The Dick Show - Episode 117 - Dick on Memory Rot

Episode Date: August 28, 2018

The Dick Show in S.A.P., envelope pushing hip hop in the 22nd century, when apologies don't matter, muscle memory rot and how I embarrassed myself at tennis, starting sentences with "so", fake compassion for celebrities and the ruling elite, back to school, a K-cup listener sends in an erotic rage, the Thousand Island Supreme call, "Mumkey Jones Stops a School Shooting", and a mystery jokester leaves a voicemail threatening Maddox's website; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

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Gracias. Soy tan mexicano como Taco Bell, Dorita Stacoslo. Con mi go siempre, Excel, audio, en jeneroario. Juan, Juan El en jeneroario. Hola, Dic. Eh, ¿qué pasó, mi amigo? That's what you have to do. And you're speaking Spanish. you have to lower your voice

while you're speaking it. Lower in pitch or in volume. I don't know, what am I? Just like you're over here. I'm just a guy that yells into a microphone for living. This is true. I don't know about these. Dumb it down for me, Sean.

Don't give me these $10 words that you learned at engineering school. Louder? Louder? Or softer? Or like you have three balls? Like I have three balls. Okay, I got it. That's all Spanish must be spoken in that Tom for some reason. Got it. Is it Tom or Tom? I believe it's, it's, it's spelled Timbery. I know, but it's not, but it's like Chopin, right? What do you mean? How's that payout? C-I-N.

What do you mean? Like the Chopin. Chopin. Chopin. Like, Frederick Chopin. Oh yeah, have I been saying it wrong? Yeah, you've been saying it wrong. Wrote the Nocturns, the Etudes.

Chopin. Chopin, that's right. Yeah. Cause you would chop Tomahawk. Tambourn's always his steel. He was a real rock and roller. You know, they call me chopin. Chopin, I'll lay down those Tomahawk. I forgot his name has an apostrophe after the end.

Chopin. Yeah. It's a chop thing was too formal. Yeah. Did you know that they medical professionals are changing the, you're not, they don't want to say pussy anymore. Oh, did you hear about that? Medical professionals. Yeah, they've been saying it. They've been saying vagina.

I'm a pussy doctor. They've been saying, they've been saying this fancy word, fancy medical word vagina. Yeah, I've never heard it before. What did they say now? Chama-hawk wounds, they changed it. Chama-hawk wounds. Cause they don't want it to be,

they don't want to turn off any, like, trans people. Still not. Trans people. Because there's like, there's a lot of trans STD issues and care for their Tomahawk woman. So they don't want to save vagina because that would be exclusive. Because then people might think like, oh, they're talking about women, they're not talking about my Tomahawk woman.

So they changed it to Tomahawk woman. The show has gone so raw, so quickly. Today. You brought up chopping. All I was saying was, that's actually a thing though. Did you hear about this? The Tomahawk wounds, yes. No, they're trying to change it to front hole.

No, that's the mouth. That's the mouth of the woman. That's the front hole. Yeah, my best friend. The whole. They're not going to call it a front hole. I'm so mad. But, uh, uh, now I'm done.

What did you see? This is Keon. Keon, I've gone to the hero. Keon, the hero, everyone. It's always. Keon, the hero. Never forget it. And he's a hell of a nice guy.

You know, I get women have written me, email telling me how great you are. They don't, they don't, they don't, I go, they don't write me that all again. That's, buddy. I have a lot of them. And like guys in bird mass pretending to be chicks, making funny jokes about, uh, uh, uh, uh, Keon Magganya is a lawyer, a hero lawyer who is responsible for mental

justice restraining order without him. We would have been, she would have been horrendously victimized probably forever, but he unheard about it on the show and he volunteered to, uh, he said, fuck that. He said, fuck that. I have the resources to put a stop to this. I'm going to stop it. And he did. And he's responsible for some of the greatest comedy content on the show, including the BobaDook series. Yeah. So thank you, Key. You're welcome. But you were saying about front holes. Yeah, yeah, about front holes. I saw some article on the internet that someone was making that exact argument that the word vagina is exclusionary

to a transsexual woman. Therefore, the medical and biological community needs to change their language from using vagina to using front hole. And that's the mouth. What do you call, what are you supposed to call the mouth then? The hole where shit comes out while technically accurate, it introduces a new layer of confusion, Sean.

Because that could be the top hole? Not when I do it, my friend. I'm so glad I'm talking about. I'll suplex that bitch. Trans or not? Right into the mat. Everything's exclusion. Yeah, we're fucked. I weren't, we're fucked.

I get it, we're fucked. I get them into position and then I do nothing just to fuck with their heads. With that front, with that Tomahawk wound. So this is too depressing for me to laugh. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah, you know, give them their front holes. What was that Caesar speech, countryman?

Let me your front holes. Yeah. That's, he's got pronouncements for Greece. I think that was side holes actually. Side holes. The countryman, countryman, citizens of Athens. lend me your side holes. Yo bitch, give me that front hole. That's gonna be in all the, that's gonna be in all, it's dirtier than pussy.

It's certainly, certainly more crass and offensive. I was just gonna say, it seems more crass. They just made 30 years of hip hop and rap look tame. Like in the, in 20 years, they're gonna be rapping, they're gonna be a cyber wrapping about front holes. And you're gonna go by bumping like Snoop Dogg or Dr. Dre talking about pussy. He's gonna be like, look at fucking grandpa over here wrapping about pussy.

So look at me. I'm late for my tea party at the museum where they'll be serving up pussy. Bitch, we're talking about front holes up in this fucking cyber joint, up in this fucking piece joint up in this fucking piece up in this computer You can't even encrypt a pussy But they're that stuff to show called Tomahawk phones there. That's what we all sat there thinking about it look

When you speak Spanish, this is what I meant to tell you guys see when you speak Spanish, this is what I meant to tell you guys. See, when you speak Spanish, you have to put another octave under your voice. Oh, okay, for no reason. Yeah. Okay. And I always thought that was very funny. Like whenever you hear the radio guy in Spanish is always like, those those those obogados. Like why do you guys, why do you guys need that? None of you talk like that.

You won't talk like, like you, like you, I'll talk double. I, why do you need that? Why do you need that guy on the radio going, oh, because it's official. So I'm a little bit, yeah, right? So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so check this out. In Abu Dhabi, I was lit, they're,

I was listening to ads in the Uber's, whatever, listening to ads, and they add another is listening to ads and they add another octave below that a sub octave they have there they have like a brown note if all the radio ads all the radio ads and Abu Dhabi are like deeper than you can actually do Like they're going way down. It's so fucking weird. People are so fucking weird. I'm all right. We got a show for you today. Mumpke Jones is calling in.

Well, I'm glad to talk about, see you next week, to talk about his Mumpke Jones stops a school shooting. Joe about this movie that he did. I think he was talking about it last time he was on briefly. Yeah, he was somebody promised to make this movie and they bailed. So, Mumpke Jones went ahead and made the movie for him. I've watched it.

It's Asterios, isn't it? I've watched it. It's very funny. I don't know. It was, it's 30 minutes, perfect length for a movie. 30 minutes long. It's like a mini-dock. Or it's a mini-document or a mini documentary. A stereo's plays

Mumke Jones is dead and God. So to stop a stereo, does he stop a school shooting by deciding to shoot up a school and then deciding not to? I'll let Mumke Jones change my mind. Man saves lives. Let me see here. We've got we've got some more people calling and grants calling in from from the thought cop. Thought cops. Obviously we had another battle of the bands competition. Oh right. I don't know how the voting went. Oh no, no, for songs. I can be a song. The voting was the voting was so fucked up. And then check this out. Maddix, let me throw this clip up for you.

I don't know if you saw this, Sean. But there was a very, very ominous message that was broadcast on, that was on Maddix's website for like five minutes in the middle of the night. It was very interesting. So, you know, everybody knows that we're using Maddix's $30,000 voting

platform to fund the voting or to determine the voting for this show. Why let the platform go to waste? Only like 100 people are using it on Maddox's show. So why let it go to waste, right? You spend all that money, mind as we'll get some use out of it. Here is the message that popped up on Maddox's website. Look at this. Maddox wanted to stop the best pages, and then it's that number. That is, right? That's pretty wild. Yeah, that's pretty wild.

That's like 90s web, that's a 90s web thread. I don't know what that qualifies for either. All I know is that it's funny as hell. I'm not saying to do anything. Obviously don't do illegal things, but I don't know what's illegal, what's not illegal. That's why it was only five minutes and then removed by George, I assume. I assume so. He gets, you know, he gets alerts for anything having to for every, every click that goes to anyone of his sites. There's an alert somehow. He's got to detach to a butt plug. It goes off every time there's a click on site. So the battle of the bands was, I think the Cuck's soccer's one.

I think they were ahead until the Maddox started fucking with the voting system. Yeah, and that's son of a bitch. Oh, let's see here. I'm going to go into what makes me a rage before I get monkey on tennis. Tennis tennis is really making me a rage this week. It is, I used to be a contender of tennis back in the day. I don't understand.

You don't understand. I was my dad tried to make me like the tiger woods of tennis. Really? Yes. He was very, he was very into me being a tennis. But you played mostly baseball, right? Yeah, but that wasn't his passion. That was just my dad's.

My dad's side hobby was making me play baseball. His main passion was making me play tennis. And this is when you were really young? This is when I was really young. Okay, it was daily practices. Drill, motherfucker had a ball machine, right? No kidding. We go, it wasn't playing. Itfucker had a ball machine, right? No kidding. We go, it wasn't playing, it was work.

It was work and drills. You like, and it was, it was a lot of drills. You've got to really grind a kid down with the drills and the practice to get them to be semi-competent at something. You know what I mean? Yeah, because they won't be semi-competent unless they hate it. Right, right. The only way to make sure children are competent at something, you know what I mean? Yeah, because they won't be semi competent unless they hate it. Right.

Right. The only way to make sure children are good at something is to make sure they fucking hate it, which I did. They get a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach when it's time to go do that activity. Yes. That they love so much. And even thinking about it, if I hear, I'll be dead asleep and I'll hear somebody open a can of tennis balls in the

other room. And I'll wake up in a rage. Don't you immediately think of that smell? Yeah. That new tennis ball right out of the can I smell. And I throw up. Yeah. As soon as every time I smell it, I throw up immediately.

Yeah. So, 80s girl and I pick up some rackets thinking we're just going to go wax and balls around and pretend like we're the Pretend like we're George McFly and also play tennis. Yeah, and also yeah, and then it's right there After afterwards we'll play some tennis man. I first of all I Embarrassed myself beyond all recognition. I might as well have been this is this is a thing that I remember how to do. I remember being able to hit a ball

with some enthusiasm. And have it stay in the court. And even dare I say aim it, on which side of the court is this going to go? I get out there, I might as well have had the racket shoved up my ass. And yet everything feels the same right? You're like, well, here we go.

Here's the stroke and it should just go in and go. Oh fuck I shanked it into the light. Oh, male this one crank right off the side of the racket into outer space. Yeah, and there's of course the tennis courts we have are in the middle of a white man can't jump set down the street. It's down at the bass, the barrio basketball hoops down the street. So it's at the BAS, the Bariobasketball hoops down the street. So it's X and you know, she's hot as fuck. So all of the guys are looking at the court the entire time. And I look like the ultimate shit bag with a bandana tied

around my hair head for the sweat. And because I don't want a man bun bouncing around my, I look like the, like, who's that guy that rock and the rock of love guy, Brett Michael's. I look like a, I look like a hulking Brett Michaels swinging this little mincey and like the size of me, the racket feels extra, it's, it feels extra dainty in my hands. Like a ping pong paddle. With after, with after, embarrassing with, no contest, no concept of where it's going at all. And the whole time, it's like a retraumatizing experience of my youth because now all of the hours spent

learning this stupid hobby are now hitting me twice as hard. Yeah. Like, because I'm... Now I've got little me in my head shouting the drills that were shouted at little me because I can't get the fucking ball across the net. And I'm like, you know, I will... I'm gonna get a time machine and go back in time

and fucking violate you and you sleep, you little cock sucker. You shut the fuck up, I'm trying my best. Stop! and go back in time and fucking violate you and you sleep, you little cock sucker. You shut the fuck up, I'm trying my best. Stop, no man's land, no man's land, no man's land, you gotta be ready, you gotta be ready. Oh, you got on top of that one, shut up. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Man, sports sounds stressful.

Oh, sports is a great plague upon us. A great fucking plague unleashed upon us. Sports. Sports is a retirement plan. I mean, of course, just the... So how long did you actually keep this activity up? Until I blew my knee out, which was the most embarrassing. The next day I wake up, can't bend my knee at all.

I'm hobbling around the house. Like I need one of those chairs and gremlins to move me up the stairs. We were talking about gremlins. We did a dictation the other night on goonies. And I had forgotten that the, don't they kill the old lady with one of those like, chair rail, like those chairs that, yeah, yeah, yeah, shoots her off right in Taylor it.

I remember the old guy getting killed by the tractor. You don't remember that part in goonies? No. You don't remember when Sloth gets wet and he'd multiply into all those other slots. Yeah. Then he kills the old lady. Sean, uh, Sean eats destroyed.

I mean, trouble, several, several death destroy a baby Ruth factory. You know, I remember that part. Definitely not. Goonies must have fallen asleep. You're probably thinking of Gremlins. Oh, I was monster steel that I like to. I like to. Bougalo. Right. Yeah.

Gremlins electric Bougalo. Wasn't that Gremlins too? Gremlins too is fucking great. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it was. I don't think I saw that one. I don't think it's based on Trump.

The Gremlins, it's basically Gremlins versus Trump. Oh, like they invade Trump tower and Trump has to find. I'm not joking. I don't think it's based on Trump. The Gremlins, it's basically Gremlins versus Trump. Oh. Like they invade Trump tower and Trump has to, I'm not joking. That's what it's about. He has to. He has to. He's about the Gremlins.

Apes them with taco bowls. What a negotiate. They get a really smart Bernie, Bernie Gremlin. And they negotiate basically. Oh, I think do they kill anyone? I don't remember. All the grandma's die. Cause the light, like always, fucking grandma's too busy partying, getting wasted.

