The Creep Off - Episode 86: The Trains Don't Run to Thailand

Episode Date: November 2, 2021

This week Karl and Vinnie leave no buffet unturned in their search for the worlds creepiest fatso: In the Scum parade we meet a strict Father, a true Kentucky legend and a moldy old lady: Karl spins the wheel of consequences! what will be his fate? Tune in to see.

Buddy, Carl. What's happening? Do you feel okay? I'm feeling better, thank you. Oh, you don't sound okay. I wasn't well this morning. I'm still a little out of it, but I'm better. Oh, well, dear, I just hope you feel better

because we have a whole show to do right now. A whole show? Can I just do a half a show? What, like one of your songs? Exactly. You do the talking. Hey, everyone. Tucker Dixon here with your weekly recap. Last week was Halloween week. Then he brought in a man who taught us how to pay off your student loan debt with nothing more than hard work, determination,

12 pounds of cyanide, and a small child. Carl's Creek was a starved, so I married an axe murderer. Mike Myers. That was all for last week. Tucker out. Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't any of these type of things.

I'm going to give the people what they want. What, sensation, horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods, because I'm alive, and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo, cuckoo. Yeah, come up my face, that's fine. disgusting vomit inducing thing oh la creepos welcome to another edition of the creepoff everybody the show about creeps by creeps for you creeps i'm your host the people's champion vini paul you know i'm gonna try to get into where

this camera is pointing hey here i am hold on i'll do your introduction actually um while you're adjusting my camera cardiff electric put together his own recap that he says is more fair and balanced than what Tucker Dixon does. So I'd like to hear that. Hey, everyone. Cardiff Electric here with your weekly creep-off recap. Last week, Vinnie brought a creep to the show that for Halloween gave out candy that was slightly past its expiration date.

Of course, it's another classic Vinny Candy-related conversation. Then he played a Hulk Hogan song, talked about wrestling, and limped through the rest of the show. Carl, on the other hand, brought a brutal murderer to the show, who was also guilty of kidnapping and child sodomy. Carl even read a dramatic recap of an eyewitness account of the murder. it was bone-cherry. Seems obvious to me who won this week.

Anyway, Cardiff out. Thank you, Cardiff. That's much more fair and balanced what Tucker Dixon is up to. Do you? I really think that's how it should have gone? Yes. Cardiff, that's what you think?

I think he's right. Well, I got news for you. Oh, yeah? Mr. Hamburger. Let's see. Vinny's got 53% of the votes. Oh, no. I'm so excited.

So happy. Ladies and gentlemen, right before our very eyes here. It's another win. For Vinny, it's another Vinny Winnie. That wheel is sitting right behind you, buddy, because I just got you. I noticed that the wheel was in my area of the studio today. Now. I felt like maybe something was a foot.

We need to have a quick chat before you spin that wheel today, Carl. And I just want to let you know, I will not count past the spin today. Okay. Because you did not do your last. consequence yet i still need no option for past the spin i still need to do that joe yeah you do all right i'll go along with that it's taking me too long i agree oh wow look at you being a good sport i agree i agree it's i take back the anger let's have me too long well hold on a second don't don't get rid of the anger i'm going to play for you real quick oh great brian flores now owen six

in his career against the buffalo bills as the miami head coach I actually have audio from the last two minutes of that game. Buffalo under Sean McDermott, now 5 and 0 after the bye week. 2611 is the final. 2611, baby. I have audio from the last two minutes of that game. Oh, do you? I do.

Here it is. I was screaming and yelling and cussing. Your name, really. There was a lot of fucking Carls. That was a fun game, wasn't it? No. Three to three and a half time when the bills pulled away. Sitting there, gnawing on my own hands, because I was so fucking nervous during that game.

And I was like, oh, my God, are they going to pull an upset? Are they going to show up and actually play the rest of the season? Wouldn't that be nice? Apparently not. Seven losses in a row for the Miami Dolphins. Well, you know what? They could have their seven losses. I'm taking my five fucking wins.

And watch you spin the goddamn wheel. Yeah. You Buffalo Bilt fucking asshole. Okay. That's all I got. I hate you Very good So cool

So you're the winner from last week I am the winner from last week I'm spinning the wheel That means you're going to go first What's our category this week Biggest fatso not named Vinnie Polino That's right You ready for

Creepiest Fatso Dude I was born ready for this category I personally hate the obese Yes you do I don't like them They're not my people We share some traits You share some traits

But they are not my people Let's get this thing started, Vinny. Bring that bell. My creep today is simply too fat to fly. And he doesn't make shitty movies, and he doesn't cry when he ruins he-man. My creep today's name has never been publicly released. That's going to be hard for you to win that, isn't it? But the tail.

Guess you my guy is. Someone nobody knows. But the tale of this creep made national headlines. I would like to show you a picture of him, Carl. We could give him a name, if you'd like. like. Here you go. Look at your screen. That's my creep. Oh, look at this guy. All right. Well, at least he's, uh, he dressed well. He's not dressed well, Carl. He came directly from the fat guy store. He's wearing the fat guy motif. It's the button down short sleeve shirt with the

cargo shorts. Yeah. With a bunch of the buttons, not unbuttoned, but actually missing. And they went flying across the room a few moments before. If you look at the still images, there's people ducking in the background. No matter what you do, if you go to the fat guy shop, you want to, you walk out looking like fat ass jimmy buffett they don't sell you like nice looking clothes yeah they assume you don't care that much of my hair appearance yeah i don't think this person puts a lot of thought to like what they look like so here's some bullshit clothes put this on it pretty much pretty much like pastels come on down to the fucking fat guy shot can we put that on the wheel that you and i just hang out in a big and talls and just goof on people all day we'll go say hi to uh all my

friends over there yeah exactly they're like hey minnie hit your high five people as you walk it What's up? What's up? What's up? Your order's in. Please pull the truck around to the back and we'll load it. Doesn't my guy kind of look like a wizard who's spelled backfired? Yeah.

