The Dale Jr. Download - Amy Was Ready to Defend Herself… Then She Found the “Intruder”

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

The Costa Rica family vacation that Dale spent months worrying about… ended up becoming one of his favorite trips ever. After expecting long days, difficult excursions, and a vacation that might test his patience, Dale quickly found out the best moments weren’t the ones anyone planned. From exploring the jungle and seeing wildlife up close, to hiking through the mountains, swimming in a freezing waterfall, and watching the kids embrace every adventure, the trip turned into a collection of memories the whole family will never forget. The chaos didn’t stop there. Dale and Amy share stories from surfing attempts, a wild catamaran adventure, and an unexpected vow renewal organized by the kids that became one of the most special moments of the trip. They also talk about dreaming of life on a catamaran, why Dale may not be as adventurous as he thinks, and the little moments that ended up meaning the most. Check out Dirty Mo Media on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DirtyMoMedia  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The following is a production of Dirty Mo Media. Oh, yeah, this is the way it's going to be, girl. We're going to hang out. Open a bunch of jars. You've got big strong hands. Are you suffering from Highcraft? I'm working. Working that mouth.

Hey, guys, Dale and I are back in the DirtyMoe Media studio for another episode of Bless Your Heart. We're so excited to be back and see everybody and see Travis's pretty face. We've had a lot. going on, went to Costa Rica. Lots to talk about. Let's get started. Also, we'll have a drinking word for this show, and it is Margarita. Every time I come into the studio. Yeah, because other people sat in your chair. I know, but every time I come in here, it's like everything has moved six inches. Did Daniel sit in that chair? Yeah. Bless him, what did he think about that? I'm mad that I didn't. I

forgot to ask him about an end show, but he did say when he sat down before we started, he was like, this is comfortable. Stop. You prompted him to say that. It is a comfortable chair. I wish I was lying. Not in comparison. But accurate. He sat in my chair and said it was comfortable. Right, but not in comparison to this one. Well, I mean, no, we didn't go that.

Freddie ain't hanging out over there. We didn't interrogate him. Which chair's more comfortable? Answer now. Mm-hmm. He probably would have said. I think that there is a, I think that there is a, I think that there is a.

Come on, man. Put the fries in the bag. In office. My belly hurts. Again? Yes, it's hurted for three days. I think he ate some lettuce. My man is in bad shape.

Do you take some emotium? He's been taking parasite tinctures. I've been giving him all the stuff. Wait, taking what? You hear that word? Well, it's a parasite. So I've been giving him the tinctures that kill the parasites. Tinctures?

Isn't it the dumb word? That's a word? It is a weird word. It is a weird word. It is a weird word. Can we choose another word for it? Liquid. Liquid parasite killer.

Yeah. I've been giving him basically. Who told you they were tinctures? It says it on the thing. It's called a tincture. You make it out of things. It's like a T-E- But it's a tincture.

Yeah. It says the word. They call it themselves a tincture. A t-in-c-C-U-R-E. It is a weird word to say. It is weird. So he's been tincture in all week trying to get rid of these parasites. I'm drinking this stuff.

And so where do you want to? I mean, where you want to start? I got a stomach bug, started Sunday. I've been on the couch or the toilet for two and a half days. I was wondering, because Monday you're like, hey, man, like not feeling well. And, like, I'm worried about tomorrow. And then, like, an hour later, he's like, I'm feeling better. I'm like.

Yeah. It comes and goes. It comes and goes, you know, like the. He's sprightly, and then all of a sudden he's doubled over. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think it was lettuce. I think it was probably like grapes or something else.

or something. He refuses to believe that he's got this parasite. You just refuses to call it that. I don't refuse. I probably got, it's a bug. A parasite's a bug in my mind. Yeah, definitely is a bug. It's like bug.

That's me saying I might have a parasite. Yeah. I'm not, I'm on the same page. I just call it different things. Like, I don't call things tinctures. Yeah, that's a weird word. I don't talk. I don't call things parasites.

I say bug. Well, they're not all the same. Yeah, that's. It's not the same. a virus. It's my damn life. My choice. It's my hot body. I'll do with it what I want. All right. You guys in your rules. So I'm feeling better. I'm still on the toilet a little bit. He's still wearing his elastic waist pants just in case. Get into the finish line. Has Dale bought like a door unlocked?

Somebody prop that damn door. I need to get through it. Dale might need to dart out. Yeah. Dale's going to all the, get the cushions for the toilet seats to make life better. There's two doors between me and there's three doors between the bathroom. There's a lot of doors. Better not be hard to get through. Two of them you need a card to get a door to open. I know.

Yeah, you're in trouble. I think this one back in here is closer. Yeah. So I was going to say that I think that there is an in-office joke that only the dirty-moe media employees are in on where every after every time I'm in here doing any kind of a show or work, they move everything around about six inches. Yeah. And then I come back. I mean, I would do that. If I were y'all to screw with him, I would absolutely do that. Twist things, turn things, move the table just a touch. See, now that you say that, I think we will. But like that table over there,

it takes like two people to move. I know. This little situation, absolutely, you could move stuff around. I don't know about that. Yeah. Because I, because they just like to see me, gruntled. Like chair up and down. I would absolutely do that. Evan, that's like a really easy. Evan,

after the show, please move Dale's chair two inches to the right. Move his trinkets behind him. Move his stuff around. Y'all gotta try a little harder. I didn't think about that. They should miss.

They should. They should put like little Easter eggs. Not baby Jesus, you know, but maybe something else. As much crap as I give you, you like have the floor. Free rain.

Free rain. Yeah, but I have to deal with you. So if then I'm messing with you. with you, then I'm just, I'm going to be the one that is a deal with a... When you get some relief out of seeing me in anguish? Yeah. Don't answer that. Now we're going to start doing it.

Now that I have like... Are we not the same? I enjoy it. Free run at this. So we're going to, yeah. You're going to come in on Tuesday and... When you're getting roasted for one of your awful takes on Deljuring to download, I'm having a little bit of a good time.

I don't have an awful take. I would screw with TJ too. Y'all are missing an opportunity here. That one's too easy. Screw with TJ? Yeah. that is fun but little return at this point he's so used to it

doing this for years is that a height joke it's like this it's like this Ferrari that you've owned for 30 years you know it's not as fun to drive as it once was dang noted yeah I wish I knew what driving a Ferrari was like I don't either but

I just yeah now I'm definitely going to move just one little thing each week on the download set so Yeah. Can we hide some Barbies in there? I got Barbies galore. I got some cool. Put Barbies on the race cars.

Dale, earmuffs. Amy, bring the squirrel in, please. We are. We forgot. We were driving. I totally meant to bring the squirrel back today. She's going to live right here. We were halfway here and she remembered.

She was like, damn it. Can we get you that bracelet? That's the squirrel? The slap. I saw a slap bracelet squirrel tail. Like if the tail dangled off. It was pretty wild. I can't believe that that's a thing.

We have a really festive looking drink of the week. Can we talk about what? We have a festive. Yes, it looks like a kaleidoscope of colors here. Our drink of the week, presented by high rock vodka, is called, what is it called? High Rock Punch. The High Rock Punch.

So you guys did this for your victory toast the other day. For Carson's first one. Oh. So it is pineapple juice, orange juice, lemon lime soda, and rainbow sherbert, and some high rock. What's up with the metal straw? It's good for the environment. Are you worried about it hitting your teeth? No, that's good.

You know, very sweet. When I see that metal straw, it reminds me of when I went to South Korea. And me and Mike Davis were in South Korea for the Olympics. The Olympics. And we were at the hotel and down on the, down at the bottom of the street, there was a series of a few restaurants, really authentic. They had fish swimming in tanks out front, not nice-looking tanks.

Like just right off the boat, throw the fish in. Yeah. Come by, pick your fish, and they're going to cook it for you. And so we're going to go in there and eat, and they had, and the back half of the seating was all sitting on the floor. And the front was actually chairs. And we were going to sit in the back and decided against it. it after a funny thing happened and I'll tell you another day.

But I've had a hard time keeping up here. Well, it's a long story. But are you okay? We get to the, we sit down and I'm thinking, okay, you know, we're going to eat with some chopsticks. And I like my chopsticks, wooden, brand new in the wrapper. And they put down in front of us before we got our food, a plastic Tupperware, tray with probably 75 to 100 metal chopsticks in it.

And I'm like, damn, I got to use somebody else's chopsticks. It blows my mind that this bothers you. And I grossed out immediately. And then I thought, I'm not like this with forks. Right. You know, back home. Every restaurant you go to. Every restaurant I go to.

