Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - Elevating your standards and self-respect with Matthew Headden

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Matthew Headen is a fitness and transformation coach. Well, that's what he does as a profession but that is NOT what he truly is. He is one of the most amazing souls I have ever been BLESSED  to have as a brother and friend. He has lived a full ass that has included alchoholism, drug abuse and womanizing. Oh yea, did I mention that he is a combat veteran that risked his life for our country?  This interview means so much to me and I'm grateful to bring his story to you. Key High Lights: A journey into Matthew's childhood The worlds sappiest intro to an episode ever! His life as an overwieght adolescent Substance abuse and how it all began Setting standards that reflect your actions How self-respect plays a vital role in your health & fitness Real and Raw recounting of his career as sales manager at a big box gym His journey to become clean Creating good habits sets you up for success   Connect with Matthew: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matthewheadden/?hl=en Website: https://matthewheaddencoaching.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthew-headden-b71aa2b6   Connect with Shawn: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theshawnfrench/?hl=en Website: https://theshawnfrench.com/   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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But what about the people that matter to you? What about the people that look to you in the determined society and your listeners and the people that are watching you, your customers and your day job? Do you not respect them enough to get up either? What is up everybody? Welcome back to another podcast of the Determined Society. You guess it, guys. I am here with another amazing guest today. A man who's a fitness and transformation coach.

He's a public speaker, recovered addict, veteran. And the one thing that I love about him is he believes that vulnerability is a strength. And it's one of his best qualities. He's a very close friend of mine. And quite honestly, guys, there is no intro that I can give this man to honor. honor him to honor our friendship to honor what he means in my life. So I'm just going to get to it before I start fucking crying. I'm going to introduce to you today.

One of my closest friends. A man, I love and respect. Matthew Haddon. What's up, buddy? Man, I'm going to cry, dude.

Are you kidding me right now? Like, what we do best. Yeah, I guess, man. Yeah. Oh,

man. Well, dude, I'm, I'm happy that we're sitting here together. Um, you know, and having this conversation on a beautiful

Friday. I just realized I said a day and we don't know when this is going to air, but it's okay, man, right? People are going to listen to it and they're going to hear your message. And, you know, I want to start off the show just by acknowledging you and, you know, watching your growth through everything that you're doing with your clients, your coaching, your own personal journey and faith. And just more importantly, man, your self-respect journey, which quite honestly has gotten me really fired up over the last week or so listening to you talk about self-respect and tying it really to everything we do on a day-to-day basis, whether it's our nutrition, our workout, you know, so man, like let's chat about that really quickly about self-respect because listen, dude,

there's a ton of fitness experts out there. There's a ton of them. And, you know, they're talking about macros. They're talking about hit. They're talking about progressive overload and time under attention. And it's like whoopty fucking whoop. Like, dude, like, quit, you know, getting on Google and regurgitating somebody else's shit.

I love how you lead and how you honestly coach me is through like compassion and self-respect. So talk to us about that. Well, first off, it's an honor again to be here and to work with you here on the podcast and, you know, coaching you. And, you know, I learn a lot from everybody every day. And yeah, man, I've been down that road of, you know, here's your macros and, you know, in all those things. You don't need me for that. You can Google it.

Ask Jeeves, if you will, to age myself a little bit. You know, a lot of people, you know, talk about the most important things. And you've heard me speak about this. Is it the exercise? Is it the nutrition? Well, they're important. And then it becomes, well, it's consistency. well yeah but how do you get there and then it becomes mindset and we hear about mindset all the time

but how do you keep that mindset and to me it boils down to operating out of self-respect the the inner web will tell you you know it's self-love but how do you get there because there are a lot of times where you're not going to like yourself and you're really not going to love yourself. So how do you nurture that relationship with yourself to get to that point? And a lot of it, to me, stems from some from self-respect. And doing those little things, showing up for yourself, keeping your word to yourself to me is a huge, huge thing. It's very hard to operate when you don't keep your word to yourself. Yeah. You know what, man, there's so many amazing things that you said in there. It's like what begets what, right?

It's like we talk about self-love. Well, how do you get there? We talk about discipline. Well, how do you get there? We talk about commitment. Well, how do you get there? There has to be some type of switch in your mind. Okay, buzzword mindset determination.

