The Daily Stoic - 12 (Stoic) Questions That Will Change Your Life

Episode Date: October 17, 2021

On today’s episode of the podcast Ryan gives you 12 Questions that will change your life. Gathered from some of the wisest philosophers, most incisive thinkers, greatest leaders and most awesome badasses that ever lived. Watch the video: https://youtu.be/X5JwF5pwR34Novo is the #1 Business Banking App - because it’s built from the ground up to be powerfully simple and free business banking that Money Magazine called the Best Business Checking Account of 2021. Novo makes banking easy and secure - you can manage your account in Novo’s customizable web, android, and iOS apps with built in profit first accounting and invoicing. Get your FREE business banking account in just 10 minutes at https://banknovo.com/STOICTalkspace is an online and mobile therapy company. Talkspace lets you send and receive unlimited messages with your dedicated therapist in the Talkspace platform 24/7. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code STOIC to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://DailyStoic.com/signupFollow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoic podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to the weekend edition of the Daily Stoic. Each weekday we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, something to help you live up to those four Stoic virtues of courage, justice, temperance, and wisdom. And then here on the weekend, we take a deeper dive into those same topics. We interview stoic philosophers, we explore at length how these stoic ideas can be applied to our actual lives and the challenging issues of our time. Here on the weekend when you have a little bit more space when things have slowed down, be sure to take some time to think, to go for a walk, to sit with your journal, and most importantly to prepare for what the week

ahead may bring. It is interesting to think that most of the Stokes were financially successful. They were leaders, they were entrepreneurs, they were politicians, they were artists. So there's really nothing in stoicism that's anti-money or success. I think all the four virtues of the stocks, courage, temperance, justice, wisdom apply well

to the idea of investing in money management. And that is why I love today's sponsor. Novo is the number one business banking app. With Novo, there are no minimum balances, no transaction limits, no hidden fee. Sign up for free in under 10 minutes at banknovo.com slash stug. They'll mail you a Novo debit card that you can use for free at any ATM. Novo makes banking easy and secure. You can manage your account in Novo's customizable web, Android and iOS apps.

Get your free business banking account in 10 minutes at banknovo.com slash dog. That's bank and OVO.com slash dog to sign up for free right now and get a free copy of Novo's small business starter guide banknovo.com slash stow it. Hey, it's Ryan Holiday. Welcome to another weekend episode of The Daily Stoke. I think our impulse is to look for answers, right? We want answers. Victor Frankl talks about this. He says, you know, people want to be told what the meaning of life is instead of probing that question. You know, it's really though it's these questions that teach us, especially like rhetorical questions.

I think this is what Zen Buddhism is really about, these sort of impossible to answer questions. It's in wrestling with them that we learn, the ones that don't seem to have an answer that push and push us the hardest. Who do you think you are? What does this all mean? Why? Why? Why?

Why is the really powerful question? So the right question at the right time in your life can change everything. It can still a turbulent mind. It can heal an angry heart. It can give you a new perspective. And so in today's episode, I wanted to give you some questions I like to wrestle with, that I like to journal about, that I like to ask myself on a regular basis.

They've been the source of lots of articles I've written. They've been source of some of our most popular social media posts. They are also the source of a really popular YouTube video. We did earlier this year, which you can check out on our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash Daily Stoke. But here it is in audio form, some provocative questions, some of which I admittedly stole from wise philosophers and incisive thinkers and great leaders and awesome badasses.

But I'm definitely not saying I know the answers to these questions, but I'm telling you there has been value in letting them challenge me as I think there will be for you. Let them work on you while you work on them. Here are 12 stoic or stoic adjacent questions that will change your life. What do you actually value? When you know what's important, and you know what you value, and you know where you're going,

it makes it easy for you to ignore what doesn't matter and focus on what does matter. I think we often look for answers, when really it's the questions that teaches the most. I know that the right question at the right time can totally change the direction of your life. I'm Ryan Holiday. I've been writing about Stoicism now

for more than a decade and a half. I've talked to everyone from the NBA to the NFL, special forces to sitting senators. And we talk about how these ancient ideas, these philosophical practices can help us in the course of modern life. And today I wanted to give you 12 questions that I think about all the time derived from the Stoics and otherwise people from the past that will help you, whoever you are, whatever you're doing in your life. Who are you spending time with? Gertranger says, show me who you spend time with

and I will tell you who you are, right? Santa can talk about spending time with people who make you a better person. My dad said to me as a kid, you become like your friends. Well the question is, are you spending time with people who are averaging you towards where you wanna go or the averaging you away from where you want to go. This is a question that can lead to some hard decisions.

People that you're going to spend less time with, who are you seeing after work, who are you reading, who are you talking to, the people we spend time with, are you going to make us better, they're going to make us worse, or they're going to keep us exactly who we are, which is either a good thing or a very bad thing. Is this in my control? Epic Titus says this is the key question. This is the chief task of the philosopher in life, which is separating the things that are up to us and the things that are not up to us. And so much of the time and energy we spend in this life are on things that are not up to us, that are not in our control.