And now every restaurant I go to, everywhere I go to, everywhere I go eat and they lay the silverware down and I think who's had that in their mouth? Did they steam the shit out of this mrs? God dang. You know what I mean? Why do we need to go that far? I don't my I don't want to go that far. This is what your mind does when you have an advanced brain. When you got a kick-ass brain like mine that works really good. That's what it does. It goes there. The breaks on my brain work better than yours. I don't put the brakes on my brain. I'm not oblivious. I'm not damn just unaware. Listen, I think that there's stainless steel and you can steam the shit out of it and there's no germs.

I want to believe that they steam the out of that stuff, but you don't know. Maybe there's steam ain't, maybe they're getting hot enough to get all the stuff. It's just going to boost that immune system. You'll be fine. Well, you know, when I see that, I'm thinking, that doesn't bother me. I don't, probably nobody, but you used that straw, but I just, it takes my mind back to that day where they set that thing in front of me. And I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.

I hope y'all got some wooden ones back there. Where's the brand new? I'll be honest. I don't put the silverware so far in my mouth and, like, rub my lips all over it. Like as much as... What the food? It's like, I eat the food. I don't think everybody really needs. I ate the food off of it. Even the chopsticks that are wooden. Like I'm... It's not all in my mouth. You know what I mean? It is. No, it isn't. I drop the food in. I close the hatch and I chew it up. Every piece you go... Like a mama bird. Yeah, like a little bird. Oh my God. But even like if you're eating a piece of steak, you eat the steak. You're not chewing the fork. You're your mouth closes on the fork. No, it's not. But your tongue doesn't touch the fork.

No, neither do my teeth or my lips. Only if you're doing like a spoon. All right. Look, I mean. The spoon, absolutely. So if I'm ordering a soup, we're making out with somebody else. That's what's going down. Not a fork.

Oh, man. Well, look, I don't agree. clearly and nothing's going to change in my mind you and your orange chair just you do you I want wooden chopsticks if you're going to bring me chopsticks I want the cheap 10 cent wooden but I'm going to throw away when I'm done and seen all right let's talk about Costa Rica drink responsibly we do our drink of the week we kind of did okay I did it you did it did you try it Hey, High Rock Vaca's got a three-pack. I saw that.

Yes, Sully sent us a really awesome photo of a three-pack of High Rock. You can buy the regular bottle in a three-pack now. Yeah. Wait, what? Well, soon. In the store in Gatlinburg, they have this really awesome case that has a three-pack of their standard bottles. And so you can buy like a gift set or you can just buy three bottles for yourself. But it's easy to carry.

Got a cool little box. very nicely packaged. So that's another new addition to the High Rock lineup. Hell yeah. Yeah. We went to, did we talk about this our last show? We went to the Isla Palms liquor store. Yes, we did.

Liquor right there on Island Liquors. Island Liquors. There's a few liquor stores now in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, and Isle Palms and a couple other places. And they even have the minis behind the cash register. You know, you can work your house. ass off and, you know, get you a spot on the shelf among the hundreds of vodkas, right? And you're looking for your shit and you're like, oh, there it is. I found it. But man, you've really made it when you

walk up to the cash register and look over her shoulder and you see the little airplane bottles sitting on the shelf. You're like, hey, buddy. We are there. Well, it's true because you're like, how many times when you're at the register and you're like, you know what? I see it. Let me get one of those too. Yeah. Dude. Add in or like a lot of friends will take those and travel with them. You can take them through TSA. You can take them through TSA. And you know what else is kind of fun?

What? Is when we talk to the clerk, the lady to register, and we go, hey, I'm Dale, it's my wife, Amy, and we're just going to come in your store, and we're going to grab a couple bottles off shelf and autograph them for you. And we're going to do some social content, get some people to come in here, maybe pick up some of these bottles, take them home. And there, her... She was like, I had heard about this, and I was wondering who was involved in this.

Like, she had. Yeah, she asked us the whole spiel. She wanted to know everything about High Rock. So she has thousands of brands in there. And she was like, oh, yeah, I was wondering who was involved in that. I was like, whoa, you were curious. Are you curious? Also, we went into this liquor store with our kids wanting to, like, touch and grab and see all the pretty bottles.

I think that the name, the branding and all that was clicking with her. Yeah. Before she ever knew we were a part of it and really she was like already kind of intrigued. Yeah. It's a good sign. It's a good sign. So there are the mini bottles. And if you want to find a bottle near you, you can go to the website, high rock vodka.com.

There's a store locator. You can use it to find any of the sugar lens products around you and you must be 21 years or over. Please drink responsibly. And hey, I've been seeing this in my Instagram or my Twitter. feed. If you go to a Texas Roadhouse and you order a Dale yeah, you don't even have to order a Dale yeah if you really don't need one that night. You can just take a picture of the menu of Amy and I with the Dale yeah. I love seeing that in my timeline. Just love it. He loves some of him in his timeline. Keep that coming. That's good for everybody.

Yes, we had some friends on his pictures last night. Their kids recognized us. You know, it's fun. That part's fun for me. Because I can engage with it, and then Texas Roadhouse sees it and goes, hey, nice. It's working. Yeah. You like that, too, Amy. What? Yes, you do.

I got text. It's not in my timeline. I don't have a timeline. I'm not even on Twitter. You definitely like that. I love it when people are at Texas Roadhouse and they get Adelia. And we get to see their pictures. I absolutely love that.

Thanks for setting that up for me. Did you take happy bills this morning, bail? Huh? It's his new critters. It's like critters inside of his belly. It's like the reverse of in space jam. They brought happiness to daily. He's just like overjoyful.

I'm glad to be. He's five pounds lighter. I'm glad to be feeling better. My belly hurt. And my head, my whole body was hurting. All the muscles. My ankles. I got some arthritis in my ankles.

And that really was hurting. So. He's been walking around like shuffling around. I have arthritis. I have arthritis. especially in my gas foot. Yeah, he does. That makes sense.

Gas pedal foot is... I get up in the morning and it takes me about 20 minutes to get to where I can walk regularly. He's got to work it out. Now everybody's going to send me all kinds of stretching. I ain't doing it.

Don't do it. I've already... I've gotten a shake plate. I've got stretching blocks. I've got... Don't be sending no damn routines. I need to do when I get out of bed. That's a shit ain't happening.

And I'm going right into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Yes, don't bother. He's not going to do it. My routine is working, just walking it out. He's going to be a real pain in the ass to world with. We're halfway there. And he's like, I ain't working on anything.

This is what's going to be. Yeah, you're doomed. I'm doomed. We ain't doing nothing with these grays. They're just going to get grayer. It's going to get more henry, more gray and more brittle. We're just going to let it right out. Is that right?

That's right. Is that what you're saying? You know what he told me the other day? We're in Costa Rica. it's sitting around. We're all kind of in awe of how gray his hair has gotten, his facial hair, too. Like he's got a little bit of like a handlebar that's still got some of that ginger in it. And the rest of him is like silver. And so he's like, you know, my entire life, I've been a junior. And I wanted to be, I'm embracing this gray because now I feel like I'm an old man, I'm established,

I'm not a junior anymore. And my whole life, like I've been, a junior, have been kind of tweeted like a kid, talked about like the kid because I'm junior. And so he's thinking now... Do you understand what that could feel like? Do you understand what being a junior? No, I don't. I'm the oldest child. I'm the oldest grandchild.

I have no clue. All right. You remember when you were in junior high? Yes. And then you got to go to senior high. Remember when you were in junior high and you were looking at the kids in senior high and looking at the other girls

and how they pout around and all that they're in their little popular cliques or how just everybody. Everybody looked older and smarter and they're driving around and you're still riding the school bus and you're like, I want to get to senior high. You finally get to senior high and now you get to senior high and you're looking down at the junior high kids and you're like, yeah, you little son. I was a junior.

I remember what I was like not having a car and wearing goofy clothes. Oh my gosh. And that your parents bought you now and buy my own shit. You know, so I've been a junior. I've been stuck in junior high. You're in junior high your whole life? Bless it. I don't feel like I felt like that.

I was terrified to go to high school. Well, there was always going to be a senior, and that was always going to be the junior. That's true. And there still is, essentially. Yeah. Now, I'm extremely happy and proud, and of course. Yeah.

But now he's also extremely happy and proud of his gray. I am. Yeah, he's embraced it. Boy, when I could, you know, and when you, when guys can start growing a little facial higher, do we not? Do we, it, it's like a milestone? This is the other thing he told me, same trip. He's like, when I first got my hair, it was a little wand.

Just like, little wand things. He's like, I used to take a Sharpie to it just to make them dark. Yeah. And it was probably a black Sharpie because we didn't really have brown ones. I was like, that's so weird that you would do that. I've never been one that could, like this here that officially I last shaved Thursday. Thursday? And this is all I have.

Like, so I've never been. I did a lot. I do get a lot of, I noticed greys are coming in here more than my hair. Yeah. I feel like they started on his face first also. I did this when I was really, you know, 15. Yeah. But there was one, there were two, there were two goofball, probably hungover,

bored things that I did back in the bud days with my hair. Once I straightened it at Dover. He had his bus driver. I had my bus driver straighten it. And we burnt the shit out of my, my, my side of my face because we got the stuff on there. They did this in the bus. I didn't know this shit's going to burn my skin off.

