Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - 100 Steps with Americas Happiness Coach Feat. Sandee Sgarlata

Episode Date: January 28, 2022

In this episode Shawn French sits down with a woman who was stripped of her happiness at the age of 12. Imagine walking up 100 steps up to your home only to have your world turned upside down. Sandee Sgarlata had a dock leading up to her childhood home that was exactly 100 steps. These steps were her happiest moments every single day until.... One day while Sandee was at her friends she received a call that would change her path forever. Listen to find out how a 12 year old little girl lost all her happiness and was DETERMINED to make it her life's mission to regain it and to coach others how to find theirs.  You can find Sandde at www.sandeesgarlata.com  AND On Instagram- @coachsandeesgarlata --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shawn-french/message Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at good to know facts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit good to know facts.org. What's up, guys. This is Sean French with another episode of The Determined Society. Today's guest, guys, it is America's Happiness Coach Sandy Scarletta. How are you doing, girl? I'm doing great. So much better now that we're here.

It's super fun to connect face to face, right? The Zoom thing, the technology is just incredible. I love it. I have made so many great connections and it's so much better than a phone call because you're, even though we're not technically looking in each other's we kind of are, but you can still feel each other's energy. And it's just amazing. Think like the biggest silver lining from COVID was this, right? You know what? It's so true because before when you're on a business call, it was like, I have three kids, right? My kids are still young and it's just like, do be quiet, be quiet. Now it's almost like, it's expected. You're going to see the zoo running around in the background. But I know, I require. everybody to be upstairs and kind of locked up watching a movie or something because,

you know, this could be, it could distract, right? Yeah. But you're right. I mean, the thing that COVID really, really did for a lot of parents and professionals is create the environment for us to enjoy this to enjoy building our careers inside of our own home and it still have these nice touches, right? Yeah. Because for a while, there was no seeing anybody in person.

And it was just all Zoom and WebEx. So here's the thing. Corporate America has to get on board with, we're human. We have lives. Our professional life and our personal life, they're always going to be intertwined. And so it's okay if the dog barks in the background or your kid comes up. And I think it's so great because it's like lighten up America, right? Lighten up.

It's okay. I say that. But I'm like the, I'm like the, up tight one, right? Because I have that perfectionist complex where I'm just like, I want everything to be perfect. If there's a dog barking in the background, like the live I did with Craig, the other day, my dogs all of a sudden just went crazy in the background and they were barking for longer than I actually thought they were because I heard them and then I blocked it out. And then I listened to the replay or watch the replay. I was like, oh my gosh, how mortifying. They just kept going. But, you know,

Well, this is my quasi studio where I record all of my podcast episodes. And it's in the basement. Well, it's in the basement. And it's quiet down here. You know, you don't hear if my dog is running above us. You don't hear it. It won't come across the recording. That's amazing.

So we're in Florida. We don't have basements, right? Right. So I'm in the downstairs dead. And this is my fancy podcast studio. Got my podcast logo up there. And that's that's about it. Yeah.

That's all you need. We make it work. Well, I'm super excited to have you on and for you to share your stories or your story with the listeners of the Determined Society podcast. We have a nice little base of listeners that you're really going to enjoy your story. You know, briefly we talked about, I think my mom in particular will enjoy your story. But you are America's happiness coach, right? And hey, guys, when I say that and she's chuckling, but once you to hear her story, and the things that she's overcame, even at her young age and 12 years old,

you will start to understand why, like almost immediately of why she is termed America's happiness coach. So talk to us about, I don't want to, I don't want to, you know, tell your whole story, but how did this journey start for you? Well, I'm going to take it a step back. And I don't talk about this that often because I don't remember it. But it was, it was something that took place that definitely had a very profound impact on the following years of my life. When I was 18 months old, my biological father died. He was electrocuted. He worked for the Virginia Power in Virginia Beach and his ear hit a hot wire. He fell on more hot wires and he was basically cremated. So before that tragic death