And I remember that the dawn comes for the, anyway, muscle memory rod. Yeah, it's really embarrassing. And I hate it. And now I to go relearn how to do it. I'm watching videos online how to hit a fucking tennis ball. So you're going to keep this up. Well, I have to now because it's too, you go, oh my god, my skills have diminished to like less than ground zero. Look, you have to do everything in your power to keep your dick working. Yeah. And if you don't, if you fail on these contests, time and time again, your dick will

lose its life energy. Your mind is a terrible thing. That's a big dick energy tip for you. You need to face your tennis fears. Good to lose your motion. You know, Scott's men is gonna come and just drill you while you're sleeping in ice. Yeah, or I'm gonna be banging one out and I'm gonna hear my dad. Oh, you, well that'll,

gotta work on your, no man's land. Gotta work on your fucking, yeah, you're in no man's land. That's why you look like an idiot and got your feet all twisted up under you. You gotta go around, when you hit a forehand,

you gotta go around, around the beach ball, around the beach ball, around the beach ball. Like it's fucking torture. God damn, it's, I've clearly have like, scanarian trauma from this. I don't know if that's, I don't know if I'm using that correctly, but that's what I got. I'll tell you what else makes me rage. Do you want to talk? Do you have anything to say about McCain dying?

My uncle was in a POW camp with him. He always said he was a front hole. I never... I'm serious. Your own. Yeah, my uncle was in a POW camp with him. No, he's a huge front hole. He's a huge front hole.

I never knew with that men until I until now. Yeah, well he live became a man. He was way ahead of his time. He's tied up. Yeah. Yeah. He's I'd have him call it, but he's dead now. Oh, and you know, no, they both are. Yeah. Yeah. I can't tell each other stories. Uh, I don't know. It's really the the, the, the, I really dislike respect and death of people who are not real, like celebrities and politicians, like, why do you, why do you give a shit about this war on? I don't know, I really hot take, like, yeah, John McCain never existed.

He didn't, he just keeps his theory to pull it over the air zone and fosters. He's a kid who is a theory. Uh, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. It annoys me so much. I don't really have anything to say.

I was the only thing. It surprised me at first that they like announced Oh, he stopped treatment for cancer. Yeah. He was next dead. Well, yeah, but then I realized that that happens a lot. They people die and they stop treatment. Yeah.

No, no, no. They release a statement and then like in the next couple they, uh, they, uh, they release a statement and then like in the next couple days, the person's dead because they keep it under wraps for the longest time, you know, like they don't, they don't get out exactly what the condition is. Anything like that. I mean, yeah, that's, that happens a lot. So I was just like, Oh, John McCain died. Okay. Well, we're expecting. Okay. Next, moving on. Yeah. I think what bothers me about it is the way that all politicians and celebrities will pull their ranks together and circle the wagons and start just ginning up this respect factory. Oh

Both sides. Uh, well remember when someone called Obama and Arab and he was real quick to criticize Real quick to say that he was a good guy. First of all, that's racist. We're all secondly. Handling eyes. Yeah. The cantonization. The cantonized. But it's self-serving because I think they want us to all respect them constantly. Yeah. And I really think there are all liars and crooks and horrors and that every waking moment should be spent in fear of what we're the general populace is going to do to that.

Because we're not in the club. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're wasting our money and killing our people and fucking up. Everything you do is wrong. Everything. You don't deserve any respect. You're propped up by literally our lives. We toil our lives away to support your grandeur.

You fucks. I wish I could disagree with any of that. But every single one of them should be pilloried until the end of time. That should be your penance for public service. Whatever the opposite of St. Hood is, that's a politician. Yeah. He died. The Catholic Church comes out and issues the statement.

Yeah, this guy's definitely in hell. Yeah, he's a shit monster in hell. Oh, boy. The lowest they've got wings made of lies. A shit monster like in dogma. A shit monster in hell. Oh boy. The lowest they've got wings made of lies. A shit monster like in dogma. We didn't think those actually exist until Kevin James made it up so thank or Kevin Smith.

He's down in hell, he's got a Tomahawk wound for mouth down there. God, his front hulls, I fucking hate it. I fucked the government, I guess that's my only. That's my only statement on it. Works for me. I don't get it. Oh, he's my only statement on it. Works for me. I don't get it. Oh, he's a good man.

Where? Where? Where was this? Where was this good? None of these fuckers are good. I think they all be trying to chisel away how much power and influence they fucking have. Some are just worse than others.

But they do the reverse. They're all bad. They're all fucking bad. You start in the negative and then go down from there. And then you go down from there. God damn, I really, it's the respect. It's the respect that annoys me. Well, and it's kind of the fake, everybody,

everybody's saying it. Yeah, hey everybody, I'm real thought. I'm being real respectful over here cause I'm better than you Forget about the point ten years ago when I called him a literal actual Nazi when he was running against Obama Yeah You know what else makes me rage? What's that college orientation? It's back to school time pretty much Yeah, yeah, that means our best and our brightest Minds of our one percent are going to college and reading

syllabuses for a week. Do you remember? Did you, did you go to college? I went to a little community college, a little bit, but maybe about a year total, but what a fucking waste of time. I started working at high school, was a waste of time. All of you dickheads going into college right now, wait till fucking college. You think they raped you over with knowledge that you would never ever ever. You know what, four years of studying Spanish in high school

got me today's intro. That's it. That's all that that's all I've ever used it for. And you're probably never unless you have a podcast where someone's making fun of you for not being a Mexican, you're never going to use your Spanish. A amount of times I've used algebra zero zero times. Absolutely zero times. X equals zero. Solve for the number of times I've used algebra in my life. But wait till you fucking get to college and see what they can cram the kind of general ed requirements they can build your parents out of. Well, that's always come to the thing that fucking cog machine that seemed funny. It's like you go to college, you know, in theory to study a specific passion that you

want to do, right? Yeah. So like forcing your kid to play tennis, that would be something that you could study in college. So there's, but there are tons of, there are GE requirements, right? Yeah. So it's like organic chemistry school. Yeah. Why?

Yeah. Oh, I know. Such a waste of time. Because college is elective. So, yeah. It's a really good point, Sean. I've never heard it phrase like that. But yeah, all of college is an elective.

Why should you have to take anything that's not an elective? What is the fucking point? Why do English majors go in and spend one single second in remedial, in idiot math? Right, exactly. What is the fucking point? Why do math majors go in and read one book? Read a single fucking book.

Yeah, I don't know. It's gotta be, you know, it's gotta be, comes down to money. Like you said, because they all do it. Because guys like McCain printed out a bunch of free, free subsidy money for colleges. So colleges kept jacking up the price. There you go. And now you're in debt. Now you're a wage slave for the rest of your life until you're lucky enough to get a, I don't know, 45 year, 60 year mortgage, whatever the new affordable mortgage is going to be, which is just a synonym

for working for the man, working for the banks for the rest of your fucking, making a 10,000 year mortgage, make, make houses as affordable as fucking possible. Yeah. We just have to live forever. Dollar a month for 10,000 year. You're fucking idiot. Yeah. Rates are so low.

I did that 45 year mortgage. Don't worry about that. 40 Fanny, you got extra time to pay it off. You remember all your college math. You should know this is a good decision, right? You fucking simp, you stupid sucker. Here's our syllabus. That what you're, here's the syllabus

of what you're gonna be doing for the rest of your life. $100 dollar bowl of tricks. $100 bowl of tricks. $100 bowl of tricks. Yeah, the meal plans they've got in college. You know what they're fuck, what they're charging children would make you shit in your pants. No, I'm sure.

I know a lot of people leave college with six figures of debt. Yeah. And you leave with the sinking feeling that you did everything wrong. That's college. That's what you get. And you leave with the sinking feeling that you did everything wrong. That's college. That's what you get. And you do. You do. I believe it. And God, God bless you. If you didn't get a hot girl in your dorm, if you got stuck with the, if you got, if you got stuck in a pod, let's say, oh, there's no escape for you.

Yeah, pod with all dudes and they, uh, I don't wanna say fat, but beefy, Venice Whaling Guy who plays his music too loud and is poor, browbeaten, very thin, very friendly Korean roommate who doesn't know what to do about the loud music. Yeah. And your bipolar freshman year roommate.

Yeah. Um, good times. Oh yeah. I got a lot of other shit to make me rage, though, Sean. I believe you. Tennis was just the opener. Yeah, but it really, because I'm still sore from it. Like I can't move my foot.

When did you play? I don't know. When did we play? A couple of days ago. Five days ago. Yeah. You use muscles you haven't used in a long time, probably. It's a scam.

It's a scam. It's a scam. So growing up, I didn't know that Ben Gay is behind it. Shack's still making money off of that. Yeah. What did you say growing up? Growing up, I didn't know that anyone actually played tennis. Like I never knew anyone who played tennis until I got to college, actually orientation.

Well, I can't, we can't spend every day playing magic. That's a huge. I mean, that's good point. It just works out the more. Put you in an early grave. Yeah, you can't do that. I got a bunch of great voicemails too, and a very, a very touching, very touching email.

Really? Yeah, that I'm gonna read in a little bit. A very, we've had a lot of, we've had a lot of sad stories, I think, but this one, this problem is really gonna tug at your heartstrings. I think I can read it in a little bit. I'm sure this is totally sincere. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

People starting sentences with so. Yeah, run into that a lot this week. Yeah. We need to, we need to new like, so I'm down in, yeah, you're tricking me. You're tricking me into thinking, I asked you to explain something to me with that. I just realized it.

So I'm down like, wait a minute, I didn't ask you where you were, you motherfucker, you tricked me into this conversation. It's a story starter. It's a story or a joke starter. It's just a way to talk, to condescend to me. Okay. And explain to me something that I didn't ask.

So what you're gonna wanna do is, well, wait a minute. I'm taking this very personally. Oh, yeah. Well, why are you starting it with so? That's what I want to know. Well, now I'm never going to forget, and I'm going to annoy you.

I'm going to do it a lot. Don't ever fucking do it. I searched for like research or something. Stats for starting sentences with so. And the first hit was an NPR article, defending why they say so so much, why they start sentences with so. Because, you know, they got a bunch of like,

literati, brods with polyside degrees. So you want to be a college. Yeah, so you want to be smart on the, right? That's a, yeah, you're selling me something. You're giving me an ad so so you want to make more money sure we all do that's what you're doing to me to my face well you're giving me an advertisement about you fuck you how about that for an ad

fucking thumbs down report I'm reporting your ass to the FCC when you start sentences with so, because you're an unregistered advertising entity. You sound like Natics. I ate his soul last week. Yeah, when I stole his iTunes feed. Oh, boy. I felt it. Yeah. I felt it at night.

I swallowed all this blackness. The great man. Yeah. It's like the opposite of John Coffey from The Green Mile. No. Yeah. I go around absorbing cocksackers. Yeah.

Take it out of them. Starting sentences with so. Okay. What did I, I don't know if any, and nothing is as good as what you just said about it. So you'll like, yeah. They said they only did it 237 and thirty seven times in a single week. They went through and counted how many times one of their idiot hosts started a sentence

with so. Oh. Two hundred and thirty seven times. Oh, and got a stop. The so's, the so starters and the phony loals have got to, have got to stop. We need a new kind of zodiac killer. Oh, you know everything like the sun is Sam, the guy that went around killing didn't he kill like women, brunettes?

Um, I think it was whoever's dog told him to kill it. Well, that was the neighbor's labrador. Yeah, which he, which he, which he did shoot wasn't even his dog. It was someone else's dog. It was the neighbor. Yeah. No, he did shoot it. It survived. Um, but yeah, that's really yeah, not like that toward us. Yeah, no, he did shoot it, it survived. But yeah, that's not really. Not like that toward us. Yeah, Berkowitz. David Berkowitz. David Berkowitz. I'm talking, he's the son of Sam.

He's the son of Sam. What's the one that I'm thinking about then, where tricks died their hair blonde or something? We need, I'm an trainer dog. No, that might have been that too. I'm gonna train a dog to start telling people to kill everybody who starts sentences with so. Yeah.

That's gonna be my mission. It's a neat trick. That's gonna be my starts sentences with so. Yeah. That's going to be my mission. It's a neat trick. That's going to be my mission for the year. Yeah. A guy lost his sponsorship deonast car, Xfinity series driver Conor Daily lost his sponsorship deal with Lily diabetes for Saturday's blah blah blah, because of a racial slur his father used during a radio interview in the 80s. That's surface. That's surface.

So how far are we going to take this back? Right. If you go back like 100 years, no one's going to be allowed to advertise at all based on what their great grandfather said. Uh, that's, yeah. I think that's good. I think that's smart. Yeah, just ban all advertisement.

Yeah, you know, look, when you're, when you're done milking a guy for his celebrity to sell what your diabetes medicine, just to vista-rat him for anything, right? You got to turn everybody heal. His father made a racial slur in the 80s and somebody found it on YouTube or something like that.

I don't know. So that story is so dumb that when I first read it, when I first saw it on Twitter, I thought it was a joke and what really convinced me that it was no joke. It was like an union article. Right, yeah, and I'd never heard a Lily Diabetes. I thought they were making fun of. Well, no, Lily Diabetes.

Neilai Lilli. I checked my Eli Lilly, then huge, huge drug manufacturer. Yeah. But I thought it was making fun of Lil Debbie Snack Cakes, like little, lily diabetes. Oh, because clearly known as that dumb to hold this guy responsible for what his dad said before he was born. He was born.

Can't be too careful. Good point. Might have, might have run through the bloodline. Yeah. No, that's, that's incredible. I think we're, I think we're seeing theline. Yeah, right. No, that's incredible. I think we're seeing the death of ads, right? Because this is in no way, this is in no way an advertisement to people like us, right?

I think they figured out that a lot of us are immune to advertisements and that only people who would respect a decision like this are susceptible to ads. And they need diabetes medicine because they probably make a lot of bad decisions. Yeah, a lot of little Debbie snack cakes. Yeah.

So it's surreal to see. Yeah. You could really mess up your kids' lives. You know, as this show is the equivalent for me of like going into a room and screaming into a pillow. Like I'm so glad I have it. Because the world is gone insane. It's fucking gone insane.

