The Creep Off - Episode 88: She Loves Me For Me

Episode Date: November 16, 2021

This week we find out that dead people don’t tell tales, but sometimes the stories get out anyway. Join Karl & Vinnie as the search for the creepiest Undertaker: In the scum parade we meet a gassy inmate, a body positive murderer and a couple that just really wanted a baby 

Attention parents, what you're about to see is not suitable for kids. Shoot, it's not even suitable for some grown-ups. You might want to walk away now if you ain't into these type of things. I'm going to give the people what they want. Sensation, horror, shock. I'm going to deliver the goods because I'm alive and I'm not backing down. Cuckoo, cuckoo! Bring out, kiddard!

The Disgusting Vomot-inducing thing Ola Creep booze, welcome to another edition of your favorite true crime podcast, the show about creeps by creeps for you creeps I'm your host Vinnie Paulino

and some people call me and joining me as always is my co-host he is quite the creature it's c caccarl what is happening Vinnie Paulino good to see you in person again my friend that is been a couple weeks might be the nicest thing

you have ever said to me well last week we tried to do this remotely which we should be able to do pretty easily you would think and we had a lot of problems So it's going to be back in the studio I will say that last week I didn't come in because my wife had tested positive for COVID. She is still testing positive for COVID. I have been clear all

week. I have not tested positive. It's funny. I took a test yesterday because I was at a show where apparently someone had it. It's fucking marvelous. Yep. And negatory. Very good. Look at us. Negotory. We're fucking immune. Being a creep, man. I'm telling you. It's the right

way to be. COVID is scared. COVID fears Carl and Viti. COVID's uncomfortable around us. COVID's like, go to the next one. Yeah. Go to the next one. All right.

So last week, I forgot to play the recap. Here it comes. Hey, everyone. Tucker Tixon here with your one and only official weekly recap. This week, Carl and Vinnie tried to take on the Herculean task of trying to find not one but two creeps in Hollywood whose name wasn't Harvey. So it sounds like Harvey Kitell is going to get away with it again.

Carl's creep is a strong man who could throw women clear across the room while forcing four women to his crotch all at the same time. Whereas Vinnie's creep only had one rule for his executive boardroom. You have to be a 15 to 17 year old male, you have to do copious amounts of drugs, and you have to have sex with him. Normally this would give a creep the edge, but I left out one thing about Carl's creep. He greenlit the show Friends. Yes!

Anyway, Tucker, out. Responsible for Friends. I guess that didn't factor into the voting. Well, it didn't because ladies and gentlemen. It looks like Vinny has 59% of the votes. Fuck yeah. Exotio, who believeers. Thank you, everyone, for helping me.

Beat Carl once again. The score is now one to one in this round. I can hear it. The cheers from the rafters, ladies and gentlemen. You suck. Yeah, I do. It live streams. But not just fucking game.

But you're good at the game, I guess. Not at this game. All right. So this week we're doing creepiest FBI agent. We were going to be doing creepiest FBI agent until we started trying to research it. And I think Carl, you said it best when we chatted for a minute last night. He goes, Vinnie, we're not going to find stories. They control the narrative.

Yes. They're able to bury these stories. If somebody in the FBI did something wrong 70 years ago, you won't know about it. After spending about two days since this was like in the lead, I started looking for a creep. and the closest thing I could find was like just lists of FBI agents who are convicted of crimes Right, not what they did or how they did it

Yeah, there's nothing I'm sure they're very interesting stories So what we're going to do is we're going to revisit this category In a couple of weeks We're going to kind of flush out the idea a little bit more You did vote for it We will not rip you off, we will do it I think it's got to be like the intelligence communities

At large or something I don't know Yeah, even that's going to be tough We didn't even know the NSA existed until what 12 years ago they're pretending that didn't even exist how the fuck we can find out an agent from the NSA in the 80s and what they were up to it's impossible I know I know and it doesn't help and we know they're up to something we know they're up to something it doesn't help that they share offices with Google and Facebook and Amazon so those companies are going to not be helping us get to that information you know what I get an idea I get an idea what we'll do and I wish I thought

of this last night because the show would be completely different okay for the next one why Why don't we do this? Creepiest agency. And we could just pick one. Just pick one of the agencies. Yeah. Just any three-letter acronym agency out there. I call CIA.

I call CIA. That's fine. It's a lot more information about the NSA, thanks to Mr. Snowden. All right. I call NSA. Dude, if you had me out, you're trying to explain which is the creepiest agency, this would be a 12-hour broadcast. I have to get started on my homework right now. Yeah, I'm sure you already have half of it done.

And that wood paneled basement ears. It's possible. but we're not doing that instead we are doing what came in second place which is creepiest undertaker yeah i use the term undertaker we all know why i use the term undertaker i'm not giving someone drink no no i'm not bringing up anything i use the term the dog whistle is a dog whistle on the bingo board i'm dog whistling pro wrestling fans i guess you can include anyone who practices the mortuary sciences yeah it works at a morgue or something like that. Not like

in the hospital. Got to be like a morgue. They got to be involved in that business, I think is the rule. They shouldn't be the ones killing the bodies. They should come in contact with them after they've been killed. Correct. Which is why the hospital wouldn't count. Correct. I am ready to get this thing started. You want so you go first, Vinnie.

Ring the bell. I'll tell you about my undertaker. My creep today is the absolute worst type of creep. that's right you're already winning the argument my friend my creeps name is Karen green and she's a Karen oh god all right you're yeah yep yep yep yep moving on she was a strange

young woman she loved the occult and decided to follow her dream into the mortuary sciences now are they called the mortuary sciences yeah okay yeah i found that out it's freaky nineteen 79 carl she made national headlines while working as an embalmer one day she's driving like the best embalmer ever she went like an award or something for it no she won't an embalby no no okay no carl she drove off in a hearse

with a dead body in it that she was supposed to be taking to the cemetery for the funeral sure the family is standing there waiting for the hearse there they see it they see her driving and then they see a U-turn just tires squealing and this car went the other way. Uh-huh.

So obviously the family was confused. I'm picturing like the cops and dukes of hazard getting into their cars real quick and started to chase her going over jumps and stuff. No, no, no, no, there was no bootlegged going on. Okay. This Karen disappeared with this body for days. Okay. She's eventually found one county over. Didn't get very far.