Like, for all the individuals listening right now, like, I want you to really dive into this very provocative thought of which comes first, right? Like, everything is derived on self-respect. And the way to work backwards to self-respect is just like Matthew said, just showing up. But there also has to be a level of commitment to even showing up in wanting to pursue that journey to your best self or higher self, whatever they call it. You know, it's really funny because I want to, and I share this with you today, early in the morning, Matthew and I have either DM conversations at 4.30 in the morning, mostly every single day. or a text message back and forth, no later than 6 a.m. And the one thing that I noticed today of myself, and it was very pleased, all right,

is I'm laying in bed. Now imagine this guys. Okay, well, not imagine me laying in bed, or you can if you want. Like, hey, whatever floats your fucking boats, guys. But for me, I sat there and I said, oh, dude, Sean, there's no way you're getting up today. Like, you know, your bed's warm. You're not feeling the greatest. You didn't get a lot of sleep.

We'll try to find a way to work it in or I'll work out on Saturday. I'll just do it tomorrow. And I laid there for nine minutes in that freaking self-respect started echoing in my mind. And I was like, bro, like my boy Matt talks about this all the time. If I sit in this bed right now, I am disrespecting myself, my mission, who I'm going to be, who I'm chasing, and who I can be for my family. I think that I love getting in people's heads, man. And what it boils down to is this. And I was going to say this, and you killed it, right?

It does bowl down to our self-respect there, right? But to me, you're also disrespecting your mission and your purpose. We, you know, to quote Marcus Aurelius very loosely, where we, created to lay in bed and be lazy all that. Wow. And does your wife need you to show up for yourself?

You're disrespecting your spouse when you're being lazy. You're disrespecting your children and your role as a father by setting that example for your children. And so it does, it is an intrinsic thing, but what about

the people that matter to you? What about the people that look to you in the determined society and your listeners and the people that are watching you, your customers and your day job, do you not respect them enough to get up either? You know, I love that, Matthew. And I think a lot of people, and this is, this is, this is getting into some sensitive subjects. And I like it because I'm on, I'm on your school of thought, dude. I'm like, if you don't just show up, you're not just respecting yourself.

You're disrespecting your family, your children. It doesn't matter who. whoever needs you if i don't wake up i'm disrespecting you right now again if you're if you're you're busted up like dude you know like there's times where you just have to take a day and you don't feel well like you're literally sick of shit like you need to sleep but like for the people that are listening i want you to be very aware that self-love does not mean telling yourself it's okay does not mean telling yourself it's okay to have that, you know, bag of candy because, you know, self-love and yolo, you only live once.

Like, guys, every time we take a step that's out of congruency to who we are and what we are chasing in our lives, you're going to lose. And it may be a small loss, but those freaking losses compound over and over and over again. And dude, I fully believe I was able to wake up and get going this morning because the last two days, I didn't have that craving at night. I didn't have like, I'm going to have that one piece of chocolate or I'm going to do X, Y, and Z. It's like, I have my dinner. My standards for my nutrition were done for that day. So I fucking took my foot off the gas and said, okay, I'm going to wake up in the morning and I'm going to eat when I'm supposed to eat.

And, you know, I think it's a very important thing to understand for the listeners is like walk them through all of these steps in your mind, right? Because there's so many steps in, you know, setting your standard, keeping track of them, following through with them and doing it, oh, not just one day. but the next day and the next day and the next day. So then we get into that word of consistency. So what are your thoughts on that? Well, you know, to echo something you said, I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night who's going through this special diet, right, to reset their system.

It's not through me. And it's that time of the month. And she's like, I really just want chocolate. Like, do you support me in this or not? I said, actually, yes. And here's the thing. And I've worked with this with people that are bodybuilding, you know, females that are that time in the month. And that's not my clientele, but I've helped.

Is that one piece of chocolate, right? In this instance, going to relieve enough stress to outweigh it. And the answer was yes. And to me, that self-respect as well to not torture yourself. Right? So that's the flip side of the coin. So, but it's not doing it. every day. And it's it's keeping those special things special. Right. That piece of chocolate was

like you would have thought that that she had just won the lottery. She was so excited. But if you do it every day, you don't get that same reward. Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, I did want to touch on that, but to answer your question, it's this. And I've done a series on it. I'm going to go back to it. And you know, my big thing boils down to this. Priorities. right so when i start with anybody we did it i have you write down your priorities and then i have you write down what they really are by looking at it wasn't fun was it no it wasn't it wasn't unfun dude because for me it is what it it was what it was at the time like i knew what my priorities should be and i knew what they were displaying as so for me it's like it's like okay the sky's

fucking gray today or it's blue it's like okay it's a fact it's whatever no emotion tied to it perfect beautifully said and i love that right um for a lot of people it's not going to be fun but if you're if you're on an actual fact-finding mission for yourself then it's it's a great exercise and we we determine what they really are not what we want them to be by looking at our time our effort in our bank account you know so for instance for me mine are very clear It's God, myself, my family, and loved ones, then my business, right? So the first thing I do every day is spend time with God, right? And so our actions have to line up with those things.

