Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - Divorce Didn’t Break Her, It Built Her

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

Luxury realtor Heather Shepherd opens up about breaking free from a narcissistic marriage, reclaiming her life, and building an empire for herself and her kids. In this powerful and emotional episode, she shares how walking away wasn’t selfish, it was survival. From mom guilt to rebuilding confidence, Heather proves that it’s never too late to choose yourself. If you’ve ever felt stuck, scared, or unsure of your next step, this is the conversation you need to hear. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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I was living with somebody who was very controlling with money and would use things against me. Like, what about our kids? My kids are old enough. They're in school all day. Like, that wasn't an issue at all. The mom guilt, throwing mom guilt on it. And, you know, of course, I was like, oh my gosh, what about my kids? And as moms, our kids come first.

We want to be the best we can be for them. But if you aren't fulfilled and happy and peaceful, then really it affects your kids. It affects your work. It affects everything in your life. You're not being selfish, really. You're just taking care of yourself. Shout French, what up? Inspire me.

I put my all and everything I'm doing. Up until it's done, I meet for the entirety. I'm putting over time. I'll be working. Just know I'm a go for mine because I earned it. They watch and I know it's time. I confirmed it. A whole society, Determin, Determin Society.

What's up, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of The Determine Society. I'm your host, Sean French. And before I introduce today's guest, please do me a favor, hit subscribe on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple. And make yourself this promise that you're going to share this episode with someone that you know, love and trust,

that needs to hear the message today. Once again, I always appreciate ratings, comments, whatever. I love to know what you love about the show. I love to know where we can get better too. So always here to hear your feedback. So today I have an amazing guest from Houston, Texas. Her name is Heather Shepard, and she is an absolute badass. She's overcome so many things in her life recently.

She had a life-altering event that happened, a divorce. She was married, and it was not a pretty situation for her, in a sense of dealing with a narcissist. And she has broken free from those chains, and she's out there killing it in motherhood and in business. So without further ado, Heather Shepard, welcome. to the show. Thank you so much, Sean. I'm so happy to be here. I'm Jacked, you're here. Thank you. I'm Jack to here. You're an amazing human being. And so I just remember,

you know, for the audience listening, it's, it's so funny how connections are made, right? You sent me a direct message, I don't know, a couple months ago, really, and it was just, you know, it was so sincere and sweet. And I'm like, I got to, I'm going to respond. Oh, thank you. I'm going to respond to this. And, you know, it was just you were wanting to come on the show. And the one thing that I really loved about your approach was it was kind, it was gentle, but also unapologetic of wanting to get your story out, right? So you applied to be on the show and here you are. So for the audience that doesn't know your whole story, why don't you start by telling them a little bit about who you are, what you do, then just briefly start going

into the story of the reason why you're here today. Okay, so I am a luxury real estate agent in Houston, Texas, and I have three kids, amazing kids, 14, 12, and 10, a girl and two boys. And your girl just won a district championship. She did for basketball. So bad ass. So I'm so proud of her, and she loves it and works really hard. And so I live in Houston. I'm a native Houstonian, and about almost two years ago, I just decided I couldn't live

the way I was living anymore. And I had to make a change for myself and for my children. And it wasn't an easy decision. And as a mom, you know, like doing something like filing for divorce or making big changes. Like, you know, you almost feel kind of like selfish, but you know it's for the best of everybody. But it just felt like I tried so hard to keep everything together. And then finally I was like, I can't do this anymore. This is interesting. So, you're about to make a trade based on a friend's text. But which you do you listen to?

Is it, we could buy a house in Toulom? Get optioning those options. We could lose everything. Or, let's do a little research. Get your head in the trade and make the investment decision that's right for you. Learn more at finra.org slash trade smart. because and I want I want to take a pause real quick and I want the I want all moms and dads to listen when you're going through making a decision you know for that's going to change the lives of not just

yourself but your children there has to be the fair trade right like what's this going to cost to me but what's the reward right so why don't you walk the audience through that pain because you talked about you know um you just couldn't live like that anymore and in fact you know you told me at one point, like, I'm going to die if I keep living like this. So let's connect that with the audience and let them know the things that you were going through. So that way they can understand your story more than, hell, you could be a beacon of hope for them. Yes. Well, yes, definitely. Thank you. Just having somebody that wasn't around much, but when they were just the meanness and the anger and violence and just, you know, after a while, I kept justifying it to myself,

like, it's not that bad or like, he's not around much or, you know, but it just, one of my, actually, one of my best friends who is also a life coach, she told me, and I told you this on my form, she sent me something that said, can you imagine being in your late 80s, like on your deathbed and looking back at your life. being like, oh my gosh, did I live like that? Like why didn't, why wasn't I strong enough to make like a choice and change my life? And when she sent me that, I remember thinking like, oh my gosh. Like if I looked back on my life and this is how I was living and my kids were seeing, you know,

especially my daughter. Like is this the example that I want to set for her and her future relationships? And I was like, no, you know, that was so powerful to me. And I remember, like, after a really bad night, I was driving home from carpool. And I went straight to my attorney's office. And I was like, I'm ready. Wow. Like that day.

That day, you're like, I'm just done. It's funny. You mentioned your daughter. But you know what I also find very interesting, too? And my wife sent me this reel earlier today. It was like, as a man, as a father. Right? it is our job to lead in the household from the standpoint of the daughters, right?

