The Dick Show - Episode 119 - Dick on Nachos on Dick

Episode Date: September 11, 2018

A 9/11 story to rule them all, fat women at the LA fair spill nachos on me, out of control snoring, forgetting your Leatherman, lost sunglasses and the time I got knocked out by a fish, #ComicsGate, when to ask for a girl's number, THOTs at sea and fisherman wisdom, Mundane Matt calls me a name I won't repeat, a news babe flakes, the big tiddy goth gf who destroyed Elon Musk, and erotic stories of failure and conquest from 9/11; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Okay, let's start this show off who's walking around upstairs. Oh What's up man sit down have a seat Yeah Welcome to dig you on digging you dig you love dig you got it the show where everything is a contest coming to you live AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH How you doing? Pretty good. Oh God. Better than you, dude. Better than me. Way better than fucking me, man. Call her new or. I was doing good last night, my friend. I'm sure you were.

I woke up this morning and I thought I kept it under control last night. Why do I feel like this? I kept it and I turned to 80s girls. I kept it under control. I only had, I have a rule. You just have two drinks at every bar. Yeah. And you're fine. Well, and you would think that there'd be enough time in between bars. Yeah. That you would just, you know, it would give you a little holding period.

That's the problem. The problem is we went to like five bars or something like that. Yeah. So bad. So fucking bad, Sean. What are you looking at? Noises? No, I'm looking to see that is Mike's okay. Oh man. Sorry. You can lift it up a touch Oh, Kean Magganya. Hey everybody. What's up buddy? How you doing? How you feeling? Filled with regret. Filled with regret. Yeah, I'm not gonna talk about that a little bit. I've been thinking about it a lot I'm not gonna lie to you that my you know now, now that I'm, now that I've got this girlfriend over here, I spend a lot of time thinking about,

thinking about the choices you've made. The choices that men make. I can, you see, I can look at it, I can look at it with a different perspective, you know. I have the overhead view, I have the madden cam of the men trying to chase the women. You understand, Sean? I do. It's a dip. It's an entirely different perspective. I don't feel the panic and loss. I once did. When you're a single guy, when you're trying to get laid just on your own,

when it means something to you, you're fixing car, you're fixing the car while you're fucking driving it. Yeah. You're building this gelopy as you're going down the street. You know, you can't get any, you can't, you can't get any insights and you can improve anything that way. But as I do now, looking from a distance, I think, I see, I see what's bringing this car into the shop later where I can take it all apart, put it back together, hit the piece, kick the pieces around and see what's going on, right? What did we, what did we do last night, Kean?

We made a, we made a mistake. We made a mistake. We were talking to a beautiful girl. She was talking to us. She was talking to you, actually, my friend. Yeah, that's what she was talking to us. I know what it feels like to get iced out. I was getting iced out.

Carl Lewis was getting iced out. Even 80s girl was getting iced out by her. Oh, by this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, whoa, she, what was she, 19? 22 years old. 22 years old. 22 years old, professional dancer, like ballerina type. Oh, good God.

Oh, she was wearing a collar, Sean wearing a collar. Like a, like a, yeah, going up into a collar. That's such, that's such a specific fashion choice. Have you ever seen me wear a collar? A shock collar. A shock collar. When yelling too much. Well, that's true.

We got really drunk at my sister-in-law's house and we kept putting on the fucking shock collar and howling. Yeah, I wanted to see if it would hurt. I wanted to see if it really hurt because everybody, then I had to try it. It was funny. It was funny. It was funny. It was complaining about that it's so cruel.

It's like, well, how, let me see that. How bad could it be? It doesn't hurt that bad. It doesn't hurt at all. It's just surprising. Right. Exactly. It got a top.

It makes your neck do that like thing, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Does your neck ever freeze like this? Like when you're making a face like this? Does your muscles ever freeze? No, I was sure that my mom was lying to me when she told me my face would freeze,

like it's making it. It happens to me, I get like a Charlie horse in my neck if I'm making a stupid, the right kind of stupid face. Yeah. Anyway, you were talking to this beautiful ballerina, our dancer, whatever her name was. She was wearing like a slutty version of Power Girls, dressed like the giant diamond cut out of her front. Yes. You remember that? Oh, wow. or whatever her name was. She was wearing like a slutty version of Power Girls dress,

like the giant diamond cut out front. You remember that? Oh wow. Wow, beautiful black rubber look. Oh. With a dancer's body. Yes. I saw Keon.

I saw Keon talking. Yeah, well that's, yeah I couldn't believe it either. I really couldn't. And then of course I had to fuck it up with my- If I could switch places with one guy. Fuck it up with your right now. But you're a good talker. He's a great talker.

Yeah. I'm too good at talker. She was so, the squirrel turns out she was. She was 22. Yeah. That's the problem. No, you're fucking mine. Yeah.

That's what it is. That's not the problem though. No, it's the problem. No. Yeah. Looking back on it, I think the problem was that she was from Canada and she said you wanted to get a drink. Yeah.

And at this point, I've been talking to her for about 15 minutes. Oh, Sean. Yeah. And I said, well, yeah, you know, I'm going to get a drink too, but you're a lot prettier than I am. So why don't you try to get more attention? Oh, smooth right until the end. Right.

So sailing right into that rocket brawl. I'm going to smooth you right away. And it's still going good. Still going good. Uh huh. Then she says, Oh, I couldn't do that. I'm I'm not assertive enough. And so it's a collar right right. Oh, and retro spec so clear. But I say, Oh, well, that's just because you're Canadian. It's all right. Just embrace your new Americanism and her immediate reaction was, oh, it's because I'm Canadian,

huh? She didn't actually have that accent. She started putting it on. I'm sorry. That's not the bad part, though. That's not the bad part is that you didn't get her number, Keon. Well, yeah, of course I get a number because of that That's that now at that point after after she was This whole jig about oh, I'm sorry that I'm so Canadian and it's sorry. I'm not assertive. Uh-huh. I said

Okay, we'll go get a drink and come back How could you mess that up? Oh, yeah, this is no. This is my new this is my new tip for you, for everybody. You get two changes of conversation, two topic changes, then you have to get the number. You have to get it. You have to get it quickly. Let's go put a timeline on it. Get that tattoo.

Put it timeline on it. Because you can talk yourself out of doing a million things. Doubt's creeping. I like that. Yeah, two changes of conversation, because once you hit the third, you're fucking friends. Now you're having a friendship. Now it's weird and backpedally.

Now you feel like you're emptying out your pockets at the airport trying to, well, I had to, wait a minute, I had a question for you. Something about your number. Just let me see here. I got bits of string. I got my keys. Because you might talk yourself out of it.

And she is obviously, if she's standing there talking to you for 10 or 15 minutes, there's something, she's interested. She's not just gonna stand there and talk to you and not be interested. Two topics, Keon. You should have had that chick, you should have had that collar chicks number,

right, two topics. Two topics. No, that was a bad, that was a bad fuck up. I was just sitting there, I was sitting there just staring off into space trying to like listen to what they're talking about in a bar by myself. Oh man, this is so great. Put your hand on the table.

Yeah, put your hand on the table. I'm picked up a hammer, everyone. Please try to get you in. Which one do you sign your checks with? This one, so I think we're fine. Oh, it's 9-11, guys. Oh, yeah. checks with this one. So I think we're fine. It's 9 11 guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, speaking of disasters. Yeah.

You know what that you know what that means, Sean? What does that mean? That means everybody gets to tell you about how they were almost on the flight that went into the world. Oh, oh, you know, you know, I was almost gonna be on that flight. My mom was almost gonna be on that flight. My mom's boss's son's tutors cousin was almost gonna be on that flight. We missed it by three weeks, oh yeah, almost, almost gonna be, why the fuck,

why are we compelled to chase this ambulance, a failure, why is this, why is that a thing? You know, I was almost gonna be on that flight. You know what I wish you were. You tell me one more fucking, one person tells me another story about how they were almost gonna be in 9-11. It's like a pathetic attempt to one up the dead. Right. Well, people were on those flights.

I was almost there too. I was almost, I was almost, you almost, they're not special worshiping me. Yeah. But I mean, the great part about one up being the dead is they can't punch back. What are they gonna do? That's true. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I was almost on all four flights. Yeah. Yeah. Did you know that? Yeah. Yeah. I was in the wrong I booked the wrong tickets. I booked the wrong city. I woke up in New York. I was in I was planning to be in Boston.

Yeah. But then I woke up in New York city because I got too drunk. I had my two. Well, you realize you were a liquor head, so you booked flights at multiple airports. Yes, exactly. And they all happened to be, they all happened to be those flights, the two out of Boston, because I always like to have a backup flight. Yeah.

The one out of New York, and then the one out of Washington. I thought, well, what's the Eastern Seaboard? I don't really know how close those places are. I'll just pick the big cities and book flights back to LA, mostly. But in K, you know, pick the big cities and book flights back to LA. Mostly. But in K, you know, wherever the last one was going, also then, and I slept through some of them. Then I was going to New York.

I was going to the airport and the taxi got a flat tire. So I missed that one. Lucky. So I said to myself, this is the best part. You think you're almost getting on the planes the 9-11 is bad? Then I decided that I would go to the World Trade Center and relax.

Yeah. See the site. I was so upset that I said, you know what? I'm gonna go, I'm just gonna go check it out. I heard there's a cool restaurant on top of the building. So I got in a cab to go to the World Trade Center and the cab, I heard there was a huge, there was a loud bang.

I know what you're thinking, it was, but it wasn't that. It was the tire blew out. Ah. I said, well, I'm gonna go, I'm still gonna go. I got on a bus, but I got on the wrong bus. Yeah. So I didn't get to go to the world trade centers. And you know where that bus was going? Where?

It was actually a school bus, and they were taking a field trip to the Pentagon. So I was gonna be at the Pentagon also, Sean. Can you believe that? This whole conversation feels blessed from us somehow. You believe that? I was gonna be on all floor flights. I was gonna be on all four flights, but I barely missed it. Yeah.

And then I was gonna be at the World Trade Center, but I made a reservation at the wrong tower, so I was gonna be in both towers. Yeah, and the cab got a flat tire. Right. So I got on a school bus. Hopped a school bus. I was going to the Pentagon.

Yeah. Can you believe that? Yeah. Can you believe that shit? By the time you got there, it was a quadragon. Then they forgot one of the kids. They forgot one of the kids, so they have to turn around. They said, well, I'm just gonna hoof it.

I really wanna see the Pentagon, right? Yeah. They got lost in the woods. Oh. And then they ran out of gas, the bus ran out of gas, and then we were stuck in that field. Oh yeah, that's all Vanya. I was also there.

Sean, now had the plane come down yet? No, I didn't know any of this was happening. I was just a guy trying to have a fun escapacit on the Eastern Seaboard. I wanna see motherfuckers won up the... I was, yeah, you fucking assholes. You think you were so cool, you were almost on one of those flights. I was almost on all four flights.

I was almost in both in all three world trade center towers. Because I wanted to see the stumpy one because it doesn't get enough love. Yeah. So I had planned, I have notes that I have proof of all of this. Yeah. You don't want to see it, those boring. I had why I was going to go to all three,

then I was going to go to the Pentagon, and then I ended up in that field. Yeah. But I got stuck in some mud. I would have been right in the middle of the field, because I like laying in fields. It's just like a thing that I do. It's relaxing.

Exactly. You know what I'm talking about. I do. Yeah. Welcome right there. Welcome right there. But I got stuck in some mud. And then I saw the last one go down. I said, wasn't that weird? And one of the guys was giving me a thumbs up

with the guys that stopped it. The let's roll guys. He's giving me a thumbs up. Shh. So, be top that one. You fucking 9-11 toppers. It drives me and, I don't know why it drives me and say, you know what, I was almost on that flight.

I was almost on all four, and I was almost at the Pentagon, and I was almost at all three buildings, and I was in that field, and the plane almost landed right on fucking top of me. How about that? And then you know what, here's the fucking weird part. Seven years later, or comes the weird one. Or 11 years later, I was in Pakistan.

Ah. On business, right? Yeah. Yeah. I was just added an Airbnb in Pakistan. like, it was like fit for a profit of Mohammed. It's a very, very private. Yeah. Fit for a radical, very private, had a lot of gates. All these chicks hanging around, I thought,

oh, cool, this will be great. I'm really gonna plow some. I'm really gonna farm some ass here in Pakistan. Well, I'm here on business, but at the last minute, at the fucking last minute, the Airbnb canceled on me. So I had to go across the street and sleep in this shitty motel.

Sean, guess what? That was where Osama bin Laden was killed. That was his, did you get what I was doing? I did. That was where, I was almost, I was almost on all four flights. Everybody who was almost on one flight, nothing, that's nothing compared to me. You already sucked four times harder.

Yeah, I was almost on all four flights. Uh-huh. I was almost in all three towers. Yeah. Through coincidence. Yeah. I was almost at the Pentagon. I was in that, I was almost in that field.

You got stuck in the mud. Yeah, and then I was almost in the raid that killed Osama bin Laden. That's it. It's crazy. How about that? That's crazy. That really is. That's crazy.

Beat that 911 story you can't. You fucking can't. I defy you to try it. So the Pakistan was the weird one. You know? I mean, you see that one coming. All the weird one, you know, yeah, I mean, do you see that one coming all the ones before you could say, you know, I mean it could happen. Oh, man, I had another. I got into another altercation with some some fat women.

Oh, you did. Yeah, oh, I love these. Let me play my my song my dictale song. Oh, we haven't heard this one in a long time Wait, wait, do you want to hear Lecambra's? You think much thinking. Yeah. Yeah. I'll play it.

I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it.

I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play it. I'll play It's your life, it's Dictales. Woo-hoo! At Burning Man, Danger Nurks, Behind You, An Estadise, That was a pretty good Dictale.

Hmm. My 9-11 story. There was. Woo-hoo! Shit in your dick, it's under where it's Dictales. You know, some of the other ones in the past, I have to admit, I doubt it. My story's, yeah, but that one.

Woo-hoo! I was so relieved. Yeah, but that one. I was so relieved. Yeah, but I was like, I'll be damned. And you know what? It was meant to happen. It was meant to happen. I was so, but when the final, when the plane crash in the field, I thought, well, now what the hell's going on here? Yeah.