Before, I would have said those same things. You know, God, family, I'm a good Southern man. It's God, my family, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They were actually alcohol, cocaine and women because that's where I spent my time effort money. I would have never wanted to write that down on paper, but it's exactly what I needed to do. And so once we have what are actually, we need to line those up. And then when you look at them and say, okay, what really matters to me? And am I willing to make that shift? Because a lot of people don't, it's very hard to respect yourself when what you say your priorities are and what they actually

are don't line up. And it's basically impossible to feel fulfillment as well. Dude, like, why is it that? Like, why is it that we don't hold ourselves to the same accountability as we would hold somebody else, right? So let's say we're in relationship with somebody, whether it's just, you know, an acquaintance, a marriage, friendship. And you're like, fuck, man, that ain't keeping up their end of the bargain. They're not keeping their word. Like, I have an issue with that. Like, why is it that we hold people to such high.

standards, but then when it comes to us, we, we have the tendency just to let ourselves off the hook. Where do you think that comes from? Well, you would hold, you would hold me to that standard, right? Mm-hmm. Do you respect me? Of course. Okay. I want you to think about that.

You would hold your wife to a certain standard, right? Oh, do you respect her? One billion percent. now flip-flop it when you're not doing that do you respect yourself exactly the answer's no and so the thing is is it happens over time and it's a question that i ask everybody and you remember it does an avalanche start with a pebble or a boulder a pebble it starts with a little pebble of not keeping your word to yourself the next thing you know you look up and everything's out of whack bro so true man and it's funny because you know what happened for me like we've talked about this you know what

I did 75 hard, you know, and just like that, too, where I was just chipping away this fat gelatin mess, it was like a pebble. And then a bigger boulder started. And then after 75 days, I looked at myself like, oh my God, I'm super happy with myself. Like, look how skinny I am. But then I look back. Like, wow, okay, you looked emaciated. You looked flat, right? There was no muscle tone. Yeah, you weren't, you weren't. You were skinny. But then, right, that boomerang flip back just as hard. Even harder. And slowly but surely, pebble by pebble.

Unhealthy choice after unhealthy choice after unhealthy choice. Right. And so it becomes this pattern, right, where you're hot and cold, where I was hot and cold. So now what I've really focused on through your help. And I want the audience to really understand this. Like, I don't have all my shit together. Like you guys see me and you comment on my 4.30 in the morning. Well, quite honestly, it's the only time I could really do it.

Unless like yesterday, I was able to get up at 9 and work out and I fucking took advantage of it. And I had the best work that I ever had. But there's somebody else on the other side of this equation, guys. It's my boy, Matthew. It's like the accountability that I have for him and the respect I have for him is like, I can't tell this guy that I didn't get, I don't get to tell him I was too tired yesterday when i woke up i text i'm like hey bro day starts later going at 9 a m that's the self-respect i have that's the respect i have for you like i don't have we're adults i'm 44 years old

to be clear guys i don't have to text matthew when i'm going to work out hey buddy i'm going to go work out now but the idea of a partnership and in doing in all this journey together I need him included in every step of the way. I love that. And thank you. And the respect is mutual. Very, very mutual. And the thing is this, it boils down to relationships, right?

And we think about how we nurture relationships. We nurture relationships by giving in the way that the other person can receive, right? Finding out their love languages and not just giving to them in our love language, but giving to them in theirs. and being reciprocated, right? Keeping our word to them showing up when we say we're going to show up for them. Sometimes a partnership is necessary. I would say most of the time because I firmly believe that everybody needs to coach and it takes a village, right?

But what ends up happening is this. Along the way, you start to build that respect in yourself because I deserve this and I deserve more. And there are going to be times to go back to an earlier point. where you say, well, how do I build love for myself and I don't respect myself? Make those small little changes. Find your pebble. And it can be so many times, you know, you mentioned with 75 hard, right?

And I'm a fan of Andy Priscilla. Absolutely. Heck, I'm wearing a first form short right now. Yeah, it's amazing. Absolutely. It's this. You went all or nothing. And that's what that is.

All or nothing typically ends up in nothing. Mm-hmm. there is a difference and people would call that all in as well but it's not the same thing and it's the same thing we did it's a little pie chart if your exercise gets one percent of your day give it 100 percent for that one percent and it's not all in all day on this one thing because you can't spread that out it's give each piece and when you do give what you have some days you're going to have 50 percent but give it 100 percent of that 50 percent right and when you do that you'll slowly find yourself being like, you know what, I can do this. And that's where the respect and self-love does build is through those consistent action. And small ones, not saying, man, I've been waking up at 7.30. So now I'm going to get up at 5.30. Stop it.

