Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - The Woman Who Refused to Break: Guerdy Abraira on Healing, Identity & Strength

Episode Date: November 28, 2025

In this episode of The Determined Society, host Shawn French sits down with Guerdy Abraira, world-renowned event designer, Real Housewives of Miami star, cancer survivor, and now author of her powerful memoir 'From Trauma to Trophies'.Joined by her husband Russell, the two open up about identity, childhood trauma, cultural reinvention, marriage, betrayal, fame, survival, and the inner work required to reclaim your voice.Guerdy shares intimate details about immigrating from Haiti to Paris to the United States, being separated from her family at just nine years old, building self-worth through service, navigating reality TV conflict, creating the Let Me Theory, and fighting, and beating, breast cancer with ferocity and grace.Together, she and Russell reveal the truth behind healing, partnership, intention, forgiveness, and what it really means to win at life. Key Takeaways-Reinvention is a lifelong journey — from Haiti to Paris to Miami, every chapter shaped Guerdy’s confidence.-Childhood trauma creates patterns of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and over-performing, until you decide to break them.-Cancer forces surrender: losing control, facing mortality, and rebuilding identity from the inside out.-The Let Me Theory empowers you to reclaim autonomy, set boundaries, and choose peace on your own terms.-A strong marriage is built on intention, patience, presence, and seeing every version of each other with love.-Being “too much” is a superpower, your energy, joy, and authenticity are your gifts, not liabilities.-Self-worth is not material, it’s who you become, not what you own. Guerdy's trophies are her growth, her family, and her freedom. Connect with me :https://link.me/theshawnfrench?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaY2s9TipS1cPaEZZ9h692pnV-rlsO-lzvK6LSFGtkKZ53WvtCAYTKY7lmQ_aem_OY08g381oa759QqTr7iPGAGuerdy and Russell Abrairahttps://www.instagram.com/guerdydesign/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This is your memoir. Mm-hmm. And it's called from trauma to trophies. Where do I begin? I don't know. This is like the funniest shit ever. My childhood was crazy town. But it was my memory and it's my life and my story.

And honestly, writing it was so cathartic in a way, was so healing in many ways because you have to keep writing and you have to make sure that when you hit that sentence, that it's exactly what you mean. And I'm standing on this book and how. I feel right now about everything that you read. I'm a trophy girl because I win. I win at life, man, because of the fact that I have this person next to me who is my right

at die. I say my acknowledgement to him on the books. It's just a one-liner. You have seen every version of me and you stayed anyways. That's it, man. What's up, everybody back today here with Gertie and her husband Russell. Gertie has an amazing memoir coming out called From Trauma to Trophies. And in this book, she talks about her whole life.

And the one thing that I really love about this book is at the end of every chapter, there's a QR code that you can scan and dive into her story a little bit more, get the visuals and the real feeling behind it. But you've gone through so much in recent years. And now you're here and you're thriving. Yes. And hubby is right next to you, being a part of all this with you. And I'm just so excited to be able to give my audience your story.

So welcome to the show, guys. We're so happy to be here. We're so excited to be here. I mean, this is a big deal. I feel like, you know, I don't belong. Well, first of all, I appreciate that. I really do. But as big as a deal is it for you and you're not feeling like you belong.

I'm super happy to have you here and you belong. And I cannot wait to get your story out. I've been super excited about this specific interview. You know, Matt and I have been talking about it for a couple weeks. And, you know, he's here. Shout out back there, my guy. And these are the stories I want. want to tell. These are the things that I really truly feel that your story, there's somebody listening

right now that this is going to hit, whether it's a husband or another woman that are dealing with these issues directly. Like, how can you help them come out of it? You know what I mean? So let's chat. Absolutely. So let's get into it here. Let's do it, man. I mean, you know, I wrote this book. You know, I'm a party planner, been doing it for 25 years for the best of them on Fisher Island, and a little island called Fisher Island, the one percenters. And it just took, you know, shape. And my life has been quite a journey and reinvented myself multiple times. And we can get into the, you know, the details.

But it just all started in Haiti where I was born. And what happened after that was an evolution of our family legacy moving from Haiti to Paris, from Paris to the U.S., all for betterment of life, right? And, you know, when you get to a place where you don't, belong and you know where you feel like you know like and and you find your footing somehow and so from not speaking English to you know being bullied of course and to you know having lots of multiple layers of things happen um i'm still standing i'm still here yes you are and i'm a bad bitch yeah so there's a there's something that you call yourself you're a communion of culture

chameleon of culture camillian or communion communion comillion of culture talk talk to us about that it's my superpower now, as well as my name. So, you know, at first you're like, you know, it's so funny how I started with saying I don't belong. And I do belong, obviously, because I've worked hard to belong in this scene. But it's funny how I felt like I don't belong because you also have reached such a higher level.

So when I say that, I'm like, I don't know if I'm even worthy to be like speaking to you, you know? It's different levels, right? It's different silos of what we do. Yep. Right. And I think it's important for everybody to understand that just because one person on this side is escalated to one area, they're probably looking at you as I'm looking at you.

I'm like, you've gone here on another one. Like, wow, that's interesting. Yes. Right? Yeah. Absolutely. So, you know, I feel like my story is very intricate. It has lots of layers.

And it definitely would touch someone in some point in their life, whether they went through, you know, went through a loss, whether they went through a divorce, whether they went through a lot of cultural difficulties. And for me, that was really the beginning of the beginning of where I was able to find my. ground. Initially, I was born in Haiti. I'm one of six kids, now seven, but we moved to Paris. And this was during the worst political times in Haiti, if you can believe that, because it's already bad now, but it was horrible then. And so we left in fear of political, you know, things happening in violence. And so when you go to France, we were able to get help and so forth. But, you know, that was when I became the gertie that you know now. I started to find my footing. And I, found this amazing confidence, not only through my parents, my mother and grandmother specifically,

but through, you know, being enabled to be. And then imagine that. So you're now speaking French. You're, you know, you're into the community. And then all of a sudden, I'm at the age of nine. My father makes a decision, we're going to America, people. This is the 80s. America is the place. Yeah. And so we're excited at first. Oh my God. Disney World, Michael Jackson. You think of all the great. Michael Jackson. Oh, my gosh. You don't understand. in the speak English. We were like, trailer, trailer, dun, pachapit, that was us.

