Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - The 5 Practices of Highly Resilient People with Dr. Taryn Marie Stejskal

Episode Date: April 24, 2023

Folks we are back with a fire episode with the amazing Dr. Taryn Marie Stekskal. She is THE #1 International Expert on Resilience, highly sought after keynote speaker, Host of the Flourish or Fold Podcast and author of the brand new book The 5 Practices of Highly Resilient People. Taryn's mission is to impact the lives of a Billion people by enhancing Hope, Healing & Health through the concepts of RESILIENCE! Key Highlights: What is societal pressure? Being ok Arbitrary timelines Quick recovery is a myth Taryn's NEW BOOK Resurfacing of Trauma How to enjoy the Mountain Top Moments Being trapped Feeling your insecurities Keeping perspective Challenges, Changes & Complexities Silience Resilience is the essence of being human Connect with Taryn: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drtarynmarie/ Buy Taryn's Book: https://www.resilience-leadership.com/5-practices-highly-resilient-people-book Website: https://www.resilience-leadership.com/ Flourish or Fold Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/flourish-or-fold-stories-of-resilience/id1589306573 Connect with Shawn: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theshawnfrench/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/theshawnmfrench/ Website: https://theshawnfrench.com/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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We're going to be talking about mental health. We're going to be talking about well-being. And one of the misnomer's around, like, sort of the myths of resilience and mental health and well-being is this idea of quickly recovering, right? That it's about coming back, you know, as fast as we can. What is going on, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of the podcast, The Determined Society. I am your host, Sean French. No, I wasn't held hostage, but I was MIA for quite some time. And if you follow me and watch my stories, you know exactly where I've been and why I took some time off.

And I always told myself, I wouldn't come back until I was ready and have perspective and not giving my family just the crumbs. They had to get all of me before I came back. And additionally, I wanted to make sure that when I came back, I was going to interview. you a guest with high integrity and really speaking about and living what they're talking about. So today I have an amazing guest, y'all. She is a number one international expert on resilience. She's a keynote speaker, author of the brand new book, The Five Practices of Highly Resilient People.

She is the host of the Flourish or Fold podcast. Her mission is to impact the lives of one billion people by enhancing hope, healing, and health through the concepts of resilience. aliens. Everybody, welcome Dr. Teramoree. How you doing, my friend? Oh, we're here. That. Thank you for that. So delighted to be here and to be part of your of your big return to the, to the podcast stage. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. You know, it's funny because in life, when we, we don't acknowledge how we're truly feeling and we don't honor ourselves where we're at, we can tend to get spun out of control.

And for me, I was constantly looking at that comparison thing. Why can't I get my show here? Why is my business not flourishing? I don't want to do nine to five anymore. And then I realize, wait a second, this is not why I started this thing in the first place. I just wanted to do a podcast and I wanted to impact people and speak real into the world. And so that's where we're at now, right? That's where we're at.

I'm not going to worry about ratings. I'm not going to worry about anything else. I do want people. I do want thousands of people listening to the show. So everybody, if you're listening, share it because this is going to be a guess that people are going to get a lot out of. And, you know, I just, I'm also equally delighted to have you on my show. I love that. Well, you know, I was really struck by just what you shared in the introduction.

Two things, I mean, you said a lot of beautiful things, but two things really stood out for me. One was, you know, that you took an extended period away. And, you know, we're going to be talking about resilience today. We're going to be talking about mental health. We're going to be talking about well-being. And one of the misnomer's around, like, sort of the myths of resilience and mental health and well-being is this idea of quickly recovering, right? that it's about coming back, you know, as fast as we can. And it was interesting.

So I'm here in Austin, Texas today. I live in the Philadelphia area, but I'm here in Austin. And I was speaking at the University of Texas at Austin. And the gentleman that I had been interacting with and who, you know, was helping me plan coming to campus and speaking, he wasn't there yesterday. and they said, oh, he had his wisdom teeth out on Friday, and he said, I'll be back on Monday, right? And it was like Wednesday, you know, and he still wasn't back. And for me, it was just such a reminder of we oftentimes think we can or will come back a lot sooner.