They went to Sally Beauty Supply, got some straightener. They're like, hey, it comes with this like, it comes with this. Vaseline you're supposed to put on your skin and we're like, Vaseline for when we toss that to the side. We start putting it in. I'm like, holy shit's burning. So then we go wash it off. And now I got this like surfboard straight hair.

And I'm like, oh, man, I can't go to the garage tomorrow. We got practice in the morning. I'm like, I can't walk in the. a garage like this. I can't get this. Hanging down over his nose. Well, I put a hat on. It's just sticking out of the hat. Because my hair was super, it was long. You know, I hadn't had a haircut in a while.

It wasn't a long, long hair. But, so we went to the store then. It's like nine at night. We go to the store. We get clippers. He ain't never fucking cut hair in his life. So we're back in the bus cutting fucking hair. Trying to make it look somewhat reasonable.

And I did. And we went the whole weekend with this butcher haircut after we'd straighten my hair. And... The best part of the story is still to come. Well, my sister has a wedding. She's getting married

that week. She's getting married the next week. And I'm walking her down the aisle without a hat on, obviously. With a whack-ass haircut. So I walk her down. I walk her down the aisle with this really bad straight hair. But I don't give you shit. Because I think

I think as soon as I walked her down the aisle and we saw the official like the ceremony ended. I do's. Me and like seven of my buddies jumped in suburban and drove to Daytona for the July race. So we were like in party mode. But another time I had a goate and this was at Michigan

and me and my bus driver colored my goate with men with Really? Yeah, with whatever that. Same guy? Yeah. With whatever the product.

What's the... Just for men? Just for men. Yes. We got some Just for men and brushed it in my goatee. And so for like one week, I had this really dark goatee. All of this is surely captured on the internet. Yes.

There's photos of the race weekend. I'll go, that was a weekend. We did the Just for Men. Well, the weekend he did the hair and had the haircut. He won Daytona that. It was a summer. of 2001. It was July of 2001.

Yes. We win the race and I'm in Victorian. Substantial win. And so like he's there's some victory. I got these badass bangs. Where he's got his hat off. By that time I'd had the hair straightened up. So I thought it looked actually really good. You know, because I did end up, you taught me into a Brazilian blowout a few times.

It kind of looked like that. Every time you say Brazilian, I think you're talking about something else. Keep talking. Keep talking. What's it called? That's it. But like girls get Brazilian waxes. So when you say Brazilian, I'm like, that's what I thought he was going with.

We ain't doing that. No, we got married and his hair was straight. Yeah. Yeah. When we got married, that's all ironic. I had one of those when we got married. Yes, your hair was like straight. I didn't know.

I thought I started getting those later. No. It was that whole year building up. You were letting it grow out. You wanted it straight. You weren't in the race car anymore, so you're like, I can do what I want. It's my hot body. My hot body?

That was really. Cartman. I did not say that. No, you didn't. Is that what Cartman says? Yeah, it's my hot body. I'll do with it, what I won't. Oh, okay, yeah, I guess. Now, look at it. It's straight. It's straight. That's as straight as it gets.

Damn, but damn. Well, all right. Yeah. Brazilian blowout. He used to go sit in the chair and get it done, but, you know, no burns. I've got a picture of me with the hair. I'm in the barbature or whatever in the salon after she takes the things out. And I've got this thing. I've got a real afro. When? I sent it to you.

While she was doing my hair, she... She was straightening it. She was straightening it. And then when she gets done, she blow dries a hell out of it. And it's perfectly round. What dream are you in? Uh-uh. Yes.

Nah-uh. Yes. You never have had like a Bob Ross Afro. Why are you... For like five minutes. In the middle of doing the Brazilian blowout. That's like part of the process. I'm going to need to see a photo of that.

Man, it was awesome. Truly, that's in the next of your photos. Because there is a photo on the internet that somebody gave me Bob Ross's hair. Yeah. And it's been around on the internet for a long, long time. And it's one of my favorite memes or whatever you want to call. But because I, you know, I was a big Bob Ross guy. I like Bob, nice guy.

No? You know who? I mean, I know who he is. I don't know. I mean, he's pretty badass. Legend. And his hair. It's legendary, yeah.

So I'm like, damn, man. I look pretty good with Bob Ross's hair cut. And for a moment, I was like, I really have it. You really have it. I feel like if you had just let your hair grow out, texture. And I took a picture and sent it to you. Your natural texture, it would look just like that. I'd have to go back in my phone.

Yeah, go back to the files and find that photo. I need to see it myself. Oh, yeah, so that's the meme. Yeah. I think I would look pretty good. if that's if that was in the 70s that's probably what I'd go with maybe a little shorter really quite as big you just let it rip yeah I have wanted to let it rip my whole life I mean you can I know that's why I tried to let you do that right before we got married because

you weren't racing anymore right or did you have one more season there was a there was a time where if Amy would have said yes I was going to dye my hair orange he wanted to dip it like Gwen Stefani. I'm like, what's wrong with you? Why? Like neon orange. Why? Yeah, that's exactly what I said.

Why the f*** not? That's not a reason. That's not a reason. I like neon orange. It would have been a sight for sure. I wouldn't have understood. I still don't understand why you want that. I don't understand why people can't do shit like that and people just be like, yeah.

Because it's clownish. It'll grow out. Because it's like clownish. All right. You want people to take you. seriously. You can't have orange hair. I need you to take me seriously all the time.

Well, you don't get to choose when you have orange hair. Yeah. You know, it's like up to whoever's coming at you. I don't know. You should let your hair grow out right now. Listen, was it a good decision to dye my hair orange? Surely not. Would I have regretted it after about three days?

Absolutely. But I was going to do it if she would have said, sure. Let him do it now, Amy. This is what happens when he decides to grow his hair out. He also decides his facial hair must be as long as his other hair. Yes. So now we look like We're from the Duck Dynasty

Unkept hair and then this tight, nice beard. It doesn't work. Why? The beard has to match. No, it doesn't. You don't have to have like a burly unkept face just because your hair's growing out. Do you know that picture of the guy nodding?

He's an actor. It's a gift. Very famous gift. Everybody uses it. And it's the nodding gift. And it's, um, Christopher No, he ain't Christopher

Who is it? Oh, damn it. I think it's in the movie The Man from Snowy River or something like that. He just passed away. Really? He's a gorgeous man.

Handsome? This is so terrible. Handsome is a good word. Gorgeous is a bit strong. No, he's top five of all time. Wow. Well, who's your top five? Yeah, let's hear the top five.

Yeah, let's hear the top five, Amy. I can't even figure out how to Google this now. Just Google. Google nod. Or Google. I mean, if he's top five, you should be able to come up with his name without thinking. I know.

It should be, it's like right here on the tip of my tongue. Google the image. Google, Google, the gif, the nodding gif. Just nodding gif.

The first one. The first one. No, the first one. Oh, it's Mark. No, it ain't Mark.

From Star Wars. No. No. It ain't him. Now you need to take a picture of it and ask chat. This is ridiculous. Chad. Who is this?

That's who I want to look like some days. See that guy? Well, you missed your mark because he did it when he was young. Robert Redford? Robert Redford. Rob Redford. Stunning man. Wait, he's top five, Amy?

He is, especially when he was young? Look, is he top five right there? Is he top five right there? Yeah. See, he can be, he can grow. He just passed away. How come he gets to be long hair, full beard? Your hair would be the opposite.

Your beard will be long and straight, and your hair would grow like Bob Ross. It wouldn't look like that. to be long-haired bushy top five still. And his hair color was natural, by the way. It's not fair. Dale brings up a valid point here. Yeah. He gets to have his old shi-beard and his long hair, and he's...

His shit is dark. He's top five. Are you going to walk around with that expression on your face? She only wants me one way. That's what it is. You only want me one way. There's no chopping my hair off or doing... Yeah, you can't have short hair.

No, you can't have short hair. Why? It wouldn't look as good. What? Here's the thing. about getting older, gentlemen. At one point, I'm going to have to cut it. It doesn't have to be like a mamaw haircut,

beauty shop haircut, you know what I mean? But I'm going to have to cut it. I can't have a long hair. I feel like that makes you look like you're trying to be young and you're not young. Like cutting your hair is an inevitable process. There's some older ladies that have gone into their 50s and 60s, yes, but they have remained, they've kept their long hair,

and it's classic. I think it just depends on who you are. And it's a strength, it looks, it shows strength and commitment. If you come up with like a little bob above your shoulders, I like, I feel like you're, like, you're going to turn into a Karen. Yeah. So listen, I don't think of Bob's my vibe, but at some, like, Brenda, Dale's mom, great hair. She would cut it into these tiny little pixie cuts and then like it get long again. And she was all over the place with her hair cut.

