The Creep Off - Episode 74: This is a Comedy Show You Moron

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

This week Vinnie & Karl nominate their creeps for the category “Olympic whatever”: Vinnie gives Karl a Kathy Griffin Update: In the Scum Parade we meet a panty sniffing landlord, a meth fan with a plan and a Woman who never cleans her car. Please consider supporting the show and joining us on Patreon for two bonus episodes a month and exclusive merch  patreon.com/TheCreepOff

I got a cameo from Patrick Michael from the fantastic Ring of Honor wrestler Danhausen. Hello, yes, Dan Housen here, very nice for evil. This is for Carl Housen and Vinny Housen at the creep-off from Patrick Michael Housen. Carl and Vinny are very evil. Carl is club feet, bad teeth. Oh no! This is terrible. Nice evil true game broadcast.

Vinhousing for the Winhousing. This is what Dan Housen is supposed to say. What the hell is it supposed to be? Well, nevertheless, Dan Housin, wishes you the best on your podcast adventures of some sort. Hopefully have a nice time. Oh, love that denousing, so on and so forth. And, uh, you know, may your enemies be cursed in your podcast adventures.

All right, till later, love that downhousing. Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't any of these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation, horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo, coo, coo.

I think no one trusts Carl, no one likes him anymore. He's a stink. He's a scumbag. Ola creepos, welcome to another edition of everyone's favorite true crime podcast, the show about creeps by creeps for you creeps. It's the creep off. I am your host. The tower of power, too sweet to be sour. The people's champion. And joining me in the studio today.

It's Carl, everybody. What is happening, Vinnie Paulino? So great to be back with you, my friend. I'd like to thank you. Yeah. For staying up late last night to watch the results. So I didn't have to because I didn't give a fuck because I'm so goddamn angry. I'm getting a lot of reports that there's some shenanigans going on with the voting.

So I decided to actually not only proactively get the vote out last night, but also monitor what was going on. and we finally had a fair vote, it appears. So that was good. I was happy to see that. Oh, how is it a fair vote, Carl. Well, because as of midnight last night, Carl and Jeffrey Tubin has 53% of the vote. Yeah. USA!

Just like those big crowds at the Olympics are cheering. USA! USA! USA, US, those thousands of fans. I didn't hear any of them doing that. All those thousands of fans and all these Olympic games that I've been watching, USA. They didn't even pipe it in. I know.

They didn't even pipe in the USA. It's so pathetic. This Olympics is brutal, which actually brings us to the topic of today, which will be creepiest Olympian. Olympic coach we went with. Olympic whatever. Sure. Olympics, whatever. I'm good with that.

Olympics whatever is the category this week. Perfect. So because I won this week, which I needed to get back on the winning side. So I'm really glad Jeffrey Toobin was able to get me over that hurdle. Bob Bordella, fist in a man to deathal who was strapped to his bed. Yeah. Someone tell Vinny how this game works. This is a comedy show, you moron.

Someone explained this to Vinny that we're doing a comedy true cry podcast? I hate that that's the name of this episode. It's a comedy show you moron. That's perfect. So, yeah. so the score is now what three to two am i in the lead is that what we're seeing the fucking league yes that is fantastic how is creeps and roses going by the way well we even talked about that in a minute what's going out with creeps and roses with what are you still doing that

uh consequence yeah yeah working on it working on it yeah having a hard time scheduling the co-hosts no just don't care that much no i had the finals for the contest last week so i got all right you got you're busy so here's what i like to do in your comedy career you're You're very busy. Let's talk about something real fast. Yeah, you want to talk about how Casey is coming to the live show? It's official. Is she really?

She got her playing tickets. She's in. She got guilted into spending 300 whole American dollars. I think what happened was for some reason her husband actually wanted to go. She's like, oh, okay, cool. I guess we're going to go. So Casey's in. This is exciting, Benny.

I don't want to be in near any of these people. This is exciting. I don't want to be. Listen, I'll be at the Airbnb. She's team. Hot, Carla. I'm going to be at the Airbnb until showtime and then direct. Exactly after showtime.

Yeah, right. I'd be back at the Airbnb. Yeah, right. You'll be standing behind a pile of merchandise asking people if they want an autograph or not if they try to avoid you. Hey, uh, I got these great posters of me and Carl.

I went on the Dick show yesterday to promote the live show. Yeah. And he asked if he could sell merchandise at the show. Like, fuck yeah. Everybody bring merchandise. Let's all sell merchandise. All right. We'll sell merch.

Bring some G.I. Joe characters, whatever it is that you like to sell. video you bring it let's talk about the patreon for a second yes ladies and gentlemen we are very much aware of the chris chan situation yes we are going to do a bonus episode inducting chris chan into the hall of fame that will be our next bonus episode beautiful so that's coming great it's going to be hall of fame leave me the fuck alone i don't need any fucking more emails about chris chan thank you and now all i'm going to get the rest of the goddamn day are hey vid did you hear about christian Hey, Vinny, did you hear about Chris Chan?

Well, get this episode out. Stop sitting on it for so long. They need time to justate. Okay. All right, so Vinny, what are we doing? Do we have any more announcements that we need to make? Nah, Chris Chan, bonus episodes coming. So be excited for that.

And if you are a member of the Patreon, I hope you are a true believer if you are. Exelsior. True believers. Cause. Cuzzaroo, Cuzzaroo, Carl's Cuzzaroo is coming through, and I do appreciate that. Also, WATP Live.com is where you can go to get tickets and more information about our live show on August 28th in Lombard, Illinois, just outside of Chicago, where you will meet both myself and Vinny will be there, I think, too. Hey, Carl, you know, we're like almost just about three weeks out from this thing. Yeah, it's coming up.

Yeah, yeah. So my question is this. What the fuck is this show? I haven't decided yet. I get back to you You know, I've been in producing live shows for a while now You have, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just going to let you handle it all Yeah, oh yeah, please do

I'll be at the bar That's fine Good, perfect All right, let's get into the competition for this week, creepiest Olympic whatever I denounce it All right I won, so I will go first That's correct. That's how this works.

