The Dick Show - Episode 115 - Dick on The Bro Economy

Episode Date: August 14, 2018

Coach has a son, giant bars of soap, Space Force and military uniforms, the bro economy, Adam Baldwin blocks me and is an idiot, nurses who can't talk, obvious sports announcers, buried in collectables, doing a barrel roll, Crippled Jesus needs dating advice, sirens in music, Ben from Drunken Peasants calls in, Mundane Matt kills his career, funeral stories, and "Not For Human Consumption" squares off against "The Thought Cops" in the first ever Super Podcast Championship Edition Turbo to see who joins the See You Next Tuesday Podcast Network; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I think this week is gonna be an exciting week. Was that, this week? This week's show. Yeah, this week coming up. Yeah, there's just something in the air. Yeah. Yeah. You got a pretty good feeling about this week.

Okay. The chickens are coming home. Is that right? Yeah, they're coming home to roost. You just gotta, they burrow right up your ass. The chickens of justice coming home. Is that right? Yeah, they're coming home to roost. You just gotta, they burrow right up your ass. The chickens of justice come home and they roost up your shit. You got a feeling or you know something. I gotta feel it.

I gotta feeling. I just have a feeling, Scott. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That seems to happen a lot. Ha, ha, ha, ha. There's nothing, nothing illegal about having a good feeling. No, there's not. No, you can't be sued for that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha right now. Okay, I'm because that the shaping of discourse is upsetting to me. You know what I mean? Yeah!

Welcome to Dan. You want to dig, you need to dig, you love to dig, you got it. It's the Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Audio engineer. Hello, Dave. Hey, what's up, buddy? How you doing? As I was seeing, I got a good feeling. Yeah. Immediately followed by a bad feeling. Immediately followed by a bad feeling. Really? Yes. Why? That you're good feeling might not come to fruition or something. Is that the... No.

You're preemptively disappointed. No, I'm pre... I'm also angry about other things. Oh. Okay. It can never be good enough. Yeah. Good enough is not good enough. Yeah. Good enough is not good enough. Yeah. That is an app.

And anytime the old maximum of be grateful for what you have, I hate that. I hate it. You know what? You be great. You be so grateful for thinking that that you don't have to say it. You annoying prick. What do you, I know you took something from me by saying that. You embarrassed me in front of everyone.

You're some fucking Buddhist monk. You're so zen and at peace with what you're having, what you have in grateful, and everybody around you should be so appreciated, because you're so fucking grateful that you need to tell me about it. It's just a way to rationalize. You know what I mean? What?

Oh, some people have a lot less. Well, some people have a lot more. Yeah, well, I could go take their stuff too. They should be grateful. What do you mean? There's, there's, there's an alien race out there that has never had one day of worry in their entire life. They figured out the singularity

and they literally do nothing, but enjoy a concept of heaven 24 hours a day all day. I'm not them. No. And they exist. There's a Holtzmann brain out there somewhere with a civilization of ultimate pleasure. Where the fuck?

Where's that? You're living in hell. I am living it. I can't even get my toilet fixed correctly. No, everything's upside down You got a strap in to take a piss Tell me about before it against gravity have piss in your own face I got a good feeling about this week though as I said I'm afraid of something Yeah, but you know what what was what I was talking about annoying me about the shaping of discourse like

But you know what was what I was talking about, annoying me about the shaping of discourse. Like guy, there's this big podcast called H3H3. They got their YouTube account suspended or whatever. Is that right? Yeah, so they go on Twitter and start tweeting about it. Mm-hmm. And the Twitter, the YouTube Twitter responds with, with the way people talk when they're working for a corporation.

Yeah, yeah. A person will talk to you normally. Oh man, that sucks. That's fucked that this happens to you. But the second they're being paid per hour, they turn into this weird robot. Reading down a checklist usually. Yeah, oh well, I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

Like, what the hell do you do? You have a choice to not talk like this. Everybody could just decide to not do it. Well, I think they're afraid to split with the verbiage that most big corporations want people to use. I don't know. Do you know what I mean though?

Yes, yeah. Yeah. If there's a problem, you state it to the client this way. You don't state it this way. I don't know. People are getting indoctrinated by that kind of stuff who come up in big corporations. I think.

I think they just like it. Like you watch kids play house and play kitchen and they use pretend money. And they act like they're making food and they take it very seriously. And when we grow up, we don't stop doing that. You put on a lab coat and you start talking like a scientist. Okay. You show up at work like,

all right. Now I get to play like, now I get to play work. The same thing, like, why are you so different? So how are you with your brain? I guess I've never had a job like that. You know what I mean? Because you have a job where you're a sarcastic prick and you are a sarcastic prick, so it works.

Yeah, and the clients like it. Yeah, of course. They think it's, I mean, you, we're making cartoons for a living. Like I never forget that. That's basically almost everything I work on nowadays is animated stuff. And it's like, sometimes it still happens

where you look at each other, you're like, are we really like saying this different ways to say like an asshole line? You know what I mean? Like it's, you're like, are we really like saying this? Different ways to say like an asshole line? You know what I mean? What do you mean? You're doing like, yeah, if you're doing cartoons, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no about a line like, is it funny or if he says, asshole or something else or it's like, most people don't get that in their job. No.

Be grateful for what you have, I think, because what you're saying. That's exactly what I'm saying. It drives me nuts when tech support is on Twitter because then you can't respond to the tech support people the way you want to, because you'll get banned. Yeah. So it's like, you always have to,

there's whenever you're exchanging words with someone, you just have to neuter yourself. And I hate it. I hate having to behave. I hate that we're just, like the only time I don't feel like I'm in church is when I'm in, is when I'm in my own house, in my own bathroom,

because Alexa can't hear me when I'm in there. I turn the shower on and just go, fuck that fucking mother fuck events. So the thing done the wall doesn't bleep, Bob, John Spartan, you've been fine, two credits for a violation of the morality statute. Oh, God. I don't know why I got off on this. It's been an incredible week. Monday and Matt has committed a career suicide in front of thousands of people.

Yeah, you know, Monday and Matt, into the HUD is everybody's called him as everybody's calling you. He committed career suicide. Yeah. When he goes on on Maddox show. Well, he, so you know, everyone knows that the very first hot take on the lawsuit was Monday and Matt saying, Patreon should kick me off. Yeah, sure. And that if there's, if there's smoke, there's a number eight Patreon in the world should be kicked off, kick me off. Yeah, sure. And that if there's, if there's smoke, the number eight Patreon in the world should be kicked off. Kick him off. Fuck this guy.

Look, he's my friend. As a good guy and, you know, if you've heard, if you knew what I knew, then you'd see how big of an asshole Dick Masherson is. So Matt was on the Ralph Rattort, which I was also on this week. Different days, I'm assuming. Yes, different. I was on the next day. Okay. I wish he would come on when I was on there this week. Different days, I'm assuming. Yes, different, I was on the next day.

Okay. I wish you would come on when I was on there. It'd be fun, I like, I like having confrontations with people. I know. And I'm get the aversion to it. Yeah. It's fun.

So Matt was on there. That's what you're made for the internet. Yeah. Yeah. I was, I was Sean. Yeah. Back in my day, you could call anyone any number of things. Sure, sure.

Matt was on there. Everyone was roasting him for flagging Dom Apesos, you know, Dickheads and Kimball, Maxwell Kimball also got for saying certain things in a colorful way. Uh, okay, let me start, let me backtrack a little bit. Okay. So Mr. Medaker found these comedy videos that Matt did where he was a little polar bear saying like racist show,

like pretending to have a kid show, but making it very racist. Like years ago, when, six years ago, yeah. Like it was, it felt like wonder shows and like puppets being offensive, right? And what's the most offensive thing a puppet could do? Just drop end bombs all over the place. Right.

He's a polar bear, so he's very white. Right. Yeah. I don't know if that was part of it, but I hope it was. Me too. That's where I go. So they're making fun of it on the stream, on the Ralph's, on the Ralph or Towards stream. Yeah.

Stream gets killed. So like what did Matt report the stream and get it taken? Obviously he reported the stream and got it taken down, right? So they bring him on there to roast him for it and say, prove it. Prove that you didn't flag it. Prove it. Show your screen of your flags that you two will show you the screen of things that you flagged. He stalls and delays.

Monday and Matt stalls and he's probably eating a pizza or something like that. You know who knows between bites. He probably had a pizza one hand brownie in the other hand. He has reporting mouse and one hand and pizza in the other hand. He brings up his video finally and it's flagged. Dome pesos, flagged. Dome pesos, flagged. Dome pesos, flagged.

Maxwell Campbell, flagged all the way down. All of our got flagged. All these other, flagged, all the way down, all of our guy flagged, all these other YouTube guys. So he's been doing it. So he's been doing it forever. He's such a hypocrite, such a, after lying about it for an hour, for a month, for months, I don't flag, everyone flags me. Then he immediately launches into how he's had problems with depression and he's not

in a good headspace and he's thinking about going to Greenland and he needs to get therapy and he's going to continue living his life as a gay man now. What? No, it's a Kevin Spacey. Yeah, yeah. I was so, it was so, it was so, it was so, it was a gay man. I choose now to live my life as a gay man. God, it was funny. I

Well, yeah Not even once Maddox now these people go straight for jobs. They go straight like they all do it. Yeah, they all do it Yeah, who posted that stuff which one no,, all the stuff about him being a racist polar bear. Oh, I think it was just on his tumbler. Like he just did it. I was so lead it. Yeah, I just, right. I don't even think it was a big deal.

It was just dumb. Yeah, it was just not fun. Well, he thought it was in this day and age. He thought it was a huge deal. Yeah. Tell you what makes me rage this week. I got an emergency rage from coach. Yeah, I saw that come in.

I'm excited. He's got a kid now. He does. Yeah. He's got a boy. Yeah. How about that? Coach has his son.

I don't know what the coach, junior. I haven't heard the name. Don't say it on air, but you have to tell me. I'll tell you, it's a good name. Is it? No good. Yeah. Uh, coach, he started indoctrinating him immediately. Yeah. Yeah.

Trump stuff got speakers and his right. Speakers. Trump speech. Trump speech. Trump speeches in his crib. Yeah. It's got like Richard Dawkins books. Yeah. Okay. For baby. Yeah. If it's a God delusion or whatever it was called.

Baby Dawkins. Baby Dawkins. He texts me saying This what makes me a rage a nurse runs a test on your newborn tells you non-chalantly that he might be deaf only to prove and only to be proven wrong 24 hours later Hmm, so just drop that. Oh, yeah, by the way, he might be death. Might be death. Yeah, so you know, we're gonna test it again. Hey, just test it again. Don't let me know that until you've double checked your work. Yeah, that's right.

Don't be that person. That's like going into your boss, your boss calls you in on Friday. It's like, oh yeah, by the way, you know, see me first thing Monday morning, we'll discuss your future with the company. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, you're like, fucking all weekend. You can't do that. We need to talk. Yeah, text, we need to talk. Honey, I came right home. What do we need to talk about? Yeah, what a, what a, we're out of half and half. Yeah,

you pick up. Yeah, so I'm a tour. I fucking hate that more than anything. Hey, your baby might be dev. Oh. Well, I always try to think, what have I done? Yeah. Like it was just, or when somebody does that, we need to talk. This could be fucking about it. That's a little fucking open ended. It's the same people that tell you, that fuck with you

when you're too drunk the night before. And they say, oh, yeah, oh, you were really, you were out of control last night. Like, what do you mean? I need you to sit down, right? Tell, you were really, you were out of control last night. Like, what do you mean? What do you mean? I need you to sit down, right? Tell me exactly what I exactly what I did. And if it wasn't something that deserved this feeling of panic, I need to watch you self

assimilate. Yeah. Right now because that is, that is bullshit. Now, now when I get drunk, now I'm going to do something. Next time I can't, you put this idea in my head, like a pearl of hatred and you know. I'll decide if I was out of control last night. He's right about nurses though. They shouldn't be, they shouldn't be giving any kind

of a diagnosis really. No, every interaction I've had with them has been so fucking frustrating. Like for some reason, for some reason, anybody in charge of the pain medication thinks you are faking it all the time. They do, yeah, well, yeah, yeah. And most people are not,

there's a certain percentage who are. So what? Just get, like, they're so amped up. I don't know why this is, but whenever you go in, whenever you go under, it feels like the entire medical profession feels like it has some sort of dignity until you get into the hospital and then it feels like you are in a chop shop.

No, that's exactly the hospital is a chop shop. It's where you go so that you don't die. You don't get it. You recover like somewhere else at home. It is having had surgery and stuff, it's a fucking chop shot. They try to get you out of the door, in and out right as quickly as possible.

All right, well, okay, your arms, I think your arms mostly reattached. Let's get you walking right now. I kind of feel, can I just watch Frazier a little bit before I, like a little bit? Do they, do you get a commission for getting people out? Yeah. I read this survey last week that said most medical, I don't know, most medical mistakes

are because of miscommunications between nurses and doctors and that's because of the patriarchy. That's because nurses don't feel empowered to correct the doctor's mistakes. And I about exploded when I read that. So if there's one, if there is one thing that nurses are empowered to do in my experience, it's to tell you and tell anybody what they think about anyone at all times and then tell everybody else what they think about the

person they just talked about. They do not, they don't listen for one fucking second and when they talk at least in L.A., where it's, where it feels like they're building a railroad in the hospital with the demographic makeup of the nurses and you understand what I'm talking about. I understand what you're talking about. Just a little polar bear. You're a full polar bear. You went full polar bear. Exactly.

Look, I don't know why. I don't know if there's a, if Bryman sponsors, like the Metro in China or a career, but it's entirely, it's predominantly Asian. Yeah. Well, ESL, English is a second language. Well, you know, Filipinos become nurses a lot. I'm not sure why there's a ton.

There's a ton. Filipino nurses here. There's a ton. And I think that they, I think they enjoy causing us pain, to be honest. I don't know. I think they do. Good for them if they do. Too many jokes, the ones I'm doing. They're like, I fuck you.

I'm really, right. Six polar bears were shot today. Yeah, it's a cross the nation. There's thing to yeah, just keep it to yourself for 20. Re-run the test. Well, yeah, that's since people into a panic for really no reason. What else makes me rage?

Giant, giant bars of soap. Giant bars of soap. Giant bars of soap. Big So there I don't know that I've seen a giant bar of soap. Yeah, I've seen a so Psy's bar of so I'm gonna get you a giant bar of soap for Christmas So you birth there something like this. It's it's fancy hipster soap See the key to having a product for the millennial. I'd imagine it'd be really hard to use it.

There's this giant. Yes, the key to have a product for the over-privileged is to make it difficult to use. So the fancy soaps will come in a bar about the size of a dictionary. Oh. That is flat all the way around. That has defensive ergonomics, So you cannot use it. Defensive architecture. It is a perfect rectangle, like a brick.

