Determined Society with Shawn French | Adversity & Mindset - Transforming Tragedy: How My Darkest Moments Lit the Path Forward with TJ Lafavor

Episode Date: January 1, 2024

In the world of competitive sports, the pressure to perform can often overshadow the very real emotional and mental toll it takes on athletes. One former college athlete, TJ LaFaver, revealed a surprising twist in his personal journey that shines a light on the unseen struggles behind the game. His emotional account serves as a poignant reminder of the crucial need for mental and emotional support for athletes, especially in today's sports landscape. Stay tuned to hear how TJ's story unfolds and the powerful impact it has on athletes striving to overcome their own obstacles. Struggle is relative. The level of struggle that you have is how far away you go from whatever your baseline is. So if your baseline is different than mine, what looks like a minor struggle to me for you could be the biggest struggle you've ever faced in your life. - TJ LaFaver Importance of mental and emotional support The mental and emotional support provided to athletes plays a critical role in their resilience, motivation, and overall performance. Episodes of self-doubt, comparison, and failure are not uncommon in the world of sports; having a strong support system helps build mental fortitude to face these challenges head-on. Coaches, mentors, peers, and family can provide this much-needed support, fostering a wholesome environment that encourages growth and well-being, thus contributing to the athlete's success. Challenges facing athletes Athletes face unique challenges both on and off the field. Intense physical training, the stress of competition, public scrutiny, and the need to balance their professional and personal lives can lead to physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. Understanding these challenges, and equipping athletes with appropriate coping strategies, can significantly improve their resilience, general well-being, and performance in their chosen sport.   Need to build you brand as an athlete? Athlete Narrative- https://ambassador.athletenarrative.com/shawn-french-join   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Take control of your mindset and become the confident, unstoppable competitor you are meant to be. DM or comment below to get started with Edge and transform. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of The Determine Society. Super excited to have this guest on today. But before we get to today's guest, I want you guys, if you've never listened to this show before,

want you hit pause. I have to say this. Go hit subscribe to the show and binge some of the other episodes because I want you to understand what you're about to get into. It's going to be your favorite podcast ever. So tonight I have with me a great friend. He is the assistant director of sales at first form. His name was T.J. LaFavor.

Let me tell you guys, he is a former quarterback at Missouri Western State University. He is, like I said, at first form now, amazing individual, gives a shit about people. And here's an interesting fact about him that I did not know. He's also worked at two Division I colleges, one of which was the University of Alabama. And, you know, for me, guys, as an LSU guy, I'm like, what the hell is this? I can't believe I'm about to have this guy on my show. But without further ado, T.J., welcome the show. buddy. Hey, Sean, first foremost, I want to say thank you. Uh, and because this is probably

going to be the only opportunity that I have to squeeze this in, I'm going to have to roll tied in. Oh, my God, on my show. My poor show. I feel like someone just defecated on my rock. That's what I feel like. It's just like, you know, that dog that just looks at you on the shit on your carpet. That's what you just did. I get it. I mean, you have every right to be bitter about how everything played out. Yes, I do. You know, but in all, all seriousness, I do want to say thank you for for having mean, you know, what you're doing here on the determined society or society is really, really cool, especially just for the athletes, because I think, you know, there's plenty of business advice out there. And you do have some people out there that are speaking directly to athletes.

You know, you have the Tim Grovers of the world and Ben Newman and, you know, people like that are doing some incredible things. But I think it's really, really important, you know, as a former athlete myself, you know, it's sometimes hard to take something. of those business-esque type of lessons and really apply them to sports, even though they do absolutely parallel. I think sometimes, though, it's, it does take a little bit of extra effort to be able to correlate the two. And so the fact that, you know, what you're doing and taking it and making it specifically with athletes and then obviously what you're doing, you know, personally off the show, athletes is really really powerful. And so I just appreciate the opportunity to be here.

Dude, I appreciate you, man. And thank you. I receive that. And it's much appreciated. to come from someone like you. You know, it's funny because they didn't start. It's so funny when people, hey, you love what you're doing with athletes and all the entrepreneurs and everything like that. It's crazy because it started with my business playing around athletes. And then I'm like, no, I'm just straight away from that. I'm going to go to entrepreneurs.

But I, it's really funny, man, when people ask me, why didn't you start talking to athletes sooner, right? Because I had some, you know, former, I had Anthony Trucks, who was a former NFL player, Ryan Terrio was a two-time, you know, World Series champion in the major leagues. I played with him at LSU, and I had some of those guys on there, right? But it was so funny because I'm looking at it.

I'm like, damn, you're right. Why don't I start doing this sooner? This is who I am. And since I've done it, my show has gotten better, I think, and I know that because I'm looking at the numbers and the analytics, like more people are listening more consistently. The reviews are coming in. I'm just grateful for it.

