The Daily Stoic - Do You Have This Ability? | Ask DS

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

A leader is a doer…but that doesn’t mean they’re always doing. In fact, if a leader is always doing, chances are they’ll end up doing the wrong thing. Because they haven’t taken enough time to think and study, question and prepare.---And in today's Ask Daily Stoic, Ryan answers questions from US Marines after a talk he gave at the 29 Palms Marine Corps Air/Ground Combat Center. The topics that they touch on include how to practice Stoicism with your closest family members, balancing the ego that it takes to want to do something great with the tenants of Stoicism, his thoughts on Nietzsche's assertion that human beings have a will to power, and more.💪 Visit store.dailystoic.com/pages/leadership to sign up for in the Daily Stoic Leadership Challenge before September 25th.✉️ Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Check out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

As I've said before, my thing is I do something hard every single day. I run a bike or a swim to problem here in Texas is either when it gets really cold, when it rains really, really hard or when it gets extremely hot. That's what I have a Peloton for. We would use it all the time. You probably know Peloton as a people who make bikes, but they also have Peloton tread, Peloton row, or even the Peloton app, which you can now access for free, which has classes like yoga, strength training, high intensity cardio, boxing, which you can do wherever, whenever, and Peloton's

classes don't feel like regular workout classes, their entertainment, their great music, the instructors are awesome. If this sounds beyond your price point, I have to remember that the app is free. It's the best value and fitness because people actually stick with the workouts once they try I'm ready to give it a try, get started and download the free Peloton app today. The Peloton app is available through free tier or paid subscription paid membership start at 16.99 per month. Welcome to New Brunswick, Canada. Welcome to wide open spaces and glistening waters, welcoming faces and natural opportunities

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Visit turismnewbrunswick.ca Welcome to the Daily Stoic podcast where each day we read a passage of ancient wisdom designed to help you in your everyday life. Well, on Thursdays, we not only read the daily meditation, but we answer some questions from listeners in Philostoics. We're trying to apply this philosophy just as you are. Some of these come from my talks. Some of these come from Zoom sessions that we do with daily Stoic life members or as part of the challenges. Some of them are from interactions I have on the street when there happen to be someone

they're recording. But thank you for listening. And we hope this is of use to you. Do you have this ability? A leader is a doer but that doesn't mean they're always doing. In fact, if a leader is always doing chances are they'll end up doing the wrong thing because they haven't taken enough time to think, to study, to question, and prepare. In Thomas Ricks' wonderful book, Waging a Good War, which you also discussed on a great episode of the Daily Stove podcast recently, Ricks looks at what made Bob Moses one of the best, yet lesser known, civil rights leaders. Moses was calm and quiet.

He didn't seek out the spotlight. He did not make decisions out of emotion. Instead, Rick says, quoting a colleague of Moses, he had the capacity for reflection and distance from the thing you are very much in the midst of and even leading. Rick goes on to say that the ability to gain psychological detachment to reflect on action is a talent of many effective leaders. James Mattis, he says one of the best American generals in our recent wars, made a habit of

carrying in his combat knapsack a copy of the works of Marcus Aurelius, and reading that Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher for a half hour at night, he explained, helped him gain some mental distance from the battlefield. Emperor and Stoic philosopher for a half hour at night, he explained, helped him gain some mental distance from the battlefield. Of course, Marcus really has himself had this ability, and that's what created meditations in the first place. Marcus was taking time to think and reflect, to distance himself from the very battlefield he was writing from in his tent. All leaders need to be able to do this. Reacting emotionally does not serve anyone well. Reacting unthinkingly does not serve anyone well.

Look at the mess that Elon Musk is currently in at Twitter, a classic example of what Robert Green calls tactical hell. So much of it could have been avoided with a better plan, with more restraint, with a willingness to take in feedback and integrate new information as it comes in. Each of us must cultivate time and space for reflection. We must be able to detach from a moment and see ourselves and it from a distance. We need stillness, we need discipline, we need less ego, we need to listen. Only then can we act. Only then are we fit to lead.