No. Just say, I'm going to wake up maybe at 715. And I'm going to spend a little time saying my gratitude or spend a little time talking to baby Jesus, right? And then and writing a little bit or planning your day out so you're not reacting. to the entire day. And then next thing, you know, you wake up at seven. And then it just keeps happening.

It's compounding interest and it's a hell of an ROI. Yeah, I agree. I don't believe in completely shocking your system in wake up times or whatever. You know, like I'm naturally, you're a natural early riser, right? I, you know, played Division I one baseball. I was up early to lift because that was what was required of us. And I just learned how to be able to wake up super early. And then when I got into my professional world, like, you know, my, my sales career was like, okay, well, I feel better when I work out.

And sales is a stressful career. So why don't I just, you know, wake up super early, right? Like at five and go work out. And then it worked. And then I got into this habit. And then now that I have like 17 kids, right? Well, three. It feels like 17. It's like these fuckers come at you from every angle, right? Um, like it's, well, now I got to get up at 4.30 or I'm sorry, four. So I could be at the gym by 4.30 home in enough time to make their lunch and eat and cook their breakfast and eat with them because that's something that fills me up. Like I don't want to ever miss. I get so down like if I'm traveling for work or even traveling to record, you know, guests and just doing things that I do for this business is like I miss those moments where I'm home. but the biggest thing that just to your point on this tangent I'm on is dude if you're waking up at 7.30 don't fucking say you're going to wake up at 5 like do you real do people really realize what two and a half hours of sleep really is it's a game changer like do do do things in small increments right and everything that you and I have done has led me to the point today

are we seeing the physical response yet? Probably not, right? But are we seeing the mind shift? So this morning when I woke up, I'm like, okay, I really don't want to. I have nothing in me. I didn't get to sleep last night. I feel like I'm getting sick. I can feel it in my chest.

So just get up and move a little bit. Just give 100% of what you got. Dude, eight minutes into my warm up, I'm like, okay, I'm awake now. I got this cool conversation with Matthew at noon. Fucking eight. Let's go. And then it was after my second set. I was like, dude, I'm all in.

Like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm increasing the weight. I'm, I'm tired at nine and I'm pushing to get 12. Like, my whole workout was that way. But it's because I allowed myself to work into it. And I didn't judge myself about how I was feeling in the morning. And that's beautiful. And that's dead on. When you work backwards like that, you'll look up one day and go,

how did I get in this kind of shape? But it can work both ways. Oh, yeah. Right? You know, and I used to say, if we could put an astronaut, a man on the moon with basically a pin and paper, then I can get up without hitting a snooze button. But here's the caveat to that. Did I set the alarm at a time that was equivalent to me putting somebody on the moon because it was so out of reach? Did I go to bed at the right time to be able to get up?

And so it's not just that one thing. And so when we're evaluating ourselves, a lot of times what it boils down to is we sit there and beat ourselves up, right? We give ourselves no grace. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective. I had a conversation the other day. And this young lady just completely felt like an utter failure. She had failed at this job, had tried, that she tried and she failed at this one. And what she said to me was this.

she said, well, I was going to do this in-home, blah, blah, blah, the job doesn't matter. And I said, okay. She goes, and you know, I've never done well, not in an office setting. I've always needed to be in an office setting. And then I failed. And I said, okay. And she said, well, I just feel like I'm going to fail this too. So was this in an office or is this at home?

She said, well, it's in an office. Okay. So I understand exactly what you're thinking. However, let's separate this a little bit. you've never been good at working from home and holding yourself accountable in that manner. And yet you think you failed when you did something that you have never tried to do something you've never done that legitimately doesn't fit your mindset. So to put it in perspective, I said, I'm awful at math. Do you think I'd be a good astronaut?

She said, well, no. I said, stop trying to say that you're trying to be an astronaut was a failure. It wasn't. These are two different things. It was a learning lesson to step into what you're good at. And when you step into what you're good at, then we're going to work backwards, set up those goals. And you know what? It's two weeks later.