But look, man, athletes need so much. much, right? And I think more now than they ever have. I mean, back when I played in 2001 to 2003 at the Louisiana State University, go tigers. That's my shout back, guys. I clap back at it. So, you know, there was no social media. There was not, there was pressure from, from the real media, right? Hey, you know, what's it looking like to win a national championship this year? All that kind of stuff. But I think the real pressure nowadays is being so these athletes being so accessible. Like they're celebrities now, dude. It blows my fucking mind. Yeah. And I think, you know, especially speaking to, you know, your experience, you know, in the early 2000s, you had the pressure,

you, but you always knew when it was coming for most situations, right? It was to be a press conference after the game or it was going to be the Monday press conference or the Wednesday press conference. It was, you kind of could prepare, right? You know, but the athletes now with social media and then you throw NIL into it and all of these different things. It's just like anytime, especially they play at, you know, Power 5 schools like LSU or Alabama or, you know, any of these big time schools, I mean, you can flip on ESPN and find out like, I didn't know that was going around about, right? Or open up their DMs on Instagram and, you know, you've got either Alabama fans sending

things to LSU players or vice versa or whatever it is and just the, the vitriol, honestly, at times that people have to deal with and just the hate. I think that there's, you know, again, like you said, athletes have always needed a lot. But I think now even more, they need constant support on how to even sift through not only that, but then also get better and perform at an even higher level because it's, you know,

anytime more money gets associated with things, then the pressure is going to get raised even higher. And so it's, I mean, college athletes, especially, again, And this is to be of no disrespect to not maybe the major sports because I think that's one thing that does commonly get overlooked is that if you play basketball, if you don't play football or baseball like the big sports, that it's like you're somehow less than it's like, no, I'm, you know, one, I'm married to a former college softball player. I will tell you, I personally think that the athletes that don't play in the big sports actually work harder, you know. But when you take into account, the, the quote, the business side or the bigger sports that come into the business, like the, it's only getting worse every single year and more challenging and the mental support that they need, you know, and just a good person that they know is actually in their corner and isn't actually just concerned with making something off of them, you know, very, very necessary. Dude, spot on, man.

We're going to get into some stuff tonight. And I want the audience to sit back and relax and just understand they're going to hear another amazing conversation. They can already see the synergy going back and forth. But I want to have a little fun first. I have a little fun. I'm going to some digging. I did some digging. It wasn't that much digging.

But I went to, you know, of course, I googled your name and I went to Missouri Western State University. Got some things I want to talk about. Okay. Here we go. This is, guys, this is fucking weird to me. One of maybe two out of the three. I get. But, like, one, I'm very, I'm perplexed by it.

The one I understand is your favorite food was fetichini Alfredo. Is it still fetichita? No, I would have to say I'm more. I definitely have probably lead more towards red meat and just a really good delay. Yeah. But back then, you know, college, my watch is talking to me. Back then, right? It's like, you don't, you don't really know.

You know what I'm saying? A board a filet back then. Yeah, no shit. I remember I used to eat like this was my this was my nutrition plan all right I'd wake up in the morning and go to wait to come home and then I would do like 12 egg whites and I would put a bunch of splendor in it and a bunch of cinnamon and I'd have cinnamon and sugar egg whites and I just crushed it two hours later I would have a whole cup of cottage cheese whole cup of vanilla fat-free yogurt um great nuts on it and sugar-free syrup and dude and then I

I would, when that would settle, I would go run seven miles. And yeah, those days are over now. Who wants to run seven miles? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But, but, I, yeah, but like, dude, like, I ate stuff like that. And it was just like the chicken on the foreman grill. And my wife made it, said something the other day.

She goes, hey, we should get one of those, you know, those foreman girls. I go, what fucking year is it? I'm not getting that shit. Like, ew, gross. But I like, I used to live like that. And the seasoning would turn talk. it would smell so bad. Oh, yeah.

No, I have with it. So one of my, there was one summer that, you know, because at Division 2, like one, we were required, you know, during the school year, like you couldn't really have a job, right? Because of your weights and your practice and meetings and all of those things.

But we also, you know, we didn't really get any additional support outside of that. And so, and I'm sure you had this experience as well in some capacity. You know, those three months in the summer was basically when I could make my money to live for the rest of the year because I don't come from a lot. You know, I grew up in a single slab 700 square foot house that my dad built on top of an old mechanic shop that we knocked down. That's awesome. So I didn't have a lot. You know, I never needed for anything, but I

worked out for a lot of things. But I didn't, it wasn't like I called home and dad sent me, you know, five grand. Yeah. So we, my, my, my quarterback friend and I, you know, we would work at a warehouse from 4 o'clock in the morning to 2 o'clock in the afternoon. And then we had a morning weights or an evening wait. So obviously morning weights was out. And so we would do evening weights at 5.30. We would come home and I would eat two hot dogs with two packets of ramen and drink a muscle milk and try to take a nap and then go to weights.

And then I was going home, eating the same thing again and then going to bed and then getting up and doing it all over again. So I've had my college nutrition plan before as well. And that's also why Fettuccini Alfredo was on there because I could buy cheap chicken bread or cheap bulk chicken thighs. Pasta was cheap and I'd buy the great value Fettuccini Alfredo sauce and just throw it on top of there. Walmart, baby. Walmart Alfreed up.

I love it. All right. So the next one is this is a good movie. Pursuit of Happiness was your favorite movie back then. Yep. Is it still one of your top movies or what has replaced it? Oh, man. That's a tough question.

And honestly, recently, I've really enjoyed Maverick, probably the mode. So fucking good, dude. It's, oh, dude, that movie in the theater, you see it in I-M-A-M-A-Moccurts? Oh, yeah. Oh, ridiculous. And so that, and I wouldn't say, you know, it was any specific purpose Maverick. It's just the, it just really gripped me. Oh, it was dope.

Pursue to happiness, it was more the lesson throughout the whole thing of, you know, no matter what, your backs against the wall, you just keep. fighting and you can make anything happen. So yeah, I would say it's Maverick. So no real specific reason for that. But man, that movie, that movie was really hit me. I've seen that movie multiple times. You don't need a specific reason.

It's that good of a movie. Audience is like, what the fuck is going on right now? And so this one, though, I have an issue. Okay. Do you know where I'm going with this? I have no idea. You don't remember your bio. No, absolutely.

