The Creep Off - Episode 69: Dear Flabby

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

This week Vinnie & Karl make things a little personal as they reveal their Creepiest Childhood Heroes, creating quite possibly the biggest creep show down in the shows history: In our brand new segment “Dear Karl” Karl dispenses his wisdom to a woman who needs some help ending a relationship: In the Scum Parade we meet the world’s worst volunteer fireman, an amazing social worker and a giant piece of kitten hurting shit from England.To Vote: thecreepoff.com Support the show for exclusive bonus episodes and Merch: Patreon.com/thecreepoff 

Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of thing. I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation, horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo, cuckoo! Hello

Ola Creepos. Welcome to another edition of Your favorite true crime podcast, the show about creeps by creeps for you creeps. So my name is Vinny. I'm your, uh, your delight. host and next to me is this big fucking pile of shit named Carl. What is happening, Vinnie Paulino?

So good to be back on the creep-off with you, my friend. Is it? It is. It is because the first thing we do on this show is talk about the voting that happened from last week. You know what? I didn't stay up till midnight last night. I did not stay up that late.

Yeah, I didn't need to. It wasn't a real nail-biter this week, was it? Let's see. What are the results from last week's voting? All right, fine. This is Carlin with 69%. I know my creepy Germans. And also I want to state that 69% makes a lot of sense because this is episode number 69.

69 dudes. Hell yeah. We made it. It's all coming together. So we have eight shows left. 69, dudes. Are we counting down till we get to 77 and we just blow this thing up? Why are we blowing it up at 77?

Because we were going to end at the same time biggest problem in the universe ended, I guess? Well, that was... That's the theory that I've heard. That's the theory you've heard. Well, biggest problem actually went to 107, but 77, I think, was when Maddox tried out a different co-host to Stereus Coconos, and then he realized it didn't work and had to bring Dick back on the show. I wonder if I could get that guy for episode 77. Do you think you come to do it? I don't know, man.

That guy's gotten, like, real woke and weird, because people... have talked about maybe reviewing his show on WATP because he's got this weird show with his girlfriend or something that sucks. Yeah, I'm not interested anymore. Yeah. I think it's called the loudest podcast, which is not a good selling point.

Fuck that shit. Yes. So welcome to the creep off. For those of you who are new to the show, just want to remind you this is a contest. Carl and I every week will nominate a creep for our category. And this week's category is our creepiest childhood hero.

Carl, today we had to get personal. Yeah, this is a fun one. We had to pick the people that we actually cared about in our lives that turned out to be absolute creeps. And then the question at the end is going to be very simple. You know, which one of these people was creepier? And then, you know, how deeply scarred are you by the fact that they turned out to be a creep? And can you separate the person from the art? Interesting.

Interesting. So, Carl, you won last week, which means that you have now one point in this new game. game? Yes. First person to five has to spin the evil wheel of consequences. No, the other person has to spend. Yeah, that's true. When someone gets to five. I screwed it up. So I guess... It's good, though. I'm glad that we're recapping some of this stuff. Yeah, so... A couple of listeners out there. A couple of people have come up to me and they go, so listen, I'm trying to figure this thing out. And I totally understand. Every 69 episodes, we will do a little bit of an update of the rules. There's a lot of rules, too. I don't even know all the rules to this game. Like, we did

the who are these creeps bonus episode you won that and i don't even know what i'm supposed to do because you won that i don't know if there's a consequence actually i have it written down here in the official rule yeah pull up the rule book it says if viny wins yeah uh who are these creeps carl has to try meth yes i was hoping for that one it's try meth all right i'm going to do meth on next week's show all right so we're going to start the contest and let's start this walk down the path of misery from our childhood, shall we, Carl? Let's do it. So I thought, I was thinking of a lot of different people who were heroes of mine when

I was younger. You know, people like, I feel like Pee-E-Herman is the guy that my brain went to immediately. And a couple people that when they asked me what we were doing this week, they all said, oh, Pee-E-Herman. That's what people said to me too. And I said, but he's not a creep. He was jerking off in a porn theater. That's what you're supposed to do.

there. That's a Tuesday. It was before the internet. What do you want the guy to do? He did it the one day the owner didn't pay off the cops. Right. It's not on him. He's not a creep at all. And I said, well, I know Vinnie's going to pull out a super duper creep, so I got to fight someone who's a little

creepier than Peewee Herman. And now, Vinnie, there's a few things that you know about me. All my life, always rooting for the Buffalo Bills, and one of my childhood heroes, really let me down.

Hey, the Twitter world, is me, yours truly. That's right, Twitter world. It's me, yours truly, the great O.J. Simpson. I remember in 1968, he was playing for the USC Trojans. He won the Heisman trophy that year when he was in college. And I was hoping in 1969 that the bills would draft him. And they did with their first pick. You weren't alive.

They drafted O.J. Simpson. And I was so excited. In 1973, he rushed for 2,000. three yards in a 14-game season. This math doesn't work out. He set a single-season yards-per-game record with 143.1 yards per game. That has still not been broken, Vinny. I was there in the 14th game that season when he had a seven-yard rush.

You couldn't have been there. You could have been there. And I was cheering. I was checking my beer. I'm like, woo! OJ! Juice, juice, juice! We were all chanting his name.

Ugh. That in 1994. So this guy has a great football career He goes on to star in movies The Great Naked Gun series Where he's hilarious Those are a fucking great movies I'm not gonna lie

And OJ is great at that for real Yes he really is I won't argue He's legit very fun Let me tell you something He made me as a child Want to run a car He really was good at what he did

He was the Hertz guy yes Yeah he certainly was But that was later So in 1994 He did something that was pretty fun he turned his ex-wife to Cole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman into human pez dispensers

and this was seen by a lot of people as creepy behavior a lot of people weren't cool with it like his kids so their children of the children they had together obviously he was found not guilty Rod's parents he was found not guilty

the LAPD framed him for this murder because they hate black people according to a 2016 poll 80% of white Americans I can't even look at you 83% of white Americans, and 57% of black Americans believe Simpson committed the murders. Who cares? How do they think that?

He was found innocent. And then, because the Goldman's are such jerks, they decided to sue him. A civil court awarded a $33.5 million judgment against him. I can't even look at you. In 1997. I don't even want to fucking look at you, you piece of shit. This is the best part. I didn't even know about this.

In 2000, Orenthall, James Simpson, moved to Florida and settled in Miami to avoid paying any more of the liability judgment. He's only paid a fraction of the money that he lost in that civil suit because Florida is one of the few states where pensions and or residences cannot generally be seized to collect debt. Did you know that? No, I didn't. It's hilarious. Someone suits you like, I'm just going to move to Florida. See you. We'll see you in Florida.