Obsessed with Michael Jackson and Disney. I only went to one movie as a child in France, and it was Snow White. And when we saw the Disney, you know, castle, it was like, wow. So you come to America and we're thinking it's going to be amazing. However, there's a caveat. My father tells us, we're going to America.

We're only taking the last two kids. I'm one of them and my brother. And so we're thinking, ah, we won the big, you know, the lotto. We won. Bingo. And then so we're bragging in school, the whole thing. And then we get here.

And then he's like, okay, I'll be back to, you know, with the rest of the siblings. You guys stay here. Oh, shit. So now I'm nine. My brother's 11. We don't speak in English. We're with relatives. I've never met these people in my life.

And we're told we'll be back. Not too sure what that means and how long this means, but it became three months. And so this again, they did the best they could. at that age, of course, you're thinking, what did I do wrong? The setting in which we were, you know, left with was not desirable for a child, I think, in a sense of the environment, right?

You know, they took care of us, they fed us the whole thing, but it was just that in my book I described a lot of things that gave me a lot of phobias and a lot of trauma. And so through that three months, it's like, I shed it. All the confidence that I had in France,

I was like, I'm a nobody here. Yeah. understand what I'm doing here and I don't understand what I did wrong. So it was a mindset of this whole I don't belong here. I'm abandoned and all these layers of trauma that people can relate with. And then eventually my family came over and now is when I have to grind. That's all we know. So one step in front of the other and all of a sudden I start flourishing and becoming that gertie that was in France again. And you know, you talk about the cultural chameleon. It's a good thing and it's a bad thing, right? Because you, you could belong everywhere, but then you can belong nowhere.

And that's where that fine... Because you get lost in that shit. That fine line is so interesting because I could be in a room with you guys and get along with everybody, have the best time. And then I'll be in a group of women or something, which you may have seen on the show. And it's kind of like, wait, I mean to do good, what, you're so misunderstood and you don't understand what. So it's interesting. You know, I'm a couple of things I want to address. First of all, you know, you're talking about coming over here when you're nine. my middle daughter's nine. And I can just imagine.

I can't imagine that. That's right. Like I just, it breaks my heart. But, you know, but from an early age, because of that, reinvention has been this big thing for you. Without you even knowing it, you've had to do it your whole childhood from Haiti to Paris to United States of America, right? Yeah.

And so there's been a theme of your life. Russell, let me ask you a question. I want to, I want you to chime in here. Sure. Yeah. How would you describe Gertie, your beautiful wife as a, reinvention expert. How would I describe her?

It's remarkable that she's done it in multiple phases throughout her life. I think when she met me, it became much easier. Yeah, yeah. You give me good stuff to work. You guys met in high, is it high school you guys met? Okay, cool. Wow. Yeah.

So 30 years ago. You know, she, I, I, so she kept your ass all these years. So you got to be doing something. Yeah. And so, you know, there's this little running joke that we have that, you know, she, you know, if I do something stupid, she'll say, who raised you? Because she's like, what are you raised by wolves? I go, and, you know, I realize, I'm like, we've been together almost our whole life. So, yeah, you raise me. You raise me. The first time he says it, I go, oh, my God, wait, what are you doing? Who raised you? You? I was like this. Oh, shit, he's right. So, you know, there's some truth to that. Yeah. But yeah, that's one of the funny things. And she, she, but it's mostly her. She's able to, you know, she's, she's been in rooms with, you know, some, some big people. And she's able to, you know, people realize, you know, they just look at her while she's in a room. And it's like, man, there's something about this girl. She has so much energy. And, you know, I'd like to get to know more about her.

Security. security. Yeah, something about her. Security. Lock it up. Certain people give off good vibes. And I think, you know, most people are able to see that with Gertie.

And I think that's what really gets her through most things. You know, but at the same time, you know, she explains it in her book. Even though that's on the exterior, there's a lot that she was suppressing and hiding from, you know, people that they didn't know about her. Yeah. They'll get to learn about that.

You know, I love that because you mentioned when people meet Gertie. I met her out there outside and the way she welcomed me and the way I welcomed. I felt like I've known her for my whole freaking life. That's how that's a gift. But you know what the hardest part about that gift is, is the silent struggle beneath it. Because I also have that gift. And when you're able to welcome people in that quickly and read the energy, you become extremely exhausted because your energy levels just drop. They did.

How do you navigate that? Because that's something I'm trying to learn myself how to do. Well, it's a very interesting thing. And I had to do, you know, therapy, thank goodness, once a week, of course. And that's helped me now really navigate through the why. The why is so important because I'm like, why do I find this zest to continue to have to, it's not even performing, but to show and tell that I'm excited. do you need something and to be service oriented in a fact right that's my love language obviously right and and where does that stem from so doing the work it's because of the fact that when you feel like wait i've been isolated in a place for some reason and i don't know why and this psyche has been there for a long time because the culture that i come from my parents don't explain it's not like in their culture they're like gertie this is what's happening you're going to stay there with your

your cousins. One of them has several palsy and it's extreme and she may have a seizure in front of you and you're only nine and what you do is you're going to call. You're just literally are watching. That's a lot of responsibility. You have no idea and you're just in a place for three months and the sensory overload and you don't understand what's happening. So then all this stuff is coming at you and you're like, what's going on? You're not understanding at that age and now of course I'm understanding that it was for the best for the family. But to get to that point, I had to feel like, what is it that I can do to feel like I'm of value? So when you're feeling like, oh, I can help you with that, I'm of value. I can do this. So why did Gertie become a

party planner to the stars at the highest level? My friend is because I wanted you to know, I am worth it. I am worthy and I am, you know, I am of, you know, of the highest value. Yeah. So it's self-worth that I was building when I was just, I think I was good enough just as I was. I didn't know that back then. So all these years, all this work, I just started therapy a year ago, you know, almost. And I'm just now realizing all this stuff.

