Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - How Nicole Jaques Helps Parents Replace Chaos With Connection

Episode Date: January 16, 2026

Check Out Therabody 👇https://www.therabody.com/discount/DETERMINEDUse Code: DETERMINED to get 15% off at checkout------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------In this episode of The Determined Society, Sean sits down with Nicole Jaques, creator of the “House CEO” framework, content educator, and systems-driven parent helping families calm the chaos of modern life.Nicole shares how leaving a corporate public-relations career after becoming a mother forced her to confront an outdated narrative around being a “stay-at-home mom.” What emerged instead was a powerful reframe: running a household requires leadership, systems, and intentional design, just like any successful business.Throughout the conversation, Nicole breaks down how time blocking, simplified systems, and documented routines can reduce burnout, eliminate resentment, and create more space for real family connection. She explains why rest is not a luxury, why the “default parent” role is operational and how accountability and structure can actually bring freedom back into the home. Key Takeaways-Running a home requires leadership, not more effort-Systems reduce burnout by removing emotional friction-Time blocking creates freedom, not rigidity-Rest is essential to regulating mood and nervous system health-The “default parent” role works best when it’s structured and shared-Boundaries determine family connection Connect with me :https://link.me/theshawnfrench?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaY2s9TipS1cPaEZZ9h692pnV-rlsO-lzvK6LSFGtkKZ53WvtCAYTKY7lmQ_aem_OY08g381oa759QqTr7iPGANicole Jaqueshttps://www.instagram.com/itsnicolejaques/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Oh, Nicole, what do you do? Oh, I'm a stay-at-home mom. It was not what I was doing. I was so much more than that. I remember birthing my son and feeling like I had left a version of myself in the past. I'm a businesswoman. Why can't those systems that I had put in place prior to in my corporate career be put in place in the home? What are some of the things that you put in place immediately that might be able to help some of those moms right now?

As the house CEO, we start to step into our power. And that's when the shift starts to happen. You don't need to be doing more adding to the plate. You just need to be leading it differently if it's not working for you or your family members. Wait a second. This is more about me just being more aware on a day to day. Remove the tension and the system will start to work. Whatever system you put together and whatever you decide to do, create it and stick to it.

There's failure every day in what I do. You'll find that I show up on my stories with my hair in a mess and I have my shirt on backwards. What's up, everybody? We're back. I have an episode today with an amazing guest that is going to bring massive amounts of value into your home, into your parenting style, and just really doing the best that you can and the best that we can to calm the chaos that happens on an everyday basis once the kids come home from school and all that good stuff, right? We want to make sure that we connect as families. And my guest today, Nicole Jackquez, is an absolute master at this. She's a CEO of the home, a published author, and interestingly enough, she left a career in public relations in the

healthcare space, if I'm not mistaken, and things like that to build systems in her home and help other people live a less chaotic life with each other. So, Nicole, thank you so much for joining and welcome to the show. Thank you, Sean. It's a pleasure to be here. Oh, it's really nice to have you. It's so funny because, you know, when Paria mentioned you to me and I'm like, wait, that name sounds familiar. I went and I was already following you. I was already kind of consuming your content because, I mean, hey, listen, you know, let's be honest, in the world that we live in today, it's so busy just in general. And the thing that I enjoy about your platform is it simplifies certain things and certain

tasks that you can just really, I guess, dive in deeper with your family when you actually actually have them all there under the roof because we live so many crazy lives. We live crazy lives is what I'm trying to get out here. But my mouth isn't working properly right now, apparently. But you know, why don't you just tell the audience a little bit about, you know, why you started this venture and how it began and then where you're at right now, because what I want to do is I want to show them that, A, there's steps to this stuff, right? It's not just create a platform and all of a sudden you're viral and you're, and you're, and you're, and you're famous and you're doing all these things.

So I want them to see that, you know, if there's anybody out there right now, whether it's a mom or a dad, wanting to pursue a passion, but is very, very scared to do that. I want your story to be able to inspire them. Well, thank you. I truly didn't, in all of my lifetime,

never thought this would be my title. But when I decided to remove myself from a public relations space after I birthed my son, I was really caught in the web, of what is a stay-at-home mom? Why do I, you know, oh, this is my wife, Nicole. Oh, Nicole, what do you do? Oh, I'm a stay-at-home mom.

It was not what I was doing. I was so much more than that. And once I kind of stepped out of working full-time and started diving into really being a house CEO, I realized that there were so many things I wasn't taught in school. Home Act isn't available anymore. You know, we've cut kind of the trade necessities,

how to change your oil, just very simple things that I luckily was able to grow up in a household that taught me those things. But I was never taught systems, systems that were going to simplify my home to allow me to get to the core of why I created a family, which was connection. And so I started thinking, well, I'm a businesswoman by, you know, heart and trade and brain. Why can't those systems that I had put in place prior to in my corporate career be put in place in the home so I could get back to the core of why I do what I do? So to me, it was an immediate, like, Pridgno's leadership, right?

I need this kind of outdated and narrative to be thrown out the window. But I also want to position other parents like me that are at home to have this feeling of empowerment. Because without them, this is built outside of this world and everyone going into an office don't exist. Right. So I didn't grow up thinking this would be my title, but I became a house CEO out of necessity. and now that's basically what I'm able to share here on social media. We started the platform four years ago. My friends were like,

you know weird things, Nicole sharing with the world. And I was like, I don't know if that's really a thing. And in 90 days, we had over 100,000 followers. And people were like, man,

I needed this. Like, where were you? Wow. When I was growing up, when I was raising kids. Like, and so I just kept doing it and built it into our now routine.

And it's a very full-time business. keeps me nice and busy. I love that. I love that. I mean, listen, you know, and that's the thing. One thing that I'm interested in diving into a little bit more right here is there's a lot of stay-at-home moms out there that are most likely listening right now. And they think of themselves, I'm only, and this drives me crazy. I am only a stay-at-home mom.