And the opportunity, I think, for us to really give ourselves the time that we need to to heal, to integrate, to make a transition, to shore up our relationships. And I just love that you gave yourself that time, you know? And the second thing that I loved about what you said is you also had sort of like a sense of what that was going to look like, right? You didn't just say, I'm going to take some time off and spend time with family. You really had a sense that. that you wanted and needed to get to a place where you were more present, where your family wasn't getting the leftovers. I think he said the crumbs.

And that there was a lot of clarity for you around not only the taking of the time off, but what you wanted to get to and how you wanted to enhance your relationships with your family members and what that would actually look like and when you would know it was time to come back. I receive all that and thank you. It's, you know, one of the things that I really, I really, realized was I was getting angry, right? I was getting angry too much. And, you know, I always wanted it quiet in my house when I was recording. I got, you know, three little babies. I got a nine-year-old

boy, a six-year-old daughter and a four-year-old daughter. That's, you know, for me, that's what matters because they're only going to be, and everybody says this, but they're only going to be a little for a short period of time. I don't want to look back and be like, I missed it because I was chasing, you know, top 1% podcast ratings or podcast advertisement, you know, money or anything like that. Like, that's not who I am. That's not what I want to be. You know, so for me, it was just one of these things, like one day I just sat there. I'm like, man, I'm doing this for them. I'm doing this for them. And I said, wait a second. Am I? Am I really doing this for them? Because if I asked them, they'd rather be jumping on me and playing right now. Not me.

me recording a podcast. So I had to really kind of like, all right, dude, like you're lost. You're in the abyss right now. Back off. Right. And I initially thought to your point, you know, there was no time frame. For me, initially, I was like, I just don't want to record a show this week or, and I have some in the queue. I'm, I have some, you know, and I just couldn't bring myself to edit them. Like it was this feeling, right? And my, I'm like, I want to throw up right. now. Like I don't want to do it. So I didn't, right? And, you know, going back to what you just said, something really struck me as well. You talked about this gentleman that thought that, you know, hey, I'm going to be back in two days. What is it about us that thinks that we're going to recover

quicker, right? I have my own theories and I want to talk about mine, but I really, I want to hear what you have to say about that. Yeah. Well, I think it's, I think, it's a couple of things, you know. It's a loaded question, I know. No, I don't think it's loaded at all. You know, the first thing I'd say is, I think there's a lot of societal pressure to be okay and to be well and to come back. and that there's something, there's something sort of bound up in all of this that, you know, maybe it's like a hero or a heroin complex that we think, you know, I'm going to get my wisdom teeth out on Friday.

I'm going to, you know, run a five-mile race on Saturday. on Sunday I'm going to find a cure for, you know, some intractable disease. I'm going to end world hunger. And on Monday, I'll be back to work. Easy. Easy. Easy. Easy.

Easy. Yeah. It's nothing. Yeah. So I think, I mean, I feel the sense of pressure, right, in society to be okay, to be well. And even to do more than I think is humanly possible. And so I think if I feel it, there's elements of that that other people are feeling too. So I think the first thing is, you know, there is sort of a sense of pressure and expectation.

I mean, maybe not to run the race or to cure a disease or, you know, or things like that. But this sense of like being okay, right? I'm going to have this procedure on Friday and then I'm going to be okay and be well by Monday. And the second thing is, you know, I think these timelines that we give ourselves are super arbitrary. And they're not really based in fact or in research, you know. And there's this tendency, I think, like when we have like surgery or something and the doctor says, you know, it's going to take you two months to recover. just about everybody I know in my backgrounds in like rehabilitation psychology just about everybody I know is like oh yeah two months well it's going to take me one you know like somehow

we want to like beat the odds constantly it's like why do we want to do that why not just take the two months why not just say you know what it's going to take two months and that and that's okay and I'm okay with you know taking the time that my body and mind needs to be okay and you know one of the things that I found, you know, as I've interviewed hundreds of people and collected thousands of pieces of data on resilience, is like quickly recovering is a myth as it relates to resilience. In fact, it's the people oftentimes that come back fast that actually have some of the greatest difficulties or issues or they have the trauma resurface or the health concern sort of reoccur because, you know, they haven't or we haven't sort of given ourselves the time to heal.