You're not gonna want to pull that on you. But it's made out of soap. Yeah. So in order to use it, you need both hands and you need to rub it all over yourself. Now this is what you're doing. That's funny. Like you're rubbing a brick all over yourself.

Like you're scratching yourself like a bear in the woods because you can't pull it off of the tile without tearing the tile off of the wall. Is it because of the suction of the soap? But is the soap like handmade and like hand cut into these? Is that why it's so hard? So it's hipster soap, it's just giant, you know, hand made giant bar with some cutesy fucking name.

80s girls got a big bar of soap in the shower. Can you buy this in the store? Can I be used? You have to go to an asshole. Okay, that's what I thought. You can't buy it at a regular store. That's what I thought. And it's always got some cheeky name like, oh, a big ass bar

of something. Okay, I see that you put a swear in the product. They've taken hot sauce labeling and applied it. It's soap. I can't wait to use this extreme soap. Yeah. I'm going to put this, I'm so hip. I'm going to put suspenders on when I shower just to use this fancy soap that has perfectly 90 degree flat sides that clearly no one's ever used because if they ever did, they would burn their own company down. Yeah, clearly the people who make it don't use it. That's what happened to a nice bar of Irish spring. What happened to a nice cup of coffee?

It's perfect. It's contoured the right way. It fits right out of the box. It's perfect. And because of my male autism, which we all have, I cannot get a new bar of soap while there is still a bar of soap in play.

I can't do it. I sit there. The regular good soap is three feet away, but I think, well, I mean, I can't, I can't rep, the soap's already here. So you use the already little slivers when they get down to where they don't even lather anymore? Oh yeah.

Yeah. And I, I like, I've subconsciously devised a system to take the little sliver of soap, get it on the chest hair to get the lather, you know, to get the lather going and then going. So, so much soap feels like it's just skin. Yeah. Where there's no, there's none left.

God, I hate those big bars of soap. What else makes me rage? Collectibles. It says the guy who has spoons from 25 countries. Okay. Okay. Yeah, this goes. Well, 80s girl and I went to this, it's called Franken's sons and they sell, they sell, we went there to get a box of magic cards for

the magic, the gathering, grand pricks thing that we're doing next week. Right, right. Saturday, it's downtown LA. If you're at the magic, the gathering, grand prix, if you there, you're watching, we're going to do a grand pricks after at the, what the gathering, Grand Prix. If you're there, you're watching, we're gonna do a grand pricks after at the, what did I say? What did I say? It was the arts district brewery. I think we're gonna, you can get tickets. If you wanna play, go to the site and grab tickets.

We're just doing a draft with Dominaria. Nobody else, nobody cares about the specifics of it. If you're in LA, come hang out, come watch, grab some drinks with us. 80s girl and I go to this. It's basically a swap meet that sells cards for cheap. So I wanted to pick up some cards for this event that we're doing, the Grand Pricks. But it's also, it also sells collectibles, you know, like toys, like action figures, old action figures, old video games.

These little Sean, there are, there are these little bobblehead guys for like stretching up to the, stretching up to the rafters, going for probably a quarter mile of just intellectual property after intellectual property. Anything you could imagine. Yeah. It was, it was like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, but like miniaturized culture

staring you back in the face for 1599 a pop or something like anything. Yeah. You could get, it was like guardians of the galaxy, the Gilmore girls, they have little fat, bobble heads there staring back at you, Jack the Ripper, Nixon, like all the way back. Anything you can imagine, the concept of hoarding was this little miniaturized figure, made me so uncomfortable seeing it, like seeing a mile, maybe a quarter mile,

a mile of winding of what amounts to trash. It seems like such a waste of that. It's such a phenomenal waste. And it makes me like I know people who have multiple storage containers that are full of toys. Yeah. That they just buy and then throw in a storage container. And I don't want to shit on people for wasting money,

but my God, it's gotta, especially that specific hobby, because at one point in my life, I could feel that excitement and that pull of like boarding toys. You like that stuff at one time. Yeah, I did in college. I would get like Indiana Jones action figures and you'd hunt for them and you'd try to hunt them down. There was like an excitement to that purchase

to it. And I looked at my life one day. I was in my apartment and I looked around and there's just there's just shelves of toys staring back at me. And I thought, no, no, no, no, no, this has got to stop. Yeah. This has got, like, there's no, the toys don't limit themselves. This is, oh, this is done. I got it. That's it. Cold turkey, quitting with the toys.

So I understand it. But let me see. I got some, I got some stats on it. $200 billion a year is spent on collectibles, but that includes classic cars, coins and stuff like that. So yeah, 10 billion dollars just on toys. Wow, that's 10 billion dollars. This is worldwide.

Yeah, I mean, it still seems like a lot, even for the, do you think about how many third world nations there are? It's like there's, you know, there's first world ain't that big. And they're the ones spinning. So between not that many countries, they're not really collecting old earthworm gym toys. No, not happy meal toys from the 50s. And a lot of Venezuela, they're not, they're not a big seller. They're not keeping their cash and collectibles in Venezuela. Right.

Although you go through and look at like teenage mutant Ninja Turtle figures that have a hundred dollar price tag on it and think, oh, yeah, Bitcoin's gonna be fine. Because some motherfucker will pay, not only will some motherfucker pay a hundred dollars for this trash, but the guy selling it won't sell it for less than that. He's that confident that someone will mosey up one day and say, I want to have that.

I need that 12 inch Michelangelo figure immediately. Yeah. Here's a hundred bucks. Would you take, would you take five cents for it? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. It's a luxury good. It's a, you know, it's a weird luxury good.

Yeah. It made me uncomfortable to see so much. It's like, oh no, this is, this is not right. This is not right. We got, you got to stop. We got to stop, we got to stop this. So it took seeing it all in one place to kind of flip the switch where you're like, no, wrong.

Burn it. Yeah. Burn it. It's got to liquidate immediately. Okay. Get rid of this stuff. Let's see what else do we got here. Do you want to talk about the space force?

The space force. Yeah, the Trump space force. You know anything about the space force? A little bit. Try. Yeah. You know what drives me? You know what I think is, it makes me reach about the space force.

It's stupidest thing. I know that people only care about the new uniforms. Yeah. That's the only thing that people are excited about is the uniform. It's the same with every, Sean, it's everything we do. The most important thing is the uniform, like every single article I read was,

and of course, they get to design new uniforms. Yeah, because that's what this is. It's a new uniform that people get to wear. You create a force for new clothes. Yeah. Oh, they're going to unveil it. It's going to be so exciting. They're going to have new, I mean, the concept is preposterous, of course. I mean, the concept is preposterous, of course. Yeah, but the uniforms, they are certain uniforms, they are kind of iconic. I'm not saying that's a reason to do it. Oh yeah, they love it.

Yeah, those army uniforms, man. Yeah. Those guys strutting around in public, untouchable. Right? Yeah. Well, if you, you know, I mean, say what you want, but Hugo Boss designing the Nazi uniforms like the SS, they looked good. Yeah. I mean, they're very striking. Yeah. Did he really? Did he go by? That's true. Yeah. The Air Force, that was, we spend 160 billion on that every the concept of course is

We spend $160 billion on that every. The concept, of course, is preposterous. The need to protect satellites from China, because they're gonna have a hard time selling us the phones that they make if they knock out our satellites. Yeah, yeah. I feel pretty confident that they're fine up there. They're fine up there. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you know, they've said they could knock them out. I don't know. Just, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the design the uniform. That's it. That's what we really need. I'll be happy with the space force that just designed a uniform, released it, and then did nothing else. Do you remember when the, you know what the amaro is? You've heard of that. It was going to be the currency of North America. This was all like, it's sort of a conspiracy thing. Like we're all going to go to the amaro, like instead of the Euro. And some- Wait, the whole continent? Yeah, the continent.

Like North and South America. I don't know about South, I'm not sure. Just North and South. At least like- Like with NAFTA. Yeah. We all be on the Amaro. Yeah, basically.

I'm like, I got it right. But it was like, yeah, and the first thing people did was like design, you know, it was like, oh, this is a purported design of the... Yeah. Like, no, it's- Nothing, nobody ever grows up. Yeah. That's my, I guess that's what I'm saying, which, like, no, it's nothing, nobody ever grows up. Yeah. I guess that's what I'm saying, which, like, making uniforms,

making insignias, kids will sit there for hours, and then you grow up like, well, I guess we need a new space for us so we can make some why. Some dumb shit about satellites, and also we need to do uniforms. We need to do uniforms. We're doing, we haven't had a new uniform in a long time. We need one that's ours. Yeah. Uh, well, yeah, that's all right. I'm with you. The only thing we can't afford is in

action. That's the pen said about the space force. Uh, I guess that'll be, well, we'll get to see the new uniforms coming together. Sweet. Let's see here. We've also got the very exciting super turbo podcast championship edition to see who joins the Cunex Tuesday media. Oh, boy. This is going to be fun. I've got not for human consumption calling in and, um, and the thought cops. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, is that that's Grant Mooney? Yeah, yeah.

They're gonna review each other's show. Oh boy. Because, you know, now who goes first? Well, maybe we'll flip for it. Well, what do you think we should do? Well, because whoever goes first is gonna want a good review from the guy who goes second. Right? Well, you know, look, this is for the contest

is to see who gets to join the CU next Tuesday media network. Okay. They've both, both shows have done a lot for the network and for the community. Right. But, you know, we don't have on, there's not unlimited spots on the network. So I'm gonna have some kind of a contest. Well, I'm just saying, but one may influence the other, right? I mean, right.

Well, I hope they come and give honest reviews of each other's program. Me too. That's what, that's the point of this. Yeah. It's not some kind of an angry slap dick rant festival where they're just dog piling on each other. I want an honest review of each other's program.

You want to still do it then? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I mean, I didn't say that, but I assumed everybody was working with that understanding. Okay. Yeah. Okay. This isn't just an opportunity to shit on each other.

Right. Well, I'm clear on it now. Yeah. And then whoever has the best review, the people will vote and that podcast will join the CU next Tuesday now. Great. So I'm very excited about it. What would be the point of just playing out of context clips? Yeah. We need some, we need some human, we need some relateability, right? Yeah. We need a real person to sit there and explain what the show is about and who better to do it than

than another listener who isn't involved with it. Exactly. Exactly. You get too close. You get lost in the sauce. Yeah. Sometimes. So that's what we're doing.

I don't even try to explain what this show is about. No, no, no, you shouldn't. Black James Bond. Yeah, I've put about that for a while. I think James Bond just has to be British. Oh, it doesn't matter if he's black or white. Not particularly. I mean, it would be different,

but I think as soon as you don't make him British, then it's not James Bond anymore. What if he's like from Philadelphia? He's a different character. He's from New York. Different character. Hey, I'm James Bond over here. Yeah, yeah, different. That's a different character. He's from New York. Different character. Hey, I'm James Bond over here. Yeah, yeah, different.

That's a different character. Well, if he did that guy doesn't know what the fuck a martini is. No. Yeah, I had conflicting thoughts about it, I guess, because it's like, I first I thought, well, he's got to be white, because he's got to be white.

He's got to be from Oxford. He's got to have a shit load of money. Because he's got to be white because he's got to be white. He's got to be from Oxford. He's got to have a shit load of money because he's got to be the ultra privileged because the point like his sacrifice is much, much larger when he is the elite ruling class who's just has a hard on but like he's got a lot more to lose. Right. Yeah. He's got like the ruling establishment has a lot to lose. I always forget that he was very, very upper class, was very, very upper class. Why he's so smooth and cultured and

right? That's and why he's so brutal also because it's what you associate like yeah, you don't associate the ruling class with having compassion or like or seeing seeing gray areas or like seeing a dip it's just good and it's they see things in good and evil. And you're trying to take for me or not and I'll hunt you down and kill you no matter what. No where no person on earth is safe from the reach of the British Empire. Right. This is the oppressive ruling and this like this is it's like a saving grace in a way that he, that bond was represented of them. So at first I thought, well, it's, it doesn't make sense then.

This is just like an endless stream of co-opting, of, uh, co-opting successful properties and making it something else. Like, I'm happy to see a, I'm happy to see a black super spy, but it's not James Bond for all those reasons. Yeah, I mean, you know, like you see a black judge in a movie or a sitcom you think, but that guy has an understanding, that guy is more likely to, you know, he's seen a lot of shit.

What are you just saying there couldn't possibly be a wealthy black Englishman? That sounds like, that's what it sounds like your argument is. there couldn't possibly be a wealthy black Englishman. That sounds like, that's what it sounds like your argument is. Well no, it's that he would have had a different experience. Okay. Because it would even be wealthy in black. Yeah.

Because he'd definitely be the minority. Or didn't inherit it. I mean, no. Is that a thing? I, what do you mean is that a thing? Most money on earth is inherited. I don't know if that's overwhelmingly true. No, yes.

It's not from, see, I thought over like three generations all the wealth has gone. Oh, no, most money, at least in the United States that I know is inherited. What percentage? What percentage? Oh, like 80% plus, 90%. I think it's less than that.

I think it's like 60%.. I think it's like 60. Cause it's very, very high. Look at our billionaires and trillionaires. They're well, no, I would say like half is self made. I think the last time out, it's been a few years, but it was like a stunning amount. Huh. It was it.

No, I don't think it's anywhere near half made. I put it at 50, 50. I don't know. 50 new and 50 inherited. But it used to be like you know like but some of that stuff like uh... julie louis drifus they've been rich for a hundred fifty years yeah she's like a billionaire yeah

uh... now i'm asking even more questions so the so the black bond has inherited wealth from what? I don't know. And what is, I don't know, well, that's where it gets more, that's where your argument has more credence. Bond is an orphan.

He is. Yeah, he's not another. I don't know the law of James Bond well enough. See, this is this is the problem. Instead of like re-exploring the law of it that made it popular, they just take the name and slap it on something new. And yeah, I don't know the background of it that made it popular, they just take the name and slap it on something new. And yeah, I don't know the background of bond that well.

But then I thought I got to thinking like, well, wait a minute, maybe this is some kind of a meta, like maybe this diversity, this pushing diversity on everything all the time is maybe that's the new really ruling class. So maybe he should be. Maybe Bond should be like an ultra social justice warrior going around, fuck, specter, fuck the, yeah, who cares?

Who's running the economy? The bad guys are the good guys. They're all the fucking same. They're all just, they're all stealing from each other. So fuck, maybe he's going out and writing justice, justice wrongs. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Maybe bond in this incarnation is trying to get minimum wage raised to 15%. Yeah. Or get more universal healthcare for people. Pins making an entire group, unemployable. Different, right? Oh yeah. Yeah, it's different.