No. Three Musketeers are your favorite fucking candy bag. That still. Tatum's true. That's horse shit. I'm telling you. I don't know what it is, but that still stands true to I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't really know how to explain it either other than the fact. You know what's better than that? What? A level one peanut butter and pretzel. Okay. I will give you that. Okay. I will agree with that. Okay. But that wouldn't consider that candy. Right. Like it kind of tastes like it. I mean, I will give you that a thousand percent.

It tastes like candy bar is just got 20 grand of protein. Yeah. But the thing. that's about three much tears. Not only do I love the flavor, I can eat a ton of them, and they don't sit super heavy. Really? Because they're so light and flying. That's because it's all interesting.

So what you're saying is you can binge them and not feel like sure. Correct. I love it, too. Thank you for that. I was looking around. I'm like, dude, these are actually really cool,

fun things that we can get started with. But dude, so for those individuals that are listening to show, they don't know your story, man. You know, you work at one of the coolest places on the planet, right? You guys work your ass off there, right? You work hard and you play hard.

And there's a lot of community there and a lot of brotherhood and sisterhood. You guys are family. We'll take that very seriously. That's not a joke. We say that. No, it's not. Like, I know enough of y'all. Like, it is, it is 100% Chas McDonald's a good buddy of mine.

Like, this is, you know, this is something that is true to the game at first form. You know, but you didn't start there. You know, you were a quarterback at a division two school. Tell everybody about your career because I, because you're a lot like me. your career ended because of an injury. And so tell everybody about that. But most importantly, I really want to start touching on with your story because there's athletes that are listening and people that are listening that can really get a lot out of the fact that, you know, what happens post-athletics, right? How do you transition into your life? Because I was a mess,

dude. You know, so yeah, you have the floor now. Which, you know, I appreciate that. And, you know, it certainly, it always gets darker before it gets, it's lighter. You know, the darkest comes before the dawn. But really, to kind of dive in the story, like I brought up earlier, you know, I grew up in a very small town. You know, our athletics was not good. We had one year, my sophomore year, we made a state. It was the first time in school history. But we had coaching change after that.

And then we went one in nine my junior year and three and seven my senior year. So I had to really hustle to even get any attention from any colleges at all, which is just another kind of side piece of advice of like, hey, if you're not, your name isn't out there, it doesn't mean that it can't be out there. You're just going to have to put a little bit of extra work into it. But it was fortunate enough to, between my academics and my athletes, get a full ride scholarship to Missouri Western, was really excited to go there, you know, and go through all that.

I redshirted my first season because I was, I think, coming in, 170 pounds soaking wet. And so I had to put some weight on. But I was, they recruited two quarterbacks in the same class. because they had a redshirt senior quarterback and not really anybody else in between. So they had to have not only a starter, but then also a backup. And was fortunate enough to win the starting position in that competition and started my very first game as a redshirt freshman. And about, I would say, three quarters of the way through the first quarter got a hellacious hit on the sideline. And that's where I got my first concussion at the college level.

but as any athlete, and I'm not advising somebody to do this, but this is just what I did. It's, I got my bell ring. I'm good. And I threw, I think, three interceptions after that and just had an absolutely awful first game, you know. And that was really, I would say, you know, talking about the tough part of overcoming injuries, you know, not even losing my career entirely, but just that one. Like, you know, when you're an athlete, I know you know this. like you work your whole life, right? And I would say majority of college athletes have also sacrificed a lot of their, you know, what that we would consider the high school types of things,

you know, the hanging out with friends and the party and all the stuff. Like, I sacrificed all of that to work on my craft, right, and to become a better athlete and to, you know, get myself to the next level. So you sacrifice all that. You go through fall camp. You're going through competition. Like we didn't even find out who was starting in. until the, I think the Tuesday before, and it was a Thursday game. So there's not only the anxiety about the game, there's the anxiety about who's going to start. So now I'm dealing with, okay, the anxiety of playing, but also then maybe the anxiety of having to face the fact that I failed in winning the starting position.

So then I ride this high of getting to start, right? My family coming up and everybody being there and then playing absolutely terrible and feeling, you know, nothing short of embarrassed. because while it was division two, like we had just come off a quarterfinal run in the playoffs. So like football was rocking. It was very Western, you know. It was a big deal.

And sort of go out in front of all my friends and then just absolutely play terrible and facing the concussion. And, you know, I had a lot of my symptoms from that one were very emotional. You know, and that night I was on the ground in the bathroom, my dorm in the fetal position crying. because I just, I felt like everything that I worked for had just absolutely shattered right in front of me.

Dude, can I, can I stop you real quick? Because this is a point that I want the audience to really think about and close, I want you guys to close your eyes. You got a red shirt freshman, right, probably 20 years, 19, 20 years old. Lernsey wins the starting position, the starting quarterback position, goes out there, gets his bell wrong on the, you say the first person. You say the first part? It was in the first quarter. First quarter. First quarter.

Right. So maybe first or second possession, somewhere around there, right? And he throws three picks, plays bad, and then goes home and is sitting there in a shower in the fetal position crying or the bathroom floor or whatever. Look, I want you guys to really think about this because I got emotional when you said that. I felt it in my heart. I felt it like in my whole body because I've been there. and what a lot, and I forget about this too, because I'm a rabid LSU fan.