A Minnesota company now offers for eternity leave to new pet on what? That's good. It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be when you said for eternity. In case it's going to be like for years. Yeah. Like that. While they're adjusting to their new lifestyle. Right. Yeah. I thought it was going to be like, oh, and if you work for us, you get 12 days paid time off to go to furry convince. It's like maybe you're a puppy. Yeah.

Look, we know that we're not working here. We just, this is, all work is, this is the future. Work is a thing that happens where people are forced to be together for their own good or else they'll just sit in their home and hoard collectibles. And endlessly, men will hoard collectibles and play video games and women will endlessly decorate with slogans and platitudes. So we have this thing called, this is a 200 years from now I'm talking about. This is what work exists and it's everyone is forced to go there or else the government will repossess your 10,000 year mortgage on your house, if you're not paying your credits for it, and you are forced to

socialize with each other because the human mind doesn't function unless it's engaged with upwards of with about 250 within between 100 and 200 people, or 50 and 200 people, or else everybody fucking dies. That's what it's gonna, and nobody fucks anymore, and the entire race will die out. That will be called work. There won't, you won't need to get any work done. If you've got a new puppy,

stay at home with your puppy for a few days. We understand. We want you to come in and bring fresh pictures of your puppy. Bring the puppy in to this forced prison that we have solely to make men and women interact, period. And then with the puppy pictures, they'll interact more. It'll be just promoting the world. It's a beautiful cycle.

It's like that five minute break every hour that Amazon makes their workers stay forever. Yeah, so I don't even care. I don't even care that you get firsier. Because what are you doing? What are you doing there anyway? Take all kinds of, did you see an interesting design on your toast?

You get the morning off. You get the morning off, take some pictures, bring them in and give us something to talk about for God's sake, because we're here all day with the Virgin Mary and your toast. We have to be here all day. It's always something like that. I was thinking like Dolomite on the toast.

Yeah. God, Dolomite. The black guy. Yeah, that old TV show. First I was thinking, are you thinking of like Marmite or Vegemite? You got any advice for people starting school? Well, I didn't really, I mean, I didn't really go to school.

So, I really, I went to high school. Well, I didn't really, I mean, I didn't really go to school. So I really want to go to high school. Yeah. You got any advice for kids going back to school this week? No. Just you got to, you've got to try, you've got to try to fuck bitches as much as possible. That's your, you will never regret anything more than being forced together with young, beautiful, young women. I never happen again for the rest. It will never happen again for the rest of your life. I think you're absolutely right.

It's the only thing that matters. You take full advantage of that time in your life. Everything, you're not going to learn anything so it doesn't fuck, it doesn't fucking matter if you do any, any work or any school work at all. Whatever job you get is going to be because you your parents know somebody who know you knew somebody. It's going to be a guy that you met at a bar who gives you a job and the interview doesn't mean shit either. Nothing else in life matters. But looking back and saying, you know what, I banged at least two chicks in high school.

You're 20. These are excellent points. Yes. And I want to point out, or I want to at least impress upon everyone going to college, at least the young men. One, what Dick said about bars is true. Go to as many as you can, meet as many people as you can, make as big a connection you can for jobs, and two, study in coffee shops. If you're in a college town, like not a few UCLA, but if you're in, you know, a little town with population of like 20,000 and then a school population of 15,000. Study it, coffee shops.

You will pick up so many women if you had any amount of game, I used to slay there. And what I would do, I'd set up shop. I'd study whatever I needed to do. Make eye contact with a girl, talk to her a little bit. How would you make eye contact? Pretend I was girl. By being as creepy as shit.

Just being the creepiest weirdo But I'm thinking about my puppy. Yeah, new puppy that I got yeah Oh, and then you focus on or you look at what she's studying like You know yates or whatever bullshit poetry. She's looking at pull up your computer Google it Look at some just talking points. Oh, man, I would do that all the time. And it worked. Unfortunately, I didn't have, uh, wait a minute using laptops. This is a great idea. Not cliff notes for taking the test, but a cliff notes for talking to bros. No, absolutely. I'm telling you, I did that. I picked up so many undergrads

in law school doing this kind of thing, just sitting at feet coffee on the corner of E and third street. And just talking to him, hey, I like a shoes or whatever. By the way, I see you're studying, you know, the Edward Said's book Orientalism. What did you think about his point that he made in chapter 14 that I didn't know about until 30 seconds prior when I googled a goddamn thing and read the word the pedius section?

You're gonna do great, just do that. All right, somebody do that and let me know how it works. I'm gonna play a song way away from upkey johns. Let's play LA arson. This is called Suicide King. I don't know what that might be about. He's got borrowed memories. It's out now.

LA arson put together a stereo save too. Here we go. I don't know what this time, everyone ever one knows what you're mine Everyone never one knows what you're mine, everyone never one knows what you're mine You are straight up trash, straight up cock, and got no real friends, your coolness sunk You don't fucked up now, and we all know how Former satirist, turn latidious, low-cal, riding a bicycle Not so much a Bugatti, madcast as a career

It's a motherfucking hobby, because we can't do a single thing You did it through your little ring that you fucked up And you wonder why things will never be the same Your first show was a real hit and you threw it all away For where an ex girl that doesn't want to see you again Hey, do this time to call it your new network sucks please quit Did the big foul now you can't say that's fucking bullshit That's how it goes

Your parents fucked you up Well, Sanchez made it worse Oh, tell me yourself when you can't even tell Man, turn the fuck up Your parents fucked you up Friends, you're cool with song You don't fuck up this time Everyone ever wants to know such a line Everyone ever wants to know such a line Everyone never wants to know such a line You are straight up trash Straight up cock And got no real friends

You're cool with song Run bad cock is as funny as a funeral procession And mad excited, I see him. Hey monkey is there. You Become a more man and motherfucking you Talk with podcasting and move back to you. If you can hear me I cannot hear you watching the hell back you're going up. Yeah, I can't hear you Speaking of dick. What do you got to say about Maddox? Fuck you. I'm gonna hear me but not you get ready Intense can hear me but not too. Get ready. Don't miss a time, everyone ever won No such a mind, never won No such a mind, never won

No such a mind, you won't straight up trash, straight up cock, you got me to green with the flag of the track, where I belong. Collar roll, I think I have the collar roll. I worked going last week, what

the hell? Oh, now I can hear you. That must have been me. Huh. I guess I had the wrong permissions or something. All right. That's discord. It makes us all the rage.

Oh God, it's so, it's too many options. Now, you know what it is, and I don't want to learn them because I know as soon as I learn them, it'll be replaced by something. No point. Anyway, Munky, how you doing, man? Well, I thought I wasn't gonna make it on,

so I went and ate a very spicy sandwich. So now I get to do this with like a salivating, spicy mouth, which is always fun. The Alex Jones defense, spicy sandwiches. He ate too much chili, so he couldn't remember something that he said to his kids. Did you see that?

Did you see that Alex Jones got busted for looking at Tranny of Trans porn? On his phone? No, no. Tranz, yeah, T-P the phone. No, no, no. No, no, no. Yeah, T-T porn. Hold on, let me know. How do you get busted?

Well, he was showing off. He was Alex Jones, you know, he's PNGed from the East Persona Nongradah from the whole internet. So, he was on his program selling water filters and showing off the new app where everyone can go to consume info wars content. And I guess here's a screenshot of him showing off his new app. Oh no. We had a web page open. And yeah. Oh boy. Let me see. I don't know if I have it here. Has he given a good excuse for why he had that on his phone? Uh yeah, he loves to see girls with dicks getting it.

A Meta joke on Kurt Eichenwald. I mean, look, let's be honest, who wouldn't, who wouldn't want just a woman who's a guy, right? Let me see. I mean, I think the dick is the problem. Swi go after autistic, bro, it's all the time. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. There it is on the live stream. Can you guys see that? I'll blow here. I'll open it up over here. Look at this. So he's advertising his new site on his show. And then he's showing off his phone. And then he pulls up, he pulls up all his tabs, which is, which is, you might as well be killing yourself. So you pull up multiple tabs.

I mean, that like of all the, are you sure you want to do this message on phones? They don't have like six prompts to say, are you sure you want to pull up all your tabs right now? Are you doubly sure? Right. Are you drunk? Are you here? Solve this equation before I show all your tabs.

You better know what's on each and every one of them. You got a fucking camera on the phone, Apple. Why don't you help me out and scan for multiple faces before I do something like this, right? Before I load up photos or before I load up multiple tabs. If there's another face in there, just shut the phone down. Go bluescreen of death error, error, error. It's not this guy's fault. The phone's just crashing.

It's not going to work for like an hour and a half. God, thank you. Um, he pulls this up and there's a very suspicious looking tab here. And the somebody tracked down somebody descrambled it with their, uh, with their autism. I imagine. And it says, naughty tea babe, Marissa minks, uh, relieved of cock hunger. T-Babe, Marissa Minks, relieved of cock hunger. I said, I said, oh man. Is there a Patreon goal high enough that you would show off your browsing history on your computer? Oh, no, God no.

Never in a million years would I show off my browser, not even when I was dead, because my kids would get fired for it. Yeah, for hundreds of years, Munkie. They would suffer for one, it would be, yeah, you poisoned an entire bloodline. Yeah. John, they'd have to change their name. They'd change it to Hitler to escape. Right.

But you know, just to put it out there, like, oh, yeah, you know, Hitler, I see them. Just to throw off any suspicion. How have you been, man? You've been very busy, I see. Oh yeah, I've been great. I've been posting things to YouTube that should be getting me banned, but somehow it's not. So I'm just hanging on by a thread every week,

living it up as long as I can, getting banned from Twitter or left and right. Yeah, you got banned from Twitter, you know, as we all do. That's our alt-right street cred. Kind of a write a passage. What's up? Got banned from Twitter too, man. How many. That's our alt-right street cred. Kind of a write a passage. What's up? Band from Twitter too, man.

How many times? And you just release, go ahead. When you get banned from Twitter, everybody says, oh, go to GAB, go to mines. And I check out those websites, and they have like five viewers each. You just sucked. You can't use them because they're not on anything.

Well, they're not on your fucking up for a while, right? I did, and then when I went on it, they banned it from iTunes and Google places like, well, how the fuck no one's going to use this shit? No. What's wrong with you? You gotta go back to the only game in town. Yeah. And just kiss the ring. Anyway, you've got a new movie out. That's right. A stereo,

some self traveled across country by train, like the Old West to come help me produce a short film. Really? Oh yeah, yeah. He all expenses paid by him too. He didn't even want any money for it. He's a true trooper in the world of filmography. Yeah. Where did he, where did you guys shoot this? Well, what's it called, first of all? It's called Monkey Jones stops a school shooting. Yeah, okay. A film that we made in my living room, which we turned into a home school Christian classroom for the film. Yeah, okay.

And here's, Mumpy's being modest, but he actually plays like Eddie Murphy in the Fat Professors. He plays multiple characters in this movie. He plays... You could have gone with coming to America. He plays multiple characters and coming to America. He's like, you know, guys on a barber shop.

And he's, oh, that's right. He was two of the guys in barber shop. He was the old Jewish guy in the barber shop. Yeah, oh, yeah. Milchamadali. Yeah. God damn it. Yeah.

He was doing a little bit of Jew-face. Yeah. Yeah, he was Yeah. He was doing a little bit of juice face. Yeah. That's a lot. A lot of juice. Arsenio played a couple. See what happens to his kids when people get one of these think-peasers at the Huffington Post accidentally watches coming to America thinking that it's some kind of documentary on immigrants coming into the country and making the best of it.

They get a load of this. That's it. It's it. It's weird. The only references to this country of Zimunda I can find or in this movie, and in that one Dave Chappelle's kit, I wonder. Yeah. So, Munky plays himself, Munky Jones, and you play like an, it seemed to me like an Elliott

Rogers inspired psychopath. Yeah, I gave myself an actual bolt cut, and I play a character called Vincent the atheist who was being forced to go to a Christian private school so naturally he wants to shoot it up and kill every person. Really going method on this. You know, I was gonna ask if that was your real hair because it looks atrocious. I mean, sounds atrocious. I mean, pull up. Yeah, I got a behind- scenes video of a stereo holding the bowl on my head as people save around it. I went all out for this production. Oh, then let me load it up here.

No, that's not the clip I wanted to load. But that is this real face. Yeah, I want to show. Look at the stereo. So this is what Mumki looks like throughout this picture. Yeah. Oh my God. That's amazing. The mumkey looks like throughout this picture. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. I love this movie already.

That's amazing. Like, disgusting. What did you do after this ball cut? I shaved it off completely now. I'm a skinhead. Oh nice. I'm the only white guy in my neighborhood now I'm like the bald white guy.

Yeah. This is a real commitment. Why do you call him Mumkey Jones? Why do you call yourself Mumkey Jones? Uh, because in high school, I actually got this nickname before I did YouTube. It was because of my friends, yeah. That's why it's spelled

Monkey on the video, but on your name, it's Monkey. Well, because it's a long story, but the whole reason why this movie was made was because the creator of Cool Cat, Derek Savage, was going to let me be in his school shooter movie, but then he cut everybody and I said, fuck it, I'll make the movie for five bucks instead. But when he announced that I was going to be in the movie, he spelled my name wrong as Monkey. So it's like, it's a fuck you to him. Sean, there's an equally rich lore surrounding the Mumkey Jones experiences on this show.

That's right. That's right. This is just part of that. What do I know about name the spellings? I wanted to play a clip from this Mumkey. It's of a stereosis part. Yeah, is it the God clip? No, I want to play that one too.

This is when he's arguing with, it's when he's arguing with His ex-wife Okay, this is a stereo's in mom key Jones monkey. Monkey Jones stops the school shooting I'm actually waiting to pick him up right now dear, you know, I'm picking up our son at his Christian private school Something supportive parents do oh our son at his Christian private school. Something supportive parents do. Oh, oh, well, have you know I've got an M9 pistol and an AR-15. So I've got plenty of options for killing myself. Hello? What? Hello? God! And then this is Vincent. Hey son, how's your first day? Horrible. And everyone treated me like shit.

