The Daily Stoic - “Embracing Change Will Set You Free”

Episode Date: March 15, 2025

Yung Pueblo, one of today’s most influential poets, joins Ryan to discuss the overlap between Stoicism and Buddhism, why achieving success can lead to discontentment, and how ancient wisdom... has transformed his life—and can transform yours too.Diego Perez is a meditator and #1 New York Times bestselling author who is known by his pen name, Yung Pueblo. Online he has an audience of over 4 million people. His writing focuses on the power of self-healing, creating healthy relationships, and the wisdom that comes when we truly work on knowing ourselves. He has sold over 1.5 million books worldwide that have been translated into over 25 languages. Diego is a general partner at Wisdom Ventures and a founder of Ready Platform, a dating and relationship support app.Pick up signed copies of his latest book How To Love Better and his other books Lighter, Inward, Clarity and Connection, and The Way Forward at The Painted Porch. You can follow him on Instagram @yung_pueblo and on X @YungPueblo.🎥 Watch Yung Pueblo's first interview with Ryan here: https://youtu.be/3PRmFF5B_Co🎙️ Follow The Daily Stoic Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast✉️ Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Get Stoic inspired books, medallions, and prints to remember these lessons at the Daily Stoic Store: https://store.dailystoic.com/📱 Follow us:  Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:01 Welcome to the weekend edition of The Daily Stoic. Each weekday, we bring you a meditation inspired by the Daily Stoic. Each weekday we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, something to help you live up to those four Stoic virtues of courage, justice, temperance, and wisdom. And then here on the weekend we take a deeper dive into those same topics. We interview St stoic philosophers. We explore at length how these stoic ideas can be applied to our actual lives and the challenging issues of our time. Here on the weekend when you have a little bit more space, when things
Starting point is 00:01:37 have slowed down, be sure to take some time to think, to go for a walk, to sit with your journal, and most importantly, to prepare for what the week ahead may bring. Hey, it's Ryan. Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. Social media has largely not been great for humanity, certainly not been great for us as individuals as far as our habits and practices.
Starting point is 00:02:07 It's just an enormous time socket, ripped apart our political system, it polarized us, it distracted us, probably made us more materialistic, evaporated our attention spans. It didn't do a lot of great stuff for us, but it's not all bad. I mean, look, maybe you found out about Stoicism
Starting point is 00:02:25 through social media. These algorithms are, of course, very powerful. I try to take advantage of them where I can. And I'm also always interested in other people who have used the algorithm for good, right? Who have used it to spread positive messages or have used it to popularize things that are difficult to popularize. An obscure school of ancient philosophy, not the easiest thing to get the algorithm to pick up. And I'd say poetry, not the easiest. We had Rupi Khar on Not Long Ago. Her counterpart, another very popular Instagram poet
Starting point is 00:02:55 who I've known now, I guess, for three or so years is Young Pueblo. Young Pueblo came on the podcast back in 2022. And we had a delightful conversation then, and we had a delightful conversation. This time he came out to the painted porch. His books have sold over a million and a half copies worldwide, been translated in over 25 languages. One of the things we talked about that I didn't know about him, I didn't know how steeped he was in meditation and Buddhist thinking. He kept talking about people who have spent tens of thousands of hours meditating.
Starting point is 00:03:26 And I never really thought about the cumulative amount of time spent studying or practicing a philosophical practice, right? I wondered, it made me wonder how long I've actually put into stoicism over the years. Certainly I would tend to measure my output in words rather than hours, but it was a really interesting conversation I was tend to measure my output in words rather than hours, but it was a really interesting conversation
Starting point is 00:03:47 I was glad to have. He has a new book out called, "'How to Love Better' The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness and Compassion." He's got a bunch of very popular poetry books which always immediately sell out at the bookstore where we have trouble keeping them in stock. And he signed a bunch of them.
Starting point is 00:04:03 He signed lighter inward clarity in connection and the way forward. You can follow him on Instagram at Young Pueblo. That's Y-U-N-G underscore Pueblo. Follow him on Twitter at Young Pueblo no underscore. Look, here's a guy with an online audience in the millions when poetry is, you know, seemingly anachronistic or antiquated
Starting point is 00:04:27 or just the domain of tendered university professors. He found a way to bring that to millions of people. I'm really fascinated by that. So here is us talking about how not to let your emotions rule, how to have empathy for people you disagree with, where the Stoics and the Buddhists overlap and quite a bit about Emerson. Also, here is my conversation with Diego Perez,
Starting point is 00:04:49 AKA Young Pueblo. Where do you live? I live in the woods in Western Mass. The woods. I'm like literally in the middle of nothing. Like Thoreau kind of woods? Yeah, like literally pretty quite close. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:05:06 Yeah, two hours west of Boston, three hours north of New York City. Why there? Just I was tired of the concrete. Yeah. I was tired, you know, I grew up in Boston and then I lived in New York City for seven years and I don't know, I just needed some nature.
Starting point is 00:05:20 Yeah. Yeah. I was reading about Thoreau one time that it's more wooded now than when he lived there. Yeah. When he lived there, they just cut the trees down. They just cut everything down. Yeah, all the trees are a hundred years old. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:31 So we have this sense of like the landscape being one thing and actually like what we think of as like the good old days or when things were more rural, it was actually worse and more industrialized. Yeah, way worse. I think it was just the same as the UK where they cut everything down. They came to New England, cut everything down.
Starting point is 00:05:49 And there is like one tiny little place where there's an old growth forest that I went to that was like, it looks like Lord of the Rings. Like it just looks very different than these like skinny little, you know. Obviously I know they needed the stuff, but like what did they think as they were chopping down these like 800 year old trees or whatever?
Starting point is 00:06:07 Like, you know, like, there's something about inexplicable to me about like the human mind that some people are like, this seems like a good idea. Yeah. Like, you know, you're not filled with guilt and disgust. Yeah. And shame. Yeah. It's just production.
Starting point is 00:06:25 I think it's just like going from survival to maybe thriving on a very material manner. But also probably just, if you think there's an infinite amount of it, and there was a good chunk of human history where we just didn't know where the limits were. We just assumed there was, it went on like this forever. There was just more land.
Starting point is 00:06:45 Yeah. Yeah. But then we got to the end of it. Yeah. And maybe they didn't fully know how old this stuff was, like how long it took, but they're just like, hey, you're chopping down a thing. That's like the human condition right there. Like you are, or this silliness of humans where it's like,
Starting point is 00:07:01 I know this thing took 300 years to grow and I'm gonna chop it down, but they grow back, right? And it's like, yeah, every 300 years. Yeah, when I was in, I spent a little bit of time outside of Portland, Oregon, and there were some sick old growth forests and it just looked other worldly. Like I almost felt like you were just stepping
Starting point is 00:07:26 into a different world because it wasn't organized the way woods are now. Like when you walk through woods in Western Mass now, they do feel a bit organized. Cause they re- Yeah. Yeah. And it's, you know, having that like un-manicured feeling
Starting point is 00:07:41 is I think it's really special cause it reminds you that you're like an animal. Yeah, we're like, we have some property in Southern California that's like up in these mountains and they have these trees that are like several thousand years old. Like they're some of the oldest trees in the world that are these like little pine trees.
