The Dick Show - Episode 112 - Dick on The Bride Catcher

Episode Date: July 24, 2018

The local bride catcher, bachelorette parties, drag shows, military parking, the last straws, freedom of speech means freedom from consequences, Chris Chan goes kiss crazy, Layc's high school boyfriend stole money from her, a Trader Joe's death trap, the parallel parking bet, Saudi Arabia's emergency woman driver number, Brittany Venti gets strangled by her ex-boyfriend, Asterios, Swatting, and Maddox calls Mental Jess' parents; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yeah, the hardest thing to get out of E now the hardest thing the hardest thing to get out of a woman is not hearing boring story And that is a lot harder to get than jerked off by feet the grail All right, unobtain him That's good dancer Shawn Yeah Welcome to the deck. You need to dig, you want to dig, you love dig, you got it, it's a show.

Where everything is a contest coming to you live from a concrete bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure, I am your host, Dick Masterson. 20 million dollar man. With me is always a Sean the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up buddy, joining us early,

because we didn't want, I didn't want to start until you got here, so I knew you were gonna be here. Because we've had so many problems getting going here. It's Lacey. Lacey, no problem. What is your name? What is your fake name? Lacey Lotties.

Oh, Lacey Nicole. Lacey Nicole. That's my name. Okay, oh, that's your playboy name. That's what I'm going with as a disguise. That's good. That's what you type in Lacey and Looney, which is your actual name.

Exactly, but. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah know why I said those things. All right, Sean, how you doing? The bonus episode was fantastic that we recorded. Well, I didn't get to answer. How are you doing? All right, I'm pretty good.

Pretty good. I ate like five pancakes today. So I'm good. Yeah, so I'm crashing right now. So we're starting the worst thing I could eat because I have a lot of self-loathing. What the fuck was that? What is going on?

How did your pot filter get 12 feet away from there? What? I just, who was that? Who's touching that? I just packed studio audience. I just went to move my hair in that, it was in the way. Okay, all right. All right, all right, all right, I'll fix it.

Okay, everybody, go on to hell. Can we start? No, we've got a packed studio audience. Johnny the audio engineer. Here, welcome buddy go on to hell. We've got a pack studio audience, Johnny the audio engineer. Here, welcome, buddy. Nice thumbs up, because you know that no one can hear you if you respond any other way. What a professional.

What a goddamn professional anyway, is that I was saying the bonus episode we recorded was fantastic. People are raving about it. They can't stop talking about how hilarious it was. You know what, that's, I'm glad, because I went to mix it. I had such a good time here.

It was just slappy and goofy and all those things that happened when we started like 8, 8, 8, 15 at night after working in my case, drinking all day in your case. And I went to mix it the next day. And I was like, God, I am so fucking bored. I'm so bored. I was like, I remember this being hilarious. And then Max beard his invention.

Yeah. And it completely to me changed the whole show and he'll let one. The exploding dog one. Yeah. Yeah, the coating of all of a sudden, the gray that you put on the ground and then when dogs shit or piss on it, lazy, it's an invention that you spray on the ground like a type of paint or a polymer or something and you spray it on the ground and then when dogs

shit or pee on the ground, it reacts and explodes. I need that. Yeah, it's a great invention. That was the, that was the invention of the episode that we discovered. Yeah, it changed completely the complexion of the episode and then it was off to the races from, oh yeah. Okay, you didn't like that part about Maddox calling mental Jess's parents. You didn't like that part. You were bored during that part. I just remember. I'm trying to get mental much funnier. I'm trying to get mental, excuse me, mental, Jess, because I don't want to, someone wants to call into the show. I don't want to call them names preemptively,

implying that they have some kind of mental issues. You know, mental, Jess, she likes to call. She's trying to, I wanted to call in, and she said that, she said, Maddox told her she'll go to jail if she calls into the show because 80's girl has a restraining order against her, which she deserves for calling people's work

and trying to get them fired. Yes, that's the perfect application of a restraining order. I don't have the restraining order. No. You can call me. I'm not afraid of any of that. Call my work. Tell them I'm not allowed to be around children.

They'll say, oh, we know. That don't work. Being around kids is the last place. We're gonna have that guy. Your nephews have been interviewed extensively. Oh, yeah. We'll walk right into a bunch of kids. Hey, so you guys like being part

of the Prussian Military institution? Because that's what school's all about. The reports of schools about children's hands on their head. The reports of school's about children's hands on their head. The reports of school's about children's hands on their head. The reports of school's about children's hands on their head. The reports of school's about children's hands on their head. The reports of of schools about children's hands on their head. They're all Bay Authority and babysitting you. So the entire country can be converted into a two-income gynecrasie. Oh boy. That's what it's, I'm gonna start there.

They don't want that anywhere around. And then get advanced on that. They don't want to start dropping red pills on them. Right? Yeah, sure. Yeah, anyway, I'm trying to get mental justice to Colin. Yeah. And Maddox caught Wendt of this and he called her parents

allegedly. I mean, that's, I can't stop laughing about it. It's pretty great. I can't stop laughing about it. That's true. That happened in the early part of the episode. Yeah. You're right, there's a lot of funny stuff.

Hey, I don't know if you, I don't know if you guys remember me. Your daughter's probably fucked a bunch of other guys since we broke up because it was a couple of weeks ago, but you may remember me pounding on the door of the court trying to get in to see the judge. Remember me. Yeah, I was the guy that wrote that brilliant defense of your daughter for her restraining order. And then later used it as a lawsuit. Yeah. I'm a writer. That's what I do. It's what I'm,

maybe that's how you'd remember me. But, just wanted to let you know that if Jess calls into Dick Masterson's podcast, she's going straight directly to jail. Yeah, do not pass go, go directly to jail. I had some goss this episode. It was not that. I have a big, big heaping helping of goss this episode. It was not that. I have a big, big heaping helping of goss.

I might tell you, Sean, after the show, but otherwise I can't say anything because it is, it is, it is a bit fucked. Well, that's the biggest cock tease of all time. I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I announced it on Twitter. I'm worried, because he said might. And my reference to me, like, I might not even get to I might. I might reference to me,

like I might not even get to hear it. I might not even tell, I might not even tell you, Lacey. How can you keep this to yourself? I have to. I have an obligation to these, to people. Can you give a hint? Yeah.

Um, I, I, Maddox is, Maddox is making legal threats way, way above his weight class now. Oh, really? Way above. Well, yeah. He, he fucked over his stereos pretty good.

But his stereos is like a nice guy. Yeah. Stereos likes to keep it all in the legal system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a rely on lawyers and he likes to like play by the book and not talk about lawsuits while they're happening. Yeah. If Maddox continues down this path, he's, he's punching way above

his weight classic. Well, he's not picking on comedians anymore. If he, so, no, I'm not going to talk about it because I don't want to fuck over, uh, everyone like usual. No, sure. But that's planned for it. Guys like Maddox, who were raised by the internet and have, I thought you were going to say and gambling at it. That's what he was raised by. Well, them and the internet, it was a weird three-parent household. Who scream at each other and in whatever, what is he? Armenians.

Scream at each other. It's so uncomfortable. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hear. Maddox's mom is the kind of, if you put the phone in a coffin and give it a C burial, you could still hear her screaming out of the phone as it goes down. Well, I'm not saying that this should happen or that I want it to happen or anything like that, but you don't always know who you're fucking with and what they're capable of.

And things happen that are well outside the rules of society and you've got to keep in the back of your mind that that might happen. That that might happen. You don't know who you're fucking with. People don't know other people. I want to be a rodeo clown. I want to get the ballless bull,

the mad ox, and say, we're just keep it on me, man. Keep it on me, there's plenty to mock here. There's no need to go after the rodeo clown. Let everybody else get out of the ring. Keep it on me. Yeah, well, you put giant pussy who won't sue me in California, gigantic pussy. A real man would sue me in California. A real man would sue me in California, gigantic pussy. A real man would sue me in California.

A real man would sue me in California and wouldn't involve other people, threaten other people, call their off, call their place of business, sue me on the moon, stuff a real man would sue me in California. But he's not an ex-exist, he's a real man. So that's all, all right. Let me, road rage Atlanta,

gonna be in like a week and a half. Yeah. Cuck Sockers are gonna be opening for us. Yeah, it's very cool. Rikki, I think Rikki is gonna be there. Yeah. Yeah. A stereo Scott his show going again, which I think is entirely thanks to my bullying.

Wow. Okay. Okay. I'll talk about this later, but I woke up and I had a couple emails between him and Diego saying that he was just gonna cancel, but now it's full steam, full steam ahead. The brand new venue, the Asterios show canos is what he's calling it. It should be very, very exciting. We know anything about Asterios. We know it'll be very exciting and then we're gonna go out and we're going, go out and have a couple drinks after that. That'll be it, then it's time for our show. very exciting and then we're gonna go out and go out and have a couple drinks after that.

That'll be it. Then it's time for our show. Which I hope a Stereo's will be at. I haven't heard from him in a while. He's doing it on Friday night. Yeah. That's the a Stereo's Shokenos at another place. Which I guess you can find out at online or something like that. Okay. Let me tell you what makes me rage this week. Let's start with... Oh, let's start with brides, Sean. Okay. You ever met a bride?

I have before. Yeah. Yeah, nothing will fix your desire to get married like a bride. Well, upcoming bride. We went to Palm Desert for the weekend. Me and the mean 80s girl and Jamie, we went to a drag show. Yeah, I got dragged to a drag, I got dragged to a drag show.

Okay. Where men will dress up as women, dress up as gay icons, like Liza Manelli and Pink and Chair. And then they do. They sing their songs. You know, it's fun. It's a good time, I guess, for a good time if you... Well, it's a good time if you like seeing men wearing shitloads of makeup and dressing up and pantomiming songs the two songs that are popular in the gay community, I guess, but this show, seeing it, seeing it, what do you think?

It was fun. I mean, it was fun. It was funny. This show was so lousy with brides and bridal showers that it made, I didn't think I could hate weddings. Again, at this point in my life, because that's like a young 20s thing that you go through when you're a younger man, you get real angry about,

you get real, you wanna really red pill everybody about weddings for some reason. I still hate weddings. Oh my God. This renewed, this renewed every ounce of hatred I have for weddings in every fiber of my body. From back with an intensity that I have never felt in my younger days, where these goddamn brides

and their bridal showers. They need a number. They need a number where you can call if brides are getting too out of control and a guy will a guy in a uniform will show up with a long stick with a loop on the end and loop it around her head and drag them out of the establishment one by one. Yeah, because there's no stopping them. There's no stopping their wild attention-horring and their entitlement and their constant unfunny outbursts that ruin anything, any show, any bar, any establishment, the hooting and the hollering

is more obnoxious than what we generally do at bars. Yes, it is. It really is, every single. Because somehow it's louder, because of the tonality of the voices. And it is erratic and weird, and it doesn't go anywhere. The store, like just giving them, giving them one second of attention.

For them to talk about their upcoming nuptials is like just asking someone to dump scrabble on the ground and say go ahead. Try to put something together out of this that you can use. An absolute nonsense. It's like a child's birthday party at Chuckie Cheese. They bring them out one by one. What's your name? Amanda, that's great. What does your husband do? He's in construction Also, oh, that's fantastic. Bitton wins the wedding. Why are you smiling like a fuck like the fucking crypt keeper up here about that?

Who is your dear? What does he do? It's every single time up here about that. Who is your dad? What does he do? Every single time. It might as well have been an animatronic trucky cheese up there going and who is our next bride? Great and they run up like they're so excited. Oh, they're excited, Dick.

Way too excited. Katie, where are you from? Antimacula! What's your, who's you daddy? What does he do? He's in construction. He's also a retired veteran What the what is that half what what do you want a prize for that maybe why is that why does that matter? well Maybe she can get a discount on something Well Maybe she can get a discount on something

Daughter of a veteran. I don't know. You know what they had veteran Remember you talked about the the handicap fries. They had a they had handicap. They had veteran parking Yeah at the outlets disabled veteran parking Just veteran parking. Yeah, it's great It's the greatest thing in the veteran just pull right into one of the spaces Oh, yeah, it's a lot easier for me to fake like I'm in the army than it is like I'm pregnant. Which I also park in. That's a fair point.

It's a lot easier for me to fake than I'm in the army. Well, you identify as a pregnant woman. Yeah, my car identifies as an electric car. Yeah. So whatever those are, I just park in and then just stick it where the gas goes. Wherever, I don't know. That's not working.

It knows what to do with it. I'm pretty sure this is an electric car. It's America. You can be as stupid as you want. And nothing will happen to you. Brides, just, that's a rage. It's like chalkboard and nails on the inside of your head. Yeah.

All of them. And they stick it to everybody. There's nobody safe there like Godzilla. Every one of their friends is forced to pay hundreds of dollars for the ugliest dresser. Can you imagine you coming to me? Hey, the bride's bates always get fucked. I'm gonna go get resurcomp size

and I need you to wear a $400 shirt. I need you to wear a suit that says Sean's getting resurcom sized on it and it costs $400 because it's custom. I know. That's what they do. That's what they do to celebrate their wedding to their construction workers slash retired army veteran guy. I think the brides intentionally pick out the most hideous bridesmaids outfit, so they don't. Nobody takes the spotlight away from them because why not? Damn, it's like, what? Nobody would ever wear that in any situation in society for any party or festival or whatever.