And when that secondary gets fucking torched, like I just want to, I scream at the TV. But that's just the fan in me. And I got to remember that there's a human being behind that. And thank you for sharing that because what people don't understand is when they get on the internet and there's shit talking all these 19 and 20 year olds for human beings as someone else's son. And it has an emotional. reaction. It hurts them. It hurts them. Yeah. So anyway, I didn't mean, I just wanted to make that point. It's like, it's important. And even speaking to the parents out there, you know, it was a Thursday game. My parents

blue collar, they had to go back to work. They had to drive the four hours back home to St. Louis, you know, to go to work the next day. And just in the little bit of text and phone call communication that they had with me, they drove back up in the middle of the next day because they didn't, feel that I was safe to be by myself, which at time I wasn't. So not only think about it from the athlete's perspective, but also the stress that it puts on to your point, like that person's son or daughter, right? Like I don't think people really take that into account.

Like they, they lose and this is social media, YouTube, you know, TV, whatever it is. Like we've become so desensitized to the fact that like, yeah, you're, you're seeing a very, very small snippet of that individual. and you don't see what it takes to play at that level. And so then when they do play bad and they make a mistake or they throw an interception or they drop a ball or whatever it is, like all that we think as fans is, oh my gosh, you had one job. It's like it's so much, it's so much more than that.

And so that was a, you know, it's important that people know that, like I'm not the only one, right? Like I'm far from the only one. And so that's where I think it's important, you know, because while I, you know, to kind of not take this too far off, but when people hear about, you know, athletes having troubles off the field, they're like, oh my gosh, they had everything going from them. How could they ever do that? It's like, you couldn't even begin to understand, like, the stress that somebody's under and what lengths they will go to to alleviate that stress so that they can continue to perform on the field, right? You know, and I was fortunate enough that I didn't have any really of those issues, but it's just take that into context. whenever you're thinking about those athletes. But to carry on from there, you know, I had, I sat out week two, obviously went through concussion protocol, was able to play again in week three, played fine, played in week four. You know, that game was actually on national television.

And then in the first quarter of that game, on a touchdown pass, I got hit again, got another concussion. They sat me out. They basically gave me two options. They said, you're done or you can sit out for 365 days and we will assess you along that. And if you pass and you'll pass all of your tests and do all that stuff, then you can come back next year. And so obviously I took the latter option.

I'm like, well, I'm at least going to give myself a chance. Oh, hell yeah. So it was fortunate enough to then come back in week four of the following year, played well. Then because the starter at that time was injured. So I got kind of my shot again to play in week four. Starter came back. I played a little bit in week five, injured again. So I played in week six.

and then on the first play of week seven, I handed the ball off and was carrying out my fake. And somebody hit me like, I wasn't carrying out the fake and got my last concussion. And, you know, again, don't advise this, tried to play through it, played terribly again. And then, like, I knew at that point that it was over. Yeah. You know, and a little bit of an extra detail stories, that was the first game of my life that my parents were never at because my sister was playing the state championship sophomore game. So that was an additional layer that now, who is now my now wife, she was my girlfriend at the time, she's now trying to help me through this whole process. And, you know, I think we had been dating

for maybe not even a year at that point. And take kind of the story that I told you about after the first time and 10x that. And put it over a week because I was also put on bed rest for a week. So not only was I, you know, obviously injured, but now I have a week that I'm required to sit in a room on a bed and think about how everything that I've worked my entire life for is now gone. And to take that a step further, not, it wasn't just the career. It was the identity. Boom. There it is. If you would have asked me up until I was 20,

21 years old. Like, who is T.J. Lafavor? Right. Football player. I'm a quarterback. QB1. Quarterback one. QB1, Full ride scholarship. You know, Vision 2. Like the thing, right? I couldn't say that anymore. So not only did I lose football in a way, because I didn't have the support of people like you along the way, I had allowed my identity be, come so entrenched in this little leather ball in a 100-yard field that as soon as that was gone, I had no idea who I was. And when you think about that, like, what do you do? Like, what do I go do?

Like, why? Because I will tell you, to be completely honest, Sean, like, I don't know if now I think my mother would have made me, but I don't know without football if I had even would have went to college, right? So now I'm even questioning, why am I even here in St. Joseph, Missouri? Why are I doing this? What am I going to do next? Like, I had all these plans.

You know, I played, I played with guys that are now playing in the league. You know, so that was the, that was a realistic possibility. Guys in my right and left are going to the next level. Like, that's what I'm going to do. And, you know, ever since a little kid, and I'm sure you're the same way, like, you're thinking about the cars and the houses and the life of a professional athlete. And that's how you're going to achieve your success, right? And you're going to make your parents proud.

You're going to make your family proud. And you're going to make your hometown proud and all these things. And all that. and one freaking snap, gone, done. Now, I still have this desire to become someone that impacts people and is known, right? And that has since changed a great deal as to the purpose behind that. But, yeah, I mean, it was a very, very challenging thing that honestly, I don't think that it probably took me a solid three or four years to where I could say that I have. effectively actually worked through that and understood who I was, you know, and not to flip right to

the advice side of things, but I would challenge any current athlete, former athlete, to really make sure and with outside help, make sure you know who you are outside of your sport. And professionally, you got to know who you are outside of being a dad, a mom, you know, like a team, whatever it is, like you have to know who you are not you can't be defined by something outside of yourself otherwise you are you are a ticking time bomb because something's going to happen outside of your control that is going to alter that maybe not take it away entirely but it's going to alter it and the only way you're going to be able to carry through and you'll continue on is if you can stand on your own two feet without whatever that specific thing was dude these are I'm just

listening and just like taking all of this in and it's so funny because your thought process and how you're talking about getting through the identity factor, dude, you're spot on me. Like, I remember when the last out was recorded in the 2003 College World Series, and we lost to South Carolina and a Slugfest 1110. And we two in barbecued, man. We were one of the top seeds in the country. Right.