I don't want to go back there. Oh son, I'm sorry to hear that. I was just 20 dollar bill. This should probably somehow make you feel bad. Oh son, I've been thinking it over. ... Uh, son, I've been thinking it over. Yeah. And if you get kicked out of this school,

I'm gonna have to send you to military school. Military school? What you flippin' don't you choice! But don't take away my cigarettes! And my satanic prayer candles! Well then, you better make sure you don't get kicked out of this school too, Vincent. Oh my sweet boy. I know how important of candles are to you.

Let go of my windrow. I'm gonna take my points away from the attic. Our teddy got a team with God. Ah, ah, ah, you. Wow. Wow. Very powerful. See, I know what I'm doing. He turned out the windshield wipers by accident, but it was the best take so we had to see. Yeah. Well, have you seen any of the live shows for any reason? I mean, he's constantly mics are hitting the deck at all times. Stands are getting knocked over. Chairs are being caught in like his pants.

There's, I mean, he's a walking disaster. No, he's here. Oh, no, let me explain what's the areas. He comes in fresh. He, that's why he has so much energy because he's here. No, let me explain what's the areas. He comes in fresh. That's why he has so much energy because he's, because he's coming in fresh and he's got to learn how to use everything for the first time.

That's his craft. So when you see him holding a microphone and adjusting it all the way down and then unscrewing it and moving it all the way up. So if he's, that's his craft. He's learning how to use the mic for the first time. You have to go to the extremes to know how to get to the middle. He's testing it for what it's ranges, the parameters.

To see if, see if it can take his performance. I never thought about that. So it's up the wind hindsight. Go watch one of his performances and you can see that he's, he's in his mind, he's learning how to, chairs, learning how to use, that's why his legs are spread so far apart and his feet are hooked into the sides

because he doesn't know that he's going to fall off. That's very brave. It's very brave. He's walking a tight rope with no net for the first time in front of an audience. Yes, exactly. That's why he's so engaging as a performer. Monkey, do you got any behind the scenes stuff

working with Astero on this program? Yeah, at the end of the movie, there should be like a hyperlink on the video to an equally long behind the scenes documentary that shows. Are people gonna make it to the end of this video? Uh, you want a thousand people have evidently. Awesome.

This is a big, this is a big movie. Wait, how many thousand? 200,000? Holy shit. Wait, how many thousand? 200,000? Holy shit. Yeah, it's one of my biggest videos so far this year. It's great. I watched it thinking that I would just,

like, just kind of like peruse it and check it, like look for clips, but I got sucked in immediately. And it's 20,000. 23 minutes? Yeah, about that. Oh, that's good. See, most people have that amount of time to invest. Something about it is like, it's like those films you make

when you're a little kid. Yeah. Yeah. I used to make those, and I was like a real hot penis about, a real Stanley Kubrick about it, making everyone, right, you know, that wasn't good enough. Do it again, it's like, man, what an asshole. It's got that feel to it, but done well by people who are funny.

Yeah, we specifically wanted to make it for a budget of $5, just to prove to Derek Savage that you don't need a teacher's salary to make a fucking 20 minute short film. What has been the five bucks on? Stereos. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yeah, it was nice. It was nice. It was on the cat costume. Oh yeah. I think I believe I have a clip of your, of the cat. Did a stereo fight the cat costume?

You don't need to play the cat clips. Just play the Asterios clips. We want to trick people into watching this thing. Okay. There's also a scene where I have a hot steamy guy on Guy Makeout session, but I don't think that's gonna be radio friendly. I don't think that's gonna be friendly for anything.

Right. No. Agreed. What? Where am I? Is this heaven? That's right, my boy. It's exactly what it's gonna look like.

I can't believe it's really you. Wait, where's my father? He died in the shooting, too. Oh! He is burning in hell! That creepy fucker was sleeping with one of his students! Oh. Ah, heck.

I knew Alexa was cheating on me. Well, geez. I guess all my classmates will be joining us soon, huh? Not necessarily, Monkey. You see, I'm sick and tired of all these atheist school shootings. I keep sitting here watching them happen doing nothing about it. A lot of people just want to notify you and exist. They're thinking, what are you doing? Just sitting there on a cloud and jerking off watching these kids die? I see. And you mean to these kids die?

That girl bought it. There's a kid who's a god of dreams. And I say yes. But I'm sick of it. I've come too many times. So watch it, keep dying. So now it's time to fix things. Monkey Jones, I'm gonna send you back to Earth

to save your friends and Monkey Jones stops a school shoelace. I have to watch this. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you put the title, that's my favorite thing in the world, when they say the title in the movie, right? Did you put that in in purpose or just, on in the world when they say the title in the movie, right? Did you put that in in purpose or did it on purpose or just seriously? That was part of the script. Surprisingly, the part about jerking off the dead kids was all the stereos on the spot.

You can tell. I believe that you can tell as he's saying it. How do we nominate? I don't know. I don't know. We need to find out. The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun You fucking So this is him as his mom monkey girl

All right, I don't wanna spoil the ending. We should do a commentary track. Okay, that'd be fun. I love that. Yeah, you wanna call in and do one with us? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, that'd be great. Congratulations, man.

This is a 200,000 downloads. I think that's more than Ocean's eight. God. I hope so. That's great. You beat Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock together. Are you going to do like a red carpet premiere for this? No, we just threw it up on YouTube and called it a day. But surprisingly, you're so good. Yeah. YouTube has so much, you know, they're demonetizing every video. But like we just had the problem, you saw an ad on this video. This video is monetized completely. And I have no idea why they let one slip past the goalie, I guess. They really did. A school shooting is in the title. Yeah's because of a stereosis message that the only way to stop the bad guy with

a gun is love. Yeah, probably. Yep, 100% right there. Oh, this is a right political message. Oh, man, you got anything that makes, oh, I saw you in your grandma's stream. I think it was, that was funny. Yeah, it was monkey in his grandma answering questions. And she was talking, you got your,

you convinced your grandma that Jizz was a type of soda. Oh, God. I remember, so she's talking about drinking Jizz and asking why all these people are such fans of drinking this soda Jizz all the time. Oh, it was great. Boy, I thought it was fun. It was a good time.

Yeah, you got anything that makes you a rage buddy? Yeah, it's this new concept to me. It's called being wrong. Have you guys ever experienced this before? I mean, constantly, only when I thought I was. It turned out I was mistaken. And here's why I'm wrong.

In Sean, I really owe you a major apology. Because last time I called in my my rage was movie theaters that make you purchase the individual seat that you want. Oh, yeah sure. Yeah, yeah And now that movie pass has died and I've moved on to a different format of paying less for movies I now get to benefit from buying the individual seat and it is truly amazing and I should on Sean because he liked it and I'm so sorry. Oh, that's you're forgiven. You're forgiven.

Wait, you saying that you like reserving your seats in advance? Or this can be you now, yeah. Oh, fuck you. He really does. I was waiting for the other, I was waiting for the other few to go. That is so fucked. The buying, it makes a simple decision to go to a movie into a whole day or deal. I love it.

You got to talk the day, oh, do you want to go to a movie tomorrow? Oh, I want to, that's the way they trap you and get their hooks in you. That's what you don't like. The next thing you know, you got a kid. Oh boy. That's all I got for you this week. You got to pay that in the Pacific theaters. I remember last time you were on to you.

You drove one of our artists to the show, off the show completely. I don't know if you remember that. Oh, yeah. Did that get cut out of the funnel episode? I didn't remember it. Yeah, I felt terrible cutting it out, but yeah, that was a tough one. He begged and then other people got involved and was like, oh, man, well, not, but I don't want to say begged,

but wasn't that kind of, that was like the last time you said anything got cut. It was a big mistake. Everybody, you just have to know if you come on, it's not getting cut. Yeah, like you just have to be aware that whatever you say, however, whatever weird turns it takes, are gonna stay.

So I think you owe me an apology for that because he was a great artist. I don't even know what did I do to piss him off. I think he said like, monkey for my bit, don't even pretend you don't exist. Don't even say a word. Yeah, I want to come and do that.

You had to be a question and I answered it and he got mad at me. That was a test to see if you would be polite enough to pretend that you didn't exist and you needed attention so much all the time that you couldn't resist. And I think also you pissed him off, but you can't get mad at you because he like wanted to talk about how doing art for the show really helped him with his depression. And then you jumped into a Greenland joke immediately.

And I think it drew him off. Yeah. Well, you know, it's funny. It's funny. That's why he's mad at me. He saw is joke. Monkey Joe. Monkey Joe is a joke, Steve. Now he's stealing guys' movies. See what I mean?

You got another movie in the pipeline? Like, Monkey Jones stops an abortion or something like that? I kind of want to do a sequel called Monkey Jones stops a mass shooting where Satan brings us back alive to go do it again. That's a good idea. I watched that. I watched this. Bring it. Stereo is just in front of a green screen as God. He doesn't have to come down again to do it. He could be Satan too. He'd probably play a great Satan. All right, buddy. Thanks for calling in. Congratulations on your success.

Thanks. Have a nice show, guys. It's you too. 200,000 views. In, uh, how long? What did you put it out? A week? Let me see. That's impressive.

August 10th. So two weeks. Yeah. Well, that's a lot. Oh, yeah. These kids today. All right. Let me see.

Let me play another song. Uncle Bucks and a song in to celebrate the, um, the battle of the bands. Here you go, Uncle Buck. This means war. This is the Cuck Sockers who I think did win. I think that they won the contest and so Maddox started fucking with my voting system his website.

Yeah. They were in the lead. And then when the numbers came back, they were all fudged like, you know, democratic elections. So I'm going to give it to the Cuck Sockers. I do think, I enjoyed both songs. And as we talked about, I think they were both good on their own merits, but I think the Cuxackers won.

you you just send you a drum stem I don't know this I think this is just a oh yeah you did yeah you did it says on the fucking file drums goddammit yeah I don't find the fucking interesting that many bars of just drums for it. He just sent me the fucking drum stands.

Whoops. Okay. Well, maybe you're supposed to sing it, you sent me the lyrics. Yeah, he sent me the lyrics in the drumstem, right? Okay. Well, that's not going to get it done. All right, well, there you go. Thank done. All right, well there you go. Thank you.

Thanks, Cuxockers. I'll play something else. This is Kendall, Kendall and Hyde. It's called the Dixiel Babes. You got it. I hope it's more than drums. No, you already got it. You already got a sense of like a new,

so like eagerly. This is unrelated, but Jews are like a pimpilist. Forget Kimberly Kendrick, Casey and the rest. Starting now, I'm only banging chicks from TV. Yeah, it's just a couple things I need to get off my chest. Read all about it. This is Ha-Authlet press. Lacey, dress me crazy.

Your hair news is a mess. But Jamie Lynn Hues is kinda good too. I get it. Hey, I'm not a foxy, but damn you're based on Noosey Lacing J.E.L.H.K.W.D. and coming watch her lose it And watch my dick go Blam, blam, blam Just like a noose

Cause I'm a Patreonian Get videos to see Rubbed up, dubbed to news babes And a job then a cop of a fool Like, hey, who needs a scrub? Each hop on and hung this plenty of room Uh, I went to the bookstore and store and I bought you a little vibe. Fifty cents, don't worry, it's new.

Still has the damn tag. Wait, never mind. That's somebody's old band-aid. Hey, mustard queen, I'll gladly do your bidding. You hate toilet seats? Huh? Disgusting. No kidding.

Babe, I'm your man. Never peep while I'm sitting. Girl, if you will, I'll even stand. Well, I'm shitting. Surround you, surround you. Don't stop thinking about you. Or you said so wrong, if you will, I'll even stand Well, I'm shitty, surround you So I'm just thinking about you Or he sits so wrong, you're either way I want you I know you have a man, but he's a freaking great man

So come and visit him in that little green dress You're who I want to do, girl, you make my damn part My wife who is a picture of you, I drew my damn self You fill me with professional, I give you candle duties You're the perfect combination of those self-esteem and beauty. Girl, you're such a cute girl. You gotta juicy booty and truly it's my duty to date you absolutely. I'll take you to the movies, pick a chick flick, I'm not juicy. Yo, I heard this monkey do.

He made a film that is quite moving. It's a bad school shootings or something like that. He's funny to the fire down actress who loves to pork chatter. Pitter-patter goes my heart when your podcast starts. Maybe someday we could cuddle in the dark. Which babe do I? I'm like that, but it's either fired on actress who loves to pork chatter Pitter-patter goes my heart when your podcast starts Maybe someday we could cuddle in the dark Which babe do I like best? I have to choose quickly Everything's a contest who gets to unzip me

Peace, salava, Jamie, Syracia, LAC Fight for the right to be the girl who gets a date Lace, I love your face and you have child-bearing hips Nothing would be better than you having all my kids. Our picture was together. Hmm, speaking of fix, I saw your playboy photo shoot. I really love your smile every day. Okay, all right, that's enough of that.

That's enough of that. That's enough of that. We affirm why we glettin'. All right, all right, all right, thank you, Kendal. That was much better than I was expecting it to be. What do you mean? I mean, you're much better than I expect you to be. Okay, the more you hear it, the more you hear it's a turn.

So strike that from the record, please. No, I mean, I like Kendall and Hyde, but only one of the songs sticks out in my memory, but this is definitely. The bicycle boys? No, that one. I love that. I actually forgot that was him.

It was great. Oh yeah. No, the bicycle boys too lost in New York. I love that. I actually forgot that was him. It was great. Oh yeah. And the bicycle boys too lost in New York. Didn't even know that was so. I totally forgot about that. Yeah, and this is right off the top of my head. Yeah. Sue me.

Yeah. Yeah. That was another gem. Absolutely. All right, let me read some of these comments from last week. Dr. Harry Weinerstein, MD, he's a real doctor. Just listen to 115, you are spot on about being incentivized to discharge patients.