Hey, Stuttering, John. Sorry. go to Florida. Bye-bye. But where will they deliver the Tesla? In 2007, Orinfeld James Simpson was given $600,000 to put out a book

titled, If I Did It. Yes, he was. Which is amazing. Now, the Goldman family wasn't happy about this. So they took him to court over it. What was their issue? I don't know.

They're just jerks, these people. They won't leave OJ alone. So they took him to court, And they changed the title of the book to, if I did it, Confessions of the Killer, which the guy was found innocent. Now, what he did do, that was a crime in 2007, he was arrested in Las Vegas and charged with felonies of armed robbery and kidnapping. In 2008, he was convicted and sentenced to 33 years imprisonment with a minimum of nine years without parole. He served his sentence, and he was granted parole. July 20th, 2017, when he was initially eligible for that parole.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. And you know what he does now? Twitter. Twitter. He's my favorite Twitter foul. This guy is amazing. Now, people might not know this, but O.J. is PC. You should call him PC Simpson.

This is him on Carl Nassiv, the guy who just came out, openly gay, NFL player. Well, all the conversations in the day is. about Nasep, the Raider defensive player who, I guess, came out of the closet, so to speak. Hey, man, more power to you, man. That's terrific. And $100,000 that you donated to that charity is just over the top. I mean, that's really something special. You know, over the years, people have asked me, hey, man, did you play with gay athletes?

Of course I did. Who's asking you about it? They're everywhere. Well, I retired before Jim Kelly started playing. did you first start sucking dick in prison or was it out of the buffalo bills people always ask me would be in whatever you know post office wait you just called jim kelly gay yeah i'm gonna come over what of it i am gonna come over what are you gonna do about it police departments uh any profession you have it i mean they may not come out but there there trust me i saw an announcer today an ex-player

said he played 14 years and he kind of said well i never really played with a gay athlete i said You got to be kidding me. I started laughing. Of course you have. You just have not played with an openly gay athletes. So O.J. is totally fine with this. He thinks gay athletes in football, no problemo. So he's very PC, but he's not woke, Viti.

He is not woke. But I got to say this. I do protest what's happening down in New Zealand. They're allowing Hubbard, the weightlifter, trans in a female weightlifter, compete in the Olympics. Now, that's, as far as I'm concerned, wrong. He was born biologically a guy. Men are biologically stronger, faster, and in most case, have more endurance than female. That's not my opinion.

Just look at all the record book. Uh-oh, Sarah Silverman, are you listening to this? You might want to scold OJ. This is pretty brutal what he's saying here on Twitter. I can't believe he's saying this. The only thing that will ever get me to listen to Sarah Silverman's podcast again is she goes on and starts going to OJ over this. I would give that a listen.

OJ, it's a woman. What do you mean? It's just a woman. Oh, Jesus. Oh, by the way, speaking of which, sorry to interject. Yeah, go ahead. To our pal Igor.

Yeah, yeah. He sent me a link to a video. Apparently, Jessica Yanev's clit is falling off. Of course it is. Well, yeah, I mean, I don't know who's super glued it on. I don't know who fucking put it out there. But yeah, of course it is. And I'm not clicking the link.

So just so everybody knows, stop fucking sending it to me. So for people who think that we should have national health care, like they do up in Canada, can't even keep a clit on these fucking people. I mean, fucking, how much is a staple? Not the budget for Canada. Okay. All right. So what I love about OJ is he was fine with ending a couple people's lives, but he doesn't.

He doesn't want anyone else to die, and the message that he keeps putting out on Twitter is all about getting vaccinated. He is adamant that everyone needs to get vaccinated. In any event, take care, get your shots, and God bless. Everybody else, go and get your shots. We got this new variant coming down, and everybody needs to get their shots. I'm just saying, take care. Good luck. Go and get your shots.

All right, all right. I will. Cheers. Oaky-dokey. Hey, take care Get your shots I'm just saying Hey look, get your shots

And I hope all is well And football will be here soon And all we'll talk about is football then I'm just saying Take care I'm just saying I love this guy, he's the best He fucking sucks

And you suck too So I learned a fun fact Now I don't like the term fun fact But this one is truly a fun fact I don't know if you know this about Orenthal his father was a well-known drag queen in San Francisco. Later in life, Jimmy Simpson announced that he was gay

and died of AIDS in 1986. Because everyone who announced they were gay in the 80s died of AIDS. I don't know if you knew that or not. But did you know that... You know what was fucked up about the age? OJ's dad was a drag, a famous drag queen? It checks out. Those legs.

I didn't know that. Those legs. His dad could have run 2,500 yards and I healed in a season. Yeah. Yeah, and jump over a bouncer or two, too. Yeah, very impressive. Yeah, to run away from typical Buffalo people trying to beat them up. So listen, here's the thing.

What's the thing? OJ Simpson is a creep. But you started this off talking about certain years that OJ was your childhood hero. Yeah, childhood hero. See, Carl, you're not that much older than me. Childhood hero, baby. You are definitely the old one on the show. When he went to San Francisco to play for the Niners, it just broke my heart.

I just couldn't believe. him in that uniform. Oh, he wanted to be closer to his dad. Seeing him, I know he knew his dad was going to die of aid, so he had to get over there. But yeah, just seeing him in that uniform just really just shattered me, shattered me. Just shut the fuck up. You're so full of shit. He was not your childhood hero. Maybe you liked the naked gun movies when you saw him on VHS at some point in the late 80s, early 90s.

But yeah, pal. I had season tickets to the bills in the 70s. I went to every single game. I watched them lose to the Miami Dolphins for a whole decade. Every single game of the 1970s, it's true, looking up. All right. Every single game they lost and they win him twice a season. You certainly did.

You certainly did just de-escalate the situation. I am appeased. Thank you for admitting that, reminding everyone. Oh, man. And O.J. wanted nothing to do with going to the bills when he was drafted. He threatened to just go to- Either to Jim Kelly.

I know. Jim Kelly was like, I'll go play for the U.S. fucking NFL, whatever that shit was. Well, you know what, OJ threatened? he threatened to go into acting he's like you know what i'll just become a movie star i don't need this shit i don't want to go play for buffalo you know what his contract was he demanded 650 000 over five years 650 over five years what they used to pay he was the highest paid player and ralph wilson was not having it he was not and then he finally gave in i believe i

from ralph wilson the term uppity was used a few times i believe that might be true fucking old piece of shit rested dirt dickhead all The worst was when we renamed our stadium the Ralph. Like, it's bad enough that people actually do get very drunk and get sick. I've seen it happen to Bill's games. And they call the stadium the Ralph. Whatever I fucking see. Can it be Wilson Field or something?

