The Daily Stoic - There Is An Upside to the Downside | The Real Source of Harm

Episode Date: February 24, 2022

Ryan talks about how you can turn obstacles upside down and grow from them, about how everything we do for others comes back to us, and reads The Daily Stoic’s entry of the day.We have some exciting news to share with you all — for some reason, The Obstacle is the Way ebook is just $1.99 everywhere you get your ebooks. We’re not sure how long the price drop will last, but if you haven’t already read The Obstacle Is The Way, this is probably the cheapest it will ever be. Or if you’re like us and prefer physical books, we have hardcopies and our premium leather-bound edition available over in the Daily Stoic store, where you can get them signed and personalized.Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: http://DailyStoic.com/emailFollow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to the Daily Stoic Podcast early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Welcome to another episode of the Daily Stoic Podcast. On Thursdays, we do double duty, not just reading our daily meditation, but also reading a passage from the book, The Daily Stoic, 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance in the Art of Living, which I wrote with my wonderful co-author and collaborator, Stephen Hanselman. And so today we'll give you a quick meditation from one of the Stoics, from Epipetus Markus, really a Seneca, then some analysis for me. And then we send you out into the world to do your best to turn these words into works. Hi, I'm David Brown,

the host of Wundery's podcast business wars. And in our new season, Walmart must fight off target, the new discounter that's both savvy and fashion forward. Listen to business wars on Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts. There is an upside to the downside. It's easy to complain when something goes wrong. It's easy to notice what we've missed.

Take the last two years, for example. Many of us have been focused on what we've been deprived of, the people we haven't gotten to see, the places we haven't been able to go, the opportunities lost. The problem on focusing on what we miss, the Stokes would say is that it misses all the things that we gained, or could have gained if we had decided to see the obstacle as the way if we had seen the opportunities

that each situation presented. And the funny thing about focusing on what we miss, though, is that we also miss the other things that we miss, is that we also miss the other things that we miss Which if we fully understood the implications would create an enormous sense of gratitude As Cisero explains you may say that the deaf men miss the pleasure of hearing the musicians songs Yes, but they also miss the squeaking of a saw being sharpened the noise of pig makes when its throat is being cut The roaring thunder of the sea which prevents other people from sleeping of a saw being sharpened. The noise a pig makes when its throat is being cut, the roaring

thunder of the sea which prevents other people from sleeping. Seeing the light means you will also feel the darkness when the light is gone. That's the deal. So instead of thinking about all the things you've lost during this pandemic, think of what you have gained instead. And once you are done with that, also take a minute to think about all the painful things you've missed too. There are upsides, even to downsides, deprivations if considered properly contain small mercies too. Exciting news, I was just told by my publisher that my book The Opsdical is the Way, the Timeless Art of turning trials into triumph is $1.99 everywhere you can get your e-books. I'm not sure how long the price drop will last but now is the cheapest the book will

probably ever be. If you haven't read it, if you want to give it as a gift, if you also want a digital copy whatever, it's pretty awesome. $1.9, you know, this is a book that's sold now well over a million copies in 40 languages. It's been used by Super Bowl winning teams, special forces operators, members of Congress, world leaders, and it's less than two bucks. So if you want to get the obstacle is the way as an ebook, I think it's only in the US, but check the link here in the show notes or just go to Amazon or just go to Amazon or wherever you get your ebooks. Also, related news if you have more than two dollars. We have a leather bound edition of the obstacle as the way, which you can check out in the Daily Stoke store. Just go to store.dailystoke.com.

It's a premium edition. It should last a little bit longer than the hard cover. Go to dailystoke.com slash store and you can also get me to sign your leather bound edition or any of your editions of the book. And of course, oh yes, some other cool obstacle is the way merch. Check it out. The obstacle is the way as an e-book, it's just $1.99 for a very limited time only. Check it out. The real source of harm. And I'm reading to you today from the Daily Stoke, 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living by yours truly. And my co-author and translator, Steve Enhancelman, you can get signed copies, by the way,

in the Daily Stoke store, over a million copies of the Daily Stoke in print now. It's been just such a lovely experience to watch it. It's been more than 250 weeks, consecutive weeks on the best sellers. It's just an awesome experience. But I hope you check it out. We have a premium leather edition at store.dailystoke.com as well. But let's get on with today's reading. The quote today is from Epic T-dises in Caridian. Keep in mind that it isn't the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from

your own belief about the abuse. So whenever someone arouses your anger, know that it's really your own opinion fooling it. Instead, make it your response not to be carried away by such an impression, for with time and distance, self mastery is more easily achieved. And the entry says that the Stokes remind us that there really is no such thing as an objectively good or bad occurrence. When a billionaire loses $1 million in a market fluctuation, it's not the same as when you or I lose a million dollars. Criticism from your worst enemy is received differently than negative words from a spouse.