From the daughters of like daughters get their confidence from their father. And the little boys learn how to treat women from watching their dad. So it's not just about your daughter. It's about what was going on in that home that your sons were going to see. Then eventually, if they were around it enough, that's how they would treat women. That's a really powerful. That is very powerful. That's some fucked up shit, isn't it?

That really is. Because I always, you know, my boys, like, you know, they're my boy. Like, I want them to grow up and be amazing husbands and amazing fathers and just treat, respect women and treat women well. And so I think that's, yeah, they're very powerful. Damn. Now you mentioned violent, so it got physical at one point then, right? Just like a little, you know, nothing, that wasn't, it was mostly like just rage.

Like throwing shit. shit, breaking shit. Like violence. It's a form of intimidation though, right? And it is a form of abuse. It is. Sure is. And when you're living it though, like you don't realize like, you know, well, at least

I didn't realize like, oh my gosh, like this is something that he is using to like intimidate me and scare me. And, you know, the way I was living, like walking on eggshells and just kind of never being able to fully like relax. Like now my life is so peaceful. I was like, all I want is like peace. Like I don't, you know, that just that feeling of not having to be like nervous. Yeah.

Like never knowing like what to expect in your own home. It's really hard. Like how when you were going through those moments of walking on eggshells and just living in a constant state of fight or flight, how did you manage that? Well, I always like, I tried to be like and I told like my word like. last year was consistency. I love it. So I just, you know, I would, I got up every morning. I controlled the things that I could control, like my work, because I was now, like now after I filed and everything, I was able to, you know, build my real estate career, which was like my dream, like, to have this, like, empire of, like, in Houston. And so I would get up and I, you know,

would work out to my weights and soul cycle and classes and just having that routine and like that consistency. And no matter how I felt, just making sure like I was doing my best doing these things, like waking at my kids, taking them to school, like, you know, the things that you can control like as a mom, no matter how you're feeling, like just really staying consistent with those. things that really helped me and it just that was what kept me kept me going that's incredible like i want everybody listening you know whether you're a woman or a man just just know that you living in your home and and being worried about you know potentially what's going to happen next right waiting for that next shoe to drop right it's not a way to live right it's not a way to live and you and you can't

thrive if you don't feel peace in your own home. So I think the word peace is very applicable to many things we do outside the home, whether it's building a podcast being a successful realtor, a great school teacher, or even a car salesman. Like, you have to have some peace in order to be fully functional out there in society and to be able to thrive, right? The one thing I remember you saying was, you know, multiple times. But even just then, And when you were speaking was now you were able to have a successful real estate career. Explain to the audience what that means because they're saying, well, why couldn't she before? Well, so before I was living in a lot with somebody who was very controlling with, you know, money and everything I did and would use things against me like, oh, well, if you do that, like what about our kids or what, me?

I mean, my kids are old enough. They're in school all day. Like, that wasn't an issue at all. The mom guilt, throwing mom guilt on you. And, you know, of course, I was like, oh, my gosh, what about my kids? Like, if I need to pick them up from school or, you know, and I'm working, like, but which really was all in my head. And as moms, you know, we want to be, like, our kids come first and we want to be

the best we can be for them. And so, but another thing is, like, if you don't fill, like, your cup up, if you aren't fulfilled and happy and peaceful, then really it affects your kids. It affects your work. It affects everything in your life. And you're not being selfish, really. You're just taking care of yourself. And it's just... It's funny because I think moms and gender, and I think good dads. I don't think it's gender specific. I want to be very clear. Right. No, no. Because I deal with a lot of dad guilt. I deal with a lot of dad guilt. Yes. And so like, and so does my wife, right? Mom guilt and you clearly have mom guilt too.

It's a real thing. So parents listening is like, listen, as long as you are out there trying to better yourself so you can be whole for your family, then don't feel guilty. Like if the kid has to go to aftercare one day or somebody else has to pick the kid up, like is it really going to be earth shattering now? What would suck is like if you just didn't plan for that and then you couldn't get to pick your kid up and they're sitting there at the, you know. The parent pickup's like, fuck, where's mom?

Where's dad? Like, that's mortifying. But, like, I just, the parental guilt. Like, I go through it a lot. Yeah. Because my phone goes off. I mean, we had breakfast together. You saw my phone going at ab shit the whole freaking time.

Right. But there's some things that I do have to answer. So it's like walk the audience through how you deal with, you know, the parental guilt. Because, like, it's a real thing, but also is it necessary? When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp. The secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans.

Send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th. And never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end-to-end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone. Learn more at WhatsApp.com. Right. So as a realtor, like my phone like you, like, because, you know, real estate deals, it's like always, like my phone's going off.

And so how I deal with the mom guilt is I really try to spend like, you know, I've started trying to have dinner with my kids and just have like really meaningful like conversations. And, you know, it sounds like kind of like cliche, but, you know, just really enjoying the, making the most of the time you have with your kids and doing things with them. And, you know, I tried to do the like one on one, like, but it's really hard with three kids. So I really just try to spend like quality time with them and really hear about their day and just instead of, you know, just kind of like, you know, and it's on the amount of time. It's more the quality of the time, I guess. I'm with that, right? Because everyone talks about balance, right? If you talk about balance and I'm like eight hours at work, eight hours.

with my child, eight hours in the gym, eight hours reading, eight hours with God. Like, you cannot do that. Really what we're searching for is how can you be present in those moments? Right. Right. So if it's like every Thursday night now. And it's Thursday, right? Yes. Thursday. So like for me, I know I get to go with a walk with my oldest daughter tonight. That's our thing on Thursday nights. We go in the neighborhood, go from 15, 20 minutes. It's my time to connect with her. And last week when we did it was the first week, right? Because I do realize like she needs one on one. Yes.

