Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - Mastering Mindsets with Paris Thompson

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

In this episode I sit down with Paris Thompson, outside hitter for the Notre Dame Volleyball program. We discuss her journey as an athlete and how she ended up on the volleyball court. Both her parents are former Division 1 trackstars so we already know where this is going... Key Conversation Points: Segment 1: Getting to Know Paris Thompson Paris Thompson's background as an outside hitter for the Notre Dame volleyball team. How Paris got involved in volleyball and her journey to becoming a Division I athlete. Sharing some of Paris's notable achievements and experiences in her sports career. Segment 2: The Glamour vs. Reality of Division I Sports Discussing the common misconceptions about being a Division I athlete and the realities that athletes like Paris face. Highlighting the rigorous training schedules, academic pressures, and the challenges of balancing sports and personal life. Segment 3: The Mental Struggles Paris opens up about the mental challenges she has encountered throughout her athletic career. Exploring the pressures to perform consistently, dealing with performance anxiety, and coping with high expectations. Shawn and Paris discuss the stigma around seeking mental health support as an athlete and how it impacts their well-being. Segment 4: Coping Strategies and Support Paris shares her personal strategies for managing stress and maintaining mental well-being. Discussing the importance of a strong support system, including coaches, teammates, and family, in navigating mental struggles. Shawn and Paris explore the role of universities and athletic programs in providing mental health resources to athletes. Segment 5: Overcoming Adversity and Building Resilience Paris talks about specific instances where she faced setbacks and how she bounced back from them. The discussion delves into the concept of building resilience through sports and how it translates to other aspects of life. Segment 6: Advice to Fellow Athletes and Coaches Paris offers advice to fellow Division I athletes dealing with their own mental challenges. The hosts and Paris discuss how coaches can create a more supportive and understanding environment for athletes' mental well-being. Connect with Paris: Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/paristhompson10/ Connect with Shawn: Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/theshawnfrench/ Twitter- https://twitter.com/theshawnmfrench?lang=en If you are an athlete and would like to work with Shawn you can book a call and he will be happy to discuss with you. Book a Call: https://calendly.com/shawnmf32/edge-institute-for-athletes     Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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that was just focused on getting better and not worrying about what result it was going to you? Growing up, I think a big thing was like, don't get too stressed out over one thing. You can't put what you think in someone else's head. Someone else has a perceived image. Something you say is not going to change that. You've got to prove them wrong until they can believe it.

For them to see eye to eye with you, you kind of just have to put in the work and do what you want to do for people to realize that like, okay, if I want that spot, I need to put in the work to get that spot. See, now we're hitting, now we're hitting the sweet spot, right? This is like, it's always, like, dude, every episode, it's so great, you know, the first, you know, 10 minutes are always awesome. Then it's like you hit minute 11 and then the real shit comes out.

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I have our first Division I one volleyball player, Paris Thompson. She's an outside hitter at Notre Dame. Yes, she plays for the Irish. She's not only a great athlete, but she's super intelligent. She's from Fort Myers, Florida, which I did not know before we started the interview.

And I'm super excited to have her on. An alumni of Fort Myers High School, she appeared in 23 matches last year, recorded 148 kills, and average 2.35 kills per set. 71 total digs, 18 blocks, and four service aces. So, Paris, welcome to the Determined Society. How are you? I'm good, Sean. Thanks so much for having me on here today.

I'm super excited to have you. It's funny because, you know, we were talking, you know, probably about, I don't know, like 10 minutes before we hit record. We're like, hey, we should probably save some for the show. but, you know, it's really cool to see that, you know, I know we connected on Instagram through a passing of a very close mutual friend of ours. And, you know, here we are on this conversation on a Friday night, which will air on a Monday. And we're just going to get down and talk about, you know, being an NCAA Division I

athlete and some of the things that are great about it and some of the things that, you know, that you might struggle with. So this is going to be a fun time. Yeah, I'm ready. Cool. Well, listen, for those that you don't know much about you, why don't you know, give a little, give them a little bit about your story, who you are,

and how you ended up where you're at right now. So I come from a family of athletes. My mom was a All-American at Florida State high jumper, and my dad ran track at UNC, so he was a ball vulture. It's a lot of jumping in the family. I tried track. They told me it wasn't cut out for it. It wasn't your thing.

It was not my thing at all. So then, but in high school, I played five sports, five varsity sports at Fort Myers High School. They always encouraged me to play everything, do everything you can, don't stick to one thing. And their biggest thing was like, don't get burnt out too fast because it happens. It's a real thing. I mean, I have a lot of friends that started a lot earlier than I did. And they were like, by the time I ended high school, they were like, we have no interest to play in college. So the biggest thing was just playing a bunch of sports, doing everything, trying everything.

I think it's helped me now too of like after this I'm going to go to the driving range and hit some golf balls with one of my teammates. So I think it's totally helped me. We go play tennis, some of the tennis girls on the varsity team here. We go play at the golf facilities here. So I think it's helped me just broaden my network of like who I know, who I've met just through sports. So I think that's a huge thing for me. I started playing volleyball when I was 13. I played tennis for 10 years of my life from about when I was 3 till 10.

no three till 13 and then was ranked in Florida, ranked in the country for tennis, looked at going to IMG, and then realized that I wanted something with a team. I kind of got burned out of that and realized like all my friends are playing volleyball, let me try. So I started playing at a club in Fort Myers and I was on the second team. It was very bad. Everyone was kind of like, this girl's tall, but she's very bad and has no skill. So I was kind of a work in progress for a long time.

