Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - The Game-Changing Mindset: How to Set Goals and Embrace the Process for Personal Success - Jeff Forrester

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

Have you heard these myths about setting goals and focusing on the process? Myth #1: Success is all about setting big, audacious goals. Myth #2: Once you set a goal, you should only focus on the end result. Myth #3: The process doesn't matter as long as you achieve the desired outcome. In this episode, our guest, Jeff Forrester, will unravel the truth and help you improve your goal-setting and focus on the process. My special guest is Jeff Forrester We have a special guest joining us today on The Determined Society. Please give a warm welcome to Jeff Forrester, a passionate success and mental performance coach who is dedicated to helping young adults achieve their goals at an early stage in their lives. As a loving husband and father, Jeff understands the importance of personal growth and the impact it can have on one's overall success. With his expertise in collapsing time and focusing on the process, Jeff has become a trusted mentor for young individuals looking to unlock their true potential. His down-to-earth personality and genuine desire to see others succeed make him a fantastic addition to our show. Get ready to gain valuable insights and practical strategies from Jeff Forrester as he shares his wisdom on goal-setting and staying determined. Welcome, Jeff! To be a true fan of your school is to try to pay attention to everything, because those athletes work just as hard with not nearly as much limelight or nil money or any of those type things that the big sports get. But they still work hard. They're still student athletes. They're still a top 1% in their field, and they should be celebrated. - Jeff Forrester Connect with Jeff: Social Media- @jeff4ester Jeff's Email- [e-mail] Buy Shawn's book UNSTOPPABLE on Kindle- https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CNLD1VF3   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

But how do you stay straight during all the adversity? Other people. I mean, it's literally other people because when you, if you try to stay in it by yourself, all you see is the cows, the trees, the cars, everything's spinning around you. And there is no hope because all you're thinking about is, I'm never getting out of this. But having someone on the outside saying, it's okay. It happens to all of us. creates a really cool environment to say, okay, I'm not alone. I'm not the first person that this

has happened to. So how do you get through it? And that's what other people can offer. Southwest Florida is one of the most beautiful places on the planet to live. For those of you that are thinking of moving from other states to come to Florida or even just moving to a different part of the state, I want you to think of a big, beautiful luxury home. Contact legacy. luxury builders. They are a family owned and operated luxury residential construction company. As a family owned business, they believe in the power of building not just homes, but legacies. Contact legacy luxury builders. Unlock your true potential on the field and court with our peak mental performance program

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See you inside. What is up, everybody? Welcome back for another episode of The Determines Society. society. Today I have with me a special guest as always, but before I get into introducing today's guest, I want you to really take a moment. And if this is the first time you've ever listened to this show, please hit stop, hit subscribe and follow to the show and binge, listen to every single episode you possibly can. There's a ton of content and don't be afraid to rate and review. Written reviews are always best. I love to hear what the audience has to say. So now I'll get to

today. I have a special conversation with a man who's a dedicated husband, father, a teen and adult, sorry, young adult success and mental performance coach, focusing on helping young people collapse time on achieving success earlier on in their lives. I have with me, my good friend, someone I respect, Jeff Forrester. Welcome. What's up, Sean? Dude, I'm telling me, we're just, you know, go tigers. I'm going to rub it in. I'm going to rub it in right away, man. I mean, hey, you know, we, so audience, let me give you some content, context here. We recorded last week on Jeff's show. It's going to probably air in December sometime.

But it was right on the eve of the LSU and the University of Florida. Gators playing football. And he's a Gator fan. I'm an LSU guy. So I get to rub it in again for, you know, what is it? Six straight years, seven straight years now. What happened in baseball? You know, that's where it all started was baseball.

So it happened in baseball and then it happened again in football. And for Florida fans out there, I think we may be becoming a basketball school again, but I don't know. I mean, is the basketball team good? I mean, like, what are we looking at here? It's up in the air. I think just about every mainstream athletic event is up in the air for the gators. I mean, the good thing is as a whole, the overall program is phenomenal. Women's sports is outstanding.

And then a lot of, like track and field, nobody can hold a candle to Florida for track and field. and we've just done a lot of really cool things and not just in the big sports that we all know and love. Dude, I mean, here, and I think we covered this when we spoke, maybe on your show or before we recorded or after we recorded was,

dude, the Florida, the Florida gymnastics team is incredible. Oh, yeah. Like, they always have been. It's, it's, it's neat for people to open their eyes to other things than just what is jammed on our throats. And, you know,

it's the big sport. that we've all known and love. But to be a true fan of your school is to try to pay attention to everything. Because those athletes work just as hard with not nearly as much limelite or NIL money or any of those type things that the big sports get. But they still work hard. They're still student athletes. They're still a top 1% in their field.

And they should be celebrated. No, I agree with you. And I will say this. I poke a lot of fun. but the University of Florida is an unbelievable program. Any sport, any, any, any sport. It's a great school, great institution. Highly respect Florida.

They're one of the teams that scare me every single time we play. But they're fun to poke fun at. Especially baseball. I said they're fun to poke fun at. Everybody loves to hate Florida. I know. I think it's, you know, honestly, and it's not you, but you know why, right? Oh, Gator fans can be annoying, for sure.

