The Creep Off - Episode 70: Big Papua New Guinea

Episode Date: July 8, 2021

This week the boys are joined by New Zealand Comedian Steve Wrigley as they search for the creepiest New Zealander: Spoiler there is a lot of Rape on that island: In the Scum Parade we meet a fake cop, a horny landlord and an absolutely detestable garage dweller. 

So, funny story. Yeah. This week, Carl flew to Las Vegas to go meet his idol, Shulie. My idol. Yeah, he's Carl's idol. People don't know this. Yeah. And I got to meet my idol.

And I only had to drive like 45 minutes away. Hacksaw, Jim Duggan, is your idol? Oh, yeah. I've heard you talk about. He's higher on the list than Bill Cosby. I heard you talk about a thousand wrestlers. Never is Hacksaw's name come up. What?

Do you not turn around and look on the set. Is there a Hacksawed Jim Duggan autographed car? on the set right now. Now there is. Of course, now there is. No, that's been there, dude. Okay. That's been there for a very, very long time.

I happen to know. I haven't to know you CGI'd that in all of our past episodes just to make it look like I'm lying. No, you are lying. And I have a finally, finally got an autograph two by four from Hacksaw. It's a lot of fun. Congratulations. I'm going to beat you with it. Let's start this show.

Attention parents. What you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some growing. us you might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things i'm going to give the people what they want sensation horror shock i'm going to deliver the goods because i'm alive and i'm not backing down coo coo cooo I don't know what you got to tell it's come. Oh,

Is that because of I was away? Many of you played that for me specifically? No, I played that for... You missed me that much. For all of the people who give me shit all the time. And we're still bitching about how much they missed us this week. because we weren't live on Monday. Well, they want to goof out us.

They hate watch. They do hate watch. Yeah. That's all right. I know what I don't do. Wait, watch. Now, welcome to the creepoff, ladies and gentlemen. We have a special guest in studio, joining us all the way from Alford, New York, by way of New Zealand.

Give it up for my man, Steve Riggley. Hey, what's up? Hello. Steve, welcome to the show. Do you call them creeps? Creepos. Hello, creepos. Very good.

Steve has a charming, whimsical voice, but he's a creep just like a creep just like. like the rest of us. So he'll fit right in today. And in honor of Steve being here, I'll let the cat out of the bag. We are doing creepiest New Zealander. That's right. And who knew that there were creepy New Zealanders? Like seven people in that country. Yeah. Like three of the four could qualify for this show. How they all reproduce. It's amazing. Yeah. That's the big problem is if there's a guy who's a creep, we're like, oh, well, we can't really, we can't make you a social outcast because then there'll just be six of us. Right. Right. He's part of the football club. What are you going to do. Yeah. And it's also really hard to just kind of be kicked out when there are only

seven people because you're kind of always, you're sort of always there. Right. You can't, you can't lose the mailman. You got to keep the mailman on the streets. That's right. That's right. All right. Well, that's going to be fun. But I feel like before we get too far into this, we need to discuss what happened this last week. Wow. Fucking space and time imploded. Yeah, Vinnie was proven to be incorrect by the courts of the United States of America. That is so far from fucking correct. Pennsylvania thinks you're wrong about this show. No. No. What Pennsylvania thought, what Pennsylvania thought, Carl, was that?

Bill God's an upstanding citizen. Not what they did. And I want to point out that O.J. Well, he didn't murder his wife, did steal that memorabilia and held that guy at that point. God, damn it. Bill Cosby was led out of prison because of a handshake deal that a prosecutor who left to go defend Donald Trump for some fucking reason. Are we really doing this for real? I'm just telling everybody. People know why he was let out, but nobody thinks he's innocent. We know.

I actually don't know why he was lit out. I know he got out and I'm really confused about how you, I mean, nothing in this country does surprise me anymore. Well, they used a confession that he only gave under the guys that that would never be used against him in a criminal case. So it was thrown out for that reason because it was a. civil lawsuit that he confessed under he went did the um what do they call it the deposition yeah and to sit under the deposition the deal was i'll do the deposition if you promise not to use anything from this to prosecute me later right which who the fuck makes that deal wait wait wait but wait so you're essentially going like it's like mom and dad catch you with a smashed

cookie jar yeah and you go i'll tell you everything you want to know about the smashed cookie jar but if i tell you the truth you're not allowed to there's no punishment there's no sent to my room there's no docking of my allowance and then he goes yeah I'll rape the bitch and then they prosecuted him anyway it's

so let's get to it Vinny but wait here's what I don't get though he got off because he did that so he said I did it and they went oh we can't we can't arrest him now guys well no they did arrest him

he spent years in prison and I think he's got an unlawful imprisonment suit oh he's gonna sue he's going to sue yes absolutely he's for sure that was a mistrial that was a misdeed done it's somewhere down that long list of grievances

well he's going to sue viny paulino of the creep off because you have slanded him on a podcast correct shut the fuck up you're going to have to book him for the rickles room he's going to be here for a whole weekend we already had the conversation

we book cosby the answer is yeah would you really i don't know i don't think i don't think you would probably not it's kind of Fucked. There are some people that have been canceled that would be booked. I mean, if Phil Cosby's coming to your club, do you get a choice whether you book them or not? That's true. I think he just shows up and you go, no, we don't want you. And he goes too bad. I'm fucking here. We learned on the last episode that if you're a club owner, you expect to wake up drug next to his friend.

Fuck. So, all right. So let's talk about the voting, Vinnie, since obviously you were wrong last week and your entire premise sucked. What's the final vote here? Carl with 53% of the vote Oh yeah Oh yeah I'm getting used to this

Vinny I'm getting used to this winning thing It's working out pretty well for us Where does that put me up 2 to 0? You are up 2 to nothing Okay Hey I got a quick question for you

What's the status with your consequence that you've been ignoring for weeks at a time now? We haven't even talked about what is what was the consequence so he i have to do creeps and roses season two yes and i'm waiting for mcbride for a date it looks like the first episode will be out next tuesday don't tell you mcbride is busy he's a mailman that's a lie you know that he's a new zealand mailman now uh listen tuesday next tuesday see you next tuesday creepos excellent okay now carl yeah i actually got

a message from someone before we get into the contest that had an interesting idea about your consequence and boy you're going to wish you didn't bring this up just now okay because i think that I'm going to let the creepos vote on this and decide what they want to do. We had originally said for the seven second point challenge, you had to do it out of the supermarket or a place where there's a lot of people. Sure. Well, one astute viewer

came up with an interesting idea. They said, what if we all vote and if we vote? Carl should have to do this on the plane on the way to Chicago at the beginning of the flight. Blastport on his phone, on the airplane on the way to Chicago.

Does Carl want to get arrested by the federal aviation authority. I feel like everybody should vote. I think if you want to see Carl, do it on the airplane. We'll put up a poll on Twitter. You can vote. If you want to see Carl hold off a plane in handcuffs

for blasting pornography in a federally controlled space. How about this? Yes. How about this? No. Either that or I have to sneak a gun on the airplane. Do I get the choice if they vote on it?

I actually kind of, that would be quite good. That would be pretty sweet, right? The really worrying thing would be the moment where you go, that was way too easy. That was way too easy. Well, kids, we'll let you vote this week. You can decide. Carl got very quiet. Now, how are we going to do the order this week?

Only because, Vinny, honestly, you just traumatized me because I just spent 10 hours of my life recently on airplanes with a fucking mask on. It's the last place in the world. You still have to wear a mask for some reason. It's so uncomfortable. Everybody's is the most uncomfortable place in the world anyway. And then you can't breathe while you're doing it.

My daddy, my daddy, way. Shut up. And now you want me getting in the no flight list. because I'm launching fucking porn. See, the thing about that... I do want that. Yes, I want that. I know you do it. So the thing about the grocery store is you do it, you smile, your face turns red, and you walk away.

On an airplane, you sit next to that person for another two hours. I'm not going to rest until you're on the sex offender registry, sir. I know. I didn't know that. Now, listen, kids, we're going to have to make Carlego first. I don't know if I can do the show. Actually, I'm worried the consequence. I don't want to go to jail.

I know. Seriously. I didn't realize I was putting my freedom on the line. All right. Go. I guess I'll just have to do a podcast with Brian McBride, which is almost as bad. Oh, wow. I don't know who's the worst deal there. I think I'd rather go to federal prison, to be honest. Right. So ladies and gentlemen, I guess it's time to start the contest and find out who is the creepiest New Zealander. I will go sec. Carl will go first because he won. I will go second. And Steve, you have the honor of finishing us off.

