Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - Resilience & Radiance: A Journey of Overcoming with Jessica Weaver

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

In this conversation, host Shawn French interviews Jessica Weaver, also known as Jesse cakes, about her journey of overcoming challenges, including cervical cancer and domestic abuse. They discuss the importance of being a positive role model, surrounding oneself with quality people, and the impact of energy and emotional intelligence. Jessica shares her experience of facing death and how it has taught her to appreciate every moment. She emphasizes the significance of leading with love and gratitude and encourages listeners to reflect on their regrets and cherish their relationships. In this conversation, Shawn French and Jessica Weaver discuss the fragility of life and the importance of being present with loved ones. They also explore the challenges of balancing work and family time, and the need to teach children how to deal with big emotions. Jessica shares her plans for her podcast and coaching calls, and the impact she hopes to have on others. They discuss the power of in-person interviews and the influence of podcasting. They also delve into the importance of overcoming challenges and building resilience, and the long-lasting effects of childhood experiences. Key Conversation Points: Overcoming challenges and becoming a positive role model can inspire others. Surrounding yourself with quality people can have a positive impact on your life. Energy and emotional intelligence play a significant role in relationships. Facing death can lead to a greater appreciation for life and the importance of cherishing relationships. Life is fragile, and it's important to cherish and be present with loved ones. Teaching children how to deal with big emotions is crucial for their emotional well-being. Balancing work and family time can be challenging, but setting boundaries and being present can help. Creating a podcast and coaching calls can be a powerful way to support and inspire others. Overcoming challenges and building resilience can lead to personal growth and a stronger mindset. Connect with Jessie:   Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/jessicakes33/   Connect with Shawn:   Instagram-  https://www.instagram.com/theshawnfrench/   Website- https://theshawnfrench.com/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sean French, what up? This one luck I let the pain inspire me. I put my all and everything I'm doing up until it's done. I'm me for the entirety. I put it in overtime. I'll be working.

Just know I'm a go for mine because I earned it. They watch and I know it's time. I confirmed it. A whole society determined. What's up, everybody. Welcome back. I am your host, Sean French.

And today I have with me, An amazing individual, my friend Jessica Weaver, we call her Jesse Cakes. She is an individual that has overcome so much in her life. Cervical cancer, domestic abuse. And also, would you know, in the day and age of social media, this woman is documented the most copycatted person profile page in the world. And, you know, coming from such humble beginnings, I know how frustrating that could be, because a very long time ago, I would say there was a fake page of me brought up every single

day with my children on it. And it was just, it was disgusting. So, you know, I have with me an overall badass with us today. She's determined. She's resilient. My friend Jessica Weaver, welcome to the show. Thank you for that amazing intro. Hey, you know what? It's one of those things where you've lived your life and you embody resilience and determination. There's so many different ways we can go in this interview, right? And I just want it to be, as I always say, and the guests listening now, they know everything is supernatural and unscripted. So why don't we do this to kind of kick things off? Tell the audience that may not know who you are, just a little bit about Jesse. Oh, well, um, I'm like, where do we start? Well, I'm a, I'm a mama. And that's kind

of I've gone through a lot of obstacles in life. I'm currently changing my life for the positive because I've learned and grown and I want to be a really good example for my son. So that's kind of where I'm going right now. That's awesome. How old your son? Almost two. Oh, wow. You got a little one.

That's so much fun. So I have a 10-year-old son, a 7-year-old daughter, and a 5-year-old daughter. And I know, I know. And it's like, it's crazy because when I have my son 10 years ago, I could never even imagine loving another human being as much as I loved him. And then comes my daughter. And then comes another daughter. And I'm just genuinely obsessed with these individuals. Like they are so dang cool.

What's your favorite thing about your son? He's got a really funny spirit. it like he's just goofy like me. So we're always just laughing and cracking jokes and he gets it even at a young age. So that's fun. You know, it's funny because like when you're describing this, I'm hearing, you know, what you're saying about your son,

how he gets it. He's going to have high emotional intelligence, right? And it's crazy. My son's emotional intelligence level is just off the charts. It's off the chart. My middle child, I don't know. I don't know what happened. But my, my,

She's intellectually genius. And then my five-year-old has like both. She's like I think she's IQ-wise, very high and very emotionally intelligent. So that's awesome. You know, I'm happy for you, you know, hearing these, I'm changing my life for the better. I think as human beings here, we're always looking, are hopefully always looking to better ourselves for the people around us. What are some of the things that you focus on daily to make sure that you're living your best life and being the best you for your son? I think being, what am I doing that I'm proud of and what am I doing that I'm shameful of?

