The Daily Stoic - The Moment When This is More Precious Than Gold | Build Up, Don't Tear Down

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

No one will be able to do this for you. You can't outsource it. You can't fake it. There are no hacks. 📖 Wisdom Takes Work is out TODAY! Grab your copy here: https://store.dailystoic.com/pages/wisdom-takes-work👉 Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing to The Daily Stoic Premium - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content: https://dailystoic.supercast.com/🎙️ Follow The Daily Stoic Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast🎥 Watch the video episodes on The Daily Stoic YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@DailyStoic/videos✉️ Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Get Stoic inspired books, medallions, and prints to remember these lessons at the Daily Stoic Store: https://store.dailystoic.com/📱 Follow us:  Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a stoic-inspired meditation designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women help you learn from them. to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visitdailystoic.com. There will come a moment for no life is without them. It could be a moment of great difficulty or great triumph or great temptation. It could be a moment where all these stresses are mixed together.

It could be more than a moment, a string of moments, a period of opportunities and choices of responsibility and high stakes where you will need to be at your best and to be the best. And here, there, what will you need? You won't need any. answers, as Epictetus once told a student who was asking him for specific instructions for life. You will need, as he explained, adaptability to circumstances. You will need wisdom, that ability to see clearly, to understand fully, to decide rightly. In this moment, you will find out whether you have trained sufficiently, whether you have made the necessary deposits, because here, here you will need to make significant withdrawals.

Think of Marcus Aurelius when he became emperor. Think of Thrasia navigating the tyranny and disorientation of Nero's regime. Think of Stockdale thrown in prison. His orders woefully inadequate for the ordeal that he and his men were facing, having to build a new system, a new framework from scratch. Think about how much trouble they would have been in had they not cultivated the kind of mind and soul necessary to navigate such burdens. The title of the new book, the fourth and final one in the Stoic Virtue series, which comes out today. Today is the first day you can download it right now on Audible and listen to it,

ebook right now and listen to it. You can still grab the signed erst editions at dailysttock.com slash wisdom or head out to the painted porch or any bookstore you like. But the title of that book is wisdom takes work because it does, right? It takes a lot of work. But that work becomes worth it in moments such as these. when you have big decisions to make, difficult periods to endure, noise to make sense of, something you just have to get right. No one will be able to do this for you. You can't outsource it. You can't fake it. There are no hacks, only hacking it day to day for many years

before the payoff becomes clear. But you have to do it because someday, perhaps sooner than you think this wisdom will be more precious than gold to you. It will be what guides you. It will be what guides you. It will be what makes or breaks you. So do the work because you're going to need it. Wisdom takes work, learn, apply, repeat. That is the new book. As I said, the fourth and final book in the Stoic Virtue series, which I have been working on since 2019. If you read Courage is calling or Discipline is Destiny or Right Thing right now, you know where this series has been building, the fourth and final virtue. Wisdom, arguably the most essential. and the most important. And I'm most proud of this book. And I can't wait for you to read it.

Here it is. It is out. You can grab it anywhere books are sold. Or you can grab, as I said, those signed first editions at dailysteoic.com slash wisdom. It would mean so much to me if you could support the book. I've got a bunch of awesome bonuses that we're still offering. You can get signed manuscript pages. You can come have dinner with me and talk about the ideas in the book. All this and more at daily stoic.com slash wisdom. We're going to be doing a call. where we discuss the book, a bunch of other awesome stuff, including some bonus chapters, as I said, daily stoic.com slash wisdom. I can't wait for you to read this thing. I've been working on it now for a very long time. And here it is. It is out. And it would mean so much to me if you could support it.

This first week is where a lot of books are sort of their success is determined, right? How does it do in the first week? Do people get it in their hands? Do they give it to other people? All that means a great deal. So it would mean a great deal to me. Can't wait to hear what you think. Thanks. Talk soon. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I've talked here before. We've made whole videos about it. Therapy has been incredibly helpful to me.