Mom, I grow your hair long. She'd like, okay. Dale doesn't charge everybody in their hair. That's what... Except for your own. That's the problem, isn't it? I don't get to do what I want. Everybody else gets to do what they want.

Listen, it gets one inch longer than what it is, and my hats don't fit. Like you're complaining about it. You don't want long hair. You wouldn't even know what to do with it. What would you do with it? I don't, I want to snap my fingers and my hair to be really long.

I don't want the middle part. You know what I mean? That's me. Yeah. now we just need some extensions. But okay, back to what's most important, though. Yeah, who's the top five? Yeah, who's the top five? We're not wanting you off the hook on this one.

Really? Oh, yeah. And you know who better be in it. Oh, yeah. Robert Redford. This is not in order. Okay. Of course, Delahert Jr.'s in there. Clint Eastwood. Robert Redford. Brad Pitt. How many I got? That's four. Hmm. I think that's it. I don't really have a fifth. Okay. You'll probably have. Russell Robert just went up one spot. He's not even top five now.

Top four looking like. Yeah. Top four, yeah. All right. You okay? I'm great. I mean, they're all similar looking people. We haven't even started the show.

No, we haven't. Speaking of hair, we had a little incident with some hair when we were on our trip this last week. I sure did. Uncle Dale, which is who he is in front of his own children and where around other children, he is Uncle Dale. Brings a bunch of candy in, including a pack of gum. and he gives it to the littlest kids. And, I mean, within minutes of being on this trip,

Nicole has decided she's done with her gum and sticks it in her cousin's hair. Not like an accidental toss, and then she came through and then, like, it got caught in her hair. She just reached over and clamped it in there. And Eva, who really wasn't that bothered by the whole thing, went to go play in the ocean,

and came back like an hour later, and was like, hey, can you get this gum out of my hair? I'm like, how'd you get gum in your hair? Dale? Well, Nicole put it in there. Like, wait a second. She just stuck it in your hair? Yeah, she just was done with it.

So she just put it in my hair. Like, this is like not normal behavior. So I'm like sitting there trying to get some eyes. Eva's trying to yank it out of her hair. She got this tiny little haircut, so she doesn't have a bunch of hair to spare. And that's how he started our Costa Rica trip was Uncle Dale's bubble gum. And then Nicole, who is also.

a Dale derivative putting it in Eva's hair. So, you know, yay. Yeah. How was Costa Rica? It seemed like I had a fun time. It was amazing. It was my first trip. Dale's been there before. And I went there for my bachelor party. And we were about 45 minutes away from that area. Slightly different trip, I assume. Yeah. Wildly different. I mean, you went with your sister and her family, right? Not actually a whole lot different, honestly, except for there were kids on this one. I mean, it was literally the same trip. That's not true. Dale, when he went on the Bachelor trip, he told everybody, I know we're going to Costa Rica, but I ain't signing up to do no zip lining and there is no excursions. We're going to sit in the bar, so we're going to bar hop. Don't anybody try to plan a boat.

I am not going out on a boat. I'm not doing any of that. Yeah. So it was a week of, that was the rules. Listen. So I'm not like this trip. No. I, nothing like this trip. I would say that there was a little more drinking on my trip I'm sure there was I'm sure there was Ralph we were in bed by like 930 or 10 every night on our trip there's probably more drinking in one day

than there was for the entire trip it was a different trip okay okay that's all we needed so yeah we had a lot of fun though Coast Rica was great we had a few excursions so first day we get there and hang out and do the whole bubblegum situation and then next day we've got a road trip plan to go hike, see some animals, see a waterfall. We don't really know exactly

the context of the excursion. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. Hang on. No, no, no, I need to do this up. You can't say we don't. We don't because Katie's planned everything. We were like, we were like vacation princesses. We just showed up. You know what I mean? Fun. So we didn't know what we're getting ourselves into. Go on back months ago. So first thing, I love my Texas family. I am very lucky. Very lucky.

They are better than I could have imagined. I didn't even know what, like, getting married and incurring a new family. I didn't even know what that meant, whether I would even, I didn't even know I wanted that. And so it's amazing. And Katie is the sweetest Kobe, badass dude. We, I love them. I love being around them. I love going. They like they, we're kind of all kind of cut from the same cloth a little bit. We like the same things. We don't mind being around each other. That's hard to find. Like mind of people. Especially when you're forced to be together. It's hard to

find. So, but me and Kobe are similar in the way that we like to kind of, we like to have a little control over our planning. Your destiny. Destiny. Yeah. We like to kind of... I want control over my hair. I'm going to be in my destiny, please.

Like if something's going to happen, I kind of want to be in the conversation. Not this trip. So... I will say she put everything on a group text months ago, not years ago, months ago, and you don't respond. I ignored it because I was like, I'm not interested. That just says, that just means I'm going to let the girls handle this. You gave up control.

Gave up control. He relinquished control because he didn't say. This might just go away. He didn't say, not for me. So, well, I didn't want to be a butthole. But so. So we'll wait and just do it right now. They're just, they're chirping in this little text,

group texts with the four of us about this trip and da-da-da-da. And all sudden the trip pops up on our calendar. And I'm like, dang. We're going on this. What the hell? And so I'm like, you know, I'm just. Why didn't you want to even go? I have no idea.

So, listen, I'm... A butthead. A butthead. And so I'm like, man, God, I don't want to go on this trip. We've got other things I want to do. It's the first week after he's done with his summer work schedule. So just for that reference, that's why he didn't want to go. He didn't want to have plans on that weekend.

He wanted to get to do what he wanted to do. Well, we're supposed to still be at our beach house, you know, and all that. You know, I don't know. Not to get in the weeds. but so I was not really even looking forward to this trip and I go to Joey and I'm like hey Joey you know about this trip he's like yeah and I'm like

you know he's going to be all right you know anything about there he's like yeah he's like it's all right it should be pretty safe and I'm like oh okay all right well and he's not like oh you're going to have a badass time oh you know because Joey's been a lot of places Joey's sort of ho-hum about it And I'm like, well, that doesn't really help me get me more excited. And, you know, so anyways, we get close to this thing.

And as we're getting close to it, Amy's like, you know, I'm prying a little bits of information here and there about what we're going to end up doing. Because I am one of those people that's like, you know, when I go on a trip, I don't, I don't really think I want to do anything. And so she's like, she's like, well, we're going to do a catamaran. I'm like, oh, God, catamaran getting all that shit, getting all these kids on a catamaran and back off the catamaran and try not to piss off the catamaran people, you know, with all the shit the kids do. I'm just thinking about how miserable that's going to be.

And then, well, we're going to go surfing. Oh, man, that's going to be miserable. Trying to get them kids to surf and, oh, Nicole ain't going to want to surf. I'm going to have to sit in the sand with her and while she's about wanting to go home. And everybody else is surfing. surfing and she's not going to want to serve. And that's what's going to happen.

And this is what, this is a stop process for months. And yeah. And you're the one, nobody else is complaining. That's right. I'm not vocalizing this. Also,

your energy is powerful. I know, but I'm not saying this on this text. I'm not sharing this with your family. I know you know. Your silence is definitely. I just want people out there to know. Yeah.

That I'm not. No. Poooo and all this trip on. No, he's not. But we can, we know who you are. Even Katie and Kobe. Yeah.

They got it. Cody, Cody finally, I don't know what I said Cody. Kobe finally hits me up in a DM on Instagram and he goes, you, you, you excited about this trip? And I just totally ignored it. I was like, well, we were talking about something else. So I just ignored that question and went on with the rest of the conversation. And I mean, I just wasn't sure if I was excited about it.

And I wasn't sure if I wanted to be honest about it. And I wasn't wanting to make him feel. That's good. Keeping it to yourself is the mature thing to do. Yeah. Way to go, Ralph. We have growth. So anyways, we're going to go do this waterfall.

All right, all right. Waterfall. Hey, that waterfall might be kind of cool. Right. So Katie says we're going to do this little hike. There's going to be some animals. There's going to be a picnic. And then there's like a waterfall where we can swim.

I did not. And she didn't, by the way, understand the capacity. Of course she didn't. Of what that meant. How does that? How far are we going? Are all of these things in the same location? How does that happen?

I don't know. Planning a trip with somebody in another country through email. Costa Rica is a big-ass country. If we're staying at Awesomeville and you call up the waterfall guy and you're like, hey, waterfall guy, man, we're going to come see you. We need a car service. Okay, call us car service. All right, car service.

We're staying at Awesomeville. and we're going to Billy's Waterfall. All right, man, we've been there before. We'll take you over there, no problem. All right, well, about how long is that drive? That's all you needed to do. Hey, you call the excursion company. They set everything up.

