The Creep Off - Episode 51: The Slowest Gazelle

Episode Date: February 22, 2021

This week the despicable duo seek to discover who is the creepiest Talk Show Host: In the Scum Parade we meet a lonely guy, a Foster Mom who just wanted some peace and quiet and we question whether or not possession is nine-tenths of the law

I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation. Horror shock. Ola! Kripos! just a snappy tune. That is the brand new song from the Isotelps called Zombie Accomplishments, which I think makes for some pretty good theme music for The Creepoff.

Eh, well, Carl had to get his plug in, everybody. That's right. Go to Theisotopes.com if you want to watch the video of us making that song, recording it in the studio. Or you could spend your time doing something way more constructive and go to Blue Waffle.com and see how that treats you. All right, folks. Welcome to The Creepoff Show about creeps.

Bye, creeps. for you creeps. My name is the people's champion. Vinnie Paulino and joining me today as always my co-host, my pal. Hot cuck-cacarla. What is happening Vinnie Paulino? So good to see you my friend. Just having a good time. I really enjoyed the latest episode of Creeps and Roses. Did you? Yes. I even sent you a note privately yesterday to let you know that it had me laughing out loud. I thought

you did a phenomenal job and people and we'll get to this. You know, we've got to some input from people. We'll get to it in the voicemail segment. But the people who think that you're phoning this in, you are not, my friend. You are putting in the time. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. That's right, Carl. Can I tell you, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, every single minute that I've put into creeps and roses has been excruciating. I could tell. I could tell. Yesterday I spent probably about three hours and change on the couch watching episodes three and four of the bachelor and taking copious amounts of notes and is your wife hanging with you on this

is she still in it yeah she was hanging out but she was doing her nails and doing other stuff and playing with the dog and i'm sitting there like shut up victoria's being a bitch again it's just fucking you're ruining my life trying to figure out by the way her lips are moving what word did she just use so many bleeps that's what makes it unfun we might play a little game on this week's edition where we fill in the bleeps ourselves all right before we do that though got to talk about what's going on in the voting from last week and we both brought the creepiest furry what are the results from that vanny it was tied two to two last week well your creep uh his name was danger doberman yes and uh my creep's names were vex and jacks they uh skinned dogs and

sold them as fuck suits and murder the guy you're still trying to sell it you're still trying to sell it yeah and your guy uh just shot a guy for drunk driving and uh fucked his dog 400 times they were in love 400 times all right fine there's the there's the vote 53% of carl and danger doberman oh we're putting together a windstreet here people that is a three pete three pete three pete taking the lead three to two in this round and you're still working on your last consequence still you know weeks like this make me realize there is no god there is no god right congratulations thank you Thank you very much for the votes, everybody, please.

Thecreepoff.com. The creepoff.com. I'm starting to think the people don't believe in me anymore. Is where you can vote. I'm starting to think that too, Vinny. That's what I'm starting to think. I think you lost him. I, God damn it.

I think you lost him somewhere. I feel down. I feel down. All right. Well, does that mean we should introduce the theme for this week? That's right. This week's theme, you voted Creepiest Talk Show host. Yeah.

What were the other options? It was Creepiest Founding Father. creepiest attorney, I think. Okay. But talk show host was the winner, and boy, there were a lot to choose from. Yeah, and we had to narrow down what the definition of talk show host was, and we decided on just simply a talk show host. So, there it is. I was wondering where you were going to go with that. But then I had a whole conversation trying to define a talk show host, and basically I just

kept saying, yeah, like somebody who like hosts a talk show, like a talk show host. Yeah, like that's difficult. We got it. We got it, though. Could be radio, could be television. Hell, could be YouTube at this point. Nobody gives a fuck anymore. It could be one of us.

That's right. Let's get this thing started. All right, Vinnie. I have an exciting post that you know and love. Let's get into the world of entertainment. I want to talk about celebrity goss. I want to get into the celebrity goss and find out what's going on from the insiders and Access Hollywood.

Of course, I am talking about our friend Pat O'Brien. Hey, Pat O'Brien talk show host, celebrity talk show host, and he had a little incident that happened back in 2005, you might recall. Now, Pat, Pat is an excitable guy. He is. The very excitable boy, if I recall. He's got charisma. He can read a teleprompter. It's all the things you need to host a vapid television show or two.

And boy, when it comes to Celebrity Goss. You know, part of me said this morning, he's going to do. Pat O'Brien. It was in my mind. All right. When it comes to Celebrity Goss, it's important to both report on it and create it yourself. And that's just what Pat O'Brien did. He went above and beyond for his television show when he decided to call a lady that he was fond of and leave some voicemails for this woman. Now, I actually have the recordings of these voicemails.

Now, what I'm going to introduce you to here is Exhibit A. This is a Sunday night in New York City. Pat's out drinking with his girlfriend, Betsy. The girlfriend at the time, later they got engaged. But this is Betsy's girlfriend and him, and they meet this chick that Pat is into. And he gets her number, and he decides to start hitting on her in a way you could only do in 2005 by leaving voicemails all night log. This first one came in at 7.09 p.m. So I'm guessing Pat got an early start.