She didn't get very far, but she was hiding. and some type of cavern. Gas is expensive. And when they found her, she had been trying to overdose on Tylenol with codeine. Can you do that? I don't think so. She didn't do it well. Either way, they pumped it.

They pumped her stomach and they found the body. They found the hearse. And when they opened up the casket to make sure that the body was not disturbed, they found something quite interesting, Carl. Would you like to guess what they found? Was it cunt juice? I'm wound up to that. I'm sorry.

What do they find there, Biddy? They found a four and a half page letter. What? Her fucking suicide note. Okay. Her four and a half page long suicide note. She left it in the casket with the body. Now, what did it say?

It said I don't know how to commit suicide. I sure I'm bad at this committing suicide thing. Is that what it said? Boy, is my face red? It was a letter confessing to having amorous relations with over 20 to 40 dead men's bodies while working at this morgue. Okay. I don't know how that works. You're going to explain this to me. The letter said- My anger is great. Don't get me wrong. But I don't think that's going to do it.

Well, the letter said, why do I do it? Why? Why? Fear or love relationships? No romance ever hurt like this. It's the pits. I'm a morgue rat. This is my rat hole, perhaps my grave. That's what was in her letter. Now, she's going to be charged with something. She survived to this. She stole a body, stole a hearse. She's fucking corpses. Would you like to guess what she was charged with, Carl?

Fucking corpses? No. Oh, okay. Because apparently in California at the time, there was no law against it. You know what? I'm glad that there's no law against fucking corpses. It tells me this society's going well. Why?

As soon as there's laws. actually get late again? Nope. My wife's not that old. As soon as there are laws. She's all COVID-y, though. The fact that you have to pass that law is a bad day for society. Well, I'd have to say.

Because of Karen, the law was passed. I will say that. Should we make this fucking dead people illegal? Yeah, I think we probably should, yeah. She was charged with stealing the body and the hearse. She got 11 days in jail in a $255 fine. Okay. Okay.

She was placed on two years of probation with medical treatment recommended. Okay. Meanwhile, the mother of the dead man whose body she stole sued, claimed that the incident scarter her secretary, she asked for a million bucks, but she ended up settling for $117,000. From who? Did she have that kind of money? I think she got a lot of it from, like, the funeral home and stuff. I think she was suing everybody.

Oh, okay. That is what is publicly known, because you would assume after this happens, you would disappear. Yes. And you would hide your... You're done. You could start a new leaf. in your life. Well, turn over a new leaf, I believe is what you do. I believe that is correct. You could turn over a new green leaf. She sat down in 1987 for her one and only interview

with a gentleman by the name of Jim Morton. And this was published in a document in a some type of magazine called Apocalypse Culture. Now, I'm going to read to you folks. I love Apocalypse Culture. What a great magazine that is. Real Page Turner. Well, this is fucking ridiculous. Ladies and gentlemen get your barf buckets ready all right because they did a full interview with this woman and i'm going to read to you folks some of the highlights the first question i love this because you know i do interviews every week for the carlson cast yeah and you have to soften people up a little bit this is how the guy started do you miss working in funeral hopes she goes yes terribly even if i wasn't a necrophile i like mortuary work i enjoy embalming and everything except for obese people

the bodies I hated working on most were obese people specifically if they'd been autopsied their guts would slide out on the floor and shit and it's all this melty fat you hate fat people too but for different reasons I guess a broken clock is right twice a day you guys have that in common that's interesting yes yes I just thought that was really funny

now this is the tone of the interview this is a woman who was fucking corpses and she's like oh the fucking fat ones were the worst well in her defense the question wasn't who were you fucking it was you miss it Yeah, that was the softball. Yeah, and that's a good answer. You know what?

Yes or no answers, right? Right. Elaborate a little bit. Now, in the civil trial, he asked her, did any of these morticians ever testify for you or against you at this trial? She said, one funeral director testified on behalf of funeral practices. He was asked how often necrophilia occurs. He said it's almost unheard of in his profession.

That's a major lie. That's a good answer. Necrophilia is more prevalent than most people imagine. funeral homes just don't report it Okay There was one place that I broke into And I know that they knew something was wrong They actually caught me in the act

And let me get away I'm still not understanding how this works We're getting there A couple digits in her or something And another place I was working This guy came up to me and said Someone's been messy with the body It looks like they were trying to fuck the body

I said oh my goodness really Like she played dumb I think they figured it out later I know they know now one more dish that I worked with used to like to use a needle called a trocar which is a large hollow needle used to suction fluids from corpses and what he used to like to do with it is push it up inside any male cadaver's dick and then he would say oh look the corpses got a boner that's not funny yeah you're not laughing are you no it's not fun yeah nothing fun about that yeah i was reading this and i was kind of You say you were caught in the act of necrophilia once? Can you tell us a little bit more about that?

Yeah, that's a good follow-up. Yeah, I tried to kill myself and was living at a halfway house, a couple of blocks up from this funeral home. I decided to go to a mausoleum and try to kill myself again. She's really bad at killing herself, folks. No shit. The mausoleum had a door connecting it to the mortuary. I was sitting in there, really depressed, went just for the hell of it.

I decided to try running my driver's license along the edge of the door, and click. The door popped up. open. Sure. Sounds logical. I couldn't believe it. Sure. So I went into the prep room and there happened to be a body in there. Uh, I had me some fun. That's a quote. I'm not buying any of this. When you're suicidal, you're not, you're not also horny. Those two things are not happening at the same time. Listen to what she said. I'm depressed. I'm suicidal and got it my wet. She said, I did my thing and forgot all about killing myself. That's good.

Yeah, not really. All you need is love, I believe the Beatles said. Love is all you need. I told the folks of the halfway house that I stayed the night with friends. I went in there several more times. Sometimes there are absolutely no bodies, so I turned around and snuck back out. About a week later, I snuck back into the funeral home. I was on the prep table having, quote, a good old time when all of a sudden I felt like there was somebody nearby.

