Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - Finding Strength Within: Embrace Challenges for Personal Growth - Mallory Downing

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Starting point is 00:02:04 See inside. What is up, guys? Welcome back to another episode of The Determined Society. I am your host, Sean French. Today, another action-packed episode from an SEC woman's volleyball team. Yes, Mallory Downing from the University of Georgia, about to tell her story that she showed up on school campus in Athens and found out just before her freshman year playing volleyball for the Bulldog.

Starting point is 00:02:33 that she had a hole in her heart. Yes, a hole in her heart from a very common, very notarized virus COVID-19. Now, think what you want about the virus. I'm not here to debate that. As you guys know, I just bring people stories, and I'm super excited for you to hear her story today. She is a specialized defender, again, for the University of Georgia women's volleyball team, and I am super happy to have her here.

Starting point is 00:03:02 So without further ado, Mallory Downey, welcome to the show. Hey, Sean. Thanks for having me. I'm super excited to be here. Yeah, Mal, thanks so much for coming on. Like, I was bragging on you through the intro, you know, about how amazing your story is and what you overcame as a young adult going from high school into college, you know, into the SEC and dealing with some things, right? that most kids going to college for the first year don't have to deal with. But before we get to the serious stuff, let's just have some fun real quick.

Starting point is 00:03:41 So favorite TV show, what is it? Game of Thrones. Easy. Game of Thrones. Dude, I never got into that. It's so good. It's the best. Really?

Starting point is 00:03:50 It's the best TV show ever and will ever be created ever, minus the last season. It is just, it's a monopies. Okay. So you're going to have to tell me why, because I'm going to tell you there is a 0% chance, I'm going to watch it. So I don't, I think the whole dragons and I don't know. But like why, why is that show so great? Because everybody talks about it.

Starting point is 00:04:11 Because, well, so you try and get in the first season, you're like, I can't do this. Like, what is going on? Like, this is weird. There are so many different timelines and the dragons are so cool. And then you just like, all of a sudden you find yourself sucked in and you've watched it for like, Oh, sorry about that. It's okay. It's okay.

Starting point is 00:04:35 Life happens, audience. Sorry. But so, yeah, it's amazing. I love it. Okay, cool. I mean, my wife loved it. I didn't watch it. I'm more of like a friend's guy, the office, but, and most recently, I'm not going to

Starting point is 00:04:54 lie, Virgin River on Netflix, that me and my wife watched that. And then I'm telling me. I'm not into it. I love love is blind too. I can't do reality shows. No. I love family guy and entourage. That's good. Okay, you're an old soul because that show is bomb. I love entourage. That's the best show ever record. That's the best show ever.

Starting point is 00:05:22 Ari Fisher, like, oh my God, he's the funniest TV character ever. He's so funny. I ever. Like, if they were. smart they would have done a spin-off just on arie gold and and they killed it like they just they just up and killed it and now you know we just have to go back and and watch that excellence in a replay fashion but it is what it is so um all right favorite food sushi i love sushi i love like all types of like raw fish with all the sauces and the rice you can put anything in it i'll eat it okay so um where is your favorite place? to eat sushi in Athens, Georgia.

Starting point is 00:06:03 There is a place called Chuck's Fish. Actually, I have two. There's Chuck's Fish. That's, like, nicer. I'm going to spend a dime. I'm going out with my girlfriends, and we're going to drink wine and have expensive sushi,

Starting point is 00:06:16 where my parents have to take me because I'm going for that. And then there's this place called Shakitini, where it's a little more casual, and they're giving you, like, these big rolls that are, like, have all this like crab me and are like to pour a deep fried and they're so good oh that sounds so good

Starting point is 00:06:38 that sounds so amazing all right last fun question favorite music artist um i people ask me this all the time and i never know i have a few um i just saw i just went to the taylor swift concert and I do love I love her music but I don't like her that much I'm honestly just because Jimmy Buffett just died I think I'm going to have to say Jimmy Buffett

Starting point is 00:07:10 just be okay I never got into his music and in fact like I liked Kenny Chesney until he started doing like the whole Jimmy Buffett thing just not my not my gig yeah I grew up my dad is like obsessed he's like from Miami He grew up listening to Jimmy Buffett.

