Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - The Time Is Now with Nate Norman

Episode Date: January 20, 2023

The tendency of most men is to drift into complacency. They become the 'Grey Man.' Nate Norman knows this because it was him. Like most men, he had lost the drive for exercise and the zeal for life. Nate went on autopilot in his marriage and faith. He was drifting, listless and lost. His life turned around when he began taking his faith, health, and mindset seriously. The same thing can happen to you! Key Points: The Grey Man The safety revenge Marriage Faith Fitness How Nate turned his life around Connect with Nate: Twitter: @_NateNorman Website: www.thetimeisnowcoaching.carrd.co Connect with Shawn:  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theshawnfrench_/?igshid=Zjc2ZTc4Nzk%3D Website: www.theshawnfrench.com   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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wife the way you would a client on a call because you know how that goes right you're intentional you're asking questions you're navigating a conversation that leads to a result what is up guys how's it going you've guessed it we're back with another episode of the podcast of determined society I have with me a guest today, guys, who is a man that works with men to get them on the right path, to really seek out the relationships, live life on purpose, be there for their children. And once an overweight, lazy dad, he turned his life around based on fitness and more importantly, faith in God. I have with me the man, the myth, the legend.

Nate Norman, welcome to show, buddy. John, thank you so much for having me, man. I'm very excited to be here. always good to connect with people from Twitter or from whatever space we work in, Mad. So very excited to be here. Thanks for having me on. The pleasure is all mine. I'm jacked up.

I do apologize that it's taken longer than I thought it would to even invite you on the show. You're one of the people that I have met on Twitter, like you mentioned, that I see great value in just how you handle your life, your business, your wife and your family. And I admire that about you. I also admire how you don't make excuses for yourself and you have extreme accountability. And that is something that I'm also very much about. So there's no accident that we're here on this recording together, about to drop some major gas bombs for these people listening and provide a ton of value so that other people can, A, know how to find you and work with you. and then B, really truly get as much value, as I said, so they can go forth in 2023 and relentlessly pursue their dreams and aspirations.

So let's go. Let's go, man. So, brother, I think one of the biggest things I enjoy about being connected with you is one, you have a huge heart. I always appreciate random, you know, comments to people, you know, talking about my book. You are a very outward focused male. And you do it in such a way that is very genuine. And not enough men do that for enough men.

And it is, it is flattering when you do it. Have you always been that way? No, I don't think so. There was a key group of men throughout my life that took chances on, on a kid and took chances on people like myself who other people would say, waste of time, you know, too much of this, not enough of that, but these men would come in sporadically throughout my life and just nurture and show me what it meant to be a man almost in a way that I needed. You know, I was always surrounded by men.

Sure, we all were. But these key men would show up and teach me vulnerability or teach me strength or teach me honor or teach me integrity. And these pillars begin to arise in my life of what an actual man looked like. And full circle now, come years later, one of the gifts of my life is to be able to give away some of those very things that were instilled in me by men that I consider great. And I say this often. If you don't see the man that you want in your life, you must become the man that you need in your life. And in doing so, you'll be to other people what you needed along the way.

So give it away, man. I just just give it all away. Whatever gifts God's giving me, whatever men have been in my life and instilled lessons in me. give it away, brother. There's a couple different things that are really stuck out to me, and I want to touch on those. You know, I'll say them first. One is the vulnerability aspect of being an actual man. I think a lot of men and the ideology that men cannot be vulnerable is completely false.

And to me, it makes you weak if you are not a vulnerable, vulnerable man. The other thing was is, if you do not have that man in your life, be that man that you need so that you can be there for other people. I want to take that a step further for the audience. The moment you become that man that you need in your life, those other men are going to come as an attraction because you are that person now. And there's going to be people that are further along than you come and mentor and give more to you. That's exactly right. Why do you think men? And it could be a generational thing.

I mean, man, you know, like my dad always told me you don't cry. Men don't hug. And I hug more men than I do women. Like what? Why is it? that men are so scared of being vulnerable. Excuse me. Got it.

