Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - Life of a Resilient Woman w/ Beka Chamberlain

Episode Date: January 21, 2022

In this episode Shawn French sits down with an incredible woman that was born into a cult. So many of us have seen news stories like this or watched it on a Documentary. Beka LIVED this life to no fault of her own. She peels back the the curtain for all of us so we can take a look into her life and the adversity she has to over come. This episode will hit you right in the heart and I guarantee that you will not look at life's problems the same again. If Beka can fight through all of this, then we can push past any adversity we currently face. She is a true warrior of resilience and I am forever grateful to call her FAMILY You can find her on Instagram @Beka.Chamberlain Go follow her journey!  --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shawn-french/message Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at good to know facts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit good to know facts.org. What's going on, guys. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast, The Determined Society.

I'm your host, Sean French. What's going on, guys? I'm really pumped about today's guest. Her name is Becca Chamberlain. Guys, this woman has gone through so much adversity in her life to a point where that I don't think a lot of people can really, truly comprehend this. It's like a real-life Netflix documentary. That's what she lived through.

She was born into a cult, guys. we're into a cult called Advanced Training Institute, led by Bill Gothen. If you guys haven't heard of it, she's going to come on. She's going to tell her story. But I mean, man, I mean, being born into a cult and having to grow up in that and not knowing any different. And then having an arranged marriage, having children, and having to escape from that environment, truly to me is when I heard her story last week on a call, I instantaneously got super emotional. I put my head down on the call and tears started streaming from eyes because to to hear that story on a call that I was actually on makes shit a little bit more real. You know what I'm saying?

We can see it in documentaries. We can see it in the news. You can see it in trials, right? Actually, Josh Dugger went on trial. He was one of the guys that was involved in this cult. and, you know, I'm going to let her tell that story, but I just got to tell you, I was emotionally touched by her story. And I felt like I had to get it out. I had, I was not had, I got to. I get to have her on the show and her tell her story. So for me, it was a, it was a social

responsibility and pleasure to invite her on the show. And I'm super grateful that she agreed to come on the show. Sorry, guys, I ate some beef jerky and it was spicy and I touched my nose. So it's it's a thing. But yeah, she's going to be hopping on any minute now. So we're going to be extremely vulnerable. There's no holds barred here. She's an open book. We're going to talk about some tough stuff. I want to hear truly about her whole story. I want her to help somebody out there, a young girl or a young boy or a man or woman that may be trapped inside of a cold in a similar situation than her that she was in and find the courage to break free and get out and tell their story. She's hopping on right now, guys. I'm super excited. Here we go.

It's game time. What's up, girl? I think you're on mute still. Let me see that face. Hey, how are you? How good? How are you? Oh, man, I'm great. I just gave you the most amazing introduction. Thank you. Well, it's your story. You wrote it, right? It's your story. Actually, the truth is, I probably didn't do you enough justice. And, you know, I got to tell you exactly what I told everybody listening right now. Back on to be on the call last week, when you spoke up and told your story, and I don't know if you saw me on on camera, but I literally put my head down and I just started crying because we all go through things in life. And we think we're having the hardest problems, right?

Our issues are paramount to everybody else is, right? You know, my girlfriend broke up with me or I'm too chubby or, you know, I didn't get the job of the promotion I wanted. And yet we get into our own shit about it. And here's a woman across the country trying to figure a way to escape a cult. It put a lot of things of perspective for me, Becca, because we always talk about be grateful, right? Be grateful for what you have in your life because you never know what somebody else is going through. So like, I see you, I feel you.

And I'm just going to shut up for a second. And I'm going to allow you to kind of introduce yourself. And then we'll just get going from there. Awesome. Thank you. And I take to heart exactly what you said, but just know, I still find people who make me grateful for my story. And so I think, you know, the more we can get out there and share what we're going through, somebody always has it worse, but that's always a hand up to the next person to really help them overcome whatever they're going through. And that's really why I'm here today. And that is my purpose here on earth. Thank you for the end.

introduction, thank you for your time. Listeners, thank you for taking the time to spend with us. I know that's a valuable commodity and I don't take it lightly. A little bit about me. I live in Hudson, Wisconsin. I, bread and butter is a realtor, but I'm excited to be offering some courses and coaching. My specialty is resilience because that saved my life and brought me the life that I dreamed of as a little girl. It was just real slippery slope to get here, but I'm really grateful for that. The holidays have arrived at the Home Depot, and we're here to help bring the excitement with decor for every part of your home.