7.09 p.m. 7.9. So the late game just ended on this Sunday. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I mean, this guy must have been drinking since noon. It's not quite football night in America.

No, no. It's not even prime time yet. 7.09 p.m., this is the first call over to this anonymous woman that Pat is very excited about. You are so fucking hot. Aw. And I want to eat you. I don't want you to suck my God. I don't fuck you.

I kind of want my girlfriend. so fucking hot You're fucking hot You're so fucking hot You're so fucking hot Please leave me a voicemail Go out of the bathroom We'll leave you a voice now

I like I like at the end He was like You're so fucking hot So fucking hot Like he just had to like Take it to the bridge Take it to the bridge

Like he just had to follow it up Yeah I would say that that Sexually Harassing a workmate is creepy what else did he do wrong in case you couldn't decipher all of that one of the things he says i want my girlfriend to eat you and then the call to action on that one was going to the bathroom and leave me a voicemail right so i guess what he's looking for is a response like oh yeah i'm totally into that let's make it happen here's the next phone call that came in at seven what a sexy

name betsy is too i know she's a she's a looker i'm sure 748 p.m less than an hour later he leaves another voicemail. I'm so fucking into you. But Betsy's so jealous, but I'm fucking abstracts and I want to lick your pussy and suck your tits. But you have to be into Betsy.

I told Betsy that you were into her. He told Betsy that she was into her. If you get this message, just look at me and say yes. I want to fucking lick your pussy and make you come so much. I don't get crazy

I don't know why I'm like this but I think you're horned up I don't know he wants badly I don't know he's like this

but he has to be in a Betsy too he's going to get this message she just doesn't know I would love to know what the conversation with Betsy is that's going on parallel to this

Betsy I got to make a call Betsy we're going to go fuck this chick she's really into you I I hey I told Betsy that you're into her. Can you pretend that you're into her? There's so much

like just what's the word I'm looking for. Arrogance here. He just assumes that they're both going to go for this because that's what he wants. It's pretty, it is creepy, Carl. Well, it escalates. It was creepy the first time I heard this about on Opie and Anthony back in like 2005.

But, you know, that's cool. It escalates from there, you know, not, meaning not everybody was listening to XM radio in 2005. I would assume most people were not. So, escalates from there. There was another call three minutes later. I don't have that one because it's pretty short.

And then this next one came in at 8.34 p.m. So this is about an hour and a half after the first call to this chick. Hey, it's me. I'm so fucking into you. And you have to pay attention to Betsy, but let's have fun. Fuck you. All right, I got it all worked out. Suck your tits and watch you eat Betsy and

lick your ass I'm so fucking in dude it's incredible um check this message and then just back to business yes

the kids can watch us let's just fucking have fun the kids can watch us fucking hot and I don't do this for letting it's just like new to me oh I'm sure it's not new to you but I want to fucking

make you crazy the kids can watch us this didn't work the first time when he tried it on Mary Hart. I don't know why he thinks it's going to work on this lady. I did like that line like, oh, I never do this.

Now when he, he says he's going to lick her ass. Is he talking whole or cheeks? Oh, I think he's going whole. This guy is a horn dog. All right. He's like,

I'll watch you eat Betsy while I lick your ass. I don't think you can do both of those things at once. You got to get a interesting angle to make that work. You need a mirror. You need a fucking periscope. You need to be in a fun house to make that happen. All right. this one's a little bit longer, but Vinny, pay attention.

Can I ask the question? Does he let her know in this one how into her he is? He does. Okay. He also lets her know that she's fucking hot and he thinks she's really fucking hot. I'm looking at the transcript as we go just because some of this is maybe not all that discernible. But does she know that he's into her? I hope so at this point.

Okay. I hope that she would get the hint. Because I think, because, you know, I'm picking up on the vibe that he's really into her. Dude, listen to how this escalates now. This one is fantastic. You're so fucking hot Um Betsy's like all of a sudden

I'm not into it but Betsy's all of a sudden not into it Yeah do you think it's because you've been a fucking weirdo The last two hours The guy's just been doing fucking lines He's like scratching himself constantly going I she's gonna call back any minute Betsy She's really a new baby I promise

We gotta fuck this chick Not for me, but for you. We got to go fuck this shit. Do you know how into where I am? Let's see. I'm going to suck your pussy. Fuck dirty to you. Oh my gosh, I didn't even say. And did I mention asshole and shit, honey?

I forgot about asshole eating. Gosh, it's my face around. I'm totally messing this voicemail up. Let me go back over my list one more time. Shut my cock. Beat off your face. He laughs after beat off in your face. Get another woman up.

Batsy's not into it at this point. Let's get crazy. Did you hear that? How you're a hooker? Let's get crazy. He's like, that's what chicks are into. Hey, you're super hot. Let's get another chick, too.