Hit my water here. Oh, Mason jar. All right. So this is the faux pop, right? Men have this preconceived notion that showing emotion is weakness, like you said. But one of the most real things that you can experience from a man is when he cracks chest, right? When he cracks open that chest and bears soul. Part of this goes to a marriage relationship without that side of it.

But there's an element when you share soul and share heart that there's a deep connection form between you and your spouse. And I think the same thing happens with men. When I crack chest and show vulnerability, I create a soul connection, a deeper element connection than just physical, a deeper element connection than just mental. I've created something that attaches to heart, heart to heart, soul to soul. And so when a man cracks open chest and says, hey, dude, I'm struggling. with looking at pornography, I'm struggling with my drinking.

There is something raw there and there's something intrinsic there that can't be replicated through any other form. Yeah, we get it at the gym. There's that fist bump. There's that, man, you hit a PR. That's awesome. There's that. But then there's this vulnerability side where you connect on a different level.

And if you've had the privilege of connecting with a guy like that, few and far between are those people. If you can count those type of men in your life on one hand. throughout the course of your life. You're a blessed man. Because that's honest. That's intention. That's someone who's willing to put themselves on a stick,

put their heart out there in the open for you to grow, willing to expose their flaws so that you don't have to make the same mistake. And I've said it like this, Sean, my messes could be the thing that bogged me down or they could be a map for somebody else. I went down a road. I found a dead end. I tripped over a stump and it was a ruined road. And I turn around and take that same mistake.

and say, hey, buddy, I just made a map for this road. Don't walk here. There's a dead end. There's a tree stump. There's a hole. And my mess becomes someone's map because I cracked open my chest and showed him my flaws. I love that so much, man. It's funny because I'm not laughing at you.

I'm just laughing at the congruency here. Like, I have relatively the same type of quote that I put out there. Like, your mess is somebody else. is your purpose and your purpose is somebody else's survival guide. Like that's the same thing. Like, you know, there's a pothole there. Hey, there's a landmine. Don't go down that road.

And I think as men, we all go through this point in time where for me it was my late 20s. It was my mid to late 20s where I was just blowing things up everywhere. I was like, you know, it didn't matter if the woman was married. it didn't matter she had a boyfriend it was like instant gratification because i was filling this void right this void of you know the transition from you know big d1 athlete to just a normal dude that didn't even know who the hell he really was and i was too scared to be vulnerable at that point because it's just not what you did so i acted out in such a way have you ever gone through anything before you came to be that dude that's going to crack your chest open because i want the listeners to get some real

strategy out of this. That's why we have this show, right? Is, okay, Nate Norman is talking about cracking open his chest and showing real heart to another man and having that connection to where they can feel vulnerable and comfortable to be who they are and to make real change in their life. Was there a defining moment for you that sticks out in your mind like, dude, that's the time where I decided to change. Yeah, absolutely. Sean, a lot, lot of my journey comes from faith and it stems from from my faith in god and eliminating god from my life would eliminate every good thing i have to say because that that's what became the crucible of my life and i went to california for a few years you know thought i was going to play baseball

or you know be a stunt double or you don't be a wrestler you know something amazing and none of that worked out and i ended up in a bible college of california dear josh tree national park beautiful place right outside of 29 palms in the yucca desert no grass just just desert and i was getting in trouble in school man i just wasn't jelling with my faith with my my my college with the cat with california a southern boy in california just wasn't fitting in you know and i was just having this this real crucible of my life of of who i really was and i was i remember i had gotten in trouble when i was doing this thing called hula hollo and hula hoohe is a fixed blade on the end of a stick that you just rake through the weeds of the desert, it cuts the weeds, and then you rake

it clean. They like pristine raked desert dirt. That's what they like out there. Brother, I know what a hula ho is because I was a ball coach, and that's how we did the easy edging. We'd hula hoot the shit out of it. Like, we'd go down the lines. We'd do the infield after the big rains would come in summer. So that was a satisfying experience. Anyway, go ahead. Pushing it through, man. Take that blade and cutting it right three. And that desert dirt, it's got like a layer of sand on it. And then it's like rock. And I'm just attacking this thing. And I'm mad. You know, I'm, I'm, I'm yelling at God. I'm yelling at the college. I'm yelling at myself. And I'm just, I'm just in this place of, of abysmal ideology and just frustration. And I said this to God. I said,