And this is, of course, something we talk a lot about in the Daily Stoic Leadership Challenge. And I talk to RC Bufer who is the CEO of the San Antonio Spurs. And I talk to General Dan Cain, Sinni Air Force. And I talk to entrepreneurs and business people and leadership experts. They're all saying some version of this, the ability to make transitions, to step back, to see perspective, to make good rational and calm decisions in the midst of very irrational and often not calm situations. That's the art of what we're trying to cultivate. If you haven't checked out the leadership challenge, you very much should go to dailysteoic.com

slash leadership challenge to check that out. And I'll link to it in today's show. It's one of the best challenges I think we've done. And you can get it for free, by the way, if you sign up for daily stowick life, which I'll also link to. But I'm wishing you much stillness in your leadership journey. And I think this challenge will help you get there.

Well done. You've sorted through the embarrassment of riches that is the modern podcast landscape and found me Rob Briden on my podcast. In this series of Br and Ann, I talk to, among others, Harry Hill, Ben Elton, Charlotte Church, Steve Cougan and Dame Harriet Walter. And that's just a few. We tend to chat for about 45 minutes to an hour, never longer. It's terrific conversation, reminiscent, sweat appropriate and exchange of anecdotes. So do join me, Rob Briden, wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes of Briden and are available early

and ad-free on Amazon Music, or by subscribing to Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app. [♪ Music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, Hey, it's Ryan Holiday. Welcome to another episode of The Daily Stoke Podcast. Back in late June, I flew out to California. I rented a car at LAX and I headed out towards 29 poems. I stopped in Riverside where I went to college where I was introduced to stoicism and I went for a nice run and my old stomping grounds. And then I headed to the Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center there

in 29 Palms where I had the distinct privilege of talking to the seventh regiment about Stoke Philosophy. I did two talks and I'm going to bring you the Q&A portion of that first talk. I was talking to the Ripper leadership there. It was several thousand Marines. It was a true honor. I will tell you, it was hot, very hot as someone again who spent a lot of time in Riverside and College. I thought I'd be used to the heat and man.

Did it hit me? But here are some Marines asking me questions after I've just talked about discipline and stoicism and overcoming obstacles and all that. I think they asked some really great questions and I'm excited to share that with all of you. What do you think, is the man? Appreciate it.

Thank you. Of course, good to meet you. Hi. Hi, hi. Oh, nice. I'm gonna get to meet you. Yeah. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Oh, nice. I get a quick picture. Quick. And then I have a question as well after this. What is it? As far as stoicism when it comes to relationships. Uh-huh. I've been practicing stoicism for a couple of years now.

I started watching YouTube videos about five years ago. And the only difficulty I have is when it comes to practicing it with my spouse or not. Sure. I find myself practicing getting more selfishly, as in like once she gets into a certain mood or something, I'm like, I'm not going to let your mood affect me. Okay. I'm going to try to be more indifferent to it. Yeah.

But I feel like I'm been practicing that wrong recently because it feels more selfish to me. You know what I mean? I'm focusing on myself and feeling more narcissistic because of it. Yeah, and it's not fair to disconnect or tune out just because you don't like something or just because someone is acting rationally or emotionally, it doesn't mean that it's not even contribute that to that in some way that you can't do something about it. So I don't know, it's tricky. I mean, I think stoicism tests, our relationships, life, family tests,

all these still is the kids do the same thing. It's one thing to be like, hey, I'm gonna be hyper objective and rational about this work thing. And with people, it's complicated. Because you live with that person. You made commitments and promises and that for us. So it's tricky.

My wife likes to joke that one of us is a stoke and then the other writes about stosism. So, you know, it's good. Yeah, it's, some people are sort of naturally that way. Some people have to be a practice, but. It's just difficult when somebody else is illogical, but you're trying to be illogical. It's that. And chances are you're probably

a lot less logical than you think you are. You know what I mean? And so that's just kind of how it goes. Yes, you're well appreciated. Yeah, great to meet you. Of course. Hi. Hi.

