Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - How To Weaponize Your Superpowers with Steve Eckert

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

Steve Eckert is a Personal Discipline and Development Accountability Coach.  He is a United States Marine, Entrepreneur, Husband, and Father.  His unique style of blending Military strategies and tactics with the mindset and methods of an entrepreneur have helped over 20,000 clients achieve Results and Life Transformations, over the past 22 years.  He has built several successful companies and Brands from scratch in the Coaching and Fitness industries.  Founder and Owner of OTD- Operate to Dominate Peak Performance Coaching Founder/ Owner of OTD Online- Coaching Courses Founder/ Owner of Freak Code- Clothing Company Personal Trainer/ Fitness Professional for over 20 years Instructor/ Co-Founder of The Project- men’s personal development program Instructor/ Co-Owner of LTD- Leadership and Team Development Training Previous coach of several Mastermind and Mentorship Group Coaching Programs   Connect with Steve: https://www.instagram.com/steve.eckert1/ https://www.facebook.com/SteveEckertNoExcuses/ https://youtube.com/@steveeckert1382 https://steve-eckert.mykajabi.com/otd-alliance-group-coaching Connect with Shawn: https://www.instagram.com/theshawnfrench/?hl=en https://twitter.com/theshawnmfrench?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor https://theshawnfrench.com/   Work with Shawn: If you would like to work with Shawn, have him on your podcast or have him speak at your events please send inquiries to shawn.french@thedeterminedsociety and we will be intouch.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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All right. Now you know, you just saw who exactly you were at that point. And it was up to you to make the decision. Am I going to a fucking do something about it and you and weaponize this? Take this suffering, this craziness and turn it into a superpower. Or am I going to just make excuses and continue on this path of bullshit and nonsense and, and, covering up who I really am. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to another show, The Termin Society. I have with me another amazing guest. He is a husband, a father, a United States Marine, entrepreneur, personal discipline,

and development peak performance coach. Steve has been married for 10 years to his wife, Ava, and together they have an 11-year-old son and a 9-year-old daughter. They run several businesses from home while doing homeschool. Everybody, I want you to welcome a big, big welcome to my boy, Steve Acker, to the show. What's up, buddy? What's up, brother? I'm looking forward to this. Love all your stuff. And I just think types of conversations that you're having with other men usually are just not just not happening often enough. So looking forward to it. No, man, I think that's one of the things that really kind of drew us together just now that you mention it is the types of conversation having with men.

There's too much, there's too many men right now that are going along and pushing shit down and acting like they're okay and not speaking about certain things, nor are they trying to get better. I mean, I don't know what you've seen out there, but to me, when I, when I see men, I see people hiding shit. And I don't ever feel that's a good way to be. Yeah, in one of our programs, the project, we call it suffering and silence. And it's what men do all the way. They think that they don't need help, but they also can't show weakness. They can't show vulnerability. They can't show emotion.

And yeah, a man definitely should be able to control all that shit and not go overboard and have to go show their feminine side and tap into their. femininity like they're told they need to do, but it also doesn't mean you just suffer in silence, because that's also being just as, I think, as big of a bitch when you're just covering it all up and just building up resentment and really not being who they're supposed to be, who they're meant to be. I mean, I really like that. When you talk about suffering in silence, I think a lot of men do that. And I think it's a bitch move as well, man.

I don't think it's a strong point. There's a lot of people in my life that I've spoken to. Well, I don't have emotions. like things don't bother me like dude you're when you're 45 you're going to flip the fuck out like you're going to lose your mind and you're going to lose everybody in it because you've never dealt with anything that you're feeling um you know so for me like i agree with you i think there's a way to bring out your feelings and the things that you feel vulnerable about in a very masculine way just by communicating you don't need to shout you don't need to yell don't need to scream

and you surely don't need to be a bitch about it but the fact of the matter is talking with other men and saying, hey, here's where I'm at. And then, you know, reaching out that hand for help, I think it's a big thing, man. And it's not happening enough. Because they think it makes them look weak. They think it makes them look like a little bitch, but not asking for help. They're afraid to ask for help. They're afraid they also don't think they need to do something about it.

Like the shit you see on the internet, 90% of it, like I've seen some shit on the internet and then run into these people in real life. And it is not what you see on the fucking internet. They're, it's a, it's just a show. Most of what's on there on Instagram, it's like a, it's a show. You're seeing a snapshot of like two seconds of a one day, part of a day that was good. And the rest of the day is just pure shit or the rest of the life is shit. And it's all just, a lot of it's just bullshit.

That's the one thing about, you know, the social media, um, world that bothers me a lot, Steve is the fact that you're portraying yourself one way and then you're completely different person in real life. and it's funny because I always pride myself in this. I will never put out a podcast that doesn't fall in line with brand. And if I don't feel like I'm putting my best foot forward, not now, not all my episodes are the greatest ones. Like some of them are better than the others.

That's just natural interview, right? Like it happens. But for me, like I'll never put out an inner, like a, like a video or anything like that where I'm not feeling it. I don't fake shit. And like you will see. and I know you're the type of person too. Like if I see you in person,

you're going to get the same energy for me that you're going to get right now. You're going to look at me on Instagram or if you knock on my front door and announce, you're going to get the same. I'm authentic. It's who I am. And I can't be anything else.

I won't. I refuse. Yeah, there's definitely not enough of that going on. Not enough, whatever you want to call it. Real men, masculinity. How do you want to word it? Definitely not enough of that shit going on. Let me ask you a question, man, because you talked about, you know,

think they don't know or they feel like they don't need to do anything about it to fix it. I have a follow-up question to that. Do you think it's that or do you think it's a lot of they're afraid to look and stare at what they need to fix because it may break them? Yeah, that's a great point. They want to kind of avoid the truth. Like in that movie, I forget what movie it was with what the hell was that movie, with Jack Nicholson.

He says, you can't handle the truth. A few good men. That was a few good men. A few good men. Yeah, he says, you can't handle the truth. Because a lot of those motherfuckers probably can't handle the truth. I think that once all the lockdowns and the corona and all that happened, I think that really exposed a lot of all.