Group full of Bill's fans. I want to barf. Fucking gross. All right. That's my creep this week. Orenthall, James Simpson, the man who turned two people into human pez dispensers. Vinny, what do you got, buddy? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to tell you something right now.

this is the least prepared I have ever been for an episode of The Creep off, but I have done way more work than Carl has, and I don't even feel bad. I walked into this feeling like a piece of shit, and I feel great now. So ladies and gentlemen, let's start this off. My Creep is a guy that anyone my age had ever wanted to get into comedy idolized as a kid, not just for his amazing command of the comedy stage, his staggeringly good timing and delivery, his incredible joke writing. The fact that he made comedy look so easy. He was also the start of the biggest show on

TV, starting in 1986, when I was a lie. And gentlemen, my creep this week is the man who is known as America's dad. And he's been a creep for a while. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the cause. Bill Cosby, folks. See,

this is why I put so little work into my creep this week, because I'm not going to be Bill Cosby. He's the creepiest guy to ever exist. He's a serial rapist. He's the I'm arguing on your side this week. I agree. It's so goddamn hard. And I didn't want to pick Bill Cosby.

Vinnie, what did I respond to you when you texted me this week? Let's do childhood heroes. What did I respond to you? You're going to do Cosby? And I said, I don't know. I knew I'd lost when I got the text from you. I got why. I lose.

Do I know who my second and third place were? Yeah. Okay. The dude who drew Renan Stimpy. Oh, John K. Yeah, John K. Pito. Absolutely.

Really? Pito. Yep. Did I know that? I'll tell you more about it. We'll save him for another day. Okay. And then my second choice was Pete Townsend because I was a huge U-Fan when I was like 12 and 13.

He was just doing research, Vinny. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh, no, Carl. One of these days I'm going to do, maybe I'll do it for the Patrions, I'm going to do a dramatic reading of Pete Townsend's book, Horse's Neck. And then you tell me if you think Pete was a creep. No, I know that, Vinny. I was talking about what his defense was, remember, when they found all the CP on his computer? Yeah, I know. I was trying to do a tease for some extra content we might be able to do later.

That's like half ass that's already like half done. But you ruined that because you wanted to make me look like I don't know what you're talking about. Fucking wait. Yeah. You know what? I can't wait for episode 77. Really peeling back the curtain today, aren't we? Jesus Christ.

So let's talk about the cause, shall we? Do we need to? Can we just give you the W and move on? Yeah, you want to go straight to the scumperry? Let's do it. No, go ahead. You did some research. So here's the deal with this guy.

He got married in the early 60s to a woman named Camille. He was a stand-up comic, and he was one of the biggest stand-up comics in the world. He was probably the most famous African-American comic, even though he started around the same time as Richard Pryor. Richard Pryor played different circuits than Bill Cosby did, and Bill Cosby rose to fame a little bit quicker. But in the 60s, he's married, and the accusations, we know he's a serial rapist, he's in prison right now. I don't want to hide that. But the accusations against this man started back in the 60s. really yeah and people don't realize this so what i did was i pulled just some pertinent details about

a couple of these okay that maybe you didn't know about and they're fucking heinous dude the shit that he got accused of did you pull his stand-up routine where he talks about uh spanish fly spanish fly uh what's funny you should say that this this man did not make it a secret that he was into drugging people this is from an album called it's true it's true and i'm not even shit of you That's the name of the album. Listen to this great setup. When I was 13, man, start talking about weird things. No, really.

Staying on the corner. You know anything about Spanish fly? What? Spanish fly. It always happens when you're 13. Only when you get married. Yeah. Guys stand around and talk about Spanish fly.

And it never starts with one of the guys on the corner. It's always some strange 13-year-old. You know what? You know anything about Spanish fly? No, totally relate to all of this. This girl, crazy Mary, you put some in her drink, man, she's like, ah, ha, ha. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's really groovy, man. Spanish fly is groovy, yeah, boy. Yeah, so basically, he goes on to petificate. From then on, man, anytime you see a girl, well, you have a Spanish fly, go to a party, see five girls standing alone. Boy, if I had a whole jug of Spanish fly, light that corner up a way.

I would just go drug the whole loser's quarter of the fucking party. And he's getting it to plug. Laws break for that material? I love stand-up, but it's the greatest art form in the fucking world. What the fuck? You know what, though? I really want to point out something. Bill Cosby really was a hero of mine, and I did some thinking.

Are you saying O.J. was not a hero of mine? Is that we're trying to apply? If you said, if Thurman Thomas had murdered his wife, I believe you. 2003 yards at a 14-game season, Vinny. No one's done that. When I first decided I wanted to pursue comedy in my life, like I was in high school. And my, it turns out that my guy. guidance counselor was a failed open mic comic which is never the guy you should go get advice from

if you're kid if you find out that your kids guidance counselor is a failed open micer dude fucking just switch schools his profession is a guidance counselor yeah he failed at life what's he gonna tell you and i'm like yeah man do you want to make 42 000 a year and go to a elementary school every day that's what i do like no it's terrible i honestly god i've always felt like guidance counselors like the laziest kid on career day that's right just like hey man i just do a do yeah like what do you want to do like i don't know this sure i mean but this guy i realized you have your own car i want to do what you do oh and look he has a picture of a family they look happy um this guy was such a nerd but he was like yeah you know i used to do comedy like he was all

cool i go really tell me about it and i used to ask him about comedy all the time and he told me i used to listen to bill cosby records so i went found bill cosby albums when i was probably 14 and I was listening to himself and it's true and it's true. So like I went back in a weird time in my life and this really was influential to me because I wanted to pursue stand-up and this is

what the people that I knew who did it told me to listen to. Here let's hear the end of the joke. This is a really good zinger. This is the this is a great closer. So I thought it only existed in Philadelphia you know and I'm working on I spy and Bob and I are working together. Shelton Lennon comes up says boys. I spy is going to spend.

a childhood dream come true I'm going to rate the whole country do you hear that applause kids wide out there in the open so I have a question for you because I love Steve Martin growing up

I had all his albums and you go back and listen to it now and it's not funny and this Bill Cosby stuff is just not funny It just doesn't hold up. There's some stuff that does hold up. I mean, honest to God, there's stuff that holds up. But you and I are at a different age.

Yeah. Like, I say the material holds up. Our perceptions of the material change because you and I are two total pieces of shit. Like, there's nothing that is good to us. That's a good point. We are totally jaded. Yes.

So that's that. Now, let me talk a little bit more about the cause. Let's talk about this. So the first girl that accused him was Christine Ruley. He walked up to her and said, hey, you want to go to a party? He gave her two drinks. they went to this party there was no one at the party

it was an empty room she blacked out woke up well being fucked by the cause Lou Farigno's wife Carla invited her to the movies his wife Camille was there as well

Camille got up to go to the restroom Bill Cosby leads over and grabs Camille by the face and starts open mouth kissing her in the movie theater when his wife walked out of the room okay let's keep going This is going to be fun.