happened, he was very abusive to my mother and my siblings, my three siblings. And so I talk about that in my book. So I was a witness to him pulling out a gun and threatening to shoot my mother and shooting bullets into the ceiling and him beating my brothers and my two brothers and my sister for no reason at all. So in my book, I say like I often wonder like how that impacted me being a witness to that type of violence because that that's pretty bad. So we ended up moving to Baltimore where my mom ended up marrying the man who raised me since I was three years old, my stepfather, but he was my father. He's the only father that I know. He passed away in 2016. So it was in September of 1978, my parents decided to renew their wedding vows and went away for the

weekend. And so I was staying with one of my girlfriends. And at that time, we lived on the Severn River, which was outside of Annapolis, Maryland. So we had a river dock, had great summers, great memories on that river. And my friend that I was staying, with she we were at her parents second home that was also on the river and we got this phone call and my friend's mom asked me to answer the phone i answered the phone and and the man said you know he wanted to speak to maryland so i handed the phone to her my friend's mother and it was like you know she said to her son take sandy home immediately by boat and so we didn't know what was going on i kind of thought that my grandfather had passed away because he had you know he was old and it's okay not to be perfect with

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devices. And for comprehensive identity protection, let LifeLock alert you to suspicious uses of your personal information. LifeLock also fixes identity theft, guaranteed, or your money back. Stay smart, safe and protected with a 30-day free trial at LifeLock.com slash podcast. Terms apply. We had been down the road many times. And so I wasn't, not that I, not that I, wouldn't be upset if my grandfather passed away. But it was like, you know, it's when you're, when you have an aging grandparent, it's kind of expected. It's going to happen.

It's not if it's when. And so there was a hundred steps that led from the river dock up to my house. And the weird thing, I think it was because I was an athlete that every time I climbed those hundred steps, it was such a challenge. And it was kind of like I would hear the rocky music, you know, in the background. And I'm climbing those hundred steps. and it was just, I was just always happy when I was climbing those hundred steps. And that day, me and my girlfriend are climbing the hundred steps and we're laughing and smiling

and were greeted by my father at the side door of the house. And he asked my friend to leave. And he told me that my older brother had tragically died while serving in the U.S. Army and he was in Germany. And my entire life just came crumbling down. My mom, and, you know, rightfully so, went into a very, very long depression. it wasn't until my son was born and I'm holding him for the first 10 minutes and I had just a smidgen of what that must have been like for her, right?

As you know, you have kids. Yeah. That love is so you can't even describe it unless you have a child. You can't describe the love that you feel. But then there's that same fear that is so tremendous of, you know, what if? And so it wasn't until that moment when my son was born, and I was 34 years old when he was born, and my brother died when I was 12. So all of those years, I couldn't really understand what my mom must have been going through. So I kind of had to raise myself from that point on, but it was definitely a defining moment in my life of, number one, I equated my happiness to something tragic happening.

So I would not allow myself to be happy because I felt that if I were to allow myself to be happy, then something horrible was going to happen. And that was a story I made up for a very, very long time. So I never dealt with the grief that one needs to deal with when you have such a big loss in your life. Sorry, losing my sweater here. You're cute. And, you know, my audience is interesting. Oh, yeah, right? I keep trying to rotate my clothes for every time I do it. I know it's so funny you mention that. I'll let you get back to it. But I've noticed I like to wear black.

Yeah. I guess that's my brand. I wear black. There you go. I try to, this is blue. I try to wear blue, but I only have so much blue. So anyway, you know, I never dealt with grieving. And instead, I actually, it was interesting because on the day of the funeral, we were raised Catholic

and you have to walk up to the casket and pay your last respects. And my mother made me go up with her and I didn't want to go. So I go up to the casket to see my brother. And because it had taken three weeks for the body to come over, like there was a ton of makeup on his face. And he did not look like. She goes, he looks like a mannequin. So I made up the story in my mind that he wasn't dead, that he was, he was like in the witness

protection program or he was a spy and he couldn't make contact with us because that was the only way I could make sense of something that just made absolutely no sense at all. That shit's deep. Yeah, right? And so, but here's the weird thing. Ever since that day, once or twice a year, I have a dream about him where I open up the front door and he's standing there. and we hug.

