Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - Say Goodbye to Resentment with Larry Hagner

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

Experience the transformative power of open communication and resolution in relationships. Join Larry Hagner, a master of connection, as he shares his secret to creating unbreakable bonds. But be prepared for an unexpected twist that will leave you craving for more. Discover how a single conversation can mend hearts and unlock a world of emotional well-being, leaving you eager to embark on your own journey of healing and growth. Stay tuned to find out the key to releasing hurt feelings and unlocking a lifetime of love and connection. In this episode, you will be able to: Uncover the power of effective communication in crafting an extraordinary marital relationship. Delve into the psychological triggers that incite disputes within relationships. Embrace the art of positive arguing for fostering stronger understanding and resolution. Acknowledge the destructive repercussions of toxic arguing on children and relationships. Discover the significance of prompt communication and resolution in preventing heartaches. My special guest is Larry Hagner Meet Larry Hagner, a man who has taken fatherhood to a whole new level. Larry's life mission is simple but profound. He's determined to help men build and maintain legendary relationships with their families. He's the mind behind the super popular 'Dad Edge' podcast, where he opens up dialogues, surprises with insights, and leads conversations on meaningful fatherhood. From exposing the myths about fatherhood to providing practical advice on resolving conflicts, Larry's work has proven transformative for many. Get ready to experience his unique brand of wisdom and wit. The key moments in this episode are: 00:00:32 - Introduction, 00:01:31 - Larry Hagner's Background, 00:04:30 - The Importance of Perspective and Mindset, 00:09:17 - Gratitude Practice, 00:11:55 - Importance of Accountability, 00:13:24 - Creating a Better World, 00:13:54 - Facing the Unknown, 00:15:19 - The Best Summer of 2020, 00:16:55 - Valuing Memories, 00:23:06 - Overcoming Parental Fears, 00:26:51 - The Impact of Parental Actions on Children, 00:29:31 - The Mirror Effect on Children's Behavior, 00:30:21 - The Impact of Parental Actions on Children's Perception of Routine, 00:31:55 - Apologizing to Children for Deviating from Routine, 00:39:53 - Constructive Arguments and Conflict Resolution, 00:41:10 - Identifying the Root of Arguments, 00:43:51 - The Problem of Conflict Resolution, 00:44:18 - Modeling Healthy Arguments for Children, 00:46:19 - Overcoming Toxic Relationship Examples, Connect With Larry: Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/thedadedge/ Website- https://thedadedge.com/ Connect with Shawn: Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/theshawnfrench/?hl=en Website- https://theshawnfrench.com/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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And I put them into a shared album with my wife and my two older boys who have phones called family gratitude. It's just me capturing a photo of my 15 year old hugging my wife or my 17 year old and I just sitting there talking out on the deck. Or maybe it's me throwing the football with my nine year old. So it allows me to go throughout my day and look through the lens of appreciation and not through the lens of expectation, not through the lens of crisis, not through the lens of absolute problems and chaos, which by the way, if you have four boys like I do, you can easily get sucked into that place. What is up, everybody?

Welcome to the show, The Determined Society. I am your host, Sean French. I'm super happy to be here with you today. I have an amazing guest for you. But first, I want to tell you a little bit about me. If you're watching me for the very first time, I am a mindset. set performance coach. I spent many years in the athletic industry playing all the way up in Division I baseball at Louisiana State University. What I found was I trained my body and my skills

so hard. And when it came down to it, my mind just wasn't strong enough. So over the years at LSU, I settled into a victim mentality. And I just felt like everybody was out to get me. And I wasn't getting the results that I wanted to get as a high-end athlete or a peak performer, as you would call it. I turn into the exact opposite. So my mission is to bring you guys guests and content that are going to help you become that elite performer in your own life, whether it's your career, athletics, as an entrepreneur. Whatever the case may be, I want you to be that person for you. So today, guys, I have with me an amazing guy. His name is Larry Hagner.

He is the founder and host of the very famous The Dad Edge podcast. He has masterminds and coaching programs that help men all around the world become. better fathers. And I'm going to tell you, this guy's mind is absolutely credible. And, you know, I'm so happy to call him a dear friend. And so without further ado, I want to welcome my boy, Larry, to the show. Oh, what's up, man? What's up, Larry? You're here, buddy. Dude, this is cool, man. Like, really cool. I've, like, we're on TV. Yeah, I know. We are, man. We're on Apple TV right now. So this is all you, the world is going to see your handsome face. And, you know, I'm super, yeah, I'm, I'm super, happy to have you on the show, man. Well, thank you. Thank you very much, man. It's an honor to be here.

I was trying to actually get so because my chin is like resting right on top of my name here. That's cool. I'll just be like this. It means you need to grow. I do. You know, that we got to raise that chair a little bit. No big deal, man. So, so tell the audience a little bit about what you've been up to, you know, what you got going on right now. You know, as I raise my desk here, because I don't want my chin sitting on top of Larry Hagner, at the Dad Edge founder and CEO. You know, there's a lot, man. There's a lot of cooking going on in the kitchen right now,

which is really, really cool. So, yeah, you know, the podcast is just going gangbusters. It's just every time I think we can't get to another level, man, we just hit another level where the top dad podcast on iTunes have been for four years now. But, you know, it's just, it's been amazing, man. just had some amazing guests talking about fatherhood. What I can tell you, man, is, you know, you've interviewed a lot of high, high level people. I've interviewed a lot of high level people.