She needs me one on one. Right. And so does my daughter, my six-year-old daughter, right? My son, he can thrive at baseball, but sometimes he wants to mess around and play some PlayStation with that. Yeah, totally. It's all good. But, you know, having that time, I left my phone in, and like the, there's this thing, the box that we have. We put our phones in there.

And not enough. We don't do it enough. We need to put them in there a lot more. freaking off. I love that idea. So I have my phone in there. And I come back and my wife goes, hey, I text. I'm like, yeah, I didn't take it.

She goes, wow. Because that right there, that 15, 20 minutes, my daughter's not going to view that as 15, 20 minutes. She's going to view that as the highlight of her fucking day. Because I was focused on her. I didn't have the stupid Apple Watch. I didn't have my phone on me. It was just there being there with her talking to her, right?

And so that's great. Like, hey, listen, you know, sometimes you can't do one one. Right. But when you, when you do have that time with your children and it's family dynamics, right? Exactly. So if you're there by yourself and you have three kids, how can you do one-on-one with all three when you got, you got them all to yourself, right? But it's being present at dinner. Like to me, dinner is non-negotiable. Like, no, we're sitting in the, you know, like no one from the outside can penetrate these 40 minutes right here. Because I think one of the biggest things, and then I'll let you go is, let you talk is, you know,

in society today, I don't think there's enough, I don't think there's enough focus and importance labeled on family dinners or family breakfast. Who's sitting it on the table anymore? Right. That's all we do. Can I start? No.

No. You're going to wait until everybody gets there. And that's something like we really didn't do before. And actually, Jason, my wonderful boyfriend, he was like, this is something really important. And I was like, you are so right. Yeah. Like just, you know, at that little, like, even if it's like 30 minutes or just connecting with them,

letting them know, like, you're here for them. And like, it's really powerful. And, you know, and even like my daughter who's 14, like, we'll go to a workout class together. And even though we're not, like, talking the whole time, it's just like being together. Like, I always talk to her on the way there and then on the way home. And, I mean, I'm probably driving her crazy. But, you know, but it's like one of those things. Yes. Like, I just want to talk to you. But just that time together is really special.

Yeah. It just, and that's what they remember. Yeah. Like, dude, like, if you can be present with your kids and they know that you're fully there with them. Right. They're going to give you that grace when you have to be up. Exactly. Right. That's so true. No, that really is. Yeah. It's that time together and really like asking them questions and just. being there for them. What's your favorite part about when you ask them a question? And you know how kids, man, they just go, right? What is your, give me one of your kids, like, one of the things that they do that you're just like, oh my God, I'm so happy to ask this question.

Now I get to hear you talk. Oh, my gosh. Well, my William, he is so funny. So my boys go to an all boys school. And the stories that they have, like, every time I ask him, like, how is your day? Like, especially on field trip days, they go on these really, field trips, like to parks and they go hiking and stuff. And he always has a hilarious story about his friends or somebody like jumped in the lake or somebody was in the mud or I always love.

Like, he will tell me these elaborate stories. And my other two, I'll get like little like pieces of their day, but I won't get like these stories that William tells me. And, you know, I'm always like, gosh, like, thank you. Like I really, because I always want to know about their. days and I want to hear like about their friends and everything and also when they have friends in the car that's also another thing yeah that's pretty well yeah I just love like because I'm like in my mind I'm thinking through like the whole movie here right the time when your ex-husband was around then during the divorce and the fact there was a point where he was trying to take your kids completely we'll get to that right but but now you have a good dude in your

life who's stressing the importance of family dinners. Yes. Bro, that's fucking amazing. I know. And that shows your children now that this man is treating their mom with respect. And not just that, but valuing them too. And I think that's, you know, really hard when you get into like blended families and things that nature. So it's like, have you just noticed.

them just opening up during dinner. Like obviously in stages, right? Yeah. Because before, like, if you weren't doing it before, now all of a sudden you're doing, it's like, why are we doing this morning? I know. And I get questions from them all the time. They're like, what are, like, no, what are we doing?

And I'm like, no, like, put your phones down. Like, they're all sitting down together. And they've started to really enjoy it. And they have opened up more. And, you know, it's fun to have, it actually having, like, you know, the blended, like, his two kids are older. They're 19 and 23.

And so, and then mine, you know, being younger, it's really a neat dynamic. He's back in it now. He's back in it. He's got to raise kids more again. Like, you ain't done, bro. You come back in here. Thankfully, he loves kids. Fantastic.

Thank you. But just, you know, it really, they feel more comfortable and they know they look forward to it. Yeah. Which was something I wasn't expecting to happen. That's amazing because you broke a cycle. Yes. You know, everybody talks about cycles. right and like if it and then obviously there was a movie out there it ends it ends with me or ends with us or something like that oh yes i'm

about that now i think i bring that up with blake lively and justin baldani oh yeah yeah it's getting old we're not going to touch on that no it maybe maybe maybe maybe we will i don't know but you know it ends with us and i think the big lesson there is is like when when when when i was treated a certain way as a kid you know or or anybody right Like we have to look at what that's going to do to the next generation. Yes. You know, so are we going to break generational curses? Are we going to add to them? So like, you know, for you, you know, when you made that transition out of your marriage,

like there was a point in that decision making. And for me too, because this is my second marriage. Okay. So for me, you know, I don't talk about it enough. I probably should so the audience understand it more. But, you know, I'm not ready to. I'll talk about things and I'm ready. And I think me saying,

that this is my second marriage is the first time I've ever said it on air. You know, so I said to myself at one point, I'm like, am I the man that I want to be in this specific marriage right now? And the answer was no.

