Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - How To Communicate Effectively with Jay Dhahan

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

In this conversation, Shawn French and Jay Dhahan discuss various topics related to personal development, communication, and authenticity. They highlight the flaws of the education system and the importance of learning practical skills like communication and confidence. They also address the issue of authenticity in influencer culture and the need for trust in the coaching industry. The conversation emphasizes the power of overcoming the fear of public speaking and the importance of trust in oneself. They also introduce the Lions Den, a community focused on brotherhood, blessings, and breakthroughs. The conversation with Jay Dhahan and Shawn French explores the importance of giving oneself permission to feel negative emotions and make mistakes. It emphasizes the need to apply frameworks and resources to improve personal and professional growth. The discussion also highlights the tendency to overlook achievements and constantly seek the next goal, instead of celebrating wins. The conversation concludes with a call to action to connect with Jay Dhahan and share the show with others. Key Conversation Points- The education system needs to update its curriculum to teach practical skills like communication, confidence, and financial literacy. Authenticity is crucial in influencer culture, and people should be wary of fake influencers who rent luxury items and make false promises. Overcoming the fear of public speaking is possible through practice, awareness of the three gatekeepers (judgment, ego, and fear), and disassociating from negative thoughts. Trust in oneself is essential for personal and professional growth, and it involves dependability, reliability, and ability. The Lions Den is a community that focuses on brotherhood, blessings, and breakthroughs, providing a safe space for men to improve their communication skills and build trust. Give yourself permission to feel negative emotions and make mistakes. Apply frameworks and resources to improve personal and professional growth. Celebrate your achievements and lean into the win. Connect with Jay Dhahan and share the show with others. Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/jaydhahan/?hl=en Join the Lions Den- https://lionsdencommunity.com/   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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I have my boy Jay DeHan here with us today. What's up, buddy? Amazing. Thank you so much for having me on. Hey, bro, long overdue. It's probably my fault. It is my fault. But dude, so happy to have you here on a wonderful day. And we're going to chop it up and give the audience some amazing value. And so they can learn more about you and your story and what you've created over the last however many years and building your brand, your business and your group and everything that you're doing, man. You're doing some really cool shit.

So happy to have you. Appreciate it. Absolutely. So for the audience that doesn't know you, right? Just getting, why don't you get into your background a little bit? And just tell them who you are, where you've been, where you're at now, and where you're going. Absolutely. You know, being born in Canada and those freezing cold winters really gave me the insights of,

I don't like the cold. So that's why now I now live in Tampa. So that's amazing to be in America and in Florida. But it all started with me, you know, as a young guy that thinking school really wasn't for me, you know, getting out of the high school system, thinking about college and university was kind of confusing. My dad had come in as a taxi driver, immigrated to Canada and upgraded to being a business owner, a small little Indian grocery store. So entrepreneurship was always an interest, a fascination for me, you know, being my own boss, setting my own hours. And very quickly in my early 20s, I was able to take knowledge by going to seminars.

I'm a big advocate of personal development and learning from amazing coaches that gave me that empowerment to take on my dad's small residential real estate portfolio. I took over that real estate portfolio and I, you know, within the years that I had it, converted. into commercial and we ended up becoming commercial retail developers. So I made most of my wealth through commercial real estate development. And funny enough, it was just through the communications and connections. And I'm sure we're going to dive into that a lot today. So from that point on, you know, making money in real estate, living that life, I made a lot of mistakes. Took all the millions that I was making and I started buying businesses, trying this, trying that, distracting myself until I got to a point where it's like, no, you got to keep it clear. So real estate has always been

my engine, but my passion was a little bit different. My passion truly came out during COVID. during everyone going home and being restricted. And it came down to using our voice. How do we use our voice to go out there and actually influence an impact? How do we truly be able to go and connect with people in a society that's not letting us connect anymore? So I made it a quest of mine to build out my company, Next Gen wealthy, to inspire and empower those to live a life by design, mastering the way that they can think, they can speak, they can connect.

So a lot of my background comes from NLP, neurolinguistic programming and hypnotherapy that allows me to really know the psychological science, but in the practicality of going out, shaken hands, being at conferences and connecting with gentlemen like you. Dude, that's awesome, man. There's some things in your story that I want to cover because I think there's some, at the very beginning, if we rewind back to you re-evaluating if the university and school was really for you and society will tell us. And it told me, I mean, we're relatively probably the same age. You know, I'm in my 40s. I don't know where you're at, but, you know, you might be a little younger.

But, you know, the reality is, the reality is everybody tells us we have to go to high school. We have to get great grades. And then we have to go to university and get your degree. And although I think there's some value to that, especially if you're in athletics, et cetera, or you want to be a doctor or something like that. But there's a lot of people now that are disrupting that. And what are your thoughts now, man? Because people still want to focus on if you don't go to college, you're not going to be successful.