Next thing, I heard people walking down the hallway. Ooh, alive people? Gross. Ew, you're not supposed to be in here. Do you mind? My clothes were in quite a state of disarray I had blood on me and everything else It had been an autopsy case Ugh

It's terrible There was a casket with the lid open In the side cask room So I ran in and hid behind it The casket was on a church truck So they couldn't see me But they could see my legs Now it's turning into Scooby-Doo

She has to like put on outfits to pretend she's one of the dead people. As they walk by, like, wait a second. That's hysterical. That's pretty much what it is. So they're like, there was so many fucking a body in here. And she's just fucking freezing. And they're like, hey, you behind the casket.

That's exactly what she did. Yeah. One of them said, you go get the gun and call the cops. I'll stay down here. I knew I only had one chance and so I busted out and ran. I knew the layout of the place, so I just ran down the hall and out of the place and out of the cemetery at the time i still had a friend who worked at a funeral home and he said somebody broke into the funeral home they know it was you yeah that's funny so this girl

is really weird man like her comfort level when necrophilia is fucking disturbing okay yeah she jumped right into it this isn't something she eased herself into is it now she found herself a boyfriend and was like i'm settling down this is it she said they put in an alarm after that I think they called the police but there was never any charges I'm sure they didn't want the publicity that was the last time I got very close except for I've broken into a few tombs oh wow okay so she's going to

she's an embalmer she's just like I can't get enough of it I can't work in the field anymore so now I'm just running around having a good old time they asked her how did you do it yes thank you that's my question yeah I'm just going along with this interview because it's fucking fascinating. Yes, that's the question. People ask questions like that.

Even people who seem pretty cool seem to have open minds. Then you tell them, they say, that's very interesting. They don't want to have too much to do with me after that. I don't mind telling people how I do it. It doesn't matter to me, but anyone adept sexually shouldn't even have to ask Carl.

I feel like I'm not cool in her eyes. She is such a fucking snarky bitch too. I was wondering the same thing. I guess that's the equivalent of asking like a trans woman if she still has her penis or I mean it's very offensive to ask somebody who fucks. You cannot ask them. Yeah, they're like, really? I mean, you're going to ask me that? It's very effective. Doesn't everybody fuck a corpse the same way, Carl? Yeah, right? One leg at a time. One leg at a time. So she said,

people have this misconception. Yeah. That there has to be penetration for sexual gratification. Okay. Which is bullshit. Okay. The most sensitive part of a woman is the front area anyway. That's what my wife keeps telling me, too. I'm like, I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think that's true. Why don't you just try to ride it some more? She says in the front area anyway, and that is what needed to be stimulated.

Okay. Now, she talked about how she also enjoyed the smell of death, Carl. This is another great question. Okay. She said, wait, I'm not done with her rubbing her clit on dead people. Are we moving on from that? What's going on? What part of the dead person is she rubbing it on?

Is she getting up on top of the guy? It says she's 69ed them. sometimes. Oh, the nose. Nose will do it. Nose and face. Yeah. Okay. And I'm guessing dead genitals. Yeah, I don't know. That's what I was wondering. Maybe she's stuck one of those needles in there made a little stiffy. I don't think so. I don't think so. I doubt it. Uh, sure. The smell of death you enjoy. Sure, I find the odor of death very erotic. There are death odors and then there are death odors. Now you get your body that's been floating in the bay for two weeks or a burn victim. That really doesn't attract me much. But a freshly embalmed corpse is something else.

there's also this attraction to blood when you're on top of a body it tends to purge blood out of its mouth oh that's hot well you're making passionate love you'd have to be there i guess maybe she just had her period it was 69 again maybe it was never the person's blood are you kidding me she's fucking corpses enough carl that there's blood coming out of them out of their mouths also i like that she doesn't mind the smell i you know she finally finds it erotic. I think that her and I could actually, we could maybe make this thing work because my wife's not a fan of how I make the bad smell. But this woman sounds like she'd just be able to push right through. Yeah, she's a real trooper all right. So this is 1987.

The interviewer asks her a serious question. He says, oh, well, you have to be careful with all the AIDS going around. Ah, yes, yes. And she goes, well, that's the reason I haven't tried anything lately. Oh, good. She's scared. I'm sure I'd have found a way to get into one of these funeral homes by now. But the group I find attractive young men in their 20s are the ones who are dying of AIDS.

Okay. Then they followed up this question. Did you usually attend the funerals of your corpse lovers? Interesting. Yeah, all right. That's a good question. I wouldn't have thought to ask that. Yeah.

I like that her boyfriend's stiff and she's scared stiff. It's good. It keeps it from doing things she shouldn't be doing. She was worried about catching the AIDS from the corpses. Yes. It doesn't sound plausible, but Dr. Fauci probably said you can do it, so stay away. Wear a mask. You're going to fuck a dead corpse. You have to put a mask on the corpse, and you have to put a mask on yourself. Did you usually attend the funerals of your corpse lovers? Yeah, it was convenient working in the funeral homes. I get to drive out to the cemetery with the family. I get to mourn right along with the family at the loss of that loved one.

Except, I was groaning in a little different tone. Oh, God. the creep Why is she doing this interview? Try with her. People can't really tell if you're grief-stricken or passion-stricken I've discovered. I've had members of the families put their arms rummy and say, we're so glad you could come.

Yeah. I think people assume that you're grief-stricken because you're at a funeral. I think that's the assumption. They can't even tell. Well, we assume you're not a horrible person. They realized something was wrong, which was just grinding the tube stoats. Yes. Yeah.

She says, he'll get me off one more time. She says after they would talk to her, she'd have to spin this whole big yarn. Yeah, I knew him in school. If the guy didn't have a girlfriend in life, they're like, oh, maybe she was his girlfriend. After a detail interview, after this interview came out, Carl, she changed her name and moved to another city, which is the last time she's ever spoken publicly. So she learned her lesson. We don't know that. Well, she changed her name and moved, so she understood that this was not a good look for her.

Yeah. Well, that means that she went to another place. so maybe you should get a fresh start and find a new funeral home that didn't have as nice a lot. You know, there's probably a lot of guys who are thinking, even after I die, I'm still getting laid.

All right. This fucking lunatic. Now, her story inspired a 1992 short story. We seldom look on love, which turned inspired the 1996 Canadian independent film kissed. They made a movie about this. Of course they do.