God, it's drove me fucking crazy. And I watched this poor old drag queen up there trying to MC the show and just fucking shovel these pigs up in front of. All right, what are you? When are you getting married? It's time for your show and tell you fucking bitch get. All right, get off the stage. It's great. here's a drink,

here's a fucking necklace for you that I got out of the Oriental Trading Magazine. Like a counting factor. A failure procession. It's demented, it's demented these brides. Demented screaming about the infidelities they're having on their stupid bridal, on their stupid bridal under-stupid trip.

It really made me hate weddings again. Good, and I didn't for a long time. Well, let me see if I had anything else. So, it was you have to go back to understanding the fact that you were right in the first place. Yeah, I've reassessed and you know what, I don't think I hate them.

Oh no, I was right. Yeah, I was right. I was very right about it. I don you know what? I don't think I hate him. Oh no, I was right. Yeah, I was right. I was very right about it. I don't like it because I don't like dressing up in hot clothes. 2.3 million couples are wet every year in the US. It's a lot of, see, we could make drugs legal. We empty the black fathers at a prison, send them back home,

and we fill it with brides. We fill prison with brides. We fill prison with brides, they get too out of control, just send out the bride catcher. Bring them on in. Got one of those loops on the end of a pole, you used to control a pit bull. Yep. Throw them in. Too much celebrating. Right. Mm-hmm. Hope you had fun. You enjoy these walls, six by nine cell, until you're wetting, trinkum if you have to. Definitely, trinkum. Fill the darts with white zinfin d'el.

Or whatever, whatever they drink. Sand, sangria, they drink everything. They drink tequila. That's what they drink. Well, they can't shut the fuck up about it either. Ah, well, there you go. Lacey, have you been a bridesmaid? Speaking that I just was actually last weekend.

Ugly dress? Well, we got to pick out our own dresses. Oh, okay, well, did you just pick one that you already had? Thank you. No, that's not an option. Requested us to wear long dresses, which long dresses don't look great on me.

So I thought a dress that was shinlink, caused a stir. Really? But I was still a bridesmaid. This is our boomer culture. This is our boomer culture. Yeah. This wedding shit that we subject each other to. Your misexpenditures of cash, treating our friends like shit,

like absolute shit, you buy the fucking dress. So important, you know what, make it. You'll have fun. Order a kit from imajiganticunt.com where you can make all the bridesmaid dresses for your fucking friends that you expect them to pay for. Line it up. If you're a bride out there, make a spreadsheet, put down the cost of every dress that you're making your friends buy, slap minimum wage on it,

and see how much of their life you're asking your fucking friends to dedicate to you. Cause I bet it's more than you're comfortable with. And then destination weddings on top of that. Oh, I don't even wanna get into those. Oh, God, these fucking brides. See, it's just so I don't relate to it because all of it, because I hate making a big deal out of anything. I want my birthday to go past unnoticed.

I want all of that. I do not want attention, drawn. But apparently, like I'm in the minority because people celebrate birthday weeks. They make a huge event of a wedding and they spend tens of thousands of dollars. 20,000 average wedding budget is 20 grand. I'm actually surprised. I'm surprised it's that little, frankly. 72 billion per year. Spent on weddings. 20,000 dollars.

I think you get a health care of your entire life with that amount of money. Oh, damn. Yeah. A bunch of other stupid stats. Okay. I guess that's all I had about that. Well, I'm glad you're back on the right side. I'm really, really aggressively hating those.

Yeah, good for you. I see. And you've grown as a human being. Thank you. You know what else makes me a rage this week is freedom, freedom of speech, as if you've heard this one, freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences.

Yeah, I've heard that expression. I'm gonna drown the next person that tells me that. I'm gonna track them down, not hire a PR firm and find them. Okay. People say it like a fucking parrot. Yeah, they say it like if somebody discovered the meaning of life, they would rather say, freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences.

They sound like muppets every time. Like how fucking proud of yourself for you that you endlessly repeat them is this a meme that you read on the fucking internet? Freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequence. Do you get paid? Do you get, like, five cents every time you say that you stupid motherfucker?

What's the point? Is it this that freedom isn't free? You know what? At least that's kind of true. Yeah, freedom's not free. It takes some amount of money to defend it and some amount of time, everybody's time to defend it, but free to speak.

But freedom of speech and the consequences is true too. No, no, why not? How is the fuck is it free if there are consequences? Well, because you're free to say whatever you want. We'll just throw you in jail if you do it. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you're free to say whatever you want, we'll just throw you in jail if you do it. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no But that's what it is, but that's not good. That's freedom of speech is laid out as per law. It's it needs to be more Sean. All right. Well, that's a nice. That's a different conversation. If that's your bare minimum freedom of speech means freedom That means that means if you speak out against the government, you don't go to jail We could get away with a lot of stuff and keep it in the law that I don't think we want to do

I'm just saying what it is. Well, it's pissed me off. Yes, I can tell. This week freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences. Like what are you saying? Like a parrot. Because there's so many people saying it all day,

every day. Freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom of consequences. Freedom of speech. It does mean freedom from fucking consequences. That's the whole point. That's why we created it. Otherwise, you can just be banned in a zillion other ways. That's the whole point is that the idea of sharing your own ideas

and expressing yourself is important to us. It's not that it is. Yeah, it is, but that's not how when money comes into it, that's not how it plays out in practice. It's a bunch of bootlicking, toadying fascists that are trying to shortcut the system by just inventing a new platform. Wow, it's not the law anymore, but it is a system that you can't avoid and that you have to live in at all times governed entirely by corporations who are extra legal.

So you're fine. So, you know what? So we slap this on a fucking bumper sticker. Well, because the ones who pay set the morality and they react to public backlash or perceived public backlash. Then what the fuck is the point? Then what is the point of it? That's what I'm saying freedom of speech.

Yeah, if it's simply to keep you out of jail, you get simply to only ensure that you get fired, not that you get put away in prison. If the point is that there's gonna be consequences no matter what, how the fuck is it free? That's what I'm saying. How are all of these assholes? Because morals and what is acceptable

in society change over the years. They just do. You can't say things today that you, without consequences that you could 50 years ago. That's a big problem. We should be going the other way. I don't like the direction it's going at all. And I don't think you or I are alone in that. There's quite a bit of backlash on social

media going, I ain't okay with this. I don't know. All I see is freedom of speech. Doesn't mean freedom from consequences. Yeah, it does. Yes, it does. That's the whole point. It does. Well, it does mean that. Okay. Freedom of speech does mean freedom from Consequences or else you're not fucking free to say what you want. That's the whole fucking point you stupid asshole is that it is free I don't care making a pedantic argument. It's not a pedantic army because you can't you can't say whatever you want now You get immediately fired any jokes may be fired jokes from five years ago It depends on how visible you are. So what if did you grow likes to see illustrations of little girls getting fuck yeah he could fire

no no okay good no he would have though maybe if he was on a big enough platform we would have enough people looking at if you were big enough company that's f- it's really it that phrase for some reason that phrase annoys me so much because it's gigantically missing the point That phrase for some reason, that phrase annoys me so much because it's gigantically missing the point. Gigantically. Okay.

Sean, what? And you're arguing for the side of these people. I'm telling you what it is. I'm telling you that it is, I'm a pragmatist when it comes to that kind of stuff. I understand that it's bullshit. The fucking British over here. I understand it's bullshit.

You'd be totally on their side. What the British? Yeah. Why? Guys, come on. We might as well stay a commonwealth. Why do we need our own country? It's so much work.

Why do we need to have a United States? Let's just be pragmatic about, let's be pragmatic about this. That's you. That's you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, Mr. European Sean with your B-NAC and you know, if I was in the, if I was a, if I was a colonist, oh, well, you know, well, but the taxation thing was bullshit. This is what I'm saying. This is why it's stupid. If you don't get representation, then that's something else. How much do you think they were taxed? A ton.

More than we are now. I don't know. No, fuck it, I'm not sure. They were complaining about like two cent taxes on, well, two cents was more than two cents, but also, but we've been taxed much higher in the past in the 20th century, much higher in the past than we are now.

That's not good. No, not even close. I bet that they were taxed, I bet that they were taxed like 2% or 1% I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if they threw a fit about. Now it was in 30. Yeah, but no, what they threw a fit about was that they were not represented in parliament at all.

See, I bet that was just a meme. A meme? Yeah. I bet that was this is like, well, we can't have meme like a long, but it did like one of those memes just circulate over to other countries now? It took so long. What do you mean?

How could a meme, how quickly could a meme get around? You're sitting right next to it, motherfucker. That flag is based on the original meme that was don't tread on me. Yeah, they had a fucking 4chan guys carrying it around in every city. Freedom from speech means freedom from consequences. That's the whole fucking point.

Is that, is that, we should have that. If that's the hill you wanna die on, be my guest. No, that's the hill I'm gonna fucking murder people on. I'm not dying for it. I'm taking every one of them down and then I'm going to the next one. I'll fight them on this hill. I'll fight them in the streets. I will fight them in the fields. I'll fight them in the fields. Right. What else is there? And in the all-gender bathrooms, every which way I'll fight them. I don't die on the hill.

Trying to think of another one. What movie is that from what's Churchill? No, I know, but what there's another movie that it's from it's not about dying for your country It's about you killing the other guy for your country. Well, yeah, is that patent? I don't know, but that's a much better way to look at it Yeah, you know what else is a better way to look at it? What freedom is not mean freedom from consequences? Fuck off. It's not the way it works But it's it's that's the point. Yes, it wasn't always the way it worked when people said freedom of speech means freedom from legal God was like well There's got to be some legal consequences otherwise people could say absolutely anything they could say fuck the king

We can't have that yes fuck the king say anything you want freedom and that that yes, fuck the king, say anything you want, freedom, and that was the difference between the US and Britain. Because in Britain, you could say fuck the king and have got legal consequences, real ramacons, consequences. What does it matter if they're legal? Well, you can say fuck the king in the United States. No consequences. Yeah.

That's what I mean. You can't say a lot of other stuff though. I know. I'm talking about James gun. If anybody's confused. Yeah. You know what I mean. You can't say a lot of other stuff though. I know. I'm talking about James Gunn, if anybody's confused. Yeah, you know what happened with James. Lacey, I know you know what happened when James Gunn. No, James Gunn. James Gunn.

It was the Guardians of the Galaxy. Of the first two Guardians. Oh, yeah. I saw that. You got fired. Cause he said, uh, he said he likes to see little boys naked or something like that. Now you made like from 2000. He made a lot of pedophile based jokes.

Why is it? He said something about not getting, I bet something about rate victims and then like, I bet when it's over, they're like, oh, I'm so glad I'm not getting. That was a great time. He made a lot of not funny jokes. Oh, it's not very funny. Yeah, shouldn't it gotten fired? Well, yeah, but you know, freedom of speech

doesn't mean freedom from consequences. So, shouldn't it gotten fired? No, no, no, I'm just saying, that's the real world. I'm on the side, it is. I'm on the side of no, of that it should be. You should be able to say stuff like that. But I'm saying it doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way. Yes. That's right. It fucking should. Even though I hate that guy. Yeah. Because like he was,

he was all as soon as Rosanne got done and he was like, oh yeah, Rosanne, that's despicable. You got freedom of speech. Doesn't mean freedom of consequences. They should. They absolutely had to fire. It's like, yeah, well, I mean, you've been going around kicking people in the nuts. And now you got kicked in the nuts. So I think, now that's what you get. Still, no, yeah, it's just the fact. When money and reputation comes into it,

stop saying it's just the facts. It is whatever we want it to be. The, we do not have to explain the behavior of giant corporations they do whatever the fuck we want. We need to start exercising that ability. Okay, how? I don't know. There you go.

That's memes, better memes. Yeah, better memes. Freedom of B. Does it mean freedom of Gated Granted? Shut the fuck up, shut up, shut the fuck up. Stop talking for a year if that's your only, if that's what nuance is to you, beat him a beat, beat him a beat, beat him a beat, if that's what all of it means to you, if you've boiled it down to that, just go to your fucking room.

I really hate it. Huh? I don't have to think anymore. I got a rhyming little fucking slogan, like a big bumper sticker I duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh Think again, nobody will look at anything again and it'll be packs fucking humana for the rest of time. I don't like where it's at. Good. I didn't think you would. No. It's gross though.

Why so many, why so many people like making petafiled jokes? Have you ever, cause it's shocking? Is it, is that left right thing? A left right, what do you mean? Yeah, like a left politically left right thing. Is it, I don't know. Is it one side that likes to do more pedophile jokes than the other side?

I don't think so. Is that one hung around, I hang around. All conservative people, nobody's cracking ever cracking pedophile jokes. Only jokes about women. Yeah. Which are, I guess you fired only jokes about women and minorities and races.

Yeah. I don't know. Is that because they're the ones doing it? What do you mean? Oh, because the right is, are the pedophiles? So they don't joke about it? Oh, you think the right serve? Are the pedophiles Miss Hollywood?

So you think you better go around and do a little roll call about the missing little boys in Hollywood before you start throwing stones. And that's an area. But keep opening all these pizza restaurants everywhere. It's really weird. I'm just rambling about this stupid thing, but I really hate that meme.