And I truly feel that is a, and again, I know you echo this, but it's a business, right? It is an opportunity, right? You are truly the CEO of the home. So when you talk of systems, what are some of the things that you put in place immediately that might be able to help some of those moms right now? Time blocking is probably one of my best systems that I have in the house. So we all think chores, quote on quote, right, our to-do list. It takes longer than we think, but really you just need the system in place that tells you.

So I have this giant, very loud and obnoxious clock, and you can set it five-minute increments. And the way my brain needs to work, and this is how most multitaskers, you know, in the home brains work is you've got one thing on the stove, you've got another thing in the laundry, you've got, you know, dishes that still need to be done. You've got to vacuum and mop. And those things don't need to be done every day. But you need to be able to know it's going to take me seven minutes. minutes to do the dishes, so I have three minutes to go load the laundry, right? It's understanding how fast and efficient you are at each task and then building it into the schedule between kids schedules and making dinner and work, whether it's stay at homework and or just PTA or

a book group, right? All of those are the accessories, the hobbies, the things that we do outside of just being the quote-unquote homemaker. I'm going to from now on refer to this as the house CEO. that is the title because we're managing so much more than just kid schedules and diapers or making baby food or packing lunches and getting them to school. And I think once you start time-blocking your day, you'll realize, oh, I have a lot more time to focus on things I want to be focused on, which is how I realized then I could start a platform and continue to work and still not need a nanny or a sitter to take care of the kids and run, you know, a 12-person business. write a book and do things like that because it was very efficient in the home at time blocking.

So that's like my number one tip, time block. So thank you for that. Thank you because I want to give the audience some context. And again, time blocking is one of those things that you just have to sit down and commit to and just understand how long it takes you to do a task. But then to build out that system to be like, okay, from this time to this time I'm doing this. And then I can do this.

But you mentioned something that to me was very interesting right there. And I want you to dive in deeper to it because, one of the biggest things, like I know during the summer, right, my wife won't be teaching and she's home. And it's like this whole summer flies by and she's done nothing for herself. And that to me, when you mentioned, time blocking so I can spend more time doing things that I want to do or that fulfill you so you're not just this home CEO. So can you walk me through and the audience through some of the things that you like to do and why it's important for the home CEO to pour into themselves as well?

So when you become, I remember birthing my son and feeling like I had left a version of myself in the past, someone I don't know anymore. And I desperately wanted to sit down with her and have coffee and say, you have no idea the beauty, but also the chaos that comes in parenting. because I was so naive, right? We all are until you have your first kid. And I think that that's fair to say. But I think what I realized that I never really valued prior to having kids was rest,

that I underutilized rest. And I think that this is going to tie into this. So stick with me here. Absolutely. The mindset of rest is, you know, not just a necessity. I'm not talking about just sleep or taking a nap. talking about resting your body on a couch or doing something that just allows you to escape. Rest is just as important as work.

Okay. So if you're not giving your body rest, you're never resetting your nervous system, which never really resets your mood, your sleep, and everything else that helps you really take care of you. So my number one thing was, how do I get back to rest? Once I started being able to do the rest, meaning 10 minutes, maybe 20 minutes reading, I started understanding how I could time block my schedule better to effectively go out and get a new hobby. I currently ride horses with my daughter.

That takes up a lot of time. Barn time is like monopoly. You know, actually the whole horse industry is monopoly money. But at the same time, I was like, how am I going to allow for like a three hour time block to go take on a new passion that is very technical and challenging to do, but so rewarding. And so I thought I had a goal in mind. I want to get to where I'm so efficient in my home and it's running so well that I'm able to take three hours out of a day and go and pursue a hobby. And so that was kind of for me. But it started small.

It started as 10 minutes reading a book or maybe joining the book club or creating a cookbook club at my country club and being able to get out there for an hour or small things that. still brought me a lot of joy within my joy circle. And then just really working hard to get to the bigger picture. And that's essentially what I'm doing now. I love that. I want to, because, you know, I'm going to share something with you because you had mentioned.

And I think that the people listening and watching this will relate to it. I don't, I don't see how they wouldn't. I could be naive. But you mentioned, you know, rest. Like not just sleeping or taking a nap.

It's really hard as a creator. And I don't know how you deal with this. But for me, I sit down and my mind never stops. It's like, what do I need to do to get to another level, right? How can these things get better so I can be better? And my guests have better experience. And the audience have a better experience. So it's like I always feel like I'm in the background still moving.

And I just find so much value. you in being able to actually just shut down and rest. Like some of the things that I'm starting to do, you know, we had a conversation last week about, you know, screen time. For me, I, I, during the day, if I have a two hour block that I'm not doing anything,

I'm going to watch something. Because for me, that does shut my brain off. And I think there's too many people judging what's real rest and what's not. For me, I'm going to dive into a show. You know, I might like it.

I might want to do. a piece on it. But for me, that's kind of what takes my mind and slows it down so I can recharge. Absolutely. And it's understanding your battery, right? What fulfills your batteries? Sometimes for me in the week, it's quality time with my husband. Sometimes in the week, it's me alone. Sometimes it's yoga. But we're not creatures of every single day. I'm going to do this. And this is how it's going to be. And this is going to be restful and make me feel good. I just noticed as the how. CEO, when my husband would get home from office, okay, and sit on the couch and scroll and or watch a show, I was building resentment.

But the real resentment wasn't that he wasn't doing anything. It was that I didn't know how to rest. So I was trying to figure out, like, how do I remove these blockades, right, that are making my system within my home and or my relationships not gel as well? And really, it's an indicator when you feel something, this trigger inside like, hey, my partner or my kids are doing X and I'm not able to. It's a reflection of how well you're balancing, not them. And when we take accountability for that as the House CEO, we start to step into our power. And that's when the shift starts to happen. We remove it.

We say, I'm in control of that feeling. I am in control of figuring out how I can do that. They are not. So it's kind of getting back to that. You are the creator of your business and you are going to then run that the way that feels good to you. But you've got to get back to removing the resentment.