Plus my girlfriend will get a hooker. This is going to be great. Oh. I'm going to hire a hooker. Let's get crazy. Get some Coke. So you get this message. If you agree with this,

just look at me and say yes. If you agree with this, look at me and say yes. I don't know what's wrong on me. Monday morning. But I fucking want that just fucking make you crazy you are making her crazy

I imagine you fucking crazy you're going to convince Betsy that you're going to watch you guys make out this is going to be a difficult task to convince Betsy's got to convince this girl I'm great at me

I don't want to call doesn't make messages by the way because no one's leaving them you can have any of these fucking hookers too you can have any of these fucking hookers too you're a pick and watch that's sexy and the kids can watch

that's sexy actually was what he said at the end there So. How does Monday morning at work go? Well, does she just walk up to him and go, No! It's funny you ask that because he forgot.

This was all during a blackout, according to him. Oh, okay. He flew back to L.A. on Monday morning. Did not remember any of this. Hey, look, everybody. Lindsay Lohan got drunk again. When he got to work that day,

he had some spleening to do. because this woman leaked these these voicemails to the producers so that probably didn't really go very well so then of course he has to do an apology on his show tell me if this sounds like a sincere apology

that's coming up as promised I have something to say to all of you the inside of yours in just a moment first Lars Spencer has something to say Hey coming up next I've got something to say and also wait until you see

these new Britney photo I am truly sorry Now Brittany's nipple. This guy's fucking, that's pretty entertaining. Here's his official apology. Great. I'm Pat O'Brien and I'm an alcoholic. For the past 50 days, I've been on a journey that has been nightmarish yet challenging and indeed fulfilling.

I checked myself into an alcohol rehabilitation center at mid-March for a problem I had been in denial over. For you loyal viewers, not for a second. Did I ever appear on this program or others under the influence? and that's the way it will be moving forward I would really prefer this show if they were drunk on it I know it would be so much more fun if you're just hitting on producers

and shit be giggling going look at this asshole hey hey camera woman get over here and sit on my lap tell Betsy to come over too yeah and no apology to Betsy there no no apology to Betsy and no an apology to who the viewers

what did he do to them I don't know but he had to go well he did create some amazing morning radio bets I'll give him that yeah well what you were stealing now, so you owe him a debt of gratitude. So then he had to make the rounds, and of course he had to go visit Dr. Phil.

And Dr. Phil asked the dumbest question I've ever heard on a talk show. When I first heard this, having known you, it just comes to my mind, what the hell are you thinking? That's what's coming to my mind right now. What was I thinking? What was he

thinking? He wanted to fuck this hot chick. That's the one thing we know about this. It's what he was thinking. He was very clear about what he was thinking. He wanted to get a hooker, He was very into her He wanted to get a hooker Wanted the Coke Yes

Eat the pussy Looked the ass Yeah we got it Do you have to explain it to you? I mean I have all the transcripts right here I can explain to you Dr. Phil You idiot All right

He was on Oprah On a show called Where Are They Now Many years later is 2014 And describing his final day Of drinking But you know At some point

I think you read the book That on my final day I must have drank 14 bottles of wine I know which is inconceivable to me When I read that I thought gosh That cannot be true Because what happens is once you start drinking like that

If you stop you go into a seizure And your body will tell you You know It's medicine And you just have to get it back You'll die if you don't drink 14 bottles of wine Okay Amy Whitehouse So many this can't be an idea

She only had 12 This gave me an idea I want to put this on the consequence wheel All right, 14 bottles of wine. Drink 14 bottles of wine in one day. What do you say? I could do that. Let's live stream it.

I used to pound bottles of Jack Daniels. I'm fine with it. Dude, I don't think it's possible to drink 14 bottles of wine in one day. I'll try. All right. It's going on the wheel then. Very good. I mean, attempt it.

I mean, goddamn. That is a lot, but I'll go for it. Speaking of Opie and Anthony, they were covering this story back in 2005 and they discovered something. Why don't you play their much funnier bits? I will. Here we go. They had covered something that's even worse. for mr o'brien well pat o'brien was leaving these messages on this girl's uh machine uh sexually

explicit you heard him here uh and then it got a little worse we reported that um there's a photograph yeah the girl the girl i guess betsy has this uh ex-husband who has possession of a photo of pat o'brien jackin just a picture of a glistening sweaty pat o'brien with dick in hand Getting down to business Jagging it, jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, smackin it, smack Oh, poor Pat O'Brien As if things couldn't get any worse It also came out around this time

That he might be a bit of a homophob And also a racist We should probably leave poor old Pat O'Brien alone But the stories keep coming A source tells us He used to refer to a gay African-American senior producer at Access Hollywood as the Fruit Monkey

and he would say this to her face or to his face excuse me his face he would say this to his face you think it's an appropriate thing to call someone at work

Betty? You think that's probably a little inappropriate it's kind of creepy right so yes because I'm going to steal one of their Oh, my God, dear. This is Anthony pretending to be Pat O'Brien, calling the executive producer. You, Betsy, me, and the fucking fruit monkey.

Get him in here. I want to fuck the fruit monkey in the ass. Do you eat Betsy? I want that fruit monkey a climber and pound a banana into my anus. So that is my creep for this week. Pat O'Brien from Access Hollywood and The Insider. What a creep. You done?