And so this idea of like whoever the fastest person is to recover, like that's actually not resilience. And I think getting to change the discourse around that in our culture where we allow ourselves the time for healing is really powerful. Wow. Amazing. Like a lot to unpack there. The one thing that I always like to add a little humor into my show.

I think it's funny, but I'm a dad. It's probably a dad joke. But we talked about, you just mentioned, you just mentioned like, hey, it says, you know, it's going to, it's two months. It's going to take me a month. And we're all in this race. It's like when you pop up, when you get in your car or your truck or whatever you're driving, you're heading, you know, to across town, it tells you it's going to take 15 minutes. I'm like, bet. Bet, it's going to take me 10.

Like, I'm going to try to get there quicker. And I don't know. And again, I agree with everything you're saying. But I just thought that was pretty funny because that's a first. that popped in my mind. It was like, I'm always trying to beat the GPS, right? It's like Google Maps, no. And I'm always wrong. Like, truthfully. And I think what we all need to learn is it's going to take what it's going to take. Right. Like literally, like get off your own, you know, your arbitrary timeline. There's no basis surrounding it. Like literally just submit to the process and just go. Right.

Um, you know, for me, like, I always think of it like this. I think there's so much baked in hustle culture that you can open your phone, right? And the hustle culture is by big influential people that people truly believe that they have all their, you know what together. Okay. And you can look at your phone and it's to be like, oh, you only got two hours of sleep. So what? Get up and go to the gym. Like, go do this. Go do that. And I, I submitted to that hustle. culture for two years in this process. And that's why I got burned out. That's why I ended up where I was where I was at, like completely uninspired. And to your point, I always found myself as a determined individual, hence the name of determined society, resilient. I'm always bouncing back. And but what I've learned is I wasn't taking enough time. And so what I do, just when I thought I was ready to get back. I'm like, no, you're not. You are going to wait for the universe or God to tell you when it's time. And I was open. I was completely open. But I felt the time off is exactly where I needed to be. And, you know, when you, when you messaged me and I'm like,

okay, yeah, this is, this is that, this is that, this is that, this is that nudge. And so I appreciated it. And I don't even know if you probably realize the part you were playing in it. Now you do. Now I do. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's, you know, that's something powerful too. I didn't highlight it that in what I said initially, you know, and that is also super powerful because I'm in this moment of launching my book this week, the five practices of highly resilient people.

And so I've been reaching out to, you know, people that I know super well, friends, colleagues, and also reaching out, you know, toward the edges and the people that are farther out in my community, right? And asking for help, right? And saying, you know, hey, like no pressure expectation, right? Here's what I'm doing. I love your help. As it aligns for you, you know, here's maybe some things that we could do. together that would be mutually beneficial or would be a win-win and like I've just I've I've I've I've I've sucked it up the last couple months and done it it and it also doesn't it doesn't come naturally you know

it doesn't come naturally for me to reach out I mean I will ask for help this has been a moment of like the broadest scale the broadest swath of like just like asking like everyone in their mom, like literally everyone in their mom. Like, hey, will you buy a book and will you call your mom? And all. It really is like everyone in your mom, right? And so, and it's really, it's really humbling to be in this moment. And it's also really beautiful to see who shows up and who's excited about that.

And then the next layer is exactly what you said, which is not even realizing that in my reaching out to you and saying, hey, would you like to be a part of this? Would you like to help get this message out that that also in this sort of like beautiful, like universal flow for you became the moment where you're like, okay, I'm ready to come back. Yeah. And that is so amazing. And I think we get to think about that when we reach out to people and we ask for help and we

ask for support, you know, that some people, won't want to do it. And some people will want to do it, but just simply won't have capacity. And then there'll be other people that not only want to help, but something meaningful will click or shift inside of them. And it becomes this, you know, incredible interaction that is meaningful, you know, in a way that, you know, I had not anticipated and I'm so excited about. Me too.

