The Dick Show - Episode 114 - Dick on Road Rage: Atlanta

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

Libertarians, globalists, hate speech against the Illuminati, the will to execute failure, using the airplane slide, people who walk around with neck pillows around their neck, a homeless ranking system, taking selfies at funerals, concern trolling and pretending to care, how the KKK was born, how valuable is your semen, "So You Want to Talk About Race", Uncle Buck and the Cuck Sockers, Mental Jess moves out, Road Rage: Atlanta, the myth of the free market, and the protein powder scoop always getting stuck at the bottom of the jar; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

People love sticking shit up their ass. I've heard it enough. I've heard it enough times to make me think that that's real. I mean, I know you get super drunk that way, right? Man, oh yeah, you can die. Oh yeah. Because it goes, the butt chug stuff, like tampon vodka. Because the mucus membranes, it doesn't have to go through your stomach where it gets

destroyed and dissolved. It gets absorbed by the mucus membranes, it doesn't have to go through your stomach where it gets destroyed and dissolved. It gets absorbed by the mucus membranes and it's super comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. For some reason, your asshole absorbs it because it's more mucusier. Gross. So they should, so the kids, you got to tell them, you know, if you want to get real fast, you got to jam that bottle of jack right up your ass.

Right up your ass. Right up your ass. You down. Right up your ass. You tell anybody that it's ass-related, they're on board. Yeah. Doesn't matter what it is. If you could, you could sit them down, everybody's into butt stuff at the end of the day. You give them what it is. The most scientific explanation possible for why they should lose some weight and exercise

regularly, not gonna happen. Magical butt things, candles up the ass to clean the ass out, water jets up the ass to clean the ass out, a debarnacling of the anus. You get the scraper in there. There are so many scams with that shit. With asses, with asses. With asses. Because people think, oh, it's like a severe thing,

like it must work. Because they understand their asshole. That's why people that you start saying numbers and science and they're like, oh, no, it's too much. I'm not a, I don't care. I'm fine with that, but as soon as you throw an ass in there, they're like, well, I have an asshole. I'm the expert of my asshole.

Maybe I have something to say about this. Maybe I could get into this colonics stuff. God damn. It's so fucking dumb. I know. I know. Here we go. Because everyone is, you know, we start as assholes.

Yeah, we do. We're one of the... I hope that's true. Well, no, no. It's the first thing that's about us. It is true. And a good number of us never evolved beyond that point yes very good very good all right here we go that was a good cold open Yeah

Yeah Hey, welcome to dick you want to dig you need to dig you love dick you got it It's the show or everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker Deep in the heart of the city of failure. I am your host, Dick Masterson, aka the $20 million man, with me as always a shun. The audio engineer. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? My goodness.

We're back from Atlanta. We are. We made a fucking blast. You and I barely made it. That was a terrible showing on our parts. Yeah, I've got to come clean. Sean, yeah. we left the venue. Look, we fucked everybody over.

I fucked everybody over. We left the Atlanta venue, fully intending on going to the strip club that we told everyone. I know, we were going to. Yep. We were excited about it. Yes.

We got out of the, out of the Uber to drop some stuff off at our Airbnb in the ghetto. Yeah. And immediately started throwing up. Yeah. You threw up outside, I threw up inside. It was like a leapfrogging of throw-ups. I don't know how that happened.

I was having a totally good time after the show. Me too. There's bullshitting with a bunch of people around me too. All I drank, all I drank was Diet Coke and water. That was it. I didn't eat anything weird, you know, I, and all of a sudden, I feel like my stomach is like. Everybody in the old city ate that barbecue that day.

It wasn't even anything weird. I don't know, it was all fucked up. And I was like, I gotta, I gotta go, but I went backstage and like I threw up a little bit. And then I know, it was all fucked up. And I was like, I gotta go, but I went backstage and I threw up a little bit. And then I just... You threw up at the show? Yeah, like after I...

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, it was like a very little dry, heaved a couple of times a little bit. A little bit came out, but I just got, I was sweating and then I got the extra saliva stuff. Oh, it was like fucking, the snott spit is the worst, man. That, you know you're done. I could deal with spins.

I could deal with dizziness and nausea, but when your tongue starts sweating snott, you're like, ah, fuck mother, fucker again. And it was one of the times that I was really down for going out. Yeah. Because like sometimes I'm just like, I'll do it because I feel like I owe that.

You know what I mean? You do. Yeah, people come. I'll do it because I feel like I owe that. You know what I mean? You do. You do. I'll always go out. You know, I'll stay out as long as anybody else. Look, you're not a going out kind of guy. No. Let's just say it.

Let's say it is for what it is. Yes. I couldn't get you to go out for any other reason other than to fly you across the country and get 100 or 200 people to cajole you into it. That's the only way to get Sean out. That's true. Otherwise, he stays home and watches that show at the Antiques Road Show.

That's a pretty screaming at the television. That's a kind of cool show. You fucking idiot. If they have like old guitars on there, I haven't seen that in years, but. Yeah. No, no, no, no. And I was like, God, I went back.

It took me a long time to start feeling better. It was the weirdest thing. And then I was like, the next problem was okay. It was, it was, it was so fucked. Yeah. Um, it was, yeah. So sorry, everybody who went to the strip club and we bailed on you. Um, I'm glad we did, or did we send everybody to the strip club that they said was the retirement home for strippers?

The Cheetah? No, oh no, thank God. I think that I was, everybody always tells me to go to joke strip clubs in every town and get in and I say, hey, what strip clubs will you go to? They're like, oh yeah, it's called the peg leg. You'll love it. Why would I love it?

Is it hot chicks that I want to see? No, it's the opposite. Yeah, well, I don't, it's not, this is not a joke for me. You think this is a fucking game? You think I'm here to just see a bunch of grannies? You think I'm here to see a freak show? No! Ways of my time.

You, yeah. You're wasting my time. Waysing every one's time with these silly pranks. Fucking, I signed somebody's peg leg. Did you, I'll never forget that. I signed somebody's prosthetic leg. Ha ha ha. Somebody comes up to me with two legs.

He's like, you gotta sign, you gotta sign this guy's leg. And I'm like, what the fuck? It was a guy who like rode a letter in, talking about, remember the other guy with like club foot and like the hands were. There's this severance of fingered machinist who wrote in asking for help with women and then there was the guy that had no leg who wrote in or no foot.

He had no foot. Yeah, but he called in or he wrote in to kind of maybe give the other guy a little advice or just like I've been there. Yeah. And we talked about how he got his doing all these pranks. Yes. That's right. That's right. That's right.

You're trapped off leg caught in things. So I sign it and I'm like looking around for the guy and just kind of, you know, and the guy goes, oh yeah, yeah, it's his. And I look over and there's this guy on his knees. Like right next to me, but I didn't even see come up. Yeah. And I said, I will never forget this.

I will never forget signing. I will never forget signing somebody's fucking prosthetic limb. Um, I'll never forget your story about you seeing your grandma shitting. Yeah, that's yeah, I don't, I mean, I'm like, I can't go up to that. I thought my, my slide presentation that included a shot of the Ku Klux Klan would be rough, but who starting with the story of grandma shitting? Well, that means there were two people, me and the guy who wrote that in the rage bucket. Yeah. Who had that happen? I don't know if she was shitting because, you know, she's female, so I'm not positive. That's what was going on. I think I always had this idea that

at some age, women just kind of sit down and they themselves don't know if they're Shitting well or they're doing a number of things like I think that they was the way it smells if you follow grandma Into the bathroom and I don't want to and I don't mean like five minutes later I mean if grandma uses the bathroom once it is destroyed forever with the strangest if grandma uses the bathroom once, it is destroyed forever with the strangest fertilizer smell on the planet that you can't get, you experience that once when you're a child and you will never get it out of your brain. It's probably all the pills and supplements they take

as they get older. Is it, I don't know, is it there? They start taking like fish oil and all kinds of, you know, multivitamins and calcium and, you know and anti-osteoporosis things. I don't know, a shark cartilage. I don't know what the fuck that does, but I think it just comes out like a bird. Just some kind of disgusting mixture. All right, enough about that.

I will never forget the guy with the chopped off foot, the guy who's was it Zach, Zach, Zach Weldman, Zach Wenger, fuck, I should have, I wrote his name down, but I wrote down the name that I remembered instead of looking it up. Yeah. He's sitting in the front row, the entire show with crutches and a foot that has been run through a blender, a quiesonard machine that is disgustingly destroyed on Facebook. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it.

I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it.

I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it. I showed it.

I showed it. I showed it. I the foot. I thought that was gonna end in an ambulance ride. I thought we were gonna end up with signing two peg legs that evening. Yeah, and he was, he held it together afterwards. Pretty good. I thought he was like, I thought he was uncontrollably drunk, but he was totally with it afterwards. He was just that excited. Oh God, yeah.

It was really fun. It was a lot of fun. Rackets was the whole, I think the episode will be up on Monday on the Patreon. The live show of Atlanta. Road Regent Land is gonna be up on the Patreon. You see it for a buck. See, Rackets come up, tell the story about the girl that he made cry, peach sings.

I sing the Peach's Mustard song, which went great, I think, Uncle Buck and the Cucksockers who opened the show and did a phenomenal job. They played in a venue that was built for that. Like there was, yeah, it's a big venue that notable mid-level bands come through. Yeah, there was like the arc speakers. We're on top of the stage. Those are called, like what the fuck?

These are line arrays. Line arrays. Yeah, that's right. I was like, oh man, I don't think we deserve this kind of shit. It was another one of those moments, but those guys came out and they seemed like a real rock band. I don't see it from the front, but from the back they seemed like a real rock band. Yeah.

I was, I, even though one of them was a Canadian. That's true. Yeah. Canadians have some, have some rock bands. I mean, we won't hold it against them too much. They do. He was cool. Let's see. Mary Beth was on stage, the Facebook, the Facebook queen,

the scandal queen of Facebook. I heard she cornered you in a, not cornered, but cornered. Yeah, she was a little concerned about yeah some retaliation on somebody's i heard there was tears uh... cornered you with tears she was pretty she was pretty emotional she was definitely definitely uh... feeling no pain up to that point okay well that's definitely some some

liquor was flowing uh... a stereosis show was also was also great. Yeah, I still don't understand it and I never will, but yeah. Uh, look, he, if he had his wife who wars show, I guess it was where they talk about the wide, the cartoon women that they want to be married to or they want to bang. Yeah. We spent the peach and I spent the entire time trying to show Sean the women that they're talking about

and get him invested in this. Yeah. Diego was in there too. The eternal man's eternal struggle of determining what fantasy anime woman that he wants to spend the rest of his fantasy life with. And that is, that's, he has a podcast that's basically that, right?