There was, I didn't. Somebody knows. Also, no, no, no. We got in the car. Katie had no idea how long. I know she didn't. She didn't ask the question. We get in the car and we drive back like an hour and 15 towards the airport.

We are in two freaking cars. We're in two separate cars. Two kids in each car. which was probably better than having all four of them in the same damn car. We couldn't leave all four of them in one car. So we got two adults and two kids in two cars. And the kids, they're good for like 30 minutes. And then they start to go berserk.

Our kids were fine because we had the older two. They're fighting. They're fighting. They're tickling. And it's just chaos. And it's 7.30 in the morning. Yeah. So we're in the cars and you have to go back towards the airport through a riverbed.

Like it's a rough ass ride. It is not smooth. The roads in Costa Rica could use a little TLC. But we're getting towards the airport, and I'm like, oh my gosh, you've already been in the car now. I know this ride. It's an hour and 15 minutes. And so I'm texting Katie at this point.

Have we gotten out and switched vehicles? Like the kids wanted to stop and pee. Maybe that's what happened. I'm like, we got to pee. How much longer is the ride? And so Katie asks the driver. And he says, another hour in 20 minutes. And that was just to the animals.

apparently at that point she was also figuring out the and the rainforest hike do you don't remember the howler monkeys and the sloths and all that? Oh my God, yes. Yeah. So we stop and we like have a walkabout

it's like it's just a farm essentially and they take care of all these animals and they have plants and things. In a circle that was about three quarters of a mile and he's like there's some ants on the ground walking across the ground. Check that out. And then he's like

There were leaf cutter ants everywhere. Y'all hear that noise? That's a such a, such a bird and he's like he's like a duck in the pond over here took that out man duck ducks

duck's clean himself and I'm like the way that you see the world is so interesting and then he's like hey check that tree yeah man 100 years old it's 250 years old we took a picture with it it was a cool tree

listen this is perfect for kids we weren't literally hiking miles through the rainforests getting a coal like way out of our comfort zone it was exactly what we needed and they were like Hey, see them up there? Bananas. I can't. You've had a good time.

But yeah, so we did that part, and then we get back in the car and head towards this volcano that we're going to, like, get to the other side of to go up to this mountain, and there's a cabin and a picnic, and then we're going to hike down to the waterfall. So the ride up to that space was incredibly rugged. Like you're riding over big boulders. It is not a road. No. It really isn't. And so it was a lot. It was just a lot to get up there.

And you're moving at five miles an hour. Barely moving. You know, up into this mountain. And beautiful views. Like if you can just set aside your attitude and your sort of vacation princess attitude and enjoy the view, it's awesome. So we get to the top, and this guy had built this little shed, a little lean-to, had a little kitchenette in the back that was very modest, but they were going to cook us a little lunch,

which they did, and it was great. And we put, we had these picnic tables, a little bit of shade, beautiful view of this volcano, and then we were going to hike down into the woods. And the hike into the woods was super short. It was very short. We get to this waterfall, and the water is 50 degrees. It's very cold. Very cold.

It's like a cold plunge. Right. It's just like a cold plunge. And so the kids are getting in there and they're like, you know, they're, they're getting up on top of these rocks that are covered in moss. Slippery. And they're standing up on top of them and we're like, oh. Their first inclination is to do the opposite of what you're supposed to do. Even the farmer guys are like, oh, everybody get down on the ground.

You have to crawl like a spider now. You know what I mean? They're like, crawl around like a spider on this shit. And the kids are like, what? You should stand up. Well, they're speaking in Spanish as well, so there's a little of that problem. And we had to sit there and shout at the kids for like 20 minutes. Over the sound of the waterfall, which is loud.

It was a lot. Yeah. And so luckily none of the kids failed, broke any arms or busting noggins. No teeth. We're lost. We finally get calmed down. And we're going to, the obvious thing that you're going to do or not do is jump into this water. It's at the waterfall.

It's very deep. It's maybe 10 foot deep or so. But anyways, I get in this deal and I get all the way in and it's cold for like a minute or two. And then it is you don't want to get out ever. It was awesome. Like it feels like the cleanest water you've ever been in and you don't want to get out of it. We tried to swim through the waterfall, but the pressure from the water pushing out was too much. I couldn't get it.

you away. Yeah. And it wasn't such a waterfall that it was maybe dangerous to get in it. There wasn't, it wasn't that large. But it was, you know, the farmers and all were like, you know, you have to go under to swim under it. To get across it, we tried, tried, but. I was like, I'm not going under.

What if I never come back up? I looked on, I got under and opened my eyes and looked around. And it was hard to do that because of how cold it was. Yeah. Like your eyeballs were like, oh, that's fucking cold. It was a cool experience. After all that was over, we went back up to the thing, had some, like, authentic Costa Rican food. The little farmer guy, let's call him Costa Rican cowboy, because that's basically what it looked like.

He taught the girls how to lasso. He got a jump rope out. And they jumped rope. Well, it was a lasso they ended up using as a jump rope after the girls got, like, tired of catching a stake. So he gets the lasso and turns it into a jump rope, and then everybody's trying to jump rope, and the kids are trying to do it. And remember, Coley has never jumped rope, probably. She's never done a jump rope ever. Gets in there and she gets like six revolutions.

Mm-hmm. And she's so proud of herself. She's got rhythm. Yeah, she was very proud of herself. Yeah. And then Ila and the girls, they're in there together and they're getting in and out, double dutching and whatever. And the boys, the guys that drove us out there, they're athletic.

They're jump roping and shit. And I'm like, hobbit damn. You know, you just... You can't have preconceived notions. Well, you don't need... You don't need any... the most primitive jump rope made this 30, made another 30 minutes to an hour.

Of joy. Yeah. The simplest things can. Yep. Like I'm sitting there going, man, you know, I want to get back to the Wi-Fi.

I want to get back to, I want to check my, you know, this. Get back to my Xbox. I want to get back to the, you know, the radio and play my music or go back to the,

you know, this and that and the other. I think it was a better lesson for Dale to see that the kids, we're having a good time, and this whole process was, like, good for them. It was. It's always, that's why we do it. The waterfall was my favorite.

I mean, all the things we did were great. My waterfall was my favorite. More than surfing? Yeah. Had you told me that morning that it was a two and a half hour drive, I would have absolutely said, Amy, do we got to go do this? Can we get out of this? What you think?

Two and a half hours pretty long. Don't you want to not go? I would have packed the iPads. Like, we had nothing for the kids to do. I thought it was going to be 30 minutes away. I didn't ask him this quick. either because I thought surely Katie knew better than that. She wouldn't have signed up for two and a half hour. We've all talked about it. If we had known, we wouldn't have said yes to this. It was worth it. It was worth it.

It's a weird thing where I wouldn't have went knowing it was two and a half hours, but it was worth it. That's like a God's plan thing. It was. Yeah. Hey, this is Dale Jr. and for the latest bless your heart gear, go to shop.dirtymoedia.com. We've got plenty of options for everybody and adding new stuff every day. Go to shop. Dot.dermomedia.com. We did also go surfing, and that was a blast. Surfing was really hard. I have wanted to learn how to surf my entire life.

I've been to Hawaii once, and I'm mad that I didn't take lessons. I was like 16. It would have been perfect. It would have been perfect. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon. We were on the island that Laird Hamilton lives on, and Jimmy Johnson just happens to be friends with him. And he's like, you guys should go meet Laird, da, da, da.

And we were like, absolutely not. We are not surfers. We can't go surf with Laird Hamilton. You kidding? So we've also passed up on some opportunities to surf and probably could have learned how to do it back then. I let my, I let my anxiety get,

get a hold of Amy. Shocker. Well, I would have embarrassed myself, too. And we were newlyweds. We were, like, trying not to get divorced on the first day, the first week together. It didn't stop him from taking his video games.

I was just to say that. To the honeymoon? Oh, yeah. I don't remember that. Yeah, you do. We were sitting in bed. Like, he would wake up on my honeymoon. of the night. And now he was like on his little thing gaming.

Like this has got to be a joke. On my iPad? I don't think so. You had stuff. Huh. Weird. We were gone for like at least two weeks. And so yeah, he packed a... I was like, this is a can be real. It can't be real life.

Yeah, so we've learned how to surf in Costa Rica and it was a blast. We had a great group of coaches. Everybody had like their own instructor, basically. Yeah. And we were on this perfect beach really close to where he... How long did we surf? Two hours? It was two hours.

Yeah. And they had a photographer there. And I said, I said, this photographer, if this photographer got a picture of me surfing, they are one of the best photographers in the world because I was only upright for about 10 seconds in the entire two hours. I thought you did pretty good. Oh, man, I don't remember. Well, you went back out there and tried to get on your own, too.