Okay, fair enough. And it's scary. Fair enough. Yeah. Freedom of speech. Doesn't mean freedom from consequences. Yeah, it does. So then what? So what the government doesn't like it,

they just contract Haliburton to kill you? Like there's a lot of ways, if you don't understand the core conceit of this concept, which is you should be able to say stuff then just shut up and let the people who do understand it deal with it. If you're joining in, I want to bop bop bop bop, if you're joining in like a seagull on the other side, shut up, shut the fuck up. Okay. All right. You got it. I still don't think you understand it, but there is no difference between a, between a legal and a corporate business and a corporate.

There's no difference between the exercise of power on the individual. There's no difference. Okay. There's no difference. Okay. But you saying the consequences are all the same? Yes. No.

No. Yeah. That's laughably false. What do you mean? Do you want to go sit in jail for the rest of your life? Because you're an enemy of the state or do you get fired and go to another job? Yeah, but there's no chance of me sitting in jail for the rest of my life. There's only chance in this country. Not in this country. We We gotta do better. We do have to do better. We do have to do better. All right, delete your tweets too. Yeah, well just don't tweet, stop tweeting.

No, but this is what they want. That's what I'm saying. Just do something else. Well, I'm saying that for, because I'm a guy who wouldn't tweet. So that's why I'm coming out of from my perspective. Gibson for Guardians, too. We gotta get Mel Gibson to direct that movie now.

Gibson for Guardians? Yeah. I got one, I got a couple more, one other more thing. That guy, that guy worked his way. Can you be a beer, please? That guy worked his way back into Hollywood. Oh wow. Wow.

Right there waiting for him. That guy really worked his way back into Hollywood. It's kind of amazing. I didn't think he could ever get back in pretty good graces. People are like, uh, people kind of forget, you know? It's, people, because most of us didn't really give a shit the first time he went. Well, no, that's absolutely true.

Oh yeah, that was so bad. He called that cop sugar tits. Oh my God. Can you believe that? I think they're, I called my dad. Right, I think they're talking, did you hear what Mel Gibson said? They're talking about the ju,

they're talking about the ju stuff. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. But really a lot, I'm so fucking offended. A lot of people, a lot of people didn't care. Give me a fucking break. Yeah, a lot of people didn't care. You and I both know a cop who knew that guy very well.

That, that Gibson? No, no, no, no Gibson no no no no no no no No, the no the the the Jewish officer. Oh, she was someone was Jewish. This was a different Well, yeah, he was talking about how all the Jews start all the wars and all that kind of stuff that was on the same arrest Oh, but no, but he doesn't that doesn't mean that he knew Somebody was Jewish. He's probably just talking about that. No, no, he knew he knew this he had worked with this cop Before you you know who I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he said that, he was like, he's like that fucking guy to like go public with that. He goes, every cop has been called every name in the fucking book. It's just part of the job. He goes the black officer's part of electively being a fascist rule-today. Oh God. He was the black officers. You don't have to arrest people for drugs or give them speeding tickets. Do you? No. I don't. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. You don't. I don't do. I I slack off a lot on my job? Yeah, okay. Right. Yes. This could have been eight pages long, but it's not true, because I elected not to. Yeah, you have choices. Oh, it's the job. Oh, I got it, okay. Yeah, everyone.

I'm just saying, he was on the side of like, why would that even become a story? Because the cop was playing it up too much. That's what you're saying. He's saying good about it. Welcome to the club. Like it's every cop gets called everything. Like why didn't the news, when it happened,

did they go like, oh yeah, Mel Gibson said all that stuff. Uh oh, did you cry when he said it? Like did it really hurt your feelings? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't take pieces yet. This is it. Oh yeah, did it really, did you go home

and like did you call your mom and say, oh, I had a really rough day being a cop today of Mel Gibson and said that she was called all the war, caused all the wars in the world. How can you believe that? Uh, yeah. She fucking take a bath. Oh, yeah. Do you fucking take a bath? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, whatever. I'm just saying, as we get away from, look, at one point, we were, we were futile. And whoever had the power would just run everybody. And you didn't have a choice in the matter. You had to do it. If you weren't working, if you weren't working with your tribe, you just run everybody, and you didn't have a choice in the matter. You had to do it. If you weren't working, if you weren't working with your tribe, you just killed, right?

And we had a little bit of a kind of a basic government, and it gets too powerful and out of control, and it starts suppressing people. There's no doubt that's true. So we had a democracy where we had this idea of speech, and that you could express yourself and not just the speech. It doesn't say just speech in the first amendment. It's expression in general, idea of speech and that you can express yourself and not just the speech.

It doesn't say just speech in the First Amendment. It's expression in general, but they artistically focus on the speech for some reason. And it's getting bigger. The system is getting bigger and too powerful and it's becoming a cybernetic all permeating being that controls us to say that it's that these consequences that we should be subject to any consequences at all is backwards. Well, that's what I'm saying. The government doesn't get smaller. And that's the when things grow, it's so far up to this point, it's been, it's been, has the government ever lost people or closed down things without, without,

rings of it, branches of it, without replacing it with something else. I don't think they've ever closed down a single branch. I mean, I think, what, no, I mean, not the actual three branches of government, but, but I mean, I don't know, um, committees, things like that. I mean, they've probably been dissolved but now more pop up to take their place the government doesn't shrink so the only thing that exists is leverage over you as the individual

but that's it yeah unfortunately unfortunately were underrepresented as we've discussed on the show before in government how they cap the house for thirty five35, which is appalled, absolutely ridiculous. Yeah. The only thing that exists is the leverage other people have over you. Doesn't matter who has it. Okay.

Co-op company, government, whatever. That's what effectively, that's what is effectively controlling you. Yeah. That's it. Doesn't matter. You don't need to put an asterisks, asterisks on the meme. Freedom of speech means no fucking consequences.

All right. That's it. That's all I'm saying, Sean. That's all I'm saying. I also got a problem with straws. Have you ever used a paper straw? No, a paper straw. A paper straw?

Let me let that bond go. Yeah, sorry. You ever used a paper straw. No, a paper straw. A paper straw? Let me let that bond go. Yeah, sorry. I'm sorry. Have you ever used a paper straw? Life, they're such things as paper straws. Yes, because our thing that we like to do is take innovations and just slowly whittle them away and ruin them because we collectively hate our dads so much.

Like the urinal that doesn't flush anymore. Like the urinal that doesn't flush anymore. The urinal that doesn't fucking flush anymore and cars that don't, that feel like you're driving a four-wheeled vagina because they have absolutely no power at all. Lacey, do you want a man who drives a V8 or a guy who drives an eco-friendly twin V6? A V8.

V8. A V8. V8. Oh my gosh. Nuclear power, let's just pretend it doesn't exist. We're doing the same thing to nukes that we drink the same thing to straws that we did with the nuclear power plant. Yeah.

You might as well be drinking out of your fist, trying to make it into a tube, sucking it through rather than deal with a paper straw. They last about three sucks. They last about two inches of whatever you're drinking. I never see a paper straw. And they completely fucking fall apart. Where can you get a paper straw?

Have you been to any cafe in Los Angeles? Any cafe in Los Angeles. Starbucks is doing away with the straw. God damn. Replacing it with eco-friendly fucked straws that will sit in your drink and immediately degrade into nothing. They're made out of the listarine strips for the fucking environment.

You know what? Fuck NASA. And then it gets in your drink, like, that's a stupid idea. It gets all over your mouth and your teeth. You're just sitting there. You know, when you've never seen one of these. What do they have to see what one is like? I'll bring you a whole pack of paper straws.

And I'll never use them. One of the greatest pleasures in life is sitting there chewing the fuck out of a straw. Just gnawing it up until you can't get so much aggression on that fucking thing. And you bite until you could never, you can't even tell it was a straw. It's just a mess.

People say, oh, you spit out your gum on the table. No, that's a straw that I chewed up into a mess. I know I used to chew straws all the time. You get the, yeah. Yeah, I know it's like they're a sign. It's therapeutic. They're going away. Essles have, they've un-invented the straw.

Yeah, that's, yeah. They make them all like, do you do like de-engineer things? Or just, constantly. So, fuck make them all like do engineer things or just Constantly. Yeah, so fuck Pro fuck science fuck research Fuck NASA until you guys restore Everything to what it was put the paper Back in the bathroom put the flusher

Back in the urinal put the V8 back in the Car and then you can then you can get Back into space then you can resume Research but until then then you can resume research, but until then, fuck you. I'm really concerned about the flusher in the urinal. One turtle, one YouTube of a turtle with a straw stuck in its nose, that's the end of the straw. That's all it takes anymore.

Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. Did you see that fucking turtle though that had an awesome, bionic plastic nostril that was kick ass and better than all the other turtles, that shit's gonna last 5,000 years that motherfucker had. He doesn't have to come up for air. Yeah.

He's like snorkel his whole life. Oh, it's so sad. I can't stop thinking about that fucking turtle. Really how much money did you send to Africa this year? None. We gotta keep our own, we gotta to keep all our goddamn turtles safe. That's true that a very small thing can get shared so quickly and cause this huge uproar and cause because everybody's a goddamn child. They can't stop the, everything we're going to do about

a bigger problem than it is. What are we going to do about these turtles with the straws in their nose? We're going to ignore them because we're adults. That's what we're going to do. We're going to just choose to stop thinking about it. These are the stupid turtles that you don't want in there anyway. There's not, you can't have freedom of turtles without freedom of consequences, Sean. Well, that's, that's, that's the consequence. They get straws up their nose. They get straws up their noses. They get straws up their noses. They die off and you don't have that anymore. Oh, I'm gonna play song.

I'm so angry about that meme. The freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom, but I'm gonna get to acquaintance. That was a mad cuck's impression. I wasn't insensitively mocking the mentally disabled and just wanna know. Oh, let's see. This is from,

this is from, I think this is Todd Sidel. Oh, this is Ethan Cantrell and Todd Sidel. Oh boy. He was real happy about you. Cantrell and Sidel. Cantrell and Sidel, he was real happy about your comments about his bass playing. You remember that?

Yeah. Yeah, no man, he's a real bass player. Yeah. Because you can always tell when it's a guitar player playing bass. Like I play bass lame. It's you come at it from a different guitar players suck. As far as like it's a different approach, man. It's a different approach. The it's different melodies. It's yeah. Yeah. Guitar players playing bass are generally fucking lame.

I've never played a bass before, but I imagine I could do it very well because the secret to playing bass is the dancing around. Oh, okay. I like to say. Everybody has to imitate flea. Oh, yeah. First of all, you don't need to be hooked up because no one can hear the fucking bass except sound engineers, other bass players, no one fucking cares.

You could feel it outside the club, though. Yeah, you could feel something inside the club. That's what I'm talking about. The trick is to dance around, get in people's faces, and then talk about how the band is a team and a family a lot so they don't immediately hit you. That's the secret to being a good bass player. And I think I can do that. Okay, this is Ethan Cantrell. It's called mustard chugalug featuring Todd Sidel.

Nice. Let's fuck on straight cats. Yeah. Is it? Yeah. I was one night, when I said it can't be, It's not about to take the spotlight Well the faces went with stuff with their side And they were all lower balls, Telling you're the way of pride, And whatever's next I tell you, We just wasn't right Well, Mack, a sharp job,

Doesn't start any game as big as me The day every day can be, This shirt is at me With beats to clear, I think so. I think so. Better not. I think so better not up There's that bass I just plan it up upright, but... I can do that. On the record, it's slapped, though. I can...

Lazy, do you see this picture? Did you see the mustard drinking? That was something. It was closed. It was closed. It was very close. Close to vomiting on his head. Peach and I drank the whole pint of mustard.

It was disgusting. Oh my God. Mustard. It was this guest. Oh my God. There we go. You know what I always think about those, what's that style? What would you call that style, Sean?

Well, that's rockabilly. Rockabilly. Their intros are never long enough. Or their outros are never long enough. They wrap it. It's always wrapped up with a nice neat bow, isn't it? They need like, never heard too long of an outro on a rock ability, like, it's just should just go like,

I want like an hour and a half of like, boi-ing, boi-ing, boi-ing, boi-ing, boi-ing, you want the boi-ing to have a down-to-down, for rock ability songs? This is a bound down. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh brown, brown, put it up, put it up, put it up, put it up. No. You know what I hate it though. I hate, I fucking hate those long-ass

that they always do. Thanks guys, thanks for this song. Okay, Lacey, do you wanna do... That outro was longer than this long. It was. It definitely was. Do you wanna do, do you wanna do news? I've got some news.

I'm so happy to see you here. I'm so happy to be here. Freedom of speech. Freedom of speech. Means what? No consequences. No consequences. Consequences are for boomers.

That's the consequences are for boomers. That's... Consequences are for boomers. That's the... I understand the literal interpretation is correct. No. Oh, no, no. No. I'm gonna convince you to never say it and to react. I've never said it.

Good, and to react the way I'm reacting if you hear anybody say it. Hitting papers on the desk, the whole thing. Drinking beer. The. The. The. The.

The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The.

