The Creep Off - Episode 65: #65 Sloppy Joe Tuesdays

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

This week Karl & Vinnie celebrate Memorial day by nominating their picks for creepiest member of the US Army: In the Scum Parade we meet an old lady who is particular about tomato slices, the neighborhood busy body and we learn why pet owners should always avoid boredom induced horniness

Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation, horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo! Well, isn't that a goddamn piece of shit, motherfucker?

Oh, fucker. God Allah, Creepo's. Oh, ah, creepos. What's going on? why isn't anything working i don't know it's probably because nobody's working it's a goddamn holiday we're working the board doesn't want to work nothing wants to we're not taking today off of course not

it's a fucking monday you know why because creeps don't take holidays off either you know we could be hanging out with family if they liked us and invited us to things we could be doing lots of stuff sure but today we decided to be here because we are going to salute our troops that's right it's memorial day and we want to salute the troops who keep us safe and free. And we are going to today submit our nominations for the creepiest member of the United States Army.

That's right. Oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy. I love Sousa. Don't you like some Sousa? You like music with no words. I grew up playing the obo. I like to call them half songs. I grew up playing the oboe.

Okay. I grew up playing the obo, which you can't march with. So when I was in the marching band, they would just shove a percussion instrument in front of me well it was the perfect thing you had club feet you couldn't march anyway that's true that's a really good point what they do have you on a wagon they were just being pulled me i'd have like a little drum that i'd tap on hey dave from canada there's your next photoshop i need to see carl with the

marching band in this fucking oboe i was able to walk i was i've always been able to walk people how brave can we talk about real heroes today yes let's talk about real real heroes all right let's talk about us then yes let's talk about the scoring from last week's episode what happened in last week's uh creepiest social worker debate that we had it was fucking close okay what do we got well currently right now the final vote is in the final vote is in motherfucker uh i'm liking what i'm hearing right now currently i have three and you have nothing guest is it too right That's a score. We plan to five.

I'm going to refresh this right now. Refreshing. Why are you refreshing in now? Just because I worry. Just don't worry. Motherfucker. All right, fine. Congratulations.

One vote. Yes, I won 50.3-2% of the votes. So I'm guessing, Vinny, you were texting all of your relatives telling them to vote last night. I guess not all of them voted Yeah, but all stuffing their faces with fucking meatballs and fucking chicken parm, which is not even the shit you're supposed to eat today But they're still doing it

Because they're a bunch of dumb Italians All right Maybe their greasy fucking hands Were too fucking greasy To reach their cell phones And it kept slipping out like a bar of soap And a prison shower Enough about your gross fucking assholes

Couldn't fucking vote for me I'm on the board, baby! I'm out of the board Ruin my sweep Three to one And I'm going to start my comeback I'm going to start my comeback Because you are spinning

That wheel my friend I'm not going to spin that wheel You are spinning the wheel I am not going to spin the wheel again Motherfucker This is so infuriating Hey we have over 200 people on Patreon Yeah we love them

They're great people So do we know the score is going with that Because people get to vote So With the tier that they choose I need to go and reset it I'm waiting for the first of the month I'm going to put up the update at the beginning of everyone, I think, is the fair way to do it.

Great. So, if you want to get in, there's one day left. Yeah, because you can vote. com, backslash the creep off. You could vote. You get your points in, and there might be some wheels spinning soon. And you know how you vote. Cuzzoroo.

That's right. You vote for Carl's Cuzzorooz. Denounce it. Now listen, I think you should be a Vianon True Believer because your buddy Vinny just got fucked in this vote. Oh, stop. Stop, but you didn't get fucked. I definitely had the better creep last week.

It's ridiculous. Fucking, Chile! It's ridiculous that I only won by one vote. Believeers, I still need you. We're going to still get them. We're still going to get them. I see that you are trying to waste time because you obviously do not want to go have a hot dog with your family, but I do.

I don't like to eat hot dogs on Memorial Day because of a bad thing that happened to me. Did your uncle rape you with a hot dog? No, it was worse. Let's hear about it. Well, I got invited to Memorial Day. How old is Vinny at this time? Nine. As a little nine-year-old Vinny, okay.

And I was just trying to do a diving contest with everybody in the family. We were all trying to do cannonballs. Oh, cannonballs and bellyflops. Right. And you would think that I would excel. I would be excited to see your performance. Somehow I got up, I got some height. Yeah.

And it all fell apart. I don't know what happened. But it ended up me flailing and ended up, like, you know, face first going into the water and I took it like a whole gutta water and just from jumping in the pool, you didn't know how to jump in the pool with your mouth closed?

You couldn't jump feet first with your mouth closed into a pool, Vinny? How one coordinated were you when you were died? I don't want to tell the rest of the story. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not joking. I never judge. Keep going. I don't want to tell you. Go ahead. Let's hear it. Well, I got a belly full of water.

Yeah. And I came up and I was like, and I tried to get to the side of the pool. But before I could get there, I was just throwing up Michael's hot dogs. Into the pool. Into the pool. Oh, God. It looked like a shark attack. Oh, no. I like ketchup on my

hot dogs. No wonder you're not invited the Memorial Day anymore. That's why I'm here with you. That's why I'm here with you. Holy shit. That's, uh, that's fucking funny. My uncle was done too happy with me. That's fucking funny. Wow. All right. Well, don't invite

Vinny to pool parties. This is something that we've learn from this um if you feel bad for me please join the patriot i'm gonna talk about my club feet for a while that if you're gonna start doing that sand sack stories i'm just saying you would think i would have excelled at the cannonball but i even fucked that i'm shocked that that wouldn't be something you'd be good at memorial day memories i would think you'd be an olympian in the belly flock if my country needed me i'd be ready to go this is the one way i would be willing to serve my country cannonball condo Yes. No juggles

and before the contest. So are you ready to do this? Let's get this thing started, Vinny. Fight for the right and to build the nation's fight and the army goes rolling along. All right. Creepiest member of the army, Carl, you won last week. That means you go first. All right.