And fatherhood being a husband, this is like the one thing that like we can all find common ground with and scratch our heads. And like, yeah, I'm just trying to figure it out too. So, yeah, that's going on. And I just found out, I just got a book deal. Congratulations, man. Thank you. I actually don't know if I can talk about it, but I did get a book deal. should be coming out next year, Father's Day.

And I think that's probably all I can say about it at this point. Well, how fitting for it to come out on a Father's Day, man. It's kind of weird, right? You know what? It's the way it's supposed to be, brother. You know, like, it's your brand. And, again, I've listened to your show for many years. I absolutely love it.

And for the audience, I doesn't know. We actually have one with me coming out here at the mid-September, I think. Yes, indeed. I'm super excited. I am too. You know, you talk about a lot of different things, parenting and your podcast growth, you know, the book and everything. The one thing that I always can kind of dovetel into every peak performer like yourself because you are a peak performer. You know, it's in the entrepreneur space, the parenting space, the podcasting realm.

There's one thing that separates peak performers in every, in every aspect of life from those those that are not peak performers. And that is perspective and mindset. So I want you to walk the audience through, you know, a couple of common practices that you have on a daily basis that keeps your mind locked and loaded and focus on what you want to create and not necessarily what your current state is, whether that's good or bad. Yeah, you know, so I love this question. I actually just did an Instagram reel on this yesterday about your feelings, right? And if we are subject to our feelings at all times, that can be the biggest wool that's pulled over our eyes. and when it comes our perspective, our goals, our decision-making the whole nine yards. And I have a few things that keep me absolutely grounded in the morning.

I do not negotiate on them, ever. And that's because what I have found is when I keep the promises to myself, the things that keep my perspective in check, then the other things that go throughout the day usually fall like a domino. I will say this. That doesn't mean that I have a problem for a day. I don't know. what it actually makes me do, though, is it equips me to be more resilient to be ready for those problems versus being a victim of them.

I'll give you an example of a couple of things that I do. So I wake up right around the same time every single morning. I get up, I have a cup of coffee, and I dive right into the Hallow app. I'm a faith-based person. I love the fact that Jonathan Romney, who plays Jesus on The Chosen, he reads me the Daily Gospel every single day. And it's a 10-minute deal, you know, where I listen to the Daily Gospel twice. And then I just sit there and I pray. And sometimes it's in silence and sometimes it's out loud.

But it's just something that gets my spirit right. The next thing I do is I take my 15-year-old to school. He's only a few months away from getting his license and the days are now numbered, man, where I be the guy taking him to school as of the first year probably. So I'm soaking that up as much as I possibly can. Like that seven or eight minute drive to me every morning, it's insanely special to me. So I do not take that time for granted. Then I go to the gym.

The other thing is foundational for me is fitness. That by far is one of the lowest hanging fruit things that I do. It gets my body right, gets my mind right, gets my spirit right, my emotions right, the whole nine yards right. And then I come back home and usually start my day right around eight, nine, ten, o'clock just depends on what what i've gone on that day but uh that is the beginning of my day the other thing i do too to end my day and i i've been doing this now for about six months and it's just been awesome i'm not the most religious journal writer so it's just because like sometimes late at night i just don't want to do it and sometimes early in the morning i don't want to do it but what i do find is that i

really appreciate if you come into my house you will see photos of the family and just start experiences and things we've done and connections we've made and all that of the good stuff. I love photos more than anything. And one thing I do every night before I go to bed is I go through the photos that I took throughout the day. And I put them into a shared album with my wife and my two older boys who have phones called Family Gratitude. And dude, sometimes it's just a, it's just me capturing a photo of my 15-year-old hugging

my wife or my 17-year-old and I just sitting there talking out on the deck. Or maybe it's me throwing the football with my nine-year-old. you know but one of the things that that allows me to do is I find myself throughout the day looking very intentionally for those moments because I know my accountability at the end of the night is to is to reflect upon the good things that have happened because that's what I want to do that's what I want to think about before I go to bed so it allows me to go throughout my day and look through the lens of appreciation and not through the lens of expectation not through the lens of crisis, not through the lens of absolute problems and chaos, which, by the way, if you have four

boys like I do, you can easily get sucked into that lens. But you have to choose very intentionally, and I have practices in place, and one of them is I do carry my phone around with me. I keep it on airplane mode at night, and I capture pictures of just the simplest things, simplest things. But those are the things that I just love seeing more than anything. You know, that's an amazing practice right there. everything that sticks out, right, is the normal thing that you would hear from a peak performer, right? We're going to talk about a morning routine, whether it's prayer, meditation. We're going to talk to some family time. If you talk to Mr. David Meltzer, you know, he has morning time carved out for his kids, just like you do.

And just as I do. And then there's a workout somewhere around in there, right? Yeah. But the one thing that stuck out to me, man, and that I would love to implement in my life with my wife is a shared picture folder. of things that happen throughout the day. Because I think that a lot of times we can sit there as fathers and mothers, right? And we're also spouses, so it can be very, very difficult. And we're all, you know, in careers and have responsibilities throughout the day.

There's a lot of different things that can happen that can kind of shift our perspective on how that day really was, right? And what I mean by that is, and I'm guilty as charge. For those of you watching right now, I'm guilty to the point of a fault of thinking sometimes that my day, is bad because of a bad moment. Now really, you know, I want to ask you guys, is it a bad moment or is it a bad day? Because, you know, about 90% of the time, it's just a bad moment. Yeah. You can recover from that.