And not placing blame on anybody. My ex-wife and I are like, really good friends now. And my wife and her are close. And I adore her. I love her to death. And the thing is, is like, I'm not, not just that I'm not the man I want to be, but what are my children

are going to learn from me? It has to end now. I have to cut it off now and have to go through the pain of the divorce and the time share, the fucking timeshare, dude. Come on. That's hard. But it was done for the betterment of them long term. Right.

Exactly. That's so true. And that's like, like, thinking about like one of the. the main reasons. I was like, I'm going to stay in this relationship because I don't want to not have my kids on Christmas morning. Dude. Oh, that's hard. I like, but so this was the first year, this past year. And I basically pretended it wasn't Christmas. I told my whole family, like, it was like, we're going to celebrate when I get them back. And we had a whole big Christmas and I survived. Yeah, you survived. It wasn't even like. It was okay. And I, and I,

You know, it was just one of those things where it's part of it, but was it worth it? Yes. You have to be willing to push past like those thoughts of like, I'm going to die if I don't have my kids on Christmas. No, you're going to be okay. You like, you might be sad and of course like miss them because, you know, it's a special morning. But, you know, they were so happy when I got them back. We had Christmas. All my family came over and they're excited. They get two Christmases. I mean, I know. That's the thing. They're like, this is great. But, you know, like, as a parent, you're just thinking, like, because those are so many special memories that, you know, getting everything ready for Christmas and Santa, like, oh, you know. It makes it different.

It makes it different. But, like, I can really relate. I can sympathize with that. Yes. Like, no one really, no one really understands what divorcees are going through when there's kids evolved unless they've been through it themselves. It is due to a point where I'm like, yeah, no, I can't ever not be in this marriage because there's no way I can not be with my son. Right? Like there's no way I can be with my daughter.

Like, whoa. Like now though, you know, it's equal amount of time. And it's like, and there's people, I know there's people watching right now like, no, you know, marriage, you know, you don't get divorced. You stick it out. Those kids are suffering. You know what the fuck you're talking about. It's an ideology. Yeah.

Right. And I think that ideology to me is like, okay, well, my children can grow up in this home that it's contentious and then grow to hate both their parents and then have messed up relationships on their own or I can break the cycle. Exactly. And that's what I did. See, you, I mean, you get it. But it's scary, definitely going through it. And it's just, it's so upsetting. It's so stressful.

and just, but on the other side, looking back, like I have told some friends who were thinking, they're like, oh, it's not that bad, like, should I? And I'm like, no, like, I can tell you from my experience, like just take, like trusting yourself and believing in yourself. Like, that was something that was hard for me at first because I didn't have this big career and I wasn't able to, you know, do a lot of the things before that I,

am able to do now. Yeah. And just believing in yourself, like, you're stronger than you really think, like, deep down. And when it comes, you know, comes to everything, like, you will be okay. See, I like what you just said there, that you, that you didn't have this career before, that you have now. Walk the audience through that, right?

Because this conversation's flying by, and it's amazing. And there's a bunch of descriptors in there of how, you know, dark and contingents it may have been. But let's talk about the things that came out of it, right? So now your career, you're like one of the top luxury real estate agents in Houston, Texas. How has the freeing of that energy helped you grow your career? Oh, gosh. It's been like night and day.

Just when you're happy and at peace, it just everything falls into place. Like now I'm able to not have the. stresses that I had before. And, you know, when you have somebody not being nice to you, like a lot, it really wears on you. And you start to think, oh, my gosh, like, maybe I, maybe I can't do this. Like, maybe, but then, like, getting that self-worth back and just feeling, like, unstoppable. Yeah. It's when it just makes all of the difference. But you did the work to get that self-worth back, right? Like, explain that to the audience because it's like, A lot of people say like, hey, you know, don't put yourself worth in another person.

That's not what you were doing. No. That's not what you were doing. How did you get that back yourself? You know, just little by little, like, you know, my whole thing about being consistent. Like, just, you know, working out, you know, reaching out to people, letting everybody know what I'm doing. Like growing my Instagram, like I went from 300 followers like two and a half years ago to over, 14,000.

It's insane. Just by posting every day, like making sure, like I had just something out there to kind of show what I was doing and that I'm really, I know what I'm doing and I'm providing like value to, you know, to my clients and I'm going to do everything I can and work as hard as I can to make sure, you know, they have the best experience with me and we find the house of their dreams. So it's, it's really rewarding. And so that's really just little by little how I rebuilt my life. I love it. It's so funny. I'm sitting here looking up the ceiling and smiling because when you go through shit like that, that's the heavy lift. Like that, that is like when

you are feeling emotionally, that is when you're feeling in your soul, your body hurts. It almost hurts physically to make that next good decision of waking up in the morning, eating the right food. No, you just want the pizza. No, you want to lay there and be a bum. You want to feel fucking sorry for yourself. You want to be depressed because that's how you're feeling currently. But when you work through those and you come out strong, you come out strong, you know, like that's what you've done, right? So now, anything that you have to deal with contractual issues, buyer issues, seller issue. How easy is that to deal with now? So easy. I mean, it really, really, and it, you know, going through something hard, no matter what you're going through,