Eat a bag of dicks. Let me start with some back rounders on this guy before I announce who it is. This is the Robert Bales, most people who knew him described, a man always smiling. Good guy, the times I've been around him, just a good guy, fun to be with. Bales was a stockbroker before joining the army after 9-11. He told friends he just had to do something and ended up serving three combat tours in Iraq. He went to Afghanistan last December.

Staff Sergeant Robert Bales after 9-11 said, this is fucked up. I want to represent my country. I want to fight back against these evil-doers. joined the army, three stints in Iraq, many, one in Afghanistan. That's a lot. It's a lot. That's a lot of service. A lot of bad things can happen.

Should I thank this man for this service, or should I hold off? Hold off. Hold off for a minute. Fair enough. By the way, if you serve to the Army and you're listening to this, we love you. We do love you. But you know what, though? Here's the fact of the matter is, you know you got creeps in there, too.

Oh, yeah. You know you got creeps in there, too. They might even make creeps because this. This is some heavy-duty work that they have to do. Okay. And some people might snap, as we're going to find out here. So, but this guy was a hero. Bales was credited once with saving his armored striker vehicle when he shot a man about to fire a rocket-propelled grenade.

So this guy's on top of his game. He's leading in Iraq. But for some reason, he's not getting the promotions that he wants to get. He's not making as much money. Was it his crazy dead eyes from war? I don't know. because he's up there with everybody else. So his wife had a blog, and she wrote about the concern over him not getting promotions.

A year ago, she wrote on her blog about their disappointment that he did not win a promotion and raise in pay. Quote, after all the work Bob had done and all the sacrifices he made for his love of his country, family and friends. So on March 10, 2012, he's on guard duty until about 9 p.m. Well, not about. They're actually very specific in the military. $2,100 hours. After that, he got drunk watching Man on Fire. As Bales became increasingly intoxicated,

he bitched about his lack of a promotion to Sergeant First Class. His anger he felt towards his comrades being seriously injured by insurgent attacks. He was complaining about the leadership of the Green Berets at their base, about his marriage and financial troubles. He took sleeping pills after drinking all night, but was not able to fall asleep. Oh, what a cool guy. He laid awake all night.

What was he doing going? Where? Something like that. The next night, he's still not sleeping all that while, and he's still hitting the sauce. And this is when the incidents occurred. Oh, no.

The shooter identified as a 38-year-old staff sergeant slipped away from his base at 2 a.m., armed with at least two weapons. He walked south more than a mile and began stalking, door to door. He entered the first house wearing night vision goggles. In the dark, he killed four Afghans. Then he shot this boy. I jumped under the bed, and that's when he fired at me, he says, telling his story over the phone to President Karzai. So he walked about a kilometer

south to a village, night vision goggles. He's got his rifle and a pistol. That kid had a bed, very fancy part of town on wage. Very nice. Yeah, they showed some of these homes. Not a wealthy neighborhood in Afghanistan. That is for sure. So for some reason, he walks down there, goes into people's homes, and murders them. He then walks back to the base to resupply his ammunition. He states that he told one of the sergeants that he was drinking earlier that night and that he had just killed some military-aged males in Al-a-Kozai,

that he was going to go to Najabian to finish up, and that he wanted the sergeant to take care of his wife and kids. The sergeant was reportedly irritated, half asleep, and did not believe him, only relenting to take care of Bail's kids. He's like, all right, Bail. All right, take care of your kids, Bail. We got you, buddy. The guy's just got a cup of coffee.

He's like, ah, I'm getting too old for this. Well, this is like in the middle of the night we're talking about. It's like 2.30 in the morning. Right, but the guy was technically a member of the armed forces who was at work. True. You would expect him to be alert and ready to go. Bail's... Not throwing any shade at you in the Army, but...

Bail's claims that he expected not to come back to the base. he left for the second time after resupplying his ammo and in grenades and a grenade launcher to his resources. Oh, no. And now he decides to go north to this other town. And when he gets there, he knows exactly what he wants to do. In the second house, the shooter killed a daughter, mother, and grandmother, then gathered up four little boys and four little girls and killed everyone.

Eleven dead in one family. He took out 11 people in just one family. It was one room. He made quick work of all of this. He says, The shooter stopped one last time to kill an unarmed man. Then he calmly returned to his base and turned himself in. It was all over in less than an hour and a half.

Hey, so listen, Sarge, uh, yeah, I just finished up those war crimes I was telling you about earlier. Yeah, remember when we had that conversation about 45 minutes ago? Yeah, so that's all done now. It's all that took 45 minutes ago, murder 11 people. Wow, the military really does have good equipment. They do, yeah, they can take care of business pretty quickly. Wow, sir. Well, fortunately, this didn't, I mean, it is dragging out quite a bit with his attorney and stuff, but it's hard to get off when you confess.