Mike Creep is a guy named John Gettert. Are you familiar with our friend, John Gettert? Yeah, yeah. First Google search. Okay. First Google search. All right. Well, this is new news. This happened just recently.

And I'll give you the list of allegations against this gentleman. It is alleged that John Gettert used force, fraud, and coercion against the young athletes that came to him for gymnastics training for a financial benefit to him. The victims suffer from disordered eating, including bulimia and anorexia, suicide attempts and self-harm, excessive physical conditioning, repeatedly being forced to perform even when injured, extreme emotional abuse, and physical abuse, including sexual assault. John Getter was the head coach of the gold medal winning 2012 U.S. Women's Olympic Team. From 1984, Gettert was the head coach at Great Lakes Gymnastics Club in Lansing, Michigan, where he first worked with Larry Nassar. You know what Larry Nassar is? Yeah, I've heard of them.

Yeah, okay. I've heard of them. In 1988, Gettert was named Mel Coach of the Year for the United States Gymnastic Federation in Michigan. He won the Federation's Regional Coach of the Year Award in 1990 and 1991. In 1996, Gettert founded the Twin Stars, Twist Stars, Twist Stars. That's a hard thing to say. The Mon Stars. the monster. The Twistar is USA Gymnastics Club and Diamonddale. The club has a back room where

Nassar regularly treated and sexually molested young female athletes in 2018. What's he supposed to do it at the front of the building? Right. It always put it in the back and not a lot of windows. You learn that from Letterman. Always have the molesting room in the back. Also, I want to point out that this studio that we're in in the comedy club in Rochester is in the back and there are no windows. Coincidence? Way in the back. Two rooms. No windows. Coincidence? I think not. Vinnie. I can't wait till you're the featured creep out here with me and Croach co-hosting. In 2018,

this is my intellectual property, Carl. Okay. In 2018, Gettert handed over ownership and management of the gym to his wife, Catherine, in the wake of the Nassar sex abuse scandal. So these guys were working together. Let's go through some more of these allegations against our boy, John Gettert. Gettert is accused of forcing gymnast to practice or compete with broken bones and torn muscles and tendons.

Victims alleged Gettert was also psychologically abusive, keeping a list of who he called a fat club and even telling gymnasts to take their own lives. Hey, fatty, go kill yourself. All right? Oh, yeah. This guy is terribly. Sounds like my fucking gym coach.

I know. I told my parents that they were like, thank you so much for pushing him, Mr. Wheeler. You bet doing so great. He remembers his gym coach. Of course he does. All that asshole, I'll never forget him. Of course you do.

Dude, that guy used to have to report to James. on the weekends. Did he really? Yeah, man. Dude. And then hang out with children all week. Dude, I went to a private Christian school. This dude was like the janitor and then the gym teacher.

So like all morning you'd see this guy pushing a dust mob. Sometimes you go take a bathroom break and he'd be in there scrubbing the toilets and then he'd make you run laps. But apparently he was very much against abortion and he would show up and pick it at like Planned Parenthood and he got arrested multiple times and had to report. to jail on the weekends, then come and clean the toilets and then fucking yell at us. Well, I mean, he wanted more kids to be born so he could yell at more kids. It makes sense.

He's got to keep himself in business. That's right. Yeah. How am I going to be yelling at fatties to run laps if you're a boring a ball? That's what his side said, actually. All right. He was like, well, maybe you could have just gotten that one. So this John Getter.

Paulino, take that out of your mouth. This John Getter guy knows how to motivate. he's a coach. He knows how to motivate. I mean, he was a gold medal winning coach. He allegedly would yell and berate athletes on their bodies to the point where they would develop an eating disorder and

in some of the most extreme cases attempt suicide. He also allegedly called coaches of athletes who went on to get a college scholarship and intervene and tried to get them taken away. He tried to get scholarships taken away from athletes. This guy's a creep.

Fat-a-old. Yeah, not only is he berating these people. By the way, these are gymnasts who are training five days a week. These are not fat women that we're talking about. None of these women are fat that he's calling fat and then trying to get their scholarships taken away. But it wasn't just berating them. There was also physical abuse going on too. In terms of physical abuse, he's accused of stomping on the top of gymnast's feet if he became angry. He also allegedly would shove gymnasts into or off of equipment if they made a mistake. One excerpt from that testimony stated, while spotting her,

He grabbed her at the waist and threw her into the bars, striking her face and neck on the low bar. This caused her to rupture her lymph nodes in the right side of her neck, causing a black guy and tore her abdominal muscles. Yeah, even Coach Knight is like, whoa, be easy on the athletes. What are you doing here? He apologized after because he says, I meant to throw you into the garbage can and I missed. Fatty. Let's get into some more physical abuse. You notice he was stomping on her feet.

so gymnasts use their feet quite a bet so I would imagine this is not a good thing for them it's called motivation yes this guy is just a good coach he is a good coach obviously sure gold medal winner getter allegedly followed a gymnast into the locker room stomped on her feet

and threw her into a wall charges were presented to the prosecutor in that incident they were denied and instead getter was ordered to go through counseling all right this is not a What's that? Not a convincing argument. I mean, didn't Trump do that at like the Miss Universe pageant? He did he do the same thing? He could have been charged years ago and they're like,

he'll get counseling. We'll, we'll calm him down. But you would think that when this type of thing happens, that you would be arrested. The two sexual abuse charges were from the same alleged incident. The document states, Getert followed a 14 year old gymnast into the locker room and assaulted her before saying, quote, this would not be happening if you just completed my assignment at practice like you were supposed to do the day before he was using rape as a punishment you didn't do what you're supposed to like it are you supposed to like rape it's a i mean in terms of punishments i'll drop two digits this time but there'll be three digits next time next time it's the shocker all right just so you know these are the only parallel bars you need to worry about let's see

Boy, all right. All right. We're a problem today. So this guy finally, after all of these years of abuse, and we had the Larry Nassar thing come out. Yeah, that was a problem. That was a pretty big problem, right? Yeah.