Check out our wide assortment of easy-to-assemble pre-lit trees so you can spend less time setting up and more time celebrating. And bring your holiday spirit outdoors with unique decor like one of our Santa inflatables. Whatever your style, find the right pieces at the right prices this holiday season, At the Home Depot. So, you're about to make a trade based on a friend's text. But which you do you listen to? Is it, we could buy a house in Tulum?

Get optioning those options. We could lose everything. Or, let's do a little research. Get your head in the trade and make the investment decision that's right for you. Learn more at finra.org slash trade smart. When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp. The secure messaging app that brings the whole group together.

Use polls to settle dinner plans. Send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom's 60th. And never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end-to-end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone. Learn more at WhatsApp.com. To touch on my story just a little bit when I was seven years old,

my parents joined a religious cult. And our lives changed forever. And growing up, our lifestyle is just a lot different than societies, to be quite honest. As a woman, we had a really direct goal of what we were supposed to be. We're supposed to be a wife and a mother and to help meet either to our fathers or to our husbands, whom our fathers would choose for us one day. So my education, I've never been to school a day in my life. I was homeschooled. I wouldn't say it was the best education in the world, but it taught me how to

really think and how to study things out and figure them out for myself. And today I'm very grateful for that. There was a time in my life where I felt like that was a huge detriment to my future and I no longer feel that way. We wore dresses, weren't allowed to cut our hair, didn't wear makeup, just all that kind of stuff and just very protected for another. number of years of that time, we lived on a compound together with other families that lived the same way. And to be honest, I loved it. I loved being surrounded with people that accepted me and thought the way that I did. And I didn't feel like a foreigner in this world. When I was 16, we moved away from that back into society, but still lived pretty much the same

way. And it was difficult. It was hard to stick out. I just wanted to fit in. And I think the hardest part was I've always had this dream and known I was here for more. But my desire for more, whether it was college or a job or, you know, anything that I wanted outside of being home with my family was considered sin. And so I really just put my dreams to rest. I put my emotions to rest and just kind of said, all right, if this is what I have to do to one, not be disowned by my family and to please God, then I've got the grit. I'll do it. So high school ended around 18. I stayed home, cooked, cleaned, gave some piano lessons, did a little bit of nannying and was just really in a really hopeless place when my dad let me know that he found somebody that I could marry and got

engaged when I was 19. I had never spent time alone with this person. I didn't love them at all. But it was a way out. And so it was what I was supposed to do. And God damn it, I'll do what I'm supposed to do. Right. Yep, 20 years old, got married. And that was hell on earth from day one. Was this man a part of the religious cult as well? He wasn't part of the exact cult. We were we were in, but was raised very similarly. So a lot of the same, he had the same belief system. And even though maybe he didn't identify as one of the members, he lived the same way. So at that point in my life, it didn't necessarily wear dresses and all of that all the time, but the lifestyle was exactly the same. And so what did he require of you at that? But when you say

the same kind of ideas, was it still the same like, hey, you're here, you're taking care of the household and you're, I mean, I guess for lack a better word, and forgive me, is servant to him. Yeah. That's exactly what he required of me. And it was any need he had. And at that point, he and I built an organic dairy farm from the ground up. So we were very secluded. We didn't have friends. you know, introduced in society. And it was, it was all about how I could serve him, whether it was cooking or laundry or milking or anything, sex, everything. And I mean, he went out of his way to burn all of my, what high school transcripts I had. You know, anytime I suggested maybe getting a job or, you know, doing something outside of his agenda, it was shot down

for any reason under the sun. So yeah, my life revolved around. wrong him. I mean, that's, you know, all too often as adults, even young adults here, you know, in America, we have these ideas that were meant for more, right? And we want to branch out. We want to grow, maybe grow a business or, you know, work in this amazing company. And we hit roadblocks. And all too often, people give up too quickly, right? But then here's this young woman who literally has all these dreams and knows that she can be or wants to be so much more and knows she's capable of being so much more in this world. And yet you're simply able to do those things conceivably, but just not fucking allowed to. And that's got to be a different kind of,