So, you know, having that shared folder is allowing you to ground you and your family back down to earth and be like, man, that moment right there that I just took a picture of. I thought it was just a picture. Now I'm looking back. And then you can capture that moment. those feelings and I do it with vacation photos all the time you know so I really I want to commend you for that one because I think that one is just that one is a next level situation brother well thanks you know I I did it because and to be honest there's a lot of ideas man that I cannot take credit for but that that's one thing I can't take credit for like I actually

did think of that one on my own and I just and it really just came out of like And I'm not saying it's like some epiphany, right? It's like it's really nothing special, but it's something special to me. I started, you know, I'm a part of a of a weekly accountability group and me and three of the guys. Every Thursday morning, 6 a.m., we check in on our accountability. The things that we're chasing in our personal lives, professional lives, net worth, things we're trying to do. Needles were trying to move fitness, faith, all these things that were held accountable for. And these guys were on me.

They're like, dude, you really need a journal. gratitude. And I'm like, I can't, I don't know what it. I've done it in the past. And I like it in the beginning, but I tend to find myself getting stuck in the ruts of saying the same things, right? And I don't want to do that. And they're like, well, is there anything that you do on a normal basis that you really value and cherish that brings you gratitude? And do it immediately. When I was posed that question, I was like, photos. Photos do. They're like, well, what if, um, thank you. They're like, well, what if you, what if you did that? What if you took? And I was like, what if I take photos every day? What if I put them into an album? And it's like all the gratitude moments I have. And they're like, dude, yeah,

do that. So that's been huge. But I do have an interesting story to share about this if you want to hear it. Of course I do. Okay. So this is kind of off topic, but it's something I'm super proud of and it's something I can't take a whole lot of credit for. It's my wife. So 2020, we had this little thing called the pandemic hit. Right. And anybody who follows the dad edge, I am not a political person. I have my own very strong political views. I'm very private about them and I will tell you why. I don't want one dad to go to my podcast and be like, oh, he's a Democrat. Oh, he's a Republican. Oh, he's a conservative. And then suddenly, boom, that's the reason they're not listening or listening to the show. Yeah. So I keep that part out of it, even though I have very strong views and very

strong stances on things. But I keep that part out because here is my, this is my mission. this is my mission. The mission is helping men create legendary relationships within their marriage and their kids under their own roof. If you can't build this incredible life, these fulfilling connected relationships over your own roof, who gives a shit what side of the fence you sit on politically? There he is. Personally, that's my views, right? And whether right or right or wrong, you agree with me or not.

I don't care if you're a Republican. I don't care if you're a Democrat. I don't care if you're a liberalist or whatever. if you can't get that part right, you're not making the world a better place. You've got to learn that first. So that's why I do that. But here's, you know, COVID and all this. It's 2020 hit.

Everything was shut down. It was right around May, you know, it was about two months into this. You know, my wife and I were like, God bless. Like I remember, I remember where we were standing in our kitchen. And I remember looking at my wife going like, what if this is it? What if this is the end? Like, what if this is the way life is going to be for years? Like, and what if this is the end of the world?

And here's when you know you're married to a strong woman. She goes, yeah, fair question. Are you have any regrets? Like, did you leave anything on the table? And I'm like, actually, I really didn't. You know, I've done all of these things that have, like, I have, like, I have been so solid about staking a flag in the ground saying, like, I am going to create massive connection with my family. I'm going to teach my kids life lessons. I'm going to

create this amazing relationship with my wife. That's not always going to be perfect, but it's going really darn good. And I'm going to do that very well. And I'm going to create experiences. We're going to create adventure. And we're going to create memories. We're going to create conversations. And we're just going to create a home where these young men can live and thrive. My wife is like, have you done that? I'm like, yeah, I've done that. She goes, then who cares. This is the end, who cares? You got nothing to fear. I was like, holy crap. But here's what happened in that very same conversation. So my wife and I, you know, she was asking me, she's like, I get the sense everybody's really depressed. We can't do anything. Can't go out of the

house, you know, the masks and the kids are virtual and whatever. And we pose this question to our kids. And this is where photos make a huge deal in our family. At the beginning of that summer of 2020, we sat down at a family meeting, we said, guys, we're not doing this anymore. We're not going to live life in a bubble anymore, and we're not going to be afraid of anything. So here's the question. What can we do to create the best possible summer of 2020 based on what we have? And here's what came out of that family meeting. These were not my ideas.

But here's what the themes. We came across several different ideas, but here's are the themes. For the next 12 weeks, dad's going to, take off work for every Wednesday for the next 12 weeks and here are the rules for team Hagner in 2020 go somewhere you've never been and do something you've never done we had to get really damn creative because there wasn't a whole lot you could do but we did it we went on float trips we went kayaking we went hiking in places we'd never go hiking we went camping in places we never go camping we had incredible beautiful we went caving

caving as a family. Caving. Caving. We had beautiful, incredible adventures. And here's how much I value memories, adventure connection with my family. I am not a gift person. It's not one of my love languages. And two years ago, on Father's Day, my wife asked me, what do you want for Father's Day?

I already know what you're going to tell me, nothing. I don't need anything. And I was like, yeah, that's pretty much it. She goes, yeah, but I want to do something. And I was like, you know what? I do want something. And she's like, what? And we kept an album,

an album, summer 2020, Hagner Adventures. And she had access to that album because she shared pictures in it as well. I say, here's what I want. I want a mural downstairs of 100 photos, 100 moments. And somehow, some way, staking a flag in the ground that we did not cave. We did not settle. And we did things. We had, while the rest of the world lived in fear, we did it.

