The Creep Off - Episode 87: Humpday!

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

In this weeks episode Vinnie & Karl make their nominations for the creepiest of the Hollywood Elite: In a jam packed edition of the Scum Parade we meet a scorned strip club patron, a terrible baby sitter/dog lover & a traumatized inmate. Don't forget to vote at thecreepoff.com Leave us a voicemail: 585-371-8108 

Last time on the creep off. Brilliant. So now we got a huge guy theory and a serial crusher theory. Top notch. What's your name? Australian's favorite, Tucker Dixon. Anyways, Vinnie started out the show by making fun of a handicapped man that just needed help wiping his own ass. Whereas Carl's creep was Donald Trump, who's best known for stomping on children and feeding his neighbors with some delicious barbecue. Get your bingo cards ready and let's have a creep off. Tucker out.

Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation. Horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo, coo.

A stutter in Jacksonville. Urban Meyer and the Jaguars knock off the bills. Ha ha! same thing. Ola, creepos, welcome to another edition of your favorite true crime podcast, the show about creeps, by creeps, for you creeps. I'm your host in some circles. I'm known as the people's champ.

I'm Vinnie Paulino, and this is my co-host. What a fucking creature he is. It's Carl. What is happening, Vinnie Paulino? Good to see you, my friend, even though I'm in my home studio this week as my wife is COVID-positive. yes we've COVID pretty sure because it was one of those home tests so I don't know well you are zooming it into the studio today so if there's any technical issues or anything I don't think there will be I don't think there'll be any technical problems today I think we'll be fine I do this all the time yeah honest to God I feel like very good about this there's nothing to worry about so Vinnie you started up by playing Tucker Dixon's recap and he did mention that we now have the bingo that people can play people can find that in the discord in the discord in the discord channel the link to that but also i have yet another recap from last week that i think it's a little bit more fair and balanced if you ask me okay hey everyone card of electric here with your fair and balanced

weekly creep-off recap last week carl really took one for the team and came in for the show despite battling a severe case of covid-19 and hepatitis knowing viny would likely kill himself if he didn't come in and do the show then he had to avoid the elephant in the room with this week's Creepiest fat soap. Vinnie's creep was a frequent flyer that couldn't get an upgrade to first class, was more accustomed to the first class service. In the end, great news! The airline gave him his money back. Carl's creep starting his creepy ways at the age of seven with an attempted murder, than a terrible outdoor rate at 13.

As his creep grew older and larger, his crimes grew worse. Plus he started impersonating police, and that's a federal crime. It got worse from there, but Carl won this one. Carl won this one with the impersonating of an officer and the outdoor rape. That's heinous. Cardiff out. Everyone knows Carl prefers his rape indoors. Everyone knows it.

I Cardiff just said that Carl won last week. Is that true? What does the vote look like? That. It looks like you won. That's right. You won. Congratulations.

Well, believe me, it is on my end. I won by two votes. I had 50.4% of the vote. Thank you to all the Cuzzaroos out there for voting me the victor. And that means that I'm up 1-0 on this round of the creep-off. Yeah, lucky me. Speaking of being up, when are you going to be doing your consequences? You need to go to the store and do your seven-second porn challenge.

And then we need to be treated to a couple hours at least of Carl Hamburger. Yeah, somebody sent me. There is a way to turn yourself into a hamburger. So there's some software I need to install, but someone gave me something to look into. So I'll check that out. Do you have you started working on the Carl Hamburger voice? No, I haven't even thought about the Carl hamburger voice yet.

Is he just going to sound like you? I don't know, man. It's Carl. No, I want to go for banana docs because that one's the, I like when Sean the audio engineer does banana dots. Oh, I want to go with something like that because that's fun, but we'll see. I got to think about it. Okay.

Okay. I still do the horn channels. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves here, but a. Could you just do something? I know. I need to just do something. I totally agree. But before I go and do my consequences,

I have to give you my creep this week. And we have a theme. That's going to be a lot of fun. It is going to be a lot of fun. We kind of bounced around some different ideas. Where do we land on? Ladies and gentlemen tonight, we are going to expose the Hollywood elite.

That's right The worst of the worst The creepiest Hollywood elite So many to choose from But we did say Not named Harvey Yes Yes

That was the one That was a little too obvious That was the one That was the low-hanging fruit That we have eliminated Right away in this week's competition So therefore Since you won

Let's crumble Go ahead Carl Take it away Don't mind if I do my creep this week for many reasons that I will lay out for you

the fine listeners of the creep off is a man named Leslie Leslie Moonvez Ew, it's a girl's name. It is perhaps the biggest and most stunning fall

linked to the Me Too movement so far. Fall out for the Me Too movement Les Moonvez the longtime chair of CBS stepped down overnight. War women came forward

to accuse him of sexual misconduct. The CEO of CBS Les Moon Ves, resigning after new, detailed, and graphic allegations of sexual assault and misconduct from at least 12 women going back more than 30 years. That's a lot of ladies. Sexual misconduct of a dozen women going back three decades. And I bet you're wondering, who is this Les MoonVaz character that you speak of? Carl, I've never heard of him.

Let me tell you about his resume. Please. His resume includes some of the biggest hits in TV history. From friends to Survivor, the amazing race, NCIS, the Big Bang Theory. One of the greatest TV programmers of all time. He seemed to have this golden touch. You got the touch. You got the power.

I just thought it was funny that they said he had a golden touch. Not a good word to you is when talking about Les Mood Vaz. That is true. we are about to get into. And my buddy, Brian Seltzerwater, over on CNN, now, he reported that while maybe there were some misdeeds done by Las Moonvez, he never used his power to punish women. Moonvez says he made mistakes in the past, but he never used his power, misused his power to punish women if they rejected his advances.