And so maybe some people who have been heard look at me and says, uh-uh, she's doing something. This is a performance and she's fake. And there's something behind me. She's going to stab me in the back. It's like, I don't know. I literally like. Yeah, I don't read anything fake from you at all.

I know. I know. I'm just saying that when you get into, you know, the thick of things when he's talking about, you walk out, walking a room. I'm like, you look amazing, amazing, whatever. and then there's some people are going to say, uh-uh, something's up. And that's their journey. That's their journey.

That's how to react to that. It's my journey. So we'll get into the let them theory. Oh, hi, Mel Robbins. Yeah, and you name that the let me theory. And let me theory. And I love what you did there. But I want to cover some other things first before we get there because I do want to

dive into all that stuff because, you know, as popular as the let them theory from Mel Robbins is the let me era that you've created is also, I think it's, I think it's, I think more empowering. No offense to Mel Robbins. No, but think about that shit though, because let them is like giving somebody else power. Let them think whatever the hell they want. But no, but let me. Fuck it. Let's just get to it now. Because we're invested in it. It's like, let me be me. let me. Let me do this. Let me feel the way I'm feeling. Walk the audience through that. So this is very recent. And this was actually the last thing I put in my book literally

a couple weeks ago. So I started to try to finish these chapters and I was giving examples because you have to give examples of the things that you've went through for the reader to understand why you are the way you are, why you're where you are right now.

And it took a few things that happened with a cast of friends on the show that I'm on that were very big things. It wasn't like, listen, oh my gosh, she said that, you know, she said she worked for, you know, this company and she didn't. Oh, we caught you. Okay, moving on.

I'm sorry. I lied. Move on. We're talking about things that related to my cancer. So, and also another thing where it was a betrayal and it was done behind, supported by lies about me. And so the old Gertie, people pleaser, let's just keep the norm, keep going. I would have just been like, you know what?

I'm not going to entertain this. I'm not going to do this. I ended up doing some shit that I would probably never do. do before, but through cancer, being a fucking warrior, being this new version of myself that's trying to put up boundaries, I did some things that were like, okay, bold moves. Someone lied on me, I'm going to show you the receipts so that you know, don't play with me. And those are things that steps that I actually am proud of because that shows me my growth and that I am moving in a place where it's about me, because before it was always about people,

25 years of people pleasing, a planner and so forth. And so that was very controversial. And I stand by what I did. You know, just things around. It wasn't, you know, perfect. But I stand by what I did. And I think that the let me theory came out of the place of like, okay, oh, but they're lying on you, whatever. Just forget it.

Oh, you have cancer. Just be quiet. Just go in the corner. Just like, no, no, no. Just because I have cancer doesn't define who I am. Right. I'm still going to speak my mind. And my character as a Capricorn is not one that's going to lay down and say, okay, just let you do whatever.

you want with me. No, no, no. I build this career and this brand with my bare hands, with our bare hands from the ground up, okay? We don't have the luxury of having our name, you know, thrown around for play, right? And so maybe some people do. That's great. But I built this from the ground up and I really care about what my brand. It is everything to me. So with that said, let me take my power back and, and fight for my brand. Let me not accept your apology if you did three things, but you want to apologize for one and pretend the two didn't exist. Let me do what I need to do to find my peace. And if it's not doing the things that you like, I'm going to let you do it, but I'm going to let me do it. Yeah, I'm going to do me. I'm going to do me.

I'm a see. And for the people watching and listen, and she's referring to the real housewife of Miami. And we're not going to get too far into that. But that, just for reference and context, that's what she's talking about. That's right. Do you mind talking about the things that went on there? I mean, I don't want to focus on the show, but specifically what you're talking about. what they were lying on you about your disease and things of that nature. Oh, yeah. No, so, I mean, there's a couple things. You know, one of them is someone actually outed my diagnosis.

Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. So that was, it was one of casemates. And she said claims that it was out of, you know, goodness and that, you know, she cared and that she didn't know that I told her not just tell. And they had to play the receipts, of course, and showed that, of course. And that, I ended up accepting her apology. But it was on the basis, for example, that I tried to do something good for you.

So I'm sorry, but I was trying to be a good friend to you. And it was kind of like, everyone's like, yeah, she was trying to do something good to you. Gert is just not. And it was, when you feel the pressure of like, you're the problem if you don't accept the apology, okay, you move on, right? So, okay, whatever, okay, I'm going to, you know, whatever. And then this recent season, someone decided to come on this season early on and just completely fabricate an entire situation about a cruise. And I'm like, okay, I was there for you. all the receipts are here

but you want to make it seem like I came under the pretense of I wanted publicity when I just came back from the same cruise that you're doing and you asked me to get back on the boat to be with you leaving my husband behind it was a whole thing and I'm just kind of like but it was the lies behind

it was the layer of Gertie's not a good person Gertie didn't even ask about my partner who I you know who couldn't make it on the cruise Gertie Gertie makes everything about her so it was just kind of like okay so that's a brand that's a brand yeah brand killer

potential, so forth. And I'm like, yeah, no, we can't, no. So I had to make a bold move because after trying to defend myself, no one willing to listen and so forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I did something bold, which was actually exposed the receipts that would vindicate me. And so with that said, comes the reunion, which the show always wraps up with the reunion.

I think a lot of people on TV are used to the, okay, it's the end of the season. You guys have to make up so that next season we can see smiling faces. And so you're, you know, you think you're supposed to see that. And then this season, I'm like, you know what? Yeah, no, we're going to stand on business. So I'm just listening to the apology for the fifth apology. Gertie, she apologized 16 times. Yeah, but she's apologizing only for the one act.

She hasn't apologized for the rest of the things that she's done, which are the lies that started. That's amazing. So people want to be selective and we could play that game. Yeah. I think it's super important to be authentic. And that's your point. You're going to stand on your business at that point.