Y'all, listen, y'all were ridiculous when you had Tebow. and all those dudes. It was like the, the fandom hubris of your school was just off the charts. Like the arrogance. I'm like, gosh,

I can't wait so you guys fall down. It's not as bad as Bama fans. Don't even get me started. Good segue. Don't see, that's a good way to get on my good grace to start talking bad about Bama. Gosh,

I can't stand them. It's unbelievable to me. But you know what? At the same time, I'm just bitter at Bama because, you know, Sabin should still be at LSU. than we would have what Alabama had probably even better, to be quite honest.

I mean, Louisiana is such a special place. But anyway, I digress. So how was your weekend, man? It was good. We had a really good weekend. We took some of the boys up to the Jacksonville Jags game and they had a chance to listen to some of the people that work for the organization, talk about how they got into working. And this was more on the sales side and legal side and marketing side.

So they got to hear that and we got to see a game. They beat the Titans, which was fun. And so now my son. has gone to all of the NFL teams in the state of Florida. Years ago, we went to a Miami game, went to a Bucks game this year, and then he got to go to a Jags game. So it was a lot of fun, and we went the night before, took him to their first, it was him and a few buddies,

took him to their first big, fancy steakhouse. And so he had a big cut of meat, and he, you know, starts to realize how much things cost. And he was, eyes were huge. I was like, yeah, this is a special occasion. This is not an everyday thing. It was just a lot of fun. And I think we talked about this when we were together on the,

when we recorded for my show is that he's 15 and my daughter's 13. And as much as I miss the the six-year-old, the eight-year-old version of them that like to cuddle on the couch, this is a whole other chapter that I get to experience of having these conversations. And many times I just sit quiet in the car and just listen to him and his buddies go back and forth. And it fills my heart. And it's just a lot of fun to see this new chapter. that they're entering in.

I can hold on to the other ones, but like we talked about on my show, is we can't freeze time and we can't go back in time. So we need to just enjoy where we're at right now. And that's where we had just a wonderful time this weekend. Thanks for asking. When it comes to what your family eats and drinks,

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Dude, absolutely. It's funny because I do remember that conversation very vividly. And I'm sitting here this morning and I, you know, I was telling you about how I just missed having my kids just lay on my chest. I saw my daughter this morning, my youngest one, right? She came downstairs, you know, and she's like shot out of a cannon every morning. She's like her father. Like she loves morning, hates afternoons and evenings.

Like that's just what that's who we are. We like to get things done. And, uh, you know, I picked her up. And I'm like, oh my God, you're so long and lanky. Like, what is going on? Like you're not this little person anymore. But the things that she says now, Jeff, it just blows my mind. Just, just blows my mind.

I was sitting there with her. yesterday. We were doing something. I can't remember what. And she goes, are you serious right now, dad? I'm like, wait, what? Like, what's going on here? She goes, seriously, are you serious? You've got to be joking me. I'm like, oh my God, I look at my wife. She goes, that's you. That's how you speak. She is dead on like you. And, you know, it's just so funny. And, you know, but I'm going to tell you, when your kids are in your 20s, right, and you're in a different journey and a different, you know, space and watching them get married and engaged and all that stuff. I'm going to come back to you for advice on the teenage years because I have a 10, a 7, and almost five. So I mean, we're going to

be just like, you know, stages behind. So I'm using you as much you. Well, I will help in any way I can because I have a friend that I reached out to last, well, probably early part of this year sometime in last year because my daughter was 12 and that was a challenging year for this household and I reached out to him because his daughter just started college and I was like dude what I don't know how do you did you get through it I mean what he's like you're going to get through it it's not going to be easy and he just shared a lot of very good valuable things that I needed to hear at the time and it put things into perspective that just like in any challenges and we've talked about this before we've been in groups that have talked about it challenges

don't last forever, but when you're in it, it doesn't feel like it's ever going to stop. And when you have a teenage girl, it doesn't feel like it's ever going to stop. And it can be a challenge. But just know on the other end, there's good days ahead and it won't last forever. Do this is a great point about when you're in the middle of it and you feel like it's never going to end. I just pictured myself in this tornado, right, and getting talked. around inside the funnel, the F5 tornado, and you think it's going to stop, and then it just never does. It just keeps going and keeps going. But what we have to know in life, right, whether

it's sports or parenting or as an entrepreneur or W-2 earner, that bad times don't last, right? And you always hear this cliche, tough times don't last, tough people do or something like that. And, you know, how do you keep perspective in those moments? Because again, you know, to me, I think a different perspective for each situation is really reality, right? So like if I'm in my business, I can, you know, have better perspective than maybe in my fitness journey or, you know, with my kids. So how do you stay straight during all the adversity? Other people. I mean, it's literally other people because when you, if you try to stay in it by yourself, all you see is the cows, the trees, the cars, everything's spills.

around you and there is no hope because all you're thinking about is I'm never getting out of this but having someone on the outside saying it's okay it happens to all of us creates a really cool environment to say okay I'm not alone this I'm not the first person that this has happened to so how do you get through it and that's what other people can offer and so what I would encourage everybody to do. And this is to me the most valuable trait of anyone. And like you said, as athlete, entrepreneur, W2 earner, husband, wife, parent, whatever is the ability to be coachable is to accept that you don't know everything, receive the advice that you've been given, and then apply it. Because so many times we receive it and say, that's great advice, but then don't apply it. So then the

advice was really nonsense. Or we have a tendency when we're hearing advice is to push back and say, I know and be resistant to it. So that's where we have to receive it and just put your ego down and just say to yourself, okay, this person's coming from a genuine place. Even if you've already done every single thing that they're making a suggestion on, it could be a reminder of what you need to go back to because you may not have stayed doing that long enough. The other thing is when you're giving advice, make sure the person's ready to receive it. Because far too often, we just want to tell people how smart we are and show that we know how they can get out of their situation. But we don't because we've never been in their specific exact situation.