Yeah, I think I've made it clear you should never leave voicemails. Very bad idea. Well. Mel Gibson didn't have a good time with it. Pat O'Brien didn't have a good time with it. Bad idea. Well, Carl, things are about to get real. Because my creep today is an Emmy Award winning talk show host.

He's the host of the New York State Daily COVID briefing. Yes! He's also a best-selling author. Yes. And he pushed my buddy Mark Ippolino right off the fucking wagon. Ladies and gentlemen, King Cuomo. New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo. What an asshole!

I'm not doing that. Oh, come on. No fucking way. Technically, he did win to Abby for, like, his talk show. Yeah, I know, but I'm not going to stoop to your level, motherfucker. His brother has a talk show. I see, that was me teasing the heel turn. That was the heel turn tease.

Damn it. That would have been great. I'll never stoop to your level. I would have on an Andrew Cuomo bashing session. Oh, I bet you would have. But not today, baby. My creep is even creepier because my creep... Murdered how many thousands of elderly people, Vinnie? How are they creepier than Andrew Cuomo? You didn't pick Andrew Cuomo. All I have to do, all I have to do today is beat Pat O'Brien.

And I'm going to beat Pat O'Brien right now. You know what they say? You don't have to be the fastest gazelle. You just have to be faster than the slowest. You look like the slowest gazelle to me. Not today, son. All right. I'm fucking, I'm the gazelle that runs right past that fucking cheetah. Mike Reap hosted a little talk show called The Family Friendly Morning Show on Michigan's WCSG.

Wow, we're going deep for this one. Yes, we are. Matt Lauer didn't cross when you were looking this up. All right. Fair enough. No, this guy's a naughty boy. All right. His show was described as an uplifting talk to inspire and help you start your day.

Great. you local business owners, clergy, and professors from Cornerstone University, a Christian University loosely associated with the station, and he started there in 2003, weren't there all the way to 2014? I bet you they played some pretty good Christian rock, too, on that station. Sure. I like Christian rock. It's very positive.

It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip. Yeah, visit theisotopes.com. Fucking losers. So wait a second, you're calling me off for a seal and opening the Anthony Bess, you're just playing sitcoms now? Just relax. So. Guys remember Seinfeld?

Hey! Check it's out. My creeps name is John Baylo. Now, Baylo worked for the station from 2003 to 2014. According to his bio that has been taken down from the station's website that I found a copy of. Nice. It says that, yeah, it says that he was a graduate from Cornerstone University. He began working at the radio station.

The most important part of my story is how Christ found me when I was a about eight years old, as my mom led me down the Romans road one night. The deleted bio also reads, I've never forgot how excited I was, we'll try to evangelize all the neighbor kids. My walk with him is bad and continues to be a great journey. Oh, he's one of those assholes. Oh, yeah. You can't just find God for yourself and keep it to yourself. You got to tell everyone else. He's got to tell all the other kids in the neighborhood. He's got to go to the Christian University. He's going to work for the Christian radio station talking about all of his Christian bullshit every day. cheese louise yeah so i have been accused of being long-winded on this show and i'm not going to do that this week

because we're only going to talk about a little chunk of this guy's life minnie's learning everybody yay we're going to talk about his 2014 specifically the months of april through july he got married in april to i'm sure a very good christian woman who only sucked his dick before they got married no vaginal stuff right so late may he uh had started a little bit business on the side. And he was doing children's portraits, Carl. Okay. He was doing photos of kids, Carl. Okay. Carl, he was taking pictures of kids, Carl. Carl, he was taking photos of kids. Yeah. He also had a business associate. He also had a business associate. There's nothing wrong with this so far. And his business associates say it was Ron Mosier. And Ron got himself into a little

trouble. You see, Ron, if I had to describe their relationship, Ron was John's child pimp. Who got busted that May red fucking handed with a 12 year old in his house with boxes of hard drives and Zoom players chock full of child porn? That not only he possessed, he was producing. The police started investigating and the name comes up. John Ballew. and on June 20th he just got married

you know a month and some change ago he probably hasn't even sent out the fucking thank you letters yet on a Saturday he has to go work at a Christian music festival in Gaylord Michigan and that day guess what happened Homeland Security agents officers from the Michigan State Police

and Battle Creek Police Department showed up and arrested him That's awesome Yeah they dragged him the fuck out of there and he was charged with producing and decent activities with children. Now, here's what's interesting. Christians are weird. He got fired from the radio station immediately, and the radio station started running ads like,

oh, my God, we're so sorry about this. Well, here's what we need to do. Listen to how weird Christians are. This is the station's manager. Over the next few weeks, we request to you pray in earnest for John, his family, our team here at WCSG, that God's people will not lose heart. nothing for this kid's asshole ain't only raping

chill nothing for not a Hail Mary for the kid's butthole he's like let's pray for John and his family and let's pray that we don't lose heart over the fact that we've had a pedophile here for however long well things start getting interesting because as Mr. Balews

being questioned by the police he admits to having a storage locker and the police went to the storage locker and authorities say they found a bondage kit in the storage unit. Okay. It repeatedly consisted of handcuffs, duct tape, and Halloween costumes.

Duck tape? Is that part of the bondage? Yep, yep, no, no, no. Paraphernalia? All right. Yep. And little kids' Halloween costumes. Okay.