It's different. He's going to queue. Oh, we've got a device that'll let you hear microaggressions from 200 yards away. Yeah. Right? Yeah. We can tell it analyzes body language. And you know, you see who's about to see who's most likely to commit a microaggression.

Yeah. Exactly. We come. Someone's feeling intimidated. We've used NSA technology to comb through everyone's tweets and see who's dropped or texts and see who's dropping in bombs, casually. Yeah. Yeah. If you can bond, right?

Pull this out in a, pull this out. It's even determined. It's even determining whether it was meant with a hard R or not. Yeah. So even the table, right? Bond is in the, black bond is in the table with the laser beam coming up and he's like, oh, yeah, well, I just found, if you don't stop this, I'm going to send this, I'm going to retweet this tweet you had from 12 years ago

where you're making jokes about molesting children. Fuckin' Dr. Octavian. What do you think about that? He's like, oh shit, stop the laser, stop the laser. That's gonna fuck up my whole plan. I can't do that. Bond saves the day. It's not the same. Yeah, not the a day. It's not the same.

Yeah, not the same bond. Like, he's American psycho. He's got no compassion or empathy. It's a, he's a bad guy. He has the point. He's a very bad guy because he has everything in the world and he's still angry. He's still angry as no affiliation with anything.

That's the fucking point. Yeah, because he doesn't have to be in, what is it, M8 or whatever? M-I-7. M-I-7. Fuck, no, I think we're both wrong. Six? M-I-6?

Fuck, I fucking hell. I think it's M-I-6. I don't know, Jesus Christ. But whatever, their version of, you know, yeah, he's doing it because he wants it. Because he wants to hurt people. That's why. Yeah.

It's just not the same. Yeah. MI6. MI6. Crippled Jesus says. Yeah, it's definitely MI6. Yeah. Hey, crippled Jesus, are you there?

What's up, Dick? What's going on, man? I forget why you wanted to call in. I don't know why I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Of course, hey, what's the what's the nature of your affliction? By the way, crippled Jesus. Oh

That's I just thought that would be a good this core name. I like to have humor about it. I think people are Way too PC nowadays. Yeah, true. I sense a few are about what? What's your situation? Everything I I mean, people, people even say to me, how could you support Trump? He hates crippled people. Oh my God. It's a waste. How crippled are you? You're in a wheelchair, right?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, my dick works, but. Oh, nice. Hey. Have you gotten it worked on? I wanted to tell the story about how I was in the hospital for my knee surgery and the nurse was arguing with my mom and whether or not I needed more fame. Okay. So you got, are you sure he's already had this much already? You don't want to overdo it. Is this after your surgery?

Yeah. And I'm sitting there with my face as well, you can see the pain on my face. What do you get out of this? Yeah, they get off on it. They love it. They turn the corner and go into the nurses class. I'm going to be the next. Fingering themselves.

That should drop. Yeah. Wait a minute. Have you, your dick works? Have you hooked up with the chick? I, um, that's part of what the question is about actually. Okay. If you want to get into it, yeah, I do. Okay. Well, I've been, uh been friends for the chick for a while and she I

I guess she confided in me or whatever. She said the whole boyfriend thing wasn't working out. So Her boy her relationship with her boyfriend wasn't working out. Yeah, I guess she was accused of cheating and they got into a whole thing and a whole argument or whatever. Okay. But my question would be how long do you think I should wait before I make the move? Not at all. Do not wait. Do not wait at all. Do not wait, do not wait at all.

It is a, uh, they will, that's what my brain was thinking. I didn't know if I was fucking up or not, but. No, um, the, what are you doing on the phone? Yeah, you should, you should hang up immediately and call her. We'll over there with, with, with an erection, charge that fucking battery and go. Yeah, the idea that the people need time to grieve about relationships is dead fucking wrong. You got

a storm of pussy and wait for you when relationships are on the rocks because women and men want to feel validated as a human being as quickly as well. Bucking possible and they are never more vulnerable. Immediately. Oh, there is no bigger, there is no bigger loss. Or there are a few bigger losses than the end of a relationship, even a shitty one. And the only fix for it is dick immediately. All right. I guess I was right then.

Yeah. Yeah. What's this girl's, what's the, do you think you have a shot with her? Well, we went to prime together. I think we got a little bit more than a fun thing going on. Oh, yeah.

You got a, oh man, so you need tips on how to, how to pick up a chick off the rebound. Right? I know what I'm gonna say. I just didn't know when. I didn't know when they're going. Now, now immediately. And don't get sucked into the trap of talking about her ex. She'll do it. And you just you roll with it, but always change the subject to fun stuff.

Because you probably feel like she hasn't had fun for years. Yeah. All right, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. And when you start hearing stuff, when you start hearing, when she starts responding to compliments with stuff like, oh, you know, well, he didn't like, whatever he didn't like that she did, you love it. Yeah, you love it. If he hated talking and diving, fuck know, well, he didn't like whatever he didn't like that you did. You love it.

Yeah. You love it. If he hated talking, I diving fuck yeah, done it a dozen times. He's an, he's an alien, even though everything he said and did is probably exactly right. You are the, you are Mr. a fucking Bizarro opposite guy. If he like breathing air, you hate it. If he like drinking water, water is disgusting. I'm, I don't even have, I had it sucked out of me.

Yeah. I, um, that's, I knew I was right. I guess I needed confirmation. Yeah. Well, sometimes you do. Yeah. What does she look like? What's the, what's the canned situation?

Oh, oh, great. She's a model. Great, great, great. Really? Hey, no. Wow. Great.. What's your what's your first name? Oh, I don't want to I don't want to get into names. Okay, just color model or something model. Okay, that's Models. Yeah, how crippled are you buddy? I Just have CP which is basically just my legs. Okay, CP is what does it stand for? Surrival pauls it. Yeah, okay, I'm not like with childhood or anything I just can't move my legs. Yeah, but just your arms are okay?

Yeah, I've been going to the gym cause I gotta figure out how to move around when I get to college, but... Oh, you not even college? Arms are good. Very good. Do you have a regular wheelchair or a motorized one? Well, you know the one I met you guys and actually a rental.

Isn't Chicago. Oh, this. Oh, this is okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. This is. Oh, what's up, man? This is this is who I think it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, man, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah, good meeting you in Chicago. Oh, it was a great time. Great time.

Yeah. Yeah, they're from they're from out of town. They're from they came down. Yeah. Do you ever do any pranks with your chair? You know, every once in a while, I'll just pretend like I'm offended by something. And when they start crying and apologizing, I just know it's good. Like what? I know it's good like what Like I had um I had this one guy who's talking about track

It's not gonna much tracking. I'm actually what running track and it's like oh must be nice Wow But yeah Yeah, man, I guess you got I guess you got to what are you gonna say to this girl Well, I it's more than a bend thing really. I mean, I think she's on the girl that I can actually hold the conversation with without killing myself That's worth the lad Yeah, yeah, You could be a quadripleija. If a girl starts

talking to you, you'll hold your breath till you pass out. Trying with the fingers. Well, he's good, man. No, he's good. What are you going to say? I want to know like what your what your approach is going to be. Well, I'm just gonna I'll just tell her uh straight up. I'll say you want to go out to dinner. I mean

I like talking to you. That kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. Hey, let's you don't give him a choice. Never judge. Hey, you know what? You seem let's cheer you up. It's gone for dinner. Let's go for dinner. Have a nice day. Have some fun. Have some laughs. Maybe, maybe, maybe one of us will get jerked off. Yeah, hey.

Get the waiter. Get the waiter. Always. Yeah. That's a good one. All right, buddy. Anything make you a rage? I, yeah, actually.

Sports commentators that state the obvious. Yeah, I hate that more than anything. I would watch in the Raiders game the other day and this guy's like, oh, you know, the key to being a good running bad because you really run with the ball. Yeah, yeah, it's like no shit. He's not wrong. It's in the name. How dumb do you think I am?

It's more how dumb he is yeah, well the jokes too long And a suit he didn't assume you see how funny it is no, I don't give a shit dressing a monkey God they are terrible No, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. You're dressing a monkey up. God, they are terrible. I'm not thinking about the game now. I'm thinking about how I can physically choke you through the TV screen. I hate it, man.

I hate it. Yeah. Me too. I gotta watch it on mute. If I ever do watch sports, and it's rare, I have to watch it on mute. If I ever do watch sports and it's not, it's rare. I have to watch it on mute because hearing two guys or four guys in that like broadcaster tone, it's like nails on the inside of my skull. Well, these three person booths are, it's just too busy.

Yeah. It's the show, it becomes more about them than what's going on on the field a lot of the time. And then, uh, and then they always throw it down to the chick, the sideline reporter, yeah, yeah, who is talking, who talks about sports with the same comfort as the alien and men in black wearing that human suit. Oh, well, they're playing one heck of a ball game today. It's like, come on. Do we really, can you just stand there and have somebody else talk in? Like it doesn't even sound right. Doesn't sound, nothing that you're doing sounds right at all.

Well, all right. Good luck. Good luck, man. Thank you, man. I appreciate them for always. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, man. I appreciate them for always. Yeah, yeah. I like your shoes. That's a great one. That's a great one. I nail so many bras with that one. That's a great one.

You could always like, you know, say how new your shoes are all the time, too. That's always compliment me. Yeah. Nice clean shoes. Never dirty. never dirty. Um, you could play into the whole Stephen Hawking thing too, like you're really smart, uh-huh, because you got the chair going exactly. Oh, I know what I'm doing. Sometimes I just go random science shit.

Yeah, your brain developed, you know, extra, extra good. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Uh, you know, extra, extra good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, just read like, um, Will Smith's kids tweets. So they seem all deep. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, but, Jaden, Jaden, Jaden, Jaden. Good luck. Good luck out there. Let us know how it goes. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Let's see, Ben's here.

Yeah. Ben, welcome back to the program. Ben from the Drunken Peasants, everyone. Thanks for having me. Yeah. How you doing? I'm doing all right. I thought you would block me or something.

I didn't. I'm not. No, I don't block. Yeah. I don't block. I need to, even people who say the worst things about me, I need it. It's like the fuel that keeps the show going. Otherwise, there's too much love.

Yeah. Yeah. So you, I think you kind of kickstarted the destruction of Monday and Matt's career. You think so? Yeah, I think so because he was on, he was on your show when he was talking about the lawsuit. Yeah. And then that snowballed into me shitting on him,

trying to stage a call where he wouldn't call in unless we had a private powwow and discussed like gentlemen, how we're going to be nice and lie in front of everybody. And then that turned into the Ralph or towards most recent scandal of finding all the videos he's been flagging, talking shit about. Yeah, yeah. I did watch that yesterday.

It kind of blew me away, honestly. I see, I've gotten along with Matt a lot, and I hung out with him in person a bunch of times, but we did one night when I was hanging out with him and a bunch of other people, we were drinking, and I argued with him and a bunch of other people, we were drinking and I argued with him about Maddox. So every now and then, when I would have him on Drunken Peasants, I would throw shots his

way. He'd be like, you know, tell me again about how Maddox was right. Oh, I saw you do that. You've had conversations with him off-air about it? Yes. Yeah, because me and him kind of run in some of the same circles and I guess Maddox does two to a degree. So when I went to VidCon, I was at a house party with a bunch of other content creators.

And some of the people there were like, oh, yeah, is Maddox coming? I'm like, I don't want to be here if Maddox is here. It's going to be awkward. He's accused me of doxing him. It's all very strange. So I don't want, I don't want to be here if Maddox is here and then that kind of snowballed into a polite yet semi-heated argument about who was right in the whole situation. What was Maddox in?

Why was, like, what is there, what is the other way to, especially for somebody like him? What's the other side? What's the other side? Ah, it's usually for not knowing information probably. But I mean, what could, even if you didn't know anybody involved, you see a $20 million loss, and you think, oh, you're fucking lunatic.

Pins will, you know, leaurs take. Yeah, a guy with, he doesn't know who anybody is. He's like, no, you have to repeal the first amendment if he wins. What was, you know, I think it's just a case of classic bias. Maddox got to him first. So their buddies now, IRL buddies. So that's why he's taking this position.

At least that's how I see it. Man, the compulsion to defend people is really weird. I believe when we were sitting on Matt on the, on the Ralph Rattort, Adam Baldwin, the actor. Oh yeah. He waited, oh everybody, Monday and Matt's a good guy. Everybody should lay off, I believe in redemption stories.

So I said, what the, like, what do you, you don't know anything about it? So shut the fuck up. Like why are you so eager to do, why is, why is like everybody just itching to be somebody's salvation? Every Baldwin is fucked. And he's not even of their family, right?

He's the animal mother from Full Metal Jacket. That cock sucker blocked me. Oh yeah, it's good. Because I said, don't fuck yourself out. What are you talking about Adam? You don't know what you're, you don't, you don't know anything. But you're just, you're so up your own ass with wanting to vouch for somebody. It's this weird, you know, the knowledge economy is dead.

The boomer knowledge economy where it was important to know things. That's dead. Because not all knowledge is at our fingertips. Too much knowledge that we know what to do is we twist it around and what's replaced that is this fucking bro economy where guys are like trading this vouching currency of, oh, he's a, I'm a good guy. He's a good guy.

Like men use a Bitcoin that's based on bromine ship. You're so right. It's so sickening. It really is very different. Like who gives a fuck? What you think about the guy? You don't know any of the details throwing your clout around like pretend, it doesn't, pretending you've got this big dick that's gonna cure all the ills of society.

Like you're fucking Jesus over there, or I believe in redemption stories. You pretend to be a badass in movies. That's it, shut the fuck up. Anyway, Adam Baldwin. That's right, he's not a Baldwin, is he? No, he just has to say, I think a lot of people think,

I had forgotten that. I think I, like I used to, I was like, oh yeah, I think a lot of people think, I had forgotten that. I think I, like I used to, I was like, oh yeah, there's like four of them, right? Yeah. But there's, what's that? Five, I think. Five? Yeah.

Alec Baldwin got so fat, he split into two. Alec, Alec, Billy, Steven are the ones I know of, right? Zephyr. Zephyr Baldwin. Yeah, Zephyr Baldwin is one, too. You're kidding. Yeah, yeah. I don't know anything about the book. Zephyr. Zephyr Baldwin. Zephyr Baldwin is one, too. You're kidding. Yeah, yeah. I don't know anything about the book.

Zephyr. Yeah, anyway. What makes you rage, man? Then I know you wanted to call in with some hot. Well, these days it's YouTube and their retroactive rule changes because YouTube is basically neutered the channel that I've been growing since 2013.

Basically, now they've decided to pander to the corporate media more. If you get a copyright claim and they decide to block it worldwide, it takes away your live streaming capabilities for 90 days. And we had a video from over a year ago that's been private for almost a year that was detected by their algorithm. And we played like 30 to 40 seconds of a clip from a seventh heaven episode that we were goofing on. And they decided CBS decided that was enough to block us worldwide. YouTube is CBS's bitch. But that's so now. So that's charity, right? Or I mean, or if you're a user or not, that's not really parody.