Hi, I asked it. I was one that asked questions about writing. So, are you thinking about it? I'm trying to. OK. So like, but some of the stuff I'm writing is like a more fixing base for short stories. And I write some stuff for the ringergrower, and your adequate line of work. My article just hit it because

that work is at this July actually. Part of it feels like it almost comes from ego essentially to want to write. Yeah, because wanting to get it out, especially when it's like to help, I know it says like to help other people, right? But it's always got like my name attached to it and stuff like that. And so like, Yeah, look, I mean, if you were totally self-sufficient,

you would know one would publish anything. But so there is inherently in one, in all creative acts, there is some inherent, look at this, right? And I, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that necessarily. Like if, look at this, right? But I don't think there's anything wrong with that necessarily. If it is, it's only good if other people like it,

it's only good if it's super popular, et cetera. I think that's a bad place to come from, and ultimately doesn't make good stuff. But- This is like the first thing that people are gonna read that I've read. I mean, I did a writing contest in 2019, but I don't want it on some tactics.

It's quite like I haven't seen it during the code was created. So, like, nothing was really coming out as far as like critics and stuff. So, that was like super helpful. The advice you gave there. So, I was really... And look, reps are reps, right? So, like, whether you're doing nonfiction, but what you actually want to do is fiction, the non-fiction will make you better at it.

You just have to do it like a lot of times, right? I like the fiction stories that I've been working on, but like I really like the reason I stayed in the rain course so long was to try and help the guys around me. Yeah. There's not another line of work I can find is like some dumb kid Colorado. That has been able to touch this many people. Have you read Elliott Akramon's stuff? I haven't.

He's a Marine. He was in Iraq and Afghanistan. He's done a couple novels and and a couple of nonfiction. Yeah, yeah. I would check his stuff out. But he's one of the recent people who has made a good jump from soldier to author. And he wrote a really great novel about Afghanistan. And then he just wrote this new one.

He did a sort of futuristic novel with Admiral Stevary to actually call like 2034 about a war with China. That's like an interesting mix of like, you know, he's taking the stuff he understands and the nonfiction capacity and making it fictional, but I think he would like his stuff. I've interviewed him a couple times on the Daily Stoke podcast. He might like that too. That's super beneficial.

Yeah. I might ask him, I would email him and ask him for advice because he knows he's been in your exact position whereas I have no idea. I'm just like this kid over here, I bought your book and told me forgot to bring it. I will know. All right. Well, thank you.

Of course, great to meet you. Yeah, of course. Oh, Ryan, hi. I had a question about like, I'm trying to print it out. And, you're a way, trying to print out. Oh, what do you do? I do a bunch of online businesses. So one of the biggest things for me,

it's like putting myself out there. Yeah, I mean, I already know that like a bunch of computers already there, like, this is a mental blockade that tell me like, oh no, this, and I know you have a bunch of books and just people before you have, unsafe ideas and everything, but how do you combat that?

Like, how do you like... How do you stand out? Well, I think about it as like, what is... There's a great book called the Blue Ocean Strategy, and it's about how you go towards being the only version of that thing. So you think, here's what everyone's doing, here's how my thing is different than that thing. So you define yourself in opposition to other people, but you do go, what is everyone else doing?

What can I do that is unique and distinct in standout? It's hard, it's hard if you're like, hey, this is the 40th Mexican restaurant in this town to just stand out. You've already made a decision to not stand out. But as you're thinking about what kind of restaurant to open, you go, do we need another Mexican restaurant? Or I'm gonna do this kind of business that is unique, right?

Or at the core of what kind of restaurant we are, it has something that none of these other places have. And that allows not only you to stand up, but then when people go and they shop from you or use you or whatever, they're like, this is different, they understand why it's different. Does that make sense? So I'd think about it like that. What's the book again?

It's called Blue Ocean Strategy. Yeah, of course. Hello, sir. Hi. Corporal Berks. Ryan. I'm actually a huge fan. Oh, awesome. Can I get it? Of course, yeah. Sorry, I'm just kind of nervous.

Oh, good. My question is, so the philosopher, Frederick Nietzsche, he sort of makes the claim that like, human being to have a will to power. And I know through watching some of your videos, one of the books that you recommend a lot of people read is the 48 laws power. I've actually been reading it, reading it, sorry. Yeah. What do you think? I think it's really good, actually.