why won't things just be easier in my life? And there was a verse. It's from Jose 1012 where it says break up the foul of ground of your heart so for yourselves and righteousness and the Lord will rain down upon you and I was like man I wonder if the Lord or looking into my life was looking at me like I was looking at this dirt this concrete this rock solid unyielding unmoldable rock and I wonder if my coaches my parents my teachers my friends my friends had all had the same experience with working with me that I was just obstinate, difficult. And what I needed to do in that moment, Sean, was unfurl my fist to just open my hand to what God wanted in my life and say, all right, I have tried several dozen methods of how to live as a man. I need to know how you want

me to live. And that was the process for me of opening my hand to what God wanted in my life and learning to yield to what I felt like he was calling me to do. And so, for me, well, sorry, go No, you're good, man. I get, I get amped up. I get excited. It's that extreme accountability, right? Because, you know, we all come to that point, whether it's personally or in our relationship to where we have to unfurrow our fist and be like, all right, maybe this is on me, right? This is that time for that extreme accountability. And, you know, like I said to you prior to recording that, I felt like 2022 was my landmine. year in my marriage where I learned like, dude, like if you don't change, if you don't learn to date your wife again, if you don't learn how to be understanding of her triggers and, and just, you don't have to understand them, you've got to respect them, right? Like, where are you going to be in five years? Like, really think about it.

And it took me, like, all year to where I was like, just like this, just like, no. it's not me. No, no, no. And I'm like, man, I'm really not, like, I'm not activating any of the knowledge that I give my students, any of my people that I coach and I work with. I'm like, dude, like if I don't start doing this, I'm a hypocrite. And not only am I a hypocrite, but I'm going to be very lonely. And so there was a point where I just kind of just said, okay, if she feels a certain way or if people in my life feel a certain way that I am being, Well, it's not important if I agree with them. They're right. Like, I have to have that accountability. So I have to change that perception. I can imagine that day in the desert for you just like as the biggest, like that is a defining moment in your life. It's like where the light bulb goes off like, oh, my God.

I need to let go a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And Sean, if we get that transformation take after you had that realization. Oh man, I'm still in a work in progress, man. I was 20 years ago, man. I'm still trying to get right. We're slow learners here, ladies and gentlemen.

You've got to spell it out for me, brother. You got to make it very clear. You got pictures. You got pop-ups for me like I can't work with anything else. That's it. That's a same. Dude, just I need it spelled out for me. And when you were talking about marriage, man, and it reminded me of something, you know,

when I go through those situations, man, when I go through situations that I feel like that's not my problem. I think you've seen this tweet before we probably all have. It's not your problem, but it's your responsibility. And I've heard this from pastors before in a marital relationship, and I have to own this too because this is a tough one to own. It's not your problem, but it's your problem. And 99% of the time, it falls to the man to address the situations, even if it's not your problem, right? Because that house, that home, that's your problem. That's your domain.

That's your territory. And we could become that thermostat or we could become the thermometer. We could just read the temperature or we can dictate the temperature. And so not your problem, yes, but also your problem. Mike drop on minute 14 and 37 seconds. You know, I was thinking about this the other day, you know, and I decided, you know, going into 2023, Like my biggest goal was to date my wife. Like, I feel if I date my wife, then I'm a good man and a great husband and a role model for my children.

I'm how to treat a woman. More importantly, show my daughters how a man's supposed to treat them. Like, I don't want my kids listening to me at all. I want them watching me. There we go. And if they can watch me and they can learn how to live. live life and treat people. Then I've done my job.