Oh, fantastic. Right all over your face. Fluff each other up and I'll just come in at the end for some vigorous finishing. Sounds good. all right let's do it my creep is floyd of the concord season two what a piece of shit that was after the first season was so fantastic there wasn't a funny fucking song to be had the entire season what was that hey carl Steve's really good friends with Reese Darby look they know they know they know they laid a turn they know they fucked up they know they fucked that off that's why they stopped doing he's just all of a sudden going to the water now Steve is traumatized Carl's traumatized

show this is a good all right all right my actual creep i was wondering why you left so hard tiffany because i just watched steve's face of the monitor wasn't that he just quietly was like oh jesus christ i just told everybody i know to watch this yes that's right he did just i don't know these people i was kidnapped i woke up here uh but yeah flood of the concord season two was not as good as it wasn't as the first one correct that's what happened would you agree steve that it was utter shit not that it was utter shit would you agree that it was the worst show that they shouldn't even bother of making it?

The Kristen Wig episode was decent. That was a decent episode. And there was like one other one that was good. But they're still doing a hell of a lot better than the three of us. Your consequence is to name that other episode that was good. Okay, thanks.

All right. Dude, that's better than fucking something Vinnie would come up with Vinnie and be like, oh, you've got to go into a school filled with children covered in peanut butter and see what happens. In the cafeteria and you don't acknowledge anyone. Can you do your Vinny impression again? Oh, it's me, Vinny.

He just sounds like an airbrush, really. All right, so I am bringing. What a good, what a good forty invitation you got there, Stevie. What is that? All right, Steve, that's enough, all right? Calm down. Let me talk me. That was Vinny doing an impression of me.

Wow, spot odd. No, it was not spot on. All right, so my creep this week is a guy named Malcolm Roa. What's that to say that call? Malcolm Rua is a New Zealander who had a bit of an issue with raping women. He was way into it. Who's your guy? Malcolm Rua.

Okay. All right. And this is just a little bit on him. There were over 25 women that he raped and attacked. Convicted of 25. And so those are the ones we know about. And that's he served less than one year. per victim yeah that's right I don't know what's going on over in New Zealand 22 years

convicted of rape excuse me you can't even keep Bill Cosby in for five minutes shut the fuck up dude damn it he got me with his legal mumbo jumbo yeah yeah those courts you get you have to wear a powdered wig but they let you off a lot easier yeah at least this guy's done one year like fuck bro you guys get a rapist and you're like oh just let him go next week he'll learn his lesson 22 years with 25 victims. But what type of rape are we talking about? And one of the victims explains the attack. My attack was what's called a blitz attack, which means it was hard and fast. So I suffered some very, very intense and incredibly painful blows to the head. And also one that clicks my

jaw. Just to give you an example of the level of violence, the first blow of the back of my head split my head open about that much. And I obviously lost a lot of blood. And it was just the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life. And, you know, I knew, I knew, straight away, I thought to myself, I'm going to be raped. I accepted that instantly. I was asking myself the question, am I going to die? Is, is this going to be the end of my life? Spoiler, she did not die. Huh? She did not die from that. How did his family describe this gentleman? A member of his family has described Malcolm Riwa to us as evil, one of this country's most brutal criminal. Sentenced in the 90s to preventive detention for attacks on 25 women.

Preventive detention, you familiar with this concept? Oh, yeah, we're going to talk about it when we get to my creep. But go ahead, explain it to the people, so I don't have to do it later. I was hearing a lot about this, but it's almost like they're like, okay, you've raped 25 people. We're guessing there might be a few more unless we do a little preventive detention. Instead of prison sentence, it's just like, you're a naughty guy, and we feel like if we just let you hang out and live your life it's like all right listen you're going out tonight you could go out but you're leaving your keys it's pretty much exactly but isn't it just exactly what jail is like

you put someone away because you're worried that they're going to rob a house again well no it's punishment it's supposed to be a punishment not preventive detention we think you might do this again so no weekends for you so who is the creeps the new zealand government here well it's funny you say that let's talk about susan burdette one of these victims The Susan Burdette homicide has a complicated and very sad history. She was raped and murdered in her home in 1992. And a year later, 17-year-old Tainapora was arrested and sent to prison, where he would spend the next 21 years.

You heard that right. A 17-year-old named Tena Pora was convicted of rape and murder of Susan Burdett. Turns out, officials paid his aunt $5,000 and other witnesses. to the tune of $15,000 total to testify against him. Wait a second. You're telling me that the New Zealand court system actually just flat out wrote a check to people as witnesses to testify against him.

Also, there was a nine-hour interrogation. Get the fuck out of here. There was a nine-hour interrogation during which he confessed without an attorney present. Were they paying them, or was it compensation for lost wages? Like if you have to go and give testimony over the course of like a week, then you have to take that time off work. So were they actually getting paid?

You're not representing New Zealand right now. You don't have to stick up for New Zealand. No, I'm just curious because you're like, you're like, oh, they're paying fucking golf off? Oh, well, that's a good point. And by the way, we don't have lawyers. We call them bingy bongy. That's correct. That's a good point.

You have to go to bingy bongy school. And if you do something illegal, like if you did what Giuliani's been up to, you'd get disbarring. from the binky bongy bar and it'd be really bad that's it you do zealotaur socket u.s politics i won't stand for it yeah we're just going to make fun of your whole entire court system but don't you get involved in our legal bingy bongy satanapora was born with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder caused by his mother's drinking during pregnancy his father was never around and his teenage mother died of cancer when he was four so this guy's a victim and he's a victim

of the court system. He's a victim of this is horrible. This guy isn't a creep. Basically, they brought him in. They brought up, they brought in Tainapora and convinced him to confess to the rape and murder of this Susan. So we don't know that he did anything.

He could, they could have just fucking. You're losing, you're losing the narrative here. I'm talking about a whole different person. Okay. Tena Pora. Yeah. My creep is Malcolm Rua. Right. Okay. In 1999, Malcolm Rua was convicted of rape after they discovered his seaman inside Susan Burdette.

So he actually did it. He actually was convicted of raping her, but not murder. In 2000, Porra received a retrial because of this new evidence and was convicted again. He was found guilty for a second time. Of the same crime. Of the same crime. So your creep is the New Zealand penal system. It might be.

Hold on. Let's get through this story because I'm not sure which one is creepier here. This is insane. Yes. In 2016, Porra was finally awarded a sum of $3.5 million in compensation and received a government apology for being wrongfully convicted of rape and murder. We like to apologize.

But they still hadn't convicted this guy, Malcolm Ruah, of the murder. They just said, okay, now we know it wasn't Porra. So Ruah, this is going back to 2016, he's up for parole. in 2018 and they're going we got to retry this guy and a lot of the victims are saying to the new zealand police can we please retry this because now this is a cold case we don't have anyone who was convicted of this murder so shouldn't the system that messed up the case do something to fix its mistakes well no say the police they can't or they won't I don't want to deal with this shit we said we were sorry to the other guy what else

you people need. And the funny thing is that the police, remember this guy was around for years raping women. The very first victim went to the police back in 1987. We've spoken to another woman attacked on New

Year's Eve, 1987, the first of Malcolm Riwa's serial rapes. And it's right then at the very outset that the investigation goes wrong. Because she gave police Ruiwa's name, but it took them six months to go and see him.

And when they did, they believed his alibi without even checking it. So some of these victims have a theory that this guy was a police informant and working for the police and they were letting him get away with this shit. Now, I don't know if that's true. That seems crazy to me. I would have been about it. It's New Zealand's too small. I would have been about it. Yeah, right, exactly.

So. Yeah, I guess that goes your theory. Now, remember, they found the guy see me. in this woman so you're thinking well she was raped and then murdered it was probably him he went to court they finally did try him because the Green Party came in and said yeah

we need to reopen this so they did retry him and this is him from court explaining when they said yeah but your seaman was in her he goes yeah yeah she was my girlfriend and they go no that that's not true just because I'm a bad person doesn't mean to say I'm a liar yeah

good people lie too just because I'm a bad person doesn't mean have lies yeah that's just my girlfriend that's you that's your classic that's the classic thing that a liar would say you know what I'm not lying there's a loophole yeah that's just what a liar would say honest people tell lies too you know yeah so thankfully he was convicted of that murder and before he was convicted of the murder though there was a documentary made about him and they state this which I think sums up my case this week if Malcolm Brewer we're charged and convicted of murder, he would move to the top of the list of this country's most shameful

criminals. Never before have we had a serial rapist who's attacked so many women and also killed. That's right. Top of the list, baby. I picked number one. Vote for Carl. Carl, you call that a rapist? Well, I got a rapist. Do you want to be on this show anymore? I mean, I'll entertain it. All right. I'm here for the long haul, I guess. Ladies and gentlemen, you heard a fancy story from Carl. It was a pretty good story. Mr. Las Vegas.

