The Creep Off - Episode 45: Be Nice to Animals

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

This week we welcome Trucker Andy in studio to join Karl & Vinnie in submitting their nominations for creepiest porn actor/actress: In the scum parade we meet a anger passenger, a very negligent mother and a horny fake cop: Finally Vinnie spins the wheel and Karl needs your help in deciding his fateAlso just a reminder NO ANIMALS WERE HURT IN THE RECORDING OF THIS PODCAST! Please don’t EVER EVER EVER HURT ANIMALS!

You just beat you. Oh, Jesus. It's a bandit voice. It's the cream off. Disgusting, a little disgusting, vomit-inducing thing. Ola Creepos, welcome to

the worst contest on the internet, the show about creeps by creeps, for you creeps. My name is Vinny Paul. You know, you may also know me as The People's Champion. In the other room is my co-host, hot cuck-cacarla. What is happening, Vinnie Paul? Wait, how you doing, buddy?

I'm good. We should also welcome into the studio for the very first time on the creep off. Ladies and gentlemen, it is WATP's very own goat. It's Andy. Hey, what's going on? Nice to have you with us today. Yeah. Now, you threw some shade at me

at a bonus episode I did of WATP a few weeks ago. I'm basically guilty of your way into the studio. Well, yeah, kind of. I did not expect to be invited on. I was just trying to discredit you on WATP. I see. Yeah, I see. But I still love the show. I'm glad to be here.

Okay. Well, that's great. Glad to have you. Pleasant trees are done, I guess. What a start to a show. Can we talk about the voting? I don't want to. I don't want to. We're on a Game Point week, which means if I won this past week, you are spinning the wheel today. If you won.

And I will tell you that I looked at the voting this week. It was close. It was close all week. Yeah, it was very close. But as of this morning, I believe... Before we'd announce it, I want to discuss one thing... I believe I was up by a couple of months. Before we discussed...

Before we get there... We need to discuss one thing. Yeah. We need to remove crocs from the wheel. And we need to replace it with something. Oh, shit. This is moving too quickly for us. I'm not prepared.

I have a suggestion. Okay. What do you got? If you land on this one, you have to go spend eight hours in the Syracuse Mall. Oh, wow. So you actually have to go to Syracuse. You have to go to Syracuse and you have to walk around their shitty mall. So what is it?

Like once something is hit on the wheel, it has to be replaced. Yes. Okay, so we're placing crooks. I don't know about that one, Vinnie. What kind of content does that bring to the show? You have to live stream the majority of it. All right. I mean, isn't most of that mall an arcade at this point?

It's not even an arcade. It's a lot of drywall. It's just a ton of drywall to make up the square footage. All right. So, ladies and gentlemen, the last I checked, here was the score. You ready, Carl? Yeah, what do you got? It looks like Vinny has a 52% lead.

As of right now, you're going to do a quick refresh, see if that's changed, because it's neck and neck. It's very close. And as we look at that fight. And now I have 52%. Now I have 52%. All right, Vinny, I want to hit the horn and I want to hit the USA chant, but I'm calling shenanigans on this. Why? Please do.

Okay, because, well, I mentioned this in the Discord just a few minutes ago. Didn't we agree that we were going to stop the voting on Sunday night so this shit didn't happen? Yes. And aren't we looking at it up until real time now? Yeah. I'm calling shenanigans. I think we need to tell you the votes as of midnight last night and see who won. Well, we'll have to

do that after the show then. Oh, fuck. You're right. That's a whole thing. That would stop Vinnie from spinning? That would stop. I know it would stop me from spinning because I know I was leading earlier. I don't like this because it involves you being nice to Vinny. That's not the nature of the show. You're right. I won, baby!

Vinnie Spinning! Oh, thank God Andy's here to remind me that I don't give a shit about it. It's fair or not. If you feel this is like bullshit, I need you to start the hashtag. They already started it in the YouTube. Hashtag justice for Vinay. Honestly, I was winning last night and I was winning this morning. If you look in the Discord, even Casey mentioned something about how you're going to be spinning today.

And that was timestamped around 10.30. So this is well documented that I did have the lead. I don't know. There's a lot of nonsense going on. A lot of balance being dropped off at 3 a.m. I won this creep off by a lot. That was Uncle Sammy food. I don't vote.

I don't vote for the president. I don't vote for this show. You don't vote for the creep off? No, come on. It's a good thing. You probably vote for Vinny. Yes, I probably. Because the man has taste.

I'm surprised everybody doesn't vote for Vinny out of spite to spite you. That's how we used to go. And then the power of Anthony Fauci hate has propelled me to a five to one victory. It's really unbelievable. I want to thank all the people who support. our campaigns and supported us. I just wanted everybody to know that I expected the wheel and it's regulation and the quarters that are taped to the back are regulation quarters.

I checked them myself. I checked them myself. And I'm going to tell you something right now, Carl, I'm going to spin the wheel today. I'm going to spin it with my head held high. And I'm going to do my consequence in a timely manner, even though you have skated on your last consequence. You may be wearing them right now, but you didn't wear them to Florida. you didn't buy him for like three weeks after you lost so you should have been wearing them for like another at least three weeks i can't wait for you to get stabbed in gary yeah do i do have to wear the crocs in gary when i have to go to gary yes you do i will tell you this that these crocs i wear them around the house i wear them when i exercise i was talking to dick about this the other day he just got crocs for christmas he loves them they're the most comfortable god damn it i was i forgot i was going to wear my i had i was going to wear my i have

They're so comfortable. I have like some water ones that are, they're weird looking. That's great. His consequence was comfort. Yeah. That's great. I know. They're amazing.

I want to know what would have happened if Vinnie had gotten to do a Nick Bate album. How do the fuck does that work? I would have found, I had a plan. I would have found karaoke tracks. Oh, yeah. And I would have just done like something fun with that. That's kind of what I did with that rap one. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I would have done something good. I would have put the time in. So ladies and gentlemen, we'll spin the. fucking wheel later. Yes. All right. I'm looking forward to that. I guess that means you get to go first. Let's start the contest, shall we? Yeah, let's talk about this. We decided this week we're going to do creepiest porn actor. It's actually actor or actress car. Right. Porn star. Yeah, porn. I don't like

the word porn. These people are not star. Yes, exactly right. Not one star among them. And frankly, from what I've seen, they're not really acting either. They're just basically people who are getting fucked on film. That's pretty much what it is. There's not a lot of skill to it. All right. Let me get through my, uh, my guy this week. This is a guy, David Meza's his real name. His porn name is Mario Romo. This is a gay porn actor who's 27 years old and through porn acting and I guess he's an escort on the side. He does a lot of like gay sex work. Sure. He gets a a sugar daddy of sorts there's this guy named

Jake Marriendo and they also call him Jay Mariano I guess his friends call him Jay but Jay or Jake 51 years old and he befriends this guy. David Meza was a male porn model and Jay twice Meza's age had fallen for him. Jay

was extremely generous to this guy David. He gave him gifts, expensive gifts. That was Jay Yeah, what kind of gifts are we talking about when you say expensive gifts? In just a few months, Merendino bought Miza cars, motorcycles, and paid for trips, classes, and dental procedures.

All right, so this is this guy's sugar daddy. This is working out pretty well. You'll fix somebody's teeth whose mouth, you ain't fucking. Right. Yes, that's a good point, Biddy. Thank you. Brilliant observation. Suck it's sick of looking at that dead tooth when I stick my dick in it.

You're still during John may want to think about sucking this guy's dick. get dental work out of it so this guy he's a Texan millionaire he flips houses for a living he decides he's going to retire he buys a condo in Mexico

it is ocean front property and he wants to bring his boyfriend David down there with him to live in this car sure why not well there's just one problem with that what are your turn on basically everything

the person we're listening to talking right now is David Mezzell, the porn actor. What are your turn-ons? Oh, basically everything. I mean, I look to go crazy on my girlfriend. That's right. David has a girlfriend, beautiful Taylor Langston. Oh, whoops. So this David guy is living a double wife.

He's got this boyfriend that takes care of him and buys motorcycles and trips and dental work. And then he also has this 20-year-old girlfriend who's, by the way, smoking. So you're just basically shaming this guy for living an adventurous lifestyle. I'm not shaming anybody. I'm telling you the facts. Well, you're technically calling him a creep by just bringing him up here. Well, you're going to find out what this part is not why he's a creep, Vinny. Now, his girlfriend is pregnant.