What's his nationality? What's his deal? They say he's an American guy. Okay. His nationality is fat. Yeah. Like he has a weird like Fulmanchu kind of mustache, but it's all white with like a Santa beard and he's got George Costanza's hairline.

He's not attractive. We get it. What's why is he a creep? Let's get into it here, Biddy. Well, I got places to go today. He made national headlines on January 19th, 2019, on an EVA Airlines flight. Okay. Now, EVA Airlines is a Taiwanese airline, Carl.

Okay. And he was flying from L.A. to Taipei. He was going on a little vacation to Thailand. Okay. And as he's on this played, I should add that he was 440 pounds and was confined to a wheelchair. Now, just so everyone is clear before I tell you this story, it's a 15-hour non-stop flight from L.A. to Taipei. Oh, boy.

That is a 440-pound fucking sack of shit who's on his way to Thailand for, I'm sure you could probably guess what. Vacation. We get it. Yeah. So I'm just going to say this. Being motionless for 15 hours, probably he's pulled this off before. I think the problem is going to be.

It actually turns out he is a frequent flyer, Carl. I think the problem is going to be more so using the restroom because I'm not. I've been in those restrooms, they're cramped for me. Yeah, that is going to be part of the problem here, Carl. All right. So two hours and 30 minutes into the flight, Fatso calls for the steward and says he needs to use the business class bathroom because he cannot fit into the economy bathroom. And they got one look at this guy.

And he's in coach, mind you. Of course he is. One ticket? He took up three seats with one ticket. He bought three. No, no. He took up three seats. Oh, that's not cool.

Yeah. And he actually flashed a lot of cash that he could have paid for the other seats, and he didn't. All right. I think you're going to win this week, many great job. All right. So my. I'm not done. Oh.

The crew, three female little tiny Taiwanese flight attendants. Yeah. Are assisting this man to the bathroom. Everyone on this fucking plane, Carl, is waiting for ginger ale. They're waiting for their drinks. And they have to escort this fucking blubbery wizard to the goddamn bathroom. So they get him in there, right? A minute after entering the lavatory, he pushes the call button.

Oh, boy. So. They, so immature, buddy. The flight attendant opened the door. Yeah. His dick's hanging out. But his underwear is still on the back of it. And he said, you need to help me get these underwear off or I'm just going to shit all over the place.

What a pleasant person. And they were like, oh, uh, so his dick, this 440-pound gassy dick bag is just like, pull him down for me. He sat down. This is insane. And man spread, Carl. This is an insane presentation. And he's just got his dick hanging out. This whole presentation that you're doing right now.

No. I didn't sign up for this. I'd never agreed to this. They tried to close the door, Carl. But he started yelling and cussing them out. Okay. claiming he was having shortness of breath from claustrophobia.

I'm sure it's not the high blood pressure. Oh, he's claustrophobic? Uh-oh. To the front. Maybe he should have just taken, like, a train. You can't take the train to Taipei. You can't? You can't get to Thailand and not a train.

That's the name of this episode. So, the crew refused. He was like, keep the door open. And they're like, no, dude. Close the door. They kept it unlocked. But he kept it.

like opening the door and it fucking stunk out he hotboxes this whole plane oh boy okay now 15 minutes later like a child calling his mother he hits the call button again and the little tywinese stewardess comes in and she says uh what's the problem and he goes i'm done you can wipe my ass now this is a guy who's not wiped his ass in a very long time this is just a A poor woman whose job is to bring people peanuts and drinks. It's a 15-hour flight. Yeah, but they've got real cunty since COVID, though. I don't mind that a couple of these assholes have to wipe a big 440-pound man's ass all.

Now, this was pre-COVID, and she didn't have a mask. Oh, okay. So this is just what's going on. This is the background of the whole thing, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, we get it. If you want to pause that any minute now. I'll pause it for a second. All right.

Do you feel better? I do. Now, this woman goes, I'm not doing this. And he starts yelling at her and says, do it. Or I'm just going to sit here for the rest of the flight. Starting for the Pushness of Morning Radio. That fat guy on the plane. Now, eventually, of this man yelling, screaming, and berating everyone and refusing to go back to his seat.

Yeah. One of these sturtists puts on three latex gloves. Okay, and she goes in and wipes this man's ass. And as she does it, he reportedly was rubbing himself and... Jaugging it, jagged it, jaggedy, jack. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper.

Oh, God. This woman ended up having to wipe his ass on three separate occasions because he kept refusing to leave, even after she did it the first time. because he kept saying you didn't do a good enough job. Oh, God. Get back here and finish clean of my ass. That's literally what's going on on this plane. The whole plane stinks.

Yeah. And these people are gagging and wanting to die out of, they're two and a half hours into a 15-hour flight. Right. This is not going to be a fun flight. And why did they let this guy in this airplane again? Well, what were they thinking? The money.