Starting point is 00:07:28 He's obsessed with it. I mean, I respect it, right? I just, I never got into it. So, all right, so let's get into it a little bit. All right. So you're from Central Florida. You played your high school volleyball in your club days there. And talk to us about your journey as a volleyball player and the type of not just physical preparation,

Starting point is 00:07:51 but mental preparation it took for you to get to where you're at, right? now at Georgia. I mean, that's not an easy feat going to play a sport at in an SEC school. No, it was not easy. And sometimes I look back and I'm like, how did I get through days? And I had my heart defect too in high school that I had no idea I had. So I was always tired, no matter how much slept I got. I would either be dizzy or tired. And I just like, literally pushed through that. My heart was just like not pumping enough oxygenated blood, but that doesn't even matter. I went through six hours, seven hours of school and then went to weights and practice. And we practiced like three to four times a week for club volleyball. And then

Starting point is 00:08:43 we'd be off at these tournaments all weekend. And then we'd go right back and like go play another weekend. I remember one month I literally didn't go to school. We were always playing volleyball and then I was in a lot of AP courses. I remember it's obviously not as hard as college is at all. Not even comparable. But like for a young kid, I think it's crazy how much we do now. I mean, it's insane. And the one thing that I can tell you, because when I was playing my junior college baseball in California, because that's where I'm from, and then I got to LSU, I wasn't ready. I wasn't organized. I wasn't strategic.

Starting point is 00:09:28 So like the one thing that I find is super important right now is time management and organization for student athletes. Can you walk through? Because I have a lot of younger athletes listening. What I would love for them to hear is some of the time management and organization strategies that you implement daily to really kind of go through your travel stuff, your academics, and then just game day too. there's just like a lot of stuff that goes along with it it's not just waking up going to school and

Starting point is 00:09:59 going oh yeah i am like super organized something about me is um i'm when you said like old soul so i am like currently on the search for jobs i have been i'm a real estate major i'm like trying to get into real estate um investment all this stuff i'm very organized very on top of my school. I would say first thing, syllabisc, syllabi, syllabi, come out. It's a syllabi. That's multiple, right? Syllible. The target moves all the time. Silibi week. You have all your dates out. You have a hard copy, like, planner, like old school calendar planner. You write everything down, your whole travel thing down. You get, you email your professors, you do it. Tell them, I'm missing this test. I'm missing this.

Starting point is 00:10:50 I'm missing this. I just want to front load. You want to have a good relationship with your professors. And a big thing, too, I think coming in that athletes should know is like, no one's going to do it for you. That's a big thing. It's like you're kind of on your own. Like my mom used to do everything for me. I came to college and I didn't know how to do laundry. I remember I moved into the dorms and I was like, oh, I got down to the laundry room and I was like, what am I doing? Like, I have no idea how to turn a laundry or a washing machine on. And then I kind of realized like, oh my God, like I have, this is just not even the beginning of it. Like there's so much I have to do by myself. So just knowing when you come in that like there is a big load you're going to have to take on and it takes a lot of effort.

Starting point is 00:11:42 and that's just not even lifting weights or practicing or anything to do with your sport it's coming in you are on your own you have to get good grades you know there's a life after sports that's what i always say you're a student before you're an athlete and there's a life before sports or after sport so many good things that you just mentioned there the first one i want to tackle is like learning to do life on your own and that is something that you know my ex-girlfriend back in the day she told me, she says, I don't know if you're ready to be off on your own. Like, can you even take care of yourself? I'm like, well, yeah, I just don't have to right now.

Starting point is 00:12:17 But when I get out there, it's just like you really appreciate all the things that your family has done for you because in the midst of all the studying, all the practicing, all the weights, all the really, and like, socializing, let's just be honest. Like, it's the SEC. It is an amazing social life. It is the best, right? You've been on campus for two national, you know, football national championships. that shit's badass.

Starting point is 00:12:41 Like that doesn't get any better, right? So, like, you have to juggle your personal life, too, but all the while, like, oh, God, I got to go do my laundry. Like, when am I going to have time to do this? And so, like, you know, it's funny because I always think about that when my athletes, I stay really close with them. As you know, like, I work with athletes, right? So I had a bunch of freshman baseball players just leave, right?

Starting point is 00:13:07 And they're, you know, Division I, baseball players now. And I'm like, hey, y'all good? Like, how you doing? And they're like, coach, I'm great. But oh, my God, the game just moves faster. Life moves faster. I was like, oh, no, because you were in the simulation before.