It's a fascinating story. And the main character was a young woman working as an embalmer fascinated with dead bodies and engaged in necrophilia, played by Molly Parker. Who's Molly Parker? She's not? Did you look her up? Do you know what this woman looks like? Is she attractive? Do you know what to see a picture of her?

Yeah, I want to see a picture. That's the only picture I could find her. All right. Well, she was like, she might be. It's hard to tell. That's a corpse fucker right there. Yeah, it's hard to tell. I don't think I like it.

Yeah. Molly Parker's portrayal of the controversial role earned her an award. for, quote, performance of... And I believe what was the... She won an embalby, that's it. She won an award for performance by an actress in a leading role at the 18th Genie Awards. I guess that's some Canadian bullshit.

Whatever. As of 1996, Greenlee was reported to be touring North America with her poetry, conferencing about necrophilia and sexual liberation. Okay, so this other woman's now making a living off of this? No, she's doing it. She's going out and still touring under her name. She lives somewhere and she's hidden, but she's written poetry and stuff that she's released because she is so not sorry for this shit.

She's not hiding. I thought you said she was, she changed her name and she's hiding. We don't know what happened to her. They don't know where she lived. She's on tour? Yeah, but she lives somewhere under an assumed name and she shows up places as Karen Greenlee. Okay. And there's apparently a whole fucking convention of these people that are into necrophilia.

Okay. So she's like a fucking hero to them. Okay. She's the hero of the necrophiles. Ugh. Still better than Sutter John Yeah, man And she used to look

Like here's some of her poetry She there's this is audio of it This is her This is her talking about A Summer Nights Trish she had With one of the corpses And this is her in the throes of passion Oh yeah

Oh yes Yep that's her All right Are we good You say voted up He said, moving on. Moving on. All right.

Very good. I will bring you a man named Kenneth Douglas. And Vinny, you know what they like to say? And they used to say this to me when I was a young man. Do what you love and never work a day in your life. And Kenneth Douglas is one of these people who fulfilled his dreams in life. I don't feel like his dreams were that out of the realm of reality. If his dream was to work in a funeral home.

More so than just work in a funeral home. More so than just work at a funeral home, although he did hold down a position for quite some time. Now, you expect that the bodies of murder victims entrusted to the coroner's office for autopsy would be safe and protected. But there's a former employee who's in jail right now for sexually abusing corpses. All right, we're going to Hamilton County in Ohio. And so you have the coroner's office where it's all bodies that they need to do autopsies on. Yeah, yeah. And sometimes they don't.

come in in the best of shape. Sure. Let's hear about Karen Range's story. Karen Range grew up in Cincinnati with her mother and several siblings. She enjoyed animals and was planning to go to veterinary school. She was proud of her virginity abstaining from sex until she would be married. Karen was murdered by a door-to-door salesman on October 19, 1982. She was only 19 years old.

Karen was admitted to the morgue on August 20th, 1982. Now, this is a crazy story, Vinny, because what happened was this guy, this guy, David Stephan, posing as a door-to-door salesman just came in and murdered this girl. They talk about how, like, things are more dangerous nowadays. Like, this is the early 80s. This guy's just going door-to-door murdering teenagers. Anyway. Murderer.

Murderer here. Open up. Hope it's not that pesky land shark again. Nope, no, it's a murderer. Nope, got a knife. So he beat the teenager, stuffed a rag in her mouth, and slashed her throat with a paring knife with such force he nearly took her head off. Yeah.

This is the body that's going to. With a pairing knife? Yeah. That is not the best shaped body. So Stefan pleaded guilty to murdering range. But while he admitted to attempting to rape her, swore up and down, he never actually completed any. sexual aspect of the crime.

Now, investigators didn't believe him since the medical exam found semen inside and all over the victim's body. Yeah. So he got put away for both murder. Well, how did this get here? And rape. Fast

forward. This is 1982. Fast forward 2008 and DNA technology has come along to the point where they're able to test, hey, I wonder if that was that David Stephan door-to-door sales, person who had sex with this 19-year-old virgin. Well, turns out that DNA belonged to our buddy, Kenneth Douglas.

I do remember going in the freezer, pulling in one of the rooms in the back. Okay. I hate sex with him. Kenneth Douglas admitted to sexually assaulting Appling's daughter Charlene, Angel Hicks, and Karen Range during his time at the morgue in the 80s. I don't get on top of all to pull my pants down. These crimes did not come to light until years later. It was not until 2008 that DNA from the victims was linked to Kenneth Douglas.

All right. So he admits right there to having sex with three different murdered teenagers. And they're not coming to him in the best of shape. As I mentioned, the woman's head was almost cut completely off. I figure nobody'd notice. Yeah, well, guess what? Nobody did notice. I mean, what a fucking simpleton this guy sounds like, too. Oh, yeah. Nobody did notice for a very long time, Benny.

Douglas had access to the bodies at the morgue every day from 1976 until 1992. So once they discovered the DNA... It was a good run. Yeah, once they discovered the DNA from this one woman. Do you have the glory days drop for that? They start. I had a friend. It was a big baseball player.

I probably should have played this one. Wheeling in those corpses. So he's working there the whole time. They didn't discover this until 2008, and that's when they questioned him about this. And he went ahead and admitted. Who are these busy bodies retesting all this DNA? That's a great question. You know what it is, actually.

It's this guy, David Stephan and his pesky attorney because he was on death row. And he's going, I didn't even rape the bitch. I tried and I wasn't able to. Why am I on death row? Anyway Well, you chopped her head off He did chop her head off But I guess the rape part

But I did not rape that girl But I did not rape her So So this is Him now Kenneth Douglas admitting That he did have sex with corpses

And even he isn't sure How many corpses he abused According to me is 20 It could be 100 According to Kenneth Dougas It could have been a hundred How many did you say That your Karen was up?

to 20 to 40. 20 to 40. Where's the estimate? All right. Yeah, this guy's over 100. What do you think drives this type of behavior? Wanting to come. I'm guessing wanting to come and having no living human wanting to have any interaction with you

at all. Close. Douglas says he committed these crimes because he was under the influence of drugs and alcohol on the job. If I wasn't drinking, I hadn't had anything to drink when I went to work, it wouldn't happen. Or I would, I I would do crack and go in, and I would drink and go in.