You don't have to accept apologies if they are less than ample, right? You don't have to. You can hear them out. I'm like, okay, cool. I'll let you say your piece, but I'm not going to accept it. Russell, my question for you is, you know, from your perspective, right, seeing your wife go through all of this, how did it play on your mental health and how you supported her? Because I know how I feel when I feel like my wife is being.

wrong, even in the school, and just in the school system, like, whether it's a student, you know, lying on her to the parent or a parent getting on her about not helping their kid. This is, this is on national TV. How did you, what was your perspective of all this? It was very, very frustrating to see what was going on behind the scenes, knowing the truth about what happened. and then have it play out the way people choose to portray it. So that's the most frustrating part for myself,

knowing all of the stuff that she's been through and having that go on TV be portrayed a certain way and not have the ability to really defend yourself. And then when you do defend yourself, it's portrayed another way. So very difficult. It's hard to please. And forgive me if I may, but you seem like a very private and quiet person. Like outside of what Gertie went through, what are you dealing with?

I mean, because it's become more of a public. You're public now, right? And you don't come across like a guy that's like, all right, here I am. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I mind my business. where, you know, my sanctuary is at home, my boys, my wife. You know, I'm a firefighter, so I'm still working. I still go to work.

I have a, you know, good group of guys that I work with. So I'm good. I'm like, you know, I feel good. Like you said, I don't get into the, you know, all the shenanigans and everything. and I don't know. It's just something that doesn't affect me. But like I said, going through when it last season, it was very frustrating the whole process that we went through.

But like now it's like, you know, I'm teaching, teaching my son how to drive on his own. And, you know, it's a bunch of things that doesn't concern everything else. It's just what, you know, what really matters is what goes on at home. That's important. That's a rock right there, by the way. That's, honey, that's the whole mountain, okay? But that is the most important thing that he says and that we believe together.

And that's why I'm able to do the let me theory. So the let me theory does have a, does have this disclaimer because once you say, I am not going to accept this or this or whatever scenarios, the goal is for you to be, to find your peace, right? So it's not like, I'm still going to be mad. No, no, no, no. The goal is that it doesn't matter to me anymore. and that you walk away from that situation,

not letting it affect you, because you've built a sanctuary around you where you do find the peace. So I'm lucky. I have my amazing husband for 30 plus years, my kids, I have built what I want around me. So when I go into a situation that is not amicable, that's okay, but that's limited time.

And I get to choose to walk away, to not to say no, whatever I need to do to find my peace. And it's the deliberation process of finding your piece that some people are like, well, she should, you know, she just beat cancer, so she should be grateful. She's alive. So she should just like, stay quiet and just accept her.

Ain't that some shit? Does one have to do with another? No, it doesn't. She should be lucky that she beat cancer and that she's still alive today. So she should just accept her apology and move on. The moving on thing is really quite interesting. That's toxic. That's toxic.

That's toxic. That's toxic. You know, I want you to address the audience because there's a woman. right now. Maybe even a young man that just heard you say, be at peace with it. It's not just about hearing them out. It's not just about moving on, but it's about truly being rooted in the healing aspect of it. And they don't know how. How would you, how would you help them or instruct them to get through this and actually truly heal? To me, it's about intention, right? So you have to know in your gut. And it's only your gut that tells you. You know, it's probably,

you got, follow your gut, right? So when the, whoever, if it's someone that you're dealing with and you, and you can't get past it, let's say your husband cheated on you, okay? And you're just trying to move on, just get over it. It won't happen again. Is that good enough? Because you tell me that, we're going to have. No, it's not going to.

There's zero ramifications in that, by the way. That's right. But people go day to day. People are so short, short circuit right now because of the way that the internet is fast. Everything is fast. Just move on. Stop pushing it. We talked about this already.

just because we talked about it once doesn't mean that's going to satisfy my energy to say, I know for a fact that we are now on the same page. So that's the problem. It's like people, so intention is everything. When you're realizing that people are doing things just to tap dance around you, but not really standing in front of you and want to get to the bottom. And whatever that means for the two people,

what layers or process do you need to be able to say, I'm good now? We'll never have to talk about this again. Because if you want to move on, it's called resentment. We're playing the resentment game, right? I got to add up. You know what I found too when I'm trying to get through something. And I don't know how you guys feel about it. But I always evaluate how I truly feel about it.

Right. It's like, okay, am I still having this external reaction or feeling because I'm afraid of what somebody else might think or is it truly how I feel? And that's how I work backwards and be like, okay, no, I'm good with this. So then I'm right. Then I got to be whatever they say, whatever they do, whatever their perspective is can be their perspective. But as long as I'm rooted in my.

truth and I've worked through the putting myself in their shoes and have that conversation with them, right? But if I'm comfortable and I'm standing on my own two feet in that moment, you go, okay, like I'm good. Absolutely. Like I'm good with this outcome. That helps me. Absolutely.

But remember, when people say sorry as well, I think that it comes with behavioral changes. So are we sorry for just one thing? Or are we going to continue to do the other thing? And so you got to balance. It's a balancing act. You know, you have to get through the entire thing and funnel it until you get to the final outcome of what it is. So if you give me shit here and you filter it, I'm still going to be left with shit. So the question is, are we really filtering it so that we, you know, we can become a, like, what are we doing?

We've become, we've become a society with half-ass apologies. Let's just be, let's just be frank. But move on. Yeah, but no, it's just like, I'm sorry. But what are you sorry for? Can you, do you know why apologizing for this means something to me? And most people can't do that because they can't get out of their own way. They just say, I want to say sorry so I can move on.

See, I did something for you. I apologize to you. It doesn't work. And for example, like with my parents, let me give an example of something completely different that is very personal and that I do really, really care about, is my parents, right? So I had this resentment build up. You know, till this day, I still think, like you said, you look at your son and you're like, I could never do that.

I could never, another continent, three months. And so. I have a hard enough time during the school day without my kids. I know. Like, I'm freaking out right now. So the forgiveness around that, do you know, number one, my parents won't even watch the show? My parents, I will never, I don't need an apology for them because I understand it was based on and rooted on good intention.

Sure, of course. And look at me now. Yeah. Who would have. How did they not done that? Who would have Gertie been in France? I mean, I don't know, but I feel like I'm pretty fishy. I think you would have figured it out.

I think you would have figured out. I don't know. But the point is that once you understand the good intention, it was never malicious. You know, and then I don't even need to talk to them. I'm just here to give him a hug and say you did the best you could. And I understand that. So one of my let me theory thing is about let me relate and release. So I'm like, let me relate if I was a mother and I had nothing else going on.