A lady named Joyce Emmons claims that during Cosby's appearance at her comedy club, he offered her a pill to help with her headache. Alleges the next thing she remembers was wake up naked next to not even Cosby, his friend. Okay. What confronted Cosby said he gave her a quailute.

She further asserts that Cosby had repeatedly offered to show off his large collection of drugs to her. His large collection of drugs. No to the drug collection. Even though... I collect drugs. He never took any drugs himself. Now, again, Bill Cosby was kind of a hero of life.

I'm going to start being a drug collector. In around 2011, I got to work with and I kind of became friends with somebody. I'll drop the name because it is pertinent to this story. Richard Pryor's daughter, Rain. She's a funny comic. She's great. Drop! Rain and I were chatting.

And I said, so, like, when you were little, did you ever, like, hang out with Cosby and she goes I wasn't allowed anywhere near him yeah and I said well why's that and she goes because my mother wouldn't let me anywhere near that guy because she went to his house once and like she was trying to get Richard Pryor to fucking clean up and he goes over to Cosby's house and Bill's like oh you want me to bust out the old suitcase and he's got a fucking suitcase fucking full of pills can I just say can I just say real quick I am amazed it took you that long to go into your Bill Cosby impression well done sir all right I thought they would have been pulled out much sooner

in this presentation. And it's the only one you're getting out of me. So he fucking had a briefcase full of drugs that I've heard about. So I kind of like I've heard this from two different places now is all I'm saying. And she didn't want her to be anywhere near Bill Cosby because he enabled Richard Pryor have fucking whatever he want to, Richard.

So Judith Huth, now here's some fun allegations, Carl. Claims at the age of 15, Cosby took her to his house, pilled her with drugs. Then took her to the Playboy Mansion, where he instructed her to tell people she was 19, that took her to a rumor he masturbated himself with her hands. Now, because this was an alleged child sexual abuse case, and the statute of limitations on this began when Huff kind of started dealing with these things as the trauma of it as an adult, according to the L.A. police, which is a weird thing about statute of limitations. So the cops tried to go back and do some investigating into it, and there was no way they were able to prove anything.

But that's an allegation against him. Then another girl, Renita Cheney Hill, claims that while being involved with Cosby's children's show, picture pages at the age of 15, Cosby made her consume drinks that would make her unconscious until the next day. When she complained about the drinks, Cosby said that was the only way she could continue to see him. Claims she has one memory of Cosby kissing her before she passed out. here's another fun fact for the episode Bill Cosby paid her college tuition Joe!

Now... So you think maybe he's guilty of something there? Is that what you're imparting? I have an absolute breaking news story here for you. All right. One of these accusers only has their first name listed, and that person's name is Casey. Okay.

Casey claims that after a professional relationship with Cosby, on one occasion, he insisted she'd take a white pill to help her relax. She alleges she blacked out and woke up next to Cosby in a bed, and she claims that she has not regained her natural energy or speaking voice since. Well, she can't talk anymore? No, she's just very slow. She took this pill and it relaxed her too much. She hasn't been able to get right since, and now she studies dirt in Florida.

Okay, yeah, that would check out. All right. And then Janice Dickinson, supermodel Janice Dickinson, says she hung out with Bill Cosby. he gave her some drinks and she woke up the next day with a sore asshole her words not mine so like this is all going on from the 60s up until 2008 was the last accuser so he's well into his 70s at this point I'm guessing he lost his sex drive and the thing about Bill Cosby that makes him the most hateable and a piece of shit is that he was a preaching motherfucker to everybody he sure was and I didn't even realize this until like I was an adult I just really like listen to to. I loved the old reruns of the show when I was a kid. I fucking liked the stand-up because it was clean stand-up and I was allowed to listen to it. And I thought I was listening to a great. And this fucking guy, all through all of it, every time he had a microphone in front of him, he's just like, the kids, they listen to the rap music, which gives them the brain

damage with their hip-in-law. He's just fucking complaining about everything on the fucking planet. But the second he gets a woman alone, it was that. It was from the Simpsons. He did want black people to pull their pants up. I remember that quite vividly. Do you remember, when was the first time you think you heard about, like, the Cosby dope and grope? So for me, the old dope and grope. For me, it was one everybody else kind of heard about it, which was, who was the comedian

who, Hannibal Burris? Yes, Hannibal. I've known about this since the mid-2000s. You had known about it. I had known about this. So, like, I had heard, fucking. fucking inklings and stories. It was kind of an open secret in comedy circles.

Right. So, like, I'd heard these rumors. I'd heard all the stuff. And then the Hannibal Burris thing happened. And I'm going to play you the audio of the clip or Hannibal. Fuck he just ripped the Band-Aid off and ruined fucking Bill Cosby's life. Yeah, God bless Hannibal for this. Yeah, listen to this.

You're going to laugh your ass off because he nails it. Real Cosby has the fucking smuggest old black man pulka persona that I hate. Let's get some TV Pull your pants up, black people I was on TV in the 80s I can talk down to you Because I had a successful sitcom Yeah, it was great living

Bill Cosby, so I don't crazy down I don't curse on stage But yeah, you're a rapist, so He later goes on to say Hey, why don't you do yourself a favor And Google Bill Cosby rape You will get more hits than you will

For the name Hannibal Burris That's how he ended it. That's awesome. And there was a deposition in 2005, in 2006, that had kind of gotten out where he flat out admitted I use Quailudes to entice women into sex. Correct. Yes. And that stuff was out there in the open. They weren't allowed to use that, no.

They weren't allowed to use that in court, right? Right, because it was part of another settlement. Yeah. Right. So, like, this stuff was out there. People knew about it. And he continued to just fucking live his life. Now, what happened?

after this was just an absolute fucking deluge of hate towards Bill Cosby and some people lined up to defend him like Felicia Rashad the actress who played his wife on the show would you like to hear how she defended him this is not about the women this is about the obliteration of legacy

my checks are disappearing don't you understand their canceling the syndication so everybody was trying to defend him everybody that knew was trying to defend him but during these court procedures stuff started coming out. Camille was writing checks for decades to these women.

Really? She was writing the checks. He had a guy who was his land manager who would also write checks to women. Interesting. He had been paid people off forever. There's over 60 women who have come out and accused him of things.

He was found guilty, obviously, on April 26 and 2018, on three felony counts have aggravated and decent assault against this woman named Andrew. Constan, and he was sentenced to three to ten years in prison. Now, he's a piece of shit. I want to show you my favorite video ever.

Okay. Now, you're really going to enjoy this, Carl. This is Bill Cosby walking into court. And I cannot take credit for this. Someone filmed this with their phone, and I love their commentary. You're going to enjoy this. I think it might be King of All Blacks from the Howard Stern Show. Okay.