What, when he grows up, what can he say about me that he'd be proud of? So I kind of look at that now is what am I putting out there is it is good or bad? So that's really what I've been digging deep in now. And that's why I would rather help others instead of just posting sexy pictures all the time, like kind of how it grew my Instagram. But I never was proud about it. So now I'm totally doing different. And it's really peaceful feeling. Yeah.

You are. I mean, listen, you know, I can attest to that for the people listening. You know, Jesse and I started following each other. I don't know. I think she found me off of one of our mutual friends and followed, I followed back and, you know, she's out there literally trying to riddle the world with positivity.

And, you know, as far as you say that, you know, the pictures, I mean, it wasn't ever my play. I would not go off well for me,

but, I can appreciate that. See, to me, that's awareness, right? And it's like, what,

what have you noticed as far as energy is coming towards you? Since you made that shift, right? I would have to imagine like you made that shift. I'm in your circle now. I probably wouldn't have been to be honest. Exactly. You know, and it's no knock.

I'm just saying like, you know, family man, right? So like I have to be able to if I'm going to follow this individual. Like, why am I following this individual? Right. So talk to the audience a little bit how that may be the perception of you or the people that you that are coming into your orbit now have changed. Oh, it's changed tremendously. At first, when I started making an announcement to my fans, like, hey, sorry, y'all, I'm changing my page. I lost probably 100,000 followers within a week.

Yeah. Because they're not having it. They did not want it. I started getting hate comments every day. Just I started getting emails, like, you know, really scary ones. So they're not having it. But ever since then, it's only been a few months and really cleaning up what I post and share, it's brought in a lot more quality people. And, you know, yeah, I may have lost a good chunk of people, but I will slowly get it back and replace it with better quality.

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Visit good to know facts.org. That's awesome because I know the people that are kind of in your circle now, right? Eric Rock, good buddy of mine, absolutely freaking love that guy. G.M. A cool. Yes. Gima Cool is a good friend of mine. You know, I met Gia shit when I was first starting and she took a chance on me, you know, to come on my show. We built an amazing friendship and, you know, we help each other anytime we can.

And, you know, I can, I can really honestly tell you, you have some quality people engaging in your stuff now. Yeah, and they were, you know, all these people, you know, Eric and Gia, they both saw the potential in me. and that was really life-changing because sometimes it just takes others to be like, hey, you're better than what you're doing. And you need that support sometimes. And I think a lot of girls on social media, they just get stuck in this downhill spiral trying to get the likes and growing their page and posts and stuff they're not proud of. But they're not ever told like, hey, you deserve better. So, you know, changing who I'm around is what. changed my life.

Dude, let me ask you a question, Jess. Who's the first person that told you that? I would say Eric, Eric was probably one of the first recently. Back in November, he, he, that I think our first conversation, he was like, hey, yeah, I think you could do more with your life. He kind of said it in a nice way, you know? And I was already kind of feeling like that for a long time. But it just takes one person to be like, you know, and that really truly helped.

You know, it's crazy. The reason I asked that question, because that's a, that's a scary, like, comment to make. Right. Yeah. Like, I can imagine, like, like, how Eric says, slaying dragons. Like, I can imagine what dragon he had to slay to be that vulnerable with you to say those things, right? And come from a place of love and respect. I think the world of that guy.

Like truly, I love that dude. When his team reached out to, you know, to, you know, make a video for happy birthday, I was blown away. I was even involved in that. That was such a cool experiment. I just, yeah, he's a leader. He's a leader. So, so no, so great example.

I mean, listen, you know, what are, what being able to shift, right? and do more, like, and have different people come into your world. Like, like you said, at the end of the day, you may have lost 100,000, 200,000 followers, whatever, who cares? They weren't there for the right reasons. You want people that are there for the person, right? And that's something that, man, I tell you what, this is kind of a joke, but it's serious. Dude, it's hard for dudes on Instagram.