Some hospitals even give you gift cards every time you get a certain number of patients out before noon. Oh my God. I have enough gift cards now to buy an Nintendo switch. Bragging. Part money and part because studies show better outcomes for patients who are discharged before noon. Yeah, it's probably because the nurses are back. They're yucking it up. Yeah, having the time of

their fucking lines. You know, I've been telling everybody to send in video of them burning Maddox's book and I'll give them a free t-shirt. I don't know if you guys saw that. This is what you've been doing. Yeah, I've got about, I've got about 40 videos. It's just, some guy has a blow torch. That he took a blow torch to Matt, do you want to see that? Yeah, I'm in a wood. Yeah, okay, let me load it up for you. They're incredible.

Is this an Elon Musk blow torch or a real one? It's a real one. It's not just like a Creme Broulet thingy. I edited, I edited, that's right. I edited this blowtorch video guy sent in, because it's so fucking cool. When you're gonna burn a hard cover. Yeah, and it's like a homemade blowtorch

with this big propane tank next to it. It looks really fucking cool. So I edited it and added some, I feel like I'm saying that weird every time. Addited it. I added it. Addited it. I added it and added some music and some,

you know, some cuts to really make it pop. So here we go. Please watch the great Maddox book, book barbecue with me. This is the blowtorch. So it's like a jet engine. Yeah. So it's like a jet engine. Yeah. Look at that.

Look at that power. I want one. Right? Look at a kick in. It's just a fucking propane tank. Did you think the music adds something? Did you do it? Yeah, well I added it to the video. Yeah, it's very soothing. Yeah, I loaded up on watching Fire. Yeah, which is hypnotizing in a song. Right.

And if you can go on and go on and go fuck yourself Did you do the slum I went over to? Yeah, I did the slum I too Yeah, there you go So you burn a mattox book and you get a dick shot Very well supplied by Right, there you go It's gonna be barbecue a mattox book

Um, why to avoid the connotation of book burning? I don't know Yeah Can't be too careful on today's day and age. I figure none of my kids are hireable. Yeah. Anyway. Ever.

Good. The safe assumption. Yeah. And if they do get hired, it's just a bonus. I'm told everybody at the cottage trip about the story of Maddox and why I was burning his book. They hate him too and happily joined in the book burning, including my three-year-old daughter.

Isn't that nice? Oh boy. I had. Natham Young. Yeah, give him a free shirt. Coach sent me a picture of him and his new baby watching a Trump rally. Oh, boy. What's the current? What's the baby have a bunch of Trump clothes

and stuff like that? I think so. Yeah. They both have little cribs that they're sitting in. Oh, they have father and son cribs. Carriers that they both sit in for maximizing their comfort. Who carries coach? Coach had it, I don't know. Agrilla.

I think he just feels safe and there's something that shaped like a carrier. Daniel F's, hey, Dick, just shooting you an email to say it might be wise for you, oh, women, I don't understand that. Moment of zen. Oh, those women garbage sales wait a minute, I don't wanna say that. Um, moment of zen. Oh, those women garbage sales. That strikes a chord. I would constantly rip on those it works. Herb a life nonsense that people try and peddle off of face.

But the only thing they really suckered in my misses was the pure romance multi-level marketing scam where women try to sell their friends hilariously marked up vibrators. Really? When she was telling me she came away without one because of how expensive they were, then after she let me work through my MLM hate train, you gotta let guys get it out of their system. When you come home, if you have any kind of news

as a woman, you gotta say it and then just let the guy rant about it and then you can have a sensible conversation, just ignore it, you don't need to respond to it at all. Just let us get it out of the system. I went to the CD strip mall, sex shop and asked the Landwale female cashier for her recommendation for my wife, that Whale clearly only gets pleasure electronically. This is what I'm talking about. You just gotta let him get it out.

It doesn't matter. It's not personal. Perfect person to recommend. For $50, get the best vibrator my wife has ever had. Why would you ever voluntarily add another middleman to the chain of commerce? You are already subject to is beyond me because you got to have an excuse to get together.

That's why. Go to the store, order shit online, everything's always available. This is from Rubindario, Albarran. Long time listener here, ever since the big problem, the universe number four aired, recently decided to engage more with the community. I've been meaning to write up the story for the longest

of times of being a lazy piece of shit I always forgot. Anyway, as soon as I heard the Venezuelan guy called Diego, who studied something music related, the first thing I thought was, huh, this is one of the guys I went to school with? I should check if he's living in California, lo and behold, after some Facebook. I don't expect him to remember me since he was a few years older than me. And I don't

reckon we had any friends in common. The reason he made such an impression on me, this is somebody went to high school at Diego. The reason he made such an impression on me is because, at the end of the school year, all the high school would get together and organize a bit of a talent show to showcase what the students had been working on during music classes and such. Mind you, this was a small high school with 40 students per grade. My friend, who is a cocky little shit back in the day, decided to challenge Diego to a drum off.

Diego's a good drummer. Well, my friend then proceeded to play the shittiest drum solo in the history of drum solos while everybody stared and cringed when Diego's turn was up. This was our Diego. He proceeded to play a very elegant bossanova rhythm with a single hand at a reasonably high speed, which looking back, it probably wasn't that impressive. Compared to the mess, though, as my friend's performance probably sounded amazing. My friend got so humiliated that day, he killed himself.

Wow. You added that. You got so humiliated that day. Fucking Diego killed people with his dreams. He vowed to continue playing the drums and improve. And now he is the drummer for a reasonably famous band in Scotland. So congratulations Diego. I really pushed him.

Yeah Diego. Somebody had to open his eyes because clearly he had no sense of self when he He's anably famous band in Scotland. So congratulations. Do you have Diego? Yeah. I really pushed him. Yeah. Diego. Somebody had to open his eyes because clearly he had no sense of self when he, you know, Diego destroying this man with one hand changed permanently and forever the course of his life. He's now a semi-famous drummer in Scotland. Well, so what does that mean?

Uh, it means he escaped from the socialist hellhole. Well, he's in his way with a famous band. Yeah, but what is a semi-famous band in Scotland. Well, so what does that mean? It means he escaped from the socialist hellhole. He's in his way, which is a very famous band. Yeah, but what is a semi-famous band in Scotland? Well, go and play it breweries or pubs wearing kilts. I don't know, maybe they're like, is it all like bagpipe rock? Is that what they're playing? Yeah, semi-famous band in Scotland or from Scotland?

In Scotland. In Scotland. Sorry, reasonably famous band in Scotland. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know what I'm saying, right? You don't have, not a lot of competition. I mean, you know, I'm playing the Fairplex in Pomona. Let me get, yeah, let me see if Grant Monies there.

Hey, Grant, are you there? Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Yeah, hey, buddy, congratulations on being on Cnex Tuesday network. We're all very excited to have you. You guys put a hell of a fight together. Sorry, what's that? You guys had a hell of a fight together.

Both of you put up a hell of a fight to get on and I'm happy to welcome you both to the network. That's what I was saying. Thank you. Yeah. I wanted to call it last week, but I was up in Wisconsin and couldn't get any service. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who listened

to us, who checked us out, who voted, thanks to you for having the contest in the first place. Oh, sure. What were you doing up in Wisconsin? Just family time. Oh, okay. Is that where you're up in Wisconsin? I just family time. Oh, okay. Is that where you're from?

Wisconsin? No, no, fuck no. The family just went to Wisconsin? Yeah, you know, yeah. Just hanging out. Okay. Well, thanks, buddy. How did you have anything else for us?

Thank you. You anything you make here, right? I sent you a song. It's our new theme song. I took all of the police irons out of it. Oh, thank God. Let me find it and replace them with ambulance. This is your new song It's entirely Fuck you guys, that's great. This is what you're doing to my network loading it up with police I'm trying to turn it up, please to be fair. No, I'm not gonna turn it up So if anybody's driving I'm sorry no, but to be fair

You can obviously tell that it's not a real cop because of where he cuts it. No, but the cops do that. Like cops. Not, but there's multiple sirens going. You know, it's a bunch of cops. It's a ton of cops. Not like that. They're finally after you.

I know sometimes they blip their sirens, but it doesn't sound like that. Which is so condescending. Instead of just let it blare, you know what? If you're gonna pull me over, turn it all the way on. Have you, have you, feel like I've done something? Yeah, respect me enough to at least think I might be planning an escape that you don't just need to casually, boop, boop, boop. No, turn it on all the way, you son of a bitch, all the way, all the way until I'm stopped

and pulled over like I'm like I'm fully Mexican. Yeah. Like there's some like everyone needs to be alerted of this person. Not like I'm a trained dog right here. And then I immediately cave and bend over and prepare to get fucked. Thanks a lot. Grant for your new theme song. No problem. Thanks, Alex again. All right, your audio is terrible. Get the hell out of here. Co-pacti was constant. It'll be better there. Let's see who else do I got in here.

I got the Rommel. The Rommel. Yeah, he's a guy from the Facebook group. I'm gonna read this. You remember I talked about that tragic story. I wanted to read to you. Yeah, I'm gonna read that. I'm gonna let the Rommel in and I'll read it to you. You there, Rommel?

Yeah. What's up, man? I'm gonna read this story for you guys. Do you want me to talk or do you wanna go ahead? I'll read it, I'll read it. Sure, you can chime in. I'm not sure yet if I want. We're not sure yet if we want you to talk.

I'll be here patiently. Hey, Dick, I was a big fan of the old show. And when it ended, I stopped listening to podcasts for a while. However, I recently started listening to the Dick Shown. I just got caught up a few weeks ago. You were always my favorite, fuck Maddox. That's nice. This is from a woman, by the way, Brittany.

While I was listening, I couldn't stop thinking about your rage in episode 86, and I feel like I have something I can add. I'm going to apologize in advance here for the long email, but I promise it's worth it. Now to your rage, fuck bras. I absolutely agree. I'm 25. I live in Southern Ontario, Canada, and I have massive tits. Oh, is that that, is that that, Carrie?

Oh, wait, no, she's too old to be a 25 unless she's lying. My my world to be my broad size is 36 K. I guess he's talking 36 K. Yeah, can you guys hear me by the way? Yeah, we can hear you. Can you hear us? Yes. So so day. Here we go. You know, I was on my way to Albuquerque. Okay. And it looks like I took a wrong turn and I landed up in Boomerville. Okay. Okay. What are you talking about this show?

Yeah, I'm just fucking with you. What's up, man? It's good to talk to you. It's good to finally meet. Yeah, hold on. Let me, let me read this touching email from this woman first. Then you could talk about Boomerville. Because of my broadsizes, as I was saying,

my broadsizes 36K. Yeah. Those are big tips. Wow, strike me out right now. That's okay. That's okay right here. Yeah. That's a perfect game.

Yeah, that's a strikeout looking. Yeah. Woo. That hump doesn strikeout looking. Yeah. Woo! Yeah. That hump doesn't even call it. You just walk, everybody just leaves the field. Because you know it was because of my huge and unusual size, not my words. Of course it fitters.

I find it very difficult to find bras that fit in our comfortable. The nearest bra store that can fit me is probably an hour away from where I live and a bra for me cost upwards of $100 each. Oh, Sean. Jesus. Stereo is this charging people for yogurt and we got these women with $100 bras that, can you believe that? That's worse than the wage gap.

My underwear comes in a pack. $100 bra. Oh. That's awful, man. My underwear comes in a pack! How are all their bra? Oh, it's awful, man. Now don't get me wrong, I love having huge boobs. And I would never change them. But it is such a hassle to find bras and to be comfortable in general that I daily curse the fact that I can't just go brawless.

Me too. Since I have a job that requires me to look professional, I know that going to work without a bra on is out of the question, but other than that, I would be perfectly happy without one. There's just one problem, other fucking women. You see, when you have gigantic tits like I do, everybody stares, 80s girls nodding.

All the time, no matter what bra or no bra, but the difference is that when men stare, they're doing it admiringly and because my tits are great respectfully, I think she means. And while they're definitely more than a few creeps out there, a bra is gonna stop them from being creeps either way. It's a different story when it comes to women though. If I go out with my enormous tits,

not to slung up in a bra, almost every single woman I come across stares at me with a judge, mental, and snide look on their face. That says they completely disapprove of my lack of support and also that they're jealous. I can't fault that though. My boobs are pretty great. If it wasn't for these fucking women, I would feel completely comfortable not wearing a bra in public. But since it's like they've never been around at 20 plus pound chest before, I continue to wear a bra. Really, I think they're scared.

Maybe they think my boobs have special powers, or they're just annoying. They're just annoyed. There's don't. Anyway, there you go, Dick, the reason why you and I both can't enjoy brahlistness. Boob's are not safe for women. Brittany, PS, great show.

If you wanna read this on the air, feel free. Thanks. How about that? Oh, I play a song for you. Can I talk now? Hold on, hold on. Great show if you want to read this on the air feel free thanks about that Play song for you can I talk now hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on. Yes, permission now. Let me enjoy the So we're just enjoying the the world that could have been If women weren't so caddy Cutting each other down every say all right the Rambo. What have you got to say about boomerville? Oh?

I don't I don't have much to say I think you're cool. I think a lot of people in the group are kind of like, I'm just going to talk shit about whoever, but not really bring anything to the table. Yeah. I mean, that's not the only reason I'm here. But as far as tit holsters, that chicks, tits are fake, man. When they, when they get that big, they get too saggy. I prefer a perky tits. Yeah. Cause you're like, you're like a child. You need that. You know, you know, you know, one time I dated this girl, she was legal by the age of consent. My buddies, they all gave me shit. You know, they said, you know, she's 16. I said, Hey, she's know she's 16 I said hey she's she's the age of consent you can say whatever you want about her but she sucks dick great for a child

Jesus right this is what you wanted to call in the same no I'm just making a few jokes well it's not dick yeah yeah all right but, I saw your videos in the Facebook group and they're very funny. Yeah, I like dude Your group. Well, I don't know if you're in there that much. They are so easy to troll. Oh, yeah, why do you say that? This they get mad about everything like I I purposely act like really arrogant and like Like really like over the top and like they get they they bite it every time they bite it dude. It's what? It's fun. Like what? I'll be like, dude, I'll be like, yo, you boopers aren't getting as much pussy as I am. I'm getting different bitches here every day of the week, man. What's your secret? What's your secret to getting so much pussy for front hole?