like, it really empowers you when you're on the other side. And my kids, like, seeing, you know, what I've went through and then now, like, how successful I am and how happy I am, it really, like, they're proud of me. And I think that's, you know, I'm being a good role model to them. That's it. So, and really how. you know, like your word balancing everything, like my career and then them and I always want to be at their sports games. And, you know, it's really, it's definitely a balance. But I think overall, I'm just being a really good role model for them. And I want them to grow up and know that they can do anything they put their minds to. You just have, you know, with hard work

and believing in yourself. And, um, because it's true. Like, it's, it's, it's, just when you have that, like you'll achieve great things. I think it's one thing to say it, right, to tell a kid, you can be anything you want. You can do this.

You can do that. So all your parents out there, you're telling your kids they can be or do anything or have anything they want, but you do have, the fuck are you doing? Right.

Like, because if you're not doing it, then they are not going to follow you. I'm looking right at you because I've been there. Yeah. Like, I've been there. Like,

I cannot talk about discipline and determination when my body was a fat, fluffy mess. I can't because I wasn't controlling in that one area. But now that I do control it in one area and things are starting to grow professionally now, everything comes together. And now your kids are saying, wow, I could do that. So you either say to your kids, right, you can do this, you can be or have anything you want or you can show them how the hell to do it.

That is so powerful. That's so true. Really doing it yourself is the best. way to show them. But you're doing that. Like, that's the thing that I want you to understand. Right? You know what I'm saying? Like that's the point. Like, you know, yes, you know, you're out of this marriage. You're out of like all this other shit. But what you're really showing your daughter and your two sons is like, mom can fucking rock it. And mom can rock it and she can smile and keep her chest up and her head up through all this stuff. Like, dude, why can't I? So like, there's going to be,

there was moments. I'm going to tell you right here because the audience that doesn't know, her daughter's a freshman and was on varsity basketball and they won a district championship. There was times during that year that she just won the district championship that she wanted to give up. I'm going to tell you right now because that's the way things are, especially as a young adolescent. And there was something whispering to her not to. And it probably was the fact that she saw you persevere out of that situation. Thank you. I hope so. And I really, she has a really amazing drive. And I'm really trying hard to lead by example and just tell me about her drive what does it look like um well just she's very focused and that's something that i try to be with everything in my life like my workouts

my work um just you know doing what she needs to do and not like overcomplicating it and just really trying to be the best she can be i see her You know. That's learned behavior. It's learned behavior. You know, it's funny because, you know, I'm listening to you, but I'm also watching every move. Like, that's the one thing that people don't understand because I'm very incognito about it. I see what you did when you got here, right?

Because you posted it. I saw what you did this morning because you posted it. You were up. You were at the gym. You got a quick one in. Like, you're living it, right? So you can say it with your chest, right? Like you're living out loud.

And those are the things that kids pick up on. So I always think, and I don't know who coined this phrase, I didn't, but I use it because I love it. And if I remembered who said it, I would quote you. I'm sorry if you're listening and I don't know it. But like the best lessons aren't taught. They're caught. Oh, wow. So everything that your child sees you doing is teaching more of a lesson than you telling them something.

That's a great. Right? So, you know, what are my kids watching me do? They wake up in the morning, what am I doing? I'm drenched and sweat making their breakfast. So what's your move? What's your move when you're older? Like, what are you going to do?

What are you going to do? You know, like that to me is showing them something and they're catching lessons. Have you ever thought of it like that? No, I have never thought about it like that. Crazy, isn't it? That is crazy to think about. It's powerful. It is.

No, it's very powerful. And I always, like, think about, like, my, you know, just I want to be the best I can be for, you know, now I've really tried to make sure that for myself that I'm, you know, like the healthiest and hardworking and there for them. But I never thought about it. Like, it's really, they're copying me and they're. Everything you're doing, they're watching. They are watching. That is.

You may not know it. But they are stalking. your ass and they're finding the holes right because this is what the kids do especially the 14 year old yes okay and then you're 12 year old maybe not your 10 year old yet but your 14 and 12 year old are trying to find the chink in your armor where are the holes so I can exploit them when I'm in trouble and throw it back and if you don't have them if you don't show them they can't right but if you just display determination grit resiliency yes like that's what they're going to learn so what they find is they start looking for your holes, but only find all the light.

That's true. And then they gravitate to that, and then that becomes them. And I try to be like just a positive, like, you know, the light within, you know, I try to be like that because I don't want them to, when they think about, like, me. And I want them to know that, like, I'm going to always, like, be there for them and have something like encouraging to say like no matter what they've done I always tell them like if you come to me and tell me the truth like in their great kids but I'm thinking like as they get older like if you come to me and tell me the truth you're not going to be in trouble like I'm here for you and I want

to make sure we have that relationship where you know later on if they're in trouble or something's going on that they can come to me and know like I'm here for them and that's how you keep them from getting behind the wheel drunk. Oh gosh, yes. Right? Exactly. So like it's funny because my wife and I talk about this all the time is, and we tell this to our, you know, to Bobby who's 11. It's like, hey, look, as you get older, you're going to be, you know, things are going to be in your face. Like you're going to be out potentially at a party. If something goes on, I need you to be comfortable enough to call me. And we're not going to yell at you no matter what you did, but we're going to have a conversation. not that night, but in the morning, but I'd rather you make it home alive. Exactly. Like that's heavy, right?