I don't really believe that. Now, I don't believe that anymore either because what we have to understand is the school system was designed specifically to, of course, make us into corporate machines. That's how we originally started in the Industrial Revolution. Now, bringing that into modern day time, we didn't really upgrade the system, which was a bad thing. But what didn't really school teach us if you think about the core fundamentals on a psychological basis? Consistency, discipline, showing up. You know, when they started online education and people were online, you could lay in your bed and watch your program. That was different than the mindset of getting up, getting ready, going to school, being in front of your teacher. So that's a good pattern that I think that school had a good basis on. But the actual curriculum is where they have failed. They have not been able to update the curriculums for what this now generation needs to learn when it comes to confidence, when it comes to communication, when it comes to belief systems. And these kind of things now are taking on more of a face value front in the independent generation we live in. I'm all about this.

This is very interesting. and we're going to go down this rabbit hole here because I can tell you without a lack of any confidence, I went through high school, played division one baseball at LSU, graduated. I'm not saying I was like valedictorian or any shit like that because I was not. The only thing that got me through college and graduating was, you know, baseball. Like I had to or else I would be ineligible, right? I wouldn't be able to play. But you touched on something, man.

You touched on something that is very valuable. And for those of you at home listening or in your car or getting your pump on in the gym, really dive in and think about what he said about. It teaches you consistency to stick with something, commitment, determination, whatever it is. But where it always falls short is the curriculum. And I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, I did not know how to budget money. I didn't know shit about entrepreneurship. All I knew when I left school was how to.

to be a just robot, a corporate robot. And hey, listen, the corporate America, it made me, right? I give a lot of credit to corporate America. I am out now. As of this month or last month, I was out, 100% gone, full-time entrepreneur. And I haven't been in a bad mood since. Okay, I just want to, I want to really bring that to the forefront for those of you that are listening. It was at a gamble? Absolutely. But every day I'm going to bet on me 10 times over. And I don't give a shit. What school, what, what major, they don't teach you how to bet on yourself. And I think that right there is a travesty.

Absolutely. 100% agree with that. And even in like, you know, when we're going through these years, who's talking about what we actually want? You know, everyone's telling you what you need, but who's actually asking you what you want? That's a big thing right there. In schools, we're just, okay, you've got to learn this.

Oh, you got to get, you got to go through these classes. But like you just mentioned, finance, finance is big. You know, I got financial advisors and people like friends that are financial advisors have gotten their degrees in finance, but they don't even know how to balance their own books. So it's like it's awesome that you've gone ahead and done a four-year degree in finance. It's great. But where is this actually applying to your own world? And how are you using that knowledge now to upscale yourself? You know, that's why seminars, webinars and coaches, you know, this world of coaches that we live in now, you know, the speakers and the influencers, this has become the norm now because now it's being able to learn from somebody's individual experience. When we're in, you know, this, this is being able to learn from somebody's individual experience. When we're in. school we were learning from somebody that drove a Toyota that we're convincing us to be a doctor to then eventually buy a Lamborghini but now in the world of this you know and it's a little bit of a double standard here is now we're actually looking for people that have accomplished the lifestyle that you want to live and then learning from them the only caveat that i will say to that is that we're living

also in a very fake generation because now people are renting Lamborghinis showing a lifestyle saying you can have this too and you can't it doesn't work like that you know you have to put in hard work you got to put in the reps and you and i know that absolutely And dude, it's so funny because you talk about education and we talk about learning from those like Ed Milette, Andy Fricela, the big dudes, right? They are what? They're entrepreneurs. They built this big brand off of social media and in their real life and then took their experiences and brought it to the platform. Now what you're touching on when you're talking about, you know, this is some real baller buster shit, right?

that, you know, people are renting Lamborghinis and, you know, talking about they live in $25 million mansion, but they don't own it, right? They're now again, renting a $25 million mansion is still a hell of a nut every month, crack. But still, we have people living in this fake world that are out there influencing others to buy their programs and you're going to make seven figures in 90 days. to the audience, I have to be honest with you. Like, if you believe that, then you deserve it.

Like, you actually deserve the hard knock lesson from Hard Knock University that you will learn in purchasing a $15,000 course for 90 days and thinking you're going to be a millionaire. That is just, I mean, it's predatory, right? But at the same time, like, hey, if we're not, if we're not street smart enough. to know that this is a scam. Well, like, hey, good luck. You're going to learn, right? Yeah. And in this industry now, there's big names,

and not to put anybody on the spot, but when you see 10x culture, it's interesting because their culture kind of helped instill that and give that real power to the people. You know, Grant was able to do that in such a way and be able to expand his business and charge $40,000 workshops. And then everyone thought, okay, I can do this too.