Well, my secret is girls will always be like, hey, I can't wait to see the inside of your house. What is the inside of your house look like? And I tell them, oh, the inside of my house, you want to know what it looks like? It looks like the inside of a burlap sack. That works And that works. You know, girls like rape fantasies. I'm not a, you know, I'm not, I don't know. This is my first time. Yeah. You got underage joke.

Now you've got a rape joke. You got a third, you got a third strike for us. Okay, I'll stop. I'll stop. No, no, please go ahead. I didn't make you a rage. I don't know if you're cool with that. This is my first time. I like being shocking. Right, right, right. Yeah, I'm not actually like that, but I like being shocking. What do you actually like? I'm just like a dude that likes to like chill and drink and I... why i like world war two documentaries

okay i'm at i respect like i don't respect all women i respect women if they deserve respect like how they deserve respect by by their own burlap sack no i've been by not being complete slots okay why do you like World War II documentaries so much? I like the whole, I like the goose stuff and all that.

Okay, there we go. There we go, number three, good. The Rommel, that makes a lot of sense. Is anything make you rage, Rommel? Anything that, what makes me rage? SJWs, Marxists, Communists, and feminists. Okay, you're a very political guy. Sounds like.

No, not to the sense that I'm always political. I just can't stand like women screaming in my ear, it's all like me that they're better than me. And yeah, shit like that. I mean, I don't know. This is my first time on here, boys. Don't rip me to shreds. Oh, I think they might.

Oh, well, your group already does. That's not it. Yeah, you don't have to worry about it. All right. What if you've got more commentary on boomers, please, please call in again. Oh, well, I got more commentary. What is please please call in again. Oh well I got more comments. What is it? What is it? What is it? Well I think that you guys like I think you guys teeter over like you like you want to

still be politically correct and like you kind of try to be edgy but you're not that edgy like you're like oh really got them there. I really put them in their place there. Like, oh, they don't like Trump. I'm gonna say something, whatever. I don't know how to even explain it. I think you guys could go over the edge more. Like what? Like honestly, you guys, you dance around this.

Like you guys are still afraid of being called racist or sexist. Like, dude, just go all out, piss them off to the extreme. around this like you guys are still afraid of being called racist or sexist like dude just go all out, piss them off to the extreme. Give me an example of how we should talk. Don't fucking care what they say to you. Like honestly don't like don't say oh well I'm not racist but look what this black guy did. Fuck don't even say that shit.

Do we say that John Do we say that? John, do we say that? I don't think either of us have ever started a sentence with I have black for someone that's friends are black. A lot of people in your group do that shit where they're like, they're like, oh, well, you know, like, hey, I don't have a problem with women or minorities, but look at this. It's like, no, just say what you want to with women or minorities, but look at this. It's like, no, just say what you want to say. Stop being a pussy, stop pussy, foot and around it. Stop prefacing everything because that's, it's never enough. It's not the people, the people who are offended by anything think the world thinks, think their existence is a mistake.

That's, that's the apology that they're looking for. I, all right. You guys want to know who I am. Yeah. Who are you? I run the Thousand Island Supreme Shipposting Group and I have the YouTube channel Thousand Island Supreme. Okay. We basically inherited Sam Hyde's fan base. We are Sam Hyde's boys. You know Sam. I emailed Sam. So I got a little bit of clout. I run a lot of groups. We're basically trolls for hire. We're supposed to mercenaries. Okay. Hit trolls. Have you hooked up with Dustin? He's got a meme folder that I hear is very dangerous. Yeah, have him DM me on here or on on fuckbook. Wait, can I say the fuck word on here? Yeah.

That's fucking what you. All right, all right. All right, are you dick? Are you still the, are you still a misogynist? Uh, yeah. I got a fucked up story. You want to hear it? Yeah, sure. Let's hear it. I was banging this chick once Okay And what does she look like huh? What did she look like? She was alright. She was kind of thick though

I don't like she was she was like on the edge of like where I would say like she's almost too fat for me She wasn't fat, she was big. Right in the line. I was banging her. I was banging her and she had her black lab, like her dog, like outside of my door. And he was scratching at the door and shit. Yeah.

So I'm banging her, you know, and I finish. That's the mention it's black. Yeah. Not that the racist, but he had a black lab out there. Yeah, he was a black lab. He wasn't fixed. So I coom all over his stomach, right? Yeah.

And so there's just coom everywhere. And he's scratching at the door. He wants to get in. He doesn't know what's going on. He's all excited. So I'm like, hey, babe, let me go get you something to wipe you up. So I know the dog's outside the door. You bring back the dog. And I, and I,

and I, and well, this is what I did. So I told her I was going to go get her like a, a washcloth to wipe the coom off of her. And the dog, the dog was right outside. Okay. And I was like, Hey, in my mind, I was like, this is going to be funniest. Fuck. So I, wait and we slam open the door. let the dog run in knowing he's gonna lick straight for the calm and I mean he goes hog wild on the calm all over the comb you mean he lick that shit off and I mean a what fuck it I don't care was she pissed yes she was pissed do you think, no, no, I don't think you care Also dick. Yeah, if you could do me a huge favor. Okay. There's a song that I link to you called middle school nipples

Where where did you link it to me? I sent it to you. It's nothing nothing to bad. Can you post it in the in the discord right here? Yeah, it's in your DMs. I want me to play it. It's not that long. Everybody, I clicked on your top link and it says this video has been removed for violating YouTube's community guidelines. No it didn't. Yes, it does. Yeah, it fucking did here. I think this one was a little bit too funny.

Yeah. No, it wasn't like, it wasn't like bad or? Too much fun. I didn't, I didn't call him in my school nipples. I think it might have been too much fun. Here. Well, that was probably because the one of you dicks fucking reported it. Yeah. All right, I'm all.

I got one more video if you wanted to see it. Okay, Sean, do you want to see his other video? Why not? If my other video, no, my other video is funny. You guys would like it. I'm telling you. This is the Cribsy one. Cribs, internet rapist edition.

Oh, all right. Cribsy. Sorry. Isn't that how they say it? Cribsy. Cribs. How cool could say it? I'm being corrected by the cum, Lord.

Yeah. The cum, Lord. All right. You're gonna take you on a little fucking journey. Yo, this is Crib's internet rapist edition. Okay. You see how you come through here? All right, what is that?

Grandma's kitchen, dated, dated mayor, whatever, for wallpaper, but this is where the magic happens. Usually a woman sees this door now. She ain't getting them back out, you know what I'm saying? You know they like to say, hey, a bitch never sees the inside of my house. She only sees the inside of a burlap sack But let me take you on a little journey down the crib

In an out-rape this condition yo This is a sweet pad they got here You know you know you can't be and then I'm a person unless you got clothes and shit everywhere Nika I'm talking Everywhere nigga, I'm talking I'm throwing gonna want to be safe down here a bitch ain't gonna be one you think a bitch is gonna be safe on a mattress with no fucking sheets And if she is safe, she's a horn she deserves it now. We getting good girls down here Got shit everywhere got a guitar you know you impress young girls 14 year old. They like

Everywhere gotta guitar. You know you impress young girls 14 year old. They like Right, that's enough. That's the another the crib's internet rapes edition Dude come on. I know it's bad. I know it's edgy Yeah, it's too edgy for me All right, you know it's funny come on dick. I'll give it 10 more seconds Well the last part's pretty bad seconds. Well the last part's pretty bad. You can tell the ribs, there's some shit, they're gonna love it. Anyways, we're gonna take you over here. Usually good rapists, they got to accomplish. They got to accomplish. You see, we got a rapist right here. He's watching

videos. Look at that shit. Look at that shit. Young girls on the screen. What do you, you got a thing to say about this? You've got a camera up here. What is this camera used for? And what do you, you got a thing to say about this? You got a camera up here. What is this camera used for? And what do you and your trips? What do you got on your phone there? Oh this this is nothing I didn't know he was gonna do that, okay? Okay, it's all satire was going to do that. Okay. Okay. It's all sad. Tire. Please. All right, Rommel. Get out of here. Get out of here. Hey, are you going to have me back on if I'm more, if I'm more calm? Yes. Yeah. We'll see. We'll see. Yeah. I promise. I promise. We'll see how the voting

goes. That's why we have the voting. Yeah. Your group hates me, though. Why? Why? Well, I'm not that bad in the group. I mean, but look up thousand island supreme gentlemen posting and a thousand island supreme YouTube. Okay. All right. Thousand island supreme. There we go. Dick, I did mean to come off as a weirdo. I. I don't think you did. Oh, yeah. I don't think he came opposite weirdo. We'll see. We'll see you next time.

We'll see how you can give you a second. Next time, come on and try to sound less weird. How about that? I'll try to sound weirder. I'll be more normal. All right. Get out of here. This is my first time ever doing something like this.

I thought it was kind of funny, though. Yeah, it's good. I try to sound weird or I'll be more normal. All right, get out of here. This is my first time ever doing something like this. I thought it was kind of funny though. Yeah, it's good to talk to you. All right, so what I got, it's like if John Waters directed an 80s high school movie in San Demas or something. Yeah. High school bad guy.

Yeah, he's the high school bad guy. I am a John Water's film for sure. All right. Sean, do you want to talk to the pilot of the the Sky King? Yeah. The same plane totally. Hey, Dick show pilot. You there? Yeah. Dick, can you hear me? Yeah. What's up, man? So you you fly the same planes that the Sky King, the guy who did a barrel roll who who stole a plane out of the off of the runway off the tarmac and just toured did his own little air acrobatics course for our amusement. Is that right? You fly the same plane? Yeah, that's right. I'm down here in Australia. I'm pushing that don't really teach us all of that sort of stuff in training, but I would guess I played in everything. And I think you emailed me and

said that you don't even need to unlock those, like, you just turn them on. Just to switch you hop in there and turn on. Yeah, yeah, that's just a checklist that did keys. So, you know, like on the ignition or anything, just use a checklist and go out like straightaway. How hard is it to do with that guy I was doing with the flips and the barrel rolls

and that sort of thing? Go ahead, Sean. Obviously, I've never tried it, but... If you had to, do you think you could do it if you had to? Do you think you could do it? If you had to. Well, this guy was a fucking mechanic, wasn't he? And here's what I'm wondering.

How hard is it to do this guy have any flight experience? He took a plane, took off in a plane. Well, the only thing that didn't crash it, in telling me crashed it. The only thing that's hard, okay, I've flown a lot of the little sets of planes. How would he even know how to fucking, you know what I mean? I think he would be okay.

I think he would be okay. I'd simulate her at home, which he probably used to, you know, wake up where all the switches are and stuff. Of that particular plane. No, I'm going to tell you, as a mechanic, he's going to know backwards and forwards, the startup procedure, and like, he's going to know every procedure to get the engine going properly on the ground. And once you're there, you stick the throttle in. As soon as you're in the air, it's the easiest God damn thing.

Like, you have to pay attention to nothing. It's just, it's the most intuitive thing you've ever done in your life. Your first day of pilot school or whatever, they will put you on the control and let you do it. And then it's feet to go sideways and to spin it around sideways.

And then the big joy stick to do everything else down. It's like I always say that the like the actual flying of the plane is not the hardest part. Like it's easy to drive that car. It's like the stuff that's hard as a pilot is when you know when things go wrong. Now when that could because that guy did a loop at like barrel. What was it? Yeah, I heard he pulled out 10 feet. He pulled out 10 feet.

He was inverted and then that's more like a loop. Barrel roll is like this. He flipped. That's an Aileron roll. He, he, but they call those barrel rolls. He flipped. He's a Starbucks, yeah. Yeah, he flipped and then did like the second half of a loop.

Got it. Got it. Oh, okay, yeah. So, what kind of restrains are in those things? You know, you're not supposed to be flying. Flying those upside down. Just a lap belt. Yeah, right? I mean, is it?

Yeah. Yeah, now, other front, we have a full 5.0 harness in the thing. Gosley, if something goes wrong, bit bad. So he would stay on the seat. Yeah. Were you jealous? Yeah. The other thing is like the the

played according to the manuals and everything. It's not it's not meant to stand out to the sort of G forces. So surprise it didn't. You know, part. Oh, really? At least start to rip itself apart. Yeah. I was wondering that nothing like that sort of being tested before.

That was part like I was so happy when I saw him pull out of it because I figured the wings would just fly off. Yeah. Yeah. Like at the worst spot. So you've been flying that that particular plane for a long time or... Yeah, yeah. Like again, obviously for a different company and everything down here. So what's the most powerful plane that someone could easily steal?

If they saw it sitting on a tarmac that doesn't have keys or anything like that? Well, you know, like those airlines have case at all. Oh, really specific procedures for all of them. So if you see a FedEx plane just hanging out, you could jump in there and fly at no problem. No keys, no codes, no not the packages might get there on time. You could be like Santa Claus fly over the country and chucking them out to a presence out of the back. Yeah. Well, all right, man, I don't know if we get any specific questions, but

I thought it was funny that you happen to have experience on the plane that the guy did one of the coolest internet stunts. Yeah, I have a good vibe, some sort of insight. Yeah, all right. You sort of a inside. Yeah. All right. Um, you got anything that makes you rage? Uh, probably just Australian politics and the moment man. Yeah. The thing, so we've got a new prime minister's of Friday. Yeah.

Um, basically because when we go to an election in this country, we don't elect the prime minister, we elect a party and they're making basically decide. Oh, um don't elect the prime minister. We elect a party and they make them basically decide, oh, he's at the helm. So that just happened on Friday. And all of a sudden, we have a prime minister who's never even been elected. Yeah, and then everybody, it's the post election remorse

where everybody wakes up the next day. And it's like the worst one nightstand they've ever had. They stare at each other, wondering who the fuck they are and ashamed of themselves and they try to slink away and wean themselves off of political news for the next six months. Yeah. Fun times. All right, dude. Thanks for calling in. Yeah, yeah. I see you. Oops, sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, okay, okay. I got some Facebook news and I got a bunch of voicemails. We should do bonus episode next week. Yeah, we need to do voicemails.

This is, can anything make you, anything make you rage? So you wanted to talk about? I mean, nothing I want to talk about. Okay, that's smart. That's a smart lawyer response. Yeah, yeah. This is party for, this is party for me three by the Hard Men, the Hard Men Working Hard.