And it's just, I just wake up with a smile on my face. It's just the most bizarre thing. And someone once, maybe I was a psychic. It was somebody very spiritual. It said, well, that's, you know, sometimes our loved ones that have passed on, they visit you and your dreams. And I'm like, okay, makes good sense to me. He visits me in my dreams.

We say hello, we hug, you know, and all that. So, so yeah, that was a big profound moment in my life. what ended up happening for me because I didn't deal with the grief and the pain and the loss is that I ended up abusing drugs in my early 20s. I was out partying with some friends that I worked with. Somebody pulled out some cocaine. This was in the late 80s. And not that it's an excuse,

but that's kind of what people did in the late 80s. It was very, very known. And I had, because my brother had so many drugs in his system when he passed away, I refused to do drugs. I was like, I'm not going to do drugs. So I had a weak moment.

I started using it. Cocaine is very powerful. Four years went by. I ended up hitting rock bottom. Thank God. I hit rock bottom and didn't do too much damage, right? Yeah. And although I did used to lay in bed almost every day because I was using it every

single day, major amounts of cocaine every single day. And it would be four in the morning, five in the morning. And I'd be laying there in bed with my heart just beating away. And because I was raised Catholic, I would ask for forgiveness of my sins because that was what you were supposed to do when you go to bed because I didn't think I was going to wake up. And I didn't want to wake up. That's how low I was at my point. I didn't want to wake up.

Now, I would never commit suicide. I could never do that and put my mother through losing another child. But I just hoped it happened. And I would, you know, I'd fall asleep. I'd wake up. I'm like, okay, here we go. again another day I got to deal with this. So I ended up going through an outpatient recovery program, joined a 12-step group, and, you know, got my life back together. And that was what, that was in

January of 1990. So it was 32 years ago. And yeah, that was that was what put me on this path to always try to get back to a place of that peace and happiness that I felt while I was climbing 100 steps that day. in September 30th, 1978. And it's been a long road, and it's been a lot of work. I had a lot of therapy. I learned that I have PTSD. And it's manageable.

It's not consuming in any way, shape, or form. For me, it's like when my son gets in the car and is driving back to college, he's 21. He's a junior in college. Like, it'll start, oh, my God, you know. And I just start praying and praying and praying. It's really hard, but I've just learned when it shows up like that. I have a lot of tools that I can, you know, bring the anxiety down. And because life is short.

And so, yeah, so my book is all about everything that I do, every single day that I've done for 30 years of how to get back to a place of peace and happiness, no matter what curveballs are thrown in your life. And now, obviously, some situations are going to be harder than others. and yeah, but life's too short not to deal with it. I'm just staring because I'm just so like, no, like, I'm, no, no, most respectfully, just like, I'm just transfixed on your strength because all these things that you went through in life, whether it was, you know, the death of your brother, 18 months old, witnessing that stuff, not even understanding. the impact that's having on you subconsciously.

Then in September of 1978, right, you're going up the 100 steps of happiness that you do every single day. And as soon as you got to the 100th step, that shattered. That definition of that stairway is different now. Right. And then going into your young adulthood to the cocaine use,

all that kind of stuff, like all that led to this beauty. beautiful moment and this beautiful person that you are right now. So like for me, I feel led to ask you, and we'll get to a bunch of other stuff, but, you know, talk to the people out there that may be feeling in a certain way like the walls are closing and their whole world is completely shattered. What strategies can you give them immediately? Just by them listening to this podcast that they can they can turn into it, they can just turn into at any point in time to give themselves some type of relief. Everything in life, you have a choice and it's your perspective.

So while there are days when I think, you know, why, why did I have to go through that at such a young age or, you know, you think why may? There's always somebody else. that has it worse off than you, always, the matter what it is. So you recognize that you have a choice in how you're going to perceive the situation and then focus on everything that you have to be grateful for because there's always something you have to be grateful for,

even if it's just your heart that pumps blood through your veins a bazillion times a day. You know, there's always- That's a miracle on its own. Right? Completely. So on my podcast, I interviewed this beautiful young woman, Ali Ingersoll. She's called the quirky quad.