I can start charging people that too. But what happened there? Trust value has gone down more than anything. That's why authenticity is the number one frequency in the world, right? Trust is everything now because we can see it now. We're not stupid. Back in the day, we're like, okay, let's try it. And we'll figure it out now.

It's like there's no way I'm even doing that because I don't trust that. I don't have a gut feeling that there's something off. And that now is a different generation of now seeing great, you can be a leader, great, you can be an influencer, but where's the authenticity? Where is it where I see you on screen the same way that I see you in person? That's going to be the wave of the person. future now in my opinion. Spot on, dude.

I think one of your gifts, I know one of your gifts and one of my gifts, and this is something that we have a mutual circle, right? And people know us both as we are. And the feedback I always get on you, the feedback always get on me is like, I can call you or I can see you in public or I can, you know, see you on Instagram or hop on a show with you. And it's the same energy. How do you do that?

Well, because it's me. It's who I am. Like I don't believe in creating a certain character for you or for anybody. Now again, like there are sometimes where, you know, we're diving into that personality a little bit more for entertainment. And it, and it's ever evolving, right? Like there's things that I used to speak on, you know, two, three years ago that I'm like, I would never say that again, right? But it's who I was at the moment, right? And I think what we're lacking right now, I know what we're lacking, Jay, is a community on social media and in the coaching space, we're lacking authenticity, man.

And it drives me crazy. And for instance, you'll see one person do a video and then you'll see another person do the same exact video. It's the same words. It's like, guys, you're not, you're not doing anything. like I believe in copycatting because the best things were copycats. I mean, like, look, you mean, there's some, there's some like, you know, if someone copies me, I'm like, wow, that's awesome. Like, that's cool, man.

Thank you. It gives me the sense that I'm on the right track, but make it your own. Make it your own. Like, don't sit there in this little pressure chamber in this bubble and be completely fake and think you're going to get something out of it. That is the biggest problem that I'm seeing right now in the influencer and coach world, man. Absolutely. My coach, Richard Dolan always said to me, he said imitation versus emulation, right?

Are you imitating or emulating? Those are two completely different things there, right? Imitation is not necessarily negative, but imitation is doing it in a way that's not really the right fit. It's doing it for the wrong intention, whereas an emulation is looking up towards somebody and saying, wow, that guidance can now be passed to me, like you said, and now I've got to kind of put my, my sauce sign, my flavor to it, and bring that to the world now. I agree, man. I've never heard it broken down like that, imitation versus emulation.

You never want to imitate, right? We're all limited editions of ourselves, including the original person who put the content out. The one of one, man. We are one of one. There's not another Jada Han out there. There's not. There's people that may do the same thing. There's people that may have the same message, but zero people are going to deliver it like

you can authentically. And I think that's what makes people so powerful is when they're not afraid to stand on their own two feet and speak up and say, this is who I am. This is who I am. And I think it brings a very high level ability to communicate. And communication is one of your specialties. So why don't we take the opportunity to segue into communication and how it's helped you, you know, become who you are in the world? Of course, the main thing is fear. You know, one of my biggest fears growing up was public speaking.

And when I looked into the statistic and it said, you know, public speaking is number one. Or sorry, public speaking is number one on the fear list. Number two is death. So people would rather guide than to public speak. I thought interesting, you know, because fear was always a motivator for me. I wanted to overcome fear, but it was very challenging for me. And looking at a fear of public speaking, it's like, how is that going to work now? How do I do it?

Yeah, of course, I've got to put the training into. I got to put the reps into it. I got to force myself on stage. I got to do this stuff. But it came down to this one thing that I learned that really changed my whole perspective on communication itself as a whole, let alone public speaking. Because whether it's one to one, whether it's one to many or one to few, it really comes down to this.

55% is body language. It's how you can see me right now. It's how my eyes are moving, how my hand and the energy that my body can give. 38% is the nonverbals. This is where a lot of people mess up because the nonverbals is the confidence. People ask me all the time, how do I get confidence? Nonverbals. 38% is nonverbals.

change your tonality, put character to your voice so people are interested to listen to you. And only 7% is just the words. So what we do in our minds as humans is because we have this survival instinct, we go, oh, I'm going to say the wrong thing. I might ask a dumb question. I might, and we get inside of our mind too much, and we stop to not think about 7% is just the words. Nobody really cares what you're saying. It's how you actually say it and what you make them feel inside. So that was just really the turning point in my life about getting out there and communicating and, you know, going to bars and, you know, I'm a very social butterfly. So I would go to bars and I would sit there and I would force myself into conversations, you know, talk to the gentleman at the bar. Hey, where are you from? Constantly practicing, but not practicing in a forceful way. Practicing in an environment and giving myself incremental steps. When we talk about authenticity, it's crazy because everyone's like, okay, well, of course I want to be the best version of myself. So I'm going to aim for that ideal version of myself.