You're going to piss off all. your other customers he said the reason why he couldn't do it himself is because he had a problem with his hand yeah it doesn't reach his ass all yeah that's the problem with his hands it's an arm problem too yeah exactly did you not bring one of those stick things uh eventually the flight attendants fucking pulled up his pants and insisted that he goes back to his seat and he goes i'm not doing nothing you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna faint i'm just gonna faint and lay on the floor. He starts threatening that he's going to faint on

them. Is his child? Yes. Just throwing a temper tantrum? Because he wants his bottom lights more. Yeah. By these little Asian women. Oh, God. They end up making him go back to his seat. But then he later again had to go number two. So they sent up a different group of flight attendants

who had to take care from the second time to a very similar scenario. Now, this got very public attention because one of these women went on her Instagram after and talked about the disgusting episode. She said that right after this happened, she locked herself inside of a different bathroom because no way she's ever going in there again.

She was crying and vomiting and unable to watch the stench from that man off of herself. I remember there was a porn star on Howard Stern going back a very long time ago. And she had sex with high pitch Eric for like, I don't know, a bit or something like that. I thought you were to say a billion dollars because that's the only way that should happen. It was some kind of porn star doing it for a bit and then immediately afterwards they had the microphone on her. She was bawling her eyes out.

She was so upset with everything that had happened in her life up to that point that her life would lead to that point. That's what I'm thinking for this flight attendant. She's having these flashbacks if I could have paid attention in math more. Why didn't I try university? I might have been good there. I could have been a better land waitress. I could have been a land.

waitress. I mean, there isn't as much sitting down, which is the part I enjoy about this job. Yeah, but I did not sign up for this. And she did not. So there's apparently a union of flight attendants that got involved with this. They actually had a press conference. This made national news. Yeah.

Because they're like, this is ridiculous for being treated terribly. This man should not have been out of the play. This is not our jobs to take care of your job. It's not your job. I would just be like, sorry. Sorry, buddy. I don't wipe asses. Fucking die, fate, whatever the fuck you got to do, pal.

I don't care. So Carl, after this very public event, more people started sharing their stories of other flights on the exact same goddamn airlines. So these fatties are just fatten up the whole flight, huh? This motherfucker. Oh, just as this guy specifically, okay. How about this? He flew from L.A. to Bangkok via Taipei in May 2018, where he made a similar request,

but flight attendants refused, so he shit in his seat. so in other words it's the opposite of oh shit yeah he fucking did shit fucking he literally

just shit up the whole plate he literally just shit up the whole plate you know what you guys it sounds like he just come from granny's house oh all right so

how much long are you going to go on another flight I mean I know this story I remember when it was in the news I did it when you're dragging this out so far. He pissed himself on another flight. On another flight, he asked a crew member to clean and change his diaper.

They refused, so his diaper overflowed all over the cabin. On another flight, he threatened to faint and make the crew's life worse if they didn't get up and help him. On another flight, he spilled juice on his crotch and demanded the crew wipe it. They gave him napkins to do it, but he said, you do it, god damn it. So how was he not on some type of a no fly list? the airline was just taking his money. Yeah. And he's a fat, fuck a guy who's flying to Thailand.

There was no shame in this guy's game. Sure. He booked a flight back to L.A. Yep. From Thailand. Of course. He's got to get back. Yeah.

So, you're going to swim it. They were trying to get in touch with this man to let him know because of the very public outcry over his behavior. Yeah. That made the airline look terrible. So once again, Instagram fucking with somebody's life. Yeah, there it is. It's poor guy.

Just try to fly to have a little vacation. fuck some underage kids we don't know what he was doing in thailand maybe he likes the food well yeah i'm sure he did like the food too he was on an extended trip to thailand so in march they kept trying to contact this guy they could not contact him and eventually a lawyer contacted the airline and said yeah he died he died the dude died in a hotel room a hooker hotel room in thailand oh okay good well happy ending yeah happy ending very good they didn't say the name the hotel, but the airline reportedly refunded the anonymous guy's family

for his unused airfare. That was nice of them. So no traumatic fucking counseling for the staff, but they did issue a refund to this fucking perverts family. All right, very good. That's my creep this week. That's your creep this week. The unnamed that guy who shits up airplanes. My creep

this week, and I went with morbidly obese as my parameters on this one. This guy, you might have heard of him. He used to be a reality show stuff. and then he became the president of the United States. Donald Trump is my creep. No, I'm just kidding.

My creep this week. My creep this week is a guy. That'd be too easy. That'd be your heel turn right there. Yeah, exactly. My cream is Nathaniel Levi Bar Jonah, which wasn't his original name. He did change it. But he got started.

What did find Jesus? Because that's a pretty religious name. He did declare that it was a Jewish name because he was celebrating his Jewish heritage. but I don't know if he actually even was Jewish. This is a bad guy, all right. And it started off when he was very young. In 1964, when Barjona was seven years old, he tried to lure a little five-year-old girl into the basement of his house

using a Ouija board as, like, bait to kind of tempt her. He told her that he had gotten aboard for his birthday and that he could talk to ghosts with it. So she went into the basement with Bar Jonah, and at this point, he attempted to suffocate her. So when he's 70, He's trying to murder a five-year-old girl. He actually said on her.

Well, that's coming up. Oh, no. That is coming up, sir. When he was seven, he wasn't as obese as he became. So anyway, the mom of this five-year-old girl heard her screaming, saved her. Nothing was ever done to our friend Nathaniel. So in January 1970, Bar Jonah lured a six-year-old boy to a secluded area claiming that he wanted to go sledding with him. Once he got him alone, he sexually assaulted him.

and again, nothing happened. He also got away with this, Godfrey. All right, so now there's been two victims, and nothing has happened to our friend Nathaniel, who is still a child. He's under 13 at that point. So he's creepiest fat kid? Well, let's get to the third victim.