Well, so this guy finally, they have charges on him. And they let him turn himself in. So they say, hey, you got to report to the prison because, you know, you have these charges going on. He never did report to the prison 24 hours after all of this came out in the news. He decided he's had enough. I want to let you know about a shocking new twist and a major gymnastics abuse investigation. A former U.S. Olympics coach died by suicide.

Oh, no. Just hours after being charged with 24 felonies, including human trafficking and criminal sexual conduct. Wait a second. How was this guy able to get out of this with a gun to his head? you would think that they would, like, go and get this person and bring him in before the charges, right? Coach, no. A spokesperson for the Michigan Attorney General's office said that they were allowing Getter to turn himself in on his own because they had no indication that he would harm himself, Tony. All right, Mola, thank you very much.

There's a lot that's upsetting here, but one thing that comes to mind is that the victims will not have an opportunity for that public justice and closure they got with Nassar. So they go, well, you know, we didn't see any evidence that he was. would want to skip this. He's accused of raping a 14-year-old. I have a feeling that he might not want to face those charges. You might want to, and the best part is the Michigan Attorney General had a press conference after this was all announced and before he killed himself. And she's a dumb, dumb. During her press conference Thursday, Attorney General Dana Nessle telling Reporters Gettert was in custody and set to be arraigned over video. My understanding is that he has turned himself in and that he is scheduled to be a ring today at 2.15.

Whoops. They fucked up. That's not good. Oh, no. So, this is the very first victim of Larry Nassar, Sarah Klein, describing this guy, John Gettert. At eight years old, Sarah Klein began taking gymnastics from coach John Gettor. She was the first known victim of Larry Nassar. But she says the physical, verbal, and emotional abuse Gettard allegedly inflicted was far worse.

Larry was at least kind. He was loving. He pretended at least to care about us. And John was the one who tortured us in a way that it made Larry and his sexual abuse look like a walk in the park. All right. So apparently, juggled. get it was way worse than a guy who was molesting every single gymnast in Michigan. You know, I got to tell you, after hearing this stuff, I actually feel really good about not

pursuing gymnastics. Yeah, right? You made one good decision in your life. What a fucking shit show. Yeah, this is a shit show. But I don't know that she should be saying. And now, listen, I wasn't molested by this guy. But I don't know if she should be comparing that to a walk in the park.

I feel like that's maybe not the right terms to use when you're talking about a guy. Being digitally penetrated by your doctor. He dropped digits on hundreds of young girls. And he's like, ah, hanging out with him to walk in the park. Who's that old guy over there? Uncle Paul, Uncle Paul with the creepy old guy stare at Uncle Paul. Now he's coming over here slowly limping down the hall. It's too late now because here comes Uncle Paul.

Let me show you how to make a big boy love you. So, as you know, Simone Biles, she is a very famous gymnast. was molested by Larry Nassar. So she showed up in these news stories because John Gettert was her coach. She didn't show up to Tokyo. No, she did not. No, she did not. My rage on the dick show

yesterday was this mental health excuse that's rampant among athletes all of a sudden. Do you people realize that Carl is a literal insane person, but yet he's here just about on time every week? I show up and I was arguing with Sean yesterday. He goes,

oh, you don't think that athletes can, uh, you know, go through issues like, we all do. You still got to go to work. That's no excuse. But this is Simone Biles. And remember, this is before this year's Olympics, talking about John Getter. We bring the medals.

We do our part. You can't do your part in return. It's just like, it's sickening. Oh, you do your part. You do your part? Interesting. I'm surprised that that's the one sound bite they grabbed from Simone Biles. We do our part.

Not quite on. Not quite. Oh, no. Last clip that I have here is just talking about the relationship between this guy, John Gettert, and, of course, the serial molester, child molester, Larry Nassar. A number of gymnasts have blamed Gettert for enabling Nassar, one calling the pair a dynamic duo after Nassar was sentenced back in 2018. Dynamic Dio!

What? They're using like superhero terms of these people? The dynamic duo. That's us now. We're using that. Dynamic duo. Yeah. So what he would do is he would fat shame me.

And then this guy would shove his fingers in my asshole. They're like a dynamic duo. It was amazing what they're able to do together. And you should see me do a flip. And now look at me. Gold medal winner. Oh, Jesus. So a gymnastic is in charge of, who is in charge of overseen any of this?

Well, also, I love the fact that, and Tim Dillon was talking about this. I'm going to rip off Tim Dundon a little bit. But I love this idea that there's 11-year-old girls coming home and saying, you wouldn't believe what coach did to me today. He picked me up and he threw me up against the parallel bars. I have a black guy like, do you want to be a good gymnast or not? That's the deal, honey. You want to be the best of the world?

That's how you're going to get there. Yeah. Like these parents signed up for abuse from the children. Yeah. They're all four. These kids, like, they have eating disorders because their parents don't love them and force him into this stuff. This guy's been coaching since 1984 and it finally came out.

He's a piece of shit. And I'm just wondering how many other, I would look into every single success. successful coach in gymnastics. I would look into every single one of them, because this seems to be the way you motivate these young women. Well, I heard Bobby Knight used to strap men to their players to their beds, and used to put Drain Queener in their eyeballs. You're going back to that.

It didn't even work for you last week. Why are you going back to it now? Oh, you hate you so much. So that is my creep, creepiest Olympic whatever. And by the way, I fucking hate the Olympics. The Olympics is horseshit. I've never liked it. But this year, it's worse than ever before.

It really does suck. Vote for Carl Jengetter the creepup.com. Vinny, what do you got for us? Well, Carl, as I said before, you went with the first Google result. I had to take a little bit deeper. And I want to talk about my coach. My creep had the chance to be great. He could have coached his team to men's soccer gold of the Burke County, Pennsylvania Special Olympics.

Oh, you want Special Olympics? He could have made it. Oh, come on. Could have made it. I would have had this. Oh, that's not fair. That's not fair. You said Olympics, whatever.