This has to be in the news. This plane crash. So I got to a computer and I was like, what? All of these, I was almost on that. You got to be kidding me. I was on almost on all four of those flights and all those towers and the Pentagon. It was unbelievable. Yeah, it's unbelievable. All right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. So is that the LA fair? You know, we had the Labor Day weekend, which means that you got to do shit all weekend, right? Yeah.

We went to the Labor Day fair. Randy went with us. It was me, Randy, in 80s, girl. Was this the LA County Fair? Yeah, the LA County Fair. Out in Pomona. Yeah, out in Pomona. Beautiful Pomona.

Beautiful Pomona. Yeah, certainly one word for it. Yeah, they had a tram going from the parking lot. Like did we ever find out that tram was for people who didn't wanna walk 100 yards on the parking really to the main gate. Oh wow. It's not like Disneyland, where it's a waste.

No, it was a display of crapulence that I have not seen at that festival. Okay. Which is where I had this run in with these two fat Latina brods who, you know how Tweedle D and Tweedle Dumb look? How they have those like, flappy frog mouths. Yeah, I always missed her toes while Ryan. They both looked like that.

It was like Latina D and Latina dumb. They both come, I'm at, I'm getting a beer. I'm getting a beer at the beer barn. Yeah. And I literally, Sean, I'm literally standing with my heels against the wall and my back against the wall, like entirely pressed up against the wall. Totally minding my own business, standing to the side of the bar, I couldn't be any smaller, right?

And I know that I was doing that because I was pretending that I was in a prison. I was pretending that I was being processed. You know, sometimes you just pretend silly stuff when you're by yourself. I was like, oh yeah, I wonder how that would feel. I stood up with my back straight against the wall. Just holding my beer like this, right?

Totally back up against the wall. Just holding my beer like this, right? Totally back up against the wall holding my beer. And in Waddles, in Waddles, Latina D and Latina Dumb, their mouths are stepping in time with their steps, like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. So like when King Hippo comes out before he fights, yes, two King Hippos, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Two kids at the top. Boop. Boop. There's the dog. Boop.

They're walking like that. They have their hands together like that and they're bouncing across the, through the bar. And one of them has this huge plate of nachos. Oh boy. She comes up. I'm just standing there. And she comes up to me and just dumps her nachos at me

What like she trips or spills or she trips. She trips. Obviously your stumbles I mean who fucking I don't know how to fuck you walk around with that sort of body I don't know what you're doing. She spills her nachos at me bam, right? I've got my arm up so the nachos just get over the nachos hit my arm and yeah go to the ground So I'm not luckily. I'm not covered in this woman's food addiction or the rest of the day, right? It's just my arm, I can clean up. Yeah, right.

80s going to Randy in the bathroom. And she looks at me and goes, she just, she looks down to her nachos, the little look of confusion on her face. Right. Gravity's new. Like, oh, come on. And then she looks up and goes, who's your supervisor? What?

John, I'm wearing a, I'm wearing my Maddox lost shirt. I have pink sunglasses on and I'm wearing little short shorts like I wear. She looks up at me and goes, who's your supervisor? Okay. I said, what? Excuse me. The other ones going like, they're starting to freak out because they spilled their nachos.

Who's your supervisor? I said, I don't know. God? He's giving me this look, right? Like this look, like, that's unacceptable. So this guy comes over. You did this and you clearly work here. Yeah, this guy comes over who did work there.

And she turns to him and she goes, who's your supervisor? I'm the manager, I'm the supervisor. She goes, this guy hit my nachos and spilled my nachos. Pointing at me. She wants those nachos. That's so bad. And if there weren't people there,

she would be down on her hands and knees, fucking wolfing those off the car. Exactly. She looks at you and says, That's so bad. And if there weren't people there, she would be down on her hands and knees fucking woofing those off the concrete. Exactly. She looks at you and says, this your employee spilled my nachos. He hit my nachos and spilled them all over the place. I'm still, I still haven't moved. Yeah.

I'm still standing with my heels and my back against the wall. And you're still an employee. And I'm still a fucking employee with a cartoon drawing of myself on my shirt. And a scantily clad woman, you stupid pig, you think this is, I'm at the Maddox Lost Bar at the LA County Fair. Who the fuck is your supervisor? Oh boy. So he goes, oh, we'll get you new nachos, we'll get you new nachos.

So I go behind the bar and grab paper towels. Yeah. I'm gonna wash my arm off. All right. Come back out and she goes, no, no, no, he, he, I've, I come back out and she goes soon. She's, she's still complaining about her nachos. And I said, Abos, I didn't hit her nachos. She just dumped him on the floor to be for me. Buck, buck, buck, buck, both of them. He's just like me. I'm, we'll get you, She just dumped him on the floor to be funny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I seem like a mark for these women. So weird. I should have told that in Al Bundy's voice. Oh geez, Sean.

So two fat women walk into the, walk into the LA Fair today, getting a trough of the nachos between them. I'm sorry, I pondered at the, as I pondered the, as I pondered the outlines of their forms against the sun. Anyway, it bugged me for days.

They got, they got their nachos out of it. Yeah, I wondered what kind of space age will last to polymer. Her shoes were made out of. No matter. As the next thing I know, I was caught in an avalanche of congealed cheese and chips. That would satisfy the missing love in your life. I thought, do my eyes deceive me? Are there two of you or, as one of you warped space and time, to create the illusion that there are?

Oh, God. She led forth a mighty bellow as her nachos careening to onto me and then onto the floor. You would tell stories like that. Yeah. Who's your supervisor? He said, one's a, I don't know, who's yours, Jenny Craig? That's a good, that's a time, time period, time appropriate joke. I see, he invents divers calling in. I think, Ian Van Sivers calling in. I think Nick Rackets is calling in. Cool. We've got some more info on the bad ombre pedophile investigation continues.

Oh, wow. That's some interesting information on that. When, just not to sidetrack, but was he, so he's a convicted pedophile and went, right? Yeah. And the, do we know when the conviction was? Like a couple years, I think about eight years ago. And what the sentence was? I didn't look too much into it.

It's stomach turning. Oh, yeah, yeah. No doubt. It's too much. I'm too hungover. Yeah. So look at Maddox's special band of pedophiles at the moment. Benic did a stream on it.

I think it was pretty uncomfortable. Let's see. It's not a light time. You know what else makes me rage is losing good sunglasses? It's, yeah. And I had a nice pair of sunglasses. They last a me a long time, man. Such a nice pair of sunglasses that have laughed. They lasted me a long time, man. Such a nice pair of A-bands. The ones, my original men are better than women ones, the mirror

deviators. They got all busted up because I got slapped by two women in Vegas. The first one was because of men are better than women. She knew me. She knew the characters. She came up and slapped me, bent up the glasses. One of them was on the street, right? We're walking down the street. Yeah. The second one was a woman who I was trying to bang with spitting water at. You tried to bite spitting water.

That's a very interesting fifth grade game. Yeah. It works. When everybody's getting licked up, you gotta take your game down a notch, a grade level, an age group, until you get to an age appropriate level of your thinking, right?

Which at that point was spitting water on it, but that she turned around on one point and just crack open hand, very illegal WWE move, open hand crack me across the face and vent those mirrored aviators too much to recover. But I had another backup set that were a little more sophisticated. Yeah. And they were my anchor. They were my sunglasses anchor. Uh-huh. They were like 300 bucks. They were a very expensive pair of sunglasses. I kept them. I was like a big... Yeah, that sucks to lose them.

I babyed them. John, I was massage them and polished them. I even got, I would get into the cracks between the lens and the frame. I loved those sunglasses. So maybe more than anything else. I've ever loved them all my life. Or they're like Ray Bans. Yeah, Ray Bans. They were, they were, uh, gradient lenses too.

Uh-huh. So they transitioned, extra scummy. Looking, they were perfect. I took them fishing with my dad this weekend. Oh yeah. Our last weekend, I went fishing with my dad. We drove down Tuesday night and then went deep sea fishing out of San Diego. Oh, you did.

Yeah, so we get in there late. I've gone out of there before. And he says, all right, we got to wake up in, we got to wake up at 4.30 or 5 or something like that to get over to the boat because heading out early, you know, deep sea fishing, you start very early, drive out to hell and big boat full of other dudes. And then sometimes you even go out at night and sleep on the boat. Yeah, and wake up and fish.

Let me tell you something about me spending a night with my dad. I don't know how my mother has not murdered him in his sleep because he snores like a fucking broken chain saw. I thought, like, I thought I was gonna have to put a tongue depressor. I thought he was gonna swallow his fucking tongue. And I would be waking up with a very cold, not Mexican man. I've stayed in hotels with my dad before.

And there's, from the other bed, I throw, I've thrown pillows on his face. I couldn't believe it. Yeah. I couldn't believe that these, that I was trying to sleep with two twin pillows over, yeah. And both ears, like I would have done, there was a point where I thought I'm going to, I'm going to just black out and wake up with a dead, dead, because this snoring is out of control.

And I told, I floated it by him the next day, hey, you know, you know that you snore? And he's like, now, I didn't know. What do you mean, like, how is this fucking, what the hell kind of relationship do you have up there? You snore like, you snore like somebody's continually dropping stuff down the stairs. Are you fucking kidding me?

Your mom just puts up with it. It's like a broken tuna out somehow. Yeah, it's like someone is just feeding sausage into a garbage disposal. Oh, oh, oh. Like, are you fucking kidding me? You need a Darth Vader CPAP mask. You need your own pop.

You're about to die. You have it, yes. What you have isn't even snoring. It's a fucking curse upon man. Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't know this? How is that possible? We gotta give you that turtle straw.

I'm gonna grant, Krama silly straw down your nose next time. Into your lungs. I don't know if that's how the anatomy works. Yeah, you know. Anything, anything to get close. Four fucking hours of this insane. Oh my God. It made me feel, it made me feel guilt for every moment. I've ever been asleep beside a woman because I don't know if I, and like now I got to set up a paranormal activity camera to see if

there's any snoring going on. I know, I definitely snore sometimes. Depends. What do you do? I don't know. I always just say, just move my head. I don't care. Do something. Slap me, drop a cinder block on my face.

Nobody deserves, nobody should have to put up with that amount of snoring. I'm fine with that. I'll go right back to sleep. Just fucking move my head. Usually it like opens up an airway or I'll shift or something like that. Is that what happens?

It's about airways. Well, yeah, I mean, I think it's, yeah. Oh my God, if I ever have to sleep with my dad again, I'm gonna put him in a neck brace or something because that is, it was not healthy. What I was hearing was not healthy and it was not mentally healthy for me. Right.

You know, anyway, we went deep sea fishing where it's like a herd of men. Oh, you went on a cattle boat? Cattle boat. Yeah, that's a worst. Yeah, I was baiting my hook. And they're all, it's like the worst kind of shoving. You think it's bad when people at the airport

are shoving to get their luggage? This is 100 times worse. It's people behaving like seagulls, cramming in to get their fucking fishing line in the water. Good fissures. Good fissures. Good fissures.

Yeah. I was baiting my hook. That's good. You sound like you caught a lot of stuff at the time. I mean, not just, yeah. And like real, not just fucking trash fish. No, I'm fishing stuff when nothing else is biting. And you're like, oh, it's jug up some rock cod. No, no, no, no, that's shit. Well, we went into Mexico. It was like a five hour ride. Yeah, yeah, to Mexico.

And we took, we're Amberjacks, Drato, delicious. I think yellowtail. Yeah. Couple of those, mostly Amberjacks. They're all great. I was baiting my hook at one point. Oh, good eating. I was baiting my hook at one point. Were you using chovies, sardines? Yeah, sardines.

Yeah. And just minding my own business. I knew before going on the trip that I shouldn't take these glasses. But that's then you've got a museum piece. If you're not using the sunglasses, then what the hell are you doing, right? But that's, then you've got a museum piece. If you're not using the sunglasses, then what the hell are you doing, right? I thought I got to take these,

I'm taking the glasses, I'm not taking these shitty Amazon burning man glasses, these crummy pink, I don't want somebody making fun of me because I'm wearing pink ray bands on the boat that I'm already, I already don't know how to tie the hooks, you know? It's already amasculating enough, I don't need to, I'm just gonna get my, I'm already, I already don't know how to tie the hooks, you know? It's already emasculating enough. I don't need to, I'm just gonna get my,

I'm gonna wear my nice shades, and have a really treat myself. You understand what I'm saying? Did you look up on how to tie like a, like a San Diego knot or something? Or like a, no, what'd you do? I just asked the guy for help every time. Oh, gosh, I was gonna say,

did you just like fucking just tie whatever you wanted? Yeah, I tied a bow every Yeah, I brought super glue. Every time I had to put on a new hook, I would put super glue on the line. Awesome. Yeah, works great. Yeah. Yeah, the other thing that made me a fucking rage

is I forgot my leatherman. My leatherman tool. Yeah. I've got a drawer full of these tools from Christmases that I don't use because what am I, you know, I play video games and scream into a microphone all day and be at the computer every day. When the fuck am I gonna use a leatherman?

For one time, Spirley has his own tools. Yeah, who also fucked up recently, smiley, but that's another story. I forgot my fucking, we go all the way out into the middle of the Mexican ocean, and I see all these dudes bust out their Christmas leatherman tools and the nice thing.

My dad gets his pliers out and I, a great. God dammit. God dammit. The one thing you had to bring you stupid asshole. Anyway, I'm baiting my hook with my nice sunglasses on. And the next thing I know, I've been knocked out before. It feels exactly like this. I'm not gonna say I got knocked out. But the next thing I know, I've been knocked out before. It feels exactly like this. I'm not gonna say I got knocked out,

but the next thing I know, I'm blinking. I can't feel half of my face. I can't feel half of my face, and I'm just seeing orange and white, and I have no memories. Why? What the hell is going on? I look around, and for the first time all day,

the entire boat is silent, and there's like a circle around staring at me. Wow. Like what the fuck is going on? Am I dead? What the hell is, what the hell is, so I just, I'm standing there in the middle of the boat. Should you get hit by a seagull or something?