Her whole life has changed. Her self-respect has skyrocketed. In the beginning, she needed to put her phone in another room because she could sit there and scroll. Now she can have it right next to her and she doesn't care. That's awesome. That's awesome. It bowled down to time blocking, right? But then just setting these small things.

things. You know, her faith means a lot to her like, you know it does to me and I know it does to you. And it just said to her simply, you know, at what point do you spend time with God? And she said, you know, whenever I get the chance to say, it doesn't work that way. If he's your number one priority, then he needs to be the first thing you do. Let me know in a day when you put him first tomorrow, if you have a little more clarity. And I'm not saying that everybody needs to talk to God, but what I'm saying is if you want to find clarity and purpose and fulfill what you're saying you're due to yourself, then your number one priority needs to be the first thing you do. Yeah, man.

I mean, look, dude, it's very, it's very apparent, right? Like what we exercise on a day-to-day basis, our habits, you know, our action steps are going to dictate what our priorities are. Like, hey, you know, if you're probably, if you say your priority is is your business or your fitness, you're spending all morning scrolling on the phone, then what you're saying is your priority is scrolling on your phone. So we need to be very aware of these things, right? And that was one of the things that I really enjoyed about one of my first interactions on the business side with you was like,

was that we go back to that question. What are the most important priorities in your life? And what are they actually at? Like, what are they really right now? That right there, you know, that's not a question a lot of people understand or can answer. And I don't know if it's because they don't want to be able to answer the right way, you know,

I think it's about being honest with yourself. What are your thoughts? One, I would say they never contemplated it. I say, let's give people a little bit of credit. You know, I didn't think about that for 30-something years.

And then, you know, in the depths of my alcoholism and drug abuse and just being, a deviant, you know? Yeah. You know, would I've wanted to put that pen to paper? No. And a lot of times we're scared of the truth, right?

Jack Nicholson, it, you can't handle the truth. But in order to get where you need to be, you got to. Yeah. Now, it's easy for me to sit here and say that. It's very easy for me to sit here and say that. But it is necessary. It's not going to be easy, right? I don't expect it to be easy, but it's worth it.

And I think that that's what it boils down to is, you know, I hear it all the time now and I've said it for a while, which is choose your hard. And it's become almost a cliche, but it's like, yeah, waking up, I mean, I'm not even going to go into what time I wake up because I'm a freak. Yeah, like, yeah. But it's what it requires for me to get done what I need to get done. And I actually just lost my train of thought for a second. It happened, bro. Yeah, I just got lost in your eyes, man. That's all I.

Dude, that is, that is normal. You have many guests tell me that. We have to stop recording because they're looking at my sexy face. I've never heard. I've listened to every one of your podcasts. No, I think you made that up, Sean. No, no. I've got good editing skills.

Some very good editing skills. I cut it out. It does. To go back to a previous guest and a friend of mine, like Emily Ford to give her a shout out again she's an amazing woman and she built these incredible businesses

from nothing her emails I can't imagine what her email and phone look like in the morning but she does not look at her email or her phone until she has spent time with God and until she goes to the gym her boyfriend Jake Havron

who I've known for eight years same thing listen I know you have stuff to check on and I know you have responsibilities but guess what you have a responsibility to yourself too dude there's a lot of studies that say to your point of first of all i want to acknowledge you know emily ford and give her the proper respect one of my favorite guests um one of my favorite new friends so thank you for that connection and uh you know there's not too many people at her level that operate like she does she's a minnesota kind

humble, huge-hearted individual. And, you know, it's funny because you talk about how she doesn't look at her phone or touch it until she spends time with God or until and, not in, or, and goes to the gym and completes a workout. Like, dude, like, that is one of my biggest struggles. I keep it on do not disturb, but it's just still a habit to go look and see like, okay, what's going on. Like I do, I mean, I specifically open up the phone in the morning and speak with you, right? But it's like one of those things where, you know, I can see how powerful that would really be, right? Like not looking at your damn phone because you're in a beta state.

You're not ready to look at your phone. You could look at your phone, see a stupid message on Instagram, right, by a troll or, you know, a bad email. or like maybe an upset client or maybe you didn't get a deal you thought you were going to get and that person went elsewhere it can completely landmine the F out of your whole day. But whereas spend time with God, go get your workout in and then look into that stuff, may have a different reaction, wouldn't you think? I know. Scientifically speaking and anecdotally speaking, all of the above, I mean, it's been proven.

And what I like to do, you know me. I'm either wearing this blue shirt or this black shirt. I'm either wearing my black pants or my jeans. Like it's the same thing every day. Me too. And I'm very big on studying people that are already there. So many people are trying to reinvent the wheel. And if you could not, it would make your life a lot easier.