It's too far of a goal. Why you just do one act today? Just go put smile on 10 faces today. That's all you got to do and just keep it consistent. And that transformed me into over the years to then being able to learn from some of the best, you know, being working with Tony Robbins and, you know, Grant Cardone and my coach, Richard Dolan, you know, very, very linguistically inclined people in their own aspects and really using that energy to continuously push myself now. And now with, you know, the momentum that we have, teaching men specifically.

So the lines then that we've created is a men's only mastermind. and it's for men specifically because it's harder for us to communicate. We're not very emotional beings. We've been suppressed for so long in terms of be a man or rub some dirt in it. And then everyone said, okay, well, you can be a woman if you want. It's crazy how the context, the contrast went. But at the end of the day, the men, the masculine men, just go, you know what? I've got to learn how to just communicate so I can at least just get better up here,

which will then in turn help my relationship. In turn, it'll help my business. It'll help my team. And that is the ultimate skill that we all need to learn is communication. We're not focusing on it. And that's wrong with our society at the moment. I love it, Jay. I mean, like, there's so much to unpack there.

Okay. But I want to tell a funny story. Is that okay? Absolutely. Fear of public speaking, the number one fear next to death. That shit is real, bro. That shit is so real. And here's a funny story for you and for the listener.

So I remember being in junior college, right? Playing baseball at Los Madonnell's College right before I went to LSU and I actually had one stop in between for accuracy purposes. But I was in this communications class and we had to give a speech. And I didn't know when I signed up for this class. I was told like, hey, this is cake. Do this class. And he's talking about speeches.

And I immediately, the first speech I had to do, I didn't show up to class for like three weeks because I didn't want to do this in front of 12 people. and 12 people. And then I did it, right? Finally did it. They're like, hey, if you don't do this, you're going to fail. And I knocked it out of the park. And I'm like, okay, that wasn't so bad.

And then I went to LSU. And then Skip Burtman tells us, hey, we have this thing called Coaches Committee here. You know, in the fall, we have dinners. People come in. The Coaches Committee come in. And then we have some of the newcomers come in, grab a microphone, and talk to 500 people. And say, who you are, et cetera. And those were very anxietizing moments for me.

And I'm not going to lie, I still get nervous before I'm about to go in front of a group of people. But I'm going to tell you something. On the other side of that fear is something that you conquered. And if you can get to that point, if you allow yourself to grow into that and lean into those feelings, man, the world opens up. I mean, had I never done that, and I had never done the things that I'm doing now with my show and speaking locally to, you know, middle school kids or whatever, bro, I wouldn't have a TED talk in March. And there we go. Another fear.

Like, if I'm going to sit here and tell you guys, you to your face and everybody who's listening to me, because I'm always very honest how I feel. Oh, I'm scared. Dude, I'm fearful of that. Like, it scares me. It scares me because I know the gravity of the situation. It's not the actual talk. It's the gravity.

So how can I deliver a good conversation? have great tonality, fantastic body language, and not worry if I'm giving the wrong information, as long as I'm delivering it the right way. Now again, I don't want to give false information, but if I mess up, do they know I messed up? Probably not, right? We know, so we can continue to keep going. But dude, I just want to give some serious, like, loved that statement that public speaking fear is real. And if people are feeling it, it doesn't mean that it needs to stop you. And it's, you know, our mind is conditioned by, I call it three gatekeepers. Another immense lesson that I learned from Richard Dolan.

Judgment, ego, and fear. We call it Jeff. Judgment, ego, fear. The judgment of others, the ego within yourself, or the fear of the unknown. You see, these gatekeepers, what they're designed to do is help your brain do its only function, which is survive. So at any moment, if your conscious mind now says, okay, I'm about to go. want to stage, I'm about to go do something that you're going to be speaking from one of those keepers. So for some people, it's fear. For some people, it's like, I just don't know what's

going to happen. I don't know, just like how you mentioned, the magnification of what this could actually do and how that's going to impact. Then there's also the judgment side. Judgment side is what are the people going to say? What are they going to, what are they going to, what if I mess up and they make fun of me? And then the ego is, man, I got this. I'll blow it out of the park. And then you end up slipping and falling on stage. You know, like, These kind of things, and when you look at these gatekeepers and you start getting more into the psychological side of things and the subconscious mind, our subconscious mind doesn't know what's real and fake. It just moves. When I'm thirsty and I grab this bottle of water and I put it down, my subconscious mind just goes, mm, perfect.