And it's funny because, like, I think for me, and we're going to, guys, we're going to get to her book because you need to buy it. Mine's in the mail. I'm hoping she overnights it. But sorry, guys. I actually get a signed copy and I'm jacked about it. So I'm kind of geeking out over here. But, you know, you're right. We never know what role we're playing in people's lives.

And I think it's super important to really kind of dive into because it goes as simple as how you interact with that person that upset you. at the grocery store. Like, you don't know what they're going through. Like, put your best foot forward. And I think for me, what really stuck out to me in our interaction as it led up to this show, started talking about what, four days ago was just your humility. Because you say, you know, it humbled you. And I could see it.

I'm like, not that I had any other, you know, thought or preconceived notion that you weren't humble, but I could just in the ask, I was like, oh my, I was like, Taryn, 1,000 percent, like 1,000 percent, which we will still do the live. I want to do the live still. But for me, it was just like, this person, right, that I've had an interaction with before, very successful, literally, kindly asking for help or asking just to partner up in something. I'm like, yeah, I can't. I can't. I'll never tell a person no like that, right?

And we all get these long DMs and our inbox about, you know, how they can turn you into a nine figure business owner in 15 days, right? Those, those we don't. Wait, that's not real. I shouldn't. I shouldn't reply to those people? No, you shouldn't reply to them. I mean, like, you know, for only $10,000 up front, first payment,

you could be the nine figure business owner. by using my funnel. Okay. Using my funnel. You know, it's funny because a part of my comeback, I always said I would have some satire around those types of things. And so I kind of slid it in on my first show. But I think, see what you did?

It already happened. Opportunistic. I don't know. You know, I just feel that people do need to be educated, you know, and be aware of the good people out there in the industry and not fall. for the bright, shiny object that's going to make them rich in two months because it's not going to happen. You know? I think that's right.

You know, I'll tell you in this in this moment with this book launch. So one of the cool things that happened this week is the book and me were featured on the NASDAQ tower. Dude, I saw that so sick. It was so sick. And a couple people, you know, it's interesting the sort of range of reactions that people have to that, right? And so one reaction, you know, was me, which was like, I think my lips are taking up like six offices. Oh, my God, Taryn. Another, you know, and people were excited and they were congratulating.

And then I had a couple people say, like, is this real? You know, which, and then I had a few other people say, like, you know, sort of. of how did you do that? How did that happen? Right. And, you know, one of the things that I think is so powerful for us as we talk about like the flourishing and the folding and the resilience is we often don't see the toil and the hard work and the things that go on behind the scenes to get there. Right. So behind the, you know, behind the NASDAQ tower, right, is 20 years of research, right? It's a graduate degree. It's being a management consultant.

It's working in the corporate world. It's founding my own company and then having COVID show up. And all of my business that I had booked basically with. handshake with colleagues disappear. Me thinking as a single mom, who's the head of my own household, like, if I can't pay my mortgage and we get evicted in the midst of this COVID thing, like, do the kids come with me to the homeless shelter or would I visit them at like my former husband's house? How would that, you know, like it was this, these were like real, you know, I was like sewing socks

and making like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because I wasn't sure. None of us knew like what was going to happen with COVID and what was going to happen in that moment. And I had founded my company in 2017, but it didn't have any revenue because I was working at Cigna as a head of global leadership development and at Nike as head of executive development. So even all those grants that came for business owners who had. had, you know, income on the books for prior years. I wasn't eligible. And so now, and sort of this, you know, we'll call it the NASDAQ tower in Times Square moment. It's been so beautiful and so exciting.

And there's also, you know, tremendous kind of toil and sacrifice that I think typically happens behind the scenes. You know, it's that sort of 20-year overnight success. Yeah, the two-decade overnight success that you are, which, What really spoke to me was I'm sitting here listening, right? Because everybody has their life story. And, you know, three years ago, you're stitching socks, worried about where your kids are going to go and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And now you're on the NASDAQ, right?