So this is a problem because here he's supposed to move in with his boyfriend down in Mexico, but his girlfriend's up in San Diego and she's pregnant. So he has to figure out some type of solution to this. Oh, boy. Because he wants to be a good dad. He's looking forward to having a kid. So he's down. They go down to the condo.

Now it's not ready for them yet. So they have to stay in a hotel. So we have David and Jake staying at this hotel together. David leaves 10.30 p.m. He texts his boyfriend around 1 a.m. Okay. I'm stranded on the side of the road. Can you come and help me?

And he's not telling the truth, is he? So he says his motorcycle is broken down. And he needs this guy to come. down and help him. Now, a hotel security guard saw him leaving the hotel at 1 a.m. And he even told the guy, hey, I'm going to help my friend. He's strand on the side of the road. That would be the last time anybody would hear from our buddy Jake. So, Jake goes down to help this guy out. And later, the police find him. His bloody body dragged and dumped like garbage 200 feet down.

He was found stabbed 24 times with his throat slit. And he was found stabbed 24 times with his throat slit. And he was down in a ravine. This was a brutal, brutal murder. In fact, when they asked people, remember, they're in Mexico. When they asked people on the street what they thought happened, this is what people were suggesting. They thought that it was like a serial killer. I had to play that.

It sounded like Cartman. I like tacos and burritos. They thought that it was like a serial killer. Sorry. Adios, meo. Oh, God, okay. So the report on this I thought was odd, because remember, this guy is an older gentleman. He's a bigger guy.

He's a gay man. He has this younger boyfriend. And I'm not sure why they describe him like this. It seemed odd to me. But who would want to kill such a kind, loving bear of a man? Why do they just call him a bear? Isn't that kind of weird? You know why they called him a bear.

Seriously, was it because of the gay thing? It might be. Okay. All right. So this guy is going to have a problem. here. This guy living a double wife who messaged him and said he was stranded by the side of the road. He's got to come up with the pregnant girlfriend. The one with the pregnant girlfriend that his boyfriend didn't know about who's getting all this stuff from him. He better come up with an alibi.

You better think it went up real quick. Then Meza allegedly tells the FBI this story. Meza stated the FBI agents that he meant to rob Merendino, but that he got cold feet and left. That was his story. Meza also said that he called Langston his girlfriend and enlisted her assistance in robbing Marendino. Not a very accomplished criminal. Not one that could come up with a good alibi either. Alibi folded up like a cheap suit. I love that.

He goes, I didn't kill him. I was just going to rob him and take his stuff. Of course it wasn't me. That's a great alibi. Yeah. Fucking stupid. So very sloppy work here, Vinny. Very, very sloppy work on his part.

While Jay's $15,000 Rolex remains missing. They do find his iPad at the couple's home. Not only that, police claimed the alleged deadly duo tried to cover up the crime by erasing critical timeline data from their cell phones. The phones were wiped clean. During the period in question, when Jay was murdered, you can't trace what communications there were

between David Mesa and Taylor Langston. If you're going to murder someone, don't bring their iPad back to your house afterwards. I'm just throwing out there. Solid advice. In a news release, federal authorities described what Meza did to Merriendo as near decapitation. U.S. District Judge Jeffrey T. Miller said at the hearing, the Miriam Dictionary defines heinous as hatefully or shockingly evil. This murder was shockingly evil, excessively so.

If we try to visualize what happened, we visualize blow after blow, after blow, after blow, after slash, after slash after slash after blow, and repeat another three times. One can't even imagine the torture and torment Mr. Morando experienced. That's what the judge said. Wow. After experiencing this. Now, you're probably wondering,

what's the point of murdering your rich boyfriend? How is that going to help you in any single way? What's the motive? I'm guessing insurance? Oh, it's better than that. But there's more. Just days after Merendino was knife to death, Jay's new will mysteriously shows,

up and it's handwritten. The fate of Jake's fortune may rest on one of these little hotel note pads. Jake supposedly scratched out a new will on one of these pads and he left his entire estate to his lover David. Yep, David Meza is the sole beneficiary. What a fucking moron. And this guy, he's a millionaire. He had a will that was signed, an attorney was involved, there were witnesses, and then he's like, this overrides. the other will. You can even see the image on it's on the internet. This overrides the other will. I now leave everything to David

Meza. Handwritten on the hotel stationery. Was there a witness signed on there too? Yeah, was it notarized. Yeah. There was none of that. None of that. This fucking shithead thought he was just going to text the guy, come meet me, murder him, and then get all the money. Oh, Jesus. So

And the guy that killed him wrote it? Well, we don't know who wrote it. Okay. I don't think they had to look too much into that. I mean, it's very possible that he did write it. I don't know. I don't know who wrote it. He obviously wrote it. Well, this guy is so sloppy. Less than a month after the murder, Meza left a voicemail for his girlfriend, where he said this, every day of my life, I woke up feeling guilty. I wake up hating myself for doing that. I had to. I had no choice. No, I had a choice. But I did it because I wanted to for my family. Really, really smart stuff.

Well, he had a baby on the way. Listen, I think that any young man who has a child, on the way needs to become as enterprising as possible. So he has life in prison. He will spend the rest of his life. In prison, he has been convicted of this murder. And his girlfriend got 18 months because she was obstructing with justice. So does the baby get nine months with that too? Like, how does that work?

Does the baby have to stay in jail with her? I don't know. They're actually married now, too. So I don't know what's going on with. Do they have a jail condo? Do they let them do that? The guy's not wealthy. He was going to be if it had worked out,

but it didn't work out so he's not a wealthy guy I want to point out because I was doing a bunch of research on creepy porn starts I want to give a quick honorable mention

if I could because it's just a funny story sure go right ahead do you guys know who Asia Carrera is yeah she's pretty famous porn actress from back in the day sure

she was arrested for a DUI listen to this is the best way to get a DUI ever she brings her kid to school to elementary school drops the kid off decides she needs a little nap

walks into the school with her kid finds a couch lays down and passes out the police wake her up she reeks like alcohol and she admits yeah all right

I've been drinking she brought her kid to school drunk and then passed out in the school and then she tried to flee after the cops woke her up she's fucking fantastic

fucking amazing what a talent I know I didn't think that was good enough to win a creep off but I thought it would be fun to at least talk about that's a great story

so Andy would you like to go next oh sure why not? Well, my creep is, I mean, it's actually two creeps. All right. And my creep is Amanda Logue. But her boyfriend,

Jason, it all starts with Jason Andrews, her boyfriend. Let's hear clip one, Carl. She's a small town wife and mom who leaves her family to be a porn star. She was married to a

retired police officer. He's a strapping Marine who also leaves his family and the military to be a porn star too He's just weird And when fate brings the star cross-couple together in an X-rated movie Chillingly titled Natural Porn Killers It ignites a deadly sexual passion they can only satisfy with murder in the worst degree

God I thought those ridiculous sound of clip I like this. She's like, and just by chance, they ended up being in a scene together. It's like, no, every porn actor and actress has been in a scene with every other porn actor and actress. It's not by chance that that happens. Well, what are the chances? Two paid professionals will be fucking each other. Right.

Can't believe it. So this guy, Jason Andrews, he's in the Marines, he gets out of the Marines, he gets married, he fathers a son. Yeah. And then he decides, right, but then he decides that what being a father and a husband is not for him. Smart. So he, you know, what could be better than that? Clip two. He pretended to have a British accent. He had convinced everybody in Chicago that he was from Britain and that he had become popular in the Chicago area as a DJ. This is the opposite of stolen valor. This guy must be from England.

And 27-year-old Jason parlayed that little slice of fame. as DJ Veritas sent to his second career as a porn star known as Addison. Renowned for his sexual versatility. He was essentially bisexual. Oh, it's just shocking. Wow. And this seems to be a trend, right? If you're a male porn star, you're gay for pay.

I think that most male porn stars just to get into that business are just like whatever for a paycheck, right? Isn't that what's going on? Stop speaking from experience, Minnie. Let Andy tell his story. Can you imagine being that guy's son It's like bragging about your dad Yeah Oh your dad's strong

My dad's sexually versatile And he used to be a Marine Was his name DJ Veritas? Yeah His British DJ Veritas And his porn star name was Addison I hope you have a bunch of his tracks That we can listen to later

Yeah All right well So You enter DJ Veritas Addison's girlfriend, Amanda Logue. And, you know, they seem to be on a very parallel trajectory. Let's hear that clip three, Carl.