Starting point is 00:13:26 Like, high school's the simulation in life because you don't have a whole lot of worry, right? The only thing you're really worried about is like that, where am I going to be like next year, you know, or the years following? But if you're really good, you have a place to play. You know where you're going. But like, that's all you really were worried about is playing good, getting your scholarship. If you're an athlete and go and have fun with your friends, you know, trying to manage that. But like when you get into college, there's just so much more to worry about. Like you said, emailing your professors to tell them like, hey, I'm going to miss this test, this test.

Starting point is 00:14:03 You know, I'll be gone this date because you don't want them to think that you're an athlete so you think you can slack off. I don't play football. can't do that. Well, that's funny because, you know, I remember getting on campus in Baton Rouge. I thought because LSU back then, you know, I'm dating myself here as like 01 to 03, right? So I'm almost 45 years old. So that was like the heyday of LSU. They wanted it in 91, 93, 96, 97, 2000. And I showed up in 2001. I was like, do this is going to be a cake. I'm going to walk into the classroom or the or whatever it is. it's going to be fine no they were actually harder on the baseball players i remember seeing football player oh yeah really it was yeah they they it's it's really just football that they're

Starting point is 00:14:54 easy on um yeah money oh yeah money it's football it's it's football and then every other uh olympic sport we call ourselves olympic sports and then football it's it's totally different yeah you know you know it's uh it's funny because i i just thought it was going to be different because we were winning the national championships i mean we were oh in baseball you guys were running the national baseball oh yeah and then um i quickly learned that no it was still football like it was football and that and sabin was it was his first year and in oh one and then they did okay and then in oh three my last year they won the natty and from that point on every single coach at LSU's won a national championship, right?

Starting point is 00:15:41 It's just the one one, and then they'll be average for, you know, six years after that. But I digress. But no, there's just so many different things, right? There's so many different things to really juggle. And I just love for when I interview athletes to talk about that stuff because, you know, like for the young ones listening, they need to know what they're getting into, right? They truly need to understand that, you know, the work doesn't stop once you get there. It's kind of like where it begins.

Starting point is 00:16:07 did that kind of hit you a little bit when you got there and you know on that at the playing level like oh my god for me it i think i was a special scenario because i came in during covid and all my classes were online and the season was like split up and delayed um but it definitely once things got like normal again yes there is this huge sense of pressure Um, so I didn't really feel this until my sophomore year. My freshman year I was more dealing with like the surgery coming back from volleyball, um, doing like one in-person class my entire freshman year. Freshman year at my time.

Starting point is 00:16:51 This was so easy because it was in COVID. Yeah. But, um, no, my sophomore year, I remember it was my first year back in in-person classes, first normal season. Um, and I, called my mom like a week and i was like i don't know what's going on i have never felt like this before i it's like this impending pressure that like will not stop you know yeah no i feel it and it's like it's coming from everywhere it's not just athletically it's academics it's socially it's really

Starting point is 00:17:29 trying to manage your life right what are some of the ways that you found that were useful to deal with that because that is an important thing to share with the audience so i am a huge believer in like a balance i think student athletes you are like you need to define who you are outside of your sport and for me i had to kind of go back and remember like what did i used to like like who am i I kind of had to have like come to Jesus with myself. Like who am I? Like how I want to be like happy again, you know, who am I? So I remembered like, okay, I love being social.

Starting point is 00:18:14 I love having tons of friends and having a huge social life. But then at first I didn't do that because COVID and season and all that stuff. So I was like, okay, I need to devote time to like hanging out with my friends. outside of volleyball. That was like number one for me, like making a social life for myself outside of volleyball and finding like hobbies for myself to do. So like, I would just like go on walks with a friend that I met from like another team or another friend of mine and I would like go on walks every Sunday and it would like during season and it would be just like those small things help so much because it just like takes your mind off of volleyball.

Starting point is 00:19:02 You kind of get in this bubble during season where like you're only seeing your teammates. You're only talking about volleyball. You're only like thinking about volleyball. It's like all the time. You're like, okay, you need a distraction. You need a release. You can't do that all the time. Yeah, that that's something that like that doesn't go away, right?

Starting point is 00:19:23 Like you go through, you know, the evolution of every single year. of college every year of your eligibility calendar. Then when it's done, you go into real life, right? And it's like when you get into, right, because we talk about high school being a simulation and then college is real life. And then you get into like, you know, beyond graduation, like, damn, that was also a simulation. Now I'm into this, you know, into this real thing where it's like sink or swim, right? So that impending pressure is always building.