I didn't say whatever Olympics. I said, Olympics, whatever. So, special Olympics. There it is. You son of a bitch. I wish I had the cheater drop. Fucking cheater. Hey, Carl.

Let's crumble. Here we go. My creeps day, by the way. I should say that. It's going to do it. Is Michael Sheldon. Okay. One of his players is a 21 year, is a 20-year-old.

who's diagnosed with autism, bipolar depression, ADHD, and is intellectually disabled. So it's a retard. So what you're telling me is, uh... I actually have a clip of him... Oh, retort alert! Retort alert, class! I have a clip of him at his first event. Okay.

Duh. I want to be in the Special Olympics. Well, that's retarded. For some reason, this young man who is unnamed Spent Night and coach Michael Sheldon's house. Okay. He was watching TV. He was just sitting around going,

yeah, yeah, and he's just watching TV. Are you going to win with all your retard drops? I swear to God, I hope so. Michael Sheldon came out and said to the young man. He said, hey, you know, you want to fool around? That's his pickup line? Apparently.

Okay. Apparently. I guess it works out of retards. And, you know, the soccer player was like, yeah, yeah. He's like, no, I'm not in. No, thank you. Vote for South Park, everybody. Go to the creep off tack on. Vote for South Park.

The victim said no. And the victim then went to the guest bedroom to go to sleep around 11 p.m. Probably after he was done watching wrestling. That's retards too, right? Now, he tries to go to sleep. And as the victim was sleeping, apparently Sheldon climbed into bed with him and started trying to touch him inappropriately. The victim again told Sheldon,

He didn't want to do it. All touching of a retard is inappropriate, by the way. And Sheldon that inappropriately touched the man two more times, and then... Now they're having but checks. Sodomé. Come on, everybody. Shad of me. Disgusting, vomit-inducing thing.

Sadamee. Yeah, this is pretty much what's happening. Shatomy. Yes, this is a thing that happened. By the way, that's not a first date thing for me. The next morning, Sheldon drove the victim to a program that assists mentally challenged individuals, and the first thing this kid did was when it was a tattletail. Oh, God damn it.

Now, here's my thing. Well, the thing about that is. Your guy technically coached people to gold medals. This guy coached a gentleman to a bleeder. asshole. And you know what he said afterwards? Thank you. No, he didn't. Okay.

So the police are then notified that this has happened, and they go to question Mr. Sheldon. And the reason there was one thing that stood out to me in this story, and I cannot even believe this. The cops said to him, dude,

what happened last night with this victim? And he said, I did not sexually assault him, but we did kiss. thank you gross that's what he told the police but i didn't we didn't fuck i only made out with it yeah we're just making out like a couple dudes too that was his defense you know what he should have done he should have done this i mean uh we only kissed that's what he tells when you tell the cops you've kissed a retard that is a

vomit-inducing thing so he says I didn't have any sexual contact with him during the investigation the police were provided with several text messages so I'm guessing that this kid had like one of his parents

gave a phone or something dude I just realized texting with a retard would be a hilarious song title I need to write a song called texting with a retard I don't need and I'm texting with a retard

how do you spell That's the first verse. I love it. They start talking to the kid and they said, did this happen? And he said, How should I know? I'm retarded.

And during the investigation, they provided him several text messages that children sent to the victim after that evening. And he said, quote, okay, this is from the coach to the player. Okay, you made your choice. I'll be letting everyone know

what you did. Then the next text message read, you won't be welcomed at the Special Olympics anymore. Oh, no! And then he says, I'll make sure the coaches know. Good luck with everything. I'll be throwing your meds away. That's what he

texted this man. He's throwing your meds away? Yes. So apparently he had medications to his apartment and he's like threw it out. If someone threatens to throw away my drugs, that will motivate me. Absolutely. That's a dick move. That's a dick move right there. That's a dick move.

Yeah. So was raping a dude. Yeah, but at least let me keep my drugs. Sure. You would think you would let them keep his stash after. Yes. I might even need it more. So he was suspended immediately when this happened, and he ended up pleading guilty.

And he sentenced him to 364 days in prison. So one day, less than a year? Yep. Why? He fucked a retard. he asks. He gets less than one year in prison. How does that happen? Followed by two years of probation and he's a sex offender

and he is not allowed in any more special Olympic events for the rest of his life. Wait, he can't even be an assistant coach? No. Oh, that's not fair. Yeah. That's not fair. Like they Pete rosed him. He's just out of the hall. Oh, that's not fair. But this guy had a chance to go for Special Olympic gold

and he didn't. So that is my creep this week. Michael Sheldon. Very good. Please. Seriously, that's all I got. That's great. I made it simple. Sure. You cheated. Vote for video. You cheated to use Special Olympics, which would have been an awesome category to do. And I know that you were going to cheat.

Speaking of the Olympics, I happened to be out at K2 yesterday, having a little brunch. And the Olympics were on television. I noticed one of the sponsors is Subway. Now, Subway, we put Jared Fogle into our creep off Hall of Fame recently. And he used to be the spokesperson for Subway. Well, Subway's way down in their revenue. They're not doing well. They were doing much better with Jared.

Yeah. Do you know who they have now as their spokesperson? For Subway? Yeah. Who the fuck is that? She's that soccer chick who everyone hate. Well, I hate a lot of people hate. Why do you hate her?

What'd she do? She's the one who demands that they get equal pay as the men's team, even though no one gives a shit about women's soccer. She doesn't realize that no one's watching, and that's why they don't get equal pay? You're mad at someone for going, I demand I should be paid more? Yes, because she makes millions of dollars. She has endorsement deals with Subway. You know who else was in this commercial?

Tom Brady. I'm like, how could you find the most hated athletes in the world? Subway, what are you doing? What are you doing some way? Brady open mouth kisses his kids. So it's kind of like Kevin Jared. It's almost like Kevin Jerry. Seriously.

Except they're actually his children. They're his kids. Technically, I guess, allowed. I guess. Anyway, I thought that was interesting. Holy shit, McBride's in the chat. And he goes, because my guy got sentenced to 364 days. He goes, they subtract a day for every extra chromosome.

