The Daily Stoic - Are You Willing To Be Cut Off? | Say No To The Need To Impress

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, designed to help bring those four key stoic virtues, courage, discipline, justice, and wisdom into the real world. Are you willing to be cut off? They worked hard for it. They took it seriously. They liked it. They didn't want to lose it. Who would? Who would want to lose their position, their identity, their career, or their home? But when Helvidius was threatened with removal from the Senate by the Emperor of VIII, Vespasian, he refused to refrain from his criticism. Rutilius was willing to be exiled, so was agrippinus. They were not willing to trade their self-respect for maintaining their access. They understood that there were fates worse in life than being cut off. In fact, they would rather be cut off from Rome than cut off from their values. Courage is not an easy thing.

Starting point is 00:00:58 It is not free. It is not without risk or sacrifice. And that's the whole point. If it weren't, there'd be nothing to be afraid of, nothing to fear, nothing for fear to whisper in our ear about. Courage is about triumphing over that doubt. It's fighting to do what's right, to remain consistent with what philosophy demands of us.

Starting point is 00:01:21 We are living right now in a world where leaders are not doing this, and we are experiencing the consequences. And apparently there is not enough shame in the world to get them to do it. change. But what about us? Where is our bravery? Where will we draw the line? What will we put on the line? That's what courage is calling is about. It's my first book in the Stoic Virtue series. It's got stories about people like Helvidius and Rutilius and Agrippiness, along with a bunch of people maybe whose names you are a tad more familiar with. People who chose exile over compromise, is truth over comfort values over access.

Starting point is 00:02:03 And I think sooner or later, life is going to ask us that same question. We're going to have to show who we are with how we answer it. You can grab signed copies of Courage's calling or any of the books in the Stoke Virtue series. I'll link to that in today's show notes. We've got an employee here at Daily Stoke. I won't say who because it's kind of private,

Starting point is 00:02:30 but they've been using Monarch, today's sponsor, to track their progress as they try to pay off their student loan. debt. I'm a college dropout, so I don't have any debt, thankfully, but I can only imagine how overwhelming it would be to have this thing hanging over you. And she's been using the app to budget and save, and it's bringing her a little bit closer every day to being debt-free, which I can only imagine would be a huge relief. Monarch shows you exactly where your money is going. It helps you redirect it towards what matters. With automated tracking and clear projections, you can actually see yourself getting closer to being debt-free or hitting your

Starting point is 00:03:06 savings milestone instead of just hoping it happens. Unlike most other personal finance apps, Monarch is built to help make you proactive and not just reactive and Monarch to help users save over $200 per month on average after joining. You can set yourself up for financial success in 2026 with Monarch. The all-in-one tool that makes proactive money management simple all year long, and you can use code stoic at monarch.com for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at monarch.com code stoic. Look, I like home-cooked meals. I just don't like the process of getting all the stuff to then cook at home.

Starting point is 00:03:48 I don't like having to think about dinner. And I'm like, when it's time for dinner, I want that dinner like pretty fast. But then I also want to eat well and I like stuff that tastes good. That's like a pretty complicated set. of needs there. And it actually fits perfectly with today's sponsor. And it's why we love Hello Fresh. They take the mental load of what's for dinner off your to-do list. Hello Fresh makes it easy to do more home cooking with recipes that feel good and taste delicious night after night. They have more than 100 recipes every week. It doesn't matter what your allergies or preferences are,

Starting point is 00:04:22 you can make something work. They've got three times the seafood with no upcharge and you can even have guests over, make them grass-fed steak ribbyes or serve seasonal produce like pears and apples and asparagus. We love HelloFresh and I think you'll love it too. Just go to hellofresh.com slash stoic 10 FM to get 10 free meals and a freeze willing knife, which is $145 value on your third box. Offer is valid while supplies last. Free meals are applied as a discount on first box. New subscribers only varies by plan. Say no to the need to impress If the desire to impress and be liked by others is innate to humans as a species, then every generation born before social media got lucky. Today, we face an unending stream of status updates

Starting point is 00:05:13 demanding to be filled with all the impressive things we are doing, the trials we are overcoming, announcements of our dangers averted, and triumphs realized it's exhausting. Centuries ago, Epictetus saw this pride and narcissism, even in his own computerless students and reminded them that it wasn't so innocent. In fact, he told them that it would destroy their life's purpose. It would distract and fatigue them. Seneca too saw the seeking of approval of spectators as one of life's disgraces. Watch those impulses today. Notice how much you seem to need your phone and status updates and ask, is this the person I want to be? Is this what a philosopher would do? And this is from this week's entry in the Daily Stoke Journal, which you can check out.