Starting point is 00:07:57 And it was like some guys walking over and chopping it down for firewood, just like that. Oh, shoot. But I mean for hundreds of years, people have been doing that. Just like this thing is 3000 years old. It's older than basically every civilization and somebody's using it for an hour of warmth.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Just the ephemerality of it is kind of insane. Well, it's just down now. Yeah, I think there's some people who care and some people who don't care. There's probably more people that don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's some people who care and some people who don't care. There's probably more people that don't care than care. And so there's this battle between those two sort of forces. But also like how the relation between, you know, you have the awareness, you have the information
Starting point is 00:08:37 and then as necessity grows. And then like the importance of it just decreases and you're like, eventually, you know, if the world like that scene from, what was that decreases and you're like, eventually, you know, if the world, like that scene from, what was that movie, like 2012, and like, or everything falls apart and the whole, and then they're in the library just burning all the books, you know?
Starting point is 00:08:53 And it's like, cause we're dying. That's true. Yeah, there's a, it's hard just to tell someone who's shivering to death that they should chop down this tree. Sure. But just, just the, that is like, what's crazy to me too about Walden is, is Thoreau talks about this,
Starting point is 00:09:09 that they would chop ice from Walden pond and ship it to India. Like, even at that global commerce at that period of time was already so complex and multinational and whatever, that like, yeah, if you are a, I don't know, you're a, you're part of the British Raj, some army officer, and you're drinking, you know, a cocktail with ice in it, they may have chopped that ice from Walden Pond, loaded onto a ship in Boston Harbor, they cover it in sawdust, ship it across the ocean, and then they're taking back
Starting point is 00:09:46 whatever they're looting from India, like spices and goods and whatever. But what he's sort of commenting on there, it's not just, hey, I'm retreating from the busyness of Boston, but that Boston has this global commerce hub, means that everything is so interconnected and global and he's just kind of making everything small again.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Yeah, that's wild, man. I've never thought about that. I imagine like, what, did it take a month to get there? Probably, yeah. But even just like that they could chop ice and keep it for the journey and all of that. That's been one of my experiences from just like traveling around for this book launch and just for the journey and all of that. That's been, I mean, that's been one of my experiences from just like, you know, traveling around
Starting point is 00:10:26 for this book launch and just for the past few years, like doing speaking events and being around the world, the world's not that big. No. It's not that big. It's like, it takes a long time to get to Japan from here. But other than that, like you can really get to a place in like 14 hours. You can basically get anywhere in the world in a day.
Starting point is 00:10:44 Yeah, but to me it's like, there's so many of us, so much culture, but then even amidst all that culture, like we're pretty similar. Like there are a lot of things about the human mind that are like, you know, we react, we have anger, we have gone through the same series of emotions. And I've been talking to my wife about this. I'm like, Jitokrishna Murthy was so correct.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Like you think you're different, but we're the same. We suffer in the same ways and we like are moving through the same field of emotions. Well, I think that's why probably almost all our all religious insight, all philosophical insight is saying like the five or six same things. Oh yeah, totally, totally. You go through like,
Starting point is 00:11:23 that's what's so interesting about history is like you have these different people who either move through philosophy or move through, you know, some type of special experience that, you know, illuminates them in some manner. And they keep keep revealing the same truths about how important unconditional love is, how valuable it is, you know, to have goodwill and move through goodwill and how that supports your own piece and the piece of the community. Yes. And like these like fundamental things just get rediscovered over and over again to have goodwill and move through goodwill and how that supports your own piece and the piece of the community.
Starting point is 00:11:45 And these fundamental things just get rediscovered over and over again through different people's perspectives. Yeah, making meaning from suffering and how we're the cause of most of our own suffering and that it's our opinions and expectations that are the problem. These are just the same sort of core insights,
Starting point is 00:12:04 whether it's Buddhist thought or Hindu thought or Stoic thought or whatever. Yeah, and they're very like, I think there's a connection between like, awakening the individual and stabilizing the community, where like a lot of times it feels like the two things are moving in sync, where like during the Buddhist time,
Starting point is 00:12:23 all these people start practicing, some of them become enlightened but a lot of it is then like turned towards like how are we going to treat each other? And I think that's pretty special. Yeah. And it's happening all over, all the time. And whenever we forget, someone's gonna remember. Yes.
Starting point is 00:12:39 Someone will rediscover the old idea or repopularize the old idea. That's sort of the, largely because we, something will happen that reminds us of the consequences of not doing that. Yeah, chaos. Yeah, chaos, cruelty, you know, things that make you feel ashamed of your country or your, you know, community.
Starting point is 00:13:00 When you're like, oh yeah, we built this in response to that. Like I heard someone say that tradition, and it's not always true, but the expression is, tradition is a solution to a problem we forgot about. Like we invented this to address that. Yeah. And also you'll see someone go like,
Starting point is 00:13:20 monogamy, it doesn't make any sense, it's not biological. And it's like, yeah, society has, monogamy, it doesn't make any sense. It's not biological. And it's like, yeah, society's invented monogamy so people would stop killing each other. For the sake of order. Yeah. Or so things were fair, you know, or because it was making people so profoundly unhappy and they're choosing one form of unhappiness for another.
Starting point is 00:13:43 It's not always perfect and no one is saying they're choosing one form of unhappiness for another. It's not always perfect and no one is saying there are good solutions, but it's addressing a root cause. And you rip out the tradition or the assumption at your peril if you haven't explored why we slowly evolved or developed that way. Can we go on that tangent though, which is really interesting
Starting point is 00:14:04 because it's a conversation I've been having with myself and like with friends where I think a lot of my so I'm releasing my fifth book and I think a lot of that that even being possible is directly tied to me being in a long term relationship and having the stability of being with one person and having enough satisfaction where I'm not looking at other places and having that part of my mind just be chilled out so that I can just focus. Well, I hate the idea that to be successful at what you do,
Starting point is 00:14:34 you have to be like a monster or you have to be this sort of juvenile, arrested, development, emotionally immature person. There are obviously a number of artists and entrepreneurs and athletes who sort of personify that, but I tend to find either that they're the exception that proved the rule, or it was immensely expensive for them
Starting point is 00:15:01 and everyone else involved. So it seems like one fueled the other but actually it was more suppressing than it was Empowering and it I wouldn't say they were paragons of happiness either now totally And I've been thinking this in the same lines to where like the idea of the tortured artists and like that's where that and like The epitome of art comes from. It sounds like nonsense to me. It's like I rather, you know, I'm curious to see when we're living in this world now where there's so many people actively trying to cultivate self-awareness.
Starting point is 00:15:33 Yeah. And it's like what art transforms into and reaching these sort of almost like new heights because it's a special time. Like people are reflecting in so many different ways. Millions of people are, you know, using therapy to different ways. Millions of people are using therapy to their benefit. Millions of people are meditating. Millions of people are reading your books. They're like trying to do some self analysis. And I think that's pretty different in terms of like how connected the global community is
Starting point is 00:16:00 and how like, whether you're here or you're in Singapore, you could probably type in like, how can I deal with my anxiety? Like, is there someone I can talk to? And you can find somebody within like 10, 15 miles, you know, pretty special. Yeah, that's true. I mean, look, athletes used to just get by on raw talent.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Even not that long ago, you see pictures of them and they're smoking in the locker room or they were partying all night before. Or I mean, look, baseball players used to play in wool uniforms. So, like, they were obviously good, and the product on the field was pretty impressive. But what we slowly, steadily, we realized,
Starting point is 00:16:37 oh, hey, if you play in this fabric versus that fabric, you perform better. Hey, like, the NBA has limited the amount of back-to-back road games because the players play worse when their sleep is disrupted. Like we just realized these things. And so the idea that like the artist doesn't become professionalized and have to take care of their habits,
Starting point is 00:17:03 you know? And like when you look at older musicians, the shoe choice they have is because they're worried about their bad, you know, they're just, they're doing it for like, when everyone died at 27, because they OD'd, what it meant to be a rock star was different than if you can theoretically do it till you're 85.