That was like the line in the sand for most people. Like, it's either going to elevate them and it showed them who they really were, one way or the other. It really showed them on one side of the spectrum who they were. And a lot of them didn't like the truth. And they had to sit at home alone for days and months and it ended up being years. You really found out who the fuck you really were. and some people found out who they were in a good way and in a bad way.

And some people found out what they were really capable of about taking things in the next level. I know some people who started multi-million dollar businesses while locked up at home and other people who sat there and got fat and out of shape and made every excuse in the world. And it showed you. It shines so much light on actually who you were. So yeah, I think a lot of them are afraid to find out when they, and then when they do see it, they're freaking shocked and then they'll make excuses for it.

Brother, that's always a touchy subject, right? depending on who you're talking to as far as COVID and the lockdown and things like that. For me, you know, granted, I mean, you know, we lost people. It, you know, it sucked. But for the most part, for me, it was the biggest blessing. It was the great, everybody talks about the great reset or to me I called the great pause. You know, I was not in the best shape. I was way out of shape.

I'm still not in the shape that I need to be in. But the fact of the matter is, I built this podcast. I built this show. I built this personal brand. during COVID. Fuck yeah. And brother, let me tell you something,

man, I don't give him myself enough credit and I'm sure you're a lot like me in this area is I started, my first episode

was in this office and it was a mess. Didn't have a sign. I recorded it on my phone just talking into it like this. And then I would do it in my, I had a VW Atlas at the time.

I would go to the gym and I would get my brain work in and then I'd record an episode in my vehicle. And that's how the podcast started. You know, now we're, you know, in, you know, we've got a sign. We've topped, you know, five percent and globally. We just, I just monetized, by the way.

Oh, yeah. Awesome. And a big five figure upfront check for, you know, and, but here's the thing. I say that not to, you know, toot my horn to these, these listeners and people are watching this show is, but it's just to say it's just support your point. You find out what the fuck you're made of, man, and you either propel forward, you get in better shape, you build a business, you do something you're passionate about, or you sit there in your own pull of piss, you get fat, you destroy relationships, so on and so forth. That's crazy. I didn't even know that that's how it started and exactly that's when you started.

And that's a perfect example. Like that happened and you had a line in the sand. All right. Now you know, you just saw who exactly you were at that point and it was up to you to make the decision. Am I going to a fucking do something about it? and you and weaponize this take this suffering this craziness and turn it into a superpower or am i going just make excuses and continue on this path of bullshit and and nonsense and covering up who i really am because that shit showed you who you were at that point and you stepped the hell up that that's some

awesome stuff i don't even know that part of the story yeah dude the funny part of that story is i didn't know what my brand was i didn't know who i was i still didn't know right there was a lot of limiting beliefs. There's a lot of, you know, shit, you know, a lot of, I guess you would call it childhood trauma, whatever, right? And I didn't know what I should name this thing. All I know is I wanted to have a podcast since the first episode of the MFCEO project, Andy Fricela. You know, I love that show. Like, I hope he brings some of that back because I love the entrepreneurship side of it. I loved listening to his story, how he built his business. And I thought, like, hey, man, like, I could fucking do a podcast. I always wanted to do one. And

And I had to ask people, like, hey, what's the first thing that you think of when you think of me? And this was after I did like a couple rounds of 75 hard. And, you know, people call me coach, coach, coach, determined, determined, determined. And I'm like, wow, determined. I just want to wake up in a determined society, determined society where people chase their fucking dreams instead of looking for excuses. Oh, yeah. I'm like, that's it. The determined society.

So, yeah, man, I'm glad I got to show you. Probably some of that child, you said that you really didn't know what your brand was, childhood trauma and all this other stuff. That's the other thing. That's the other. It's the same as the corona is the same thing with the childhood trauma or such a majority of men that I come across. I've dealt now with in person tens of thousands of men across the country across the world. And that's always the foundational issue as adults is, I call it their daddy issues. And you could call it just as overarching daddy issues.

That's really just their childhood trauma. And it's the same thing as the coronavirus. Eventually, at the time comes, you have to say, am I going to use this? Am I going to weaponize this? shit that happened or whatever this was and use it for good and you and benefit from it. It use it as, again, as a superpower weaponize the fuck out of it. Or am I going to use this as an excuse to be a half-ass man? Oh, because this happened to me, this is why I'm all fucked up or broke or out of shape.

Or you can say because it's happened to me, that's why I'm a badass motherfucker. That's why I'm doing this and this and this. And I gained those superpowers from this experience. I almost think that adversity like that is almost an. advantage. Like if you look back and you think about it, most successful people you know they had some crazy shit happen in their life. They like, you hear the stories all the time. People that came to this country with a dollar 57 in their pocket and now they're multi-billionaires somehow. That adversity was a superpower that they just needed to learn how to weaponize and it just came to them

making the decision to not use it as a fucking excuse and do something about it and turn that suffering into a superpower. That adversity, adversity into an advantage. It's funny you mentioned that because You know, I would imagine in all the projects you do with the, you know, MDK project with Bezos and all your coaching programs that you work with entrepreneurs, family men, et cetera. A lot of times they think they need that next coach to help them hit six figures or seven figures. They need that new funnel. They need this new system.

They need to automate. They need to automate their DMs. A lot of times, yeah, I mean, they do need that stuff to scale. I get it. And I need that stuff to scale. 100% no big deal but the biggest thing that holds them back is their bullshit in the past and if they don't if they don't hit that head on they will never fucking move they have everything inside of them to move forward in their life and to be the successful man or woman that they desire to be

it's about them you know i would have to say like a lot of times when you go through those you know evolutions right for those 48 hours however long it is like that's when you see the man come out. And it looks physical and it seems physical and almost feels physical, but the physical part is the easiest part of it. It's hard as hell, probably the hardest physical thing. Most of those men are doing their life, but that is the easiest part. It's the mental, emotional, social, spiritual challenges that they're having. And you mentioned Pedro's and it's funny. And what you're saying is dead on. Like, I started, I actually was in Baders's coaching program. It's called the seven figure mastermind. It was for fitness business owners.

This was like, oh, probably 10 years ago. And after I was in that program for about a year or two, we did a lot of marketing and sales like you're saying, but he started shifting. He was way ahead of the time. Like nowadays, all this stuff about mindset and all the stuff. He was started teaching us that stuff. This was almost 10 years ago.