I'm still not sure who Carl's creep was. Was it the guy or the New Zealand police police? Steve, just strapping. It doesn't matter. We'll let the listeners sort it out later. Let's not help him. Let's just leave his bubble mess up. All right.

Yeah, I had no idea what was going on, Vinnie. I believe in you. You're an excellent broadcaster, consummate professional. Wait a second. Are you just bringing in, are you just bringing in video apologists? now as our third chair. But he can't be 20 bucks before the show. No, what?

That's like, that's like $10,000 in New Zealand dollars. I'm just going to say. Yeah, I'm just going to buy a house now back on. So, Carl, you made one interesting distinction here in your thing. You said he is the most prolific rapist in New Zealand history. No, no. That murdered. No.

Yes. Right, right, right. Right, right. One of the most shameful criminals of all the time. Yeah, yes. Yeah, it's much better than prolific. I would like to go with the even more shameful. All right.

Oh, the first result of Google. Here comes Minnie with the first. No, no, no, no, no, no. Joseph Thompson, this guy grew up in Wellington, which I believe is your hometown, Steve. It is, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that in Australia?

It's Wellington as a suburb of Australia. Okay, so is New Zealand. Leaving school at age 15, Joseph joined a gang known as the Storm Troopers. Oh, sweet. No, this was 1974. This was before Star Wars. This is when being a stormtrooper was not.

a good thing. Yes, and that, like, fucking, I'm a Nazi is what it meant. Remember the storm troopers, remember? He had done, nobody in the gang could shoot anyone. They were terrible. They're all bad shots. And their armor sucked. In 1974, he was arrested for the first time for stripping cars for conversion,

and he was sent to live with his mother. In 1976, he was charged with attempting to steal a car and was disqualified from driving was on probation. He appeared before the court several more times for drunk driving, driving well disqualified and suspected arson. This is all before the age of 1983, so he's still in his very early 20s. Okay.

He's still in his very early 20s, is my point. Yep. Well, his girlfriend... I'm four years old at the time. Right. His first girlfriend, who he had two children of... I was wearing an O.J. Simpson jersey in 1923. No, you were not...

Still celebrating many good seasons. You're triggering me on purpose. I was definitely watching the Cosby show at the time. Yes, we were watching the Cosby show. with her O.J. Simpson jersey on. We got that in New Zealand. Well, he had two kids, and his girlfriend left him because she could no longer accept his lifestyle. I mean, he's a drunk, low-level gang criminal.

He's a high school dropout, and she really didn't appreciate the way he beat her up all the time. She wasn't a fan of it. She wasn't a fan of the way he beat up her and the children. You go, girl. Yeah, so she decided to leave. So a little bit later, March 1983, Joseph went to go visit a buddy of his, who lived next door to a really hot, lady. His friend wasn't home when he showed up there, so he decided to make an unannounced

visit to the woman next door. He broke into her house, hid in there till she came home and went to bed, waited for her to fall asleep, then raped her at knife point. That was his first rape, and you know what? Why wait till she falls asleep? She's just going to wake up immediately. Right, but he got the drop on her was his thing. He didn't want the struggle.

But we're going to talk about how much he enjoyed the struggle later. I hate when Vinny says we're going to do something later. It means he's got paragraphs and paragraphs. This began. Six pages, I stole before. Oh, fuck. You only give you 20 bucks? This began the South Auckland

Serial rapist reign of terror. This motherfucker was one of the most ingenious and dedicated rapists I've ever read about. It's fucking unreal. I don't know why you're so proud of him. I'm not proud of him. I'm just saying he's better than yours. My rapist is way better

and being a creep than yours is. I'm not saying I'm proud of him. It's like going to a football game and everyone's like you're way too proud your kid and you're like, I'm not proud of my kid. I just think my kid is bitter than all of your fucking kids. Right. I think he is proud is what you're saying. Yes,

agreed. Come on. Thompson made a collection of old keys, which he found very useful for opening doors and houses of his victims. Raping became his big pastime, guys. He raped all of the fucking time. He loved fucking raping. In fact,

I actually have audio of him. He went on a job interview. He didn't get the job, but here's the audio. Qualifications. Rape. Awesome and rape. You said rake twice. I like rape.

Yes, he does. He likes rape a lot. That's him? No, God damn it. Glazing saddles not make it over there. Oh, no, I just, I'm so worried. I was like, oh my God, please say no. I was like, wait, this is a New Zealand exit.

Well, guys, here's where we're going to start making distinctions between the two rapists here. The ages of his victims are varied, and he was often not discouraged when chased away. he would get chased away or caught or about to rape somebody he would come back and find them later and finish the job he would often torment his victims and on one occasion he raped a 12 year old girl and kissed her on the cheek

and said maybe you could come live with me this girl was terrified for years after that this guy was going to come back and get her okay not all of his attacks were successful some girls fought back against him one of them need him in the groin he ran away another one cut him across the face with the pocket

He killed him. Yeah, me too. And in 1989, he broke up with his other girlfriend, and he became engaged in a custody battle over this other child. So he was very upset one day after he left the lawyer's office, as a guy usually is. He put in custody of the kid? Yeah. Wouldn't that, like, cut into his raping time? You would think so.

Raised a child. You would think so. But maybe he was going to train him to like, I don't know, keep watch. Who fucking knows what he had planned? So that afternoon, he left the lawyer's office very, very upset. And he followed a 14-year-old girl to her home directly across the. the road from the lawyer's house and raped her. Okay. So, like, he literally

left the thing. He's like, man, I bumped out. Oh, look, a 14-year-old. This guy raped kids. The ages of people that he raped were from 10 to age 63. That's a fucking window. How long was he operating for? 12 years. Okay. And what happened to him? Well, I'm going to tell you.

How many victims do we know about? Oh, don't worry. Oh, plenty. Don't you worry. He moved to Minora. I guess that's a man. Manuera. Manuera. Yeah.

And February, he raped a 12-year-old girl four times in one attack. Finally. Wait a second. How do they distinguish? Is he finishing four times? No, he, like he fucking raped her, held her there. Yeah. raped her again.

Right. Hald her there, raped her again. How old there raped her again? Then he fucking left. A 12-year-old to a 12-year-old. This guy's fucking the worst, Carl. And even your quiet. It doesn't make any sense, Rick.

What do you mean? It doesn't make any sense. I just don't know how you distinguish one rape from the next. but okay whatever so you say that well i mean you could say that he raped her for hours i don't know i don't know what that means four times what does that mean what does that mean play us out i don't know what that means fucking thing sucks well it sucks now listen you keep going in february 1993 the suburbs of sandringham joseph thompson gained entry in a 25-year-old nurse's house where the young woman surprised him in the hallway he beat her badly raped her and this time he was also committing

other burglaries in the area so not only is he raping now he's just robbing people's houses too because he is a scumbag criminal sure on march 1999 don't forget that DUI let's not forget that oh yeah and the attempted arson uh in 1994 the police were compiling the list of possible stuff specs because we'll get to the final number in a little bit but let's just say there's quite a lot of rape going on on that fucking island okay okay so And it's not just sheep. Sometimes it's people. Sometimes it's people. So you do this is going to happen, right?

I got. So the police are searching South Auckland looking for this guy. Anybody who fits the description, distill the rapes continued. Until one of the victims fought back and Joseph punched her in the face, punched her in the mouth and broke her tooth. And then she cut his fist with her tooth. So she had a blood sample from this guy. And this is the early, we're talking early.