All the other earthly things, those are going to come, the money, the whatever material things I want. But like, we get so caught up on success, right? And, you know, things that we're doing because we're men and we have that ego to where we have to provide. But like, to what end, right? It's like, if you are not, you know, an eight figure husband, you know, me and Tyler, our boy talked about this on the show a little while ago.

you're not an eight-figure husband or eight-figure dad, then what's the other stuff even matter? So let me ask you a question because we started talking about, I'm going to go down a road here. Okay, so follow up. Let's go. Follow me. I know I have ADHD, but I freaking get somewhere sooner or later. So stick with me. That's what I think that makes the show that much entertaining is just like, what is Sean going to forget to say next?

is, you know, we talk about our relationship with our spouse. What are some of the, I don't want to say strategies, what are some tips you can give men out there that may be struggling to reconnect with their wives? Like, what would you tell them and how would you guide them? Yeah, Sean. All right. Big, big problem areas.

I always work from a negative in the sense of marriage. These are mistakes that I've made and lessons I've learned. because I'm a bonehead sometimes. And sometimes it's difficult for me to catch that lesson, like we said. So these lessons have been through failure and through me not listening or me not paying attention or me missing cues or me just being belligerent or me being antagonistic. Whatever situation or mood I was in, just learning those lessons. One of the things for me, I'm a woodworker. I love to get in there in a garage and tinker around with some wood and build something.

I dig it, right? And when there's a mistake on that wood, I want to just scrap the whole project and start fixing a new, right? Start building a new. And translating that to marriage, me coming in and trying to fix what I think is clearly wrong with what she's saying or clearly wrong with what she's doing is not a good answer for her. Me running in and saying, I immediately see the solution and giving you the fix is sometimes not what she needs. So a lesson for me on this was maybe she doesn't want me to fix. fix it, she wants to vent it out and process with me, right? And just us become this team of, I'm not Mr. Fix It Felix running in here with a hammer trying to knock out a solution.

But I'm listening to your concern about why you have a problem. Whether I feel like the problem is valid or not, it's valid to her. And I should never try to convince her that her problem is inferior or that problem is not valid. Even if it is not to me, it's important to her. And So one of the key lessons that I'm still learning, Sean, is to not try to fix the problem, but let's talk through solutions. Let's talk through. And nine times out of ten, it ends up really good for me, right? You open up the ears.

Just one simple thing, shut your mouth and open your ears and watch what happens to the conversation. Dude, and you make a very good point because a lot of men, that's where it gets dangerous. That moment where they're shutting their mouth and opening their ears. because they're already trying to find the comeback or the retorts or how to win this fight. And that guy, that guy, right? Like I'm going through it and learning, trying to learn. And it's like, that's the pride. That's going to get us nowhere.

You know, so walk me through the first time that you took that approach for the listeners, right, that you decided just to close the mouth and listen to your ears no matter how much it hurt. Dude, I got laid that night. Hey, hey, there you go. I mean, not that that's the end all be all go, but I mean, it's pretty damn close. I mean, like, close, right? I remember we were in the kitchen one specific time, and we were going through this and I just wasn't fixing. And I was beginning to progress in my conversation.

a man like a Neanderthal. I was like, oh, fire, wow, you can, you can do things with this. And I'll begin to ask questions, not just close my mouth and listen, but to ask questions, well, why do you think this was this way? Or why do you think this person did this? Or just engage in the conversation like a normal human being. And I'll pin you one for a coach, John, you know, but this, engaging with your wife the way you would a client on a call.

Because you know how that goes, right? You're intentional. You're asking questions. You're navigating a. conversation that leads to a result. And doing that in a marriage, man, it's a win. You know, but what do we do sometimes? We change hats.

We come in the door. I change my hat. I'm a worker. I'm a coach out here. And then I come in the house and now I'm different. And now I'm going to go sit on the couch. Now I'm going to go complain about why dinner's not ready. Now I'm going to go try to fix your problem quickly instead of listening to you talk about it.

So she stopped at the end of the conversation, Sean. She just said, thank you. Thank you for listening. And I'm like, let's go. You know what comes next. That means. Exactly. But that was a great moment for me to just kind of see how they were wired, how she works.

And for those men out there that are listening, I want you guys to really take this in. The first time through the wall is always bloody. And what I mean by that is it's going to be painful. Like, it's, I mean, the moment where you decide just to listen and have an actual conversation. or, you know, the things that I struggle with is being defensive, right? You know, and that's not her problem. That is my upbringing. And so I'm taking my upbringing into my marriage and the job that I have is to cut is to stop the cycle.