I got hit with a, like a fucking 20 pound amberjack. Really? Yes. Yeah. So, that'll fucking... It hurt like hell. But I can't, nobody cares because I got slapped with a fish. I got hit with a big fish.

Somebody like, so I come over the side with that. The deck hand comes up to me and goes, are you okay? And I said, this is like, I don't have, I have no memory of what happened. I'm trying to figure out. I don't know, and I said, this is like, I don't have, I have no memory of what happened. I'm trying to figure out, and I said, I don't know exactly how that happened with that kind of work. I said, who's the supervisor? This guy ran into me.

I said, I have no idea. Never seen anything like that. What do you mean am I okay? I don't fucking know. What am I a doctor? I can't feel my face. I can't open my eye. It's one of those where you're like,

you do your little red spot under your eye there. I look like the clockwork orange. It looks like I have mascara. Yeah, a little bit. It's not super black, but now I can see the blood under the skin. Yeah, I thought I'd have a cool black eye. I go, yeah, this is gonna be great.

I'm gonna be like, I got punched and I could tell people all these stories. But then the next day, I woke up and I just, it looks like a line. Like it looks like a perfectly drawn mascara line. Huh. Like an emo rock star, Chris Angel.

Anyway, the guy says, are you okay? I have no idea. And he goes, well, let's see. He prized my eye, opened him, pokes around. He's like, all right, there's no, there's no hooks or anything. You got a little cut here. You got a little bit of blood there. Meanwhile, I'm feeling around, feeling around my face, my hats, my hats blown on.

My hats only saved by my ponytail. Yeah. Hair I had sticking through it. Shades are gone. A guy goes, yeah, a guy was a guy bounced in his fish as they do because it's so far down, they tell you to bounce it in. And he bounced it in so fucking hard it where you didn't know how to do it of course because nobody knows how to do anything on those goddamn boats they're just running around with

fishing rods shoved up their ass like they can't even stick they can't bait the fucking huh did they gaff any of them yeah but there's not enough guys to gap yeah so people they tell them to just swing them out because swing them over. Cause that's when they, yeah, that's when they fucking get off though. So somebody swung it over, swung it over his head. It's so hard that it broke the line, which must have, which could have been like 40 pound test, right? So we're talking about a cannonball shooting into the boat. It's heavier than the cannonball.

Yeah. And strong enough to break the line and then continue on and hit me in my face holy shit So then I finally feel it on my weight a minute. No, no, no, no, no my fucking glasses. Yeah, we're no, I'm not okay. Yeah Are my do you see my glasses and he's like oh they went over this they went over the side You call Aquaman and you tell them to get those. Mama. Where were you standing on the butt? Were you fishing?

In the middle of the bait, I was baiting my fucking hook standing in the middle of the fucking boat. And that thing hit you hard enough for the- To knock the glasses and open the side. Up, off the top of my head and string them. Wow. Like, if this was on video, viral video. Yeah.

Gas hole gets hit with a fish in the middle of the ocean. Because I'm guessing you probably have, you probably have close to what, six to eight feet on either side of the life. Yes. Well, yeah. Yeah. Uh,

Wow. Bam. Crack. And I was so pissed off because I thought if there's, and like, I had the, I had the interlomon log with myself before the trip. You're an adult. You can take these glasses with you, nothing will happen. Like what am I gonna do?

Something silly and stupid and just throw them? What could possibly happen where I lose the sun that they fit fucking perfectly, man? Like everybody's, your head is all-opsided and everybody's nose is crooked, and all glasses feel like shit except for these. They had been worn in over years. I can't replace them. I can't replace them. What could possibly happen, I thought?

That's getting hit with a fish. Somebody throwing a fish. I would believe your first story about being on all those places for 9-11 before I'd believe that you got knocked out with a... They're both true, but the fish thing happened more recently. Yeah, it's amazing. Literally knocked out by a fucking... Trebuchet fish.

Good God. By a 20-pound amberjack. And you lost your glass. And I lost my fucking glasses. So then I just soaked for like 10 minutes, sat in the galley, Nate Cornuts, bitterly. Did you take that guy's fish and just beat it to death on the rail? You know, or hit him with it. The worst part is we were at the limit of Amberjack,

so he couldn't even keep it. Oh, we're fishing for Dotto at that point. Got a way he's got free, huh? Yeah, so the fish got away with it. The guy never tracked him down. They would never identify, no one would talk to us. Yeah, who's fucking slinging fish around, whipping around like they're playing lacrosse like he didn't come up. No god that fish has a great story to tell us other fish friends.

Mother fucker. I'm gonna play I got Ethan Ethan's on that's a good story. They're not gonna be trying to catch me again guys. They're not going to be trying to catch me again, guys. Slap them right in the face. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, he's a badass. Yeah, I told I should have that fucker who wants to. They swim weird too. The Amberjacks.

You know, you know how fish usually flop and they kind of go back and work like blah, blah, blah. They vibrate. Well, that's because they're like a lesser tuna. They're all in that family. Yeah, that's why tuna are the most well-behaved fish on the boat ever, because they just vibrate, they barely move.

You get a Dorado, that thing will fucking break rods. If you get a, you get like a 40 or 50 pound bowl Dorado and you let, and you don't kill that thing before it comes in, fucking whipping like a shark, man. Yeah, they were funny. Yeah, they've, they're great. They look, they were like, they don't go anywhere. Fucking whipping like a shark, man. Yeah, they were funny. Yeah, they've just, they're great. They look like they don't go anywhere. They're like those feigning goats.

Yeah. You could hear when somebody got one on the boat, the boat just started going, like vibrating. Yep. Yep. They're just pure muscle. God, there was a thought on the boat

that should have fucking retired a long time ago. You know, that hoe over there, have you ever heard thought? Yeah. Yeah. That's a new one for me. fucking retired a long time ago. You know, that hoe over there, have you ever heard thought referred to? Yep. That's a new one for me. Yeah. There was a pastor prime thought on that fucking boat

that like the old maritime rule of its bad luck to bring women on a boat. That was the nice way of saying, no, we're not bringing you on the boat because you fucking annoying. You won't stop talking about yourself. Well, she with somebody? Yeah, she was with an older guy that she was talking about yourself with somebody. Yeah, you know,

she was with an older guy that she was being a huge bitch too. Yeah. Like very insolent and criticizing him way too loud. I could hear it on the other side of the button. Like, what is your fuck? What's your fucking problem? What's going on? He seemed like a nice guy, too. Yeah. Just brow beat him into going. And all the, you know, all the deck hands are young. I'm finally at the point where all the deck hands are younger than me or almost all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, in typical like,

Cougar thought fashion, just constantly hitting them up with shit that's not related to fishing. Like, honey, we're all waiting. There are those of us here who are looking to fish for fish, not compliments. Can you fucking leave these guys alone and let them tie my hook on, please, that I should have learned how to do?

Yeah. Anyway, and that's what happened to me this week. Wow. I got attacked by those trolls. They were bouncing up like two King hippos. What? On me. I tried to plug a nest controller into them.

I waited for them to talk so I could punch them in the mouth and then in the belly. And then in the belly, back and forth. Two fat women came up to me while their pants fell off. Okay, it's fell off. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh. Uh, when I'm said, who's your supervisor? She reached into her mouth and pulled out a pad of paper and a pencil to write it down. She asked me, who's your supervisor? And she went, ah, opened up her mouth.

Gross. Brought it out. It was weird. Like those little green guys and Super Mario 3 that would pull the big spike balls out of their mouth. Alright, this is, who am I gonna play here? This is a song by... I'll play Ginger Cat Productions, Fuck Off, Hazen Cruise. You got a news babe coming in a little bit too.

Hazen Cruise's song last week was cool. It was cool. Yeah, I like that one. My name's MC Bo-Tah, here to spit hot fire on that hazy and piece of shit. I wanna take my rhymes, better ask me first. I'm sorry that you're dying of lyrical thirst. I see you can't do your own damn work. Take this verbose cock and you ask till it hurts. Cuck suckers beat you, so will I

Leave your broken like a bitch with vocal pride The fuck with the man who can cook like me When it comes to bans, I'm culinary You've made me a rage, no turning back Gonna slaughter you in a pen with a gap So pork is nice, like lawn or bacon Can't serve your pork ass up, it's stankin' Keep shittin' yourself, you lyrical boar

The Vota here to settle the score The fuck with me, your fat Tom can't put you down In the alley up back at the next road rage Where I see your face, your insident blocks like Bukake Did you cap production, your fuck around Park as a diamond in the rough you're bound Best dishes from the north, southeast and west A coffin is something you should invest

Not gonna sue for your lame-smoking jacket Hell like collab with Mr. Rackets Await, you took some of his work too Guess it just makes you a content Jew Next time we'll be on the next day I'm slinging too hard You're slinging too hard, you can't overswit makes you a content Jew. Next time we'll come here. What? Slinging too hard! You're slinging too hard!

You can't overswit! Oh no! Oh no! Jurassic, no fan engagement, whole thing was bland. Shoot about a one-way ticket to Greenland. Nobody likes you, please fuck off. World-pull-wrapped version of Bernie Madoff.

Sit there, pretend to handle fans. Oh! You're a bad pair of ass pants So go clown around, you big fat puppy Come packed it in the back of the garbage truck Don't fuck with me, a fat Tomcat Put you down in the alley of fat At the next road rage, where I see your face You're eating cinder blocks like bucocka jitter cap productions don't fuck around parts as a diamond in the rough You're found this is from the north south east and west what do people hate him so much I don't know I don't know because you the only none Australian one is that it Uh, he's in poison crew I don't know let's fucking roll this bitch

Hey, she's too sweet. I don't know, let's fucking roll this bitch. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Thank you, Ginger Cat. Let me see if I can get Ethan on here. Can you believe all that stuff happened to me? 9-11 on 9-11? I never told that story before. Cause I didn't want to cash, you know,

it seems like a little opportunistic to take advantage of a tragedy like that. I didn't want to do that. That was real big of you. Yeah. Yeah. But I figured, hey, it's related to the rage this week. God, let everybody know what happened to me on 9-11.

Just in case you guys think it's cool that you almost run flight. Now it's great next time I'm talking to someone and they try to bring that up. We'll just say, well, actually, my friend Dick, he was actually almost on all four flights. We were just saying, I missed the two because I was drunk and in the wrong city in Boston. I would have been there, but I met the night before I had to go to a big party, a big Y2K party. We made it. Y2K, we got through it. Right? I went to a real estate seminar on how to

how to overvalue how to get the most value for your buck on your real estate. Right. Get it? Because it's 2001 and then eight years later, the big bus happened. That's what happened. Um, there he is, Ethan's there. So that's how I missed the two, because I can't miss this opportunity. I have to go to New York to do this seminar. You can't afford not to. Right, so I missed the most touching part of that whole story is how the let's roll gotta give it the finger guns on this way down.

Yeah, he did. I said thumbs up, but I was thinking of guns. You're right. You're right. Yours is funnier. Yeah, and you know what else? As that plane was going down, I flipped off to terrorists. Yeah, because they hijacked it. Yeah, and the look on his face was priceless.

Yeah, I said, I said like this, I said, he's like, damn it. No, I went like lost. I went like this and then I said, fuck a lot. Like a real man. He went, boy, the fuck is gonna get bombed, man. He can't say this kind of thing.

No, I just, I don't, I didn't mean it. When I said it, I said it because I knew he would fuck with him, right? He was going, they were going like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they were doing their thing, you know? And then I said, hey, they were coming in. I saw I'm coming in really fast.

And I figured out what they were doing by that point. And I said, fuck I love really slowly so they could make it out. And they both went shit. And then they blew up. Yeah. Yeah, they went. They've tried to put a G hot on me in that moment, but they had already blown up. So I got the last laugh. Life's about timing. That's what happened in my that's what happened to me on 9-11. Out of dick message, almost got a fuck what? It cleared on him. Yeah!

Oh, it's so great. It came to me right in that moment to us like, oh, I know what was. I know what was doable on fuck. 12. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh, really slowly. So they would be able to make it out.

Yeah, because it's a little distance away. But also fast enough so they would have time to realize what I said before they suicide bomb. Yeah, crashed themselves. Right. Um, pretty interesting day. So just a Tuesday. Yeah, it's a regular. Was it a Tuesday? I don't know. Let me see if Ethan's here. I don't remember. Hey, Ethan, you there, buddy. I'm here. Can you hear me? Yeah. What's up, man? Thanks for calling in. Sorry for the bullshit and discord's new to me.

And I think I'm teetering on the precipice of becoming a boomer. So I can't figure things out as well as I used to be able to. So I saw your, I saw for the people who don't know, I do a terrible job of explaining what people do. But you are, you are, you are pretty much the figurehead or the person in the main target of what's called comic gate. Is that right?

That's where I find myself. Yeah. What do you go to get that? Oh, well, I wrote a book called Men or Better Than Women 10 Years ago. So I think you could probably guess where I fall on the, and you've got, you got, here's the most impressive part. You got $540,000 for your comic cyber frog. You raised $625,000 and still going.

Buddy, you got to give us some information on this, on how we can do that. How the hell does one make $625,000 to kickstarter to fund a comic? Well, you could do it. I think you could easily do it. First of all, you have to be a really, really good comic book artist, but there are a lot of those out there. Yeah.

You know, but I mean, yeah, you could absolutely do it. It's just a matter of treating your customers a little differently than I think the comic book industry is currently treating their customers. They're perplexed by us. We actually had Joe Cassada, the president of Marvel Comics, come after Comics Gate last night. And I have never seen anything like this.

The president of Marvel Comics is fully aware of the private conversations that fans of ours are having. It's weird. It's weird. I was looking up some stuff going on around you just to get a feel of like what the battleground is like in the meme wars that is Comic Skate. So Comic Skate, Sean, is... Thank you for assuming that I don't know

what the hell is going on because you're absolutely right. It's a backlash. I've never been a comic book guy. Yeah, you know me, I hesitate to say me either just because I don't like the soap opera parts of comic books, but I love the characters and some of the stories. Like I'm the guy that buys or downloads the anthology books of like,

like, you know what? I'll read, I'll read Dread all fucking day. I'll get hung over, I'll jerk off five times, and I'll read Dread all fucking day. That's my idea of a perfect Christmas. No people, no family, no gifts, just jerking off. So, which, which, which, which, which, you put your deck away,

this presence for you. They're handing out presents. That's why God gave you two hands. One for jerk, one for your dick, and one for a reading dread. Yeah. So I don't wanna say I'm not a comic guy, because I obviously am.