Yes, it is exactly that. So I was, I understand it. I thought he was gonna go do stand up. Meet me, too. But, you know, I would have killed to see some mysterious stand up. How many dreams? As long as a people liked it, and which they really,

it was boisterous. Yeah, they did, they did. I liked that, there was a guy with a Mega Man costume that had like a protein, I do it instantly that it was a protein jug. That he had taken a protein jug I do it instantly that it was a protein jug. That he had taken a protein jug and somehow turned it into a Mega Man hand blaster.

He's like, ah, there's only one jug. It was like a plastic way protein jug or something, right? Yeah. Let's see, I forgot I was gonna do this at the venue, but I need to invoice the stereos for I have an invoice for a stereos. You're kidding. Now, for what?

For the research time that I spent looking up all the Japanese Hentai Pornow pictures of the cartoon women that they were talking about. That took me, that took me just 12 hours I spent on that. Yeah. Watching Star Wars to learn what the fuck they were talking about with the Porgs. Oh.

Porg chatter. I didn't see that. It was $11.99 for the movie and then I threw up constantly during the entire movie because it's so terrible. So, New couch, just a couple grand for Stereo's and then one. And therapy, I've got to get some therapy because every time I looked in a Stereo's direction, whether it was backstage or on stage. Oh, I know.

You see his entire groin, like a happy baby holding onto their heels and pulling their ass hole apart. It's just how he sits. He sits. I don't know how he does that, but the entire weekend, we spent, if you look at him, it's just like Medusa. You know you're not supposed to look at the stereosis taint, but you can't look away because you want to see it. Yeah, it's quite like you'd like Medusa. You know you're not supposed to look at the stereosis taint, but you can't look away because you want to see it. Yeah, it's quite a scary. And then your dick turns to stone. Yes. Some kind of a curse. Let's see, the homeless people

in Atlanta, I give them, I give them zero out of five mckys. They were the, they were the dumbest homeless people in any homeless that we've seen so far. In every city we go to, I like to rank the homeless. Portland has good homeless. Portland has very, very industrious. LA has good homeless. Very, very good homeless in LA. Chicago, they would have to be because they freeze to death. Yes.

They're very resourceful homeless in Chicago. I'd imagine they go to Shell. Portland, they're very clever. They make a lot of Maghiver style structures. Yeah imagine they go to Shell Portland. They're very clever. They make a lot of MacGyver style structures. Yeah, because it rains a lot. They do have a lot of covering. They have like, what is the thing with all the things that hit into other things and make the things?

Adams. Yes. You know the machine. Ionizing radio engines. The machines, the machines, like dominoes. No, no, no, no. It sounds like a Roch know the machine, ionizing radio. The machines, the machines, like dominoes. No, it's the machine. No, no, no. It sounds like a Rochambo machine, but it's not a Rochambo machine. It's like one of those, if you see a video of it, you're compelled to watch the entire thing.

A Roop Goldberg machine, yeah. It's a curse. And Roop Goldberg, it may he burn and hell for creating these things and unleashing this time-wet sucking disaster onto the world. That's what the Portland homeless do to escape. They've got clothes lines tied from tree to tree. They do. They've got dogs. They're using dogs as roofing shingles. They've got them lined up. LA is a very, we have a rich community of homeless. We're building entire towns. They're homesteading, but the other's tent city, and a-

The Atlanta home is doing the never fucking tents, man. No, they're just sleeping, they're sleeping in banks, and bank drive-thrues, we're driving through Taco Bell, and they're meant, which by the way, I would like every city and every franchise restaurant fast food owner to take a good hard look at who they're staffing at midnight. Because that's when your restaurant lives or dies. It's not the new and rush.

It's the drunk rush at midnight, one in the morning, two in the morning. That's when you're doing a service for God by serving us. Not, no more of this, it's gonna take us 30 minutes to start making taco supreme, which is what they said. Which is exactly what they said. We're told in there after midnight, on Friday night, and they say, I can't take your order for half an hour. I won't be able to make your order for half an hour.

And you're like, why? Wait, and how do you, how are you? How are you? Sowering the cream back there, you fucking bitch. How do you know half an hour. Or won't be able to make your order for half an hour. And you're like, why? Wait, and how do you, how are you, how are you? How are you, how are you? How are you, how are you? How do you know half an hour? Yeah, it seems like, I mean, you don't, just tell me you don't know.

Don't make me, don't make me call you a liar. I don't know, I don't know when we're gonna get the taco. You know what, here's the problem, sir. I don't know when we're gonna have the ability to take a folded taco and dump a bunch of meat-colored cardboard into it. And then heat it up in a microwave. I have no idea when we're gonna have that capacity again.

And so then we went to McDonald's and they fucked up the order, but it was only Diego's order. Because Diego's friend, Steve, John, I knew that was gonna happen. Did you really? Yes. Because they, first of all, they have their silly accents and their ordering silly stuff. Diego and his friend are both ordering chicken and burgers and then they're going to combine

them together at home. Yeah. That's blasphemous to the McDonald's, to Ronald McDonald. Yeah, that's, so he will, he will smite you for that shit. They kept calling him churgers. Churgers. As soon as they started in with that silly shit, I was like, oh he will smite you for that shit. They kept calling him churgers churgers As soon as they started in with that silly shit as I got you guys you guys deserve Final McDonald's gonna fuck your order up from beyond the grave. I shan and I are ordering double quarter pounders Yeah, Sean is getting a little silly with his no cheese shit

Yeah, but you guys with your blasphemous designs for the Lord McDonald's creations are being are going to be smoten And you are gonna get your order fucked. And they certainly did. They certainly did. There you go. That's me sat there and ate our complete orders. With all the ketchup we wanted. No remorse.

Drink our large drinks and our large fries. Yeah. And our double quarter pounders that came exactly how they were supposed to. There's really, that's still one of the few times where you feel absolutely no shame about enjoying the fruits of your luck right in your friend's face.

Yeah, like you get a promotion at work. You know what, I'm gonna rounds on me this week. I got you having some rough time with money, rounds on me, you know what, you're single down on your luck. My girlfriend's gonna introduce you to her friend. We're gonna have, I'm not gonna be bragging about, I'm not gonna brag about my success versus, and vice versa, I would expect that would expect,

but fast food fuck ups. No, no, no, I'm gonna enjoy this right in your fucking face. Great sugars. Thanks everybody for coming out. I think it was a lot of fun. A lot of fun. I did, I saw a homeless guy sleeping on the railroad tracks.

Yeah, yeah, that's the, you know. Did he ask you for a blowjob? Somebody was saying that they're not homeless people were. I have never seen, I was saying this at the show, but I have never seen so many black people in my life. Well, Atlanta is over 50% black. With the white people. Well, it's a completely integrated city.

Shot, like it was, it's not like that anywhere else. I mean, I'm sure there's other cities, but not that we've been to or really know about. No, I don't know if that's a south thing. I gotta know why there's so many black people in the south. Well, I didn't learn that while. Yeah, okay. No, it was, it was very,

it was eye-opening in one way because I thought, oh, everything I've ever heard about race is, now it has a little asterisk by it. That says, do you live here? Like do you understand the struggles of this society that these people are living in? Because I'm 100% sure that I don't have the, I don't have anything approaching an answer

or any opinion on it now. Other than, I'll do my best to keep the federal government from applying the same shit to me as it does to you because clearly you guys are dealing with a whole different thing. Yeah, a whole different thing. I have no fucking idea what you're dealing with. But it was, I don't know why it was so weird. Like we got, or maybe not weird, it was a combination of extremely comforting and rewarding and then like really made you think.

And then almond roasting. Yeah. Almond roasting. Roasting your almonds, Sean. Okay. Your brain almonds. Cooking your brain almonds. A little slow today.

You know? Yeah. Um, man, do they know how to fucking eat down there? Yeah, they do. Whoa. Might move just for the food. I got the, I got, like, seeing the society as it was, it, it seems like it would make a, for a lot of tension.

You know what I mean? Because in, in LA and, and I would say a lot of other places I've been, even out of the, we've been, even out of the country, everybody is kind of segregated off into their own areas. But from even here, for the most part. Oh, yeah, but from what I understand, segregation normally leads to more tension. Really? Yeah, then people who are integrated and grow up like that. I could see that too. That's, I mean, that's the weird thing.

I could see it all, I could see it all taking place. Like I was like, oh yeah, okay. I totally got, I get the civil rights move. I get how that would happen in this type of society where everybody's interacting all the time. You meet tons of people of all races that are just always totally normal. And then it's like, yeah, yeah, I told yeah, I get you, I like you. Let's get you some, let's get you some rights. I really like you. I don't want you to be treated any different than me, any differently than me. All right. And then, then in the very same way, we're getting off the plane

of LAX and I see a black guy shouting at his giganticly fat wife on his gigantic cell phone, screaming into a cell phone while he's getting his, while he's getting his luggage out of the overhead luggage, while the entire fucking front half of the plane is empty. While he's struggling with the fucking luggage, talking about nothing on the phone, looking and looking at me as if I would just hold the thing down

so he could get his thing out and I'm like, where is my clan robe? Sign me up. I can't. I'm trying to talk about how they didn't have no keys so they fucking, doesn't matter if they take an Uber, couldn't get, couldn't get any place.

I mean, I'm saying it's the human inclination to just like whatever it is that's different, like God, do motherfuckers, get off your fucking phone! Like you're stupid because of that. Yeah, you're inferior because of that. It would be my exact clone, but if he had a mustache, I would say you must dash motherfuckers.

They're always fucking me on the, you know what I mean? We absolutely focus on differences. We just do as it is. It's impossible not to. Well, no, it's preposterous. No, it's built into our DNA. We are suspect of things that are different than us. Yeah.

And I get, you know, the only reason I think it made maybe a more significant impact on me was because the week before, the two weeks before, I was over the shoulder reading a book called, So You Want to Talk About Race, that 80s girls reading, let's say it's for a book club, but I was kind of perusing it with morbid curiosity because it's popular. So I assume it's garbage. And of course, this is true. There's an entire chapter in the book dedicated to eating pizza being racist. And I thought, well, this is, this is completely stupid, right?

Yeah. Well, I mean, eating pizza, that kind of stuff undermines the, the, the real arguments and the real issues. Yeah. I mean, it's not everything's racist. No, not everything's racist. And the entire book is full of the most asses of nine assertions and spacious,

historic facts at best, like where cops came from, that they came from some kind of slave patrol, which is obviously false. Well, there we've had law forever. Oh, yeah, for like thousands of years. Thousands of years. Looked it up, and of course it's exactly

where you think cops came from debt. They were originally there to chase standards. Like, oh, you made it, it was about money that they came from? Yeah, well, what a surprise. It's like, even the, you know, where the secret service original job, right? Counterfeiters. It was to try to maintain a national currency and be in charge of that. Exactly.