And then I started playing with some like USA volleyball stuff. So they used to have a junior national team growing up. And they took about, I want to say it was 100 girls every summer. And then I think they limited down to 30 in the winter. And you would go to the Olympic training center in Colorado. So I did that for about four years of my life. And I actually met my roommate who I live with now. We met when we were 12 years old, just from Illinois.

And I was like, this girl is. insane. She is a total badass. Yeah. This is who I want to be. And then I heard she committed Notre Dame and that was like 50% of my decision. I tell her all the time. Like I didn't even know if Notre Dame was good. Like I really didn't know Notre Dame coming before. And like I was like if she's going there, they've got to be good. Like this is 50% of the decision. This is why I want to go here. So I think just like I always say the networking with that like remember who you meet no matter what. I went to a Duke camp when I

was 15 and I met one girl there that was like on my team for the camp we ended up playing at Notre Dame together and she was a senior when I was a freshman so you know you there's a couple things that I want to you know circle back to here that that really interested me when you said it the first thing was you talked about what what you're really talking about is specializing too early yeah you know too many athletes right now and specifically baseball players I feel are specializing way too soon. You have, you know, you know, eight-year-olds playing year-round baseball and they don't stop until like they, you know, until they're just dog tired. I don't think they ever take a break. Yeah. And a lot of it is I think the game has changed so much because, you know, a perfect game and

travel ball, like, you know, get on this list and be the top 50 of your class and, you know, all this pressure to be at these things, which I think perfect game is a great, great business. And I think it's great for some athletes, not for all. But it's, it's, it's putting this pressure on parents initially to, you know, jam the kid. And you got to play a year round, especially here in Florida. You know that. Yeah. All your buddies you grew up with, those jokers are playing baseball all year round.

Yeah. And when I was in high school, we were blessed if we got a fall ball program. Like, and then summer ball was American Legion. It wasn't very good. It was just something that we did to have fun. But the thing is, when I grew up, I wasn't good at anything else other than baseball. So I was just fucked. I had to play baseball or else.

I wasn't going to college to play anything. But, you know, there was always those athletes that I looked at and they were playing multiple sports. I'm like, why are they playing multiple sports? Like, why don't you just play one thing and be like a badass at that one thing? Yeah. But you bring a great point. A lot of times nowadays, these athletes are only playing baseball or only playing football. or only playing football, right?

And then they get to the point where they're about to sign their letter of intent. They're like, you know what? I don't want to do this anymore. I'm super tired. All I want to do is just go be a young adult, experience college, have fun, and I'm done with this shit.

Yeah. You know? Like, do you find that the way that your parents raised you into try everything, try track, play tennis, play volleyball, it gave you a good gauge of what you really wanted to do. And also, you know, you had some more gas in the tank when you got there.

For sure. Yeah. I think the biggest thing, too, is seeing other sports. I mean, you compare tennis to volleyball. Tennis is an individual sport. You win if you play good. You lose if you play bad. Volleyball, it's you win.

If everyone can play okay or great, you lose if two people are playing bad. So I think that's a big thing, too. Like track, I would go to track practice. And I'm like, why is there not many coaches out here? Why am I not constantly being told something to do? It's kind of like do your own thing. When you need something you ask.

So I think every dynamic of every sport was a lot different. Yeah. Although it wasn't like the highest level of track. I mean, my mom was out there coaching me. She'd be like, okay, I'll come out two days a week and we'll work on a high jump. So I think just seeing like, then I get to volleyball and I'm like, okay, I can't put all the pressure on myself. I've got other people to rely on.

I'm like, if I'm having a bad game, I've got five other girls around me that can somehow pick it up. And if I'm not passing well, I need to be able to hit well. Like there's a lot of things that if I'm not doing something well, I can do something better in another area, whether an individual sport was like, if I can't get the ball over the net, I'm screwed. Yeah. That's a really good point because I think what I'm, what I know I'm hearing you say is you

prefer a team aspect, right? It's like you want to have that opportunity to win and depend on somebody else, but then also to pick somebody else up if they're playing bad. Exactly. Individual sports, you can't do that. You're living and dying by your own sword. If you're having a shit day, you're toast, right? Yeah.

The other thing I heard you say, which I lit up. I don't know if you noticed it. I loved it. I loved it. It was when you started playing volleyball, you sucked. Like, you weren't very good. And so, like, what I want the audience to really get out of this is, I always say this, you have to be willing to be shitty at something.

You have to willing to suck at something. something, right? But now, right, you're sitting there. You're a junior at one of the most prestigious universities in the world. And that came from what? Hard work, perseverance, determination, and sticking to your standard. So in those early years, here's my question, those early years when it comes to development in that actual sport, what are some of the standards you stuck to every single day that was just focused on getting better and not worrying about, like what result it was going to yield. Yeah.

So I was always big about being in the gym. Like that was where I just loved being. Like I love going to the gym. I love getting stronger. Like that's my favorite thing to do. If I'm having a tough day of practice, like I'm excited to go to lift. Like it's just kind of relaxed to me. Like I know I'm getting better at something.