So, like, for the first hour. I don't remember ever really getting up successfully and looking like I was actually surfing. I did. I know I did. The kids did fabulously. Nicole, at one point, she was on her knee just like doing arms like this. I never, I never surfed long enough to look around and go, yep, there's the way, there's the board, and I'm up. Well, we weren't that far out either. I know, but I'm just saying, like, I need just two seconds for that, like, recognition, and I never got it. Yeah.

It was like, well, we're up. And we're down. It was hard as hell. Ila, speaking of hard, her little hard head. It was so much fun. Ila's hard head. She gets there and she doesn't like to be forced to do anything, right? It's got to be her idea.

Girl don't like competition. She don't like challenging. She don't like getting challenged. New situations. She has to decide that she's going to do it or she's not doing it. She is the one, by the way, when I told her the list of excursion options, surfing was the one she wanted. She has always wanted to be a little surfer.

She wanted to do this. So I reminded her of that when we got to the beach because she was like, Mom, I'm not doing it. I'm not surfing. I'm like, you chose this. Yes, you are. And she's like, no, I'm not. And so we get there and she just sits in the sand and pouts. And all the other kids are with their instructor learning how to get up on their boards on the beach that give you all the lessons on the sand first. And she's sitting on the street, you know, pouting. And eventually when we all start heading towards the water, she decides she wants to change her mind. So she has another instructor come over and work with her. And eventually she's in the water. She's come back and forth a couple

times and I look over after just getting tired and hold my board and this this surfer has her on the surfboard above his head he's carrying her around like an Egyptian queen on this freaking thing she's not even paddling out I'm like how did she work this out for herself little queen she didn't like when the wave comes you got to lift the nose of the board but it's still going to get you a little bit and she must have told him I don't like the water splashing me and getting my eyes she worked the system and he's like no problem pick you up I mean these are big boys they're young men so they're like take it right out there and um it was something it was a site tv and surely that's on the film at some point i couldn't get i couldn't get up on the board and surf the wave

more than 10 seconds it was so much fun and trying to do it and failing and all that was fun and i'd go do it again in a minute and i would be very interested in trying to learn how to be somewhat competent at surfing. All of our girls, Kobe and Katie's girls, were surfing like crazy because they're so lightweight. And the guys... Yeah, the guys would get... The guys are on the back of the surfboard. It was so smart. I'm thinking to myself, like, this is going to be a pain in the ass for the girls. They're going to hate this. They're going to get frustrated. It's not going to be fun. One good fly off. Yeah, one bad crash and they're going to be freaking throwing fits and stomping off. But the guys, guys, I'm encouraging anybody if you ever get a chance to do this to take your kids in it how easy

and fun it was for them. The guys get behind the board and they're on the back of the board holding it and you're in these waves are very small and they'll, it's more like they'll hold the board as the wave's coming. There is say to the kid, all right, stand up. They'll hold the board so the kid's not going to make the board wobbly. They're going to hold the board. All right, get up, you get up, and the kid gets up and gets in their position, and then they just kind of push the board off as the wave gets there, and then the kid just stands. They flood into this beach, yeah. And they just, they, they are surfing wave.

Yeah. And they're surfing wave after wave. I looked over there, and they're like, chum, chum, chum, I'm like, these kids are kicking ass. They are. It was great. I was also worried about that part, that they were going to crash and crash and crash. I was worried about not having, like, having one instructor or two, and then I was trying

to figure out who was going to man a kid. Yeah. It was nothing like that. Everybody had. They were awesome. Everything they needed. The whole group of instructors were so, they were pleasant, and they took to them kids. It was almost as they, it's almost as if they preferred to work with the children here.

To work with the children than us. It was great experience, though. And the catamaran experience was good, too. That boat ride was wonderful. I like catamaran. So I'm trying to talk, me and Kobe, while you guys are off planning your trips without me and my input, But me and Kobe are on the side planning a catamaran. He's planning a life change for the group.

No. This is way different. Oh, is this the retirement plan? No, no. So there was one point where Kobe was wanting to build a boat, quit working, and like, they were going to live on the water. And we all talked him out of it. Me and Kobe want one of our next trips to be a four night on a catamaran, like a 50 or 60 foot.

That I can get down with. But there is also a conversation that happens, especially. Actually after a couple of years. Yeah, we're not talking about that right now. Where they're going to buy a boat and be their own boat captains. And we're going to sail around the world. Do you need a boson? Because you can hire me.

I'll work on it. I'm like, wait a second. You know how much work it takes to become a captain of a boat? And there's levels you have to go through. That takes a certain amount of time and hours. I'm not going to be a captain of a boat. We're just, you know. I'll go to Bosen school.

Amy doesn't understand one thing. When you go on vacation, right? And you're in a beautiful place. there's beautiful trees, beautiful weather, beach, there's all this shit going on. And you're miles away from all the regular... going on in life, right? And all the responsibilities. And you're sitting with somebody who's drinking a beer and you're like, man,

we're out of a... It's a conversation in the middle of the day. Gross, don't do that. It's like the same thing as, what would you do if you won the lottery? Yes, it is. it's just a conversation. Dude, you're sitting there like, man, you're at a bar, like, dude, I'd love to buy a bar like this and just run it.

Yeah, you want to do it? Let's do it. Yeah. What would you do? Yeah, I mean, you know. We're talking about Dale, though. When he wants something, he usually does it. And there's not a whole lot of stop, you know? Yeah, but I know I'm not just going to pluck y'all out of your freaking current situation and go put you on a catamaran.

You're not going to get on board with that. If y'all are teaming up, that makes me a little nervous. Also, when people go, on vacation. Some people, some people don't want the stress of what their husbands might conjure up. You know what I mean? Listen. That's a... I'm going to daydream and what ifs.

Yeah, I know, but usually your daydreams turn into real things. Well, I mean... She said no. Like, can we just... There's some real... But that wasn't a far... Getting that houseboat, I'd had houseboats. Yeah, I know.

I know you have. But you've had lots of things. You usually get what you want. So when you also... start talking as a collective now about this boat situation, I'm thinking this might actually happen. You don't, you wouldn't ever live on a boat for a while. Why do I want to do that? I don't know.

See the Caribbean? I want a vacation on a boat, but I don't want to live on a boat. Yeah. Okay. No. Have a little dinghy that you take to shore. You can go into the city or whatever and bop around. I don't think so.

You got a daydream more, Amy. I thought, I thought that that was really who you were. man you know what about this gave you the idea that I wanted to live on a boat you lived in Florida living at the beach doesn't mean I want to live on a boat full time you how does that translate from one to the other I don't know I don't know anyone that wouldn't if you were like hey man catamaran for five years what you say I don't think many people are going to turn that down if I was 25 honey maybe so but I'm 44 like I think that we've, like, the same thing as the robin red for a haircut.

Like, I think we're past that. Retiring to the sea and living down in the, islands? I mean, that's probably what most of the average median age of people down there on boats is probably 50, 60 years old. You think they live down in full time? Yeah. For a part of the year, probably.

Not all year, but yeah, I'm sure they live down there for, that's probably like once their kids are out of house and they're done, they're retired, They probably got a boat and they go down there and spend six months. Maybe they spend the rest in Phoenix for all I know. I don't know. Maybe. I ain't doing it with the kids. You ain't doing it.

Not with the kids. No. Well, Kobe's talked about getting a homeschool teacher. Now I'm homeschooling kids. Wait, he said he's getting a homeschool teacher. No, he said you could homeschool. And I was like, I'm not a teacher. And so he's like, we'll hire a teacher.

I'm like, now we have an extra person on the boat. The walls are closing in. I need another beer. Margarita. Somebody, yeah, somebody beer me. You're going to drink a margaritas either way. I know. You're right.

I feel like that added one in there, that conversation. Man. I wonder, now I'm curious. Like, when I daydream with my buddies, it's talk about, you know, living on, what would it be like to live on a boat or what would it be like to own a bar or what if I lived in this part of the country or this town

or if I moved here, you know, you just wondering in your head, And of course, it's not going to be as good as your mind makes it to be. But now I'm wondering, like, when Amy is thinking about this in her own mind, where is she putting herself? I'm living by myself. I think about this like once a week. You're living alone. Where?

I don't know. You have no idea where? I mean, I haven't thought about it that. It's just alone. I'm just somebody leaving me alone. You're in the FI-I-Laska? No. All right.

Are you warm, cold? I'm probably at the beach. Oh. But I'm not on a boat. Okay. Do you like Florida, South Carolina, Caribbean, West Coast, Hawaii, Australia? I'm scared to answer these questions. Because you think I might make it happen?

Yes. Why would that be a problem? Because I'm happy where I'm at is why. I'm content. That's the thing. I'm content and I don't need to daydream about making a change. I'm content too. But I also, like I've been here a long time.