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Go to theribody.com and at checkout, the code is determined. So let me know how you guys like it until then. Stay determined. I really like that. I mean, and again, it seems pretty basic, right? but a lot of times where I'll get upset at my wife about something and it happens right and she gets upset with me a lot of times it's how we view the world right how we view things it's our perspective so I will get upset at something because of my paradigm right and then we have a conversation about it and then we come to the conclusion whether it's her upset or me upset it's like well this is my issue to handle because your intentions are pure I don't know what happened to you during the day because I don't know what happened to you during the day because I lot of times, and this is another great point, we don't truly know how much each other go through, right? I only know of what my wife tells me that happens to her at school, right, between the

students and in administration, everything like that. I only tell her certain amount of things because not to hide things, but it's like sometimes I just get so overwhelmed, like, I can't live that again, right? So we are not living separate lives, but we're not communicating everything. things so it's harder to understand what that person is going through in order for them to be, you know, if we're laying in bed and like she's scrolling for 30 minutes, that shouldn't offend me. I should be saying, well, if that's what she needs right now, then let it be. Like, I'm cool with it. And I just think that the accountability portion, though, to understand like, hey, this is my

issue. I really want to dive into that because if we can take more responsibility for our own feelings, our own triggers, then we can communicate them much better, but also relieve some of that tension that we're creating ourselves. Absolutely. And really, whether you work outside the home, inside it, or both, someone is running the system, right? And you don't need to do more or you don't need to, you know, you don't need to be doing

more or adding to the plate. You just need to be leading it differently if it's not working for you or your family members. And that's really what a house CEO does day in and day out. Both my husband and I work, we have a very different, you know, systems he runs these and I run these. And then we collab on X, X and X. And it's, you know, sometimes it's like, oh, but doesn't that feel sterile or it's not flexible? No, it's completely flexible. But if you are overwhelmed in your home or you feel that you are the default parent or you are triggered by something your partner is doing that you feel is affecting that system, you have to break it down mechanically in order to get back to it emotionally.

That's just the way our brains kind of process things. And I found it to be a very, remove the tension and the system will start to work, kind of hands-on approach. Very well said. You mentioned default parent. That's very interesting. Let's dive deeper into that. for the people listening because I think that resonates, right? And I can only, I can only, like for me, there's certain defaults that we have in our home, right? If it's a meal, I'm the default parent. I make all the meals and I enjoy doing it. If it's something for the kids like Spirit Week, Jackie's the default parent, right?

So, but while it works sometimes, it's hard to bring. break away from that. Let's go into that default parent because, you know, I know there's a lot of people out there are thinking like, wow, why do I have to be the default for this? And there's there's some dangers there too, I think. But, you know, if it's understood and spoken about, then it should be understood and it and it should flow, you know, much easier. But what is your definition of a default parent? It isn't emotional. It's operational. Right? There's ops. There's marketing. If you look at how business are run and or how you would run your own business if you had it, here is your chance, right? So I didn't

become the default parent because I wanted to control it all. No, I became it because someone had to design the system that would work for the family. This takes into account everything, right? Your schedule, Sean, how you're running, what you're doing, where you are having to be plugged in, and when you can plug out. And everyone has a different system because of, of how it works inherently in the home, right? I think if we can talk about burnout with the default parent, that may actually help cure some of the feeling there, because burnout happens when leadership has no structure.

So if you're feeling burned out by being that default parent, again, the accountability piece falls to you. My husband and I was struggling with this, by the way, I didn't just like come up with this and my life is perfect. I'm far from it. We are lucky I shower this morning and curled my hair. But at the same time, like, it took systems to get me to this podcast today in order for me to show up with my hair done. Right.

I didn't just like, oh, my system is in place and everything's working, right? I am primarily the default parent unless I have to tag out. So it's really understanding a partnership system. And for the longest time, my husband and I were confused on how do you even do that, right? because schedules change how much, Sean? Oh, I mean, I can only speak on mine and it's so fluid. It's just like, my wife can ask me, hey, what do you have tomorrow? At that time, it could be nothing.

And then 30 minutes later, I could have three or four different things, right? So, yeah, that's difficult. It's difficult. And I think that that's something we struggle with both parents are going to struggle with. So I basically decided with my husband, Tyler, that we were going to stop trying to escape being the default parent and just professionalize it. Because it's really what it is, right? You're the organizer of all of the systems, the timekeeper, the meal keeper. There's a funny reel that circulates every now and then.

And it's typically a woman standing there in the house. And it's like, you know, Johnny has a game at 7 p.m. and it shows her calculating all the way back to like 11 a.m. All the things she's going to do to get him there by 7 p.m. So I'm telling my husband, I need your brain to work like that. How can I help you help me? Right? Because I think commonly with default parenting, we forget that it's not that you need

their help. I hate that. I think any listener can understand, oh, can you help me with the dishes? I'm sorry. Everyone ate off the dishes, Sean. Right? Yeah. Exactly.

Everyone ate off their plates, right? So instead of like, can you help with mornings, I moved it to a written morning flow, right? Written down, my head is stellar, right? Or I shared my expectation. Hey, my expectation tomorrow to get on this podcast is X, X and X, or predictable handoffs, right? So less nagging, less explaining more consistency will drive that default parent out of burnout and into empowerment. The thing that I'm really loving, Nicole, is the way you've been able to not just explain, but implement real systems into the home. I think that everybody's listening right now and is probably very intrigued on types of systems, right?

I know you talked about time blocking, but I want to dive into these systems because a lot of times when there's a stay-at-home mom, or like for me I made a joke yesterday right to my my kids and to my wife's well I'm a stay at home dad because I'm I'm literally you know there's there's there's weeks we'll have five recordings there's weeks we'll have one and so I'm home right and the one thing that I don't do well is is create these systems inside my home like I do here like we all have systems here I have my thing My production team has theirs. My partners have theirs. We have these systems in place.