Okay, but good, I need this explain to me. Comics gate, Ethan, help me out. It's a reaction, it's a backlash to certain elements trying to force diversity into comics for the sake of diversity, like trying to force social issues into comics that just were never there and they don't fucking belong there. That's very annoying. It's very annoying.

Because I see it on some of the projects I work on. Oh, you do. Oh, absolutely. Like what? You know, I mean, you do probably 90% animation out of the studio. And I mean, some of the comic stuff that we do, it definitely is the writers have gone, because it's very trendy and hip right now

to be at the cutting edge of that stuff. So they, sometimes they hit you over the head with it. Yeah. Ethan, is that a, do you think that's inaccurate? That's part of it. I mean, just in general, it's, you know, an uprising against just leftism taking over comic books in general. And everything that comes with leftism, which is a, you know, one of the most annoying

aspects of it, is the snarky kind of extremely rude attitude that they take towards the fanbase. You know, any complaints are met with just accusations of big it, racist, Nazi. Well, the fans are leaving comics. I mean, comics, guys, you know, we're down 6.5% since last year. We've had dozens and dozens of local retailers closed down their shops because they can't sell this gibberish.

And basically, so many of us have walked away from comics, it's impossible to be an out Republican. Nama Republican. I'd say I'm a modern. I'm a JFK kind of Republican. JFK, we're around today. He'd kind of be a Republican. And that's how I see my-

I was almost at JFK's assassination, too. Did I ever tell you about that, Sean? That's a story for another time. Your mom had the longest pregnancy on earth. Yeah, I was almost, my, excuse me, my dad was there. He was almost there, but he was walking, he was being silly, trying to get attention doing the elephant walk on the end of Dallas

in front of the car as it came by to try to get a, he was protesting for um to be known as Mexican because right. He's too many people were saying he's as Mexican as Taco Bells who's protesting I'm Mexican. Hear me. Or LA. I'm sorry. Mechicano. You know, he started talking to him and he his sombrero fell off and he bent down to get it and that's when JFK got shot. Unbelievable. Wow. Sorry. What do you mean a JFK Republican? I just think JFK was a very conservative Democrat and things have moved so far to the left that I think of JFK were around today.

I kind of share his same politics. Well, he did lower taxes immensely. He did? Oh, yeah. He was anti-communist. Yeah, he lowered taxes. He was pro-military. I mean, he's all of these things.

Yeah. You know, so that's that's kind of how I see myself. But anyway, that is an extreme right-winger in comics today. And as soon as you announce that you voted for Trump or anything like that, they want you out. Oh, yeah. I got zero tolerance for that right now. It is crazy that the diversity, somebody used to phrase immutable characteristics that are

not indicative of actual diversity. Diversity of thought is not a goal anymore. It's a homogeneity of thought and diversity of skin color and gender. Yeah. Shit that you don't have any control over. Oh, you're absolutely right. Yeah. It's a right as long as, and you need to be in line with the right thinking. Yeah. The correct thinking. And to me, the problem with this stuff is it's just such obvious pandering in comics. You're talking about that. Just, yeah, I mean, in general, when they do that, it's like, oh, like this is hip right now. And the suits go, we can make money on it.

Yeah. Because these people are like, oh, we want a strong female character for no other reason than it's a female hero. Or it's, you know, I mean, just, yeah, whatever. Or this character's gay or this character's trans. Or yeah. Which is all fine. It's just that something that Jokasada talked about,

you know, first of all, you know, the main, I think, figurehead of Comics Gate is not me, it's diversity in comics, it's a YouTube channel. Run by a guy from Nebraska, named Zach, your boy Zach. And basically he's one of the most important voices of comic books today. I know this is just comics. It's astonishing that we have to have deep philosophical conversations about comic books, but they are in and of themselves. They are the deep philosophical conversations. You know, like we love them, our parents love them because they tell stories that nobody else tells. And yeah, absolutely. They they they they establish what we think heroism means. What does it mean to be a hero? Yeah.

So you know, when when the wrong elements get in there and start kind of doing very strange things with these comics like when Superman comes down on a side, you know, it's like when it comes to the illegal immigration situation. What's this happened? Wait, so like, Lex Luthor was running for Congress or whatever. Yeah. What goes around wearing a postcard? How does that even come into the story? What, what possibly did Lex Luthor come like up with a plot to keep all the Mexicans out of America so that he could make more money? I don't know. I'm just saying. So like, New Mexico, this is the kind of thing that needs to be prevented from being in comics.

This kind of thing is happening right now. Whereas, you know, there's nobody, there used to be a story called Civil War, I don't know, about eight years ago. And it was, it was pretty evenly divided. I mean, it was clear that it was analogous between, you know, sort of right wing and left wing ideas about, you know, how the government should be involved in this imaginary world of super-hosts. And really, it was pretty even-handed.

I mean, you could decide for yourself, which was right, and that is a fine political story, but we've got people in there that are actually activists now. Oh, absolutely. And they're actually trying to force an idea across. They're using these mainstream superhero characters. They'll use Spider-Man, they'll use Captain America to actually make a very pointed and divisive argument about something that excludes half of the reading base.

What about Scrooge McDuck? I heard on a recent issue of Scrooge McDuck. He pulls his feather aside and he's got a pussy. Turns, yeah, the cover says, the richest duck in a duck bird is actually a woman. Try that one on for slides. One ugly woman. That went weird. Yeah, I have the thing is,

I don't know if like, you're being accurate or you just know that happened. That's true. Are you sure it wasn't a cloaca? Cause I'm pretty sure like male ducks, whatever. What are the words? What are the weirdest, what are the weirdest stories that they're doing now? The Superman coming on, the Superman of all people having an opinion on immigration.

Yeah. Well, they're doing a lot of weird stories. I mean, you know, I mean, he doesn't go to Mexico and help them out, does he? I don't, I, it's the help that I did. You know, he is a refugee from a different planet that exploded. Well, they see everything all went to shit. Yeah.

Back, they're like superman in a legal alien after all. And that means all legal aliens are like superman. I guess. Well, I mean, we, you know, saved the planet from Lex Luthor a few times. And I, I'll, you know, I think you should get citizenship. That's a fair argument. World citizenship. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You belong wherever you're put if you're Superman. But, you know, um, yeah, so it's just a bunch of things like that. So we kind of got together, a bunch of creators, kind of left mainstream comics, pretty big names.

I mean, you know, me, Mitch Brightwise, or Mike Esmiller, the creator of Earthworm, Jim, Doug, Tynapal joined us. Oh, really? Yeah. God, that makes me so fucking happy and relieved. Dude, like every celebrity I loved as a kid, like Jim Carey just turned into these night,

these like social justice fucking nightmares now. That's great. Right, right, right. Well, he's got a book called Bigfoot Bill that's fantastic and it's running on Indiegogo now. I mean, basically people are seeing that if you come along with us and just adopt our kind of philosophy and the way that we market, the way that we talk to the fan base and all of this stuff and actually actively work to sell your books.

I mean, this guy's, I think his book is up to $60,000 for the first issue already. Wow. It's going to do way better. And then he'll make $100,000 for his first issue, a big vocal. And everyone else who's actively against us, they're living like it's subpoverty wages, you know, getting to do maybe three issues of something a year, not, you know, concurrently. It's, you know, everyone's alarmed. We're being attacked, left and right. Now, it's just that we're just a handful of people. We have raised $1.8 million

so far in four months of working in comics. She's a comic. I mean, and that's just like, that's straight from the customers. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're pre-ordered. They're pre-ordered. They're pre-ordered.

So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered.

So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. So pre-ordered. video showing ourselves drawing these comics that people bought. I mean, you know, it's really kind of an insider kind of intimate thing that, you know, between like the creators and our fans, our customers. We call them customers because they are. They're always right. We're selling hamburgers and they're trying to sell art, you know, it's like, we're doing very, very well at this point.

So we are attracting a lot of negative attention. People are calling us harassers. People are calling us bigots and sexists and... That part of it always trips me out. Like the layer of abstraction between the decisions, these big companies, entertainment companies make. Like Nike doing their stupid believe in everything, even if it means sacrificing everything

or whatever that cock, whatever that unrememberable slogan was, like they total, it seems like they have totally forgotten that they actually have to sell a product at the end of the day. Well, I mean, they're cutting off, they're coming down on one side and they're turning off 50% of their audience. And this is happening all over entertainment, over the place wherever social justice worries go Yeah, and you can't escape politics these days. It's it's everywhere and that is people want some kind of escapeism They don't want to be hammered with political Discourse, yeah, you know

100 times out of 100 every day. They want a guy making up stories about how he was almost in 9.11, John. That's what they want. It's a lighter take on it. Yeah, it's called no escapism. And that's what we refer to it as. There's no escape. You can't just pick up a Superman comic or a Spider-Man comic. And just be free and just forget about the world and just read.

My book's called Cyber Frog, it's about the end of the world, you know, at the hands of an invasion of these alien hornets that chew up human beings and use their skin and bone to make paper and paper over cities. And all that's left between what's left of humanity and these alien hornets is a cybernetic frog and his big brother, Salaman droid, and that's it. And it's rock and roll.

That's $600,000. That's the one. This is, that's the $600,000 property. That's part one. It's such an incredible reaction. The backlash against these gigantic there's scared. What do you guys think? I think that if you need a lawyer in Los Angeles with that kind of money, you can call me anytime and I will be happy too. No, but really, it sounds fun. It sounds like a great story you got. Yeah, I mean, that's all we're trying to do

is we're just trying to entertain people. And that's what comics used to be before they became corrupted, I think, by these people who just wanna... Who did? It feels like a lot of just blue-haired weirdos invaded the industry and they don't care about comics like I do, I grew up with these comics,

they're in my heart, these characters are in my heart and soul and it might not be important to everyone, it's a small industry but it's very important to me and people like me. Yeah. And it's like these people came in and just decided they're gonna kick all of the normal people out. And they're going to use the comic book industry as a bullhorn to like a spouse, their social justice, identity politics, and ruin comic books. People are

losing their livelihoods over this. Yeah, it's a when did it start that you notice is it's it's driven me crazy and every single thing that I like kind of like just watching, watching things get shoved into it. Like watching women and whatever get shoved into the things I find entertaining like fucking poochie. Like, oh yeah, you love the WWE, whatever. You're gonna love the all chick snatch slam. It's like, no, I'm not fucking not.

No, I don't wanna, like I don't want the undercard of this fight to be two chicks beating the shit out of each other. I can watch that on the internet. I don't want women in UFC. Really? Oh no, not UFC, but what if the wrestlers do it sexfully? I'd rather watch a fucking porn though.

Like I don't get it. I don't understand it at all. You're right, because you can just just say, if you're in porn, if you want. Straight to fucking porn, you know? Like what is this? Yeah, I don't know what it is, but men are letting women kind of come in

to these sort of male dominated hobbies and just ruin them and just ruin them. And the idea is, hey, if there are more women in Star Wars, will more women watch Star Wars now ask your, if there are more women in Star Wars, will more women watch Star Wars now ask your wife? If there are more women in Star Wars, are you going to watch Star Wars? They just look at you like you're fucking nuts. Yeah.

No, they don't like Star Wars because they're women. Or they like Star Wars the way it is. Yes, yes. Exactly. Oh, they like it the way it is. Women don't care about Star Wars, not because Luke Skywalker didn't have tits. It's because it's stupid to them. The whole thing is stupid.

It's a space, it doesn't mean anything. It's a bunch of ego stroking and look at how big my dick is and daddy issues. That's why men like it. It's not, it's not because they're not enough chicks in it. It's because we have sick things there wrong with our brain that make us like these weird camelot inspired like medieval fantasies played out over and over and over.

That's not you just change the background you just change the setting. Yeah, you you will love this. So my next property after cyber frog. Okay, this is right up your alley and when I started watching your show I was like, Dick is actually going to love this and I was hoping to hit you up with this like when it comes out So I'm gonna I'm gonna crowdfund for it this autumn, okay, but basically what I'm gonna do is because these women are coming in and ruining voice properties Yeah, let's fuck up GI Joe. Let's all right. I'm gonna do a thing where boys were we Invade all the girls properties from the 1980s. Yeah, make a masculine like my little pony

My little ponies called my girthy stallion Oh, rainbow god rainbow broot and it's about this like very barbarian with like bloodlust and the care bears are in it that's hilarious. That's kids. Munchy-chee all of this shit is going to be vicious and awesome and it's already projected to make over a million dollars. Oh, I love it. Rainbow Brute.

And it's not like a Steve, it's not like a Steven universe. Like this is a middle of the road. Learn both people learn something. It's like just brutality. Like Korgoth the barbarian. So we can take all your girls toys properties, all of them. And we can run them through a male masculine filter and we can make them better.

We can make them better. Do we make like this? You're brobie. You're brobie. You're brobie, like Barbie, like our, Oh yeah. We're gonna do Gem in the holograms. They're Gem in the homophobes.

Oh my God. I was gonna suggest Gem. Yeah. Oh my God. We're doing them all. You know, Snow White is bro white. He's just a dude. He's got seven little women working for him feeding them all. He plays video games. They're all in this like every girl's property is going to be in this. But it's yeah, it's rainbow brute riding

my girthy stallion. So it's just a dick joke, one dick joke after the next. Yeah, fuck off. Let's take their stuff. They already ruined ours. But you know what, dick joke after the next. Yeah, fuck off. Let's take this stuff. They already ruined ours. You know what, keep it. Keep, yeah, yeah. Ronda Rousey, real, Holly Holt, great fight. Really awesome. I'm gonna go back to reading Rainbow Brute.

Anything else? You got any other points, ladies? You wanna ring bias over there? That's coming out in autumn. Yeah, well, I'm gonna crowdfund it in autumn. I'm gonna put it out in February. It's gonna take a little while to put together. But damn, I mean, look, this is freedom.