And because he saw the problems that people were going through and realized, I can give you the greatest fucking sales funnel in history. I can give you the script to go sell millions of dollars. But if you're fucked up, if your foundation is fucked up, you're just going to build a foundation on shit. Just like if you don't know how to handle your money when you're broke, you're not going to handle your money when you're rich. It was the same thing.

If you're mental, your foundation. So he started going into a lot of deeper, higher level personal development stuff. You kind of shifted it towards personal development. And actually a lot of people weren't ready for that. Couldn't comprehend that. They thought, no, no, but I just need this new fucking click funnel. And they would leave and cancel the work with him. And the people who stayed, we fucking blew up because we realized, holy shit.

This was the missing piece. I thought it was a funnel or a script. like that shit you can find most of that kind of shit on the fucking YouTube like yeah you need to do that work on yourself that foundational discipline those daily disciplines that you that you need to have and and unfucking yourself and it starts with a lot of times that childhood bullshit stories you're telling yourself in your freaking head that are holding you back you're 30 40 50 years old and you got men still talking about when I was a little boy like holy shit it's time to get the fuck over that like put on the big boy pants and move on it's like you have to make

that decision to do something about it and then use it as a freaking weapon. Well, I think the big part about that, too, with, with BK is, is the fact that, you know, he utilized and leveraged his own story. And that's what makes him so powerful, right? You look at him, he's a, you know, big, strong guy. You know, I've been with him in person. He's, he's massive, right? He's got a, he's got great energy.

He's very strong and confident, you know, but a lot of people don't understand. And he talks publicly about it. And, you know, that time where he had his panic attack or anxiety attack. you know and if he would have died nobody would have saw him his his wife and kids would have came in and found him bloated right that scared him and so he started doing the work on himself personal development getting back in shape and and the thing was like that propelled him to help you guys because he had that personal experience like there's too many people right now that are hopping on this platform and talking about shit that they know nothing about like talk about determined like

That's my brand because I've been through a blood clot. I almost died, right? Lost my scholarship, ended up getting a better scholarship to Louisiana State University, playing the college world series. Then I blew out my arm. Like I've been through shit, right? I've been through a divorce.

Got through that, right? Like, as we help people through things and we talk about things, we have to draw on our own personal, personal journey. And I think that's what makes it so powerful. And each one of those things you're mentioned, I was just writing down some, notes here just saying it like if those things didn't happen all those things you just said would you even be where you were today if those things didn't happen to you the term of society wouldn't

exist you're you wouldn't even know who the who the fuck you are if those things didn't happen like as horrible as all those things sound blood clots and divorces and all this stuff it's like you look back at each one of those I bet and you think thank God that thing happened to me because it wouldn't have it wouldn't have crafted you into who you are wouldn't have forged you into who the hell you are right now so thank God that happened I told me this idea of Just the other day, I had this exact conversation with Badros on one of our MDK YouTube shows that we were recording. And I asked him, I said, would you be the man you were today? Because he also talks openly about being molested as a little boy.

He said, would you be the man who you are today if that didn't happen to you when you were a little boy? He said, absolutely not. He said he probably would have just been an average guy doing average shit, living unfulfilled, just going through emotions until he dies. If that didn't happen to him, because that's the rest of his life. That's the way it was. and like thank God those fucking things happen to you or determined society wouldn't be here. Like that's that's freaking awesome.

If it never happened, I probably would have went through LSU and I would have been a badass, would have win the draft, play major league baseball, and I'd be womenizing. How empty is that? How empty is that?

Yeah, yeah. Now I'm a better man. I'm a better father, a better husband, a better coach, a better everything. It seems like the end of the world. It seems like the end of the world,

like holy shit. What am I going to do? Like people commit suicide or get suicidal thoughts when shit doesn't go their way or bad things happen. Yeah, man. If they could have the lens to see, I told us to a client of mine, a female, so you just had a breakup with someone. It was only a couple of years of a relationship, but thought it was going to be like marriage and kids. I said, so you're not married yet. You don't have kids yet.

You don't have any business together. You weren't even living together yet. Like, thank God, like this mother. Did you a favor? Did you a clean break, baby? Run. Run. Think about if I would have gotten married to like, when you're younger,

you think you're going to marry every fucking person that you meet like half the time when you're bouncing around. Imagine if I would have gotten married to someone else. Like, and then maybe that girl breaks up with you and the young guy has his heartbroken and he thinks it's the end of the world. And then fast forward 10 years, he's married to someone else, has some awesome kids.

Like imagine I did something like that. My kids wouldn't exist. Like, thank God that girl dumped you or fucked your best friend. Thank God that shit happened. five, ten years ago because that led you to where you are. Your kids wouldn't even exist if that shit didn't happen. And if you look at like that as it's going on, I know it's tough to look at situations like that as they're going on.

But if you could get that little bit of discipline to do that and perspective, like you become unstoppable. You become unpenetrable bulletproof. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's funny, Steve. I look around all the time and I keep it to myself, right? You know, sometimes I say something to my wife, but not,

a lot. I sit there on the couch and I look around, I look at my kids. And I just get emotional. It's like, man, these are three amazing children. They're well-behaved. My girls are absolutely gorgeous. My son is handsome. He can throw the shit out of a baseball. He can swing a bat. My girls are so talented and just in their knowledge and they're very high IQ girls. Great at ice skating. Gymna. I mean, like, I look at my fuck, I'm blessed. Like, also, my biggest blessing could also be my biggest crutch too, you know, and I'm going to tell you something, man, being a father is tough. I mean, you know, I, this last week, I, my daughter got injured.

They were playing, you know, football in the house. Just shit kids do, you know, and crack the ceiling fan, you know, a little glass casing surrounding the light bulb and gashed my daughter's arm, like my six-year-old, like seven stitches, fillet her shit, bro. And of course, I go through all the things that could have happened. you know, it could have hit her jugular. What if it hit her eye? What if it hit her in the temple?