But I really want to educate the audience on how they can implement certain systems and some examples of those into their daily habits, the daily lives. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I will say that there's so much that is in the background of this as well. And I do try to break down easy tips and tricks on my social media, hacks to make dinner a little bit easier, or how to make your own cleaners so you can just offload the actual running to the store, grabbing something. Convenience is no longer king.

The luxuries that you're able to make it low talks in your home. So some of this is taking the power back of those systems as well. But I think the biggest thing we need to address, because it's something that we really don't always talk about, but it needs to be talked about is the mental load. It isn't invisible. It isn't invisible. It's undocumented. And if we start documenting, if you made a list and made those lists become systems of everything

you do in a month, okay, for your home, those systems become shared, right? They're able to be talked about and shared amongst the family members. And then the shared becomes sustainable and successful. So I started thinking of, okay, well, I was really having trouble getting the kids out. I'm going to give examples and then I'm going to ask you for something you need help with and we'll bounce it on and off of each other. Okay. So I was having a really difficult time getting my eight and 10 year old, which by the way they can pack lunch at this point and they don't. It's a whole other topic. Getting them out the door on time. It was always kind of a struggle

and or borderline. One was going to have an emotional meltdown. And I was like, dang it. Like there's got to be a better way. My system is in place and I'm implementing it. I'm coming into a roadblock, but I don't view roadblocks as failure. I don't have guilt over them. That's guilt is something somebody gives you that you can give back to that person. And it may come from childhood trauma. It may come from parenting, how you were parented, and it may come from spousal. But give guilt back. No one needs that in parenting. You don't need the guilt. Okay. No, thank you. It's hard enough without this chirping in your brain. So what I did is, I bought these sticky lights.

You know, they're like, you know, little light. You know, a little light, you bop it on and off. And I put it on the wall, one for my son and one for my daughter. And I made it into a game. They're eight and ten. This isn't like a toddler game, you know. And I turned on all the lights in the morning with everything they needed to do to get out the door at the right time. And all the lights are lit.

They come in. They are the one who's going to turn off all the lights in order to get out the door. on time. And by the way, it gives suggested time in which this task should be done. Wow. So here's the kid clock. And guess what? We have zero issue, zero tantrums. Expectations are set. It's kind of a fun game. The siblings sometimes get competitive. And it's great. And that's all it took was a simple fix of implementing another system for efficiencies. So that was something I recently just did. What's something you're currently struggling with or your wife is currently struggling with with the kids? Let's see if we can put a system in place to help. Great question.

So this is something that I think we're both struggling with and I want to be able to help out with it more. Right. So I value, you know, my wife is a teacher. She has her own students to deal with and then she handles the homework and most of the things with the kids. And then there's the laundry. Right. So I would like to remove that completely from her plate. But at the same time, it's like I'm super overwhelmed too. You know what I'm saying? Because I have a lot going on. But I would like to create some times during the week where I could maybe just put a din in that for her. Right. And not just put it in the washer and throw it in the dryer because that's easy. Right. I love that. I love that. I hate folding and putting away. But I think the major sticking point for her is, man, I just went through this whole week. You know, stressful job, stressful with getting the kids to do their homework. And now I've got to do all this damn laundry.

You know, and if I could help out in any way, like, hey, man, that would be great. You know, I do the dishes. I do, you know, downstairs is all mine. Like, I do all that. And I make the bed. I do all that kind of stuff. My wife always laughs at me. She goes, that's your domain.

Like, you handle the. that and you don't do anything upstairs. I'm like, baby, that is not true. That is not true. But yeah, I would say finding a way to collaborate to help her out with those tasks, so she's more free and happier when she is home. I love that. So laundry is not emotional. It's just clothes. And I really like the mindset that people give like, oh, how fortunate are you to be able to have these clothes to clothing your kids. And that, I love that. I love this cement. That to me, though, makes it emotional. So for me, I made it really simple. I have one detergent. I make it myself, one oxygen boost,

one stain stick, and one dryer ball. If you simplify the tools you're using to get cleaning done, naturally, it's going to be a simpler, easier process. So number one, I always start with simplify your products. That's critical to me. I'm a big basket lover. Every kid has their own basket. That basket just lives in the place they throw clothes. I watched them for a week on where they throw their clothes. And that is where their baskets go. Because naturally, we are creatures of habit. My husband loves to throw his socks right in front of the couch, as if they should live there. Well, guess what now lives in front of the couch? A basket. Okay. Because to me having somebody say simply just like dishes for example they bring the dish that you fed them

on to the sink it feels like respect right this is the same thing it's a system it's easy now it's in the basket now i know what i need to do i run a weekly schedule mondays are towels and rags you know tuesdays are lights wednesdays are darks thursdays are kid closed Fridays or sheets weekends are off and it's an emergency only situation. But it doesn't always work for everybody. So really, my biggest thing is to help you not have to catch up on laundry, right? That pile, if that pile could talk, I swear I want to do a series on my clothes talking because most of the time they're going to say, Nicole, I've been sending here for like,

you know, two days. Like, when is my turn to go back to the closet? Truth be told, you're going to figure out what works best for you. but I wake up and when I sip on my first cup of coffee, a load is going in the dryer. So if you look at the washer, most washers now have a timer that you can preset the night before. The clothes wash when I'm sleeping.

Like Santa. Like Santa. You wake up in your bed. And then you put them in the dryer. By the time I'm ready to take the kids to school, they're already ready to be folded. one load a day will save you for years. One load, that's it.

Because that's your only task that day. Get that one load put away. And you know what? One load is really much easier than 14. Oh, no doubt. Right? No doubt. So I looked at how to never have the pile up.

Where does, right? And then I simplified the system down all the way to the detergents I was using. And I think for me, once you find the system that works for your home, that those emotional things go away and it just becomes the task at hand. Love it. Does that help? No, this is, that's beautiful. Thank you. And it's still funny because we have this conversation is just like the majority of the listeners are in our age group that do have children that this will be a high amount of value for.