Because if I don't stop a cycle now, then my children are going to go through the same thing. And I don't want that for them. But the first time is always the most painful. But guys, like, listen to what Neda is saying. Like, it is liberating. What my biggest win today and you're going to laugh and if she listens to this show, I don't know if she even listens to my podcast, to be honest with you is like my biggest win today like I got up at four and I'm with the gym just I mean trust that I did that. I don't that's not that's for me right and I guess for my family as well. But I put my shoes away. Let me let so for the longest freaking time, Nate, And even before Christmas, like, my wife is always putting my shoes on the steps. Like, on the way up to like, all right, dude, like, put these up.

I'm like, why can't they go right here? She goes, well, because I don't like them right there. I'm like, dude, they're one pair of shoes. It's not a big deal. What's the big deal? Like, if you fall and trip over these, you probably shouldn't be walking. Like, you know, and I made that comment before, I'm like, hey, if you were the kids you're going to trip over this, you're not paying attention to where you're going.

But like today, man, like we went on up. So let me back, let me back up a little bit. We went on a date last night. I took her to the melting pot. We had an amazing time before. We had a great time after. We just connected. Had a really good, really good evening.

Right. And this morning, I get home from the gym. I'm exhausted. I go upstairs at 6.45 to wake her up for work. like she asked me to and I started taking my shoes off. And I'm like, I'll put these bitches back. There we go. I'll put these things upstairs in the closet.

Not because it matters to me, because it matters to her. And it's not even about being recognized. She didn't notice it. But the compound effect, after three weeks when she doesn't see those shoes down there anymore and she's not, you know, feeling like she's having to ask me to do things over and over again, it creates much more openness in the marriage. 100% Sean. It wasn't the shoes that mattered.

It's that you heard her when she talked about them. Exactly. I wasn't hearing her before. I was making it about me. I was like, dude, a pair of freaking shoes. Like, I do the dishes. Like, I do all that shit. Like, why are you busting my balls about these shoes?

These shoes are shoes. But the reality is. is not about the shoes ladies and gentlemen it's about hearing and respecting your spouse that i wasn't doing a good job of that you talk a lot about something that i didn't even know what it was until i asked you um but the the was it safe revenge safety revenge yeah thank you revenge talk to because we're on we're on this topic of marriage and um let's let's chat about what is the safety of revenge? All right. Again, working from negative. So no, this is me exposing some of my flaws. But when a man is married and things are not right, like you haven't been

doing what you're supposed to do and things are just rocking. You're not having sex. You're not communicating. You're not going on dates. Every interaction is volatile. And there's just tension in the air and there's unaddressed issues that have been swept under the road so many times that both parties are just side by side getting through life but never face to face in intimacy. And during those times, you don't want to go out and go to a strip club or or or go out and cheat. Those are extremes, right? These are when you, you've kind of closed the door on your marriage.

You've resolved that it's kind of over and you're going to go make extreme decisions. But for a man who wants to stay married and still has a little hope, he's going to go out something that's revengeful. It's done in aggression, but it's safe. I'm going to look at pornography because that punishes her in a way, but I'm not going to get caught. It's not going to lead to divorce. So I think out my aggression towards my wife, who is the enemy at this time, and it's safer, but it does nothing but damage from marriage. This could be in any area.

It could be in drinking. She's been nagging. You've been arguing. You've been yelling. And the whole thing is just messed up. So you go out and binge drink. You just get more than you should. You just go.

you just go off to the garage. You kind of just disappear for a little bit. And you revenge in that way. And this could be staying late at work. This could be not picking the kids up when you're supposed to. And just doing little things in safe ways that are acts of aggression towards your spouse that aren't really going to lead to divorce, but they do nothing to help the marriage at all.

In fact, they compound the problem. You're just adding more things under the rug that you're eventually going to have to address when you finally have those conversations. And buddy, for me, my wife's got a great memory. So when that rug and closet is open, there's things that she's bringing out all my safety revenges. And she's like, you did this and this. And I'm like, man, that was three months ago.