His suburban Philadelphia home. Oh, he's being the cause. Did you see that? Yeah, he was doing the little head moves. He was like, do-do, do-do. Like, he was doing like a half-dancing as he's walking into the courtroom. I mean, I want you to realize how heinous the shit he did. Fucking heinous.

Here, listen to a witness for yourself. Can I go to you, Lily? You thought Bill Cosby was mentoring you initially. Oh, yeah. I didn't think that. I knew that. Actress Lily Bernard appeared on the Cosby show. Lily says Cosby won her trust.

One night in 1990, she says, he offered her a drink. He said, drink it, Bernard, drink it. And very quickly, the room started spinning. Lily says she became incapacitated and Cosby raped her. And then the next memory, I'm on the floor, on the carpet. And I remember the sensation of the carpet against the flesh of my back. What? No Jackie Martling clips? Like this.

And it hurt, and I couldn't move because of the drugs. And I remember him on top of me. I passed that again My next memory is there's a cold water splashing on my chest You know he was bathing me And I woke in the cold water splashing on my chest And it still was really groggy

And like a noodle like a wet noodle He pulled me to the edge of the bed And he, because I couldn't He was pulling on my stockings very quickly And took me to a car That is great She was a chocolate cake Blame

Bound I mean, what the fuck? Yeah, this guy, he could have, like, probably slept with these women if he had asked them, but he just wanted to, he didn't want to go through that at all. Carl, he wanted to be unconscious. Carl, here's another thing that's going to add to this. There are women that came out that were in, they were having affairs with them, that were in willing relationships with them.

Yeah. And he would still drug them. Right. He still wanted. That was like his thing. That was his king. He really fucking got off on it. Yeah.

Now, Bill's been in jail for three years. He was up for parole this year, like a, month ago. Yeah. And he was not granted parole. The reason he wasn't granted parole. And there was literally they cited one reason. Yeah. He refused, refused to take any type of therapy for sexual addiction. He refused. This is hilarious. He would rather, he's 83 years old. He would rather sit in jail that admit he has a problem. Listen to this. My buddy Orenthal has advice for Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby decided not to take a course, a sexual course, the prison and it probably cost him his parole.

So he's not getting out. Well, when I was in camp, I took anything, all the courses. I wanted to get home to my kids. I took a victim impact course that was particularly galling to me because I had to get up and apologize to my victims. And I got up and said, guys, I'm sorry I caught you trying to sell my stolen property. I'm sorry I yell at you and I'm sorry that the state of California rule it was my property gave it back to me and you didn't get to make any money off my stolen property.

I love this guy. Ron Hoorce. No remorse. We both have a couple of fucking psychopaths. I can agree there. He's like, Bill, just go along with it. You don't have to believe it. You don't have to learn anything.

You don't. Carl, here's the fun facts. I'm the Carlson cast, Ross, our stand-up news guy, has been following Bill Cosby's prison adventures. Okay. And then giving me updates over the last few years. So in prison, what he has done is set up his own. practice where people come

to him to get advice. Jesus. Like he literally, they people, other inmates, make appointments to go talk to the cause. And he'll be like, y'all ought to lose some weight, son. Well, he's shit like that. He is a doctor. He is Dr. Bill

Cosby. He is Dr. Bill Cosby. So the doctor is it. He's holding fucking court in jail. They say he's down to 187 pounds and all he does is work out. And he's 83 years old. And a quote from Bill, he says, when I get out of here, I'm wearing all My suits.

Really? That's a quote from Bill Cosby. I thought he lost his vision and was like a feeble old man. He's apparently looking good right now. He portrayed in court that he was on his last legs there. Yeah, well, he was trying to get out early. What was the profession? So he wrote the Cosby show.

And so he wrote his character. What did his character do for a living? He was an OBGYN. Oh, okay. Yeah, interesting. Yeah. So even in his make-believe TV show, he was pretty obsessed with vagina. Well, I got to say, though, like on his TV,

show, he was a fucking, you know, OB-GYN. In real life, he was an anesthesiologist. It's not exactly the same, but I get it. He was putting women to sleep with the drugs. I get it. Fucking Bill suck. Very good. Could you imagine having to depose fucking Bill Cosby and having to sit there and listen to him be like, Boogie man. Mr. Cosby, did you rape that woman? And he likes her father. Mr. Cosby. Do you remember Hanchardt Cots did? Mr. Cosby. Like, what the fuck?

He sucks so bad. And I really loved him as a kid. I really, really fucking loved him. He also represented Kodak, which is a Rochester company. Jello, which is a nearby company. Jell was invented near here. So for us, upstate New Yorkers, we're doing about as well as he is right now. Yep.

It's all getting crashing down. All right. So you can vote at thecreepoff.com. I can't believe we actually did an episode that is OJ versus Bill Cosby. It's pretty good. That is pretty fun. And these are both popular. We never both do popular stories the same time.

This is fun. I can't wait to find out who wins. Make sure you vote at the creepoff.com this week. And make sure you vote for Vinny. Now, at the end of this episode, make sure you stay tuned because I'm going to play a very funny clip of Eddie Murphy at an award ceremony, winning an award that Bill Cosby won the year before. I have the audio.

I'll save it for the end of the show. of joy beautiful all right kids uh let's uh get to some voicemail shall we the creep off voicemail segment is brought to you by the city of syracuse a police officer accused the city of racism and is suing for thirty three million dollars you have nothing to worry about though because we don't have that kind of money see you in syracuse where is syracuse gonna get thirty three million dollars where would they find that how was that possible I guess they're going to go to the Baldwin's mom See if she can borrow some cash from her kids or something

That one really made me laugh too When I first heard Big Brian, that was solid, buddy It's funny All right, here's some voice fails Hey Vinnie, my speaker broke up I missed that part about your wrestling fantasy team

Oh, the high heels weird first place Nobody cares about your wrestling team Your fantasy wrestling team, you fat-titted jolt. Hey. No one gives a fuck. Agreed. Go put fucking Niosporn on the underside of your tits so they don't chase. You, fat, slob you.