Well done, McBride. Oh, McBride on the fly. Yeah. Speaking of McBride, who? It's voicemail time. Is it? We have a sponsor for our voicemail segment this week. I think we do.

Nice. The Creep-off voicemail segment is brought to you by the city of Syracuse. Home of the Syracuse Nationals, a competition where you look at cars. Let's see other cities do that. See you in Syracuse All right, Syracuse He is a treat that McBride All right, Syracuse

You're gonna have a little too big For your bridges over there Yeah I almost picked a guy Who was from Syracuse for this week But my thought this one was funnier Have we done creepiest creep from Syracuse yet? Yes

Oh, okay I forget I forgot everything that we do When I picked Olympics I thought we'd already done it I can't remember Anyway All right, here we go

Hey Vinnie What the fuck? It's been like Like, almost two weeks, dude. I need more creeps and roses. Yeah. I need more creeps and roses. I don't give a shit who the fuck you have on there with you this week.

You know, preferably from an artist. I don't know. Just fucking give me more. I want more. Give me more. I don't care. Calm is that. Carl, what are you doing the seven second porn challenge, asshole?

We got to get on that. I got to do that this week, maybe. All right. I'm going to try that. Hey, I got a voicemail for you, Vinny. All right. Carl, look into the fucking voting shit on the creep off. I did.

I've been convinced since day one that when every time Vinny wins, something's fucking up with that, dude. Yep, he's cheating. Every time I win. Every time. That's a fucking fat Italian voice getting away. Dude, seriously, look into that. Something ain't right. I agree.

Or you need to start. Making sure voting is more secure. I'm going to take it over. I never like the fact that Vinny's the one that counts to begin with. I don't like that either. Something ain't right. It's not right. You could tell that fat Italian cocksucker was squirming when you brought it up.

Yep. Do something with the fucking voting because there's no fucking way that Vinnie's fat fucking Wop North African blood is winning as much as he is. I don't fucking buy it. Anyway, Carl's because of Roos for life. Fuck of any fat fucking face eye later. I look into it. I think there's a true romance reference in there.

All I know is I fucking don't want anybody to cheat for me. Please do not cheat for me. I'm asking you nicely. Stop cheating for Carl. Stop cheating for me. Just vote once. It's a dog whistle. It's a fucking game.

It's a dog whistle. I heard cheat for me. That's all I heard. Cheat for me. I have to tell you something right now. Yep. I got some very suspicious voice. Hello, Carl, hello, Vinnie, this is the Russians.

I wanted to let you know that we hacked the vote because we hate America. That is why we support, Vinny, Winnie, Russia's champ. No! I don't want that. I don't want that. Yep, I knew it. I knew it. All right, well, ladies and gentlemen, we found out somebody is calling in to basically claim their innocence in this situation.

A hero car Harrow Vinnie He's a Chinese people I just want to let you know that We didn't hack the voting We didn't use bots How could we? We have too smart a penis

It's so small We could not have your American voting With your gigantic penis It just doesn't make any sense Well that settles that Valid argument That settles that I got a voicemail for us here, Vinny

Go ahead Hey, Vinnie Spinney, people's chump You know, they say Brevity is the soul of wit They do So has the comedy game going, Vinny Judging by your crapes Not too good

Alright, call me back Vinny Spinny People's chump, that That sounds good That's so mean-spirited and hurtful That is Carl again Leaving a voicemail

Oh shit Hey Ben, this is Carl So I'm going to be a little late today, the creep I got wasn't as hot as the other ones I normally get, so it took me about 30 minutes to finish. Anyway, see you soon, bud. I would have texted that. I wouldn't have left

that as a voicemail. That's true. I have a lot more voice mail for us here, Vinnie. You know, Carl, I warned you about America's fat as fuck Vinnie Peacups and his fat fuckery regarding the creep off in the voting. Vinny Peacups! I like that. He's definitely fucking with it.

That made me bad. That would actually Vinny Pee cups, that's going to stick. Don't you dare fucking call me that. I'll fucking come in there. I voted last five minutes. I refresh it. My vote is two less than it was when I voted. She'd been 143.

It was back at 140. That'd be some fuckery going on a minute. Fucking shenanigans is what's going on here. Did he say in the last five minutes, his vote got deleted? Yeah, he said that he voted for me, which would have been 143, and then he refreshed the page, refreshed the page and it was 140. I don't know.

Who knows? These people are... My head is going to explode. I'm like, what? All I know is that I stayed up last night was all over this thing and made sure that it didn't do what it normally does, which all of a sudden gives Vinny 20 votes right before

midnight on Sunday nights. Carl. I don't know. I don't think that happens. It happens every time. No, it doesn't. You beat me all the fucking time. Dude. How am I fucking cheating? And how are these people cheating for me? If you're always fucking winning and I'm always looted. How often do I fucking spend the goddamn wheel?

Taya is the one that coded the bots so that it would cheat for you. You guys had that whole conversation on that bonus episode right before we started where you were like, yeah, the app's working perfect, Kaya, thank you. And actually it looks like it's American traffic. This is great. I love it. I mean, you can lie to our listeners, but you can't lie to me. I was sitting right here.

You're so full of shit. How did the rest of an episode go, by the way? I got to watch that. I hate you so much. When we got together with Kaya and watched To Catch a Predator. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Was it fun? There was a couple comments people left that were so nice.

They said, yeah? Yeah, they said it got much better after you left. Oh, really? Yes, really. So let's start the scub parade. Fuck face. Fair enough. Watch out for the scum parade.

Oh, no, it's the scum parade. Oh, no, it's the scum parade. Look out for the scum parade. Megan Phiney's day His day You know Megan Rapino is? Isn't it Rappano?

Maybe. That's probably why I didn't know because I've heard it as Rapino. And you're a fat-tongued idiot, so. This dude is fucking corny. Connecticut. Connecticut. Let's talk about some shitty.