Robert Bales told a military court that he committed the worst American atrocity in the Afghan war, but he does not know why. 15 months ago, in the middle of the night, Bales left his combat outpost alone and murdered 16. Afghan civilians in cold blood, mostly women and children. The bodies were delivered to a morgue and a truck. Nine of them were children and bales had set many of the bodies on fire. All right. So this is crazy. So that family where he killed all 11 members of the family, he then gets after shooting them in the head, he gathers them into a pile in the middle of the room and sets them on fire, which I guess in the Muslim religion is not a good thing. I mean, it's not a good thing in any religion, but I guess they specifically frowned upon i think it's good if you're like uh you know a nor and then like norse gods

you're supposed to do that i guess i don't know what this guy was thinking because he did not remember setting anyone on fire you know it's amazing man those uh sleeping pills what they'll do to you yeah i know right fucking ruin rosan's career i was just thinking about that they could make you racist or they could make you a murderer ultra racist um wow yeah i guess there was like some older woman that he's struggled with in the first town that he went, and it really set him off. Bale said that after he struggled with an elderly woman, he decided to, quote, murder anyone that he saw. He said he doesn't remember setting 10 of the bodies on fire, but he admitted that given the evidence,

it's the only thing that makes sense. Sounds like me. Listen, there is this woman giving me a hard time, so I'm like, I'm just going to murder everyone I see now. Fuck this bitch. Well, Carl, to be fair, you and I are both married. I mean, we know what this is like. Kill everyone. Let's hear a survivor story.

In November, an Afghan journalist working for CBS News spoke with this 15-year-old survivor of the massacre. We heard gunshots, he said. My uncle, my little cousin, and my grandmother were killed. I was told to put my hands on the wall, and then he shot my sister in the head. So the guy's a creep. He's murdered children for no reason at all in the middle of the night. No, there's a reason that old lady gave him guff. That's true.

And it's not just that this guy killed all these innocent civilians while we're stationed in Afghanistan. It probably gives us a bad name. But it also put his fellow soldiers in danger. Afghanistan has just become a more dangerous place for allied and Australian soldiers. Earlier today, three NATO soldiers were killed by Afghan army and police. Revenge attacks, it's thought for the murder of 17 civilians by a rogue U.S. soldier two weeks ago. great job asshole um i'm gonna give captain otto a lot of props i know because he just busted me in the youtube chat he said sergeant c benoit he's just killing people yep that's good all right

so this boy's naughty he made it a lot worse for all the other soldiers that were stationed there with him so there was at war dude at the end of the day at the end of the day 16 they reported on that 17 but they say now the official count is 16 civilians dead 6 injured in this murderous spree. And even though this took place in March of 2012, it was reported by CNN and the New York Times that it was all Trump's fault. So that's my creep this week.

That would be Staff Sergeant Robert Bales. Now let's hear about you and Sergeant Slaughter. I'm sure that's going to be your crazy. Sergeant Slaughter, as much as I like the guy, stolen valor, he was not in any form of the military. Did he ever steal someone's deceased father from the burial ceremony or anything like that? No, but he did betray our country.

He became an Iraqi sympathizer in the early 90s. Did he really? Yeah, but thank God Hulk Hogan slapped the shit out of him. You remember that storyline? That's amazing. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's not amazing. He had General Adnan with him.

It was really the Iron Sheik just in a different costume because they couldn't bring the Iron Sheik back because the Iron Sheik did Coke with Max on Jim Duggan and they both got fired. I'm sorry, I brought it off. That was my fault, everybody. Don't drink on that one. That was my fault. Memorial Day, everybody.

All right, Minnie, what do you got, buddy? You got something creepier than this? Yeah, he did. He supported Saddam Hussein. Somebody pointed that out in the YouTube chat. That's hilarious. It is. He's like, I like Saddam Hussein.

Could you imagine Vince McMahon comes to him with that? He's like, come on, man. What are you doing to me here? Remember all that GI Joe buddy he used to be? I know. He was a real American hero. And then Vince McMahon was like, I'm going to ruin everything. Yeah.

Oh, Vince is the best of ruiner. Okay. Something else. This is stupid. Let's keep going. Let's keep moving. All right, my creep today, a gentleman by the name of Ronald Gray. He grew up in the projects of Miami.

He had a pretty shitty early life, not a lot of money, multiple male figures in and out of his house. He had to move all over the place, lived in shitty poverty conditions, no lights, just terrible shit. So the second he turned 18, he enlisted in the United States Army. And in 19th for the right and to build the nation's fight. And in 1984, the United States Army, he was assigned to the Target Acquisition Battery I-39 Field Artillery Battalion. He was stationed at Fort Bragg near Fayetteville, North Carolina, holding the rank of Specialist E-4. Wait a second. Where was he stationed? Fort Bragg.

No one told me there was going to be boasting. Thank you. All right. I was hoping you would hit that. Every time I mention Fort Bragg, I'm going to need you to hit that because that's going to make me laugh. No one told me there was going to be boasting. Oh, maybe not as much anymore. So, would you like to know what all that fancy talk meant?

Yes, please, and I'm lost. He was a cook in the army. Oh, okay. Fair enough. He was a fucking cook. Yep. Things were going fine for his first two years. Well, he was enlisted.

He's now 20 years old. And I guess maybe he got a little bit horny and bored peeling potatoes or something. I don't know. Sure. He's in there all day just cooking for the boys. And after a while, when you peel enough potatoes, I guess they look like titties. and you get a little like horny board. We've all been there.

Sure. We've all peeled a potato that look like boobies. Horny board. I'm just saying. So on April 27, 1986, Gray met a civilian named Linda Jean Coach, who was 23 years old at Campbell University, and he raped and murdered her.

Did she have potato-shaped boobs? They were lumping this shit. I don't want to blame the victim here. And she had a bunch of different nipole. on him that look like eyes. It was like a biblical angel. There were eyes all over her tities. Gross. So, nothing happens. He murders this girl. Gets completely away with it, Scott Free.

He's back on base fucking chopping carrots, whistling. He's fucking back in the army. And, uh, you know, he gets a little horny board again. But this time he doesn't just get horny bored. This guy becomes what I would call a pretty prolific spree killer. Okay. I don't know that raping and killing someone is because you're horny. I'm just going to throw that out there.