Just like Jason had tried to escape mundane reality, Amanda walked away from her everyday life as well, as the wife of an ex-cop and the mother to a very young daughter, all of this to pursue a new career in the adult film business with a new name of Sunny Day. Sunny Day. But you know that she's the mastermind because even though she kind of like did all the same things that Jason Andrews did, she didn't become a British DJ. Smart.

So that's the smartest thing. She didn't pull the Madonna move and just started talking with a British accent. Correct. When I was down on my luck, I often thought about becoming a British DJ. It is like something that a desperate person would think about it. It might have worked better, Benny. You might want to rethink that one. Oh, dare you?

But he's like he's a success in life. There was a time when I wasn't sure if I was going to make it or not. So these two are a perfect couple, of course. You know, they're cut from the same cloth, and they start their own porn studio. They're shooting all their videos together. They shoot that natural porn killers video. Who wants to watch you people who enjoy having sex together, have sex?

Gross. I'm disappointed at this whole thing. Right. But so eventually, doing porn just isn't cutting it for sunny day. And she turns to Craigslist where she meets, what's this guy's name? Dennis Scooter Abrahamson. Scooter. Enter Scooter.

She started responding to ads online. One of those ads was posted by Dennis Scooter Abramson. Scooter had an ad on Craigslist advertising for girls to come to his house and massage him. And she had responded. on several occasions and perform massages for them. And she would often do more, for more money, of course, just like most of the other young women who responded to Scooter's ads. What he told me was, I'm not paying for their company.

I'm paying for their privilege of them leaving in the morning and never talking to me again. Now, imagine what a person that has to pay for sex would look like. That's what Scooter looks like. I was just going to say, he's saying, come over and massage me. That's an ad you can put on the internet and people do. that? Apparently. Guys, I got to go. Yeah. I was talking to you both.

Carl's got some massages to give. Good ties, everybody. But that's what everybody that tries to justify paying for sex. I'm paying for her to leave. No, this guy, you're definitely paying for her to stay and talk to you. She only wants to leave. Right. You are

paying her to touch you. That is what this is. Right. So Scooter is out with his buddy Maynard and his Maynard's wife Amanda no relation Carl and they go back to Scooter's place

for like some nude hot tubbing and then Amanda text Scooter that she wants to come over and give him a central massage and make a few bucks so she shows up and Maynard and Amanda are suspicious or not

Maynard and Lisa I'm sorry I know there's so many fucking aliases it's fine anyway the hooker shows up Okay. Maynard and Lisa moved to the swimming pool to get away from her. And I look over at the hot tub and her and scoot her in a hot tub clearly having sex. But what bothers Maynard is that Amanda is texting at the same time.

Then she gets out of the hot tub. Why would that bother you? He's like, what on earth does she keep texting for? Do you know how many people just look at their cell phones during their job? Come on. Right, right. During their job. No shit.

Plus, isn't it like a category? like cuckolding where the girl like is so bored with you fucking her that she's like texting with friends or i mean i don't know i don't see the problem my wife is always texting during sex she's usually looking up penile enlargement um methods i was just like this is the most normal part of this story yeah i actually saw my wife texting during sex i was like hey you get out of here what are you doing my wife so they're very suspicious of sunny days showing up and um After they left, Maynard can't reach Scooter the next morning. He's checking up on him, and he decides that he has to go find out if everything's cool.

Clip six, Carl. Maynard knows something is wrong. So I walk around the back of the house, the hot tub still running lights are still on, back porch lights still on. So he calls one of Scooter's relatives, who goes to the house to find him. Line face down, naked and bloody, on his favorite piece of furniture. The massage table, where countless young women have been paid to rub him the right way. Oh, no. Just a sacrifice on the altar.

So can you imagine being the family member that gets that phone call? Hi, this is Maynard. Is this Scooter's niece? I think that your uncle's, you know, porn star turned prostitute girlfriend may have murdered him. Can you go do a wellness check? You know, he was just so proud of his massage table. Run, that's the other thing.

His favorite piece of furniture. I got so many HJs and BJs on this. All the Js. Now that would be sentimental. If you're thinking about something in your house that's sentimental to you, that would be it. Right. It's not quite a pool table.

Yeah, not like a bolted or a piano. But it's weird, though, the people that lived in the house before did have their fingerprints and handprints all over. All right, I'm sorry. That's my last WATP callback. So, yeah, it turns out it's a murder most foul, Carl. Clips up. He had a huge hole in the back of his head.

There was blood spatter on all the walls, on the ceiling fan, on the mantle of the fireplace. Clearly, he had been beaten with a lot of force. a lot of times and whoever killed him also robbed him of cameras a laptop computer a credit card and six thousand dollars in cash okay now this is where things start right was it chad zoom out yeah they started finding all the kinds of charges on his credit card but um so you would think that once you've committed a murder the first thing you would want to do is start covering it up so that people wouldn't find it.

But this is where, you know, things are, it's like the stupidest crime ever committed. Yeah. Because the evidence is just everywhere. Okay. Let's hear it. Detective's William Lindsay and Lisa Shunnaman find all the evidence of the murder and a hamper, not far from Scooter's body. And the hamper contained the victim's cell phone, the murder weapon, which was

a one and a half pound sledge hammer two different knives both of which had been used to stab him I don't mean this anymore are you telling me that this guy good old Addison the DJ came in

and splattered this guy's head like fucking Gallagher with a sledgehammer is that what you're trying to fucking tell me oh my god yeah it would seem so it's a slandromatic So even OJ's like that's some really sloppy work So they go through Scooter's phone records and they notice that there's a number

That it turns out should be you would think that it would be sunny day's phone number Okay But it's registered to Jason Andrews and these guys are it's the stupidest pair of morons that ever I don't know how they thought they were going to get away with this they're just like leaving the murder weapon and they think

that they're going to dodge the cops by taking the SIM cards out of the Blackberries but then they go on to be arrested for maybe the dumbest thing that you could be arrested for. Hold on. Were you trying to say this Andy? Uh-oh, retort alert. Retort alert class.

All right. Sorry, back out here. So they, yeah, they get apprehended for maybe the dumbest thing that you could get arrested for. So our crime analysis started doing the background checks. And it was just learned Jason and Amanda had been arrested for shoplifting in a neighboring county and caught in the act by store surveillance cameras. How many days after the murder is this? It had to be within two or three days. The detective interviews Jason and Amanda in general. What did Jason say about his number being in Scooter's phone?

He explained to us that the phone was registered to him because he had a Blackberry, but also Amanda had one. So you get away with murder and then you're like, you know what killing a gross slab really does for me? It really makes me hungry for funnions and fun dip. Anything fun, let's just go stuff it down your pants and they get caught for shoplifting. Yeah, usually crimes like ramp up to a larger crime. usually ramped out like that. Yeah, these idiots went completely backwards on us. We just murder the guy.

Now let's go steal some candy from a convenience store. Yeah. Not quite the adrenaline rush that they were hoping for. Okay. So they're both in police custody. And this is where the line is drawn by who's the bigger creep. Of course, Amanda, Sunny Day, just throws her boyfriend right under the bus. And Amanda is quick to turn.

Turn on Jason and blamed Scooter's murder solely on him. According to Amanda, while she was performing in the massage, Jason Andrews came in in a fit of jealous rage. He started just bashing him in the back of his head. And I turned around, I freaked out, I almost threw up, and he told me to suck it up, you stupid . You can handle this, and then he grabbed me by the back of my hair and drove me over to Scooter and made me see what he had done and told me if I told anybody,

that's what he would do to me, and then he would kill my daughter, and then he would burn my dad's house down with two minutes. Yeah. And then he said, here, touch this knife a few times in a beautiful places. He said, suck it up. She's like, I was trying to suck it up. I was sucking it up. Oh, I do is suck it off.