The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. Yeah, you're definitely I mean I've seen some real fat chicks though, too I mean be fair pull it off is in like they look like chicks. Yeah, they look like the

I'm just I'm gonna do like chicks, but they look exactly like the women that they're impersonating Oh, it was incredible. It's like what the fuck what do they do with their dicks? Like a guy came out like share you got me wearing a body suit and the whole time I'm look I'm like Looking at for this motherfucker's dick the whole time. Now, what did you put that thing? Talked it. Okay, so drag queens, like, to be a drag queen, you have to have your stuff intact, right?

You mean us? Yeah. Yeah, you've got. I don't know. I mean, otherwise that's not real, right? I mean, isn't that, it's not fair. Right, it's not fair. It's not fair.

You're on an asterisk. You're on P asterisk. You're on PEDs. Yeah. For sure. I mean, that's like, that's the equivalent of drag queen PEDs. I think they're straight. I think.

Performance enhancing drugs, Lacey. Drag queens are straight. Straight. I don't think there's any. I think it'd be either, couldn't I? Yeah, they could be either one. They're not necessarily gay. The majority are.

You think the majority are gay? I would say. So. I don't know. I don't make those types of generalizations about people. I'm not some kind of liberal pedophile joke. I'm just going for what I know. All right. Do you have news?

I do. Did you hear about the shooting, the silver lake shooting? I did actually on Trader Joe's. Yeah. Yeah. Got some bad bananas. Yeah. Yeah. We're bad bananas. Yeah. Yeah. Blast that every way. Yeah, wasted on. Yeah, I'm tied for bananas.

Yeah, wasted on two bucks. Chuck. I'm not plenty of time. Shut up the place. You got wasted on them. You want them to do a chuck? Tron, that's what they're cheap wine. I'm going to lure all the brides, which is awful, terrible, anti-freeze wine. It's not any good. It's it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's cheap horse will fed to people who shop at Trader Joe's. Anyway.

I shop religiously at Trader Joe's. You like too much. I used to drink that. Yeah. It's any freeze. No. No. No. It's self a nice scotch. Yeah.

I said I used to do. I don't drink it anymore. Okay. What do you drink now? Tequila. That's my go-to. Just because I'm drinking every day. When you're out of these bridal parties. Yeah.

I'm allergic to wheat, so I can't have. Everybody's allergic to wheat. You're allergic to wheat? I can't have whiskey. I love whiskey, whiskey's my favorite, but I turn beet red like it's red as your shirt. Whoa. My shirt is white.

Are you sure that's not from like all the- That's what my face looks like. And that from just, you know, getting flushed when you're drinking. Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, well, like a get big bachie. Oh, it's bad. I look like a different-

So it's like an allergic reaction, not just getting red face from drinking. Totally, it might throw it away as well. Oh, geez. Well, you said that I thought you were gonna say, I got big blotchy tits, right? It's really weird. Okay.

Maybe get blotchy too, my whole body changes. It's awful. There you go. So tequila only for you. Tequila only. All right. The cleanest of the clean. I heard about that the Trader Joe is just a bit more.

Bar potato vodka. Yeah, scary. And it's like, I'm never at, I'm never at school shooting for me. I'm never at Trader Joe's. Go ahead, shoot the place up. I am barely three times a week. Get all the bad guys in Trader Joe's. I'm scared to go to Trader Joe's.

I thought that was a safe place. You got a pack. It's why you need a gun. You need to be the good guy with a gun. My dad just bought a gun last weekend. Get this. Wait, for you? No, he showed up to my cousin's wedding,

telling me that he had to go pick up this gun that he purchased, tried to leave my uncle's name so my uncle could go pick it up. It's like dad, you can't do that. That's, you can't have somebody else pick up your guns for you. What do you mean? That's ridiculous. Your California. No.

No, Nevada. Oh, Nevada? Yeah, you can probably do that in Nevada. No, they told me gun. No, that sucks Nevada. Oh, Nevada you yeah, you can probably do that Nevada. No, they don't make good. No, that sucks But I mean have somebody else go pick up your gun freedom of gun Yeah freedom from consequences though. I got to have some common sense rules Yeah, the fuck not being able to give your brother your gun Just lend it to him. I don't think you want me packing a gun. I

Definitely want you packing again. I want me packing a gun. I definitely want you packing a gun. You think? I want you packing a gun more than me packing a gun. Really? Yes. You would be nervous if I had a gun in my car. I'm nervous that you have a car, Lacey. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I didn't hit three birds on the way here. I see a hot girl driving. I call this number in Saudi Arabia just to rant about it. Yeah.

That's a grief counselor. Saudi Arabian grief counselors for women drivers. I bet you have a better parallel parker than you. I can't guarantee it. Really? I can get into the tightest spaces. I've gotten into some pretty tight spaces. Yeah, pull those clips, people.

You know what to do. You think you're a better parallel parker than me? Hands down. What do you drive? A Jeep. Okay, you have full visibility in a Jeep. No, you've limited. It's much different.

Well, you guys have a contest. It would have to be the same car. Totally. But it have to be a car that we're both familiar. Because I didn't know you get to drive a truck. Absolutely. I'll drive your truck, I'm afraid of your truck. Absolutely.

You're gonna out parallel park me in my own fucking car. Yeah. What do you want to bet on that? I will even give you, I'll give you a beer lead. I don't even have to be fucking sober for this. There is no fucking way. You are better at parallel parking my own car than me. Yeah. I'm really good. Okay. What do you want to do? There's

so many people are so goddamn it. And I'm a good, you know how good I am at parking. Yeah. Yeah. What do you want to what do you want to bet? Nudes? There you go. What do you want to bet, Nudes? There you go. What do you want to bet? Well, you're better than me, parallel parking my own fucking car. Do you know how big that is? I'm going to set up all kinds of weird mirrors and stuff, too, to fuck with you. Naga and nervous, because you know I'm pretty good. A date. I want to say it.

A date with a dickhead. A date with a dickhead. Oh, boy. A date with a guy who listens to say it. A date with a dickhead. A date with a dickhead. A date with a guy who listens to the show. Why would you make the bet that you could parallel park, but you could be a great parallel parker, but he's got the huge advantage driving his own truck.

Well, then can we drive your car? Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he's got a terrible idea. Just gonna, I'll take the loss and just back right in. It's a terrible idea. Here you go, loss and just back right in a terrible idea. Here you go, Sean. Thanks a lot. I guess I lost.

I know where this is going. I really want to damage anything. No, it's got to be a real world scenario. Okay, I'm down with that. Yeah, because you've got to have the pressure of people behind you. You know what I mean? Like if you're doing it in Hollywood,

wait, you know, you're like, come on, fucker. No, it's got to be in front of a home depot with all the Mexicans watching. I know that's fucks with white girls brains. Oh, okay. I'm used to Mexicans disapproving of me. You think you can out parallel park me? Yes.

Better than hands down. Oh. Okay, you're gonna win some lucky dickhead's gonna win a date with you. I like the comfort. I just, I think it's misplaced. Do you go on a date with the kid? I have to go in a date.

Well, what do you want if I lose? Yeah, tough. You mean to redo your playboy? Spread? Oh my God. You can wear the shirt. Those little shorts. I still have the shorts.

I'm gonna need about, I'm gonna need about infinity years of working out before I do the, but yeah, if I lose at parallel parking to you, I will do your playboy spread. Oh my God. There is no fucking way. What if you both do it perfectly? It's gotta be a time limit then. Time limit. Okay.

Whoever does it first, uh, makes sense. And style points too. That's got to be part of it too. Well, the times are good way to do it. Like if you're cracking jokes and keeping your, your, your, your passenger entertainer, and we're not doing that. All right.

It's on parallel. Let me write this down on my nose. Parallel parking contest. Okay, what other news do you have? Moving on, in other news, police in Denver, Colorado. Colorado, my lines got going too fast. Yeah.

In other news, please. Do you go to Trader Joe's, Sean? I haven't in years. Did you know that I've been to Trader Joe's? Did you know that they farm out their banana pickery to like slaves? I did not know that. Yeah, this is true. No, this is true. I was in a I was in a play. It's a weird way to begin a slave. I was in a play. I was in a comedy play about a tribe in some South American country

where it was like a take on like, fucking the heart of darkness, excuse me. Okay. Where there was some crazy leader who was like making these people worship him like a god, right? And the conceit of the play was that this is how Trader Joe's was getting bananas.

So I asked the girl, oh, the picker nannies. Yes. I asked the girl, I'm like, how did you come up with this idea? And she goes, oh, this is true. This is basically true. Like they have one laugh for a picker nanny joke. I laughed. It was a lot of fun.

I thought it was pretty bad, but I figured somebody that applause. I don't know. Who did that? Was that nails? You have your own built-in soundboard over there. All right, I'm so confused with the sounds that have been coming out of her. I know, I just need to keep my hands behind.

That's the, I mean, yes. It's been fun to me. Hold on, let me see how that looks on video. You definitely need to do that. Okay, Lacey, what's your next thing? All right, so we're dealing with shootings in Los Angeles, Denver, Colorado, is dealing with a tractor chases.

So on Friday night, we're not dealing with shootings either. We're dealing with lunatics. Yeah, actually, totally. Who does that? He shot his grandma seven times in his girlfriend once before he went and held up the store. Grandma didn't learn to shut her mouth the first time.

I didn't give him enough, kept giving him a dollar in his birthday card every year. Not adjusting for inflation. She refused because they said that he was mad because the grandma said she didn't want his girlfriend at her house and so then he shot his girlfriend. Oh yeah, no, that's complete. That's the correct move in that. It's like, oh man, I solved that problem so easily. Well, my as well, it's fixing both. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here.

I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here.

I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. I'm already here. He was driving through downtown Denver. Okay. Moeng down the sidewalks.

Moeng down the sidewalks. They considered it a serious situation because they were worried about the pedestrians that he was encountering who were having to jump out of his way. Low speed chase. Anyways, they ended up crashing into his trailer head on to stop him, then tazering him, and then sicked a dog on him. Who crashed into his trailer?

The cops. They crashed into a semi-truck trailer? The tractor trailer. Tractor, tractor, tractor. A tractor trailer is also known as like a semi-truck. Tractor? It was a tractor trailer. It was a tractor trailer.

It was a tractor trailer. Tractor, tractor, tractor, green. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Like a little ride on mowing. A big one. Like a big one. Okay, so it was a real tractor. A huge tractor.

Just driving down. And how to trailer on it too? No, I fucked up when I said trailer. Okay. Did you see my confusion? Yeah. Yeah. So they crashed into a guy's tractor.

It was a tractor. Yes. Yeah. Just. He's just out there mowing lawns. No, he was mowing down the sidewalk. So people couldn't get out of the way. No, really.

He stole the tractor. Yeah. The loudest fucking miles an hour. Like it's some fucking idiot. It's some go fast with gigantic beats, headphones, just ambling down. That's it. Sir, is there a get out of the way?

It's like the people who get like the people who walk on the tracks and get hit by trains. Yeah, good. Yeah. Oh, no, I have no, yeah, sure. Huh. But then they say,

Oh, Dick, does that mean you're four people getting hit by train? No, but that guy was just being a jackass. Yes. It's like a James Gunn thing. Oh, you're four people getting fired? No, but he's fucking being a jack. The whole time he's talking about how people should get fired and he gets fired

Was he talking about people getting fired? Yeah, he was he was number one on rosy and she get fired These horrible fucking alright thing shouldn't be said We got to control what these people say and he gets fired. Okay, I mean that's this time the wolf was real and he fucking ate you Yeah, and all your sheep you idiot. It is the climate we're in. Stop saying that shit. Everybody stop talking about consequences. There should be no consequences. I wish that were true. No consequences. Let everybody say whatever they want. Let God sort them out. Fine. I'm fine with that. Sorry. What else do you get? Have you seen those bird scooters around? No.

Do you know what I'm talking about? No, what is a bird scooter? Stop. Really? What's a bird scooter? I don't know about paper straws. They've been released. That's true.

It hasn't made it all the way. It's, they're migrating right now. A bird scooter. Yeah. So, a year old Santa Monica startup, bird rides, recently released their scooters to the public in Santa Monica. Over the last few months these bird scooters have been slowly making their way to the eastern side of LA. Okay.

What is it? It's an electric scooter. Howard by birds. Well, no, no, powered by electricity. Okay. Why is it a bird scooter? That's the name of the fucking... So what is it?

Company. It's a scooter. So you're flying and creating electricity. So you download this app, pay a dollar to start the scooter. Then you pay 15 seconds, or 15 cents per minute, that you're riding the scooter, then you can just shut the scooter off, leave it wherever... In the other side. Oh. If you'd like. can just shut the scooter off, leave it wherever. In the other side.

If you'd like. And- You just leave it. Yeah, but this is a scooter. Oh my God, the fucking zip cars. Yeah, right. Whoever in charge of zip car, we got to draw and quarter them immediately.

Head off, arms and legs, off in testons out. Those cock suckers have somehow the zip car people, probably these bird people too, have convinced the city to give them parking spots that are just for zip car. Yes. Oh man.

As if there's not tight enough parking. I know. I hope whoever came up with that company can't look at themselves in the mirror. I hope their dick doesn't work. I hope nothing, I hope whoever came up with that concept, I can't look at themselves in the mirror. I hope their dick doesn't work. I hope nothing, I hope they have nothing but bad things happen to them for the rest of their, nothing like, nothing but consequences.