Even if it's not on the court, like I can do something to get better. So I think that was a big thing for me of just like, I mean, when I was in high school, I was lifting four days a week. When I was in middle school, I was lifting five days a week. So I think that was a big thing for me just knowing like no matter what sport it is. Like you can still be in the weight room. You can still be getting better or something. And then I think also just learning from other players was a big thing for me.

And I think what a lot of people don't realize is like you go through this point in time where, okay, I was 13 year old, I sucked at volleyball. I'm 18 years old and I'm one of the best in Lee County. Then you go to college and you're like, you started all over again. Yeah. Like, okay, here I am the absolute worst. I don't like the relaying, like, I didn't really think I'd be in this position again. And then you're like, this sucks. But then you have so many players in front of you that you're like, okay, these are the numbers.

And it's good now at this level. Like, we're getting the numbers. We're seeing what we're hitting. We're seeing. So it's awesome to see, like, I am behind. It's motivation to go forward. And like, you're learning from these girls that are fifth years now because COVID. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, I came in, there was no fifth years, but the year after I was a freshman, I came in early, actually. So my freshman year, technically, there were fifth years. And it was like, these girls are good. Like, these girls are really good. Yeah. So I think just being able to, like, learn to be able to learn from others, like, see what they're doing and, like, watch them.

Okay, this is how they do it. This is how they handle themselves on the court. I think that was a big thing for me, especially when I got here and I kind of went through that process again. Yeah. But growing up, I think a big thing was like, don't get too stressed out over one thing. Explain that. Explain that. What do you mean by that? So, like I always tell myself, you can't put what you think in someone else's head. Someone else has a perceived image. You like something you say is not going to change that.

Like you've got to prove them wrong until they can believe it or until for them to see eye to eye with you. So, I mean, I'm going through the same thing right now. I went through it like Ben. So I think it kind of is for all sports. Like you kind of just have to put in the work and do what you want to do for people to realize that like, okay. Like if I want that spot, I need to put in the work to get that spot. See, now we're hitting, now we're hitting the sweet spot, right? This is like, it's always, like, dude, every episode, it's so great. You know, the first, you know, 10 minutes are always awesome.

Then it's like you hit minute 11 and then the real shit comes out. So for the audience, for those of you listening, I want you to really think about what she's, what Paris is talking about. close your eyes and think about a time where you're not achieving the results or that you want, or you're not getting the fair shake from that boss or that coach. Where does your mind go? Does your mind go to poor me? My coach is an asshole? Because that's a fixed mindset.

You're not going to get any better that way. Or do you go to the point of, you know what? I can't put my thoughts into that coach's head, but I can work my butt off. And this is motivation enough for me to. to, you know, ascend in the depth chart and show this coach who I really am. That's the difference. That's why Paris is at the College of Notre Dame playing volleyball, right? That's why you were missed volleyball 2020, right?

These are the reasons. These are the reasons. And I want you to really understand Paris. Like, this isn't being said to stroke you or to make you, you know, inflate you. This is, this is acknowledgement. And this is something that I want you to take with you, rest of the year when you're going through battling for that position right and in wanting to be that and being that that athlete that female athlete that you know you already are yeah this is ingrained

in you you do not have a fixed mindset you have an elite mindset to where you are taking full responsibility for your development for how you are perceived on the court like i applaud it and you know, have you always been that way? Because that is a very high level, that's a very high level thing. So probably not. I think in high school, I mean, I had so much confidence. I was like, if I make a mistake, oh well, like I know I'm good. Yeah. Like I know I could still put a ball away and I know I could score points and we'll be okay. Right. Then you get to this higher level. And I think for all college athletes, there's a point where you're like, I have zero confidence myself. And I mean, I've gone through it, going through it.

And I'm like, what can I do right now if I miss a pass? Like I can't tell myself, God, I suck at passing. Like, I got to realize like, okay, the world's not ending. There's another ball coming my way. Like if I think like this, it's all going to be horrible. Yeah. So I think the biggest thing right now for me too is just realizing like, knowing I'm a good player, knowing I can do it.

And the minute I start having bad thoughts or a fixed mindset, it's all going to go downhill and nothing's going to work. So this is, this is super important. All right. Like this conversation right here, this is the narrative going on in every athlete's head. Yeah. And it could be, you know, the number one draft pick from the, you know, MLB draft. It could be the number two pick, both LSU guys, by the way.

Just throwing that out there for those of you listening. Like, you may think those athletes don't go through point in time or they're losing confidence. Yeah. The fact of the matter is they do. They just work through it differently, right? They figure out just like what you're talking about, I got another. ball coming my way. I'm going to get another swing here soon. I'm going to get another ground ball. I'm going to get to throw another bullpen, right? Like, there's always another one, right?

So if we focus on the bad stuff, the scarcity, right, then we are not going to be very good at all. But if we focus on the very next one and forget about that last one, that's where the growth is. Here's my question. Can you remember the physical feelings and the emotional feelings, the moment you got to Notre Dame and you went, oh shit, like, I'm not the, I'm not the gal anymore. Like, I have, like, walk, pretend there's a thousand athletes right now listening to you on this show that are about to go to college for the first time. Yeah. Walk them through that. So I'll give you a little my background from me coming to college.

about a week before. So this was during COVID. I was supposed to graduate spring, 2021 from high school. And it was January, class we're starting here in February. I get a call from my coach, my coach at Notre Dame. Hey, Paris, we want to know if you'll come up and graduate from high school early. Like a week before classes start. So I'm like, okay.