Starting point is 00:17:24 And if your goal is to do it till you your 85, you have to rethink some of your assumptions and your practices. And yeah, the idea that you should just be treating your body like a garbage can and that that's going to be conducive to creative expression strikes me as anachronistic. and it's going to be an incredible experience. And I think that's what we're going to be doing in the next few weeks. And I think that's what we're going to be doing
Starting point is 00:17:47 in the next few weeks. And I think that's what we're going to be doing in the next few weeks. And I think that's what we're going to be doing in the next few weeks. And I think that's what we're going to be doing in the next few weeks. And I think that's what we're going to be doing
Starting point is 00:17:59 in the next few weeks. And I think that's what we're going to be doing in the next few weeks. And I think that's what we're going to be doing in the next. Let's pick a bunch of different Airbnbs to stay in. We'll drive from one to the other. We'll get a sense of what it is actually like to be and live there. And we don't all want to be on top of each other,
Starting point is 00:18:14 two double beds in a hotel room or God forbid, you have to buy some super expensive suite. So we're really excited to do that. And that's how we do most of our vacations because from cozy cabins to luxurious villas, Airbnb offers the chance to live like a local, to actually see and experience what that place is like, what it has to offer.
Starting point is 00:18:35 And sometimes you meet cool hosts, sometimes you meet your neighbors. So if you're planning a trip and the idea of staying in a hotel doesn't sound like exciting, authentic experience, give living like a local a try and check out Airbnb. You just realized your business needed to hire someone like yesterday. With Indeed, there's no need to stress. You can find amazing candidates fast using sponsored jobs. With sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates
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Starting point is 00:19:28 visibility at indeed.com slash wonder ECA. Just go to indeed.com slash wonder ECA right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com slash wonder ECA terms and conditions apply hiring. Indeed is all you need. I'm so curious. I mean, just cause I have you here for this moment and it's a, I'm curious, can we talk about the relationship between creating something that you hopefully,
Starting point is 00:20:04 you hopefully, hopefully brings value to people, like putting a book together and what your relationship is to marketing that book. Cause I think there's like- You're in it now, aren't you? Yeah, I'm in it right now. And I know like we're always in it together.
Starting point is 00:20:16 Like I released a book and you release a book two months after. Whenever I write, put together a book, I tell my editor, Matthew Benjamin, I'm like, can you find out when Ryan's releasing his next book to make sure it's not on the same week? And I'm like, together a book. I tell my editor, Matthew Benjamin, I'm like, can you find out when Ryan's releasing his next book to make sure it's not on the same week? You know, and I'm like, careful with this. I'm like, there's a few people.
Starting point is 00:20:30 I'm like, we have to kind of be mindful of when things are, you know? But you must have learned so much about marketing. I know I've learned a bunch about it too. It's not the thing I wanted to learn. It's not the reason why. What do you feel like you've learned? I've learned how to like, honestly,
Starting point is 00:20:43 just the different platforms, how to use them in concert to be able to get the most eyes to even realize that I have a new book out. Yeah. Because, you know, it'll be like three, four, five months and people will still be, people who are really committed to your work, they'll be like, oh, I didn't know you had a new book out.
Starting point is 00:21:00 Sure. So there's a lot to it. I mean, people tell me they just read The Obstacles Away. It's been out for 12 years or whatever. It's new to someone if they haven't heard of it. I do think it's for both of us, what we do is crazy in the sense that like, you do poetry and people are like, poetry, nobody reads poetry anymore.
Starting point is 00:21:17 And I do ancient philosophy and it's like, ancient philosophy. And so you already have this uphill battle and that there's a perception that what you do is irrelevant or quaint or silly or just not what people want. And so you have to figure out, like marketing to me is not like degrading,
Starting point is 00:21:38 it's the process of, it's like another puzzle you have to figure out. Like you have to figure out, how do I get the words to go in this order and rhyme and say what I want. That's like the constraints. And I feel like I have what I wanna say and what I'm excited about. And then you have the world
Starting point is 00:21:56 that's totally indifferent to that. And you have to figure out how to get your vision to align and be interesting to someone else. And some of that's just raw, like, you know, boot leather going on shows and talking, but a lot of it's like, how do you make the thing that's relevant now? And then also hopefully, so it's both that you,
Starting point is 00:22:19 how do you make a thing that's both timely and timeless? That's both a creative puzzle, but also a marketing puzzle. Yeah, I had one of these original sort of moments of inspiration before I released my first book. I used to, I was living in New York City and I would go to the Strand bookstore a lot. And in the Strand bookstore, they have these like two tables right at the front.
Starting point is 00:22:38 There's like the best of the best. And then there's also like timeless classics. And I'm like, I need to figure out how to write something that helps people so much that it ends up on one of these two tables as like a personal goal. And what's been interesting is so I'm releasing my second nonfiction book. So I've been stepping a little bit away from poetry,
Starting point is 00:22:58 but in doing the second nonfiction book, I had the clear idea of what I wanted to write about, but then I had learned enough about sort of, you know, human psychology and how to like structure chapters in a way where it's like the person who's reading it is feeling one victory after another. You know, so it's not like this giant slog. So you're not only getting good information, but you're working with the mind as opposed to against it. Do you think about that too? Yeah, no, my books are deliberately short.
Starting point is 00:23:25 And like I just did this four book series on the cardinal virtues. I could have just written one epic book on the cardinal virtues, but four books allows someone to breeze through each one of them. And then it feels like you're creating the sensation of, wow, that went by really fast, it was very compelling.
Starting point is 00:23:45 And that's also, it's true, but it's also because it's half the length of a normal book, whatever, right? And so thinking, I think, like, look, there's lots of forms of poetry you could do, but I think you probably gravitate towards, like when I read your poems on Instagram, I'm not scrolling like 10 slides.
Starting point is 00:24:01 It's one, I'm getting it, most of it there. Like some of them are longer, but when I read poetry and like I hear about some poem and I look it up and it comes up on Poetry of the Order or whatever, if I'm like scrolling, I'm like, I'm probably not gonna read this. You know? Like, but like, that's just like a fact on the ground.
Starting point is 00:24:17 You have to figure out how to like navigate. And do you feel like there's, like when you sort of like rev yourself up for like another launch, you know, it feels, in some ways I'm reaching this point where I am obviously, like this book that I just wrote, How to Love Better, I personally think it's better than all the other books that ever and just because it's taken a long time to-
Starting point is 00:24:38 Otherwise you're going the wrong direction. Right, but it's taken time to like, to honestly just learn how to be clearer. Like how to like just be more clear, how to like use sentence structure in a better way. And in the material, like it's taken a long time, you know, so many thousands of hours of meditating and all that stuff to be able to even fix
Starting point is 00:24:55 my personal relationship with my wife and also take that understanding and put it into the book. But then it's like another launch and a launch is like a little bit of a battle. You know, it's like you're you're battling the algorithm. You have to maintain your own stamina. You have to then go on tour. And it's like, I'm like, dang, how many more of these am I going to do?