You know they have a Patreon, the Hard Men Working Hard. Patreon.com slash a stereo, I think. Slashes, stereo slash HMWH. It's just party for me. Same glaze, LeCambrin, ACO, or Vistas. Here you go, everybody. It's thedictshow.comdict.show. everybody. It's thedictshow.com, DictatShow, patreon.com slash thedictshow.

See you next Tuesday. I love this track. I got a deal for you. I got some advice questions too that I didn't get to. Hey Dick, I'm writing to ask for some dating advice. I asked this girl who I've fancied ever since I met in college. We're both graduating now, so I asked her if she wanted to go for dinner. She said yes. I'm not shy. I don't have any problems asking women out, but this one's different. I really fancier!

Oh, you're in trouble then. I don't want to mess it up. I'm having a hard time trying to tell her how I feel and I feel like I brought biologies Dooms us to dating women that we don't really like. Yeah. No offense. Oh, she says. I mean, I don't mean, you know, present company excluded. It's just, how do you deal with this being so nervous

that you can't function? I'm having a hard time trying to tell her how I feel. Don't. And I fear I've already messed up. I'm trying to tell her how I feel, don't. And I fear I've already messed up. Just trying to talk twice before the day. Yeah. About a year ago, we went to see the it film.

And by the end, she hugged me. I felt like she made the invitation to go further, but I backed out a year ago. Jesus. I backed out due to the fact that college is difficult, so I didn't want to complicate things. Oh, what the hell? Well, you're there for.

You're there to fuck college girls. You're complicating it by going to class. You can come up with any rationalization you want. If you're, I mean, you can have a bad case of nerves and go, oh yeah, well college is really complex. I just started to go to the gym and I felt self-conscious about my fat as fuck body. There we go.

I just chickened out. I'm worried I left it too long and friend-zoned myself. I was wondering if you had any advice for me. I'm gonna make my move this day and I'm fine with rejection. Just because at this point I want to be okay with her and know I can't so I can move on to greener pat. Oh my god. There's been a year in between dates. Is that what I'm that's what I think I'm reading? Yeah. Let's go for it. Yeah, absolutely. Go for it again. You cannot

friend zone yourself. Only she can friend zone you and if she's agreed to go out with you Then she's not trying to friend zone Get rejected go for it again. Yeah, keep going eventually she'll be until she gets through a straining order Yeah, I mean anything that's not restraining order is a yes. Yeah Right point. I mean I mean, is it too edgy enough, Sean? For millennials? Jamie says the music is too loud. I'm sure it is.

I don't worry about it. Wasn't sure if you wanted to feature the track or No, no, I do To go fuck go fuck yourself Jack Jack given Yeah, man, you're overthinking it Just overthinking it everybody Everybody's overthinking everything. Nothing, nothing, fucking you.

Nothing, you know, you see, good John McCain. I think he's, you think he's worried about some bitch in college that he didn't ask outright or something like that, that doesn't matter. Yeah. Just go, go for it. Fuck it up as much as you want. The words don't mean anything.

The words that you say mean fucking nothing. Women know this more than anybody else because they use 80,000 words every fucking day. Each one is worthless as the last. Do not worry about what you say to them. It doesn't fucking matter. They either want to fuck you or they don't. You could go up, you could go up and make fucking lightsaber sounds. If she wants to fuck you, that's the funniest, most creative thing she's ever seen in her fucking life. Pfft. If she wants to, you know what your over, over, over, you could be, if she wants to fuck you, you could just take your shirt off and piss on her, on the wheel of her car.

If she wants to fuck you, that's the hottest thing she's ever fucking seen. And she will bring you inside. You could do anything, anything. You could, look at, you could, you could plan a wedding for a princess and do and write her a sonnets and songs. If she doesn't want to fuck you, it means nothing. It's a creepy thing to do.

It's creepy. Look at Gaston. For some reason, he did that. That is obvious. For some reason, he's a creepy thing to do. It's creepy. Look at Gaston. For some reason, he did that. He's a bad guy. Actually, that's a very good point. The difference between being creepy and debonair is being attractive or not.

Yeah, that's like George Clooney's never sexually harassed anymore. No, no, no, that's a... The beast took the woman, took Bell's dead hostage and then imprisoned her. Still wants to fuck him. The beast took the woman, took Bell's dead hostage, and then imprisoned her. Still wants to fuck him. No, explain, can't even speak. I can't even string a sentence together, but he was pout, but he had the will to power.

He had the will to power. And he had a castle. And he had a castle and money. Gaston, nice guy in the world, didn't mean shit. No, he wanted for a little. No Tomahawk won't for him. No front hole for Gaston, nice guy in the world. Didn't mean shit. No, he wanted for a little time. No Tomahawk won't for him. No front hole for Gaston. So who you want to be? Gaston or a beast? I don't know now. Yeah, yeah. He met Belzenidiot. Here is the Facebook news. Yeah.

Yeah. Man, I guess so much good stuff we can get to do. Captain Jackass is doing God's work. Yeah, he's incredible. Hello, Dick and hello to God's. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days. Our top story this week is a high profile feud between attorney Nick Riccata and Admin Steven Bailey.

Oh! Their year-long beef continued after Steven became upset at Nick from muting him in the new fake bad digger Nick group. Mm-hmm. Steven pondered how someone who is such a prominent advocate of freedom of speech commutes somebody. Nick had to hear about these claims for a third party because Steven has had Nick blocked for well over a year. Attorney Nick Riccata issued a statement calling Stephen a giant and sufferable cock. It said he is the thinnest of vaginas. Consider a neccessary interview in the group in Stephen's lack thereof. Over 150 dickheads voted in a poll to remove Stephen as admin of the Dictuille Facebook

group. It is worth mentioning this poll only has one option and that option was to remove Stephen as Next up is Christopher who posted a picture of his girlfriend with the caption get you a girl who can do both and One image she's wearing a mega hat and holding two bags of weed in the other okay the first comment on the thread reads get you a girl who can look good Get you a girl who can look good And a few more comments down bitch got that Lena Dunham body in all three instances Christopher and his girlfriend Bianca would accuse the commenter of not getting late enough being an in-sell and other Insults commonly found on dick's voicemails from well over 10 years ago last week's dickhead James James his girlfriend of one month doesn't trust him to go on a business trip to chicago for six weeks

if james were to go on this trip you would be making the equivalent of nine months salary in just a month and a half james says his first instinct is to quote kick her to the curb but he is apprehensive because she is an eight point five out of ten with huge cans just do what you want to call james a pussy you know how it's a good thing for women to be jealous. And Joe, who has the top comment, said to teacher who's in charge and leave for the trip without dumping her.

Yes. The other 150 comments are calling up and or his girlfriend a psycho. But at the end of the day, James still needs a dick tip. Yeah, you said that and the dick show face to face for news for the last couple days. You set the speed of every relationship you're in. No matter what, man, woman, parents, children, you either set the speed or someone setting it for you

and it's usually some mix of the two. And you have to do talking about it's not gonna change anything. You're trying to talk your way, you're trying to out-reason millions of years of evolution. Just do what you think is right. Act in the way that you think the situation should be like and it will magically resolve itself or it will, or it will be destroyed. Either way, either way, it's a resolution. Either way, it's resolved. No waste your time trying to reason with people and explain your case and all this bullshit.

Do pretend that they said what they should say, what you want them to say and act on that, which is get the fuck on that trip. You're gonna be nine month salary in a weekend or a week. Couldn't be happier. Yeah. That you're going on this trip. Love it. Good for you. No matter what's coming out of their mouth. Yeah. Oh, wow.

I'm so glad you're this supportive of me. I'll see you in a week. Please just love us. I love us. From me. Get the fuck on that plane. Fuckin' the, yeah. Get the fuck on that plane. Hit the fuck on Jesus.

Jesus. Uh, doesn't this, you got to, you got to pull in from reality every once in a while. Stop trying to piece together what's around you. The only thing that matters is in your fucking head is that's all you got to deal with for the rest of your life. Um, all right. Here's a, here's a message I haven't played yet. It was sent to me by a guy who identifies himself

as five two, whatever that number is, that five two, whatever number, yeah, I meant to play it at the beginning of the show. From the, from the, the best page. Yeah, whatever the votes were stuck. I don't know if it's real or not, but I'm gonna play it anyway. I don't wanna piss this guy off, right?

Here it is. Hey Maddox, your friend named Hoot Code Monkey, 571972 here, I know $30,000 when you did the building your website, but I thought I offered some free advice for you. Certain get variables can use an SQL injection, including the ones for your vote numbers. If someone knows that,

they can literally change the HTML and insert the numbers as text into any HTML or JSON. I hope this makes sense to you since you know code, but if someone were to insert PHP code, I'm wondering if they could change anything they wanted. For future reference, it is probably a bad idea to leave your entire API in a public repository. Especially if you are currently using basically the same code on another much more popular website. Security through obscurity is a bad system. Maybe you should ask for a $30,000 refund.

This has been a message from 57, 1972, go fuck yourself. Wow. So I know that was my wish. I'm guessing that's legit. I hear. I mean, he's probably joking. He probably saw everything that's happened

and he said I'll make a funny voicemail and send it in. Pretend. He used some everything that's happened and he said, I'll make a funny voicemail and send it in. I pretend. He used some terms that I am not familiar with right off the get-go. Yeah, well, when he was talking about injections and such. Yeah, so you know like the URL, like, patreon.com slashisterios, we'll say.

That's a URL, string of text. If you wanna, whatever you put after, like the putting the Asterios part on tells the server at Patreon to load Asterios' show. Yeah. And then when you click little buttons like in a voting mechanism, there's another type of request

that just has more things attached to it. It looks very similar, though, it would be like patreon.com slash hysteria. It's like vote of votes. No, it's not equals up. I've seen it, yeah. Yeah. And you don't see that.

You click on it, something happens, but that was because invisibly your browser has sent that stame string with some additional information. Now here's the problem, and this is what, here's what that guy is saying is happening on Maddox's website. If you care about security on your website, you'll check all the variables that come in

because somebody could send you anything they wanted. Maybe if you're using a browser, you click on it. It will invisibly send it, but if someone wants to mess up your website and cause you headaches, they'll test to see what you're checking for. So on the other end, on the server, on the other end of this transaction, the server takes this information that it gets sent, and then it runs a program on it, and then spits back the outpoles up what it's supposed to. Yeah, and usually that is just a vote increment.

Like, here you go, I've used your input, I've put it in the formula that I'm told that I have to run every time without change. And here's what the database spit back in best case scenario. It's a one or a new vote number or something like that. This best case scenario, which we know which max thinks in best case scenarios and bad developers will always think in best case scenarios, best case scenario. A writing program for best case scenario, take a couple minutes. Writing it for all scenarios will take weeks, months. A career. Yeah, you got to,

there's a lot of things that can go wrong with this thing. So what he's saying is on the server side, Maddox's website is not checking any of the variables that get sent. Yeah. So you can tell the program to do whatever you want. You can tell the program to fake, you can send it a string, you can send it a text string that has in its code,

its own code. How does he write the program that goes on that server? Well, that's what I'm, what you do is you send, you send the server request wherein your request has a code string that ends the code and then starts new code and ends that and then continues that code into the string as though it was there. So the program will get it and it will, it reads like a telegram. Like if I send you a telegram, we'll be like, Hey, what's up, buddy?

Stop. I want a candy gram. Yeah. A candy gram. Thank you. If I were giving you a candy gram, I would send you what do you want? A butterfingers probably, right? Yes. yes. That's the appropriate candy for me. And then this guy, 571972 would intercept the candy gram. And he would say, okay, I'm going to cut this

butter fingers in half. And I'm going to make a, I'm going to put a, a jizz soda in the middle. And then I'm going to put another butter fingers on the other end. So when you get it, you're like, well, why did Dick send me? It's two bars, two butter fingers, and a Giz soda in the middle. Yeah. Why would you do that? That's how it works.

I say it's a short explanation. I completely understand. That's how websites get hacked. Because then you can tell the database to just dump everything. Instead of returning the number of votes, and then that fucked you lose all your passwords, et cetera. Yeah. So you're basically hacking the server

that information gets sent to from the person's. Yes, correct. But you can also do lasting damage, you can cause lasting damage on the server by sending the right signals in. That would make sense. A very funny, satirical voicemail from that guy. Again, I will, as I say, all the time.

I mean, I'm not telling anyone to do anything illegal, but that is inarguably hilarious. It's not illegal to find really anything funny. Well, yeah, I don't, I mean, that's. That's, I mean, it's getting to be, but it's getting to be. My kids might get fired for it. But I can still say that that's, you know, our guru, our hilarious, for a guy that bills himself

as a thought leader and a genius and a coder. All right, here, let's place some voicemails. And he knows where it's from, the fast pass, it's free. The fast pass, he has to fucking pay for. But when you see the point for a bachelor party about two months ago, and we all had to get the fast-passed free, the fast-passed you have to fucking pay for. I went to see a point for a bachelor party about two months ago and we all had to get the fast-passed as that's what the whole group is getting and your base ticket is 72 bucks. Okay, that's, alright, 72 bucks. And then the fast-pass is like $110.

And you have to fucking get it. If you don't get it, you can't ride the Gorillacosers. Oh, by the way, that's the top tier fast-passes. There's two tiers of the fast-passes. So if you want to ride the best Gorill all by the way that's the top tier pass that's just to tears of that that's so if you want to ride the best roller coaster which the time the steel vengeance brand new and of course you want to fucking ride it it's america's rock and roll or coach here ride the fucking roller coaster you gotta pay a hundred ten dollars they effectively double the fucking price because you can't not get it you don't get it you're fucking screwed we can't the fastest the top. So the way two hours for the guy damn rollercoaster

Two fucking hours And we pay over double the cost of the normal It's a bad shit party. You catch that part. It's all fucked up now. They got the fast pass system the time That's the mission is all fucked so if you don't have to pass you my way four hours you might make two hours who the fuck knows Fucking bullshit. I hate it That way, two hours, who the fuck knows? Fucking bullshit, I hate it. Bachelor party, we're going to Disneyland. We're all getting fast past it.