Like, I need to talk to my parents. I need to talk to like my high school. He's like, oh, no, we've already talked to your high school. you can do it. We've already talked to your parents. Like, it's up to you. And I'm like, okay, like, let me give you a call back. So I call on. This is a little too much for me right now. So I give him a call back. I said, I'm all in. He said, okay, we'll see you up here in about four days. So did you leave before your senior year in high school? So I left. Yep. So I didn't play your year. No. Well, so I played my since in the fall. So I played my since in the fall. So I played

fall. So I played fall. And then went right after Christmas. Got it. Oh, that's when I thought you like in the fall okay got it so then we had a club season so i wasn't able to play that club season for travel ball um so i went up in february was not enrolled in any classes had not even gotten accepted in netherdain yet okay nerd name is their decision process later than most schools oh my god i'm up here can't practice can't live in a dorm in the middle of covid both my parents are up here and we're like we're just sitting waiting for me to get the acceptance letter of okay you've gotten in Notre Dame, you can take classes and you can practice volleyball. So I wasn't able to practice, wasn't able in the locker room. It was like a hard week, but I was just so excited that I was

like, yeah, it would be okay. And then my parents left. I was, I got into school and we were like, this is the best day ever. Yeah, and they're like, peace out. I'm gone. Exactly. So they moved warm. They left. And then I started practicing. And my first day of practice, it was, I shanked a ball. and no one really went after it. And our coach said, that's it, everyone walk outside. And I'm like, oh my God, everyone's going to hate me. Like I just ended up practice for everyone. So in a sense, I was like, okay, then I kind of started to realize like that's just the level here.

Like we've got to have effort. We've got to have intensity. So it was hard at first, like coming from high school volleyball where you're just playing like local teams now this level where you're on television. like playing collegiate ball. And then just like realizing like how much different it was was definitely a challenge. And that first semester when I was there, college volleyball was actually being played. So the rule was if you played a high school season though, you cannot play a college season.

So I was unable to play regardless of the matter. But I was still able to practice, able to travel. So I think that kind of helped my mindset of like, this is my time to get better. whether in a sense if I came in in the fall I'd be like holy smokes this is a lot like I'm competing for a spot right now which I was still competing for a spot knowing like I got to prove myself I got to show what I can do

but I had a little different mentality knowing like this is my time to get better I've got these five months to get better and that's all I can do right now but then like fall comes and I think about it like if I came in in the fall semester like it's stressful you come in and you are the worst one there

like you just every program's different yeah like how you're positioned the like what you're doing like the skilled the fundamentals so i think like just changing you got to be able to almost unlearn everything you previously learned and relearned all and it's like in that process you're like i suck like i tell my coach so bad at like last year i knew how to pass this year i don't know how to do anything like why can't even pass well like it's you getting better like it's a process just like they say like trust the process that's exactly what it is. So I think it's knowing that like you're going to fail and that's what you got to take. Like failure is great and you just got to look at it and be like this is what I'm building from.

And it's going to make me better as a player. There has been zero athletes, maybe one in one million that you're just like this freak of nature, right? Yeah. But so let's just call it. There are almost zero athletes in this world. whether they're, you know, pro beach volleyball players, the best track star in the world, or whatever the athlete is,

wherever they play, whatever they do. They did not get there without chronic failure. Like, to sit there and think that you are not going to fail at something is the worst mindset you could possibly ever have. And I don't know where that comes from. Well, I do know.

I think there's different parenting style. right so for me like failing i wasn't allowed to like i i had to be perfect right and that was not my mom that was my dad if i mean the the narrative was for me and then people that have been listening to my show a long time know this like i heard like if you do not play major league baseball you are fucked you're not you you don't have any skills you can't you can't fix a car you can't do anything i'm like well people like me so and i got and i was laughed at and so here we are fat i'm almost 45 now and I have a very successful podcast. I'm a sales professional. I literally get by on my personality, right? And like my voice and, you know, and I didn't become a major league

baseball player. Like for me, it was done after my senior season at LSU. But, you know, the other parenting style is like, hey, listen, you're going to fail. It's okay. Like that's how you get better, right? It's just like when you're lifting weights, you want to fail in that set, right? You want to get to, you know, rep 12, 13, 14, 15, or whatever it is. And you're like almost dying because that's when you're going to grow the most is when you're under pressure. Yeah. You know, like, so to me is like, how often do you see girls come in to the program?

And they have that mindset of like, oh, I can't fail. And you just see there. And you just see them and you watch them go down this road. And it's just like, girl, what are you doing? Yeah. You know? I think I see it a lot. too and I see it with all sports of like me just talking to like my friends and they're like,

this sucks. I'm horrible. Like, and I'm like, I could agree. Like I was at that point. I was there. Like there's still days there I'm like, I am horrible volleyball. And then I go home and I'm like pissed off upset and I'll call my parents to be like, Paris, you're not horrible volleyball. Like you wouldn't be there if you were horrible volleyball in a sense. Like that's kind of what you have to remember too is like you're here for a reason. You've put in the work. There's going to be times where you think And I mean, it's a challenge for everyone. You can say like, okay, I've got to have a partisan mindset. I've got to think like next ball.