Starting point is 00:19:54 And what I find as a professional and, you know, a coach. and podcast hosts, a husband and a father, it's like if I don't find that one thing that I truly love and I can connect with, like outside of all that stuff, like the stuff that Sean likes, like I'm going to go bat shit crazy because I, you know, doing this, right,

Starting point is 00:20:16 what we're doing right now and having conversations with amazing athletes and professionals, like that takes a lot of energy, like out of me, right? Because you always have to be on. and I talk about this all the time. It's like every conversation I have, there's certain conversations that I've had. And people say, hey, that's one of the best episodes you've ever done. Like, you were dialed in.

Starting point is 00:20:36 I'm like, no, I wasn't. I was an anxious mess before I hit record. And I was crying 15 minutes before because I'm just, I have the life sucked out of me. Right. So long tangent off of what you were talking about of the finding the hobby, you know, finding who is Mallory, all of you that are listening right now. listening to this, this amazing athlete, she's wise beyond her years, talking about, you know, finding the one thing that makes you who you are, that hobby, that love, even if it's going

Starting point is 00:21:09 for a walk with somebody else other than your immediate circle that you feel like you're always around. Like, it can really enrich your life, you know? What are some of the things that you learned about yourself doing that? I, so I feel like I've learned so much about myself over the past like four years. Right now I'm kind of helping one of my freshmen out on my team. She's kind of struggling a little bit, getting acclimated. So I've done a lot of reflecting, I feel like, from myself freshman year to now. And I kind of think like just the growth that you do over these four years is insane. And then you look back and you're like, I am a totally different person. And I think part of that is because of the struggles you go through, you can't grow without struggles and being uncomfortable.

Starting point is 00:22:04 That is like a big thing. You want to like embrace being uncomfortable because you will not change if you're not. I've people who like don't go through anything and they are like stay the same exact person and do not grow at all as a person. So I think that you can kind of look back as things happen to you and you say, okay, like, damn, that was a really crappy thing that I went through and that was really, really shitty. And I was really down bad during those times. And then you kind of think, okay, well, look at me now. Like, I have grown so much from that. So I think a like mindset really plays into that.

Starting point is 00:22:53 Fuck. This is like, we're in it now. Like, this is the flow. Like, this shows about, Mallory. You know, it's so funny. When I had our friend Paris on, you know, we hit it at minute 11. There's always that inflection point in every single episode where it just goes, fuck, there it is.

Starting point is 00:23:09 Like, this is what we're here for. You're talking about the growth over the last four years. Personal growth is, I have goosebumps. Personal growth is something that back in the day used to be like, kind of like, oh, the fru-frou stuff. like, you know, the hippiness. But like now it's like literally if you are not growing as an individual, you are, you're decay, right?

Starting point is 00:23:30 It's either you grow or you die. And when we're playing sports and when we're peak performers in any industry, so if you're not an athlete, but you're a businessman, a businesswoman, entrepreneur, or just a sales professional, it doesn't matter. Like if you are not trying to grow as a person, like getting better and you're strengthening your mental aptitude, your mental muscles. If you're not building those, you are going to fall flat on your face. When was that?

Starting point is 00:24:01 So you've been through a lot of adversity, and we're going to get to exactly the one thing that I think was your biggest adverse moment, you know, going into school and what you've overcome so far that I hinted to the audience. They're probably sitting there like, Sean, it's minute 22, 21. Can you get to the actual beef of the story? about this girl's heart already. Can we hear about the whole her heart? How she's, you know, so we're going to get there, guys, but I got to build, I got to build

Starting point is 00:24:29 it up. Come on. The thing is, like, that moment and all that struggle and all the rehabilitation and getting well, that built a stronger Mallory. Why don't you walk the audience through that whole evolution? And here's what I mean by that. The routine EKG. No big deal.

Starting point is 00:24:50 No big fucking deal. we're going to go and we're going to get worked on we're going to check my ticker and i'm going to be all good and ready to go walk is from that um okay so yes routine checkup it was like two days no no leeway or maybe they called me like a day after and i was like what's what's the deal like why can i not practice yet and they're like okay come back in like come back in we'll just i think i made a mistake It was like the cardiologist was like, it's on my end. Like I just didn't take a good enough look. And then he did it again.

Starting point is 00:25:28 And they're like, okay, something's wrong. I don't know. I think it's just a pinpoint hole. So many people have it. You know, we can go in with a catheter through your groin. Fix it up. You'll be back in six weeks. Like, you're totally fine.