It's and it's hard to get under under a news. It's like a fuck off. Give us a fucking break here, man. Yeah, it's not parody, but yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. It's in some ways it could be argued that it's transformative in nature and that it's it falls under fair use. But the thing is is when you dispute a claim on YouTube, it it goes to the person who made the claim and they get to decide whether or not to accept your appeal or not. And if they don't, the only other action is to take them to court.

And I don't have pockets deep enough to take CBS to court. Yeah. Channel. The more I look at it, the more like all the big companies pushing for net neutrality to, so, you know, so big companies don't limit access to content that we want to watch are now limiting access to content

We want to want like the entire DMCA safe harbor provision was of mistake. I'm convinced now all of YouTube Viacom CBS they all should be in court all the time Sowing each other into the dirt because they, like, if I see one more person post that XKCD, comics saying they're a private industry, showing you the door, I'm gonna strangle that person until minimum wage is $15 an hour. Because there is no, they cannot, they don't act like private entities at all.

They can post whatever they want, and they're protected because, like, specifically carved out, they're special. like specifically carved out they're special. They're not, they waived goodbye to being private entities a long time ago. Um, ads, yeah, they're, and they haven't made, they haven't made a right decision in years. It seems like like I have, I don't know what they're doing anymore. Well, YouTube is so desperate to become the next Netflix or the next, you know, sling TV because they want to get in bed with these corporate media entities

to carry them and make money from them. And they're kind of just throwing under the bus all the content creators that made their website what it is today. Yeah, that's true. Um, yeah, it's, I mean, it mean, it's Jerry Springer in one place. And it's fun. Yeah, it was fun. And it's not anymore.

No, anyway. Well, what's going on here? What makes you rage in your personal life? Anything that's not YouTube related? Is there never gonna get any better? No, you know, I'm, it's pretty laid back in an easy personally, I would say. I guess going to parties where people try to defend Maddox. I would love, I wish you would call in and give that defense.

He would call in. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, now that is. I think he's done. It seems like he may be done defending, you know, defending that. Ben, you want to help us judge the first ever super podcast championship turbo edition that we're doing on the show. All right, I'm going to let these, I'm going to let these guys on. I'm going to let on open the cages. Yeah, I'm going to let on not for human consumption first and talk to him for a second. Okay. All right. Welcome to the first ever podcast turbo championship edition, just for, just for sake of the contest. Tell us, tell us a little bit about your show.

Well, if you like listening to four dudes get drunk at a basement on a weekly basis, you'll like the show. Just kidding. That sounds very familiar. What? Yeah, you're ripping off Ben's show. I didn't even know about Ben's show until after we started. So take that.

Yeah. Well, that's his sassy. How the how is that even possible? Everybody knows about the drunken peasants. Well, now we do. Now everybody knows it's just some time. Okay. So for do the co-tails of Dick Masterson, yeah. What were your first impressions of the, what were your first impressions of the, the thought cops show? Well, the first thing I thought of the thought cops show? Well, the first thing I thought about the thought cops is I had to look at my iPhone

My podcast app because I thought maybe I had it accidentally set to half speed. Okay. Oh boy And they call themselves the internet Number one outrage mob podcast, but are they outraged in a library? I've never heard outrage sound so sleepy. They're booking night sessions at NPR. Okay. Yeah, exactly. It was like, this would be a great show if it was on NPR.

Oh boy, you come out springing. Dick, I sent you a couple of clips. Okay, well hold on a minute. I'm going to let before you get into your actual review, I'm going to let Grant on. Hey, Grant, are you there? Yeah, can you hear me? Yes, Grant Mooney, the creator of many musical gems

for this show. Thank you. The Asterios show, the Maddox Lost, the Titanic song. Billing up quite the resume. Yes, quite the resume. Now you run Kevin Run Thought Cops, is that resume. Yes, quite the resume. Now you run, you and Kevin run thought cops, is that right? Yes, correct. Okay, how would you describe your show?

Thought cops is a weekly podcast about outrage culture and mob justice in the internet age. Okay. Each week, each week, me and Kevin discuss, analyze and investigate the rage-inducing issues of the week that fill up the internet's news feeds. Okay, now why do you think you deserve to be on the CU Next Tuesday network? And why are you reading that? Because I come prepared, Sean. Why do I deserve it?

Because our podcast has a great theme. Yeah, because our podcast has a great theme. The format is followable every week. We talk about something new, something different, something that's relevant. Okay. And you don't have to sit there for three hours and listen to, I don't know, eight hosts yell over each other like a fucking cat,

or a G in an alleyway. Okay. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. That's a good reason. Alan, why do you think you deserve to be on the See You Next Tuesday network? Well, first off, the biggest reason is I want you to know that thought cost has 77 episodes.

So they've been around a little while. Okay. Only 24 of them have been released on a Tuesday. We have 38 episodes. Every single one of them have been on a Tuesday. Okay. So literally, literally, literally. All right. Which one of you guys, which one of you guys wants to go first of your review with the other podcast and then we'll get to the we'll figure out the voting. I'll let Alan go first because I'm the bigger man.

Oh, oh, hey, all right. Let's go first. All right, Alan. Go ahead. I'd like to hear, and everyone you would like to hear your review of the thought cops. Let's start with their intro. I reimagined it with my first clip. Can you please play that? He's got clips. He's got, right, right, right. Let me get you guys are both prepared. It sounds like we've been waiting to win this. Yeah. Okay. Here's thought cops won. Welcome to thought cops. The only podcast every week.

We talk about what's out rich in the internet. This podcast is perfectly adequate. I play it before I take a nap. That's the best way to describe their show right there. I reimagine their intro to make it more fitting to what they do every week. Okay. All right. So if you would intro to make it more fitting to what they do every week. Okay. All right. So if you would like to find something to listen to that we'll put you to sleep. There you go. That's that's what you're looking for now I want you to know that thought cops also covers a lot of like really really riveting

Topics I want you to play clip 2 if you would please. Okay. Here you go. I'm gonna turn it up. Sean's can you see if you can bump it up there? Yeah, well if you turn it up there, it'll match them better. Okay Okay, here you go. I'm going to turn it up, Sean. Can you see if you can bump it up there? Yeah, well, if you turn it up there, it'll match them better. Okay, well, here you go. There's a couple of cultures that eat primarily meat. Like I think in you, in general, like if you're up, you know, way far north, you know, it's hard. Yeah. vegetables growing in the ground. You eat only meat. Yeah. That's interesting. That's bullshit. This is taken out of context. These comedic genius talking about inuilsen their meat love.

Is this like you want to laugh for days you will listen to things like that constantly on thought cops. Now, clip three, this is more of how they was taking out a context grant. What was the context? We were talking about Jordan Peterson and his all meat diet.

That's why we were talking about cultures that eaten primarily meat. Oh, okay. Jordan Peterson is a hot figure right now. And he has a hot figure right now, thanks to his all-meat diet. Ah. Ah.

I was so hoping it would go like this. And you're a fitness trainer, right? Yeah, that right, he is. Yeah, sometimes, yeah. So you could get fitness trainer, right? Yeah, that right, he is. Yeah, sometimes, yeah. So you could get fitness tips listening to the.com, so talking about eating meat and stuff like that. And Jordan Peterson, enhance your body and mind. With the guy, that's exactly.

That's what I'm getting for this. A full experience. Alan, I don't know if that's a good example of how your show's better. Okay, well, let's do Clip 3. This is how they hold down a very diverse set of words within a cover. I'm just waiting for you to present

your PowerPoint presentation on their show. Oh, I have that prepared too. I'll send it in an email later. Okay, here's Clip 3. I think like some of my favorite content online is like, you remember when they like killed Brian off and family guy for like a couple episodes? Yeah. Yeah.

And there was a ton of like weird people online who every time he says like, like, you were notified, bring Brian back. And it's like the funniest fucking shit. Like I saw this like, fan art. Like ding sound, Maddox. Oh, there he is.

Wait a minute, let me listen to that again with the like, with the knowing that the like is the ding, right? I say like a lot. I wasn't, I wasn't back to it. I don't know how many likes I'm gonna say. I'm guilty of it too. It's just like a lot. Get off your self box.

Ha, ha, ha. It's just everybody says like a lot get off your self-box I think like some of my favorite content online is like you remember like when they like And there's a ton of like Weird people online who were posting shit like Petitions like bring Brian back and it's like the funniest fucking shit like petitions, like bring Brian back. And it's like the funniest fucking shit. Like I saw this like, you know,

I'm on to them. Ah, wait, did anybody count them? 11. There's 11? 11, anything that clips like what, 20 seconds long? 24 seconds long, 11. Okay, all right.

Well, that's all the clips I have. Do you have more? I would count the I would count the likes on your show, but it's eight people talking over each other. So I don't know what the fuck you guys are saying. Yeah. Good. Look. It's fun. You guys wouldn't know what that's about. Oh, damn. Oh, sup. All these personal jabs. Holy shit.

Oh, speaking of personal jabs all week uh... us in the thought cops and going back and forth on twitter uh... i think we finally made thought cops interesting for the first time ever if you're following it on social media okay i think we find i think we finally got you guys twitter likes uh... that's what you guys are the king of likes i alan is at the end of your review? Oh, yeah, I think so.

I can't wait to respond to what they've got. So, it's boring, is the review, right? Pretty much. Yeah, to put it mildly, yes, boring is a good word to use. Okay. What about if you didn't put it mildly? Then it's not worthy of a cut network. Okay.

All right. All right. It's not worthy. Very boring review. All right, Grant, let's hear your review of, of not for human consumption. All right, sure. The name says it all. I guess it all prepared.

You guys ready? Yeah. All right. Not safe for human consumption. not safe for human consumption a.k.a. Not for human Consumption Is your weekly drunken update on quote all the things Movies video games television shows literally just whatever who the fuck cares and they do it drunk making it one of the most original

Podcasting premises ever created original podcasting premises ever created. Join hosts Alan, Matt, Dave, Dylan, and maybe a couple other guys. No one really fucking knows. I'll discuss everything between important and stupid, which definitely isn't too broad on a brushstroke that may sometimes lead to a lack of artistic focus. That's pretty accurate. I like it. Keep going.

Okay. Well, not for human consumption is a great show though sure Maybe they don't have things like for instance a call in from Ken bone on episode 50 like we did We didn't really trigger Dan Harmon into blocking them on Twitter like we did But you know what they do have a clip of a stereo's vomiting. That was pretty funny pretty good welcome I'd rather listen to his dairyless vomiting though. The I mean, I love I love Ken bone. I want to hear about his pregnancy fetish.

Did you guys get into that? This is so eerie for me because we play a clip of Billy the fridge vomiting all the time on our show. It's plagiarism. Well, where'd you get? Where'd you get to Billy the Billy the fridge clip on our show. Really? It's plagiarism. Well, where did you get the Phryg clip on our show, him and I had a drinking contest. I am the undefeated drinking champion of the drunken peasants. I've taken down multiple challengers so far. And it says a lot when you weigh 190 pounds and you can beat a 500 pound guy in a drinking

contest. What was the rules of the contest? What were you guys drinking? It was trivia related and basically we would answer trivia questions and whoever had the highest score, or I'm sorry, whoever had the lowest score had to spin a wheel and the wheel has many different types of booze on it. Okay. Well, that's okay.

I don't know, but that's a silly contrast. As soon as you said many different types of booze, that's a problem. You enforce the kicker. After about five hours, Billy the fridge vomited all over himself. Oh my God. Okay, this, Asterio's clip, have you heard it? No. All right, I got to play it.

Really? I never get tired of playing. I'll play it after. Okay, okay. Grant, please continue with your review. Oh, yes, certainly. Maybe Andrew WK didn't name drop them in a cold open segment that they played on their show.

And maybe they don't have an awesome logo done by internet, famous video game artist, Incuson, or awesome fan art and even an animated fan cartoon by their loyal listeners. But you know what they do have? A clip of Asterios vomiting. That was pretty funny. That's pretty good.

Despite its greatness though, not safe for human consumption, isn't without its creasisms. There's one more call in guests would be good, as would a rotation of local comedians, maybe a good parody song or two that gets retweeted by a famous video game composer like Grant Kirk Hope and Maybe an endorsement from both Maxwell Kimball and Mad Cox Which is about as hard as getting Israel and palis 9 to reconcile their differences That's true all in all though despite all its flaws not human consumption is a great show and I give it again rating of six out of nine. Six six out of nine.

It was actually somewhat constructive. Yeah. Wow, you're giving a lot of backhanded comp. Yeah, not four. I mean, it's not four. He's not about he got a bracket about Andrew WK. He was really fucking neat in like 2001. All right.

Well, he he said the name of our show. So, good for him. Endorse by Andrew WK. Yeah, who's endorsed you? Everybody? Have you had any celebrity? Yeah, name them. You guys have done how many episodes? Any celebrities?

Any celebrities rest? No, of course not. We don't need that. They're below. They're below. You had a stereo's calling in vomit one time. Did you hear that? Yeah, I was there for it. It was cool. I heard it about 20 times. And as much as he hated me, I saved the show canouts for him. You guys save any show canostes lately. I don't think you did. I have what we've ever heard. You had to read them last week. Cool. You couldn't get a stereo. So you got his girlfriend instead. We got both. She's funnier. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We hear it. Thought cops. We promote everybody. All right. We

have a way as long as you're drinking. All right, boys. I'm going to let you both both give a rage. All right. And then I'm going to talk about the voting and then we're going to play the Assyrios Ben from Drunken Peasant. Do you have any comments on these on these podcasts? What did you think of the reviews? Which one are you more interested in checking out after those reviews? I'm interested in checking out the one where they drink because I want to, you know, get in contact with my lawyer about their plagiarism.

Right. I'm wondering where they're based out of. because I wanna, you know, get in contact with my lawyer about their plagiarism. Right. I'm wondering where they're based out of. Of Phoenix. Phoenix. Okay. Why does that matter? Yeah.

Because if they're from Michigan, I can't, I have to vote against Michigan every time. Okay. Okay, good, then we're safe. Okay. Why do you hate Michigan? Okay. There is an age old rivalry between Ohio and Michigan that actually goes all the way back to an actual war between the two states. And I grew up in Ohio right near the Michigan border and the hatred

is real. Yeah. Yeah. I wish we had a I wish we had a big rivalry in LA. Instead of everybody just hating us and us hating ourselves. You know, yeah. I wish we had a sister state that we could get into. We need every city needs a sister state and like an evil twin state or an evil twin city that they're that they always fight with and always shit all over each other. You know what I mean?