We did it the best way we could. And my wife was like, okay. And well, Father's Day came and went. I didn't get anything, which is fine. I'm not a gift person. So I left for Vegas back in July, 2020. I had to do some media out there, 2021. And I came home with my oldest son because he went with me.

Nobody was home except for he and I, we walked on the door. He went downstairs to his room. And he came back upstairs and he had this look on his face. He goes, Dad. Sorry, I'm going to get emotional because it really hit me. He goes, Dad, have you been downstairs yet? I said no. He goes, come downstairs. I went downstairs. There was a hundred five by seven, four by six photos that took up an entire wall. Wow. And there was, there was a saying in the middle

of all of these photos that said, turn your dreams into an adventure and your adventure into memories. And it had all of these very simple moments and photos of all of us together. And I looked at that. And I became emotional. And my oldest son was like, why are you crying? I was like, you know why I'm crying? I was like, because that's proof, man, that we did it. Do you remember how scared everybody was and how all your friends wouldn't leave the house

and all of our friends wouldn't leave the house? And everybody lived in fear and everybody was living in uncertainty. But we freaking did it, man. Like, look what Team Hagner did. And he was just like, you just. saw this this look of absolute like gratitude and just like he he just felt on top of the world and so did I. I was like, dude, your mom is a freaking genius man. Dude, I got to tell you that is one of the most amazing stories, brother.

It shows your heart and I love having conversations with you because I don't think we've ever had a conversation on camera where one of us didn't get a little bit of emotional about family. And that's one of the reasons why I connected with you so early and so often was I could see, I could feel your heart through the podcast. And then once I got to know you a little bit more and had personal interactions with you, I could completely tell that what I was feeling was reality. So I want to take a quick pause, okay, for about 30 seconds.

We need to go to a quick commercial break to honor today's podcast or TV show, sponsor, Legacy Home Builders. So we'll be right back, guys, and we'll finish up the interview with Mr. Larry Hagner. Southwest Florida is one of the most beautiful places on the planet to live. For those of you that are thinking of moving from other states to come to Florida, or even just moving to a different part of the state, I want you to think of a big, beautiful luxury home. Contact Legacy Luxury Builders. They are a family-owned and operated luxury residential construction company. As a family-owned business, they believe in the power of building not just homes, but legacies.

Contact legacy luxury building. builders. Thank you guys so much. Contact legacy luxury builders. If you're looking to move to Southwest Florida guys, they're both of luxury homes are crazy. Larry, you need to call them right. We hold the home here so we can collaborate a little bit more. I'd love it, man. Like, bring me, Jessica would be like, I'm going to pack why you finish your podcast and that's what she'd be like right. That's amazing. Yeah, man. I want to recap for the audience, what everybody who's watching now, I want to recap what we talked about on the segment number one. And we talked about common mindset practices, your non-negotiables, your AM routine, your PM routine, right, about the shared family folder that you're taking these pictures that you put into a shared folder every single day on your phone that you can share them with your family to really get the essence of what you guys felt and what you were grateful for for that day.

For those of you watch, and it's a very important exercise and it's got me fired up to try it myself. you know so that brings on you know the family gratitude and you know larry larry's mission of creating legendary relationships with his with his sons and his wife underneath his roof because as he mentioned if you can't create those types of legendary relationships underneath your own roof it doesn't matter what you do for a living it doesn't matter what political affiliation you are it doesn't matter how much money you have you failed period end of story your most important mission every day should be keeping your house in order, period, bar none. The other thing we talked about that I thought was just amazing.

We talked about many more things in segment one for the audience here, but the one that brought, you know, some emotion out in you and some emotion in me as well was the Hagner adventures and what your wife did for you with that mural. And I just want to commend that beautiful woman for listening and surprising you. Right. With it when you least expected it. I'm married up, man. I'm not going to lie.

Like, I outkicked my coverage. I'm okay with a midnight. You know, it's funny. I always say that myself. You know, everybody always talks about, hey, man, gorgeous wife. I'm like, look, dude, I don't deserve her, man. Like, I completely outkicked my coverage.

And then sometimes I'll make a joke and tell her she has a trophy husband, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all right, Jacqueline. I know you got a trophy husband. It's fine. It's fine. But, you know, man, I just think there's so many things going on in the world today. A lot of things happen in society and a lot of dangers for kids, right? Especially as, you know, as you, as you approach your 15-year-old getting his license soon, there's going to be different worries than you have now.

How important is perspective and mindset as you become a parent of older children, right? And how do you keep it sort of organized so you're not paralyzed by that fear that, you know, I mean, let's face it, there's parents that lose their children. children every single day. For me, it's one of my constant fears. How do you prepare yourself every single day to keep a strong mind in order to deal with those types of us, fears? Fears of like losing your kids. Or just any type of risk nowadays with kids growing up, man, there's drugs, there's, you know, there's, you know, the driving too fast. I just feel like today kids have more access to everything, especially with social media, that so many more people, so many outside influences have influence on our kids now. I actually have a pretty interesting story on this one if you want to hear it.

But I think the first lesson in all of this is you, you know, best lessons in life are caught, not taught. If I'm telling my kids to stay away from alcohol as I'm sipping on a beer, come on, man. And then I'll justify it, right? Well, I'm the adult. Like, I'm the dead. Like, I'm over 21. You shouldn't, you know, son, you shouldn't really drink, right?