Nothing but consequences for taking away parking. Yes. You can't, even if there's no zip car there because no one in the fucking, look, lazy, no one's using a fucking scooter when there's Uber. No, they are, they're, It's a huge, I cannot wait. It's going to be one of your reasons. This is a PR.

You're going to get so pissed because someone's going to literally knock you off the sidewalk. So they just got like, bird is like the name of the company. I'm just trying to figure out what that means. The scooter says bird right down the side of it. Oh, okay, okay. I think this is a PR release that you're reading. No, I can't believe you haven't seen them.

They're scattered all over that you have not seen. They're like three will just be randomly on a sidewalk corner. Oh, my God. See, they haven't been there yet. It seems like the further west you go in LA, the more like the less fucked it is. You're gonna see them. I don't know. No, the more west, the more fucked it is, the less, or more east.

Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking you'll see more of those things if you go west. Well, exactly, but that's what they started in Santa Monica. Now they're a medical mile. They're coming for you. Well, man, I don't think I can get up this hill though. They can't get up. No, they go pretty fast.

I've tried them. Yeah, but you need torque to get up the hill. Because, Lacey, when I see that, I just want to rent them and then destroy them in the ocean. That's all I want to do. What's my thought about taking one into my garage and just keeping it? And raping it.

That's what I think. I'm going to pick up one of these scooters. It's metal. Bring it home. Mm. I'll take that bet, too. Geez. Do you have any national news?

Who can rape a scooter quicker? Next week on the DIC show. National news? Yeah. No, I have some funny news. Just leave it in the street. Funny news. Tyven Idiot to Google right now,

and look at the images that pop up. Oh, here we go. This is a terrible idea. Yeah. Why, what's going to come up? Guess. But better not be me. Who's picture do you think will come up?

Online activists. No image. Who's picture do you think will come up? Online activists. No image. It's good. It's good images. It's Trump. You think that's funny? So some redditors. You think it's funny to call a guy who brought peace to the Korean peninsula.

You think it's funny to call him an idiot? You guys an IQ of a hunt. It's a very high IQ. It's like 157. It's the highest. Did he it's funny to call him an idiot? You guys an IQ of a hunt, it's a very high IQ. It's like 157. It's the highest. Did he report that? Did he tell you that? Of course he did.

Where did that come from? I mean, I heard it from a couple people. Oh, okay. You think this guy, he's got $10 billion. You think he's an idiot? He's a moron. It's disgusting. The disrespect people have in Silicon Valley

and on Reddit for our president. Disgusting, Sean. Yeah. Well, a good file there. Your consequence is being a president. There are consequences. That's a news. All right, I got some other play on this. What are you gonna play?

Oh, Robert's and Eros up there. Robert and Eros is kind of an idiot. He says a lot of shit that you're like, Robert Mindy-Keeleg is up there. My favorite picture is the one with the other. Einstein is up there. I'm just blowing in the wind. Can you find that picture? Look at that picture of him looking at a skull with shit in the brain.

What? Where, where, where? I think it's a reflection. Oh, this one. Yeah. You really hate Trump. What could he do to get you on his side? There's nothing that he could do.

Why? There's gotta be something. There's nothing hatred for the Sam. Even Maddox could do something that would make me stop wanting to fuck with him. Like, what could he do? Maddox? You giving me my 37 grand back.

Yeah, I'm a star. Well, yeah. Anything that's not money related, he could put an ad for this show on his website. That'd be nice. He could thank me for the biggest problem. You would forget them. Like he should have.

I don't believe in things like forgive. Thank, you know, it would just be nice. I would stop, I would stop actively hating him if he said, yeah, I guess I kind of got a little out of control. Yeah. Would you really stop? What do you mean, would I stop? I haven't done anything. I still haven't done anything.

It's because I got this shirt. This is, this Maddox lost shirt that I'm wearing. It's a very short, good shirt. It's going on over there. Yeah. Johnny, will you switch seats with her? I think she's sitting up there because she can't see with your fucking six foot three ass

and your fro, six foot five ass and your fro. Oh, they did this to W. Jamie Sand. The idiot thing. Oh, did they? your fro, six foot five ass and throw throw. Oh, they did this to W. Jamie San, the idiot thing. Oh, did they? Yeah. Oh, I liked him. He was a cutie. You liked W.

What about Trump is different from W to you? Everything. He is a completely different man. So you liked W. Yeah. That was when I thought I was a Republican. I grew up in a household was when I thought I was a Republican. I grew up at a householder, I thought I was a Republican. What happened?

Well, then I started understanding. You started understanding feelings, not economics, because that's the opposite. What did you start understanding? Not the world either. Oh, there's some women's issues that are not fully supportive of. Lazy, don't worry, we will fund your birth control

and we will fund your abortions until the end of time. None of us want you to get knocked up, none of us want you to carry it through. Sean, this is, I feel like this is just, oh my God. At the beginning and the end of every speech, Trump gave, he just said, she could have said,

women, I'll pay personally for your birth control and your abortions. No big deal. That's not what I said. What do you mean? That's not worried about it for myself, but for others. You are the only one that we want procreating.

All the other ones are, that's no, put it back in! Retroactively will abort that thing. I'm in favor of retroactive abortions. Yeah, should be in most cases. Cat spray, cat spray, and dog spray. What if besides the reproductive shit that you guys all say, what is it? What's the problem?

I mean, that's the probably the biggest part. That's it? Yeah, sensitive. It's a sensitive subject. But not, but all of us are for it. We're giving me free birth control. Birth control? Yeah, that's not what I'm asking for.

Like five bucks. What do you want then? The decision of whether or not to abort babies? Yeah. I don't think that a president can take that away. Uh, he can't, but it's slowly but surely going to happen in other ways. Now you know how I feel about the straws. Do you see Sean?

Take the perfect six or so. They need their semen, but they don't want to have babies. That's the problem. They need that semen, but they don't wanna have babies. That's the problem. They need that semen inside of them. But they don't want the consequences. Oh, freedom of semen. Freedom of semen. Freedom of semen means freedom of consequences.

All right, I'm gonna play a song. I'm getting too weird. I'm gonna hook up to. I'm getting too weird. I'm gonna hook up that I'm gonna hook up to breathalyze the thing too. This one is by... Okay, this one's by Save State Corrupted. God, fucking dammit. Every time. Oh, what's happening? Just another account suspended. Oh, I don't worry about it. That sucks. Metal. This is by Save State Corrupted. He's got a new album coming out in just two days. So on Tuesday, I guess it'll be out. It's called Amelia.

And this is Safe State Corrupted with, with Miss, Miss Metal. It's a song for Metal, Metal Jess. That's what we call her now. Not mental. No, we're respectful. She's got a call in. She's what we call her now. Not mental. No, we're respectful. She's got a call in. She's got a call in. If you dated a guy who warped your brain and made you do fucked up stuff,

wouldn't you want to clear your name and call in? Totally. I clear my name. I'm probably the only friend she's got. I believe in you. You're her wingman. Hey, Metal Death! Please call it.

We really need to hear your side of things. Hey Metal Death! Don't be scared We've had worse on the show with much less to say But halfway This could be wonderful And we can throw I don't know as a way

There's not much else you can lose. Since you've already I'm gonna let you read this text John John. Really? The guy you were talking about? Yeah. Right, um, yeah, but you can't say anything about it. Hold on, I'm sure Dick won't make things too complex. Maybe I should show it to everybody. Ha! Shit, what if that was enough? Oh, you mean to freeze frame it? Yeah.

I don't think so. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you who it's from. It's a screenshot. There's so much we can get. Yeah, okay, yeah. Okay, now I'm going to let you read what the text is. Don't read other stuff on my phone. I'm not gonna. Is it just one text bubble or is it an exchange? Just screenshot.

Okay. Just the last comment. Just the last comment. You see that? Yeah. Yeah. Look at the from and the two is who I showed you secretly.

Yeah. Right? Do you understand what it is? You're reading? Yeah. What are you looking at? Are you looking at other stuff on my thumb? No, no, I'm just, I'm absorbing.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm absorbing. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah, dude. Huh, yep. That's what we're talking about now. No shit, yeah. Pretty far above. Pretty far above. Bit different, yeah, bit different.

All right, let me see who I got in the line here. All right, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. Ryan, you there? Yeah, what's up, buddy. How are you doing? I'm doing great. So I'm very disappointed that the Asterios garage show is not taking place in your house. I'm a little bit disappointed too, but I'm also kind of relieved that I don't have to plan or do anything else anymore with it or pay.

I'm still offering to pay a little bit. Yeah, that's pretty nice of you. That's how this whole thing got started. Diego forwarded me emails where Stereo is saying, can I afford to fly him down there or not? And he's just gonna, I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be a super dick. He's like, well, if you guys can't afford it,

I'm just gonna cancel, I'm just gonna cancel. It's like, what are you talking about? I thought you had a whole thing with this guy, Ryan and the retweets. I thought we had like a retweet system here. And then I texted you guys, Ryan, you and Ashtereos. And I guess what happened? Ashtereos is afraid of your garage getting swatted Yeah, so I don't know we've had some

Bumps in the road on the way to making this garage show happen. Okay Namely like a One guy offered up like it's farm and he was like we're gonna have a farm party bring camping gear It's gonna be great. Nope not bringing camping gear not with yeah, yeah, not with fucking rampaging tractors on the loose down on those parts Ron Next you read the news lately Yeah, that that's on deer's fucking what going off That didn't happen due to I guess fears of

off. That didn't happen due to I guess fears of like not being able to distribute the address because of Maddox and the cohorts of Maddox. Why? I was talking about that too. I didn't understand that. I mean, I'm happy it's happening. It seems like it'll be a good time. Asterios is like a supernatural force when he gets on stage. He really is. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know what? I was like, okay, well, whatever. We'll just have it at my garage and then my girlfriend, she offered to, she was like, hey, I have more space than you. So we can just have it at my garage. And I was like, oh, okay, yeah, that works. We just have to clean out the garage. So we started cleaning out the garage. Okay. And then a stereo. So he called

and he found a bunch of profiles then. Yeah. He voiced his concern about it getting swatted and swatted and a bomb threat might be called on the house and that it would just be a bad situation for me and my girlfriend. Sounds like a stereosis threatening you with a bomb threat. You're very bad for you. Yeah. I just wanted to make it clear that it would be very bad for you if this place were to get threatened. Are you threatening us? I did not mean to say that.

I'm just meaning to say that if you were to get threatened, it might be bad for you. She's like, what's Randall's number so I can sue him? Yeah. Well, thanks for offering, I guess. Yeah. Well, I'm still excited about my whole shenanigans got you guys to fucking Atlanta. Yeah, that's true. That is true.

You did. It 100% did. So I'll take a full blame for the fun we're going to be having that weekend. Yeah. And, you know, you can offer me free drinks to anybody that shows up. Oh, what do you mean? Because it's kind of my fault that this is all happening.

Oh, anybody that shows up can offer you free drinks. Yes, they absolutely, absolutely. I'll take all the free drinks you can offer. All right, well, I can't wait to see you there. What is the place called that a stereo is actually having a show at Smith's old bar Smith's old bar on Friday, August 3rd. Is it doing like an hour or two hours? I mean, if they don't get at least one bomb bread, I'd be disappointed, right? Yeah. Now, if they don't at least have a cop show up. Yeah. And ask what's going on. I'd be disappointed.

All right, buddy. And also, it's worse doesn't call in a balancer. I'll call it in. Okay, there we have it. There, thank you. See you in Atlanta. Have a good one. All right, thanks, Dave.

I got some advice questions too. You wanna do some advice? Let me see. Sure. It's nice to get a girl's perspective. Definitely. Some people say I don't have good advice. I think you have the best advice.

Oh, yeah? Well, that insurance advice wasn't the greatest advice you knew. What insurance advice? When that guy wanted to hire me as a physical therapist, you really just ask a realtor how they get around the... Well, I said, yeah, I said ask. I called my cousin who is a physical therapist. I started explaining and I go, this doesn't sound.

Even though I'm talking, it doesn't sound. Did you get that client or not? No, I passed on him. I couldn't. There was just too much. Just take cash. He couldn't do that. He could only pay me through the government that he was working for.

Or you're trying to government? I was working with Airbus. I can't. Quate. Oh, Quate. They don't know what the fuck they're doing over there. You could have written anything you wanted on the letterhead. Just give it to them.

Oh my God. That's not believe me. They don't know anything that's going on over there. Well, how come they request you cannot say Personal training it has to say physical therapy. So then right that's between that right physical therapy What are they gonna send the in the space police after you? This is America. How would I claim it? Oh cash years Oh, no, but I can't get cash from him. Well, what? All right. This is we're gonna have to talk about this after the show You need that you need that client. It would have been nice. It would have been talk about this after the show. You need that client.

It would have been nice. It would have been nice. Call him up after. Let me talk to him. Let me talk to the guy. Alex, Alex, oh wait, no, no, here we go. Hey, Dick, I just wanted to get your opinion on something. My girlfriend and I just broke up.

We broke up over her cheating. The way she cheated was what I want you to opinion on. I had my friends over and we were all playing games. One of my friends went into my room, which is not unusual since I have a PlayStation in there. This is where things get weird. My girlfriend went in there and then 10 minutes later I heard a moan. I thought I was crazy, but my two other friends in the room with me heard it too. We waited a second and then we heard another.