It just started raining. I don't need to have an opinion on the fact that it's raining because it's not in my control. But what is in my control is what I'm going to do, right? What's in our control is our actions, our thoughts, our opinions, right? And so, the stoic learns to tune out what's not in our control,

and it focuses on what is in our control. And so we ask ourselves about everything we experience, everything we're feeling, everything we're working on, is this up to me or am I throwing good energy after bad? Am I beating myself against a wall? That's never gonna move. What does your ideal day look like? A life, Senica says, is made up of days.

Andy Dillard said, how we spend our lives is, of course, how we spend our days, right? What does an ideal day look like for you? How are you trying to design your life? If you don't know what a good day is like, what your ideal is, then you're just gonna be working on making more money, acquiring more fame, getting more power or influence.

We have to ask ourselves, is this getting me closer or further away from the life that I want? I've talked about how I know exactly what my ideal day looks like. It's a Saturday where I wake up early, I work out, I do a little bit of writing, I spend lots of time with my family, I have time to think, I haven't signed myself up for a bunch of pointless obligations or phone calls or meetings. I spend time outdoors, I'm connected, I'm present. And so I have to look at each opportunity then that comes along any day and ask myself,

is it getting me closer or further away from the kind of life I want to lead and the kind of person that I want to be? What is your favorite experience? To be or to do, this is a key question away from the kind of life I want to lead and the kind of person that I want to be. To be or to do, this is a key question that comes to us from the great strategist, John Boyd, who as he mentored young men and women in the Pentagon, would see that you kind of can go down two paths in life. There's a person who wants to look important, that wants to achieve a high rank, that wants

to be in the newspapers or on TV. And then there's the person who wants to quietly get things done. You know, I think it was true, and it said, it's amazing how much you can accomplish if you don't care about who gets the credit. To be here to do is largely about credit. Do you care about accomplishments? What do you care about impact? Do you care about credit?

What do you care about getting things done? You have to ask yourself, am I trying to be an important person? Am I trying to accomplish important things? And this question is critical to be or to do, how are you measuring your life? Hillel said, if I am not for me who is, then he said, if I am only for me who am I. This, I think, is related to the idea of to be or to do.

What's motivating you? Is it external accomplishments? Or is it making a difference in this world? Yes, you have to fight for yourself, you have to stand up for yourself, you get walked all over. But if all you care about is protecting yourself, if all you care about is attention, who are you?

I think about someone like George Marshall, who accomplishes so much much and perhaps his greatest accomplishment is turning down the command and Normandy. He didn't want his personal feelings to be taken into account again, to be or to do, but also who am I for and who am I? Yes, he thought really hard to get where he was to make a difference, but then he also knew that Ego didn't matter in the end. What mattered is the team effort. It was a great expression I heard that says, if you play for the name on the front of the Jerseyville, remember the name on the back.

Ah, the Bahamas. What if you could live in a penthouse above the crystal clear ocean working during the day and partying at night with your best friends and have it be 100% paid for. FTX Founder's Sam Bankman Freed lived that dream life, but it was all funded with other people's money, but he allegedly stole. Many thought Sam Bankman Freed was changing the game as he graced the pages of Forbes and Vanity Fair. Some involved in crypto saw him as a breath of fresh air, from the usual Wall Street buffs

with his casual dress and ability to play League of Legends during boardroom meetings. But in less than a year, his exchange would collapse. An SPF would find himself in a jail cell, with tens of thousands of investors blaming him for their crypto losses. From Bloomberg and Wondery, comes Spellcaster, a new six-part docu-series about the meteoric rise and spectacular fall of FTX and its founder, Sam Beckman-Freed. Follow Spellcaster wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to episodes Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. When am I missing by choosing to worry or be afraid? One of my favorite books is The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. And he says, when you worry, ask yourself, what am I choosing not to see right now? Right? We only have so much in the way of cognitive resources or time or emotional energy. How are you going to spend it?

And then often by being anxious, by being worried, by taking things personally, by being afraid, we're taking our eye off the ball. And so I want you to see those emotions not just as unpleasant but actively destructive because they are. Stuff's going to happen in life that makes us emotional, but we have to realize that we're only compounding that by acting on those emotions. by acting on those emotions. Are you doing your job? This is a key question. When Sean Payton was suspended from the NFL for a year, he put up a big picture of himself

in the St. Scillity and three words. It's a do your job. This is a thing I think it comes from Bill Bellachack. But the idea is that everyone has a job in every moment. Sometimes that's a little job, sometimes it's a big job. But everyone has to know their job in an organization in life. You've got to ask yourself, are you doing it? I think in the end we end up focusing on everyone else's job that are own because it's easier than doing our own. And that's why I like this question so much. Are you doing your job? And if you aren't, why not? If you are, good,

keep doing it. What is the most important thing to you? What do you actually value? If you don't know what's important, how do you know that you're putting it first? And so to me, all the other questions of life come after you have asked and answered what the most important thing to you is in life. If you told me I could sell 10 times as many books, but it'd come at the expense of my marriage or my relationship with my kids, I'd say screw that, right? Because I know the most important thing to me is how those things are in balance with each other.