March, 1975. By Jonah pretended to be a police officer, and he used his disguise to abduct a little boy named Richard O'Connor, who was eight years old at the time. When O'Connor was on the way to school, Barjona had kidnapped him by bringing him into the car, and he had sexually assaulted and strangled him. All right, so now this guy's dressed up like a cop,

telling kids to come on into his car, and he is sexually assaulting them. And this was a brutal attack. Fortunately, this time, he does get caught with the third victim. Now, when they found the car, they ordered Bar Jonah out of the car, and in the back seat, they found Richard O'Connor, and he was in pretty rough shape.

And he had urinated and defecated on himself. He was bleeding from the attack. And he was really close to death. So this was a brutal, brutal, violent attack. You know, the eight-year-old defecated out of himself. It's kind of like your story, Vinny. A lot of fun, right? Yeah.

Fun stuff with poop, right? I got to tell you. Yeah. Poop is funny. It is kind of funny. So he gets caught, as we just heard, put on probation, Vinny. He's now on probation. That's it.

That's it. They found a shitty, pissy kid. Almost dead from being molested and beat up, physically abused. What was this like an old Irish cop with him? Oh, boys would be boys. Boys will be boys. So after he does get put on probation, he decides to go to a different town. So a few days before he graduated high school, Bar Jonah drove to Hartford, Connecticut,

where he once again impersonated a police officer. And he then abducted a nine-year-old girl. girl and brutally assaulted her both physically and sexually. The girl began to vomit and have convulsions in his car because of how serious the attack is. And instead of finding help, because he's not going to do that because that's going to implicate himself in the crime, Bar Jonah just threw the girl out of his car onto a sidewalk and just left her there. He chucked her out the window because she was vomiting.

I think that is absolutely vile, but I feel you should be disqualified for using like a wine, fucking true crime podcast. I know, I apologize for this woman's voice. I mean, she did a good job explaining to the story. Yeah, especially with how much pee-no she drank. Well, I happen to have actual audio of Nathaniel after he threw this girl out the window of his car. So long, suckers. Which is wildly inappropriate.

All right, so he doesn't get any trouble for that. In fact, fast forward, he's now off probation. He served his time on probation. Didn't get in any trouble for chucking this girl. Then he lost it out the window, which is insane. So, so there was another half dead kid in your car, sir. Did you not learn your lesson in the first time? We've talked about this, Nathaniel.

All right, so now he's got two more victims, two young boys. So on September 24th, 1977, again, in a police disguise, seems to be kind of his thing right now. Barjona had convinced two boys that he was, in the FBI, and he was able to abduct them, and this was in the town of Shrewbury, Massachusetts. Once the two boys were in his car, he drove them to a secluded area where he abused them, assaulted them, both sexually and physically. Not verbally, though, thank God. FBI, get down on the floor.

These delusions of grandeur with this guy. Well, it's working for him, because the kids are like, all right, yeah, let's go. Now, have none of these times he's been caught, have they been like, could you stop impersonating to police officers? Yeah, you would think they'd be a little bit pissed off with this guy for doing that. That's pretty illegal. Well, so this time he's got two boys. He tries to kill one of the boys. And the way that he does that.

Well, all of this horrific things was going down. He pretended to be dead. And Barjona had jumped up and down on them. He was 375 pounds. And he had been jumping up and down on them. So he's jumping up and down on this boy. he was pretending to be death in order to kill him. He's doing the fucking Hogan leg drop out of it.

Yes. 375 pounds, Vin. Can you even imagine that? Well, my guy was 440, so that's about 65 pounds. Yeah, but if we were trying to just get the fattest person, there was a 900-pounder who they had to bring into the courtroom through a voting talk. That was a fun story I was reading. Please send me that later.

Yeah, I was probably for the show. I'm like, well, this would be a funny one. Okay. I like that. So anyway, so the two boys, the one boy's playing dead. He assumes he's dead. So Nathaniel grabs the other boy, throws him in the car, drives off. This boy alerts authorities. And again, Nathaniel is busted.

Luckily, they were able to find Barjona. And the other boy was discovered in the trunk of his car still alive. All right? So he seems pretty guilty. Clearly the third time's the charm here for the law, right? Right. So he is arrested. He's convicted. He's given 18 to 20 years for attempted murder.

Huh. At this point, he officially changes his name to Nathaniel Levi Barjona. Can you think the cops would lose jurisdiction over him if he did it? And people forget who he is because that new name doesn't have any stigma to it. I don't know. I was a wacko. Yeah. Look, you hear that name you immediately go, all right.

It's too many names. Yeah, he's like, I know most people like me have three names. I want four. Like, okay, it's too many. So later that year in 1984, Superior Court Judge Walter E. Steele, great judge, had ruled that Massachusetts failed to prove that Barjona was dangerous, and he was released from the Bridgewater State Hospital. Failed to prove he was dangerous. I'm going to use the words of Uncle Sammy Pooh in the YouTube chair right now. He did the Mario Jump, like the kids are Goomba.

Yeah. He's just stomping on him. And he's not dangerous. Yeah, I know. They found his friend almost dead in the trunk of his car when they pulled him over. And this judge goes, I'm going to let him out. I don't think he's dangerous. And that's despite the fact that they're talking to him.

And he's saying shit that he shouldn't be saying while he was in prison. Even though he admitted having numerous fantasies involving murder and cannibalism, they let him go. Fantasies, Carl. So they let him go. And it only takes a month. One month. after getting out, he noticed that there was a seven-year-old boy sitting alone in a car outside of a post office in Oxford, Massachusetts, which is not Montana, where he was supposed

to be with his mom. And he opened the door and sat on top of the kid attempting to crush him. That's a pretty fatso creep move right there, trying to murder kids by sitting on them. Come here, you. So then he made an excuse, he was just cold and trying to get out of the cold and didn't know the kid was there. And he's like, it is cold on. I'll keep this child warm like an egg.