Like, I could post some really cool stuff, man. it's like crickets. But then you just see the shit that is posted, you know, either it's either it's making fun of some political figure or, you know, it's a just like lack of wholesome picture that a female would post. And it, it blows up.

It's everywhere. And so you start to really see what we value as society. And that sometimes that is, that's hard for me to, to stomach and to take. Right. So I like to surround myself with people like you that know there's more to everything in life. So that's a pretty big mention.

You know, how is your interaction with your son? I know he's young. Okay. But when you start living in alignment with who you truly are, your interactions with other humans becomes so much more fruitful. How has this shift in you contributed to positive interactions with your lovely son that it's almost two. Yeah. I think it's just like my energy.

I'm always a happy person, but now I'm truly happy. It's like you took a weight off your shoulders and you don't have that awful feeling in your stomach like that shame. So I definitely do feel like really peaceful energy. And I'm sure he feels that too. So kids always feel. what their parents are feeling whether you hide in or not. Kids are smart, no matter what they age. They're smarter than us. They're smarter than us. They have like all these gifts that human beings

are given that we lose as we get older because of external bullshit, right? Whether it's limiting beliefs or whatever, like those things start to decay within us. The children still have that, right? And it's really neat because, you know, my wife's always told me this. When my five-year-old was younger. And if I was in a bad mood, like my daughter would just be a nightmare. And I'm sitting there like, what is wrong with her? Like, this is bullshit. Like I can't deal with this today. And she goes, he's reacting to your energy. I'm like, woo, woo, whatever. But like, you know, and she says this to me out of love. She goes, no, you can, you can say that or you can change. She goes, because I'll tell you this. She goes, I was the same way with my dad. Whatever my dad was feeling energetically or

emotionally, I took that on. And now your daughter is just like me. She's an empath and she's very connected to you. So you need to be careful how you show up when you walk through these doors. That's deep. A dude. Yeah. So true. And like, and it's true. It's true. You know, It's totally true. You know, I always want to be the best I can for my family and for my kids. I fall short a lot. You know, I surely do. You know, I totally do.

But I'm at least able to kind of like go back and be like, I wish I would have handled that differently because of this. So you've been through a lot. Okay. You've been through a lot. I mentioned that in the, I want to segue away from, you know, the social media part of it and the, you know, the pictures and whatnot. And I want to go down to the deep things.

See, living life is hard. And I think a lot of people go through things every single day, whether it's they had a bad day at work or, you know, they got an argument with a friend or a spouse, but you've dealt with some shit, right? You've, you know, you've had a domestic, you know, a partner that was abusive. You've, you've battled and beat cancer. Like, you're, you're pulling things off. that maybe not a lot of other people can pull off, right?

So, you know, talk to us about your journey, because I think at one point in time, everybody's either touched with some type of domestic problem or cancer, whether it's themselves directly or a family member or friend. How did you take that news, right? And then how did you decide to fight? Well, with the cancer journey, I, I had no idea. I was something wrong with me.

I know I was feeling off for like six months and I kept going to the doctor. And I wasn't getting any periods or anything not to get into detail of that. We're open here. We're open on the show. You don't have to worry about it. No censorship here. So I kept going to the doctor and I kept telling them, I'm pregnant. Like I really thought I was pregnant.

And my partner at the time were like, we're pregnant. Like we really thought we were because that's how I was feeling. I had all these symptoms. So when I finally got the news after tons of doctor visits and trying to figure out what is wrong with me, I was not expecting that. I was expecting something along the lines of pregnancy. Happy. Yeah. So talk, you know, going from you think you're pregnant to, you.

of cancer, you know, it was just talk about the worst news ever. So after a whole day of crying and just completely shocked, it's weird. The next day, I woke up and I did have a large following at the time. I think I had like 2 million followers or something then. And I've always been a person that how can I turn good out of bad, out of bad, out of everything in life. You know, that's how I get through. How can I turn this into a good situation?