Literally, when I was a kid, when my mom would take me out driving around town, she would be like, do you see how shitty that person drives over there? That's a Michigan driver. Yeah. Like, we need, we need like, I don't know, El Paso. So then every once in a while, the El Paso daily tribune would say like, El Paso man, FUX LA's mayor's wife, exclamation point, FUK ULA, spike it right in your face, like a series of escalating pranks between cities until it goes nuclear.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I want. That's what I want us to have. Yeah, we don't have anything like that in this part of the country. I think we're all just miserable living in the desert. There's nothing else to hate, but what we have. Okay.

Dirt and heat, shit. Alan Wicks, what makes you a rage, man? You've ever been like driving around, you have like a podcast on or whatever, and it'll go to the next thing that you're listening to. Yeah. It has fucking police sirens in it, and you're not expecting it.

Yeah. Grant and Kevin give that to you every time in their episodes, Bob, because the first thing that plays is fucking police sirens. Grant, you are putting sirens in your audio that people listen to their inner cars. Big foul.

It's called thought cops. No joke is worth putting sirens in mute and something that you play in your car. Not an LA. Big foul. That is very heinous. At least make it like a like a human doing the sound like, we you, we you people will get that it's a siren. The first 10 episodes. Yeah, that was me. I was will get it into Siren. Yeah, the first 10 episodes.

Yeah, that was me. I was, I was the original Siren. Oh, man, that's a big, that's a big strike against you. All right, what makes you guys a rage over at the thought cops? Yeah, one that I've been experiencing a lot lately, and I don't know why is people who hold the door open for you as they stand in the doorway. Oh yeah.

Like if you're trying to go in through an outdoor and someone comes out, but they prop it open, but they're standing directly in your way. Yep. Like who the fuck are you doing a favor for? Yeah. That doesn't fucking help me. It doesn't help you.

We're just in this like fucking door opening stalemate and fumbling at the goal line. Yeah. Sean, we need a space force, but we can't figure out how to hold doors up and find priorities that are completely blocked. Guys with box cutters are bringing us down, but we need to go, we need to defend space.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. Speaking of things playing automatically after, I got this Plex server set up in my house, so I could watch pirated movies and stuff in the living room. And every time one ends, it will immediately throw on, it has this now playing next thing, like coming up next. It's always porn.

Always porn. Yeah. Every single time is porn, and every single time I forget. God damn it. That happened at your fourth of the library. It happened at my fourth of July party. Yeah. But everybody. Yeah. Oh, God damn it. And I know it's probably. Yeah. I mean, there are people here and all of a sudden

fucking up. That's exactly what I knew it was going to do. Damn it. All right. So this is how we're gonna play things real quick, those auto play things. They only give you like five seconds to find the remote and hit stop. You know, like dive across the room to stop it. Yeah, before the six hour Hitomi Tnaka compilation comes on.

All right, guys, this is how we're gonna do voting because I want this to be fair. Everybody knows that. Sure you do. Yeah, everybody knows that on Maddox's show, voting because I want this to be fair. Everybody knows that... Sure you do. Yeah. Everybody knows that on Maddox's show, you vote to see whether or not Maddox changed his mind.

Or, yeah, should the debate is always yes, no. And it's always about 50% because nobody votes on Maddox's show, like a handful of people vote in his show. So this is what we're gonna do. If you want the thought cops to be on the CU Next Tuesday network, you vote for the left, the yellow, on the next episode of Maddox's show, you vote yes. Okay, so on.

Oh my God. Maddox is going to be posting, he's going to be posting the best debate episode, one 13, I assume on Monday. And get one, he missed one. Yeah, he missed this week and he missed two more before that. So he's, he's very far behind us. Yeah. What if one never comes out?

No, if of course it's going to come out. It's, it's definitely going to come out. It's definitely going to come out. It's a, you know, what are you saying that he's calling it quits on his network and it disappointing all his listeners and people who've worked to get on his, his network? Uh, I don't know. You vote yellow, yellow. It's on the left side. It usually is yes and his dumb debate if for thought cops.

If you want not for human consumption to be on the CNX Tuesday network, you vote the right one, the orange one, which is usually no. Does that make sense to everybody? Yes. Because we all know, Maddox doesn't want his voting fucked with. He takes it very seriously. So you head over to madcastmedia.com

and you pick the best debate, one 13. Yes, for dot cops, no, for not for human consumption. And then whoever wins, yes or no, they will be on, they will be on the, they will be on the sea next Tuesday. I think a pull is voting shit down. I don't know. If he does, we'll figure it out. Yeah.

If he does, I'll do a Twitter poll. There's too many votes. Yeah. Uh, all right. Ben, which way are you going to vote for these guys? I'm going to have to go with Alan. Honestly, yeah, his presentation was just way better. His jabs were better. Um, yeah. So I'm going with you. You should know you aren't confusing our names. I'm in. Well, even though he's totally stolen the concept of my show, you know, got to go with him, just the presentation itself was better. Okay, audio, what about you, Sean? I have no idea. You have no idea.

No, I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. I have no idea. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion.

I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion.

I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion.

I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm not a fashion. I'm a vote no. You got a vote no then? I think so, yeah. That means that's not for human consumption. Yeah. This rigged. This is bullshit. Yeah, you got two. Yeah.

Sean's the lead the episode. I don't like the siren. I don't, I really don't like the siren either. Yeah. I like to click beneath my music though from the Titanic coaster here. No, you got to get rid of the siren. I think I'm going to have to vote no for this just because of the siren. I like the camera.

Oh, this is rigged bullshit. I'm sorry, guys. The siren. I get like, I'm trying not to have a heart attack here. And the other deal breaker. Hey, we wrote better driving safer driving with the siren. When you start our podcast, you'll be fucking on your toes. You're promoting high blood pressure.

Yeah. All right, guys, get out of here. Thank you. Thank you. Don't forget to show Ben that, uh, that is stereo audio for you. I'll play it right now. Absolutely. All right.

All right. See you. Oh, you know, there's something else I forgot to tell you, uh, that happened at VidCon. Uh, I was at another, uh, gathering at a bar. Yeah. And Rucco was there. And I walked up to him. I was pretty tanked at this point. This was just about the time the bar was closing and I walked up to him and showed him the DM that Maddox

sent me when he was like, you just doxed me and Rucker just kind of looked at me and walked away what kind of looked did he give you? What kind of looked did he give you? Kind of like a fuck you kind of look, I guess, is the best way to explain it. Oh man, he is so, he, Ruckus, so prissy about all of this, which is, it's flat out shameful that these guys like Ruckus, these guys with an audience will not say anything about it. Yeah, I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about it at all. He should be ashamed of himself then because it is, that is the only up like Rucker and Chris Raygun cost me this money to defend us because they wouldn't say shit.

That's it. That is the only way I see it because everyone can be as forgiving as they want, but I had to write the fucking check. Astaria and I had to actually pay this money to do it. And those guys could have, they would have cost them nothing to say, this is fucked. Just to say in general, this is fucked and maybe through some kind of watershed process, it would have chipped through to like the the the dense layer of fossilized spaghetti that is Maddox's head. You think so man. Yeah, but it would have been something like I'm at the point where everyone needs to be

firing and on all cylinders and this I'm gonna be close to you. I'm gonna be I'm gonna be near you and like make you part of my team, and then not say anything, it was your fucking people over, like frivolously fucking people over, to me is disgusting. As a man, Raka and Cuckray, Chris Reagan,

should be ashamed of themselves for this shit. Like absolutely, you should be ashamed. Whether you're guilty of it or not, I personally fault you for it. People won't because they're- What if- what if Maddox fucks with them then and causes them to write checks? No, no. Uh, yeah, fine. I'm willing to take that risk. Yeah, with their money. Of course, that's why- With their money. Yeah, my point. Yeah. Is issue with Chris Reigun that he called it petty drama?

Yes. Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah. That was his first response is, oh, it's petty drama. And then it was slinking. It's like, you are on his show twice and you're opinion of this. You talk about, you talk about these issues constantly. You've built a brand of talking about like devious tactics used

to silence people and you got nothing to say about this. Oh, Reagan. Yeah. That's just mean, uh, Reagan. Yeah, because Ruckus songs basically. And then right like towards the end of the lawsuit, Lacey fucking green goes on Maddox's show and plugs. I'm like, you got to be fucking kidding me. What is going on in this household? Like, yeah, yeah, I don't have any control over her. She does her own things like dude, do you, does it, does it ever concern you for a second that you're part of like do you ever feel responsible for even a second for not

saying anything you should. This is all these are all people I get along with pretty well that I'm going out with. But I mean, I, I understand what you're saying. Absolutely, I think this is another situation though where Max got to them first. He, he met, he met them all in person at VidCon and, and gotten their good graces before a lot of this drama happened. So, I think it's easy for them to separate the guy that they know, the perception they have of him with the lawsuit and all that.

So many times I've kind of been caught in the middle of this happening because even with Billy the, the fridge, Billy, the fridge went to a party at VidCon and, and Maddox was trying to get him to come hang out with them and stuff. And I was like, yeah, you know, it, yeah. I don't know. So I, is it, see, I've never met Maddox. It, does he present himself in a very misleading way when you meet him in person. Oh, God, yeah. He's, uh, he's all smiles. There's not a genuine bone in his body. Like he, he is just there to, he's Mr. Innocent minding his own business. Um, it's like, it's the worst case scenario of what you could imagine a guy who's behind the scenes trying to get his ex girlfriend who he's still obsessed about fired from her job as a teacher.

The kind of man who would put his girlfriend up into calling and harassing and stalking and ex and then turn around and in public have a totally other different demeanor. Like it's the weirdest, it's the kind of thing that you see in a movie or you imagine would be happen and be very dangerous in the end. There it is right in front of you. It exists. Over and over again, he gets, Maddox gets conversations doxed where he's talking about getting people fired. His girlfriend, you know, mental Jess has a restraining order against her for doing it for doing doing the dirty work. He's still threatening people. He's still threatening people that he's

going to see them in court and cost them their jobs. Yeah, I don't know. If they, if guys like Reg and I understand everybody's friends with them, like, Bunti King came on and he was, he was pissed at first about the way I talk about these people, but they, they should, they should give it a second look. They should say something, especially Raka. Yeah. I mean, I, I guess, but that's you, you, you're acting like he owes you something. Um, yeah, he does. Why? Because he's famous. You owe people. I think you have maybe a moral code that would, or, you know, what you think about that differently than most people who just want to be able to do their thing.

People trust you when they consume your content. That's true. There's a relationship there that's different than other relationships and they trust you to not embarrass them. Yeah. And this, I think, is a shameful way to act or someone like that. I do think, I do think he is obligated to me and everybody who consumes is like, when he says it's the, because it could happen to him or it could happen. Like, I mean, it's stopping anybody. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, when he goes on a panel with count Dankela and talks about how important speech is and then watches his buddy actively try to destroy it. Yeah. I think you do. Oh, I think you do owe people an explanation for that. Fair point. Um, but, you know, I think a lot of people are into Nile about the gravity of the situation because they've never been sued and had to

pay legal fees for a lawsuit that's complete garbage. Also true. Yeah, you have the right to defend yourself no matter how stupid the lawsuit is and by right means you're held fucking for ransom. Welcome to America. Yeah. Let's see here. I get some comments. Oh, let me play the Astero's thing real quick, Ben. All right. So this is Astero's was calling into a string of podcasts this day. And he got a little winded in this one while he's talking about Star Wars. A little winded. Yeah. And the reason it's you can hear everything. He jumps back in like a like somebody who throws up for a living.

Yeah, he'll get booting rally. Here you go. This is not for human consumption. Yeah, I thought that was, that was super clever and super good. And that whole fight sequence to follow, that was awesome. You never get to see the red guys fight. That was, that was the first thing I thought is, now I understand why the emperor surrounded himself

by these red guys, because like, oh, these red guys are super good at fighting. They almost kill these kids. Yeah, there's some bad asses. They're the ones who want them. Yeah, they all have their own cool, unique weapon. Oh. I mean, sorry, what's that?

You're right. Wait a minute. Oh, sorry, buddy. You want to make it today? Yeah. What's I going to say? The red dudes. Oh, yeah, I hope that those were the nights of red. Right back. All right. Ben, you want to stick around for a little bit?

Let me know when you got to go. I'm going to read through some comments from last week. Yeah, I'll stick around for the comments. Let's see. I just learned that some of the stuff you eat goes through, we were talking about butts and drinking through your butt. Yeah, last week. Apparently it bypasses your liver. Oh, yes.

I people do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh. People have died from alcohol poisoning for giving themselves alcohol supositories. Right. Well, now I'm thinking that it's something to try. Well, you know, I mean, the liver is not invincible.

It's only got so much liquor it can go through. Maybe you mix in a but night every once in a while. Right. Give it a break. They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Right. A shot up the ass. Give your liver a pass.

That's what I said. That's what I said. Right? Yeah. Any drugs it says it skips your, they don't get processed by the liver and they'll give it a stronger kick. Yeah, because it goes, yeah, because it's past your stomach. Right.

I guess. Ben, do you ever done any ass drinking? Never. Never. What about Billy the Fridge? There's a good possibility. He seems like he would have. Wow. I'll see.

William Syred says it was or who crashed land, crash lands the plane in March, 2021. Yeah, that's right. You know, I actually looked that up. You did. I just, yeah, cause I want to say, yeah, Kid Samson was another guy who was in there. And then Hoop, Hooples cat killed Hungary Joe.

Yes, he fights it in his sleeve. Well, he fights it, but then he actually suffocates him. Yeah, he has a dream that Hooples cat is trying to smother him and he wakes up and Hooples cat is trying to smother him and eventually does. Man, speaking of planes, did you see that guy do the barrel roll and the jet he stole? No, it's, it's the add-on. That was a local story here. He stole.

Where off a fucking base of a tarmac. He stole a jet, you mean like a commercial jet or a fighter jet, commercial. Oh, yeah. Jesus. Alaska Airlines. Oh boy. Oh yeah, you gotta watch it.

Fucking rowdy enu, it's all hopped up on whale, blubber and whole brew. No, he was, he was a white guy because that's his reason for giving why he's doing it pretty much. Like he goes, Hey, you think if I land this, this thing Alaska will give me a promotion. Nah, they won't because I'm white. Wait, was he a pilot? No, he's just a mechanic, I think. But he knew how to fly the fucking plane. Yeah. And then he crash landed it onto an island out in the like near the seawater that's just outside of Downtown Seattle. Oh my god. Do you want to watch it Sean the barrel roll? Yeah, that's amazing

It's it's it is awesome. He pulls out right at the last second. Let me see if I can find it. And this guy walked away from it? No, he's dead. Oh, oh, so we made these comments, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he's dead. He was talking to air traffic control for a while while he was in the air, explaining what he was doing.

What the hell is that? They had a lighter jets, howling him. They have it all up. Well, it's so weird. Oh no, they would have absolutely shot him down. He's he sounds so calm. Yeah. Here we go.