So after all of this, it only led to probation again. So he's still free, still a free man. And now we fast forward in 1999. He gets arrested again for impersonating a police officer. He just loves wearing that badge. The final straw for Barjona was when he was arrested again in 1999, originally for impersonating an officer. But after the cops grew suspicious,

of him. They got warrants for his place of residence. Right. So they searched his place and that's where they found some shit, Benny. They found a lot of like photos of boys. Not as much as the stewardess is found. They're digging deep

to find all this shit. They also found a human bone. No marks. I don't assume it. So they decided to go ahead and arrest him for, there were three missing boys in the area and they were able to tie those boys to him. After being arrested that last time, he was prosecuted for the abduction and the

molestation of three boys, and he was convicted of kidnapping, aggravated assault, and sexual assault. All right. So at this point, 1999, he was put away for 130 years, which, spoiler, he didn't make it. He's dead. He passed away in 2008. But this is the kicker. I'm sure he did really well on the cell block. They're like, that's the kid crusher. Oh, it gets better, Vinny. So listen to this. As they were searching his home, they found a notebook that he used to have. There was actually recipes that he'd written that had body parts in them and instructions on how to cook children. And there were titles in there for recipes such as Little Boy Pop Pie, French Fried Kid, and then weird phrases like lunches served on the patio with roasted,

child. See, now in his later years in the 90s, Vinny, he was, uh, he liked throwing parties. They had to have his friends and family over. Come on over and watch Melrose place. Yeah, exactly. Who doesn't like to do that in the summertime? The grossest part is that Barjona had even referenced feeding these recipes to his neighbors, which sounds disgusting, but there is reports that after Ramsey went missing, bar Jonah started to do a lot of cookouts for his neighbors. and at his cookouts, he would make things like burgers. At his cookouts.

And hot pies. All right, I have a different woman talking here. This will help you out a little bit. A few days after his ex disappearance, Nathaniel apparently hosted a cookout where he served deer burgers that his friends and family said tasted a little off. Nathaniel told him that he hunted the deer himself, but he didn't even have a hunting license or a rifle.

And Nathaniel had a lot of these shindigs, where he would just cook for people, and they always said the meat tasted weird. It's real-life Scott Tenerman. Hey, Nathaniel, it looks like there's crayon in this one. Yeah, right. So there was this kid. What is there a building block in my burger?

Zach Ramsey, seven-year-old kids. This is a hot dog. He disappeared from the neighborhood. And three days later, this guy's throwing a cookout where he's got pot pie and chili and deer burgers, quote unquote. So not only was this guy abducting, molesting. murdering children. He was then cooking them and feeding them to friends and family.

I present to you the people of the creep-off voting audience. Nathaniel Levi Barjona for Creepious Fatso. Well, I'd like to respond to that, please. Yeah, I, Carl, may have your permission? Please do, sir. Sure, my guy may, there may be a happy ending there. Maybe he died in a dirty

hotel and a lady boy took his wallet. I don't fucking know what happened to him. Sure. But the question is, who's creepier? Your guy had friends over. People were all coming over and hanging out with them. You think my guy had friends, Carl? You think anybody wanted to be around, my guys? We see this dude every day.

We eat ribs with his dude. Please. A lot of creeps like to have cookouts and enjoy the neighborhood. I'm just saying. I'm just saying that I found a fucking, I've never even heard of this person. That's pretty nuts. The story. He was feeding.

Like a fucking fee-by-fum-fucking giant. It was just brutal. A goddamn ogre of a man. Brutal. All right. So go on the creepoff.com. That's where you can vote for. You thought brought the biggest creep.

Clearly you should vote for me. Now, I mean, being the biggest creep. The unknown shitter. That's his name. That's he will call him. Your creep was bigger. Correct. Anyway.

Correct. Well, Carl, I'm ready to do some voice. Let's do it. The creep-off voicemail segment is brought to you by the city of Syracuse. Syracuse, reminding you that just because Halloween is over doesn't mean you can't enjoy our dilapated neighborhoods all year round. See you in Syracuse. A horror all year round. Our first email came in response to our pal Tucker Dixon's recap segment.

Okay. Howdy, boys? This is Australia. Just on behalf of Australia, I would love to say. Fuck, you type of dicks in your big fat faggot. Eat a dick, you multiple dick haven't in your ass, tranny bitch. All right. Thanks, boys. You're welcome.

Sick burn. You got them. All right. Now, this is a wonderful suggestion, Carl. And I really think we ought to look into this. It's a little long, but just hold in there for a second. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down. Down, down.

possessing the creep-off home game. Included in this box is two huge mugs for the beverage of your choice. And a bingo card for you and a few of your friends if you have them to drink whenever Vinny talks about wrestling. Carl said, what are we even talking about here? when Vinny is making a fool of himself or when Carl's club feet are mentioned you too can play along I don't know what is this solid like

30 40 bucks give me a cut Is this guy jogging or joking off? I think he's masturbated You guys can make a fucking killing on this shit If you just organize this game a little bit We might be able to have 30, 40 bucks I love you guys.

Actually, I came with a brilliant board game on Saturday. I thought of something I think would be amazing. Oh, really? It's called Spell Elbuquerque. And what you do is, you sit around this board, right? And you have to grab a card. And every card just says, spell Albuquerque.