So there's that, right? And, you know, the same thing with, like, fitness, right? If, you know, I went to a ride of passage retreat back a couple years ago, Bedros Kulium puts it on the squire. He went to the squire program. The squire, yeah. Yep. So I took my oldest one to that.

We loved it. And I was there with 17 other fathers. And Bezos took all the dads in one room and all the boys were in another. And we each had our own separate experience at one point in the retreat. And Badros, I never forget, man, how blunt he was. And he looked around and we were all sitting there and he goes, he goes, gentlemen, I'm just going to say this very, very bluntly because you all need to hear it. I see some really fit kids in here.

And I see a lot of your sons really fit. And I'm looking at their dad and they're fit. And then I see some sons that are completely out of shape. And I see their dads. And they're completely out of shape. if you want your boys to be more fit, more healthy, it starts with you because the best lessons in life

are caught, not taught. So, you know, I can have all the fears in the world about my kids doing drugs, my kids drinking underage, my kids giving up on their dreams,

my kids are not being into fitness, all these, like, I don't have to tell my two older ones to go to the gym. They do it on their own. They're like, to it. Both my boys want nothing to do

with this whole thing of vaping and weed and all this other crap. Actually, my 15-year-old will cut ties with friendships over. They're like, my son has told him, you do that around me? I want nothing to do with you. I am in this to be the fittest, most physical football player that I can possibly be. And I'm not going to do it by hanging out with the wrong people.

So if you're into that, that's fine. I will not be around. He's done things where, like, one kid asked him if you wanted to hit on a vape. And he's like, yeah, I'll take that. And he took it and he threw it in the woods. He just don't ever do that again. So it's interesting, though, because, like, this is the story I'll share with you. So how do I explain that?

I don't think this guy listens to the show, but I have a friend of, so a former friend of my sons used to come around the house all the time. They played football together. And then suddenly this friend of my son's gotten to really bad things, quit football. You know, he's into all kinds of stuff. I'll put it that way. It gave up on a lot of things. So his dad, you know, lives down the street for me and would always ask me for coffee. I always asked my advice and all so stuff.

And then, but I've always noticed one common denominator. I look at his son and I look at how he operates. And I sit there and I'm like, well, you know, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Right? All the things you don't want your son to do, you do, right? I'll never forget the last time I had coffee with him. This is the funny story. I had coffee with him.

He ended up joining our mastermind group. And we have a 12-week kickstart program that's required. You actually have to graduate the program in order to be put into the main mastermind. And most of our guys, I think we have a 95% graduation rate. So when this individual joined, I was like, man, I can't wait for you to go through this. It's going to be freaking game-changing for you, right? Well, I got word about eight weeks before his, or four weeks for his graduation. that he stopped showing up to calls.

And I reached out to him. I'm like, hey, man, just reaching out. Like, I've gotten when that you're not showing up to calls. And I want to see you, you know, at graduation. We have a graduation every month that we celebrate for the guys who graduate. And I'm like, when am I going to see you at graduation? He's like, oh, you know, things have gotten really busy, man. And, you know, I'm probably just going to have put everything on hold.

And literally, it wasn't even a week before this. His son quit football. Oh, my gosh. And I was like, huh. And I shot him a message. This is the killer, right? I shot him a message back and I did over a video. I said, dude, never forget who's watching us, me and you.

Finish what you started. You've got four weeks. You put eight weeks into this. Finish what you started. No excuses. Finish what you started. Show your young man that his old man finishes what he starts, despite being busy, despite excuses, despite I don't feel like.

doing this anymore, whatever it is. Because what will happen is exactly what you don't want your son to do. He will do because he's mirroring what you are doing. And you know what he did? You know how he responded? Probably negatively. He didn't.

Completely ghosted. This is a guy that I've spent time with, friends of ours, whatever. Then I was like, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. And I reached out to him one more time. I texted him. I said, hey, finish strong, brother. Finish strong, finish what you started.

nothing. Nothing. And I'm sitting there thinking like, you have all these problems with your son. You're trying to keep him out of all this stuff, trying to keep him from giving up on his dreams, trying to keep him from giving up on school, trying to keep him away from drugs.

And all those things are happening. And a lot of it has to do with the fact the way you are operating, my friend. Like it or not. You know, it's one of those things, Larry, and for the viewers, I know there's a lot of people sitting at home right now watching this on their big screens going,

you know what? Damn, this makes some sense. It's like, how can I expect my child to be one way? Right? But then I do the exact opposite. Yeah. It's really funny because it spurs up a conversation that my wife and I always have. My wife is a what if person.

When I met my wife, for those of you that have listened to the song, you know, Kane Brown, What Ifs, that song? You know, what if this? What if that? I always call her, like, man, you're all about these, what ifs? What if this bad thing happens? What if this? What if that?

You know, I've always said, right, how we raise our children and how we act underneath this roof and the actions that we take daily have more impact than society. Oh, yeah. And I'm coming to terms with this more and more every single day. The other day, it was a weekend. And I slept in a little bit. Sun comes downstairs and he looks at me. He goes, hey. he goes, good morning, daddy.

He gives me a big hug. He goes, you're not sweating. I was like, yeah, I'm going in a little bit. He goes, oh, you always go in the morning. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, you know, he wasn't busting me up, but he's so conditioned to when he comes downstairs and wraps his arms around me,

a lot of times he'll sneak up from behind me on making their breakfast, right? And he'll hug me and he'll just get a cheek full of back sweat. Well, it didn't happen this morning. morning. So he was confused. Yeah. Right. And so for me, you know, I took a different lesson than most people would. You know, most people would say, well, maybe, well, I took a day off. It's the weekend.