Starting point is 00:25:14 Like I'm like willfully entering a battle here. Well, the fantasy is you just make something that's so good that it just does it. And I think that that misleads a lot of people. It's it's an it's myth, like the tortured artist. It's a myth like the, you know, Kerouac sat down and wrote on the road in 24 hours on a bender. And it's like, no, almost everything that is impressive
Starting point is 00:25:40 was methodically and gradually built. And painstakingly so. was methodically and gradually built. Yeah. And painstakingly so. And like a launch is, it would be amazing that you put out the book and then you give it to your publisher and then they call you and they go, the New York Times is doing a front page excerpt
Starting point is 00:25:57 and a trend, you know, like, and then you're on these five morning shows and then all the, and I've never, never done a book where I felt like I got all the things that I thought were possible to get. Yeah. You know? And so you're always kind of in this street fight for attention. And you also, I think early in your career,
Starting point is 00:26:19 you're like, I want to go on a book tour. Yeah. I want a publisher to send me on a tour. And then you do it. and then you're like, I hope I never have to do that again. I know to be able to like stay at home and like be able to put a book out. I mean, it's nice to be able to connect with people honestly
Starting point is 00:26:35 like in person and like hear the stories, but it's also taxing. I think though that like when I went into writing, I also felt that same thing like, you know, not too far from each other. Rupik Hauer releases Milk and Honey. James Clear releases Atomic Habits. And these books just sell 10 million copies on their own, you know, like, and they just keep growing. I know James very well. And we have this mastermind group. We met every year for three years.
Starting point is 00:27:04 And he paid for it all out of his own pocket. He invited all these different authors, a bunch of people you've heard. And he just literally downloaded everything that everyone had learned into that launch, which then, you know, he did like 200, like he built an email list for years. He did like 200 podcasts, he did media.
Starting point is 00:27:22 It was as good as I've ever seen anyone do it. And then people are like, that book came out of nowhere and it didn't come out of nowhere at all. He's the only guy who anytime I'm ever ahead of him on any list, he reaches out. He's like, congratulations. And what did you do? You know, like, he's always trying to learn
Starting point is 00:27:43 and it's really cool seeing that. But I brought that up because not having that experience has honestly been really liberating where it's like having one book that's just like a major bestseller, you know, seems like an ideal. But honestly, it's been fun, like fine tuning the craft, like learning how to like do a better, like continuing to grow as an individual and understand like, what am I learning that's really affecting my life in a better way? And like putting it together in a, you know,
Starting point is 00:28:08 a set of books that can like hold much more weight than just one individual book that hopefully takes off to the stars. Well, you think you want it. Like you think you want it all upfront in a lump sum and you want to get every break that you can. And maybe, I don't know, I haven't experienced it, but it's probably not as good for you.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Do you know what I mean? It's probably better to, look, fame and success are a poison. Highly dissatisfying. No, I mean, look, it kills people. Yeah, yeah. So it's obviously, at some level, it is potent. And so the question is how big of a dose
Starting point is 00:28:44 do you wanna take all at once? It's probably something that you wanna take slowly and steadily over time and build up a tolerance and earn immunity for it. Like Ego is the Enemy came out basically the same month as The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. And yeah, that book probably cumulatively has sold more than all of my books combined.
Starting point is 00:29:08 I've done all right, but like, if you had asked me what I wanted, I probably would have said that. But Mark's been really honest about this, like it's a lot, it's destabilizing and disorienting. And I mean, it's lucrative, but it's a lot. And I think everyone wants kind of transformative, you know, generational success.
Starting point is 00:29:28 And actually you probably want about 50%. You know, like, and you want it st- you want it doled out steadily. Because it's just the chances of it killing you or less or breaking you or less. Just totally destabilizing you. I think that's one of the things that I really like about sort of the newer translations coming out of the Buddhist teaching where, you know,
Starting point is 00:29:51 he would refer to life as dukkha, this word that means suffering, misery, right? But another way to translate it is life is dissatisfying, life is stressful. And that's much more relatable. And in my experience, I've both been extremely poor, like grew up extremely poor growing up in Boston where my mom, she cleaned houses, my dad worked at a supermarket. And then now since writing my fifth book, I've had success.
Starting point is 00:30:17 I'm not like crazy wealthy, but I'm not poor anymore. And after having experienced both things, they're both quite dissatisfying. They're both like, it's like, yeah, the mind is just like, when the mind especially is untrained, it just is constantly reaching out for more. And especially if so many people are turning the light on you and giving you all that attention,
Starting point is 00:30:36 and then the mind is like, okay, more, more, more, like a crab that's endlessly trying to grab. Well, no one feels like they've done it. Like, that's what's interesting, that James is messaging you and going, hey, what have you done? He's not like, there's obviously a humility in that. Like always learning.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Which has only happened twice, by the way. Like only two times I've gone ahead. I think every time I, every, there's a number one plaque up there. James was the week before and the week after. And the week after, yeah. Which is also, there's something helpful about that too. You realize like, okay, this thing that I worked
Starting point is 00:31:05 all these years for, directed all this accomplishment, I did it. That's a normal week for someone else. Right? Like my best week ever was a slight deviation above his normal. Yeah, these 30,000, 40,000 copies that took so much work for a regular week.
Starting point is 00:31:25 And you have that experience in life. You'll meet someone who's usually they were then like finance or business or whatever. And they go, you realize, oh, this person, this person has spent on a house remodel every dollar that I've ever earned in my life. What is my giant, enormous, I'm piling all my accomplishments up in one thing.
Starting point is 00:31:46 They're like, I did that. There's actually a famous exchange between Joseph Heller and Kurt Vonnegut. They're at this party of this billionaire. Do you know this story? No, tell me about it. They're at the party of this billionaire and Vonnegut is teasing Joseph Heller. And he says, this guy, there is this house in Long Island, this guy probably made more money this week than catch 22 has made in its entire run. And Heller says, yeah, that's true, but I have something that this person will never have. And Vonnegut says, what could that possibly be? And he says, I have enough. And so what is interesting when you meet very rich and powerful and important people
Starting point is 00:32:24 is how many of them, or rather how few of them feel that. Like they don't feel rich and powerful or sufficient or that they've done it. They feel exactly like you feel, which is like they're measuring themselves against someone else. And so to get to a point of enoughness or to feel good
Starting point is 00:32:43 or to just feel proud of yourself is actually an extraordinary accomplishment and probably the rarer form of wealth. I mean, you can't pay for it. No. You can't pay for it. And I've seen that happen a lot where, you know, I'm friends with Jack Kornfield and he has, you would not believe who called him. Yeah. You know, it's like any time, I think probably in the past like 20, 30 years, when some,
Starting point is 00:33:04 You know, it's like anytime I think probably pat in the past like 20, 30 years when some You know billionaire gets a divorce like they call him. Yeah, cuz he like has peace in his mind Yes and I've you know I've gone to dinners and like been around like people who are really wealthy and like and you can feel their agitation You can just feel like how they're looking at you trying to listen to your words, but they want what's deeper than the words They want the peace that's inside that you can't really transmit.
Starting point is 00:33:27 And the answer is usually like, you know, I feel the way I feel, I have a long way to go, but I feel the way I feel because like, I meditated for like 12, 13,000 hours, you know, like I put a lot of time into it. Sure. It's also funny you meet those people and you know, the lunch or the dinner goes on,
Starting point is 00:33:41 and then at a certain point, they tell you their book idea. Because, so it's like they have all the money or the dinner goes on. And then at a certain point, they tell you their book idea. Because, so it's like, they have all the money in the world and what do they do? They would like to do what you do. Yeah. And that was something that I realized really early on. This is more an analogy than anything specific about writing.