But then doing it is so much harder. Like to be able to sit there and be like, I shank a ball and I'm like, okay, I got to pass this ball. Just say that to my head and like forget about the last one. To say it, it's easy. To do it, it's hard. Yeah. You know, here's the thing, right? There's always an inflection point during a season, right?

And it's coming. You don't know when it's coming. Your job, Paris, and every athlete, job is to be ready for that point, right? Yeah. And it could look like something like this. You get in a game, tight, tight match, right? And you have five kills and you guys win the match.

Yeah. And then from that point on, you're it. And then all it takes is five kills and you're on top of the world. And now you're believing in your ability again, right? And this is something that I just wish a lot of athletes, and I wish I really subscribed to this when I was your, When I was playing, you know, I almost said your age, God, what a dick. Like, just like, you know, like when I was playing college athletics, like I wish I understood failure a little bit better, right?

Because those, those moments where you, where you just, you have that peak performance in that game, you have it because you have a standard. Your work ethic is part of your DNA. And now you're just out there, you know, doing the action. And then all of a sudden, your life's changed, right? You're the big girl on campus now. You're the one that everybody's going to. So like that moment's coming, right? Yeah.

But you have to be ready for it. What are some of the things you do, the routines that you have to stay ready and not go down that ugly road of despair and victim mentality? So I think it's just knowing that the time is going to come for everyone. Like whether that be someone's having a bad game, whether that be someone gets injured, I mean, you hope to not, but it happens. Like, you just have to know that at some point you're going to get called on. And that's your opportunity. Like, that is your opportunity to step up and show what you can do.

That's your opportunity to go in there. And if I'm sitting there on the bench, like, God, I hate this. I don't want to be, like, if I'm saying all these bad things, if I get called on in that moment, I mean, I'm going in there and I'm screwed. You're done. You're like, you're absolutely done. And it's so funny. To your point, it is so different. It could be anytime.

It could be for an injury. For my case, my senior year, I was six on the day. depth chart. Yeah. Before the very first game, I was number two on the depth chart. Yeah. Injuries, whatever you want to call it. Like, and I got better, right?

I dealt with two and a half years of bad injuries, right? Where I was just sidelined. And I was even blessed to get a uniform my senior year, to be quite honest. Like, I had a rotator cuff surgery. I had, you know, prior had a blood clot in junior college. Like, I had some shit going on, right? Yeah. So, you know, for me,

it's like that was my time. You know, that was it. But someone, it could be, you know, maybe someone doesn't get the good grades, you know, or maybe like they're just having a bad game. Insert Paris and boom, you know, oh, wow, now there's chemistry, different chemistry on the court, right? Yeah. Coaches are going to stick with that. Yeah.

Right? So I like, I like what you're saying because, again, I always keep going back to a fixed mindset versus an elite mind. set, right? Those fixed mindsets, they, they just find what's wrong in every situation. It doesn't matter if they're on the volleyball court, tennis court, basketball court, soccer field, baseball field, football field. It doesn't matter. You cannot please that person because it's never their fault, right? But then there's those individuals with those elite mindsets that just understand like, hey, I'm going to, I'm going to cheer my girls on right now. And if I get called on today, I'm going to do whatever I can to help the team win the match.

For sure. Yeah. You know. Exactly. And I think the biggest thing, too, is like, I've got such a great group of girls around me. Like, every program does. Like, you've got great girls. I mean, I'm biased, but I think our coaching staff is one of the best coaching staffs in the country.

That's awesome. Like, they're just incredible people on and off the court. And so I think that's the biggest thing, too, is having trust within your teammates, within your coaches, like, knowing what they're doing is, like, what they think is best. And you want what's best to the team. That's what everyone wants. That's why you play a team sport. Yeah.

I mean, if you just want to. to win every single game, like you might as well play an individual sport, I always think. Then it's based on you and there's no other factors. So that's awesome. Sorry, go ahead. Trusting everyone else around you and knowing that like if they are going to do the job, they're going to do the job and you just got to be ready when it's your turn too. I always like to ask this question.

Yeah. Because I think it's, I think, you know, the answers can go so many ways. when you talk about the best coaching staff, what does that entail and what does it mean to you? So we just got a new coaching staff this year. Last year, actually, last year. It all runs together, girl. I know.

I'm a junior. I'm like, oh, my God, tomorrow I'm going to be a senior. It's crazy. Exactly. And then your cap and gowns hanging in your closet ready to you want. I'm like, it's flown by. I feel like I was just in high school not too long.

I was home two weeks ago and I was hanging out with all my high school best friends and the time of our lives. Yes. So, but I think the biggest thing is just like knowing that they care about you as a person, knowing that they want to be around you, knowing that you can be open with them, I think is the biggest point. Like, these are people who are going to be around four years. These are people that are making decisions.

I mean, you can say like, okay, I have a life other than volleyball. Like, volleyball doesn't matter to me after college. You can say all these things. I mean, it takes over your whole four years, five years for something to six. expect on people. Like, it is all you focus on, like, this is your life. You're in two-day practices. You are giving everything you've got to this one thing.