She's dead. We think about all these things that could have happened. And, you know, and it made me emotional the next day. But I also think, like, what would have happened on the way to school if she didn't cut herself? What if an 18 will or would have hit us and we're all dead? Yep. To your point, if that didn't happen, something worse could have. always could have been worse is always someone going through much worse shit than you your shit's usually not that bad it's usually not as bad as you think like you just did look at all the shit you put in your own head that extra anxiety and stress that you're adding to it and just bearing yourself and and i know what you mean about you sometimes you just look at your kids like the other day my kids were we were playing video games we were playing video games we were playing the other day my kids were playing we're playing video games we aren't our right we play video games together if we do a wall in our

other shit. We sit and play video game. So I'm just at one point in the middle of game just kind of frozen on my thing. I'm just like staring at them, looking at them. And they think I'm like, something's wrong. They're like, my son's like, what are you staring at? Like, challenging me on it. Like, I'm like nothing, man. You guys are just fucking awesome. Like, that's it. Nothing. That's all

doing. It's like just, I know exactly you're saying, it's just amazing. Like, and then you think like, how did how did I create those people? And that's what makes me come to the realization. I think that personally, that the purpose in life is to have kids. Like, what else would be the purpose in life to keep this world going if it wasn't to have kids and

and then to lead them and grow them as the way a man should, which unfortunately a lot of men aren't doing especially these days. You know, it's funny because a lot of men use it as they go back on their past, right? And this is become the theme of the show and it's okay. But they'll look back on the past. Well, I didn't have a daddy to do that for me. My daddy taught me like this. my daddy yelled at me my daddy cursed at me my daddy beat me well you're like motherfucker you're

going to break the cycle or you're going to keep the shit going to do right you have a choice we have a choice to break the cycle of shit in our kids lives because if we don't then they're going to have to fucking break it and it's not fair to them you know they won't break it because they were there it's even reinforced every generation it goes down it's getting hardened and hardened it's like almost becoming part of their DNA and I love that term breaking the cycle actually do a show with my two kids just me and the two kids on on youtube and a podcast we do we we started together called Breaking the Cycle. And this is exactly what it is.

That's what I'm doing as a not having any positive male role model is breaking the cycle and showing them exactly. And we have real serious, vulnerable, personal conversations about my childhood, my past shit I've done in my life so that they can learn what not to do and learn how you can still make mistakes and get over it, how you can still overcome adversity and things like that. So I love the term breaking the cycle, breaking the cycle and helping them flip the switch. It was like my two go-toes right there. Man, that's awesome because, you know, I look back,

my biological father left my mom when I was like two, two and a half. So I didn't really know him. I had a couple interactions with him when I was five or six, then didn't see him again until I was almost 30. And then never again since. So like the only thing, the biggest, there's two things. There's actually three things that I remember about him. One, pulling up to 7-Eleven and talk about, you know,

talking about women in a very sexual way. It made me feel uncomfortable. That's, you know, five years old. The second thing was, is holding me down popping moles on my nose, you know. Some good memories right there. There's awesome memories of my biological father. And then the third thing was I remember sitting there waiting for him to pick me up and never showing up. So as a father now, I carry this guilt.

Like, I just, I get super afraid if I'm like one second. late the parent pickup. Like it, and I have to remind myself, for those of the dads that are listening, like this is a lesson. I am not my father. My kids don't have the same experience. And a lot of times I can love too hard and too much and smother because of me trying to make up for what my dad did. And that's a way of me healing. It has nothing to do with my children. So, man, we got to be careful of that. And something that I'm working on. Oh, that's another awesome. point and yeah i've been i've even been through the same thing there's times where because since i had such a fucked up childhood and i want to do everything the exact opposite of what i saw my father do and how

that he did things so i same thing you try to go overboard you spend so much time you get so connected like me and my son we're just together 24 hours a day i work from home and they do homeschooling here so we're always together and there was a time maybe probably about a year ago and we're we're always together we're trained we work out together every single day and all this other stuff and yeah, I'm still spending time with my daughter and my wife, but there's a, came to a point. My wife said, listen, I know you're trying to be the type of father your father never was, but don't forget about us over here.

Like, don't go so far overboard that, all right, I need to be obsessed with not being who my father was. So I'm going to be the best father and teach this young man how to, how to be a man that no one ever taught me. And I'm going to go overboard on it. But wait a minute, what about us? Don't forget about us over here. So even I had to get, should put me in check at one point and say, listen, don't

go too overboard. You can't forget about the rest of the. of us also because you get so obsessed with that. Like I'm going to be nothing like that motherfucker and you get caught up there in that mix and sometimes, yeah, you go too far on the end of that, that spectrum. Dude, we're the same. It's funny. It's not funny.

I feel bad about it. You know, my wife said to me one time, hey, listen, I know you love baseball time with Bobby because that's how you relate. That's who you are. You know, but don't forget about the girl's ice skating. Like, I need you to be more present there. You know, but I'm like, well, baby, you have lessons at 3 o'clock. I'm recording a show or I'm working.

I have a career still. This isn't my 9 to 5 yet. This isn't my, you know, I have two things I'm doing. I started, you know, defending, getting defensive, right? That's not what she was saying. She didn't say, like, I need you to be there at 3 p.m. If you have shit to do, what she was saying was, be mindful to be involved, right? And so then I helped volunteer for the ice skating show and backstage, all that kind of stuff.

for doing all that stuff. But yeah, man, like, you know, we go off our past experiences in life. And if we were men like we are and we didn't have a strong male role model early on, we tend to want to overcompensate for that, you know, with our male, you know, our son. And then a lot of times we don't know how to relate to the girl, right? Like it, and I, dude, I do a poor job of this. Emotions for me, like my four-year-old, she doesn't. She's not regulating yet.

I mean, she's highly intelligent, but if she's pissed, bro, she's screaming. She's crying. And it drives me up a fuck. I don't know how to deal with it. My wife's a saint. My wife's better than me, dude. Of course, yeah. I think that's,

I think that's all part of the game. And I think that's all part of our, our test as men. Like, all right, this is, we need to learn how to control our emotions. Those are just daily tests for you and for us to deal with.