Oh, is that so? West Moonbeth. Well, let's hear what Sybil Shepard has to say about that. Actress Sybil Shepard claimed her CBS show, Sybil, was taken off the air in 1998 after she rejected Moonbezz's advances. How soon after that, then, did you find that you were having issues with the series? Of quite shortly afterwards. No kidding. Unbelievable. Do you think back to that day and wonder if things had gone differently, what would have happened to the show? It would have run another of five years. That sounds like sour grapes, Carl.

If you're not blowing this guy, your TV show gets canned. And Sybil's not the only one who has a story. So Friends ran a long time. Who do you think was blowing him? I think all four. All four of the hot chicks on that. Matt LeBlanc, David Schwibber,

and Matthew Perry. I'm including them all. I hate that you know the names of all the Friends actors that quickly out the top of your head. I hate that. I'm sorry. I've never watched an episode of Friends. to be honest with you know oh i really never watched friends i swear to god all right you know who bobby phillips is

nope all right well bobby phillips is an actress and or an actor i don't know what the fuck you're supposed to say these days let's hear from bobby phillips the new report from the new york times phillips recalls a 1995 incident which she says took place during a meeting in moon vests office At the time, he was president of Warner Brothers Television. According to Phillips' recollection, Moon Vess exposed himself to her saying, Be my girlfriend, and I'll put you on any show. She says he then grabbed her by the neck, pushed her to her knees, and forced her to perform a sex act.

He says they were interrupted by a phone call that allowed her to escape. Sounds like she was saved by the bell. Which show did she end up on? I don't think she ended up on any of those shows because she didn't want. to suck the guy off what less's recollection was of that event i strongly believe that the sexual encounter with miss phillips more than 20 years ago was consensual oh when you all your clothes in your office that was consensual what i really enjoy about that to our statement's like i truly believe i truly i know right i think she was into it i'm pretty darn sure like

because you can't you're not ever going to be uh found to be lying if you say i believe believed or I thought. And it's worse than that. The New York Times published an article in which actress Bobby Phillips alleges that Moonvez not only sexually assaulted her in the mid-90s, but is now attempting to bury the allegations. This is November of 2018. Wow.

The next month, it was revealed Moonvez had involved, was involved in paying $9.5 million in a settlement to actress Eliza Dushku, who claimed she was written out of her starring role on the CBS drama Bull as retaliation for reporting sexual harassment by co-star Michael Weatherly. So not only is Les Moonvez sexually harassing and assaulting these women, but he's letting all of the other top people at CBS do it as well. And in fact, they don't- Michael Weatherly is a top person at CBS.

Well, all right, but listen to this report about the other executives. I don't know, Michael Weatherly. Letterman got away with a lot of shit for a long time. That's a good point, too. I wasn't until there was some blackmailing involved that he had a fess up so yeah anyway this was an interesting report they found moon viz and about 30 other senior leaders were typically allowed to sidestep anti-harassment training and some senior people in the news division historically had their assistants complete the training for them not only are they harassing women but they're letting their assistance to the sexual harassment training

did you complete that yeah of course I did go check my files it's all I'll figure it out. We're good. In addition to the credible claims of sexual misconduct, it was claimed that Moonvez attempted to interfere with the investigation. Allegations of examples include MoonVes refusing to cooperate with investigators, acting evasive and untruthful towards investigators, deleting hundreds of messages.

And listen to this, Benny, passing off his son's iPad as his own to investigators. This guy plays a lot of Minecraft. Yeah, well, I've just been playing Candy Crush. I don't know what the problem is. What do you think I'm doing over here? here as I've run of this company. Let's talk about another one of these victims and her story. One of those women, Phyllis Golden Gottlieb, who worked with Moonvez back in the 1980s when they

were both executives at Lorimar Television. He said, you want to have lunch? I said, sure. We got into the car, but then I realized it was taking him an awful long time. And finally, I turned my head, and he grabbed my head and pushed it all the way down into his penis. and pushed his penis into my mouth. I said, just take me back. But it was horrible. It was really horrible. But she says the harassment didn't end there.

A couple of years later, she alleges Moonvez exposed himself. The next day, she claims he got angry because she did not send a fellow executive a work memo. He, like, turned right, red. And he picked me up, I'm small, picked me up, and threw. me at the at the wall and i just sat on the floor and cried i told you to send that memo you didn't send the memo like anthony coombe his father at dinner with a plate of spaghetti he just picked her up and threw her you know there's another guy in that meeting who's going i don't think this is about the babo i don't think that's what he's upset about that was pretty harsh to throw

phyllis against the wall like that poor phyllis what is with this pulling your pants out and shoving women's heads into your crotch what percentage of the time does that work. I haven't tried it. You know, it sounds like it works for a few seconds. It must work to some percentage because these guys keep doing it. All right. It wasn't just the co-workers. If it worked once, holy shit. Also, I know, exactly. They're also massage therapists involved. Farrow's second New Yorker article also detailing accounts involving allegations of inappropriate behavior during massage therapy. They would ask me to work. into his genital areas and I was like I don't do that kind of work then go to an