We've replenished, you know, water. Good. My conscious mind had to be like, oh, here's the water bottle. Okay, perfect. Now I got to unscrew the top. I got to put it, okay, perfect, perfect. I drank the water. So when we start to actually tune in more to our subconscious mind, that's where we can make things really fun for the way that we test ourselves.

We play games with ourselves and really get ourselves to that next level and keep pushing to that next level. That resilience, I like to say. I agree, man. And it's funny because you talked about, you know, the three gatekeepers. Do you remember the first video you ever put out? Do you remember recording it? No. I do.

I do. It was right before. I was about to launch my Determined Society Facebook group, because that's all it was. The Determine Society wasn't even a podcast yet. And it was so big. I'm like, dude, it's a Facebook group, but I took it like it was the Super Bowl or Game 7 of the World Series, you know, winning run on third base, two outs. Like, I was that serious about it.

And I remember, I remember what I was wearing. I was wearing this royal blue Columbia long-sleeve fishing shirt. and I had just gotten done with a run and I sat on the right hand side of the corner of my garage with my back against it and I filmed the video and I was so scared of what other people were going to think about me, the judgment, right, of others. And then I moved to like, man, hell with this shit. I'm just going to do it. I got this.

And you go through those things. I think every time. And I think it's important, you know, to educate the audience on. Every time we do something new, these three gatekeepers are probably going to fire, wouldn't you say? Yes, absolutely. Anything uncomfortable? Yeah. So what are some tips you can give the audience in your experience that when those three gatekeepers, the judgment, the ego and the fear started fire a little bit?

How do we move in spite of that? Absolutely. The first thing is, of course, taking awareness of it. So even just acknowledging which one you're speaking from, this takes practice. This isn't as simple as an, okay, the next uncomfortable situation I'm in, oh, it's this one. We usually have a primary. We usually have a secondary, right? So when you do this analysis on yourself and you start evaluating yourself, now you start

to be aware of it, start to understand which one is coming, which one is speaking. Now it's like, okay, now that I know it's there, how do I actually get rid of it? Or how do I mitigate it? Well, this is a simple thought pattern technique that you can use, which is understanding the levels of your thoughts. There's three levels of thoughts that we have. Level one, level two, level three, for simple purposes. And let's just use an emotion, for example, like anger.

I'll use that just as it from a language standpoint. In level one, you would sound something like, I am angry. Simple. Level two sounds like I am having a thought that I am angry. Okay. And level three is, I believe I'm having a thought that I'm angry. So what that's doing is this disassociation. So I'll give you an example.

Let's just say you're driving down the freeway. You're going, you're going, you're in the fast lane, and some guy just swings past you, cuts you off, you almost sway off the road, and he's gone. So you're pissed. You're like, what the heck? Who is this guy? Now what?

Level one thinking is you in the driver's seat. That is you saying, man, this guy, are you kidding me? What are you almost swung me off the road? Level two thinking now is the version of you in the passenger seat. That version of you is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. What are you going to do? Call the cops. Are we going to go crash into him?

Like, come on. We got to have a reasoning here. It's like the devil and the angel on your shoulders, so to speak, right? We do this thousands and times a day trying to go back and forth between level one and level two. Now, see, the problem there is that if you start to understand that level one and two is not getting you to the solution, it's just giving you that back and forth teeter totter thinking and actually losing bandwidth, understanding level three is where the power zone is. The version of you in the backseat that's got your arms up like this going, look at Tweedle D,

trying to explain the Tweedle D that we're angry right now. You know how much more stuff we got our bandwidth should be focused on? and when you disassociate yourself away from even just the current circumstance you're in, it allows you to think logical versus emotional. Because when we're inside the scene, of course you're going to be emotional. You almost swayed off the road. It's your nice car. It's this.

There's so many factors that can justify it to our conscious mind saying that I'm angry. Like I didn't do anything wrong. But then the other side, well, come on. Let's just chill. We still got to get to work. But it's still bugging me until I get to that third level where I go, swipe it clean. On to the next thought, let's keep moving forward. That's awesome.

Because, like, you know, when you get, for your example, almost getting run off the road, it's emotional because, like, you start thinking, like, well, what could have happened? Right. And I have children. I have a wife. I have all this stuff going on. You know, what would have happened? And that's where you get like really, you know, like, I can't believe this. And you just take it personal, right?

What we've got to understand is nothing's personal. Like, that person didn't say, okay, that's, that's Jay in that car right there. I'm going to go cut them off. You know, I mean, so, but the person in the backseat, the level three is like, hey, you know what? Yeah, that could have happened, but it didn't. And now you have the opportunity to slow down, get to work safely and on time, and you still get to go home and see your family.