So it comes to listen to understand and then ask, hey, I've got some ideas if you're ready to. hear them. You know who's really good at that? It's our friend Matt, Matthew Haddon, he always asked me, hey, can I give you some feedback here? You know, it's always, it's always great to make sure your audience is ready to receive. You know, and I want to go back a little bit. You were talking about, you know, the advice or, you know, talking to other people and helping you through things. What do you think the disconnect is, right? Because some people lag behind and they don't make the change right away. way, if you were getting a coach, if you're, if you're being coached on something, right, like

you with your with your young adults and your teens that you coach, right? Walk us through. What do you see as the biggest disconnect with those individuals from the time you give them the advice to the time they execute the advice? Ego. Yeah, you did mention that. I was wondering if you're going to go back to that. Yeah, regardless of age, I've had the really cool privilege.

It was happened in one day. It hasn't happened since. but in the morning I was coaching a 51-year-old senior-level executive. And then later in the afternoon, I had the opportunity to coach a 15-year-old. And, Sean, they had the exact same situation on the same day. Just different context. Wow. One was, you know, a much larger that was pertaining to the corporation that he worked for.

And then the other one was more of just finishing his high school work. And it was an interesting perspective to have. that they're, regardless of our age, we're challenged with a lot of the same things because we're bringing stuff from when we were 15 with us when we're 51. And that's where people like you and I, we're constantly trying to work on ourselves so we can see that stuff that we've been bringing with us. And I say stuff, because I'm not a therapist or a counselor, so it's just bad habits that we bring forward or a bad mindset that we keep moving forward with us. that if we don't get that taken care of, then we start to, it gets worse because then it just compounds over the years. And by the time you're 51, you're so set in your ways, it's going to be a lot harder to change because of ego, because of, well, I don't want to listen to Sean. What does he

know? He doesn't know my life and what I'm having to deal with in this particular situation. Or what does Sean know? I've already done everything he just suggested. So you're not even open-minded to receive anything. And that's what I would challenge people to do is you're just wanting to help. And so if you're not willing to receive that and understand that the other person's just trying to help, then why did you ask for help? Or were you just asking for someone, you know, shoulder to cry on, which is okay too. Just be clear and say, look, I'm not looking for advice today. I just got to get this out. Yeah, because that's okay too, right? There's a lot of times I forget to say it to my wife.

And I'll start venting to her. And she'll look at me and she goes, what do you need for me right now? Like, how can I support you? And when she used to ask me that, I'm like, wow, that's rude. But it's really the most loving thing she could say, right? Because I just didn't understand it. You know, I got to do a better job of communicating up front in my own life. Hey, I need the vent real quick.

I really don't want any advice, maybe later, but just let me get this out. And then we can circle back. And I would love to hear what you have to say about it. But I want to back up a little bit. One of the key words you mentioned there was mindset and having a bad one. So walk the audience through, what does a bad mindset mean to you and how you start implementing changes to get that 15-year-old or that 51-year-old to start improving that mind?

So I'll say a bad mindset is the one that I carried with me for decades. So I'll just use me as an example. I grew up a quitter. Anytime anything got hard, I quit. It didn't matter. And it prevented me from seeing what my potential was. And it all came to mindset. It wasn't ability.

It wasn't skill. It wasn't intelligence. It was purely the fact that anytime anything got hard, I quit because I was allowed to quit. And I wasn't challenged or pushed. And David Gagins talks about it in his book, he was nurtured to do. that because of the trauma that his mother went through, that she was quick to not push him because she had been pushed and challenged so much in her life that it just created an opportunity for him to be nurtured into a quitter. And so when you think about that,

and that was a hard pill to swallow to realize that, that mindset had me overweight, had me in a victim mentality, had me believing everybody else's self-limiting thoughts that they were projecting onto me. And so those to me are bad mindsets, meaning that you don't think anything's possible and where you're at in life is where you're supposed to be in life. And there's some truth to that, but there's also a lot of outside influence

that's pushing in and creating somewhat of a vacuum and creating pressure, just like it would be if you went in a capsule underwater or up into space, there's pressure outside. But you have control of how you handle those things. And until you shift your mindset and say, yes, these are the obstacles in my way. However, I can ask Sean, I can ask anybody, how can I do differently?