So you've got to be able to be open with your coaches. You've got to be able to be open with your teammates. And I think that's the biggest thing right now is, like, I feel as if I could say anything to my coaches. And just because the respect we have for each other is, like, so great. So, like, I go in there all the time. I go in there for lunch. I go in there for breakfast.

I'll be like, this is my problem. I go in there crying. I go in there upset. I go in there mad. going there happy like they've seen it all um and they're just like it's going to be okay like i go in there when things are not going to go with school i'm like i failed this exam and they're like paris it's not the end of the world like you got a bad grade you're going to be okay um whether some coaches would be like take that the complete opposite way and run with that and put it against you so i think like

our coaching staff our head coach salima rock well she came from played at penn state okay um coached at Penn State, played for the national team, coached to Texas, and then was a NASCAR broadcaster right before from Notre Dame. And she was like totally done coaching, Notre Dame Pride and Pride for her. And they got her. And she came and like our world lit up. I mean, it was just the energy she brought every day. I mean, she had surgery like four weeks ago.

And she's like lunging and diving at practice. And we're like not be doing that. She's like dancing yesterday as we're warming up. And she's like dancing to rock music. That's awesome, dude. So I just think the environment, like, you can be yourself. And I know there's a lot of programs where girls struggle to be themselves. They struggle to say anything to coaches.

They struggle to do, like, everything. Yeah. It builds them up so much where the first year or two, it's fine. The third year, it's like, I hate this. I hate them. I don't want to be here. So I think that's the biggest thing for me is just being able to be myself, being able to be open and being able to have honest communication of like when I'm struggling,

if I need to know something like I'm able to go to them and be like, why am I not doing this? What do I need to do? And so I think that's been great for me just to have that. So they've been really good in those points. And I think that's what I value most with coaches too. You hit the nail on the freaking head, dude. Like straight up.

For those of you listening, a lot of times when people think about what makes a great coach, they go they have to know the game. They have to do X's and O's. They have to be able to put together drills and make a strategic practice plan and put the best players on the court or put the best nine on the field, not the nine best, that's not what coaching is.

Paris, you described someone that you can collaborate with, you that you can partner with, and that you most importantly can trust. That is what makes a great coaching staff. Like, that makes me feel really good that there is an athlete here on my show right now, talking about, you know, a coaching staff in that light when, Today, arguably, I feel being a collegiate athlete is the hardest than it's ever been. And to hear that this coaching staff is, has your guys' best interest in mind to a point or even like to your point where, hey, you got a bad grade. It's not the end of the world.

Yeah. I would have gotten my ass handed to me at LSU. Right. Like, you know, it's a different era. It is, you know, in LSU, baseball is a different place. right but like i i remember one coach he was so hard on me but he loved me more than anything and he's one of my really good friends now is jody aughtry he was our volunteer assistant coach i love that man i love that man i love that man he's always believed in me he was

hard on me then and again i had a little of a shit attitude when i was playing right i had the poor me you know i'll show you um but looking back at it like He cared. He never lied to me. He was honest with me. Right. And I just really love hearing that from a young athlete because to me, that just shows that you are somewhere far away from home, competing for a job, going to school. And it's not easy at Notre Dame, but you're cared for while you're there.

How how has that impacted your parents knowing that you're so well taken care of with the coaching staff there? my parents are just so happy and my parents like our coaches will contact our parents and say listen if you need anything like please do not hesitate to like reach out do not reach out about playing your child's playing time like we're in college yeah yeah let's they make sure that's email that is like in bold in bold yes yes but um like they reach out to all our parents and they say like if you need anything if your daughter needs anything like anything at all i mean even at practice today like we had some of our freshmen's parents like stop by hang out with our coaches hang out with us because our freshman were getting moved in so

it's just cool to see that like our parents are still so involved in a sense where they probably could not be like just from them being so far away I mean we've got a banquet every year my parents are able to make it out to a couple games and being in the acc we get to go down to florida a couple times when you come to florida we go to tallahassee the day after christmas or the day after thanksgiving this year but then the year after we'll be in miami mid year Oh, that's awesome. So we'll be in Miami in Tallahassee the year after again, I believe. So my in-laws live in Tallahassee.

Oh, wow. Always there for Thanksgiving. Oh, my God. So we're playing there this year the day after Thanksgiving. I'm going to need to come watch you play. Yes. Oh, that'd be awesome. We're going to have to be a family.

We're going to have to come. Yes. We're going to have to come and wear some Irish stuff and watch you play. That would be fun. Like, I'm in because I'm pretty sure we're going up there. That's going to be awesome. That'll be sweet. Yeah.

We don't really give many fans. that game school's out. But we'll be loud enough. Trust me. Perfect. Perfect. We'll be. My wife calls our family the zoo fan.

The zoo family. You guys are loud and you bring the energy. We're a shit show. We bring the energy, Paris. We bring the energy. We're wild cards. But no, that's really good.

I didn't want to sidetrack. But like you said you're coming to Florida. So I, you know, I wanted to. But no, it's good that they get to some games and it's great that they get to come to your banquets.

You know, I got to ask you, you know, because I, over the years past, you've seen, you know, you've seen athletes, you know, so disturbed. I mean, there's been softball players, soccer players, even at Stanford that have ended their life due to the pressures, right? And having, you know, poor mental, I don't want to say poor mental health. Everybody who listens to my show knows I don't mean anything bad by that.