Do they make, like, kids sexy bumblebee? Like, what do they do? Like, sexy eight-year-old nurse? Yeah. Sexy play doctor. Yeah, give away. Yeah, give away. Yeah, the also the other dead giveaway was printed papers and manella envelopes from websites.

on how to get away with possessing child pornography. Shut the fuck out. Sorry to God. Oh, come on. Also, photo books from his portrait business. The other very disturbing items. Was he a good photographer at least? Oh, we're going to talk about his photos in a minute.

We're going to talk about his portraits in a second. There were also some other disturbing items in the locker, Carl, including articles about missing children and a collection of children's obituaries. Oh, weird. In July, he pleads guilty. So we're going April. He gets married. July, he's looking at the rest of his life in fucking prison. Okay.

Okay. When he entered his guilty plea, he had to admit what he did. And he said that I performed a sexual act and I only possessed images of the kids on my camera. And I actually have him talking about his photos in court. So here is him in court talking about the photos that he took of one 12-year-old boy. This picture I like to call the people. I made a mustache on his face with cat poop. And this time when I put a tampon in his mouth,

I call this picture the sleeping menstrual. This one, I call hot fudge Monday. I really like how the light plays with the background on this one. Let's see. Oh, yes, look at this one. I call it New Moon Rising. I did a whole study using my ass. Here it is, using some high-contrast stuff.

Trying out some different light filters here. Yeah, it's very disturbing. Yeah, very disturbing. And listen to the jury react to see one on. This picture you may find somewhat controversial. Ew! Dude. Yes.

This is shot at a 5-6 aperture using a low-light filter. You can see the grain from the high-speed film. There's sort of a penis in my mouth right here. And the low depth of feel keeps the background soft. What, what, what? Yeah. So he was paying his child pimp to bring him a 12-year-old to hotel rooms. He would take the kid into the shower,

put the kid in a little thong take a bunch of pictures of the kid in the shower then he handcuffed the kid to a bed and raped them was the 12 into it or how did that work? I'm going to go with probably not so much. Was there consent going on?

I don't think so. What was the safe word? The safe word? Jesus. I repent. It's the same word. So this guy in the mornings is like on the radio going and we have to remember to love our neighbor especially their children. They're tight little children like this guy exactly oh jesus this guy is on the christian station talking to all the pastors

glad-handed exactly carl and he's fucking children and taking pictures of it now that's gross it is very gross he was sentenced because he pled guilty he said he was very remorseful he said he's very sorry wish there was something he could do to fix that little boy's butthole yeah but he was still sentenced to 25 to 50 years in prison in Michigan and then was in December was given another 50 years in federal court for possession and creating a child

pornography. So he's going to be gone for fuck it ever. And he got some good news and some bad news in July. All right. The good news was his new wife pregnant with their first child. Oh no. Bad news. She divorced him. Yeah. That's my creep.

John Balew. I'm surprised his wife is old enough to get pregnant. All right. That's a good creep there. That's my creep. this week. Wow, your search history is something else, man. It's a problem. The number of times you've typed child porn into Google.

I'm pretty sure I'm on lists. You're out a few lists. I'm on some lists. All right. Well, that was a lot of fun. Good job. Thanks, pal. I think you should all vote this week at the creepoff.com.

Make sure that you vote for your pal vidi and good old John Ballew. All right. Or you can vote for Carl who brought the Pat O'Brien tapes back because God damn, those are fun. Yeah. That's great. You listen to an old O. Anthony episode on YouTube and you brought it all in here. All right. Carl.

I had Dr. Phil. I had Oprah. There was so much research that I did, Vinny. Nine hours of research on the Penn O'Brien tapes. Carl, would you like to hear some voice fails? Yeah, let's check you. Today's Creep-off voicefell site was brought to you by the good friends in Syracuse.

Syracuse. It still sucks. We'll see you in Syracuse. You don't have a production number for that today? Hey, Vinay, you're a beautiful soul and a wonderful man. you still need to dispose of Carl he is so aggressively unfunny it qualifies as rape yeah he just sucks

again get Kyya for the podcast Carl here's a joke here's something that's mildly humorous how does Foszie Bear get over an injury he waka walk is it off fuck you Carl yeah so again Taya the King

Carl the Claude and Vinny, call the place. You need to be locked up. Bye. Thank you. What a good fan. I got a voice man on the Kaman on the WATP hotline that I think I should play right now. All right.

Carl, I will never bad mouth your fucking stupid musical special ever again. I'm trying to get through the fucking creeps and roses that it's fucking making me just want to fucking run off the side of the fucking road. It's so goddamn bad. So I'm sorry I ever talk to you about your fucking. fucking terrible, fucking music special. Fuck you, Vinnie. Wow.

Okay. Neither of us got off unscathed on that one, but I do want to point out, episode one, creeps and roses, not the best. Episode two, fantastic. Thank you. Fantastic. Vinny had clips. He had analysis.

PJ was like, fucking lost. He's like, I don't know. I don't remember any of this stuff. Yeah, well, you know, it's nice that I always carry dead weight with me whenever I do a podcast. I got another guy who left a voice mail about, about your creep, Danger Doberman. Okay. Hey, Carl, Vinnie.