I'll just play it here. It's about a minute long. He's already upside down. Wow. And here comes the, look, watch this shit. Wait, it's like coming out of a loop basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he does it He does it. He's inverted and then and then goes down look at how close he gets to the water Wow

Wow, he should have gotten a pass just for that. I always wanted to do that That's incredible I always wanted to do that. That's incredible. Oh, so he took it's a twin engine propeller plane, isn't it? Yeah, he had access to these aircrafts where he was responsible for pulling them out of storage. I don't know what Space Force is going to do to stop that. I don't know, man, that's, yeah to stop that. I don't know, man. That's, yeah.

It's a plane jacking. Yeah. That's amazing. Dick, we were also talking about the semen donating sperm donation. Yeah. I got that ad that said 1500 bucks. Yeah. And I thought that sounded amazing.

Amazing. Yeah. Dick, they have to pay you $1,500 a month to give sperm because they require you to not ejaculate between visits to the sperm bank. How many times do you have to visit the sperm bank? They, they put you on a schedule where you have to visit the sperm bank three times a week for your designated jerk off session. And that lasts for months. Wow. No more sick day, wink, man. So you're working for it.

So that means you also can't drink. Yeah. There is even a slight hangover and I need to jerk off like about six times. So 1500 bucks is, that's a steep price. That's right. So this is for 1500.

This is a way to monetize the no-fap movement Basically. Yeah, except I don't think they want those guys donate sperm. Yeah, no fat. Like that's the ultimate catch 22. Much a proud boys. It's like they only want like high quality specimens sperm from guys you presume would be getting laid. Yeah, but they have to they also only guys who are not get laid and yeah. So I don't know how, maybe that's why they pay so much. Ben, would you ever donate sperm? I don't think so. No. I wanna have a contest about it still

to see who's got the most, see who's got the biggest purse between their legs, so to speak. Pedro says, I like you and Sean have suffered from a penile, um, ED caused by a very squeaky bed. You need a memory foam mattress. I was asking about that Ford mattress problem solved. Yeah. Here you go.

Um, uh, treaney juniors says after moving into my new flat, every time me and Mrs. Trent, a fuck, our bed moves about three feet from the wall until we are fucking in the middle of the room, literally every thrust of my adequately sized cock, I feel the bed shift out from under me. Might be hard to hide squeaks, but an entire bed moving that shifts is impossible. To top it off, I'm pretty sure we put a massive hole

in the floor, it's gonna fuck up our security deposit. He probably has hardwood floors. I guess it should always be worth. Worth. Get some fucking stops. You know, like, let me see who else I got on here. Oh yeah, Jeff. Hey, Jeff, how you doing, buddy?

You there? Excuse me, enough to bet, Dick, how's it going? Yeah, good. Jeff works at a funeral home. I work at a cemetery that has a funeral home attached to it. Yeah. We were talking about people taking selfies at funerals last week. Yeah.

And Jeff said he's seen, you see it all the time and has seen worse. Yeah. So I asked him to call in and, well, have you seen all the pictures of like the, the Victorian era posing with the dead. That was a very... Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most of the time because photography was not widespread.

They 18, 50, 60, 70s. Sometimes the only picture, the only photograph of a person was when they were dead. It was like this big thing where somebody would die, they would dress them up and pose them as if they were still living with like kids next to them and they're really fucking, they're really macabre, man. So your parents would make you get dressed up,

go to a funeral, and if that wasn't bad enough, they don't want to waste the pictures being taken, because I assume they're more expensive then. They make you go pose with your dead relative. Oh yeah. And sit there and everything. Oh yeah. Whole families with a dead person right in the middle. It was it was more of a specific film studio you would go to. And it's a little more than just pose with it. The infant mortality rates are obviously a lot higher back then. Yeah. Yeah. So like a lot of the times you'd be like holding your like dead kid brother. Yeah. So that thousand yard stare into the camera. Yeah. You know about all this. So

we are getting a little better I guess. Jeff, what do you got? You got any stories of selfies at funerals, anything like that? You know, selfies and videos and like I emailed you the other actually just the other day somebody asks for like a stand to do a FaceTime like I guess objectively when you think about it it seems a little funny but like it's like a FaceTime general they FaceTime to funeral to family that could make it so in a lot of ways like I guess I can understand it for preserving like the memory of a loved one but like I just had this one the other day where like it seems like it would lose some of the ambiance if your face time, if your live streaming, your funeral on Twitch, like it's not quite the same. No, no, no.

What they want to see it come to anyway. I mean, if Coldplay isn't playing at your funeral, you probably don't need to broadcast it. Yeah. Coldplay could show up to a party and turn it into a funeral. It's true. Yeah. Why does everybody like them? I don't know. I don't think it's so famed. I don't think everybody likes them. Yeah.

I couldn't give any answer to that one, unfortunately. But no, I've seen some pretty weird stuff personally. The other day, we had a, they were all posing around the grave stone, but like it wasn't, it was like, okay, now just the kids and like, they were coming over. Like it was, it it was like, okay, now just the kids and they were coming over. It was pretty weird, but I mean, I made them feel better, so good for them. I guess so.

The weirdest thing I've seen, well, I've seen it's a pretty gross stuff when the funeral directors tell me. Sean, would you like people posing around your gravestone? No. The same, it's like, I don't care. They can do whatever they wanna do. If they're, I know, I got some very specific rules.

Yeah. If there is a gravestone, it's gonna be protected to keep any weird shit out of it. People are doing weird shit with my corpse, setting it up in these weird family photos. I just wanna be cremated. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna make sure that doesn't happen

I've got one March you read on that. Put you in a glass box like Lenin. Yeah Like stand you up put you in a suit. Yeah. Oh, great. You know what realistically people are gonna do by your grave stone is catch Pokemon There's like horses Pokemon go players constantly. Oh, yeah Still it's the yeah all the time like horse and Pokemon go players constantly. Oh yeah. Still? It's the, yeah, all the time. There is like meet up groups. We have ghosts Pokemon apparently, so they come here. I guess you do whatever you want with my body.

So what is your job? Do something funny with it. Do something funny with it. Throw it into traffic or something. You should get taxidermied. Yeah, there's a lost art, you know, taxidermied. Yeah, now they just make them all. There's a company in Utah that will mummify you

and like place you in old schools or coffee I guess like the Egyptians. Yeah. So that's always an option for you. Nancy, your question, Sean, I do pretty much everything except the preparation. I help with pre-arrangements. I like run the funerals

I work with the families to get everything set up. Oh, I see Yeah, so pretty much everything else I'm being going to school for the full director's thing But under the year of school just doesn't sound very pleasant. What what is a full director? Full-drip but there are the ones that will actually handle the legal preparation of the bodies and the paperwork like death certificates Oh, okay, so what's like the what's like worst bridesilver that you've had at the funeral? I had actually about a month ago I had a family that was overly and uncomfortably physically comforting to each other I guess is the best way to say it. Oh, like after... What's the worst way to say it?

Oh what's the worst way to say it? What's the worst way to say it? But the but stuff funeral after the grave side service is concluded there was a lot of family hugging but the hands were wandering south a lot on the young teenage, the young teenage boy for a son section. So like I was standing there just watching it and you know like for all any of the weird shit You see you have to be professional in the moment So I was like keeping a pretty straight face. Yeah, come on the diction

And then afterwards like they started you know when you're like cracking someone's back You like walk up behind them and like it kind of looks like you're basically like fucking their back. Uncracked like they lead back in you. Yeah. They started doing that like like down the line to each other. Like five, six people got in on it. Wow. To crack their backs or to comfort them.

No like cracking their backs like that. Like they were just doing it like right next to the open grave that the caskick got laid into that like weird uncomfortable. Okay, that's going to be number one on my will. Don't do any weird back crack back cracking. Well, like, so they finally cleared out and the ground screwed. They'll like do the actual dirty work came in.

The guy was, I was like, did you guys notice? And he was like, was it the butt stuff? Like, a butt structure. And that was definitely. One of those things, everyone knows it's weird. Yeah. Huh. So it was like, was it like old, old uncles grabbing like young female

nieces or like nephews or old, you said, yeah, nephews. So, oh, okay. Nothing safe anymore. No, we've got a funeral. We're not getting your young boy asked, we're haved. That's it. Well, Catholic funeral.

Have you guys ever mixed up the bodies or anything like that? Oh, absolutely not. It's a very professional organization. All right. Yeah, you hear about some of those like cremation places getting busted. I think where they were supposed to be cremating the bodies, but they were like selling them to, they're selling them as cadavers or something. And they were just, that body exhibit that goes around.

Well, I don't know, just giving up, and then giving the family, you know, just ashes from whatever. It was weirder than that. It was a specific crematory i think it was and it and uh... but like the sun took over from the father when he got sick and when they eventually got rated by the police there are three hundred corpses just like that he kept you and do anything with the religious like like they were just there he was giving people back to cement

but what's even weirder is during that time he cremated fifteen hundred corpses and men, but what's even weirder is during that time he cremated 1500 corpses. So it's not like the machine broke. And he said he offered no explanations to why he just fucking held onto him. Oh, that's weird. I thought there was like a four-pronged scene. Maybe I'm wrong. That's weird. It's not possible. It's possible, man.

I don't know. There's some shady people out there. There was something that they do in China that I thought you would be particularly interested in also dick. They do funeral strippers there. There was something that they do in China that I thought you would be particularly interested in also dick. They do funeral strippers there. Oh really. I had a feeling you'd like that. Yeah, in rural parts of China, it's not done in the main parts of it. They'll hire some, the one funeral, they got like over a hundred of them, but it's like a way to show off how rich the family is. And they also claim that it's like a way to celebrate the cycle of life at a funeral. If I have a naked chicks strip and dance.

Several of them. They're hired in groups. There's usually like 10, 12 of them. Really? Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly the lady dance. You need a, you need a, like a normal funeral and a cool funeral, right?

It's like the adult table in the kids table. Yeah, as you can show up, like, all right, kids tables more fun. Do you want to go pretend to be serious or do you want to go check out some naked, like, naked ladies? Sky ain't going to get any dead or, yeah. That sounds like fun. They do weird stuff over there.

They do corpse weddings too. If you die unmarried, you could like buy basically an on auction, or at least I got an auction. You could buy an unmarried female corpse to be buried with. Awesome. Like, it's just the most ridiculous stuff.

I could love pillow, like a chair, like one of those. Yeah, but I could say is what I'm doing. You're both love pillows though. It's just who love pillows been buried together. Yeah, man, I want all this, I only got one corpse. That's the worst part. I got all these fun things I want to do and I'm dead. Berry me with two chicks, first of all, alive.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I want to be used in pranks. Like I really want what's left to me to be used in horrifying pranks. Mm-hmm. Throwing on the freeway.

Have you ever used one if your wish has got fulfilled? Use me as, use me to get in the carpool lane. Stage like a hit and run. Throw me out and to throw me out on a car at the mall. You know, black Friday. Oh my god, you just hit that guy and killed him. Right off an overpass. Yeah. Munch me up and put me in some, What's the most annoying food that you could have

human in? Oh God, avocado at this point. Oh, the most annoying food. The most annoying food. Yeah. I eat them, but the whole of cutter toss. Yeah, shred shred me and throw throw me off like a bunch of confetti over one of the resist rallies that are will be going on It covered in human remains nice pussy hats to be ashamed if dick got all over them Stick me in a shredder, you know, I have some fun with it for God's sake. All right Jeff. What makes you rage buddy? You know kind of on that topic. I don't know the best thing to call it, but we'll say political racism. Okay.

I've been noticing, especially a lot recently, that people are taking a very hard, like if you're a Republican, just don't even talk to me and don't be my friend's stance. And like, oh, if you're a liberal, you're stupid, and I don't want anything to do with you. Yeah. And I don't know, man, just being kind of surrounded by, like, constant reminders of your own mortality when you're at work each day. It just seems like such a trivial thing to be divided over. Like, I don't care.

I'm not going to not be friends with somebody because they voted for the person I didn't vote for. Or they think that something different should be done in a specific political process. I just think that it's so stupid, Like just do what you got to do. Be part of the process and move on with your life. I go back and forth on that. Because politics is like core to your beliefs system. Right? You know, I kind of agree with you on that one too. I don't know. It just seems so stupid. It does seem

seem. I mean, to align entirely with one party or a possible. It's impossible if you think. Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah. Or to not like somebody because they're aligned with one party, like there's probably a ton of reasons that they're a complete asshole that you cannot find other ones. Yeah, you just have to give them a fair chance to find them. That's how this works. Yeah, you know anyone long enough, you'll hate them.

All right, Jeff, get out of here. Hey, thanks guys. Have a good one. Go back yourself. Oh, stripper funerals. That's wild. Ben, you got any big plans for your funeral? No, I'm probably just going to get cremated. I don't want to take up space after I'm dead. Yeah. Nothing, nothing weird or trolley. I don't want to be weakened at Bernie's like you just just just just just. That's what I want. I know. I know you do.

I was kind of thinking about my funeral recently though because I had a surgery. I had three hernias and I had them all removed and I was like, what if I die? Because they always show you that thing. They're like, oh, you know, you could die from this surgery. I was like, oh, damn, maybe I should make plans for that. But it never happened. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, there's almost no surgery without,

I mean, it's got to be something minor. You can, yeah, you can, anytime you have to put you under, you can die. Yeah. You could get cremated and turned into a diamond. Yeah, you can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool. And somebody could put you in their grill.

Yeah. That'd be neat. Or on their finger. On their fingers, that's pretty cool. And somebody could put you in their grill. Yeah, yeah, that'd be near. Or on their finger, on their fingers. That's what you know. All right, all right, Ben. All right, thanks for having me on again. Thank you for the, thank you for the goss, the hot goss with Monday man and Ruka, fucking around.

Where can everybody see you? On YouTube, the main channel is youtube.com slash drunken peasants. And then we have a secondary channel, drunken peasants underground that we're streaming off of ever since YouTube screwed us. And we actually have a stereo's coming up as well on the show. So cool. Do you guys ever do live shows? Yeah, they're always live. Right now we're doing them on Tuesdays and Saturdays. I mean in person live shows

I can go anywhere and do them. Oh, we have in the past I would like to start scheduling some new ones soon Maybe we could work something out do something in conjunction. Let me cool with each other. Oh, yeah a lot of fucking fun Yeah, yeah We got the two podcasts could yeah. A lot of fucking fun. Yeah. Yeah. We got the two podcasts could probably bring a lot of people. Yeah. And we get a whole festival around it.

Yeah. Everybody drinking out of their ass. Right. Drinking with their ass. Drinking with their ass. All right, man. Thanks for calling in. It's good to hear from you.