We were LFU. We get beat by Cal State Volerton, 8 to 2. They just kicked our ass. And then we lost to South Carolina 1110. And I'm looking around like, oh, shit, that's it. I'm never putting on a uniform ever again to actually play competitively. And I'm like, I don't know who I am. Like, who am I?

Like, I don't know who I am. And I struggled with this. You know, I struggled with mental health while I was playing baseball at LSU. You know, I just never materialized to who I thought I was going to be after my injury. After my injury happened, all of a sudden, I'm damaging. goods you know the coach coming in i you know skip bertman recruited me skit burtman was a legendary coach there right he's the one that won five natties in 10 years like he was like you know the baseball you know it's like what sabin is you fucking hate you whenie where do you where do you win his first

national championship i ls you how where does he won his most i got it going to hear you no i'm making a point damn but no dude highly respect sabin obviously in the program i just it it tears me up but but like skip burman was that guy in baseball did the stamp of approval yeah it just you know just he was the guy and um you know it was just it was interesting to me once i got hurt it was just like the coach coming in was like all right you got to leave like what did i do wrong i got hurt like i'm i'm rehabbing i'm getting better like i had surgery like when it come back so if you're not ready by fall you're you're done you're cut so i rushed it back and then i got it on my own head and that's when all the mental illness started, like the victim mentality, the scarcity mentality,

the, you know, searching, like overactively searching for external approval from everybody else, right? It just got, it was like my high. If some, I would complain just so my teammate could say, like, no, you're okay, dude. You're stud. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. You weren't, you weren't, right? You're at LSU. You're just not like you're, you know, injured and battling for a spot at Cal State Northridge. You're at the best baseball school in the United States. States of America. Like, yeah, I know. But like all of this stuff started happening.

And I can remember, you know, at one point I quit. At one point, I quit. I ended up going back. I won't bore you or the audience with the details. But I will tell you this. You're sitting there, fall ball and I had bullpins to catch because I was a catcher. And I'm sitting there catching a bullpen, right? Full gear, mask on, crying hysterically.

because I was so unhappy. I didn't even want to be in my own skin anymore. I never thought of harming myself. I never thought of anything like that. But like, I don't know at that point I would have cared if anything would have happened to me out of my control

because I knew I wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt myself. But I'm like, something happens. Well, you know what? I'm going to go to the bar. I'm going to get home. I ain't going to walk.

you know you do all these stupid things you get in the car you're drink you're making dumb decisions so that so joe public doesn't realize when these when these athletes are at the club and make a stupid decision you don't understand what's going on in their head like i know what you're going to say oh poor them they're getting to play the sport they love and they're fucking celebrities you don't know shit if you say that because these dudes and these gals are under the most amount of pressure you can possibly think of and then and then you hear and this is is what drives me crazy because I've been, I do a lot of collab hosts with this, with my buddy John Hobbs. He's got a really cool sports page and we kind of, you know,

marry our styles and we get really good responses. But then you see people like, oh, being an athlete, too, I've tried being a dad with kids and hold down a career. Like, okay, hi, I'm married, I have three children. I have a nine to five career. I'm an entrepreneur. I have a podcast. I coach athletes. Honestly, like, I've gone through some struggles as an adult. And there's times, like, 2020, has been probably the hardest year in, in, in this house, right? Everybody's fine.

We're all happy. You know, we still got everything. But it's been the hardest year financially for us, right? And then I look back, I'm like, this is miserable. If I can tell you what, there was more pressure then than I feel right now. Right. Yeah. And I think that, you know, kind of speaking to just that, because you said something that I really

wanted to expand upon of this whole this whole need to compete with struggles right like because even that individual Joe public right who's making that statement you like why are you making that statement well you're making that statement to validate yourself because you still aren't confident in who you are so it makes you feel better to minimize somebody else's struggle because okay your struggle is now apparently bigger than there so then that somehow is some way that you are more virtuous than them that you have a harder life than them even though like this is why I tell people all the time struggle is relative right fuck yeah dude struggle is a thousand percent relative because the level of struggle that you have is how far away you go

from whatever your baseline is so if your baseline is different than mine okay what looks like you know a minor struggle to me right for you could be the biggest struggle you've ever faced in your life. Yeah. And yeah, man. The ego, man. Oh, look. The ego.

See, but here, the, not to completely and totally combat you on that, right? Ego is not inherently bad, right? Because there takes a little bit of ego for either of you to, either of us to even get on here. Oh, of course. There's healthy ego, bro. There's healthy. Right. Right.

And that's where I, this is where, and this is where I think to get to the, to the root of this. right any of those struggles that an athlete has with their identity any struggles a regular person has with their identity right it's all rooted in ego right and people won't even attack their ego because they think it's inherently bad so they just want to claim they don't have one it's like no we've all got one oh hell there dude you just understand how to control the ego right and use it to your advantage when it's a good thing and be able to alter your perspective and change and lower it when it's when it's not a good thing right and like so that's

where I would say like that that if the like ego is the enemy by Ryan holidays an absolutely incredible book um but that's really what opened my my eyes that of like you know and it's just like anything in life there's good and there's bad and so that's where like that's when your ego becomes a problem and it's just a sense of self-importance right and there are times when you need to have a sense of self-importance like me getting on this podcast with you like I have to remind myself like no I got good things I need to share so that I can be confident deliver me I wouldn't have asked you to come on if I didn't right and the same thing like because then if I don't have that then how many people are not going to get help right but on the flip side when I go home

right if my wife has put something in an area where I don't want it and I want to get all upset about that it's like well how is she supposed to read my mind to know exactly where I wanted that thing to be put. Well, that's my ego. That's my sense of importance. That's creating something that validates me that I'm so somehow right. And so that it's so interesting. And that's why I just, I wish more people would talk about ego, but both sides of it.