It's so heavy. But in these formative years, 14, 12, and 10, displaying rational, like, rational behavior when you hear something from them, like if you never overreact to something, okay. And then you can be that calming voice and be their peace so they feel they can be honest with you. Like, that's where that real relationship comes from.

I agree with you on that. them not being scared that they're going to get in trouble or scared that, you know, I'm going to like yell at them or be like crazy to them. Like just having that relationship is, and I try to build that like every day just really. And they know I'm there for them. Like they're, you know, whenever something, like if they need me to talk to a teacher or parent teacher conference or something, like I'm always there for them just through everything. Yeah, that's good. I try my very best. like we all do as parents. It's hard,

it is hard. Yeah. It's hard. There's life going on, right? Right. There's life going on constantly. Constantly. And with more than,

like with three kids, like it's all in close together too, both of our, yeah, of yours and minor. Like two years apart, two years apart. It's like bang, bang, bang.

Mm-hmm. You know. So. Yeah. It's nuts. Yes. So, okay. So let's start

tying in the career now. walk me in the audience through what having a successful real estate business means to you at this point in your life. Because it's not just about the money. No. It just, what it means to me is that I have shown myself, like, I can support myself. I can, I can do this. Like, I can take care of myself, like, in my life and my kids. And having, you know, just money be something that was used to,

as control, which I think, you know, talking to friends, like a lot of women are going through things, and I'm sure men too. Sure. Just with, you know, their partner controlling money, holding it over their heads. Like, you know, there's all sorts of way for money to be controlled. But now that I have my career and my business and it's growing and growing, it's like, I can do this. Yeah.

Like, I pay for my own life. And it's just, it's so rewarding. And like, it's the mental feeling that like, I'm not scared anymore. Yeah, dude. How powerful, right? I'm just, I'm like, I got this. Yeah. My mom went through the same thing.

She did. She did, man. So, you know, she, you know, she's had multiple marriages, but the, my dad, he's, he's in my biological, he's my dad. Uh-huh. They ended up getting a divorce. And before that, she had never been able to live on her own. I never had to.

Uh-huh. And she's killing it. She bought her own home. You know, she's gone through two, you know, hip replacement surgeries to knee replacement surgeries. And this woman, you know, her perspective, I love you, mom, but your perspective sometimes is fucked up. Right? She still has that poor me type mentality at times, just being honest. Uh-huh.

But she fights through it. She's a fighter. She's determined, right? So it's like for you, when you're sitting there saying like, I can support myself, I can support my own life, I can support my kids, I can do this. There's audience people right now listening that don't understand that. They don't understand what you said because they think, well, why wouldn't you be able to? Explain to them. Like, enlighten them because they need to understand what you went through and what this actually means.

Well, it just, it was really everything was taken care of. Like, you know, I would take care of our children, which I am so grateful that I was able to do, like, be home with them and take care of them. And but every year, like, I would, whenever I would need to renew my real estate license, it was always like, you don't need to do that. Like, you don't, you don't need that. We have kids. Like, you don't need that. I'm not paying for that. Like, you know, things like that.

And it was like $5 or $600. And, you know, he had a really great, like a very successful career. but it was anything that had to do with me bettering myself. It was just, it caused so many issues. Because it was ever about you bettering yourself. It was about you being able to stand on your own two feet. Right. And not need him.

And when you're in that mindset, though, you don't realize, like, that's what's going on. Yeah. Because I would, again, I would say, oh, gosh, like, I do have three kids. Like, oh, you know, it's like, but using that and it makes you crazy. and I'm sure people can relate to this. Yes. You don't really, when you're in it, you're like, oh, gosh, well, everything's taking care of, like, I don't have to pay for my own health insurance, car insurance, you know,

like my kids, like, how am I going to feed them and all these things? And so it's like staying stuck in a life that is not where you want to be, but it's safe. Right. Because, I mean, safe as in, like, you have a house, you have, you know, you don't. Bills are paid. Health insurance, food. on the table. Right.

But it's, but you don't have that freedom to like make choices for yourself. And I really feel like being able to choose is so freeing. Like it's just, it's one of those things where like, you know, and my, Jason's so wonderful. He's so supportive of my career. Like what I told him I was coming on here, he was like, you go. That's cool, man. I wish she could have came. I know, me too.

Me too. But just having that free, like, just being able to choose, like, what I want for my life that I know is going to benefit my kids. My, you know, just it's that freedom to chew. That's so awesome. And feeling that you're not going to have anybody be upset with you about it. Such a simplistic thing, right? Isn't that weird, like, this whole thing brought out the freedom to choose. Right. You get the choice to live what life you want to live and to provide for your family, your children. It's wild shit. Right?

No, like, truly because like if nobody's gone through what you've gone through, they don't get it. But now I think they have a little bit of an idea like that you get to choose now. Right? Without consequence. Yes. The only consequence is a positive one. Right? Your children get to see this.

And then your. your boyfriend gets to fall in love of that over and over and over again every day. That is a powerful situation. Damn. Thank you. Yes. And you're an avid worker outer too. You love soul cycle.

I do. Yeah. You love your weights. I do. So you pour into yourself like multiply. That's my point, right? It's like you go to your soul cycle and then you also have a personal trainer that you, you know, go lift weights with twice a week.