East-tates. in Connecticut. Let's talk about a shitty landlord, shall we? Yeah. According to the East Haven Police Department press release, a gentleman who owned a property named Aurelia Areris decided to go into his tenant's apartment on multiple occasions and just rifle around their underwear drawers. Yeah. And this woman was going so crazy about it. In order to prove it, she put a camera up, but before she did that, she barricaded all the doors at her apartment closed, and he's still found a way in through another side door. So this is the dumbest thing ever. She barricaded the front door, but she has a side door.

Yeah. So that'd be like building a tank that has a convertible top. Yeah. Like, wow, they can't get us from the ground. Yeah, but it's very easy to get you. And you realize that the landlord has a key. He has a key. He can get into the side door, you dummy. Yes. She barricaded. She was very, very upset. But apparently one day, she has a teenage daughter, too, this lady. Oh, and when I said teenage, I didn't know the age of the daughter. Yeah, she was a teenage daughter. And she was at home and, like, during the day, homesick from school or some shit.

And this dude just walked in and the daughter was like, what are you doing here? And he got wide-eyed. It just walked the fuck out. Yeah. So they ended up putting it in cameras. I actually have the audio from when that happened, Vinny. Oh, please. Yeah.

He said, feet don't fail me now. He didn't try to have a conversation. and he didn't like you know try to chat with the girl he just fucking ran the fuck out of there and uh they put the camera up and they found him entering the apartment and going directly to the underwear drawers so he knows where the underwear is yeah he knew right where it was and there is videotape of this man pulling out underwear picking him up and just fucking he's a panty sniffer guys this guy's a fucking panty sniffer i mean i mean i'll lick a sock but smelling panties so weird parol loves the lick to come sock

That's wrong with you. He was a real hool at a party at college. The video which was provided, the officer shows him bringing the female garments to his nose in an effort to sniff them, according to the story. He's been arrested for this, breaking and entering. Good. Yeah, I love it.

The Newsweek is where we got this article out of. Didn't Newsweek used to be a respectable publication? Those were the days. The final two paragraphs of this article was just paraphrasing Reddit posts. Other people who had creepy landlords. Just from a subreddit somewhere. Do they not know that everyone on Reddit is a liar? Apparently not.

They're just like reprinting shit. People wrote in a random spot on the internet. And guess what else happened? There were bees and there were snakes in the house. Yeah, the snakes of the house guy. What am I reading now? What is this? Everyone on that side is a path to watch.

liar at best. And Newsweek is just posting this. At best. Carl is correct. So our next story is absolutely fun, Carl. You're going to enjoy this. Oh, right. Well, we've all seen the signs in people's yards

asking folks to pick up after their dogs. Well, now some folks in a fisher's neighborhood are putting out a different sign after they say a woman has been running around their neighborhood and going to the bathroom in their front yards. That's right, Carl. they have put up

no pooping zone signs yes showing a person kind of like poop walking the person is dropping it it kind of looks like they're doing the thriller dance yeah they're doing the thriller dance well shitting at the same time which is impressive

well this is a fantastic story yeah these people are pissed off and I guess they have a sense of humor but I really would not if there was an adult human being walking through my neighborhood shitting Even a child, I wouldn't like. Lots of names for her.

Oh, I didn't even know anyone put a sign up. All except her real name. The woman, residents in Fisher's Windermere neighborhood, say jobs in the area in the early morning and leaves behind her calling card of sorts. We have found her droppings in our yards. She carries her on toilet paper.

Cameras over here. And she just leaves the toilet paper behind with our droppings. She brings toilet paper with her. Well, good. Pick somebody's yard. Yep. Shit's in it, wipes her ass, it leaves the toilet paper and the shit. It's her calling card.

I like her. Keep going with that video. All right. Last week or the week before, she did it in three or four different yards down the street, every other yard. Neighbors say the same thing happened last summer. And then it started again this summer. We don't see it in the winter. You know, I'm not trying to be a dick here, but Trayvon Martin is dead.

How do these people not have a neighborhood watch? And how is someone, some George Zimmerman dude, just not shot this woman? I am surprised. She's been getting away with it for so long. Like three or four hot lawns on the same street. Yes. In the same week. Yes.

Look for the woman who's just eating granola bars walking down the street. Or just go to the Taco Bell drive-thru and arrest everyone. Bring him in for questioning. So. I have not personally witnessed the pooper. No one has to. Neighbors know the signs even beyond the obvious one or two. The toilet paper is the toilet card, so we know when we see that, that she's been around. This week, more evidence when a neighbor's doorbell camera recorded a woman doing her business.

We can't show you the video because it's been turned over to the Fisher's police. They can't really do anything until they catch her, you know, so. Yeah, no shit. But it's gross. We believe the lady is a runner. It does happen. I've been a runner of my whole life. Pause it. It does happen, but you plan for it.

I would believe that you're at Allstate Polvalter before I believe that woman's been a runner all of her life. That's about you here. Yes. Also, this guy right here. I'm glad you paused it. Are you dead? Does this guy have toilet paper for zeros in the year 2020 on his shirt? Can you zoom in on that?

What the fuck got his shirt is this? It says hashtag E last day 2020 still loading Pendleton Heights Middle School. But it's toilet paper for zeros on the 2020. Are you not seeing that? I am seeing it, but I think it's... Did he wear that ironically? Because he knew what the news story was about? He must have.

Is everyone obsessed his toilet paper in the sound? A year ago, that would have been gold. She was just fucking leaving. Yeah. She's like, yes, there's no more toilet paper in our yard. Honey! She's like, fucking Scrooge McDuck just thrown to bloods. Clean it off. We need that.

We've put kind of like wagers on why this woman is doing it. I don't know. I think that she just likes to... Do her business outdoors. Yes. She's a weirdo who shits in people's yards. Correct. Let's not look too much into this.

I know what I mean? I don't think we're going to find out some profound reason why this woman's shitting up people's yards. She's a weirdo, is the answer. That is the answer. Do you want to watch the rest of this? No, no. I just wanted to point out that woman, that fat woman who said she runs all the time. The fuck.