It's good advice. I appreciate that. This is Carl, again, calling in just to bother everybody. Welcome to the creep off. This is Carl, the Excellence of Execution, the Cerebral Assassin, Latino Heat, Seamus MacKilling it The hero what is stupid The rabid Wolverine

The Obamaniac Mr. WrestleMania The whole fucking show Balding McClub feet The hamburger Carl That's a little fucking intro then Ladies and gentlemen

That will be Carl's new intro On the show from now on James McKilling it That's fucking great Very good The opamaniac What was it about The balding club footer

What was that The balding club I still have hair Whatever you want to say Hey, I love to hear from people Who are checking out the show and learning from it Here's Tucker Dixon Hey Carl

Hey Vinny It's Tucker Dixon here If I sound defeated It's because I've gone through your back Catalog and I am Halfway through all the creep off I don't know if I lost a bet I don't know if I lost an argument

But I'm doing it I'm almost there You guys are a bunch of sick bucks anyways Tucker out I hope that was under 43 seconds and I'll hear this in a couple of days Well he checked back in

To let us know how he was doing Carl Vinnie Tucker Dixon again I am more than halfway through this Creepoff show Catching up on everything And there's one thing that is abundantly clear One person sucked at this show

And it's absolutely terrible Yep And that person is Lenny Dykstra. Got you. He puts the first Google result and puts in

the bare minimum effort. Fucking Lenny Dykstra. Tucker out. Call me back. I have to tell you that as I was thinking of Chowdhors,

I was thinking about the 86 Mets. Not I'm a Cubs fan, but I would love the 86 Mets. And I did think of maybe the Red Sox. Lenny Dykstra.

Now, ladies and gentlemen. I got some voicemail. Oh, okay. I'm going to play one more when you're done with that. No, no, go ahead.

You're good. Here's the thing. We all know Vinny doesn't contribute to a lot to the creep off. Oh, I'm fucking cool. Kyle, you were about to tell his story about your awful... I'm saying you want a piece of me. I was interested. I'm sure we all were, but Vinny's fat voice just steamrolled all over you. Yep. So anyway, if you hear this and you'd like to tell us the story of you and skateboarding, we'd like to hear it.

And maybe Vinny can just shut his fat fucking trap for once and stop stomping all. All over you. I don't care. I don't care. Bye me later. You're in your fat. You're a fat club. You have a big fat dead.

And you have a fat voice. He doesn't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I'm happy, go lucky. Women call me plucky. I don't care.

Shut up. I don't care. Here's another one. Fuck. Fat-titted Vinnie Paulino is the Vinnie Paulino of comedy, and he's criticizing the fucking doors. Just take that in for a moment, folks. Fat-titted Vinny, the Vinny Paulino of comedy is criticizing the doors. Yeah, chew that one.

Chew on that cut for a little bit. Fat-so. Hey, stupid. I didn't criticize the doors. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you. criticize the Doors. I criticize Doors fans. They're way shittier than

the band itself. And fuck you, dude. Keep calling the WATP hotline for your voicemails. They will definitely get out of the air. Here's one more. Vinny thinks he's so funny. Vinny thinks he's funny Perfect voicemail, brilliant, brilliant, keep them coming, everybody. I don't think that was a good voicemail.

Keep them coming. That wasn't a very good voicemail at all. Keep them coming, everyone. All right, somebody called in to tell us a story about a real, like, creep and uh carl i think this sort is pretty interested uh hey this is just me calling in to give you a creep i'm the guy who gave you the creep about the zoon player full of child porn uh i got another one i used to go to church with some kids who got adopted by a family who went to the church um apparently their parents um decided that they didn't want to take one of their kids

on a uh weekend vacation so they tied up the uh i believe you're four-year-old, the four-year-old boy, put him into a closet and left him there all weekends where he couldn't get out. And they came home surprised to find that he was dead. And then they just went to the park and pretended like he was in the stroller and then acted as if somebody had kidnapped him. What they really had done would make the two children that I knew, um, bring them with them to the woods and help them burn the body

Jesus yeah I thought that's a fucking real creepy story it was all over TV they did this whole dramatic reenacted thing on I think it was like ID TV or something like some like true TV I don't know what network is out it's fine I'm good I'm not gonna watch

um fucking they made the kids help burn the bodies it's good you teach kids to skill when they're young That's right. All right. I get a badge for that one. You got anything else, Dickhead?

I'm good, buddy. Fine. Are you ready to debut our new segment, Carl? Oh, yeah, we got a new segment. That's right. You teased this on Twitter, I saw. We have zero effort put into the opening to this, but I would like to make this a regular segment on the show. Because, you know, you were making fun of Bobby Lee a little bit on your show.

And you told me that Dick does something similar. But we're going to start a little segment called Dear Carl, where you could write into us at the creep off about your creep conundrums. Yes. How can you deal with the creepy things you've done and what should you do in a situation that might, there might not be anybody as good as Carl to give you that advice. Correct. I mean, you are pretty much an expert on most of this shit. I'm a wording man.

I'm scholarly. Now, our friend, Igor, sent me a link to a story that was on Zambia 1. And this was a letter that was written into the newspaper from a woman who needed advice. And you know what? Honestly, they're not going to be able to answer this question as good as you will. I'm going to read this to you. Dear Carl, I am a 34-year-old Mary Woodwin with two kids. I have been married for seven years now.

My husband is a very caring man and the type of man every woman dreams of. But the issue is that I am not faithful to him. I have been having sex with my biological father since age 18. My mother got to know of this affair four years later. After she got ill, later it died shortly after, I blame my mother's death on my actions and promise to stay away from my father. But I could not resist. Returning to my father's bed after my mother's death, our bond even grew stronger. And my husband thinks I'm spending more time with my dad because of the death of my mother.

So she's got like this built-in alibi there, Carl. Sure. Yeah. And my husband thinks my two kids are his, but they are my father's children. They look like my dad. But because I look like my dad also, no one suspects anything. Another built-in alibi. My affair with my father has ended my past relationship because I was never sexually satisfied with my ex-boyfriends.

I do not want to lose my husband because he is a good man and I love him very much, but I am unable to curtail the sexual bond between my dad and I. Now, I want to make things right without hurting neither my husband nor my father. How do I disclose this to my husband? Please help me, Carl. All right, so I do know a lot about this because before I met my wife, before I met my wife, every girl who dated me was fucked by their dad in one way or not. other so this is pretty common and i just have two words on what you do about this and that is the devil's threesome you have to get your husband to fuck your dad you have to get your husband to suck your dad off so that he also has a bond with this guy and now you guys have an activity

that you can all do together or at least you have a secret let's go visit my dad sounds good Oh, fuck you, Michael. He just said that if I had this segment, it'd be called Dear Flabby. Ask Flabby. That's pretty funny. Maybe we can rotate back in North on it. Well, if you want to send it your creepy question to Dear Carl, feel free to send it to the creepoff pod at gmail.com. Well, as Bobby Lee would say, you should make your husband suck your dad's semen out of your ass, I believe, is what Bobby Lee was talking about.

about on his show, which is a bit disturbing. Yeah, I'm glad I've never met your father. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I guess it's time for a skump parade, shall we? Watch out for the skum parade. Oh, no, it's a scum parade. Scum parade. A guy for the scum parade. Make him in his day.