Or I'm not going to let that stand in my way. I'm going to push forward and try to do everything I can to not accept that as my fate. Prime example. When I graduated high school, I weighed 270. pounds and I was overweight now I was strong but I was really overweight well because I had outside influences constantly telling me well that's the way God made you and that's just the way the foresters are so you're constantly getting this outside influence of people telling you well I look back it was self-limiting thoughts that they had and their fear of accepting well they're overweight

they haven't accomplished a whole lot. So they're going to tell me the same to keep me in that same crab bucket as that they're in. And so every time I try to get out, they pull me back in. Well, I believe that I was just built that way. Yeah, I have a big frame, but I weigh, unfortunately right now, probably around 215, 220, but I've kept it off for 30 years. So it is possible because I changed my mindset and believed that isn't where I need. to be in life. And it's about being healthy, not thin. Because then the other part, when you talked

about mindset is I had a mindset of, I had a really low self-esteem. So I wanted acceptance. I wanted other people to acknowledge me. So I lost weight for them, not for me. So that's another example that I had of a bad mindset. It wasn't about me doing what's right for me. It was me doing this to gain acceptance from other people. So that's another example of a bad mindset. bad mindset. And as I'm learning through life and now that I'm 50, I realize I need to be healthy for me. I need to do things for me because if I'm healthy and I'm refreshed and I'm my cup's full, I'm so much better to everyone around me because I feel good about me and people then are drawn and attracted to that because they see something different. And I'm not trying so hard.

It's so much easier when you're not trying so hard. Dude, this is really cool. I'm hearing two things here, right? I'm hearing growth mindset versus fixed mindset, right? And then I'm hearing, that's the, excuse me, that's how the foresters are built, right? Fix mindset, right out the gate. Audience, if you're listening and you're thinking of things in your life, well, hey, I can't do this because this has happened in my life and this is just the way it is.

That is a fixed mindset. You're not going to get anywhere like that. It's going to bleed over into other areas, right? So let's start changing that and finding ways that you're going to be able to, you can push that, you know, that belief system out the way, right? And the other thing I'm hearing is that that need for the external validation, right, is the early motivation to, you know, become more fit. And you hear it all the time, right?

I'm tired of being bullied. So I started lifting weights. Like that external validation can get you going. But if we're calling on that, let's talk about this for a second. If we're calling on that negative external validation or that chip on her shoulder constantly, how good is that to hold on to for the rest of your life, man? It's not a fun way to, fun place to be because you're constantly looking for validation from other people that you're not going to get because of their ego, their insecurities.

They're always going to find a way to pull you down. And you see it on social media all the time. Oh, dude, all the time. And bro, like to me, when I, when I ask that question and you start to answer it, I'm thinking to myself, like, if we do that, we're telling ourselves we have zero control of our own life, zero. Like if you, if you are constantly, and I want the audience to think about this, if you are constantly reacting to the external environment, like, it's great to get started.

If you need a chip on your shuttle, by all means, go ahead, right? Go ahead. You can call that every now and again when you start to lose your motivation. But if that's your main driver, then you feel that you feel that you. you don't have control over you. And that's really a deep rooted issue, right? And we have to be able to sit there and say, okay, I'm going to be healthy for me.

I'm going to build this business for me because this is my purpose. And I'm driven to do so, not because somebody else says you can't do it. Again, I just, I think it's important to talk about those things, man. Yeah, it's a belief system. And if you believe that you're better than what other people say you are, that's a great chip on your shoulder because that's a belief in yourself.

and saying, look, I know I'm better than what they say or even what they've seen. Your performance may be dictating what they say about you. But if you know and you believe that you're better, now it's time to go to work and have that self-awareness of, you know what? I know you're a baseball guy. You know what? I can't hit the outside pitch. I just can't do it. Well, okay.

So you've seen the film. You see the stats. And it's clear. you can't hit the outside pitch. So go do something about it. If you can't do it, figure it out. And even if you just improve a little bit and you hit one out of 10 instead of missing all of them, your overall batting average just went up.

So think about that in life. If you're falling short in one area, own it. Don't sweep it under the rug. Own that because it's going to ultimately level up everything in your life. And one of the things that I always talk about is our weaknesses. That's our glass ceiling in life. It will cap your potential every single time if you refuse to acknowledge it. And so if you can work on those things, leverage your strengths to lift up your weaknesses and start working on them.

They're not fun. We talked about it beforehand. If you're eating too much and you enjoy it, well, it's going to have consequences over the long. term. So figure out ways to say, okay, I'm weak with this. Well, I can't just have it in the house. I can't say no to Oreos. I'm admitting this right now in the air. I can't say no to Oreos. So we don't buy Oreos. Because double stuff or regular? It doesn't matter. Really? See, I can't eat a regular one. I think they suck. Like double stuff though. I'm all on. I'll just do whatever. And if I just, if I avoided that and just said, I'll be okay with it in the house, well, I, maybe. Maybe that's a lack of self-discipline, but I think that's just knowing me and knowing that I have a hard time saying no to Oreos. And over time, I could have them in the house and say no, but why have something there that's going to tempt you when you don't even need it anyway? Nobody should be eating those.

And so that's a belief of mine when you talked about mindset, talked about all these different elements of things that you can do is we just have to be self-aware and intentional to say, I'm going to push past that. I know I'm better than that. So then it shifts into that growth mindset that you talked about. And if something's hard, look at it as a challenge and say, I want to overcome that because I want to be better. I love it, dude. And I'm going to go back to the baseball example, right? Talking about the outside pitch. This is really indicative of a lot of different things in people's lives, right?