I don't want to say seclusion, but just like fear. Can you walk me through those emotions as deep as you want to get with it, right? Because I think it's important for people to hear because it puts things in perspective. Because if Becca Chamberlain can get through that, then why can't we get through these small things that we deal with on a day-to-day basis? Absolutely. So how I dealt with the circumstances, which were not being allowed to do the things that I felt called to do that were near and dear to my heart. My survival mechanism was turning the things that I wanted into fear. So if I was afraid of public speaking or if I was afraid of traveling alone or if I was afraid to talking to people or afraid for that job application or afraid that I wasn't smart enough to get

into college or whatever it was, then I could survive it. I could somehow exist inside of that environment. So I just flipped all of that into just being the most fear. full person in the world. And it manifested in horrible ways into controlling the things that I could control. I struggled for a decade with an eating disorder. Got down to under 100 pounds, you know, size zero genes, fluid building around my heart. I couldn't even drink a glass of water because I felt so guilty feeling that full. Wow. To, you know, everything in me, it taking everything inside of me to stop myself from committing suicide and just driving over the cliff. That's how it manifested.

That's how I protected myself from my own emotions, my own desires. And in my opinion, everybody is fucking deserves to live out whatever that is. It doesn't matter. Like that's a freedom you don't take away from anybody ever. I mean, I get chills just listening to this. you know we my wife and i we have watched things and i said this on the intro that that your life i mean it's it's a Netflix documentary and i mean that with the most respect and you know that you watch these things and we feel for these people my wife is an impact a strong impact like a

real like strong empath anytime i have any type of emotion or energy other than just this like she's affected by it and because i know i have strong energies right and we had to stop watching those things. And, you know, I told you that when you and I spoke and I invited you on the podcast, I told my wife because I just, this to me is just this story. And again, I'm talking in circles because I feel like, I feel blessed right now to be on this call with you. Like truly fucking blessed because you've been through some shit. And like, you have literally gone above and beyond just just to survive your current your state that you were in, right? The life that you were in to torpedo your dreams to, to mean that your dreams, the things that

you wanted to do, you turned them into fearful things. And it made you sick as fuck, right? It made, you know, it created a needing disorder. It created like all these things that you wanted to do, like go be something. Like, you surrounded so much fear around that, right, to block it out. The one word I could honestly like say like do yeah resilience like what you're doing now your resilience coaching is one million fucking percent on brand because anybody in this world that has an issue with being resilient has to go to Becca Chamber like why would you go to anybody else like I just I don't even know where I'm going with that but it's like I just when everything is you've been through it is so surreal to me, right? Yeah. So what, what was it like, you know,

being in America, did you guys have kids or? Yeah, we had three kids. How are they? Honestly, it's, it's up and down. Yeah. And it's beautiful. Okay. And it's, it's a work in progress. and, you know, the store is not over yet and all of that. But I think it's just a beautiful picture of ownership and resilience. And, you know, I still have shared placement with my ex-husband. And, you know, that's a story for another podcast. But, you know, it's incredibly difficult. It's not, you know, what happens there isn't right.

And, you know, our family courts are so fucked up. that there's nothing my hands are tied. There's nothing I can do at this point, except for show them a better way and grow and be better and better and better. And, you know, anybody listening to this, if you're in a job that you just hate your boss and you're blaming him for the state of your life or with someone that you can't stand and you're blaming them because if you're unhappiness or no matter what your lot in life is, if you're blaming somebody else for it, grow the fuck up and take some ownership.

because, you know, life's not going to get easier, but we can get better. And so to say how my kids are, you know what, they're going through some stuff. But as much as it kills me every time I drop them off to someone who almost killed me, I get to learn to be better every fucking time, every time. You know, tonight I'm going to a basketball game. I get to go see these people who will go out of their way to do something and exorbitantly rude to keep my children from talking to me, but I'm strong, and it's not going to bother me. That would have killed me a couple of years ago.

But now it is what it is. And I get to show my kids what it really means to walk the walk and not talk the talk. And I'm grateful for that, man. I am so fucking grateful for it. Well, I think when you've been through everything that you've been through what you learn along the way, right? And it's a progression. You progressively get better at this throughout, throughout. time on attention,

and just pressure, right? It is none of our business. What somebody else thinks about us, how they react towards us, what they say to us. The only thing that we're responsible for is do we react or do we respond? Right.