He would do crack. Oh, God. And then next thing you know, he's fucking a dead body. So your guy at least has an excuse. Yes. He's got a real good excuse. He used to drink and do drugs a lot. Yeah, my girl was just like, yeah, the smell turns me on.

Well, this is funny. Speaking of the smell, because he shared a car with his wife. They were a one car family. So she would drop him off at work to work his overnight shift. and then come and pick him up after in the morning. Was he smoking the crack in the car? Well, he was smoking the crack at work, and he was drinking at work, and he would smell pretty boozy by the time he got in the car,

and the wife got real suspicion of what was going on while he was at work. Douglas's wife claims she called the morgue supervisor about her husband smelling like alcohol and... And I told him and said, we're down to one car. More often than not, I'm dropping Kenny off and I'm picking him up, and I'm taking him home. He gets undressed and he briefs up. Appling's attorney put it in terms that we can use on

TV. Her husband was also coming home from work, as she put it, smelling like sex. What she said was he smelled like pussy. She came on to me. So he smells like alcohol and pussy after his shift at the morgue.

If you can imagine what that's like. Could you imagine being in a morgue on Kling, what? No. I don't know what that would be like. Not fun. maybe a lot of fun. I don't know. So she goes ahead and calls.

I know is I would need a drink. She calls them and says, hey, just so you know, something's going on with my husband. Douglas's wife claims the morgue supervisor told her to stop calling. Bernie said, Pat, whatever happens on county property

and county time is county business. What happens in county property stays on county property? Yeah, yeah, it's like it's Vegas. I know. That way, that did not go over while. That came back to bite. the county in court where their attitudes, it's like, oh yeah, he's supposed to use

fucking dead people all night? Well, too bad. Yeah, what does that say about your pussy lady? What does that say about your pussy? Look at all of us like strange, but... Now, stop calling. You're supposed to be fucking rotten. Holy shit. Well,

I have good news for him. He wasn't just fucking dead people. It wasn't only corpses. A morgue employee who worked with Douglas testified that he would bring live women in at night and have sex with them. Imagine if you're a prostitute or escort or whatever these women of the night are. I do bonus shows for Patreon. I know what it's like to be a whore.

Yes. And imagine if they're like, all right, where are we going to do this? At the morgue, I want you to meet my other girlfriends. They're not good prostitutes, Carl. No, that's a good point. They're not high-end call girls. That's true. They're probably not even complaining about it.

How was the... They're just like, oh, this is. is not. How was the gig at the morgue? She's like, fine. It's fine. At least there was someplace to lay this time. How was the gig? I'm used to alleys. Is that how pimps ask about that? How was that gig last night? Yeah, probably not. So then they asked the question is, did he ever have to like unzip a body bag in order to fuck these bruns? Did you ever have to, um, unzip body bags to, to see the women? Okay, some of them. A few of them. I think Karen was one of them. Okay.

first one right what a stupid question yeah of course how do you fuck them do you fuck your wife through her clothes exactly consider it consider it her skirt all right you call it a body bag i call it a big skirt that i got to get through i may be a crackhead but i already know the answer to that well he does say that he wasn't always penetrating the women so i can't actually remember but i do remember some kind of i would hit i would guess just master master thing well and i would have my hands on. Jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, jacking it, spanking it, jacking it, smack. So he'd be like feeling up the corpse, like grabbing the boobs and grabbing the buttocks

while just jerking off all over it. And he got away with this for a very long time and you're ready for the kicker on this one. Yeah. Ken of Douglas, now 62 is out of prison and by all known accounts is keeping a low profile. So he is also free and clear after admitting the fucking over. a hundred corpses. Yeah, but did he have to pay a $225? At the fine. I don't think so. I don't know what the fine was for this.

My lady got 40, did 40 corpses 11 days in a fine in California. The state that we're all bitching about is so overly restricted. Yeah. The 70s in California had to be amazing. Yeah, they're not focused on the right things over there, are they? They aren't. I was born in 82 in San Diego. No wonder I turn out the way I am. Oh, you're blaming San Diego? Just that California mentality. It's not their fault. Sorry, I get my carefree attitude.

So go vote for Kenneth Douglas, please, for a creepiest undertaker on, what is it, the creepoff.com. Ladies and gentlemen, you can go vote for a crackhead, or you can vote for a legitimate creep who got turned on by dead bodies. Thank you. We're going to do some voicemails. Are you ready, Carl? Yeah, let's do it. All right. The Creepoff voicemail segment is brought to by the city of Syracuse, home to the beef jerky outlet.

Come see the parts of the cow that Slim Jim's turned down. See you in Syracuse. Here's someone calling it to tell me I'm stupid. Vinny, you dumb fuck. Yeah, Superman Returns wasn't that great. And Brian Singer is a kid fucker. Sure. But he had not that much to do with X-Men 3, The Last Dan.

I think it was Brett Ratner that directed that. Singer, I don't know, he was too busy fucking kids. after uh x-men too uh but yeah so you're an idiot and wrong and just because of that i kind of want to vote for caro i don't know if i will though because your guy was kind of creepy so fuck yourselves and smooches all right first off you nerd mean you guys shut this whole thing down with just this yeah i was hoping you would strong policy on this show about fact checking 100% by the way rap's coming to the club in a couple weeks. Yeah, it's going to be your MC. Oh, yeah? You're seeing that show? Yeah, so listen, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this yet, but there's a certain

show with a pal of yours that's coming to the club. Oh, cool. In March, I'll give you a clue. I was bumped for him on the Cardiff Electric show, and I was supposedly going to be doing five shows with him. Wait, does any chance does he sound like this? Welcome to Who Are These Podcasts? White Power. Well, it's not officially announced, so I couldn't say. All right. But exactly like that, yes. Hi, this is high pitch, Eric, and you're listening to Who Are These Podcasts? Chinese people smell.

So if you want to hear that type of material, March here in Rochester. Here's a voicemail for you, Carl. All right. Hey, I had the call. I just wanted to appreciate Carl's joke that went unappreciated during the show with his amazing race TV show being about white people. That was a really funny joke. There you go.

There's your credit. Congratulations. I stole that from, who's the guy with the really hard to pronounce name from The Hangover? Ken Jong. No. Zach Galfanakis. Yeah. All right.