And as I'm listening, I'm like, wait a second. And this is more about me just being more aware on a day to day. Like if I, I mean, really, that's all it is. It's like, okay, tomorrow I don't have any shows scheduled. I mean, can I do a load or two? Yeah, I absolutely could, right? But if I don't schedule it, if I'm not aware of it, then I won't do it. And then it piles up and then it's left for my wife to do.

This all is very interesting to me because we're all trying to do the best that we can in this busy-ass lifestyle that we have. And a lot of the things that you create the systems and the checkpoints in your own home, give you the ability to calm the chaos in your day to day, but also it allows you to spend more quality time with your family. And I really want to dive into that because, you know, there's parents listening right now and even some kids that are listening is like, wow, we don't eat dinner together at the dinner table. We don't have breakfast together.

Everybody's moving around. There's no connection. how of these things allowed you to connect with your husband and your children more? So basically what I always think is, by the way, I did not mention having the kids be part of these systems, but they can be, right? Like my son empties a lint trap, right? Or my daughter's really good at folding socks. I got them a little Amazon board, and it actually helps them fold their clothes. My daughter likes to hold her clothes, right?

So it's always fixing the system to help you. And basically, that can be a bonding connecting time. It's a teaching moment. It helps them feel more independent, which kids naturally seek, sometimes in weird ways that they're not given home CEO, house CEO tasks, right? There was a study that was done years ago that talked about the most successful children coming out of families right now,

or the ones that are put in the system to help, the house run, not the ones that get excused from it. And I think it's always important to have someone have a job. And most of the time, I don't over dictate that. I ask, what part of this system do you want? I love that. Because it allows them as their kids, do you remember the fight between the red bottle and the pink bottle?

And I want the pink bottle. I want the red bottle. I know, right? Like, I'm basically just treating it that way, right? You give them two options. They get to choose. that's it. And they will choose the one that's appropriate for them.

And then they feel empowered. They made the choice and or they're more committed to the task at hand. And really what it's done is in time where we have connection each day, whether it be at the dinner table or whether it be playing a game or whether it all be reading or whether it being all enjoying a TV show. So I think a lot of it is just looking for how to, make things less stress, less mess, and more success for your family unit. And stop feeling like you're burned out or it's unmanageable or something is endless.

Just put a system in place that works and move on from it. Don't overthink it. No, it's a great point. Like, I think having the children take ownership of their part in the system is really massive because the power of choice in this world is everything. You can either feel like you had a vote or you can feel like you're being forced to do. something. And if I know as an adult, 47 year old man, if I feel like I'm being forced to do something or told to do something, I don't do it with very much intention at all. I'm like,

well, to hell with this shit. Like, I'm checking off the box here. I'm in and I'm out. But if I'm included in the decision-making process of, hey, what part of this would you like to take? It's much easier to digest and then really, you know, become fully immersed in. And the other thing that I really enjoyed there is the multiple ways to connect. Like I just, you know, dinner table, you know, I mentioned to you this last week when we were talking on the phone. There's nothing at the dinner table that can even border criticism or constructive criticism. It is, how is your day? What does you love best about your day?

Who did you help today? What could you have done better? And that's it. Like we don't interject on that. But I want them, my wife and I want our kids to start thinking about their day of what did I give? Who did I help? And what can I improve upon, right? And it opens up this dialogue.

But then you go on to talk about maybe it is enjoying a TV show or maybe it is playing a game or reading. You know, and the more you speak and tell me about the things that you guys do, I start to realize like, wow, me and my wife are doing a pretty damn good job. like we're playing games at night. Like we played old maid last night with our six year old. Like love that. Love that stuff, right? But those are important moments. And I think that in this world was so much,

you know, we've said the word chaos so many times. I'm going to say that. And distraction from screens. Like screens will bury our children. And I think the most dangerous thing is to replace parenting. with a screen. Like I don't believe in that at all. And I think there's a lot of people out there doing it.

You'll go to a restaurant. You'll see a table full of five people. And all of them are looking at a screen. I'm like, what in the F are you even here for? You're not connecting. Might as well just eat cereal at home if you're not going to talk to each other. But I also think it's important to understand that there should be certain guardrails around these things.

I want to shift into that part of the conversation of, man, when we were kids, screens were not raising us. We did not have these potential, you know, issues like predators on roadblocks, you know, like these extortion rings and in everything that's going on right now is so scary, you know, you and I both spoke about this initiative called wait until eighth grade. And it's where for the audience that doesn't, that's not aware of this, It is a pledge within your school that you will wait on a smartphone for your kid until they're in the eighth grade. And we signed that pledge and you told me you guys did too.

Why do you think that's important? So I think that there's a lot tied into it. Technology is something that we've had to adapt to and it is light years ahead of our adaptation, right? All animals evolve and adapt. This is something that I'm not sure we may ever catch up to, right? It's so far ahead of us. So phones aren't the enemy, unbound accesses. Does that make sense?

1,000%. Yeah. So I think, you know, we have similar to how we like run a day to where we build connection, which I really do implore anybody listening to create daily anchors, choose one to two anchors a day. It doesn't have to be every time you're with your kid. Okay, I'm going to give you something super tangible here and then relate it to the phone. But choose one to two anchors a day, morning send off after school check in or right before bedtime.

Short, consistent beats long and rare. Does that make sense? And I think these are just non-negotiables, even on the hard days because we're human and we're parenting for the first time and living this life for the first time too, right? Right. So hopefully that helps. So a lot of me for my house CEO rules. is phone down, TV off, multitasking, paused, right? And I like that you ask your kids questions like that.

I do that too. And I think that's, like, really important, right? Something as consistent as Sunday pancakes goes a long way. And the goal is not Pinterest. It's just belonging. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I think with the phones, for me, I work in it.

So I tell my husband, I have the ultimate, like, pull that Mommy works in it. and sees the dark side, so no. But that's not going to work on a teenager. You know, it's almost barely working on my eight-year-old because she has enough sass for this neighborhood and yours. But I do think that I kind of have redefined phone-free zones. And that's not all day. Like we pledged to wait till eight.