And the correct thing to do is to respond because children are watching. They're never going to, you know, go out in the world and be who they become because of the advice you gave them. They're going to do it based on the example you set. And so I love hearing that because what's so important about that right there is, although you're out of that situation, you're blessed with three children. Yeah. You still have equal placement with your ex-husband. Yep. So there's a lot of triggers

that you have to work through on a weekly, semi-week, however you do it, basis, how, how, because we're human, right? Yeah. How does, how is your response to that internally? Like, because to me, that, that would just band-a ripped off every single time, right? How do you deal with that? So it is, it is, it is a band-a-repped off every single time. I spent a lot of years in therapy.

I was diagnosed with PTSD and no longer on the spectrum, which I'm really grateful for. It took a lot of work. And there's a place for that. Like if you're really struggling, go seek a professional. I did a lot of EMDR and that was life changing for me. It just processed those emotions outside of my body. Oh, at midbrainer. And now, yeah.

Now I just accept it. You know, there has not been a time that I, see my ex-husband and I don't get a little shaky. That's my body's response to someone who destroyed me, raped me, hurt me in ways that just are indescribable. But I've accepted that. Like, that's just how my body responds. But I've done the work that I know I can keep myself safe. And I know that I can give myself everything that I need. And I honor that response because it's just a picture of what happened. It's not a picture of what what is today. And so it's resilience seems like this big old massive warrior word. But it's just like emotions, you react or you respond. It's,

right, you know, I'm going to take a hot cup of tea with me and I'm going to, whenever I feel that, take a drink of hot tea and swallow it and bring myself back to now. You know, this is all good. I've got myself. I know where we do all of our exchanges. I know the curve in the road, that my heart's can start racing. And that to me is now not a flight or fight or flight response. It's take a deep breath. You've got this. You're really strong. Look at what you're doing. And so it's all, all of it's the store we have in our head and how we choose to practice mindfulness. And you know what? We all have a toolbox. You just choose to recognize what those tools are for you. It's different for everybody and then choose to practice them.

Damn, you know what? We were on that call yesterday where Jen Gottlie. Yeah. Shit, by the way. Oh, man. Fucking bomb after bomb after bomb. It was legit. The one thing that I really truly loved was her badass list.

Yeah. And I'm going to tie this together. The badass list, right? You write down, guys, you write down all these things that make you a badass. And then you read them out loud to yourself like you're talking about somebody else. And you start to feel like, holy shit, that person's a badass. Then you remember, that person is you. Yep.

So when you're going around that curve. Yep. And your heart starts pumping. Yep. You're having to pull from that badass list. Oh, yeah. Totally. I do.

So I heard that concept quite a while ago. I read a book called Can't Hurt Me. I don't know if you read it. I haven't read that one. He has to out the cookie jar. And, you know, I pull that sucker out. Gaggans. Yes. Yes. Yeah. The jar of thought. And it's same thing. I just pull out that cookie jar. And I keep going like, you've done this, you done this, you've done this. God damn it, you can handle an exchange. You can handle a basketball game. You can handle anything that comes at you. You've got this. You know, and that's the worst part. And you just, you just learn yourself. Self-awareness is a key pillar to resilience. You understand, like for me, I'm always going to be nervous beforehand, whether it's exchange, whether it's us talking, whether it's, you know, anything that I'm doing outside of my comfort zone, those few minutes beforehand, I'm going to feel it. And to me now, that's just you're doing something right.

It's just like the fear response. It's like, hey, move over to the driver's seat. I got this bitch. And hey, you can sit shotgun, but you can't drive. It's funny. Don't touch my radio. Yeah, don't touch my. Was actually that said that? That's so funny. Don't you touch my radio. But it's one of those things you mentioned, you know, can't hurt me. I don't know why I blank because I remember when, you know, I got into David Goggins and I made all these post-its, right? Yeah.

And I posted them on the mirror. And I sent it to him. He didn't respond. But, you know, you probably didn't do it again. But like, I'm going to do it again. Because every single time, I get on, I mean, listen, I was nervous getting on the call with you. Just now. Yeah, me too.