Yeah. That's really the only point that I was trying to make with it. It's a good point. I think everybody thinks of ego as there's just a negative stigma to it, right? I think there has to be a healthy level of it. And, you know, but it's just one of those things to your point with someone like that. They're just trying to validate. themselves you know and it's like i you know i said like hey man like i i hear you do those those are

those are those are tough man um but if you look this his page and my page this is a sports page you know like that's what we talk about here you can move on if you want right i want to say the fuck off my feed dude like you're not that's the that's the bad ego right that's the fuck off my feed bro like i always welcome good it's funny i had a conversation back and forth with a woman in the comments yesterday and she was attacking me about not knowing shit about NIL. So whoa, hang on a second. Hang on, hang.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. And I calmed her down. I was like, listen. And I said, I agree with you about the Jimbo Fisher thing. I think it's pretty sad that there's some athletes that aren't the celebrity athletes at these schools that are not getting their share, right? They're busted and they're still looking for food. But Texas A&M can pay Jimbo Fisher $76 million.

to go away. Something's broken there. I'm sorry, that's broken. And so she goes, you have zero knowledge about what you're talking about. I said, hold on. I actually agree with you. And if this were a phone conversation, I think you'd find that we're on the same page. I said, but hey, funny, I went to your profile, and I'm seeing you spell go, G-A-U-A-X.

I go, I play baseball at LSU. Are you from Louisiana? She follows me, sends me DM, and we're going back and forth like she's best friends with skit burtman's daughter like so now i mean this this like you could always find a way to find common ground and that's what we we don't do in society anymore and we can get off in the weeds about that i really don't want to yeah yeah we won't go there um and he might hear it and pop in and go ape shit um but it's here's what's funny like not funny but what i really want to dive into because we're talking about a lot of

these obstacles and a lot of these big failures. But what's important for everybody to understand here, and that's what this show is about. That's what perseverance is about is these biggest obstacles and these biggest failures are moments where you're getting strengthened so you can be something special so you can fulfill your purpose and be somebody else's roadmap to heal or to be successful. How has, how did those moments prepare you for the stage you're on now and being a husband and one of the directors at first for him because there's a lot of responsibility that goes there and you have to influence you i'm sorry you get to influence a lot of individuals in their health journey yeah i mean look i think it goes back to the first like it's the old adage of

you know people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care right and i can't effectively communicate to you that i care about you if i can't relate to you in some capacity right And again, I will kind of going back to that time of my life, I wouldn't say that this is something that I fully understood then, right? But in order for me, like I said, three or four years down the road to be able to make peace with that, I had to ask myself the simple question of like, why did that happen to me? And I can only tell a positive story. Because a lot of people want to say, why is this happening to me? Yeah. But they go negative.

It's like, no, no, ask yourself, why did this happen to you? But you're only allowed to tell a positive story about it. And so when I started going through that, I was like, okay. Well, the primary positive is it made me actually figure out who I am and why I do what I do. Right. And it made sure that that was actually rooted in something that was impactful in a positive way for I believe society. Right. Because for me personally, like, yes. athlete in their role in our society is very important, okay, because they inspire people to get into sports, which I think are the number one most fundamental thing for personal development for any young kid, especially, especially team sports, especially team sports, because you're going to have to learn how to work with people that you don't get along with and you don't like and you're not like,

right? You're going to have to learn how to do that in the professional world, right? No matter what you do, right, this whole, like, I can do this on my own thing is not, if you have to, You can create a great product. People got to buy it though, which means they got to like you. So there's, we could, again, we could go down that whole rabbit hole. But what I, what I really learned from that is that, you know, I had to, I had to figure out who I was, right? But secondarily to that, like, it taught me that even when you feel like you have absolutely nothing, you still have one more step. you'll have one more day.

You still have, like, you still have the opportunity to do something. Even when you feel like you have absolutely nothing and absolutely zero, there's always a way to move forward. And that's where I think, you know, where I sit now, you know, again, back to the struggle is relative thing. Like, I may not think that that whatever problem that person is facing or, you know, adversity they're going through as to why they can't stick to their fitness journey or why they can't be successful. in their business or whatever it might be. Like I may not think it's that big. It doesn't matter. What I can connect with them on is,

hey, while I've not been in the exact same situation you've been in, I have felt the exact same way that you feel. Okay. And here's what I did about it. And here's how it helped me. And so I will actually say like that what I thought was going to be what crumbled my life actually propelled me forward.

And so if you're somebody who's sitting there right now and, you're in one of those situations, right? Understand that that will be, if you choose it to be, the biggest positive turning point your life possible. Because I believe that the platform that I have now, because of what we teach and how we teach it and how we go about doing it, I honestly think my impact on society is a hundredfold what it could have ever been as an athlete, right?

because I'm not teaching somebody just how to lose 20 pounds in eight weeks. I'm teaching you how to improve your health for the long term, your mindset, your relationships, your confidence, you know, everything about you. And one of the things I love that Jordan Peterson talks about is that you're two people away from impacting a billion people. Because the average person knows a thousand people in their life, right? And if you impact two people by the transit property, the way that multiplies out, it's a billion people.