Starting point is 00:25:44 And then so they sent me to a more specialized cardiologist because mine in Athens was like, okay, I don't, I don't, I've never dealt with something like this. I think I'll send her to Atlanta. So I met with this new doctor. We got some more tests. I don't know. I was in all these tubes and all these liquids were like going through me. It was insane.

Starting point is 00:26:08 And then I remember this was when my like, I don't even think I've recovered from this. This is like the moment I've been struggling to. recover from since like for four years when I walked into my cardiologist office and he was like no it's this big and I was like that's okay um he was like well we're going to have to do surgery and I was like mm and then he and I was like what's like where do you surgery where like where do you cut and he like did this long like motion down his chest like just kept moving his fingers like down his chest for like seven inches and I just like broke down and he was like a super smart guy. Some doctors are so smart.

Starting point is 00:27:02 They don't have like the people skills. And I asked him, I was like, okay, well, I mean, we'll just get it done. Not too many risks. And he's like, oh, so many wrists. And I was like, so many risks. Like, what? Doc, work with me. I'm just 18. I'm a child. Like, I can't even do my laundry. I literally can't do my laundry. And you're telling me this. So, yeah, I remember that was like a super traumatizing moment. Just him drawing his finger down his chest.

Starting point is 00:27:43 What was the trigger point, though? Let's talk about that because there's so much there. Like, I want this to also be a catalyst of something that helps you work through this, right? So what was it about this? That was that huge point. I think I was just scared. I, like, I didn't know a ton about that, but I think it was like someone's having open heart surgery. And I think of, like, Gray's Anatomy or like, I've only heard of, like, people dying doing that. Like, something's wrong.

Starting point is 00:28:14 So I think that's like it was just traumatizing. Like I was really scared because things like that are they're very like they're severe. You know, I don't care. Yeah. It's a hard. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a rotator cuff.

Starting point is 00:28:34 Not a rotator cuff. No, not at all. All right. So you go in there and you're like, all right, it's cool. No big deal. It's like putting on a Band-Aid, no resting. He's like so many risks. So many.

Starting point is 00:28:48 So he's freaking you out. How long before, okay, so how long until that moment until you are literally going into the OR? I think that happened around July 20th. Like that happened like around July 20th. And then they scheduled surgery for August like 14th, which was, I mean, that could have only happened because I was an athlete. I think. Yeah. Yeah. I had to do it at the children's hospital because this was during COVID too. Only my parents could be there. I couldn't have any visitors. My brothers couldn't go. I remember that was really hard for them. Your brother just had a birthday. Yes, he did. He just turned 34. Happy birthday, big guy. But yeah, I remember they couldn't go.

Starting point is 00:29:45 No one could go because it was during COVID, which was sad. That's scary, man. Dude, that's just like the whole other icing on the cake, right? So for those of you that are listening and have your thoughts about COVID or whatnot, we know we don't get them to him on this show. I believe in everybody's right to have their opinion and their experience based on that virus. and how the role played its role played in their life. But for like an 18 year old, already a scary moment,

Starting point is 00:30:19 you can't even see everybody that you love so much. That is just the most fucked up thing on the planet. I'm sorry it is, you know. How did you, how were your parents through that? They had to have been scared. Oh my gosh. My mom probably lost like, she probably went from 120 to 95 pounds.

Starting point is 00:30:41 Oh, yeah. that not well yeah well yeah I can imagine it's just really hard as a parent to be strong in that in that in that whole situation because you know as parents you want to be as strong as you can be for your children you don't want your children to see you buckle um you know you don't want them to see you scared because you want to you know give that vote of conference like yeah you're good you're good

Starting point is 00:31:07 but I mean there's only so much you can do as a parent because you're also you're human right and we have we have those feelings so i i can imagine that your parents were extremely worried hell like when my kids fall down in the street i'm like oh no especially my daughters my little girls i got two little girls a seven-year-old and a four-year-old and when those girls get hurt it like crushes my you know and it's just it's a different thing so all right so let's get back to the you know obviously an adverse situation you're not playing that year. You get surgery and beginning to middle August. Talk to us about the recovery and just kind of where your mind was because you did mention

Starting point is 00:31:51 mindset. So how did you work on that and how did you utilize it to stay positive? So mindset was not okay. I wouldn't say I can't say that I came out super positive. I would not say that at all. Yeah, you'd be crazy if you did. I don't care. I don't care what anybody said. It was a really, really tough couple months. I remember the pain. I never felt a lot of pain before. I had like torn ligaments and stuff like that, but no actual pain.