90. So this is the early stages of DNA evidence. Okay. So the police they start deciding, well, this, whoever's doing this is probably been arrested before. Maybe we have a DNA profile. Or maybe we have... Yeah, why don't we just check? Just for shits and giggles. Let's just see. Well, they start going on a list of people

who have been in trouble, and they were starting to request DNA samples from them. Okay. So they made a list and then went to people and said, give us your DNA. Weird. Usually you have to have a warrant for that. They can't just, like, force you to do it. Apparently in New Zealand, they can. I think they just sent them a postcard in the mail and said free surfboard come to the precinct dude it's worse than that all right

he got married again okay it's stupider than that okay meanwhile at 95 he got married he moved away and he's looking for a new new life and uh he married her on march 25th and on april 26th Thompson was contacted for a blood sample as many of those other people on the list were Thompson told the detectives hey listen I I'm a jehovah's witness now so uh I can't give you a blood sample, I guess. Like, he just made up some story. Yeah. And they said, well, then we want a saliva sample.

And he was like, uh, I'm a Scientologist, and I can't give you saliva. Wiccan, I'm a Wiccan. He was trying to come up with something. But they were like, nope, give it to us. So apparently he didn't show up for the test. They went to go find him at his job. He was homesick. Two policemen traced him back to someone else's house.

And they took him physically down to his. station and did the testing. He tried to sabotage the testing by smoking directly beforehand. I guess you're not supposed to do that. He did it anyway. In mid-June, 1995, police were advised that Thompson's oral swab had passed the first stage of identification, and he was under tight police surveillance. It is believed that two attempted attacks were avoided during just this time because he was under surveillance. Like, they were watching him eyeball women, and then he kind of looked around and realized maybe I shouldn't right now. So they were very suspicious These are the types of details he puts in are so unnecessary.

When the second test they turned positive, the police showed up to this motherfucker's house with four police cars and a police dog. And it proved to be unnecessary because he opened up the door holding his jacket and said, I've been waiting for you guys. And they took him directly to the police station. He spent the weekend pouring out his confessions in video. They said to him, did you do this? And his exact words were, I did sex him up a little bit. Yeah. So he spent the weekend, like I said, confessing.

Now, all in all, when all is said and done, he stood in court and pled guilty to 129 counts of rape. And how many victims did you have? Well, 25. Well, his victims were well into the 70s. Okay. So he almost raped three times the people that your guys did, and there were children. Oh, now there's math involved in this game?

Yeah, there is. What you're telling me? he was also convicted of 61 other sexual violations plus assaults he pled guilty on all charges which is believed to be the record number of guilty pleas in the history of the commonwealth of new zealand number one google result everybody good job biddy it's not though there's I was going to go murderous I didn't think you would go rapist too done it again my friend ladies and gentlemen that is my creep congratulations Vinny thank you thank you he is the number one serial rapists in all of

New Zealand. Steve, if you're not asleep, do you want to present your creep at this time? I definitely found Vinny's acquisition way creepier than yours. Like... That's not what the... That's not of his game works, you asshole.

We're owning it for ourselves. No, but I'm just like, but like if we have to like... I mean, I'm just saying it was, he was creepy. Vote after the show. All right, I'll be up on line. You can go... Steve, you get a turn here. You're allowed to... No, I know, but like... I know I did it.

good job. Thank you. I always do a good job. I'm a good boy. You really grease the bobs here. I have the biggest creep in New Zealand. There's just never been any more uncomfortable a moment in my life than watching two straight white guys play a game of who's got the better rapist.

That's what this game is. That's what this show is. It's a lot of fun. Now my creep has not raped. Hold on a second. Before you tell who your creep is, I just want you to know something. We have one listener in the YouTube. Rai Dongo, he must be an attorney.

He says, he's from New Zealand, and he actually just said, is Steve going to do the person that I know you're about to do? Like, you have somebody in New Zealand who's super excited for this, just so you know. Go ahead, Steve. My creepiest New Zealander is a gentleman named David Bain. Why do you talk about him like this? He was bored in the darkness. I was bored in the creeps.

I was murdered by it. uh this is new zealand's most high profile murder case okay uh but the real creepiness of this story sort of resides in the family that david bain came from the this is centers around a crime in 1994 on june 20th in new zealand where five out of the six bain family members were shot and killed right uh the i'm glad one survived the surviving member is david bain oh shit okay i'm I'm going to just paint you a bit of a picture of David's family. Please do it. In the time leading up to the murder of everyone that he was related to.

His parents were married in 1969. Nice. 69! Yeah, dude. David was their first child and the family spent 14 years after David was born living in New Guinea, which is a very little and very odd place. In Australia. Racist.

Everything is in Australia, yes. There were, of course, five other children, including himself. And the family were kind of hippies. The mom was going on all of these spiritual journeys while they were living in New Guinea. They were originally from a small town. And you was just being passed around by like natives? I mean, potentially. I don't have those exact facts, but that's possibly what was going on.

Stuff was your fantasies over there, Benny. They call me Papa New Guinea. I get it. Come on, it's a geography joke. So their family's in New Guinea, and Mom is kind of going on all these spiritual journeys, but they're a small, rural New Zealand family from a small town called Dunedin,

which is in the South Island. It's probably about as big as Rochester, as far as population goes, to be honest. Mom was going on these weird kind of bent where she would not look after the house. The kids would run around, She would never clean. She went on this weird journey where she started canning fruit, but then never eating any of it and letting it all go bad.

And her marriage and mental health was generally kind of starting to deteriorate. This mom of the Bain family, Mama Bain, beat her dad down mentally. And it was less of a marriage and more of like a hostage situation where he was terrified of her. Apparently, over their time in New Guinea, she sort of went on these spirituals. journeys, but instead of coming back, chilled out, she kind of came back with more of like a, I'm like a cult leader kind of vibe, but of her own family. So this powder ke... I got an aunt who did that.

Keep going, sorry. One of these days, I'll bring her in. So then this powder keg of mental health moves from New Guinea back to Dunedin after 14 years in New Guinea, and the mum goes crazy, and she moves out of the house into a caravan in the backyard. So she's living in the backyard? She's living in the backyard because this tension is starting to brew between her and her husband, right? They've been to New Guinea, and in their time in New Guinea, she was so isolated, I guess.

She started trying to go on all these weird spiritual vision quests and bring this mission back to her family. She starts keeping this diary because her husband won't accept kind of the way she's behaving. She moves into this caravan and starts keeping her diary. and excerpts of the diary while she's living in this camper van she says that like God is speaking to her and that what she's writing about is the word of God which is always a really good sign

honey that's just the radio it's a radio in the camper van it's not the first person to think they were writing the word of God and a lot of those people we celebrate but go ahead so this next bit is where I think I'm going to actually like I just needed to give you that context on the mum okay kind of nuts weird lady who went and lived in a camper van in the backyard

So this is where her son, eldest boy, David, comes in. Because in the mom's diary, after she says she starts to hear the voice of God, she begins to referring to her husband and all of the other kids as sons of Belial. Okay. Oh, yeah, that's a demon. I know Belial. Oh, what do you know about Belial? I had a beer with him once.

He's a demon. He's an open maker. But he's correct, though. But he's right. He's an open viker. Hey, good, hey, guys. How's it going? God, it's hot as hell, and I would know.

Hey, my name is Belial. You guys ever have to go buy condoms? Well, Belial is like, Billy's right. It's a demon that represents like laziness and uselessness. And so she starts to write intensely in this diary. She begins ranking her family members in order of belialness, right? Which is always a good thing for your mom to do is to be sitting down. You was about picking favorites, right?

But instead of picking favourites being like, I'm going to rank you in order of who I think most represents this demonic possession that's going on inside you. Her husband was obviously top of the list, but Vinnie, her dear, sweet little David. Yeah. He was the least belial in her eyes. Yeah, because he's the one who showed initiative and murdered his old family. He's not lazy. Yeah, well, he's actually, at this point, while mom's keeping the belial tracking system afloat, David's having a really hard time

fitting in after a year back in New Zealand he is 100% the weird smelly kid at school that no one wants to hang out with so New Zealander look there are normal people in New Zealand too Vinny there's three of them and it's low-hanging fruit polito you just got to get over on this show

listen Joe Vinny's the funniest guy I've ever met okay he's a great man what is going on here? He gave me $20 what the fuck is going on here I need the money I need the money really bad. He's doing it to piss me off. I know he is. You know he's... Oh, God damn it. Listen, David

comes back to Denet and he's having a tough time because he's the New Zealander of the school, right? Yeah. And he begins obsessing over girls, always good, often pretending he was dating them without them knowing. It's every girl's dream, I guess, and planning their futures and stuff like that,

right? So he's sort of starting to keep a few notes of his own and they're not very healthy. He, to my knowledge, I I don't think, I could be wrong, was ever accused of sexually assaulting anyone, but... Disqualified! Here's the thing. He planned a sexual assault of a girl, right?