Oh, no, he's crazy. He's crazy, horny bored. Okay. He just went fucking nuts. On December 11th, 1986, Gray abducted, raped, and murdered a second civilian, Tammy Koffer, who is 18 years old. Okay. And on December 15th, four days later, he had gray abducted, raped, and this time he Sodomized private moral league.

Saturday, man. Age 18. So was this the first fellow military member? This guy decided to shit where he cooks. Yeah, right. And the way he did this is kind of crazy. She went missing from Fort Bragg. They found her the next morning a block from her home.

Or they found her car a block from her home. It appeared to have been driven through the woods. The driver's seat was pushed all the way back. They found her decomposed body in the woods by Fort Bragg. She, like we said, One told me there was going to be boasting. Shot my neck, forehead chest, back in the head. She suffered blood force trauma, and the weapon was found 60 feet from the victim's body.

Okay. So they're like, holy shit, this is pretty bad. And then, month later, January 3rd, this motherfucker is getting bolder and boulder car. Like, he didn't march to another village and start shooting grenades. But he marched over to the women's fucking. barracks at Fort Bragg. Why is nobody catching this guy? He doesn't seem like he's covering it up.

Because he's the fucking cooking. Everybody's wondering, like, everybody's wondering where the fuck the guy is. They're all hungry. They see like his bloody footprints leading into the kitchen and they know he's cooking. You fucking know all about this shit. But he'd be the first one defending him, by the way. Wait a second.

If this guy's going to prison, what am I going to eat? It's pizza Friday. Pizza Friday, come on. Don't ruin pizza party Friday. So he enters her barracks, pulls out a knife after he tells her, I got to use the bathroom, let me in, which you're on the base, you're by the barracks, there's a million bathrooms. Why are you knocking on my door, motherfucker? He gets in, takes her field gear from her, ties her up, behind her back, rapes her, sodomizes her, then repeatedly stabs her in the neck and the side of her body. Okay. And threaten to kill her if she screamed. She suffered a lacerated tree. boy, he's going to kill her. Thread to kill her. He's stabbing her in the neck. She survives, bro. Isn't that killing someone? She survived.

I'd just say, like, I would be screaming. Like, there's nothing more you could do to me. This is as bad as it would get, I would think. She said she had never seen the guy before, because he's always in the back fucking peeling potatoes. Nobody sees this guy. She survived. And she identified him after he, you know, finally gets arrested. But three days later, January 6, third civilian. Kimberly Ann Ruggles. This point, he's not even trying to cover up, Carl. He's not even trying.

He just went to the women's barracks, fucking stabbed a girl a bunch of times, didn't even finish the job and kill her, left a witness. Yep. And now he's like, he's like, It must be sloppy Joe Tuesday. He's,

he's, well, January 6th, he calls for a cab. Okay. Okay. On that evening, cab driver was dispatched to pick up a passenger named Ron at Ronald Gray's address. Okay. And this driver was found the next morning, raped, sodomized, robbed, and murdered. Is that a male driver?

This is a female driver named Kimberly Ann Rubble. Oh, you didn't say that. Okay. I just don't think of cab drivers as being women very often. Now, Carl, if you're the police here, how do you investigate this crime? Okay. Who was the last person to see here? Let's call the dispatch for the cab driver.

for the cab she was driving. Oh, she went to Rons. Yeah. And they fucking go over there. Ruggles' mouth was gagged with a cloth belt that matched a pair of black karate pants that they found on Gray that day. Gray's fingerprints were on the interior door handle of Ruggles taxi. Ruggles' fingerprints were found on the money in Gray's possession. Gray's footprints were also found at the scene of the crime.

So, November 1987, Gray pleaded guilty. and he pled guilty to 22 felonies. I could list them all. That's all right. But he was sentenced to eight life sentences. All right. Including three to be served concurrently. So since he committed these crimes well, he was in the Army.

Yeah. Gray was then also tried by a military court. Cool. The general court martial lasted from December 1987 until April and was composed of a commission of enlisted soldiers at Fort Bragg. No one told me there was going to be boasting. He was convicted at 14 charges, including the premeditated murders of Ruggles and Vickery Clay, the attempted premeditated murder of Lang Namath, three rapes, two robberies, two counts of forcible.

And on April 12th, 1988, he was unanimously sentenced to death. Very good. He was additionally sentenced to a dishonorable discharge, total forfeiture of all paid allowances. That's right. When you rape and murder people, you're not getting your allowance. Your paycheck dries up, huh? Yeah. Yeah.

So if you're in the military, you get sentenced to death. They have to wait for the president to sign off on it. Okay. And it took until July 28th, 2008 for George W. Really? To sign off on this guy who committed these crimes in the 80s. Nobody wanted to do it, huh? Not Bush or Clinton?

No. Check this out. They sentenced him to death. Yeah. Then he files for appeal. He got to stay from a judge. Yeah. Motherfuckers still sitting in military prison.

No shit. No shit. Yeah. So is my buddy Robert Bales, by the way. I bet you they're like roomies. They tried to bring it to the Supreme Court. The Supreme Court will not hear the case. It's like the guy has no shot at parole.

He's got life. Yeah. So your guy just went crazy. My guy is a rapist murderer. Yep. Your guy went crazy, he had sleeping pills. It's a good way to sum it up right there. Yep.

My guy is a little of the PTSD, as they like to say. Well, my guy did confess. We're a little nuts. They asked him what happened when he met these girls, he said. Yes, I did take them up a little bit. So make sure you voted the creepoff.com. Carl, are you ready to do some voicemails? Yeah, let's get some voicemails.