But, you know, like mental health issues in sports and especially in collegiate sports. I mean, it's a big issue right now. Yeah. How are you guys handling that? I mean, I know you talk to your coaches, but do you guys have someone on campus that if you're struggling with something there's someone to talk to?

Yeah, so we actually have a really big sports psych team that is very involved. I mean, they were at our practice today. And we've got a sports psych assigned to every team. But I think that's a big thing. We do a lot of mental health like town halls where, I mean, it might have been the most powerful thing I've ever been to.

And it was six athletes of Notre Dame. that we all know football player, men's basketball player, woman's basketball player, like you name it, like they were on stage and they gave their story of mental health. And there was one soccer player, I mean, bless her heart. She said she called her mom. She said today, like, I don't feel like I can do it anymore. College soccer's taking its toll on me, like college sports in a whole. Like, I can't do it.

And her mom didn't hear from her again. Her mom got in a flight and she was about ready to end her life. And like, she tells her story now. And she's like, I am so thankful I didn't because I didn't realize what I had right here in front of me and who I had waiting to help me, who I had to talk to. So I think that's a big thing that Notre Dame is done to help to is they have these open conversations. And I mean, everyone was crying. Like everyone was just sitting here listening to this story and being like, you would have never seen this side of her. Like for her to be this vulnerable to share was really cool.

To see a football player being vulnerable to share his story. His mental health is like super cool to see. you just never see that. Like all you see is these big tough guys on social media. And like you never realize what was going on behind the scenes. So I think here they do such a great job. Like every athlete is so close here. Every sports team is so close here.

I mean, like it's cool to even see just like the support we have of like we're at our coach's house the other day. And it's her house. Next door is one of the men's basketball coaches. And next door is the head baseball coach. And so I'm like with the head baseball coach's kids. And I'm like, oh, I'm Paris. Nice to meet you. I'm introduced myself.

He's like, you play volleyball. I'm like, yeah, we're at our coach's house. And I talked to him for an hour and a half. This was three nights ago. And then I see him yesterday. And our coach is off. He's like, Paris, what's up? So it's just so cool, man.

Super cool to see that. And like, just the support we have here. I mean, Marcus Freeman, our head football coach. That's he's awesome. He is incredible. Like, the players love him. Like, he is just awesome. And so, like, I see him on campus.

We've talked a bunch. Like, he's super close to our coach. so he'll come talk to us in our locker room before our games. He comes to our games and he's so involved with all his players, with all student athletes in that sense. Like he's at every event. And like we chatted for about an hour the other day. Really?

Yeah. Like we, so I actually took a trip to Colorado with our coach. It was two volleyball players and then five football players and two women's fensors. So there was nine, about nine athletes. And the head coaches of, volleyball, football, and I think women's basketball. And then it was like a big donor event. And we were able to go.

And it was like after we did all the events during the day, it was all of us were hanging out there and like sitting around talking. It was like our coach, um, coach Freeman, like all the football guys, us, the fencers. Like it was just a cool environment to be in to know that like any other school. I just feel like you don't hear about this kind of stuff. No, you don't. I can tell you firsthand.

Like I don't, I don't know how it is now, but I don't, LSU it wasn't like that. Yeah. It was, we thought we were the badasses because we were in all the national championships and we didn't think any other team was worthy. Yeah. I mean,

listen, that's when Nick Saban was there. Oh, yeah. And like, they were like 500. Yeah. Nick Saban,

who and like, who is that? Yeah. Yeah. Jokes on me, right? The best coach ever ever coach. Probably any sport.

But what I'm hearing from you is community, right? Like, this is important because, when you can have an athlete, a student athlete body, like the whole, the whole, all of the athletes be so close and have such a close-knit atmosphere to where you can talk with a Marcus Freeman. You can talk to, you know, the men's basketball coach. It gives you a variety, right, of leadership styles that you can be exposed to and help you grow as a person and an athlete, you know? That's just so cool. Let me ask you a question.

You know what we're getting into. We're getting close to the end of the show is what do you feel that athletes struggle with most nowadays? I think nowadays it's the confidence aspect, honestly. I think it's coming from high school being the best there was. And you come here and you're this little fish in this big pond. And I think it's the point of like realizing, okay, this is a chance to get better. It's a challenge in front of me. I mean, every athlete's competitive.

Like, you want to be the best. You want to, like, strive to be great. And so I think that frustration also comes a lot from that competitive aspect inside you. Like, every athlete's going to get frustrated at some point. I mean, it's going to happen with everyone. Whether you have an injury, you're going to get frustrated during that process, whether you're not playing your frustrated during that process. And I think in a sense, it's almost, it's the competition aspect in you.

Like, you just have to realize, like, this is what I got to do. this is what I got to do to fix this and this is what I need to think. Like I know I've had just horrible thoughts where I'm like, just like I said earlier, like this sucks. And like in a sense you got to realize I got to think about I'm at the University of Notre Dame. I'm getting one of the top degrees in the country. Yeah.