That he would see jogging while he was, when he was in his teenage years, he had a paper out. And there was a girl that he saw jogging on the paper out, and he went to his best friend and said he had a plan to rape this girl. Jesus. His plan was going to be that he would stash the papers from his paper out somewhere and then run off and rape this girl while she was out jogging and then go back and, like, dump all of his papers and pretend he'd delivered them, but the paper out would be his ally. And the weirdest part of this was that he asked. That's not a good plan. Well, that's not an impressive plan. Like, strategically, not great.

Well, this is the thing was he asked his friend, do you think that's a good plan? Okay. And his friend was like, no, that's not a good plan. You should not rape someone. And he went, oh, no, I know I shouldn't do that. But like, is the plan good? Right. His friend was like, ask her out.

Maybe she wanted to grab coffee sometime. Buy her flower. It's like when Carl writes a song and people go, there's no words. And he's like, but the melody. Is the melody good? Yeah, yeah. It's like, no, no, no. I know it's bad.

I just want to know if like the way that I'm going to go there. I realize it's only half a song, but doesn't sound okay. Hold on a second. See, let me interrupt you real quick. Fuck you! All right, carry on. Yeah, like, it's like, it's a piece of garbage!

So he, so he's clearly a disturbed guy. I guess that was from some testimony that happened during the trial. So 1990 to 1994, the whole family starts to collapse. I mean, did he execute on this plan or now?

Huh? He didn't execute the plan? To my knowledge, never actually. Good, because it wasn't a good plan. But the key here in this story is that the paper out was his ally, that was what he was telling his friend. Alibi.

His alibi, that's right. That's the word I mean. So his dad... No, no, don't you understand. An alibi, an alibi is the name of a type of bird in New Zealand. It's an ally. And that's Vinny's absolutely correct about that. Because he knows a lot more about New Zealand than most people would think because he's so clever.

Vinny, Vinny, Vinny. All right, carry on. I like that song. It's about one of my favorite people. God damn it! Stop it. Vote, Carl. This is rigged.

This is obviously rigged. Stop it. Unfortunately, the dad is allegedly sexually assaulting one of the daughters, and that daughter moves out and becomes a sex worker before eventually moving back in with the dad. There was a very confusing scenario going on there. While this is happening, God tells mum that they need to demolish the entire family house and make a new house, which is a temple to keep the family safe from all evil,

which is always a sign that things are going well. Why not build the temple and then demolish the house? Like, that's the order I would have gone in, just so you have a place to live while you're building. I mean, but God wasn't speaking to you. Correct. He was speaking to Mama Bain. He does work in mysterious ways.

How many universes have you created, Carl? You know what? Before you start second-guessing the Almighty. That's a very good point. And I apologize to stay corrected. So now I'm not sure if I have this next fact right, but apparently she basically turns the entire family into like a super cult at this point

and gets them to build this house even going so far is to send one of her kids to school for like architecture design to help design and get the house well that's actually a good plan so maybe send the kid to architecture school before you tear down the house

I would think but okay no the house is getting torn down and she has to go to school I like her you're like but that plan that actually makes sense that she's got better planning ability She does. Yeah, well, God was telling her to do all this stuff.

So I guess he's got the gift of foresight. So there's a weekend where David convinces everyone to come home. And they watch a documentary or something, and then the whole family goes to bed. Then David goes on his paper route, comes home, everyone's dead. He says he found them like that, and it must have happened while he was out delivering his papers. Ah, his ally. Ah, is that, do you want me to play this audio clip, Stan? I have an audio of David's one-one-one-call to the police, please, Veney.

What the fuck is 1-1-1? That's 9-1, but less confusing. You don't have to prove a 9 first. Okay, no. They're all dead. What's the matter? They're all dead. I came home, and they're all dead.

We're a bad, sir? Every street. Or every street. 65 every street. They're all dead. Who's all dead? My family, they're all dead. Hurry up.

It's okay. Every street. There's Brent's off. Somerville Street. Yes. What number you're calling from? 454. Mm-hmm.

2527. 454. 2527. And your last name? Doesn't seem pertinent to the problem here. Okay. We're on our way. Okay, Mr. Wayne. It will be there very shortly.

Okay. He seems very upset. Finding his family, Dad. Yeah, I don't think he's a creep at all. And can I just say to go back to our previous discussions? Back, W made a really good point. God did not say he had to demolish her caravan during the construction. That's true.

Just the house. So she had somewhere to live, but everyone else, they had to get to work if they wanted a roof over there. So the family died and David had nothing to do with it. Do we have any voicemails? Yeah, let's go right into it. I got that from Syracuse. Go ahead, Steve. All right, you got more?

Well, that's his 911. That's his one-one call. Yeah. And obviously it's always been alleged that he didn't sound like a person who was genuinely distraught. I think that the police officer there needs to get a lot of credit. That is the most New Zealand way to handle being called about a whole lot of people being dead up ever heard, where a person just goes, oh, all right. And what number are you calling from?

Whereabouts are you then? But, yeah, so it was obviously what happened then as the police arrived on the scene. Everyone's dead, all shot in the head with a 22 rifle, and it is room to room. Almost every family member is in whatever bedroom of the God temple, I guess they're supposed to reside in. Okay.

And the youngest child, the younger brother, Stephen is found strangled with one of his own t-shirts and he has a bullet hole on his on his hand from what the police reckon was that he was in whoever they got to last and he tried to put his hand over the butt of the rifle and boom went off but there are a few mitigating circumstances that the police have gone back and forth on for instance the father these are not the best police of the world why don't they just pay somebody to say he's guilty in defense in defense of the New Zealand police, they don't get this sort of stuff all the time. Okay. Like the idea that someone's been shot with a gun is always news to us, all right? A what? But... You mean you're hit him

with a boomerang? The father was... Oh, a gun! Father's body was the warmest of all of them. What's your number? The initial suspicion was that the father had gone and murdered suicide at everyone, because there was a note on the computer upstairs

in the house that said, sorry, you are the only one who deserve to stay which obviously was a suicide note left for David and weirdly signed David Bain which I thought was an odd choice for him to make there he signed the fucking yeah it said at the bottom from David Bain not actually my dad

what a fucking laugh no he didn't do that but there's blood all over the house David has a book in his room a true crime book about killing your family and basically what happened was was initially they thought it was the dad and then after a while I'm looking at a bunch of evidence

for instance gloves were worn while using the rifle but the dad didn't have any gloves on his person when they found him dead the dad was also his outfit was freshly clean and there was no blood on it

and if he had gone through the house murdering everyone there would have been blood all over it And everybody in the neighborhood's newspapers that morning were covered in blood. It was another sort of slant slightly tipped at the New Zealand police were like, I don't know. I need some more evidence. What's black and white and red all over? A New Zealand newspaper.

That was almost as good as some of the jokes I've heard Vinny do at the comedy club. Oh, see, now it's turning. See, now he's mad at me. There's a whole lot of weird. I've got a whole lot of weird facts about the case. but basically he went to jail David Bain went to jail

for these murders and it is still hotly contested to this day he's out of jail we managed to keep him in a little bit longer than Cosby I think it was 16 or 13 or I think it might be 13 years that he actually served

but there was a rugby player who because there's one group of people who look at the evidence and go the dad did it and another group of people who look at the evidence and go David did it most of New Zealand seems to think it kind of not been David You just look at photos of the guy

You brought a creep that most people In New Zealand thinks didn't do it So did you last week You brought it fucking OJ Asshole Shut the fuck up Everyone thinks he did it Shut up you idiot

Look if he didn't do it It's super sad that he went to jail But this is a photo he took of himself It's like a Freddie Kruger's sweater I know That sort of seems a little bit Like ha ha I got away with it And that's the dad

That's the dad who supposedly did it Yeah she looks nuts Yeah she was nuts And she I mean ultimately my creep is the entire Bain family because their story is just so disturbingly creepy and whatever was going on in that family

was so deep and dark and sinister that it let poor non-belial innocent baby David to have to go grab his 22 rifle and just kind of end it all well I brought in a serial sex maniac who rape children always does immediately when you're done he's like yeah but let's remember what I said

yeah because that's how you win no I wanted to ask you a question was the New Zealander who's our chat, was that the person they were thinking of? Yes, 100%. David Badey called it. Okay, cool. There's one of the, there's a lot of David Bain jokes in New Zealand. Oh, tell us some.