I mean, what we offer at Comics Gate is just utter creative freedom and everyone loves it, except for, you know, the cultural Marxists that are ruining comics right now, mainstream comics. I needed so bad, man, I need a new man show, I need a new Al Bundy. Like, I just, I need a new man show. I need a new Al Bundy. Like I just I don't watch anything anymore. The worst thing ever was I was sitting there working at DC on this one

on this one female character and she'd always had her top zip down so her cleavage like beautiful like cleavage and I drew her like that and I got a call from my editor and said could you zip that up? I was was like, what would you talk about? Get some way down and zip up her shirt. We can't. We don't want to show her cleavage anymore. Why? Why? She's not that shit.

Yeah, it's like just take the sex out of comics. And I mean, what else is there? What are the who are these four? Yeah. If there's no sex and violence, who are these four? I don't get it. Therefore, there's this imaginary person that everybody is, that all these pink-haired people are all fighting to make content for.

They don't exist. There's this imaginary consumer that has infinite amount of money. And one day, they're gonna find the exact combination of pandering that will break this imaginary piñata open and money will just flood all over the entire industry. But until then, they're gonna keep chiseling away. It's like watching an alchemist try to turn lead into gold.

Like every time they do some new stupid twist, like, oh, it's Captain America, but now he's a communist. Like, what did you do? You missed it. You missed it again. Another swing and a miss. Get woke, go broke. And they're not going to get it.

They're not going to. I mean, it's just going to keep happening and keep happening. And then they're going to go, what are you doing? What are you doing to be able to make this kind of money off of a single book? It's just the opposite of what you're doing. The thing that's making you so angry, this is what we're doing.

And it seems to be working. I watched The Matrix, my girlfriend, I call her 80s girl in the show because I don't want to use your real name. And she's got the 80s girl legs, like a Be Red. We were watching The Matrix. She had never seen them. This is the lengths that how much women don't care about these stupid male comics fantasies

bitch had never even seen the matrix uh... on oh yeah twenty years old the most the most best iconic film because her eighties girl or bitch ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha seen the matrix. So I put it on. I'm like, oh, this is the greatest. I don't want to build it up too much. But if you don't, if you don't like this, we're done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She fell asleep when Neo fights, Mr. Mr. Smith, the agent Smith. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? You fell asleep before the one arm chop, chop, chop, chop. That's this your have my even describing that scene my hair is standing up there's no fucking permutation of identity that will make you care about sci-fi if you you fell asleep during the neon made Smith fight you don't care.

But it had women in it it had women in it why didn't women like it yeah. And in the meantime if you had shown her two hours of property brother, she'd be wide awake. Would you like, do you like property brother? No, she loves intervention though. My dad asked, what do you guys, I'm always shitting in my dad, he's always talking about stuff, he's watching. What do you watch?

Yeah, I said, I pretty much, we pretty much just watch intervention. And then when that, we don't feel anything from intervention, we switch to hoarders. And then when that, we don't feel anything from that, we switch to hoarders. And then when that, we don't feel anything from that, we just watch people getting killed, we just watch those old ISIS videos and people getting burned alive.

And so, then, this is pretty much, what do you mean? It's the only thing that makes an impact anymore. It's anything anymore. It's, all right, man, what, I gotta ask you a couple questions. What makes you rage, what makes you a rage, first of all, Ethan? What makes me rage, what makes me a rage, first of all, Ethan? What makes me rage? What makes me angry? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It doesn't have to be like, I didn't politics or identity stuff, it could be whatever. I lost a pair of good sunglasses today. That's what made me a rage. What did you lose? What were they? They were $300 Ray Bans that had had them a long time. We had been on a lot of adventures together.

It feels like Indiana Jones losing his fucking hat, man. And I lost them in the stupidest way. A guy threw a guy flung a fish at me in the middle of the ocean on one of these cattle ships, deep sea fishing cattle ships. I lost my shades. It really took. And I know how that is.

I'm a big sunglasses conno Sunglasses kind of sore myself. So I feel for you. I don't know. I mean, really what makes me rage is this. I don't know. This is the current thing that makes me angry is when I'm seeing my friends who are right leaning, you know, almost lose their home

because people find out they're Republican. That's goes bother me, you know. See, that's minor though. I mean, I mean, that's major. I should have a minor thing that irritates me. Yeah. I'm sorry. You're right. It's so fucked up. And I think that that Tim Allen showed last man standing that got repicked up by Fox. It's real weird. How it we're all like self selecting our political or entertainment based on politics. Yeah. It's getting weird. We're all self-selecting our entertainment based on politics. It's getting worse, too. Losing Rose Ann pissed me off.

That was something else. You have a successful show. How transparent was it? The reason why they took her off the air after just one single strike was because clearly it was sending a message that this is successful. People want more of this. They can have that, not at ABC. No.

You know, we gotta get rid of that. Yeah. So that pissed me off. It, that pissed me off a lot too. The immediate knee jerk over, over absolutely nothing. And then the endless months of agonizing about James Gunn's, like, tomb of law of pedophile jokes. Right.

I was one of the ones who broke that open. I still people blame me for that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did the first YouTube video about it. It got like a hundred thousand views. And people are still like, like, why, you know, blaming me for it. I'm like, how can you take a joke?

You can't, I can't take a joke about that shit. I'm sorry. Not, what may be one, but not a hundred of them. And they're not everything else. Once you make a hundred, first of all, what may be one, but not a hundred of them. And not everything else. Once you make a hundred, first of all, if you're making a hundred jokes about the same thing, you're annoying enough to lose your job. That's because you know you're doing that. You're not set.

If you make a hundred anti-Semitic jokes, yeah, you're probably anti-Semitic, probably, you know, but, it's funny. Well, yeah, maybe, but it kind of points to a mindset. Another thing that annoys me is We have a mutual friend Monday and Matt. Oh, yeah False flagging my YouTube channel my my Star Wars videos. Oh He did I do these Like he got it like a Venus bonded about my Star Wars videos. And he falls flagging them. So they have like parental advisories on them now.

I fucking hate that guy. Monday, Matt, he's such a, he deleted all of his, he deleted like 99% of his tweets. Did it really? This weekend because it turned out like back in 2012. He was tweeting all this stuff about eating gum and like selling your sister's underpants. What the fuck? Oh yeah, this this just dummy pesos just broke this story He was he was tweeting like the he was he was tweeting stuff like there's only there's only so much semen you there's a limit on how much semen you can drink and

It was wrong with and I'm trying to find it. Yeah, that was the day after Christmas, too So this is Monday in Matt's Fat As is loading up Twitter on December 26th talking about how much semen you could drink and his only response to it. It's quite a family. His only response to it is, yeah, I said some edgy stuff back then and you know what, if my count gets banned for it

then so be it. Like, do you not understand that everyone thinks you're a fucking weirdo? Like why is your response that, well, if my social media presence gets devalued by so and so percent, then I'm okay with that. I was like, what are you doing, man? Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Somebody sent me like eight, like, tweets that he'd sent out about bleaching your asshole. Yeah.

What the hell is going on? Like, he obsessed over it for like three months, where it's like, what do you guys think about bleaching your asshole. Yeah. What the hell is going on? Like he obsessed over it for like three months, whereas like what do you guys think about bleaching your asshole? I was also told that he went up to some conference where a bunch of YouTube's, East celebrities were, and he told them that I was a pussy. You?

Yeah. He told mixed, he in mixed company, mundane Matt, a cert said that I was a pussy. Like recently? Yeah. Jesus. Like within the last couple of weeks, Matt, if you think I'm a pussy, I will, I will beat your ass.

If you want to, if you want to prove to everybody that I'm a pussy and you want to put me in a self-defense type situation, I will fuck you up so bad that your kid will call me dead. Do you understand that? You chin strap looking Mr. Potato headed fuck. You think you're calling me a fucking pussy? Well, you're talking about how much semen you could drink the day after Christmas? Fuck you.

Behind my telling people, telling my friends that I'm a fucking pussy. Can you believe that? The nerve of that fatso? Trying to call this flat me a dinner? Tommy Pesos, this was for you, this rant that I just wanted to hear you talk about Monday, Matt. I love Tommy Pesos. Me too. He's a he's a national treasure of Mexico. Even though he's from Argentina. All right, man. Wait, really? Yeah, he's from Argentina. Yeah, even though he's from Argentina. All right, man, really? Yeah, he's from Argentina.

That's a voice he does. He actually has a very deep normal sounding voice. Oh, I've just does that for laughs. Of course. I forgot. Oh, you just totally broke my heart. No, no, that's a lie. Yeah, that's a lie. That's just a lie. I'm almost everything I say is a lie. Okay. Good. I was gonna I was gonna talk more shit about Monday, man. Can you call me a fucking pussy? Yeah, why would he, I don't understand why he'd wanna, you know, poke the fire. Don't, yeah. I'll talk about me behind my back.

Say it to my face. I'll fuck, you know what? I'll fucking duel you for that shit. You call me a fucking pussy and be smirch my honor like that. I challenge you to a fucking duel. I'm talking about pistols that fucking don't. You get you get a code duelo bitch. Bring your best Flintlock. Bring your man. Bring a fucking medic. And I will have a full on pistol duel with you. You fat ass. I could just shoot any which way and hit you you fucking pieces yet Monday Matt. That was when men were men when we used to dole. Yeah it was and people kept their

mouth shut when when we used to dole. It is a consequence you would get you look dude uh this is the way society is run your mouth and and it's 10 pistols, or pistols at 10 paces are dawn. I mean, that's, you know, that's for real. Those are real consequences. Now what happens? Nothing. You get mocked for the rest of your life. That's what happens.

Dame Pesos, your medicare gets ahold of you and you get back in destroyed. All right, Ethan, thanks for calling in, buddy. Or you a titser and ask guy. That's something I ask. Ask everybody. Ask. All right. I think everyone is great. Or are you a titser and ask guy? That's something I ask. Ask everybody. Ask. All right.

I think everyone is saying that. Why are you in the ass? Yeah, you know, I think I'm learning it. I go both ways now. I'm a buy like that. All right, man, good luck with you. I can't wait to read Rainbow Brewed. Oh, have me on again when it comes out.

Yeah, I will. I will. If I can just get serious for a second. Before you go, speaking of Rainbow Brewed. Oh, have me on again when it comes out. Yeah, I will. And well, if I can just get serious for a second, before you go speaking of Rainbow Brewed, speaking to these other things, I'm really glad to hear that it sounds like you're just trying to have fun and make good stories because until you described what cyber frog was about, I thought it was just gonna be like an amphibious Rorschach,

which would be really funny, but just taking the entire other side of what these SJWs are doing to the story, but it sounds like you're trying to take it back to actually make it entertaining. And that's the secret behind your success. And so thank you. I'm really looking forward to reading all of this. Yeah.

Yeah. God bless, man. Thank you so much. Because it's Keon Magganya. He's a lawyer and a hero, not in that order. He got the restraining order for my girlfriend against Maddox, who is, or against Maddox's girlfriend, who is calling her work and trying to get her fired,

lying, making up shit. Yeah, I'm gonna go watch some videos about the Maddox situation cause I don't know the whole thing, but I'm looking forward to it. It's, there goes the rest of your week. Yeah, it's a love story. Remember's, there goes the rest of your week. Yeah. It's a love story. Remember at its core, it's a love story.

Between a man and a suit. I love you guys. Thank you so much for having me on. Have me back any time, please. I'm happy service. Thanks, Ethan. Thank you. Congratulations on all your success.

You smell terrific. All right. Thank you for coming. Oh, Nick's here. All right. Let me get Nick on. Hey, buddy. Hey, Nick, let me play your Here. Oh, Nick's here. All right, let me get Nick on. Hey, buddy. Hey, Nick, let me play your song.

Yeah, it sounds good. Cut yourself, right? Nick has songs now. Nick's doing songs now. Oh, gosh. Nick's turning into like William Chenner. He does law stuff and then he talks, he does songs on the side.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Here we go. This is Nick's song called Cut yourself. What possessed you to make this? I was driving for a couple hours and just had the idea. Okay No one listens to your stupid debates You're a boomer tear internet name. Made fun of children's art in your book that tanked.

You sit there crying while celebrity fades. And I didn't want to write a song, because I didn't want anyone thinking you're still there. They don't, but then your lawyer showed up And Baldi I be moving on And I think you should be homeless, I don't wanna hold back Maybe you should know that Even Rucker don't like you and he likes everyone

Never like to admit that you were wrong We've been so caught up in this cost We always see what's going on and now we know You're always sleeping on your own Cause if your fans won't buy your book at all Then Maddox you just went and cucked yourself And if you think your law suits holding on Then Maddox, you just went and cucked yourself

When Ramos told your love dog to get bent You should have never shown your face again And every up in and you talk about is wrong I think you forgot where you came from No shit And I didn't want to write a song Cause I didn't want anyone thinking you're still there They don't but then you'll boil your show up And Bully I be moving on. I think you should be homeless

I don't want to hold back maybe you should know that even Ruka don't like this fucking show man We got a lawyer like singing Swinging. It's been too long. Oh. We've been so caught up in this, guys. We always see what's going on. And now we know you're always sleeping on your own. Because if your fans won't buy your book at all, then Maddox, you just went and tucked yourself. That isn't the original.

And if you think your long suits hold in on the medics, you just went and cut yourself. Alright. Okay. I played solo myself. You did? No. Do you play any...

Oh, soup, soup, soup, soup. Do you play any music? No. I don't have instrumental ability. Do you have instrumental ability? No. I don't have instrumental ability. I don't have instrumental ability. I don't have instrumental ability. I don't have instrumental ability. I don't have instrumental ability. I don't have instrumental ability. Did you play any? Oops, oops, oops, oops, oops. Do you play any music?

No, I don't have instrumental ability. Do you kids? I think I play why kids learn how to play anything. Yeah, actually my three oldest kids all play violin. Oh my God. My two boys. Three of them play. That's your boy.

Learning violin at the same time. Oh my God, you must have some self-loathing. I don't know about. I mean, my uncle said it best when somebody's learning violin. You got to get them their own house. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. They're very good though. Well, yeah, but everybody's bad. I mean, you're just kind of constantly bad. Like, if you pray, I play a little violin and you, it's loud. It's always loud.