Yes, my work is important, but it's not the most important thing to me is how those things are in balance with each other. Yes, my work is important, but it's not the most important thing. You know, Seneca talks about this idea of euthymia. He says, knowing the path that you're on and not being distracted by the paths of the people who's crisscross yours. This is especially the people who are hopelessly lost. When you know what's important, when you know what you value, and know where you're going, it makes it easy for you to ignore what doesn't matter and focus on what does matter. Who is this for?

This is a question as a creator, you always have to know. Who are you making this for? I've talked to so many entrepreneurs, business people, creatives, who have no idea. They're just making stuff. They just hope it will find an audience. They go, oh, this is a book for smart people. You have to know who you're making this for. You have to know your audience.

You have to know the market. You have to know human beings. This is why empathy is so important. Who are you making this for? Who are they? Where are they? What do they want? You have to know who this is for.

So I always ask myself, whether they're making a video or putting out a tweet or writing a book, screw your hunches, who is this for? Who are they? Does this actually matter? So many of the things we're upset about that we hold on to, that we focus on, they don't matter, not to you to anyone at all.

They just don't matter. Marcus Aurelius says, ask yourself in every moment, is this essential? This is because most of what we do and say is not essential. He says, when you eliminate the inessential, you get the double benefit of doing the essential things better. Stephen Colbert loses his father and several siblings in a plane crash as a young man. And he said, what he took out of this was a question

from his mother. She said, can you look at this in the light of eternity? Does this matter in the big picture? Because so many of the things we trivially get upset about that we focus on, in moments of crisis, we get real clarity about it. We realize they didn't matter at all. People matter.

Your loved one is matter. Doing your best matters. Everything else is irrelevant, and yet that's where we focus so much of our time and energy. Will this be a live time or a dead time? That's something Robert Green asked me, and I was thinking about becoming a writer, I had like a year to kill before I could go do it. And he said, what's this year gonna be for you? Is it gonna be a lifetime or dead time for you?

We're gonna use every second, you're gonna sit around and be passive and wait. That came flooding back to me in the pandemic when we went into lockdown. This is gonna be a lifetime or dead time. What am I gonna have to show for this? Whether it's two weeks or two months or two years, what am I gonna have to show for this period?

A lifetime, treat every moment like a lifetime, because while you have it, you're alive. But after it's gone, it's dead, right? Now is now, can you use this time? What can you use it for? If you always choose a lifetime and you're always getting better and you're always moving forward, you're not wasting time. Senaqa says, it's not that life is short, it's that we waste a lot of it. We kill time as time is killing us.

And the truth is, you always have the ability to make the most of this moment. So often we choose not to because we don't ask ourselves this question. Is this who I want to be? Is this representative of the person that I see myself as, that I am trying to become? Where am I getting into my lower self here? Am I taking a shortcut here? Am I doing something that the person that I see myself as wouldn't do? Shell straight says, you know, you're becoming who you're going to be, so you might as well not be an asshole. When you do things, you have to ask yourself, is this representative of my character, of my priorities, of my values, of what I said

is important to me. If the answer is no, you have to not do it. How we do anything is how we do everything. So you have to ask yourself this question, is this who I want to be? Every interaction, every situation big or small, because it adds up in the way that nothing else can. If I could give you one more question, a last question, a bonus question to you. It comes to us from Victor Franco, who survives the Holocaust, the amazing book, Mancer,

which we're meaning. You know, he says, we ask, what is the meaning of life? But he says, actually, it is life that is asking us that question, and it's our actions, it's our decisions that provide the answer. Meaning it's something we create from our actions, from our decisions, from our choices, from who we choose to be. These are the kinds of questions that if you ask often enough, you will provide, as Victor Franklin says,

the kinds of answers that make you, who you're capable of becoming. If you wanna learn more about stoic philosophy, totally for free, you can sign up for a daily Stoic email. It's one free email every morning, the best of Stoic wisdom, dailystoic.com slash email. Hey, prime members, you can listen to the daily Stoic Early and Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts.

Hey there listeners! While we take a little break here, I want to tell you about another podcast that I think you'll like. It's called How I Built This, where host Guy Razz talks to founders behind some of the world's biggest and most innovative companies to learn how they built them from the ground up. Guy has sat down with hundreds of founders behind well-known companies like Headspace, Manduke Yoga Mats, Soul Cycle, and Codopaxi, as well as entrepreneurs working to solve some of the biggest problems of our time, like developing technology that

pulls energy from the ground to heat in cool homes, or even figuring out how to make drinking water from air and sunlight. Together, they discuss their entire journey from day one, and all the skills they had to learn along the way, like confronting big challenges, and how to lead through uncertainty. So if you want to get inspired and learn how to think like an entrepreneur, check out how I built this, wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and add free on the Amazon or Wonder yet.