So the worst thing didn't even happen. So why are we going to let what could have happened ruin the rest of our day? And a lot of times individuals, well, including me, I've done it before, I will let a bad moment of five minutes or even 20 seconds impact the rest of my day. And that's when we have to really evaluate and reflect on our day. Like, why did I do that? Why did I let something that didn't even happen create a bad day? I just took that five minute period and peanut buttered it all over my whole day.

And now the whole day is ruined. Like that's something that I think about often, Jay. It's like, why? you're into NLP and, you know, all these kinds of things. What are some of the reasons why people do that? In terms of people doing that, I'll say it's the RAS. It's the reticulating, activating system inside your brain that's now saying, look, I dropped my keys this morning. I tripped over my thing.

It's going to be a week from hell. The minute that now I plant that seed inside my own head, guess what? It's going to be. You're asking for it. It's as simple as that. I don't want to go to the law of attraction and the power of positivity, but it really just comes down to you are manifesting what's out there. The way that you want to get into a situation and the way that you want to exit a situation is all up to you, especially when it comes to thoughts and emotions.

Again, the problem is that we're set up to fail because we have a six to one ratio for emotions. We have six out of the common seven emotions that humans feel. Six are negative. One is positive. Joy is the only positive emotion we feel. Then we have sadness. We got anger. We got fear.

We got contempt, surprise and disgust. So we're on an uphill battle regardless every single day. So again, knowing this type of information now, though, changes. up the game because now first now I can be like okay is it judgment ego fear that I'm going out of which which keeper is it that's the one okay perfect now which level am i speaking from am i level one thought level two thought level three thought okay perfect and then now at the end of it it really comes down to okay so what is it that i actually want going back to that what is my actual outcome of this because i have the power to do that why am i giving my power to other people or anything else we do that every

single day and we unconsciously because we think justifying consciously we say oh no but yeah no i just wanted to mitigate the situation. I didn't want to get into an argument with the person. Well, it's like you didn't want to get into argument, then don't get into an argument. It's just that simple. Why are we over-complicating it? Wow. You know, I think all too often, as human beings, we tend to, like you said, give power to external forces to people outside of what we can control. And if we, and I tell us to all my clients, like, hey, write down all the things you can control

in every aspect of your life. and then read that every morning when you wake up and only focus on those things and look up in 90 days and see where you're at. I mean, really think about that, right? Because now we're creating the standard. Now we're creating this process and trust with ourselves that no matter what happens externally, we're going to focus on this list. We're going to focus on the things that are to make us better and get us to propel to the next level. And when we do that, time and time again, it becomes the,

this great habit-forming experience, right? And success is all about forming amazing habits, right? And then in 90 days, we look up and we have all this opportunity in front of us, and it's almost there's so much there that it's overwhelming. And it can be suffocating, right? And that's where I'm at right now. You know, I put my head down and did all the things and worried about things that I can control.

And now I have a thousand different things going on. I'm like, holy moly, how am I going to pull this off? like thank God I have a team now to help me because otherwise I'd just be completely overwhelmed. So this to me is interesting, right? And it's something like you said. We battle it as human beings every single day, man, every single day. You know, you said something else a while back that I feel that really needs attention. You know, the next, you know, 15 minutes before we, we, you know, hop off.

I can't believe it's already been a half hour with you, dude. Like honestly, it is, it is mind blowing. how quickly great conversations go. And then it almost makes me think like, you know, like, damn it, you know, over the last 12 months, I could have been this much closer to this guy. Because you find out when you have these recordings that how much you are alike and how much you actually do love that other person on the end of the can, on the other end of the screen.

So I want to acknowledge you first and foremost. And but secondly, man, you know, the thing that you talked about that I know really needs attention. And it's a complete script changer for a lot of men that are over the age of probably 30 to 35. When I grew up, big boys don't cry. You know, they don't talk about their emotions. They're not open with other men. And I really respect what you're doing with the Lions Den because I am one of the most emotional men you will ever meet. I am not afraid to cry in front of a thousand men.

And I think that the world needs, I know the world needs more of that because along those lines becomes a lot of healing and understanding, right? And as we talked about authenticity and communication, so I want you to dive in, man. And let's talk about your group, the lions, dim,

because I want those that are listening to be able to, you know, those men to hop in if they need some help. Absolutely. And I appreciate the space for that. You know, Lionsden was something that I felt was a void in the market. We just talked about it, right? Our generation went from our generation, which was that ruthless kind of tough mindset

to then very, very soft. So in between that, it was hard to adjust. And it's like nobody's asking a man to just cry. That's not the point. But it's being able to know how to articulate yourself, even mentally. It's not even about to others yet. I always say master the way you think first, then speak, and then you connect with others. So to break this down, you know, the lines then was built on three simple words,