Our kids do not have a phone. We've looked at giving them a 90s childhood for as long as we can. which means one TV in the entire house, not in the bedrooms. No tablets. We don't have those. When they use them in school, they have blue light glasses that they're able to put on so that they can protect their eyes and brains. And then in addition to all of that, we have a lockbox that my husband and I put our phones in from five to nine. We don't need them.

We have a landline. We live in the 90s. The 90s work. It's fine. And the kids, we actually just are about to receive 10 can phones. Have you heard of these? No. They're Wi-Fi-based, which you can only call your data log.

So only your friends' 10-can phone to the other 10-can phone. There's no crossover. And so we're going to put that in our house and see how that goes. But non-negotiable zones for us are dinner table, bedtime, routine, and morning send-off. Just no phones, no friends, rape. And those are connection anchors. And I think that that alone has helped us like the most. Eliminating charging stations for convenience for parents is a really good one.

Put that charger where you have to really think about going and picking up that phone. I like that. Right. I like that. And, you know, for me, I think I have to model it first. So I say it out loud when I do it because I'm human and sometimes things, you know, come up. I'm putting my phone down now. I will say it out loud so my kids hear me say it. And I will look at them and say, you have my full attention. That is helping model it first so that they see that when they do get a phone at some point in their life, there's a respectful way to use your phone and a disrespectful way to use your phone. The phone is a tool. Okay. And it's important that we teach them how to use it appropriately because we can't, it's out of the box, right, Sean? It's Pandora's box now. All of this is out there, right? We're talking

porn and, you know, we were worried about getting kidnapped in the front yard. I'm worried about a lot worse popping up on my kids' screen. Yeah, and that's the, yeah, yeah. And Nicole, that's the thing, right? You know, as adults and you and I both work in social media, we work on our phones 24-7. So I see the dark sides, but I also see the beautiful side of social media. And, you know, it does take a certain individual to dive into the positive side of things. I use it for connection. Like, I'm connected with Paria. Now we're connected.

Like, I build solid, like real relationships off social media to where a lot of times, you know, these friendships that I create out of thin air from a social media app, I can trust more than people in my own community that I've known for about 10 years. So there is a beautiful side about that. But we're also, you know, I'm in my 40s and, you know, we can, we have better discernment, I guess. The thing that scares me about the current landscape with these phones and I see eight-year-olds on TikTok all the time. Like I have friends that give their kids this smartphone and they're on TikTok. I'm like, you honestly do not understand what you are opening up for your child.

Like right then and there, there's that pressure to be. accepted, the comparison, am I pretty, am I ugly, am I fat, am I skinny? All these different things that these children are going through right now that we don't have any idea what this current generation is going through because we grew up on tech mobile riding bikes and shooting hoops in the front yard and maybe playing tackle football with our buddies. You know, like, that's what I grew up on. And then I would go to baseball. But we didn't have everything we have here. So for, for us in order to save that development of their brain and that discernment's like, okay, we're not going to do this.

But I will say, I will say it's becoming challenging in certain ways. So my oldest is in sixth grade. He's in middle school. He's on middle school soccer. So he's in a bus. Like, you know, he's doing X, Y, Z. Like, I want to be able to get a hold of my son, right? I want him to be able to get a hold of me.

So we thought, like, not smartphone because we signed the play. We're going to follow through with that, right? And it's crazy. We're only a year and a half away from that. He's almost halfway done with his sixth grade year. I know. It's sad. It's like soon my little man's going to be in high school.

I'm not going to know what to do. But we've been thinking about like, is a bark phone save? Like, are these other, you know, types of phones safe to where he can text us and call us if he needs to? So I'm going to say something and I'm going to, it may be a little controversial. but I do think that this is the right way to handle a phone. Because it's Pandora's Box. We're going to have to teach them how to use it correctly, right?

So screens are exciting. Brains need breaks. We protect our focus, like we protect our sleep, right? Just simple things that are kind of part of your systems already and your kids are going to hear that because you're going to frame it as brain care, not control. Okay? And I think if we talk about why an age-appropriate,

to be honest, I'm not really sure that it's appropriate for me a lot of the time. And I'm 38 and I've, you know, we did all the things. Yeah, I don't need to be watching this. Yeah, exactly. I'm just saying, you know, there are times I'm like, oh my gosh, there. Yes, I use social media to connect and make friends and go on vacation with them. And I trust them, yes, almost more than sometimes people in my community. But I will tell you that there are some days I'm in my bathroom crying over someone.

I've never met who won't be at my funeral or my daughter's wedding or any of that over something she said. And I've had to put in production for myself, right? There are things men right to me that should never be heard. That's really so. I see it, right? I see it. I live it.

I hear it. So I think a lot of it is you're going to replace the phone. Don't just remove it. Right? So connection fills the gaps. Phone leaves, which is something you are. are great at, Sean, we've talked about this. Family walks, games, cooking together, reading out loud, right? Empty space invites scrolling. And that is how I feel. When my husband's on the couch and

scrolling, I'm like, oh, is there a space I could fill or help you fill right now? And if he's like, no, I just need 10 minute, whatever it is, right? But I want to make sure that that filled space invites connection rather than just leaves it plain and empty and dry. You will scroll, they will scroll, right? And I think so much of it is to repair when it slips and not add shan. So if you go back to the things that really matter in our generation, no shame would have gone real far in parenting, right? It would have saved me a lot of therapy bills, probably. But repairing teaches resilience. Do you know what I mean? Not old. And I think, you know, you can say like, oh, I missed that moment. I'm here now. He, when he gets his, smartphone will do the same things you do, right? It's inherent that sons look up to their dads. You're a hero in a lot of ways, and he's going to mimic that before he even starts doing it. So I think so much is we don't compete with phones in any home, right? But you're going to design a life so that connection comes first. And they're going to see that. Connection first, all these other

things and when I do slip I know how to repair does that help because the phone's inevitable right the smartphone's inevitable at some point yeah and in kind of what my wife and I do if we're in a block out session right or section of the day I mean typically it is when I'm making dinner I'm not on my phone when we're sitting down I'm not on my phone when we're eating obviously and then before they go to bed, we try not to be on our phones. If something does happen, we own up to it. Hey, I'm really sorry. I need to take this. Are you guys okay with that? Or, hey, sorry, guys, I really had to take that. I know it's during this time. Are you guys good? And if it upsets one of them, I'm like, well, do you forgive me? Here's why I took that call. It was kind of important, not more important than you.

but also, you know, daddy has a job, mama has a job, and we have to make sure that these things are done. And I just think that owning up and communicating if you have to do something and you do apologize about it, that goes a long way with kids. Yes, it does. And it teaches them to do the same, which is more important, right? Yeah.