Asian massage parlor last how do you not know that you're going to white women expecting a hand job by the way my sister-in-law says that it works 25% of the time oh she would know yeah I'll take those odds not only one and four not only is he trying to get women to blow him and jack him off he went to go see a physician, an MD, and this physician was a woman, and he thought, oh, she'll probably want to bang me. She said, she wrote an anonymous piece

saying a very important man, a VIP, came into my office this morning. I was told of the VIP and started pressing himself up against me. She's doing him a favor as a doctor. He's a big wig, giving him an early morning appointment. He starts pressing up against her. She pushes him off, and she says he pleasureed himself

right then and there in front of her he and he comes out and says i admit to i tried to kiss that doctor that's it so we totally louis cayed this woman no louis asked first let's get this right well that's a good point i don't think when you go to the doctor's office your first thought should be jackin it jackin it jacking it spikein it smack what do you think you went to the doctor for um a soft penis doc my penis won't get hard and it's dry well lose things what do you know you're a miracle worker look you here you know who uh last boon viz is married to you right julie chen who was surprise surprise on two different television shows on cbs where of them being the talk now after these allegations came out you had to leave the talk the cast crew and staff

have become family to me over the years but right now i need to spend more time at home with my husband and our young son. So I've decided to leave the talk. Translation, I got to keep an eye at this guy. He's fucking everyone. He's shoving every woman's head into his crotch. I got to watch him. What's the problem? Now, the funniest part about this, the irony in this is how he supported the Me Too movement. He was also a vocal supporter of the Me Too movement. I think it's important that a company's culture will not allow for this. Yeah, so he says, hashtag, me too is a watershed moment at a November 2017 press conference. It's important that the company's culture will not allow for this. And that's the thing that's far reaching. That's, there's a lot we're

learning. There's a lot we didn't know. And he was a founding member of the commission on sexual harassment and advancing equality in the workplace, which formed in late 2017. I think he just misunderstood what that meant. I think so too. Me too. We're getting hand jobs. Me too. He's like, oh, the Board of Sexual Harassar, well, I have the best dad, and I might as well be in charge. Well, speaking of things he didn't understand, this commission on sexual harassment formed to, quote, unquote, tackle the broad culture of abuse and power disparity. I think he just read Tackled the Broad. He's like, yeah, all right. Set me up for that.

And what's amazing is that he was the first executive to go down in the Me Too era. This is the first Fortune 500 CEO to resign amidst Me Too allegations. And this was an individual who was thought to be untouchable because he was so indispensable to billions of dollars of transactions on Wall Street. The fact that there was some motion to hold him to account is, I think, very significant. Now, as we know, many, there's always the golden parachute. And when he decided to resign after the second New Yorker article that the guy you just heard, Ronan Farrow wrote, he was going to get a $120 million.

payout get fucking lost really dude guy put friends on the air what do you expect amazing race the show about white people what do you expect of course okay I have some good news here well CBSes former chairman and CEO Leslie Moonbeds will not get the 120 million dollar severance payment his contract called for will he did not get the money what did he end up with nothing oh that dude gets nothing I thought there'd be like 240 million last straight job Friends is selling hot cakes on DVD and it's syndication. We just sent it to Netflix, man. Here's your check.

So, more money. Oh, so that is. By the way, how's Julie? Yeah. Give her our best. Buy something nice for. She deserves it. Well, all right.

That's my creep this week is Les Moonvez, the former CEO of Sybios. Ladies and gentlemen, my creep today is a man that I have never. heard of and that is what is so crazy and creepy about him right you he was the subject of a documentary called open secret a deep look into the world of hollywood pedophilia my creep today his name is mark collins rector rector neary killed her not wasn't her her yeah his day it should be mark collins rectum where he is now no one knows there's been some speculation as to that he might be in Belgium, but he kind of disappeared off the map, Carl.

This is a very interesting story. He was considered to be a digital genius in the early 90s, in the mid-90s, in the beginning of the internet boom. He was best known for founding a company called D-E-N the Digital Entertainment Network. He actually patented a video advertising method that Google uses now,

and when he was gonna open up this thing, he got $24 million in investments because this was the time of like internet, everybody wanted to own a website. And he had a pretty good idea. He really did. Boom, as we called it back. The dot com boom. You were at ebombs world then, yeah? Well, I was at ebombs after that, but I remember the dot com boom very well. Yeah. Well, DEN was an online streaming video broadcasting service. Uh, and it was also a notable dot com failure. not for the reasons why a lot of them failed this one failed for spectacular reasons oh good d and summed up was supposed to be an early version of youtube mixed with nicolodian it was an online

platform to make content for kids and preteens just on demand oh i already don't like where this is going so this is very much ahead of its time we're talking 1997 1998 right now he was running his business out of a los angeles mansion he got a children's hospital this time he was not a children's hospital this time now that's good he had his two business partners and roommates his boyfriend at the time 23 year old chad shackley and former child star and vice president of d en brock pierce who at the time of becoming vice president of d en was 16 years old who's that old guy over there uncle paul yeah yeah i don't think you should have 16 year olds working for you but i'm old fashioned how about working as a vice president of your company

while living with you and your boyfriend. Pierce was a heavy hitter as a child actor. He was the star of the movie First Kid. And he also played young. This was the first kid. I think it's Baron Trump. I don't know. I never heard of that.

Right now, I think it's Hunter Biden is the first kid. Okay, good point. He also played young Emilio Estevez in the Mighty Ducks movies. He was the kid who missed the shot. I haven't seen those movies because I'm not a pedophile. but go ahead so now this guy's got 24 million dollars he's fucking his 16 year old vice president emancipated kid who's living with him and his 23 year old boyfriend they're living in this house and they have 24 million dollars to make something and he's supposedly a marketing genius what do you

think his first show would be called carl i can only imagine what is it well it's called chad's house car okay it was about a young teenage boy trying to understand his own sexuality after moving from Michigan to L.A. to live with his brother and his brother's boyfriend. Why does the young boy need to learn about his own sexuality on a TV show? Well, one article I read called the show, quote, a gay pedophile version of Silver Spoons. Okay, now I want to watch it. Now it sounds fun. And Chad's World starred, a 14-year-old actor, a Brian Stark is Chad, and a young Sean

William Scott. That's right. Stifler, ladies and gentlemen, was at this. uh as jim a california entrepreneur based on my creep today mark collins rector well the film's production quality was quote more in line with a down market porn than network programming d en spent a mind-boggling 12 million dollars in salaries to create five pilot episodes of this and it was filmed inside of their house yeah i mean it's compared to quibby what was that um Whibbing. $2 billion into those That was the show with like the 10 minute long episodes. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. They fucked that up, didn't they? That's so bad. So $12 million on this bullshit. You have to ask yourself, who is investing in this, right? Everyone. Well, here's what they did. They hosted lavish parties for Hollywood's quote, gay A-list.