And I needed to move on, you know, to get the family to a better place. Okay. Sacrifice. Okay. The two will go first. Oh, you know, you understand. I'm relating to her, putting myself in her position. And then I'm like, because I know it was well intended and did all the deliberation.

process of what she was thinking. I'm like, now I can release it. Dude, intention. I did this to myself. I'm literally forgetting my parents without them even being in the room. I don't even need to talk to them about it. You know? Well, why can I talk about intention all the time?

Like, if something will happen and I will come at her and be like, hey, hey, this is how I feel. She was, that wasn't my intention. Oh, the apology of that. I'm sorry, if it was not my intention. So I'm sorry if it hurt you, that kind of stuff. She doesn't do that. Okay. She'll say, that wasn't my intention.

tension. How can we work through? No, she was genuine. No, she, like, but also, she comes from another country, too. She's from Ecuador. So she came over here in 96 or 97 when she came to college, and English is her second language. So sometimes it does come off like, I'm sorry, but, you know, like the whole apology, like, sorry you feel that way. You might as well just tell me to fuck off. Right, right, right, right. But I've expressed that to her. And she really works through it and I appreciate it. But this word, I'm sorry, right? This word that I'm sorry word, like, sometimes it's action, just like do do whatever we talked about you know and and this run around of this I'm sorry and people

people are like but you need to apologize like sometimes it's about saying you know like like just telling the truth and just like explaining how it's going to get better yeah that's maybe more than and I'm sorry you know well that's the thing too is for me to work around right because she goes my intentions are never this I'm goodhearted right my wife's an impasse so now when things happen right and I get kind of pissed off about I go what are her intentions and I don't don't always, and you know I don't always to get this right, babe. I love you, but I don't. Shut out. Yeah, what's up, bro?

Like, I, I fuck up plenty enough, trust me. I know you do too, because you're a man, and you know, it just happens. Or you might be perfect, I don't know. Russell, complacency is Russell's, you know, kryptonite. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm like, Russell, did you guys been six weeks? You know, but I think

besides from that, pretty, pretty damn. Complacency, man. It happens, though, right? I'm complacent. It's just a busy life. Two kids. I have three. Yep. You know, two careers.

My wife might have two careers. Yeah. Sometimes it's hard to make each other a priority. And that's kind of how I want to ask you. How do you guys make yourselves a priority? Oh. For each other. I'm sorry.

We're obsessed with each other. Like we're obsessed with each other. No, like it's like, like we're like this. We're looking at each other. I'm like, is this real? Is this door? Like what's happening? Like, is it still 30 years later?

I'm looking at him. I'm like, if he walked into the room, I'll be like, I would. I still would. I still would. You know, so it's a. It's an attraction that has layers, I think. Right? Like, would you say physical?

Like, I don't even know what comes first as far as, I don't know. I mean, as far as making things a priority, it's easy for me since my, you know, I have a schedule that I work by. So I go to work and I come home and it's, they're two totally separate things. So, you know, when I'm at work, I'm. focused on that. Hopefully, if I'm not getting emergency calls, you know, oh, this happened. If I have a good day, then I get to focus on work. Emergency calls from me or the emergency calls from work? What do we? Oh, shit, here we go. Let's get into it. Or the kids or whatever it is.

You know, it's something that you can't fucking do or do anything about at that moment. Yeah, that happens. Exactly. Y'all do do that now. There's a many of them. You all be doing that. It's always an emergency. All the time. All the time. Especially with this book coming out, Russell was my co-author pretty much, like, so good. So that's my point. When I, you know, I have work. And then I, when I'm, when I'm at home, my priority is, is, you know, Gertie and the kids.

I love that. You know, like she said, with the book and with everything going on, whatever it is, you know, she needs, you know, I'm going to help that. You know, we prioritize that. As far as, you know, downtime, we, you know, we try to spend, spend our nights together, you know, not away from each other. you know, I'm not like when I was a kid playing video games till, you know, midnight. No, now we're spending time together. We have to. You know, we're getting older.

Try to go to bed earlier. But it's okay, kids, bye. You have to put in the time. Yeah, I agree with that. Let me ask you this, Russell. What do you attract it to most about Gertie? I mean, bye. He loves it.

It does work. It does work. Everything. I mean, you know, obviously, you know, she's a beautiful woman. That's my wife. But like I mentioned before, it's her energy. You know, it's the positive energy that she gives off. And, you know, I feed off of that.

But I love that. You're talking about her soul. That's who she truly is. This is a shell. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I mean, who she truly is is what attracts she most.

What about you? What attracts you most about him? My gosh. It's a fireman suit, isn't it? No. I'm not into her costumes. Okay. I don't know if that's a costume, though.

That's the red party thing. No, thank you. Keep that at home. Okay. So let me explain something about Russell. Everywhere he goes. Everywhere he goes, it's like, everybody, like, oh, they want to just be around Russell. And Russell's not even speaking.

It's an energy of, like, peace. Calm. Calm. Loyalty. Just all of it exudes itself in a second. We'll go to a birthday party for like, when we had our kids younger, a birthday party, all the kids, like, and he's like, he's like, and I know you hate when I say this. I know you do. He's not from this. He's not from here.

He's not from here. I'm telling you right now. He's from another planet. It's, there's an energy that's very like, yes. Yeah, interesting. What planet, if you, if you, if you could pick a planet, no, uranus. Um, I don't even know. I just, it has a very, strong presence without saying a word. And that's what I found really attractive. The mystery behind his eyes, I was like, he's fine, but he's not speaking to anyone. Oh, he's going to speak to me. That's how he met, by the way.

I was like, oh, hello. Like, I, yeah, I kind of cursed him out a little bit and I think he liked it. Oh, yeah. He's a masochist. Yeah. That's cool. Let's get back to your journey because I really want, you know, in America, I think, you know, obviously worldwide, people are dealing with.

cancer constantly, right? And it's something that one of the, that's, I mean, dude. One in three, any type of cancer, one in eight, breast cancer. I mean, that's, that's wild. You went through breast cancer. And then you had a precautionary cancer-related hysterectomy, right? And it sent you into parium menipause at a very young age. Like, you got the fan.