We turned the TV off and then we heard another. So I went in there and they were both in my bed, but clothed. The lights were off. My girlfriend was trying to act like she was asleep. But no blankets on. My friend was trying to get my attention about some shit on Twitter. I started yelling and they kept saying that nothing happened.

My friend was acting highly suspect and my girlfriend was trying to get to get some with me right after. I'm 99% sure she cheated. What do you think? Sure seems like it. Like something's going on, right? I mean, I don't know how you,

you gotta stop bringing your girlfriend around, your friends and letting them play. It sounds like you want a friend, more than a girlfriend. Then your friends can go lie in bed to get, if your girlfriend is doing things that would be weird if your friend did them. Yeah. Just break up with her. That's it. That's all that's all there is if your girlfriend's giving your friend a head massage, that would be weird. If your friend was giving your other

male friend a head miss, even if they were both even if one was a girl and one. So like you guys are friends giving each other heads, head massages. No, done, out, lying in bed together. That's where giggling and moaning, cause the PlayStation in there, yeah, you did the right thing, buddy. I started seeing my ex, this is another guy who I've been dating for four years,

longest I've ever been with one woman. Wow, bragging about it. Okay. Regularly again for the last couple of weeks, it seems like she made it, it seems like she makes an afford to get her early stage burn out symptoms under control. She's a nurse working full time at an IC

while simultaneously doing two to four shifts in a retirement home. Jesus Christ. Nobody wants to date a priest. But I don't really know where this whole thing is going. She also had women do that. They load up their schedules. Don't they?

Yes. Why do they do that? So they can't have a life like not they have nothing. This she's a nurse and in a retirement home and probably has a foster dogs and- Might need to make some money. Is he- The Eaton's helping out.

He's a way to make money too. She also had her breasts enlarged recently and has an amazing ass. Oh, that's interesting. That's why she's working so hard. Here's the twist. A client's secretary is kind of cute. There's been some kind of chemistry for some time,

but she recently lost 10 pounds. And now she looks gorgeous. Yeah, that could be a big difference. Yeah. 10 pounds. Yesterday she told me she signed up for Tinder, which activated my hunting instincts. After she drove me home, I asked her if she wanted to grab something to eat,

and we went to a restaurant, talked for two hours straight, oh my God, it's torture. And when I walked her back to her car, she casually asked if we were gonna see each other next week, she has a week off. I said, sure, pick a date sometime that the late weekends started the week.

She also told me some private shit at the last moment. Which leads me to believe that she might have a problem with my recreational drug use. Her biological father, shit gets real when chicks use that term was a junkie. It's not your fault. Oh fuck. God, she'd learn to control his drugs.

So here's my problems. One, I'm no fan of shitting where I eat. Two, I've always been straight to chicks about my rock and roll lifestyle. Okay. Okay, four years. I'm sure that if I press your my axe into telling me what she's looking for,

I'm gonna fuck it up with her. Four, my axe has been amazing, but I don't know if things can get back to the way they were once you've broken up. What should I do? That's his what do you think what do you think the guy should do? I mean, that's his that's his situation. That's a situation. Yeah. Well, it sounds like he's interested in other people So maybe he should go that route

Yeah But but his ex just had her breasts enlarged. I think I figured out the dilemma. Has he not seen them? What kind of an ex is this? No, no, no, no, okay. Let me put my brain to work here. Yeah, it's to work.

Let me circle what's going on here. She had, this is how simple this email could have been. My ex recently had her breasts enlarged. Okay, there we go. Number three, I'm sure that if I press your my ex into telling me what she's looking for, I'm gonna fuck it up with her. She wants to get back together.

And then the secretary, she recently lost 10 pounds. Okay. This is the pertinent information from this story. You got to stop thinking about it. That's the problem, just bang them both. Just stop thinking about it. Because you're not together with your ex. Who cares? Just go, just go, go for broke. Go for broke. What's the worst that could happen? Exactly, you're going to get it either way, so.

Yeah, you're gonna win either way. Right. As well, when? 10 pounds up or 10 pounds down. One in the hand is two in the hand is better than none in the bush. There you go. All right, let me see if we get anybody yet. I'll start better than none in the bush. There you go. All right, let me see if we got anybody yet.

I'll start here. Hacked the movies. Hello. Hey, oh, I'm sorry, I got the wrong guy. You there, buddy? Are you talking to me? Yeah, hey, there you are, Hacked the movies. All right.

Hey, what's up? What's going on? What's going on? Nothing. You got a Chris Chan story, is that right? Yeah, I can't believe you guys didn't mention this in the last episode, the latest in the ongoing Chris Chan lore. Oh, yeah.

I was going to have Justin here to talk about it, but he had to leave. So I'll try to tell the best I can. We work for a convention. We help run a convention called Too Many Games on the East Coast. Okay. Great convention. Everyone should go to it. And one of Chris Chan's money making schemes recently

was trying to get everyone to donate money to him so he can go to this convention. We decided to just give him a pass. Can you use the term scheme with this guy? Huh? Can you actually use the term scheme with this guy? Oh, yeah, probably. So we let him come for free and Justin Justin like warned him to just don't do

any like bad things there. And cut to later that day, I'm walking around the convention, I'm seeing him, I'm sorry, her. And I want to take like pictures, I want to get her in a video, what not, but I was a little busy. But I'm seeing her take pictures with people and the Christian is just kissing people without asking them. And like I saw it a couple times and I'm like, Oh, that's weird. Is that like a thing he's known for? I can't. Like, what the hell is this?

They let you do it. It's fine. I guess. So I'm like, that's a lot of work. If you're walking up to Christian, you're in for whatever. Yeah. There is no reason to feel sorry for anybody that approaches that guy. Well, I'll turn it down.

Some people had a problem with it. So like our security got asked about, they're like, hey, he's going around kissing. They were trying to warn him, like Justin's trying to hit him up on Facebook because he can't find him. Yeah. Cause you know, he's out kissing random people at the goddamn convention. Yeah, yeah So he finally gets cornered and questioned about it and what do you how would you react if you were cornered and told to leave somewhere? If I was walking up and kissing people and someone told you you need to leave people are complaining

I'd probably be drunk so I'd fight them immediately and someone told you you need to leave people are complaining. I'd probably be drunk, so I'd fight them immediately. Well, Chris Chant's response was to fall to the ground and put his face on the floor and not do anything for like an hour. Yeah. So I'm working like a booth and someone's like, hey, you got to go see Chris Chant. I'm like, what's up? He's just having a meltdown.

It was the most embarrassing thing. Did you get a picture? There's so many pictures online. Keem starred in a video on it. Like, this was like a big, like, that's why I was surprised it wasn't mentioned last week. But all this stuff about him getting extorted kind of makes sense now,

because like when we kicked him out on like Twitter, he was like real apologetic. Yeah. And then a day later, he just started like attacking us. Like, he's like, those people consent it when they decided to take a picture with me. So he thinks taking a picture is a consent for having someone kiss you apparently.

He might actually think that, oh God, man, that'd be a real wet and gross kiss. Yeah, yeah. If I'm honest, have you seen pictures of a question? Well, I watched the videos last week. Yeah, he's a big, he's got those sausage lips going on. Yeah, and by the way, he was wearing, it's called the classic, his red and blue shirt.

Yeah, I thought maybe he had a couple of these, but I just want, just one. It's the original one, it's full of holes, it smells so bad, like I can't be still wearing the shit. Yeah, that's nasty man. Well, he's not, he wearing the shit. Yeah. It's gross. That's nasty, man. Well, he's not, he's clearly not. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so he like, it's real weird like how he's acting.

And like, I think Noel put it all, like he, he like connected the pieces for me. I'm like, why did he go from apologetic to suddenly threatening? Cause I saw asshole's home line being like, oh, they were transphobic to kick you out. It's like, no, we're not. We kicked you out because you were kissing people without it, like just kissing people against their will. But you didn't have a handler for them?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's why it's the beginning. That's not, you know, God damn well, that that's not enough for that guy. Wait, I got the Twitter fight here. He apparently bought a baseball bat for some reason. That's why he's like, you were not to use my bat against anyone.

You didn't say don't kiss anyone because apparently you have to be told that when you go somewhere. I think you guys got off lucky. You let him stand in the event with a baseball bat and get away with just a bunch of kisses. But yeah, it was like the craziest thing to say that's the, that's the first time I saw him in person. I was like, I couldn't ask for a better experience. This is great. Yeah. Hey, do you think, do you think Mel Gibson should direct Guardians of the Galaxy three? That would be great. That would be great, right?

I doubt the cast would come back for it because they're all pretty liberal. I fucked the cast because there was that there was that movie Daddy's home which had a bunch of like like left-wing comedians in the first one And then he was in the second one and then none of them came back for the second one because I am oh they didn't Yeah, like I think like Paul sheer Hannibal Burris like they they didn't show up for the second Oh, no all those big names that I go to the movies to see Hannibal fucking Burris Sean you know he's that guy that everyone says oh the thing you said kind of sounds Cannibal fucking Burris, Sean. You know, he's that guy that everyone says, oh, the thing you said kind of sounds like Hannibal Burris, and then I don't watch the

video because I don't give a fuck about Hannibal Burris. Or who is the other one called Sheer, that guy with the teeth who are fucked, that is fucked. I don't even know who that is. He's bald. He's got a gigantic gross lips and two big teeth that's it. Yeah, he was a pie guest, but he was like bragging about not doing the second daddy's home because Mel Gibson was in it. Oh, wow. Yeah, that movie's underrated. Daddy's home was pretty funny and Mel Gibson was great in it. So yeah, Pupke Mel Gibson and everything. You got to call in with movie reviews. I actually want to start doing that like sending you like quick movie reviews because I fucking I lost my shit in Jurassic World where the bad guy called a girl a nasty woman.

I'm like, really, we're putting Trump shit in Jurassic World. The dinosaur called a woman a nasty woman. No. No, a couple of bill from Silence of the Lands is one of the bad guys in the New Jurassic World. And he kidnaps this, like, Mexican scientist and she's yelling and he's like, oh, she's such a nasty woman. And, uh, oh, apparently on the oh, she's such a nasty woman.

And uh, oh, apparently on the news, there's like a news ticker on some screen and it's like president doubts existence of dinosaurs. So I guess in Jurassic Park's universe, Donald Trump is the president and he doesn't believe in dinosaurs. That would be sparse. What's going on in movies now? Yeah. Um, I went to a, I went to a special screening of Jurassic Park on like the 25th anniversary and they had a special message from Spielberg that he recorded and played it for the movie. And it was just, it was the grossest shilling ad for Jurassic Park Fallen World.

Like Spielberg sitting there telling people to go see this shit pile. That would be Jurassic Park following the world. It was very embarrassing and it made me lose all respect for him. That reminds me, I saw the Fifth Element anniversary like last year and three minutes before the movie, it's a 30 minute advertisement for that fucking movie for Larry and that came out and totally bombed.

Yeah. So it, it sucks. Movies suck. You seen any good ones recently? That's not Ant-Man 2. Ant-Man 2 was full. That was a good, yeah. Well, here's the thing. I like trash real fallen kingdom.

It was the dumbest thing I've ever seen, but that's all I kind of wanted. Trash Park has horrible sequels. So if you, the dumber you are, maybe that's, that's the answer. Does that dinosaur have sex with that little girl in fallen kingdoms? He's like, he's like, clawing her covers back like man, like an inkibus. Yeah, that's me. Let's see. That's a big. I've seen before that. It's running and screaming after her. And then it gets in her room and suddenly it just stops. It's the boogie man now. Yeah. You know, what was the worst part about that Jurassic Park thing I went to? All of these mother fuckers, these Amblin guys, like these producers, these

schmucks that have been, these schmucks that will have any joke they come up with laughed at by anyone. You can see it in a man's eyes that he hasn't had a joke fall flat in 20 years. He's like, oh man, I'd love to stick my entire fist down your throat, you phony holly would fuck. Go tell me a joke, I would like to take you, I'm gonna strip all of your clothes off and bring you to a regular bar down in San Pedro, the fuck, and then you tell one joke

and just feel that death overtake you because you have people chukka or laugh 27 year old women laugh at your fat ass all day every day. They parade these cock suckers down who all walk with their dick forward. Every Hollywood guy who gets out on a stage ever walks with his dick leading the way like a divining rod. They fucking do. They fight every single fucking one of them does.

He gets out there. He thinks himself about 50 times. He thinks Steven Spielberg and uses a familiar name. So we all fucking know how close they are. Man, Stee Stee, we're making Jurassic Park. And I just remember this one, is where thanks every single person in the film everybody Throws it to Steven Spielberg on screen who shills for this new movie that's gonna be a pile of shit throws it back to him

Never once do they think Michael Criton the guy who's the entire existence is old too never once Single sequel uses an idea from the first book. You know, it's that and Republican. That's dead and conservative. Oh, we can't. Oh, we are a man. We can't think right now. Fuck. You know, you know, it's funny. I went down a rabbit hole with the original Jurassic Park. I'm doing this video. Yeah. The the worker who's with the Tri-Saritops. He's one of the producers of the movie. And these days he produces Danish Dessousa documentaries. Oh, so what is it? Produces a Jurassic Park also produced Hillary's America, Obamacus America.