Oh, man, this is not a radio station. That right there is a camera. Oh, uh, shit. Been caught another lie. You know what they should have done when she goes, I've been running all your life. The camera should have just panned down. It was some ridiculous sound of it.

God, I would be the greatest news producer. I would be the best news producer. You really would be. This next story, Carl. Next season of Fargo right here. You can't write this. This is fantastic. I had to tell my wife this story this morning.

And I even left out the kicker because everything's so bonkers about it. Yeah. let's start at the beginning. A gentleman by the name of Lawrence Michael Hanley and his wife, Shanda, had a complicated breakup. He's a multimillionaire. He launched companies selling vitamins and energy supplements and all sorts of bullshit. He was a multi-millionaire by the time he was 30. The couple got married in 2006. People in Louisiana loved him. They ran a thing called the Hanley Family Foundation. They raised money for poor kids. People loved him. Okay. That's all I'm trying to say. On his Facebook page, he describes himself.

I love this, as an eternally optimistic serial entrepreneur who believes that nothing is impossible with God. Nice. Yeah. Man of the people, man of God. Absolutely. So the fortune started to change them in March 2017 when allegations of abusive incidents resulted in multiple restraining orders being filed. Okay. Hanley filed for divorce a month later, accusing his wife of attacking and threatening him and hiring a hit man to kill him.

What? Core record show. Wait, I didn't see that part. Yeah. He's claimed she hired her hip. He accused the wife of getting a hitman. Yes. Wow.

Yeah. All right. You didn't even see that in the story. I did not. Ladies and gentlemen, this is how bonkers this story gets. I know. Carl missed that part. Interesting.

Okay. So, court record shows she was later charged with two domestic violence allegations. She accused Hanley of attempting to not only track her phone, but also accessing her email and installing spyware on her computer. Shandra Hanley also alleged her a strange husband sent her threatening messages and allowed others to do so as well. Then Lawrence Michael Hanley got an idea. His whole marriage is falling apart. He better come up with a plan and come up with a quick.

He did. And you know what he used? He put on his thinking cap. He put out his thinking meth. He put on his thinking meth and lots of cocaine. He's a very wealthy guy. Mixing meth and cocaine, you're doing it wrong. Well, he came up with a plan and he hired two gentlemen, who, by the way, have the greatest goon names, I have ever heard.

Their names were Sylvester and Arsidio. Perfect. These guys are like Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. They really are. They are two Mississippi men. The world's worst criminals. With criminal records. Hanley had been using cocaine and meth in the days leading up to this plot.

Corfowley alleged that Hanley bought items necessary to kidnap, bind, torture, and abuse Mrs. Hanley. in this scheme. His attorney said that would end with him saving Shandra Hanley in an effort to win her back. Yeah. So I'm going to hire these two goons.

They're going to kidnap my wife. They're going to take her to the cabin. Torture a little bit. You know, just a little torture. Rough her up a little bit. Yeah. Give her a couple of paint brushes. Yeah.

You know, maybe, you know, nipple clamps or something. And then I'm going to kick the door in and then I'm going to do like Batman 1960s TV show. Punches at you. Wow. Wham!

This is literally. Marty McFly's plan in Back to the Future, which was the dumbest fucking plan ever. You'll be there to save the day. The first time he met these people, he met them in the Hanley's family camp in Mississippi, and the meeting was captured on surveillance video at the house. There's cameras, security cameras at the house. The wife gave this access to the police and the police found it after this whole thing happened. But apparently on tape, this idiot offers Arsenio and Sylvester,

19 gold bars To go and kidnap her He says in the video You can break into this place And it sounds like One guy Arsenio says And she can't break out right And they had this whole conversation

And on August 6th, 2017 Sylvester and Arsenio dressed up As an appliance store employees They forcibly detained her Well they were going to walk in And demonstrate some carpet cleaning product Which is the dumbest thing Nobody invites those people into

their home? Yeah. No one's going to say, yeah, come on in. I want to see your great vacuum. Look how much dirt we suck up, man. This is the dumbest planet already. Because they come in, they're like, hey, can we come in and show you this? She's like, no, she slams the door out. So then they got to like pull out guns. I'm like, right, never mind. We're just coming in to get you now. Right? They pull out

guns. They come and they grab her. They fucking her kid, her kid is there and the neighbor. Yeah. They leave the two there. They handcuffer throw her in the back of a van. Yeah. Okay. So they're going to take her to Baton Rouge towards Baton Rouge. they're in the van, they're on the highway

and there's an overturned tractor trailer where a big piece of equipment fell off the back of it and was blocking traffic. These guys are like, we got a kidnapped woman here. We got places to be. We got to go. So they decided to drive all around the traffic

on the median side of the road, past the cops, just ignoring fucking every traffic ruler instead of just sitting the traffic. They decided to draw as much attention to themselves as possible. Correct. Just waiting traffic, guys. Just wait in out.

So the cops see, though, and their lights come on, and they're like, you motherfuckers are getting pulled over. There better be a fire or a kidnapped woman because this driving is ridiculous. Yeah. They're going like 70 miles an hour on the median past everybody. And they're swerving back and forth. They're driving like they're a little nervous. So they decide to, they hit an exit as quick as they can when they get started chasing by the cops. They don't know where they're going.

Right. They end up by the swampy part of the intercoastal canal. They didn't have been a dead end. Yeah. They tried to a dead end, these morons. So what do you do at that point when you have a kidnapped woman and your name is Sylvester, your name is Arsidio, and you're probably been educated by the state of Mississippi. Exactly what you do. What do you do?

Feet don't fail me now. And they dive into the canal. Yes. And their bodies are found two days later. They drowned in death of the canal. Let's swim for it. Oh, shit. I don't know.

Neither do I. Damn it. I thought you could teach me. I don't know either, Ascinio. It's the funniest fucking thing. So. These morons. Authorities arrested Michael Hanley four days later in a hotel in Louisiana.