And albeit maybe that difference is small, like that's the obligation that we all have to improve the world that we live in is to take whatever struggles it is that we've had to power through them and then share that with everybody else because that's how collectively we can all move forward. And I feel like if I wouldn't have had that struggle, if I would have played really well for four years, had the opportunity to go to the NFL and do that whole thing, like what struggle would I realistically go through that somebody else can always can actually. actually connect to, right? Because as long as they were athletic struggles, back to something you brought up earlier, it's, oh, you're getting to play sports. It's got to be so hard. Like, no, no, like I've been through it, you know, and I actually went through the, went through it just like anybody else because I didn't have sports to lean on anymore, right? I had to go knock on doors to get the job that I wanted. And then I had to go, you know, work on a farm, you know, for nothing, right, just to get bought, like I've had to go through all of that stuff, right? I've had to face the mental,

the mental health crisis is multiple times. Like the first time I was in therapy, I was eight or nine, right? And I went four different bouts through therapy. Like I've been through that. Yeah. So whatever you're struggling. So like that's where I think without having to go through that

and actually make it through it, what value do you really have to provide to other? Because struggle is always going to exist, right? Life is inherently hard. Like there's like life is going to be hard more often than it is easy. Right. And so when you have experience on making it through that, well, then that it gives you the opportunity to help more people. And I just think that more people need to look at the struggles that they face in the failures that they go through and the adversity that they face as a gift.

Because I truly believe that that is God giving you the opportunity to grow if you choose it to be. I agree, man. And it's funny because when we're in those moments and you're in the despair, whether it's financial or you're not in the shape that you want to be in because if you're, you know, 20 pounds overweight, you're feeling it, right? You don't feel great. And then some people can't control what they put in their mouth sometimes, man. It's just because it's a release.

It's their self-sabotage. It's how they cope with things. And while you may not be able to understand it, you, you know, you felt that way in another area of your life. But here's what I truly feel. Like, when it gets in touch, you. dark and it hurts and there's pain, you know, I don't, I used to run away from it. Like when I stopped playing and I was done, I sabotaged friendships, relationships.

I did not care if you had a boyfriend. It did not matter to me. I was searching to fill my void. I was making the decision so I could feel better in my flesh, right? And the one thing that I understand, it just made me a weaker individual. I lost friendships, you know, and I don't that person I was in my mid to late 20s. I can't stand that version of Sean French. But I will say, I'm grateful for him because had I not made all those decisions in poor decisions, had I not gone through all the struggles at LSU, had I not failed at so many things, I was a very, I'm a really good baseball coach, but my teams weren't winning. I always had young teams. I was like taking, taking, you know, mediocre talent and try to build them up.

And it never seemed to be the result I wanted. But then I look at it, my show wouldn't be as good as I had, it is. I wouldn't be the father I am. I wouldn't be the husband I am. I wouldn't be the friend I am. I wouldn't be the professional. I wouldn't be the performance coach I am. So all these types of things that happen in my life have built me.

up to this moment. And the things that I'm going through now are building me up to that next level of Sean French. Yes, I speak in third person sometimes on my show. That's all right. I realize, but like whatever's going on now is going to make me better in two,

three years. Like bring it. The one thing that I always love talking about this with people, whether it be in their fitness, whether it be in their business, their personal life, the relationships, whatever it is.

If you remove the ability to fail, you remove the ability to win. Because if you can't fail, then where's the win? Because there's got to be a, there's got to be a Yan and Yang. There's got to be both sides of the coin. If there's no ability to fail, then there's nothing to win because everybody's going to get the same result. So it's not a win, right? And so if you're never putting yourself in granted, because some of these happen outside of our control.

Sure. But this is one of the main things that I want to talk about, too. is you've got to put yourself in a position willingly where you can fail. Oh, dude. Every day, man. Again, that's the purpose of going to the gym, right? Yeah. That's the purpose of, for me, right?

Like, at this point, like, I'm not really concerned to get much bigger, much lean. Like, I'm pretty comfortable where I'm at physically. But it's so I want to push myself so that when I do inevitably face the things that I can't control, I've already proven it to myself on a daily basis that even in the face of failure, I can figure out how to win. Dude, it's a big, it's a big thing, man. And we got to land the plane soon. Yeah.

Oh, you're good. It sucks, man. We might have to do a part two, bro. Hey, I'm down. All right. We're calling it, guys. We are going to do a part two. I will release this, though, before the part two.

We'll just name it part one. So if you feel like this conversation's leaving you hanging good because there's going to be another part. So, like, but that's the thing, man. Like, you know, that very point, right. there you know it it's lost on so many people you know i just i want people to understand though more than anything that whatever they're facing in their life right now whether they think it's the darkest moment or you know there's no way out there is there is and you will get out of it if

you choose to you got to work hard you got to lean on people you can't do it alone you got to you know and i don't want to be insensitive to people out there that are having you know true mental health issues. What I'm saying is you're not alone. People love you. And, you know, it's never going to be great. It's not always going to be great, you know, but we've got to fight through things because we have a purpose to the world. And for me, it's about this is a certain, being a human being is a self is a, is a, what is it called a service driven industry. You know, it's like if you're not out there serving, then that's when you start to struggle, right? Because every door that I knock on every single day, every time I hop on camera, I have a chance to fail.