Starting point is 00:33:57 But like, you tend to be jealous of what other people have and you don't think about the people that would kill to do what you do and how lucky you are. If you found something that is worth doing, that people think is worth doing and you get to do that, that's the lottery, that's the jackpot. And so you go, oh, these people, their dream is to do what I get to do.
Starting point is 00:34:23 And did I wake up this morning and feel like I have an incredible, rare, sought after thing? No, I just was like, oh, I gotta go do this. And when you can remember that, it helps you. I mean, what you don't have often looks very shiny. And I've heard the same thing from a friend. She was like, at the time when she told me this, she was like, at the time when she told me that she was like,
Starting point is 00:34:46 you know, the number two at this like billion dollar crypto firm. She was like getting her book together. She was like, I can't wait to be like you. And I was like, what are you talking about? I'm like, are you serious? Like, you also say, like I'm, my context is like, one of my jobs feels like I'm, it's my job to pull my family out of poverty.
Starting point is 00:35:05 We immigrated from Ecuador, so when I'm listening to this really wealthy person be like, oh, I wanna do what you're doing, I'm like, that's wild because I'm trying to lift my family up and have that sense of economic stability so that we don't have to struggle anymore. For you, it's striving, to her, it's tranquility and peace.
Starting point is 00:35:21 Yeah, yeah, it's really funny. It's funny too, because you live in the woods, I live on this ranch. Like whenever people, if you have like sort of a weird life, like you don't just live in a, you know, a condo tower somewhere and people hear about it, they always do something like, oh, I've always wanted to do that.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Or that's my dream someday. And you go, yeah, it's not like I, you know, I didn't have to like get through Navy Seal Hell Week to live on this farm. Like it's, anyone can do it. It was a choice. Yeah, it's not like I, you know, I didn't have to like get through Navy Seal Hell Week to live on this farm. Like it's, anyone can do it. It was a choice. Yeah, it was a choice. Yeah, no, and it was so interesting too, that moment.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Like my wife and I were holding it as this like dream that we were gonna walk into at some point. And then the first wave of the pandemic hits and we're both like, let's get out of this tiny ass apartment. Like, let's just go, let's go to the woods. Like we've always wanted to. And it's been the best because we ended up moving near the meditation center that we always go to.
Starting point is 00:36:11 And over there, there's just like so many people who have meditated for 20, 30, 40, 50 years. Like, you know, literally like people who are walking around have put like 30, 40,000 hours of meditation into their minds. Like their minds are like weapons, like so highly cultivated, but they're the most peaceful people in the world.
Starting point is 00:36:29 So it was nice not only, you know, getting some sense of external tranquility to support internal tranquility, but the people that we were around were just very different than, you know, the half-hazardness of New York City. Yeah, it's not like getting accepted to Harvard. Like you can move anywhere.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Yeah. You could just do it. And often it's cheaper and easier than whatever you're currently doing. Oh my God. Just requires making that choice. Especially when you move out of the city. Like when we got our house, we were like,
Starting point is 00:36:58 it felt like we were living in a castle. Like we went from this tiny one-bedroom apartment and then we're paying the same for a mortgage and we're like, you know, five acres of land and all that and it's just. No, my ranch, I mean, obviously it's different now because Austin's blown up, but my ranch, my first mortgage payment on my ranch
Starting point is 00:37:15 was less than a studio apartment we had renting in New York City. And so, yeah, when people have always wanted to do that, it's like, I think it's easier than I think it is. Did you ever live in New York? I did. For how long? Like less than a year.
Starting point is 00:37:30 Yeah, you're out of there. I hate it. I hate the idea that to be an artist, you have to go live in a noisy, dirty, cement place. New York was special. I think the one thing that I was happy about was, I did my seven years of hard time there and When we got there we had nothing and then when we left we were we had a little bit of something
Starting point is 00:37:52 But what I did have was the inspiration and the support from sort of key people like sure I had um, my first like a Self-published book release. Yeah, my friend Elena Brower She co-hosted that event and, she co-hosted that event. And because she co-hosted that event with me, it opened up the rest of the country to me. People were like, come, come to DC, come to LA, do all these things and these key little moments. I got my first literary agent there.
Starting point is 00:38:19 And then when I felt like I had enough sort of connections where, because I don't like networking. Networking to me is pretty lame. I'd rather make strong friendships and then it feels reciprocal that we can support each other. But once I had those friendships and I was like, oh, I'll have these friendships whether I live here or not. Let's just bounce, let's go.
Starting point is 00:38:37 Well, one thing I wanted to talk to you about is because I think people, they think this with Buddhism too, but when people think stoicism, they think it's like the absence of emotion, right? They think like, if you meditate enough, you have transcended the feeling. But this is one of my favorite poems, you have this one.
Starting point is 00:38:57 Emotional maturity is not about being above your emotions. It is about being able to sit with the rawness of every feeling without letting it take over your mind and actions. It's about facing storms without getting blown away. I think the distinction between having the emotion and then acting on the emotion or having the emotion and being overwhelmed by the emotion, that's the best you can hope for.
Starting point is 00:39:19 There's no point where they cease to exist. No, they don't cease to exist at all. And I think what's hard for people is that we often live in a very sort of like we're trapped in our own black and white thinking where it's either yes or no. And it's these solid either ors and what stoicism introduces you, what the Buddhist teaching introduces you to
Starting point is 00:39:39 is basically like the gray area, the subtlety. And that's something that if I had not experienced it myself, I wouldn't know it exists, but you can feel the difficulty of a tense emotion, honor that it's there, you're not suppressing it, you're feeling it, but you're not acting out on it. You're simply just observing it, giving yourself time. And then you start seeing all the different options
Starting point is 00:40:01 that you can take. I can either act on this dense emotion and do an action that I might later regret, or I could just slow down and choose something a little more skillful. But that openness of mind, like I just was oblivious to it until I, you know, cultivated it.
Starting point is 00:40:17 Well, I think the reason people struggle with it, obviously on the personal level, it's difficult, but the example that I get all the time is I go, well, what about an injustice? Shouldn't I be angry about the injustices in the world? And it's only if you can understand this distinction between having the feeling and then being sort of driven by the passion
Starting point is 00:40:38 that it makes sense because yes, the injustice, the cruelty that you saw, the unfairness, the persecution, the corruption, whatever cruelty that you saw, the unfairness, the persecution, the corruption, whatever, that should make you angry. But if you are going to defeat evil or resolve an injustice or bring change in the world, if you are blinded by your anger, it's precisely because it is such a profound injustice
Starting point is 00:41:01 or a big problem that you have to have all your wits about you. Absolutely. I mean, I couldn't agree more because it is such a profound injustice or a big problem that you have to have all your wits about you. Absolutely. I mean, I couldn't agree more because if you see someone doing something wrong and you need to stop them, are you going to stop them with a mind
Starting point is 00:41:14 that's riddled with stress and that's riddled with fear, hate, anger, whatever it could be, but then your perception's immediately so unclear, your strategic thinking goes out the window, and then you're just, you know, probably end up acting with brutality, with the same brutality that you saw.