Yeah. And you are never as good as you want it. Like, you're always not as good as whatever you're playing. You know? Yeah. But they pick it up, I mean, shockingly fast. And my two boys play piano and my oldest son just started playing some percussion too.

So, oh my God. A drums and a violin. Yeah. You got any bagpipe players in the mix there? We're working on it. Yeah. That'll be the fourth one. Yeah. Do you have, do you have to barter with them to get them to play? That's a big thing with the little Irishman. He always, he's got, he has like, he gets so much, like the little Irishman lives in that movie time where they have their lives on a wristwatch. Remember that?

They have the number of, yeah, the Justin Timberlake movie. Yeah, except his is how much video games he can play. Like his mom, he's got like a little wristwatch that has, you know, you got 20 minutes and you do chores and it goes up a little bit. So he comes over here and he gets hours of video games and he comes out of it like a trans like I don't know what to do. Does he not want to play violin? He wants to but what can be better than playing video games endlessly? Like it's I don't know. Do you do? How do you keep your kids away from video games Nick?

We don't. We we've limited them to two hours of screen time per kid like total throughout the day. Yeah. That gets that gets some flexibility when they don't have something else going on or if I want to take a nap. But, but no, that so my oldest son, he loves playing though. Like he loves to do all of his different practices. My, the younger boy, he, he resists a little bit. But we don't actually have to, we don't have to force him to do it. We just have to force him to stop doing whatever else he was doing. But then he'll go and practice just fine. It's just getting him off of his fun stuff. Seems like it would be so hard to be a parent. Number one, to keep yourself off social media,

keep yourself off the screen and then keep them off the screen. You might as well be Amish. I couldn't pull myself off the screen and then keep them off the screen. You might as well be Amish. I couldn't pull myself off the screen for... It's different than it used to be. I'm sure there's another layer of difficulty being apparent because you're probably addicted to the internet too. Oh, big time. I'm big time addicted. The trick is just to make the internet a place of business and then you have an excuse to always be on it.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. My business is talking shit on the internet. So I was like, baby, I gotta check Twitter. Now you have all the kids you want. Did you hear my 911 story? No, I didn't. I was, I have been in dispose the entire day. So I just was able to pop on just now.

Make another kid. I was, yeah, you're gonna have more of a career. We were at church and then lunch and then sitting in a doctor's office. Oh, that was, it's 9-11 when this episode comes out. So I was telling the story of how I was almost on all four flights during 9-11. Oh, yeah.

And I was almost at the world, both world trade center, all three world trade center buildings. Mm-hmm. If you can believe that. That's ridiculous. And then I was almost at the Pentagon too. And in the field. And I was sitting in college and my dad called me. I was sleeping because it was early in the morning and my classes were all at night. And he's like, Nick, what are you doing? I think dad, I'm asleep. What the hell are you doing in bed? Yeah. Dad, it's the morning and I'm in college.

He's like, get up, turn on the TV, what channel? Any channel, fill up your car with gas, charge your flip phone. Oh, really? Really? Fill up your car with gas? Where were you? Yeah, where you?

Well, I was in Marshall, Minnesota, just probably three hours from where my parents lived in the Twin Cities. But it was like, he's just always immediately paranoid. And I'm like, dad, I don't even know if I'm actually awake or if this is a dream, just give me a minute. Is your dad like a doomsday prepper? Does he have those tendencies?

No. No. No, he have those tendencies? No, no. No, he's just a pessimist, eternal pessimist. Yeah, Phillip, you gotta get your car filled up with gas in case the shit goes down. Yeah. And then you can drive. Right, in case there's a nuke, if there's a nuke, then you gotta be able

to drive away from it. Yeah. Well, you know what I mean? Hope for the best plan for the worst. I don't, you know, I'm gonna be so pissed off if there's not a nuke in our lifetime, somewhere on the earth. You know, even like even in like the middle of the, like some, somewhere.

Otherwise, it's just, it's just the endless nuclear blue bawling that we get. We grew up with the bomb. We hear all these stories about the bomb. Where's our bomb? You were live for three mile, I- It's your noble though, right? Yeah.

But that wasn't, that was just a fuck up. Sure. Fuck ups and tests don't count. I want intentional murder of 80,000 people. It could be a one about a big test. No, not a test. No. It's got to be somebody used that somebody ran their mouths

too much somewhere and somebody got something got nubed. It's got to be something. Wait, we almost had that new. Newt the fucking moon. I don't care which one. The one that we're like some national security contractor pushed the wrong button at North ad or something. And so Hawaii thought it was getting nuked by the North Koreans for three hours.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that was not that long ago. And then yeah, he probably hadn't jerked off. Yeah, that's probably what all these bullets go ahead, Nick. How are those buttons even in the same room? Like, you should have to get up and go to the other room to press the Nuke is coming button. Yeah, I don't think that button actually exists. I think the guy just was mad at the administration. There's probably more safeguards against deleting a file or emptying your recycle bin than there is against

launching those. There is not. You know, think so. No, have a speaking from experience. Oh, yeah. You're talking to the premier expert. Yeah. It's quite easy. It is, it's just it. And you can't bring a gun out in like an improv scene, you can't bring a gun out and not use it. On, in like a movies or TV, you can't produce a gun and not use it. Of all of our lives, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, well where the fuck is it?

Let's see it, one time, you know? Well, let's just my opinion. Nick, do you wanna hear some of these erotic 9-11 stories that people send in? Oh my God. Or do you wanna hear some of these erotic 9-11 stories that people send in? Oh my god. Or do you want to hear some of these? Oh, absolutely. Okay, absolutely.

Let me clear up, let me cue up my music that I have for this occasion. I asked people to send in stories whether or not they either got laid because of 9-11 or got cock-blocked because of 9-11. Cock-blocking obviously is a win for the terrorists Yeah, getting laid is a win for America, right? I think we know because you we can persevere even through trying times, right? That was a verbatim bush speech if I remember right. Yeah Here we go here we go Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. The dick show presents.

Ebrotic stories from real men. Okay, here we go. This one's from Tyler. To the point I was in eighth grade at the time. This is a remembrance. Maybe we should have some remembrance music going on. Like a respectful tribute. I think respect went out the window in the first 10 minutes. Why, I got those guys. I got those guys right as they were crashing.

Right? Sean, do you remember when we, do you remember when in 2002, when I thought we should go to Europe on the first anniversary of 9-11 because the plane flights would be cheaper, because who the fuck's gonna fly on the anniversary of 9-11 because the plane flights would be cheaper because the fuck's gonna fly on the anniversary of 9-11. I was right by the way, but do you remember when we were in the airport and the every channel, every news, every channel in the airport, every TV in the airport was showing 9-11 coverage. So that seemed like that was fucked. Yeah. Constant reminders. Yeah. I'm trying to get on a plane. It's already in the back of my mind that, you know, I could die. Yeah. Can you guys, can you put on cart looney tunes or something just for today? Settle it down. Just give it a rest. Fuck.

That was really, they had a lot of people on standby and they really wanted to clear out some seats. They had a lot of people on standby and they really wanted to clear out some seats. Yeah. To the point, I was in eighth grade at the time. I had not seen tits in the wild yet. So this is where this guy was in 11. In the back of class, semi-isolated while the teacher was out of the room. Talking to a girl who I'm sure dropped out of high school to have a kid later, she called me out for looking down her shirt as we talked. Kind of gave a shrug and agreed that that happened. She asks, well, if you like them, I'll show you so you can stop

staring down my shirt. I praised those things like they were Christmas morning until she agreed. I had deposited the correct amount of attention. You follow what's going on here? I do. I know. Okay. After the shock wore off that she actually laid, after the shock wore off that she actually laid them out 10,000 years of biology kicked in and I asked to get to see my first bear boob cup in. So he's saying that he was flirting with this girl in class and she was going to show them her tits, right? Yeah, baby. At that exact moment, the teacher burst in yelling

about a plane hitting the first tower. Oh, after they put it on TV and she started crying, I somehow couldn't return her to the task at hand. I never did get to see her tits. There you go. I wonder if that girl has any like longstanding psychological issues when it comes to her boobs now. Like, she has sex with her bra on, never takes it off. That's one for the, that's one for the terrorists. Oh, John.

Hey, Dick, this one's from Brett. I saw your tweet about 9-11 getting you laid and to top it off, I popped my, my, my, my girlfriend's cherry in high school. I'm in Australia and the news is what I had woken up to, that the planes had hit the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and another had crashed in a field. That's where I was. I called my girlfriend who had lived in New York and told her to turn on the TV. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit!

Is all she said. So I went into school and it was a surreal day. Nothing was being done. We were all just watching TV and wondering what was gonna happen. My girlfriend came to school late and found me. She had obviously been crying and asked, could I take her home after school today?

And she didn't want to be alone, it was scared. Now, a week earlier, my 16 year old self, it's just gotten his first blow job from her and some boo-backed and so I thought, well, if I play my cards right, I might get it again. Of course, that led me to having to tuck my boner into my waist-bandering class. So I let mom and dad know that I'd be taking her home

and they were cool with it, and they knew she had lived over there, and as they knew she had lived over there. So the mom and dad were cool, and he's like, oh, yeah, she was in New York, you gotta go comfort her. And if school couldn't come quick enough, is I'm trying to think of ways to get her to touch my doodle again. That's Australian for penis.

They have silly phrases over there. That's definitely silly. We got back to her place and we're watching more TV. Non-stop coverage about the planes and who could have done it in the potential, presidential response. And she turns to me and says, this is gonna go really bad

and I'm scared about what Bush is gonna do. I don't wanna die of virgin. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha This just took a fast turn. Now I was in red alert mode, Defcon. One. Here's my chance, but to go fast into accepting this new chance, I could scare her off for being a horny 16-year-old who wasn't caring that the world could end, go slow and she could think herself out of it. The last thing we want is her thinking, probably.

I was high-prone lighting for a 16-year-old. And I would be stuck consoling a crying girl for hours. Oh. So after talking about the worst things that could happen, the US going to war, Australia being dragged into it due to treaties and conscripting young men to fight just like in Vietnam. Sean. Yeah. Yeah. This is what he said. A lot of this.

A lot of this. So the world, the world trade center, 9-11 happens. And this girl says, I used to live in New York. I'm scared. I don't want to die of virgin. So he goes over to her house and he's telling her that Australia could be dragged into a war and that men could be dragged into a war and that men could be conscripted to fight and said war like Vietnam.

He's not just telling us that. Is that what he says to her? No, that's what he says. I don't want you to die. She says. Yeah. Okay. Okay. This is the first time this guy has sex. She drags me down to her bedroom, stripping her, and me off in these two 16-year-olds went to town on each other. Oh yeah. As I left that night to catch the train home, I had the biggest shitty ding-grin you could imagine.

As people are discussing sadly, what happened that day, and I couldn't give a fuck. I just got late for the first time. And now as the anniversary comes around. My first thought isn't about the Twin Towers, but about having my girlfriend writing me senseless because she didn't want to die of virgin. So thanks, Osama bin Laden.

Bush and the Twin Towers for getting this guy laid. So it's one to one for the first time. There you go. Score one for America. By way of Australia. To neurotic stories. Oh man. That's a good one.

Brought to you by the Dick show. All right. Nick, I can't go. Oh, I think he left out the voters of Florida because had go or won. I don't think he would have had the same chances. Oh, you don't think so? Why? No, I think because, you know, bush, bush being the war hawk, the neocon ready to conscript Australian men. Yeah, that's true. Gore would have gotten up and gotten given some blubbery apology right away

and just dried up every vagina in the world. And Bush. Bush gets up there and this guy would still be a virgin. Yeah. So there you go. I was really hoping that rackets you were gonna give us a super hot take on how Bush did 9-11.

I caught your video about the bad ombre madcast petafile. Yeah, I should go back and watch that. Oh, it's rough, man. You, you, you should, but bring, bring some sort of substance to help you through it. Because there's some, I don't have that. There's some horrifying parts in it. Yeah, there is. So you go through the whole thing.

Mm-hmm. Jesus Christ. Yep. Let's some horrifying parts in it. Yeah, there is. So you go through the whole thing. Jesus Christ. Yep. Let's see. I got there's oh, go ahead. No, no, no, you go ahead. I was just going to say that's that's my rage, by the way, is ungrateful pedophiles. Ungrateful pedophiles. Why are they ungrateful? Yeah. Do you know how much work it was to go through that document and redact all of the identifying information? Oh, yeah. And to go through that entire video and not just sit and gloat knowing exactly who did it, right? Yeah.

And how this person goes around the internet, trash talking people that he doesn't like for minor inconveniences like being mean to someone online or calling them a cuck when this guy was trading child pornography unapologetically to the point where he was willing to answer a document that was mailed to him by the US government in disguise, of course. Confirming that this was illegal activity and I just need you to go ahead and admit that you're committing illegal activity to me in an email so I can send you this more child pornography. Oh, boy. That's the type of person who is out there watching Maddox's show. Twitter and Facebook. Yeah, watching Maddox's show and then just absolutely hounding members of the community of this show.

Yeah. And then, you know, I go through all the trouble to redact the document. Keep that person's identity, you know, private from people who aren't like, artistically looking at the documents and able to match them up, but just to let people know how these cases work. And then he goes ahead and post it on his own Facebook page.

And Docs is in the show. Oh, I always wonder why you do that, bro. People out, like, come on, next, just put the names out there. Fuck them. Let's see it. Uh, because, you know their names out there and fuck them. Let's see it. Cause, you know, I don't care. Like, I don't want people to go around harassing this guy, but he apparently wants them to come harass them, come harass him themselves.