I don't think the fuck is going on! I don't think he went to Disneyland though. It sounds like he went to another place. But is that his matter? Yeah, there's no amusement park where you go and they have strippers and booze, right? And you get to sit down, come on guys. Let's start treating each other with some decency.

If there's a male only event, you put your ass in a seat permanently. You're going to need the jaws of life to get me out to get these bachelors out of these seeds. Bachelors party in amusement park and you're wrong about the fastpass charging for the fastpass is the only way to do it. The entire day is a luxury entertainment item. The entire day is. So, there's no excuse to be made for not charging money for that fucking fast pass. Otherwise, you get the cluster fuck that is Disneyland. We're just a random distribution of people who go on the nice rides.

I'm tired of talking about it. Dick, it's Lucas Lestrom. You know what's annoying? People who call you while they're commuting. I have a friend who does this and he makes it out as if he's doing me a favor by calling me because we never see each other. But I never want to have 45-minute conversations with anyone. No, it's me not with a lot of guys. So usually he just makes it out as if a...

Oh, but I missed you and I haven't finished it in so long and I perceive to talk about himself and about his job for the next 30 minutes. Which is not a favor. I don't have any conversations on the phone. You call me, you tell me, when are we beating up? And that's it. I agree.

So that's annoying. Yeah, we need to like sync up our commute calls. We need to just stop talking to each other. Just stop talking to each other. I know, I can tell right away when you're calling me just because you're commuting. Hey, so what's up over there? I don't know where to've heard it or do anything. Yeah, you can hear the, in the background, call me back.

Oh, I gotta call you, hold on, let me call you back in 40 minutes. That's not necessary, that's not necessary, that's, why is that? Cause I'm gonna be busy doing shit then. Well, now you know why? I don't wanna talk right now. Get fucked. Okay, so it's fucked up my previous voice mail with okay so oh wait you drunk but I'm still pissed off about the fucking Trump lamir Putin just like

gay shit gay sex what's my miss art everyone talking about it everyone fucking shares that should have facebook and twitter and all that jazz like i was like oh trump of lamir putting like keep doing that uh... sucky sauncan keep doing that uh... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha everyone else is personalized that's not that's not that's no big deal uh... who cares what they what to adult doing their bedroom however they're they become crazy homophobic just like in your pocket

book that like just how women be crazy homophobic in your pocket book one of your money for people they do not like oh yeah are you insane? You have been Kid me. Yeah, why don't you come and feel like political performance like hey, let's do some homophobic homophobic gay shit like That'll definitely prove that this person that we do not like is like idealized to be false

Infuriating as the home of old it it's it upset it as a home yeah I was just gonna say fuck the hell before but whatever but people share the shit on Facebook all the fucking time oh like oh like if you're not a forward game, whatever, whatever. I'm too goofed up right now. Go heck yourself. All right. He's upset as a homophob that he gets punished for making things tough, but Trump's trump putter suck each other's cocks that's how much that's how much we hate them All right, those are really good voicemail. Yeah, what's very entertaining all around

Hey, that's the ability to see kind of rage for you So I actually like appreciate this one time I used to buy a lot of my favorite shoes, TV series? Even right. I recently bought Rio 9.1 and forgot how fucking funny it was. I was noticing, like, shows like that, or like, you know, a band or stuff like that. When they're supposed to be commercial, it goes to like maybe like

we will be right back after this or like cuts out like they're supposed to be commercial. Like you don't feel lazy that is that you don't just edit that out. That's like really, really fucking lazy. That they believe that if they're the final cut, they'll be talking about. And they give it to you. Like, I don't know, it just bothers me because it's like, yeah, I do know, it's supposed to be what we're gonna do it every time. And there's like three or four commercials

like you really prefer a show. You know, you put out. Yeah, I know, it's sad. It's worse though, that there's no more commercials anymore. I cannot, it's too much. Even watching old signfells without any commercials, it's too much to take in. I really miss that break.

You need the break. I really miss it. I can get up, think about other things. You can go, it's back on. Yeah. Build the anticipation of kind of taking what was happening. It did help. Savor the jokes a little bit. Well, we got so conditioned with the way we grew up

that it does make you sort of savor the show more. It breaks up the day. It helps the timing of the show sometimes. That's interesting. You never thought about it that way. It's like, let's take your entire every relationship you've ever had and compress all the sex into like a month and a half. And then now what are you gonna do?

Go live the rest of your life. Like, no, I need the middle time to think about it a little bit. It was pleasurable and I need, I will, I enjoyed the appreciation of it. Now I'm watching 40 hours of Bojack Horseman in a row and then by the time it's over, I feel absolutely nothing. I feel some kind of general hazy concept of of loathing and envy, but no, nothing specific.

It's just gone. Like all of it's gone, yet I can pinpoint, like old, I can pinpoint Mrs. Chenandler-Bong, I can pull out of my head like it's nothing, because there was a commercial there where I could sit and think about it for a little bit. I'm locked in now. I'm locked into binge everything. I need a commercial version back of Netflix and Hulu. But then when they do run commercials,

they fuck them up, because they stick them in anywhere. They stick them in like every two minutes or every three minutes. Like what you just interrupted is what is this? I know. Hey, Tom McCoy here. How's time no voicemail. You know what's making me a rage right now? Grossory spillier across your fucking passenger seat because the guy in front of you

decides to make an emergency left turn. It's fantastic. Everything's gonna explode. The second I pick it up. No worries, no worries. You got where you need to go. Fucking asshole. I'm with him.

You got to put your shit on the floor? Got no choice. One time I ordered delivery and it showed up and the first thing a guy says was like, I'm sorry, like some asshole jammed on it, you know, tried to do one of those in front of me and he like, you know, had a bunch of things, he spilled on my fucking,

well, it wasn't, it didn't get out of the plastic but it was all fucked up. Like it was all tossed, it was like sushi or something, I think it was all fucked up. Oh, well, you know, all over the place. Nothing will ruin the illusion of expensive sushi, like mixing it all up into a bowl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was just, yeah, whatever. Put it back together. It's a $40 difference between a sushi and a Poke bowl. You can mix it all around. Right. Hey, Professor Donk here. Let me tell you what makes me a joy. Oh, this guy, this guy that I know, this guy that I work with, the nature of my job means

that there's few people, how to professionally force the socialize with this guy. So, you know, be hang out and stuff like that. It's kind of like, he's into, he believes in in white male privilege he thinks there's a wage gap he believes in the i think we all believe that and uh... it's just like he's got the silly social ideas that's how i professionally just kind of forced to kind of talk to the guy and stuff like that

and i also know that he like one a little bit of money on a game show and stuff like that so i kind of hate to get it because he's a fucking idiot and he's got a little bit of money on a game show and stuff like that. So I kind of hate jealousy because he's a fucking idiot And he's got a little money, but then I go over to his house And he's got three cats and his place smells like piss Mm-hmm, and I am just grinning the whole fucking You know like this is fantastic. Yeah Fantastic. I hear my new best friend now. I just, I'm just sitting there sipping Johnny Walker red just smiling and grinning.

Your place literally reeks. Reeks. Are you living squallard? Are you living here any longer? I love to be here. And I feel like it's just fat ugly girlfriend, you know, that's what makes me a jewel. They're her categorized day. Yeah.

That would solve so many problems just showing if you had to show where you lived. Yeah. Everywhere, like the reverse Instagram. Try to be high on Mighty Now. Uh huh. Oh yeah. I hear what you're saying,

but I know when you go home, you smell cat piss for a in sleep in it. Yeah. So, I don't really care what you're talking about. Yeah, no, it's a weight off my mind. I know I'm right, because when I go home, no cat piss. Yeah, period.

I'm not picking up any other animals' shit except my own on occasion. Right, that off. Little more around the holidays. But it means my thinking is better than yours. Yeah. Oh, here's SafeState corrupt. I believe he also has an album. Hey, they could save stay corrupted here. Mind the audio on driving. I'm calling to give you a raise. My, uh, range for this phone call is the

marriage proposal assistant request. I've been asked to help someone propose to their girlfriend or the camera. And they wanted me to play a song and sing to them. Wow. The guy proposing would sneak up and then surprise her with a ring. You know, sorry, I got the weddings and musicians, a friend of my sister asked me to play it or wedding. I've done that too. She's like, oh yeah, I was thinking you could play at our wedding and said no. Yeah, good, good for you.

She goes, well, you know, what do you mean why? And like, I don't want to do that. Yeah, why would I want to do that? No. If I'm going to wedding, I'm going to go there to drink. I don't want to go work and play like a fucking monkey. Just, no, I thought you could just like play before the reception, like just play some piano

for everyone to enjoy. And I was like, oh yeah, that's, no, that's not happening at all. No. At all. Why don't you come to, I'm going to go to a bar this weekend. Why don't you come to the, into the bar and just stand in the corner and wave to people like you're gonna fucking parade.

Does that sound fun to you? That was great feeling. This that look that stumped look on her face like, what do you mean? I thought you would want to do it. I thought you would be part of my beautiful day and share your music. No, it's work, painful pain, don't wanna do it.

Don't even wanna go. No one does. How's that? Now is't even wanna go. No one does, right? How's that? Now is that black pill? How's that truth bomb? Damn, that's too much truth bomb even for me. It was great. Now I wanna be asked, after that I wanted to be asked

to play more weddings, just as I could say, I could work on my nose. Yeah, absolutely not. Guess what, no. Tell you what, I'll send you a card and with my answer. Let me think about it. Hang on, I gotta... No. Actually, I have a song just for this occasion. It's a song of no. Right. Of me not wanting to play at your fucking wedding.

Yeah. Because no friend who's a musician has ever wanted to play. It's one note. No. No. No. No. No. No. The only ones who want to play at the wedding are the singers. Yeah, the women who are the singers, right? Yeah. Um, this is annoying. This is aggravating.

Yes. Obviously, I can't say, okay, well, you pay me. Well, I did. And then I got pissed like I'll do it. What do you want me to, what do you want me to say, and he says, I can't help the following love with you by Elvis or whatever the fuck that song is. I don't know what to spell this.

You do. Now the song is ruined and fake. What makes me a reach? Uh-oh, chopped up. Really? Man, I'll come back. We can dress. Yeah.

No, I'm like, okay, I get my ukulele, I learned the song 25 minutes before during the proposal. The song is something about a girl in a green dress, just so you know. And I see the girl in a green dress. So I'm like, okay, that's her, that's her. Turns out that's not the fucking girl who is supposed to be proposed to. Oh, wow. So sitting there on her side of the table, singing, I can't help falling in love with you. It's the wrong, oh.

And the photo was the purple girl sitting across the table. The girl in the green dress starts giving me that, and that head shake looked her. And the girl was the girl I'm oh god fucking saying to the wrong girl guy comes up proposes and I leave and now that song is forever fucking ruined. I can't hear that song without thinking I just saying to the wrong girl. I sang to the wrong fucking girl. Uh, they're all the wrong girl. All right, one more, Andrew from Eugene. Just move, just move.

So, like you're setting yourself up for failure, just having someone else sing to the girl that you're gonna propose to. And you don't even know what the girl looks like. Wow, impersonal is that. It's the equivalent of a greeting card, or you know, to share your feelings in somebody else's words,

or somebody else's creativity. Except it's not just that. It's, look at how talented this guy is. Now, why don't you marry me? It's like taking a girl so comity show for a first day. There was a dress color mix up. It was supposed to be the girl on purple dress, and you know, I was in the green dress. Couldn't text them.

Can send them a text. Who is he gonna propose to? Like the fucking Joker? The enigma. Purple, it's green a niggum i don't know what the all right last one i'm gonna be the way i'm going up knowing because i try to uh... open my heart up and uh...

shit that's really fucking right you know share some fact that they come from a gentleman place and it feels like more often than not too many times when I think of like that. I scare people. I mean, if they respond with, you know, your typical crap like, do you make a suicide joke? Everyone takes it too seriously.

I don't know all I'm staying in the back of my mind I keep taking it myself what did I say I think too bad tonight did I say anything did I say anything to the point where it's gonna feel like he he is possibly complacent in the future crying I don't know I hope you don't I just think I hope you don't feel like that oh boy I'm one I'm I feel like that all the time oh fuck I hope I didn't say anything fucked. I would never fucking even hit that night. Especially 60,000 fucking people on the voicemail. Not, not fucked like mean, but like I hope I didn't say anything normal that

fuck that I think is normal that fucked things up. I don't wherever I was around. Like I know I said fucked things in on purpose. Yeah. Yeah, but I hope I didn't say anything that was fucked on accident because maybe you're in a like a little different group Then you're normally yeah, right where they didn't know I was Mexican and maybe some of the things I was screaming didn't come off correctly, yes Um, I guess, uh, I don't know. But it's not very good. Oh, it's with everybody's phone. I don't know. I don't know.

I got one, one more thing on the end on, um, really, I've, 80s girls been counting how many times we start sentences with so after I, after I talked about a key on your at four. I think some of those were explanatory. Yeah, a sweetie. When you get to five, you draw a line through the four so that they're easy to count. That's why we do that.

You don't just endlessly hash. So you get 500 and you think, well, I guess I got to count them one by one. You can just count one, two, three, four. I'm gonna fix this. One, two, three, four. I'll scribble out this one. One, so nine.

I could do, I could just one shot. I could look at that instantly know that it's nine. Just so you know. Sean, you had two. Mm-hmm. There you go. You win. Congratulations. Thank you. This, this one's this, this video is by Tyson

Welch. It's pretty cool. He did a, he made a guitar hero track of the theme song. You play guitar here, Ryan. Never played it? It gets crazy. This gets really, the theme song here gets really crazy. That's cool. Really great version. Yeah. That's awesome. It's mesmerizing. I know. That was cool. This is gonna be riveting for the people who listen to just audio. Well, it's still a good song.

Yeah, that's true. All right, see you next Tuesday, everybody. Did Vekki do that? Like he made it and then he played to 100% completion? I don't know. That's the most impressive part. Yeah, I was thinking that. Thank you.

Thanks, everybody. Thank you. Thanks everybody.