If someone sends you an angry email, but you've never seen it, did it actually happen? In other words, all these situations require our participation, context, and categorization in order to be, quote, unquote, bad. Our reaction is what actually decides whether harm has occurred. If we feel we've been wronged or get angry, of course, that's how it will seem. If we raise our voice because we feel like we've been confronted, naturally, a confrontation

will ensue. But if we retain control of ourselves, then we decide whether to label something good or bad. In fact, if that same event happened to us at different points in our lifetime, we might have different reactions. So why not choose to not apply these labels? Why not choose to not react? I actually just gave it a talk, flew to Oklahoma, and I was saying this there to this group of people we were talking about the pandemic. And I was saying that it's not good or bad. I don't mean that in the moral sense, of course, although we could get into a whole semantic debate about whether there's such a thing that's good and evil, that's not what the Stoics are saying, because of course

the Stoics say that virtue is important and that evil does exist. We're not saying that there's no such thing that's good or bad in that sense. We're saying that in the positive or negative sense. When Shakespeare says nothing, neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so, that's what he means, right? A bull or a bear market, I was saying, the talk they don't really exist. These are words that we make up, right?

We decide that the market is bad for us. We decide that the job market is not a good one. We decide whether we live in a golden age or a decline. Right, these are labels that we put on things. The Stokes are saying not just that, but that also so much of what we are upset about is actually relative, like how many people would kill actually to be in the exact same position that you are in. are upset about is actually relative. Like how many people would kill actually

to be in the exact same position that you are in? We just don't think about it because we forget that not everyone has it nearly as good as us, right? Again, the labels, right? These are all relative terms, but how many people would kill to have been dumped because they've never been with anyone, right? How many people would kill to have been dumped because they've never been with anyone, right?

How many people would kill to be in a position to lose a million dollars in the market or to lose any market, to lose any money in the market because they can't even participate? So the idea is understanding that harm that I've been negatively affected by this, that this sits in the space of judgment, not objective reality. Now, let's go to what Epictetus is saying this time when someone hits you, right? That's not the good or bad thing.

The thing is whether you decide to be harmed. So he's not, of course, saying that abuse doesn't exist or anything like that, which sometimes people have the reaction to go, decide to be harmed. So he's not, of course, saying that abuse doesn't exist or anything like that, which sometimes people have the reaction to the go, oh, so we're just so accept everything that happens to us. That's not really it. It's not that you accept being abused, that you accept these quote unquote negative situations, is that you decide to remain unharmed by that, right? Okay, I'll give you another example. FDR, during the Second World War, actually treats Winston Churchill quite poorly. Obviously, the America comes to

be Britain's ally in the war and we give enormous amounts of man and material, but in their actual meetings, FDR was his hotty superior, someone callous and occasionally cruel self. This is how he tended to treat people. He treated Eleanor Roosevelt this way as well. So speaking of a few of these big moments, Winston Churchill's daughter says that FDR's treatment hurt her father, but it did not unmanned him. What she meant by that is that the remarks were inappropriate and they were not okay. They of course changed how Churchill saw FDR, although obviously he needed him so much as an

athlete, he retained that self-mastery that Epidetus is talking about. And, of course, would have chosen not to undergo that if he had a choice. But, after it did happen, Churchill didn't let it break him, didn't let it change him, didn't let it make him lose control of himself. So that's the idea. Of course, if a parent is abusive, that's not okay. But we decide whether we have been tragically undone by our childhood, or if we assume responsibility for ourself, for our life right now, and do our best to heal and move on and grow, right?

We decide whether this thing is the end for us. We decide what we do about it, right? We decide whether we have been harmed, or if we've actually been improved, if we grew, if we were made better for the adversity that we went through, that's the choice that we have. That's what he's talking about. And that's ultimately the difference between being wronged and being harmed that Marcus really talks about. You can punch me and I will feel that. I'm a human being. No amount of study of philosophy, the stokes would say, would change that, right?

Of course. But I choose whether that harms me, because harm is the attitude, the story, the opinion, the thing I do next in response to that. So I hope we make this distinction today, the real source of harm, it's ultimately in our judgments, our opinions, and the story. We tell ourselves about what's happened. Thanks so much for listening to the Daily Stoke podcast. Again, if you don't know this, you can

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