brotherhood, blessings, and breakthroughs. That's the core foundation. I just wanted a place where brothers could come together and we could just be in a safe spot. We can chill. We can talk. We can do our men thing. The blessings, whether you believe in God or you believe in yourself, being able to be

grateful and understanding gratitude is the ultimate cure to any negative emotion. You can't simultaneously be angry while you're grateful. You can't simultaneously be sad while you're grateful. So you use gratitude and blessings to really, you know, push past all of that. And then the breakthroughs. You know, on the Lions-Zan call, maybe it's something that I will say, maybe it's another line will say something. But looking for those breakthroughs and seeking those breakthroughs was the core foundation of what we did at Lionsden. And from there, of course, it's escalated to just, you know, really improving communication style, being able to present

one-to-one, one-to-many, you know, being able to articulate and using our voice to go out there. And I like to, well, that's the Lions-Den, right? So uncade your roar, like, get your roar out there because we all have that role. And that's the most powerful thing is we, all have that inner roar. Every man has that roar. But the problem is that maybe we don't know how to roar. I don't think so. It becomes that trust, that trusting yourself.

Now I broke down trust last week on the Lions and Colin. I'm going to do it here as well with you because it's very, very powerful to decode the word trust and especially trust in ourselves. You mentioned it a little bit about where you're at right now, right? This is the same factor that us men get into because it's trusting ourselves now. We can trust the system. We can trust the business we've built. We can trust other people.

we can trust that, but trusting ourselves to that full capacity is how we level up as meant. So when we break it down into these three components, when we look at trust, you look at these three words, dependability, reliability, and ability. Now you may ask, what's the difference between them? Well, picture hiring a babysitter for your kids, right? If you want to trust your babysitter, those three words are going to come up. Dependability, reliability, ability. So the difference between them is dependability. Let's start with, let's start with a babysitter. Let's start with a Ability. Ability is the skill set. Ability is this babysitter has the skills to be able to take care of my child. Okay, make sense. The reliability now. The reliability is this babysitter is going to show up on time. I know that this person is going to show up on time and we're good. I don't have to worry about that. I know my dinner plans. She shows up. I'm good. Reliability is there. Dependability. Now, what will be the difference between reliability and dependability? Hmm, dependability is knowing that that babysitter, is going to care for my child the way that I would. Now, that's a different one. Now, when you get all

three of these together and you have somebody that's dependable, you have somebody that's reliable, and you have somebody that's able now. That is the true definition of trust. What we do as men within our own subconscious and our own minds is we don't give ourselves enough value and credit for that. We say, yeah, of course, I can trust myself, but do I have the ability? Yes, I'm running the business. I have the ability. Am I dependable? Absolutely, because I want the best for the business. am I reliable? Ooh, maybe that's the one that I got to work on. Maybe I'm not staying so hard to my commitments.

You know, I was asked the other day, they're like, what is the definition of a real man? They asked me that. They're like, Jay, you're the line and leecher. What's the definition of a real man? And the way that I said it was simple. A real man is someone that honors and stays committed to his word. That's it.

That's it. Nothing more. You don't need to buy it. You don't need to have the money. You don't have the cars. you have to close you. As long as you stick to your word and you are committed to your word and you follow through on that, you are a true man. That's it. Dude, I love that, man. It's, uh, it's something that every time the babysitter example for parents is, is spot on. Dude, every time my wife and I

meet someone new, we have two people that we, that we trust our children with that are not family. Um, and these two girls, you know, um, they're like family now because we know all these things. We know that they have ability. We know they're reliable and we know we can depend on them, right? But when you're initially making those decisions, you're asking yourselves those questions. And, you know, what I encourage people to really do now after listening to this episode, because there's a lot of amazing information in here on just how the human brain works and it was broken down into a conversational and not boring way, right? When you're going through a decision-making process, think about that. Think about that. Think about that.

You know, we're talking about trust. Okay. Well, if I'm going to have this person do this for my business, do they have the ability? Are they reliable? And can I depend on them? That's the framework, man. And it's not, and for you goes listening at home, that isn't just for other people. That's for yourself.

Okay. I want to be clear. Because if you aren't keeping your word to yourself, are you waking up when you say you're going to wake up? I don't care if it's 6 a.m., you know, 5 a.m. or even 9 a.m. I don't care. but like what are you saying to yourself every single day and a lot of people will say man i really don't know if i can trust myself to do this well that's because they're falling short in one of these areas and they're not keeping their word to themselves and if we can keep our word to ourselves our children are going to see it our spouses are going to see it

our employees are going to see it your clients are going to see it and they are going to run through brick walls for you because they know you're a man of your word. Absolutely. That's what it takes to be a leader. You know, that's people follow people. You know, again,

it's a misconception nowadays because everyone goes, oh, well, money is everything. Okay, good. Then you get money in your hand. And when you get money in hand,

you're like, whoa, whoa, it actually wasn't money at all. It was actually time. Time is the most valid books. I can't buy back a minute. Great.