Their guests included, Brian, Singer, future director of the X-Men movies, legendary media mogul David Geffen was hanging around. Geffen was never accused of anything. He was an investor. He was accused of a few things. Yes, he has, but at this particular, yeah, in this particular case, they did not completely throw David Geffen under the bus. Brian Singer, however, this would come back to haunt. And frankly, what should haunt fucking Brian Singer is Superman returns in X-Men 3. That's all I'm going to say about that. this shit's apparently making money like this company's making money because again it's the dot com boom and everybody's investing and he's throwing these huge parties and more and more monies coming in even though he's not really making anything and what he is making is pseudo child porn sure read a little weird there's an audience for it right well around this time a lawsuit was filed by a teenager from all places michigan who accused director of meeting him on a message

board flying him to California giving him tons of gifts promises of being a star he gets out to LA he goes to a party at this guy's house and they said if you go into the pool or the hot tub there's only one rule you have to be naked and you have to be drinking and this is like a 16 year old kid be drunk and naked that's like two rules for the one rule yeah and apparently this young man feels that he was drugged with the drink and he was basically fucked silly oh not good for him that never mind not good for him no basically they fucked this kid silly and uh they gave him some money you know what they said afterwards what an asshole apparently they could have a really tight bottle they're like very nice

they're very excited about it so this lawsuit comes out and uh he's trying to build up this company. So what he does is in September, he realizes he needs to protect his money. So he files papers with the Securities and Exchange Commission to sell $75 million worth of stock and an initial public offering on D-E-N. Nice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure. I would get on it now. Yeah, I want to get in on that. So in May, on May 7, 2000, the Times ran an article headlined how a visionary venture on the web is unraveling. Okay. Basically exposing the whole story,

Brandon Collins rector is a child abuser and chastised DN for spending investors' monies on parties allegedly teeming with drugs and teenagers. I actually have audio from a news broadcast about this where they're describing the problems with the company. Oh, let's hear. Annaly raping children. Yeah.

They knew what was going on even back then. Yeah. Well, it turns out that these lavish parties were a little more dicey than anyone thought. He and Chad were full on sex trafficking children to LA and allowing their guests to fuck the shit out of them. Okay, dumb question. Was that illegal back then? Yes. This is before to catch a predator back then, like Yahoo and AIM and all of these message boards.

Like, it was like, go for it. You want to meet 13 year old kids or looking for a free trip to L.A.? Go for it, buddy. Wild West. At this point, this article comes. out he's trying to save his cash to do an initial public offering he's to try to make 75 million dollars this story comes out he's hanging out in miami in a house with uh shackley the kid uh pierce and the kid who played pyro in the first x-men movie who was 17 at the time is also

hanging out and they're all fucking each other apparently that's too old but okay the month after the three entrepreneurs left they got the fuck out of town they just fucking jumped on a plane and went to Spain and they disappeared. Nobody knew where they were. I have audio from that too. Okay. Surprisingly enough. They got out of town of the hurry.

So the kid who played pyro right after they leave and they go to Spain to hide, the kid who was left side, he filed a sexual assault lawsuit in the Los Angeles Supreme Court alleging that Collins Rector, Shackley, and Pierce, had systematically raped and drugged him, threatening him, also threatening him with a gun. Mark Ryan and Michael Egan were two other young men who had worked for D.N and were listed as co-plaintants in the complaint. So now there's the first kid from Michigan and now there's people who worked there. One dude who's going to be in the X-Fed movie, they're all fucking like these guys are just drug-yed and fuckyed everyone. And they are long gone.

This is the problem with employees. They always remember the bad things, but never any of the perks. Like, yeah, but was the party pretty fucking cool? Did you make a lot of money? Like there are some good things about working there too besides getting fucked at the ass and drugged, right? you got to be in Hollywood congratulations yeah you got a story to tell for the rest of your life but it's fun so you so where do you hear what collins richter shackley and pierce were doing in uh spain you want to guess fucking children i don't know i'd throw that out there suck it and

fucking kids yeah and they were helping to develop a thing called iGE internet gaming entertainment and it's a company that pioneered commerce within the world of like those online role playing games so like they created the things so people could go into world of warcraft and buy weapons and buy gold and shit like that it was these lunatics who came up with it well they were in hiatus and running from fucking kids just so everybody knows you're going to tell me that nfts were started by these uh child molesters fucking nfts man good died of my dropping body they were picked up by interpool eventually after two years in hiding in spain and when they got to this beautiful villa they were living in they found a room filled with

child porn and for some reason machetes oh jesus okay weird yeah yeah i figured they were going to defend the dragon's horde to the death yeah like they're just like they're right he grabbed the machetes maybe there's a 16 year old pubic hair and you got to chop it off or something this kid you never know got to shave them right they were picked up by inner pool he gets extradited back to the united states and in 2004 he pleads guilty to nine counts of transporting miners across state lines for the purposes of sex but guilty to that he pled guilty to that and he did it in a plea deal and guess how much time he got in jail uh forever i hope forever zero days right Hollywood elite millions of dollars he got zero fucking days they counted his time in Spain waiting to be extradited back to America as his jail time they counted it as time served and then they gave him like three years of court supervision what's going on with Julian Assange is he free he free now to roam about and go about his business I couldn't tell you all I know is a Mark