They didn't, the Pinkertons were the security for the president. So I don't know, maybe I was keyed up on that, but I thought it was, I thought it was an awesome experience, just seeing that it had an effect on me, I guess, is what's going on. It was great. And you got to go there to see it. You got to go there to see it.

Yeah, the city was much different than I thought. It was cool. All right. I didn't really have any preconceived notions on it. I didn't think it would be as green as it is. No. It was pretty. It's got some cool buildings.

All right. Let me tell you what makes me rage though, is the guys who walk around the airport with the pillows on their necks? Yeah. We talked about that a little bit yesterday. It's really, are you mentally defective? I mean, is that a nice necklace? Nice, nice necklace there.

Yeah, just fucking Charmin toilet bear. They're like, do you get a lawsuit with that neck brace that you, I want to, I want to knock them, like, oh, we get it, we get it. You hacked, you figured out a hack where you go around wearing the padded toilet seat on your neck for the remainder of the day. And then you get both of your hands.

But and you're lording around, you're fucking, you travel so much that you had to get this travel pillow. So you could get your precious sleep on the airplane and sleep like a fucking baby while the rest of us are just festering with rage that the internet we paid $2 more on this flight than we did on the last flight works 20% fucking less than it did But in your peacefully asleep in your pillow that you've been wearing in all day with your own in your pillow that you've been wearing in all day with your own stench all around you, soaked in oils, you fucking prick.

I hope those people, if they do that enough and they travel enough with those stupid things that they end up like those tribes with the fucking coils on their neck to lengthen their neck and then if you take them off, they're fucking head falls open. Honestly, too. I want to see a guy with two of them. He travels so it's going to be a status symbol among traveling salesmen and consultants. They have, they just keep growing their neck by a pillow.

Yeah, yeah. Every million miles they get. Throw another one out there. Oh, yeah, five million miles. I want to knock one of them into a wall. Just to see the distress test on the pillow. Oh, and I know that has airbag properties in it. Come on, you just fucking can you come help me?

Can you take a look at this? Wow. It's like such a fucking doofus, man. You look like such a dick. You look you look like a dick. You are this is the business equivalent of college girls wearing their pajamas to class. Yes. That's what you're doing right now.

You can do that too. Fuckin' stop it. Can you really go up and have a serious conversation with a fucking, like, a toilet seat pillow around your neck? No, I hate it. No, look. You're such an, you've done this so much, clearly. You travel so often that you had often that you figured out all the,

you're like George Clooney and Batman Forever. You're so fucking clever with your travel hacks, sir, and your hands free. What else makes me rage? We talked about this one too. How many flights have you been on in your life? 1,000 maybe? No, I don't think that many but I

Mean I've 10 maybe between 10 and a thousand. Yeah, never it's not once not once If I ever gotten to go down the airplane slide Yes, and every single time they cock teezas with that airplane slide. Yeah, but statistically We're just never gonna get to use it probably not Ever and you see you see them. they don't even show them using it. Sometimes. They just show you the procedure, and then you have to look at a little picture of them using it.

It's like you're just always looking at this princess, you never get to fuck, and you're some commoner sitting in coach. You're supposed to jump. You're not gonna snap every time, what? You're supposed to jump on the slide too. That's how they showed that little animation. It looks so fucking fun. Yeah.

And never, never will they let us use it. Not even to test, not even to get off the flight. Like, hey everybody, go to the, and you know what today, just we're gonna, it's fucking national slide day. We're gonna pop open the halfway point on the plane and everybody is gonna get to slide down. We gotta brush up on procedures. We're all gonna have a good time.

You know, we've been talking about it for years. We're finally gonna deploy the slides. Pop off, we're gonna take pictures, like splash mountain, you're gonna get to the bottom and look at the screens, look at how much fun we're all having. I want, I'm, you know what, if I have the cancer, I'm going to down a plane on purpose just to use the slide.

Okay, safely. Otherwise, we'll never get to. Safely. Yes, right, the guy who practiced crash landing over and over and over again, so we could get away at the end. Hooper. Was that Hooper?

I think that was Hooper. I can't remember his name, but yeah. He was his cat that he left behind. Hooples cat. He was on the Sarian Hezall, the fights with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll probably never get to use it.

Just once. As soon as the engine starts smoking, as soon as those oxygen masks come down, and everybody starts doing themselves first instead of their kids, I'm gonna just start cheering and shaking up so, just spraying it around,

he's so fucking happy. I'll climb over the exit rows, just to slide down first. Get outta here, you go sit in my seat, I'm gonna get first on the slide, in case one of you idiots pop it, bringing your luggage, which I'm also gonna do, because I'm not leaving my fucking luggage behind.

I'm not leaving my fucking laptop behind the planes. Expensive fucking laptop. Give me a break. Does it really gonna make the difference between life and death? Yeah, those types of instructions are for idiots to do. Not for me. Right, all right.

Those instructions of don't take stuff on the plane crash when the plane crashes are for people who know, who don't know that they're not gonna fuck up, like most instructions in life. Yes. Like red lights, red lights are meant for people who know that they're, that they can't be trusted to proceed safely when they look both ways. The rest people like me, you just look, you give it a look both ways, nobody comment.

Just run it. If it's late at night and it's like a residential area, I will absolutely stop at the red light, look around and then go. I will never stop at a red left arrow. Yeah. I never, and I will never, just treat it like a yield.

Yeah. Yeah. And I will never stop at a freeway on ramp. Oh no, I never, let's make your car, never. No, never, you can vouch for that. Yeah, no, no, I never do. That's stupid. Let's make your car run as inefficiently as possible.

It just makes no sense. No, it's so fucking dumb. What did you stretch out traffic for three hours? So like, is the guy at the end not stuck in the entire traffic and nobody else? Like I don't stop at the stop. I'm not stopping the lines. I don't stop at the lines. To do this. Yeah, I don't do that one.

No, no, I don't. I don't even acknowledge it. Here's how I justify it. I've been, I don't even have to justify it. It's fucking dumb. You just keep track of how many times you've gotten I justify it. I've been, I don't even have to justify it. It's fucking dumb. You just keep track of how many times you've gotten away with it. And then divide it by if you ever do get a ticket.

It's like 400 bucks. So then you look at it like, curate it down, it's nothing. It's like a fucking a few cents of, it's like, it's my own version of a toll road. I pull a ramp onto the freeway. I go in the carpool lane, I don't stop at the light, and then I pay when I get caught.

Right. It's basically a one cent toll. For every time I've got on. That's a good deal. I am pretty much giving money to the community by doing this that I do. It's like a self-policing charity that I run for myself.

Like getting a ticket is just not that big deal. Well, I don't know about that. You know, I mean, that's, it's not a stiff penalty. I mean, if you... Mr. Moneybags over here. No, no, no, no. But, oh, Patreon, Sean, the cops, go all up and drives around town, there's doors open.

I mean, to let it gasoline, to save all that time, I just don't think you're gonna get caught. I don't think so either. I don't think you're gonna get caught. I think that's why I'm kind of brazen about it. Yeah, let's see. What else do I got here? The slide. Yeah, I want to use the slide.

Come on. Let me use a slide for one day. Alex Jones got banned from the internet today. Did you see that? He got banned from the internet. Pretty much. Yeah, he got banned from YouTube and YouTube Facebook, Twitter, Spotify. I don't know, not Twitter.

YouTube's Facebook, Facebook's Spotify and Apple all kicked them off at the same time. Wow. You know, to prove that there's no globalist conspiracies against him. They all removed him at the X, like, minutes. Something that he said or a series of things that it's nothing. It's an continuing hateful conduct. Yeah. Well, he get, yeah.

It's probably because of all this sandy hook kid shit, you know. Is that what he said? So he pushes that conspiracy theory. No, he apologized for it, I think. Yeah. I think, I don't know. I mean, I really have, I've never listened to him. Oh, I'm going to play a clip from him that's an attribute in memoriam of Alex Jones,

because it's one of the, it's one of the best. He'll be back, won't he? I don't think you come back from that. No, people get there, I don't know. Well, because, well, okay. If he gets his stuff back, YouTube a bunch of money. If he gets his stuff back, he's wrong. If he doesn't get his stuff back, he's right.

That it's a globalist conspiracy trying to remove his voice and fuck up the midterm election. They're the next election Right like yeah, why not? I mean why wouldn't they? I'm sure they're gonna everything I've read points to that dumb Sandy hook conspiracy thing Mm-hmm. You know the the crisis actors and the yes the the news item wherein everyone pretends to be very concerned about these harassed parents when they don't give a shit about any other parents when they actively hate on other parents but everyone's super concerned that the sandi hook people are being maligned

the sandy you mean they're being there being crisis actors. Well, no, those people are saying that like they're, they're giving it to the parents, right? Saying, oh, your kids alive, you're like, oh, I mean, it's just, that's just a shitty thing to do. I don't know if concerned is like the right word. Everyone's so, oh, no, no, no, the reason he's got it, it's all, he's such a bad guy because

he's been promoting this conspiracy. And it's just unconscionable. What's happening to the, it's the fucking pearl club. Yeah, I think he did. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he didn't have any way. He got banned from Facebook YouTube. Der Wienersen, it's all also jumped in. Oh, they did. Yeah. Ormell Chilli, the factory, said no more. Why? Is this because he ate his excuse in his custody trial. He said that he couldn't remember something specifically because he had just eaten a big bowl of chili. And so many preservatives and stuff.

Whatever. Is it fucking wounded? The Twinkie defense worked, right? Yeah. Haines also says he's not allowed to wear their underpants anymore. Oh, boy. Yeah, everything's overstepping.

Everything's going according to plan. He probably should need ormilchilly and wear Haines. No, and then you've got half the internet reminding us how it's just, this is capitalism at work. If you don't like it, go to some other tech conglomerate Oh, it's just, this is capitalism at work. If you don't like it, go to some other tech conglomerate that has deals with the NSA and relies on a publicly funded and subsidized telecommunications network

that's built on a patent system that's powered by violence and randomness that has existed since the beginning of the modern age. Just go find another one of those and make your own, make your own competing platform that is immediately erased from the internet by all those, by the cabal of said companies over a, what obviously is about a five minute phone call. Let's go go somewhere else and make your own, make your own entirely new state.

It's not how it's supposed to work. That fuck no. It's so awful. It's so fucked up. Teddy Roosevelt be spinning like a rotisserie chicken. Whatty? Oh yeah, he was like the trust, but he was anti-monopoly, the trust busters.