Break that shit out. Not yet. Wait, what is that? Is that a fan? Oh, yes. Okay. Okay. Turning to, okay.

There it is. What is I always said? Louis Armstrong, mid-concerted in three seconds. Watch. Gone in 60 seconds? Coming in 62. Okay. How about it too?

You know, this is something that, you know, like you said, one in three, you know, any type of cancer. And then one of every eight women, you are touched by breast cancer at some point in their life, we're seeing more of this. You know, we're seeing kids. We're seeing young parents. In fact, one of my wife's old friends, her husband just passed away from some type of rare form of brain tumor. And, you know, there was kids involved. It's like, you know, navigating what could possibly. be. What I do know about you already, you probably just said, no, this is like, I'm good. Like,

I'm a, I'm a beat this. We're not thinking about that. But like, talk about that health journey because someone listening right now is going through it directly or having someone in their life that is going through it. That's right. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Where do I begin? I don't know. Wherever you want. First of all, one of my chapters is called Paradise Interrupted. I was in same bards. Oh, shit. Oh, having the best time in my life, I was helping her a friend do her wedding anniversary, and then I get the call. I'm lucky that I had my mammogram done, so I was always, you know, getting my mammograms. And so early detection matters, because if it wasn't for that mammogram, I wasn't, we wouldn't have gotten the result call. As soon as I saw my gynaecologist

called me on his cell phone, I was like, I said, hello, don't say a word, let me patching Russell. I already knew it wasn't good. Oh, yeah. And then we get on the call and, you know, And then it's a journey. It started out with just being what's called zero, stage zero. DCIS, you're going to be fine. A little lumpectomy, par bam, ba-da-boom. Okay. But it's still the word cancer.

So the mental toll on just hearing the word cancer, you've been, you know, you'll have the plague. And that's that. It got worse and worse and worse into stage one B, into invasive, into this, into that. By the time I knew it, I was getting chemo, radiation. and needed full reconstructed surgery. And it was like, what are we talking about? Getting through the first C word was hell on earth. Now I got another C word, the word chemo.

And then they're like, oh, hopefully you won't get the red devil. What is the right devil? What are we talking about? I'm going to hell? Like you think that's a type of chemo, which I didn't get. But everyone's like, you know, hopefully you don't. So you get into this world where it's unstoppable. It's the roller coaster ride that you do not want to get on.

But you can't get off. Shit, man. You can't get off. And he gets, and then one day, you get the lumpectomy. Oh, we think we got it. We cleared the margins. We think we got it all. You should be good to go.

Three days later. Uh-oh, the results came back. We didn't clear the margins. What day can you schedule a second lepectomy? What? Damn. Yeah. Oh, the first day of chemo.

I'm already with my glam. We're going to beat this big cancer. Brain pink. Yeah, that's what I saw on TV. Oh, no. I got chemo through the vein because I thought that, you know, I had a choice of like the port

or the vein, but I only had four rounds of chemo. So what? Create a scar here. Put it through the vein. If you see the photo in my book, it was a snake. It looked like a snake skin.

It burned my entire arm. Okay. Wow. So now we need to get a port scar. You know, we got the port in and did it through the port. It's always something. And it's not of a clear road.

And that's cancer. That's the unknown, right? And my question to you is, you have two beautiful boys. That's, I was about to say that the trickle-down effect, it affects everyone. And the boys just got quiet. That was the way I think it was just like silence. They were like little mice in the house, like just like, you know, tipping, towing around while he's like, okay, mommy's coming up, guys. Come, you know, come say hi.

Mommy's we're leaving to the hospital. Grandma's coming in now. We'll see you in two days, three days. It was just like, I was like a ghost and a corpse. That's me. And boxed in is the last thing this girl wants to be in. And that's how I felt. I felt boxed in.

And I couldn't do anything. I had to be told when to do this, when to shower, when there's the next surgery, to lay down, take this pill. Here's your shot. It was the worst scenario, especially for someone like myself. in the state of control. Remember, my trauma came from lack of control. I want control all the time,

and now I'm powerless, and I have no control. Boxing, chapter 17. Yeah. Man, I just, and again, I don't want to, like, keep hammering on it, but, but I, you know, again, I have three kids. And if something were to happen to me, I worry about that, right? I worry about, like, how are my kids going to be? you know, like they're little.

Are they going to remember me? Like, are they going to remember the lessons? Are they going to be okay? Is this going to pretty much fuck them up the rest of their lives? You know, but then you, you know, there's also spouses involved, right? And Russell, you went through this. You went through the stages of her being boxed in, feeling like a ghost and just someone's pincushion, for lack of a better term. How scary was it for you?

obviously it's very scary at the time you know you don't you know we had a good prognosis but right you know to get to that good prognosis you got to go through all the the steps and you don't know what's going to happen along the way every you know every surgery whether it's minor or a major you're getting put under you know it carries a risk so every step of the way you know there's concern. So you just try and myself, like I always do, I just try to support as best as I can. And, you know, with the kids,

I think the way they handled it was when I explained to them, you know, what was going on. They, they wanted to know, so is she going to be okay? They want to do it. Well, absolutely. Absolutely.

And tell them what, Liam said, he was only what, he was 11. Yeah, or 10. He's like, is it contagious? Is it contagious? And I'm like, no. He was his first question. Is it contagious, daddy?

It's not contagious. So, you know, we're going to be okay. Yeah. But, you know, I think they compartmentalize it. And when I said, you know, it's a great chance that everything's going to be okay. So I was like, okay, we're cool. I pretty much guaranteed it. I was like, no, it's fine.

You know, like stage one B. Like, okay, amazing. But like, once I got that scale. with the chemo, like, and you don't know, that was in full shot. The red light started coming on. I was, I was like, couldn't breathe. It was like a big reaction that I had to the first, first round on chemo. So then I was like, this ain't no joke.