And, you know, to turn into cancer into a good situation, it was, I don't know what came over me, but the next morning I was like, I'm going to share the news to the world, and I'm going to share the journey, and hopefully other women will be more aware of keeping up to date with their pap smears and just learning about health in general. And I just made the announcement. And I was very open throughout my whole journey on what I was doing and the goods, the bads, all the hard moments. And I truly helped a lot of people. And to this day, a lot of people I've helped with cancer came to me.

And I've supported a lot of people along their cancer journey. What were some of the things that you did daily to keep your mind right? I mean, it's a mental battle as well as it is physical, right? So walk us through that fight. You know, yes, you decided to announce it to your community that, that are faithful, you know, followers of your page. But like, once you decided, how did you fight every day? Because there's people shutting down because they're not making the money that they want. And here you are with, you know, cervical cancer, you know, that's a big deal, right?

Yeah. Yeah. It was tough, but I had to face death in the face immediately because if you start fearing death, you're going to start making bad decision based on fear. That's why I had to face it. I'm not afraid to die, but I do want to live. So you've got to have that will to live 120%. And I told myself that every single day.

like if this is going to take me out, I'm going to do it in my own way, but I will fight for it, you know, because I want to live. So I would pray every day. I would, you know, talk good to myself, you know, encouraging. And also, I studied a lot about health and I know stress is the worsening for immune system. Yeah. So I just did not allow myself to get stressed. I took every day day by day. Unbelievable. What are the feelings like? Because I think everybody at some point fears death, right?

I don't. Yeah. You know, it's a scary thing, right? What kind of feelings were you feeling when you're like, okay, this might be an outcome? Yeah. When you do face death, that's when you start really, you know, saying your sorries. if there's any, you know, bad relationships you need to repair, but you start doing it. And you really get close to the ones you truly love the most.

And you say your love you every single day. You appreciate every single day. I started appreciating every single day I just woke up. You know, I started appreciating just my dogs at the time, just loving on them so much. So it does give you an amazing feeling of appreciation that you never had before. So that's in a way, a good way. And I still try to live like that to this day. Have you found it difficult to live like that still?

I have my moments. Yeah. You know, life is still can be crazy. Yeah. But, you know, I don't think it's, you're good. You're never going to be 100%. Everyone has their weak moments. We're human.

We're going to have moments of weakness. But as long as you can get through it, feel that emotion and then get back to what, how being positive and getting through the days and you'll be fine. So I'm like sitting here listening to this and have this conversation with you. And I'm asking you, how did you decide? And for those of you listening, I want you to stop. Like literally, if you're, if you're driving, pull over. If you're at home, turn the damn TV off and listen to this part right here. here. Her response, Jessica's response was, I loved more. I was grateful. I appreciated every waking

moment. Every time God woke me up, I was ecstatic and I led with love. Why aren't we doing that every day, y'all? We all have people in our lives, like my wife, my children. And a lot of times those people that are closest to us, I'm getting passionate now, can be that Achilles heel sometimes, that inconvenience. Like, let's face it. Let's face it. You know, we're human beings. We can be selfish at times. And when we have people that love us and want to be a part of our lives every second, but we want to do what we want to do, we can look at these people that are so prized in our lives as an inconvenience. And I think of one thing, Jess, when I think of dying, it scares the fucking shit out of me. You know why? Not because I'm losing my life.

there's a 10-year-old, a 7-year-old, and a 5-year-old up there. That if something happened to me today, would they fucking remember me? Probably not. Maybe. Maybe, right? But then I also think of like, you know, how are they going to be? You know, they didn't have their dad, you know, and I don't want that ever to happen to them. So, you know, y'all, they're hearing me getting emotional, you know, is.

is I want everybody right now listening to reflect on how Jesse led her life in those moments that ultimately that's why she healed because she was removing stress and leading with love. Can we just love without any condition? And also, by the way, say we're sorry, right? Say we apologize for some of the ripples in the ocean that we created in the past. I'm going to tell you right now, if you're listening to my show, you have some edge about you because it's not a vanilla show. You've done some shit.

You've done some dirt just like I have. Like we have to apologize for those moments because that's when the chains break. That's when we can be free. I admire you. I truly do because here's the thing. it is so easy to wake up in the morning go, I'm so grateful, God, you woke me up. Yeah.