But I want to give a scenario. I remember, I was a couple years ago sitting there with one of my baseball players. And they're sitting there going, coach, I can't see the, I can't pitch recognition. Can't see it. I don't know whether it's a change up, whether it's a fastball or a curveball coming. I can't see it out of the hand. I said, okay, well, what have you done to improve that? And they're like, what do you mean?

Like, what can I do? I was like, well, you're over here complaining to me for the last half an hour when there's been five bullpins going on over there on the side. You have a pitcher thrown to a catcher working on their stuff. Go over there, tell the catcher to call the sign and work on. tracking the pitch and watching it out of the hand and see what's coming and see if you guess right. Like to me like like, like, oh, I can do that. Yeah, bro, put a helmet on and go now, right? And they do that for about three or four practices.

And they come up to you and they go, coach, I didn't hit it. But when I struck out on that curb, I saw it come out of the hand. I'm like, boom, stay with yourself. Stay with yourself. Keep going, right? And it's just, that's the thing, man. You got to be able to find solutions to the. problem. And there's a lot of times people are so committed to staying in that low vibrational

state of I can't do something instead of going out there and doing the necessary work, because that's where the good stuff's on the other side of that work that they don't want to do, right? Yeah. And I really like the example that you gave because as a coach, as a parent, as a friend, don't judge them for not knowing. Just offer the advice and have you thought about this and then reinforce when they do see it and they do understand it of okay what else can you do what else would be helpful to learn and they'll probably say i don't know so it's that constant moving them forward without making them feel less for not knowing because some they just don't know that's why we're we're charged with the opportunity to help people where we once were

because at one point you may not have thought of that that specific practice technique. But now you're able to move the other people forward because you learn that from someone else. And so that's where just being a good servant leader, being a coach, which I love and I know you really love to do, it's just asking a ton of questions to the point where you see people come to this self-awareness of, oh, I can do that. You're like, well, yeah, I think that's a great idea. And maybe they come up with something you didn't even think about because you just ask them, what can you do to help you improve?

And then let them start to think and process the way through it. And it just comes down to wanting to improve or wanting to do something different. And when you were talking about, I just can't hit that pitch. Well, that's an excuse. And people like having an excuse. The other thing that I liked what you said is if you don't want to work on something, just be honest. Most people won't.

I'll challenge people. We're like, oh, I just can't lose weight. No, unless there's something medical going on. So I'll preface that. But most people just don't want to lose weight because of what they have to give up. And so I'm okay if somebody's like, I don't want to do it. As long as they're honest, like, okay, well, thank you for being honest. You don't want to do it.

I get it. There's things in my life. I don't want to do. But I'm not going to make an excuse of why I don't want to do it. I just say, I don't enjoy it and I don't want to do it. Do the hardest part about losing weight is at night when you're starving. That's the hard part, dude. That is the word.

That doesn't help. I'm sorry. That doesn't help with me, man. Like, I'll be sitting there at 930 and I'm like right on my calorie goal and I'm like just in so much pain. But what we have to realize is because we have conditioned ourselves to give in to that temptation and that instant gratification. and, you know, the Halloween candy's in the cupboard right now, guys. I mean, let's just be honest. It's still there.

So you go down and you crush like 10 of those little baby roofs. Now you feel like garbage when you wake up in the morning, right? You're going to keep the weight on your. In fact, you're going to bloat very easily because you're going to retain all that water. And it's so funny because if you just realize if you can, if you can tie the pain to progress, I think we're on to something, right? So when we're sitting in bed and we're in pain and like we're hungry, and like, we're hungry, hey, go have, I mean, is it going to hurt you to go have a protein shake?

You're not going to get fat by drinking protein shake or having a piece of fruit. If someone tells you you're going to get fat by eating fruit or too many vegetables, run from them and don't ever speak to them again. Like, that's not a fitness coach. That is, that is an idiot. That's a moron, right? And they're out there. Oh my gosh, don't eat that peach. The sugar is terrible.

Like, go home. Like, find another career, right? But, you know, the thing is, is we've conditioned ourselves to be an overconsumption of calories. And then once you get into the deficit, that's when your stomach starts to hurt. That means it's working. So push through the first three nights of that, then you start to cruise a little bit, right? And that all comes with me leading into the next thing. And this is what you're so good at with your clients is the importance of setting goals and building systems around that so they can achieve it.

So let's talk to the audience about that. Yeah. So goals, like you said, are so important. And many of us, actually all of us do it without thinking about it. And we have some of us have loose systems that we create. But I'm a big believer. If you don't at least acknowledge, it doesn't have to be this intricate plan. I know you and I have worked in corporate America for a long time.