So you're consistently pouring back into yourself. how freeing was that it is it is like a feeling like no other like just it's so freeing you don't have to ask permission right like it is it's one of those things where you don't know how good it's going to feel until you're actually living it and it's just empowering and just knowing that I'm going to keep getting like better and better I'm going to grow my business I'm going to you know I always am like trying to be a better mom and just with my whole life. Before my whole entire focus was like I was worried about my kids. I was, you know, it was just one of those things in my mind.

I was like, oh gosh, I can't do this for myself because what about my kids? But really, it's not being selfish. Again, back to that. Like, it was, as a parent, you have to do things for yourself if you're going to be able to give. Well, you were stuck in a place of lacking. Right now you're in a place of growth. You're in a place of yes. Yes.

Yes. I can do that, right? Right. I think that's important because that's when you're truly living. Oh, gosh, yes. Right. Yes. And just loving the life that you're living.

And like I'm 42 and, you know, I used to think like, oh my gosh. Like once my kids grow up, like, what am I going to do? Like, oh gosh. And now I'm like, this is so exciting. Like, I love my life. life. Like, I have so many things to look forward to. The 40s are still young, man. I know. I mean, we're still spring chickens. I think so, too. I'm just figuring out who I am. Right. Yeah. But a lot of people, especially, like, women, I think, feel like as you get older, like,

you are stuck or you can't change your life just from talking to different friends. They're like, well, how did you do it at your age? And, like, I'm not that old, first of all. Not at all. And second of all, like, you can change your life at any point in time. Yeah. There's no, like, rule where, like, if you're over at this age, like, it's too late. It's never too late. I remember when I was a kid thinking, like, 42 was old. Right.

And so that, but that's when the first ever the determined society was recorded when I was 42 years old. See? And this, so I'm 46 now. This month, I think is maybe tomorrow. Wait. Or the 27th. I'd have to look at that. It was the four-year anniversary of the show.

Congratulations. Wild, isn't it? That is wild. But that was a pivot I did at 42. And it wasn't the only thing I did. Now recently, now this is the only thing I do, right? But before that, it was like, you know, I was a baseball coach and a teacher. I was a sales rep.

And now I'm doing, now I'm shifting to this. But it was a hard pull. It was like something inside me was just like, like trying to come out. And I was like, okay, I got to explore this. I got to figure out what it is. I'm probably going to suck. No one of the first,

the first episode was like, if you're listening, thank you, I don't know who's going to listen. And the vision for the show was so small. But as things continue and the consistency happened. And there were some breaks in between, right? Because it was, there was frustration. There was depression.

There was, you know, anxiety. There was a lot of different things happened in the last four years. that I finally got to hold on over the last year and a half. And then ever since then, it's been like light speed ahead. Yeah. Right. But again, at 42, I made that move. I chose differently.

And I lost a lot of people along the way. Oh, yes. Everybody thinks it's cool until it's serious. Right? Everything is it cool? Oh, that's cute. Yeah. You can speak here.

You can do that. But then when all the attention comes like, whoa, wait a second, you can't be a part of X, Y, Z anymore because you're focused. is here, right? I fully intended to continue with my sales career and do this. Right. But what I found out is corporate America don't like that. They don't like it. They don't like it because of what you may say. It may represent them. So now I'm just my own dude. Yeah. I'm just my own dude now. But you're happy. So happy. So happy. It's at times it's still hard. It's still hard sometimes. You know, and it's stressful. But I would rather have that

and know that I can fully control what I do, then, you know, have my life sitting in somebody else's hands. Exactly. But you can surely attest to that yourself because that's what you've done with your life. Rinse takes your laundry and hand delivers it to your door, expertly cleaned and folded. So you could take the time once spent folding and sorting and waiting to finally pursue a whole new version of you. Like tea time you. Mmm.

Or this tea time you. Or even this tea time you. Said you hear about Dave. Or even tea time, tea time, tea time you. Mmm. So update on Dave. It's up to you. We'll take the laundry.

Rinse. It's time to be great. Yes, definitely. Damn. Damn. Damn. What do you love most about real estate? All the people that I get to help, all of my clients.

And just, it's so rewarding. And I love to look at beautiful houses. That shit's cool. It's so much fun. And just seeing, you know, seeing my clients who, like, 99% of the time become, like, very close friends of mine if they weren't already before. I'm not surprised. But I really just love seeing them settled in their new homes and selling, you know, like settled in their new homes and also me being able to help them sell their current home, like for the most possible. Like I work with a great staging company and photographer and.

and mortgage broker. And so I have my whole team of like wonderful people that I know are going to do their best and take care of my clients the way that I do. And it's just, it's a great feeling. It's so funny because like the first thing you said was watching your clients get settled in their new home. How much of that is a personal one for you because of what you went through that you like seeing it in other people?

You got to go deeper more often on yourself, man. Think about that. that like that think about it so you're reliving your wins through these other people and that is a great way that is a great way to live you know through other people right wow that's a nice vicarious win because it reminds you of what you've done and now you're giving it to other people that's a gift that's a gift you so much i'm getting goosebumps that is i know me too that is so that is powerful i've never thought about it like that. Most people love selling the house because they can provide financially for their families.

And yeah, they get the cool up photo op with the people. Neat. You know, this will sell the next house. Right. But you're, but you're, it's different for you on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a physical level. You're feeling it differently. I am. That's.