Well, in 15 minutes, in 15 minutes, there's a pissed off five-year-old. Traffic. Yeah, it's traffic. You know, you're bloated. You don't feel right in your clothes. You're not having a good hair day. If you're like me,

you're losing your hair. It's like there's all these things, right? Like, we all chase perfect. And if we're not perfect in every single moment, it ruins our day. So I just admire you because that that is something that I am actively trying to accomplish. That's why you just got to accept the not so perfect.

You know life is never going to be perfect. You're going to have horrible times. You're going to go through crazy stuff. But it's like if you don't know how long you have. Like you could just go to the grocery store and not make it back from a car accident. So I always with cancer, I always told myself in a way this is a blessing because I have time time to get things right to fix bad relationships to say my goodbyes to line things up so everything's figured out but a lot of times people don't have that opportunity they don't know how long you have

you don't know how long your family has and that's scary so you got to think like if i was to die right now what do i regret what do i wish i would have done different yeah what things But I have healed, you know, so no one else is left with regret. Dude, this conversation is a thousand times better than I thought it was going to be. It's deep, but so important. It's life, right? Like some shows are lighthearted. Some shows are like this.

And when you connect like this and get deep on show, a real relationship, a friendship is born. Right. Like, that's what I, that's why I love podcasting. Right. It's like, I know I'm going to be friends with you now. Like, this is, this is a good conversation. And it's funny because, like, I was putting my, my five-year-old in the car today. You know, my wife was coming out. They go to school together.

Because my wife's a Spanish teacher at this prep school. And, yeah, they ride to school together every day. It's so cute. It's just the cutest thing ever. And my oldest are going to be there next year. And I always like, I love you. And I'm thinking, oh, my God, they're driving. Like, they're driving.

Like, that gets in your mind. Like, anything can happen. It does. You know, last week I had a buddy of mine, Shane, Shane McDonald reached out to me. And we went through training together at paychecks. Like, we sold payroll together way back in the day. He goes, hey, you remember so and so. I don't want to say his name on the air.

I just don't know why. And I'm like, of course I remember. or friends. He's like, you know, I just want to let you know that he was headed to a gig. He was a sound engineer. He was doing what he loved. And you know, and you know him. And he was a family man and, you know, three kids.

And he hit a tree. And it's cars involved in flames and he passed away. This was last week. I got this message in my Instagram. And it just made you, just made me realize how fragile. life is like those those beautiful children are going to grow up knowing what happened to their dad and and they got to face that you know like man it just made you think of like sometimes kids are forced to grow up way too soon and they are most importantly lose their damn innocence

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's horrible. That's why, you know, you just, you've got to be in the moment with your children, you know, and you got to teach them how to deal with big emotions. Like, if something really big did happen, teach your kids now on how to regulate their emotions, how to get through that now. Yeah. So at least you left them in a stronger state of mind. Yeah. You mentioned

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DM or comment below to get started with Edge and transform the mental game. Be in the moment. That's hard, dude. That's hard, huh? Like, be in the moment when, you know, you have, like, this is how I see it, right? And then just so you have a peek behind the curtain in my life. Like, I'm, you know, after this, I'm done for the day. You know, but I might have emails to respond to and phone calls to make and

more connections to be had. Whereas if I'm doing that and my children come up to me in the middle of it, I'm not giving them my full attention. And I almost feel bad about it, but I also have a responsibility too, right? And so it's hard for me because I own two businesses. I own a payroll company and I own this business. So, you know,

when I am, you know, efforting to to make money for the family, it's almost like I got to be in that. I got to be. present for that too, but then I feel bad, right? Yeah. So my two oldest have off of school today.

And my middle daughter, she goes, so, like, are you going to work all day? Are you going to play with us? I'm like, maybe it's Friday. I got to work. And it's like, oh. And I'm like, in the middle of me having pancakes with them at a restaurant in the morning, I'm like, baby, I'm trying. I took you out to breakfast.