Find somebody that's done it. And then, you know, work backwards to create what you need to create. So one of the studies that I love was done. I believe it was by Harvard business. They're okay at what they do. So they studied the CEOs of $10 billion companies and up. Like we don't want to screw with the $500 million peons here, right? Yeah, I'm not worried about it.

Not worth it. Nah, now, forget these guys. So what the study said was that the average American, it was different for men and women, but when I combine the numbers, the average American works out approximately about 16 minutes a day. The average CEO of these companies works out 50 minutes a day. The average CEO slept an extra hour more than the average person. The average, what is it, over 60% of Americans skip breakfast, 98% of CEOs eat breakfast.

And I guarantee you they have a lot of responsibility. But the thing is, is they understand, and they studied the return on investment for them eating breakfast and then working out in the morning. And they don't say, I'm going to do it later because no, you're not. But the thing is, what they found was their productivity, their ROI was four times as great when they ate breakfast and they exercised. It's not in spite. People say, well, Matthew, how are you doing your personal training and co-heading up this new business that we haven't talked about yet? And writing a book and doing this other stuff and speaking and still work out. No, no, no, no, no.

It's not in spite of it. It's because of it. Thank you. It's how I have the mental acumen to be able to do it, have the physical stamina to be able to do it. Does it suck sometimes? Yeah. But I don't want to. I promise you wake up at 3 a.m.

Or like yesterday, two days ago, 2.30 to get done what I needed to get done. But I'm glad I did because I kept my word to myself. Yep. Yep. You know, it's so funny because, you know, people always say, like, how do you, there's so much alignment here.

How do you father three children, you're a husband you have a podcast you have a business and then you have a corporate career and you work out at 4.30 in the morning. I'm like dude, if I don't work out at 4.30 in the morning then I can't do all the other shit. Like it's hard enough on a day-to-day basis. And I'm you and I kind of went back and forth about this a little bit. Not back and forth. I said this to you on DM. I'm like, man, today has been an effing day. But like how much worse would it have been if I didn't keep my word of myself, get up, get in the gym, and have a healthy breakfast and take my kids to school, right? And how much worse would it have been? Probably a lot more,

a lot, a lot worse, right? Because I wouldn't have been able to filter through some of the things quickly enough to even be on this with you. That's a beautiful perspective. And to me, it's the only one that'll work. It really is to make it simple, because you know I say this all the time. How would this look if it was simple? Right? We get so caught in the weeds and the forest for the trees and all those cliches. But how would this look if it was simple? You know, if I'm going nutrition, it's this. Like, oh my God, but the astpartame in this and then, oh, my God, but this had a thing. And then one time the cow had a bovine thing and then all of a sudden I'm going to die. Stop it. Go eat a colorful plate. Exactly. Like, well, I don't know exactly

which exercise to do. I don't know this. Pull your best Madagascar and just move it, move it. Just move. Right? Like, like, I mean, that's it, right? Oh, my God. You know, and it's like, well, I have this stress.

Well, I'm going to stay with the children's movie quotes, right, in honor of you and your kids. Yeah. And, you know, when all that's weighing you down and you want to pull your best frozen, just let it go, right? And how do you do it? Bro, like, I have to stop. I have to stop you.

Yeah. I'm not going to deny the fact that I listen to let it go while I work out. There's a let there you can look at your judging me in the audience. I got to go. I was I had I had it on today and it was funny because it was on today. And this girl was wearing an Olaf shirt. And she walked by me. I'm like, holy shit.

Let it go. I'm sorry. It's on my, it's on my, it's on my Apple music because my kids like, my girls like to listen to it in the car and then surface pressure by like, what's that incanto movie, right? And it comes on in the gym and full disclosure. It comes on just randomly. And I listen to it because it reminds me of my girls. I like it. Right.

And I'm sorry. There's some damn lessons in those songs. Okay. it's like lessons like in Tupac songs too but like you know this we're in a we're off on a tangent but it's okay I mean hey when I'm people see me and I'm dancing around in the gym and you'll see I'll be doing this number yeah you know me though I'm praising right I'm worshipping in the middle of the gym like I'm about to go lift some insane amount of weight to myself and I'm over here and singing about baby Jesus right whatever works whatever works

or if I'm the one time that I ever did cardio, but I was on the stairmaster and I listened to Emily's It Factor, talking about, you know, lifting your own lid. Well, it's really hard to get off the stair master when you listen to somebody, talk about a self-imposed ceiling. So whatever works for you.