Reno, Nevada. A Lyon County man has been charged with nearly two dozen criminal counts accusing him of arson and impersonating a firefighter. This man possessed more than $50,000 in uniforms, equipment and other items stolen from area fire agencies. Kevin Kreider, 29 of Dayton, was the possession of a firefighter badge and a firearm when he was arrested Monday. day while attempting to set a fire near mount house the state fire marshal said wednesday the marshal in the central line fire district launching investigation and conducted surveillance operations following a vehicle arson fire in the same area on june 14th so this guy set a car on fire on fire and put it out he's just driving around pretending to be a fireman he bought a decommissioned fire truck they said

the truck was retired i'm like trucks get to retire i didn't even know that that was a thing This guy puts so much effort into pretending to be a firefighter, just become a firefighter. It's not that difficult. Half of them are volunteers anyway. They're all pyromaniacs. I know firefighters. They all love setting fires. Did you know, the town that I grew up in Spencerport are building?

You grew up in Spencerport? I did. Ew! What? The firehouse burned to the ground in Spencerport. They love setting fires, these guys. They can't get enough of it. I don't know why this guy's putting stuff.

so much effort and pretending to be a firefighter and since what do you need a band? What do you mean a band? If someone checking for your bans as they walk in your house. Stop right there. You stop burning right there. I said freeze. This guy would fit right in. He should just show up to the firehouse and just act like he works there.

Yeah. This is fucking crazy. The investigation led to the discovery of several other arson fires in the area. Industrial burglaries and fire stations. Critter who reportedly wouldn't identify himself also was in possession of a retired fire engine like we said emergency lights and a siren. He's driving around in a fire truck. It's like, how come that truck

only has one guy in it? Don't they usually bring a few? Is it usually a guy hanging off the back? And like, you notice your house is on fire and this fucking asshole shows up. And he's trying to connect the hose pipes. He's like, hold on, I got this. Oh, how do I do this again? He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.

He's like, hey dude, why does that fireman have a bunch of cans of gas with him? Yeah, he's children with gasoline. I'll help you with this. You want to burn this thing to the ground quicker? I can do that. Hey, Carl, you worked at restaurants, right? I did.

So were you ever a server? What did you do in restaurants? I was mostly a line cook. So you were back of the house? Yes. That totally checks out. Yes. Club fee, personality.

I did work on the house from time to time at a charbroil restaurant in Spencerport. A charbroil restaurant in Spencerport. Yeah. Okay. Why? What do you mean? Just, ugh. everything had to char everything and spend support police station the food so i'm just asking

you this because something really scary happened to a waitress saturday june 19th my birthday at nifty 50s in turnersville and washington township new jersey police say a 20 year old waitress was taken away in a vehicle after confronting a group she had served in the restaurant who apparently skipped out on their bill okay so these guys did the old chewing screw and they're trying to leave and the server follows them out dying and dash i believe they call it i call it the old chewing screw yeah i got you so these guys like go to leave she follows them out there whether or not it was to confront them or to get their license plate number whatever she was going to do they grab her and put her in the vehicle

and they beat the fuck out of this girl yeah and they drove like two blocks away and threw her the fuck out of the car in the middle of the street yes and police said do not chase down people if they didn't pay their bill. Leave it to law enforcement to do that. And I said No shit, Sirlock! No shit! Dude, and this girl, employee of the fucking year, the first thing

she did was run back to the restaurant. Like, she didn't get up and try to find a phone. They threw her out of the vehicle. They made a U-turn and threw her out of the vehicle. And she got up and ran back to the restaurant. Like, oh, table eat needed ketchup. When she had to fucking run back.

So these are five guys. I have to drop checks. These are five guys who skipped out of the bill of $70. What restaurant would five people be served for $70? It's called Nifty 50s. Are you sure it's not a Burger King? Because I've never had a bill less than $70. If you tried to hand me a $70 bill at a Burger King, I'd pass out.

New Jersey is weird. Like, you can't pump your own gas. You can't turn left. And apparently you can't throw out your own fast food wrappers. They have to have a server come over to you in Burger King. I was very confused by this story. guess is my point. Yeah. So either way, they have not caught these guys yet. They're still out there free. So just a cautionary tale for those of you work in the food service industry. Who gives a

fuck? It's not your restaurant? You know what it was, though? If she would have gotten 15% on that $70? Carl, what do you tip? 15 or 20? Oh, I go over 20 every time. I go at least 20. Even if you're a piece of shit to me, I'll give you 20. That's the problem is that I get terrible service and I still tip them. Yeah. That's why tipping doesn't work. The both of us. Americans are fucking dumb, man.

When you go to Europe, there is no tipping. It's actually frowned upon. I remember, I was at a bar in New York City. Or aren't you intercontinental? And there was an Australian guy that I was talking to. And I was leaving money in the bar. He goes, you left your money there. I'm like, yeah, no, no, no, we tip here.

And he was like blown away by that. I was like, what? Why? Why would you do that? And I agree. Cronkey, you leave a tip. I never tip nothing before. all right that's that was what he said yeah specifically great any who all right so here's a fun one

this is another story from our buddy eager ashland ohio an employee at a brighter future home which is a clinic specializing in mental health services is facing charges after court records show she fellated a client christie j delaney 46 of ashland was book tuesday on second degree sodomy charge after court record show employees alerted ashland police to the incident the day prior. According to her charging papers, Delaney was caught in surveillance footage performing oral sex on a male client who was diagnosed with an

intellectual disorder and who was under the care of the state. Begor had the line of the thing when he sent him to me. He goes, it's nice to know you can have half a brain and still get a blow job. They say he's incapable of consent. Yeah. I'll do it for him. He consents. This woman is the employee

of the month. She should not be going to prison for five years. And what I'm saying here is the creeps are the police. Yes. this woman's going above and beyond you got people chasing guys out of the restaurant in order to get 70 bucks this woman's blowing a patient like these are all good things she's just like

you've had a rough run honey how about a blowy like I mean she's a sweetheart unless they found teeth marks on his cock I don't think this woman should be arrested he's just like it was a little toothy you're going to jail yeah we're gonna lock you up fuck so either way if you look at a picture ever

you don't want the blow job it might actually be a salt that face I didn't fucking not nice she looks like me if that's enough you don't have to go any further if my face was

scalded with hot water she looked kind of great I hope we can make that happen now ladies and gentlemen I got to tell you we don't do this a lot but I have a video

I'd like to show today Carl did you watch this yet I did watch this video it's quite disturbing holy fuck kids so there is a staffing service in Orlando.

I don't have all the details. We're going to watch the news video here because I couldn't find. I guess the original video was a little tough to find, but there's a staffing agency and a guy who had been working there for a couple of months was asked to go home because they didn't have any work that day. And he did.