That was, that's his choice. It's pretty one of them. I just wouldn't know. If he would have told me, I would have not blocked him out. I would have just said his stupid name. Yes, he would have told me I would have not blocked him out. I would have just said his stupid name. He's Thomas McCoy. He's he sent me a super cut of all of the

all of the bad ombre calls in Tamaidics' show. I think I'm gonna I'm gonna play it at the end of the episode. He's talking about like his youth group. His like church how he's a god. He's a helper in his church's youth group. I bet he is. And like he's about to get married and this woman has a kid. Like it is, it is really, honestly, somebody needs to do something because it is, it is wildly inappropriate and depraved. What this guy is getting away with. Even like, I don't, I don't even want to take that,

I don't even want to have the position that all child porn, whatever criminals are necessarily recidivist, but what the fuck are you doing putting him anywhere near a children's youth group at a church? Are you fucking the church has enough problems without this and you hear yeah You hear those stories too. What are you doing marrying this guy when you've got a kid like so what if you look like the cover model of a Cosmo you can find a guy that's not a fucking pedophile you idiot you fucking idiot like he doesn't have a choice

Because his brain is deranged and he's gonna go to any lengths to He doesn't have a choice because his brain is deranged and he's going to go to any lengths to satisfy it. But Jesus, lady, what are you thinking? You, what are you thinking? Very effective. As far as his church goes, the terrifying thing is it's possible that they don't really know like the extent of his past because my understanding is, you know, he's not an employee, he's a volunteer. Sure. And church

churches and churches. Makes a more sass part. Exactly. Right. But the thing is churches and charities are only recently starting to really vet their volunteers and to come up with effective policies for doing that. I mean, that's one of the really good things to come out of the repeated news from the Catholic Church is that all of these churches are starting to say, okay, we need to have policies in place. Even if we don't normally deal with kids or if these people don't normally deal with kids, we need to have policies in place.

I guess that's a good thing. I guess you could Nick talk about the Spin Man for the Catholic Church here. No, no, no, no. I'm not spinning for the Catholic Church. I'm saying we can take the horrific negative that's been going on. And other churches are using that positively. I don't know what the Catholic Church is doing, but I know that charitable boards that I sit on, that deal exclusively with college kids, right?

So no minors are involved in these charities at all, but we even now have been putting into place policies just in case like a single mom happens to bring in a kid that's outside of the scope of what the charity normally does, but maybe she doesn't have babysitter or something. Who knows, right? But like really going that extra mile because of stuff like this,

but not all churches are there, and you've got to wonder if this guy's church has even taken a moment to look at his background. No, it's so fucked up who gets access to kids. Yeah. It's a, it's a, it's reckless who you hand your kids over to. There's these guys like the bad ombre. They're always fucking there.

They're always there and can't do anything about it. And this guy talks a lot of shit online. Yeah, he talks to you all the time. He talks to you all the time. He talks to you all the time. He's a fucking pedophile. If I had those kind of skeletons, do you know how nice I would be? Yeah.

And like just, you know what I mean? You'd like to, yeah, just shut the fuck up and stay off the internet. Yeah. It's this disease we have of compassion. Yeah. Do we let these people get away with this shit?

All right, Nick, I'm gonna do, I think I'm gonna do, I think I'm gonna do, I'm gonna place some voicemails and wrap it up. Our news, our news baby's a flick, I guess. She didn't show up. No show. All right. It's been knocking on the wrong door for 20 minutes.

Yeah. I did, I sent her the right address. It's two news baby flicks. That lovely little Russian girl is the only one who showed up. She's just show up at one. She was cute showed up. She's cute. She was cute. She's gonna show up at one. You don't know shit. All right, Nick, thanks for the song. Yeah, thanks buddy. Thanks for having me on.

Yeah, see you. See you, man. Bye. Good old Nick. All right, everybody, this has been the Dix show. Play some voice mails. patreon.com slash the Dix show, dick.show, thedixshow.com. See you next Tuesday.

And then yeah, Thomas McCoy, Colin, when we play the bad on break super cut, I wanna play it at the end because it's too revolting for a lot of people. I know they're just gonna, they're gonna, oh yeah, crippled Jesus, all right. Hey, what's up, man? Hey, get oh yeah cripple Jesus all right hey what's up man hey get what's up dude so you got an update on your model a situation oh yeah this is

camp it's weird but it's got a good ending okay let's hear it so I right after the call I texted her I say hey I want to take you out to dinner nice and whatever have fun I'll pay because of course you have to yeah you have to pay yeah and then she texted me oh that's fine but you have to respect that I have a boyfriend and I'm like oh oh, what do you mean? I thought you were fighting. Yeah. And then she says, well, we, we always fight. We like to. And I really didn't know how to take that. The fact that she's saying you have to respect that I have a boyfriend and still going out with you means she's setting up a situation where she can have a lapse of judgment. That is how women act bar none.

Setting up situations where they don't want to come back to your house so they can, you can't invite them back to your house to like be alone or get laid, but you can invite them back to even though they know, they know full well all the time what men are doing. So you always got to give them that layer of of course Of course, I respect that you have a boyfriend. I just want to go out and have nice Conversation with you and if anyone's penis happens to end up in the house Really kind of turn them in off a lot because it seemed like she liked getting shit on Yeah

Absolutely true. Yeah shit on. Yeah. Absolutely true. Yeah. And that's just not me, man. I can't pretend like I hate the girl I'm with all the time. What do you mean? You can do, you can pretend for a girl. She's got to pretend that your dick is the biggest thing in the world. You can pretend to treat them like shit. You can pretend to want to treat them like shit. It's a quid pro quo after you're with her long enough You don't even have to pretend People yeah, so she didn't work out No, but the happy ending is About a day after I met this beautiful blind girl and things are going pretty well there so nice What kind of cans are we talking about?

I don't know what size is the man. I suck at math, but good enough. Titt math. I'm great at titt math. Good enough. What kind of fruits would you compare him to? Oranges, Limes, Great fruits. Yeah, they are good. Great fruits. I'm not sure if you're gonna get a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of little bit of a little bit of

a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a treated like shit that's fucked stay stay far away. It was weird because I thought I knew was totally different person after that moment. I guess you don't know people at all. I guess.

It's weird what drives people's like sexual personality. They could be it's like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide shit sometimes. They will subject themselves to the most demented, terrible, depraved treatment and be an otherwise nice person, but fuck. Intimately, they are bonkers. Yeah. More often than not, I would say. More often than not.

And it just fits like a warped cog in some people. Like, they're like a, like a messed They're like a messed up machine that only fits, that only works when it doesn't fit with something else. And if you're functional, you will not, nothing that they do make sense. And everything that you do is wrong. Because everything they see is a prism of derangement, like a bizzara superman.

Hello, it's goodbye. Nice is good. Good is bad. Abuse is funny. It's so, it's so, it's so fucked that they're all, they're all like it. Mostly. I guess imagine it's worse than the Hollywood.

I don't know. It has to be. I think it's so deeply ingrained in people that it's been the same for 10,000 years. I bet in fucking Sumeria, you had chicks that were sticking around with their guy because they treated them like shit and it never fucking changes.

Did you know? Sometimes you need even if your relationships good, sometimes you just gotta stick them in with a zinger to keep them excited about, because they like it. They fucking like it. There's no explaining it. They just like it. Even if they explaining it. They just like it.

Even if they know that you're a nice guy, sometimes you just gotta stick on it. There you go. I know you need that. I know that you needed that sticker. And I know that you needed that zinger in your brain. That was what I could do for you. I didn't like doing it.

Why do you make money hitting your sickle bus? But it's sickle bus. I'm gonna be a real prick today. What's up? Look what you made me do. I got a plug, do we have time? Yeah, sure, we got time. I don't ask Sean, he's the clock. Okay.

YouTube.com's, Washed, crippled Jesus. Okay, what are you doing on there? That took too much time. I'm just putting, I'm ranting about this thing. I put up a video about identity politics and how it's just a cancer Really you should put videos with you with a body cam ramming people. Yes All right, all right, can't get out of here connection kind of sex Good to hear from you.

I'll see you. See you. Okay, everybody, this has been the Dixho. TheDixho.com, Dixho.com, Dixho. Patreon.com, so let's just the Dixho. This is... I love Purple Jesus. He's so fun. He's great.

Sorry, hand cramp. Was that on the bonus episode? What do you call it in? I think so. What was talking about how you rammed people and share who pissed them off? 500 pounds of centralized hair. Sorry, hand cramp.

Sorry, hand cramp. Oh, you don't have to apologize. Could you stop ramming me? A fucking thing, you know. I can't control it. I'm sorry, it's part of the task human we'll see. New update. Windows 95 and all. You understand, of course, idiot.

Here we go, this is from salty birth. This is more blues endings. Oh, have I played this one? No, no, but I know what it's gonna be. See you next Tuesday, everybody. Oh man, get ready to be edged beyond belief. Oh. Oh, here it comes.

I hate this already. Here it comes. Here it comes. I hate this already. Here it comes. It's gonna end. Is it gonna end now? Oh, it's not gonna end. Oh my god, look at how long this file is. Johnny, you ready for it to end?

I'm gonna turn on turning this on. You're ready for it to end. You're just gonna cut it from the final. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D I'm gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one who's gonna be the one I smoke cigarettes too. And through it in slow motion. Yeah. Fuck a la. God bless America. Big, titty, big fucking titties. And I flick that atom. And they're like, shiiit.

Is they knew in that moment that the righteousness of America would prevail over their death cult of Islam over their their death cult of Islam over their sick death cult Blame me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, motherfucker, I'll see Mohammed in space. Boom. Gonna go to the rock where he jumped off, boom. Those guys probably never even been to that rock, you know? Those terrorists. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Okay. Alright, let's do some voicemails. That ain't... Ah! Oh! Oh! Thinking of the end. Oh. Okay. Alright, let's do some voicemails. I can't believe the NewsBabe didn't show up. God dammit! I was hearing about how hot she was, too. Yeah.

Where'd you find her? Craigslist. Oh. You know, I found out, so I've been putting out these ads for NewsBabe for probably two years. Yeah. Ever since it got funded on Patreon. Really?

Patreon.com slash the Dix show and man I get some real battle axes in response when I say a news news babe to read the news I think they think I'm joking yeah because they send back like they send back you know they they put news, there's more news than Bay. Yeah. And some of these applicants I get. So this time I did it. I said bikini models, slash models wanted to read the news. Totally different experience.

I finally cracked the code. There you go. But they're flaky cell. Yeah. They're L.A. chicks. Mm-hmm. Oh, we got another contestant in the jacking off or fat guy walking. Oh, yeah,

you want to play that game? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. So as soon as you think, if it's a guy jerking off or a fat guy walking, then you say, well, it doesn't, it's jerking off or not jerking off, right? It doesn't have to be that. Now we changed it. It's now it's a fat guy walking. Jerking off or not jerking off. Yeah. So you got to say if you think he's jerking off, okay? As soon as you know, you say it, because there's also points for speed. Oh, really? And making up all kinds of rules. Yeah. I think he's checking off. It's changed a lot since last week. I'm calling in for the jacking off or fact I walk in contest and calling in with a bit of a dip tip here You see it's actually sometimes more jacked out.

Okay More easy to go for your second base instead of first base It's a little bit less awkward sometimes like say you're speeding or something and you saw a bit of a a tip without missing his grabs and tips So gonna make this one a little short one That's my big tip for you guys and you can okay. Do you think he's trying to think he's jacking off or do you think he's I don't think I don't think so Okay, Sean not jacking off. No, I definitely think that guy's jacking off. Yeah, yeah, you thought the last guy was jacking off I think I still think he was's jacking off. Yeah, yeah. You thought the last guy was jacking off. I think I still think he was. I think he was lying. Oh, no.

And the side, if I'm jacking off, you're just a fact I'm walking. I don't think he's walking. Can we actually get Jack and Offer? What is it? I don't know. You were talking, hold on. Can we, I'm actually get Jack and Offer? He's actually jacking off, I think.

I thought he said, I'm actually not jacking he said hold on side if I'm jacking off you're just a fact I'm walking can't wait I'm actually got Jack and off of actually I'm not jacking actually got jacking off the what the fuck did you say that's god damn it like with on damn it sir that's sort of like the game I'm actually got jacking off that That's what it's at. Yeah. You have to say it clearly.

I, here's the reveal. I am jacking off or I am not jacking off. Very simple. God damn it. God damn it. Well, there you go. Asshole. Oh, so one of the discord has an interpretation.

What did he say? He was drinking it. I'm actually, I'm a guy jacking off. I think he was jacking off. Play that again. Actually, I'm a guy jacking off. All right. And you can try and decide if I'm jacking off or just a fact I'm walking. Can't wait. I'm actually jacking off. Yeah. I think he's actually a guy jacking off. off. Yeah, okay, I think yeah, all right gross Thanks, dude, you just feel violated. Hey, dick. I got a rage for you When people criticize how you cut food They say like oh you're gonna cut your fingers off do it like this

Fuck off mind your own business cut your fingers. You have it. It's fun. I did that 80s growl was cutting an avocado like a Mexican holding it in her hand and cutting it. And I was like, Oh, man, it's an investment into your own fun where when you go up and go, Hey, you're going to cut your hand if you keep doing that because if they don't cut your hand, the loss is minimal. If they don't cut their hand, you only get a little bit embarrassed but if they do cut their hand and she did cut her hand, oh, the rewards are tremendous.

That's a, you gotta do that every time. If somebody's cutting shit in a fucked up way, you gotta go immediately, you're gonna cut your hand, I know you're gonna fuck and cut your hand. You're gonna cut your hand. And even give them a time. I told you. I told you.

I told you. You idiot. You didn't listen to me. You never do. Here's a list of other things that you're doing wrong. Yeah. Yeah. I disagree, sir.

But I'll defend the death you're right. To be wrong. Hey, Dick, it's Christian from Texas. I'm sure You have seen this fact chick That is a quote unquote model now That cosmopolitan good God so this they put the fat broad test holiday Oh, man, I say fat. I don't know what I mean Good God so this they put the fat broad test holiday. Oh Man, I say fat. I don't know what I mean, but Jesus

But he miss She belongs on the cover of Manic's shitty book fuck whales. Good God. That one is fat Shut up Joe. That's my roommate Joe ruining my voice now Anyway, they joke, ruining my voice now. Anyway, they put the floor on the front of the house with Paul. And everyone is pretending like she's healthy. I don't understand this. Cosmopolitan each shifts for putting anorexic girls on their cover because it promotes unhealthy living. But they can put a 400 to 500,000 in the cover. And that's so much easier.

They're the same. They're the same. It's Sean. It makes no sense. Don't fuck yourself. You didn't see the Cosmo cover girl? No. They touch a lot on the cover.