You know, I'm going to go later. No big deal. He knows what to expect for me. Or that now he's confused. You know, now he sees that his dad took a little bit of a, you know, detour in his, in his, his regiment. Right. Which isn't such a bad thing, but I don't want my children deviating from what they think they know they need to do. So, you know, I said, Bobby, I was like, let me tell you something, son. I'm sorry. He goes, what? I go, I apologize.

I should have stuck with my routine today. You know, I should have went at 4 a.m. You're right. I was like, I don't want you to be confused on what I do for me. Right. Because I don't want you to think you can negotiate with your son. when you get a little bit older. You know, it was an impactful moment for me.

It is. And, you know, listen, I want to double down on what you just said and even something like that, that in that moment, makes total sense for you to take the day off, go later. But what message is that sending? This past weekend, I had a very similar experience. And, Sean, I have never, I don't like to ever back out on my kids, you know, as far as like, hey, we have this thing scheduled, right? no matter what it is, even if I don't feel like doing it or whatever.

So this happened literally just this past Friday. So I had a late night every now and again, I just get really off with my sleep and I'll have like two, three nights in a row of only sleep in like a couple hours and it just messes with my head. Dude, it happens to me too, man. Yeah. And it just sucks, right? So last Friday night, my son and I, my oldest was like, hey, dad. And this is what I love, man.

Like, listen, anybody who ever tells you, oh, just wait to the, teenagers they won't want anything to do with you screw all that don't buy and if anybody it is anybody tells you that walk the other direction yeah it's not true yeah because if you do the right things have the right conversations with them the right connection with them i love my teenagers they are the i prefer hanging out with them over a lot of my friends here locally they're just badasses i love them yeah but what i'll tell you is that my son spent the night at a friend's house and I knew if he spent a night of friend's house he's probably going to get like two hours of sleep and then my son asked me he's like hey are you going to the gym tomorrow morning because you know

Saturday morning I was go to the gym I was like yeah he's like what time you leave and I was like 7 a am he's like can I meet you there I'm like absolutely you can meet me there I'll be I'll be walking the door by 730 I think I fell asleep around 430 and and that alarm went off at 615 and I was like oh my god and here was the justifications had started you know it probably wouldn't be bad for me to just send Ethan a text and be like, hey, man, I'm thinking, I'm going to take the day off. I didn't really get a whole lot of sleep. And I'm just going to lay low this morning.

And I literally, dude, I picked up my phone and I brought his name up. And I was like, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I was like, I'm going to go. I guarantee he probably won't go. But I'm going to go because I don't want to have. have to come back home at 930 when he sees me and be like, where were you? Where were you or did you go?

Right. Versus like, so I got a text from him in 715 on my way. I'm like, holy shit. He shows up to the gym. I show up to the gym and I'm like, hey, man, I'm actually a little surprised to see you here. He goes, why? I go, well, what times you go to bed? He's like, I went to bed at five.

And I was like, I didn't fall asleep until 4.30. And I go, why are you here? And he goes, because I told you I would be. That's what he told me. And I was, he looks at me, he goes, why are you here? And I go, because I told you I would be. I was like, do you guys just cry at that moment? You guys got me wanting to cry right now.

Dude, it was so powerful. Like I was like, oh my God. Like, this kid had every excuse in the book not to show up. And I'm his dad. He knows I'm going to forgive him, right? But I too had every excuse in the book. And but I didn't back out. But we, it was just such a, and it was a shitty workout.

Oh, I bet it stopped. It sucked. but it was one of the most enjoyable moments because we went out of there and we were like, dude, we freaking showed up when nine out of ten people would have slept in. Like, that's badass. That's the, you know, the 1% right? Everybody talks about that 1% of people. Well, hey, those 1% of people aren't successful just because it's that difficult to be that 1%.

No, just 90. You know, the other 99% of people just freaking quit, man. Yeah. So, you know, right about now is the time. where we take another about 30 to 40 second break, y'all. So I hope you guys are all taking notes and digesting what Larry is talking about here. Because when we come back, we're going to do another recap, and then we're going to close this thing out tight as we possibly can,

giving you maximum amount of value. I'll see you back here in about 40 seconds. Yeah, yeah. Unlock your true potential on the field and court with our peak mental performance program for athletes. Train your mind to conquer challenges. stay focused under pressure and achieve unparalleled success. Our expert coaches will guide you through personalized techniques, enhancing concentration, resilience, and confidence. Picture yourself outperforming your rivals, making split-second decisions with clarity and achieving victory like never before.

Join us today and elevate your game to new heights. Peak mental performance program where champions are forged in the mind. Email me today, shan.com. for more information. See you inside. Dude, you know what I love about this whole TV show right now? Let's hear it. This is the first one, right?

This is the first one. And you know me, I'm always going to be authentic and tell my audience how I feel. Shit, man, I'm nervous. This is a completely different workflow. Come on now. And for those of you watching, you know, either live or the replay,

I told my boy Larry, I was like, bro, I'm nervous to. today. He's like, what? What's wrong? You got this? I told him, I was like, hey, man, this is big. This is a show now. It's going to be streamed on Apple TV, Roku, you know, Amazon Fire TV, LG, Samsung. And he's like, dude, you got this. And, you know, we're getting through it. But I got to tell you. I got to tell you, Larry, you know, I'm glad it was you. Because, you know, I just, I just feel like, you know, man, when you're, when you're dipping your tone into something new and it can be scary. You know, it's nice to have that person on the other side that you know is right there in that corner being like, bro, you're going to get this. You're going to figure this thing out. You know, and I think that's such a beautiful thing. It kind of segues into what we were just talking about before the break was you not wanting to let your son down and your son not wanting to let you down. Yeah.