So we've got a sponsor this week? We certainly do. The Creepoff voicemail segment is brought to you by the city of Syracuse, home of watchfire, where every year we burn thousands of flags for Memorial Day. Trust me, you don't even want to. know what we do for Easter. See you in Syracuse. So I had to look up a watchfire

was because I was like, that's a real dumb one, McBride. Yeah. And watchfire is a thing where this guy started to celebrate what would happen after a battle. They would burn a bunch of flags in a bonfire so that soldiers that were missing could find their way home. Oh, okay. So what they do is they pile up

thousands of American flags and set them on fire to be patriotic. That's odd. Way to go, Syracuse. They do that in Syracuse. They certainly do. Wow. What a great city.

What an interesting tradition that is. That's, I believe, against the law, or used to be? No, used to be. Used to be. But now it's, I guess, patriotic to burn thousands of American flags of Memorial Day every year. Do they throw at least one Canadian flag? No, that's a war crime. Oh, okay.

That's a war crime. We won't stand for that. I blame Canada. the Mounties are massied at the border. Let's start here. I don't know what to make of this. Okay, I'm listen. Vinny, you sexy son of bitch, I'm on your side.

And it needs to be addressed. Carl is fucking, he's fucking stepping over you. He's putting the creep off 10 steps behind WATP. Pause it. He needs to be stopped. Pause it. Because I realized something. Today, actually.

People think I'm not promoting the creepoff enough. Oh, I can't wait to hear this. People think I'm not promoting the creep off enough. This is what you don't understand, though. WATP is a gateway drug. So the creep off is cocaine. WATP is marijuana. If I just went and started promoting cocaine to people,

they'd be like, that's crazy. I don't want cocaine. But if I say, try a little marijuana, it's fun, gets you loose. And then I say, you know, if you want to step it up, I want to have a really good time. Yeah, it gets, it gets crazier than this, kids. Can we please make that our new theme? The Cocaine of Podcasts?

We are the Cocaine of Podcasts. And WTP is the gateway to it, all right? Visit our Patreon. We'll leave you penniless. All right, back to the voicemail. All right, fuck this. That's all his point was. Okay.

All right. Here we go. Hey, guys. I had an idea since Carl's about to get shut out, that stupid smile talking fuck. How about if you get shut out, you do not get to spin the wheel of consequences? The other person just picks it for you and you just have to suck it. That's kind of fun.

Another rule change. I liked that idea until I like it. Until I lost. Well, I mean, we can make that a rule. There's just so many rules that we have to keep up with, but that's not a bad one. This is a weird one. Okay. Hey, Carl.

This is really here. Wait a second. I just wanted to say, I left my shoes at the house. this morning and I was wondering if my big chunky thighs could fit into a club feet shoes because I don't know I think it will be a nice snug fit and I don't want to have to walk all the way home

without my shoes on so can you call me back and let me know if I can have your shoes that would be really appreciated Vinny and I are not I don't know why that's funny to me we're not at the level of we get each other's clothes yet we're not that close we haven't gotten to that point take homey vitty snug fit that's a fucking funny nickname for you all snug fit i'm writing that one down snug fit all snug fit

all snug fit paul you know all right all right i got one for you all right this one's a little bit longer but this guy loves you car i'm really sorry but i'm in love with that fat this guy again ball fat titted slive that you co-host with i don't want to waste your time i know you're busy editing but good god who is that handsome hairless fat beach ball that you co-hosts that other show with oh i want to mush his hairless tits together and fuck his face off oh let me know let me know because of real rubber dick I want to put a rubber dick in Vinny's fucking fat

mouth motherfucker later maybe I call you maybe I won't I might be halfway across the country fucking fucking smacked out on meth

but we'll never know I'm gonna go probably later you've said a new too car with your fucking club-ass feet and your motherfucking sexy ass greasy cube-headed

motherfucker All right, I'm out. Oh, I love both you motherfuckers. You guys want to fuck, let me know. Oh, it's a long and a 45 second. I can't deal with it. Otherwise, I'm going to fucking drive my ass to Rochester and fucking rape your dumb asses. Whoa.

Later. Deal with it, nigger. Whoa, all right. That got crazy at the end. WATP Live.com. We just put a couple more VIP tickets up if you want to have a little meet and greet with and myself. Not that guy. Please, not that guy.

WATP Live.com. August 28th will be in Lombard, Illinois. I feel like I need to clarify something. Yes, it's not. I'd like to clarify the fact that my tits are not hairless. Well, people want to imagine what they want to imagine. Oh, yeah. And you want to take that away from them.

This guy's spanking it, too. I want them to know what they get. I want them to know what they get. Bring your wax with you, sir. Hey, you know what, man? A.W. All-Out is going to be in Chicago the following weekend. I might have to stick around Chicago for a year. Yeah, no shit.

Very cool. I might have to stick around Chicago. All right. This is some more voicemails. I just feel like reading some of these. They're a lot of fun. Reading them? I'm a bo-sy.

Hey, Vinnie is Carl. I just wanted to remind everybody to come to WATP live. We're going to have all your favorite bitch, all your favorite hosts. We got Vinny. We got Croh. We got Bray Hatley's slutty wife. I may even be served by John Melinda's live on stage. Who knows?

Go to MyBooky.com and vote on a triple Jesus is gayest right at the time of the show. See you there. Gogeet. I love it. Mybooky.ag promo code WATP. Here's a weird one. Where's Maggie Junehall? I'm imagining at a trough somewhere.

Oh. It's feeding time With that little piggy nose Becky Chilliardallin' all's piggy nose I really appreciate the length of that last voicemail That's perfect Oh my God I have like a bunch more

But I'm not doing it to you I love you Okay I love you too much Thanks Paul Are you ready for a scum parade Yeah and you know what I want to mention

That we just did a bonus episode last week That was a scum stream Where we just do Scum parade stories and uh crows joined us for that it was the three of us oh was he even there i couldn't tell he was he was sitting right next to me here over here in this uh part of the studio i would recommend you go listen to the scum stream part two uh which is the newest one that's out there right now i would recommend you go listen to it to hear me be the people's champ to just carry

this episode i thought we all brought it vini i thought we all brought uh go listen for yourself we all brought it on that episode anyway to commemorate that I'm going to use this jingle today. Because Vinny's a creep and Carl's a weirdo. I'm not kidding around. They're both a generous psychopaths, but no business in a civilized society.