So here we go. This is my favorite voice metal of the week. Cowboy shit. Cowboy shit. Cowboy shit. Cowboy shift. Holy hell. That AEW final match at full gear

between Hangman Page and Kenny Omega was phenomenal. It was great. That was a good time. I hope you had as much fun as I did. Call him back, Prep Boy, Rick out. Thanks, Prep Boy, Rick. I hope you enjoyed that pay-per-view.

It was very late, but, boy, it was a lot of fun. My boy, MJF, took out that piece of shit, Darby-Alan. Are you just trying to plead people's bingoes boards for them? Is pre-boy Rick in on this? Does he have that square on his bingo board? What's going on right now? Well, I didn't bring it up. He did.

So I don't know if it counts. Vinny, Vinny, Vinny. All right. So for those of you who don't know about this yet, you can play a bingo game along with the show every week now. Tucker Dixon, I believe, created this for us. Thank you, Tucker. So Tucker is going to be running it.

The details we tweeted them. Make sure you're following us at Twitter at Creepoff. Could I tell you something? Bingo game? Yeah. So apparently I say the phrase, fair enough quite a bit. Yes. Something I didn't know about myself until I started the bingo board.

And then I'm editing WATP yesterday. I'm like, oh, my fucking God. I'm editing out myself saying fair enough. Might as well be a fucking free space. Seriously. Carl is late. Carl said fair enough. All free spaces.

I wasn't late today. You were early. I was early. Yeah. So fuck all of you guys wrong. but if you did have technical stream issues you got that that's a fair yeah we got to fix that i don't want that to be folks i don't know what's going on i think there's a problem with the internet here um there has been we're going to call we're going to get equipment changed out i'm sorry guys it's not me

i'm not hitting buttons to fuck shit up i'm sorry i'm sorry see this is this is the this is the vinny thing it's not my fault don't blame me i apologize please forgive me oh just keep blaming me Just keep I'm just saying that when you apologize for all of these technical problems

Yeah give away Yeah give away God does not deserve to smell my shit Fuck you dude You got any voicemails Fuck you I do not

All right I guess it's time for a scum stream Let's get into the skum parade Oh I said up I fucked up my own show That's all right Well fuck it since you said it this is a bonus show

shit right here speaking of which you want to do that Dan Schneider episode this week yes let's do that gotta help some padels

and people who just ain't right I need a scum stream still going on stop it let's see I need a scum stream. Is it going to end?

Oh, look at that, it ends. Good old, another Carl ballad that goes on too long. Shocker. God damn. By the third chorus, you're like, all right, we get it. It's a scum stream. What are these days I'm going to play that whole thing you wrote to be for shoot to throw? It's like four minutes long.

I think I played that entire song on one of our first episodes out there. Oh, God. All right. It's too long. Florida inmate charged with assaulting his roommate told cops that he had a good excuse for it. Okay. He said, him farts too much and was stinking up the cell.

Okay. I can see that being a problem in those living quarters. So now I have learned my lesson from two weeks ago. I will not be played four minutes of farts while we talk about this. I am actually shocked that you're restraining yourself. It's very impressive. I'm trying to be a good guy today. He also failed to give courtesy flushes after using their shared toilet.

According to an arrest report, investigators alleged that Christopher Cowan, 33, pummeled Amando Dominguez Cuevado 57 during a confrontation Thursday night inside their cell at the Monroe County Detention Center in Key West. So the irony here is that he ended up beating the shit out of him, which is not going to help the situation. Cuevado has been locked up on a 40,000 bond and has been in custody since February on arrest for aggravated battery and a decent exposure. During an interview at a hospital emergency room, he said he was cleaning the toilet when Calh and grabbed him by the shirt and began pulling. Uncheat him in the face and the ribs. Cops noted that he had no idea why he was being attacked out of the blue, and it seemed random. The attack left Coveto with two missing teeth, a broken rib, and swollen bruised lips, and left orbital socket.

Broken left orbital socket, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. I was reading this to my wife, and she was actually siding with Kalin on this. She's like, yeah, that's, he got what he deserved on that one. Yeah, she wishes she could take you. No courtesy flushes? What's wrong with this fucking guy?

when questioned by the cops whose knuckles were red and bloody appeared to provide a motive for the assault complaining about his cellmate's flatulence and toilet habits he also complained that Dominguez Covado quote speaks weird languages yeah out of his butt I'll take it this week

don't you worry I got you covered buddy according to the arrest report Cald was charged yesterday of aggravated battery by an inmate a felony for which he is scheduled to be arraigned November 19th a judge's and Cal would have no contact with him? So you imagine they're just sitting on either side of the cell not talking to each other?

They'd have to draw the line down the middle. You can be on your side and I'll be on my side. You can't cross over here. Yeah, well, the toilet's on my side now, Armando. I'm going to go ahead and throw this out there, Vinnie. I have a feeling that it wasn't really just about the farting. I think that maybe something built up over time and like that was the final straw would be my guess. I feel like this guy thought that the guards would just go with him on it.

Oh, well, he's farting all the time. Go right ahead. Yeah. Like, I don't know jail culture. It's terrifying. He beat him to an inch of his life. I mean, this was, this was not a harmless spat that they had. No.

All over a harmless spat. Okay. A former high school basketball coach is being investigated by the Rhode Island Attorney General's office. After former players came forward to say, he for years asked male students to disrobe, well alone with him, so he could perform what he called. quote body fat tests okay yeah you've had a body fat test before right bennie yeah i passed yeah yeah i mean you got to like take off all your clothes and do jumping jacks in front of like grown men right no never had to do that oh you don't have to do that oh weird nope i actually

you know what they do that hernia test when you're in like school yeah yeah that i almost called the police you're so upset this guy's touching my balls that guy touched my balls last year too Why would I wouldn't believe me? You mean he's touching everyone's balls? Get the principal in here. Why did we have those hernia tests? Is that a necessary thing? Of all the things they look for, it's like lice?

Okay, I get it because then you can spread it to other kids. That's a problem. I heard that kids now have to wear masks on their balls. It's good. That's good. Yeah. I think that that's only fair. God.