That's funny. He's definitely not producing new ones, but he is producing the Meg with Jason Statham versus a giant shark. Oh, the Meg, yeah, Megalodon. Sure. Yeah, yeah. So he went back, he's decided not to show

on the Democratic Party and do more giant monsters. So maybe that'll be good. Yeah. All right, buddy. Calling with, calling with movie reviews. Yeah. They're terrible. They're just, they're all terrible. They're all so terrible of really bad movies out. I don't know who they're supposed to watch. Bad movies. So a lot of times a bad movie to everyone else is just normal to me because I've seen some of the worst movies. Yeah. I mean, it's one way to lower your standards.

All right, get out of here. Yeah, go fuck yourself. Oh, I couldn't believe it. I was so angry. None of them think Michael Christ. Like, anybody could have made this good. It was the concept that was good with the dyno DNA. You guys didn't do anything.

Well, the only good Jurassic Park is the first one, right? I mean, there's no good sequel, which is the only good Jurassic Park is the first one right? I mean yeah there's no good sequel which is the book called Jurassic Park and then Michael Crite and wrote a second book which was great and then they made a they made a garbage movie about Jeff Goldblum having a black daughter which made no fucking sense at all. Yeah. Yeah. How did they splice this? How did that happen? Can I get that D&A guy back to explain to me where this little girl came from? Please? Dino, D&A.

Hey. Do inchamastics. Yeah. May no sense. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Lago more, if you there, buddy.

Hey, bro. Yeah. Let's see. Lago more have had a good story about him setting up a boxing event with the stereos that I thought would be pretty funny. Really? Yeah. Do you want to tell I'm gonna fight somebody else? Yeah, he was gonna fight war with the fanboys. It like a big event again. Before. Before. Oh, before that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll when I saw the garage show getting canceled or or all nearly getting canceled it reminded me of When I had to actually originally organize the boxing match between the war the fanboys and a studios at a Irish whiskey bar in Brooklyn and I was there with Brittany Venti who's a pretty well-known

streamer and satirist, pretty funny girl. Amazing kids. And a bunch of people from, you won't invite us, like the first season, it's a whole blart and Jackie Fortchan and everything. Yeah. So yeah, we talked the bartender into letting us hold a boxing match in his bar.

We just asked nicely and he liked us and there's a little bit of flirting going on, I guess. What do I know? So then Asterios was like, okay, I'm on my way. Okay. And two hours later, we've been drinking the whole time, singing a meme song, singing down with this sickness and smash mouth and crawling in my skin, annoying everyone at the bar.

And I get a text from Asterios and he's like, I'm a worried that someone will tell the cops and I'm gonna get hurt and I don't have protective equipment. So I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna find some proper place to do it in. But, you know, we'd been waiting there for a while and Brittany had already like advertised it on her Twitter and she was gonna like livestream it and commentate it. It would have been funny stuff

and he probably would have gotten way more injured which also would have been funny I mean just for comedy not that I want to see him get injured But it would have just made for a good show. We got a help mysterious war the fanboys was there was war the fanboys there He no, I mean neither of them ever made it. It was like he was like help me find a place to do this And I set it all up and I got permission and they had a cool like stage with red satin curtains. It was very cool, but it was a wood floor. I mean, they would have gotten fucked up. Wow.

But then like the day of, had you, you play on this before, was this just like a walking into a bar thing? Hey, can two guys fight in here? They're like, surprisingly, yeah. Okay, I'll call up a stereo and it'll call up, or the fanboys. Hey, like, you know, get on the, you know, in here they're like surprisingly yeah okay I'll call up a stereo and I'll call up where the fanboys hate like you know get on the you know yeah I hear ass here how did this

happen it was ad hoc and but he I mean the thing was he was like yeah I'm on my way and then we hung around waited but the the weird thing is is that night turned into a real shit show because at one point when a steerus doesn't show up Brittany Venti leaves with her boyfriend and they're gone for a while And like I said, we're singing in songs, but we eventually go and check on them outside and there's just a total fucking meltdown Out there between Brittany and her boyfriend like He was like choking her and like pushing her

Yeah, dude, it was bad like, we intervened, but she was like, she could have walked away at any point and didn't, she kept hanging around and hanging them on. And we were like, what the fuck happened? Cause like, we were about to livestream on. She said stuff and there were consequences. Yeah. Yeah, Sean, not legal consequences.

Just a guy beating your ass. I guess you're okay with that. Oh yeah. So we break him up and we're like, what the fuck happened? We asked our boyfriend, Furchad, as he's known on the phone line. Furchad, yeah. That's funny. He's just, he's got tears streaming down his face.

He's really mad. He's really drunk. It's actually his birthday as well. He's really mad. He's really drunk. It's actually his birthday as well. And he's crying. Yeah, he's crying. And it was his birthday. And it's his birthday. Yeah. And he looks at us. I mean, strangle a woman. Anyone understand that crying on your birthday? Yeah. Yeah. Well, so he looks at us and he goes, I'm not fucking gay. And that's not even what he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying.

No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying.

No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was crying. No, he was night. And he had been dancing in a very suggestive way. And I was having flashbacks from the whole night. And like, holy shit, is he gay?

And but he's apparently the whole controversy with started the whole fight, which was like Jerry Springer style was the way we got permission for Asterios to box in that whiskey bar was, I mean, this bartender, maybe he was gay. I don't know. He was kind of he was flirting with the bartender. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently forch had like flirted with the bartender. So we're some literal and metaphorical askrabbing that Brittany saw and she pulled him outside. That was the whole thing. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So in order to get a stereosis, what are the fanboys boxing event to happen?

Brittany Venti's boyfriend let his ass be used like a stress toy for a bartender to grease the ass, so to speak. To get this bike going, is that what happened? The order of events was we got permission. Then we got drunk, sang meme songs, and accidentally flipped the table over because Furchad was standing on one end of it

and broke a bunch of glasses. At that point, he made peace with the bartender and there was ask robbery. Okay. And then Brittany pulled him outside and said, when you said, you're fucking gay, apparently. Who are you gay? And like this went on for like at least an hour plus of she would not alone.

And then, as you know, Sean, when a woman accuses me of being gay, I will immediately strangle her. Yeah. That's normal. That's normal. That's normal. That's not a reaction. That's not a reaction.

I was like, are you, you like women, right? Immediately. Immediately you have to immediately choke them out. And they'll go talk, are you, you like women, right? Immediately, you have to immediately choke them out. Because then they'll go, I'll kill you. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. It was a crazy night.

At one point, he picked her up over his shoulders like caveman style and walked through traffic. And then stuck the guys top. They're working streamed to the other side. And I don't think he had a plan. He actually just turned around and walked back through traffic. But, oh, my. It was a crazy night.

What's she doing when he's carrying her around? She's very calm. And, but she won't get away from it. Like she makes a zero effort to get away from it. I mean, I hate to say that she, you know, was eggmon or I don't know why she seemed to be engaging. Ah, they're women. They always egg us on. You don't even need to say it. It's unsaid. Yeah. Did she did you know some, um, made rune, some got some poor son of a bitch's birthday

and wasted my time. All uh, this pretty set up a boxing match for him. Has Brittany talked about this about her boyfriend Chokiner No, and she's actually she's finally single. She announced on her on her Twitter recently So that's why I feel somewhat more free to this gossip and burning a whole my pocket Yeah, I was gonna say something maybe she wouldn't want out there. Yeah, you know she's Sean added the sound definitely not Sean we get sued again by Britney venti. Well, I love her. Oh, yeah.

She's, she's funny. And she, her brand of humor is like yours, like, man, her bed and women. She plays an e-girl, like, kind of a camber character and pretends to be dumb and ignorant. And it's really, really hilarious. It's very subtle satire. She, she fooled all all the fortune into thinking she was really what she was pretending to be, just like you. You went on Dr. Phil and they all thought that your character was real and attractive.

They all thought I hated women. She trolls fortune. Yeah. I guess if I was her, I could see dating a guy and making him strangle me, getting drunk and getting in his face about being gay, grabbing asses of bartenders. Yeah, but the way that he denied it was the worst possible way for you to prove it or not. Yeah. Screaming that I'm not gay.

All right, buddy. What makes you a rage, by the way? So I walked into the wrong bathroom, which in and of itself doesn't make me a rage, but I rationalized it in my mind, the fact that there was no urinals, and I was like, oh, this must be a very progressive transfer and any bathroom. And so I proceeded to use the stall and go about my business and came out, and there was there was women in there. And I was somewhat humiliated because we both looked at the door and I realized I was the asshole. And you've done that, haven't you? I blame trans people.

I blame trans people because I've not done it. Had it not been for suspecting this was one of these new fangled, trans-friendly stall-only bathrooms, I may have avoided that fate last night in the next con restaurant. I'm going to start just going into the wrong bathroom on purpose. Yeah, playing it up like a trans thing. Oh, God. Hello. Oh.

Oh, I got the wrong one. I'm straight as an arrow, ladies, but got the wrong trans bathroom. All right, buddy. Get out of here. All right, thanks for going to end the show. Yeah, thank you. Wow. How about that? It's happened. I think I've done it a couple times.

I mean, how about that shit about Brittany Venti's boyfriend screaming about not being gay? Yeah, that too. I'm still struggling. I'm the wrong bathroom thing. All right, everybody. This is been the Dix show. Jesus Christ. Thank you, Lacey for coming in and telling us about the blue bird scooter. No, just bird. Bird scooter. Nothing blue about it. Just black. Bird powered. Bird powered scooters.

I can't wait until you run into one. Tractor trailers driving on side. I know it's going to piss you off. Go practice your parallel parking. I don't have to practice. I'm the best parallel parker. There's no funny business either. You got to sit in your car and do it. No opening the door and leaning out.

Like some girls like to do. It's it, just to straight up. If I had to rely on that, I would not challenge you to a parallel parking. So most people are so bad at it. Yeah, they're so bad at it. Terrible, actually. Okay.

Alright. This has been the Dixho. Dick.Show patreon.com slash the Dixho. The Dixho. Fresh. Fresh. This has been the Dick Show. Dick.Show patreon.com slash the Dick Show. The Dick Show.com. I'm seeing you in Atlanta. See you next Tuesday. Oh, this song is by the Cucksockers. Hey.

I don't know what it's called. It's called Road Rage Mix. Here you go. It's gonna be opening for us in Atlanta. These guys. I'm looking forward to that. Me too. Hey boy! Don't know where I get me sick of the life Don't know Gonna drink until I fucking down No, got another step for you

One, one, one, one Gotta go to take a guess In the never ending class No, no, no, try to get my piece of truth I'm on a way to fathom ass Don't let me treat you all the time Did you see how I waited? I formed some ass

I think. This is gonna be an intense show. This is the open hole. Roads, rings, bro, rings! You are a road rage. Just Captain Jack has with the Facebook news. Hello, Dick, and Hello Dickens. Hey, man. This is Facebook Room News for the last couple days. Yes. JP on the beach is back in the news as he was conducting research for the group.

JP attended a sex and love addict's anonymous meeting in order to try and meet women. JP shared with us his congratulatory chip he received and the 40 questionnaire pamphlet to determine if he had an illness or not. JP's meeting had eight men and six women and he was the only person there under 40. Only one of the women in attendance was suitable for him but she had fake tits and that's an automatic no from JP. Next up is Ed Diamond, who asked Dickhead's what's the biggest dick move you've ever pulled during a breakup?

Ivana corrected the spelling and grammar of her ex's Let's Get Back Together Water and read ink, Trishon used part of Richard Nixon's Resignation speech, and Brian left his ex in the middle of nowhere on a country road with her phone still in the car. All the other comments are related to having sex with their ex's closest friends. Lastly, we have Zach Wenger, ran over his big toe. Oh, wait, what's the worst you've ever broken up with a guy?

What's the most brutal? I've done some crazy shit. I figured, what's the worst thing you've ever done? The first breakup that I ever had. Which was when? When I was, God, I was a freshman going to my sophomore year. He was in college.

He was a college. Oh, good. And he cheated on me. Motherfucker. Oh, thanks. This is a good story. He cheated. I hate that guy.

Yeah. You were how old? 14. Yeah. He was in college. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Totally.. Yeah, that's a file. Totally.

Totally. It was fucked up. I wish if I could go back, I would never, ever, ever have done that. If you could go back, I would hit on you. The age you are now. No. Yeah. But he cheated on me and he left me.

How did you meet a guy in college when you're in high school? I met him in high school and he was a senior in high school and then he went to college and I was still dating. I was still dating. No, we were still dating. It was long-term relationship, but he was cheating on me with a girl that was on my basketball team. Yeah.

And he left it on, what was that? Why? What was that? God, before Facebook and Instagram, there was my space. He left his life. I only know LinkedIn. My space. and Instagram, there was my space. He left his life. I only got a link in. My space. Yeah.

He left his my space open. Well, I was at school and my mom was using the computer and she's like, oh, my God, left his my space open. Goes, two is deleted inbox. It's just tons of messages from him and this girl. So I went home. Talking about what, pain and sleep and stuff. So I went home and printed and I wanted to break up with him

anyways, I was looking for a way out. I printed every all the conversations. Had you guys been, how long have you guys been together? Probably a year and a half. Did you go to prom together? Did you go to senior prom with them? No, no, no, he didn't. He wouldn't take you out.