You have to ask the person next to you. And if you get it right, which no one ever does, then you move spaces ahead. That's pretty good. I thought it's a fun game. You know what I would do? I would do the same thing I did when. never anybody asked me to play a game with them when I was young I'm good you don't want to spell Albuquerque with me I'm good all right fair enough more comments about Tucker

Dixon holy shit wow sir Tucker Carlson it goes to recap it again I don't like him and he has vocal fry male vocal fry at all not as bad as Carl like it thank presentation today that's true that woman was annoying here's on someone else's thoughts on last week's episode me vinnie your creep was clearly better i mean carl yeah your guy he killed the sodomized people but you know what you're probably going to read a story in the scum parade about someone doing exactly that but benny's creep you had a lasting impact we still get warnings about tainted Halloween candy to this day i mean it's incredible the impact the impact that he had, clearly

Vinnie's creep was the creepier. And if you don't agree, then you can go fucker. I like this kid's passion. Listen, I think we've desensitized our audience too much. Now we're at a point where it's like, Sherry murdered people and sadamized boys. Whatever. People are doing that every day. All right. Last voicemail I have today.

What's up, both of you fat fucks? I just wanted to give you all y'all Facebook serial killer names. Carl's would be the Snagletooth Strangler. Okay. And Vinnie's would be the pizza pulverizer. So, go fuck yourselves and lick my tank.

They already call me that. I didn't know that about you. Sure. I got a note that came in through our website, who are these podcasts website. It says from Casey Chris, I also caught the early Harlan Williams show.

Can confirm Vinny had a great set. Hey. A great set of tits. Call me back. Thank you, Casey, Cress. They're not that great. That was a good gag, my friend. I got really happy for a second, too.

He really fucking got me this guy. He did get you. All right. Well done. All right. You ready to do the scum parade? I am. Let's go there.

Go ahead. A guy for the Skull parade Making Fennie's day His day Oh, Carl, where better to start than Florida, my boy. All right. A woman in Pensacola is charged with lewd and lascivious behavior. Sounds like any other woman in Pensacola, yeah?

Sure. Well, she did this after she crashed a backyard party and exposed herself to children. And Ascambia County Sheriff's Office arrest report says that Suzanne Dill 53, here's a picture of her, Carl. Miss Dill was like she's pickled herself a few times. Yeah, her liver is definitely fucking mixed with some vinegar. Yeah, it's not a good looking woman. That is an awful looking woman.

If I was a child and that woman exposed herself to me, I would be gay now. What if you're like a girl? Oh, yeah, they didn't explain who the children were. Yeah. What if they were non-binary? What if they were pansexual? Oh, it's a hate crime. She hate crime these kids.

We got a lot of questions to ask here. I bet you those kids don't like jokes. Dill knew the victims through family ties or by an acquaintance, the arrest report states. One victim told the investigated deputy, Dill immediately became belligerent and exposed her breasts to the children. She just was like, yeah, fuck you kids. These weren't strangers either, right? She knows these people. Yeah, yeah.

And at one point, they said to her, you need to leave. And she decided to pull down her pants and exposed her. so provocatively grabbing her exposed genitals and yelled, I'd fuck these kids. Yeah, fuck these kids. I'd fuck them. Right here. My pussy, she's yelling at him. Yeah. Apparently, there were

four children present when she did that. And according to the arrest report, Dill fled from the scene when a person threatened to call 911. She's like, oh, I got warrants. Yeah. Ran away. And none of the people left a couple teeth. None of people who were at that party have had a boner since. I don't know if you

saw the follow up on this story. And that's the sad thing about this. This woman clearly has nothing, and there will be civil litigation after this. I think that she should have to get Blue Chew with the promo code, O-P-I-E, for these people, for the rest of their lives. Now, Dill is currently in the Skambia County Jail

on a $20,000 bond. She ain't getting out. No. She doesn't have that kind of money. She doesn't have that kind of money. Which is 10% of $20,000, it's poured out. Yeah. She doesn't even have one percent of $20,000.

Exactly. she was like a problem how old is she 53 doesn't she look like she's 60 let's look at that mug again 6012 look at that sourpuss god she looks like one of those lemon drop commercials just like her face is imploding it out of itself and melting at the same time it's unbelievable she looks like she spun the wheel and got you have to try meth

as her consequence yeah we'll put that out there instead of past the spin okay sounds good so a man in the city of blue Lou Ash, Ohio, reportedly took drastic measures after becoming frustrated with his son's guitar playing. I can only imagine what your father went through. I can only imagine. According to the Cincinnati Inquirer, 79-year-old Fred Hensley, Sr., has been charged with felonious assault and domestic violence after allegedly shooting his adult son,

50-year-old Fred Hensley, Jr. Okay. Now, the fact that 50-year-old Jr. is living with Senior and played his guitar tells me there was probably a bad divorce. Yeah, I mean, we don't know who lives with who in this scenario. Yeah, well, I know who had the gun. Yep, that's a good point. Yeah.

The former had become angry because the son had been playing the guitar for way too long. Yeah. Hensley Seeger told authorities that he'd allegedly aiming to hit his son's guitar, not his actual body, but he shot his son in the side of the stomach. So, whose side are you on in this one, Danny? All right. Dads. Shoot all the guitar players.

I'll tell you why I'm on dad's side. Fuck you, Keith Richards. it's fuck you car i i'll tell you i'm on the dad's side on this one because this this guy had it coming i have actual audio of this going down oh good this is a good riff oh no this is what he's playing good job can you turn it down i'm proud of your son. It's all he wants. This is a damn big bottle.

Yeah, I think the kid had it coming. Do people play guitar just generally annoy you, Carl? I hate going into guitar center or any of these places where all the amps people can go try them out. I find it so obnoxious. I'm sure that you go in there and you really shred something. Like, you go in there and do like an isotopes thing. I hate doing that. I can't, I can't play guitar.