This is Dick from Arizona. Vinnie, I finally had a good creep this week, but I'm still going to have to go with Carl and Danger Doberman. Let's see that dick. Not because he made love to his dog or his bestiality art, but because I'm a truck driver out here in Arizona and this asshole busybody

shot this guy on my regular route, screwed up my day, and cost me a bunch of times. time. We have drunk drivers all over Arizona. That doesn't bother me or worry me. I am more concerned about these creepy-ass furries running around with guns out here. Anyway, that's all I got to say.

Love the show. I'd be more worried about a husky gentleman doing a Cobra Commander voice running around free. That's just me. In the Tucson area? In the Tucson area. That's just me. Watch out when you get to an Uber. In the Tucson area.

Hey, here's a... Could be dorkles driving. Cover commander. Here's a message for you. Carl, you gimpy-footed fuck. You pick a furry, and the creepy thing about him is that he fucks dogs. That's a lot of furries, Carl. Vinny's at least skinned animals and told him as fuck suits.

By Vinny many people shamp. Correct. All right. Well, that's one opinion. Not the best one. I have another voicemail that came in. I'm the WATP hotline here. Hey, Carl, this is a message for the creep off.

You know what, Vinnie, you fat sack of shit, you are going downhill big time lately. You peaked when he said you drank a whole bottle of McCallon, because that's great scotch. You're the people's champ and everything was good. Then your fat ass starts living a dipshit Carl who phones it in with politicians he doesn't like. You can't figure out what fucking century is, and you're putting me to sleep with your furry this week. And you know what? you finally got what you deserve you started losing to carl get a wonderful consequence you know how much i was looking forward to your bachelor podcast i listened to the first episode and it's basically just the opening credits to your consequence so you know what fasto you owe us five more episodes people's champ put down the pizza put down the fucking bonbons and get your lard-ass shit together hold on a second i will do none of these things

and do the podcast at the same time i have for both episodes right All right, last voice bill this week Unless you got any more I got one right here That's all I got Hey people's champ Everyone's being too mean to you You make the show better

Thanks buddy Have a good one People's champ Vinnie What an asshole I like that guy I disagree Make the show better Better than what

It would be if it was just you Yeah right If it was just me It would be called Who Are These podcasts It'd be way better I don't know if that's accurate All right

Do a scum parade I am ready for the scum Parade. Because Vinny's a creep. And Carl's a weirdo. I'm not kidding around. They're both a generous psychopaths with no business in a civilized society. And they're going to take you on a scum parade.

I'm ready for a skump parade, Carl. What do you say we start out in Vero Beach? Let's do it. Police were summoned yesterday. Walmart by a woman who reported that a man who was parked next to her was masturbating while behind the wheel of the car that had its driver's side window open. Upon arriving at the parking lot, cops stopped at a Kia with out-of-state place and asked the driver to exit the vehicle.

When 26-year-old Kyle Weiss stepped out of the car, there was little doubt he was the suspect being sought. The officer said, I noticed that he had an obvious erection protruding from his shorts. The cars are passing me by, they honk and say hello. He's got a jacking. From his window, there's a guy shooting video video. He's jacking it. Yeah, Carl, boy, that clip is really getting a lot of use for last two weeks.

It's amazing. I really don't like that song. Some woman calls the cops. They say, this guy's jerking off in his car. The cops show up. Pull him out of the car and he's got a giant throbbing boulder in his pants. That is correct. That would be like Exhibit A, I would imagine.

The cops are like, what do you? you do it there. He goes, I'm not exposing myself. I'm here as a food shopper. My business is like Uber eats. I buy food and I deliver it to customers, he told them. And they're like, come on, bud. What's really going on? And I didn't ask for extra mayonnaise on these fries. What's going on here? Right. And then he goes, well, I crossed over from doing my work to play with myself. I'm kind of lonely. My ex-girlfriend's in Colorado. And I'm here all by myself. And I didn't think anybody could see me. Can I point something. out. Yeah. If you ever see

a guy jerking off in his car, let him go. Just let it go. Mind your own fucking business. Mind your peas and cues, ladies. It's not like he was forcing you to spit out of it or something. Like, what's the, what does she have to get involved in this? Well, because she's a busybody.

Yes. Like she's never seen a peepee before. Busy body. I would agree with that. Yeah. And you know, the thing is this. Everyone has genitals. And every now and again, people make bad decisions. You It doesn't mean you have to be a tattletail. You don't have to be a tattle tail.

Same with Pat O'Brien's chick, who's, like, giving these tapes over to his employers. This guy was in the window and he just looked at the girl and the other car next to him and was like, just say yes if you want this. All you need to do is honk your horn and say yes. What are the chances of seeing an attractive girl in a Walmart parking lot anyway? It's a worst place to go jerk off. Yeah. I mean, it's always so crowded. Everybody's in the parking lot jerking off at Walmarts.