In her early 30s, she was a shallow diver. And she would do it in the Bahamas. Shallow diving. Apparently, that's a thing. And she was doing her dives. And she hit, you know, her head hit the wrong way or whatever. And long story short, she is a quadriplegic. And she needs care.

24 hours a day. Like she can't do anything without assistance. And so I said to her, you must have moments where you're like, why me? And she's like, of course I do. And I was like, well, what do you do when you're feeling at your lowest moment in your life? And she says, I talk to other quadriplegics who have it worse off than me. Powerful.

I mean, what else can you say? Right. Right. And it's like, you know, I'm listening to your story and I have my own story, right? Everybody has a story. You know, everybody's story has great beginnings, sad middle, you know, and hopefully happier, happier endings. But we all go through this life and we have a choice every day, like you said, to succumb to the victim or be the victor, right? And it can sound kind of cold. Right. Like, hey, you want to be the, you're going to act like a victim or are you going to rise above and you're going to win, right? But I think there's there's a way to truly feel empowered in that moment of decision, right? Because I can look back at my own life and I'm sure you've looked back at yours and all the things that have happened. And you start thinking about all those unfortunate events and tragic events. And if you take away the rising above and being a victor of it, and you and you slide into that YMEe and poor me, that feeling is crippling. And we have and we have no control over that feeling when we get into that point, right? Because we have we have gone down that rabbit hole of YME, poor me, oh my God, this happened, that happened. He broke up with me. She broke up with me. Whatever it may be when the reality is, if we can challenge ourselves, no matter how bad things are in our lives, current and past,

and say, who am I to judge? What has happened in my life? What has happened in my life in the past is the past. And it has given me an opportunity to impact other people in a positive way. Your story, your story has probably impacted thousands and thousands and thousands of people. I hope so. That's powerful. I'm sure it has. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you know, I mean, there's, there's, there's some, that's just part of my story. Yeah. I mean, you have some, guys, she has some amazing fun things too. We'll get to, but this is not all Sandy. No, no, no. I mean, you know, here's the thing. You know, you know, I get sober.

You know, my, my then husband, you know, we start trying to start a family. I ended up having four miscarriages and one baby. I never even touched on that. And like somebody was telling me, they were like, I was talking about that a little bit more because so many women are going through that issue. And that was that was the part of my life when I learned how to trust, when I truly learned how to trust because it is so when you get pregnant and when you have a child,

the only thing you can do is trust. There's so many things out of your control. You can't, especially when you're pregnant. I mean, all I could do is eat healthy, but I had no control ever. And for some reason, I was not meant to have five children. I was meant to have one. And so, you know, and, you know, little things like that make you even stronger. Fortunately, I haven't gone through the devastating thing, you know, of losing my brother,

because that was by far the most devastating thing I've gone through. I've had other things that have happened in my life, not necessarily to me, but that have affected me and that my ex-husband, I got a call one afternoon, and it was in October of 2003, and he was driving drunk and hit a motorcycle and killed two people. And I had to watch my then 13-year-old little boy on his hands and knees hitting the ground, knowing that his father was going to be, you know, of what his father had just done. His father, you know, essentially, you know, it was involuntary, but his father killed two people. And he was sent to prison for seven years. And I was then, all of a sudden, I'm a single mother.

Right. With this little boy. And here's the weird thing. My brother died two weeks before my 13th birthday. And my son's father had the accident about three weeks after his 13th birthday. Man, there's some strong parallels there. Very much. If you not have gone through what you went through, how would you have been able to help your son through this?

And that's the thing. That's the most beautiful part of life. And we don't know these things when they're happening. in the present time. But like years later, I mean what? How many years later was that? Well, he was in prison for seven years. He just got out of prison.

Today's with the 17th. December 14th. It's just been a little over a month that his father got out of prison. And my son is now 21 years old. And so in my book, my son wrote his college essay about how he experienced that tragedy. And I published it in the book because I felt like it's not my story to tell.