We talk about legacies we leave. Well, that would be a big one, right? Phones don't steal connection. You know, we're really good at blaming something but ourselves. Yeah. Right? And you don't need perfection either.

I'm not preaching perfection. I'm anti-perfection, if anything. But phones don't steal connection. Lack of boundary does. Yeah, that's a great point. That's such a great point, Nicole, because we all talk about how social media is destroying America or youth and how phones are taking away from the family.

But really what it is, it's a decision. and the choices that we're making surrounding that device, that it's not going to make us do it. The phone doesn't have a heartbeat. It can't tell me what to do. It can't tell me to look at it every five seconds. I make that choice. And so if we work backwards there and say, like, okay,

this can only steal from us if we allow it, right? So again, boundaries are such an important thing when we're speaking about phones, when we're speaking about running the household, but just overall relationships too, interpersonal relationships. There has to be boundaries there. Yes.

And that's something I think our generation has had to learn how to manage, to be frank. So now we're dealing with it in a technology age as well. And there is something to be said for understanding healthy boundaries and inserting them with love and respect. But it's the same here. And simple things just to implement right away, if you're struggling with this at home,

is a family phone agreement, a little one-pager. Kids-friendly screen schedule. So they kind of sit and understand how to utilize it. That's giving them a system. A one-minute, you know, phone connection spiel on the way home from school. Or a partner alignment agreement. Sometimes you guys, you know, both agreeing on how to script it to your kids about phones

and then hearing it from mom and dad or dad and dad or mom, I'm hearing it from a set of, you know, parental figures is very impactful for a kid. So if you guys are saying the same words about it, they're hearing it from all sides, and it becomes core. And I think it doesn't have to be this whole system and 20 minutes of this or an hour of that or I have to overthink this. It's real simple, simplistic, and it just takes implementing it today in five minutes. You don't have to wait until Monday or Sunday or a new month. month or a new year. It's very simple to say, I'm struggling with this and I need to fix this feeling inside. Doesn't feel good. Let's put a system in place and make it happen. You know, I like that, right?

Because everybody, you know, the whole cliche or the saying is Rome wasn't built in a day. But anytime we try to start something new, whether it's going low talks in the home, right, building systems, a nutrition journey, a weightlifting journey, we don't like to feel like we have to go from zero to a thousand right away. And I think what it really is, is, is like, we have to make small steps forward every single day. And in fact, you know, as we kind of, you know, run down on time here and closing out the show, it's like what I always try to bring people is, you know, when I started this platform of the determined society, it was, you know, me wanting to wake up in a society that people chase their dreams, no matter how they feel emotionally at that time.

And one of the ways to do that is to remove the emotion and look at the system. What is my process? What is my standard that I set and that's what I go do. I'm going to do one thing, right? So if I leave here today saying, you know what, tomorrow when I'm sitting down and I don't have a recording, maybe I will do a I'll do a load of laundry, okay? And I'm going to put it in in the morning. And by the time I'm done with my breakfast, it's dry and then I can fold and put it away. But if I don't do that, then I'm just creating a whole different mess. And to me, that's not determination nor is it discipline. We have to follow through what we say we're going to,

what we're going to freaking do, period, into story. And that's what I really love about everything that you're speaking about because you're putting systems and guardrails in place. You have amazing guides for, I mean, guys, listen, what's the website? Is it, it's Nicole Jackaz? Is that what it is? Dot com? Yeah, it's Nicolejackaz.com.

I want you guys, and we'll put it in the show notes. I need you guys to go look at this because there's systems everywhere in there. There's stocking stuff for ideas. There's low talks, cleaner ideas. There's all these different things that she has built in order for you to create something amazing for your home, but also leave enough time to connect with your family. And that took a lot of discipline from you and a lot of holding to your standard.

So that's what I want everybody to really take from this is like whatever system you put together or whatever you decide to do, create it and stick to it. Yeah, absolutely. Because, you know, it's showing up again when, like, no one's clapping or it's building and system instead of burning out. It's protecting your values on ordinary days, not just the hard ones. And I think, you know, determination and leadership in the small moments of life, the choice to simplify to repair and to try again are really what matter, essentially.

So, you know, it's not, it isn't loud, grit all the time or endless hustle like I was told. And, you know, it's kind of like the quiet decision to keep choosing what matters. And that is kind of at the core of what I try to do and teach and share because essentially I do this same as you is for the connection and to help somebody else. Your definition of determination is absolutely beautiful. Oh, thank you. beautiful and not because it's the same as mine. I mean, it truly is the same as mine. But because if you really dive into it and you just realize that there's going to be days,

and for the people listening, the audience, like, there's going to be days where you don't even feel like getting dressed. But those days where you don't feel like getting dressed, just get dressed. Because that's a win. And for some moms and some dads, taking a shower that day might feel like the most daunting. task, take the shower. You've won. Literally, the things that, and this is, this is why I like to point this out, because when you can take control of the small things like that, I emotionally don't want to do this right now. It's hard. There's a lot of people right now that are listening, like, how was taking a shower hard? Because you don't walk a mile in everybody's shoes every day.