Starting point is 00:32:33 So what they do during open heart surgery is they cut your sternum in half with a saw. And then they retract your upper chest bones, like your whole upper bones area. And they retract it. Do the surgery for an hour. Put it back. And that pain, I, it was insane. It was just like, you can't breathe. It like hurts to breathe.

Starting point is 00:33:08 and then I remember like I went back to the hospital because I thought I was dying but I was just really in so much pain. So my mom forgot to give me an oxy. It was like an hour. She messed up my med schedule by an hour. She forgot to give me an oxy and I am like freaking out, crying, I'm going to die. like you have to take me back to the hospital. I went back to the hospital, had a $20,000 ambulance ride from Athens to Atlanta

Starting point is 00:33:46 for them to tell me like, you're just in pain. So that was like what's crazy. And now whenever I get, I'll randomly get spouts of pain around here. Oh, I'm sorry. It's a popular girl tonight. Yeah. Yeah, so I'll just get like random spouts of pain and I will freak out. Like it's kind of like when I feel certain pains, I am like, oh my God, it's happening again.

Starting point is 00:34:20 Like that feeling of not being able to breathe. Like if I breathe, it's going to hurt too much to breathe. So I can't breathe. It's really. There's so much trauma there, dude. And so it's like, so it's like it's not the pain that. And I'm going to guess here. What I would assume from this conversation is it's not the pain that's getting you to freak out and put you in that spot.

Starting point is 00:34:44 It's the trauma from what happened. You're like, I can't go back there. Am I going backwards? Do I got to deal with this again? There's something to be said about that, right? Because now you're in your senior year, correct? So you're in your senior year and you're playing. and you know, you're not back to where you were, right?

Starting point is 00:35:09 But we can, like, the human mind is so funny the way it works, right? We like to play this game where we go, oh, no, this is like that time before, right? It's like that time before. And then we draw all that anxiety and play on the emotions of maybe two to three years ago in your case. But for me, I can date it all the way back to when I was a child. Yes. It's a crazy thing. How do you manage those emotions?

Starting point is 00:35:38 Geez. You have to, when you have those emotions, you can't ignore them. So you can either, I've learned you can either totally avoid them, which comes back to bite you in the butt. You don't want to do that. It works temporarily, but then you find yourself having dreams that you're crying. You're like, why am I dreaming that I'm crying? crying like that's so weird um yeah turns out you just suppressed like a ton of emotions um yeah or you you feel the emotion you name the emotion you talk about why you're feeling like that

Starting point is 00:36:20 and you try to set a goal for the next day of like how you can fix it it's crazy I did and actually I did some content just like that the other day like name the anxiety it was for sports parents though Right? They're just like crazy when they're watching their kids play. Because that's like another thing, right? Like parents can get super loopy while watching their kids. Holy shit. Like it is a whole other podcast. It's a whole other topic.

Starting point is 00:36:51 But like naming the anxiety and really moving through it. And a couple weeks ago, I had my friend Brittany, Richmond on the show. And we talked about moving through instead of pushing through, right? And this is exactly what you're talking about. The pushing through for athletes and for individuals is like suppressing that emotion. I'm just going to push. I'm going to push because that's what a good worker bee does. We push and we go, right?

Starting point is 00:37:17 And we're going to work hard because that's what we do. And then like a month later, emotions are all over the place. It's like that one day where you just wake up and you're just so cooked mentally, like in emotionally. It's like you spit out. Oh, yeah. You have a spiral that. And it won't. We have those moments.

Starting point is 00:37:35 It's like we all have them. Like, I have them in this business. I have them in this show. It's like one day you wake up and you're like, oh my God, I'm an anxious mess and I have to get out of this. And for me, like, to be honest, like, I've always been very real on my show and telling people where I'm at. Last week was that week for me.

Starting point is 00:37:56 That was my spinout week. And it was hard to get back on track, right? But what I did was I didn't push through it. I moved through it. I called people. I let them know where I was out. Like, hey, this is how I'm feeling. Oh, yeah. Connecting with people that you have deep connections with, that is a huge one. You have to, right? And like, and like for me, like I had to, I really opened up to my wife. I'm like, hey, baby, this is how I'm feeling. Like, I'm feeling like I'm getting depressed.