But if I can, can I read the last paragraph? Because my gosh, please. My son wrote this when he was 16 years old. So in the essay, like he talks about, he was 16 when he wrote this. It was his college essay. So the last paragraph says, my mother always says, everything happens for a reason.

And I truly believe this because without the accident, I would have been spoon fed my whole life. Because of the accident, I am independent and I make smarter choices. Most importantly, I learned that life happens in moments and that you cannot let one moment ruin the rest. I have goosebumps everywhere. One of my favorite things that I always say,

is it about, are you having a bad day? Are you having a bad moment? Yeah. And your son at 16 had the opportunity to truly learn those lessons. Now, granted, tragic experience. Yeah. But your son. Yeah.

He wrote that at 16. He wrote that at 16. I mean, the accident happened when he was right just before, you know, right after he turned 13. And I think the first couple of years were probably worse than I knew because I don't think he would have ever told me how bad he was feeling inside. Yeah. When I read that, he talks about how he's been depressed. And I'm like, you were depressed. I didn't even know.

I didn't know. You know? I mean, I just, you know, my best friend was like, Sandy, everything you've done leading up to this point has led you to this one moment of now, here you are. This is the most important challenge of my life was to raise this young and healthy boy, you know, into, I mean, he was a little boy when his dad went to prison. And now he's a man, you know. It's just the God just prepared you for all the loss, all, you know, the, the three or four

miscarriages you had, the accident, like everything that that has taken place, this is just my perspective, right? I'm looking at everything that's happened to you. It was, it was for your son. I think it was for my son. I think that was the, because I didn't have somebody when I was his age going through that, you know? Yeah. I didn't have anybody. Now, the really good thing is that he's got such a fantastic, amazing support group. His friends were great. His friends' parents, so many of my girlfriends

just put him under his wing and are now like his second mom. I mean, when they say it takes a village, it really took a village and the people in my neighborhood and my community that were there and showed up for my son. And it was just, it was just amazing how, how something so tragic. And it was, there was a lot of a stigma, right? There was a lot of stigma. I mean, there were people when it was in the local news. I mean, people were like, he should, he should be hung. He should get the death sentence. I mean, that's how mean people are. You know, he should get the death sentence. I mean, the meanness that people show up on their little soapbox because I'm sure most of them have never gotten into a car after having a glass of wine or a beer.

Never. Something that can happen to anybody who leaves a bar. It's horrible. So don't drink and dry. Call over. Yeah. Worth it. You know, it's funny.

Like, I don't even like, I don't think I ever. I don't drink much anymore anyway. So once a every six months. deal anyway just because I don't like how I feel. My body doesn't metabolize it anymore. But I mean, listen, there were plenty times, you know, in college. Everybody has completely freaking stupid. And you know what? Praise God, I didn't impact anybody's life. Exactly. It's funny because, go ahead, sorry? No, I just said exactly. You mentioned something earlier, like, I just want to, like, I want to go back to it. The moment you were holding your son, for the first time, you realized

that you felt a fraction of what your mom had felt and you also realize that you have no control over anything. As a parent, that's the one thing that scares the absolute shit out of me every day. As soon as my kids go out that door and I take him to school, I don't know what's going to happen.

Yep. You know, it's like, I'm this professional warrior now. It's so hard to let it go and just trust. you know i my higher power is god whatever you choose to call it i trust i trust god's will and that's all you that's all we have is it just trust that things are going to work out exactly how it's supposed to amen because we can't control it when i was when i was 16 one of my classmates and this is when i this was the moment that i really realized and this is just my belief i'm not pushing it on anybody this is just what i believe everybody is that you

you're free and you have the choice to believe, whatever you believe. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And when it's our time to go, it's our time to go. Sure. And so one of my classmates, we were 16, he was walking his bike up the driveway. A thunderstorm had just passed. He was hit in the back of the head by lightning and was instantly killed. And when that happened,

I'm like, there's nothing you can do. It was unavoidable. It wasn't like he was being careless and was on a golf course, right? Yeah. During a thunderstorm. I mean, he literally was just. So I just really believe that, you know, we don't know when our time is up. We really don't.