Oh fuck yeah. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna play this in memoriam of Alex of Alex Jones passing. So death of Superman. Yeah. Yeah. Superman. Do you remember when Superman died? Where were you in Superman died? I don't know. I just know and no one remembers where they were for 9-11, but everyone remembers where they were. It was announced that Superman would be killed in a marketing campaign for DC Comics. Yeah, failing DC Comics. I don't remember.

When Superman died, they brought back four alternative Superman that would try to reclaim the throne as the rightful Superman. Is that what happened in the comics? Yeah, they're gonna do the same thing with Alex Jones, YouTube and Google and Facebook. They're all gonna have their own version.

Sanitized. Yeah, like YouTube's gonna have Facebook will have the cyborg Alex Jones It was like a you know A cyborg yeah, he's a robot. He's a half robot with a little little bit of a tell Okay, they always have a little bit of a tell. They're supposed to yeah, suppose to. It's like if you have, because they want to get caught. They don't just be a normal human. They got to have a little bit of a dumb cyborg sticking through their hands.

So you know that they're cyborg. And then there's cyborgs in the future. You can be like, oh, you're cyborg. Where's your stupid cyborg show? There it is. It's a wig. They can tell them apart. Yeah, oh, oh, you're cool.

Otherwise. The skeleton's showing a little bit. Otherwise it creates too much anxiety. Your eyeball glows. Neat. Neat. Cyborg parts. You fucking do attention whore.

You jackass. You mechanical attention whore. You piece of shit. Uh, that's that one. Um, there's, Twitter's gonna bring back teenage Alex Jones. That's gonna be their version. I'm mapping these to actual, the Superman that came back.

Okay. Yeah. Actually, maybe Twitter would be black Alex Jones. There was a black Superman that came back. Really? His name was Steel. And then came back. Really? Yeah. His name was Steel. Oh.

And then there was eradicator. There will be eradicator Alex Jones who's an alien. Okay. And that will be maybe a, he was being on Spotify. That's probably more black than alien, right? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

You wouldn't know. Yeah, I guess I wouldn't. All right, here's the black man you would know. Here's the, here's the Alex Jones video I wanted to play. I'm not that damn smart. You know how easy this is? Jesus, but no one wants to do it! No one has the instinct for the will to execute anything real!

They only execute failure! Yeah, he's got some bigger. He's gone now. Yeah. Anyway, that's why we can't have nice things. I can tell he's very entertaining. He's very entertaining. Lined up to defend this, Sean. The fucking libertarians.

Yeah. They're lined up to defend it. Because it's astrology for men. Libertarianism is. Okay. Where anything that happens, if you just go back and consult the rules, and that's what happened.

Everything that exists can be put into these stupid set of rules that you are the gatekeeper for and that you have decided, and it makes sense to you, except none of the rest of the fucking world gives a shit about it because everything else is run by violence. Yeah, that's why.

It's an economy, it's violence stupid. It's a, yeah, the views are very much in a vacuum. Mm-hmm. Oh, the libertarians are driving, really driving me nuts. Yeah. I have another video where at the libertarian debate, a man was booed for suggesting that he didn't want, he wanted to make it illegal to sell heroin to children. That's the level that they're at.

Yeah, no, the libertarian side. Sure. On the libertarian side of the world, which is, to be respected less, then like someone who wants to run the world based on Lord of the Rings, which is a less preposterous fantasy than some idea of a magical free market that has never existed. No, no, the only thing that is anywhere close

in the vicinity of a free market is the black market. Yeah. That's all it is forced. Yeah, forced. Right. It's never it is never existed. Never entirely powered by violence. Yeah.

That's why people talk about the free market. It's like, well, you mean a free-ish market, right? Yeah, that's like, let me, let me sit you down for a second, libertarians. This is what's happening. We're all in a big boat that's sinking because guys are running around on the boat, poking holes in it and then selling each other the water that comes in.

But then other guys come in and say, you're just making a bunch of holes here. Stop doing this. That's the violence. And the libertarians are saying, well, I mean, look at the, what we need is, what we need to do is just, it's start over. What we need to do is just build an un-poke,

holable boat. Yeah. We don't, this is all we have. We have the boat. We're in it. Yeah. It's just stupid metaphor, it sucks. Yeah, let's see.

I brought in a bunch of stuff about libertarians as they're driving me insane, but I don't know if it's boring for everybody or what? I have a rage. What's your rage? You've seen, you know, public displays of affection as they're called. I commit them constantly. But you've seen...

Every girl I've ever dated has started our relationship saying she hates them and ended it just loving them. Okay. Well, you've seen, you've seen, besides Dick, you've seen usually younger, you know, early 20s late teens, whatever. Uh-huh. See people make out in public, right? Yeah. Annoying. Basically.

Why? For the most part. It's beautiful. That's, you know what? Okay, I'll even, I'll maybe even, I'll maybe even give you the young love thing. Okay. But that's not what my rage is.

Uh-huh. My rage is when you the young love thing. Okay. But that's not what my rage is. Uh huh. My rage is when you're 50 plus and doing it. And I know some people who are less cynical than me may say, look it, I probably reminds them of when they were 18, they just found each other. They're probably both divorced, they have kids, their lives kind of sucked, and they found each other and they thought it's cute. They're Medicare just kicked in and they got a sealas for the first time it's fucking not cute it's fucking horrifying where did you see this at the airport while I was

waiting for my bags it was fucking horrifying like a little it was disgusting it looked like fucking gollum chowing down' down on the Cripkeeper. On a leather baseball. Oh, God, the Cripkeeper. It was fucking vile. Just don't, you know what? Yeah. They say in sports, you know what I mean? Like if you act like you've been there before.

You're 50 fucking years old. Like I don't, you just got together. I don't care. You're not fooling us. We know what's going on in that mouth. It's, yeah. I'm not okay with this. Not at that age, 50 plus, making out in public.

Just don't fucking do it. Just don't do it. What's the age then? What's the age that you have to stop making out? I'm too old. So 40. Yeah, probably. Is that the, this is the precursor to Logan's run.

First, they stopped it away making it in your 30s. But no, yeah, you just, you don't have to do that. You don't have to do that. Where were the hands? What did you, man in a woman? Yeah, she was in front of him, he had his arms around her, and then she was like leaning back. Oh no, that's no.

That's not okay. They weren't face to face. No, no, no, no. He was like doing the neck thing like over the, and like, suck in face like, yeah. I agree with you. Yeah, fucking disgusting. If you're in a little huddle together, that's fine.

Because you can shield, people can choose not to be a part of it. But if you are making out with a woman from behind, with her throat exposed. That makes that is involving everyone. Giant fucking waddle. No. Yeah. A turkey gizzard. Yeah. No. No. It's fucking bad. You should be stopped. That is disgusting. Sorry. I had to see that. Yeah. Me too. Just turn it around the other way. There's no reason to involve everyone in your makeouts. At least do a sad favor.

I just, if you fuck like, look at a back and just pretend you're doing that arms behind your back thing, you know, gross. All right, let's see what else I got here. Yeah. Yeah, libertarians grow up. None of that should exist. So it's not a free market at all.

It's a predatory system for governments and companies to fleece us from the cradle to the fucking grave. The cradle to the grave when you pop out of a woman in a, already to the tune of way too much. That's been caused by the government. You get into a system that only keeps you there to keep both parents producing money to buy pointless horse shit that shipped you

to buy giant corporations that use freeways you built. You got tricked into building that you didn't ever say in any way because you've got the least representation of any country on the face of the fucking plan. And then write the laws that are run through by Congress. There's no concept of personal property. If you believe in it, give it a shot. We're going to quickly find that you're paying for those military academies that train kids to follow instructions and then dump them in either into a welfare state that is a military

industrial complex or is a vote generating machine for stealing more of your fucking money. One of those because the one nobody says shit about because it's not, it's not, I don't know, it's against the political ideology of the right to say anything about the tremendous ways. I know. And welfare that is thrust into a desert versus the other side that exists only to take more of your money so they can distribute it to the fucking other side. There's no freedom, there's no free anything, anything and every single, every single outrage ends in the Atlanta airport where you are shouted at, shouted at by someone who would

do it for free in a little, in of stupid badge that should be shoved through their throat to stay in a single file line while a guy with a ricktice grin leads and leads a drug slash bomb sniffing dog around sniffing you out like you are fucking cattle. Yep. Don't even, don't defend the companies, don't defend any companies for one second or talk about any kind of free anything when you are literally in a police state. You talked about personal property or doesn't exist. Well, here's a point to that.

You own your home, you pay it off, you own real estate, you own the land, you own the sky above, you own the land beneath, right? But you're a lot, you own this structure on it that's permanently affixed to the property. Well, don't pay your property taxes for a few years. See what happens for you. Try to give it to your kids. See how that goes for you. You're really on it? No. You don't. There's always strings.

It's seeing them chime in on defending. Sean, somebody's got to defend the giant corporations. And they're rights to test the limits of the property. You know, you know, It's seeing them chime in on defending. You know, Sean, somebody's got to defend the giant corporations and their rights to test the limits of censure and oppression or else how the hell are their stockholders going to make ass loads of money with high frequency trading?

Which, how, you know, how's that going to happen? How are we? All right. Let me see here. I got some more clips. I told people if they burned Maddox's book, I'd send him a free shirt. So a bunch of people sent in. Somebody wanted the Burnett on stage in Atlanta. Oh yeah, I was there.

And then he tried to burn it outside on the sidewalk and was stopped by security. He did get... He did? Yeah, he got some pages charred though. I hope he taped it. I to burn it. He tried to burn it outside on the sidewalk and was stopped by security. He did get, he did? Yeah, he got some, some pages charred though. I hope he taped it. Yeah, I'll give him a free shirt for you.

He showed it to me. It was definitely, there were some pages that were burned. Here we go. All right, here's one of them. Can you see from over there? Oh, kind of. I'll cover you up a little bit. Oh, wait, wait, oh, here's one of them, okay.

Here's one of the book burnings, yeah. Pretty cool. All right, here you go go I am the call to hell fire and I bring you yeah I'll take you to burn it I think you're the winner. No! I think we've been in the continuity. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah. Let's skip the head here a little bit. Oh man.

I want to see the cover catch. I don't ever want to see that. People burning my books. I hope I don't ever flush out this bad. You want to see another one? Yeah, I'm kind of mesmerized by the fire. I want to string them all together. So if you are going to burn Maddox book, make sure you email me the original file so I can get it edited into a montage clip show. Here we go.

That's a good one. That's cooking up nice. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a good off a bit of mail and it's there. Let's see a little bit of the gorilla still there. Is it's cooking? Probably up to, probably burned up way to, up to K by now.

Don't remember what that was. Let's feel one more. I'm gonna post a bunch of them on the website. Oh, this will be good. He's throwing some gasoline and on the longer harder edition. You know, the bucket. The bucket. In a metal bucket. The best chapter in the book.