Like, there's a chance that people will listen to this and not love it. I highly doubt it. I highly fucking doubt it. I haven't gotten much. I didn't like that show, like ever, right? I mean, I can tell you, I hated my shows at the very beginning. But, but dude, like, you have to embrace the possibility that you're going to fail. It's always hate this question that people ask me,

what would you do if you could take failure off the table? I go, where's the fun in that? Why are you taking failure off the table? Like, failure is information. Bingo. It's fucking information. Take the information, chew it up, swallow it and digest that shit. Because if you think for one second that that failure is going to determine that you suck,

then you don't understand how life works. And I will also add this to it. As somebody who has been fortunate enough to accomplish some fairly, you know, decent things in the short span of my life as I am still very young, right? Every time I've achieved a next level, right? I don't talk about the thing that I achieved. I talked about what I had to get through to get there, right? Like, I know it's so cliche, but like it's important.

Like cliches are cliches because they're true, right? And the whole thing is not about the destination. It's about the journey. And that is a thousand percent accurate. Because without the failure and without having to battle, like if you didn't have to truly earn something, there can't be any pride associated to it. No, zero.

And if you take failure off the table, what's it matter? Right. You knew you're going to win. And my thing is like, okay, why are you even trying to achieve things? It's because in most situations, in some capacity, you are trying to progress past the average individual.

and whatever area that is. If you take failure off the table, everybody will compete. And everybody will quote unquote win. So it's not special anyway. So you're not going to even have the pride that you think you're going to have from this, you know, theoretical win that you're going to have because it doesn't exist because you took failure off table. Like we're getting very philosophical, y'all in this episode.

I didn't see it coming. I like it though. I love it. I love it. Dude, I mean, listen, we all have big dreams, right? And you need to, for me, I like to have these telescopic goals that are fucking moon shots, right? Like they're way out there.

And then the microscopic goals are the everyday things that I have to do. I look through the microscope and I have to do in order to get there. Granted, I am so much better at doing that for my show and my brand. You know, I need to get better at being back on my fitness like that. But I do believe there's seasons, man. I do believe there's seasons. And right now I'm in a season where, dude, if I'm in survival mode, I'm doing the things that I need to do.

I'm working out three days a week. You know, I'll get back to the five days a week. You know, I'll get back there. But for right now, I need to be, okay, let's just do what we need to do to fucking power through what's going on in your life right now and prepare yourself for the next version of Sean. Because that's what it's all about. That's what life's about.

And I always like to play then. Dude, and like I always like to say this for within the plane, man. It's just like when you feel like you're withering away, and like there's nothing left in you. Make it feel symbolic, right? Like I was like, okay, ooh, this is the moment. A version of me is dying right now. And the new version is coming.

And that version is more powerful. So let's lean into the pain. Let's lean into the suffering. Cry if you have to. I lost crying driving down the road the other day. I'm with you. I don't give a shit. I'll fucking cry.

I'm at the fucking crying. I'm at the fucking stop. And the people are looking at me like, wow, you see snot to. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh, God, like a bull mastiff. I can see it. I could see it.

But yeah, man. So I just, you know, all that to say is, you know, lean into the pain and the suffering. You don't, there's a lot of people out there that like to kind of push it to the side, lean into it. Because you're not doing yourself. You're not doing your family any favors by ignoring it. So, but guys, if you love this episode, please share it out. Don't worry. There is going to be a part two.

TJ and I will get with each other and get it schedule and we'll get it out there. But, but dude, I just want to extend a major, you know, major gratitude for you. Thank you for coming on and having this amazing conversation with me and my guests. Yeah. Likewise. My audience. Yeah. No, likewise.

Seriously, you know, I really appreciate it. Because like I told you when we were texting, like, and even what we talked about today, you know, the, the opportunities like this, you know, even if it just positively impacts one person is what makes my everything that I went through worth it. Right. And so without this opportunity, I don't get that. And so I just want to say thank you. And likewise, you know, to everybody, hey, if this is valuable, my man, Sean is doing something great here. Okay, so make sure you like, comment, subscribe, turn on notifications, do all the things.

Do all this stuff, man. Like, seriously, like, it's important that you also hear from multiple people. Like, don't get stuck on one person. Like, hear as many perspectives as you can from as many people as you can because there's a lot of, a lot of smart people out there that are providing great. things and Sean is right up there with him. See why I love this guy? So great. He's playing into my ego.

I love you, man. Thank you. And I'll be in touch probably tomorrow, okay? Sounds like a plan to me. Have a good call. I'll talk to you later. Hey, appreciate you, buddy. Take care. Southwest Florida is one of the most beautiful places on the planet to live. For those of you that are thinking of moving from other states to come to Florida or even just moving to a different part of the state, I want you to think of a big, beautiful, luxury home. Contact legacy luxury builders. They are a family owned and operated luxury

residential construction company. As a family owned business, they believe in the power of building not just homes, but legacies. Contact legacy luxury builders. The nightmare feeling like you'll never measure up of constant second guessing and self-doubt. It eats away at you and destroys your confidence. I've been there too. Feeling like I didn't belong on the field with my team, but it doesn't have to stay that way. I used to compare myself to everyone around me. I thought that no matter how hard I worked, I'd never be as good as the other guys. It killed myself for me. I now help athletes develop an elite mindset, so comparison no longer controls me. We teach techniques to cut out the negative self-talk and unlock the full potential. Imagine stepping into the box when it counts the most and feeling

totally confident in your ability, feeling invincible instead of insecure, ready to seize the opportunity instead of shrinking from it. That's the mindset I help athletes develop. Don't waste another minute on comparison and self-doubt. Take control of your mindset and become the confident and stoppable competitor you were meant to be. Diem or comment below to get started with Edge and transform your mental game.