Now we've launched this book. It's going to impact lives. You have an amazing platform. You're doing amazing things. God in the universe provided for you. And now your worst fear did not happen. And I want people, for those of you that are listening right now, I really want you to look at this. You know, all her contact information as far as her Instagram page and everything like that's going to be in this show, the show notes.

But go to her page and look at it and scroll all the way down to two to three years ago. And you'll probably find that everything looks okay, right? She's sitting there still working, still doing everything to provide for her family. you do not you guys do not know what goes on behind the scenes of any individual that you come across in your life so when someone makes it on the NASDAG board of their life hug them let them know that's amazing asking them how it happened or is this real can come up can come off hurtful i'm sorry it just it really is those people don't understand right so for you though Your initial reaction, I'm sure there was much more about I think my lips take up six offices. Like to me, it's just like, it's in that moment though, right? It's like, oh my gosh, there I am. As the person in it, we don't sit there and go back the three years and be like,

my lips can take up 10 offices. I don't give a, you know what, because guess what? I was living on P.B&J three years ago. This is dope. I'm proud of you. Thank you. Thank you. To be clear, when I saw it, I was also like, is this real? I had a similar reaction.

You know, and I think it's such a testament to this idea that life can always change. And that goes both ways, right? It's about enjoying the beautiful moments, the mountaintop moments, you know, we can call them, where we get to that summit and we see the beautiful view and we celebrate the success and everything is wonderful, you know, and also being down in that valley, right? The valley of COVID, the valley of, you know, wondering how I was going to pay my mortgage of, you know, basically, you know, standing next to my, you know, five and eight year old and making sure that they did their, like, online schooling and then being mom and then figuring out how I was going to make this company

profitable as the world was continuing to shift and change in such a perceptible way. And, you know, I think for all of us, we've all been in moments where we've felt, well, and I'll just speak for myself. I've been in moments where I have felt deeply discouraged, deeply afraid and uncertain of what the future holds, trapped, uncertain, unsure, insecure. I couldn't find the door. I couldn't see the path. I didn't, you know, know the way out, right? And in those moments, I remember thinking, like, well, this is just who I am now.

I'm just this trapped, insecure, you know, afraid, you know, person, you know, and I think it's so tempting to think that, you know, we're always going to feel bad. Things are always going to be difficult. And the truth is, you know, that nothing in life really lasts forever, very few things last forever. And, you know, we all have those mountaintop moments and we all have those valley moments. And being able, I think, to still have perspectives when we're on the mountaintop and to say this success is amazing. And let me use this for the good. And let me soak all of this up. And let me just feel this into the core and into the fiber of my being and allow myself and my family and the people

that I care about for us to really have this moment, right? And then when we're down in the valley to also recognize, like, we get to learn the lessons there. We get to feel all of that in a really tangible, palpable way and to recognize that that too won't, that too won't last for a minute. You know? And I think there's a lot of people, you know,

that are really hurting right now. You know, there's, And it's just, it's been, you know, sort of a series of unfortunate events, right? And sort of many people's lives as, as humans where we, you know, we looked forward to kind of COVID ending and things, you know, going back to normal. Yeah. And nothing has gone, well, you know, very few things have gone back to normal. And then we've just continued to sort of, I think, be in the sea of what I call the three Cs, the challenges, the changes and the flexity and um it's it's it's been a it's been a rough time and i think we get to remind ourselves

that you know nothing lasts forever not the good or the bad that's amazing and yes i will i will say like we have not been able to take a breath for three years it's one thing after another after another. It's almost like, all right, like enough is enough, right? So I want to address that. I think that's a really cool thing to also be grateful for because when we come out of it as a society, you know, maybe we'll all get along again. I don't know or at least respect each other a little bit better. I mean, for me, that's what I want out of everything. I want a more common respect for individuals and people to appreciate things about everybody instead of focusing on the negative or what they disagree with.