Like, I think daughter. do the same thing. I think that's her job is to teach men and fathers that patience and that emotional regulation that we don't even have ourselves because we just want to snap. Like, what the fuck are you doing? What is wrong with you? Why are you screaming like that? That's what you want to say. And sometimes you might even say it. We're not perfect. But yeah, I do. It's a daily test for us on our, on our patients and being able to regulate our emotions, have that emotional discipline and resiliency. I think that's, I think that's almost everything that happens throughout the day. I tell you, look at it. Like,

this is a test on me and my patience. I think, I, talk all this shit, I teach it, speak about it, coach it, you post about it. Now, all right, how am I actually going to implement it and use it in my daily day? This is my chance to prove that it's not all bullshit, like those people on the internet that we're talking about that. Most of them, they'll put a cool little post about gratitude or some shit, but they're the most ungrateful motherfuckers in the world. They don't practice any type of gratitude, but it looked at a cool quote.

It looks like it's going to get them some views or whatever else, and they'll post this shit on there, but they're not actually practicing it or adversity or whatever. or like taking a negative and turning it into a positive. In their life, they'll crumble when the negative happens. They'll make excuses. They'll blame other people, point the fucking finger. But on a post, they'll say another thing. This, I think daily, it's your chance to prove who the fuck you are, who you say you are,

who you claim you are. And it makes it almost easy. It makes it bearable. It makes it almost fun like a game. Like, all right, motherfucker fucking universe wants to test me. I'll show you what I got. And you're going to stay cool and calm, some of the times. Not always.

Yeah. We're not perfect. You know, it's a great point. Regulation of emotions. That is the toughest thing that I think a human being experiences throughout their life is regulating the emotions, right? As a father and a parent, that is the single most and husband. I mean, let's not forget that dynamic, right? The regulating of emotions and not reacting to certain things.

And I think a lot of times where I know a lot of time, like 100% of the time, when we snap at our kids, like, why the fuck are you acting? like that. Like, why are you screaming? That's a reaction. That's not a response. Like, my wife has mastered the art of responding. Like, I cannot believe how much she's grown in what she does with these children. I'm still like a little project, dude. Like, I react way too fucking much. I mean, and that's the importance of two parents, right? Two parents in two different roles in a masculine and a feminine. It shows the importance of it. Why I know women want to be strong, independent females and this and that, but it shows you what you need both of those ends of the spectrum. They need to see both those. And then they

need to see both of those things coming together and co-creating and working together to elevate those kids where it's not just one way or the other. That's like, that's exactly why the kids need two parents to see both of those parts of it. Because they need a little bit of you and they need a little bit of her combined together. Makes them exactly who the fuck they should be. Yeah. I think there's a nice balance. that needs to be had, even in the masculine, right? Hey, you need to have an iron fist, but you also have some soft gloves as well, right?

You know, what are some of the things that, that you teach men that are having a hard time regulating emotions? Because I know there's a lot of men right now listening. It's like, fuck, Steve, give me a tip, man, about to lose my shit. Like, what was you doing? Yeah, here's the thing. It's almost like in the military in training. Men will do things or even just people in general,

but I see men do it. And usually when they do flip or they lose it or they lose their patience, it's during a time of, let's call it a time of war, time of chaos where the flight gets delayed or canceled or something goes, you get a car accident or whatever else, or you're busy, it's a busy day. They abandon the basics and fundamentals. Let's say what keeps you regulated was prayer and meditation and journaling and working out and reading, like things that keep you center. Those are your daily disciplines that help guard you against the bullshit of the world, all that stuff that you're doing. doing because your mind is clear, you're in control of your mind. People only do that on the slow days. They do that during peacetime. But then if it's a day that they have an event or the day that they

have travel or it's an emergency or whatever else, they don't do those things. Oh, I don't have time to do those things today. But really the only reason you're doing that stuff during peacetime is so you have it as a freaking tool during wartime. They abandon it during the time that they actually need it. And so they only have it on the easy days. They never have a use of it on the hard days. So they let things. knocked them off track instead of just sticking to those basics and fundamentals. Those basics and fundamentals are what win the war. It's just like the military, if we're training every day to shoot and strategy and tactics, and this is how we're going to do this.

This is how we're going to enter a room and clear room. This is how you're going to breathe when you're shooting. But then when the war comes, you just start praying and spraying and charging directly into a room because it's chaos. Oh, I don't have time for those tactics because we're in wartime and the enemy's there, and I got to go and attack and you just go charging into the room and you get fucking shot down. It's the same thing. They abandon the things that got them there, the things that they're working on, and they abandon that they think they don't have time for it. They abandon the things that they should be doing. We only practice in peacetime to be prepared in fucking wartime. That's it. So we can use those same tools and weapons in wartime. So if we get to war and abandon those when the car accident happens or the flight gets delayed or whatever else and we don't do those things that we were doing every single day, the reason why we're doing is to get the beats down, to get the rhythm down. So it's the same. day. It's an awesome fucking day every day. The second you lose that rhythm and that discipline

and consistency, now you start losing your shit half the time because your schedule got thrown off and you can't handle it and you act like a fucking big man child. Yeah, like a big bitch. And I'm in and I can be that guy, right? And I want, I want to, you know, tell the audience this because it's important. You know, times of work can also be just war with yourself, right? You know, times where you just don't want to get up in the morning. You decide not to. Like, here's the thing. I was consistently up at 4 a.m. in the gym by 4. And then my schedule allowed me to wake up at six and get in there by eight. I have never been more anxious in my fucking life.

You know, and it's just like I sat there and I told myself, it was last night. I'm like, okay, dude, you got to start getting up at 4 a.m. again. Monday through Friday, 4 a.m. Like, that's your jam. Get the first thing done. And what people don't understand is when you do the hard things, it's not about waking up at 4 a.m. And me thinking I'm better than everybody else. You know, I know a lot of people wake up at 2.45 and get their workout in.

It's not about the fact that they are better than you that are listening that are working out at 9 or 11 a.m. It just works for them. And you guys got to understand that. You know, it's not a one size fits all. Like for me, waking up at 4 a.m., puts me in a mode where I am doing things during the peace time. So that way, when the war comes inside my mind, I am ready to fight and win and keep with the principles and the disciplines that have made my show. so successful, made me successful, so I don't fuck it up. Like, that's the thing, guys.