Starting point is 00:05:59 do the journal every morning. I sit down and spend some time with the blank pages. We've got two Epictetus quotes and one Seneca quote to round it out. If you should ever turn your will to things outside your control in order to impress someone, be sure that you have wrecked your whole purpose in life. Be content then to be a philosopher in all that you do. And if you wish also to be seen as one, show yourself first that you are and you will succeed. That's Epictetus's in Corridian, 23. In public, avoid talking often in excessively about your own accomplishments and dangers. For however much you enjoy recounting your dangers, it is not pleasant for others to hear about your affairs. Epictetus is in Corridian 3314.

Starting point is 00:06:45 How disgraceful is the lawyer whose dying breath passes well at court at an advanced age, pleading for unknown litigants and still seeking the approval of ignorant spectators? Seneca on the brevity of life. 20. You know, I think about this. I have a little rule for me. When I'm working on a book, I don't talk about it. I don't tell people that I've finished. I don't tell people that I just finished chapter two. Early in my life, I kind of wanted that validation. Hey, I did it. Maybe media, maybe it's good for my brand. Now I see all that stuff is distraction. Even social media, I never really got the habit, but when I feel it peaking up, I break it immediately. These are not

Starting point is 00:07:24 platforms for me to fish for validation. I don't want to say, hey, look what I'm doing. And then people go, oh, you're so great. Oh, you're so awesome. And I'm not saying they do that because I'm like well known. I'm saying like, your friends do this. We want to congratulate each other. We want to encourage each other. And I get that.

Starting point is 00:07:40 But that's not why I want to be a writer. That's not why I want to do things. As I say in the boy who would be king, all the things Marcus Aurelius did made him very popular. It's not why he did it. He did it because they're the right thing. So I try not to let social media. I try not to let the chase for validation or approval. it's not a need I really ever try to sate.

Starting point is 00:08:02 I don't feed it because I feel like the more you feed it, the more it wants from you. I try to let my work do the talking about my work. That's not to say I don't believe in marketing. I do. Brand isn't important. I mean, I have the social media. I just try to have a healthy relationship with it, a healthy balance with it. So I'm using it.

Starting point is 00:08:22 It is not using me. You're the product that's being sold. They're exploiting your need for validation. and attention, right? They know that you want to tell people what you're doing and then you want to hear what people say about what you're doing and then you want to respond to the people who aren't liking it enough and then you want to check back and see how many comments it got or likes it got or whatever. I think Instagram did people a public service when they turned off. Not everyone can see how many likes or, you know, views their post got. I think that's great. As a public figure,

Starting point is 00:08:52 they leave these tools and they are attempting. And so I don't even have it on my phone. I don't want to touch it. I never go to one of the these sites and I feel better about myself as a person, I just feel that that insatiable need has been encouraged a little bit. So let's say no to trying to impress other people. Let's not care what other people think. As Marcus Aurelius said, this is another quote we could have included in the entry. He says, you know, we care about ourselves more than other people. Yet for some reason, we care about their opinions way too much. No, focus on what you have to do. Focus on you, focus on what you think, what you know is right. Do things for that reason. If you get validation for it,

Starting point is 00:09:28 afterwards, wonderful, but that can't be why you do it. And if it is why you do it, it's going to break your heart, I promise you. So say no to the desire to impress other people. Plus, other people, man, they don't know. They're wrong. 99% of the time anyway. Focus on what you know. Just do the right thing. The rest doesn't matter.

The Daily Stoic - Are You Willing To Be Cut Off? | Say No To The Need To Impress

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.