And you both showed up with shitty sleep because you said y'all would. You're keeping your word, not just to yourself, but each other. And that's the kind of fight that I'm talking about, fighting because you know you got some people in your corner. Yeah, you know, you talk about people in your corner, right? And I think you heard me say the term team Hagner a couple times. You know, that's the way we really view, you know, our family is we are a team. You know, we all pull our weight. We all have our plays.

We all build each other up when the other person's down, you know, and, of course, we argue as well. You know, we don't agree on everything. It's not all sunshine and rainbows over here. But at the end of the day, we are a team and we do, we'll do anything for each other. You know, that's a good point because I think, well, I know that a lot of people will look at individuals like us because we are considered, I guess, thought leaders, right? And we put content out. We have great conversations with people. And it would seem as though we don't have any struggles, right?

And yeah, funny. You know, I always tell people I was, I come to you from a place of failure and experience, not on top of the mountain. Right. I love to hear that you're, that you're authentic and you're going to tell people the way it is. Yes, we argue. Me and my wife argue. Now, the one thing that I want you to touch on those, I, You told me a story, and I don't want to ruin it because it's on your show coming up soon.

But I want you to talk to the audience about that one conversation that you guys had, you and your wife at the dinner table, and you guys were arguing, and your kid experienced it. And he saw how constructive y'all were when you were arguing. Talk about that. Yeah, it's interesting you talk about this because so I just started, well, I didn't just start. I've been doing it now for a couple years, but I've done it very sporadically, but now I do it on the regular, which is I have a group that I work with. It's always a cohort. You know, it's anywhere from 15 to 18 minutes at time. And it's a 14 week mastermind on creating an incredible, creating an extraordinary marriage through elevated communication, connection, and intimacy. One of the skills that. that I teach in that. Actually, there's two, but one, one in particular is a conflict resolution skill. Now, most of us, what we do when we have fights is, you really want to know what we fight about? This is kind of crazy.

You really want to know? I love it. We're fighting because we don't want what we have right now. That's really why we fight. It's like, hey, this thing, like, okay, so like, for instance, let's just, take our sex lives, right? It's the easiest thing for men. Jessica and I, we've got a great sex life we have for years. It wasn't always so, but we do. Most couples do fight about it to some degree. The reason that we fight about it, though, is here's the thing. If you really ask someone,

well, what is it that you want? You know, if you can wave a magic wand, what is it that you want? All the tracks the men would say. Right. But here's what I'll tell you. I've done this so many times now. I've this one skill set so many times of why people fight and all this stuff. Like I know it usually they're going to say before they do because I've done it so much. So when I asked the guy today, I was like, well, what is it do you want? He's like, well, and he kind of stumbled. He's like, well, I want us to have more sex. And I'm like, yeah, but why?

Why do you want to have more sex? And he's like, I want to have more sex with my wife because I love her. And you could tell he was just trying to figure it out. I go, okay, you want to have more sex, you want to have more sex to your wife because you love her. What is that going to do? And then it came out. He's like, when we have sex, he's like, I feel so connected to her. She feels so connected to me.

We have better communication. We don't argue nearly as much. We're actually better parents. And we're actually less irritable and more resilient. And I looked at him and I said, that's the three whys. That's how you get to what you want. Sometimes you have to ask why three times. I was like, have you ever articulated what you just articulated out loud to me or anybody else?

And he said, no, that was the first time. That's now. I was like, no, let's go back to the old you. How would you have got about this conversation? He's like, I go to my wife and be like, why are we having sex? I understand why are not having sex? Like, I want to have sex with you more. I was like, and how is that usually received?

He's like, it's terrible. He's fine. And I was like, does she actually, has she ever heard out of your mouth? I want to have sex with you more often because I love you and because when we have more sex, we're more connected. We have better intimacy. see we have better conversations, we're better parents, and we're less irritable. Have you ever said that to her? He's like, no. I was like, if you were to say that's what you want, do you think that she would say,

you know what? That's what I want to. He goes, yeah, I actually do. I think she would. I think she wants that too. I was like, that in lies the problem of conflict resolution. We never get there. We never, ever get there because all we're doing is saying, I don't want what I have right now. And it's either your fault or it's my fault or it's both for our faults and I don't know what the problem is and I don't even how to tell you what I want. That's the problem. So I teach this four-step process that helps people of conflict orders or listen, but to answer your question, my wife and I rarely fight, rarely, rarely fight. And we do that. I think a lot of that has to do with all these things that that I teach. I implement, I live those things. And I think that's why we have the relationship

we do. And plus she's a forgiving woman. And then some. But so we got in this argument. This was a couple years ago and we weren't we were just talking like you and I are talking but there's tension and my oldest son walked by he's like are you guys fighting and I looked down and I said we're disagreeing he goes so you're fighting I was like no I was like we're disagreeing we just have different points of view he goes he had this look of fear he goes you guys can get divorce I was like what I was like and I looked at my wife and I said I only want to do what I what I'm about ready to offer him if you're on board with it. If you're not on board with it, that's fine. Because it's more, this is, it's more important than you and I are on board with what I'm about