All right. Later. See you. All right, I'm going to play a song. Hayes and Cruz sent a bit in. You want to hear from you. All right. Later. See ya. All right, I'm gonna play us on. Hazen Cruise sent a bit in. You wanna hear that? Oh, yeah. Shit, I think I was supposed to listen

to something for him. Were you, were you? Yeah, I think so. Okay, here it is. It's called Hot Lanta, and then I got to plug the hard men working hard Patreon. Oh, okay. The Australian boys have a Patreon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here you go. Here's Hot Lanta from Hays and Groot. ["Hays and Groot"] It's Desperado, who might be. Sort of. No. Hot Lanza.

No. Hot Lanza. No. Hotlana. Oh. Touch screens in the bathroom. It's Georgia on my mind. Yeah. Just a shotgun cop. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside.

He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside.

He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. He's sitting right outside. Right outside, set hot land up, hot land up, little midget shower hits. And the pollen is always in blue A no place to raise your family To raise your family And to make inventions and sex trafficking A ring of hell that they call the ITP The roads are killing you and me Whoa, I land up

Whoa, I land up You die of pages are always down But pumping museum shit is always burning my eyes. All right, all right, all right. Thank you, Hazen Cruz. Thank you. Put the rest of it on the site.

The Atlanta show is up to Road Raging Atlanta's up on the website. I got one more thing to rage about. I know it's 80s girls birthday. And so she told me to bring the one thing she wanted was for me to bring in something that makes her rage this episode. Oh, good. Yeah. So I said, all right.

Well, um, what, what is it? What is it right off the top of her head? Pencil erasers. Okay. Sean, they don't work. Yeah. They don't array. You know, you know how often you get a pencil eraser that just takes the lead off the paper?

Instead, you just get a smudge, you have a smudge wand that you're smearing pink, you're smearing a giant pink blotch all over the page. Some of them don't work very well. So everybody knows you fucked up. Do you ever have a new one that breaks right off? Right off. Everybody knows you fucked up. Do you ever have a new one that breaks right off? Right off. The first time you use it, breaks it off

and then you hear the worst sound on the planet, which is that metal grating on paper on wood that even describing it now makes my eyeball deflate. Teeth itch. You can feel it going up through your teeth, through the back of your fucking head. I know. Pencil erasers are a gigantic scam. They last for about, they're good for about a half an hour after you take them out of

the package for the first time. And then they're a center block of failure. I've experienced all those things. I have to say the ones that we have at work, I don't know what brand they are, they work good. Like they, they're, they're, they're what? Then marry them. They're exempt from all of these problems.

Once you find a pencil that works for you and a racer that works for you. Don't ever fuck around. Don't ever fuck around. That's your lady for the rest of your life because the rest of us are smearing what looks like period stains all over our work and then saying, well, this is destroyed.

Yeah, it does. It's totally ruined. It'll leave a residue. When I get a pencil that has an eraser, I break it in half and throw the eraser in the garbage because I don't even like looking at it. At least if I don't see it, I can, well, I better be careful and not fuck up because this doesn't have an eraser on it. The eraser is a lure.

It lures you into making mistakes with a false sense of security, much like a seat belt. Yeah, drive more, drive better without a seat belt. Erasers are seat belts for your words and your mind. Right, it's a backup plan that you just go, I don't have to be careful. Whatever. They only exist so the cops can infringe on your fourth amendment. Right. Erasers deal. What am I still talking about? They make you right recklessly. Yeah. And they make a fool of you.

We're lying to children by encouraging, just use a pen, like a grown-up, never use pencils. They should all be burned, pens only. Okay. Just cross it out. How much could you possibly need to erase? That you need to carry around this thing. Just put a line though, whoops, typo, cross it out. What are you doing writing on paper anyway?

Just text it. Yeah. What's the answer? Text. I'm fine with the simple line through it. I'm fine with the simple cross out. Simple line. Just one line, that's all you need.

I don't even like deleting things on the computer. I do, I highlight the word that's the mistake and I go up to the format and go cross out. That's how much I hate a racer. That's funny. Sean. All right, happy birthday, sweetheart. Everybody, you've been listening to the Dixho,

dixho, dixho, patreon.com slash the dixho. This one is gonna be be this one is a hard man working hard track called I think it's called fat women. Oh boy. Yeah. Go to patreon.com slash hard H H M W M to hear more of the boys from Australia who are responsible for the Dixho album. See you next Tuesday. show our Jackhammer to my dick shot at supper's leather I'll attack her like a rock that grab a stopper Waka with my bad ass abs See, it's like a deli plight A rumour had my call I love these guys Me too

But take a bite and that cut Let me get a nominati blowing up Pussy like a narrow bin at 747 9 and 8 and all over again But it's between your legs now You never forget how you snatches ground zero Where my dick is the real hero Gosh, I'm like the Rio Grande Mascito

When I'll dive right in I'm the dress, I'm a stress BBW, we struggle if you ain't humble See, it takes a man of courage to handle a woman The bag is your dude damage to your undercarriage If you while we culled, willed Exil though, it's with the risk A snap in your dick off, with a tempting lift off La Priya's like a pulling off challenge

And no armatures, pros on me Take a slowly, homie, lick it up like caramel Let them all magnetisms in the gap, it isn't fair Come on lady, got another one over here, your teasing me Pretty please, I am kidding those titties, I like it fertility, gotta send them Gave it up to you, I'm done with skinny bitches, they will never live up to you I'm bestin' out of my breaches and I'm ready for our little snooze to do with you Let's screw our really mean it, I'm in love with the job, it's true

Oh yeah, the fucking rock, fat women, yeah, they'll suck your cuff, man Fat women, fuckers, man, have a chopper, man I'll never stop loving them, women, they'll suck your cuck man That women, fuckers may have a chuckle in their neck I'll never stop loving that women They fucking rock, that women I'll suck your cuck man, whiffin' Like it's made out of chuckle in their neck Made out of chuckle in their neck Fucking rock, that women, suck your cuck man

I'll never stopped loving her The tuba sound Bop Bop Bop Bop Fuck that shit Did you got a getter response on this?

I showed you my dick So you better get up on this sack Quick number for a regular better monoslimmer And trim my heart on my flexible, sexual model I don't know what you've been smoking better Better better doesn't rock you like my cockdo Stop you getting your tracks and knock your socks off To you'll be getting winner by the second better get a talisman to suck up the message you'll be making

Numbers taking it get a taste of it. You'll never be faking it in if you do you may wind up dead Suicide pull us to the head. I got a reputation Wait My chick, my chick, maybe you miss her, but it's all saying slower again It's time to get an import, I'm shot up and get down Pinkies matters like a mini, but my dick is like a clan And I'm a scene if I fit in it, grinning like a bomb, I'm like a born every minute This bitch is in it to win it, so I put her on a spitting pivot

So she begs to quit it, hit it like a comic gag and bummer I'm a linen screamin' stop a butter blocker with my cock I'm thought, nobody tells me stop a list of wanna eat my guckin' Get shot dead bad, info one, so young, dumb and full of hot lead Press F to pay respect Plenty of whales left in the sea Y'all swimming, sing it with me There's nothing I'm gonna live on with

Fucking fat women Yeah, the fucking rock Fat women Yeah, the suck is the fucking rock Fat women Oh, the blackest made out of chocolate Fat women I'll never stop loving that women

The fucking rock Fat women Alright, alright boy Got me I can listen to that on a loop. Me too. They've got a bunch of songs up already, like 5 or 6. And I have a listen to them.

Hey, what's up, Dick and Sean. I'm working at a popcorn store over the summer where we make somebody send a package and we're going to make 22 different flavors and I get free bags. I love popcorn. Do you? Here are some flavors I thought you guys would enjoy. Also included is a special new flavor, the owner helped to make.

Sean's 31 is guaranteed to make any audio engineer happy here. No way. Here you go. Give that a taste. What kind of popcorn do you like? I like all kinds of popcorn. You like them, usually not the really sweet stuff though. I like popcorn that tastes like popcorn, but I'm trying this.

Drizzled with milk chocolate, bound with butter fingers. You get it? Oh shit. Popped in the fires of goss and salted with deleted podcasts. This tree is sure to make anyone take pause from their ass farming duties. It's really good because I love butter fingers. Yeah. We know. Is it better with caramel or butter?

Well, everything is a contest. Be sure to get yours before it's deleted by the special audio engineer in your life. After making it for the first time, my boss is considering making it an actual flavor we carry. Hope you guys enjoy. It's really good. Yeah, that's what fucking good.

It's well salted too. Wow, that would be cool if you were a flavor of popcorn. Thanks. Thank you. Have one that I didn't throw at you. Thanks. There you go. Being raised as a homeschooled kid,

this show has really helped me gain confidence. I found out about the biggest problem that I ended. I listened through all of it two summers ago, the most fitting way possible while playing dorkswills. I'm constantly worried that if I'm on the Maddox Path to Cuckoldry with my lack of life experience and fucked up upbringing, but since I'm 22,

I'm held back socially. I hope the amount of liquor I'm drinking will transform me into the Masterson Moorlock. So usually thanks for all the laughs. The slippers soaked in the hot juice. As soon as I hear that, like, okay, look, here's the, here's the, here's the why.

The liquor gives you speed. Okay. And it gives you speed at whatever you're doing. If you're tanking your life, it will give you an excellent speed at doing that. If that's your goal. Yeah. If your goal is to party, the liquor will carry you through

to your destination of parting and being a complete jackass. So it'll be very wary when you're strapping on the liquor rocket. Yeah, yeah, that's you're not propelling towards doom because if you do not pick the liquor will pick for you Well, and here's here's here's the thing the liquor will propel you forward But one day if you decide that you don't want the liquor anymore and you've learned to do a lot of stuff with liquor. Yeah. And that goes away. Yeah, you have to start back from where you started drinking at.

Yeah. It's a very, it's the damnedest thing. That's true. Wow, there's a lot of good popcorn in here. Dix duo. Ooh, some kind of a cheat caramel and hot something hotness. Hot sauce, we also got a spoon. Hey, Dick, here's another spoon to add to your collection

all the way from Perth, Western Australia, the city that no one wants to go to, because it's off to Bugery. Love the show and so happy you and the lawsuit, Maddox, lost any ways to go fuck yourself, Chan sent us a spoon. Some cool from, you spoon from Perth. All right, cool, let's see Facebook news. All right

Hello, good guys. Hello dickheads Hello dick and hello dickheads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days A meme was born this week in the digital Facebook group as Mark shared a picture of his stake Mark said my wife thinks my stake is too rare and came to the group to presumably get validation for his stake. 271 comments later here are some of the dickhead's thoughts. A few dickheads accused Mark of boiling the stake for no longer than 10 seconds, said his pan wasn't hot enough and said his pan was dirt cheap and was told to go fuck himself. In response, dickheads posted pictures of of embryos miscarriages from pigs in full

fledged cattle asking if it was cooked enough. Juan Olcanto even made an eight minute video on how to cook a steak. People told Juan to open a Patreon for cooking instructions all thanks to Mark and his hard boiled steak. I would watch a cooking show with Juan. Next up is Dickhead Ben. Absolutely. Absolutely. Wherever he is. Juan from the first road rage champ.

Didn't he win the second one? No, no, he got up and he got up and it started bad and then he called everyone. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, that was L.A. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That went very poorly. Yeah.

I'd watch that cooking show. Yeah. Please make it. Yeah. Please make it. Whatever we can do to help, let me know. I want to see the pilot of that cooking show with the music and the overlay cooking with one. One, one, one meal at a time. Right, exactly. Yeah, come on, names one.

That's Mexican gold. Yeah, if your name is one, just puns all day long. Yeah. One in a million. Dial 911. Mexican gold. Yeah. If your name is Juan, it just puns all day long. Yeah. Juan and a million. Dial 911. Dial 911 for play.

Hey, remember guys, if I overspice, if you overspice it, just dial 911 and I'll be right there to fix your meal, right? Emergency cooking. Now you get it. Ben was jumped at a bar because he told some guy hogging the urinal while texting on his phone, discarded out.

When Ben wasn't looking, he was blindsided with the bottle shot to the back of the head. Ben posted images of the aftermath and his road rage and lana shirt is completely ruined with blood stains. Ben had nine staples to the back of the head and a nasty guy guy. Although the guy was arrested and justice appears to have been served, this did not stop dickheads from getting it to heated arguments in the comment section. Despite being hit from behind with a bottle, dickheads such as Jonathan, a bald music major living in Japan, told Ben to learn how to fight.

Jonathan then went on to insult the beer barons wife and children, called several people fat and claimed to have a smoking out girlfriend. Well, lastly, Zach Wenger. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is, you got to see the pictures. Look at this fucking guy.

So he called the guy a prick for just blocking the path to the urinals. He was just standing there. He wasn't going to the bathroom. He was just sticking around on his phone. Yeah. Later, the guy comes back and clubs him was just dicking around on his phone. Yeah. Later, the guy comes back and clubs him in the back of the head with a beer bottle. Yeah. And then beats the hell out of him, I guess.

She is. And that's them all up. Do you remember this guy in Atlanta? He was the one, he was walking around. I think he was birthday. Yes, birthday. He was walking around with great purpose. I think he eventually got kicked out.

I do remember him. I remember him being too drunk. Huh. He was going to call in purpose. I think he eventually got kicked out. I do remember him. He was gonna call in, but he had to go to the eye doctor today. Yeah, I wouldn't doubt it. Some fucking got, the responses to this are great. Some fucking guy says, so let me get this, so if you've just minded your own business and not said anything, none of this would have happened. Yeah, yeah, if you had done,

if you had done absolutely nothing, then yes, nothing would happen to you, but it's, that's why guys do that. That's why they just stand there on their phone. Yeah. Is there afraid of nothing? Yeah, afraid of anything. And they call down.

And they should be. They should be. Good for you, you're a hero, Ben. All right, last one. Hey, remember Zach from a few weeks ago when he nearly destroyed his big toe with a lawn mower? Yeah. Yeah. Zach has some health updates from road rage. He claims his entire body was obliterated from road rage while operating on a crutches drunk for 72 straight hours.

Yes. He kept dropping him, those pests, and photographed the various injuries to his body. Oh, God. This includes two dark bruises on his left knee, a bruise on his right knee, bloodied elbows, and two large burns on his left hand. Zach is unable to smoke because he's that immobile. However, his toe is doing just fine.

This has been the Dictuille Facebook news for the last couple days. I was worried about that guy. I talked to that guy. That guy was cool. Yeah, he was. He was cool. And he was so much more with it than I thought from the stage.

Yeah. I thought, oh my God dude, he's like, there's no way he makes it through this show. He was fine afterwards. I'll play voice mouse. And I really got to make sure my headphones are plugged in all the way during your cold opens now. Well, the last thing I need need for everybody I'm working with to hear everybody loves to get up their ass.