That is true. He must have a great imagination, some kind of spank bank, because there is nothing going on at Walmart that gets me aroused. He was released from County Jell after posting a $1,000 bail and is scheduled for an arraignment in March. So let's go up to Newark, shall we? All right. Jersey, a keen eye teacher who called police after spotting what appeared to be chains on a student is being credited with a stopping a horrific case of alleged foster abuse. A newer teacher called for a wellness check after observing the child's chains during a virtual class. The kid was fucking chained on a fucking Zoom call to school.

We have to open up the schools because parents who are just trying to keep their kids from leaving the house are now getting arrested just because they're chaining them up to fans and other objects in the house so they can't escape. When officers arrived, they found a 12-year-old boy who is tethered to a piece of exercise equipment by chains and padlocks. Brown was arrested, the foster mom, in charge with child abuse. The kid was taken to the hospital for their evaluation. He was later

released into the custody of child protection. But the mother, as this woman said, the reason she chained him up is because he quote, had a tendency of trying to run out of the house. He's a fucking problem. Especially when she was taking showers. Yes, chain this kid up. He's a

problem. He's running out of the road, playing in the streets. Listen, when chained up all the time and then you get out for just a second don't you try to escape too i guess i mean if you're chained up and then the second chair of the opportunity too if you're chained up all the time bitches in the shower i'm gonna try to fucking ride that exercise bike on fucking chain too right the fuck out of there all right so the woman's in a lot of trouble it's hard being a single mom is my point can somebody please understand how difficult

is with a 12-year-old son, foster kid, a little rambunctious. You know, the thing about this is, if the kid's such a problem, it's a foster kid. Fucking send him back. Don't fucking chain it to stuff. That's your answer? Yeah. Instead of chaining it to stuff? Yeah, that's my answer.

Instead of abusing the child, yes. Send it back. Hey, uh, Billy, what's that weird thing that's lit up on your laptop there? Oh, it's not a camera, mom. Just go ahead and put the cuffs on, and I'll be fine. It's my invisible fence collar. that this bitch put on me so stupid

all right I'm having a good time Carl you know what I like the most in the scum parade when we get a celebrity oh yeah that is fun yes

and this time we're going down to Orlando Florida and we're going to talk about a dance instructor who appeared on Lifetime's Dance Moms a guy by the name of Evan Casquella I believe that's how you say it

I'm going to show some video of him while I tell the story. This is him doing some dancing. This is a young man in his early 20s, it looks like. Yeah, very fit. Yeah. He pled not guilty following his arrest in December on charges of sexual activity with a 16-year-old and a 17-year-old. Solicitation of a minor.

I hate the way he's dancing. Lude or lascivious conduct and illegal use of communication device. Oh, it's very homoerotic. The charges followed an investigation by Winter Garden Police. when one student told an investigation that she idolized Caskell and he had considered and considered him famous

and important because of his appearance on the reality show about dance kids and the mom whatever the fuck that show is. So the investigation found that Concequale often took students to lunch watched movies with them

and celebrated their birthday. Okay. That was the part where I'm like, okay, this guy's a fucking creep. Because if you're 25 years old and you're going to sweet 16 parties, what the fuck is?

Yuck. Yeah, and he's like, So he's playing up, I'm a big celebrity Because these fucking teenage girls Are the only ones who fucking care If you saw this guy in a store Or you saw this guy doing these dances No one would ever think this is a celebrity

We'd just be like, go away Twinkle toes, get lost He also connected with the students over social media That's another red flag Who the fuck wants to follow a 16 year old girl on Facebook? The report said that Costcoella I just dated myself It wouldn't be Facebook, I guess

MySpace. Ask some of the girls for nude photos and twerking videos. It would suck to be the girl who didn't get asked for nude photos. I didn't even want to see my tits. Oh, Vinny Jr. Nobody wanted to see your tits. One girl told investigators, he would be scary at times if you didn't do what he asked. She explained that he would yell, curse, and ignore her for days and threaten to halt his lessons with her. He would also send messages that he loved her and told investigators, according to the arrest report,

Cascolle brought one girl to his home in early December and forced her to perform a sex act on him. He then drove her back to the studio and told her to erase this from your memory and don't tell anyone the report said. The team confided in another dancer at the studio who said she had similar encounters with the instructor. The report said the second teen told a investigator she went to Costco's apartment on about 10 different occasions. Well, he's in the right profession if he likes fucking teenage girls. he's quite talented it worked out very well for him he's a talented kid if only geoffrey epstein

and learn how to dance he might still be at it yeah i mean instead of making all those billions and billions of dollars by blackmailing rich people oh right never mind jepard epstein actually was much better at this yes then kevin's 25 years old and caught yeah good point epstein had a pretty good run that's a good point yeah all right the next hearing

scheduled for may 5th his uh attorney's declined comments so we'll see what happens there but lots of accusations about the pretty boy dancer all right all right carl mistaken identity can really suck alberturkey new mexico a couple is accused of tying up a man and torturing him are behind bars now robert eugene crane and adriana shavez are accused of luring a man to their home last month to buy a bicycle from them the victim is an acquaintance when he arrived they then zip tied his hands and started questioning him about someone crane said owed him money this dude had no idea what was happening