Yeah. Works. And I don't really remember where we were going with that. No, it doesn't matter. It's unscripted. So it's this. It's the small things. So let's make it really simple and relatable, right?

not about fitness because this is about everything in your life. The reason I love fitness so much, and you know that I teach three pillars, spiritual, mental, and physical. The thing with physical is this. I work with men and women, but with men, a lot of men aren't going to come to be like, hey, bro, I'm really lacking fulfillment right now. And my mindset is off. And I really just feel like I'm letting my family.

That's not going to happen a lot, right? But the physical is the tool for me to get in there and help align those things. but it's as simple as this. You ever said, I'm going to go, I need to take out the trash, but not like the big one, like the little one in like the small bathroom that nobody uses except for the random guest you have. And there's like two pieces of toilet paper and a tootsie roll wrapper in there. Why somebody ate a tootsie roll in the bathroom?

I don't know. That's kind of weird, but yeah, I get it. But, and you're laying in bed and you feel this overwhelming burden and sense of I didn't do something. You remember and you're like, I should have taken that trash out and I didn't do it. If something that small, and it may not be that,

but if something that small can make you feel that way, no wonder you feel like you're lacking fulfillment when you're not keeping the bigger words to yourself. Yeah. That's a good point, man. It's a good point. Keeping it simple, we talk about,

you know, you can talk about nutrition, you can talk about relationships, fitness. Like, guys, we all, and I'm sorry, like I fully believe this.

We all have this. intuition and we're intelligent beings. Well, most of us, right? Is like if you say, okay, I want to eat healthier, you know what that looks like. Like you, you know that, okay, I need to have a protein. I need to have a carbohydrate. I need to have a colorful plate full of vegetables. Yeah, but then you can go and you can back off the corner and you can say, well, everybody says carbs are bad. Now bullshit, they're not. I mean, they're everything. I love them. They make everything better. But the problem is, is we like to complicate things, right?

So imagine that individual walking into a big old gym for the first time. Oh my God, I don't know what to do. I know what you can do. Just go. Like you have a whole weight room full of shit. Just put your body into action. Like you said, just move it, right? And if we can just keep things simple and know that, hey, it may not be the

most efficient way to do it, but guess what? It's better than what we did yesterday, because yesterday I didn't do anything. So for those of you that are sitting there, haven't started, are talking yourself out, whatever it is that you're looking to do, whether it's write a book, even if you write a paragraph today, you moved forward because you didn't write the paragraph yesterday. I would say this, to further your point, what you're doing may not be efficient. but is it more efficient than what you were doing it's great that's great man you know i just i like to think of it like that because a lot of times i can sit there and say um because you know me dude i will beat myself up i'll be like okay i am not where i need to be right now and so every

day like i'll go to bed disappointed because the ceiling for me is so high that i'm setting for certain days, not overall. I look at it on day to day. So the problem with that is, I can overwhelm myself, right? And be like, okay, well, today wasn't successful because I didn't achieve all of this. Well, the reality is, is like, okay, did I do the work? But did the work? You know, if I was on a sales call until 915 last night, I took a fucking swing at it.

Like, is there glory in that? Like, yes. Guys, you don't, girls, you don't have to be sitting there and winning every single second, every single task. But what you need to be doing is just following through. That's the win is the activity. Eventually what will happen is you'll back your way into a win, like a real win. Like that's a scoreboard. That's you just scored.

You just let it off a single. You walk, button over, bomb. Home run, right? And then now you're seeing stuff on the scoreboard. I just, you know, and a lot of that is upbringing, but, you know, I just, I like to point that out because too many of us are sitting there judging ourselves, you know, for what we think we haven't accomplished. When in reality, during the day, we've probably accomplished a lot if we just moved. Just, again, just move, keep it simple. And I mean that in every sense, not just exercise, right?

because that's not just what I coach. It's business. It's making that video. It's making that real. It's putting out that blog post. It's going to talk to that girl or guy, you know, at the restaurant. It's just doing something. Think about when you were growing up and you played sports, right?

The kid that was probably me that was sitting at the edge of the bench that maybe never got in. But you remember that time at the end of the season, the last game when the coach put him in and everybody cheered? Wouldn't you rather be at least get off the bench? Yeah. Yeah. Just give yourself a shot. Yeah. Just that's a great point, man.

It's a great point. Like literally, if you're stuck today while listening to this, just get off the bench. Like, get off the sideline, right? Like, listen, just put yourself in the game. Like, that's all you have to do, you know? So listen, man, you know, we're going to land the plane here. We're getting on, you know, towards the end of the show. but I just want to say to you, dude, like, I'm just super happy and proud to be your friend.