And that's why life is so short. And you have a choice every single day. And you can choose happiness. It is a choice. Happiness. is a choice. Say it again, Sandy. Happiness is a choice.

I mean, it's a choice. No. It's your choice. It really, I mean, the whole why me? I'm sorry, you know, like when you have something bad happen, and I want to, because I haven't had a chance to say this yet, and I do want to emphasize this. When you're having a bad day, when something bad happens,

by all means, sit in your pain and feel your pain. have to feel it. Okay. What I'm talking about here isn't just like smile and everything's going to be okay because I did that and it didn't work. All it did was get me into outpatient rehab. So you have to feel the feelings and sit in it. It's real. What you're feeling is absolutely real and it hurts and it's real and it hurts and you have to feel the pain. However, you don't want to sit in there for too long. You've got to feel the pain, go through it, feel it, you know, make friends with your pain, okay? Kind of like fear. Fear is kind of one of those things. You're always going to have it. Put your arm around it, make friends with it. It's always going to be there. The pain of my

brother dying is always going to be there. I've made friends with it. It's always going to be there. That pain is never going to go away. It's always going to be there. It's so powerful. It's so powerful because just like you said, we have to feel those moments of pain. You have to. I also think, just like you said, it's very important to make. make an agreement with yourself of how long you're going to sit in that pain. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

It could, and it can, it could depend on how big the pain is. If it's, what are your kids upset you? That's something that you should be able to get through in five minutes, right? But if it's, if it's a big, big life tragedy, like, give yourself some time. Absolutely. It's not about being a robot, ladies and gentlemen. That's not what I'm talking about. That's not what she's talking about.

This is about understanding your true feelings. holding yourself accountable to those feelings and dealing with them in a mature way. And once you do that, then you can be happy, right? Because it just doesn't make sense to sit in it too long, but it also at the same token, it doesn't make sense. You're like, oh, I'm sad, but I'm going to act like everything's okay. Right. You don't want to do that.

But here's the thing. I mean, there are people that do, they enjoy sitting in their uncomfortable in this. because it's, it's comfortable. But because, well, that and it's, and it's, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy too, right? That's a whole other, that's a whole other subject. A whole other subject. Yeah, but like, you know, if you, if you sit there and you're like, you know, someone tells you're fat and ugly all the time, you're fat and you're ugly, you're fat, you're ugly,

you're fat and other like my dad did to me. Right. And as I grow up, every time I get in better shape, I start to, oh, I need a cheat day. Yeah, boy, it's going to cheat day. or a cheat meal, then it's a cheat day, then it's a cheat week, and then it's a cheat week. Well, hi, self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah. Right?

And that's what that is. But, you know, I want to shift gears. Okay. Let's shift. I'm excited. I, you know, I can't wait to read the book. But I want to shift gears into something that maybe a lot of people might not know about you. And that is you are a former U.S. national and international figure skating coach.

Yes, I am. That is so badass. Tell us about that. So, you know, here's the thing. I became a U.S. national and international figure skating coach against all eyes, all right? Because as a competitive figure skater, I did not have any big titles under my belt. So when I started coaching, when I first started coaching, it was fine. But then once my, it was a brand new rink that it just opened up. And I was one of the first coaches on staff.

After we were there for a little bit, we started getting some Russian coaches that come in. And they look at you and they're like, well, what have you done? I'm like, nothing. Nothing. Well, I was, I competed at the world level. And I was in internet. I competed and I had none of that. I never made it out of a region.

never. I literally just started coaching skating because I love it. It was my passion. I had no chance. We didn't have the money to, I mean, it's so expensive. We didn't have the money to finance it for me to be, to go anywhere with skating. And when I was my junior year of high school, we moved to a part of Western Pennsylvania where there wasn't an ice rink. The closest ice rink was 45 minutes away. So I had to stop competing, you know, pretty early on. So I started coaching. I. I started coaching. I I'm like, I'm just going to teach group lessons. It'll be fun, you know? Teach the little kids, you know,

march on the ice, you know, whatever. And then January, February of, what was it, 1994, Tanya Harding tries to take out Nancy Kerrigan. Everybody removes that. Yeah. And all of a sudden, as horrible as that was, I mean, I don't think we've ever seen anything since then in athletics. I mean, that was that was like a one-time deal.