But how do you test the guitar? I don't know. I can't stand doing that We were doing a sound check the other night And I hate being Playing the guitar When everyone's like staring at you like Err

Yeah how do you think the audience Yeah I know That's what I mean As the incident happened He called the authorities To call an ambulance for his kid Because he says he didn't mean to shoot him He was just trying to shoot the guitar

Yeah this was a crime of passion Well first responders were making their way to the scene The father's son conflict reportedly escalated As they waited Hensley Jr. allegedly assaulted his father father, it started beating him in the face of the head. He probably liked that guitar a lot. Yeah. I also probably liked

the bullet knot inside of his stomach. Yeah, it sounds like he did hit the guitar. He just didn't realize that the son was standing behind the guitar because he was wearing it at the time. Yeah, yeah. So Hensley Jr. said he didn't remember hitting or assaulting his dad. Okay, likely story, kid. Officers found the gun and the spent shell casing along with the guitar,

which was seized by police. This is going into evidence. Because you know he was like, I need to take my guitar to the hospital with me. I got to make my art. I feel like I got a song inside of me. Oh, God. They're like, no dickhead. You have a bullet inside of you. Fuck you.

He's in a lot of trouble. And Hensley Cedar was brought to the hospital for his facial injuries, but was soon taken to the Hamilton County Justice Center. And he is being held on Bond as well. Yeah. I do like, though, that he was trying to explain. I was just trying to shoot the guitar. Yeah. It's like the Alec Baldwin defense.

I wasn't trying to murder anyone when I was pointing a gun at someone and shooting it. Dude, did you hear whose fault this was? What, the Elk Baldwin thing? Yeah. It was a lot of people's fault. Why? No, I'm just wondering. We did talk about this on the bonus episode.

I brought it on the bonus episode. There's been more that's come out since then, but obviously the armorer screwed up. The assistant who brought in live bullets because they wanted to shoot at kids. Yep. Yep. Yep. Good, top-notch production. I hope they were wearing masks at least.

there's photos of it and they are oh good yeah there's photos of this scene right before it happened there's somebody leaked and it's yeah like the assistant whatever key grip is wearing his mask and he's standing there it's like you know how much it would suck to be that cinematographer and just get shot while

wearing a mask it's like your last few moments on earth you're wearing a fucking mask I mean really I don't know yes that would suck correct yeah that is correct that died all right you want to go to kentucky yes let's do that a western kentucky man was arrested four times in one day wow

this is like the quadruple frown all right michael nix is facing multiple charges including rape first degree unlawful imprisonment first degree strangulation second degree criminal mister second degree terroristic threatening third degree possession of methamphetamine possession of marijuana drug paraphernalia escape in the second degree assault in the third degree resisting a police officer possession of a firearm by a convicted fellow possession of methamphetamine possession of marijuana and the investigation began on october 14 many tactical difficulties apparently the live stream just went down sorry enjoy the rest of the episode now i guess people are going to think that we uh did this just so we could fake the uh spinning of the wheel oh should we fake the spinning of the wheel no oh okay i'll not allow it damn it

all right where were we going week life yeah so trouble began on october 14th according to the ballard county sheriff's office nicks held a woman against her will for several days he allegedly sexually assault and strangled her during that time well that all that also against her will? Yes. Okay. Yes, she was not into it. Deputies got an arrest warrant for Nix on October 15th.

Ballard County deputies received a call of a disturbance at Phillips Drive and Wicklev. They said Nix was there and caused an altercation. He was detained due to the act of arrest warrant. Deputies say they found a quantity of meth in his possession. He was arrested on the new drug charges taken to the jail where he was served with the arrest warrant. So that's his second arrest. Well, in jail, Nix allegedly assaulted the deputy sheriff and tried to run away. Good for him.

After a short chase deputies apprehended him, Nix received several more felony charges after fleeing. Yeah. Third arrest. Nick's deputies got a search warrant for Nix's home on Lisa Drive. Well, executing the search warrant deputies found shocking things, math and weed. They also said they found a gun during the search.

Nix, a convicted felon is prohibited from owning firearms. When the search warrant was finished, deputies say Nix was arrested for the fourth time in the same day at the Pallard County Jail. That's amazing. that you know what if you would have killed someone that would have been hitting for the cycle dude that guy might be a hall of famer without being a hall of fame seriously that many charges in 24 hours is pretty fucking astounding well the only thing annoying about this is i'd hate to be around this guy when you're reminiscing with your friends about maybe the worst day in your life

this guy is the ultimate one-upper oh oh yeah that was a bad day when your wife left you well guess what happened to me one day they found my math arrested four times He walks around like he's fucking Rick Flair giving a flash of the four horses inside of people. Exactly. He's just like, never forget. Yeah. By the way, drink. Richmond County, Georgia. The sheriff's office has arrested two caregivers for the severe neglect of an elderly woman.

Oh boy. Brian Kimberly Murray and her fiancee Jacob Alexander Brigham were responsible for the care of Murray's 78-year-old grandmother. Okay. Grandmother suffered from Alzheimer's, a brain tumor, and diabetes. Oh, so she's not doing well to begin with. No, the incident report states that on Thursday at 2 a.m. Richard County deputies responded to the home in reference to elderly abuse. Due to the alleged neglect, the woman had mold growing on both of her hands.