No, no. You were like, he didn't. We went out, but he didn't. You were the freshman that he was. I didn't go to prom. But my dad was, there's no way in hell he was going to let me go to a fucking prom with a senior. He let alone, I mean, he wasn't happy that I was dating him,

but that he couldn't stop that. I have a mind on my own. So your dad would stop you from going to prom with a senior, but he was like, a day-to-do? Yeah, he would let me like, out of the house, he could only come over. So where? He could only come over.

You guys had to keep things real quiet. Yeah. Okay. How quiet. Pretty quiet. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. How quiet. Pretty quiet. I've been in some, yeah, it's embarrassing when I've done. Why? What do you mean?

What have you done? Just the situations that I put myself in. Anyways. Me too. I shitted my dad's pants. That was embarrassing. You shitted pants? No, I shitted my dad's underpants.

You didn't hear the story? No. Yeah. I was, nah. I was, I shitting my dad's underpants. You didn't hear the story? No. Yeah. I was, nah. I was, I brought my dad's underpants because I was at my parents' house and I didn't have, and I shitting my underpants. What did you share your pants? What, what did I mean?

How did I shit my pants? How many beers have you seen me drink? Have you ever seen me not drinking a beer? Or over, over committing myself to things? LA Phil. Oh yeah, that's true. We went to the 80s girl in Lacey and I went to the LA Phil. I was just there the other night.

Yeah. Yeah, I saw them. I watched, I saw Jaws. You saw Jaws at the LA Phil? Well, the LA Phil performed the soundtrack. It was fucking awesome. Well, we went down to the Disney concert hall and I'm feeling cool.

You know, you can't go out with two hot chicks. You feel like, that's the coolest you ever feel, man. Doesn't matter, anything else ever happens to you. Two hot chicks, you're like, Oh man, the fucking coolest guy I've ever been. I'm getting these tickets. I go, yeah, what do you want? What do you want a shitty view or a good view?

I'm like, good view, doesn't matter how much it costs. Hey, how much is it cost? There needs to be like a guy sign language. Like a, you know? You don't need that good a view. Yeah, sir, would you like the shitty view or the good view? And then they just hold up like a thing, like, it's not worth it.

Get the shitty, like a little hoot finger. So I'm kind of signed. So I'm kind of signed. So I'm kind of signed so we know. Like yeah, give me the good view. Give me the good view. It's like, oh, lucky you, there's only three seats left. So we go find the seats in the concert hall and 80s girl and Lacey have their seats.

But my seat is nowhere to be found. It's like seat 107 and a half. Oh, it's separate. We go to the Usher and like, well, we got 105, we got 107 where the like seat 107 and a half. Oh, it's separate. We go to the usher and like, well, we got 105, we got 107 where the fuck is 107 and a half? The usher looks at and goes, you're just gonna have to grab a chair. What do you mean?

He's like, yeah, this seat is a chair seat. What the fuck is a chair seat? Well, we got these aisles and you put a chair there. So I'm at the theater sitting in a home chair. I didn't know that he did that. Because they fucking shouldn't do it. It was like a medical office chair. You know, when you go to the kitchen.

It was like, yeah, I feel like I'm waiting in a lobby to have an abortion while I'm watching this symphony happen. Everybody else is into the experience because you're in a nice you've got your ass cupped by a nice theater seat. You've got a you've got your sitting in a seat that can't fuck around like you can do anything. Oh my god I'm having all these emotions at this thing you can bounce around and you're sitting in you know how you've been to a theater right Sean? Sure. You can pretty much do anything. Bounce around, you're sitting in, you know how you've been doing theater, right Sean? Sure. You can pretty much do anything.

Just bounce around, put your arms. I make one wrong move. Like in the middle of the, I'm sitting there, the entire show, I'm not doing anything because I'm in this fucked wooden seat that a guy that a little asshole has moved and put there. All right, I'm just sitting here. I make one move to get a drink of water

and the silence and my seat bucks out from under me. What's one of those big, ah! Okay. Yeah, I can't believe they do that. Actually, they do. It's a rip off. They do. So ask the box office, if you're there,

say, are you, is this some kind of a fucked mobile seat anyway? So you were dating this guy. So I was dating a girl. So he was banging a girl in my basketball game. Michael. Michael. Micah. Yeah.

Micah? What do you mean, Micah? What? Yeah. Yeah. Why? So what his name was? Why Micah?

You were even nice cars. I'm doing Micah's, you know Micah. His mom was a bit off. Their dog's name was Zion. Oh, well, this is the last name. Let's just go a whole hog on this guy. Well, yeah, it's Steinblatt, clearly, or something. What a player.

Yeah, he was hooking up with Lacey, hooking up with her whole basketball team. Whole team. Yeah. Okay, so I printed off the messages. Bangin. Oh, team. Yeah. Okay. So I printed off the messages. Bang and no, oh man. That's the one thing I would talk to him

and say, as soon as I got to college, just fucking plow through those high school girls. Okay. So what'd you do? So I printed off all the messages. I took all of my pictures. I took every piece of meberal billia that I had from him, put it in a bag and went over to his house to watch a movie.

And I sat on the opposite side of the room with him and I just sat there quietly, he said, come over to say bye me, come snuggle with me. Well, you went to his house? Yeah, I was a little bit older, so I did go. It was in the summer and let's just forget that. Dad wasn't in the yard, yeah, I was in little bit older so I did go. It was in the summer and let's just forget that. Okay. Dad wasn't. Dad wasn't.

Yeah. Okay. So why are you sitting over there? Why are you being weird? I'm not being weird and just completely calm. He's like, well, what's in your bag? You really want to know what's in my bag? Do you want to know what's in my bag?

Yeah. Why'd you bring a bag over here? Well, so I start taking out the piece of paper and just littering them all the way over here that I just start throwing our pictures everywhere and he picks up like one message and just goes ballistic, punches the door, his whole family's in the living room.

I'm just sitting there like, Sean, you got to show dominance right away. Yeah. Punch, punch doors. I've been set up. I've been, oh! I said, oh, yeah. Oh! And then jumps out and jumps in his car and takes off

and then I just went and got my car and just drove home. He got his car and took it off. That's high. Broke up with him. Jesus Christ. Did he at least peel out like super cool? Totally. What did he drive? Oh?

What are those hot rock? It was like a little Sporty car, but it was like a Honda me. I don't know Micah No Damn Okay, I can't remember. I'm not good with cars. That was your first break. That was your first break That was my first love littering. Yeah, that was your first break. That was your first break. That was my first first. That was your first love littering. Yeah, that was your first time. Yeah Yeah, all of the above you knocked it all out What was his name? Micah Micah Micah Steinblatt Micah Steinblatt

That was right actually no he stole money from my dad actually. Oh, well still money from your dad What do you mean? He stole a I'm still money from your dad. What do you mean? He stole a sh- A good dowry? No, like my dad did a job under the table because he- That's illegal. Yeah.

So like 20 years ago. All right. So he had this money. He didn't report it to the IRS? You're dead? No. If there's any IRS agents, you gotta go after this fucking guy. I like he's dead.

Anyways, so yeah, he found it, he broke into our house when we were on vacation. He was on vacation with us actually. He left the vacation early to go help his mom. What is this guy remincting steel? Yeah, it was crazy. Then he started showing up with all this new shit and was like buying me shit and it was just weird.

And my mom and dad were like, my God, I had to have stolen my mom. You have, there's no way. Fucked, taste in men. I know, I do, it's been a thing. There's no way. Fucked, taste in men. I know, I do. It's been a thing. Wow. It sucks.

That was number one. That was number one. Stealing from you? No, so much. It was stupid. Oh my God, I gotta think about this. It's total. Have they gotten better or worse since then?

Yeah. I'd say a little bit better, they haven't stolen from my family, so. Just because they're so far away. Yeah, you don't know they could be making road trips up there. Yeah. So he was on vacation with you and then he said, I'm like, oh, and then and that was what was weird because he's always with us because he had to be with us.

And so he just left randomly. We get home. This is the entry. It was be with us. And so he just left randomly. We get home. Oh, this is the entry. It was through my bedroom. The whoever broke in, like tossed my bed aside, went through my underwear drawer, threw my underwear over the room, and then went right for the money.

Like, who's money? It might add money. Your dad's money. It was in your underwear drawer? No. It was in one of his drawers or something. That explains the bad choice in that. Yeah.

Yeah. No. Yeah. You dated a guy who straight up stole money from your father. What did your father do? Wanted to kill him. Like, you really wanted to kill him. How did that not come to play? How did that not happen?

I don't like, I mean, I'm sure every time he saw him, he wanted to rip his fucking balls off. I know for a fact, I mean, obviously he I don't know. Like, I mean, I'm sure every time he saw him, he wanted to rip his fucking balls off. I know for a fact, I mean, obviously he was fucking his daughter. What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? What's his name?

Michael White. Is it Steinblatt? Johnson. Yeah. Michael Johnson, is it? Yeah. Michael Johnson. Michael Johnson.

All right. He's got from Portland. He's got a criminal record sense then, so you could look him up in the Oregon courts. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I don Johnson. All right. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland.

He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland.

He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland.

He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland. He's got from Portland I was respectful when I break up with brads. Yeah, nobody did anything crazy. Yeah. I'm just like, I'll send like some chocolates and a little note that says you got 48 hours, get the fuck out. You know, no yelling, no yelling, none of this. No door punks. No door punks.

There are pictures throwing around, stupid. What a waste of time All right and printer ink. Yeah, waste of printer ink All the other comments are related to having sex with their exes closest friends Let's get in that jack wet You should have started dating his dad His dad? Sure. What do you mean?

No. I'll really show him. Finger ran over his big toe with a lawn mower. Ever since Zach ran over his own foot with his lawn mower, he's been sharing updated images of his foot throughout the week. Oh, I've seen that. These updates include several high-definition images of his dad that put off big toe in a video of him screaming in pain

more of a doctor's stitches toe back together. together. Oh yeah they're bad. Thankfully for Zach the lawnmower fragments have been removed and his toe is healing very well. By this point Dick had retired of seeing gruesome bloody hospital images on their feeds and began demanding he deleted. Yeah. However this post is not violent any rules of the Dictial Facebook group and it stayed up. This has been the Dictial Facebook news for the last couple days. Alright, a couple of voice mails and then we're done. Yeah, yeah. You know what else makes me a rage dick? When your manager or your boss or whoever makes a joke because you always

have to fucking laugh. You always, dude, my manager is constantly cracking jokes because they're near me and every time I feel a little piece of myself die because I have to reach deep inside my core, react to that deeply unfunny joke and force a reaction out of me and it's unnatural and unhealthy and it probably takes years off my life every time I have to do it which is constantly. Just please, if you're a boss or a manager to people beneath you, stop making jokes. Fucking they have to laugh. They have to laugh at you or they're going to feel or it's just how it works.

So just don't do it. Just don't do it. Stop making jokes. Just stop. If you're anybody's boss, never make another joke again in your life. You're holding those people hostages, you're basically ISIS, you're a bad, you're not funny.

It doesn't matter if you are funny. They can't, they can't tell. They have to immediately laugh. It doesn't even, it doesn't matter if it was are funny. They can't, they can't tell. They have to immediately laugh. It doesn't even, it doesn't matter if it was actually funny. They have to immediately laugh no matter what. Terrible. Just find a basketball team, find a cute girl in the basketball team, hit her up, hit up your wife's basketball team friends, think you're out something with your fucking life. Hey, this is David Davidson from Facebook. Spasca ball team friends figure out something with your fucking life

Calling for munderwater We could do though about how you think the The antifug wants to get their asses kicked And I think you're right about that. I think you'd like me to figure out the actual solution to this shit Which is you'd like me to figure out the actual solution to this shit, which is... Now keep in mind, there are limperies and soy boys, and like... there's no real reason to take the threat of violence from them all that seriously. And they're kind of winning in a way if you beat the shit out of them, because I get to feel like a martyr standing up.

Well, that's what you said that. Yeah. Yeah. But I said, you know, Antifa, do you know those guys? They like, they're like resisting, they're the, oh yes, yes, yes, yes. They're the guys resisting Trump on the front lines. Right. They're the fascists. Yeah. They go out and they protect, they protect us from fascism by beating people up who don't agree with them, right? Right. Because they're not diverse in their way. Yeah. So I think that they like getting beat up.

I think that they like it. They want it. They go, they're like, say to it, they're their massacres. They want to get their asses kicked to be martyrs. But you can do without sort of defeat them without allowing them to, if you like they're a martyr, is just like school yard bully tactics. Like to give them wedges, give them purple merpoles, give them moody, just to humiliate them in front of everyone, without, you know, going so far to allow them to feel like a fucking

martyr for it. And I think that might really be the solution of that show. Yeah, love the show, they're funky felt. I think that's what I was saying. Take their pants. Yeah, you take your hat. Exactly. Take their pants.

That's funny. All right, everybody, That's it. Thanks for listening. Thank you, Lacey. Thank you for coming in. Thanks for making room around your Pilates schedule for coming in and talking about your first love, Micah Johnson. From Portland. From Portland. Something not quite. From-kill organ. Oh geez Not everything now. I'd everybody have a good one have a good time