I've been on the property that I'm on. I've been there for 20 years. I'm like, it's not what I want to be all my life. I think that there's more to life. Now that we have everything we've ever wanted, let's get rid of it and move and live out of it. I'm just saying. You were talking about selling the farm too when we were gone. Well, I just think that I'd sell it because I'd need the money.

But if we don't need the money and it's not too much to leave it, we'll just stay, you know, we can go sit on our boat for four months or so forth and then let some company charter it. But Dale, I do have to call you out, though, because I joked with you guys when we're texting about Key West. I said, I might just not come back. And you're like, I say it all the time and then I want to come back. Yeah. So I don't know if you truly could. No, he's a homebody.

Yeah, you talk a big game and it's your daydreams, but you really want to go back to your house where you have everything right there. This is true. That's absolutely true, Travis. So let him daydream. Let him have these dreams. He's going to come back. We even had the house in Key West. And we would go down there.

And Key West is wonderful. I love the city. Like, we were down there for such. a long sense of time, sometimes in the off season, whatever, it felt like we were living there. You know what I mean? We weren't like in the bar all day every day. We, like cooking, going to the grocery store. Living normally.

Relaxing, you know. As normal as you could in Key West. Yeah, right, in Key West because it's a pirate city, right? And, you know, eventually like you're like, okay, this is great, but this isn't home. It's like, yeah, you want to go home. Well, maybe I would want to do the boat. We go do the boat and I go, yeah, that was cool, but not everything I thought it was. it was actually not as perfect as my mind made it out to be. And to his point, it's something

I tried and enjoyed and can say I did. I think you should just have a good long vacation on one, and that would probably scratch the itch. Well, that's what me and Kobe are trying to plan. Like a month. We have brought this back around. Oh, for next time. Do like a two-week vacation? We're going to do like a four-day minimum four nights. We went from five years to four nights. That was what this whole conversation started with was me and Kobe have planning a little, just like y'all planted this little Costa Rica thing, me and Kobe are trying to do this catamaran. Could you imagine waking up in the morning and just being able to jump off the boat? That would be wonderful. It would be amazing. Sign me up for it.

Hey man, I'm waking up. So there's a show. I'm going to take a dip, give me a cup of coffee and rock the rest of this day. I'm going to rock this day. How else am I going to get a tan? You can't tan. I can. If you put me on a boat for four years, you know no way I don't come off there with a tan. Now I want to do it. Now I want to do it. You grow your hair out, you get a tan in, and you're on the boat. Now I'm in. Look like Robert Redford out there.

You'll look just like Robert Redford. Yeah. Yeah, he's scared of life at not being a captain of his own boat. Well, that's different. No, it isn't. Yes, it is. You could sink that thing in two seconds. I'm not, I'm going to call myself the captain. They'll actually be a real captain. You can't just call yourself the captain. Well, what do the captain think of that?

I'm the captain now. man, I'm tired. You're the captain now. All right. Oh, my gosh. No one's going to sign up to do that. I'm going to wake up the one at night. I'm captain again. But on autopilot. His captain Jack Sparrow is who he is.

Give me a drink. Am I going to hit anything for the next 200 miles? Nope. Okay. The anchors out, Ralph. They're not even moving. Dale's the captain when it's anchored. Yeah. That's perfect.

I'm the parking captain. Oh, my gosh. Oh, man, that's so funny. We got home the other night, and I'm sitting in the living room by myself. Dale has gone to bed at 8.30 because he wasn't feeling well. And I'm watching TV. I got tears in my eyes. I know that there's nobody in the house with me.

Gus is even upstairs. So I know Gus is not even around. And all of a sudden, I start hearing this weird noise like something fell in the kitchen. Not like a light noise. It was a hard noise. Like something fell off the shelf, whatever. There's nothing in there that is unstable, right? And so I just freeze.

And I finally get the nerve to turn and look over my shoulder. There's no one of the boogie man. That's like one of my greatest fears I'm going to wake up or like all of a sudden somebody's going to be standing over me, truly. I know it. She's sitting there thinking there could be somebody in the kitchen and then slowly turns her head. It would be really funny if there was a guy back there that was like had broken in the house and he was also frozen,

wondering if she was going to turn around, look. Do you think that's how it would play out? Oh, like, I'm getting scared. Just sitting here thinking about it. The hallway down to the garage, somebody could sneak in there and hang out and wait for you to go to bed, for me to stay up, or, I don't know,

maybe they're in there just to hang out with you. I don't know. That is a fear that someone's going to be standing over me in the middle of the night. So I hear another crash. Now I'm scared to death. I get up and I'm looking around. I'm like slithering, if you will,

around the couch looking around that kitchen and go down by the dining table look down the other side of the kitchen there's nobody there so I'm like what the hell is that I'm like looking around there's nothing falling over nothing and then it happens again that it's a bigger crash and I look back as it's

happening and it's the damn ice machine the refrigerator ice machine just drop an ice all over the floor really? Yes did you just made a drink no I had not made one how long is it dropping ice into the floor. It hadn't. I don't know. It's not making ice right now. So something's wrong. You need

to just look at that. It just spilled out all over the floor. It quit making ice in two days. I went over there and messed with it. Like the thing was trapped open and it was making it and it was just falling out as it was making it. And the floor wasn't full of water? Well, I picked it all up. Once I realized what was going on, I picked it up. It had not happened until that. You had to have just made a drink and sat down earlier and that had opened the trap. The traps stuck open, not any fault of your own. I don't remember. Well, if it had been open for hours and days making ice falling into the floor, you'd have water.

I'm not the only one that uses it. It doesn't matter. It could have happened. All I'm saying is, I got scared to death by the ice machine the other night. And now I need you to look at the ice machine to make sure that it's, I closed it. Yep. I'll work on it. Have you ever been paralyzed by, like, just a noise?

Dale thought there was a rat in the, there was nothing in the... There is something up there. there messing around. I heard it. How do you hear that over it? It was thundering. Because I got elite hearing. No, you don't. Yes, I do. I am a trained athlete. I'm a race car driver. I have elite senses.

For critter noises in the ad. For anything. I can hear a, I can hear the wheelbaring in the right fucking tire going bad. I can hear, you know, I can hear the sticker coming off of the right rear tire in the corner. There it goes. That was hard.

That was hard to listen to. Really? Yeah. I would assume that drivers actually have bad hearing because of all the lot of noises. It's selective. It's very selective.

No, you're tuned in to like pick up on anything. You can feel something coming up. You don't hear it. No, no. You'd be like, hey, man, that turned a few more RPMs. I could tell.

I can hear it. That, Amy, just remember this when you say something. And the day later, he's like, I didn't hear you say it. Well, you had a lead hearing. I have now, like, we've reached this new level where I can go, Dale, honey, Ralph, Earnhardt. And like, still, I've been asked Ila.

The girls are, could be total witnesses to this. They have been witnesses to this. Go over to get your dad's attention. And Ila or Nicole will stand right in front of him and say, dad. Dad. What do I do? Dad. looking at your phone

phone phone he doesn't hear anything you have to throw something at him I'm focused on that whatever's going on on my phone yeah so it's selective

I feel like you can hear things when it comes to cars and I guess we're going to throw critters in that bucket now too but not women we had an impromptu wedding we were in Costa Rica

where I renewed my vows everybody yeah we had Adeline as our efficient. So that's Katie's daughter, right? Katie's oldest, yes. Something got our girls excited about marriage and then they determined

that me and Amy were going to renew our vows. They were picking flowers and they made these little flower bouquets and they were like, we should have a wedding. It turned into a full production. And then we were like, okay, great. Everyone has a white dress, right? So they got cleaned up.

Everyone has a little cute little white sun dress on and we all got ready. we were going to go to dinner anyway, so we had to get ready for going out. But, yeah, we had an impromptu wedding in the living room of our house. I thought that was so cute. It was. The kids loved it. It was.

But I renewed my vows, so we're good there for a while. Did you put in there, must buy a Cadamaran with me? It's kind of like renewing your subscription. Oh, my gosh. I'm just kidding. I am so lucky. Nope. So it says...

Now I want another margarita. What is Renewing... You're going to fall over in that damn chair. Renewing your vows is like signing back up for the marriage. Isn't it? I mean, it feels a little more important than that. It is. The whole thing was a play production for the kids.

We did not even say real vowels. Adeline didn't even know what to say. We were feeding her the lines. And Dale was like, Not, not saying any of that. I'm so glad to be here. We have it on video. Have you watched it?

Oh, no. Kobe walks me down the aisle. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. We had the... What did I say? You were like, I'm just so excited to be here. That was my vow?

Pretty much. It was real simple. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It was fun. The kids loved it. I enjoyed it. I thought it was neat.

I'm glad our kids... So how long is my suburb? subscription renewal for. It's a nodder. One year, one year, it's got the Amazon Prime and Amy. Ten years. I could cancel it anytime. Every ten years.