Starting point is 00:41:31 So I think it's much more skillful to, you know, this is wrong, this needs to be stopped, and you can also, and this is like sort of like the, really asking a person to step up to the higher level, which is like, you can have compassion for the person that's committing harm too. You know, compassion for the person that's committing harm too. Yes. You know, compassion for the person who's being hurt,
Starting point is 00:41:48 compassion for the person who's doing the harm, because they're like, they're rolling in their ignorance. Like, can you imagine living in their mind, in a mind that's so full of tension that they're willingly causing harm to another person? That's horrific. Or just like, I try to remind myself, like they're not getting away with anything
Starting point is 00:42:06 because that's one of the things that like when someone speaks to us poorly or that you see someone cheating and getting ahead, one of the things that triggers in us, it's not just the injustice, but the sense that the universe is unfair and that they're getting away with this thing, that they're not being punished.
Starting point is 00:42:23 And if you can step back and you understand history, you understand psychology, you have your own experiences, you realize, oh, they're not getting away with anything. They might be winning the contest or getting the money or getting the thing that they said they want, but you also understand that this person is incapable of getting what they actually want, which is some semblance of peace or happiness or worth,
Starting point is 00:42:50 trying to treat some wound that they have, which is feeling good. You realize like they're not getting away with anything because it sucks to be them. No, they're living in the torture of their own mind. And I would never want that for myself or for other people. So I think when you really take a step back, it's like, you know, someone who who's just decimating a population,
Starting point is 00:43:08 who's just doing some type of harm and then either on the individual level or on a group level, like it takes a lot of internal intensity to even produce that action into the world. And you don't wanna live like that. That's just like, I don't know, sadness. Yeah, and look, philosophy isn't this like math equation where you do this and then the variables cancel each other out and then you don't wanna live like that. That's just like, I don't know, sadness. Yeah, and look, philosophy isn't this like math equation where you do this and then the variables
Starting point is 00:43:27 cancel each other out and then you don't have to do anything. Like you can have empathy and understand, okay, it's actually tortured to be this person, it sucks to be them. I'm still as a prosecutor have to bring them up on charges, as a friend, I still have to speak up. You still have to do something about the problem, but you just understand that it helps mitigate that distress you feel when you're like,
Starting point is 00:43:50 hey, this is breaking the order of the universe that this person isn't doing their fair share and being rewarded for it. This person is actually shitty and they have a good reputation. That kind of bothers us because it doesn't line up. Yeah. And it's like, no, no, no,
Starting point is 00:44:07 there's just another part of it that you're not seeing, which is that it sucks to be them. And there's so much that you're not seeing too. Like I think there are times where, and I'm not trying to name any names, but there are times where like people have public personas, but then like us who write books and do things, you know, we all like know about each other.
Starting point is 00:44:24 People will tell you like, you know, you don't wanna be around that person. Yeah. And like, so even books and do things, we all like know about each other. People will tell you like, you don't wanna be around that person. And like, so even though outwardly they look, so nice and kind in the background, I'm sure people are saying the same things about Diddy. They're like, you just be careful. Like don't stay at the party too late. But the actions reverberate.
Starting point is 00:44:41 People see them, people feel them, and then they talk about them. So I think whether you win or lose one battle, I think if you're causing a lot of harm, like not that the harm is necessarily going to come back to you in the same way, but people are going to know about it and they're going to change their actions around you. You're doing the violence to yourself also. It doesn't mean you're necessarily suffering to the same degree that other people you're making suffer, but like it sucks to be you. Yeah. Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the
Starting point is 00:45:17 Byzantine Empire? Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families, from ancient empires to modern monarchs, to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty. Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was a teen sensation in circus shows, featuring dancing bears, burlesque performers, and blood-soaked chariot races. But when her star came crashing down, she clawed her way from rock bottom to the very top, using everything from comedy to espionage to get there. Empress Theodora didn't just survive. She revolutionized women's rights
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Starting point is 00:46:37 And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy the Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at wondery.com slash plus. It's really challenging, I think, with, you know, what you see online,
Starting point is 00:47:18 how you think these like ideals of people are. And I'm sure you get this a lot, too. But I think one of the things that I find challenging about putting myself out there and doing events is like, I don't want anybody putting me on a pedestal. Like there's literally nothing special about like I'm not perfect. I'm not enlightened. You know, I like to meditate, but I'm still very much on the road. I make mistakes, fully imperfect person, have so much to learn. but I think sometimes just because people are accustomed to seeing your face, they give almost like, not just the trust to read your book, but like a higher level of trust where like, Ryan definitely has all the answers, you know?
Starting point is 00:47:53 Yes. I mean, that's just in some ways just misunderstanding what art and philosophy is, which is you're crediting the person with the thing that they're a conduit for. Yeah, exactly. We're learning, like literally actively learning. And I think that's like, it's tough because part of us,
Starting point is 00:48:12 we have this, you know, it's funny because it like reminds me of like Freud. It's like, we wanna create these like images in our minds that are the perfect mom, the perfect dad, and like these people who can who we can truly depend on, but like we're all these highly imperfect human beings, we're figuring it out. Yeah, no, there's a difference also
Starting point is 00:48:31 between articulating something and fully integrating it into your own life. And so we're all sort of on this spectrum and sometimes we can articulate it very beautifully and then struggle to apply it. Sometimes we can apply it, but have trouble articulating it. And yeah, you don't wanna assume a person is like
Starting point is 00:48:54 what they produce. Yeah, and they could be similar to it, but I think that's why I really enjoy, I have these two people who I think of as my teachers, who I meditate with and they, neither of them have written books. Neither of them have, you know, they don't go on podcasts. They don't have Instagrams. Like their lives are strictly devoted to service.
Starting point is 00:49:16 Like, you know, one's 50 and has probably meditated around 30,000 hours. The other one's in his mid seventies. And to me, like what I find inspiring about these individuals is not only are they devoted to service and helping others, but they live very simple lives and they're like, they're not afraid of death. They're not like, so like these key things where I'm like, I'm still cultivating that strength that they have.
Starting point is 00:49:41 And like, they may still be cultivating this within them, but when we're talking, when I'm receiving inspiration from them, when I'm receiving direction from them, I'm just like, you have all the things that I really need to develop. Yeah, at some level they've conquered whatever part of it in you or in most artists,
Starting point is 00:49:59 that's like, I hope this does well. Like, I need people to know this. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. it's like, I hope this does well. Like I need people to know this. You know what I mean? That there is a sort of a monkish level you can get to where you are totally self-contained. And like the world would be in not a great shape if everyone got there because, you know, actually a whole part of sort of Buddha's breakthrough
Starting point is 00:50:20 is the realization that you can't pursue your enlightenment on your own. This is also the allegory of Plato's cave, which is the idea that you discover something, do not then have an obligation to teach it and share it, but the line between the obligation to teach and share and the ego is always hard to discern. It is hard, it is hard, but I'm grateful to the people
Starting point is 00:50:45 who are at the sort of like the far ends of the bell curve. You know, like James Clear, like I'm so happy that we even have this model of like, I'm grateful that we have a Jordan to know where we're going, you know, to know like, what is it even like, I can put more energy and like sort of maneuver things in different ways. You thought the market was this,
Starting point is 00:51:05 you thought the ceiling on the market was here and actually there's a whole, clearly a whole group of people that are not normally reachable that you can reach. Yeah, I mean, even when all that stuff came out about, you know, between the trial, between the different publishing agencies and like all the information came out
Starting point is 00:51:20 and it's literally like 200 authors that sell enough books to pay off the advances of all the other authors. Like it's wild just like knowing that information. I was talking to a friend about how the publishing industry, it's just an investment firm. They're just they're basically VC firms. They make tiny little bets and maybe five percent of those bets are going to work out and pay everything back. And I'm like, well, I'm fortunate that I'm on that end that like I can sell books and like the books are good enough that, you know, you'll share them with a friend.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Yeah. But it's also like a very haphazard relationship where, like I talked to my wife the other day and I'm like, I, I almost feel like, um, like a young basketball star, you know, you get invited up to these like rooms with the CEO of like, you know, the publishing house. And I know I'm only being invited because I can sell. Like I can, you know, we have this relationship where we're both benefiting from these books being out.