And she's kept them because they were never addressed. They were never forgiven. They were never dealt with until we aired it all out. What you reveal, what you reveal can be healed. But if you conceal it, it'll never come to the light and it'll never be healed. And those safety revenges, those little acts of events of a. aggression, microaggressions never get brought to the life and they do more damage than good. These microaggressions are like the gift that keeps on giving in a negative way, right?

Because if you don't address them, it just festers and festers and festers to a point where I think you, I mean, you've been married a long time and I've been married a while. It's like, we can sit there and say like there's been these microaggressions that that have been enacted by us as a man. It doesn't have to be porn. Like you said, it could be just anything that doesn't make your partner feel like she's heard or it's just kind of like kind of a dig in such a way to where like even if you make a joke your spouse just looks at you and takes you seriously and just doesn't have a favorable response and she's like I'm just joking like what the fuck's going on like out there like but but like like dude it's so important because the other thing that I want

to highlight is is these safety revenges sometimes men don't think their revenge. They just think, and they're hiding behind the fact, this is what a man does. He looks at porn. He goes pornography. He goes to the garage, and he watches the TV in the garage, and he drinks all weekend because it's football.

Like, that is a weak-ass life. That is a weak-ass man. I mean, like a child, a wife needs a strong man. What did you get married for? What did these men get married for? Did you get married to still stay in the garage and have the room and to be able to not be controlled by anyone else and to live the life that you wanted to live without inhibition on it? Is that why you got married? Or did you get married to join a union with another person?

Okay. My wife and I had this conversation last night about the iron fist that needs to slip on a velvet glove. There needs to be masculinity, but there needs to be masculinity. but there needs to be this tenderness to this man that is not isolated. And enough of these microaggressions and the spouse becomes the enemy. And the velvet glove comes off and you have the iron fist of what the man thinks he's supposed to be. Resentful, quiet, withdrawn. Just no involvement whatsoever.

That is the iron fist man, right? That is what we've built to be the American male, right? I do what I want. Nobody tells me what to do. I am the stone cold Steve Austin of my house, right? Throw me a beer, you know? But there needs to be this velvet glove. And eliminating those microaggressions puts on that velvet glove and makes her not the enemy anymore.

It makes her a teammate. So instead of being side by side attacking life, you can turn inward and be face to face and address each other. And worst case scenario, you don't end up back to back looking the other direction. You know, it's so funny. It's not funny you say that, but you look at. you know, a marriage and all the tension that can be in a marriage. And it's, it's typically because you're not understanding the other person's intentions. Like I got really, my wife and I last year got really, really bad at understanding each other's intentions. We're not bad people. We,

and we, our intent is to bring good to each other's lives. But at the same time, mostly by me is reading it completely wrong. But that happens when you don't crack that chest open. When you have that iron fist and you do not have a velvet glove that outlines that iron fist, that kind of stuff happens, man. And I'm going to tell you, for those men and women that are listening, learn from our mistakes. That is not a comfortable place to be in in a marriage. Most importantly, though, this is where it gets deep.

It's not good for the children involved. And our main job on this planet is to create a safe environment for our children to thrive. Have you had any moments where you just had to be like, okay, this isn't the way I want my children to see me? And what are some of the strategy that you implemented once you realize that into being a better example for a lot of better term? John, have you ever seen a good marriage in any of your friends? I've never seen it in my family. I've never, I mean, like, bro, like my examples for a marriage are all piss poor. I can look back at one marriage quite honestly and say that was a model marriage and I was too young to really even know.

But my great grandpa and grandma, that's the only one. Yeah, they're few and far between. You know, I've spent a lot of time in churches over the years and I always like to look around at couple interactions, even at restaurants now. How are the couples interacting? You know, are they talking? Are they on their phones? Are they just eating food at the same restaurant and going about their business? And I wonder how many good marriages are out there. How many have I seen? And there's always been these glimpses of families or marriages or people who I feel like, man, both people seem to love each other or the wife looks at her husband like she wants him and is not putting up with him like Homer Simpson. She's actually looking to him like he's something and he's looking to her like she's something. And there's an intrinsicness to that. And it's so.

cool and even with their children and seeing their children that are not vagrants and not just little little brats that you just want to throw outside in the backyard or something you know yeah decent human beings but they're just little you know you're like wow that's that's that's so cool to see and so there's been these glimpses through my life from like i i want that i want to have a marriage that that somebody could look at and say there is a possibility to be happy in a union with another person. And I want children that somebody can look at and say, the children are blessing from God. And they're not, they're not a mistake.