And they're going to take you on a stump parade. Dude, I got a story for you today. I got a story for you today. Sweet. I'm going to start off. We're going to go to Arandicoit, New York. All right. Right around the corner from where we are right now.

Right up the street. Yeah. Literally around the corner from where we are right now. Police investigators and Arundicoid are asking for help across the country to help them find the boyfriend of a woman who was found dead and dismembered in her home this week. Lisa Schuller, 37, was found dead in her home on Culver Road Tuesday evening. Shuler's boyfriend, 40-year-old Seth Larson, lived with her at the home. The two been together for the last 10 years. He is missing.

He has disappeared. People say that they've seen him in Maryland. Investigators say that he is the person of his interest in this crime. And it is definitely a homicide and they want to find him. So if you go and look up to Seth Larson guy, whatever, turn him in. Now, here's the reason why I wanted to tell you this story, Carl. Yeah. And if my wife finds out, I tell you this, you're going to lose your shit.

She should be pissed at me. But this Lisa Schuller, the girl who died, was my wife's assistant manager for like a year. Oh, no shit. So this hits real close down. Yeah, man. I can't even believe this shit. Nice girl? Yeah.

Super nice. Well, they're saying that the cause of death is not known. Well, I'm guessing being dismembered will do it. That's not always thinking, too. I'm like, well, being dismembered will at least take out some things. You know, it wasn't a car accident. Right. Probably wasn't suicide.

Probably not. You know, you can probably rule out suicide. You can jump to some conclusions there. I love that they're looking for the boyfriend. Yeah. And they're like, we need to ask. him some questions to find out what happened on that day. They're trying to make a scene.

All right, Seth, I got a question. Why were her legs and arms not attached to her torso anymore? I would like to know. They're trying to make a seat like he's not in trouble. Like, hey, the police just want to talk to you. Actually, we got Bill's tickets for you, buddy. Oh, they're going to pull that old day. Give me a

call. We got Bill's tickets. You want a ski do. Yeah. It's like, it usually works. I think they should go with that egg on. You want a brand new Sam Samsung flat screen TV. Whoa, it's smart TV. 4K.

Oh, God damn it. I love how... Isn't it funny how, like, have you noticed car dealerships have, like, depold, started doing the same thing cops used to do to catch, like, fucking scofflaws? Yes. Come on down to the dealership. We don't care about your credit. We don't care that you owe us tens of thousands of dollars.

You may have already won. Bring this key that we attach to this postcard. Down to our dealers. ship and we won't dismember you. So that's just a crazy-ass story. We're going to start off the real scum parade in Wildwood, Florida. All right. Police arrested a 77-year-old woman after they say she admitted to throw it a whopper and a Burger King worker will calling the victim a stupid black, N-word. Officers arrested Judith Ann Black, which I think makes it... Judith and Edward. Of the villages. So she lives in the villages in Florida,

which is the country's STD hotspot. All these old people's braids are just riddled with syphilis because they moved down to Florida. They're listening to Jimmy Buffett and getting sexually explorative with each other. No one told me there was going to be boasting. That's right. If your grandma lives down in fucking Florida,

she's been on the fucking spigot with a couple of fucking dudes who fucking lived in Virginia and retired from banking. They just fuck your grandmother down there in the villages. So she went to a Burger King Investigator said they spoke with the victim who told that an older woman was not satisfied with her whopper and was screaming

while standing at the counter. The victim said she asked Black to stop yelling so that she could help her. Record showed the victim turned her out, which is when Black threw the sandwich and said, shut up you Black Edward and she stormed out with her husband and left in a white ram pickup. So her husband had to be like totally

cocked, put his head down and be like, oh, I wanted to get my chicken fries. Vinny, you know I like to give it on this show. Yeah. So word to the wise here. Inside a Burger King, not a great place to drop an end bomb. You know where you should drop your end bombs? On the expressway, when you get cut off, regardless of the race of the person who cut you off, that's what screaming that as loud as possible can be fun. I'm going to disagree. But I will say that the appropriate thing to do would be wait till she gets out to her ramp pickup and then say it to your husband, if you fucking must.

Ma. Yeah. You fucking old twat. Whisper in his ear. So she got arrested for this. Yeah. For herself, for throwing the fucking burger at this lady. Would you like to know what she was upset about? Yeah, what was so terrible about this sandwich that she got? Was there a fucking luggy on it? Was there fucking a clump of hair in it? Bugs? What are we talking about?

No, no, no. The, uh, the thickness of the tomato was not to her liking. Wait, it wasn't a thick enough tomato? It might have been too thick. I don't know. She's lucky she got a tomato. I've never once gone to a fast food around. restaurant and gotten what I've ordered. Never once. This one was upset because the tomato wasn't to her like it. It's a miracle there was a tomato on the sandwich. Have you seen the people who work in Burger Kings? Apparently, in Florida, I can't even believe this in Florida. You ready for this shit? Yeah. Calling her the N-word, the evidence of prejudice enhances the misdemeanor

battery charge to a felony. Yeah, isn't that fun? It's like, oops, that was pretty stupid, you dummy. You dumb syphilis-ridden me-ma brain. Because honestly, I don't think throwing a with you someone is going to get you locked up for too long her fucking crusty scabbed over vagina but she had very sore that day but she had to get home she just had to throw out of the end bomb what a fucking moron farrell yes you ever had a bad neighbor i have yeah yeah have you ever been have you ever been so annoyed with your neighbor's garden or yard that you've had to go speak with them. Not that I've gone to speak with them, but my

neighbors that I currently live next to decided to take off all the siding of their house and left it off for months and it looked like shit. And so that was quite annoying because it kind of made an eyesore in our neighborhood. But I didn't say anything because