I don't think anybody's ever tried to take another athlete out in competition. Well, that's a bit, Evander Holyfield. Yeah. Yeah. But I see what you're saying. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. But all of a sudden, I had 50 little girls wanting to be a competitive figure skaters.

So I instantly had all of these skaters that wanted to compete. Interesting. And so I just, I just, you know, you just started, I started coaching and I ended up with this one student, Rusty, Rusty Fine. He extremely naturally talented. He was in rental skates and was doing an axle in rental skates, which is nearly impossible. He taught himself how to do it. His mother didn't want to buy him.

I had an old pair of skates that fit him. I painted him black and those were his first pair of skates. I ended up taking it. That was when he was 12 years old. took him to U.S. nationals and then watched him get his gold medal in his first international competition. And it was just, it was really amazing. I took one other skater to an international competition in Taiwan, which was really cool because she was Chinese American and the Taiwanese government wanted her to compete for Taiwan. After we got there, we learned that she would have

to give up her U.S. She was Chinese American, like she had dual citizenship. She would have to give up her U.S. citizenship. But she was born here. She was like, I'm not giving up my U.S. citizenship. But it was really interesting because we were treated like celebrities. I mean, people, they would be hysterical. We would come out of the ice rink and there would be mobs of people standing there wanting my autograph. And they didn't speak English. And I'm signing autographs. And we were like laughing. We're like, you realize we are nobody in the United States. It's like nobody knows who we are. That's so funny.

I remember. It was hysterical. Playing college baseball at LSU. They don't have a professional baseball team, right? LSU is the big baseball, you know, show in town. And we come out after, before a game out of the locker room, people are waiting along the right field foul line for us to sign their autographs. And after the game, you come out of the locker room and everybody's waiting.

And it's just like, dude, you guys, these kids, man. we're just we're stupid kids and we're trying to get home and shower so we can go out to the bar like this is but you know those are good memories right isn't that great memories i mean just i mean it had to make you feel really good yeah no sure it did you know i was blessed you know because i didn't get to go play minor league or major league baseball so that was my time to feel you know kind of like hey this is what it feels like um you know but there's i love that story because so many things in this world can be done with just passion alone and love for something. You don't have to have these big titles and these big championships and all the hardware and all the look at me's

in order for you to impact the youth. So I really appreciate that story more than you may think because most people would listen to that voice in their head. Who are you? What have you done? Who are you? What have you done? And I think on the most part, we hear those voices on a daily basis. I do. I hear that voice and I say, all right, bro, I hear you. I feel you, but you're sitting over there, right? Because I'm in control, right? And that's just the thing. And it's funny, like we can segue into because you're a coach now too. You're still a coach. And you coach, you're America's happiness coach. So at what point when you were coaching figure skating, did you think like just coaching for you in some capacity was just your purpose?

So I've always been a coach. I mean, I was a little bit of a hustler. When I was a teenager, I had to babysit my little brother Friday and Saturday night. So I would coach one of the girls down the street for me with the little girls. I would coach her for free in exchange for her to babysit my little brother. Because I was like, you know, I got $10 a week allowance. So I give her five bucks and teacher skating in order. to babysit and then the other five dollars was for beer and cigarettes.

Damn, this stuff was cheap back then, huh? It was very cheap, right? Damn. So I've always coached the biggest part of being a coach. And I think the reason why I had such an impact on a lot of my students is because of the mindset training that I would do. And I've actually just started coaching elite athletes as well. Oh, wow.

I'm being pulled back into figure skating. and I'm working with some skaters with their mindset training. So when I decided to fully walk away from the sport, it is pretty toxic. I don't know how it is today. I don't know how it is today because I have been away from coaching skating since 2003. But even then, since really 2000, 2001, 2002, it was just a little bit here and there. By 2003, my son was. going on three years old and I just walked away completely because I just didn't want to I didn't

want to give up one minute with with him because he really was my miracle child. I was told I would never have children. So he was right. So that was when I when I in 2003 was when I started taking the courses to get certified as a life coach. And I just started doing I started doing workshops. And I didn't even know that I was teaching the law of attraction. I had no one. I went the secret, do you remember the secret? Of course, who doesn't say? Yes.