And then you smashed his head open. So From what she describes She's you know She was just doing her thing And her boyfriend came in And And it's all his fault

Turns out They found those SIM cards That they took out of their Blackberries And guess whose idea This whole thing was She's texting him back and forth How she can't wait to murder him Jason replies

Quote I'm so glad you're really committed to this take keep eyes for a knife etc for me you badass amanda text jason quote i'm excited i want to after we kill that around 5 30 a m am amanda gives jason the heads up that maynard and lisa are finally leaving texting him quote lie down in the back and cover up and when maynard and lisa have gone jason text amanda to get ready to kill scooters saying quote just get him relaxed and face down. Take your time. Either bash him or tell me to get in and where to go. Then Amanda texts back.

Telling him that she was unlocking the door and that she was looking for a weapon to bash the victim with. These people are fucking morons. Total moron. This guy is just like laying in the backseat for God knows how long. Like maybe like two, three hours. Why they're texting these things back and forth. All right, here's the thing. I hate what I have to tell people how to do these crimes. Here we go. You have to come up with words that mean something that only you know, like, you know, like a pizza for a CP. Man, I can't wait to get a bunch of pizza on my hard drive later tonight. How fucking dare you be smirch?

The good name of pizza. Man, I'm going to eat so much pizza from my computer hard drive tonight. It doesn't mean CP. It doesn't eat CP. Why are they texting? I can't wait to murder this guy. What a fucking moron. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

God, you're telling me. And even though that they have this whole conversation that fucking moron was so brainwashed, Jason, Addison, DJ Veritas, he just defended her to the bitter end

and said she had nothing to do with it. What a sim. And this is his audio confession. I was standing just behind Mr. Abramson. She was still massaging the victim, I struck Mr. Abramson the first time very, very hard, could feel a physical crushing of the back of his score. I, at that point, continued to strike Mr. Abrahamson

repeatedly up to a total of maybe 50 or 20 times, each time with a greater deal of force. After I was done striking Mr. Abramson with the hammer, I just stood there and looked at him, and I just took stop looking for, there's at least five minutes, if not ten, that I stood there. And he would start twitching out, just try to give him again with the hammer. I then went to the kitchen, had a knife. I made three major stab wounds. So, yep, he ended up getting life in prison for that, and she got 40 years for second-degree murder. What an asshole!

I like how he just bashed him over the head, like Gallagher. I really do. He just probably made some dumb musines. He was like, how come you drive at a parkway? And you park in a driveway. And he's just beating the guy over the fucking head. Where was his British accent during that confession? Oh, that would have been great if he was doing it.

You see, the chap was laid there on the cart. Oh, you like getting ahead? Now give me yours. All right, kids. Let's get down to business, shall we? You're ready for a real creep. We got one more. I know you all had to sit around through those two.

Now it's time for a real fucking creep. Ladies and gentlemen, my creep this week was born as Eric Newman. That's his name. He was born in Scarborough, Ontario, which is pretty much outside of Toronto. And let me tell you a little bit about his childhood. He was one of three children, and he was homeschooled for much of his childhood, with no contact with children, his own age. According to him, his mother was obsessed with cleanliness. and would routinely lock her children out of the house

and once put her children's pet rabbits out in the cold to freeze to death even when he was six or seven his mother forced him to keep wearing diapers both his grandmother and younger brother abused him for his effeminate tendencies that's right his grandmother made fun of him for being such a little pussy

his mother made him wear diapers until he was six or seven years old I have a question yeah go ahead they put the rabbits outside to freeze Yeah, those were his pets. Rabbits live outside. Yeah, well, they froze. I'm confused by this. The cold Ontario winter.

Yeah, but that's where rabbits... But they could go and get shelter and stuff. That's where rabbits live is outside. She just put them in a cage outside so they couldn't get shelter and shit. By the way, the guy's Canadian accent is super distracting. I know. It doesn't even sound Canadian. That guy's Irish.

So, okay. So let's not get too hung up on it. Because our boy, Eric, as he got out of high school, he got into the pictures, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah. He got into a particular. kind of picture. You know the ones where the men take their clothes off? Yeah, those ones.

He got into the male pictures, and he had many great porn star names. He went by a lot of different ones. He went by Vladimir Romanov, Matteo del Santo. He went by Jimmy. Jimmy's good. Justin. The other ones are hard to remember. Jimmy and Justin are good.

Angel. And Kirk Trammell. Oh, Kirk Trammle. Oh, Kirk Trammle. Why did you say so? That Kirk Trammle. I'm a huge fan. Okay.

That's not his most famous alias, but we're going to get to that in just a minute. This guy loves attention. And like your creep, Carl, he also kind of became an escort. And he craves the spotlight, this guy, okay? That's his number one goal, is spotlight and fame. I want you to keep that in mind. Here he is being interviewed about him breaking the law as an escort. Someone asked him on some late night Toronto television show, a simple question.

Becoming an escort, do you enjoy your work? Yeah, you know, I really do enjoy my work. I get to meet new people all the time, and, you know, I'm a people person, and, you know, it just worked out great for me, you know. Yeah, doesn't he sound great? He just loves his work, okay? But he also starts getting himself in a little more trouble, Carl. In 2004, Luca first caught the attention of the Toronto police after he befriended a 21-year-old woman. with the mental capacity of a child and convinced her to apply for credit cards.

He then racked up $10,000 in unpaid bills. The police quickly caught onto this and he was charged with fraud. However, initially, police alleged he sexually assaulted the woman and videotaped it. But the police dropped the charge before the case went to trial. In 2005, Luca pled guilty and was convicted of four fraud charges. Now he's going to jail for fraud. This is his first major crime They let him go for apparently

Raping a slow woman On videotape Yeah Why do they drop the charges They were just like eh That's insane Oh we're gonna let him have a second chance there They're in Canada

And you heard them use the name Luca Apparently Credit card fraud is worse than rape That's right Chad You heard it Chad Apparently that's a worst crime Because that's the one they wanted to bust him on That doesn't mean shit in Tampa though

Wow And apparently you can't get into porn as a man without doing men as well. It's really upsetting. Yeah, man, that child a dream shattered. Now, you heard mention the name Luca. At this point, he does change

his name officially to, you ready for this? This is his the most famous name he went by Luca Rocco Magnata. The porniest male pornster name there is. That is correct. It is up there. And

at this point, he's trying to have this real, like, fabulous type existence. I want you to understand the type of vibe he's giving off and who he's dating and the scene he's traveling in. I met Luca McNata. That's his girlfriend, Barbie Swallows. It's funny because the first thing I said was, I hope you're not going to murder me or kill me as a joke. The most weirdest relationships that I've had, to be honest. But don't get me wrong, he was a nice guy. He was very sweet and very romantic. Like, he took me out to Captain Johns. on our first date.

Well, he picked me up with a limo, right? Several. That's right. He, uh, not only. He dated the lead singer from Motley Crew. That's impressive. That's Barbie Swallows. Oh, Bob's sorry.

It looked like someone on Allison. Took me out all fancy to Long John Silver's. Yeah, I know. In a limo. Did you hear that? She said the first time I met him, I was like, you're not going to kill me, are you? Like, that was the first vibe this guy gave off.

I just want you to realize that. So he starts, doing social media hard guys really really hard he put a lot of profiles on various internet social media and discussion forums he created them over several years to plant false or unverified claims about himself magnata himself repeatedly dismissed such accounts as hoaxes and part of a campaign of cyberstalking against him so he starts posting all this crazy stuff online about his life and all these things and he claims none of it's true none of it's true well none of it's true because he keeps making it up for attention. He set up at least 70 Facebook pages and 20 websites

under different names. And in 2008, here is my favorite fact about him. Twice in 2008, he lost battles with Wikipedia to keep a page up about himself. That's right. That's how relevant he was. He couldn't even, Wikipedia couldn't even keep a page up about him. And he fought about it, Carl. Do you realize what we're talking about here? This is a level of narcissism run wild. Wikipedia, 2008, not a giant organization. They don't have time for that kind of nonsense. You'd think they'd just leave it up because, like, who gives a shit? It sounds like Bobo from The Stern Show, trying to get verified on Twitter.

It's like, who gives a fuck? So I'm going to show you a couple of clips. This is him interviewing to be on a reality show, and he starts getting plastic surgery, guys. Take a little look. It was shortly after this that he began to get cosmetic surgery. hair transplants like I said before and I'm planning on doing muscle implants in my

pecks and my arms so go to the jam you just remains to be seen but because that's pretty you think you're a bit of an addict yeah my name's Luca and I'm a cosmetic surgery addict yeah he is that was him originally how does he have so much

money that's expensive shit right now I want you to hear this other question that they asked him same interview you're going to love this Carl I want you to Listen to the question, then listen to the answer from this fucking meathead. How important are your looks to you? Oh, my God.