Multiple wounds had bed sores filled with maggots. And bruises all over her body. By the way, Cedering John was quoted as saying bed sores, mold maggots, I've had worse. That's the big deal. assessing her also stated that her back was covered in a mix of bodily fluids what does that mean the fucking cocktail of the body i guess i don't know if there was like fucking blood and piss and cum is what i'm guessing those are the main bodily fluids some boogers yeah i don't know why there was one else was in there yeah okay i would i would imagine

it's more like peeing yourself and stuff than calm. I don't think this... I like to think that they church up on her. I don't think anyone's pulling out on the old braids. Jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, spanking it, jacking it, smack. The med unit assessing her also stated that her back, like I said, was covered in a mix of body fluids that her spinal cord was showing through her skin. Oh, that's a good look.

You know, a lot of seniors are doing that these days. It's a pretty cool look. I mean, she should be out of Paris runway. She's that thin. Authorities found several prescriptions for the patient had not been filled. Both Brigham and Brigham and they had been taken care of her since Bram's mother died a few years ago. They stated that a nurse from a company would previously come to check on Maria, but that she hadn't been by since June of this year. Brigham reportedly told investigators that Maria was bedrined because she's become, quote, lazy.

Maria was taken to the medical center where she remains an unstable and critical condition. Both are charged with felony neglect to a disabled adult, elder person, or resident they are currently being held in the Richmond County Jail. Hey, that's fucked up. Lazy Maria, you better get up. Holy shit. Yeah, I mean, fortunately, she is Alzheimer. She has no idea what's going on. She's totally out of it.

She probably thinks that having mold on your hands is normal. Probably thought she had a cat. You just had her fucking fuzzy molded. We're going to wash that can off you. No. Oh, my pretty pussy. All right, let's get on with it. Shall we, Vinny?

Is it time for spinning the wheel? Yeah. So let's talk about what's on that wheel, Carl. Let me get into the shot here. Okay, you can see that now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's talk about what's not going to count. Okay, so past the spin does not count.

Pass the spin does not count. Correct. So we got dinner with a listener. Gross. Twitch stream. Okay, so the Twitch stream is you having to do how many hours of a Maddox Banana Doc style Twitch stream How many hours? We haven't decided. Let's talk

right now. I'm thinking four. An hour? Can it be one? No, I'm thinking four hours. Four one hour specials is Carl Hamburger. What do you mean? What do you mean four one hour specials? Or four one hour stream? A one four hour stream. No, that's too much time. I don't think so. Because no one who's going to watch. It means stupid. I did

12 hours, Carl. I know, but you don't value your time. That's one quarter. That's one quarter of what I'm telling you to do. But I don't know. You didn't even do your last consequence. I know, I'll do that. But four hours of like a Maddox style Twitch stream I can't do that. I mean, I wouldn't be able to do that. What am I going to do? Hey, everybody, it's me, Carl Hamburger. Yeah, so that's the first 30 seconds.

Then what? Right. Smooch-moochies. All right, I don't agree to four hours, but we can talk about that. All right. What else you got? This is podcast series. Yep, yep. A series of my choice. Drive to Gary, Indiana. Yep. Tom Myers' restaurant visit. sir. The bunny.

That would be the Chris Chad Buddy video that you have to recreate. Yeah, to recreate him dancing with the bunny suit on, right? Yes, sir. Southern John, book report. Which means you have to read the book, not listen, and write a book report that will be graded by a school teacher. Who cares if I

read it or listen? I think I'm going to order the audio version. Don't you dare. Patreon money. Oh, the Patreon money. Yeah, I was one of the design. It was payday, too, kids. Seminology. You have to purchase the Seminology book and then read it in public. The autographed copy.

Oh, yeah, I get the autographed copy. It's still available. Correct. Truck nuts. Yep, you're going to have to put the truck nuts on your car until the next time someone spins. Two-hour handcuff music challenge. Yep, you get to listen to whatever song I pick for two hours while you're sitting there with handcuffs on, just like those prisoners in the scum parade story we did. Knife-edged chops, three of them.

From Colin Delaney with no, you cannot wear a shirt. Yeah, that sounds terrible. It will really hurt. And then, um, past the spin doesn't count. Pass the spin doesn't count. Didn't we say we were going to trade it for something else? What were we talking about? Oh, try meth.

Oh, yeah, no, my. Okay. Um, let's see. The Vic and Seamus stand-up. Well, there's plenty of Seamus' stand-up left to do. That's true. So maybe we'll see Carl, uh, Carl, Carl, Michael. And then we're back to dinner with a listener.

All right. Here we go. D-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Let's find all my cats. It's going to be this time. buddy come on where are we going where are we going twitch stream god damn it's the most controversial one so i don't even have a twitch account i have set up for a twitch account you have to figure out the whole thing you got to figure out how to make your head a hamburger carl hamburger you got to do it

god damn it you got to do it kid all right the carl hamburger show the carl hamburger show coming soon to twitch brought to you by yours truly viny polly no oh my goodness ladies gentlemen that is this week's edition of the creep off we're going to be doing a bonus episode coming up soon probably not this week we are both fucking monstrously busy very good i'm looking forward to that one that's the nickelodeon uh producer so i was watching uh those do know how they do those pedophile hunter youtube channel yes they're fascinating you love them i do they're really interesting there's one where they caught this guy and they said when did you realize you liked kids and he goes well i used to watch these shows like i carly it's like that i'm like oh my

God, this dude on the show's busted and he fucking realized he was a pedo from watching this fucking Dan Schneider's shit. I couldn't even believe it. No kidding. So yeah, I'm totally ready to talk about this fucking weirdo. Awesome. Footfucker. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, it's nice to be

important. It's more important to be nice. Sorry about the fuck up on the stream. We love you. Goodbye. The bigger to figure, the better I like it. The better I feeder. The better I feed it. The bigger to figure, the more I can love you. May your enemies be cast in your podcast adventures.