He's carving like a feel. It's like a bum fire. It is. I recognize that tin too. It is I recognize that tin too Uh-oh the most embarrassing feeling on the planet not being able to light a fight. Oh Oh That's nice. That's nice satisfying. Let's cook enough nice

Yeah, there we go. All right. I'll string them all together. There you go. Pretty cool. There are guys, thanks for sending those in. Oh, let's see, I got some rages on red. It's Sean Galt says, what makes me rage this week is my sudden inability to jerk off without getting winded. I have no idea what caused it. See a doctor. Why it happens when I,

why it only happens when I jerk off, but God damn it's in, maybe he's holding his breath. Yes, maybe he's right. Yeah. What happens when I, why it only happens when I jerk off, but God damn it's in him. Maybe he's holding his breath. Yes, maybe he's right. Yeah. Yeah. It was like a guy who tried to force Simon and Simon. Trying to force his piss out too much to hurry up.

Sure he comes. Yeah. And he passed out because he was holding his breath when he was really forcing it. Yeah. Yeah, you got to breathe. Breathe. I hear lifting weights.

Teddy bear, syrup. Breathe, I breathe on every, out stroke. Hmm. Pfff, pfff, you know? Pfff, pfff, like that. It seems pretty busy. I don't concentrate on breathing. I think it just happens, okay.

I go in through, I go in through my nose, out through my mouth. Isn't that what you're supposed to do when you're like when you're lifting? I don't know. I think you are. Uh, I thought you're supposed to do when you're like when you're lifting? I don't know. I think you are. I thought you just was a scream when you're lifting. Some guys do.

Teddy Beer's your episode is how clicking print or save in any circumstance and any computer brings up the whole thing to a halt and it needs 30 to 60 seconds to comprehend these common tasks that go around. That sounds like you got computer problems, but magic poop pirate says toilet paper holders that are packed so tight, you can only get one square. Oh my God. You can only get one square. That is such a good fucking rage.

Yeah. Those fucking thing, and they sit against each other like gears that never fucking work. And they, one of those roles prevents the other one from doing what it was supposed to, it's fucking horrible. They didn't fucking, they didn't fuck you enough with the one ply in the Arby's bathroom, but then they had to take, then they had to take toilet paper, the size of a, of a, of a cheese wheel and stick it in a, it's stick it against another one so that it looks like a gigantic beta tape

and then you can pull out, you would need a crank to turn this thing, but you only have the tiny piece of toilet paper. You have to get the momentum started. You have to stick your finger in there and lift up the top one and then use your other hand because it's going to tear. You've got to unwind it from the roll, you know what I'm saying?

You put your fingers on the actual roll and then you've got to make sure that the fucking thing doesn't, doesn't drop on the piss-covered ground. Are you going to end up with a piss soaked end of a shitty ass one-ply toilet put, God, it's a fucking no-jury in the land would What convict you, if you killed someone who did that. You're in a reverse hamster wheel at that point. Like you are the hamster in the wheel. Oh, it's the most maddening thing ever. Player 1029, people who can't shut up about how much better they feel

because they no longer drink soda. Yeah, fuck, I don't, I haven't drank. Well, I didn't, I stopped drinking diacol for a long time. I didn't feel any different. No, you really didn't. No, no. Because, you know, these people, I don't think soda's good for you. I'm sure it's not.

But it is marginally less worse for me than every other single thing that I do all day, every day. These people that try to squeeze the last 5% out of their body are doing it all wrong. Just drink the soda or at least shut up because you don't understand the point of this game, which is not, which is, it's like the people in video games who try to get every single puzzle. Yeah. Good for you, but it's like the people in video games who try to get every single puzzle. Good for you, but it seems like what you're doing is work. You've turned life into work.

Don't brag about it. Yeah. Cameron, MCL, people who don't listen when you tell them something, I understand not knowing something. If I explain it thoroughly and you repeat the opposite thing back to me, really makes me a rage. Just listen to me, I always make people repeat shit back to me and then make fun a rage. Just listen to me. I always make people repeat shit back to me

and then make fun of them. Yeah, you didn't. I'm, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm often times not paying very close attention. No. You know what, I got the weirdest ad when I was on Instagram the other day. Really?

It was an ad for a sperm donor bank. It was called cryo something. And I thought it was, I thought it was, you know, something stupid. Like, I thought it would pay something like 30 bucks of load or something like that or like three bucks of load. Like, who the hell's paying for sperm? Eggs I understand, but not sperm.

I went through and they're FAQ and they said they're willing to pay up to $1,500 for the right sperm. The right set of sperms. That's amazing. Yeah. You should probably find out. Well, I apply for it.

And I kind of want to see who has the most valuable sperm at this sperm bank. Make it a contest? Yeah. Like how do they, how the hell do you rack up a bill for $1,500 worth of sperm? Is it quantity or is there some kind of magical genetic combination? No, what I mean.

Well, there's quality of the sperm themselves. Oh. That they're more likely, some of them are misshapen. Some of them don't swim strong. So yeah, that's, they test that when people, when couples are having trouble having a baby. $1,500. Yeah.

That'd be a good contest. I do want to know how you get to have the $1,500, the magical $1,500 firm. Yeah, I can't put that on the website unless somebody gets it, right? I would think that would be, yeah, you get in trouble for that, right? I mean, anyway.

Anyway, let me see if Haazen Cruz is here. Okay. Hey, Haazen Cruz, you there? I see him in there. He said to me, it was Haazen Cruz. Oh, he did? Yeah, but he's fucked with me before on that. No, he has.

He said he fucked with you. Oh, yeah. He said he told you and then somebody else opposite. That's great. Very good Metal Jess Scott Severin wants to know if there's any word on metal Jess calling in the guy who was well one of the guys Who's sitting up a call with her? messaged me saying that she she wanted to

She had wanted to but she went over to pick up her stuff at Maddox's place and to, but she went over to pick up her stuff at Maddox's place. And first of all, he didn't have any of it ready. So, it was all strewn around. I don't know why he had to pack up her shit. I guess that makes sense. Like put all my shit in a box and I'll come pick it up. Yeah, I don't want to spend all day on your fat, doughy book failing ass packing my stuff up and listening to you bitch and mone at me and say shitty things, right?

That makes sense. So, she showed up and he didn't have and moan at me and say shitty things, right? That makes sense. So she showed up and he didn't have any of her shit packed up. So that's a power play. Yeah. So she split. But before she did, Maddox was giving her this stupid song and dance about how if she called in it was illegal and also showing her all these things I allegedly said. Yeah, she's giving her the sob story. But the guy said she was the

Max Gavre, the sob story about how devastated he would be, you know, he got this from her, I assume? Yeah, played into her, her fragile chick sensibilities. And so she backed out temporarily. But I don't know how long that'll last. We'll see when a serious assingctions kicked in, kicked in, had a feeling that's gonna rattle her cage a little bit. Yeah, because it's a big deal. Because she signed on for that. Yeah, she signed on, she signed the fucking suit on the dotted line, man.

Don't sign the suit if you don't want the boot. That's why they say it. Let me see if, I guess, Hayes and Cruz isn't around. Let me try and go back. Okay, so I'll go through these comments while we wait for the show to up. Best part of the night as far as I'm concerned was Dick Wearing the Ivory Suit to Road Rage Atlanta.

A lot of people like to denigrate the South as being this backwards shithole. But Dick of people like to denigrate the South as being this backwards shithole. But Dick made the effort to portray the Southern gentleman. And that meant a lot to me. Edit Nick Rackett's leading the dickheads in a prayer before the doors open was really cool too. I didn't know he did. I didn't know that either. I'd be a funny scene. Yeah. I wish someone was documenting the outside stuff. I know. Like I wish I could go to our shows. Jesus Christ. That's why Kanye said it. I totally get it now. Yeah.

Cause hanging out is so fun and all the crazy, like, yep. That kind of chaos and enthusiasm is so fucking fun to be a part of. It really is. I want to be in that prayer circle, God damn it, Aaron from Vancouver. Let's see here. Dick today while driving around for work, I stopped at a Fred Myers to take a shit. When I exited the stall and older gentleman was stepping away from the urinal, trying to tuck in his shirt. Suddenly his pants fell down, it was knees. There I was, staring at an old man's ass and junk.

To be clear, I wasn't trying to look, but I was so surprised. I couldn't look away before he turned his head and we made eye contact, all that sucks. Yeah. If he would have just went through the fly, I wouldn't have this image of this old guy's cock burned into my brain.

Who the hell knows what the underwear situation was like? He must have been free-balling or something. I assumed the elastic band would have kept his underwear up had he been wearing any. Got me thinking about the dickhead that did the survey and found that through the fly guys make more money. I think it's because suits are so much

of a pain in the anstopist the other way. Go fuck yourself, man, Franco. So there you go. Another traumatized, another reason to go through the fly. Sean McClich, dick, let me tell you a rage. Salary employees who brag about how many hours they work. A typical example is someone mentioning often in passing,

yeah, I work about 50 hours a week, kind of sucked. And then some shit stain who wasn't even in the conversation pipes up with, must be nice, I worked 85 hours last week. Let's just completely ignore this passive aggressive dig and how lazy everyone else is compared to them, right? What the fuck are you saying? That you're proud you threw away 45 hours that you'll never see again and in return you received nothing?

That is all I hear. I have a magic hourglass at home and it has two billion or so grains of sand inside that represent every second I will ever experience on this planet. You know what I did this week? I broke open the top and threw a few hundred thousand of them away for literally no reason. Yep. Yeah, I bet all your friends and family really appreciate that. You fucking cock at a, oh, I work, I work such, I work so I worked 80 hours this week. If you're working 80 hour weeks, you better be doing it 100% for your setter own the company. That's right.

That's right. Don't work fucking 80 hours for not for salary. Don't do that anyway, but no. You know that like companies like Disney, they have salaried positions like their artists and stuff like that. They have their graphic artists, they have salaried positions and overtime.

Oh really? Yeah, why? I blew my fucking mind. Why did they do that? I don't know. Huh, I don't know. That's odd. You can totally negotiate a salary and you get overtime.

It's fucking nuts. It's like the people that have, I've read some survey that people who have unlimited time off will take less vacation than the allotted two weeks. So the two ways to get people to give you more free work is to give them unlimited vacation and to give them computers and shit because they'll take the computer home and do a bunch of goddamn work on it all day. The ACLU wants to make cat calling a crime

also really? Yeah France made cat calling a crime so the ACLU tweeted well now it's your turn america there's a lot of things are turned to uh... burn the ACLU down well there's a lot of things

a lot of cases and a lot of causes that the ace on both sides that the ACLU will touch that other people won't touch, but that's fucking ridiculous if they're peddling that shit. Guys shouting in the street is not something, is not next on our list of things to be pretty criminal. No, I'd say there's a few, yeah, there's a few problems in front of that because we're all, most of the country's already criminal. Yeah, let's not make it the entire country. Right. Let's let's try to go the other way with it. Check, check, check, check. Oh, oh, there you go. Yummy. Yes. There we go. I can hear you. Wonderful. How you doing, Uncle Buck?