That's number one. Okay, number one is looks. Number two would have to be intelligence. And I don't know what the rest are. All I do, all I care about is number one, basically. Are your looks important to you? Looks are number one. And then intelligence is important, but not really, not intelligence.

It's just my looks. Vinnie, where does looks end up on your list of things that are important to you? Very low. Very, very low. Can you count that high? Maybe if I get my butt implant, then I will get on Canada's Got Talent. So he caps all of this off with his grand coup d'etat, where he goes to the Toronto Sun. He shows up in the lobby, and this little publicity stunt happens.

Luca dropped by the Toronto Sun's headquarters in September 2007 to deny online rumors that he was dating Carla Hamoka, a woman who, along with her husband, murdered tree teenage girls. She was arrested in 1993 and released in 2005. My own career is kind of going downhill, basically, these days, to be honest with you. And it's all because of this whole rumor of you dating Karohamaaka. This is the thing that's... The rumors destroyed my life, basically, and I've been receiving deaths. threats. My address is posted. That's why I had to move. I want my Pomeranian back. I was taking it out of my SUV. I'm about to have a nervous breakdown here. My reputation is completely ruined.

I just, everybody, I want to set the record straight that me and her have absolutely no connection. I go in to see casting directors. I go in to see agents. You know, they know who I am. You know, it's all over everywhere. so this motherfucker makes up a story that he was dating a woman who murdered three teenage girls and was released from prison but he makes up the story just so he could show up at the newspaper and deny it yeah okay that's brilliant it's crazy yeah but it shows the type of balls this fucking lunatic has now it always be like if somebody made up the fact that a really successful podcaster was constantly talking about him on his show and putting out these dog whistles that he was really excited about doing a show with that other podcast. It'd be like crazy like that. It would be.

This is where things start to get a little dark. Some people are watching this know who Luca Magnata is because there was a Netflix documentary about him after this next incident happened. His videos on the internet got incredibly dark. In 2010, shortly before Christmas, a video called One Guy, Two Kittens, started circulating on discussion boards. The video depicted an unidentified man whose face was concealed, placing two kittens in a sealed bag and so well.

That guy didn't want to tell you what happened, but I'm going to demonstrate it for everyone here in the studio. Andy, I'm going to need you to hold this bag of cats for me. Okay. Would you mind holding this bag of kittens? I've got a firm grip on it. Hold on. Just hold on to it.

tube in here. I've heard this video. Hold on. It's a cat juggling. I almost pulled that clip. Hold on. I got to get this attached. Hold on.

Here we go. Just pop it on reverse. Turn it off. I do not understand the smile on your face right now, Betty. What smile? I'm not smiling. I just wanted to let everybody know what he did. I just want everybody to know what he did.

He fucking suffocated. two little tiny cute kittens. I can't wait when stand-up comedy starts up again. I can't wait to see what your new act is going to be. So it might be cat chugly. So I'm suffocating these kittens the other day. This motherfucker fucking suffocated these kittens and a national, international manhunt from like pee to people.

Yeah. They try to find this guy and they're looking really, really hard for him. He ends up living in Toronto in an apartment. And these people are stalking him all over the earth trying to figure out. who this guy was. And in the meantime, he's not getting any more famous. They're looking for him and they start this Facebook group where they're all trying to be amateur detectives looking for this guy. He joins the group too and then started sending them links to more videos of kittens being killed. Just to fuck with them. So he's really crazy. But that was not the piece

to the resistance, gentlemen. I'm going to tell you a little story about what he did next. Imagine a room The only thing you see in the room is a poster for the movie Casablanca and a bed This music is playing An 11 minute video titled One Lunatic, One Ice Pick

Was uploaded to a website called BestGore.com We picked in a naked male tied to a bed Being repeatedly stabbed with an ice pick In a kitchen knife Then dismembered

Followed by acts of necrophilia. The perpetrator then uses a knife and forth to cut off some of the flesh and gets a dog to chew on the body. Then, he reportedly commits acts of cannibalism. Yeah, ladies and gentlemen,

what are we doing? I just want you all to get into the vibes. Finney, remember we're just going to have like a fun comedy show, you and I, we're going to talk about creeps and make some jokes and stuff. What the fuck just happened? I'm sorry, guys.

What the fuck is going on right now? Not only did he make this video and release it, he promoted that he was going to do it online for 10 days. He was putting up clips online saying, this is going to be happening. One man, one ice pick. You got to tease it. Coming up, that's exactly right. He did

a teaser. I know a lot about the teaser. Teaser for attention. And that is the video. Now, this video was so fucking vile. Initially, the police didn't even believe the video was real. On multiple occasions, Interpol, the FBI, and the Toronto police were informed of the video's existence. For days, they ignored the video, assuming it was a fake.

Even when a lawyer was the one trying to bring attention to the video. That was, until a janitor found Jones this member torso inside a suitcase outside a Montreal apartment building. That's right, the janitor of this guy's apartment building in Montreal. I misspoke earlier, found the body in a suitcase out by the garbage bins. What happened to the rest of this gentleman? By whose name was John Lynn, by the way, Carl. Got eaten by a Doberman? Try again.

Four days after the video was posted on May 29th, 2012, a package containing a left foot was delivered to the national headquarters of the Conservative Party of Canada. Take that! The package was stained with blood and had a foul smell and was marked with a red heart, That's right. He mailed the foot to the conservatives. Then guess what he did? Another package containing a left hand was intercepted in a Canada Post processing facility, addressed to the Liberal Party. After finding identifying information among the suitcase and packages, police quickly went to Luca's apartment. That's right. So, where was Luca?

So where was Luca? Long gone! He was running. He was running. He was running away to Europe, not only to hide, but to have a grand old time. Canada tried to let transportation services know that Luke was wanted. But by the time they were informed, he had already boarded a plane to Paris. And by the time the police reached his hotel room, he was gone. That's right. All they found in his apartment in Montreal was blood everywhere that he had tried to clean up in the bathtub, on the bed, on the mattress. Most of his furniture and everything was gone.

and they have security videos of him dropping all sorts of things into the garbage over these couple of days. So... When they tried to find him at the hotel room, they said. Is that in Paris? Yes. And he was... What do you mean he was gone? He checked out of that hotel. He was there for like a day and then gone.

Okay. That's how you do it. So this guy ends up not just going to Paris. He ends up in Berlin. And that's where he gets arrested. He was seized in an internet cafe. Now let me tell you how this guy's caught. There are posters of him everywhere. Interpol's looking for him. They're looking for him all over Europe. And he goes

into this internet cafe and a guy says, hey, aren't you that famous guy that everyone's looking for? And he went, yes. Because he's a narcissist. He can't resist it. Now, when the police catch him, when this guy who asks him if it's him and he goes, yes, goes out and tells the police, that's where he is. All these police come running and armed into this internet cafe and apprehend him. What was he doing? He was found in an internet cafe reading online news stories about himself. Yes, that is correct. Now, after they catch him, guess what?

On June 5th, 2012, a package containing a right foot was delivered to St. George's School, and another package containing a right hand to Falls Creek Elementary School in Vancouver. You can guess who they were from. He had in the mail posted, sent out the foot in the other hand, to his old elementary school and high school. Ladies and gentlemen, here's the charges that Luca faced. However, on April 12th, 2013,

Luca was indicted on charges of first-degree murder, offering indignities to a human body, distributing obscene materials, using the postal service to distribute obscene materials and criminal harassment. Ladies and gentlemen, he was found guilty on all

charges and sentenced to life in prison. Vote for Vinny this week. My guy killed kittens. That's the kicker. He dismembered a dude, he ate part of his body, he mailed limbs. This guy's the creepiest, he wins. Here's what I would say. He disfigured himself.

A vote for Vinny this week is the downfall of the creep off. Because if this is the one we have to get to this fucking level in order to win, how will we ever have fun again? Yeah. I stopped having fun 12 minutes ago. I don't know if you recognized that. I stopped having fun when I found out today, was going to spin the fucking wheel.

So you just shut your goddamn mouth. Fair enough. That's great. Fun's coming back. I forgot. Ladies and gentlemen, we're coming back. The people's champion is rallying. I need your vote.