So I get a lot of that. But I'm, I'm, like, super sensitive, too. So I'll get a lot of dad guilt, dad guilt, you know, that's something I struggle with. Yeah. I mean, you got to just time frame everything. Like, if you need to do emails, say, Daddy is going to be doing emails from 3 to 3.30. And then so I'm not trying to ignore you. I'm really trying to work.

And then after that, we will play out, you know, put your phone away for a little bit. Yeah, put the phone away. Yeah, we need to do a better. job of that in this family. You know, like it's so easy to just look at your phone. Oh my gosh. It's like, like, nothing's going to happen. The world's not going to catch on fire. You know, like, why am I? Why does this thing get a vote? You know, like what? But, you know, in this day and age, especially with what we're doing, like that phone is. Is everything. It's business. Mm-hmm.

Business. So so let's let's move on here. Again, loving this conversation and how deep it is. And, you know, now, like you say, you're making the world a better place, but you're helping people, you know, are you creating programs? Are you, are you taking clients? Or like, walk me through what this next chapter for Jessica Weaver looks like. Yeah, right now I'm just doing a podcast interviews and I've been working on my own podcast. I'm going to be doing coaching calls. And eventually maybe one-on-one clients, but. Not quite there yet. I got to, I don't figure out the back in stuff. I'm not good with this computer back in. So maybe I ask you for all that help. I got you.

I'm an open book. I can definitely help you. What's your podcast about? What's the name? I just have a list under Jesse Kakes. I don't really have like a whole name for it. But I cover all of my past and all the hard, you know,

finding your love, finding yourself worth and healing, pain and kind of a all over the place. That's cool. I all links back in my past. So is it a solo cast or do you have guests on? Right now, yeah. I would like, I do want to do guests.

I would love to get a little studio set up here soon. Awesome. That's a beautiful studio right there. You can do it right there. You know, we're virtual here. You know, that's like the new thing, right? No, I got to admit, though, like the next, within the next few months, I'll be in a studio and we might have to do this.

again. I have to fly you out and do it in person. Yeah. I do feel like persons just better, right? Usually. So good. I love in person interviews because then you have that energy. You know, the conversation easier. You're able to see right off the bat like what the energy is. So I have to figure it out through like a camera, which is a gift. Like a lot of people can't figure it out. Yeah. You know, I like to say that I've almost mastered that. So that's good by doing it over and over and over again. but where can the audience find your show? Is it on Apple podcast? Yeah, it's on Spotify.

I think it's on Apple too, but it's linked to my bio on Instagram. Well, what I'm going to do for those you that are listening, don't worry, I'm going to go to the link in her Instagram. Before I publish this lovely show, and I'm going to throw all her links in the show notes,

I encourage you to go follow her, listen to what she's doing, engage with her, and, you know, like, the podcasting is fantastic. You know, like it's something that helped me grow as a person and become more aware. What have you learned about yourself since you've been doing your solo show? Definitely how much people truly need the support. I think a lot of people, they kind of keep everything inside and they're going through life on their own.

and you really need that support. So just trying to be that support for others is really amazing feeling. And also you can see people changing in front of your eyes. That's a great point, right? Because at some level, when someone creates a show, yeah, they have this vision. They want to talk about their stuff. But, you know, creators like you and I, we want to create content so that the next person sees it. or listens to this episode and says,

hey, maybe I struggle with what I'm posted online. Or, hey, maybe I struggle with being present with my kids. Or maybe I struggle with death. And it's something that they can tangibly grab onto and go and then work on it. I have received numerous messages about how my show has helped them become a better father or become a better person. And I'm like, dude, I didn't even know you listened. because like because like sometimes sometimes the people that are your biggest supporters are just watching they're not engaging you know and of course we like engagement right because it it's kind of like our like I'm doing good yeah you're clapping for me now but but yeah so um no that's awesome how long you've how long have you been doing your show um you know I actually started maybe a year ago but I

I've been more consistent with it nowadays. I kind of fell off of it for a bit. It's funny. When I started my show, I would only record after the gym in my car. Oh, yeah. In my phone of the Anchor app. And it was just a hobby.