ready to offer him. She's like, what is it? I looked at him and I said, if your mom is okay with it, I want you to have a seat and watch us go through this. And he's like, okay. I suggested, okay, she's like, I don't care. Like, that's great. He sat down 15 minutes later. We talked everything out, came to a resolution, came to the compromise. And I looked at my son. I go, what did you notice. And he goes, oh my God, he goes, you guys didn't yell at each other. I was like, no, we don't yell at each other. That's one of our guardrails. We don't yell at each other. I was like, what else did you notice? He goes, well, you didn't call each other names. I was like, yeah, I've never called your mom a name. She's never called me a name. I was like, what else? He goes, no one was talking when the other

person was talking. You let the other person talk. And I was like, yep, when the other person's talking the other person's job is to listen and i was like what about the end did we agree on everything he goes no i was like what did you notice he goes both of you had i don't remember his words but it but basically it was both of you had to give a little bit in order to come to what you came to i was like yep and i was like i was like compare that to how you fight with your brother he goes well we just punch each other in the head i was like exactly i was like there's a whole formula to this man conflict resolution but yeah he got to see it that that's a really cool story man um you know i think a lot of i know my parents didn't fight fairly you know they were right they're

you know i think you and i have similar backgrounds as far as you know toxic fathers you know my biological father i never really knew them and then my my stepfather was you know my dad but like you know he had some toxic behaviors you know so you know i never grew up in a household where you know good arguing or fair fighting was modeled it was more of like if i'm mad at you i'm going to scream at the top of my lungs. Yeah. I'm going to show you how pissed off I am. And so that kind of edged its way into my relationship. So it's one of those things, right, when my wife and I have an argument that I have to like really work on because it's still a thing. It's inside me. It's what I've, it's what I've always known. And, but what I do know is it hurts a little bit

at the beginning, right? It's like, who, man, I got to keep this. You got to keep this down here, right? this is suppressing some feelings. But at the end of it, when I can look at myself and I can look at my wife at the end of the day and into the conversation and know that neither of us said anything that we're going to regret. And more importantly, that our children did not hear. Right. I think that's a, that's a, that's a win, right? That is something that I can look back on. I'm like, man, I'm really proud of that.

It is because there are things that will be said to you that you can't, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, cannot be erased off the hard drive. No. There are things that you can say to somebody else that will not erase what's on the hard drive. You know, and I'll tell you, some of the things that we do that we don't mean to do, like last night, I was putting my seven-year-old to bed. I talked to all my kids. Like putting my kids to bed, even the older ones, it's like an hour and 15-minute process.

I spend like 15, 20 minutes with each kid every night. So I'm talking to my seven-year-old son, and we're just talking about his day. he's in second grade and I was like hey you know what was your favorite adventure that we went on over the summer and we we had a bucket list trip this week this year as my wife and I was 20th wedding anniversary so we went to Hawaii we've never been none of us have ever been to Hawaii and we went to renew our vows on the beach of Hawaii and with the kids and I was like he's like Hawaii was I was like cool what was your favorite part he goes you know it was this is that and he's like but I also have a not so favorite part and I was like what and he goes it was when

you got mad at me when we were paddleboarding. I was like, what are you talking about? And he goes, you were pushing me while the wave was coming. And I wasn't paddling hard enough to actually catch the wave. And you kept yelling at me to paddle harder, paddle harder. And I was like, yeah, of course I was. I want you to hear me over the waves. You know, and I wasn't mad. And he's like, it sounded like you were really mad at me. It really hurt my feelings. He's been holding on that for two months. Wow. I was like, dude, are you serious? And he goes, and he was like, teary-eyed. And I was like, he's like, I thought you were mad at me.

I was like, oh, my God, dude. I was like, listen, I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings. Like, I can understand, you know, when you hear a voice in the background barking at you really, really loud to paddle harder because I'm thinking you can't hear me over the waves. But obviously, you probably heard me really clearly. I was like, I'm really sorry about that, man. I was like, you should have told me that long time ago. I didn't want you to hold on to that stuff. And you could tell, like, just the relief.

of like me owning that and apologizing to him. But like that that was never even on my radar. I didn't even think that had an impact on him whatsoever, but it did. And you just never know, man. You just never know. And so you think about these things that sound like maybe normal to us or things that are just every day when it's like when you just take a second and be like, wait a second, let me just take a moment here before I say this, how do I think it's going to land?

And just be very cognizant of that. I think that's honestly, man, like that is such an impactful. statement, think about how it's going to land. We never know how someone's going to take it unless we take it in consideration. Now, I want to close it out with that thought piece right there for the audience to check out. I'm going to go ahead and put you backstage for a few. Larry, hang tight, man. I just, I just want to thank you again for sharing so much amazing information and tips with my audience that is watching this. And they could see your way. website and they know where to go if they need some marital help and some fatherly advice.

I strongly consider you guys reach out to my boy Larry Hagner at the dad edge.com, see what he's got going on. And I will see you in a little bit, my friend. Sounds good. Thanks again. So there you have it, guys. Larry Hagner is such an amazing individual. If you guys ever need anything, reach out to him.

But I want to thank you for watching my first episode. I'm only going to get better. I can promise you that. If you ever need anything from me, please feel free to go to my website, theshonfrench.com, and look at everything I have to offer. I am empowering athletes

and building out elite mindsets all over the globe. So if you are an athlete or if you have a young athlete, I want to talk to you and I want to talk to your athlete. So with that being said, guys, thank you again, and I will see you soon.