They're not an accident. They're not a, they're not a nuisance. And if you treat them like an inconvenience, they'll be one. Right. And so I wanted to have a marriage and a family like I had seen in these little blips, almost like a heart rate throughout my life. They'll just show up and then disappear. And then there'll be another one.

And you five, 10, 15 families in my 37 years that I've seen emulating what a good marriage and a good family home life looks like. And so I wanted that, man. Man, that's impactful.

I mean, 15 families, I can't, I can't think of 15, you know, but, but the reality is, that's it.

You know, like how, how I gauge it is, it's so funny because I was thinking about this other day. I was like, wow like I want my wife to look at me like she looks at our kids and I know that may sound weird to some people like dude like what are you talking about that's your kids no no no no with the love the respect the joy you know and it was and it hit me the other day because you know I came

home from the gym and you know I'm always like hey babe and then I guess my daughter was coming down my youngest was coming down from that she was hey baby I'm like hey Hey, and I turned around and my daughter was behind me. I'm like, fuck. God, I hate you right here, didn't it though? It hurts. Yeah. I said to my wife, I said to Jackie, I go, yeah, I thought you were like, I thought that was meant for me.

And she's like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, not your fault. You know, and it's, it's funny because like we, we sit there and, you know, as men were like, you know, she, you know, our wives are invested in the children into our animals and they don't look at me the same. Well, it's like, dude, that's on us. You know, like, we have to be able to, um, look at our wives. And I'm going to be honest, you know, a lot of men do look at porn, but I'm going to go on the air right here and say, I may have looked at an old picture of my wife when we first started dating today. And it was just like, you know, hey, like, like,

I mean, I'm just saying, right? It's like, you know, like, hey, that that was meant for me. I saved it. And it's let's channel that damn energy, man. You know, let's channel it. And, you know, there's going to be a lot of people chuckling like you are right now, but the bottom line is until you, until you're the man that desires your wife like you did when you were dating, you're never going to have that open relationship with her.

Now, I mean open relationship like some of you perverts are thinking. But like a very open and unlawful. honest and caring and intimate and sexual relationship, you won't have it. 100%. Sean, I couldn't agree more. You know, I think what gets us started is physical attraction. You know, we're physically attracted to the person. You know, there's a high level of sexual energy.

But when that wears off, what keeps you going back to the relationship, right? If you build it solely on sexual attraction alone, that's what you're going to have to use to keep the standard high throughout life. If that is the one standard, that's why this. connection, this mind connection, has to be there as well. And for us guys, we kind of think sometimes in the form of sexual gratification, right? Sexual desire. And we're visual creatures, and that's kind of how we're wired. But there has to be that connection that's deeper than just sexual because we're going to be 80 one day, bro. We're going to be old one day.

Ugly as hell. And it is what it is, right? And it's halfway there. I'm ugly. I'm 40. It's turned white. Look at this. It's going, right? It's time to shave that. You just have the handlebar. Yeah, I got a black, black mustache and a white man, too. It's crazy. Go flannel and you're good. We're heading that direction, man. We're just getting old, you know? And if I keep sexual gratification, desire and the lust side of sex as the forefront of the reason why I'm with this person, eventually down the road, this goes away. And there has to be. something that makes me say this is my friend right this is my soulmate this is someone that was made for me and instead of ignoring it we need to overcome it you will never overcome it if you ignore it right yeah yeah that's powerful man you know we're going to land the plane here because i could literally talk to you all day but like i just want to make one more point about the marriage and just kind of the track that we're on right now it's so much more