And I love what you're doing. I cannot wait to read your book when it is done. I cannot wait to see the transformation that I go through physically, mentally, and emotionally and spiritually in the next six months. I'm excited to see that. I'm excited to meet who Sean French really is, right? And I'm blessed to have you alongside of me in that journey. With that said, man, there's a lot of people out there that I feel may need some direction, may need some of Matthew in their lives. How could they support you and how can they best work with you?

So I'm honored on everything you said. And I know this is going to sound cheesy and cliche, but you know me. The way they can all, what I want from people is whether it's with me, whether it's with you, I don't care with whom. but to give themselves a shop, right? I don't care if you send me a smoke signal. I'm going to try to figure out a way to answer it, maybe with a carrier pigeon. I'd like to give them a teachable thing.

You know, we love tools. We hear so many people give fluff and stuff, fluff and stuff, but they don't give anything. I'm going to tell you something real fast that changed my life, and I did it recently. And I dare people to do this

and not get a little bit better and get off the bench. One morning I sat down and wrote my own obituary, and I didn't like what it said. It did not say enough. It said that Matthew was a guy that was a combat veteran that overcame a lot of demons, and he helped a lot of people along the way, and he made people laugh, and then he died. That's not enough. And every day I'm rewriting my own obituary.

It's not morbid and it's not morose. I challenge or dare anybody to write their own obituary, and if it doesn't say everything that you want them to say to stay on the bench. I bet you won't. So it's, and I bet you build some self-respect along the way. Dude, I love the obituary exercise. It's something that I fully subscribe to and I fully have done it. And dude, and it's different in every single season in your life.

You know, finally I'm getting closer. But as you're speaking, I'm thinking, okay, I've checked this off. I check that off. I'm nowhere close. I'm nowhere close. So if it were to go down today, it wouldn't read everything that I wanted it to read. The biggest thing I want my obituary to read is that a patient father that was slow to anger.

Now, I don't fly off the handle as much as I used to when I was a younger father. It was stressful. But as I challenge myself on a day-to-day basis to become more patient, more present, right, and slower to frustration, I'm still not there. But I've gotten off the fucking bench. And that is the key point here, ladies and gentlemen, no matter what it is you're working on, what it is you want to accomplish, all you have to do is give yourself a shot. don't worry about the plan just make small steps on a day-to-day basis towards that and i promise you eventually those people around you that mean the most that you're making these changes for

now they will have enough evidence to actually believe you are a changed man or a woman and so will you that's the most important one so will you because then you'll believe yourself absolutely to bring us back um i'm very simple it's math Matthew Heading on Instagram. It's Matthew Heading on Facebook. It's Matthew Heading coaching on the intro web. And then also, as you know, I've also just partnered with a mutual friend of ours to be the co-head of Operation Life, which is a Christian entrepreneurs group. So this is the first time I've said that out loud on anything live. Oh, wow. Cool. Yeah, he's going to handle all the business side and I handle the transformation and life side. So it's an amazing.

It's an amazing mission, and I love it. I'm here for it. And you two are going to do some amazing things. Yeah, we're going to feed a billion starving children. That's number one. It's incredible. It's incredible. So, you know, here's guys, don't worry about having to remember any of it.

I say it every show. The show notes will be complete. You'll be able to click on a link and connect with Matthew any way you want and support him and our buddy, Ian, and feeding over a billion starving children and being a problem. and being a part of operation life. If you are a Christian entrepreneur, then that is the place for you. Matthew,

most important question. How can I support you? You do it every day, brother. Got it. You do it every day by being my friend. This podcast, you know, giving me feedback. You push me to be better.

Listen, I push you and there's times I second guess myself. Yeah. And you're there to support me and call me all my crap. And that's what, friends do. They're not here to play, Kate. We call each other on our crap. And anybody that works with me, I'm going to call you on your crap, but I'm going to do it with love and compassion. Because honestly, without compassion is cruelty. And I'll tell you this, every person out there, anybody that I speak with there, anybody that hears me and you know I'm being honest here,

I freaking love them. Because I figure that if people can run around hating people for no reason, I can run around loving people for no reason. And that right there is 100% truth. And you live that on a day-to-day basis. So look, man, I appreciate you. I cannot wait to see you in person. I cannot wait to see where this friendship takes us. But most importantly, I cannot wait to see you impact so many lives. So with that being said, guys, we're going to end this amazing episode, which to me meant a ton to me, right? And I want you guys, if you're not already subscribed to the show, I want you to hit the follow button and leave you. a written comment, review, hopefully five-star because I only have five-star people and five-star

conversations on this episode on this podcast. Sorry. So anyway, guys, with that being said, until next time, get off the bench and I'll talk to you soon.