I get so nervous. I get so nervous because it means so much to me. It's like I want to be on point and I hope I am for you. Right? Because I want you to be able to tell your story because somebody, the right person is going to hear it. Oh, yeah. And I hope it saves someone's life. Absolutely.

It will. I mean, do you still have any contact with anybody like you went to high school with or, you know, like anybody from the, uh, advanced training institute? Yeah, absolutely. I do. I'm not in contact with anybody who's still involved. I don't think most of the people, well, some of them are still, but there's a couple girls that I'm in contact with who actually are getting out of similar situations. And it's really exciting, something coming up that I haven't talked about at all. I filed the paperwork work last year and I think we'll have the approval in the next week or two, but we're starting a nonprofit. It's called emotional justice. And one of the biggest holes that we found was people,

you know, it's a really a personal job to decide if you're going to get out. Nobody can do that for you. But in my situation, I didn't have a good attorney from the get go. And so when I did decide to leave, my ex-husband was able to kidnap my almost two-year-old son and keep him and, order to see the girls. And so they were all separated for a couple months. And that has negative effects to this day. And it's broken my heart that I couldn't protect him. He's seven years old now. But what we are doing with that energy is emotional justice is all about providing the retainer fees for women, getting out of difficult situations so that they have good representation from day and their children are safe from being in a position like that.

So I'm super excited about that. There will be a huge announcement on my website when that begins. And specifically what sparked this is there is a woman who is about $5,000 away from being able to protect her daughter. So we'll be helping her out first and get them safe. And, you know, our goal is to be the nationwide go-to for this service and to help thousands of women be able to get their, you know, they have to take responsibility for their job, their house, you know, figuring your life out, but we're going to keep up safe.

Well, when you do make the announcement, make sure you let me know so I can share. Absolutely. And then what we'll do is we'll do this again, but we'll have you and your partners on, and we can talk about the nonprofit. And by then, hopefully there's a million people listening to this podcast by then. Yes. And the money just floods your way so you can have. help as many women, children as possible.

Yeah. And men, you guys, it's not exclusive to women. I feel like everybody finds themselves in these situations. And, you know, men struggle to. There are terrible women out there. And so I never want it to sound like it's one-sided. It's just anybody who needs that resource. Totally.

What's the process? Like when you sit there and you say, all right, I want to get out. Because I know Bill Bother went down, right? And then Dr. Nugher went down. But like, what's the process? You like, you have to ask for permission. Like, okay, I want to leave this freaking organization and they try to block you. Like, what's that look like?

So my parents actually got themselves out of the organization while I was still living with them. And they basically at that point, Bill Gothard's a narcissist. And they didn't agree on like one tiny issue. And they got themselves booted out. Okay. Booted out of that. But that didn't change our lifestyle. right there's still plenty of other people living that way there was still a whole mindset of you know what

you live in this box to i don't know because there's fear outside of it right so you just create this tiny box and then god's going to love you and he's going to bless you and that's that and we don't have to live in the gray we don't have to face any fear you know it's just it's a very small way of living um but then for me when i just decided to leave my marriage that was a mess Yeah. I mean, we have a marriage just in general. I mean, can be a little bit of a mess, right? I mean, divorces are never easy, but mix in this ideology, right? To where, you know, a man owns a woman pretty much. Yep. can bring about another level of fear and danger, right? I mean, because at that, I mean, you're probably thinking,

who the hell is going to protect me? Yeah. Right? Yeah, it was scary. It was very scary. You know, you look back and you're like, oh, I wish I would have done things differently. But at that point, I was just frightened and wanted to get out. I did start, you know, before I left, I wanted to repair things.