It was just a hobby. And the worst part about it was when I had to do the show notes. I didn't want to do them. But then I got more serious about it. I started having guests and started making more connections and having super impactful conversations. And the thing that I love about it and the thing that I'm really digging about this conversation is I know the audience is going to get so much out of your story. Like so much out of what you have gone through and what has made you tough,

right? Tough as nails. Because I would imagine, and you can, you can dive in further on this, how has how has overcoming all the things you've overcome lead you to be an unstoppable force in this space and in your life every single day. Yeah, I feel like when things that really bad happen nowadays, I'm just like, well, I've been through worse. Yeah. You kind of laugh off. I've been there worse.

When you can look back and just see all that you've been through and those hard times where you didn't think you're going to make it. But you didn't make it and you got through it and you learned, then that gives you that strength, you know, that if anything comes your way, you'll, you'll be fine. You'll get through it. And so I tell that, I always tell myself that. That's, that's a great checkpoint. Because before we started recording, we were talking about, you know, like adversity and in the, in the, in the bad stuff that comes our way. Like, we like to think as individuals, like, okay, I got through that. I'm good now. I'm good. I'm cruising. And then something else happened. You're like, fuck, why not again? Like, really?

Yeah. Like, what the fuck's going on? Like, why do I got to go through this again? And. And you quickly realize that without the trials, without all the hardship, without all the crap, there's no testimony. Like, who, how are you going to even be interesting if you haven't gone through something and overcome it, you know, onto the other side and people watch you overcome it? Like, I think that's the beautiful part about life, you know. What are your thoughts on that? I mean, it definitely builds character.

And there's like an energy through of people that have been through hell and back. They just radiate this energy. I can't explain it. But you admire them for their strength because you try to put yourself in their situation. You're like, I couldn't do that. There's a lot of people that have heard my stories and they're like, there's no way. I couldn't have done that. It's intent.

But, yeah. But realistically, we do have that strength. But you have to dig deep. I agree. I agree. You know, that one quality that the person has, that you know that has gone through a ton of shit and has come out, smell like roses on the other end. They have a different swagger about them. Like, they know they can't be hurt.

Like, whatever you're going to throw at me, I'm going to meet it head on. I'm going to fight and I'm going to fucking win. Like that's kind of like where I'm at. Like no matter what, what's going on my payroll business, you know, this business or what's going on with my wife or friends or kids, I know I'm going to win.

Like I know. And I don't mean at the expense of other people. So for those you listening, no, it's not what I mean. I just mean I'm going to come out and I'm going to achieve my goal. Right. And then I'm going to set another goal.

and I'm going to achieve that no matter what is thrown at me because when I get on something, Jess, I'm like a dog on a bone. Like I, my wife tells me I'm impulsive and like I'm very impulsive, but that's the ADHD, right? Like I can be very impulsive. But that's also if I believe in something, I will go 150 miles an hour at it. And if I'm not into something, it's a zero. Right. So I got to get better at all or nothing.

My buddy Matthew always tells me, like, bro, we got to get you away from the all or nothing French here. Like you, you know, we got to, you know, you got to be able to balance a little bit. And it's true because I'll burn out, you know? Yeah. So that can be exhaust. Do I do that with fitness too. I'll be like, it's like all or nothing.

It's. Yeah. Like I have issues. Like, I think that's why my shows really listen to a lot because people can hear my issues and say, hey, you're not alone, buddy. Do you think that like kind of goes back to childhood of not feeling like enough? You're always trying to just always be enough. Yeah, that's so that's definitely a childhood thing for me.

For me, it was my father, right? It was my dad. Well, my biological father, I don't really know. Okay. My mom married my stepfather, which was my dad. I never called him my stepdad, but he did so much. much to support me. I have to say, um, I've given my dad a lot of shit on the air. And I don't give him credit for all the good stuff. So I'm going to do that right now. He taught me how to work.

If it wasn't for him, I don't know where I would be. I really don't. He taught me how to see a goal, work backwards and understand what I need to do to get there. And then ask myself, are you willing to sacrifice whatever it is to achieve that? And so I worked my butt off. He got me baseball lessons, never missed a game, really. But there was one thing that I felt where I was, I wasn't perfect. And when I would have a really good game or do something really cool or get in better shape, it was always like, hey, you still got a little fat right there.