I am doing good. I'm doing good sir. How are you? Good. Thank you so much for doing the show. You guys were fucking great. Thanks man. I had a blast. Thank you. Thank you for having us man. That was, I needed that. I needed a win. Oh yeah. That was pretty great. What's going on in the buck world that you need a win for buddy? I mean I haven't played a show in like 15 years. Oh yeah that was a big one. That was a big fucking show of people that were thrilled to be there. You never get that playing bars every week for years. You'd never get a crowd that size.

Who's that happy to be there? Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, the entire time I was doing over mortal, which was my last band, we played 10 people in a room who, you know, we played great, if we got shot by terrorists, that's fine too.

Yeah. So it was one of those things. The man playing road rage that crowd was insane, the dickheads are insane, and the energy, I don't know if people know like when you're performing on stage, you really feed off that back and forth energy. Like I said, I got tennis match. Yeah. And the more they feed back, the more you energy like a tennis match. Yeah.

And the more they feed back, the more you can throw back at them. So that was really amazing. It's like tennis where you might see someone's tits. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I was kind of curious if that was going to happen at road rakes, but it didn't. Oh, that sucks.

Sean got someone's leg. That's pretty good. What about the rest of your band? What did they think? Anything crazy happened with them? there's crazy stuff was happening them before they even got there yeah they had a shipper guy in from canada that's true they uh... they really seem to enjoy doing it yeah i talked to all of them all man all of us had just a fantastic time Charles came down from

canada he flew down from Montreal uh me and him and Richard the other guy the other guitarist, we all crashed in the same hotel room, squeezed into one room, that was kind of weird. But, and then, I'm like a real, this is like a fantasy camp for bands, you know? Yeah, right. This is like, like after you've, after you've gone through

and not gigged in a long time, then you come back and bring everybody cram into a van together, bunch of hot, sweaty naked guys. Right? Van tours, man. I always said being in a van is like being married to four other dudes, but there's no sex with each other. Hopefully. Yeah.

I mean, I'm married to a woman, so I don't, you know, I've got that going for me at least. Which is nice. What did the other guys think? Oh, man, they all had a blast. The one who was the most amazed and pretty sure was Richard because he was not a dickhead prior to this. He's just a guy that I knew from my personal life and I was like, hey man, I need a second guitarist. Can you, you want to go to Atlanta and play a show? And this was like two weeks ago. And for everyone who met him and believed me, he met everybody.

Yeah. He was like, oh, man, that sounds great. Yeah, man, I'd love to go. But then there's two weeks of cram and material into that guy. But he did, he did okay. I said for when he had to sing. Yeah, there was that. Oh, they made you threw him to the wolves on Africa. You guys made him sing Africa, Africa or whatever.

Yeah, that song will make you look so stupid every time you try to sing it. You also played the accompaniment for Peaches Mustard winning song, which was a miracle that it went so well because I wrote it on the plane coming in and then showed you the chords right before the show. We didn't even sing it all the way through once because I hate preparing for anything. Yeah. I was gonna play the amazing grace at my grandpa's funeral and I pulled D. I don't need to practice thing.

But my aunt made me do it. Practice just. Oh, that come off. That went okay. That went okay. I wish I would have jazzed it up a little bit to be honest, you know Give him something that's what like was he buried it in like a suit suit Yeah, yeah Anyway, it was jazz enough

I heard you did an episode of ask Uncle Buck too afterwards air at the hotel the night before Sounded pretty funny. Oh yeah, yeah, that was, I'm not exactly sure what I was hoping to accomplish other than get as many people as I could cram into a small space with a bunch of microphones and just observe the chaos as it happened around me. And that's precisely what happened.

So, Nick Rackets made a girl cry using my lines. Yeah, he did. Tell me about your shoes and tell me about your dad. He immediately got her into the most emotionally vulnerable state that you, with two simple sentences, Sean. It's amazing. Yeah. No, the dad thing is really amazing because it works both ways.

What do you mean? Whether she loves her dad or, yeah, exactly. I got to come up with a closer. Well, that's exactly what happened. Anyway, she was so enamored with her dad and so proud of him that she just choked up with emotion. And she went in the dickhead either. So she came into that room having absolutely no clue what was going on and so the rackets is

Well within his cuts at this point. Yeah spot her the only woman in the room is like hey, there's a there's a knockout Blondon the corner over there. You have to come ask questions. Yeah, she was horrified Something wrote her into the show. Oh, yeah, wait. Wait. Did she come to the show? She came to the next area of the show and Our show really yeah, yeah, did she come to the show? She came to the next very else's show and our show really yeah, yeah, yeah damn Anyway, but You know sweet girl what makes you rage buddy. You got anything? Yeah, I do have a rage. Here's what makes me rage blue light scares right

So when we packed up our gear into my van after road rage and Charles and I were driving our way back to the hotel and we don't know Atlanta. I've never been to Atlanta. He's never been to Atlanta but I know of. So we're trying to blue or not blue to a GPS or way through Atlanta and we're taking slow turns. We were mostly sober at this point. So we were trying to be real careful. I was trying to be real careful. I was driving and out of nowhere behind me blue lights go off and the siren. Oh, yeah, and I'm thinking. Yeah, my oh god like I'm in a city. I don't know. I've got a Dan full a year. I'm about to get stripped down is what's gonna happen. I don't know how many I don't know what kind of drugs I have on me because it's impossible to keep track at this point. So I

know and I don't know the streets. I don't know where it's safe to pull over. I'm not I'm not a city driver. I'm a country boy. So I'm like there's not a there's not a patch of dirt where I can just you know pull it over here. So I pull it beside street. I'm hoping it's not one way and I'm going the wrong way. And a car pulls in behind me. And the blue light's only flashing for a second. I mean, throw that out there. So I pull in to this side street and I stop and the car behind me flashes its headlights.

And Charles is like, I think you're just in somebody's way. So we pull over into a spot and the car pulls up next to us and It's Richard the guitarist Follow us He's like I thought you were a cop. He goes the fuck do you have a lot of you cop lights on? I was like where does blue lights come from? He goes I don't know man. I saw him too. I was just hoping I wouldn't get pulled over.

Oh, it was behind him. Oh, okay. It's on my heart. Okay. My heart is racing. You know, you see the blue lights that go up. Yeah, your heart drops into your guts. Cops need apology lights.

Like, everything's, don't worry about it. Everything's fine. I just, they need like a not serious lights. Like, I'm just trying to get through this intersection don't fuck around yeah with me or else i will pull you over uh... alright but you know i'm on my way to don't like uh... do you want to plug anything man your connections a little bit crackly i want to put a couple of things

okay go nuts so uh... that episode of ass don't go back is up now you can go to the here's where i'll get patreon it's a patreon dot com forward slash h w i d g okay it's up now. You can go to the, here's what I'll get Patreon. It's a patreon.com forward slash HWIDG. Okay. It's up now. It's for free. We're going to be setting up a store for some cut-sockers merch in case you missed on it at the show.

Okay. Yes, BDs. Here's another thing that makes me rage. I ordered stickers. We ordered stickers to sell up a show. Well in advance. They're like you need about 20 days turn around time And these things will be in your hands. Yeah, we ordered them well in advance and they didn't show up till today

Yeah, after I get back. Yeah, fucking show that sucks. So So I've got two hundred stickers that I guess I'm just gonna stuff up my ass I'll go buy some trapper keepers Yeah, that's what you need. Hand them out on the corner as the kids are going to school. Yeah, go hang a rector. Go take your van and all your sweaty men to the nearest elementary school

and start slapping them on kids. Well, that would probably be true. I'm sure everyone will. Yeah. So let me think what else we got to put. Oh, I'm gonna make some t-shirts. I'm doing a t-spring promo. Someone, when we were doing the Ask Uncle Buck episode, drew

this little sketch of me and Rackets sitting there doing the show. So I took that. I took a picture of it. And I turned it into a t-shirt. OK. Anyone that was there for that or anyone who wasn't there for that that wants to buy one, tscreen.com forward slash AUB Live.

Okay. Pick up one. All right, ask a buck lime. All right, there you go. All right, well thanks a lot, man. Thanks for playing the show. You guys are fucking great. Thanks for having me, dude.

You filled the entire auditorium, probably more than we did with a wall of sound. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. I have a blast. Can't wait to do it again, fun, Dave. Yeah. All right, buddy, get out of here. All right, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, go fuck yourself. Okay. All right, everybody, even listening to the Dix show, Dix show, Dix show.com, patreon.com slash the Dix show. I got Facebook news and voice meals after this. Thanks for coming to Road Rage, Atlanta. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Thank you for the many strip club recommendations.

Somebody made a light up get on the fucking mic plaque for the studio. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that. You had to go and fuck it up. No, it's great. I'm gonna open some stuff after the break too, but this is a Dixia theme by Bebe Jesus.

Here you go. See you next Tuesday. Oh Oh Now I hear it. What's that? This is the theme music. That's fucking cool. Look at this picture of you, Sean. Checking out this chick's boobs. Well, you know who that is.

Yeah. Yeah. That's go. We haven't heard a hand-rexie version of... Look at this. California Priobank reimburses your time and expenses up to $1,500 a month. Wow. Wait, 1,500 a month? Yeah!

Well how many loads is that though? Do you think they're going by volume of those? That's what I want to know! Once again, totally different version. The amount of different versions that we have of this song is fucking amazing. I wonder how long you could listen to just remixes of this game song. There's been some great ones. By the way, did you hear Asterios' gospel at the show canals that he was saying for his counter suit,

that it's like the linchpin of his counter suit? I don't know. It was, I think it was something about the water boy leaks and Maddox saying that Asterios would lose his job, but I didn't. Oh. That's what I got out of it. But I think that was after Aeroos was satirically taking that LSD when that revelation was made. Let's do Facebook news.

Cool. Hello, Dick, and hello Dickens. This is the Facebook news for the last couple days. I didn't want to this week's story being so time consuming, I will briefly run through this week's highlights. JP on the beach kept the money he needed for a flight to Atlanta. couple days. Didn't one of this week's stories being so time consuming I will briefly run through this week's highlights. JP on the beach kept the money he needed for a flight to Atlanta in a road rage ticket but he still really needs him help with spending money.