collins richter rector is fucking running around and the children in question were awarded a civil judgment but collins rector has reportedly avoided paying it i'm sure it's not they didn't know where he is but buzzfeed supposedly found him and uh he's not doing bad that's why i'm not reporting what they're saying is fact that's why he said they supposedly found him and he's doing pretty good in belgium that's but no there's no other reports on where this motherfucker is the last time anyone knew where he was he was living in miami near his brother he had 31 days left of court supervision he supposedly was developing this other company and he had a brain tumor and he got permission because he was up to nothing during these three years to fly to england even though he was a sex offender and shouldn't

leave the country to go seek treatment well he went to england and he fucking disliked disappeared smart and he's not a sex offender in england so nobody knows where the fuck this guy is he's living his life and he's probably scrolled away millions and millions of dollars and he was fucking the guy who was having the parties where all the kids were getting fucked that's a hollywood elite baby that's a fun story there benny it sounds more like a uh internet celebrity but yeah no that's cool i like that's good let me ask you there was a tv show about we have a we have a bunch of he said she said with yours and my creep pled guilty you're you're you're the guy now who's going to go with the angry mob you're the guy who's going to go with the hang up on less moon vests he handed

over his son's iPad for the investigators they all look alike also I didn't even bring up how he sued Howard Stern didn't even bring that up that's fun though I mean if suing Howard Stern makes you a creep then stuttering John is a great oh wait thank you Rubin my point. So vote for Carl at the creepoff.com. Oh, eat my ass. Let's talk about some voicemails. Let's do it. The creepoff voicemail segment is brought to by the city of Syracuse. Home values in Syracuse are up 17% this year. Economists worry it may take the average Syracuse family weeks to collect the amount of cans needed to pay off their mortgages. See you in Syracuse. It's a seller's market. here we go first voicemail carl inspector blore you have me eddie's jewish got my vote bye i don't understand

that reference who's inspector blore carl i don't know okay if we need to drink every time viny mentions wrestling then we also need to drink any time carl mentions baseball like seriously no one cares about the fucking bills i'd play this voicemail just to point out how fucking ridiculous it was laughing so hard. Did he say baseball? Sir, the bills are a football team. What country is that person calling from, do you think? Probably Canada.

No, Canada would know. All right. I have a voice, oh, no, go ahead. I have a voicemail to play for us here. Fuck you, Vinny, with your stupid fart noises all over the place in the episode. That was fucking awful. Yep. I'm sitting here listening to somebody shit themselves for 40 minutes, and you can't

mixed fucking audio, so it's way louder than your voice. Yep. So the whole thing was shit. Ha ha ha ha. Funny. That was funnier than any of your jokes in that episode, you fat fuck. God damn it. This is why you're such a shit comedian. Wow. It got rough right there. The person

felt bad and called back in, Vinnie. Hey, Carl. This is me again. I just freaked out on Vinny. I want to say I'm sorry to Vinny. Oh, thanks. I don't know if he's a shit comedian because I've never seen his comedy. But he's definitely a shit podcaster. So sorry about the angry outrage.

Yeah, he overdid it with the fart machine last time. Yeah, I got a little too excited. A little overly aggressive with the fart noises. I've done worse. That's okay. It gave me the victory, so I'll take it. Yeah, two votes. A lot of people liked it.

A lot of people liked the farts. A lot of people didn't. Things are divisive. Not everything is for everyone. I understand. That's true. Notes taken. All right.

What's up? Vinnie Pizza Paulino and Carl Hamburger longtime listener, I guess. I just finished catching up on all of the creep off episodes. Voted for Vinny, true believers. Show's good.

Could be better. You guys suck. Don't call me back. Bye. We'll get there. What are these days? Very constructive criticism there. Thank you, sir. Now we're learning.

Here we go. People don't know this, but Vinnie and I have meetings outside of the show to talk about what we can do to improve the show. When? And we do frequently. And I remember in the last meeting, what we decided was we could do better. And that was a note that I took down. So, thank you. I do have that.

That meeting was in the spring of 2020. That's the last time we talked about it. Yeah. Here's another one. Hey, I'm only like 12, 13 episodes into the creep off. but if you guys are still doing the wheel of consequence uh here's a suggestion you should have a really really small red sliver and it's just kill yourself i mean i guess you guys can post out and do like all right you guys get it three times then we have to then you know quit the show before then

but just really uh put out the stakes he wants us to put it hurry curry on the fucking bored. It looks for pussies. Listen, when we're brainstorming, those are those things

bad suggestions, all right? You got to throw out all the ideas. We're just brainstorming here. All right. Last one from May.

Well, I'm no about making and things entertained and I pay you that, but I tell you what, that old

Tucker Carlson, Feller, he ain't too entertaining you know i don't like him but i do i do i do i do i get old dick masticin masticin dick mack whatever that dick feller he he he's wild he's wild i'll tell you he's wild feller all right well i hope you have you good thank you my okay so i have a feeling i know who that was yeah who is that and that person should be attending to patients right now instead of leaving that's ridiculous voice mails like that it's wrong with that guy come on i also how would you like to

how would you like to be in that hospital right now and you're just listening to the creep off and you realize i recognize that voice well he also is very proud of a uh google review he left that has 5 000 views it was pretty funny which he said he was there to see bitty stand up yeah it was at the place where you guys had the wATP show right I don't think so. I didn't recognize the name of the place. It's not even the same place. He's just leaving reviews.

I think he's just leaving random reviews. I don't know why he's so bored. Speaking of boards, is there what I can report him to? Yes. I believe there is. Although Tennessee is a little bit loser about medical care, I suppose. If Dr. Steve was here right now, I'd give him a big old hug. I love that guy.