And sometimes it's just ad nauseum of how much paperwork you have to do that you'll look at once and then won't look at it again for six months or eight months or on your year in review. but it's creating something that you can follow and measure and have a scoreboard. I highly recommend for everybody. If you want a good book, it's called The Four Disciplines of Execution. And you don't even have to read it cover to cover, but there's a process in there that just goes over a lot of the things that we've already talked about today. So when you set a goal, one set a goal that you can achieve without external support. or pressure. So what do I mean by that? Set goals, not that I'm going to be the number one podcast in

America. You can't really impact that because that's that external awareness or external validation that you talked about earlier is there's a lot of variables that come into play of being the number one podcast in America because you don't know what the other person's doing. You don't know what system that they're using, what ranking system. What you can do is say, I'm going to do the best podcast that I can on a regular basis. I'm going to, you know, be better prepared. I'm going to have better guests. I'm going to have better questions. I'm going to have better quality. A lot of different things that are within your influence. And then I'm going to market better. I'm going to do all these things that it's going to impact, but you can measure that easily without having the

outside influence. So that would be one of the things that I always stress with people. people. The other thing when you're not only setting a goal, but when you're creating a system, it's easy to create the strategies and tactics. That's usually comes pretty common knowledge. There's two areas that I don't see a lot of people doing. One is who do you need to ask for help and assistance in accomplishing your goal? We talked about it earlier. You can't do it by yourself. So I know you work with athletes. I work with athletes and young people. You know, a lot of times they'll start to talk about their goals and they'll talk about what they need. But then they'll start and I say, well, who do you need help with or who do you need help from to

accomplish your goal? And they'll talk about everybody and then I'll go, what about your parents? And a lot of times they forget about that core group that's funding, the training that they need to do, that unless they can drive their parents are having to drive them everywhere. So if you start to think about the team that you have to build around you, that every professional athlete has a massive team, you need to enlist them to help you accomplish that. So that's one thing. The second thing that I always talk about is what's an obstacle that's going to keep you from

accomplishing your goal? Like what's going to get in the way? And then thinking through that and preparing it. Everybody's heard the quote from Mike Tyson. Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the nose. Yeah, exactly. Boxers already anticipate they're going to get punched in the face. So they've already thought through that.

They're not going into this fight, not expecting a hit in the nose. But so many of us, when we're creating goals in our regular life, we never plan for the punch in the nose. So when it happens, our eyes water, we lose consciousness for a second, and then we don't know where to go next. And so if you start to plan through that and you start to look at, okay, what's an obstacle, how am I going to get around it? then that creates some value. And again, that's where you can ask for help and start to think of what's a plan B when this plan A goes wrong. I think that's great because, you know, all too often when we're making goals, right, we look at, and I say this we because I do it. I don't know if you do it.

I could be misspeaking, but make this big goal, right? And you're constantly looking at that big goal, right? You know, we talk about like the telescopic version of that goal instead of the microscopic things that what you're talking about is the work that you do daily to get to that goal. Too many times, like when I struggle and when I see my athlete struggling, it's because they're worrying about the playing time. Am I impressing my coach enough to where I'm going to be in the lineup? And I always say to them, like, look, guys, like, you can do it that way or you can just chase your process every single day and do what you need to do. And at the end of that day, if you did, if you checked everything off, you did your pre your pre, your pre movements, you

did you're hitting in the cage, you did your tea work, you did your run, you did your lift, you went to school and you were a good student. Like that's the reward. Like the overall performance is going to come. But I think that people, especially athletes, they want it right now because it's so it's at the forefront of their every single thought. That's who they are. They don't know anything else, right? And in their world, they are based on their performance. So how have you been able to, because I have my own theories and I do it different. I'm sure I do it differently or maybe the same. How do you take an athlete and move him or her out of that mindset of I need to impress my coach so I can be in the starting, you know, rotation or on the court or on the football field and just say, hey, listen, we need to focus on breaking down your process and you and you achieving that every day.

Yeah. What does that look like? Exactly the way you shared it. It's all about getting them focused on the process. And it doesn't matter if you're an athlete. if you're in band, if you're in theater, if you're just a regular student that doesn't do anything outside of that, it's focusing on the homework, focusing on the day-in, day-out things that you need to do and I had a conversation with somebody just today.

There comes a point in everyone's career, whether it's scholastic or sports, where things just don't come as easy as they used to. And for you and I, as we've gotten older, we just can't eat the way we used to and expect the same results. And so if you focus on the process and you get really good with that and be happy with that, really the game is just a game. And once you enjoy working and seeing yourself get better and improving and doing those little tweaks here and there, that's when you're going to start to enjoy yourself a lot more because of that end result.

So like for me, it's like I enjoy feeling good every day. Well, that comes from working out and eating right. And the game, quote unquote, is I lose weight. So I just want to feel good every day. So I know if I want to feel good, I can't drink that much or at all. I got to eat right and I've got to exercise and I need to sleep. If I don't do those things, I don't feel good. And so, and I end up gaining weight.

So I just try to help people see just like you do that the process, will reveal itself by how hard you work and then the outcomes. The other thing we talked about earlier is if you're not seeing the playing time, you're not seeing the grades, you need to ask for that outside reflection back in of what are you seeing that I need to do differently to get the playing time or to get the performance that you think I should be having in order to get playing time. Same at work.

If you're not getting promoted and you want to get a promotion, You need to ask your direct supervisor, colleagues, peers, like, hit me with it straight. What do I need to do? What am I not doing to get the recognition or get the proper skills or notoriety that I need to get to get that extra playing time or that promotion? And then be ready. Be ready to hear the hard truth. And you have to be also, if you're being asked, you've got to be ready to give the hard truth and not sugarcoat it. because it's not going to help the other person at all.