Starting point is 00:52:16 But- No, you're like a mine that they've, that's struck gold. And they're just trying to extract everything they can of it. And then they'll, as soon as it goes dry, they'll cover you up and watch the next person. But I'm grateful for it. Like I'm also happy like we work together because I love, you know, for the publishing house
Starting point is 00:52:32 I'm a part of and all that stuff. But I know that the relationship wouldn't work if I wasn't selling. Yeah. Well, and the metaphor of like, hey, I have this thought, I'm not gonna attach my identity to it. I'm not gonna identify with it. Is also true for success, which is like, Hey, I'm having the success.
Starting point is 00:52:49 The success can't have me. Like at this moment, I am New York Times bestselling author. At this moment, I am delivering certain amounts of revenue or sales or reach, but it's not me because it can go away at any time. And it, it a hundred percent will go away. It totally will. I will die. At some point.
Starting point is 00:53:11 Yeah, or the well will be tapped out. So this is what I say to people all the time. And sometimes it makes them uncomfortable. I'm like, it's going well right now. Like things are going well right now. I don't know how it's going to be, you know, when I drop book seven, book eight, it may be better, it may be worse.
Starting point is 00:53:24 I have no idea. But what I do understand is that everything is fundamentally impermanent. At the atomic level, the sort of the biological level, the cosmological level, everything is just flowing in permanence, it feels like this universe is just one giant river that flows forward. And you wanna work with that as opposed to against it.
Starting point is 00:53:44 And what that really means is you have to embrace impermanence. And I mean, the Buddhist teaching is, just revolves around this idea of embracing impermanence that helps you understand why life is dissatisfying and then helps you understand why the sense of self isn't fundamentally real. But does your boy Marcus Aurelius
Starting point is 00:54:01 talk about embracing impermanence? Yeah, yeah, he talks about how everything in your life came from change, including existence, right? So at one point you didn't exist, and now you exist. And then what happens is then you fear death, which is just the same change happening again. Or everything in your life that you like was a result of change, right?
Starting point is 00:54:21 Like something wasn't permanent, And so you got this. The problem is the irrational thing that we do is even though to get where we are or to get things the way we liked them, we had to embrace and in fact seek out all sorts of change. It's like, we think that we can choose how much change we get. Like we're like, hey, I'm stopping now.
Starting point is 00:54:43 Like this is when I take my cards off the table and I get to keep my winnings and stay. And that's not how it works. It's always in this state of flux. And what I try to remind myself of, cause that impermanence can be scary. You're just like, oh, you can take away the success. And that's true, right?
Starting point is 00:55:01 They could take away your success. They could take away your children. They can take away your happiness. They can take away your children, they can take away your happiness, they can take away your health, all that stuff can go away. But what I try to remind myself in the Stoke's Art is explicit on this, but I think it's fundamentally a Stoke idea.
Starting point is 00:55:12 I go, they can take away everything that I have, except the fact that I had it. So like, you can't take away that I did it, and that you can't take away this moment where I'm looking around and my kids are playing and my wife and I are sitting, or I, and that you can't take away this moment where I'm looking around and my kids are playing and my wife and I are sitting or I just finished this meal or I just had this great day of writing. You can take away the product, the thing,
Starting point is 00:55:34 but you can't take away that I had it, that I did it, the feeling that I had in that moment. That's the one thing that I possess. Man, that's so powerful. Cause it hit me once when I was in the middle of a, like I go away to meditate for like 30, 45 days. And when you're away there meditating, you're there in the darkness of the meditation cell.
Starting point is 00:55:55 Because you'll meditate with a group, and you also have these little rooms inside of a pagoda, which is basically a closet. And so it's like fully dark. And you're there meditating maybe for like 10, 11 hours a day. But it hit me so hard that like our universe is not just one of change but That change directly describes motion like our universe is one of motion. Everything is moving. And what does that mean? Is that?
Starting point is 00:56:17 Nothing is ever static like it's constantly dynamic and because of that dynamism We have life, you know And I think that dynamism, we have life. And I think that it made me think, so similar to what you were talking about, it hit me that we have this combative relationship with change where we fear it because we're afraid of what it will take away, but we'd never have a relationship of gratitude
Starting point is 00:56:36 towards change because it gave us the people that we love. Like the fact that the earth even exists is because of change. The fact that we even have these opportunities to be around our parents, even though our parents may die someday, we got to know them, we got to learn from them. We got to embody these characteristics
Starting point is 00:56:52 that then we can hopefully give to our friends and children someday. So to me, it's like, it feels really important to balance out our relationship with change. Like, yeah, change can be scary sometimes, but man, everything we have is because of change. Yeah, there's still talk about how, like,
Starting point is 00:57:09 everything is coming in and out of being, time is zipping by us, you know, everything is in a state of motion. And Marx really says, so it would take an idiot to feel angry at any of this, as if any of it lasts, right? There's like a Southern expression, you don't like the weather, we'll just wait a minute, you know, because it's it lasts, right? There's like a Southern expression, you don't like the weather, well, just wait a minute,
Starting point is 00:57:26 because it's always changing, right? And so I think in the moment, you don't like where we are politically, you don't like some state in your relationship, you don't like what your neighbor is, you don't like any of this stuff, don't worry, it'll change, you know? None of the things actually lasts
Starting point is 00:57:43 in both in a sort of a cosmic sense. Like we definitely know that. And then also think about times you've had that feeling before when you were like, I'm sick of it. It's too much. It can't go on like this. What happened? It didn't go on like that.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Like everything is constantly changing and evolving. Sometimes it's getting worse by the way. Yeah. So maybe you might be, there might be a point where in the future you feel grateful for this thing you were lamenting and despairing about right now. But for the most part, the things that are distressing you
Starting point is 00:58:14 and making you, like I think about like whenever I'm like really sick, when I'm just like on the floor in the bathroom, hugging the toilet or whatever. And I go like, it can't go on like this. I think about something that Mark Shulis talks about or whatever. And I go like, you can't go on like this. I think about something that Mark Shulis talks about in meditations where he goes like, he was a person who had these sort of chronic
Starting point is 00:58:30 health issues. He just goes like, the future is gonna take care of this because either you're gonna die and it'll go away or you'll get over it and it'll be gone. And just going like, oh yeah, even like those moments where you're like, this is horrible.
Starting point is 00:58:45 Where is that now? That feeling is gone. Yeah, so this reminds me, and now I'm like really curious about the relationship here. So one of the things that the Buddha talks about a lot is the danger of being attached to your view. Basically meaning your opinion.
Starting point is 00:58:59 And he talked about it, there are, you know, there's 80,000 suttas that sort of take his teaching and divide it up. And in so many of them, he's constantly hammering out about how the attachment to views will not only create your own suffering, but it'll create discord. And even right before he passed away, he warned the Sangha, the community of enlightened monks, he was like, the attachment to views has the potential to divide the Sangha. Dogma, basically.