Oh, yeah, it is ten years. It's ten this year. Yeah. What we're going to do? I guess we're going to take out a catamaran. Hey, no, I'm planning. Yes, I want a catamaran trip and I want a tan. Let's talk about this.

Ten years, our ten year anniversary is coming up. I'm going to plan it unless you want to be included or involved in the planning of it. You're not going to plan it by yourself. so I'd rather plan it with you than you and somebody else plan. Well, I have an idea. Have two ideas. Okay, let's talk about it off air. All right, we're going to play a game.

It's going to be blind ranking. So there's five of them, and I'll give you an item and thing. And then you guys together, though, have to decide on what the ranking is. Got it. Okay. So the first item is pizza. You rank it one through five. Pizza.

Blind ranking food? Yeah. Pizza. Three? Number two for me? Two? Two is good. I love pizza.

liver mush five damn he's gonna have something better than liver mush you think it gets better every time no probably not but can we put it at four if we put it at four and he says casso dip and then we have to put that at five I'm gonna lose it

I can't put liver mush at five it's insulting to livermone it's in the game okay five next one is burrito Oh. Three or four. You pick it. You got to save one for the last.

Three. Uh, mozzarella sticks. See, we should have put, we should have put, uh, mozzarella sticks at five and liver munch at four. I don't like mozzarella sticks.

They're usually disappointing. I mean, when you get them, they're not as good as you want them to be. I feel like, I think there's a lot of people that raise their hand to that. There's no one listening

that's going to choose a liver mush patty over a mozzarella stick, dude. Okay, but they're never, mozzarella sticks just aren't hitting like they did 20 years ago. They're usually frozen. They're still frozen? No, they come out of the back, frozen. They throw them in the fire and they get them

and you're like that. Well, even if you make them at home, you have to put them in the freezer before you fry them. It's part of the process. I'm just saying there's, there's no, you know what I mean. They're like, it's a frozen crappy product that's not as, I'm getting mozzarella sticks at the restaurant. I'm not making the at home. You aren't either. No, I know. I'm at dinner, and they're very disappointing most times.

Oh, my gosh. So I assume it's going at four. Somebody send me somewhere where I get some damn good mozzarella sticks. All right. James walked in on that line. You got lucky on... He's hating hard over here on the mozzarella sticks. You got lucky on this one.

The last one is buffalo shrimp. Oh, number one. See? Number one. Yeah. I knew. He's going to be buffalo something. But listen, a burrito?

Might be over pizza. All right. This one, not after the couple of days I've had. Shut. No way, I'm taking a burrito down. It ain't a burrito's fault, man. I'm not doing a burrito. Whenever you try to.

I think I want a margarita. Why do you get more Elvis like when you're trying to convince me of something? I'm trying to turn burrito into margarita. I think what I really need is a margarita right now. Yes. That would be good. All right. Next one.

Brooks and done. I would say two, yeah. We'll give him two. Alan Jackson. Damn. I'm putting it in one. One or he's one or three. All right.

One. Dwight Yolkham. Three. Three. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Garth Brooks. Five.

King George. George. Four. He probably. Hey, well. Listen, that whole lineup's great. Yeah. That was easy.

Yeah. Well, that's it for the game. Jesus. Travis. Come on. You've been going to. anti-climactic. Are you okay?

Travis seems disappointed. Travis, are you okay? No, I'm fine. We've been going for 90 minutes. You seem very disappointed. He's still always, he's already onto margaritas too. He's thinking about a margarita now.

I really am. The next two weeks is all I care about and so I'm not even focused on. What is got pooped on by a brown booby? I got pooped on by a brown booby on the boat. What the fuck is the brown booby? It's the type of seagull. So here's the thing.

We're on this cat of a rand. we're on the catamaran and I'm sitting in the like the net thing in the front with all the kids and all of a sudden I get shit on and now all the kids start pointing and laughing at me and I know you ever at any point got shit on yes yes I mean it wasn't like it was an easy cleanup it wasn't that big of a deal anyway I went inside because I was I had a margarita and I was worried that it got in my margarita hey I'm finding a trend here that's the drinking word for this I think we need we also need to do that next week let's have a word and make a drinking game for people. I suppose. I don't know how we teed that up. But anyway, I go inside to get a new drink and make sure I'm cleaned up. And the guy in the kitchen is like,

he's got all these pamphlets of all the native birds and all the native things. And he gets one out and he shows me what I got pooped on, like the bird that was flying around. And it's called a brown booby. So I got shone by a brown booby. Isn't that supposed to be like good luck if that happens? I think it's on your wedding day.

There's certain times when that's a good omen. And I think people make shit like that up to make you not feel bad. about it. Well, it was. You did get your, you did the new your mouth. So sorry. We were in. It was the day before. Yeah. When we did the catamaran, we sailed out quite a ways. It was really fun. And they took us this lagoon. And there were other boats there kind of doing the same thing. And there was another catamaran. And I mean, we were getting so close to this damn thing. I thought we might hit it. But the boys on the boats were not worried one bit. But I mean,

we got within five, ten feet of it. It was a group of girls from Texas having a Bachelorette part. Yeah, and they were wide-ass. They were wide-ass open. They were wide-ass open. Blair and music, we didn't even need to play our music. They were blaring and shit of their music. And I was having a fun time watching our girls look over there. They were like figuring out what are they doing?

They were dancing and partying and like jumping off the top. And then they started encouraging our girls to jump off the side of the boat. And like they were interacting with the kids. Our girls would get to the side of the boat to jump off. And the cat, the, the, the, the basterette party were like, jump, jump, jump, jump. It was fun. And the girls were jumping the water. And they thought they were so big.

It was really huge. And then Kobe jumped off and he got no cheers. And Dale's like, hey, you're getting cheers. Kobe's like, oh, man, the cheer? I'm going to go jump. And Kobe jumps off and they didn't cheer. And I was like, that's perfect. I do have one question before we wrap.

It hit me this weekend. Why does every person that makes guacamole claim that their guacamole is the best? I feel like no one ever just presents guacamole. that's, they have the best. I, I have one answer, and I think it's because there's so much work that goes into grinding that shit up, everybody must appreciate it.

And that's all it is. But I don't know, like, it's the most simple thing. There's only like three or four ingredients. We have guacamolee every single day on our trip. So, I mean... If your guac doesn't have lime juice in it, it ain't worth... Well, it has to have lime juice,

that doesn't... Not a lot of... Some people don't put lime juice in their guac. That's, yeah. Do you make guac? I don't. I'm not a big guac fan. Oh, really?

You don't need it when you have queso and salsa. I like to mix them all together. Like layer dip. So that's what I like to do. I like to take guacamole, hummus, and then salsa and mix them together. He does. He mixes it all in a bowl and eats it and it tastes. But it looks like it looks like vomit.

What's the Mexican place in KOS that had the extremely hot salsa? Amigos is the only one? I know. It must have been that then. The way you said on the rail? Yeah. And we were dying. Oh, it was so hot.

They did not tell us that they gave us the hot stuff. No, it was stupid. Really? You had like a pepper tasting? Oh, man, nothing's worse than having too hot of the salsa when you're really hammered. Yeah, you don't need to sweat. Ouch.

I was eating ice. Just like. Oh, really? You know that like makes it worse? When you have hot peppers or something, you're supposed to eat a plain chip or tortilla to like absorb it and get it out of your mouth? Remember, he said we were drunk. Yeah.

it was this before or after the ice cream it's time for us to go somewhere I never got ice cream I mean you could daily I know Amy's already gonna be down there but it's not too late to just join Matt and I in two weeks well I think you need to come raise hell with me and Amy somewhere

sign me up yeah there's a catamaran trip happening if you want to come home I'm in come on James James is probably like a captain he's not even telling us about James is probably scuba certified there's like whole levels of we don't know what's going on there probably has his captain license.

James, do you have your captain license? Just say yes. Yes. Absolutely. How do you not have your captain's license at this point? I know. What are you doing?

He's probably like he's a skydiver certified person. We got a captain and a boson. We just need to vote. If Travis is the bosun, he's going to be in the kitchen, eating all the snacks and drinking all the margaritas. I don't imagine you being like a service person. I'm actually great with like making drinks. and serving drinks?

No, I don't think we need anybody doing all that. We'll just need some people pulling some ropes and shit. You know? We just need some muscle. Put some bumpers out. Yeah. You know, helping. Tie some simple knots.

Tying a few knots, simple knots. Not elaborate ones. Nothing. Nothing too hard. Nothing that stays tight. Just a couple of slip knots. Yeah. Got it.

I think the good place in the show. Thank you guys for listening. Have you had as much. much fun as we did. We were so excited to get back in the studio today. And if you haven't already, please hit the subscribe button and check out all of the birch at shop.dirtymoemedia.com. And we'll see you next week. Check out Dirtymoe Media on Instagram, Facebook, X, and TikTok.