Dude, it hurts them. And that's something that I bring into my marriage and my wife does as well. I was like, we're brutally honest with each other. That's why we have very, very few arguments, big arguments, because we're very upfront. When we don't like something, hey, I really didn't like that. Or here's the feedback I have for you. You know, going back to the athletes or just in teens in general,

I've noticed something recently. And, you know, these athletes are becoming, very much in love with the actual work, like obsessed with the work to where they're overworking and losing sight of falling in love with the competition aspect of sports. And what happens there is one of my clients, you know, he's a baseball player in the SEC, he had a conversation with his coach.

And he mentioned that to him. And like, hey, man, you seem to be, you've lost the love for the competition. You're falling in love with the work so much. What's your mindset behind that? And my athlete goes, well, coach, I, you know, if I work this hard and it's all said and done, I'll have zero regrets. I won't be able to say that, hey, I wish I would have tried this or I wish I would have worked

harder. And the coach goes like this. He goes, you're right. Allow me to flip this on the other end, though. Do you want to be able, do you want to say, man, I wish I would have lightened up a little bit? Because that right there can torpedo a career, right? That could mean the difference between having an average year.

your senior year and having a great year and getting drafted. What are your thoughts? Have you seen this in kids? I think it's the hustle culture, man. Yeah, that's a really good point is that, again, it's that outside influence and external validation because all you see on Instagram, it's Jocko and his 405 watch and the sweat on the floor and the cool black and white reels that just talk about the grind and getting out there when nobody's looking.

And there's not much. competition anymore. Everybody gets a trophy. Everybody gets hallelujahs and where like us growing up, it was more of a you had to work so hard to get recognized. And so now you have to work hard and promote yourself because there's so much stuff out there. And the people that end up winning, so to speak, are just better marketers than you. And that's what that's a hard pill to swallow when you know that you're capable, but you're just not good at marketing yourself. So I like that example that you shared. I hadn't thought about specific about how we've lost that love of competition. And a lot of it, you see it in college sports. And now it's in high school

sports. If you're not getting playing time, you're not going to bust your tail to get playing time. You just transfer. I'm just going to go some. Yeah. Portal. It's like, okay, I'm going to go over here so I can play. where before is you didn't have that option because I remember in college football you didn't play then and you transferred you had to sit out a year and people are like I'm not going to transfer I'm just going to fight to get where I need to go and so there's just a different mentality now where if you don't like the way things are going I'm just going to take my ball and go elsewhere so to your point that's where the love of competition doesn't motivate people it demotivates people to take their ball and go home.

That's like because that's all limiting belief, right? You are leaving because you think that person is better than you. You know, and what I mean by competition too is like for baseball, you know, I want to be the dude sitting on the on deck circle licking my chops because there's runners on second and third with with nobody out. I want to be the guy to drive them in. I want the opportunity. And a lot of times what's happening now is every, all these athletes are sitting there like,

well, I hope I can get a hit. hit like i i because if i don't i'm going to be bench like honestly guys stop it like you know that's a risk you're playing a game but do you want to go at this in an empowered state like make it a game between you and that guy 60 feet six inches from you on the mound like think of okay your parents right your girlfriend everybody's here to watch you play to strike me out you're trying to embarrass me well you better be able to jump over this baseball because i'm coming right back at you with it, buddy. And that's the competition aspect. We're losing that. We're losing that. Players in games are trying to guide the process. Okay, I just need to get a hit right here. Let me,

let me hit it five inches to the right here. No, dude. How about this? Barrel, ball, thank you. It's all you can control. And we seem to think, these athletes seem to think they can control the whole thing. All you can control in baseball is getting in the box, squaring up a ball. You can't, you could hit the ball. It can come off your bat at 110 miles an hour, but it could be right at the shortstop. But does it mean it was a bad at bat? No. Yeah. And it goes, but they quantify. Yes. And it goes back what you said earlier, growth mindset. And when you were talking, it was, it was getting me fired up because in life, how many times do we just think that if we follow this system in this process, that it's going to work? And well, this is what the experts told me that I need to do.

And you try to fine tune and specialize every move you make versus going up there, white knuckling that bat and swinging it as hard as you can. And like pointing at the fence, who does that anymore? We've lost that in our culture of looking at a pitcher, square in the eye or look in life right in the eye, and you point into that fence and saying, I'm going to hit it over that fence. And you know what? If you strike out, who cares?

Everybody's going to be like, dude, did you see Jeff just point to that fence? He said he was going to smash it. And then he struck out. But a lot of those people won't have the courage to have that kind of confidence to say, I'm coming up to the plate and I'm going to smash this ball over the fence. Yeah, I think it's a big disconnect,

especially with, you know, the new age baseball players. I don't know if it's because of travel ball or whatever it is. Everybody's friends. Everybody's hugging before the game and after the game. Like, dude, we didn't like anybody. In my era at LSU, dude, like, we didn't. I like, it would be to a point where after a home stand, we'd sweep them. And there would be so much beef during that the whole weekend.