That is the thing. So don't think, you know, my man Steve's talking about war, kicking the door with the enemy and getting shot. Man, that enemy can be you. 100%. Oh, that's perfect. You just said, like, if you don't have that time for yourself in the morning, and this is for you personally, it doesn't mean that everyone in the world needs to wake up at 4 a.m.

Or 2.45 or 5 or 6. Whatever's going to be the optimal for them to give them time to take care of that stuff in their peacetime. It's perfect. I love that. I don't even call that my peace time. I just call it like the, it's just my morning routine,

morning battle plan, whatever you want to call it. But yeah, it is peacetime. It's peacetime getting ready for the war of the day. And if you don't do that every single morning, then yeah,

you're going to be thrown off track. You're going to not be prepared for it. You're not going to be battle hardened and ready and prepared. Once that time happens, once you deal with that peace time the right way for whatever works for you personally and all your listeners, each of them,

whatever works for them personally, not necessarily what's working for us. they did to individualize it to them once you'd have that piece time you're you're freaking ready for the wars day you're ready for the universal bitch slaps and kicks to the nuts you're gonna you're gonna take every day at some point you're gonna get that dirt kicked in your face and then how are you gonna freaking respond and i guarantee if you had that peacetime you got that workout in also you're gonna be able to handle that much better and the workout's a huge part of that like training that's why i train every day like i need that win every single day it's exactly what you're

talking about. That's like the peacetime. And then what, what could, what could happen to me? What can go wrong at this point that I can't handle? Exactly. Because, I mean, you're mentally prepared and you're battle tested and you're physically prepared. So you're going to be able to handle certain things that most individuals may not. That may kill them because you're so physically fit and you're so mentally strong. And that's the thing, guys. When we go off of our beaten path, which is our daily routines and disciplines, man, all we do is chip away at our self-confidence. That's it.

Like, you want to be a confident? I'm not a confident person. Then do say something and then do it. Like, don't go back on it. You know, yeah, I'm getting my workouts in five days a week, but it's not the same, man. So now I know what I need to do. I need to pivot. And that's all about testing.

You are allowed to test. You can test your schedule. You can see if certain, certain, Certain things work in different time slots. But if you're not getting the same feeling of mental preparedness on the daily, then go back. And then, yeah, just like you said, test it, like every day and then reevaluate it, reflect it. Because then that doesn't happen enough either, the reflection, literally reflection on a daily basis. I'll have that peacetime in the morning and I'll almost very similar, have that same similar type piece time.

I have an EO.N, end of night routine. And it's reflecting on the day that I just had, scoring myself in the day I just had. getting prepared for sleep, yeah, and for regeneration and to be better tomorrow than I was today. But reflecting on it and testing things out. And then on weekly on Sundays, I take an hour every Sunday morning. I usually, when it's nice outside here in Southern California, I have a little spot outside right by the pool. I sit out there in the sun. It's about an hour long. The first 30 minutes is all reviewing, reflecting, and revisiting the previous week. I'm literally going through my checklist from the week, journaling through the week. What was the scores I gave myself in different areas? What would what do my

schedule look like in the previous week and reviewing all that, reflecting on that? And then the second half is taking that information and data and previewing and planning and preparing for the upcoming week so I can make it even better. All right, where was my energy off? What was the days that I gave myself a lower score on energy? Like, what caused that energy? And what did I write in the journal that day? And how did that coincide with the schedule I had that day? How could I tweak things and rearrange things. I'm constantly rearranged things. Every Sunday, I'm changing something to try and get even better. I don't care how good of a fucking week it was or how much money you made or how much fulfillment you had. It can always be even better. Or how good of a husband or father you are. You can

always be an even better husband and father. So I'm reflecting on that to try and make next week even better. And it goes deep. I'm literally looking, reading through all my journal entries, looking at my schedule from every day, looking at my checklist, things that I accomplished, what were the victories, what's the gratitude I had each day. What did my discipline look like? What kind of confidence that I have on that day? What caused that lower level of confidence? How can I tweak it?

Maybe I need to rearrange the schedule and put this thing here and take a break here during the day, a recovery time during the day, constantly tweaking it. Maybe I need to prepare this stuff at this time and whatever it is. I need a transition period here between these two blocks of, say, sales calls and coaching calls. It needs to be a transition period instead of just straight back to back because then that energy from one bleeds into the next. and that's what I noticed on my journaling entry. So, yeah, going back and then testing, shit testing it.

All right, I'm going to try it this week. See how it works. Oh, that didn't work. Guess what? I'm going to be flexible and I'm going to try it again, adapt and overcome. I really like that, see, because, you know, no matter how good you think you are, if you stop learning about yourself and your process, you're cooked, you're done. Oh, yeah.

If you didn't do that every single Sunday, you wouldn't have the empire that you have. You wouldn't be doing the cool shit that you're doing. You know, a lot of people look at it and like, oh, yeah, he's doing cool shit. You know, he's working on MDK project. He's got his own coaching programs. Fuck, you're speaking at BK Live in September, right? Like, those are things that are happening in your life because of the disciplines you have. And you are not afraid to be brutally honest with the person that matters most is your fucking self.

Hell yeah, hell yeah. And then, like we said, sticking with those daily disciplines through the time. when you're killing it and through the times when you're getting just a mud hole stomped in your fucking ass there was a time two months ago where at the same day so out of the coaching clients there was three coaching clients i had that both needed to put their stuff on hold that were $3,500 each a month they all happened at the same day at the same time i lost this other $10,000 a month deal that i had that was ongoing in the same day went down lost $20,000 a month ongoing regularly recurring You know what I did that morning?

The same shit I do did every morning to get to that point. It's not like, oh, my God, this happens. Now I'm going to go and get all erratic and start changing shit up. No, I'm going to make, do all the things I'm still doing and continue to get them even better. Like you can't just crumble under the pressure during the low times or the top times. You need to cut those peaks and valleys. That's really what emotional regulation is. Cutting those peaks and valleys, just like on the months when all that money is there and things are just going your way and you're just getting, just shit is all going your way.

and you get so high, you know what happens? You get fucking complacent. So cutting that peaks, so you're not getting complacent. Complacency will kill. And then cutting the valleys, because down in the valleys, you're going to make irrational decisions. You're not going to control your freaking emotions. You're going to do stupid shit and say stupid shit and make irrational decisions.