But there's just one part you spoke about, you know, you were feeling insecure, being trapped, right? And why I feel this is so powerful? Because you're an expert. You're the number one international expert on resilience. And I want my audience to be acutely aware of the fact that. experts still struggle with their own things, right? So for you, and I want you to give some tips maybe to the individual that is, or individuals that are listening to this that may feel that trapped, sense, or insecure,

what are some things that they can do daily that will bring them out of that slowly and surely? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, for me, and I think for a lot of people, you know, who would naturally gravitate toward your podcast, right, to gravitate toward the determined society. Maybe something that a lot of us have in common is, I'll use sort of a corporate term, right, is the sort of idea of learning agility, right? What's learning agility? It's the ability

to seek out, right, new facts and figures and ways of doing things and then quickly apply them. And I think for people that are determined and people that are entrepreneurs and people that are on a growth and development journey, you know, oftentimes one of the things that we have in common is just this ability to figure things out, right? To know what to do, even if we don't know what to do, you know. And one of the hardest things for me in moments, this was, during 2022, when I felt trapped, I was in a relationship. It was very different than I thought. I had moved in with the person and with my two sons, you know, and it was not going the way that I hoped it would or the way that I wanted it to. And I felt very trapped. And the hardest thing for me,

you know, about feeling trapped was the not knowing what to do because so often I feel like I know what to do even when I don't know what to do. Like I'll pick out and I just, I didn't know what to do. And so I think the first thing to do when you don't know what to do is to acknowledge that you don't know what to do. Right. I love that. And I think that to that point, there's a lot of people out there. And this is what drives me crazy personally.

When someone asks me a question and I'll say, you know, I hear what you're saying. I just don't know what to do. And the comeback is you know exactly what to do. You know, that drives me crazy because you cannot know exactly what to do 100% of the time. You can slowly start to figure it out by some doing some actions, like just maybe moving a little bit more in certain areas. right? I mean, it's just like telling somebody that's never worked out in their life and never watched their nutrition and they're 60 pounds overweight and say, you know exactly what you need to do. They may not. They may not. I mean, that's a generalization. People cannot just put that on people,

but that to your point, though, like I just wanted to acknowledge that for people that are listening, you may not know what to do. And that's okay. Yeah. You know, it's interesting that you say that, right? Because as someone who's worked in leadership development and, you know, as an executive coach and kind of works with people, there's this this sort of general belief or idea, right? That like, everything we need exists and lives within us. And then to your point, there's also this sort of practical and tangible element in these moments of knowing what to do. And, and, yeah, I think you're right. We don't always know what to do, right? So my belief is the strength and the wisdom and the talent and the capability and the gumption. It all lives within us. Right. And then part of that process for me of feeling trapped was like finding those things within myself. Right? And then also figuring out practically how I was going to solve for this.

Yeah. Yeah. Right? I was thinking something else about that. Oh, I know what it was. So this is really cool. So when we think about this word resilience, right? Someone a while back came to me and they told me about a word in the English language I had never heard of.

called siliants, S-I-L-I-E-N-C-E, siliates, right? I never knew about this word. And this word means to uncover within us the latent talents and strengths and sort of hidden treasures of our capability, right? And then I was like, you know, I want to say a curse word here. I want to say that. I won't. So like I'm just going to be straight up with you.

Like this is probably the first show I haven't cursed in. So do you? Like this is shit. There you go. Shit. Shit. There is. I was like, oh shit.

Like this makes so much sense right now. Because then resilience, right? is the process of facing the challenge, of facing the complexity, of facing the change, the three Cs, and being reminded, right, of these latent talents and strengths or being able to find them within ourselves in a moment of adversity when we surprise ourselves, right? When we're like, oh my gosh, I don't know how I'm going to make it. And then we make it, right? because we reached down and deep and we find stuff within ourselves that we, the sillions, right, that we didn't know existed. And that's the beautiful part of these really crappy moments of feeling trapped and feeling scared and feeling uncertain is that we reach down into ourselves and we find stuff that we didn't know existed or we forgot was there.