Scott offered to buy JP a beer if he sees him but Scott has no plans of being in road rage. Other than that JP received no offers from anyone else. Next up we have Gerald. Gerald's father has been using his social security number throughout Gerald's life to quote, get loans and shit. Gerald, according to the Social Security Administration, has three accounts open, is 44 years old, and is married living in Las Vegas. Gerald claims to be sad and has no current plans of seeking legal action.

To follow up on last week's cockpies of a story, two marriages were tested in the Facebook group, as a failed attempt at an affair had taken place. The two dickheads were Mary and Rob. Mary, a successful and beautiful lizard enthusiast, and Rob, an unemployed and depressed neckbeard with a slight wave problem. The two knew each other for a long time on a friendly basis, until one night where too much liquor was involved, and Rob made his move. Unable to achieve an erection, Rob would hope to get another opportunity with Mary, however, this opportunity never came. In the midst of these events, Rob posed into the group spilling the beans.

Although he didn't mention Mary by name, it took about five minutes for this information to come out. Rob proceeded to lead texts, moods, and personal information about Mary. Then Rob wrote a letter to Mary apologizing for what he had done. Rob's letter refers to Mary as the best human he has ever met, and he really wants her to know that he made him a mistake. Rob does not think Mary is a slut, but rather a beautiful human being. Someone that invites Rob's wife to the group where she says she is not going to divorce Rob. Mary tells Rob's wife in a phone call place at four in the morning that he has said he does not love her anymore,

but she still wants to try and fix things with Rob anyway. Mary on the other hand is now going through divorce. And if Mary needs some time to think, this Jack asks, no, some great views along the coast of Lake Michigan. The sad pattern that it's gonna face will bring it. Oh, wait a minute.

It's the last couple days. Is that Captain Jackass trying to connect with the woman whose life has been rearranged? Possibly. You know, he's snuck that in there today. Yeah, he did. I think that was Captain Jackass trying to set up a little rendezvous with Mary Beth.

Or he's gonna get rid of her body Beth or he's gonna get rid of her body Or he's gonna get rid of me. I mean the beautiful views along the way. Anything can happen on Facebook news. It could go anyway. It could go a third kind of way Whereas your social it turns out you're the same person and you're just using their social security number. Okay, those those break up emails that are getting sent out, man, are they tough to read? What, in this case?

Yeah. Oh. I read the, I'm sorry email. It was sent to Mary Beth. It's rough. It's a refereed. Uh huh. We need to have a boilerplate, one of those.

Because you don't really add anything to the, I'm sorry, email that was not already there. Yeah. You're just risking putting it in writing. I don't think it's helping anyone. We just should all copy and paste the Maddox one and send it, no matter what. Like that should be, if the, I want one thing to come from the show and that is that humanity

only uses that letter as the, I'm sorry, please get back to me because it is the most generic, most boilerplate letter that that could possibly ever be. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I think I'm back in my fucking funeral line. I'm filled with fucking anger right now. So I'm sitting in the back and time for the part where they end out those fucking crackers, right?

And they say, it's worth this bullshit. I invite all practicing Catholics to come up front. Now I grew up religious and I knew that if I didn't start to go up then My grandma was gonna give me some shit my mother was gonna give me some fucking shit I had to go up there and bear it myself and for some reason someone was fucking recording the funeral and they They go in the camera at me so this is a really good video of me Prefesting my friend I'm a practicing counselor some reason I'm not a fucking practicing guy So come on, come pick it all god It was fucking ridiculous. I wasn't better

Fuck and why would you put people on the spot like that? Like religion such a tough fucking like subject for people. Why would you have people identify whether they're not the box they're not? It's fucking bullshit. I'm so fucking angry. Why was especially Catholic? bullshit i'm so fucking angry why i was so like a tholus of the funeral is that a thing now are we filming funerals and saving them for posterity i get this uh... i think we're filming everything and take a few days and crying shots of everybody

like performances that are bear somber performances that have songs that are barely being kept together and sung like a dirge, selfies with the corpse, yeah. Who the fuck is recording a funeral? Society is sick man, it's sick, it's fucking. Ah! You know when I realized, I went whale watching, you know maybe a couple of years ago or whatever. Like at a TGI Friday's or Walmart or what?

Yeah, exactly like that. Oh yeah, big, big, yeah. Yeah. Big pigs. Giant whales. Yeah. Well, you can see curves. You can see blue whales.

I like to do my whale watching it. Curves, Sean. Okay. Uh-huh. You can see blue whales right out of Long Beach. It's pretty amazing. It's the biggest animal that exists. Uh, I've seen a couple of blue whales that dodge your stadium.

Yeah. Uh-huh. We got one that cut right in front of the boat. Yeah. Like, they almost never get that close. We were stopped. It just crossed right in front of us. It was unbelievable.

The size of this thing. And I realized that I have my camera up and I'm like taking pictures of it and I immediately put it down because you're missing it, you fucking jackass. Yeah, you don't need to, you experience the real thing. Like a picture is gonna do it justice. Whoa, look what I saw, it's not a fucking blue whale.

So what, you can get better pictures of a blue whale and any website or watch a, you know, a nature show or anything like that. Just fucking look at it, like a human being. You're watching a poorly directed documentary. Yeah, I know it's awful. Shitty screen, that's a perfect picture. I went back and looked at the pictures and I fucking,

I was like this is horrible. You know what, as a punishment to that, to win yourself out of that, you should just go all, I told cold turkey. Well, not everyone has your resolve, Sean. You have to go print out all of your crappy pictures. They're so bad.

So put them on your own fridge at home, like you're proud of them. Yeah, just fucking fail. Here's my crummy picture of the Mona Lisa. Yeah. Here's my crummy picture. Well, my dad told me when I was a teenager or something, I was taking pictures. We didn't have smartphones.

It was just those wind up disposable cameras. And I took a picture of something and goes, Hey, don't take pictures without people in them. You said that 20 years ago, I'll bet. And I always think of it. And I think it's a really good, it's a really good rule. I never did it again. Yeah, because you're not capturing some amazing nature photograph.

You want to capture the people you were with. That's the only thing that fucking matters in those photographs. It's so weird. And I don't do it. If I've ever recorded a sex act. I do not stare at the screen. How about that? Every other instance I find myself looking at the screen to like to see, oh wow, did I capture this hamburger perfectly

than hum, but except for that. Well, it's good you don't look at the screen. You shouldn't be looking at the screen. Right, exactly. Yes, so I just, I realized like how stupid it was, how absurd it was. I like stepped outside of myself and I went, this is so fucking dumb. I'm watching this amazing animal through my stupid ass phone.

Yeah. If you see a guy recording a funeral, taking pictures of a funeral, I think it is your duty to throw a huge fit like you're offended by it. Yeah. What he's doing. Like give me some for posterity there. Like you're losing control.

I think you could get away with it. No matter what, if you lose your mind, you're like, I can't believe you're doing this. We were lovers and you're disrespect respecting the memory of my friend, of my friend and lover and then you can really go to town. Don't mess with me. Yeah, mess with fucking boin. Yeah, mess with show. Yeah, spice it up.

Spice things up. It's funeral for God's sake. Put the fun and funeral. What's going on, Dick? Johnny from Miami. Yeah, what's up, man? You don't mix me a rage today. funeral. What's going on, Dick? Johnny from Miami. It makes me a rage today. When the scoop for the protein powder is all

the way at the bottom. Yeah. How the fuck are you supposed to get it out without inspecting your entire supply? What the fuck are you supposed to do, Dick? Kitchen knife. We all know we scratched her as just about when we were going to put our hands into the jar. I mean, you could watch your hands. No, you can't. You can't watch your hands. You have to take her entire foot and fist into the protein powder.

Yeah, let's let's get rid of this myth that hands can be washed. They're always filthy and disgusting. Every every everything is filthy. Yeah, we have this magical hand sanitizer. It's just, it's just feels fizzy and fun. That's why we use it. There's no germ killing properties. Soap is a metal.

Well, we're just disgusting and diseased corpses. Well, I mean, the antibacterial, it will kill bacteria, but not all of them. No, no, no. And they become fucking resistant. And they multiply immediately again. There's no point. That's what, no, that is true, and that is why you have an immune system. Yeah, okay.

Let's hear the rest of Johnny from my aunt. It's going down, man. So at the factory, or where the fucking processes bullshit, do they put the scoop in and then pour in the fucking protein is bullshit? Do they put the swoop in and then pour in the fucking protein? Or what do I know? I don't think so, but I think during... It's part of fucking believe that

plastic that weighs next to nothing is you would have think all the way to the bottom. Well, because it gets shaken. It gets shaken. I'm gonna revolve. It's a fucking bullshit. I want my money back. My back is contaminated.

Oh fuck yourself. Man, there's so many good ideas that come out of this show. You put, you put that, you know all the shit that they put on pro, oh shit, I got a knife now. All the shit that they put on protein powder. All garbage. All they have to do is one of them has to say, we guarantee the scoops at the top, or your money back.

People would buy it based on that. That is the only, if I go into a GNC, there's no chance I'm getting what I want, right? All of it is exactly the same, none of it works, none of it makes you go to the gym. There's no difference between it. If one of them said, I don't care how much more it caused, one of them said scoops at the top, the scoop,

and then there's a little picture of the scoop sitting in a little holder inside the lid. That one. Give me 20 of that one. I'll never buy any other brand but that one. I'm a scoop at the top protein powder man for life. There you go. Get it up. Hey, Dick. I'm a measure work.

Now it's just me or the rest of the people out there, stand and smell and smell. Can I feel like women would look at it out of stand and smell it? But when I'm dating a woman, what's larger boobs, if I myself thinking about the small ones, it's not I can unique, but when I be dead, I can have the opposite. It's just a good answer.

What's the solution? Is it a solution to cheat? Is this solution to trick off to porn or to just deal? I'm asking for real, like what's the solution that is far divorced from Mousy Topey as possible? You're talking about. How do I, I think he is, yeah. How do I both appease my, they came in brain, and also not poison it with too much dopamine right I

Can't tell my brain to get everything at once. Yeah, but I can't just The boob is always boober on the other side It's probably an healthy isn't it I don't know man white It was so frustrating and we can't have an honest answer. Because even science is just in the test by scientists that he plays with science, wouldn't it? Not even science. So there's no real fucking truth in there. I can't wait for everything.

It can fix our... There are cards with everything. It's fucking, it's the conundrum of life. Dang it. the other day. It's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's the conundrum of life. Yeah. It's fucking women. All right. I don't I think I think you got to get into those waifu Japanese dating simulators. Then if it's causing you that much brown, don't do that. Right.