So cutting those peaks and valleys is like the key to that emotional regulation and emotional discipline, no matter the ups, the down, sticking to the things you're doing, those daily disciplines. So that's a great point, right? Because when things are going great, you still need to do the things that are working for you to have those 50, 70, 80K months, right? I always like to use this analogy, and it's a baseball analogy, so follow me. The biggest best friend of baseball player can have is a hitting T.

Just sitting on the T and hitting against a net, because that is going to tell you everything you need to know about your swing, right? Are you on plane? Is the barrel in the zone as long as possible? What's the trajectory of the baseball? Is it coming off the T flat and line drives? Great. So what happens with baseball players, Steve, and you may know this, but I'm going to say it anyway for the audience that's not listening.

That's listening that doesn't know shit about baseball is when things start going really well and you're hitting 400, they abandon the T. They walk away from, I'm good. I'm going to go hit on the field. So when I drop some bombs on this motherfucker and that's, and then they walk away from the shit that got him to the spot that they're at, hitting in the four hole, hitting 400, gap to gap, home run every other, you know, every other day or whatever it is. They walk away from the fundamentals that got him there. And then they have too big of a of a of a of a of a of a low and they're binged. Same thing with what you're talking about.

If as entrepreneurs, if if something's working, I need to stick with it. Something's working for me right now. I just locked down a big sponsorship. I need to keep that same approach. Why would I abandon it? And why would I be why would I be seduced and Ben Newman says this. I always when I say something, I always like to quote people right. because people like to use other people shit and call it their own.

And I don't do that. He always says, don't be seduced by success. You know, being seduced by a certain level of success, like I had a $20,000 a week. I'm pissed about it. I mean, I'm happy, but also too, like, I'm not complacent. I'm thinking the next day, that wins gone. What do I need to do now? Who do I need to contact?

How do I get another one? Like right now? And again, that's just, that's to your point, man. They're like, you know, always evaluate yourself. Stick with the shit that works. I love that shit. Don't evaluate that hitting tea. That's freaking perfect.

Stick to those basing fundamentals. And then even get better, even at the hitting tea, get even better off of practicing with that. Like they say Michael Jordan would always get, spend hours and hours a week just on inbound passing, like the most boring, least important part of the game. And he would spend hours and hours just on his inbound passing. from when he's out on the sidelines to pass it back into the game just to get the precision down

and get precise at it. And it's crazy. Sticking to the basic. Basics of fundamentals win the war. It's not who's got the best technology or the high ground or the better weapons or the bigger army. It's who can stick to the basics and fundamentals through the chaos consistently over time. Like that's who's going to win the war. And that's what's going to get you through the ups and downs. You might lose, you're going to lose some battles here and there, but that's what just keeps you driving. forward and constantly improving and taking over more territory and getting those bigger wins and those bigger weeks and days like you were just talking about. Like you have to stick to them and then make them even better.

Then optimize them, maximize them. Keep doing the shit that got you there. Why would you abandon what works? It's like on some business coaching clients I have, they talk about marketing. They're like, well, what should my marketing budget be for this month? Well, here it's 8%, 10%. Well, what should it be my marketing budget? Like, well, when your marketing is working, it should be 100%.

Like if something's giving you $2 back for every dollar you're putting in, why would you limit it to an 8% marketing budget? Shit, go all in on that shit while it's kicking out. Like if something's working, go fucking all in on. You're not going to abandon it or even limit it, like attack it on there.

So yeah, I love that hitting T analogy. That was perfect. You know, the fundamentals like you talked about with Michael Jordan, it's like fundamentals and paying attention to these smallest details in your game or your business, that's how goats are created.

Greatest fall time. Look at a saving. Everything matters. If a blade of grass is out of order, he knows, and he fixes it. And it's a metaphor to the audience, right? It's like if one small thing, if one guard isn't pulling the right way and his angle is bad, he knows, he knows it needs to be fixed. And everybody in that organization, everybody in that program gives a shit just as much as he does. That's why Alabama football is the way Alabama football is.

That's why Michael Jordan was who he was. that's why Kobe was so great because every little thing mattered. Yeah, I don't follow sports as deep as I used to just because I find that the time, I'd rather spend the time immersing myself and other things, but I still follow little bits here and there. I saw some basketball players, Zach we were talking about. Might have been Curry. He was in the warm-ups.

He was just walking around dribbling. He found like this one microscopic piece of dead spot on the hardwood floor that the way the ball was bouncing and the sound that the ball was making off this one spot, this one panel on the floor and he had to have it fixed and replaced because it was just off and he knew that that one little thing could be the cause it was it was fucking nuts like that's the level of the ATD we call it attention to detail like that's the next level of precision that makes those greatest of all times and that's the thing it's the thing whether you follow sports as much as you used to you're an entrepreneur every little thing in your business matters right and for those listening every little thing in your day matters it's connected like you can't be lazy in one area and thinking that you're going to be great in the other. It's going to bleed through, right? Period. End of story. Let me ask you a question before we land the plane and, you know, we get to the weekend with our beautiful families. If someone were to come up to you right now that had no discipline in their life and they were just somebody that has their hand in a bag of Doritos

every day and they want to get in better shape, they want to be a better man, better husband, what are three things that you would tell them right now? They're listening on the air that they could take with them to start moving forward. The first I'll say is think of if I'm going to say they have kids. I think a majority of your listeners probably are men and fathers. Yeah. So look at your son because I could say, yeah, go work out. They already know they should fucking work out.