I wanted to make it work. So I started voicing my opinion and what I felt like I deserved in the relationship and also suggested we go to premarital counseling or marital counseling, whatever it is. Yeah. And we did a little bit of that. But, you know, I was like, well, if you're going to agree to go to counseling, you can pick the counselor. And we ended up with our pastor's wife, who was had just,

just got to agree. And it was, it was a mess. It was, everything was my fault, you know, like accusations for things that I didn't even do. And granted, I'm not perfect. Okay, I'm not a perfect partner. I take complete ownership for that. It was not a perfect partner for him. I'm not today. I have areas to grow in. But it was just like, you guys, this is insane. You're accusing me, like telling me to go see a psychiatrist. Like, there's nothing wrong with me. you know, all I want is like to be loved. That's all I'm looking for. You're gaslighting the shit out of you.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yep. So then things just went downhill from there. And when I finally just said, you know what? I think this is over. It turned into a lot of drinking and antidepressants and passing out on the couch and handing me a gun and asking me to kill him and him going out for target practice and saying, hey, if I ever see.

you with anybody else. It was never a threat to me, but I will kill anybody I see you with. And so I was just scared. He was awake all the time. I couldn't pack anything. Like there was no way on all of my accounts, watching everything I did, like watching where I turned off of our road, not off of our driveway, like way half, three quarters mile down to figure out where it was going all the time. It was just, it was insane. So I was able to, take a check and keep it for myself $3,000. I gathered three bags of belongings. They were trash bags that I convinced him I was taking to Goodwill and got my two

kiddos with me and went and picked up my third one from school and never went back. Damn. I mean, you know, divorces, right? you when someone's leaving somebody, you know, they, they threaten, well, you're never going to see your kids again. Yeah. You know, you're, I'm going to take you for all your money. Like, that shit's fucking child's playing.

Mm-hmm. Right. And what I mean by that is I'm not taking anything away from those other situations because No. They're difficult as help. Okay. So, like, I get it. But like, you know, every situation is difficult, right?

When you're going through something like that. But to have. so much fear placed on you like all the drinking, here's a gun, kill me. Oh, by the way, I've been taking target practice. And if I see anybody you're with, I'm going to shoot them. Because you're a good person, right? So, you know, right there, these predators know that the person, the type of person in the heart that they're dealing with. So if I say this to them, then they're going to stay because they don't want blood on their hands. Yeah. Did you ever feel like, okay, I better say so this never does happen? You know, by that point, I had just

reached that paradigm where the fear of that happening was less than the pain of staying. Like, I literally, I couldn't do it anymore. I could not do it anymore. And I was fearful, you know, I watched my back for a long time. I, you know, thankfully had one or two people that were you know, helped me watch my back. I would get, you know, notes like, I know you're here right now doing this, you know. It's like, come on, man, just. That's like a movie. Give it up. Yeah. You know, it was, it was interesting. I thought, you know, I thought I had a lot of friends at the time. And once I filed for divorce, we had our initial hearing. And I walked into courtroom right on time with my attorney to find him and every close friend we'd ever had

sitting there waiting for me. And they were all there to support him. And I don't know what all he told them, but I know it wasn't the truth. And, you know, that was one of the most devastating moments, I think, throughout the divorce. But it really taught me, you know, in a way that I wasn't willing to give up on those relationships yet. But it taught me how to let's, things go that don't serve me anymore and how much creating space for the next thing is such a beautiful, beautiful thing. You know, you look back at it, you might look at that as a as a blessing, right? Oh, absolutely. At the time, it was so hurtful because, you know, those are all your friends that you've had for so long. And, you know, you wouldn't think in a million years, it would all be

there for him and support him and his arguments. But you look back at it now, Had they not done that, had they not turn their back on you, you would still have so many ties and so much influence over you that is not in alignment with who you are in it. Yeah, solid. It's true. So it's like, you know, now we look back and it's, you know, hindsight 2020, but that's got to be the most heart-sinking feeling walking into that room and seeing everybody.

Yeah. I mean. It was, but it was. really teaches and drives from the point that everything's happening for me. And I mean, it's part of the bad ass list or your cookie jar or whatever. I mean, that's just a whole another reason to take the time to do those things because everything is happening for you. And it doesn't feel like it in the moment. Okay, let's not pretend that it does. It doesn't. And it's not going to. It's never going to for me. It's never going to for you. It's never going to for anybody listening. But when we train ourselves to remember that, you can get

through those moments with almost a hope or excitement of what's the universe going to bring next, right? If this is happening for me, what an amazing comeback this is going to be. I think America loves a great comeback story. And that's why everybody loved Rocky, right? I mean, he's talking about a guy that's getting his ass kick in the middle of the ring. Every single five, he finds a way to win, right? When he's literally about to die in the ring, he finds his way to back to win over the crowd. and win the fight. And that's just, that's just what it is. But I think when you break it down to the most simplest terms, when you say life is happening for me, right? If you look at it that way, instead of this is happening to me, you put yourself in a sense of empowerment. Yep. Right. And if we

can feel empowered in our own situation and be accountable to ourselves, then is where truth growth happens. and that's when you see that trajectory of not just success, but freedom within your own soul happens. Yes. Yes. And that's what I found. It's the freedom. So it's so I just had a conversation with somebody yesterday.