He's a mess. I love you, Dr. Steve. are you ready for a scum parade carl i am ready for the scum parade this is a fun one this week oh i know aren't you really excited for this i actually have yeah all right let's do it for the scum parade oh no it's the scum parade for scorn parade making him in his day Portland oregon this story came in from our pal chemistry cowboy in the discord a Portland man now before you read this there's a

big warning on the top of this it says editors no this story may be disturbing to some readers readers some readers um were you disturbed can we lock up any of the maniacs who aren't disturbed by this story please i think that's what they meant the clinically insane are not bothered is what that means all right yeah go ahead you notice i started out with this story today because the rest of this just gets futter and fodder a portland man under investigation for child rape botched his attempt to exonerate himself after providing police with his phone, which contained videos of the suspect, sexually abusing a dog, and a dead or unconscious deer. Who's leaving a three-year-old with a dead deer fucker?

What do you think that conversation was like, no, it's okay, honey. He's not in the toddlers. He just likes to fuck dead deer. It's fine. Damon J. Cervantes, 32, is accused of raping a three-year-old child he was supposed to be watching on September 25th. According to a probable cause affidavit filed in the Mulneth County Circuit Court, two other young children were present, who reported the incident in detail to another adult that day and later to crisis responders. So he did it in front of two other children.

Right. And, you know, I don't know what the defense would be other than these kids in their imaginations. They make up stories about people raping their friends all the time. Listen, I don't know why this kid's asshole. bleeding but I'm sure at D-E-N network to get these ideas he fell out a Lego so they reported the incident to the crisis responders say that Cervettus told them to quote keep it a secret and these little blabber mouths obviously did not per court documents after agreed to come in for questioning Cervantes told detectives September 28th that the children were lying and said

that his cell phone would prove the truth. Who's that old guy over there? So his cell phone, he claimed, would prove he was busy at the time of the incident. So he showed some screencapture that he had taken to support his contention. According to the probable cause affidavit, Detective Seysovente's consented

to police downloading a copy of his cell phone. Oops. Why would you ever do that? During the interview, a search of the phone turned up two videos taken from multiple angles showing Cervantes in his bedroom having sex with a pit bull. Well, he's shirt

captioned, what day is it? Hump day! That's not the most clever shirt to wear, but they were all out of pit bull fucker t-shirts and Hot Topic. So we had to go with the humpday shirt. It was a little on the nose. It was definitely a little on the nose. Detectives say

they found another video that appeared to show Cervantes having sex with a recently deceased or heavily sedated deer. in a separate incident. Although the video does not show his face, the order of the dog said, Cervantes' behavior around children is often, quote, weirded him out.

Is it possible that the deer just wasn't that into it? Because I've had some partners that you would think were heavily sedated or possibly recently deceased. Well, she has COVID, Carl. That's true, yes. Adding that the dog had refused to eat for almost a week after being left in Chaventis care. He made the dog suicidal?

The dog stopped eating after five fucked it. Poor Phyllis was the same way after Les Movese threw her in a wall. She didn't eat for a week either. I've had some girls who have regretted sleeping with me, but none of them stopped eating, even though most of them should. Allow me to quote you to you. Some? So this poor dog doesn't want to eat anymore because his innocence has been stolen. Yeah.

And this guy now faces a slew of sex crunch. charges including first degree rape first degree sex abuse first degree sodomy luring a minor endangering the welfare of a minor the sexual assault of an animal so fetus was arrested october 11 that has entered a not guilty plea to all 25 charges the Portland resident is currently incarcerated and is on bail of more than 1.5 million dollars i think he's going to go away for a while if i had a guess dude has anyone ever looked at a deer and be like yeah i got to get that and i want to videotape it and hey vinny hold my phone could you get multiple angles of this please what a psycho did he push the deer into his crotch like less moon vest by any chance because that would

grabbed by the fucking antlers get in i bet you fucking less moon vest would hire a fucking secretary if she had antlers you're hired you can be completely competent he just likes the handlebars wait a second did you just hire me because of my antlers i'm starting to think it's not my typing skills and all that you require in this position i think it's something sounded more like this. Did you hire me just for my... Oh, go, g-g-go-g-g-go-g-g-g-l-g-chur-g-ch-h-ha-gave-a-gave-a-gave-a-gave-a-gave. Oh, Carl, I hate church. I've ever told you that.

I don't like churches. Yeah, yeah. I especially dislike dushy white people churches. I could read stories about the most disgusting, cannibalistic things that have ever happened. Children being murdered and raped, and I could laugh. But I can handle about three seconds of a fucking mega church. You're in laws from Alabama, which is probably the mega church capital of the world. This is why you've been hurt.

Someone's hurt you, haven't they? You know, the churches are the only thing that's a mega in Alabama. It's pretty amazing. It's the churches in the Walmarts. No, man, the women are all right. Let me tell you. A day after the news broke that the lead pastor of Virginia beaches, rock church

oh rock church carl yeah it's a rock and church jesus rock yeah he's going to rock everybody well the lead pastor of rock church has been charged with soliciting sex from an underage girl the church announced he will step away from all

ministerial duties until the case is resolved well that's good uh the statement was released Wednesday morning five days after pastor john blanchard was arrested in a sting out operation in Chesterfield County. Police said that the operation target 17 men who had communicating online was someone they believed was a teenage girl, but was actually a police officer. So he basically got fucking to catch a predator.

Yes, which is still happening to people. I don't know why they think there are teenage girls on the internet looking to fuck 50 year olds. There are not. Spend 15 seconds on YouTube. Every week, I watch at least three videos of different people being caught across the country for this exact thing. they get caught every day and it's awesome everybody who's doing that fucking keep it the

fuck up i agree but i just i wonder what percentage of the time it really is a hot 14 year old girl who can't wait to fuck a zero that's what i'm thinking zero percent of the time it's a zero because a certain catchphrase in here in order to win their stupid bingo games i'm not playing along with that. Are you supposed to say exactly? No, I don't think so. I think it's something else. Are you supposed to say, what are we even talking about here? I think that if you say it's okay. Yeah, it doesn't count. So listen to this shit. Three days after he was arrested for this, he's doing church services at this place. Wait, what? I didn't see that. He did a church service three days after he was arrested. Oh, but before that became public. Yeah.