Starting point is 00:59:24 It's one of the last things that he said before he left, you know, before he passed away. And I'm really curious about like, you know, in terms of the stoic view on being a, because you have to be a productive individual and be able to organize yourself in a skillful manner, but then the attachment to views, I mean, it just divides. It creates discord in my mind.
Starting point is 00:59:44 Whenever I feel myself clinging to a view and I hear it. By that, you mean like an opinion or? Yeah, an opinion. Yeah. Yeah. I think one of the fascinating ideas from Mark's Realizes is, you know, we always have the power to have no opinion. Oh, sick.
Starting point is 00:59:59 But I think about how many powerful people actually don't have that power. Yeah. Like, can you wake up and not think this is my thing to insert myself into, or that the world is dying to hear my opinion about this? I mean, Elon Musk can't do that. You know, like he wakes up every day,
Starting point is 01:00:15 and for all of his power and wealth, he is a ceaseless opinion haver. And it is the source, not just of much of the harm that he does, but it's also the source of his unhappiness, which he's been very clear about, right? That no one would actually want to be him if they knew what it was like. And so I do think about how can I have fewer opinions and understanding the ceaselessness of change helps you with that because you're like, why am I having an opinion about a thing that is probably gonna resolve itself or won't even be,
Starting point is 01:00:48 like how many fads have I had opinions about that the fad took care of the need to have an opinion about it because it's not a thing anymore? No, I think it's, wow, I think of the attachment to views and just like getting stuck in your own opinion. It's so detrimental to your inner relationship and your interpersonal relationship. And what I've been trying to do is lately is when I hear someone say
Starting point is 01:01:12 something that I, my mind doesn't agree with, instead of turning it into a debate, I just say, tell me more because like one, do I even need to prove my point? Like, is this, if you think about it, like it's not worth fighting every battle for sure. Like sometimes just like here where you think about it, like, it's not worth fighting every battle for sure. Like sometimes just like here where the person is coming from, and that's been so helpful. And I think about that in terms of like our country, right? Where every time the other side wins, the one, the side that lost feels like the world is ending. Everything is over.
Starting point is 01:01:40 Everything is totally gone. And I've been thinking about things in the context of like, you know, I was born in Ecuador and, and why I kill Ecuador. So it's devastatingly poor there. Yeah. It's way we came to the United States when I was four years old, because my parents wanted to roll the dice. Literally, they don't know what's going to happen here. They're rolling the dice, maybe the chance at a better life. And when I think about American politics and how fearful the two sides are of each other, I'm always thinking like, do you guys know that your post office works?
Starting point is 01:02:10 That your banks work? Yeah. Like you put your money in the bank and you can take the money out that you have pipes underground. Like there are so many things that we forget to protect, like just basic American stability. The fact that our businesses can grow, the fact that you can have property. Like these are things where, Ecuador will go through periods where it's calm for like eight years and then boom, everything gets washed away
Starting point is 01:02:33 and everyone, people are starting from a clean slate. And- I mean, the tricky thing is you can fuck that up, right? So that's the stakes of it. Totally. You can fuck it up. But yeah, I think it's like, look, do I, nobody consulted me on whether we should change it
Starting point is 01:02:47 to the Gulf of America or Mexico. And the fact that it's been called one thing for 600 years, you know, it's not like that was an honorable name for it either. That was like Spanish conquistadors deciding that it was called this, right? Like there are things that are stupid that if you'd asked me, I would have done them differently,
Starting point is 01:03:10 but it doesn't need to get me worked up, right? And then I think where maybe sometimes people's problem with philosophy is they think, well, you know, you're doing this sort of mind trick on everything and saying that nothing matters. I think philosophy in the real world is like, how do you do that on trivial semantic things? Like, what are we gonna call this body of water?
Starting point is 01:03:36 Which by the way, you can call it whatever the fuck you want. What Google Maps says, it doesn't matter, right? It can be whatever you want it to be. You can call it your personal thing. You can call it the native name, whatever. And then how do you save that energy and how do we collectively save our energy so we can come together and talk about
Starting point is 01:03:56 and deal with actual injustices or real problems? During the times of, I mean, there were different stoic periods, I imagine. And I know, you know, Marcus Aurelius as a stoic, and even when he was living in those imperial times, like he was in charge. Yeah. Right by far. But were there other stoics that lived in times where there were checks and balances? Because that's what I'm thinking about in terms of like America now. Well, the better example, so Cato, that probably widely respected, but Cato is your favorite Stoics favorite Stoic.
Starting point is 01:04:28 He is the one that the other Stoics admire, not because of how wonderful his writing was, but because of his example. And Cato lives in the decline of and fall of the Roman Republic. Like he is there when Julius Caesar overthrows the Roman Republic. So he watches the thing that he dedicates his life
Starting point is 01:04:46 to get taken and he doesn't do it, you know, it's not like he just says, oh, it is what it is, you know, like he's philosophically involved in the thick of it, but he watches that happen and he has to deal with that. I think about like people think of Socrates as living in this sort of golden age of Athens. Socrates lived in a time known as the time of the 30 tyrants. And that was after the Peloponnesian war,
Starting point is 01:05:13 which was a war that raged for almost his whole life. And so this idea that these philosophers lived in this like wonderful time is just historical nonsense. I mean, like Confucius didn't live in this quaint, you know. The same thing about the Buddha. Yeah, like lovely Chinese landscape painting. Like he was surrounded by corruption and disease and death and all this awful shit.
Starting point is 01:05:41 And almost all the philosophers did. It's that they managed to carve out enlightenment inside that. Like if everything was going well in Buddha's life, would enlightenment be that impressive? No, I mean, wisdom amongst the chaos. I think that's like a constant trend. And even in the, you know, Asen Goenka's life and Sayajit Ubalkin's life,
Starting point is 01:06:03 like they're sort of the ones that brought up this Vipassana tradition that I'm a part of. Do you think about the times that they were living in and it's sort of like moving between wars and sort of Japanese rule, democracy, dictatorship, and it's just pretty chaotic. And I think about now and how even these really wise people will exist and they influence
Starting point is 01:06:28 but they don't necessarily have power like they don't necessarily have power over the situation and they're not always in government like you know even though Cato was so close but it's interesting that that happens like it's a constant phenomenon. The good guys usually don't win that's just a story we tell ourselves that they do. Yeah, it's rough. I mean, it's hard to live your virtues. It's hard to leave these rules. Like I have this one rule that I live by
Starting point is 01:06:53 and people are always asking me, you know, political opinions, but I have this rule like, I can't support you if you're gonna kill people. Like, so like when I have politicians, when I have politicians that reach out and stuff who are like, you helped me with my campaign. I'm like, I can't support you if you're going to kill people. Like that's just what you know, what I'm hoping is like, I know that's a very hard ask when we live in this like anarchy system and whatnot and wars
Starting point is 01:07:18 are happening all the time. But like, I can't help you there, man. Like that's just like one of the things I want to live by and I rather stick to that virtue and quietly, you know tend to my garden and i'm happy to talk about it But no i'm not going to join you at the white house, you know We want to go check out some books. Yeah Thanks so much for listening. If you could rate this podcast and leave a review on iTunes, that would mean so much to us and would really help the show. We appreciate it.
Starting point is 01:07:54 I'll see you next episode. If you liked the Daily Stoic and thanks for listening, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. And before you go, would you tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey on Wondery.com slash survey.

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