It's given me emotional awareness. It's helped me process my feelings. It's helped me deal with stuff as a parent, as a spouse, and just a person in a crazy, busy, noisy, sometimes demoralizing world. And my therapy practice is part and parcel of my stoic practice, right? Analyzing and putting your feelings, your impressions, your views, values to the test. That's what therapy allows you to do. And there's a reason I use online therapy because it's more efficient. It takes less time. That's where today's sponsor comes in. Better help is built

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Terms and conditions apply. Indeed is all you need. This is from this week's entry in the Daily Stoic Journal, 366 days of writing and reflection on the art of living by yours truly and my colleague Stephen Hanselman, who I also wrote the Daily Stoke with, you can actually get signed copies of the Daily Stoke Journal in the Daily Stoke Store at store.dailystoke.com, or we've got copies here at the Painted Porch, my bookstore in Bastrop, Texas. Build up, don't tear down. Is there a worse environment to work in than one where bullying and one-upsmanship are the norm? Sometimes leaders seem to think that

this is part of the job description, that they're there to regulate and keep people in line. In truth, tearing people down is incredibly counterproductive. Pete Carroll, coach of the Seattle Seahawk, poses a question. If self-confidence is so important for players, why would a coach ever risk anything to damage it? Marcus Aurelius, who had the power to take anyone down at will, even kill them, almost never actually did. Instead, he reminded himself that it was better to build up, to be community-minded, modest, prepared, and tolerant of others. We are made for cooperation, the Stoic said, and to render works held in common. Let's think about that going forward.

How can we help build self-confidence of others? How can we find some of our own in doing so? We have two quotes from Marcus today. He says, So someone's good at taking down an opponent. That doesn't make them more community-minded or modest or well-prepared for any circumstances or more tolerant for the faults of others.

That's Meditations 752. And then for Meditations 812, he says, whenever you have trouble getting up in the morning, remind yourself that you are made by nature for the purpose of working with others and that our own natural purpose that is more fitting and more satisfying. When we interviewed Major General Dan Kane in the leadership challenge, he was saying that almost never in his career has he ever said, I'm ordering you to do

this. I think we have this fantasy that once we really get power, we become head coach, you know, we become a general, then we won't have to ask, we won't have to persuade, we can just demand. That's not how it works. Eisenhower famously said, the art of leadership is getting people to do things because they want to do them, right? Randall Stutman, who I talked about last week in the Leadership Challenge, which I urge you all to check out, talks about how the job of leaders to make people better. It's not to keep them in line. It's not to break them down.

It's not to mold them into who you want them to be. It's to make them the best version of themselves. This is why the Stoic virtues of patience and kindness and understanding and empathy are so important. It's not about brute force. A stoic district. Yes, strict with yourself, but we try to be tolerant and kind to others. And I struggle with this. I really struggle. I think a lot of smart, talented people, again, there's a little egotistical to describe myself that way, but you get my point. A lot of people who are good at what they do find it very hard to be patient or tolerant of people who are not good at what they do, especially when those people are getting in the way of what you're trying to do. And I struggle with that.

The moments I've lost my temper moments I regret as a leader, as a boss, almost invariably come from that sense of frustration. Why? Why? I told you how I wanted this done. I went over it like 15 times. And I have to catch myself and call myself and remember, this isn't making anyone better and it's making me worse. I look like an asshole because I'm being an asshole. And that's not a good way to be. So we have to learn how to keep ourselves in check, how to be strict with what we control, tolerant and understanding and patient with other people and with their actions, because that's not in our control. And this is one of the things that ancient historians credit Marcus he really is with, that he was very tolerant of the flaws with others, that he found a way to work

with them, that he found a way to get things out of them, that he found a way to put them to good use. And I think there's not a better endorsement of a leader than that, our ability to not expect perfection of other people. This was something Rick Fox famously said about Kobe Bryant, that Kobe Bryant struggled to realize that not everyone was Kobe Bryant. And in the ancient world, there was an expression. We can't all be Cato's. But no one had to understand this more than Cato, that not everyone was like him, not everyone was as good as him, not everyone naturally understood or was committed to these things the way that he was. And so you have to understand that your job is still ideally to get people closer to that ideal to make them better,

but you're not going to do it through force. You're not going to do it through bullying. You're definitely not going to do it through humiliation. You're definitely not going to do it through yelling. and in fact, when you are yelling, you have almost always screwed up as a boss. Is there tactically, sometimes it needs to be done to send a message? Sure, maybe, but this is almost always a rationalization of an impulse that's gotten out of control or struggle we're having. So today and this week, I want you to think about the idea of being calm, being collected, being kind, being a builder, not a destroyer, being an asker, not an orderer, a demander, right? convince, persuade, inspire, don't demand, don't bully, don't force. You will get more this way, I promise. And I hope you journal on this in the Daily Stoic Journal if you're doing it. And just a

thought to think about. Build people up, make them better. You don't need sheer force. You don't need anger. Don't need to order them. Persuade. Make them do it because they want to do it. Make them do it because they've seen the results when you've done it. That's the Stoic way. Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to The Daily Stoag podcast. I just wanted to say we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple of years we've been doing it. It's an honor. Please spread the word, tell people about it, and this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say thank you. Look, ads are annoying. They are to be avoided, if at all possible.

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