I keep to myself, Vinnie. Sure, sure. Well, here's a guy who decided he just wasn't going to deal with people's sloppy yards anymore. Okay. Sue City. Police said they were called to house about a fire around 6 p.m. Investigator said, Lee Bowman, 53, admitted he was upset because he had asked his neighbors on Saturday to mow their lawn. And on Sunday, they still had not cut the grass. He asked them to mow his lawn. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is just a poorly written

article. I had to research it. Thank you. Because I was like, what the fuck? This is like any sense. Okay. Their lawn was so disgusted. He went over there and said to the guy, mow your lawn. Okay. That makes way more sense. I thought he was demanding that they mow his lawn. Yeah. What the fuck, guys? I want so. It's like shit. Fucking fix it. No, they're just slops.

Okay. They still didn't cut the grass. So he went to the house on Sunday and again asked when they would mow. Home surveillance video shows he tried to take a registration sticker off one of their vehicles for some reason. He went out and he's like, oh, I'm going to fucking scrape off your sticker. Yep. Which usually those are on the inside of the car. I don't know how you would do that, but whatever.

They're in Sioux City. never been to Iowa. I don't know how that works. Right. Right. So around a few hours later, a neighbor banged on the door to alert the people of the house that their house is on fire. The corner of the house was burned causing around $3,000 in damage. Fire investigators determined the cause of the fire was arson. By the way, $3,000 doesn't sound like a lot, but that entire house is worth about nine. Right. It's in Iowa. It is a garbage home. Yes. It's very small. They could have lost a kid in that $3,000 that it's still would have been fine.

I have a garage that's larger than this house. So what they found, what the investigators found were sticks and plywood propped against the house that were lit with an accelerant. Bowman was arrested in charge with first degree arson

and criminal mischief. He's in jail on a $20,000 bail. Basically tried to start a campfire on the side of their house. Right. And he admitted that he did it. He said, yeah, the gasoline from the lawnmower as the accelerant. And I don't understand why people are admitting to their

fucking crimes vending. What's the upside to this? Why do people do this? They say that honesty is the best policy. It's not. Wrong. It's the worst that you know who tells you that? You know who tells you honesty is the best policy? Teachers, people who want to control you. They tell

you honesty is the best policy, so you'll fess up. You not only have a right to remain silent, it's an obligation. If you're going to commit crimes. Don't say anything. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Give it out too much good advice

today. We're doing good today. Yes. So this was a really, really long article, but I tried to pull the highlights for us, Carl. A man who sent video of his parents' dogs licking his erect penis told a court he did it because he was

quote, bored. Again, another case of horny board. Yes, I know. I was thinking the same thing. seems to be something that's going around with. Boring. A gentleman by the name of Ashley Scott Dennis, that's a girl's name, was sentenced in Australia Magistrate's Court on Thursday after previously pleading guilty to one count of beastiality. The court heard the man film the video in two segments showing the two border collies licking his genitalia

and sent the footage on Snapchat to a girl he was trying to date last year. Yeah, that's a good way to get someone's attention, isn't it? is. Hey, check out the size of my cock. And also, aren't these dogs cute? Yeah. Women love puppy videos. They love dogs and they love big giant cocks. Yeah. They love those dickpicks. Yeah. Keep them coming. Yeah. You could come and play with these puppies too. It's funny that it's bestiality. I'm not saying this is a good thing, but I've seen dogs lick things that are much worse. That's true. They put their mouths on things much worse than this guy's penis. I have three dogs in my house and I keep them away from my head at all costs. Vinny, you got three dogs in your house? Yeah. You ever

get bored? No, I'm constantly... I'm constantly... I'm constantly stimulated, Carl. Why did you make this weird? All right, so in this article, because it was way too long, it's like, we get the pointer. But it said animal sex toys. There were videos of animal sex toys.

Is that like a vibrator for a poodle? I imagine, yeah, like a speaking spell. That was like a catch-to-a-vibrate. It's like, the cow goes... mooh and it attaches to a butt plug that just like shakes interesting i was thinking there was something that you would insert into a dog an animal sex toy i was very confused by that i must not fucking miss that section of pet smart yeah right is it behind the beaded curtains do you love your dog or not get her an animal sex toy how much do you love your dog my oh god that's fucked up animal sex toys

they said that uh there was he they found footage as well as 140 images, like you said, depicting bestiality, animal sex toys, and selfies masturbating on his phone. The videos were filmed in a work office space inside a shed at his parents' property. Fucking awesome. So basically, this guy's a simpleton.

So when the cops went, did they investigate show what they found on a desk? Peanut butter. They found an open jar, peanut butter. This dumb skull couldn't even close the jar. Of course, of course not. Well, he's not eating it. What does he care? It's not for him.

Just shoving to his cock in there. You're going to waste it. This guy, so basically they go on to explain this guy is just an idiot. He's like a retard. Yeah, pretty much. That's what they said. And they're like, all right, you're going to a treatment program. I love that that's the defense from the attorney. Yeah, but my

client's a fucking moron. What do you want? Of course he's going to put feet up on. They're like, he's a moron, is he? Vocational school. Yeah, that's right. You're going to Bose's. Go to Bozies. Uh, right. So, there's that. Now, let's finish off at Mule Creek State Prison.