I'm getting to play volleyball. Like I'm getting to meet great people. The network I have here is unbelievable. And I mean, I'm healthy. I'm happy. I have nothing to complain about. And so I sit here and I'm like, why am I complaining? obviously it's a frustration of you want to compete you want to be great but then you got to take a step back and kind of realize like I am so blessed with what I've got in front of me the coach I have my teammates like just the school I'm at I think about it every day I'm like I'm getting a degree paid for at the university in Notre Dame like where I wouldn't be without volleyball so I think it's awesome to think about just everything outside of volleyball sometimes and like you got to take little things in life like just like the fact that I woke up this morning the fact that I'm healthy and

and able to go to practice. I think it's taking those little wins and not always thinking about, okay, this was bad for me, this was bad of me, because it's easy to see all the bad things that happened. Sure. I mean, that's what everyone takes. No one, everyone always thinks personally, like, this is what I did wrong.

This is what I did wrong. Well, everyone else sees what you did great. Like, no one else remembers all your mistakes from that day. So I think, in a sense, like taking all those wins you can and building them up and just like, here's what I did good today. I absolutely love where your mind's at. like I never heard you once through this whole show say you have to do something. It was more along the lines of I get to do this.

I get to go to practice. I got to what like I was blessed with another day. Like the you're doing it the right way. Right. Like and you're going to impact the youth, right? You're going to end up impacting girls that come up next year that that you can help through this. So with that, I want to have one more important question for you, like one more serious question that I want the audience to really think about, but I also want it to be super intentional to the fact that, again, there's a thousand athletes listening. Yeah.

That are going to be coming to college soon. What is the one piece of advice that you have for them? The one piece of advice, it's not really related to sports, but it's, it's, meet every athlete you can. Like engage with however many people you can because you don't know who's going to be aware after college. And I think that's kind of what I'm seeing now is like I've got girls I've played with that are doing a hundred different things like in so many other places.

So I think it's always just keeping your mind open to meeting new people, keeping your mind open to being nice to everyone, being kind and making those connections go out of your way to help someone. Because you never know when you're going to need help again in life. You never know who you're going to cross paths with. Like, I think that's the biggest thing that I've seen here as being a student athlete. Like, I've got the blessing to, like, go travel to these other schools. And I know a ton of girls from other schools that are playing college ball all around the country.

So I think that's the biggest thing is just, like, creating this circle that just keeps getting larger. And, like, compare my circle with someone else's circle and we're going to merge our circles together. That's so it's so fucking dope dude because like listen man like you're talking about community again like athletes that are listening and even adults that are sitting there in their desk or on the way to the job that they don't like branch out and network more like bring more people into your circle because what you're going to find is you have more in common with these individuals than you think you do but guess what just like Paris said you never know when you're going to need something you never know when someone's going to need something you never know when someone's going to need something you never know when someone's going to need you. So you might as well be so connected so that when something goes down, you're there for each other. Like that is, that is amazing advice because, you know, it's not always like that. Like you said, about five minutes ago, it's not like that at every school. It's every sports program for themselves. They are pinning themselves up against each other, right? But here at Notre Dame, where you're at, you guys have a true community where you guys have the space to trust

and be open with each other without judgment. I freaking love it. And I think one thing is, like, relating to sports is always have a positive attitude. Like, remember where you are. Remember how you got there. Like, there's times where it sucks for everyone it sucks. Like, in life, that's a real thing. Yeah, it doesn't stop, guys.

Yeah. So, it gets worse. Like, really, like what I said earlier, like, think about the little things that were great. Like, realize that not everyone's going to see those. mistakes. Like, yes, you made it and you're going to think about it and not stop thinking about it. Like, you're going to get home after that game and you're going to be like, this is where I screwed up. I'm going to go back and watch this film of this point, this point, this point that I made mistakes. Like, I don't really realize, like, how many good things I did because, like, all you want to think

about is the bad things you've done and how do you make those better, which is a good thing, but, like, you've got to realize that, like, there's so many successes, like, even just being where you are now, like, it's a success for anyone. So I think that's my biggest thing for athletes. like going into college is just like you've already completed so much like you've just got to keep going and don't let it build you down because that first year's hard like a lot of athletes don't get to see the court that first year a lot of athletes like struggle that first year I mean school's level of school where you've never really in high school I studied I didn't really study yeah I got here and I'm like oh boy oh shit I got to study oh shit it's down like it gets real

um exactly the biggest thing is just realizing like how much you've already done and like how much more you can accomplish. That's awesome. Well, you guys have heard it. Like, I can't tell you how much value you provided the audience today. You're truly doing it right. You have a new fan in me. That's for damn sure.

And I know that everybody that listens to this show. And you will see once this thing hit social media, you'll see the outpouring of support for this show and who you are and the things that you said on the show. So, Paris, I thank you so much for coming on to the Determined Society. And I can't wait to meet you in person next time you're home. And hey, you know what? Have an amazing season.

And we'll chat with you soon. Thanks so much, Sean. I'll see you at Florida State. Yeah, buddy. Take care. Bye-bye. Unlock your true potential on the field and court with our peak mental performance program for athletes. Train your mind to conquer challenges.

Stay focused under pressure. and achieve unparalleled success. Our expert coaches will guide you through personalized techniques, enhancing concentration, resilience, and confidence. Picture yourself outperforming your rivals, making split-second decisions with clarity and achieving victory like never before. Join us today and elevate your game to new heights. Peak mental performance program where champions are forged in the mind.

Email me today, shan.com at thedeterminedsociety.com for more information. See you inside.