Starting point is 00:38:23 Like, I know this is temporary. Like, I just need your help. And we talked for like, I mean, she talked to me for about, I don't know, probably. 40 straight minutes of breaking me down like, this is who you are. This is how I know this is where you're at. And here's how we fixed it last time. So can we repeat that? And I'm like, okay. And then I started executing on that on Monday.

Starting point is 00:38:53 And it is Wednesday. And I'm already feeling better because I, because she knows me so well. So for everybody listening or watching is like, reach out to the people that aren't going to make you feel better, but reach out to the people that know you the best, right? That can really give you insight if there's a pattern, right? Like, hey, you're going through this pattern or this is your cycle. Now, you know, this is how you're going to get out of it because we've done this before. But it's just super important to open up because, you know, how many athletes out there and

Starting point is 00:39:25 how many individuals aren't opening up right now and they're making decisions that cost them their life? It's happening a lot, right? So the idea and what works is, this is how I'm feeling. Can you help me get through it? Right? Because that is moving through something, right? And we're not saying shut down and stay in bed and don't do anything.

Starting point is 00:39:48 We're saying acknowledge your feelings and still move. Like literally, and you're 100% may not be the same that day. You know, like there's times where if I'm feeling that way and if I want to, if I know I have to go to the gym because it's on my schedule, I'll just go 100% of what I got, right? But like you build those mental muscles at that point, right? Like, I just think it's super super important to talk about. Yeah, for sure. I mean, a feeling is just a feeling.

Starting point is 00:40:20 It's nothing but a feeling. So it's just a thing in your mind that everyone gets. It's not who you are. I love that. It's not who you are. You know, just like when you're performing on the courts or on the baseball field, football field, or whatever sport you play, your performance is not who you are. No, it is not a reflection of who you are. You are so much more than your performance in a game at practice, anything.

Starting point is 00:40:53 It's one of the hardest things to drive home. It really is. Because as an athlete, we grow up and we are judge on our performance, on how good we are. We are treated based on if we're a good athlete or not. Now, your experience in high school is completely different than the other girl that's not playing in an SEC school. I'm going to tell you that right now. Right. And that's not okay.

Starting point is 00:41:17 And so it's like these old school coaches need to start learning a little bit, right? of like, okay, I need to start praising attitude and effort over talent, right? Because that's what matters. That's that person, right? And I mean, I always found it disheartening that, you know, I can take it all the way back to 2003. That very, that last out was recorded in my baseball career was done. I didn't know who I was. Yes, I am about to keep facing that.

Starting point is 00:41:48 Yeah. But you're much smarter than I was back. and you have much more insight you've been through so much right i mean i had my injuries i had a blood clot i almost died too like i i mean i it was it was it was nuts it was it was nuts it was my going into my sophomore year in junior college scariest moment of my life right thank god it was from an injury they called a trauma event instead of a blood disorder because it was a blood disorder i would never would have played again like dream over gone right but like that whole thing of, you know, at LSU, like, I never materialized to what I know I was capable of because I had

Starting point is 00:42:27 I had that blood clot in my sophomore year in college. And then when I got to LSU, I had a torn up arm and I got hurt. And so I'd have surgery. And it took me two years to come back. But it's like, was that, was that, was it just my weak mentality? Like, I think it was. I think I was scared. I was scared to fail. So like, it goes through this whole cycle, right? If we're not careful, like you can really impact the next two to three years of your life by choosing to feel one way about yourself. It's scary. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:58 Right. And so that's why I love talking to athletes and really working with athletes is because like, y'all got to know that this is just something that you do. It may feel like this is who you are. But like, you know, and you seem to already believe this, but I'm going to tell you, when you're 44, you're like, oh my gosh, Sean, that's like. so old, that's like ancient. But like when you get to that point, you're going to look back and you're going to have zero regret because you fought through something so big. And there may

Starting point is 00:43:31 have been moments where you weren't at your best mentally. But I can tell you, like, my passion for this comes from the simple fact that I do have regret. You know, and I, and I, my mission is to make sure that every athlete I work with and have a conversation with doesn't leave anything on the table, right? And they understand who they are when they leave. They understand when they're done with their sport. And I think it's so important because you're already on that journey. You know, you're already looking, like you said, at jobs, your real estate major, you're going for walks with other people. You're exploring who you really are, right? Yes. I go into this. Sometimes I get, like, if I'm too deep in my thoughts,

Starting point is 00:44:15 I'll start to think, like, how would I have been as an athlete? Like, I wish that didn't happen to me. I would have been such a better athlete. I could have done A, B, and C. I could have done whatever. I could have been way better. But then it's like this tradeoff of what I be who I am. So a part of me is like, I wish that.