They're like, stage one be, okay, fine. But like, this is like serious. That's when it was, she got real. Yeah, man. But the kids, their resilience and they're very, they're very rustle in their calm. And that really helped me so much. So, so much. If I had a little girl, I don't even know.

how I would have even done that. I got two of them and I'm going to tell you right now, there's no shot in hell my kids, my girls would be calm. My son would internalize it. That's what the kids did. Yeah, and Dan knows my family really well. Like, you know, Bobby would internalize it

to the point we would just eat them up. My girls would be a mess. My daughter, when did you said you're a Capcom? When's your birthday? January 4th? My daughter's is January 5th. She's my youngest. And she's the biggest empath you'll ever meet.

And it would destroy it. So like those types of things, like I'm always interested in bringing that part of the story to the audience because a lot of parents listen. Exactly. And there's a lot of, you know, 20-year-olds that are listening, 25-year-olds that are children of parents that are going through this. There's a lot out there for them, by the way. And I realized that when I was writing my book, I did a lot of research. And so I was like, you know, like, how can I help to give back is what I was thinking, right? So at first I'm like my memoir.

I want to share. I want to share. And then the book is that a cancer book is my memoir. Right. And the cancer really changed me. So it's the journey, you know, to me that, you know, that, you know, that, you know, that. I had to, and my reinvention and so forth. But then I'm like, I want to write a book eventually that talks about those kids or those, those

teenagers, you know, they do a lot of books about like the kids, like, mommy's got something called, no, the teenagers right now who are on that internet who are searching, who are like not telling you that they're already seeing the worst of the words that could happen to you. It's a whole thing. So everyone needs help. And they're care vivary. That's how I call it. I feel like that book for the 20-year-olds could be called, what the fuck is really?

going on. You said it. Right? Because because, because I mean, I mean, like look, they need truth that they're going to go to the internet. They're going to find it. They're going to hashtag it on social media and get some bullshit slant. They're going to get the worst of it, right? It's just, I just wanted to ask those important questions because, you know, obviously I can look back now and you can look back now, both of you and your, and your boys too. It could be like, that made you even stronger and it made you more of a fucking warrior, right? How

How has your perspective shifted in your everyday life when you come up against some type of adversity? I mean, you beat cancer. Like what the fuck? I mean, what can beat you? Yeah. Well, first of all, the thing is that I asked myself, I'm like, wait, I'm writing this book called from trauma to trophies. And did I just give my kids trauma? Was that the first trauma?

Probably. Probably. So, yeah. Yeah. And so I have to be mindful of that. I got to remember that. We got to remember that because that could be something, you know, that shows itself elsewhere. everything calls reaction.

There's always a reaction to something. So yeah, so what was the question again? I don't know. Oh, how did it make you stronger? Like, if you beat that, how are you, how do you approach things in your daily life now with a bit more just,

I don't want to say confidence, but like maybe, yeah. It's that movie, man. I swear, I swear to goodness. I already was walking in a movie. Like, I feel like my life is like a music video and people are always like, how do you post so well?

I'm like, because I mean, I'm like listening to music. And I'm like, you know, like, See, I can't do that. Oh, that's how you got to do it, baby. So I can't do that. That's it. So, so.

I'm like taking pictures like, yeah. So when I say I'm a bad bitch. Put my hand where? Right, right. When I say I'm a bad bitch is because I am living like Kill Bill. If I'm going to be, if I need to be furious. You're in your fucking Uma Thurman era. That's my movie.

Come on. And in the book, in his foreword, he's like, she literally streams Little House on the Prairie on Tuesdays pretty much. But then on Saturday, she could be watching Kill Bill and the Godfather. That's me. I'm like. Little House of Pray. That's my favorite. Oh my God.

That's my childhood. That's mine too. No, no, no, sir. I swear. We used to watch all the time. Nine seasons and I just keep like, I'm on episode. I'm on season two now, but like I just keep rewatching it. That's my childhood.

And like my favorite Christmas, tell him about what we have to do on Christmas at least once. Sound of music. It's in the book. We're the Von Trop family, the black version. Swear to God. I love it. Swear to goodness. If you read the Regri Rules, Chapter 3.

Thank you for bringing her, by the way. This is a fucking great. We didn't even know how to sing. We're like, what we're doing? Hey, yeah. Pretty Papa, no. It was a nightmare. My father's all of a sudden, one day is like, hey, guys, we're going to create a group to sing in church.

We're like, what the hell? Hey. Oh, my God, that'd be brutal. I couldn't sing. But so anyway, back to the question. I can't sing. I can't. You got to act as if, man.

Exactly. But the way I come into this world, I wake up, and I mean my own movie. And it's like, it's not delusional, by the way. It's just kind of like, you believe in who you are so much that when I walk into a room, you know, like I have full conviction and I am going to be present. You know what I mean?

So some people call me too much. Oh, too extra. And you know what? Thank you. Yeah. Because I guess I'm present and at least you notice me. Yeah. You know, so the fact is that the way I like to say it is like, you know,

I say it's a movie, man. It's a movie. I love it. I love it. Make it memorable. Make it count. You have to. As it pertains to the book, right?

this is your memoir. Mm-hmm. Right. And as you're writing this memoir, and of course the cancer story was a part of it, but there's so many other amazing parts of it's just like

who you are, the essence of who you are. Yes. And it's called from trauma to trophies. Trophy Girl. Trophy Girl. Talk about Trophy Girl

because it's not what the audience thinks it means. That's right. That's what I love about it. That's why he's genius. But I want you to formulate how this, how the writing of this memoir

healed you even. further and then dive into trophy girl. I was just on the plane coming back on a Saturday and I was just finishing, re-reading the book again. We've read it 16 times, you know, and I'm writing it and I'm on the plane laughing so hard in tears that people are like, what's this going on? What's going on? And then there was a fan that came all the way from the back, all the way to the end,

to my seat, Curti, I love you so much, I love you so much. I just bought your book on it. And I'm just kind of like, I'm like, I'm reading it right now and I'm laughing at my own book. And I don't know if this is like weird, but this is like the funniest shit ever. My childhood was crazy town in the sense of the stuff that my parents like did and made us do it. But it was my memory and it's my life and my story. And honestly, writing it was so cathartic in a way, was so healing in many ways because you have to keep writing and you have to make sure that when you hit that sentence, that it's exactly what you mean. So this book is hard because once it goes out there, can't take it back.