than that, right? As you know, it is about access service and how you can communicate with your partner based on how they choose to be loved. And we forget that. And we start loving our spouse based on how we want to be loved. Like, I, my wife doesn't want words of affirmation. She wants touch. But like, not just when I want something. You know, I like words of. affirmation because I didn't get that when I was growing up. That's just that's my love language. So I think it's super important for all you listening. It's looking for, you know, kind of the, you know, magic pill in your marriage. It's like, understand what your partner wants and enjoys and just do it and seek that joy in his or her face. And I think the rest will take care of

itself. Amen. I could find that. I mean, man, I tell you what, dude, there's so, many amazing, so many amazing conversation pieces within this big conversation. I'm not surprised, you know, but I'm going to land the plane here. One big question and then a couple smaller questions. The biggest question is you're on the Determined Society podcast. You know, and I created a Determined Society podcast because I woke up one day and I was sick and tired of my own shit and the rest of society shit that would talk about or think about all the things that they wanted to achieve in life, but we're too scared to go out and chase down their goals. So the determined society is the place, is the podcast, is the community where people wake up

every single day and pursue their dreams. What makes you a part of the determined society? There's a Bible passage in the book of Acts, and it's about Philip and this Ethiopian guy. And Philip sees this guy on a... chariot being drugged by horses and he's reading the Bible and he hears a word from God that says I want you to go chase down his chariot you know and imagine what Phillips going. I don't know how they responded to hearing this voice from God back then like the apostles did but he got up and he chased after his chair and it's kind of funny I picture Philip just just run in a five flat right

he's just hey man you understand what you're reading right you you you you you're You want to stop? You want to slow that? And he's going. He's running after this chariot. And he finally catches and slows down and explains the gospel to him. The guy ends up getting baptized and saved and takes the gospel back to Ethiopia. Very cool story.

Here's the deal. I am called to chase certain things in my life. I am on this earth to run after certain chariots. They're my children, my wife, my calling, my ministry, my passion. Those are chariots I'm supposed to chase. Right? no one's chasing them for me. The horses aren't slowing down. I have a call to say, I'm supposed to go after that chariot. And my mission, my calling is to go run after it. Get going.

Get moving, right? You want to talk about determined society. It can come from no other point, right? You know this. It can't come from my friends. It can't come from my coaches. It can't come from my wife. It has to come from within me what I believe is true to me, true to myself, and true to others and run after it full speed ahead, baby. And the determination comes from me, from within. We talk about this off, man. I'm about to go on a high horse. I'm sorry, I'm getting all fired up here.

I know we got to cut it stored, but that motivation that people are looking for to be determined, to live a determined life is so fleeting, right? That motivation comes in whips. It comes in gasps of air. And you grab it and it's gone again. That motivation will not last. long and it has to be so much deeper, so much rooted, so much ingrained in you that this is what I do.

I chase this chariot. When, lose, or draw, rain, sleep, or snow, I do what I'm called to do as a man because others won't do it for me. Oh, boy, ladies and gentlemen, that is it right there. Dude, like 100% motivation is fleeting. Motivationing is the most fleeting emotion that you can bottle up. It's garbage. It sucks. what keeps you going is a driving discipline that you enact to take action every single day.

I absolutely love that, and I've never heard it explain like that, and I'm all for it. I love it, dude. How can my audience best support you? Check me out on Twitter. I'm in the process of getting some websites up. Got some merch coming. I got some books coming out. So very big things on the horizon.

Just hang with me, and you'll see the links coming soon. but right now it's just Twitter, follow, like, support, circulate, and have conversations, man. I love having conversations just like this. I'll definitely have that in the show notes too. And then whenever you get your links up and your merch and your books, you know I'm going to buy. You know I'm going to cop some of that. So biggest question of the day, how can I best support you, brother? Man, pray for me, pray for my family.

Pray that I am obedient to chasing the cherry that's put in front of me to do. Done deal, buddy. Well, listen, guys, you heard from my boy, Nate Norman. I encourage you to check out his Twitter to buy whatever merch and book that he has coming out because he is a man of God. He's a man of his family and he's a man of his word. And I love him and you should too. So without any further ado, guys, well, we say goodbye for now.

But thanks for listening. And don't be scared to share the show because the world needs to hear Nate's message. So I love y'all. Ciao to you soon.