It's a new round. When I suggested this, I was just like, oh, wait. They're just going to find just all these kid fucking videos. This was a big mistake. So to find out it was just some guy cutting another guy up. Yeah. I think it went pretty well. killing kittens with a vacuum cleaner.

And he's like, that wasn't that bad. And don't forget. No kids got fucked. And don't forget. Technically kind of did because that slow adult had the mentality of a child if you don't remember. All right, Vinnie, we get it. Okay. Go to the creepop.com and vote for you think brought the biggest creep this week.

Vinny, we get any voicemails? We certainly did. But before we do, I need to remind you that we've got our very first sponsor, Carl. Oh, that's right. Yeah. That's right. Our very first sponsor of the show. I'm sure they're going to want to stick around after they hear the beginning of the show.

But ladies and gentlemen, the voicemail segment is now brought to you by our good friends at. This portion of the creep off is brought to you by the city of Syracuse. Come see our number one attraction, the throughway entrance ramp. We'll see you in Syracuse. That's great. All right, it's time for the voicemails. Where to start? I like this one.

Hey, Vinny. It's me again. You're really a dumb Carl because he's fucking, he fucking sucks. He's very simply a glorified stunt boy, if you'd want to call it that. I don't know where you found him, but take him back. I don't know if he found him like he's one of those kind of slow cart boys who, you know, that type who aggressively fingers their own ass and then, you know, sniffs it afterwards. Yep, that's all right. So he just seems like that type.

Uh, blotts is hard. Uh, Biddy Wien, Pete's champ. That's a tape. Yeah, yeah, I agree. Oh, I'm going to sue this guy. Oh, who does he live? What does he live?

I'm going to sue this guy. Hey, you have to wear crocs. He never wears him. That's no stunt boy. That's a, that'd be the worst stunt boy ever. He doesn't do anything he's supposed to. Hey, it's me, Carl, from, Who are these great bombs?

Okay, I'm not going to really do that skit anymore for this show, but I just want to let you know that I accidentally voted for Vinnie because I'm stupid and I thought my vote already registered for Carl. Anyway, so here's the voicemail, vote for Carl. And Vinny, Chini, Spini, fuck the people,

champ. Oh, you dick. I love it. You dick. I love it. I don't know, I wonder what this is about. This is a courtesy call for a Vinny, to Paulino, this is Ted from the proton mail servers, the World's Most Secure email server company. We're going to let you know that you've reached your limit of 15 terabytes of storage for the email address of CP People's Chase.

That's not a really good call, let you know that if you'd like to up that storage, you can just give us a call back. You are one of our Platinum members. No, I'm not. You know the number. Give us a call back. Thanks. Bye. Andy, have you just...

You're ready this. Nice. Andy, if you notice how many computers and hard drives there are in the studio, it's... It's a weird, alarming amount. We produce a lot of things. So... I got a voicemail for us. Okay, go ahead.

This one came in from the WATP voicemail. Carl, Gary, Andy, I just went through it. Fucking terrifying. I got chased by a bunch of basketball players. It was... Carl, you don't want to get down a wheel of consequences. Take it off the wheel of consequences before. been to get you killed. I barely made it out alive, Carl. You have to get through. You have to get rid of it, Carl. You have to get rid of it, Carl. I agree. Let's take it off. Let's take it off right now. I'll replace that with Syracuse. No problem. All right. Okay, good. That was it agreed. That was Carl agreed. That was Carl agreed. Anything else? I asked you folks on Twitter and in the Discord this week. All right. If you could, do me a favor and tell me and leave us a voicemail, send us an email.

Whatever you want to do to communicate with the show, tweet at us. Let us know who some of your favorite scum paraders are. We're working with someone on doing a creep-off t-shirt. We're going to make it awesome. And we want to have your favorite scum parators represented on it. Mount Rushmore of talent, so to speak. Well, we could also have like Nick Bade on there too, right? It doesn't have to just be scum parades.

Absolutely. It can be creeps. And by the way, shout out to Chrissy for making creep-off t-shirts. Now, Beers-Tines. I got a T-shirt, too. I have not put it on yet. I just got to say, but she also made these lovely beer steins

with the Creep-off logo. And I love this. This is going to my personal bar at home. Thank you from the bottom of my big fat pig heart. We're very excited. This is someone telling us their favorite scum parader.

The scum parade is the one guy who took his kid with him on his, like, crime spree. I think it was robbing banks or something and robbing stuff. All I remember is that he took his kid with him to, quote, toughen him up. And I think that that is,

The smartest thing you can do. I wish my father had done that for me, as opposed to me finding his dead body when I was 14. So I guess in a way, he kind of did toughing me up for the world. Anywho, prep boy, Rick out. Thanks, prep boy, Rick. God damn, all right. There you go.

And last but not least, our final voicemail of the week. Hey, Vin, or Carl, or whatever intern happens to be hearing this message. I'm not too impressed what the, uh, Cobra Commander lately, what happened to all of this that he's supposed to say and what's going on here? Maybe that a clown could come in and do a couple of reviews. It might be a little more entertaining. How dare you? You're saying Cobra Commander's getting a little lazy, is that what you're saying?

Well, we'll find out after we listen to our Cobra Commander reviews at the end of today's episode, Tarrell. Oh, we got an update. Awesome. Are you ready for, are you ready for a scum parade? Vinnie, I would love to tell you that I'm not, but that would not be true. Let's go. Watch out for the scum parade. Oh, no, it's a scum parade.

Oh, no, it's a scum parade. Look out for the scum parade. Making Vinny's day, his day. All right, we're going to start in Portland, Oregon. How does that sound, gentlemen? Let's go. A woman is accused of punching another woman on a Spirit Airlines flight after arriving at the Portland International Airport on Sunday.

According to court documents, a woman and her two children, ages three and seven, landed on January 3rd. As the mom and kids were getting ready to exit the plane, the children had kicked the seat in front of them, court documents say. The woman in front of them, Dadrena Walker Williams, took down her carry-on luggage from the overhead bin as she was about to exit the plane, then allegedly turned and hit the mom in the head multiple times. Walker Williams punched the other passenger several times, leaving the woman with a bleeding lip and lumps on her head. Getting punched in the face is the most pleasant part of a Spirit Airlines trip. Andy and I've actually been on Spirit Airlines together. That fucking thing sucks. Could you imagine how terrible is for the rest of the people riding with you too?

Just those noises. Just crop dusting and giggling the entire time. Strike one, you're on spirit. Strike two, there are kids on the plane just in general. that's a bad thing. And strike three to your face. Yeah, strike three, they're kicking your seat. You get three strikes in your face just for that.

I want to say, punching moms for letting their kids do abhorrent things should be legal. Right. Even if the kids weren't doing it at that time, they probably were some other point. Yeah. Just punch her in the face. That mom is the creep.

Not the woman that attacked her. No, the woman who attacked her is justified in this behavior. Right. All right. Well, we can all agree that. Walker Williams admitted she hit the woman two to three times in the face with her fist according to the complaint

she told me she was upset Mrs. Hernandez's children kicked the back of her seat and stated she told Ms. Hernandez to tell her kids to stop it. She said Hernandez ignored her and later hit her on the shoulder. She's being charged with assault and harassment and then she told the kids

Santa doesn't exist well they don't so let's go to Chicago now shall we gentlemen we're going to march on up to Chicago Chicago police have charged a woman after seven children were found in a vacant apartment on the west side. Jesse Hunt, 31, confirmed to be the single mother of all seven children has been charged with seven counts of child of endangerment. Now you're ready for this shit? Inside the apartment, police said they discovered seven children.

The oldest was 14. The youngest was 23 months old. We got an 11-year-old, a 7-year-old, a 6-year-old, a 4-year-old, a 5-year-old, and a 23-month-old. They said that all of the children were in this apartment. They said that the sink was overflowing. The stove's burners were on. And the children were using a tub as a toilet. Dude, this sounds like a disgusting apartment.

The only way to fix that? Green screen. Yes, thank you. It's a green screen. You had my punchline. But holy shit, these people, I mean, these kids are in there. Could you imagine, like, is there anything worse? They got the stove burners on?

These are, like, the shittiest worst kids ever. Well, it's like the 14-year-old is in charge of everybody. Yeah. And it seems like all the other kids could take care of themselves except for the 23-month-old. And the 14-year-old is just like, just shit in the tub. I got TikToks to do. I don't care about this. Makes sense.