Like what's that? Like on the side, what is that? or hey like what what the fuck was up with that third at bat you struck out i'm like yeah but i hit a double in a home run the first two of that's like so like yeah you you know like that's it like that's the all or nothing that's what it turns into so it's like you know it's very difficult right and we all have our past how is your past dictated how you've shown up yeah um yeah i had daddy issues like a lot of us do, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Men are just harder. They don't communicate right sometimes and especially back, you know, our parents, generations and stuff. There wasn't a lot of self-help and stuff back then. No. So parenting was different. Because I told you so.

You know, daddy issues plays a big part. I feel like you have to do that inner child work because that's going to really explain how you are in the future. You know, for my dad, he's my best friend now, but he has always had anger issues. So I grew up in a very constant yelling, hearing him yell, anger, you're on eggshells. So as a kid, I was very impacked to like your daughter and you do take it on. And when that's, I think that's kind of how I got into a abusive marriage. Because I didn't see those red flags as flags. I was so used to it.

I was so used to be yelling. You know? So, you know, I think as when you are a father, you are your children's first example of how a man should be and how a man should treat their mother. So it's really important, especially you have little girls. They have to, they're going to grow up picking men depending on how they see their father. Man, you know, it's, it's crazy because like I tell, and even so, like I tell my son all the time, like, dude, besides me, you are the one person that's going to set the tone for what these little girl think is acceptable. And he means a 10 year old boy. He can be very irritable of his seven

year old sister. And basically to a point where we're like, dude, get away from me. Like, but they don't, but they don't see it on the big screen like we do because we know what that's doing, like, to the confidence. We know that what is doing to the psyche. And it's just funny because like I always I always tell my son that like, dude, besides me, you are the one that's going to set the bar. You're setting the bar for what your sisters are going to accept into their lives or what kind of men they are going to be attracted to. So, you know, there's another thing too that, you know, we talk about daddy issues and things like that. You know, you know what I found for for myself. and I don't know how it is with you.

But I get, if I have a male leader or like there's a male mentor in my life, I am mortified to disappoint them. And if I disappoint them, like my whole day's ruined. Are you there too? I mean, I'm not quite there. mine is different my dad never was particular with doing better i mean he was happy if i got if i didn't get an f in school like so i never really had like he's like oh you got a d yay yay you know so i never you know i never really had that yeah i wish i could add some more of that um but that's that's again

yeah that goes back to childhood and just feeling like you're you're a dissoninging appointment. And so you've got some inner work to do. I know. I know I do. I know. And I'm, I'm here for it. You know what I mean? I think it's only going to make me a better father, better husband, better professional, better shows, better everything. So, you know, those things are in the works and we are working towards, you know, dealing with all that BS. But, you know, I just got to say, thank you so much. You know, we're going to land the plane here. I've just had such an amazing conversation with you and I just know that there's going to be people out there that are going to listen to this and really get so much out of it and be encouraged by the by you by you the things

that you've gone through and how you've overcome it's like dude you're you're amazing you're amazing thank you so um that's great why don't you tell everybody where they can find you you know you're you're in the program all that good stuff yeah you just go to jesse cakes 33 on Instagram and I have all my stuff linked up there. Perfect. And I'm going to put that link in the show notes. So you guys don't have to keep going and looking. But I just want to give you another thank you.

I'm grateful that you hopped on. And it was an amazing conversation. And I can't wait to hear the feedback from everybody on this show. With that being said, ladies and gentlemen, share the show with somebody that you know, love and trust or somebody that you feel is going through something that, you know, they can hear something in Jesse's story or kind of just in the conversation that will help them get through things in their life, the turmoil that they're in

and come out on the other side stronger and more resilient. I love y'all listening. Thank you so much for everything that you do for me and your listenership and sharing everything. If this is the first time you've listened to this show, I would hope that you would hit follow and listen to all the other ones. And with that being said, guys, you have a wonderful day and be determined. Don't stop going for your dreams. Take care. Southwest Florida is one of the most beautiful places on the planet to live. For those of you that are thinking of moving from other states to come to Florida, or even just moving to a different part of the state, I want you to think of a big, beautiful, luxury home. Contact legacy luxury builders.

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