One guy says, hey, have you heard of David Bain? Oh, don't you mean David Blaine, the magician? No, David Blaine is the guy who is an escape artist. David Bain is the magician who made his family disappear. That's good. Waka, walka, walka, walka. Don't open

with it, Steve. Ladies and gentlemen, you need intimate knowledge of David, but I don't think I'm doing that to American crowds. They'd be like, is that his mate? David Bain, does he just not like him or something? Yeah, America's his mate. Is that his friend, David Bain? So listen, folks, let's just recap this here,

because you could vote this week at the creepoff.com. There is Carls Creep, the second most prolific rapist in New Zealand history. And of course, the... And then, of course, Joseph Thompson, serial rapist sex maniac, raped children. old ladies didn't give a shit and then carl uh this guy who may or may not have killed his family steve brought sorry um and and definitely strangled his younger brother to death with a t-shirt which is quite violent and terrifying shot his own mother and father in the head what do you do like

like fucking knock out the xbox controller like how does it i've got pretty close to strangling family members over stuff like that what i like though is that we today we had to go through three horrible new zealanders in there have only ever been three um You don't think we can find a fourth if we looked for it? Actually, there is a fourth. There is someone that you guys missed out on. There was a guy last year who, like, stuffed a girl in a suitcase and hit her in the woods. He was just kind of gross.

That's nothing. Part of the chorus on the show. Let's do some voicemails. The creep-off voicemail segment is brought to you by the city of Syracuse. We'd like to thank Elton John and taking his farewell tour to Syracuse. Syracuse is a long history of people wanting to end it all. See you, Sir Elton, in Syracuse. I looked it up, it's true.

Elton John's Farewell Tour is going through Syracuse. Yeah. That's a very strange choice, don't you think, Carl? No, they get a lot of big shows because they can pull from Western New York, central New York, downstate a little bit. So if you're a big act like Elton John, all right, never mind. All right. If you're a big act like the isotopes.

You might be able to play Syracuse. The Angels are playing Avon next month, but I don't want to brag. I believe it's pronounced Avon. Now, ladies and gentlemen, your voicemail. Where to start. God, I really can't wait for you guys to do creepiest retard on radio. Where Carl picks, Jackie Martin, and Vinnie fix

fucking Gordon. That'd be fucking amazing. I'm Carl, I shit on you a lot, but I got to say, I need to apologize, man. I was going to vote for you with the fuck with O.J. Simpson, but fucking Vinny came through with Bill Cosby. I'm sorry, man. I really am.

I have to. I have to vote for it now. Yeah, a lot of good fucking did me, pal. Good key, don't call me back. No problem. Hey, Carl, did you leave another voicemail? I might have. I got really drawing.

Hey, creeps, this is Carl. I want you to check out my new original podcast, biggest creeps in the universe, where me and my Italian co-host, Vito Gisoldi, ranks every creep from creepiest to, um, uh, not so creepiest. Also, check out Vinny's new podcast, biggest debate the pizza hut, where he argues with the cashier about whether or not they put extra cheese on his pizza.

Check them both out. I know. I know when they don't do it. And they charge you extra. Vinny, I got a voicemail. All right. One of the clear stuff. What was the name of our episode last week?

Uh, okay. So apparently this was a problem. All right. It was Dear Flabby. All right. How do we play the voicemail? Hey, this is pretty creep up. Um, Dear Flabby is the name of a recurring segment on who's right.

I just thought you should know that. So, uh, yeah, dear Flabby is taken up. All right. Is your fan base your copyright office? What the fuck going on there? Exactly. Fuck you. What show is this now?

Yeah. As I was going to say, who could possibly know that this was taken by who's right? How would we ever be able to know that information? That'd be impossible for us to now. I would never, ever trickle all the way up to Carl and myself.

Everything's been taken by someone at this point. No, no one came running in here to tell us, dude, don't name it that because of who's right or whatever. I think you guys are both retarded. Should it be Ask Flabby? Isn't it Ask Abby?

It's Dear Abby, stupid. I'm pretty sure I was walking down the like outdoor and garden section of Lowe's the other day. And there was a tick repellent called Creep off. Well, there you go. So, you know, where's your fucking voicemail about that, dude? All right then. Now, listen, I want to point one other thing out on this. Should be Ask Abby.

I'm not the one who's wrong here. I chose that name because someone in the Discord and made that joke and I thought it was funny not the discord in the YouTube chat and I thought it was funny to name the episode after a joke somebody came up with so whoever that person is probably don't wait is this just the name of an episode not the name of a yeah it was probably done from who's right the segment is called dear carl right oh well look you can call an episode whatever you want if you had a recurring segment who would still who cares now who's this voicemail from now uh this next one here is uh an actual dear carl oh great okay here you go carl your chance to

answer a listener question i want to answer it for him hey so uh viny i'll be straight up i'm against you i'm for the carl because of ruse but this question might turn me from his side to yours and this is a dear carl want to know if i move to thailand which i plan to do how many lady boys do i have to fuck before it turns me into an epspler like carl and uh do i have to give foot jobs and then make my feet look like club's feet. I'm changing my creep from David Bain to this guy. Thank you.

I appreciate your time and it means a lot to me. Thank you. Bye. I don't think that was a real question. I think he'd like to know how many lady boys does he have to have sex with before he could be an F slur like you. All right. First off, that's offensive. Very much so, sir.

Everyone knows fucking Lady Boys is not gay. Also, like, saying F slur doesn't make it okay to say it. Like, you can't walk around going, What's up my N-word and go, I didn't actually say it, though, did I? Ask Kimberly from Kimberly and back if you can just say N-word, it makes it okay. No, I believe you mean from the show that we

need to review on WATP. We do. Kimberly's Revolution. Can I please be on that? You're coming on this weekend. Bring it. No, it's more work. You bring it.

We should do that as a bonus episode. That's the best. I got another voice spell on here. I got another voice spell out here. And yes, when you give a foot job, you should curl your feet in, like, the club feet. It does work better. This is someone who's got your back. I'm with you, Vinnie.

Even though you're like a real big kind of like a fat hip-hop type kind of guy, I'm with you. Thank you. Fucking Carl's from Spencerport. Spencerport. Carl, you probably started that fire, you fucking creep. you know what vinnie i was all i was fucking team uh you know cuzaroo but you know what now that i know that carl's from spencerport i'm really having some serious fucking doubts i feel like spencerport oh my goodness i feel like this voicemail has me in a

headlock in a parking lot of a bar and just loves me to death you know it's raw you know it's raw especially because this is July. We're moving in July, and your crotch is fucking rubbed raw. What was I? What's I? What's Kevin Ricotta's joke? Fuck, bulk, you guys.

You can both suck my dick. You can both suck my dick. Fuck both of you. I said a little fun at the end. Was Kevin Riccada's joke when he wore corduroy's and started a fire? No, his joke was, I started soaking the other day. A little vasili between the thighs. That's right.

Solved it, right? Fixed it right up. That's what it was. All right. I guess we'll throw in this last one. We are in a little bit of trouble because our marketing department is on the phone. Oh, shit. Yeah, I just want to say this once.

This is Josh from the marketing department. Oh, fuck. You guys are fucking up. I'm not going to fire Carl. I'm going to fire Croach. Nice. Just to, you know, fire a shot off the bow. But why the fuck didn't you guys release at least a Patreon episode this week?

the creep off is already struggling surging you mean we need all the people listening we can get um be great if you guys actually tried Benny even your podcast effort is fat

you miss our meeting but uh we'll talk on Monday fuck yourself sorry Josh why do I feel like the marketing department is like the high school principal like why am I nervous you're all in big trouble We got a meeting with the marketing department. Oh, no!

You guys aren't marketable. But not like the actual principal. Like a guy who's just shown up to school one day and gone, I'm the principal, guys. Yeah. Like, I don't think there's a lot of credibility. Yeah. Josh, you go fuck yourself in your meeting.

Fuck you, Josh. I'll be eating. You ready to move on to the scum parade, Carl? Because Vinny's a creep. I'm not kidding around. They're both a gender and psychopats with no business of a civilized society. And they're going to take you on a scum parade.