I think you got to really sink some time into one of those. I know nothing about them. And I know that's a bad idea. Yeah. Here's a spoon from more spoons. Yeah. Let me see who sent this in. This is from John Phillips, Salsa. My dear stick, I write to you from a military book. Salsa. Yeah. John Phillips. The band leaders? Like the Salsa phone?, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, you're talking about. Yeah. He invented this guy invented the reverse tuba. My dear stick, I write to you from a military base in Kuwait. I'm on my home from Iraq. I'm probably on my way. And I thought of you when I saw this tiny spoon. So I wrote to you on a tiny paper to compliment your tiny face.

I am enjoying, I am enjoying how meta the show has become, but it's difficult to introduce new people to this marvelous train wreck. Yeah. Please fix, A-Sap. Get great, John Phillips-Susah. PS, when is Sam Hyde gonna dick ride with you? Oh, man, I would dick ride with Sam Hyde anytime. When did Grape, when did Grape become something?

I heard somebody say that the other week. They say it instead of get raped because you can't get banned for some reason. Gotcha, okay, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, the show's very, very meta. Yeah, you know, yeah. I guess it's tough to introduce to new people,

but you know. Yeah, it is. But what he's got is not for new people, it's for people who listen to the show. People, and the episodes are there, you know, I mean, it's even from another show though too. I understand the problem. Yeah.

But as you want to share it with somebody else, I think as soon as you start, you know, as soon as you start trying to steer the show, you know, you grip the wheel too tight. And it's just not stupid. You can lose what makes the show the show. People get into telenovelas. Let's ask the Mexican ladies.

When Consuelo comes over, I'll ask her, which these are from, let's see, this is from Madison White. I can tell immediately that a woman wrote this because I can read it from two feet away. Although showing quite a lot of interest, no dickhead purchased my one-of-a-kind hand-painted Adrian Zwick comments. So here's a gift for you now. Go fuck yourself Madison White. Adrian Sik, women will do anything. Oh, she did a hand painted comment from Facebook. Oh, isn't that nice? It is. The niche art, pushing a little bit pop art for you.

Little warholy. I've never seen that before. Never seen a hand drawn Facebook comment before I ever, and I think there was a hint here, but it peeled off unfortunately Where to peel off? I don't know Somebody the postal man Obscundered with it son of a bitch

It's a big one. It's heavy. Yeah, yeah From Canada What was a shitload of dildos that they ordered? I accidentally opened it on air. Well, you know what? The easy solution is for Andrews problem is sex robots. Yeah, right? Yeah, that's what they're for. I saw an article of one where a guy spent like $200,000 on sex robots that I brought in. Oh my Christ! Look at all of these delicious wonderful spoons that somebody sent in.

Oh glorious fucking spoon. I know whose grandma just died. Ha ha ha ha. Maybe we should be taking pictures at funerals. I don't know, man. Maybe we should be taking pictures at funerals. I don't know, man. Maybe, you know, get people back into the funeral. Give everybody a chance to really get there.

Cause then otherwise you have to mourn all day, right? You gotta be serious all day, because everybody's watching. You take a little serious, a serious, like funeral selfie, and then you can go relax. Well, you know what most funerals are, at least in my family and other people that I know, you go do the service, you probably knew they were going to die. You know, it's oftentimes it's not-

I don't think it's ever happened. It's not that he didn't know someone was going to die. Well, no, you know what I'm saying. But really, you go to the service, you go to the grave site, you pay your respects, and then the most important question of the day is where are we gonna eat? That's a funeral.

Yeah. That's a boomer funeral. The millennial funeral? There are the only funerals I know. They're gonna have. Are we going to a deli? Are we going to, you know, are we going back to somebody's house

for, you know, food and stuff like that? And the food better fucking be good. Now in the future, the millennial funerals are gonna be really fucking bizarre. It'll be reconstructed social media. They'll have, they will have an avatar being them on a screen like doing a weird Markov chain eulogy of themselves that was written

by an artificial intelligence that's like a max headroom style. Yeah, you'll have to hang around with their fucking avatar for a day. That'll be the funeral. Good. Hey, Dick, thought you might want a giant pile of collector spoons.

Enjoy. Hope you don't go into a trade war with us in Canada. Go fuck yourself. So sketch one auction, man. Thanks buddy. That's cool. Yeah. I got to keep these separate though, from the ones people send where they live,

because they're different. Yeah. You know, say that again. I got to keep these separate from the ones people send in from where they live, like the Kuwait one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we keep those as socialists. These are, yeah, this is maybe a. We keep those are socialists. These are, yeah,

this might, this is maybe a liquidated estate sale. Yeah, something like this. Yeah, something like that. I'll tell you what makes me a rage. The chunky tub of shit sitting behind me at road rage Atlanta that wouldn't stop screaming through housing crews is bit. Uh oh, fuck that guy. Sorry buddy. Thanks for coming. We gotta have some kind of system at the next one where you can feel free to tell somebody, hey shut the fuck up over there.

Something, some kind of game. What about, what if the shut the fuck up comes from the stage? I've tried that, that's what happened in the video. No, no, no, but I mean like it's a way of telling you. There's like an alert. Oh Yeah, my work here is done like text it to like a number and it'll show up right like if somebody's disrupting at the Hollywood Bowl they have a number you can text to this asshole over here is disrupting the whole thing and then an usher comes and fucking except We don't have an usher. It just goes right under the screen. So everybody can see it or at the end Except we don't have a nashore, it just goes right under the screen. So everybody can see it.

Or at the end, everybody who's got a problem with somebody around them comes up and screams at them. That's funny. Yeah, that's very funny. Okay. This will have to be implemented in some form. One more. One more.

Hey, Dick. This is Jake from Road Rage in Atlanta. You might remember me as the guy who went to the show with his mom. Yep, I do. I just wanted to say that Road Rage in Atlanta was seriously the greatest night of my life. It meant so much to me to be able to meet you and everyone involved in the show. I've cared so much about all of you since I first basically discovered biggest problem. And just having the years of podcast listened to with all of you has just changed my life so much about all of you since I first basically discovered biggest problem and just having

the years of podcast listened to with all of you has just changed my life so much and so great. Thanks to the help of a absolutely wonderful dickhead. I don't know if she'd want me to say her name when she was one of the two that was involved in the Mad Cucks missing flyers and shirts. A lot. But with her I was able to meet everyone ball the show and get autographs and photos with everyone.

I just want to say thank you so, so much to you and to her and everyone ball the show and all the dickheads out there for giving me the absolute best night of my life. Well, that's cool. Yeah, that's it. Here's to many, many more episodes of the Big Show. Go fuck yourself. Thanks, man.

Yeah, that was awesome. That was awesome. I got, I'm glad she came back and got me. Of course, I was coming out, but I got caught up in a guitar conversation backstage with the band. I was like looking at amps and you know, just stupid. He's a pile of a shit now. Oliver Birdseed. Charles stop.

Yeah. Pick for him. Sorry. It took so long to come out. But yeah, no, that's great. That's great. That's why we do the show. Yeah. He was a cool kid. That's why we do the road rages. He said, he said something that really stuck with me for all the way. Until now, it was, I think, I think what he was saying was listening to the show and listening to

us scream about everything and be so reactionary and unhinged and full of rage and venom about everything made him realize that you have to find a balance between totally disassociating with the world because it is terrible. Like everything, everything in the world is so depressing. I wish I didn't think that, but it is. Yeah. He's using us as a cautionary tale, like an extreme. No, no. His was, I think he was the disassociation extreme of it.

And he's real, he's real young to be that. Yes. Which is really, it's disheartening to me. Me too. And it's gotta be way easier to fall into that now than it was for us, I think, because the amount, like you can't escape, you can't escape how fucked everything in is and how terrible. You can't escape the

worst of humanity now and you could for us. We had to go find it out. I had to go down Venice Trail of Art and find a bootleg copy of Jerry Springer, Too Hot, for TV, because I obviously couldn't order it for too easy installments of 1995 on the television because I didn't have a fucking credit card. My parents wouldn't buy it for me, right? Because it's trash and it'll rot your brain. Yeah. So I had to go drive to Venice Beach, find it myself, pay whatever $40, bring it back, and then watch the Dregs of Humanity whale on put on a performance for me. But now that little, that little kernel of

ugliness and awfulness is the world. You can't escape it. They're at the screen. Like a button. Yeah. And it's, you find it's the people that you know, they're just gollum of hatred that you thought were among your friends and family, but then you see them online and you're like, oh, you're a fucking and you're like, oh, you're

a fucking, you're a fucking nightmare. I never want to have anything to do with you again. I think I would think it would be very easy to just check out and say, oh, fuck it. I don't get to be worried about being screamed at to get by a high school dropout that I need to walk in a single file line. So a guy, so a, so in a, a guy who is constantly told that he's a hero can march a grinning dog around to throw, to ruin the rest of my life for having the least dangerous drug in human history on my person at any time. I don't need to think about that. I'm just going to zone out forever. The other side is to just never, is to always confront people and scream at them. So exhausting, it's poisonous.

Which one? That, the constantly confronting, constantly pissed off, constantly. Yeah. It's so much energy, but getting wrapped up in all of it. You gotta do it. You gotta, I think you to pick and choose your spots. Yeah.

I know you'd say something. So I know you'd say something like that, Sean. Something so meek. Typical, Sean. All right, this is from, oh, this is meek. That's just trying to not drive yourself nuts. Pick your battles. Resentment.

Cause you can resent everything if you want. Yeah, you can. But it's all it's, you know. But he said those words and words. And I might be totally misrepresenting what he was saying. But that's what I got. What I got from was that he's, that you're his role model. Well, that you're saying is what he talks now,

which was cool to hear. Cause I never think about it. I just kind of rant about stupid shit that I said. Hey, Dick and China, I was not kidding about custom work. I love a challenge. I hope you guys enjoy this new piece, Sad Eggs, sincerely Emily in the Vroom. Here we go.

We got another one. Yeah. Oh, fuck, that's amazing. It's Maddox crying into his scrambled eggs. We know the Vord Chad way of eating his eggs. Wait, those are scrambled eggs, not soup or anything like that. I think that's a, well, those are definitely eggs on top of the... Oh, from the lap from last week.

Yeah, this is a mixture of Maddox and Ford. Yeah, no, you're right. Yeah, totally. Yeah. That's the way you make, that's the proper way to make eggs. Yeah, yeah. I didn Yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah. That's the way you make that's the proper way to make eggs. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't see the white really you fry them up only you put a little layer of oil wait till it starts smoking a little bit Yeah, crack the egg toss it in you get a nice flip you get a a silicone

silicone spatula flip it over don't be stupid and flip it around that's pointless flip it over then think about All the failures of your life and cry into them to taste. Yeah, well that's the salt. Yeah. All right, everybody, this has been the next Tuesday. Thanks, Emily.