And then, you know, sort of bootstrap our way out of it, you know, bit by bit. I'm speechless. It doesn't happen very often because I didn't know that word either, right? And it makes complete and total sense. I think the biggest thing, too, though, right, is when we're going through that storm in our life. And we think that the end is nowhere in sight. Don't judge yourself. like I've sat there and judged myself

I would say countless times for not recording shows until you know finally I just said you know what I don't really give a shit this is not who I am it's something that I do and when I'm ready to roll I'm ready to roll and you know I started getting a lot of messages from people

you know hey I've listened to your last show about 15 times are you going to drop in other episodes and so those kinds of things you know like I started really looking into that and say okay stop judging yourself for taking time off right be where your feet are

but the time is coming people want to listen they're getting a lot out of your show and the guests that you provide them to listen to and you know so I started feeling a sense of responsibility you know for a short period of time And then again, I'm back in that loop of judging myself for being irresponsible, right, and not providing value. But then I also realize like, well, hey, listen, you know, this is not, this is not where this season's going to end.

And when I come back, I'm going to come back better than ever. And I feel as though I have more clarity now. I feel as though that I'm not scared to say things anymore. and I'm going to say what I'm going to say. And I think that is part of rediscovering who I am. And it kind of tie, it definitely ties into what you were saying. So I want to, sorry, go ahead. You're going to say something.

I'm sorry. Well, I was, I was going to offer a thought as well. I was thinking about what you were saying about, you know, having, having the kids around, right? and like sort of needing the house to be quiet, you know, kind of thing. And I think maybe too, like maybe it's a, maybe it's sort of a myth. You know, I don't know what your audience necessarily wants or what's meaningful for them. However, what I can tell you is I think as people have been working remotely and from home, like, I really enjoy it when like someone's child like comes into the room and like peeks onto the screen.

And I really enjoy it when like someone's, cat like walks across the keyboard, you know, or, you know, somebody like, you know, goes and gets their parrot and, like, shows me that it, like, knows how to talk. Like, that stuff is really fun. And maybe rather than having, like, a perfectly quiet, you know, serene background, maybe part of your show is a window into life and into determination of being and doing and creating something more, you know, with children running around and being able to hear a little bit of that and even, you know, have them, you know, have somebody walk in and say like, hey, where are the car keys or, you know, you know, do you know where, you know, so-and-so's saccharquites are?

Like, you know, that's your life. And maybe this sort of artificial barrier that we thought was supposed to be in place. Maybe part, maybe part of your show and being real is allowing some of that, you know, barrier to be erased. You know, damn it, because my wife has been telling me this for like a year. Well, she talked to me before the show. Did you guys? Yeah, okay. I see what's going on here. This is like a covert like therapy session. I see you guys working. No, I mean, you're right, though. And it is a myth. It's a myth made up by me, right? It's a myth made up by years and years of corporate sales, right? And having to be so well put together during, you know, a meeting, right? It's like, it's sacred. It's a sacred time. It's meeting. But like to your point, when people started working

remotely, that kind of, well, not kind of. That really went out the window. I mean, hell, people do meetings and shorts and, you know, jackets for, you know, for business meetings. now and you know kids run in and and you're right that's something that i am going to embrace so thank you for that um as we get closer to the end of the show though i want you to talk about the book like let's let's dive in don't give it away now right but let's let's give the audience a little bit of something what they can expect and what they can learn and gain from purchasing a copy sure absolutely and be glad to um so i have a copy of the book right here because i'd be that person who always has a book within like, you know, a four-foot circumference. And I knew that

yours probably hadn't arrived yet because my publisher can send you a copy, but I really wanted to send you like a signed copy. I love it. I'm not back in Philadelphia. I didn't have access to be able to do that. But I do have a copy. Look at that beautiful thing right there. I should take a picture of this. Hold on. Put that back up. Okay, hold on. Because this is, this is going on the gram here. Let's talk about that real life thing, right? I would never would have done that before. By the way, I never announced my guest. I never do. I just, I've always wanted to keep it kind of in my back pocket, but I did a story today. And I tagged you in it. So go check it out. Add it to your store if you find it appropriate and i put a link to your to your pre-order the book on there and so yeah