But you don't realize it until I bring it up. Now, so now next time it happens and when you see somebody, like, physiologically you're going to feel that feeling. And that is why you're having so many great things come to you because your mind doesn't know whether it's happening to somebody else or happening to you. Has no clue. It can't judge. It can't judge.

Unbelievable. That point. Less visualization, right? If you think about visualization and you visualize selling a house, but if you visualize the feeling that you have when you're selling the house and seeing the people and feeling that emotional state, your brain doesn't know that that's a simulation. Right.

It has no idea. So it's real. And so that you vibrate on a certain level. And that's what comes to you because there's no other way because that's the only thing you're looking for. Yeah. That's true. You're doing a lot of cool shit, man. Oh, thank you.

Yeah. Thank you. It's big. I'm just really happy. I can tell. You walked into first watch and you were lit up. I'm like, damn, I better get on my game. Because she's, she's coming.

in here like a fucking spark plug. I just like a list of things I want to ask you. Don't forget. After the show, you still got to ask me those, all these things. I know. So as we land the plane here, 2024 was about consistency for you. What is 2025 about?

It's about growth. That's with my business and about like my word was hustling, like growth and hustle like really just I have hit the ground like running like with 2025 I want to have record sales but it's not even about that like I just have you know certain like friends that I'm still helping find houses that I really you know it's because in Houston the inventory is still low with houses and so I've really been working hard on like I'll drop off little gifts I had these custom candles made with my logo and wine stoppers. And so I've been dropping off like gifts, like asking, you know, homeowners that they want to sell their houses and, you know, just to

see if it fits for a client. Like I'm, and then I'll call them and just, you know, ask them if they want to sell. No. And people love my little gift. And, you know, if they ever want to sell, they know to reach out to me. And, but that's the hustle. Like, you really, like, taking the time that's a door to door solar panel sale chip. God, I don't door knock, baby. But even if you did, it would be whatever. Right. You know, the point is, is you're out there doing it, right?

Yes. You can't expect growth and not do uncomfortable things. Right. Exactly. Because it does take time. But I really just, you know, growing and being the best realtor I can be to my clients, even if it takes, like, trying to find off market or, you know, just different things that would help them. Yeah.

So I'm really going the extra mile. and just trying to really grow. That's really cool. Thank you. That's really awesome. I love that word growth. You know, I love the fact that you have something tied to it though, right?

Because some people say, yeah, I want to sell X many houses, right? Well, you know, how are you going to get there? What are your KPI's? How many doors you have to knock on? How many calls you have to make? How many listing appointments you need? How many buyer meetings you need? How many houses you have to show?

Right. You go on and on and on and on. Yes. But I think the big thing is, is like when you have a set plan like this is what growth looks like to me this year, then it's attainable, right? And as long as we stay disciplined in our own life, your morning routine, whatever,

like the morning routine we were talking about it. Like morning routine's cool. Like there's a lot of IGers out there like, oh, my morning routine, you know, I walk for 45 minutes, then I breathe for another 30 minutes, then I have a walk with my wife and we have 17 cups of coffee. And by one, I start working,

and I made $9 million last month. Right. Fuck off. Like, shut the fuck up. You're lying, okay? Really, what the morning routine does is just get you to keep your word to yourself. Exactly. So I don't care what your morning routine is.

Like, you know, there's a lot of, I wake up at four and I'm in the gym by 4.30. Not because I want to or I think I have to. It's just like in my schedule with everything I have going on with the three children wanting to spend time with my wife. Right. And my kids extracurriculars, my son has baseball. My girls have gymnastics. Like, it's the only time I could do it. Yes.

Right. So my morning routine is about executing things that I say I'm going to do. And so if someone else is, I need to wake up at seven and I need to read 15 pages, then that's what you do. That's your morning routine. It doesn't have to be groundbreaking. It just has to be like something that you said you were going to do and you stick to it. And so I think that's like an important lesson. So as we wrap up, the one question I have for you, obviously this is the determined society.

What does determination mean to you and how have you? applied it to your last two years. Okay, so determination means to me making a choice and following through with it the best possible way I can. Like not going, like believing in myself and not going back on a choice that I've made. Love it. And I have really, the past two years, I have made a choice. and even though it was, you know, scary, like sad at, you know, different, I had different emotions.

I kept going. Yeah. And I was determined to get to the other side. I was determined to have my house, have my kids, like all these things. And just that's what it really means to me, not giving up to them. Yeah. It's so funny because I look at, you know, motivation. I look at determination. And then I like to think of this as like, it's doing what you say you're going to do long after the emotion.

off. Exactly. That's it. It's easy to get excited about getting in shape. It's easy to get excited about being a top luxury relator. It's easy to get excited about having a top 10, you know, podcast. It's easy to get excited about it. But what happened when that emotion wears off?

What are you going to do? So thank you so much for coming on today. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. Coming all this way, the show was, this episode was awesome. Thank you. You did so good. I appreciate you.

Really enjoyed it. Give everybody where they can find you on Instagram or your website. Yes. Um, Instagram, H.S. Homes Houston. Follow me and send me a message and I'll follow you back. Yes. So thank you. What's your website?

Hshomeshustin.com. There you have it. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for listening and watching on YouTube or Spotify. Please don't forget to send this episode to somebody that you know would get a bunch out of it. But hit the like button, hit the subscribe, leave a review. Until next time, stay determined. Until it's done, I meet for the entirety. I'm putting an overtime.

I'll be working. Just know I'm a go for mine, because I earned it. They watch, and I know it's time. I confirmed it. A whole society determined.