All right. Louis Romero, who had spent 27 years in prison, was put in a cell with a guy named Jamie Asuna after arriving. According to the lawsuit, he was convicted of second-degree murder after Fadley shooting a woman in Compton when he was a teenager and associating with gang members. That's the guy who was in the cell. Yes, we're talking about Louis Romero. He was nearing parole eligibility. His new cellmate, Jamie, was. serving a life sentence for killing in the torture of Yvette Pena 37 at a Bakersfield

Motel in 2011. The dude looks fucking terrifying. Yes, he's all tatted up. His face is all tatted up. If you went into jail, it doesn't matter that you've been in there 27 years. Yeah. If you got put into the jail cell with this guy, you're sitting as close to the fucking bars as you can. Yeah, this guy obviously wants to intimidate people with his tattoos. He's trying to look like pure evil with them and he's pulling it off he's not he's not smile talking like yours truly he's angry well during the trial it said that he was mocking the victim's family and bragging to television news reporters of his love of torturing people yep well that's that's the kind of guy this guy is sometime in the early hours of march 9th 2019 as soon a methodically tortured and killed romero

in his prison cell so his cellmate murdered him yes i hope it was quick and painless. Well, Carl, you get hope in one hand and shit the other and see which one gets filled first. He is accused of using a makeshift knife to decapitate and using a razor-style blade attached to a handle. As soon to ultimately cut Romero's head and then dissected Romero, removing an eye, a finger and a portion of the man's lung state document show. He also posed the body, slicing Romero's face open on either side of his mouth. to resemble an extended smile. That old cliche.

The classic Joker thing. That cliche. It's a classic. It's cliche at this point. I'm over it. Oh, do you want to be the Joker? Aren't you so bad? Want to be the Joker?

Aren't you so cool? Oh, nobody understands you. You're going to bring chaos. Oh, you're the joke. Fuck you. So when the police cave it. Well, the prison guards. When the prison guard cave it.

Yeah. they found a certain wearing a necklace made of Romero's body parts It is difficult to stand out with your fashion sense in jail So you got to be creative about it Yes and if you could have a man's intestines as a necklace Sure That's gonna that's gonna make you stand out a little bit I mean everyone's got face tattoos

That's not gonna do it The Assistant District Attorney said this is the most heinous slain he'd ever seen And he said he do believe that the victim was conscious During at least a portion of the time he said Zen has been transferred to Salinas Valley State Prison Psychiatric Impatient Program and he's been diagnosed with unspecified schizophrenia. Well, Ed, you're ready for this? This is why this is in the news. Because this past week, Asuna was declared not competent to stand trial.

Yeah, so I thought this was very interesting that they say in here he has antisocial and borderline personality disorder. You think? Understatement of the year, I would have to imagine. You know, the guy's a little antisocial. Why do you say that? You should have seen what he did was dormane college. He had a cellmate and he said to take a box cutter and take the guy's head off with it.

Do you know how long that takes? Do you know how difficult that is to do? And I love the guy's like, I think he was conscious for some of this. How do you know how difficult it is or not difficult? I can't even open a boxes with a box cutter, Vinny. Let alone decapitate someone. Well, that's because you're a little weak scrumny. It's not an easy thing to do, many.

And I love that the big news on this story is that the guards didn't know what happened. Was there no screaming involved? How is this guy not screaming as he's being tortured by this guy? Because there was tortious. Well, there is a lawsuit. Yes. And Mr. Romero's family is suing the prison because apparently the guards Epstein to this. Yeah, right.

And they walked through. Well, they didn't walk through. They just wrote on paper that they did walk. through and everybody was fine and then the next morning they were like ah fuck how was that not causing a stir though i this is why i do not understand biddy is there anyone even there are they the only two people in this place i mean i don't know if they're like the solid steel doors where they're just inside of a thing and they're all just howling because they're raping each other i don't know what noises are being made at night and there fair enough that's a good point they could be those steel doors

where you really have to just walk up and look inside the little window to see what they're up to they're trying to say that the guards, if they had done what they're supposed to do, this guy could have been saved, and I just don't see it. Well, maybe he wouldn't have gotten his head completely off and been able to do a fucking arts and crafts project with his fucking... He wouldn't have as nice of jewelry if the guards had come over earlier, but I still think this guy would be dead. He wouldn't have had time to make his little macaroni necklace.

Can we put this guy to death right now, or what are we waiting for here? Yeah, why didn't the guards just fucking kill him right then? They should just be like, oh, wow, I feel like I'm not safe. Do you know how much easier it would have been? if they had just like killed him too and then just said yeah they killed each other yeah the one guy got a gun somehow it's crazy i don't know you must have had it somewhere in his chest cavity when this guy opened it up he was able to reach in and get it and shoot him in the face multiple times this is a crazy story this guy is pretty scummy well happy memorial day y'all happy memorial day uh we'll see you all soon that was this week's

Creepoff, don't forget to visit thecreepoff.com. And don't forget, most importantly, visit us on Patreon and give us money. Kevin Snell, Borderline personality disorder is Opie. By the time you're carving people into necklaces, you're into a different territory. Yes, this is what I'm trying to say, borderline personality disorder. It's not like this guy's on the spectrum. This guy is a fucking problem. Yes, he is a problem.

So if you like to email us, fantastic comments like that, you can send him to the Creepoff pot at gmail.com. or you can leave us a voicemail at 585-371-88. That is the end of our show. The poll for voting for next month's Hall of Fame is going to be up today. Sorry, it's a little bit late. Tell us who you think you want to see in the Hall of Fame. Other than that, we're out of here. We're going to enjoy the rest of our familyless day.

It's nice to be important. It's more important to be nice. Yeah. Go ahead and the army is on its way, the army is out of the road. For the ground of all we have come by you can't be able to always know that the army goes only. When it's high, my day, the army is on its way. Now the volcano is out of its storm. For where there we go, you will always know that the army goes only below.