And we were supposed to meet at 2 o'clock. And then we both messed up on the timeframes and whatever. And both of us were saying, oh, I'm sorry, I calculated wrong. Or I'm sorry, I did this wrong. And we both took ownership for whatever happened. And neither of us were pissed off or, you know, felt guilty. or shame or any of that. I was just like, oh, it is what it is. But that's the tiniest example for extreme ownership, right? When I look back over my life, I have every excuse to be an alcoholic

if I wanted to. And I could just, you know, waste away the rest of my life because of everything that happened to me, right? I didn't choose to be in a religious cold. I didn't choose the parents I had that told me I wasn't basically couldn't do anything with my fucking life. I didn't choose a man who just stripped away my dignity on every level. I didn't choose that. I didn't choose to be brainwashed to the point that somehow I believe that was okay. Okay. But I choose to take ownership of all of that because my story starts now and it starts today. And it was scary. I remember the point where I finally was just like, you know what? I'm going to stop blaming everybody else for my struggles. Like this is fucking hard. Getting out of this is way harder than I thought it was going to

Yeah. And watching my kids hurt is way harder than I thought it was going to be. And learning how to trust people again is way harder than I thought it was going to be. And all of it. And I blamed my dad and I blamed my husband for my previous husband. And finally, I was listening to a book called Extreme Ownership. And I was just like light bowl moment. Like, no, this is my life. And I get to write the rest of it. So I'm going to own it. Whatever that takes, I'm taking responsibility for it. And I'm going to fucking go. And it scared the shit out of me because like forgiveness, ownership, it's like you're letting people off the hook and then are you really going to be safe and how am I going to deal with this guilt and these emotions and this anger and this sadness and everything. Like,

you know, blaming people just protects us from the bad stuff, but it protects us from the good stuff too. And so for anybody on that fence, it's freedom, guys. Like, if you don't take ownership, you just hand away your power, hand away your freedom, and just blame is an excuse to suck for the rest of your life. And if that's what you want, keep doing it. If you want something different, take some ownership. And it's just a tiny step at a time. I love it. It's an everyday process, right? Oh, yeah. It's an everyday process to learn the accountability and take ownership of what's going on in our lives, you know, in the present moment, but also in the past, and you touched on a word, the effort.

Forgiveness. That's hard for me, right? Because there's some people in my life that I haven't forgiven. And it does hold me back. But there's so much energy around that person. It's my dad. It's my dad. There's so much energy around it.

And I have to grow the fuck up and forgive them because you know why? But forgiveness isn't for him for me. And what we seem to forget as human beings, that when we say forgive somebody, and my wife does it so good is forgiving is forgiveness is not for that person. It's for me. It's going to lift that weight off of me. I need to forgive for me. And, you know, I just, when you, when you said that F word, it just struck a chord with me.

And I know what I need to do now. So you've helped me work. You've helped me work through some things. just listening to your story and knowing what I have to do. And just because I forgive somebody doesn't mean I need them in my life. But I'm going to work on that. I'm not going to work on him to do it. You're going to do it.

Because you know what? I can't give him credit for all the bad shit and not the good shit either. Because I turned out all right. I think what you'll find underneath the need to forgive your dad is the need to forgive yourself. And that's really what holds you back. Yeah, ma'am. But offer you a little hope. You know what?

My dad just went up the last year. I've had a relationship with him. And in the course of my choice to forgive him, you know, it's so easy for us to be reactive in those emotions. Right. My dad hurt me. And there's three kids that have a real difficult trajectory in their life because of a decision he made. He made it. Okay?

And, you know, instead of reacting to that, I just laid out some really strong boundaries. I just said, you know what? These were the behaviors that hurt me and hurt them. And it's how you still choose to live. And as long as those are part of your life, you're not part of mine. Okay. I've worked too hard to build what I have and it's not happening. So, you know what?