So the mother is in a lot of trouble. The children told the officers that the mother had left to go buy a new kitchen sink. Right. So. Yeah. And the father left to get cigarettes. Yeah. And did I mention that the door was blocked by a two-by-four?

Yeah. Like nailed them. men. It said no adults. Like looted tune stuff. Yeah. Fucking Chicago. Wow. So there's that story. Now let's go down to Jones County, Mississippi.

Jones County Sheriff's Deputy arrested Lindsay Stevens on Saturday, December 26 for aggravated domestic assault. Now, this is a terrifying story. Am I wrong, Carl? This is crazy. This is really fucked up. According to

multiple sources, she explained to the investigators that she had a dream that her husband was quote messing around with another woman which caused her to wake up go to the kitchen get a knife and stab the man seven times in the fucking chest and stomach you know she should have consulted very

whom this woman dream police they live inside my head the dream police they come to me in my bed the dream police they come into a messy This woman dreamed that he cheated on her, and she stabbed him. Holy fuck. That'll learn him, man. Trust me, I'm not giving it a temptation if I know that just a dream is going to get me murdered.

I had my wife chained up with those fucking eye things like Clockwork Orange. That's what she is from there on. When asked for a comment, the husband said, Why can't she dream about cooking lessons and winning the Boston Marathon? All right. Our final story for the Scum parade this week. Holy shit. We're going to Winterhaven, Florida. And the man in Winterhaven, Florida, is facing several charges after deputies say he pretended to be a law enforcement officer and hijinks ensued. The Polk County Sheriff's Officer arrested 37-year-old Thomas Lee Simmons on Tuesday. He's charged with armed sexual battery, armed robbery, grand theft, dealing in stolen property and false information to a law enforcement officer. His arrest stem from an incident that happened.

happened at the stay plus in according to the sheriff's office the victim said he had been speaking with simmons on a dating website and arranged to meet him at a hotel this is the part that's crazy to me when met a dude he wanted to meet him at a motel after they had met on a dating site yeah so don't you think that he was ready to have sex with this person you would think so okay i just wanted to make sure that we're all on the same page on that right this is the part of the story where it's just like this none of this is adding up they're purposely meeting an emotion Both of them are adults deciding we're going to meet in a motel room. Stay plus in is where this happened. Yeah. Doesn't sound very nice. So when Simmons came into the room, deputy said he pulled out a fixed blade knife from a sheath attached to his belt and told the victim to strip naked.

He's like, yeah, that was what I was planning on. I mean, you could keep the knife on if you want, but I was planning on taking my clothes off. Now, then he said, according to the rest affidavit, Simmons told the victim he was with the narcotics unit and had other officers outside the room. He also pretended to talk to others on a radio while he was in the room, deputy said. Officer, why are you threatening me with a knife and telling me to take up my clothes?

I'm just a tad confused. You're with the narcotics? Why are you talking into a television remote telling the guy that you're talking to the cops? This is bizarre. The sheriff's office said Simmons then took his own clothes off and sexually battered the victim. This is the most terrifying part. That's the one thing he wanted. Yeah, but they don't say how.

Is this like dick kicking or cock smacking or ass-staff? The word battered does sound dumb. Not knowing is the worst part. You know what? I'm glad you picked up on that because that was my thought here. Like it didn't say rape. It said sexually battered. Yeah.

He's just like slapping him in the face with his limp dick. He then told the victim that he had agents going to the victim's sister's house to get her as well. that's what the police office said Simmons is then accused of robbing the victim of his driver's license Passport an iPhone and Apple Watch and AirPods and three pairs of Air Jordan shoes So this guy's pretty well off

And he stayed at the State Plus Ed Why is he beating up I just want to point this out Because I have a lot of friends who are gay Hooking up with other gay men is the easiest thing to do in the world That's all they want to do is hook up So you're on a dating site

Trying to find some strange to hook up with and you bring all of that shit with you three pairs of Nike heirs? Why? Why does he need three pairs of Eric George? It's a great question. He thought they were going to have a fun weekend out. Seriously, he's like, well, what are you wearing on Saturday? I want to make sure I have the sneakers that match.

What? And probably because the guy looks like Louise Guzman. Did you see the picture? He was probably trying to leave because he used a fake picture. And he's like, I'm not fucking you. I'm out of here. And he got him at knife. You're under arrest.

I love that this guy meets with him a stranger in a motel room and brings the Apple store with him He's like way too much gear there It's way too expensive So you ready for this shit The sheriff's office then found Simmons He was at his girlfriend's house Nedward's searching the home

This is a theme today And Simmons truck Detectives said they found the item So that were taken from the victim As well as a knife matching the description Given by the victim Simmons initially gave a fake name during an interview with detectives but later provided his true identity.

Detective said he admitted to meeting someone for sex in Haynes County. Yes, I did sex him up a little bit. Now, Symmas is being held at the Polk County Jail on No Bond until the first appearance hearing is scheduled. And he has a criminal history that included charges of petty theft and possession of drug paraphernalia in Florida, as well as an assault charge of North Carolina. And ladies and gentlemen, if you were going to meet a stranger, meet them in a public place. please, for the love of Christ, you dumb-dums. Oh, my.

And with that, I like to say thank you for listening to the creep off. And thanks for Andy the goat for coming here. Oh, we're going to spin. We've got to spin the wheel, man. What are you talking about? I didn't close it. Fuck, I was trying so hard. I totally want to space on that.

All right. Oh, weird about. This should be the thing I'm excited about. I know. I'm excited about it. All right. So let's talk about first of the rules real quick, and then we're going to talk about what's on the wheel. Now, this has been a while.

I don't think Vinny's ever spun this since we've had video, the video component. No, that's true. Which means you can't lie this time. You actually have to do the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't lie. Even though it's unreadable and nobody wouldn't know if you did. You got to put this somewhere we can read it. Okay.

So real quick, what's going to happen here is Vinny's going to spin the wheel. It's going to land on a square that is his consequence. He gets one pass. If he says, there's no fucking way I'm doing whatever it is that I get to pick the consequence from the remaining list of consequences and he has to do that then. All right. Do we review what's on there? We should. We also have to replace

Crocs. Actually, I like the idea of replacing the Gary Indiana with the Syracuse thing. Okay. I'm fine with that. Which means we needed another new thing. I feel like we talked about one. Was it going to a store without a mascot and LARP is a refuse to our basket? People are already

doing that. Yeah, the if you, let's put out there. The Tina 40. Host a super spreader event It's one of the consequences The bills are playing Saturday night I'll be hosting a super spreader event At my house

So Gary Indiana is now Syracuse Okay, I like that Because Gary is We'll write that there Crocs in public is going to be It's going to be what What do we want it to be? You tell me

We've had so many good suggestions That have come through I'm going to go with Non-Mask LARP Because I think that would be funny Yeah Okay. What does that entail?

Just real quick. What do you think that means? Going into a store without a mask on, baby we go together, you go in and just film me not wearing the mask. Yep, yeah, yeah. And just seeing how many employees. Waiting for the governor to tackle you.

Waiting for them to tell me to get the fuck out. And I'm like, I have rats and I'll fucking larp it up. I'm sorry, I have to go back all the way to the beginning of the show. But I will get a test first so that I know that I'm negative, so I'm not being an asshole. Yeah. Are you going to remind me, wasn't one of your,

uh, creeps aliases like Mario Quom, wasn't it a spoof on Mario Cuomo? Mario Romo. Oh, that's it. Yeah, Mario, I'm sorry. Yeah, Mario Romo was the porn name for David Meza. I thought that was a Cuomo joke.

I thought it was more about Tony Romo, is what I was thinking about. I'm like, well, no kidding, a gay porn actor with the last name of Robo. Go figure. Okay, hold on. Dinner with the listener. Yeah, dinner with the listener. Adult diaper. Wear an adult diaper and number one.

Use it once. Yep. Podcast series on a topic picked by the other person. Oh, right. That's the one we have to do five, 10 minute episodes, right? Yep. Something like that and do a whole series. Tom Meyer's Restaurant.

Oh, I got to think about what I want that to be. I hope he lands on that. That would be fun. Seven second porn challenge. The Stuttering John book report that would be graded by an elementary school teacher. Hold on. Slow down real quick because not everyone's heard the show before. So the seven second porn challenge is.

is you have to go into a store or a public area. And blast porn as loud as possible on your phone for seven seconds. On your phone for seven seconds, like watching porn, like really loud. Okay. Yes. And then Senator John's a book report. So Senator John's book report's great. You have to order John's shitty book that no one's ever read.