I don't know. That one actually... Whoa. A man of one talents. And it's not singing or joke telling. Or apparently playing this game. Now, folks, I want to let you know that this week. scub parade. We're going to have a lot of fun with it. We're going to start off in Tennessee,

shall we guys? Let's do it. Clifford Polly Jr. allegedly used his personally owned black 2016 Dodge Charger, which was equipped with red and white flashing lights on the front and back to block another car's path before pulling out a gun and pointing it at the driver. Now, this happened in Nashville. The police department there said, according to the report, at the time of the incident, Polly was wearing a uniform, quote, consistent with a police officer, end quote, which included a duty belt and patches that said he was quote, private duty

law enforcement. What the fuck is that? Have you ever thought about being a news reader? No. You should give it a go. You're really good. Shut up. I'm saying you want a piece of me? I'm coming over there.

Several pieces. I just don't think I can afford it. You don't have to carry a lot to the car. So, private duty law enforcement. The 34-year-of-Polly who said that he worked for a Nashville security company allegedly told investigators that the driver of the other vehicle intentionally blocked him in, make it impossible for him to drive away. That's why I pulled the gun on the guy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Other witnesses at the seed said that Polly made a U-turn and initiated his personal vehicle's lights, then drew a pistol equipped with the light. And with his firearm aimed at the other driver, Polly shouted, I don't want to shoot you and told the person to get back in their vehicle. The warrant said WK Aaron also reported that the witness told police they heard Powell use his cruiser-esque personal vehicles

megaphone speaker as well to tell the victim, quote, I will shoot you. Can I tell you a funny story about myself, Vinny? Yeah, you got the lights on your car? This is a true story. I used to have a megaphone wired into my car in high school. And I just really loved fucking with people.

I would drive by pedestrians and just fuck with them. I feel like this is something that I've been doing for a long time. Can I tell you, we would have been such good friends if I know you had that? I loved it. I would have been the most fucking fun ever. Oh, my God. I would just drive around just to fuck with you. They didn't know where it was coming from.

Just around Spencerport. Just around Spencerport. Dude, I'd make fart noises into it. I'd just blow next time to go, I would play my band through it. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's a joke on people. Polly was on call with police dispatch. He called them.

He was taken into custody late Sunday evening on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and criminal impersonation of law enforcement. He was booked into the jail and his bond is set at $25,000. It's not clear whether Polly has an attorney at this time, but if he does, I assume it's probably just going to be him walking into court with an empty briefcase and glasses. He's a lawyer. Oh, I'm a biggie-bogie. It's a callback.

So, Vinnie, you didn't pick up on this and I understand why you didn't read this part of the story, but there's about four or five paragraphs about these lights that he put out of his car. Yeah. What are they called? Wigwag lights. Have you ever heard that term before? Never in my life. It sounds New Zealandish. I was thinking considering that Robin Quivers is like a lap dog at this point, you could call Howard

and Robin wigwag. Throw it out there. I never heard wigwag lights before. I feel like, are you trying to say that Howard Sturd wears a wig? Yeah, you know, wiggie. Wiggy's turn out of there. Did your buddy Shully tell you that? No. Did Shulie tell you the truth about the hair?

Shulie has told me that he's never seen any evidence that it's a wig. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Because I did ask him. Howard Stern's hair is a wig. Yeah. That is the speculation from a little place known as the internet. Yeah, I think that the premise of the joke was good. I think if Vinny had had delivered it, it would have been just a little more polished.

I know, which is, I love it when Vinny sends me over these really long stories and then truncates them. I hate both of you. You both are two dear friends, and I want you both dead. Next, we're going down to Florida, shall we? In a place called Citrus County, Sheriff's Office authorities arrested 30-year-old Cassandra Brooke Hallmark on Saturday. Now, this story is terrifying, Carl. Can we agree?

Well, yeah, I mean, it's Florida. Right. She was charged on attempted premeditated murder with a deadly weapon. Hallmark was jailed without bond, according to the arrest report. The sheriff's office was dispatched to a house. under report that a man was being struck by a double-sided medieval axe. Hallmark, who a witness identified as the man's alleged attacker, had run away. Deputies questioned the man who said he and another man were working on a water pump

when he felt a thump on the rear of his head, stunning him, before he felt a second impact. Now, the deputies noted that an inch-long cut was on the back of the man's head a couple inches away from the top of his spinal cord. It was later discovered that this is the luckiest motherfucker on the planet this woman took an axe to the back of his head and the reason he survived is because he had another accident before where he had a steel plate in the back of his head this is the equivalent of like the cigarette pack and your uh the pack of luckies yeah the pack of luckies what does the cigarette peg stop bullets yeah if you have the metal cigarette packs it's a

oh it's a me i was going to say like a picket of mowbrough light like 20s isn't going to stop a bullet it's an old movie trope i don't think it's actually ever happened and then the guy like pulls at the little tin. And he's like, Ha-ha. I'm still alive. Yeah. This is a horrific story, Vinny. Yes, it is.

But it's still funnier than Mike Meyer's 1993 vehicle, so I married an axe murderer. I forgot you're a big Mike Myers. Oh, yeah, everybody loves that movie. Oh, I'm going to do the fat bastard voice again. Oh, I'll recycle this to the end of time. I'll be a

cartoon ogre. Where did she get the bad legs from? So, He wants to keep the story moving. According to the arrest report, right? Yeah. The man who owned this house had a shed on his property. And this woman is just like someone who's known in the neighborhood as like a homeless person. Right.

And he lets her sleep in the shed occasionally. Yeah. So that night before, he let her sleep in the shed. Him and his buddy are out working in the backyard, fixing the water pub. She sneaks into his house where he has a medieval weapons collection, takes a fucking battle axe off of the wall. walks outside and boom smashes the guy with the fucking metal plate in his head and uh she got arrested do you think that like it was because she saw the battle axe and just went oh you don't see one of those every day it'd be a shame to not use it well yeah you know right it's not like she's

like I want an expert or someone oh what about my luck look at this yeah yeah like you know I just happened to want to X I was looking for an X you guys both know I love to collect shit and I'm to tell you something right now. You're going to stand with a figurine. A game worn jersey is way more valuable than just what you bought at the store that you put in a frame. That's all I'm going to say. Fair enough.

That's all I'm going to say. Now, uh, she's in a lot of trouble. We'll find out what happens another time, maybe. We'll probably never talk her about it. What am I going to do today? Just looking around for inspiration. Oh, there's a medieval battle X over there. I've been, uh, I've been sleeping in the shed all night.

Uh, it's nice to be in the big house. What can I do? I've been here. Maybe she just took it for a walk and she was like walking down the street with the medieval battle axe and the guy with the metal plate in the back of his head went, you won't believe how resistant my head is to that. Come over here and check this out. Yeah, you think he was talking shit?

No, no, he was just like, you can't shop off my skull. Yeah. He was like, this is crazy. I was talking to a friend of mine last year. I was like, hey, if anyone ever tries to attack me with a battle axe, I have a metal plate in my head, I'll be fine. And now here I am. If they come at me from behind. Only if they come at me from behind

Now, I'm going to move on from this story Because I'm tired of it And that is, that's broadcasting experience More criminal charges have been filed against An Elizabeth New Jersey landlord Steve and Carl, did you know this? Did you hear about this one? An Elizabethan New Jersey landlord?

Yeah, Elizabeth New Jersey is a place Oh, Elizabeth, I thought you meant like Elizabethan Like from that time period? Yeah, right. He wears like an accordion around his neck It does feel like what we're doing now, though, is we're like going back to the, like, Elizabethan times and going, who, what are the crimes did they do that we can fucking lynch them for? I'm going to tell you something right now, if this was Elizabethan times, this guy would have had no problem.

That's true. This guy would have had... He was doing people in favor. Zero problem. What was his gimmick? Okay, so he has been charged by local and federal authorities as being a serial sexual predator who preyed on his tenants in exchange for helping them with their housing. situation. Joseph Sentini, 74, was re-arrested Wednesday in charge with five additional

counts of second-degree sexual assault and seven additional counts of fourth-degree criminal sexual contact. The number of alleged victims related to the criminal charges are now 20. And the total number of criminal charges against him are up to 35. Look, affordable housing always comes with a price. Either getting fucked by the government, you're getting

fucked by Joseph. I'll just pick one. I reckon if any went to those in today, guys, apartments, like if any shut up was like, I'd like to rent an apartment here and the guy would go Yeah that's like 1800 a month And Vinnie would go Is there any way I can

Yeah he's like I don't have that much place He's anywhere I can bring that down I don't have that much money Mr. Landlo So it's still 18 It's going up actually 1900 I'm shaking my tits at him

Come on No no dude I actually think we're full I don't think we have any vacancy Then he's coming out Coming on it On your face Okay So this guy

Is a real fucking scumbag Yeah Okay sounds awful According to the complaints, the complaints, the victims are both male and female, ranging in age from 22 to 61. Authorities said in one incident, according to court documents, Centenia allegedly forced a young mother of three on the verge of homelessness to perform oral sex in exchange for an apartment.