Like go look at your son. Do you think when your son looks at you sitting on that couch with those bitch tits and that gut, do you think he's looking at you like, wow, that's my dad. Like, I want to be just like my dad when I'm older. I want to look just like that. Like, that is what a man is. He's not. And that's fucking judge just sting and it should sting a little bit. But he's not looking at you like that. Just knowing that alone, like if that's not enough to get your fucking fat ass off the couch and get moving and start building this discipline and all these different habits and things we're talking about, like that alone should should be what does it. Because I was at a,

my daughter's birthday party like last year and I was with that my wife was setting up and I was there with all the mothers are there and all their daughters are there and one of the I'm the one has to like I'm starting conversation with them just before the party starts I don't know how I know that now that's not my fucking area of expertise but whatever so I'm talking about the project what else I have to talk about I'm talking about the MDK project and one of them's like oh yeah I saw that I saw the the YouTube video popped up at our house oh my god that looked crazy it looked really intense and then another woman cuts her off says oh yeah if If that was my husband, he would quit in like the first minute of that thing.

He would, and all these women, like they're two women and their daughters are all there, all start laughing at what this woman's saying about her husband. So the next part. It's fucking like heartbreaking when you hear that. Like imagine your wife and daughter with all their friends laughing about you. Not only that you're fat out of shape and not manly, but just already knowing that you would quit, that they just see you as a quitter. So that would be the next step is now to take that over to your wife, your son.

Does your son want, are you the type of man that your son wants to become? All right, that's one, that should be enough already. But now look at your wife, are you the type of man that she's respecting and feels safe around? Like she and a majority of the time, there is not respect and safety and security going on there, especially if it's that fat dude you're talking about sitting on the couch. and where does he go from there is start with these daily disciplines that we're talking about. The bare bones, the foundation. Yes, he knows he needs to work out every day, so we don't even need to say that.

But not just work out. Do hard shit. He needs to do hard shit every freaking day because that adversity, he's probably just missing that adversity. He doesn't even know who the hell he is. Just like you said, but yourself before, you didn't have that really identity or what was the direction you were going in. He needs to do hard shit every day.

even if it starts on a small level. He needs something to get excited about every day, something to challenge himself every day, something that lights a fire up under his ass every day. And then also think about, yeah, he needs to get his own shit together, get his own house in order. So he becomes the type of man his son wants to become,

the type of man, his daughter wants to marry, the type of man, his wife is going to respect and feel safe around. And the first step is to just make a plan every day in the morning, own that morning, take that peace time in the morning, and take it from there. And then there's all the other basic stuff about sleep and hydration and all that basics

that we're going to assume here to know. Everyone knows they should be sleeping and saying hydrated, eating healthy, and working out. All that's obvious. But he needs to do hard shit. He needs to first take a deep reflection of how his son views him and how his wife views him

and be brutally honest with that shit. And once that happens, it's, if that's not enough to light the fire under your ass, I don't know what is. And then from there, just start doing something hard and challenging every fucking day. Push yourself, pressure yourself. And probably I'm going to say,

I'm going to assume he's not a full-fledged loser, like that he probably probably has a job. He's not like. There's a disclaimer. You're not completely fucked up. Yeah. He's not like unemployed. He's probably working,

but he's probably overworking. So the next step of that is probably, I don't want to say work life balance, but I've seen the majority of men have work life imbalance, where they, where they should be replacing it. with work life symmetry, work life domination,

work life freaking happiness. So probably he needs to figure that whole situation out because he's probably bringing the energy and anxiety of work and money and that stress into the house. And who the fuck wants to be around that when you're walking through the door? You're just been to battle. That soldier

that's been to war comes through the door. They need to shed that armor and go back to being the husband, the dad, the fucking human. Like that's probably the first few ways and it's probably unconventional ways of thinking about it, but that's what you've got to do is take it back to the foundation, take it back to the beginning, those daily disciplines and that foundation. I think, dude, I think you hit it spot on.

I absolutely love it. In fact, you've got me so fucking fired up. I don't even think I need pre-workout. I'm going to head to the gym after this. But really, I think, you know, two men, I want you to listen to this because it's very, very easy to look at your son or look at your daughter. Am I the type of mom or the type of father that my kids look up to? You know, kids look up to Spider-Man.

They look up to Thor. They look up to Superman. They look up to all these superheroes. Captain America. By the way, they're fucking jacked. Okay. Like, you know, are you walking along the beach? And is your son or dog, be like, yeah, that's my dad.

You know, for the majority of men, probably not. Right. But here's what I want you to really, really think about. It's easy to do what Steve just said. It's easy to identify that. What's not easy is to stick to it when you lose motivation. And I want to leave a cautionary tale, Steve, about motivation. I think motivation is fucking bullshit.

Okay. It's a fleeting emotion that goes away as soon as your dog pukes on the fucking rug or one of your kids get sick. Or you wake up and your ankle might be a little twisted because you're not used to running and put all that pressure on your joints. It doesn't mean lay off. It means stay disciplined. And with that, dude, I want to encourage people. And I'm going to put all your links in the show notes. But I want you to tell the audience where they can find you so they can work with you.

Because I think my audience, man, I know my audience can really use a conversation with you can really benefit from some of your programs that you have. And I want them to take full advantage of that. Yeah, there's so many different things out there. They can always find the people who want to find someone that they'll find me. I don't even need to say links or pages. That stuff doesn't matter. That's not what this is about. If they can just take some of the things

that you and I are talking about here to say and implement just one or two of the things that they're struggling with, that's how they could find me by bringing that energy of men and manliness back into the world. And if we're meant to run into each other, we will run into each other. And if someone really wants to,

they'll put in that work on how to find someone. So that's all there is on that. It's isn't even about that. It's about them just getting their shit together, getting their own house in order, and being that type of man that should be leading their family. And then even when they are in that solid spot,

constantly getting even better, even better, even better because your wife is looking for a leader, a man, not a second son, not a child. Oh, dude, that's another show. Like that right there is a mic drop, like straight up, women, I mean, men, your women, your wives are tolerating what they have. tolerating it because they made a commitment before God to be your wife for better or for worse. So why don't you just give them the better, right?

Don't let her settle for the worst. She deserves more. All right, guys, listen. I hope you enjoyed the episode. If it's your first time listening, hit subscribe, leave a review. We want to hear it. Share it on your socials. And Steve, man, thank you endlessly for hanging out with me on an early Saturday morning out in California.

you. It was an amazing conversation. And don't forget to hang out a little bit after, you know, we stop recording. But I just really appreciate you, brother. Awesome. Stop, brother. Always good talking to you. All right, my man. Be good.

Peace, guys.