We didn't, we didn't want to touch them going through the line and wishing them well. No, I don't like you. Yeah. I don't like you. My son said that the other day. he's like after a game i don't know how people can hug each other and high five somebody in the other team i was like i like that attitude buddy i mean dude like you see it all the time bro you see it all the time on saturday evenings or saturday afternoons um big big time college football game someone loses

and and and the people that lose right they're like smiling and hug in like hey good job like tell somebody good job i get it you want to throw out some props like you want to be respect well cool but why is your why are your lips turning up like why are you forming a smile you just got beat by 25 you should be really mad you should be really mad but you know and this could be a whole separate conversation um you know these big time sports in these big programs they're already making a million dollars because in iL money like some of them yeah some of them like Bryce you know Bryce Young, three years ago, Alabama, before he took a snap, he was a millionaire. What, what's, you know, like, dude, think about that.

I'm getting in the weeds. Yeah, I'm getting in the weeds. But like, but that's the idea. It's like, okay, well, give me a hug, man. Cool, good game. Thanks for kicking my butt. Yeah, and there's a balance between that. It's like you've just gone at it, like in football, you've gone at it.

You've wanted to beat them. You've gotten very physical to try to, my son plays offensive line to plant. someone in the ground and to drive them in the dirt. And then having that ability to be able to turn that off is a skill that you can develop at what cost. Like where does that go? And I like the topic of competition because in life, we have to feel that. Competition makes you better.

If you don't think you have any competition, that's when you become complacent. And in life, you look at it, I'm not going to get political. but in America, when we're worried about the things that we're worried about, it's because there's no competition. We're not challenged. We're not in adversity. And so we're having to create our own adversity to know where to go and what to do. And I'm okay with that.

I like having this life. And when you look back in history and people talked about the closeness that they had in a community when in England, when they were getting bombed by the Germans, They would just pull anybody into their house as soon as those sirens went off. They just came together collectively to be tighter, be more of a community. And they didn't worry about a lot of the little nonsense things that we're whining, complaining about every day. So with competition, to me, breeds a sense of community. It breeds closeness and understanding that you're not in this thing all alone.

And so when you brought that topic up, I hadn't, again, I hadn't thought about it. it in the context that you brought it up, but it's so valuable that we've diluted so much for our young people because everybody gets a trophy, because everybody's the greatest, the best, and you need to influence your children that everything is capable, but it's not without hard work. It's not without competition. That's why when I set goals, I don't encourage people to set anything that has anything external that will influence you because you can't like if I say I want to hit better than Sean I don't know how much work Sean's putting in Sean may outwork me well if he outworks me then I'm not going to make it but if I say I'm going to do these things to do everything I can

to improve my batting average and I want my batting average to be 600 odds are if I hit 600 I'm probably the better battered but right no for sure and that's a good point. point too because a lot of times as well and we'll you know we're coming towards the end of the conversation but you know when when we are working to to be really good at something here's what really screws young athletes up i want to be like that guy i want to i want to be like her and you look at the attributes of that person maybe they're a big power hitter or maybe she's super fast in the 100 and you want to be that person but if that's not your skill set then then you should shouldn't be trying to be that guy that's hitting for all this power. Maybe you're a singles

doubles guy. We'll focus on that. But what we like to do is the grass is greener, right? And we want to, you know, have this clout of being able to hit 500 foot home runs, right? Well, maybe, maybe we're just the singles and doubles guy. And that's okay. But if we stay within ourselves and we know our talents, we know our skills, now, now we can accept our results. We're We can take ownership of, you know, hitting gap to gap and hitting those nice and doubles to clear those bases because guess what? There's a place for you too. You don't have to be the power hitter, right?

You don't have to clean everything up. So I don't know, man. I just think that, you know, as far as the competition goes, we need to fall back in love with just that, that fight, you know, during the game. It's just that and love that feeling, man. instead of worrying about everything else. Yeah, and when you were talking, the only thing that kept resonating in my mind is this is why having a third-party coach like you or myself to come in

that's not emotionally attached to offer feedback, to ask questions to help people have this realization and understanding of where they really are at, because what we want to do is help people see what they're capable of and what they need to do to get there. and many times parents and coaches or bosses you just don't listen to because you hear them all the time that having a third party to come in and ask these difficult questions or bring these topics up that your coach or your parents or your boss may have already done it

eight times in the last two weeks but it's a different voice so I would encourage as you're looking to compete looking to get better is to find somebody you know like Sean, like myself, that's willing to help and there to help and just guide you into the place to where you can receive information and get better and find that level of competition that you've avoided for a long time. Well said, my man, well said. And, you know, for everybody to listen, I want to encourage you to go to Jeff's website, www.com.com. Don't worry. Just click on his name. It's going to be backlinked to his website so you can go check him out. His social media handle is going to be in the show notes.

So you can go connect with him. I highly encourage you, even though we do the same thing, reach out to him. I'm not everybody's flavor of ice cream. Right. So, you know, dive into me. You may not need my hard truth. You might work well with Jeff. Reach out to him.

See what he's about, you know. Give him an opportunity. And Jeff, dude, just thank you so much for hopping on the show. One hell of a conversation, as always. And I just really appreciate you. Yeah, no, I appreciate you and appreciate all the help and the, guidance and the mentoring that you've offered me over the time. Ah, man, my pleasure.

So guys, with that said, please share this episode out to all your friends. We're not burying you guys with commercials, you know, throughout the middle of the show. But I will if you stop sharing it. If I stop growing, I'm going to start bearing you with advertisement. So share the show. And until next time, guys, be determined, follow through with your process and focus on the process, not the outcome. We love you.

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