had no idea who the person Crane was talking about. He just was there to buy a fucking bike. And these lunatics went fucking all, they fucking went reservoir dogs on this guy. Crane shot the man in the foot. Then they spray painted a cross on the man's chest

while threatening to shoot him in the chest too. They threatened to burn him in the face with a metal pipe and a blow torch. Threatened. They didn't do it. Yeah. But they did shove an object so far up his nose that he like bladded shit. So it's like a COVID test. Yeah, they gave him a COVID test. He got a COVID test. He got shot and a COVID test for Yeah, right. Poor baby. The man eventually escaped. Crane and Chavez were arrested last week and a judge

ruled to keep Chavez locked up until the trial. How does he let this guy escape? You already shot him in the foot and he escaped? Well, I have a feeling there was probably some meth involved. Okay. I feel like this is a meth kind of deal. Well, then that's even more reason to keep your eyes on this guy. If it was heroin, then maybe you just pass out and he walks out. But I don't understand I think they didn't say how long it took the guy to escape capturing someone would be difficult but once they're captured

you should be able to keep them in your house I mean that guy Castro What the fuck are you saying? Ariel Castro how long did he have those chicks in his house? Years are you trying to use the possession as nine-tenths of the law fucking argument I caught this person fair and square officer Is that what you're saying to me?

I think that's what I just said yeah I caught this human fair and square It's my property now. It's going to end up in slow motion in a Vietnam video or something. I hope so. Probably. All right. Well, that's the scum parade for this week, ladies and gentlemen.

I hope you enjoyed it. Fun scum parade, Vinny. He always picked the great stories. Oh, thank you, Carl. You do a great job producing the show. I never know when you're just being a bully. Why are you bullied me? Stop doing your tracks with that one.

He's bullied me. You do a great job producing the show. But he always finds all of these stories that are just from this week, and they always blow me away. I hope you all will tune in this week for Creeps and Roses number three, where PJ and I watch episodes three and four. And what are we doing the Hall of Fame episode? We've got to do that soon, too.

Jared. I know. Listen, I'm a victim of not having time and putting too much time into Creeps and roses. Yeah, I can tell. It's a real fucking problem for me. Okay. Before we get out of here, we're going to leave. Dorkles is going to read our reviews, everybody. Yes, so leave reviews for us

so that we can hear Dorkles read them. Five stars, Dorkles. I haven't heard this yet. Cautious Driver. I'm excited to hear about the latest conspiracy theories from Dorkles. He gives me a lot of the news that I don't get from other sources. I love them. Remember to vote at the creepoff.com.

If you would like to leave a review, you do that on Apple Podcasts. Listen and subscribe, Spotify, Google Podcasts. You know, we're on YouTube. People are watching this live right now. Thank you for all the live viewers. Follow us on Instagram. We're having a blast on Instagram at Creepoff Pod. The voicemail numbers 585, 3,000.

17-1-80108 and as always you can email us at the creepoff pod at gmail.com. Carl, it's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice. Gagia! Hi, kids, it's your old paled dorkles again, coming at you with a new creep-off review section. Today we got three new shiny reviews to read about our pals Vinnie and Carl. Let's dig in, shall we? The first review is by Sinestro 77 on Apple Podcast.

The review is titled, Creepier? It says, I don't understand the contest concept of the show. Which child murderer is creepier? What are they even talking about? How is that determined exactly, and why are people voting for this? Only the most vile creepos will enjoy this. I mean, come on, Cinesro 77. That tuned into a podcast called The Creepoff, and that complain when it's actually creepy.

That's like the government landed on Mars, and you're expecting some red rocks and dirt and shit. Instead, it's really footage from Phoenix, Arizona. It's all filters, people. Don't believe the NASA hype. Annie Hoosel, the next review is from Truth Be Told 22, and it's titled W. T.P. It's not. It reads, Vokester Vinny P tries desperately to bottom feed

off of who are these podcasts. Success. Shameful. Pat Mike would not improve. Well, I don't know what to say about that one, but maybe it's time to, you know, take a little break from the reviews we're doing here and let old dorkles teach you kids how to make balloon animals.

All right, here we go. Okay. First, you start with a small balloon, and you blow it up, okay? You got that part down. You blow up the balloon, nice and long. Then you twist the blow-up here, like this. Okay. Okay, keep twisting there, all right. And then you form the letter A, okay? Form a letter A here, all right?

Then you twist up a circle around the A like this. And it's a fucking anarchy symbol, you damn sheeple. Anarchy I'm sorry, sorry, because A little out of my head there The last review is from Velvet Jones 81 And it's titled Slightly Off

Alright, it reads Trash the Whole Contest Angle Make the Scum Parade The Main Segment and the main creep The Bonus Segment Carl is really corny in here But not WATP

All right Well, well, Velvet, it sounds like you think that the creep-off is gasping for air like a frozen armadillo on some street in Houston. Well, I can assure you that Vinnie and Carl are working hard to make sure the show is being fixed. Well, they will once they return from Cancun. Anyways, you shits, last my time. Dorkles will see you all on the flippity flop. Naughty not, and keep her butthole tight. This is stupid.