So I don't think I've ever gotten that much attention in my life or anything else. I think that's where I cut it to start. It was like three seconds in. I cut it so there was like no context whatsoever. I mean, there was a little bit. A little bit, but then there was like no context whatsoever. I mean, there's a little bit a little bit But then there was like it was like no, it was like five or ten seconds in

They do yeah Hey, it's Paul from Liverpool Well, what makes me a rage? One of them made to give me a Co-refer to the beer subscription services Where you pay so 25 pound a month and you send your eight craft beers from across the UK and it's out here, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no enter that with another human being, just me and my phone, from the car's details in. Couple of days later, the beer's arrived. Fucking wonderful. Oh, I saw. I'm going there unsubscribe now. So I've logged on to my account. I'm sorry. The cancel you need to ring this non-deh, it's a beat to all of our operatives. I just know what you're going to fuck and get. I'm going to be like trying to get out of it.

I'm going to fucking mafia. Oh, well, let's see what we can do for you. What if we give you 10% off, 20% off? No, I fucking use your deal. I beat the fucking system. I've got 8 beers in my hand for 3 pounds pounds I'm not paying you a fucking penny more the cancel my fucking subscription I don't worry. I'll go in. I don't want any deals and don't want any offers I don't want any vouchers before the cancel they remove my fucking details and then leave you to full alone

Yeah I'm assuming he got out of it eventually probably. Yeah, that sucks though, they fucking, they get you to talk to a live person who's trying to fucking, who just decides to fuck you. Well, some people have a hard time saying no to these people for some reason. I don't understand it, but like,

I've said this before, but you cannot treat customer service people like human beings. Yeah. You can't do that unless you want something from them. Yeah. But if it's too, I wanna cancel this and they don't wanna let you, they're not human beings.

Just go do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, stop, stop, stop your fucking spiel right now. Like I'm not fucking listening to it You're not gonna change my mind save everybody's time cancel the fucking thing Yeah, look dick My rage is Fergie She's not that hot who Fergie

I don't understand why she keeps talking about how fucking hot she is now she sucks sucks all the way around back in the day we're talking about how hot how hot she was how much they wanted to bone her it's not true she is a boss of that fucking face the only reason her legs look nice because of a shit ton of makeup and a shit ton of fucking avatar movie magic. Yeah. Doesn't fucking make sense. Fergie's irrelevant. Fucking hot.

Doing I mean, I think so too. Yeah. Two ways. Two things that make a person hot. Good genetics. And eating disorders and she obviously has neither. Take care. I do hate when society decides on who's hot.

Yeah. It seems like every year they march out a new, oh, she's so hot. The Emperor's new clothes. Yeah. And every time I don't think she's that hot. Like, maybe I'm missing something. I don't know. Number one, how come women got a vote in this one?

Because you all don't have any fucking idea of what you look like. Let's start there. You're all rocking at least two types of body dysmorphia disorders. Do you remember the, what was it like? Okay, cupid polls. Yeah.

Every time they come, I think they're just, they're putting forward somebody that they know is ugly. As a laugh. Like to feel about the laugh themselves. Adam Corolla has a term that I love. It's called chick hot. Yeah, you know what it is.

Oh, I mean, just from the context of this conversation I do. It's people, it's women that other women say are really attractive because they're not really threatened by them. They know they're weird enough. It's like, another woman will say that Hillary's swank is really hot. They will? Yes. Because there, yeah, there's a lot of that going on.

It's to the point where... Till the Swinton. If a woman says her friend is really hot, I'll start laughing then, while they're loading up the Facebook, just so I'll be... Just so I'll be just so I'll have enough practice and momentum and how hard I'm laughing yeah by the time that they get it up and I see like what are you what the fuck are you talking about we're not even we're not using the same word here yeah no hey Dick I've

got a rage people who don't know to shut the fuck up after they've made their point like co-workers and people in charge. I work as a UPS package handler and I threw a box up on the conveyor belt because I'm going in between the fucking trailers and the student charge comes up and decided I don't know to start a conversation or something. He comes up to tell me don't throw, but the way he does it, he just keeps saying it, I guess. Yeah, no, I'm sure. It's like, yeah, okay, okay, I get it.

You don't want me to throw shit on the belt. Don't throw, don't throw shit up there. Honestly, dude, you shouldn't be throwing shit. That's my stuff. It's a safety thing. First of all, it's a safety, okay, I don't care about that. I care about breaking my stuff. It's a safety thing. First of all, it's a safety. Okay. I don't care about that. I know care about breaking my stuff. Yeah. And you know, see the thing is when you throw it up, it's gonna it might be more broken. Yeah. It's gonna have a higher chance of okay. Right. We're already gonna drop heavy other objects on it.

So don't worry. It's already fucked. Just so you know, just so you know that you weren't doing it right. Yeah. And that I know many reasons why your behavior is unacceptable. I'm going to go through them now. When you get up to middle management, then you learn how to properly break shit. Yeah. This is what they, this is what you do. You just endlessly lecture people. Oh yeah. Hey, it's look at less Trump. First time caller, long time emailer. You know what's annoying? I work in a hospital.

I'm alone, dude, with a lot of women, mostly middle age women, and you know, working a little boring sometimes. I'm not usually very chatty, but after working there for a couple of years, you get to know people a little bit, ask them about their children. I know a bit about them, so I know I ask them, hey, how's your son Casper doing? They'll go, they love yapping, so they'll go on a five minute rant about what their son is doing. Do you think they ever return to favor and ask anything about you? No, no, they don't even know like I'm married. Like I sometimes I do exercise in staying silent and see if there's

any interest on the other end, but there is none. It's the non-existent. Yeah, that's fucked up. Bye. Maybe that's where humor comes from, guys, they're talking to women. You have to say something that is totally illogical to short circuit the reins so they'll stop talking about themselves for a second. What's up, Dig? This is a CK from Chicago. They'll make me a fucking rage. When you're holding a bunch of shit in your hands, you're trying to walk around somewhere.

In my case, I had a fucking like water and a beer in my hand. And you get a fucking itch in your nose that you have to deal with in that moment. Yeah, you do. It's like, what the fuck, man? Like, why is it so itchy inside my nose? I have to get it. Like, if I don't get it, like,

I'm gonna fucking die or something, dude. It's crazy, dude. Like, ugh, it's crazy to like uh... it's such a rage man those fucking those those quick itch is in your nose and then you like you put your shit down and you each your nose and then it's filled air you got like rub inside weird ways and shit and if you do it too much like you get bloody and shit what the fuck

uh... my dog started about that but uh... yeah i'm not getting bloody when the nose itches man it's my dog. Sorry about that. But, uh, yeah, man, I'll get in the blood. When your nose is, man, that's my fucking rage, dude. I mean, that work of fucking your tongue. And I'm gonna punch my itch in my nose. Where, where it got bloody? Well, no, I mean, just that it's still there. Like, if it, I've never had my nose itch that long. Oh, I have.

Like, that long? Yeah, where it's like all, itches all day. Huh. For some reason, it never fucking goes away. And every time you get stuff in your hands, like I have dumped so many bottles of water and beers or drinks or whatever, because I thought, maybe this is the time I could scratch my nose without putting my drink down

because then my body wins and the mind loses. The mind's very stubborn. Maybe this will be the time I could scratch my nose. You can't do it with the bottle. You don't get any scratch on there. And we're all optimists at the core. Yeah, and you can't do it this time. I'll do it with your wrist

because my muscles are too enormous. I can't bend my arms like this. I'm not gonna scratch my face on the wall. Then I'll have a big oily face mark on the wall. But embarrassing. I'm gonna crooked this time. This one oily face mark on the wall. Yeah. But embarrassing. I'm going to cook at this time. There's one time. No.

It's going to work. It can never do. No. It's immediate. Dump it all. Dump it all in yourself. I'm going to try one more. And then I'm going to read, I posted a challenge to Facebook because there was a picture

taking it with me at Atlanta where I look very fat. Really? Yeah. The picture where I look very fat. Really? Yeah, the picture. Yeah. Look fat, I'm not that fat, but it looks very fat, of course. So I said, hey, I put on Instagram, I was making fun of me. So then I put it on Facebook and said,

see if you can top Instagram's fat jokes. Oh, and they did. Yeah, so I wanted to read. I wanted to read some of them. I will after this voicemail. There are. Hey, Mr. America's women, I wanted to read some of them. I will after this voicemail. There are. Hey, Mr. Matt, this is Wingman. I need some tips on how to get my fun laid.

OK. He's like almost 30. I think something like that. I kind of get him laid for a while, kind of get him out there, whatever. But he's not. He keeps telling himself, whenever I bring it up to him, he's always like, hey, I don't need a drill for him. I's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he He can't get one. So if you have any tips for somebody like this, you need a big tip.

I'd give my friend like thank you. You're going to have to catfish him. The only way to do it is to pose as a woman and email him and see if you can entice the drive out of him to try and get laid. You'll bug's bunny trick, right? If you dressed in drag in front of him, he wouldn't be tricked. He would know immediately it was you, but if you message him secretly and flirt with him for a while over email, he'll probably want, he might like that. Yeah, he might like that. It'll awaken the core inside of him that needs release. You just got to stoke that fire.

And if you're not willing to do that, then what kind of a friend are you really? If you're not willing to pose as a woman and email your friend, try to titlate him. I mean, you might find out things about him. You don't want to know though. Ah, you know, give him a mulligan on that. He's probably bullshitting, right? Don't worry about it. Your only job is you wanna get him laid.

This is what you do. That's what you do. Okay, let me find these fat jokes. Here's the picture, I guess I could... Yeah, I don't know. I don't even think you looked that fat there. I don't look fat at all. That's what you meant to say, right? Well, I mean, no, the picture

makes you look fatter than you are. Well, you're not really, you're not fat. Not fat. You've been using your wrong words. A lot of these. Yeah, yeah, well, you know, you've weighed more than you do now. Right? That's not a compliment. Yeah, it is Here you go. Okay, that's the picture. I don't know you You've got a you've got a coat on Yeah, it's the coat

It's the coat is making me look fat. It's another layer of clothes and it's fucking white Yeah, nobody looks no money. no man looks skinny wearing a white coat. That's why it's my most suits are dark, because most people are fat. I'm not fat though, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Okay, here's the jokes. Adam James Osborne says,

meetloaf called. You ate him. Okay. I'm surprised you fit into Instagram's aspect ratio. You fat bitch. Okay. Well technical joke. Right.

Yeah. I thought you only in Atlanta for two days, it looks like you grew up there. It's Steven. Steven's there. Very funny. Which I didn't even get a butt plug from that guy. Yeah. I was looking forward to that.

Kevin Sousa, did you eat a stereos? Question mark. You look like Robert Plant crossed with a quadruple bypass. Okay. Christian Langdon right there. Looking like Kenny G, H and I. Matt Hooper. Fen Geary says,

how much did your tailor charge for a circus tent with sleeves? Okay. Well funny. Holy shit, it's fat Jesus everyone. All right. Bruce Valanche really let himself go. Oh God.

Alex Husson. All right. Bruce Valange really let himself go. Oh, God. Alex Houston. Someone posted a picture of Kingpin. Oh, Kingpin. Oh, right, right. The comic character. Right. You looked like the offspring of Haley Joel Osment and the guy who plays Aquaman.

Oh. That's, yeah, okay, I know who that is. I guess that's kind of a compliment. Yeah. The guy who plays Aquaman is a very sexy man. Yeah. You see, and I look exactly like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got the long hair and he's buff.

Yeah, and Haley Joel Osment looks like a celebrity. So, double celebrity. What episode of Lost was this? Okay, Michael Morris. Oh boy. Yeah, Raulka that guy. Yeah. Okay. Thick Master, Sin. Danny Danger. Okay. Daniel Gibbons, thank God, comes to my defense. Honestly, I'm getting sick of these fat jokes. Don't you think Dick has enough on his plate? Oh. Oh. Fat Atlanta says Blake Kardashian. Okay. I didn't realize Hagrid was still doing

Seth. Oh my god. Seth. Someone has put a picture of me and Pavarotti together. Oh boy. I mean, sadly, that does kind of look like what's happening. Let me put that in the video.

There's me in Poverati. I don't think we look the same at all. That's bullshit. First of all, Poverati's in a very slimming black suit. Yeah, so that's not fair. I'm in a white shirt or I'm in a black shirt with a white coat. Yeah, he has, I, I don't know how big he was,

but I have a feeling he was, he was on the shorter side though. Poverradi. Yeah, a lot of it. So you're saying that I'm fatter than him because I'm tall. No, I'm saying like if you saw the whole thing, you would look much thinner than he would.

I see, okay. Juan Ocampo says, you look like me in a few years, Tubby. You look like Santiago Warner says, you look like you got poured into your outfit and someone forgot to say when. All right. That's a good joke.

Pretty creative. Yeah, that's like, I haven't heard that one before. If Colonel Sanders and chef Paul Prudholm had a mud baby and that kid grew into a southern Baptist road, too many references, cabbage, Thomas Thompson. Can't make that many references for a single joke. Definitely drinks Diet Coke. Says Derek Barnes. Ah, gotcha.

Get it? Yeah, I do. His only fat meal drink Diet Coke. Yeah. Uh, let's see if I get any other ones. That jacket isn't unbuttoned by choice. All right. Oh, Jesus.

Is that meatloat? You're so fat. When you got your shoes shined, you had to take the boot blacks word for it alright that's ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't. I also don't look fat. Maybe, did he, Lewis, wear like white jackets in the 80s? Maybe he did. Maybe he did. Hall and oats and more. Okay. Why did you put up a picture of a stereosis? Yeah. Very funny.

So, oh, yeah, there's the guy from Long Beach. Yeah. And, André Wynn says, you're so fat in that picture, it used up all of my mobile data. That's what these are fucking pretty creative. That's not funny. What's the canned situation on that? Oh, buddy. God.

America's wingman, more like America's boat anchor. I don't think that works. America's wingman, more like America's boat anchor. I don't think that works. That's enough. I mean, I see what he was going for. Freedom of eat doesn't mean freedom from consequences. Chase the great ass, I guess is his name. Oh, boy.

I see Axel has really let himself go. Daniel McCliggan, a lot of ice. Anytime somebody starts with IC, yeah, yeah, they're going to say something insulting. How come no one told me meatloaf was on tour? Yeah. Uh-huh. Meatloaf, right? Yeah. He would do anything for Goss, but he wouldn't do that. That's it. All right. Thanks, everyone. Oh, that makes everyone else feel better. You, you people are all fat actually. You know, yeah. See how you like it. We took over a fatest country on the, on the planet from

Mexico. J.P. says you didn't like the 20 million calorie man. All right. Uh, that's enough. Funny. I liked it. I liked it. It's funny. Uh. All right. Uh. That's enough. Funny. I liked it.

I liked it. It's funny.