It didn't happen, right. This guy just went to work. Like, nobody's going to find out. I was trying to fuck a teenager in a hotel. There wasn't even a teenager in there. So what's the problem? It turned out to be a police officer. Listen, dude.

We do not like petos, right? I'm good. I'm good with them catching them. I don't care what you got to do. What rules you got to bend? Stuff them in the can. I have audio of him showing up to the motel and seeing that it was a police officer. It's a trap.

Wait, wait, wait, this is a bullshit. I'm a man of God. He will not take me into custody. I cannot even fucking imagine. So check this out. Rock Church released a statement. It said they have been advised by legal counsel not to comment on any of the charges, but he has not been dismissed. Correct.

Correct. They have to wait. Yeah. Investation, sure. There's no shame in this dude's game. This fucking guy. is like, I'm going to go preach at the church. They're not going to fire me.

We'll just wait all this out. This dude's not resigning. He doesn't care. It's worse than that. It's worse than that. In this article, it says that there was an outpouring of support from the church. What are they supporting child rape, attempted child rape? Why is there an outpouring of support for this guy? Here's what I feel like.

Oh, boy. People are fucked. And then in this article, they include this little factoid, which I thought was a little bit. I don't know, propagandist. Oh, God, I know what you're going to say. Go ahead. The couple attended the Virginia beat school board meeting on October 24th, during which they spoke out against a proposed policy

that would allow transgender students to use restrooms that align with their gender identity. The couple said they feared the policy would put girls at risk of being assaulted. Yeah, broken clock. I know. Okay, so they're making this connection now. They're saying, you don't want chicks with dicks and, ladies rooms what are you a pedophile like these people because they also don't want chicks with dicks and restrooms oh it seemed a little out of place didn't it really it really was not

story at all if you just got arrested for going to go meet a teenager at your high school wouldn't you just stay home a couple days no you got to act like nothing change you got anything's wrong i i agree with going to work the next day all right what's what else is going out of the all right stanley's is a leaga 54 is accused of fatally shooting abigail seldana beautiful young lady moke show by the way well she was god rest her soul right yeah she's she's dancing on the old pole up in heaven now she was an exotic dancer rick rick's cabaret when god needed a stripper she had stanley shooter last week well she was behind the wheel of her car not far from the club.

So this guy shot her while she was driving away from work. Her mother said, I don't know where she was going that night. She told the Star Telegram, we got a text about 6.30 p.m. that night, and the shooting happened about two hours later. At roughly 9 p.m. on October 26th, a witness reported watching a car carean off an exit ramp onto a grassy area near Dallas-Forth International Airport. Oh, so she worked at the Goodrichs by the airport. Okay.

Right, yes. The caller describes the bullet holes in the car's past. passenger side and a person inside who wasn't moving. Once they arrived, they pronounced her dead. Three shell casings and broken glass were found not far from her car. Now, according to an arrest warrant affidavit obtained by the local news outlets, Saliga had posted on Instagram about making Zelly payments to sell Donna at times for $800, $200,000. Oh, I did not read any of this. You sent me a very different article than what you're telling me right now. No, this is the whole, this is the same article.

Is it all? He was complaining about giving her money on Instagram. And three hours before Zaldana's murder, Zalega posted that he paid Zeldana $3,000. And Zalega threatened to post in the post to report her for alleged prostitution, detective said. And one Instagram post, Olegas page,

he claimed that he envisioned a future with her, but insisted that she had been lying to him and that he was the victim. I never thought I'd be one of those. guys take advantage of sharing for awareness. Abigail S. and I, since July 2020, we have been enjoying each other's company, he wrote. She's so beautiful and personable that I envisioned a future with her, but dealing with all these lies is overwhelming. I realize that's part of your primary job as an adult entertainer, he continued. If you only leave your second job being in a high-end prostitution ring, we can move forward. Yes, I realize this pays $2,000 per session.

But it is illegal. And having a boyfriend whilst having sex with other men, question mark. Zeldana, meanwhile, appeared to share a very different picture of the events, posting a video on YouTube on Instagram on October 14th about a tracking device she found underneath her car. Yeah, he's got to hide that tracking device better. When you find a tracking device, it was not installed well. So this guy is talking to a stripper slash escort, thinking he's about to find love.

and he is wildly disillusioned when he finds out this all comes down to money every stripper wants that guy who's super desperate and lonely and it gives him big tips and throws us all this money on them and then they don't like it when they get murdered by them well that's the rub honey that's the deal you can't hit it both ways one out of four is going to shoot you honey that you just got to realize it one out of four it's the same ratio of girls who will suck your dick when you shove their head at your crotch yes it's the same ratio to men who will shoot you in the fucking head for milking them out of their cash. The crotch ratio, we call it, yes. Yes, the crotch ratio, the name of this episode. Well known. According to the war, a cabaret manager showed Zaldana's post to investigators telling them that before her death, the exotic dancer had expressed concern about a patron named Stan, who they described as a military veteran.

The manager indicated that Abigail was frightened of Stan because he was stalking and harassing her. authorities said that the footage obtained from a traffic camera near Saldana's apartment showed his red pickup truck tailing her car. Investigators said that the license plate records and additional surveillance footage from the intersection show his car passing the same spot near

Zaldana's home at least five other times before she was shot. So he was definitely stalking her. Yeah, I think he was stalking her. He didn't like that she was having sex with other guys and her boyfriend and he got real jealous, got real jelly.

to put an end to all that well the cops said to him hey listen man we need to have a conversation with you can we meet up and he was like sure and then he didn't show up and uh that's about right yeah they obtained a warrant to enter his house the night of the murder he refused to leave the residence a swat team found him on a balcony in the apartment with wounds on his face and neck that appeared to be self-inflicted he said we were done i was just with like talking about the stalking I just like that he was trying to fucking hurt himself after he did it. I am rushing Vinny, the chat room,

because I have Drew and Mike to do it a little bit. What time do you have to do, Drew and Mike? A little bit. But whatever. Let's talk more about what flush wounds that we found on this guy. Well, he had a mole, Carl, if you're asking.