He went home, but he came back and caused a little bit of a fracas. Yes, he did. Here's the video. Let's watch it together, Carl, shall we? Let's do it. When a man attacked employees with a machine. Chetty. He eventually was caught. One of the employees who faced that suspect talked to News 6 is Troy Campbell. That story is all new at 11. So, according to online jail records, the 31-year-old

suspect has been locked up here at the Orange County Jail ever since the attack back in February. We spoke with the employee of the business who fought back firing his gun at the suspect, potentially saving lives in the process. Because I literally looked down the barrel of my own pistol and didn't get a bullet in my head. Yeah, this dude's a hero, man. In this surveillance video, posted on YouTube by active self-protection, James Guthrie says he is fighting off 31-year-old Arrayne Mitchell-Rood. That dude fucking straight-up chops a woman in the back of the fucking head with the machete.

They said she's fucked. So he goes after this dude, and this guy has a gun. He pulls it. He ends up shooting a dude in the arm. He has been showing up to work at the day labor service for about six months. runs away. He says that day, Mitchell Grant was sent home because there wasn't enough work, only to return, armed with a machete two hours later. There's a gun and a machete. He served in the army and was trained to fight in combat. Skills, he says, came into play when the unthinkable

happened. And what he did was, this was really brilliant. So what he did was he got that machete underneath him, right? Yeah. Awesome. And he got it so that it was behind him and flat. So he laid back on it so the guy couldn't get it back up and was holding him there. And he had already got one bullet in the dude's shoulder so he couldn't do much the guy had no choice but to retreat but god damn is that a bad day at work it's like the old saying don't bring him a machete to a gunfight fuck no yeah you're not gonna win that one with the fucking u.s army vet i love this guy did you hear what guthrie said he goes i'm not like some super crazy awesome dude did someone accuse you of that i'm gonna go around just saying that to people listen guys i'm not some super awesome dude just

fly i actually mr guthrie i actually am thank you listen i'm not a super crazy awesome dude i don't know why everyone keeps saying that but that's you know i'm a little bit too humble to admit to that that poor girl who got hit with the machete there's apparently more video of this summer i could not find it but there's blood everywhere every part of us and she's not going to be okay no she's got it she has a real problem next are not built to take that type of impact dude it's like he was trying to chop off a coconut like he really swung like he was going to fucking he's a big oj fan yeah man dude if that dude if that dude played for the bills. I could have been way worse.

All righty, kids. Are you ready for our final creepoff story? Are we doing this one? Okay. Are you, you're not okay here? Fuck you, Vinnie. You're not okay on this one, huh? Fuck you, Vinny. This one's really going to bother you, huh? This one really got me too. I actually went downstairs and hugged my wife

after I read this. Jesus. Okay, kids. So listen, before I read this story, I want to let you know that next Monday we're going to be taking off, but we're going to be back on Wednesday with a brand new episode, because Carl's going to be out of town. I'll be in Vegas, but we'll have an extra special guest. Yes, coming to join us. It's already planned and booked, but I'm just telling you that now before I read this, so I can make sure I leave you on the most sour of notes. Stephen Boquet, 54 of Brighton, East Sussex in England, allegedly approached the pets

close to their homes in his neighborhood. Little kitties. He'd see little kittens. Oh, cats. and what he would do is he would start showing them some affection and he'd go pips, pips, pst, come here, little kitty, scratch their little heads.

Oh, they're purring. And then he would reach into his bag and pull out a knife and stab the cat at least once. Yeah. And then just walk away

like nothing fucking happened. Yes. Now, he did this a bunch. He did this for years. There was a wave of stabbing at least from October 2018 to June 2019. Now, the police did not know what to do. Some of these animals died immediately. Some of them, like,

tried to crawl back to their houses. A couple of them fucking survived this. But this is a psychotic behavior. And he was just out there fucking stabbing these animals. Now, the vets were like, this is definitely, looks like somebody's doing this with the knife. Yeah, the vets ruled out that the cats fell out of a tree. I was like, wow, they must have got to school for a long time to figure that out. Oh, that's not a wound from falling out. of a tree being cut in the stomach really yeah they think they ruled out it says they ruled out accidents car accidents are falling from trees as possible causes of trees good job good job the they added these were penetrative and clean wounds right yes i am not a vet and i could have

figured that out yes the cats mr bouquet is accused of killing Hannah Tommy Tommy the cat Nancy gizmo gizmo Hendrix, Kayo, Ollie, and Little Cosmo. Now, in May of 2019, this fucking reign of terror ends because Bouquet was allegedly caught on a closed-for-caption TV camera attacking that cat, Hendrix, who was a nine-month-old black kitten, who was sitting on a wall near his house. So this cat made it back to its house. They rushed it to the vet, and he finds out across the street, his neighbor's got a camera.

So he goes over there, and they watch this fucking shit together. This motherfucker Did this, then realized that the camera was there Walked away after murdering the cat Then came back Is that me? It's me, it's Tommy the cat Oh, cool

Yeah Tommy's dead Tommy ain't here man So this guy walks back Walks up to the camera, looks into it Walks the other way Then comes back a day later Looks back at the camera again So this dude knew he got busted

and he got identified from posters in the neighborhood. I'm kind of mad at the Daily Mail now. Remember how I was saying I really love The Daily Mail? Yeah. In this article, there are no fewer than 10 pictures of very cute cats and kittens. They have to keep sprinkling them in as you're reading about these horrific crimes. It's like watching the fucking in-memorium at the fucking Oscars. I don't even think these were the pictures of the cats.

I think they're just like cat-picks. Like just threw it in there just to make it worse. And it's kind of fucked up. I mean, this is so fucking heinous. I couldn't think of a better story to leave you all on for a week and a half. Hey, Carl, that was episode 69. That was episode 69. It's nice to be important.

It's more important to be nice. Good gear. 69, dudes. You're going to love this. This is Bill Cosby ruining a classic. That's right. Oh, that's good. Oh, no.

It was 20 years ago today. Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play. No. It's fucking real. And they've been going in an eye to style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile. So may I introduce to you that you know for all these years. Sergeant Pepper's lonely hot club band. This is yours truly.

Oh! You know you fucked up when they want you to give your trophies back he should do one show he should do one show we just come out and just talk crazy now I would like to talk to some of the people who fail that I should get back my trophies. Just because you may have heard recently that I allegedly put the pill in the people's chocolate. I wish somebody would come up to my house talking about to give up the trophy because you put the pill in the people's chocolate. You get, no, I'm not giving back. And who is,

Hannibal Barris. First of all, Hannibal is a caveman's name. name. And you're gonna just come on out and pull a push over the apple card to Hannibal if I ever see or meet this Hannibal-Barrison person I am going to try to kill this nigger. I mean this guy was a real jerk. This is stupid.