What happens when you have money and time? Then what happens? You understand that people are everything. people are everything. So communication, having trust within yourself allows you to build better relationships. Those relationships are going to manifest to yes, family, friends, you know, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives. But on this side, clients, investors, the next step in your relationship. You know, I remember sitting down because I had to trust in myself in what I was doing with real estate, a quick story. I was sitting down and within two beers, I raised a million

dollars for a real estate project. How do you do that within two beers? How much trust and rapport can you build with somebody over two beers, but you have to trust yourself before I could even go out there and ask somebody else to trust me. And this is another thing that we do specifically as men more than anything is that we go out there and we try to please and we try to get that wife and make her happy. And once we've captured her, we're like, yes, I'm good. I'm set. Now that I got her, I don't have to like do all the maintenance anymore. It doesn't work like that because again, it's a lock of trust in yourself to know the man that you are, what you committed to and what you're going to follow through on.

Dude, it's big, man. I mean, these are all amazing. This is amazing topics, dude, because this is what people need to listen to. You know, like, I know this is going to impact so many people. And I know there's a lot of people listening right now that are saying, you know what? Man, I'm not doing that. And you know what? This person that I know is not doing that.

Well, if you know people that aren't doing that and you want to support each other and grow as men together as human beings and you want to learn how to value people more, send them this episode. Because I'm going to tell you, you listen to this over and over again. There's been plenty of action items. If you read into this deep enough, there's a framework of becoming a leader, becoming a man, right, and a person that loves people. I mean, it's the complete recipe for interpersonal relationships, dude. And here's the final piece to this as well, too, is you just mentioned, you know, some people are probably listening to this going, oh, you know, I don't do all of that or I could do better.

Okay. Give yourself permission to feel that. This trumps everything. Give yourself permission to feel a negative emotion. Give yourself permission to fuck up. Give yourself permission first. first and then it mitigates it at the end instead of all man see I shouldn't have trusted myself because now look I got myself in more debt it's like just give yourself permission and say okay I'm

gonna give myself permission that if I get into 5k or 10k or 100k extra in debt I've at least given myself permission to do so but I don't want to do that I want to avoid that but because you've given yourself permission you've allowed yourself to kind of ooh we'll breathe a little bit so it's okay if you're not doing all these things but you're right the framework is there you know with online and resources and amazing podcasts like this, this is how we're getting more word out there. This is how we're getting more of our voices and our stories out there. So taking this framework is awesome.

But applying it now and giving yourself permission for when you aren't hitting it fully is okay. Don't beat yourself up too much. When was the last time that us men actually just, you know, at the end of our hard day of work because we work so hard, just go, man, I'm going to pat myself on the back. Like, I feel good. That was a good day.

It's hard to do that. We're not really conditioned to do that. Like, no, tomorrow's another day. Tomorrow's another day. Give yourself permission and you'll change your game. It's so funny because earlier this week, I had this big moment in the business, right? This big freaking moment where I was able to now, like, deploy multiple resources to get where I want this platform to be, where I want to be. And immediately, I went, oh, shit, what now?

What now? What now? Now this goes off. We're going to do this. And now, like, this studio is obsolete. What am I going to do? Instead of just enjoying that moment of patting myself on the back for doing something that I have been looking to do for four years. It's a thing, guys.

It's a sickness almost, right? It's like, okay, it's that drive. Okay, what next? Oh, shit. Shit. And then we don't lean into the win enough. And then we also get lost in all the noise. and I quickly was able to rebound, right?

Whereas back in the past, I couldn't. And I was just like, okay, I did that. Fantastic. Great job. Let's smile. And let's leave all the BS for tomorrow. Like, let's leave all the what ifs. Let's leave everything because you've already proven, Sean,

that when the what if actually comes, you have a solution. And that's trust. All right, guys, listen, you heard it. reach out to my boy. His handles will be in the show notes along with this website. I encourage you to go check them out, reach out to him, drop him a DM, and let him know where you heard them, where you found out about them. And if we can do anything for you, please, by all means, just ask. But more than anything, a favor for us from you is to share the show with anybody that you feel would benefit from it.

And we would appreciate it. And thank you guys so much for taking the last 45 minutes to learn a little bit more about Jay and the amazing things he has going on. And go out there and dominate your day, guys. And I always say this. I've always wanted to wake up in a world or in a society that wakes up determined to chase their fucking dreams. So get out there today. Be determined and go get chores. Peace out.

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