Fuck you. He's not being held in jail on a $250,000 bond. All right. Last story of the day. And I think this is the one Carl is the most eager to yell about. if i had to guess yeah a child rapist wants the taxpayers to pay for the therapy he needs after being sexually abused and assaulted by a sadistic sex offender during his time in jail this is out of australia now yes this is in australia you might get some money from the

taxpayers in the land down under the pedophile who's 21 years old was forced to perform oral sex on a serial rapist named Troy Allen Burley as he was repeatedly abused by the notorious criminal over three months at Woolston Correctional Center near Brisbane. In 2018, one rape occurred while Burley was watching Prince Harry and Megan Markle's royal wedding. Yeah, I can understand that. By the way, isn't this the thing that we all want to have happened to pedophiles? Like, oh, I hope that you go to prison and someone mouth rapes you for the rest of your life. And then it happens. The guy's like, well, that's not supposed to happen. This is fucked up. No, it's supposed to happen. Cry me a river. But this is karma. This is obviously justice. Obviously. This case.

This is a simple case of you reap what you so. I like that he was getting mouth raped during the royal wedding. That does make me laugh because I remember my wife was watching that and she was like, do you want to watch this with him? I'm like, no, I'd rather be raped in prison than sit there and watch this with you and then here we go across the world you never know what's actually going on the victim who is about identified for legal reasons and since being released from prison was himself convicted of raping a child the abuse inmate released from prison he's 21 years old and he raped a child i think he's got more time to do i would say so the abused inmate has filed for compensation claiming he suffered post traumatic stress disorder following his ordeal and has panic attacks when he

sees bald heads look at we all get panic attacks and we see bald guys or viny this motherfucker's like this lawyer's got to be in court going like mark client can't even watch an episode of carbure enthusiasm without having a fit your honor that's funny uh a court previously heard the prolonged abuse left the young inmate traumatized and humiliated well feeling like quote a sex object yeah it's called your comeuppance the statement of claim says burleigh bit his nipples toes arms and legs during the sexual assaults his lawyers have not specified the amount they want the taxpayers to pay but his therapist said that he suffers from traumatic stress disorder major depressive disorder and an eating disorder and he said he believes the man will need about eight thousand six hundred forty dollars worth of supportive psychotherapy and cognitive dialectic behavioral therapy over 18 months. Oh, it's funny. Thinks that he needs money for therapy?

Yeah. Shocking, right? Because his accountant also chimed in and said he would need some money to go towards tax preparation over the next five years. He wants taxpayer knowledge made for that as well. Yeah. So he said that the reason why they're liable is because he reported the rape to the prison. And they were like, so?

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like every single person who's ever listened. to the show would say the exact same goddamn thing. So, fuck you. That guy was forcing you to suck his penis. I know I was watching it.

We were all giggling. We were having a laugh for a while actually at your expense. Yeah, there's cameras in here. I don't know if you know that. There's one right there. I'm actually watching the replay with my buddies in the back right now. We know. We know all about it. Mr.

Foxcraft said the man would likely be unable to hold down a full-time job for at least five years. I'm looking to hold a job. I'm looking to get a job. He's a child molester. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about a job. I'd be worried about being able to get a fucking apartment. Yes.

What's he talking about? And I love that he puts a specific number on it, too. As his therapist, I think it's going to be five years. It'll be my great. Yeah, well, let's round up tonight just to be safe. Yep. So I think he's probably going to need the amount of money that he would have made having a job over five years. I mean, if they're smarter than stuttering John at least, starting John, they're like,

I'm suing Sirius XM for how much? much. I don't know. Give me somebody. What's a worth to him? What's it worth for me to go away. Yeah, that's basically what they said. At least these guys came up with like something of formula for it. Yeah. Mr. Burley, what he was brought to court because he was almost out, apparently. He was supposed to be getting out like next year. They gave him another seven years. He needs more than that. He's a problem too, by the way. Yeah, keep him in there. Yeah. If the royal wedding made you horny, keep him in prison. Megan Markle, yeah.

And put the royals all there with their fucking creepy. I didn't watch a second of it. Yeah. So there it is. That's our scum parade this week. A lot of fun, huh, Carl? What a great time this was today. I feel like we've been off a couple of weeks because last week I was completely out of it.

This week we missed Monday. You've had a lot going on and we've had a lot going on. So I can't wait to get back on a regular schedule. I want to apologize to everybody who wanted to tune in in our normal time yesterday. It was completely my fault. My voice was gone. If you can, I'm going to throw a plug out here. I don't do this very often.

I was given the opportunity to be the ring announcer for the XPW rebirth pay-per-view that just aired on fight. So it was a very interesting evening. I got to announce all of the wrestlers coming to the ring. And if you check out the pay-per-view, you could hear me lose my voice because, boy, do I get excited when I see Rhino. Fight.com. How much is this pay-per-view? 20 bucks. 20 bucks all right 20 bucks did you get to watch a man be stabbed in the head by chopsticks

that's easy so i just want to get a quick update remember did anybody win bingo i feel like everyone's got like at least one square open that they're trying to get closed i brought up wrestling i did my part you did is it because we didn't talk about florida is that why nobody one all right with that let's get out here bidding all right it's nice to be important it's more important to be See you next time. Act right. Gagia! May your enemies be cursed in your podcast adventures.