Read it and then write a report and then we'll have it graded by an actual grade school teacher. Correct. Buy the semenology book, the autographed copy of it and be seen reading it in public. There was a guy who used to mix cocktails and I think he has a bunch of recipes. that involves semen. Yes. And he wrote a book and you could order an autograph version for $100 on Amazon. Truck nuts.

Yeah, put truck nuts on your car. I'm not putting on my Cadillac. I'm not doing it. You have to. Fine. Two-hour handcuff and music punishment. This is all Vinnie. What he wants to do is have one of us be handcuffed in a room and have to listen to the same

song on repeat for two hours straight. And I believe I told you what my favorite song is, which I shouldn't have done because I didn't know what you want to do. Yours was a day in the life, was it? You never give me your money. You never give me your money by the Beatles. And I said, he'd play that. But you decided that you had a better song.

You haven't told me what it is yet. Oh, I'm never going to tell you because I'm never going to allow you to do this to me. Baby Shuck do, do, do, do, do you. Cudies movie marathon. You have to watch cuties three times in a row. Yeah, while wives streaming it. Yes, yes. Which is definitely a copyrighted for Rich.

Vicks stand up or Seamus's stand up are both still on here. Yeah. So that's where you have to. redo Vix or Shamish's stand-up routine and an open mic event. Correct. In front of people. And you can't tell them, hey, this is just, I lost a bat. Yep, I just got to go up

and do it. It's a pretend you're trying to be funny. All right, I'm going to spin this fucking wheel, guys. You ready? I'm ready. I'm excited about this. Can you move the wheel? Just, can you angle just a little bit so we can see? I'm really hoping for, I want the seven second porn challenge or the semenology. Those are the

truly creepy ones. Everything else is just like tedious. That's more like a tedious endurance trial. But those two are the creepy ones. All right. Well, let's find out. That's what I'm rooting for. I'm excited about it.

There she goes, ladies and gentlemen. Round and round, she goes. I'm just going to let her spin. Yeah, all right. We're not going to interfere in any way. I am going to take the consequences. Oh, wait. We didn't add it.

Did we add a consequence? Did I already forget? Yeah, Larpine in public. Oh, right, right, right. Okay. And where are we ending there, Vinny? I can't see it. I have to do a podcast.

series. Podcast series. I love it. I love it. On your topic. What's the topic? All right. So, let's think about this real quick. I want you and I to brainstorm. Okay. First thing I thought of was my little pony. Okay. That's the first thing I thought of them. How many episodes does this have to be? So you have to do five, 10 minute episodes? Was it five 10 minute episodes? Five 10 minutes, I think. Yeah. You have to do a series of podcasts about a topic. So what do you got any? What do you think would be a fun topic? I didn't. I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't expecting this. Yeah, I wasn't either. I should have already brainstormed this. Yeah, I'm not thinking about

ideas. Off the top my head. Someone just put no fapping. The no fapping no fap is fun. That's a good idea. So we got my little pony. No fap. Think about something that Vinnie certainly would ninja turtles. I actually thought of Ninja Tos because there's a signer behind Andy's head there.

Or what about like a real housewives of some thing? Oh, the bachelor. Do you ever watch The Bachelor? Never once in my fucking life. Yeah. Maybe. like recapping the Bachelorette each week. Recapping the Bachelorette. Is that on right now? Wait, there's something that just came back on again.

I think it's the Bachelor. Oh, yeah, it's the Bachelor. Okay. How about this? How about this, Carl? How about I give you one week to think about it on next week's episode? You can tell me what my show will be about.

That's fun. That's a good idea. All right. It's going to be a Bachelor. But yeah, that's cool. I'll give you a week to think about it. All right, you have one week. I give me some suggestions, people.

Send your suggestions to go fuck yourself at Carl. and who are these pods Twitter Fuck me, man, all right Oh, this is gonna be fun I'm excited that you got the podcast This seems me lighting up perfectly I got the music challenge You got the podcast challenge

It's all making sense Whatever Enjoy the reviews from Cobra Commander Everybody Thanks Andy Thanks Andy It's nice to be important It's more important to be nice

Giga He would kill kittens, he murdered and cut up an international student. He posted the video of this online, and then he went on the run, and his favorite hobby was taking pictures of himself. Vote for Biddy! What's up, peeps? This is me, Cobra Commander, here with the Creep on. off podcast review section. How's it been going? New year, new

me, right? That's what they say. We've had a lot of shit going on here in good old America. But seriously, this capital chaos bullshit, there was far beyond any kind of villainy that I've ever heard of before.

Donald Trump, I... Listen, in fact, back at the Guild of Evil Geniuses, we were like, what a fucking slippery dickskin that Donald Trump is. He tried to overthrow America. Seriously? You've got to like take on like a

third world nation or something. You can't take on America. What an asshole. Anyway, we've got a couple of reviews this week. Then I'll talk to you a little bit about Destro and some other things that are on my mind. But let's see. We've got

two reviews here. This one's called, it says, great show. This show is almost as good as you as do you party. Do you party? I guess that's another podcast. I don't know. If you love creeps,

this is the show for you. It's hosted by one of the funniest comedians in Western New York and a guy named Vinnie. That's funny. It's a play on that. You see, he's talking about Carl there. So funny. The person who wrote that is

TRG lover. Trig. Trigg lover. I don't know. I'm trying to sound it out. The next review we have here, it says, Get rid of, get rid of Vinnie the Poop. Vinny is the type of comedian that doesn't bring his work home. Best part of the show is when Cobra Commander does an impersonation of a fat ex-basist of a crappy instrumental band.

Wait, what? Fat ex-basist of a crappy instrumental band. Who is he talking about? Who is this person? This is left by, the user is, who's right? Who's right? It's got a question mark. Who's right?

I don't understand this review. X bassist of a crappy instrumental band. Clearly he's talking about the isotopes, but I don't know any ex-basists that was fat. I know the drummer used to be fat. But I, geez, I don't know what's, Anyway, those are the two reviews for the creep off. I don't know what the hell is going on this week.

People are losing their goddamn mind in this country. Their goddamn Destro, he's so annoying, all right? But you know, who's even worse than Destro is Storm Shadow? Yeah, you know that guy that fucking white, he's the ninja guy that dresses in white, you know? He won't shut up all day about revenge. Like, I'll get them all, like, relax, asshole, all right? You'll have your time to get them all. I would rather have snake eyes here, honestly, but, you know, he'd want to kill me, but at least the guy is mute.

I mean, Jesus, I don't have to listen to his fucking bullshit all day long. Also, what is what the name's Storm Shadow? I mean, it's a little corny, right? What does it even, what does Storm Shadow mean? The Shadow of a Storm, I don't get it. It's certainly not as cool as Cobra Commander. I mean, my name tells you exactly what I am. I'm the Cobra Commander.

I command Cobra. It's very, very simple. Anyway, I hope everyone is in one piece, and then none of you assholes were up in the Capitol raiding and doing whatever things for that diabolical weirdo that's called Donald Trump, and hopefully he's tossed out of office or whatever it is, because I'm telling you, the Guild of Evil People,

I mean, evil geniuses, whatever the hell we call ourselves, we are, like, shocked, all right? We were like, holy shit. This guy's a fucking... He's a crazy. He's a crazy dude. I was like... You know what?

I even came into the meeting. I started the meeting off like this. I went... La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Like, what the hell? What is... He's telling his country apart. I don't get it.

Anyway, I'm going to get back to you, all right? Maybe next week I will have somebody else in to fill in for me. When I come in again, I have a couple of celebrity friends. I might have them over. I know a few of them. We'll see. I might do a poll to see a poll on the creep-off Reddit, sub-reddit, whatever they call it. I'll try to put a poll there to see who of my celebrity friends,

corporate commander's celebrity friends, would like to read the news for you, or read the reviews, or whatever the hell it is that I'm doing here. I don't know. Anyway, I love you all. Thank you so much. I really, I could not do this without you. Also, thank you, Carl and Vinnie, for who knows what. All right.

And I will see you guys again very soon. All right. Stay safe. All right. See ya, fuckers. This is stupid.