You can send me letters. Don't call me. Don't email me. don't text me. You can send me letters to keep in touch. And I'll let you know if something changes. You let me know if something changes in you. Wow. That was like that was so scary. Okay. So scary. Because we don't love our parents and they heard us. And you know, it's just like this weird spot. And it's draining as fuck. And it's because no matter what, like, no matter how bad they mess up, they're your parents. Right. And you like,

see them as this figure. And, you know, I, and my wife reminds me of this all the time. I was like, hey, our kids are like when they see you frustrated, it affects them, you know, when they see you happy, it affects them, right? So we know we're flawed. Yeah. I know I've got like a million issues, right? But my kids don't think that. Yeah. Kids see me as a fucking super hero. So every single day, from here on out, what I want to do, I want to aspire to be that superhero that they seek. Yeah. I just, I could talk to you about this all day. Like, all day. Like, I see us having more episodes on here. Absolutely. And when, you know, like, I'd love to be on on some of your, if you ever. Oh, yeah. I mean, dude. Down the road. Yep. Um, but I was,

want to land the plane here. I want to finish my story before you land the plane. Do you go? Yes. Okay. Go, go. Got a letter from my dad about a year ago. Okay. Took complete ownership for his part and all of it. During the time we were apart, he went and started seeing a therapist, went on a couple weekend long intensives, and he's a completely different man and has dealt with his past. And I'm so proud to call him my dad today. I never trumped. That would have ever happened. So it is all about it's forgiveness, ownership, do it. Like not every story has a happy ending. Right. I'm divorced with, you know, some crap going on, but it's always worth it. Well. Now let's lay on the plane. Okay. Okay. We can lay in the plane now. But no, I'm glad that you

that you stop me and you finish that because, you know, I think that's important. You know, know, and that little bit right there is going to help somebody. That little bit just knowing that no matter how far gone you think people are, right? They do have- I never would have dreamt. They do have the ability, right? To do the 180 and to take ownership and to say I'm sorry and to be a positive influence on your life moving forward. like eight years ago you probably never would have sat there and said like i am proud to have him as my dad

no and guys that's been letting him back into my life it's not easy like today we're in a great place but you know it brought up a lot for me and um it's worth it do the work though just face it head on and find ways to work through it and don't let those things just hang um because they just stop you from your purpose and everybody, you, Sean, everybody listening, you're here for a reason. We need you. We need you. It's beautiful. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to tell everybody listening where they can find you and how they can best work with you because I think that people need to work with you like right now. Yeah, absolutely. We can find me on Instagram, be Becca.combeck.comberland, and I'm sure that'll be in the show notes. And I also have a website,

Becca chamberlain.com. I'm just in a couple of days running a free five-day resilience boot camp. So that's a great way to get to know me a little bit. But I also am doing one-to-one resilience coaching. So if that's something you're interested in, you can either ping me on my website or shoot me a DM in Instagram. I'm on Facebook to whatever it is. I would love, love, love, and feel honored to have a conversation with you. Like, this is my purpose. I can do it all day. day. So you're not a pain. Just ask me the questions, reach out, and let's see what we can do to get you on the path you want to be on for your life. I love it, Becca. And just guys, I will put her Instagram handle in her website in the show notes, but I do want to note that it is Becca,

B-E-K-A.combe Chamberlain. That is her Instagram. I will put it in the notes, but don't get it twist it is not B-E-C-C-A. You won't find her there. Okay. No. I don't know about that with that. So anyway, thank you so much for being on. Thank you for having me. It was amazing. It was an absolute honor. And I can't wait to see how it turned out. Me too. Me too. And I can't wait to talk to all of your raving fans. That's right. Yeah. All right, girl, I'll see you a little bit on the call at six. Sounds great. We'll see you Later. Talk to you.

Bye-bye. Bye. Rinse takes your laundry and hand delivers it to your door, expertly cleaned and folded. So you could take the time once spent folding and sorting and waiting to finally pursue a whole new version of you. Like tea time you. Mmm. Or this tea time you.

Or even this tea time you. Said you hear about Dave? Or even tea time, tea time, tea time you. Mmm. So update on Dave. It's up to you. We'll take the laundry. Rinse, it's time to be great.