did you read through it, Vinny? No, I couldn't do the whole thing. I gave you the summation. This is what happened. And I'm sorry if I cut you off in the middle. But basically, so I don't know why they're in this hotel room or the motel room together. But these two are dating. And the boyfriend. We're talking about the boyfriend and the

20 month old. Takes the 20 month old. No, no, no. Well, kind of. So hold on. So the boyfriend takes the 20 month old out to a taco place to get food and comes back home and it's like a date. And comes back home or back to the motel room is just like she will not stop crying. I cannot get her to stop crying. So that's when they start beating her. Well, they take off her clothes and put her in the tub, like you said, because she lost consciousness. And that's when Kristen, the mother, realize that her anus was very

wide open. Yeah. This guy was butt-fucking his daughter. That's why she was crying so much. I think it was well-deserved crying. If you're getting butt-fucked at a car by an adult when you're two months old or two

years old, that's going to happen. Yep. Yep. And the way that they dealt with it was by beating her to death. Yes, and then burning her skin off with the hairdriar. That's so silly. Carl. And she admitted to all of us. We're halfway done.

Okay. Because it gets crazier. That's right. You know what? You're right. I forgot about how this all came about afterwards. Yeah. So, how do I even, where do we even go from here?

I feel fucking filthy talking about this story. These people are such fucking filth. Nobody knew what happened to the daughter because, this girl, Teandra, kept the body in the backseat of her car in a plastic trash bag for three days. Right. Okay? Three days after that, she says her and the boyfriend tied a heavy rock to the bag

and tossed it into a lake. In the meantime, to fool people so no one would know that her daughter was missing. They took the daughter's clothes and put it onto a doll, like a real doll. and she was seen pushing the doll around in a stroller around their neighborhood. Yeah, she was in Walmart with her fake daughter. She went to Walmart too. Yeah. No, nothing suspicious here.

Hey, don't you have a real daughter somewhere? Probably, I don't know. That's her. I mean, who. No, did the boyfriend butt-fucked the doll too? The doll isn't talking. So. I'm not laughing at this story, by the way.

Just see you now. There's nothing funny going on here. She was sentenced for tampering with a corpse. I'll say it's tampering. Chuck to get into the lake with a rock tied to it. The boyfriend is now serving a 20-year sentence after he was found guilty of murder and the same charge last year. But this girl, the mother, she was fined $10,000 and will be eligible for parole in five years. Yeah.

Cool, Texas. Well, they're the ones who reported. the daughter missing and her story was so bizarre that the police were immediately suspicious. She's like, yeah, I left my daughter in the stroller in the park and then I walked 600 yards to go get something. And then I came back and she was gone. Okay. And her butthole was a normal size. Yes. What I left her. The only thing going to get out of her butt was poop. I swear to God. Yeah, so I guess the story didn't hold up to scrutiny. and became pretty clear that she was up to no good

and so she had to just confess everything. Well, uh, Merry Christmas, everybody. What a fun show. What a fun way to end the year, huh? Well, we're going to end the year next year with our New Year's creep. I think we're trying, what are we going to try to do? Best, the biggest creep of 2020? Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

Yeah, yeah. Let's wrap it up. Maybe crows should come and hang out a little bit, too. That might be fun. Let's have crows on, so that way we can get Newsom, Whitmer, and Cuomo. Get all three of those creeps. Well, don't forget to vote this week to creepoff.com. If you want to email us, email us at the creepoffpot at gmail.com.

You can leave a voicemail at 58537180808. Carl, it's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice. Stick around for some Cobra Commander. Gagia! It's the cream off. Try not to be a cut. It's Christmas.

Take a tip from Santa's home. The rest of us are doing our best to be jolly. So don't go looking like you swallowed a bunch of holly Don't shout at Carol singers and tell not to stop Don't buy your presents from the Oxford shop A pot to sing me cherry have another sherry Try not to be a cunt Try not to be a cunt

I'm slaying up to Lapland Try not to be a cunt C-U-M-T-C-U-N-T-C-L-D-C-T-C-T-C-H-H-A-H-H-W-W-S-A-W-W-T-W-T-W-T-W-T-W-T-W-E-W-T-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-E-W-W-W-E. Let me just say, I am so happy, because I have gotten the coronavirus vaccine. Yes, it's true. It really helps if you take over a bunch of small countries. They put you straight up in line to the top to get it. So I have the vaccine now. I can finally venture outside in my, well, I guess in my mask that I always wear. I guess not really a huge deal to me there. But no more living with Destro. He's gone. He'll be gone, okay? And I'm having a really huge blowout here. I'm having a big, big party, okay? I'll tell you all about it. Let me read this first review we've got.

We've got two this week. This one here, it says, What is going on here? And it's by Atomic Betty, and it says, Just Wanted to Hear Cobra Commander, read that title. Also, I find Carl very attractive. Now that's creepy.

That's funny. You want me to do it again? And here we go. What is going on here? All right, enough actual work. Let me tell you about this party, okay? I'm having myself a crazy Christmas party. Okay, I'm having all my friends over, all my villainous friends. I've got Skeletor coming over, Megatron, Mumrah, Gargamel, all of them.

They're all coming over. We're going to have so much fun, right? We're going to eat. We're going to play. A bunch of games. I think we're playing Pictionary. We're playing maybe even some Yatsy. I think maybe even Twister.

If Gargamel promises not to be so handsy this year. I'm just saying, we're going to play lots of games. We're going to have a lot of fun. We're going to get shit-faced on White Claws. It's going to be an epic Christmas this year. Second review to read here. This one is by Unnamed Source, via Apple Podcasts.

All right. Hello, I'm named Source. I feel dirty after listening. There can't be this many people in the world that need to be eliminated. Thanks a lot, Carl. There's lots of L's there. Oh, yeah, Vinnie with a Y too.

All right, well, that was the... Those were the thrilling reviews we have this week on the Creep-off podcast. Let me tell you a little more about my party because why the fuck not, right? I made some Christmas cookies this year, all right, and I made, I make the cutout cookies. They're in the shape of mini flamethrowers, just like Vinny's Crip of the Week. Bruce Pardo used to barbecue his family for the holidays.

I'm topical. You know, I'm relating to the podcast you just heard. That's how it works. That's what I've been told I need to do more. So I'm doing it. But seriously, I want to say very Christmas to everyone out there. You know, it's hard being a villain, and it's been hard this year as well being a villain because it's, well, I just got to say, I'm just going to come right out with it and say, I haven't been feeling as good, you know. I mean, I need therapy, really not handling all this well, you know.

I used to be able to kill people and overthrow governments and, you know, just maniacally laugh for no reason. all those things are foreign to me now that I've been kind of trapped down here in this bunker but I'm getting out thank God I've got the good old-fashioned vaccine I'm feeling better

Destro is not here he got me a fucking Christmas gifts this year it was a bunch of bullshit I swear to God he just went to CVS before he came over to my house I got like you know some fucking candy and a couple of things and you'd have to receipt in there, a fucking big ass long receipt.

Hey, what an asshole. All right, but he's moving out. Him and Baroness can go have their sex sound somewhere else, and I am going to enjoy myself, get outside, and sort of smell some fresh air through my weird silver mask that I wear. But I just want to say hello to everybody, you know, and thank you for supporting the cover commander in my reviews section here. Please keep your reviews coming in, so I have something to do, you know, just because I got the vaccine and I can get out, doesn't mean I have shit to do. I still have, you know, lots of free time, so hit me up, y'all.

All right, well, I'll smell you guys later. Have a happy holidays and Merry Hanukkah, whatever the hell it is. All right, see ya.