I hope my nuts smelled terrible. I'm sure they did. I just got. Your diet has never been good. It's not true. it's never been healthy. I find it that everything I eat is delicious. It's never been good. So Aaron Thomas 54, a better teacher and coach at North Kingston High School since the 1990s before he resigned in June when the reports came to light.

So so far no criminal charges have been filed. A spokesperson for the state attorney general confirmed the investigations week but did not provide details. His attorney, Thomas's attorney, John McDonald, pronouns, pal, said that tests using skinfold Calipers were done with parental consent and that his client had hundreds of signed consent forms. All right, I have to ask you this, Vinny. In a case like this, we were looking at nude boys over decades of time, is having hundreds of consent forms a good thing? Or does it kind of make it seem like you knew you were up to something that you were going to have to prove that you had consent for at some point? And the fact that he had them all still on file. Yeah, like he's got a stack.

He's like, no, no, no, no, look at this. Look at this. I got signatures. Mom said it was cool. Mom said it was cool. Yeah. I like how they said he's got skinfold calipers. What is that like a fucking salad tongue? Possibly.

Pinching the fatties. All right, put your pants back out. Get out of here, kid. Boy, if I walked in. Nope, you're good. We got you. You're good. He said that he had all this information as proof.

However, the consent forms viewed by the Boston Globe make no mention of nudity. Right. That would be the problem. Yes. And he's got all of the... these fucking useless piece of papers that he saved but none of it said yes my child should fucking strip naked in front of you and you pinch them you don't have to measure someone's cock length to determine their body weight or their whatever that now bend over i got to measure

asshole to tip exactly no thank you should not be happening uh so the test had started on the upper body with the shirt off and goes low with the underwear on or off he told the newspaper it was simply quicker to do it without the underwear in the way. Underwear always gets in the way. Agreed. Of child rape, yes. Thomas measured the abductor muscles of the inner thigh but did not touch the groin area, his lawyer said.

The consent form mentions assessing body fat composition, testing muscle strength, and development, and was designed to help athletes reach their full potential. All right. I have a statement that I want to make. Please. If you coach young boys or young girls and your goal isn't to eventually coach at a collegiate, or professional level, there should be a term limit for that. No grown adult man should enjoy coaching little boys

unless there's something else going on. Every single coach should be the grumpy dad that doesn't want to be there. Correct. They should all have a white claw like Carl. Yes, they should be pounding white claws and looking at their watch the entire time. Do you guys want to run two more drills? Fucking sprints go. We could call it.

Fucking done with that. But yeah, I agree with you. It's a weird thing. It's a weird. It's a weird profession. And the fact that this guy wants to see all these boys naked is weird. I don't care if he had consent forms. I don't care if we didn't touch them.

Lock him up. So North Kingston police told school officials in September that they were not pursuing criminal charges. Wow. But local police are now cooperating with the attorney general's office who did get involved. And the school committee is also investigating. Thomas got another job at a private middle school in South Kingston. in September, but was fired last week after all this came public. Who's that old guy over there?

Uncle Paul, Uncle Paul with the creepy old guy staring. Uncle Paul. Now he's coming over here. Slowly limping down the hall. It's too late now because here comes Uncle Paul. I'm going to make a big boy love you. Got to make a big boy love you. So ladies and gentlemen, let's keep moving.

This article came from people. magazine. This was sent to me. It's in our usual the smoking gun or New York Post article or the mirror. What's the other one that we love? I'm just going to read this article because it is so wonderfully written by the folks over at people. It just paints a lovely picture. Here we go. At a 2016 Republican Party fundraiser at the Palm Beach Mansion, a former presidential candidate Ben Carson, 24-year-old ballet dancer, Ashley Byers met Doug Bainfield, a Navy veteran and a Navy veteran and technology consultant who had started several businesses. Although Doug was 30 years older than Ashley, Sparks flew instantly.

Ah, yes. A story as old as time itself, Vinny. A young, hot chick is so attracted to a much older man with a shit ton of money. If there was a sugar daddy seeking class, it would say go to Ben Carson fucking fundraisers. Correct. Go to the Republican fundraisers. Yep, it's a pretty good place to start right there. Dress like a Fox News consultant and just fucking walk in there, you'll be all right.

Short skirt, anywhere where dinner costs $30,000 a plate, that's where you're going to find your next hobby. Well, let me tell you something. Those sparks did fly. Yeah. 14 days later, married. That's how you know it's real when you get married after two weeks of dating. Yeah. That's proof right there that it's, that's proof right there that it's nothing that's nefarious going on at all.

Well, the couple wasted little time building a future together, Carl. Good. Although she had only danced with small regional troops, Ashley wanted to build her own ball. company. What do you know? Okay. And Doug was happy to foot the bill for it. Okay, good. Give her something to do. Get out of the house. There you go. Ashley named the company, the American National Ballet. Okay. It's a dumb name, Ashley. It's not a great name. It seems generic. Now, would you like to hear what their goal was, Carl? I hope it's not to have fat chicks dancing. I hope that's what it is. Oh, God damn it, Ashley. It was built on the goal of hiring dancers of all body types, including

curvier and shorter ones. It felt like a big break, one dancer tells people, in its latest issue. Finally, someone wasn't going to tell me that I was too fat to dance. Well, they're just taking your money. It's not like you're performing in front of people. You're not getting on Broadway or anything like that. You're just, here.

Yeah, we'll take your money. You can dance here. Could you imagine, like, how good this Ashley fucks that she's convincing you to spend all of your money on a fat lady ballet? I mean, I mean, Carl. It's enraging. It's enraging. It's enraging.

Because, look, if you're going to have a wife who's 30 years younger than you's hot. Yeah. It's enraging. Because, look, if you're going to have a wife who's 30 years younger than you's hot. Yeah. And then it turns out she's a dancer and she wants to hang out with her coming over. I know. I thought there would be like a bunch of other hot chicks there.

It's like, oh, cool, dance school? Yeah. Can I go there? And then you're like, wait, what's this? And these fucking women are limping up to him going, thank you so much for the opportunity. Yeah. They're coming in with a dozen donuts to dance class. You're like, what the fuck?

Who are these women? Now, uh, honey, uh, you said this was going to be a ballet. Uh, where are the dancers? Uh, it looks like the janitorial staff is on the stage. Why is the 85 Bears defense here? I was looking for some dancers. Oh, God. So as you can imagine, this didn't go well.