no absolutely so i am yeah i i announced i announced a guest before it came out and guess what everybody's excited they're dropping dms like this is awesome i love you man you're back let's go it's fantastic let's go so okay so back to your book no it's it's great you know what i'll what i'll shares a couple of things. One, and this is just a really foundational piece, resilience is the essence of being human. And that's so important because I think that really sets the tone for the book and for the conversation to go in a different direction than some of the existing conversations around resilience. There's this really cool article that came out, this week around the book. It was published in a local publication in Philadelphia called

Philly Mag by this beautiful woman named Laura Breesky. And the title of the article ended up being something akin to like everything you thought about you knew you knew about resilience is wrong. Right. And I was like, Laura, thank you for seeing me. I love it. I love it. she listened. Unbelievable. And, you know, we've, there's the sort of resilience dread spiral that people get into. And one of my dear friends, Mona Patel, really brought this to my attention. And she was like, I hate resilience.

And I was like, why do you hate resilience? You know, it's like, it's like hating like puppies and. Or chocolate cake. Right. Like who does that, right? But what it is is. is I think that people have felt like resilience is something that, you know, they're supposed to put their head down. They're supposed to just grind harder, not feel their feelings.

You know, people talk about, I've seen on social media, like, you know, I'm so tired of being resilient. I don't want to be resilient anymore, like all these kinds of things. And I think we have really confused what resilience is, right? Like if we're feeling kind of crappy, it's the large volume of intensity of the challenge, the change, and the complexity that exists in our lives. But that's not resilience as fault, right? Resilience is here as kind of the skill set, right, to help us move through those moments, right? So if we're tired of anything, it's the three Cs, it's the challenge, it's the change,

and it's the complexity. And, you know, it's really important to recognize really two things. things, right? And we can kind of close up on this if it feels right for you. One is when we think about resilience being the essence of being human, that takes us out of this dialogue of like, am I resilient? Am I resilient enough? Am I going to be found lacking? Am I a resilience imposter? Right? It's like, no, like the resilience lives within us, right? We're all inherently resilient. How do I know that? Because you and I and everyone listening has lived through every disappointment, betrayal, loss, crisis, health diagnosis, disappointing turn of events, even when we didn't think we were going to make it.

You know, here we are, right? So we have all proven our resilience medal. We've all proven that resilience lives and exists within us. And that means we get to stop looking outside of ourselves and we get to look at our cells and we get to look at. look within ourselves. And that is a fundamental and deeply important shift. And the second thing is the three C's challenge, change, and complexity. This is the fabric of what it means to be human. We are not going to be able to engineer these things out of our lives. And so to your point earlier, Sean, we get to stop feeling bad about facing challenge, about facing change, about facing complexity,

about being in moments of crisis, because this is just what it means. when we signed up to be embodied as a human in this life. It's part of what we are going to experience. And those things become some of our greatest teachers in life. There could be no better way to end the show than that. I appreciate all of that. And you're right. I think there needs to be more of looking inward than outward.

All the answers are within us. We just have to open that up. And I have had such an amazing time. What a way to come back and to have you on my show. Like, truly, like, and guys, those of you that have followed my show know that I don't say things I don't mean. Like, I truly, you have been one of my favorite conversations I've ever had. So thank you for that. Thank you.

And for those of you, those of you that are listening, please, as you know, or if you're listening for the first time, subscribe to the show, leave a review, and share this specific episode out and tag us. I'd love to reshare it to my socials and hear what you think about it and send me a DM of how this episode and Dr. Terran Marie gave value to your life because that's what I'm here to do. So with that being said, Taryn, thank you again. It's been a great pleasure and just an amazing beginning to our friendship. thank you. Thank you so much. Absolutely. And for you guys out there, you guys stay resilient. Pick up her book. And you guys have an amazing day. Love your people. Stay safe. Chat soon.