That's really an actual thing for moms when they have babies and, you know, sometimes showers turn into like this elaborate thing to where they can't even do it. And so I'm not talking about just do it for them. I'm talking about everyday life just pick the task that you don't really want to do and just do it because true determination and discipline is doing those things. It is never loud. It is never gritty. It doesn't boast.

And it sure shit doesn't show up when there's motivation there. It shows up all the time. And that is the most common misconception of determination. And it's what I thought early on in my journey, Nicole, was I'm going to work out seven days a week. I'm going to do it twice a day. And I'm going to tell everybody I'm determined. This is what I do. And it's like ridiculous because that's not what true determination is.

No. And I think, you know, I always, I want to leave everyone with this because I think they're like, oh, well, Nicole has all these systems and they work so well and like good for her. I, five, there's failure every day in what I do. You'll find that I show up on my stories with my hair in a mess and I have my shirt on backwards. Like, not every day I show up looking like this. I mean, I walked into the room yesterday and I kind of remember why I was in the room. You know, like that's real.

And I think so much of this is it's relatable, but it's also very doable because I am human, you know. and I want it to feel that way. So kind of the way I started this was choose three things and just get those three things done in the day. They take a shower, do the dishes, you know, put something in a crock pot. But they could also be take a 20 minute nap, do yoga, have lunch with a friend. Yeah. But three things, if you can wake up every day and just choose three things to do

that are not work outside the home related, okay? That's all you need. I love it. I love it. I want the audience to, I forgot to say something about your website. And then I want you to, after that,

I want you to tell everybody else where they can find you and how else they can dive into your content and how they can learn more from you, your books, et cetera. But I encourage you guys, when you go to our website, it's nicojackets.com.

sign for a newsletter. I did. I mean, why not? Like literally, if you want to find better ways to run your home and connect more with your spouse and your children, I mean, what do you have to lose? You can always unsubscribe later if you don't like it. I mean, she's not going to, you know, be tormented by that, but you probably won't unsubscribe. So I just wanted to, you know, throw that out there because I think, you know, it's a great way to learn about what you're doing.

and how you implement things is through your newsletter as well. Or else can people find you, like your Instagram handle, in other ways that they can learn from you. So essentially the blog is great because it's just small tips and tricks. It's not so overwhelming. I live a low-tox lifestyle for a health condition, which I talk about on the blog. The EOE, right?

Hmm? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have a xenophilic esophagitis, and so I actually choked. And so that whole journey is. there too. And low taxing was very similar to house being becoming the house CEO. So that actually there was a piggyback and benefit off of that. And I have an ebook, but the ebook actually is now

becoming a published book. Love that for you. Which is more dialed in and really has been a full turning moment. And that should launch in 2027. So keep your eye out. I know it's kind of far away, but it'll be here tomorrow. You know? Yeah. I know the deal. Yeah. I'll go through the same I think myself. It's like, every that is, they're fun. They're fun.

And the newsletter is great because I send out really mindful tips. I like it to kind of be like you and I are texting to each other. And I'm sharing like my personal journal with you. And usually people take away things that maybe they haven't heard. Like instead of gift guides right now, I'm talking about like how to hold on and make core memories. And to take the pressure off of perfection. I'm like giving you permission and here are three things.

things I'm doing that have helped me. And then my handle, I'm on all platforms, anywhere from, you know, YouTube shorts. My main handle that you'll see me on every day is on Instagram, and it's at it's Nicole. And then the last name is J-A-Q-U-E-S. It's kind of unique. And then you on TikTok as well. But my primary connection is Instagram and the blog and the newsletter. those are my people. And I have to say that it is a community that's real rare on social media, very kind, loving, giving, and real light lighters, which really, really makes me stay. Agreed.

One more thing I want to acknowledge real quick before I let you go is and give the audience their little call to action to share this with everybody they know is I had a great grandmother named Ruth and your grandmother was named Ruth. and growing up every Labor Day we would go to my great grandparents for family reunions right around Labor Day and there was all this food right and it was this love language that when I read you're about me section like damn I can relate to this this is so

it brought I started seeing visions of going to Clear Lake California and being there with my great grandparents and my cousins and my uncle and everything. Like everything playing croquet, badmitten, listening to Randy Travis on the gray boombox, cassette tape. Like, that's how long ago that was. But just know that by you sharing something small like that,

it allowed me to go back and honor some core memories. So thank you. Oh, that is, that's why I do it, right? That's the best gift. And it's the connection you talk about. And it's a connection. We're all seeking, whether it be with another human or in our homes and with just a more, you know, simplistic, happy life.

But yeah, Ruth, Ruth is a driving factor in a lot of things in my life, along with Pam, my mom. But I, man, the grandma Ruth, that got me. You know how you get those goosebumps? I call them glimmer, like little glimmer feelings inside. That gave me one. So thank you. I needed that. Absolutely.

Absolutely. I just, I noticed it. And it was, it was a. important to me to mention it to you. So thank you so much for coming on. I enjoyed this conversation. And I know this is the beginning of a great friendship and, you know, anything I can help you with in your book launch. Like, I'm in. I'm all in because I want your materials to be in hands of a lot of different homes. So more homes run more efficiently and have more time to connect and just enjoy the human experience a lot more.

Absolutely. Well, it's been an honor to be here. And I agree. So much to learn and so much connection. So many simple points that are, you know, identical in a lot of ways, but different. And I think that that's exactly why people are brought together, right? So when you go make that connection and keep it, keep going. But I appreciate you having me on, Sean.

This has been awesome. A great way to start my Tuesday. Yeah, girl, I love here, my friend. And for the audience, please. Please do me a favor. Share this episode with someone you know, love and trust. If this is your first time listening to the show, please hit subscribe and follow and dive into the content. And more than anything, if you like the show, please leave us a written review on Apple and a rating on Spotify and show up on YouTube as well. And just let us know what you love about the platform. We bring great stories and great systems to your ears and your homes by way of amazing guests like Nicole, twice a week. week. So I thank you guys very much for listening. And until next time, stay determined.