Starting point is 00:44:45 that never happened to me and I could have done this and been a better athlete but then I'm like I don't know if I am who I am and then I'm like I wish I knew what I knew now four years ago but also you can't just you can't just know yeah you can't you have to go through the thing that you went through and now you are who you are and then like in four years and be like oh man I wish I would have known that then what I know now it's like the evolution like if you're you you're not saying that to yourself every few years, you're not growing. Like you're not. And it's super important because you mentioned earlier just, you know, the value of knowing

Starting point is 00:45:26 yourself, right? The value of truly knowing who you are and what you stand for, I think is super important because otherwise, all the other things, especially the noise that you guys have these days. Like, dude, we didn't have Facebook when I played baseball. We didn't have anything. I wish. I wish.

Starting point is 00:45:48 Dude, we didn't have, we didn't have Facebook. We didn't have MySpace. Nothing. Nothing. It was just like the only thing that we were worried about was getting off the bus and like, oh, God, are the fans pissed? Like, that's, that's the only thing that we were really worried about, you know, or the people, you know, come into the, you know, stadium to watch us practice and, you know, acting like it was the actual college world series. and it's just an inter squad game. That's what we had to worry about.

Starting point is 00:46:16 We didn't have social media. I don't know how you guys navigate it now. Oh, I am like the least. I try and keep that away from my life as much as possible. The only thing I'm like, if I'm on TikTok, I'm looking at like funny videos. Like they're like sports highlights. I think that when I hear like especially like some of the younger girls talking and they're saying like, oh my god and i i saw this girl on instagram or like you did you see the pictures that well i don't know

Starting point is 00:46:51 it's like not good it is no it's not good this whole comparison mentality that younger people are going through is not healthy and they really never are going to know who they are because they're always trying to compare themselves or be someone that they are not i mean that that means you know know, they're never going to happen. Oh, never. Like, you're going to get to one level. You know. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:18 Yeah. They're like, they get the one level. They get to another level. There's a new devil. Like every single time. That's anything in life, right? Like new level, new devil. It's one of my sayings.

Starting point is 00:47:26 Like, but the other thing is, the moment you continuously compare yourself to others, you are robbing yourself of the joy of being in the present. And like, that's what the present is. It's a gift. You know, it's like a gift. You're here. Just like the dude in the elevator said to you. Day's great. I woke up. Dude.

Starting point is 00:47:47 Like, you know, it's like something like some people say, but you can tell when someone says it and actually mean it, right? It's like, dude, I love that. It's impactful. But listen, we got to land the plane here. I absolutely love listening to your story. And thank you so much for telling it to the audience. I know it's going to touch some people that are going through things right now. I want you to think about this. For those of you listening or finishing up listening to this episode, and you hear Mallory's story of adversity, open heart surgery at 18, you know, fighting through that, especially during the hard times of COVID, where her whole family couldn't even be present to watch her get better and to be there to support her. And, you know, ask yourself, are you really having a bad day?

Starting point is 00:48:34 Because, you know, I was thinking about this earlier. And I told Mallory before we hopped on the recording, I was listening to one of Mandy Ficello shows today. And they had a guy named Nick Jones on the show talking about his experience. January 2020, and they were still, you know, hunting ISIS members. And he literally saw two of his, you know, brothers get killed. And I thought, I sat there and thought to myself, like, man, is my job really that bad? Like, you know, is my life really that bad? Like, I haven't seen that in my life. And so when you hear other stories, ladies and gentlemen, it allows you to appreciate what you have and to be grateful for what you.

Starting point is 00:49:15 what you have and who you are. So, you know, Mallory, thank you so much for coming on to the show. Absolutely. You're awesome. Best of luck the rest of the season. Go dogs. And when I hit stop on record, just go ahead and hang out for a little bit. And everybody listening, thanks again for sharing the episode.

Starting point is 00:49:37 We have, this past week has been a crazy listen week. You guys have downloaded over 2,000. episodes, 2,000 plays. I thank you guys so much. I love you all. And share this episode out with the athlete you love so much. And until next time, y'all be determined. Southwest Florida is one of the most beautiful places on the planet to live.

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Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - Finding Strength Within: Embrace Challenges for Personal Growth - Mallory Downing

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