I think there's a lot of substance to it. Do you think there's a lot of weight to that claim? That we have a will to power. I suspect, yes. I mean, we're a hierarchical species and we're an animal like everyone else. And so I think there is a part of that. And there's also, there's other reasons

to want power other than just a will to it, right? It's like, something that's a bunch of reasons people are attracted to it. But I do think, and this is why I think Robert's book is important. I don't think Robert's book is necessarily a how to, like he's not saying, do it. I do think, and this is why I think Robert's book is important, I don't think Robert's book is necessarily a how to, like he's not saying, do this. Actually, Robert is not like that as a person, he's incredibly generous and nice and kind. What he's saying is that if you don't understand power, or even if everyone doesn't have a will to power, I think

it's much less controversial to say, some people have a will to power, right? Right. And so if you live in a world where some people want power and are driven to power and are defined by power, unless you want to be the victim of or dominated by that power, you have to understand how power operates, what the laws behind it are, the strategies of it are. And so I think ultimately, whether everyone has it or not as a relevant, what matters is some people have it. And so you better figure out how it works, even if that's solely as a defensive mechanism.

Yeah, that's a great question. Thank you. By the way, nice to meet you. Hi, I'm gonna meet you too. Hi, good to meet you. Of course, yeah. By the way, nice to meet you. Hi, I'm gonna meet you too. I'm going to get my quick question.

Of course, yeah. So my question is, I'm generally a calm person, like even in stressful scenarios, but people have came to me and said, like, they seem like, they see me as a very emotionalist and very emotional and unavailable. And if you're emotional or emotionally unavailable. An unavailable. Got it, okay. So so they think you're too closed off. Yeah. Alright so like what I

try to do is be very calm and try to like have be like hey like it's okay like you be like you can be panicking and stuff like look I mean like calm down sure. I try to be like that. That's good but like so how do I like make it look like hey like I'm okay like you can come talk to me like it's okay like that's good. But like, so how do I like make it look like, hey, I'm okay, like you can come talk to me, like it's okay like that. Sure, yeah, that's a good question. I mean, just because you're calm, well, you're not emotional about it.

Doesn't mean other people aren't having their emotions and or it doesn't mean you don't recognize the emotions you're having or it's not acting on. And so I think the more effectively you can communicate this as opposed to assuming people know, right, it's probably a good place to start, right? Because it is this person acting calm because they don't understand the stakes of what's happening,

are they calm because they don't give a shit? Are they calm because they're actually in some sort of paralyzed, catatonic fearfoot, like there's a bunch of reasons, right? And so if you don't particularly why you are Why you are where you are People are gonna make assumptions and if they're already in an emotional or Sort of irrational state they're probably gonna assume not the best, okay, right?

So I might think about it like that. That's a great question. Thank you. Yeah, of course Hello, Ryan I'm in Sean of I just want first checker answer. Thank you. Yeah, of course. Hello Ryan Do you listen to podcasts and stuff will you work out? Jerry and oh nice always in my ear whenever I'm running cool. I'm running. Cool. I'm just checking myself. Yeah, yeah. But I did also want to ask, like, I know you speak about it and people have spoken about it for thousands of years. Don't worry about what you can't control. Sure.

And just focus on what you can. But I have issues putting it to practice because I feel like there's so many things, you know, in my life that I can't control. Sure. And, uh, by the way, I don't think there's anyone that is not, like, it is the simplest thing in the world,

but is the hardest thing in the world, right? Do you know what I mean? Like, there's a reason people go to alcoholics and on them every day and repeat the serenity prayer. Like, they've heard it a million times but they're clearly still struggling with it, right? So like knowing what's up to you and what isn't, that's maybe straightforward but then to like it's still fucking incredibly hard, right? And it's it's also the things that we don't control or often the things that are most important to us or

cause the most difficulty or trouble for us. Do you know what I mean? It's not just like, hey, don't care about the weather, focus on what's, you know, it's like your scent somewhere, you don't wanna go, right? Conflict breaks out that you don't, like when you're in your world, the things that you don't control

are some of the scariest, toughest, heartbreaking, trying things that there is. So I'd be a little kind to yourself about, you know, whether that upsets you or not. Does it wreck you? You know, it's different than does it bother you, right? You're not, I think it's to get to this completely Zen place where you feel nothing about it, you know, maybe 80 years from now, but it's hard, especially when you're young,

and you have stuff you're trying to do. Yeah, it's a great question. Good luck, man. Yeah. Hey, Prime Members! You can listen to the Daily Stoic Early and Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. When we think of sports stories, we tend to think of tales of epic on the field glory. But the new podcast, Sports Explains the World,

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