Yeah. Doug began to run out of money and the entire ballet company fell apart. The couple were sued and broiled in a messy divorce where they began to trade allegations of abuse and infidelity. Then on September 27th, Police responded to a 911 call at the home of Ashley's mother in Lakewood Ranch, Florida. They found Doug fatally shot on the bedroom floor, bleeding in three places. Okay. Now, Ashley told police her husband had tried to attack her, and she had shot him in self-defense.

The Manatee County Sheriff's Office said that Ashley claimed Doug was attacking her during the incident, but the detectives found no evidence that she was acting in self-defense when she fired multiple shots at her husband. based on the entry wounds on Douglas, it does not appear that he was facing Ashley when she began shooting. It's like, I was able to shoot him two times in the back. Oh, three gunshot wounds to the back. Hit the music.

By the way. Did give away. I will tell you this, though. I'm on Ashley's side on this one, and I'll tell you why. Oh, you're going to blame the mark? Yes. See, if you want to marry a young hot chick

because you're a wealthy guy, you have to then stay wealthy. if you become unwealthy and then she wants to leave or murder you or whatever that's on you that's the contract that you're in right now you gotta stay wealthy keep your money it really is debt kind of is the contract i was expecting yes i was worried about you and then i'm like that's right benny was never wealthy okay yeah and i have to worry about this a similar scenario yeah apparently she says she loves me for me that's ridiculous but the name of this episode she loves me for me probably not okay

It's actually to be COVID-fears Carl and Vinnie. Yes. Vinnie and Carl are indestructible. She'll be the name of this episode. And Carl are gods among God. Douglas was not found to have any weapons on his person or near him. And they said he, it does not appear that Douglas had taken any kind of defensive or combative stance. Uh-oh.

So we'll see what happens there. Ashley, you should probably piss him off more. If you're going to do this whole thing, you got to go to him doing. make him hit you. You got to say that his... You want me to bring my fat friends over here again? No. You ought to have my fat.

No. What you say is your brother's dick is bigger than yours, and that usually will get it going. Yeah. That's how Chris he pisses off, Carl. Oh, boy. All right. This is getting too personal now. All right.

This next story is pretty fucked. Sorry. A teen girl in India has been found unconscious on a roadside after she was allegedly held captive and raped by a man for months to deliver his child. child. Hmm. Police say the unidentified girl is from Nagpur, a city in the central Indian state of Maharashtra, was found unconscious last week on the road at Yujan, a city around 320 miles

away from her home. Okay. Those of you didn't follow it, look at a map. Yeah. The 19-year-old girl regained consciousness Thursday after five days after she was found abandoned. The victim told police that a childless couple bought her for money, kept her in confinement for around 16 months while the husband raped her. The teen girl was thrown out by the couple after she delivered the baby for them.

So wait, you purchase a girl and you're not allowed to have sex with her? I mean, you own her. This is not the India that I know. The Times of India reported, based on the victim's complaint, the police have registered a case against five people, including the couple. The police have identified Raj Paul Singh as the prime suspect to allegedly rape the girl after buying her from a human trafficker. The girl was also identified the human trafficker as a woman known as Chandra. Singh's wife could not bear a child and the couple was desperate for a baby after the two kids died around 15 years ago. The victim said in the complaint, the victim was unaware of the couple's plan and told the police that she was promised a well-paid job when she was brought to you John.

I have to say the teenager obviously did nothing to ingratiate herself into the lives of these people because they're like, all right, we just wanted the kid. Now we can abandon you. You think this guy wasn't said this, like, having my baby, what a lovely way. I mean, don't you think after 16 months? He's just like, get out, bitch. Yeah, like having 16 months together, she had a lot of chances to make it feel like they wanted to keep her around. Also, I was thinking, it's India, man. How many mouths do you want to feed?

That's true. I was thinking, though, if they had kept the teenager after she gave birth to the kid, that would be a hilarious sitcom. You know what I mean? Like, you raped this girl for 16 months. She gives birth. it's almost like a who's the boss type of scenario yeah it's the 2021 reboot of the odd couple yes i think that'd be fun okay let's get on it so i like how they said the victim was unaware of the couple's plans well you were sex trafficked to them so i don't think you really get a say right it doesn't

matter if they gave you a tip on that or not it wasn't going to change anything yeah i'm sure they told you a lot of things right to get you into that cage initial after the girl became pregnant the couple reportedly took care of her and even drove her to medical checkups but they They made an effort to hide her while she was in the vehicle. Meanwhile, Singh's wife reportedly staged that she was pregnant and convinced the neighbors. When the teen went into labor, she was admitted to a hospital under Singh's wife's name, where she underwent a cesarean operation. The couple took the baby and dropped the victim on the roadside.

The victim also contracted an infection post-delivery, police said. Well, yeah, she's living on the roadside of India for five days. Yeah, after she just fucking got a baby fucking ripped out of her. a C-section from an Indian hospital. I can only imagine. This seems like a kind of a nightmare, to be honest. Yes, I would say so. It sounds like a bad situation.

There's monsters in this fucking world, dude. And they most of them live in India. Not most of them. Oh, not most of them. They just happen to have a big population. Most Indian people are monsters is what you were trying to say, right? No, it's not what I was saying at all. I didn't say that.

Okay. In fact, that comment, I denounce it. Fair enough. Ladies and gentlemen, that is a bingo that Carl just said fair enough. Fuck! I can't help it. What a fun show today, Carl. That was fun.

I'm really glad to have you back in the studio. We'll figure out a day this week. There's going to be a bonus episode on the Patreon. It's a good day to jump on that. Patreon.com backslash the Creepoff. You can join Carl's Cuzzaroos. I don't know why you would. Or you can join the VNon True Believers.

You can leave us a voicemail at 585371.8. And you can email the creepoff pod at gmail.com. Cause. Cuzaroo Cuzzaroo It's nice to be important It's more important to be nice Gagia

Oh normally in a funeral service The body is buried The next day Oh yes Oh the clock of my And bombing room wall is ticking down It's the cream Yes

This is stupid I'll tell you about my undertaker Oh Superfilm! Oh, yeah! May your enemies be cursed in your podcast adventures. Oh, yes!