That's a very generous thing to do. It's a very generous offer, don't you think? This woman's going to suck dick for one reason or another. It's summer right now. I'll stay outside. He's like gas grass or ass, honey. No one stays here for free. This is an old tenant.

His exact words to her were, quote, you know what you have to do. And then he allegedly laid down on a bed instead of rubbing his dick in front of her. The Giuliani. I think it's horrific. It's horrific, obviously, like, to prey on your tenants if they're in a disadvantaged situation.

But there are times when I, like, was Auckland is one of the most expensive cities in the world to live. And my rent was 3,000. $500 a month and if the landlord at that house they'd have said to me... I believe they're called wigwags in New Zealand. We can half that if you... Right. I'd be like

okay, I'd almost go wait, what's the cost of... What if I hire... What happens if I just hire a sex worker to come here and do it? Honestly, I was thinking about that. If you give these people the option, like, okay, we won't let you trade oral sex for rent anymore, but also now you've got to pay

the full rent, they're like, oh, I didn't think this all the way through. So you're saying I'm evicted. The lady was like, does that have to me? Could it be one of the kids? Can you offer it, though? Like, if you're in a place where rent is really high, is it illegal to go, okay, like $2,500 a month? It's an interesting point because it only works half the time. Right.

It's worked half the time for me. Right. Like, if you're a tenant, though, you kind of like, the police won't show up and go, hey, you try to exploit your position as a potential or whatever to get a thing. But I suppose it's because you're not really, you're like, oh, well, I'll go see if. anyone does want. Is that why producer Chris stays with you all the time now? Oral sex is always illegal. This is America that we're talking about. Is it, though?

It probably, actually, there are probably states we're going to let's do it at all still. I wouldn't be surprised of an Alabama. Sodomy, yes. Of course not. And one of the charges here before the court today, this man placed his mouth upon this man's genitals. And that is illegal here in the state of Alabama.

Agreed. It is very illegal in Alabama, I would assume. Because they are not brothers. But if they were, it would be fine. I denounced it. Now, ladies and gentlemen, this guy owns 18 buildings in Elizabeth, New Jersey. Totally hundreds of apartments. He's a sex addict.

He's like, I got to buy more buildings. I just need units. I need units. That's awesome. He hung all the wallpaper himself. Yes. Many of the units are rented by low-income renters who utilize housing vouchers. So this guy, he's in a lot of trouble.

the federal government, the DOJ filed a separate lawsuit last year, claiming that he violated the Fair Housing Act. He's got all sorts of problems. So fuck that guy. Yeah. And you're going to break on your rent. Now, Conroe, Texas. Let's head out to Texas to close up this fucking shit show, shall we?

Conroe resident Raul Longoria, a man previously convicted of attempted murder, has been sentenced to prison for raping a Montgomery County woman who has a child's intellectual capacity. Longoria's victim was a 31-year-old living under her mother's care as she was previously deemed legally incapable of caring for her basic needs due to having an approximate mental capacity of an 8-year-old. Oh, no. The DA's office mentioned...

Uh-oh, retort alert! Retort alert, class! I mean, this guy was a real jerk. Talk about you, Carl. Now, on May 17... Well, that's retarded. ...20190. Legoria, who is residing near Granger's

just say in East County, in a garage apartment on the same property. So this guy's living above the fucking garage or some shit from where these people are. He noticed that the mom was out. Longoria, this is the craziest fucking story

I've ever heard. This guy is like 63 years old. Okay? Longoria overpowered the disabled woman who tried to fend him off with a pair of scissors. He then used a stun gun to subdue her. Then he made her watch pornography on his phone. All right.

How gross is this retard that he has to watch porno to get in the mood to fuck her? I'm picturing Wendy the retard or Wendy the slow adult with like a shitty diaper. Carl, he's like going down. He's like, oh, God, fuck me. Carl, this is so, she was so gross that the device's battery died. And he had to leave to go get a charger. He was watching porn for hours. Like, fuck.

He left to get a charger? The phone battery. died. He was watching porn so long. Couldn't get it up. He went to go get a charger. That's when she took the opportunity to escape, thank God, and ran barefoot a quarter of a

mile to a, in a severe rainstorm to a store where she phoned the police. Imagine being like a chainsaw massacre guy. And you've got all the teenagers baked him to a corner and you're about to chop their limbs off and then your fucking chainsaw goes, too, too, too, too, too. You're out of gas. Can you guys just wait here? I'll be right back.

This guy's just like, I got another one of the car I was so close I was so close fucking battery God damn these owner iPhones I knew I should upgrade it I do it should upgrade it to the 12 so then the return gets up and goes

she really scurried out of there that's a bingo now what the hell was there Christoph Waltz he plea guard okay so this guy was also spent 20 years in prison for a

1983 attempted murder case in Harris County. He plea bargained down to 20 years after he left a woman in a ditch after beating and raping her and slitting her throat with a knife. Yeah. I mean, that's as attempted murder as attempted murder gets. I just call that murder. Like, it's just a

miracle that she didn't die. Yeah, exactly right. What we have, your gentleman, is not so much an attempted murder as we have a miracle. Yeah, right, exactly. Yes, correct. So prosecutors also presented evidence Lungoria received a six-year prison sentence for a third DWI offense in 1995. The DA's office added, he was sentenced Thursday to 80 years in prison. Hey!

I love it when there's good news, isn't there? And there was much rejoicing, yes. Yeah. Did you see the photo of this guy? Oh, they beat the shit out of him. Dude, he got the old Rodney King treatment by the police. Oh, the cops. You tried to rape a retard?

He fucking asses. Like, they beat him to within an inch of his life. Yeah, he was bad. Fucked up. Bloody swollen. I am for it. That's when beat the shit makes sense. Beat him up.

I'm fine with it. Yeah. Leave other people alone. Beat up the rapists. Pitoes, beat them all up. You fucking know all about this shit. No, I don't. I don't know anything.

So, ladies and gentlemen, that is our creepoff for this week. Don't forget to vote at the creepoff.com. Carl, did you have a nice time today? Time to quit talking. I had a great time, and I want to thank Steve for coming on. Thanks for having me here. Is it true that Cosby's really. wall now like he got really buff and jail yeah he can see again he's witty he's having fun

oh he's putting pot ready for his comeback dude he really can see again yeah it's amazing it's a miracle he was lied about being blind ah yeah thank he was like couldn't walk couldn't see now he's doing jumping jacks down the street and oj didn't do that bill cosby did but just you fucking food for oj fucking assholes i don't want to live in a world with you people where you think that oj's creepier than Bill Cosby. Whatever. Stop. He's nowhere near as creepy as a guy who, like, was kind of weirdly brainwashed by his

mom, then murdered his whole family. They, that guy. Steve, anything you want to promote, my friend? David Bain, besides David Bain. July 21st, if you're in Rochester, I have a show here at the Carlson, but that's pretty much it. All right. Well, ladies.

Oh, and I also want to promote Vinny. Outstanding guy. Handsome gentlemen. Vinny, you're going to be at the comedy club this weekend. Oh. I was. You are a piece of shit. I'm a bad person.

You're a horrible human being. We don't usually go to this log on this show. All right, ladies and gentlemen, since Carl has decided to kick me a long down, I'm going to explain that to you. And just to let you know what a bad person, Carl, is. A bad person. Oh, you're going to try to use this for sympathy points? All right, go ahead.

So your pal Vinnie hasn't gotten a weekend to work stand up since COVID. So it's been quite a while. And I was very much looking forward to doing five shows as the middle act, the feature act, 20-minute sets with Rachel Feinstein, who's a great comic, very, very funny person from New York. She's a beer at the club, and it would have been very nice to work with her. I was excited for it. And I got told maybe an hour before the show that, oh, by the way, Rachel's bringing her feature. Sorry, pal.

You're out of luck. No, dude. No fucking way. You're like Kermit the Frog, but he's evil. Right. I'm the evil Kermit. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, I got to go now. It's nice to be important.

It's more important to be nice. Good, yeah. People can't find you on Twitter or something like that. Rigglemania. Rigglemania. Like Ristlemania, but Riggleman. No one do you think is funny? I don't know if I want any of your fans to find me.

It's more the thing. vomit-induced