He booked it too after this whole thing went down because he's obviously the first suspect once he gets kidnapped. I'm surprised the plan wasn't to tire to a railroad track so that he could show up and untire. He was grown his mustache and everything. That's how dumb this plan is. Snidly Whiplash when I came up with a better plan than this guy did.

They found him in this fucking place and they also found him with a crack pipe. I just picture the end of Fargo. And his father... With William H. Macy trying to climb out the window and the cops just dragged him out. Yeah, and this guy's father's not the president. So having a crack pipe was a problem.

Yes. In this case. Yeah, that is correct. So he was just finally sentenced, right? Yeah, he's convicted. 15 to 35 years. What a nut job. Luckily.

for Miss Shandra. They never made it to that cabin. You know what I mean? I just love the attorney. He goes, well, listen, the reason why my client did this is that he was doing meth and Coke for three days straight. Of course, that's going to happen. There was three ingredients of this crime.

Yeah, what are you going to do? Meth, Coke, and love. That's what you get when you mix those three things. Carl, you know who I hate the most? Who is that? I hate people who don't clean their. fucking cars out okay yeah you get in somebody's car and it's got like wrappers in it and there's still food in some of the wrappers people assume that's what my car is like but my car i go through

the delta sonic interior it gets cleaned and steamed also vini's never not eating something that was in a wrapper oh god yeah once it's done it's done you throw it out kids come on what am i a monster well according to a probable cause statement obtained by the baltimore sun a 33 year old woman named Nicole Johnson was initially issued a citation after the cops noticed unauthorized tags and registration on her car. Okay. So she had phony tags and a phony

reg. Yeah. People do that shit. Of course. Not because she's a sovereign citizen or anything like that. She's just apparently pretty shitty. She was also driving without a license. Now, the officers told her the car was going to be towed and Johnson responded to the officer that she says, it don't matter.

I won't be here in five days now. And then she said, y'all are going to me on the news making my big debut to the cop. And the cop is like hmm, huh, I'm not arresting you, I'm letting you go and I'm just giving you a ticket. It's not going to make the news. I wonder what she could be. Is she running for mayor

maybe? Right, right. Is that what it is? And the officer kind of walked back with the tow guy to the back of the car to set up part of the toe. Yeah. He smelled something really bad. Uh-oh. He smelled something really bad. According to the police documents, Johnson at that point, once she saw the cops starting to sniff by the trunk. She tried to run the fuck away.

Hit your drop. Yeah, that's what I started to hit that drop. She tried to run away. They grabbed her pretty quickly. The officers uncovered the first body in a suitcase. And the second body was in a plastic bag. Now, what happened here was that Nicole Johnson's sister, Dachelle, dropped her kids off with Nicole.

in 2019 and never came back to get them. And Nicole was not very happy about it. And she didn't take very good care of these two children. So Nicole's the aunt, and her niece and her nephew overstayed their welcome, it seems like. Correct.

But it's not like she was really doing much to them anyway. I mean, they were pretty much bones at this point. Yeah. The niece was in the car about a year. A dead body in the trunk for one year. A seven-year-old's body was in the trunk for a year. I, for one, would complain to Uber

if that was the car that I got into. Then this past one star for you, Nicole. The five-year-old nephew's body was added in May. You would think that Larry would follow all the directions after he saw what happened to his sister, wouldn't you? Yeah. If I'm Larry, I'm like, oh, this bitch meets business. Whatever you need. Whatever you need, Auntie, I'm doing it. I would not want to piss her off. These kids weighed 21 and 18 pounds. That's not a lot, right? They were incredibly malnourished from what it looks like. Imagine getting the Carfax report on this car back. There's no way she's getting Kelly Blue Book value for this car. No, no, no, no, no. Like, never been an accident. There were two decomposing bodies in the trunk for a year, but never been

in an accident. I always got the oil changes on time. I just picture that I'm having it on the lot. And, like, the salesman has a clothes, put out his nose. Yeah. And it's just like, they have the tree air fresheners hanging off the door handles on the outside. The outside. And then, of course, there's the stink lines. There's obviously the stink lines. That's what makes it hard to sell.

A new paint job ain't going to fix that. She claims the niece died when she was hitting her and she fell and hit her head. Never a good defense. Not good. If you can say, she fell and hit her head, you didn't have to throw it up. I was beating the shit out of her. Yeah, right. And then, yes.

The same way my creep didn't have to say, well, all I did was kiss him. Yeah, all we do was make out. I made it with a return. What's the big deal? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoops. Ladies and gentlemen, I have one more story for you, Carl. I don't know if you know about this.

I don't know if I do. This came out today, August 2nd. Kathy Griffin. Oh, yes, I saw this. Thank you for reminding me. Is sharing her cancer diagnosis. Yeah. The 60-year-old comedian.

the actress said a statement Monday that she was diagnosed with lung cancer and will undergo surgery to remove half of her left lung. She said, quote, yeah, I've got to tell you guys something. I have cancer. I'm about to go into surgery to have half of my left lung remove. Griffin wrote, yes, I have lung cancer, even though I've never smoked. Aw, it's so sad. It couldn't happen to a better fucking person.

You know, when you put bad things out into the universe, Vinnie, this is what tends to to happen. Have you read the books of secrets? Stop saying that. Have you listened to this podcast? Oh, yeah. No. We'll get our come up. Shut that for sure. Before you ruin us. All right. That is this week's creep off. We hope you vote. Don't forget, ladies and gentlemen.

Win housing for the win housing. We'll see you next week. It's nice to be important. It's more important to be nice. Gagia. Lick, lick my balls. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Another heaven, my six.

Sadame. Come on, everybody. Sadame. Sadame. Hey, Vinnie. What? I got a question from someone asking me where they could find that theme song. It's a song called Zombie Accomplishments.

If you want to look, wherever you find your streaming music by the isotopes, you can find the full version of the Creep-off theme song. be accomplishments. I want to be in the Special Olympics. Duh! Duh! Dye! Dye!

Yeah! Duh! May your enemies be cursed in your podcast adventures.