Can't take it back. And so you have to stand on, like, stand on it. And I'm standing on this book and how I feel right now about everything that you read. And there's a lot of really interesting things. I'm pushing the needle on a lot of thoughts like the, you know, Mel Robbins and the let them let me. And I'm a trophy girl because I win. I win at life, man. And life is what?

the car outside, the house that can burn down with a hurricane. The what? No, no, no, no. Those are easy. That's why I'm married for love. I could have been, I was on Fisher Island, the 1% of the world doing all kinds of parties. I could have been that, you know, kept girl. And that's great.

That's a professional all on its own. You like it, I love it. But I'm telling you right now, I win. And this is a win for me because of the fact that I have this person next to me who is my right of die. I love that. But I can write a die, you know? And I say my acknowledgement to him on the books.

It's just a one-liner. You have seen every version of me and you stayed anyways. That's it, man. Don't you fucking make me cry on my shit. You have seen every version of me and you stayed anyway. So that's that. And then my kids, my health, my soul. my soul like

I'm just happy to be and whoever doesn't get it fuck off because it's your loss big mistake like pretty woman you are a beautiful human being like straight up I'm so grateful that you guys are here

and make me fucking emotional I'm sorry I'm finding it back I'll find it back but I know I just I just value this conversation so much because it's so real you know it's no holding back It's real.

It's your life. And it's giving a value to the audience. And you getting this out in your memoir, I want to hold it up again. Yeah. From trauma to triumph. Sorry, from trauma to triumphs. I can't speak.

But the cool thing about this, and I want the audience to really look at this. She designed this cover herself. So we talked, we joked about it. But you know, designing covers for people. You should probably think about that because this is a beautiful cover. I remember I come from a design, event design world. I not only planned even, I have my own design, you know, if I'm planning firm,

I also had my own design planning. So we planned and designed everything from walking to the room. And it's like, I girdified that shit. I've got certified everything. And so my name, in speaking about my name, I hated my name. Really? Because, yes, it was the, it was the icebreaker of the bullying days. It was like, and there were two names.

So we started out with a big banger, Alicia Ba. Thank you, Mom. Elisheba was Queen Sheba. It means your name is a queen. Yeah, thank you, lady. You're not in the playground with me. Yeah, it's going to go well. Yeah, it's going to go well.

I was like, oh my God, please. And I didn't even speak English to defend myself. So those were the days. And then I'm like, okay, which part of this name? So Gertie, Elisheba, Rejuri is my full name. Gerti. Gerti? We can say Gertie.

Gertie? That's my name. And I changed my name from Aliciaba to Gertie. Because I just wanted it to stop. Okay. But then, things meant to be. So then the name Gertie was the better of the two. Is he named Gertrude? Is it? Okay. I could, you know, yeah, Gertie, whatever. Can't win. But now I get to gertify.

My name is a verb now. When people want to hire me for their weddings, they'll be like, girl, I want you to gertify my wedding. What does that mean? What does that mean? That's badass. Take it into the next level, making it super unique. That's who I am. And you're asking me to bring that value into your event space, creating the most memorable event of your life. my name is what's going to create that for you? That's brand, baby. Do you understand that? Damn, that's cool.

And that's priceless. That's not much, there's no physicality to it. It's literally my name. I love it. I love it. Who gets you do that? You did. You did.

I win it at life. I'm winning at life. And that's the thing about it is that the pleasure of me saying to someone, I'm winning. It's not like, look at my money. No, it's like, it's invisible. But, you know, it's because it's all not tangible like that. It's not tangible things.

at all. Love it. I love it. Well, thank you guys so much for coming. This has been an amazing conversation. It's so fast. I feel like, we're over, we're an hour in.

Stop your life. Pretty damn close. 50 minutes. We can keep going. Oh, we keep going. Hey, we call it. You move.

Yeah, just like, it's a good song, man. Oh, that's some good ones. That's some good ones. They need to bring back good music. You see, exactly. Now AI's going to start singing for us, honey. Dude, they have AI actresses now,

looking for representation. It's like, how does an AI actress look for representation? I don't understand. It's just this crazy to me. It's nuts, man. There's a lot going on in this world. There's a lot going on.

It's just so important to do things that we believe in, right? And to stay true to ourselves and to do good works like you did with your book. And you're actually going to BravoCon, right? To talk about that. The release date of my book is going to be out on the 14th. And I'm going to be launching at a BravoCon. And then I'm going on a press tour. You are my first.

That's amazing. I'm excited about that. And then we're just going to hit the road, baby. and just kind of get this book in the right hands, which is everybody's hands. Everyone wins when they read this book, trust me. Where can they go to buy it? Oh, everywhere.

Barnes & Nobles, Shopify, Amazon. So, yes, my website. So it's out there, man. It's going to be out there on the 14th pre-order now because the demand is demanding. Yes. Thank goodness. I'm so excited.

That's great. And yeah, so it's going to be exciting. And what's your website? My website is gertify.com. That's G-U-E-R-D-Y-F-Y.com. There it is. Yes. Good stuff.

There it is. I thought for you. I'm so jacked that I was your first stop. I'm going to apologize for the rest of the stops because it can go be like this. Ain't going to be like that. You're going to be all like shit. If I can sit like this is how we do it here. Okay.

This is it. This is it. Thank you guys so much for Russell. It was amazing having you on for the audience. Oh, you get to have Russell, by the way. Dude, this is crazy. No, he doesn't do this. He doesn't do that.

Yeah. But he's crazy. He's like, you know what I'll see. He'll see with him. We'll do it. We're chill. Yeah, we're chill. We're chill.

Guys, go pick up the book, Gritify.com, all the bookstores. Check it out. Follow her on Instagram. What's your handle again? G-U-E-R-D-Y-D-S-I-G-N. I'm still waiting for a follow back from her, but, you know, we'll come ahead off camera. Who fucked that one? What's that's work for me?

Hey, let's blame it on Matt. But anyway, thank you guys for listening. Share this episode with some of you know, love and trust. And please, please, please. Until next time, stay determined.