The secret came out. I don't remember what year that came out, but I was like, oh, law of attract. There's something called the law of attraction. It was like 03ish. Oh, it was like 0. No, it was. Yeah. Because I had already been doing these workshops for a few years.

And then I learned about this and I was like, I've been teaching this. And I didn't even know there was such a thing as a law of attraction. It was just something that. made sense to me and it was how I live my life. So that's really what led me into coaching. It's just, and I had even been doing it with some of the 12-step programs. I was working with other people, you know, and helping them. And it's just something that is so natural for me because I have a story. We all have a story, but I have spent, you know, 30 years on this quest. I am total self-help junkie to the extreme.

And not only did I do years and years of therapy, I've read, I don't even know how many books. I don't want to say a thousand, but it's probably hundreds of books for sure. I've been to countless live workshops and seminars. I've had my own coaches. I always have a coach, you know, as a coach, you should always have a coach. I have two. Right. I've got multiple shows as well.

Yeah. I have a physical transformation coach. Yeah. Which is my buddy Stephen, Campalo, and then of course, Craig. Craig,

I've got Jen and Chris Gottlieb. Oh, Chen is great. Jen and Chris Gottlieb. I have a PR person that I work with. I used to have more. I've downsized it to just those three. You got to convince it.

I pick it. the best. I pick the best out there. And right now, those three are the best. But, you know, you'll always have to be learning and growing. And it's just something that I just, it is my passion in life. It's just to help other people. I just want to help other people because life is too short. And that's what you do. And so with that, we can land a plan on tell these amazing people how they can work with you. And I'll put like all your handles and your website in the description of the podcast. But, you know, for the ones that are listening, just tell them how they can. can work with you, how they can get in contact with you.

Yeah. So my email is Sandy at sandyscaralada.com and Sandy is with two ease. My website is sandy scarletta.com. On Facebook and Instagram is coach Sandy Scarlata. And on my website, I have a subscription-based program where it's just a monthly fee. And there's different levels that you can opt into depending on the type of support that you want. And you can find all that on my website. my book can be found on Amazon or Barnes & Noble in both hard cover, soft cover, Kindle, and audio version.

This amazing voiceover artist read the book for me, and I cried when I heard her audition. That's how powerful her voice was. And then happinesssolve.com. You can find all of my podcast episodes on that website. However, you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts. And I also have a happiness solved YouTube channel. That's amazing. That's amazing.

Oh, no, just real quick. Spell your name for them. So Sandy is S-A-N-D-E. And Scarlata is S-L-C-L-E-E-E-N-G-L-A-R-L-A-T-A. And I was called Sandra D in high school because of Greece. Yeah. And everybody said I looked like Olivia Newton-John from Greece. Oh, my.

God. So since my name, my legal name is Sandra, I could spell Sandy any way that I wanted. So that's where the two E's came from. That is so cool. That is so cool. Well, I am sure people are going to be reaching out to you left and right. And I will definitely be sending people your way because I think that your message is amazing. Your energy is incredible. And your love for people and helping them improve their lives is paramount and second to none. Sean, thank you so much. I love it. And I cannot wait to be on your podcast.

That's coming up. I can't wait to. Yes, I've taken. That's like next week, right? Or like week after or something. It's in February because I'm not interviewing anybody until mid-February. Yeah. I took this time off.

We're moving and downsizing and all that stuff. Cool. I'll be talking. It'll be a new podcast studio that I'm seeing you. It'll be a new studio. It'll be a new one. that's amazing well thank you so much um i i just loved sitting here with you and in fact after um we're done recording hang hang up hang tight real quick and uh i wanted to brief with you

but again love you to death and that was just so much fun thank you so much for being on today's show you're amazing thank you all right