Keep in mind, before you see this. That this is air brushed. Oh, yeah. I mean, they go really heavy on those covers. Look at this. This is what Cosmo ran. Yeah. Look at the knees. The knees are folding in on themselves. No, I mean, that is... Like a math equation. That is... That's medically unhealthy. Extremely unhealthy. Yeah, that's extremely unhealthy. Yeah.

Then she posted a picture, that she posted a video of herself on Twitter eating a cake by the fistful of this cover. Somebody made her a cake of her own cover and she's just shoving it into, like she's, it looks like she's gonna lose a finger the way she's eating. We really swing the pendulum. Why, don't we? Oh my God. It's revolting. Yeah, it's really making this for.

Who is buying this cover? And who's buying this magazine because she's on the cover? Did you read the headlines? No. The success and illness. Of course. That's who they're making this for. The other lover, why I vetted my wife's affair. You're, yep. Now I see.

I see. It's unfuckin' real. The male model and the nerd, life with the UK's most eligible man. Could you imagine that they interview you and then you go to buy your issue of Cosmo or your interview is and then you You see this fucking manatee on the cover. No

What a night test test holiday wants the haters to kiss her ass Well that will fucking take once Yeah, I don't think there's enough haters on earth to kiss all this ass This is this is I would rather fuck Cartman even when he's pretending to be a woman than this abomination. It's atrocious. Here is, let me find the video. Test all the day. I can't believe it.

This is sicker. This is less healthy than the guy in seven who's doing heroin all day. You know, it's like the equivalent of putting a massive, massive addict on the cover purely for the celebration of them being an addict. That was it more or less healthy than the guy in seven who ate spaghetti. Oh, he did. Yeah. I went to the. Oh, here it is. Oh, here it is. Yeah, seeworld.com. Look at the size of her arms. The bigger the my legs, that's really unfortunate.

I just feel bad for me too. I don't. Watching her pretend to like laugh and enjoy shoveling these carbs. Yeah. Yeah, it just doesn't even fill me with disgust or distaste or rage. I just, I feel bad for this poor sick woman. Yeah, someone's got to call social services.

John, or the Coast Guard. I don't know who, who, who, who, who, with a boat in a rope. Somebody with a boat in a rope. Yeah. Yeah. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Oh, all right. There you go.

You know what makes me rage dick? Because people who let their kids run on bleachers. Yeah. I just left the baseball game. Early. Why? Because someone is letting their fucking monster run on the bleachers. And it's like a gorilla with club arms in a room full of golf.

Fucking, you don't stop. So when I look over and I say, hey, you need to sit down on the bad guy and the mother can immediately get defensive and say, well, I mean, he's allowed, he's just a kid. You kind of let him play and you can't tell my kid what to do. And it looks at him and said, fine, fuck you. So, I hope that kid remembers this for the rest of his life because when he has no fucking fine fuck you uh... that remember this for the rest of his life because when he has no fucking friends and his

mother is alone for the rest of our life because no matter the face of the planet and handle that noise all fucking day somebody right there's somebody in the tolerate it don't run bleachers and lady

uh... letting that app. it ruined my whole fucking day. It's not even a funny race. Just piss me the fuck off. Yeah, I don't like it when parents let their kids in fringe on somebody else's good time. Yeah. I get that they're kids and they're gonna make noise

and stuff like that, but- Take them over there? Yeah, there's, there's- Get off your ass. There's a limit. It's the whole, you know, yeah, if, if, when you start messing with somebody else's enjoyment of the day in a public setting, then you need to control that kid.

You know, parents are thinking with about 2% of their brain. That's the problem. A normal, a rational person can see that that's obviously wrong, but when you're, when you're trying to get away from these fucking monsters, these semonky li, physical manifestations of your deepest fears and regrets, you're, it's still, take them over there. Yeah.

Start smoking. Kid gets unruly near you, just light up 10 cigarettes. Start talking to the kid about how cool smoking is. Yeah, right. You know, I always like smoking when I'm having unpert, I always love to smoke after I've had unprotected sex all day. And college is for queers. I don't know if you know that.

That's, that's a problem I'll fix itself, although probably won't, right? She doesn't care. Mm-hmm. Youth sports is, most parents use youth sports as babysitting. And if you're the poor schmuck that is, that volunteered to coach, you're the babys schmuck that is that volunteered to coach You're the babysitter. Mm-hmm. That's a good rage. Uh, okay

Hey, dick. It's Carl from who are these podcasts calling in because you told me to call into the show a Couple weeks in a row there. I did never picked up on me. That's it. Oh, let's fine I'm sorry watching your show I'm sorry man the only thing that pisses me off it really makes me a rage is that when I do someone show I come prepared yeah so in preparation to be on the mighty dick show yeah I listen to an entire episode of the best debate in the universe but I'm not reviewing my show. There's a reason why I would have to listen to this fucking garbage, except I want to have a good conversation with you, Dick. So what's into this show?

Episode 115, his guest is this guy named Paul Fart. And Paul Fart is a guy who farts on Instagram. This show is all about farting. I listen to an hour of that news chick Taylor telling fart jokes. So I can be entertaining and compelling. this show is all about farting so i'm so i'm sorry i do i just that waiting to talk about hearted thanks a lot dick oh fuck yourself i'm sorry man you are these dot com w a d p who are these podcasts?

I want to talk to that guy so much, but, fucking the time the Taco Bell stuff happened and Dami Pesos happened and I'm an alcoholic and I don't have good control of what's going on, you know. There's a lot of stuff happening. Yeah. Guys and motorized wheelchairs are spikedfully running people over and trying to get jerked off.

And then a guy's raising $600,000 for a cybernetic frog. Sean, I'm not, there will never be anything more interesting in my life than this show. I can't, I'm sorry, Carl. And then I thought it was Carl, but it turned out it was a guy who'd made a video game called Cuckhead Where your Maddox and you throw your book at cartoon versions of me in a stereo and Madcucks? I just I just can't I don't know what to do and

Then Alex Jones is getting banned from Twitter. I even talk about that. Yeah And then a woman who's fatter than God is on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. And God has a hefty ass. God is a big ass. God is fatter than hell. You know, he's all of us. We're made in his image. So we're very, we're, we're, we're, we don't want our friends and family.

God doesn't want his friends and family knowing his Twitter account, I guess, that means. I don't call, please call back. And I don't want to say, you know, I get to wait a little bit. So he's not as, you know, I want him to call him in right away, because I look like a fucking dick. Who are these podcasts? They listen to podcasts and make fun of them. That's a great, great idea. Yeah. Endless, endless humor in that, right? If you're good at it, yeah. If you're good at it, great idea. Yeah. Endless, endless humor in that, right?

If you're good at it, yeah. If you're good at it, they are, they are good at it. I'm sorry, buddy. We're just having crazy. We're coming up on 17 years in Afghanistan. The guy I think was killed there recently. He was almost there too. There's no deep state, you know. I mean, past people have no fucking say on this at all. Have you met anybody in the past four years that has pro-war in Afghanistan?

It's a good point. No. I have everybody's tired of it. What have you met? Could you find one person? It's like, yeah, I think we should be over there. I don't know. One.

I mean, without looking hard, I don't think I could in the context that I know. Yeah. Who the fuck is running this country? Not us. Companies. As goals. Modsters that prey on scandal and outrage and money.

Nikit Kruzchev, he's running the country. He took over the country. I wish, I wish Russia was running the country. They don't, I mean, is there- You've already heard it here first, folks. Yeah, right. I kinda do.

Like, well, I don't know, you killed journalists, but I also hate journalists. I do. I can't say that you're wrong on that. Let's just, we gotta find them, one by one. Okay, who wants, who wants there to still be an Afghanistan? You? Yeah.

And every 17 years. I just want to, I kind of just want to hear the reasons. Yeah. Give me more than any. Yeah. Oh, it's all these NPCs. That's what the world is inhabited by. See, you are, you, Sean, you haven't, you talk to yourself.

You have an internal monologue. Yeah. You think things, different things. Right. And then vocalize them. Yeah. You are, Sean, you haven't, you talk to yourself, you have an internal monologue, you think things, different things. Right. And then vocalize them as though you are a player character and then what comes out is the way you interact with the world. The rest of the world is filled with non-player characters. Nobody's inside there.

They're just saying, they're just saying whatever is somebody else. They're just saying what the computer tells them to say. That's it. They're the ones that want us there. Yeah, that's about three. That's a three, that's a three-beer statement, I think. Hey, I'm trying to see the president of the FOP next Tuesday. Your episode comes out on Tuesday. your episode comes out on Tuesday. Yeah. I want to see him next Tuesday.

See you next. I think it's the fraternal order of police. Oh, I think it's a police. I looked it up. I think it's something with police. Oh, because you didn't know either. Okay, good. President of the SOP.

I'll fight you. I'll fight a 50 year old man. Let's go. Oh, wait. I'll fight a 50 year old man. Let's go. I'll fight you. You want to shoot black men with no rape or caution. I'll fight you. You can shoot the next 12 black people that you want to shoot.

If I kick your ass though, the next unarmed person that your people shoot is getting charged with murder as if they were a citizen. Why would the guy that get shot get charged with murder? I don't know. I don't know what that guy's point was. I think he called the wrong number. Yeah. So now I was going to say gonna say Called a couple times though. Let me here's another one from

FOP All cops believe in something is a joke. I don't know He started it like it was a joke. Why is the FOP? Yeah, never mind that something is And that woman tonight just believed in shooting black people and is willing to sacrifice to explain suspension cool Fuck the police They need to get out of this goddamn country

I'm afraid they need to get out of this goddamn country. I'm going to goddamn police in this country. I will fight the FOP president. Let's get rid of the free blue line. Let's the political that that

I really hope this is a wrong number. And like he's trying to call the FOP hotline. I think he might have called it again too. Really? Oh God. Well, we have to see. I don't think I, no, I didn't download that one. He called it again.

Thank you. I hate scops. Yeah, he's angry. I don't think putting them under more pressure is gonna help. I don't think getting them out of the country is going to do it good. You don't think that sending all the cops, deporting all the cops.

Actually, we sent them all to Mexico. That might help Mexico. No shit. Yeah, right? Yeah. I mean, sending them a reen to Mexico might help Mexico at this point. Yeah. He's got it. Like the cartel killings are out of fucking control.

Yeah. I mean, they, well, that's a conversation for another time. But yeah, what do you mean? Why? I don't know how I make widespread government corruption leading to and including the murder of politicians and their family members who try to stand up to the cartels. I don't know how to make that funny. You got to, it's because you got two governments, right? You got two competing governments trying to both have enjoy the monopoly of force. You got the cartel is one of the governments

and the other one is the government. Right, of course. And I'm just saying, I don't want to bring like the tone of the Dixho down. Oh, we're about to talk about a pedophile. Who cares? Oh yeah, good point. Yeah.

And if all the cops are gone, then who is going to shoot the black people? Other black people. Play in parenthood. They're going to open a new division. They're not just going to abort them. They're going to move straight into proactive. No, I mean, it's kind of an economy that you're removing. I mean, I'm just kidding.

The militant wing of play and play and play. They're gonna finish the job. Is that funny? Is that, is that count as a joke? I hope so. If you meant it as one. I meant it as a joke. I mean, it is fucked.

CJ's in there. He'll let me know if I could say that. I'm gonna deport all the cops. What would be, what would the world be like without the police? That'd be a good, wasn't there a movie a day with no Mexicans? I think that was, I think that was an actual day with no Mexicans and Los Angeles. I thought there was a movie a day without any Mexicans. Is there?

Probably. No, yeah. And the reason that like the main character chick didn't disappear is because she was actually Armenian pretending to be Mexican. Is that true? Yeah. Didn't you see the end of the movie? I didn't see that movie at all. I don't even know that it exists.

No, it's terrible. Huh. What happened in the day? Was it like, they just all disappeared? They all disappeared? Yeah, they just woke up one day and they were all gone. There was like a cell.

All the white people were, oh, who's gonna move along? How come there's no lettuce in the grocery store? And like the main character was a local. Very racist. Right. Of course it is. Of course it is. The main character was a local news anchor, like Natalie Rodriguez or whatever.

And she spends the whole movie trying to find out why she didn't disappear. And she was Armenian? Yeah, turns out she was Armenian adopted by Mexicans. What the fuck, my movie is that? It was a terrible movie. It was stupid as shit. We got to find a day with no cops.

So she finds out her like an entire life is a lie. A day with no cops, they call that the purge. Oh yeah, it's a great movie. I wouldn't want to live in it though. Yeah, because you're a pessimist. I would take that gamble. Okay. 12 hour purge.

Mm. But like continuing it. I'm feeling lucky man. 24, seven, right? We only need 12 hours. We could fix all our problems in 12 hours with, with like one good purge. Seven.

Is that how that is that how that is that how that started? That mindset, how he needs one's one well we didn't yeah I didn't get to kill all the people that we wanted to okay one more in the number oh you know what I I think I do have an email or a voice mail from the pedophile bad ombre. Oh, jeez. I think he called it. Really? Yeah, I think this is him. I don't know. Holy fuck, you are the biggest fucking hypocrite. I have ever fucking dealt with.

This is a pedophile. You have the ovaries to say, Maddox is a fucking pedophile in labor and shit. You win a fucking myelo, the pedophile, you're not for this show show bitch. You fucking win on a show where a guy Actually said he liked to suck 13 year old dick. You know what? It's not what he says You bitch has fans post whatever the fuck you want about me. You're gonna be yeah, right? I think so I have no idea It's cannot be there's no way there's no way that an actual pedophile called Tito.

He talks like this and then he says, fool at the end of his ends is fool. Like, there's just no way that's his like character. Like, he's trying to do a character. I don't even know if that's a lot of my point. I know, dude, you talk just like that. Yeah, so do I, but none of them are pedophiles. Thomas, look over there. They could.

Hey, can you hear me? Yeah, it was that Tito. That was Ombre Alert. That was Ombre Alert. That's funny. Yeah, Ombre Alert. El Nino file. Oh boy.

That's a Dome K-Sos. See that again? Dome K-Sos. Dome K-Sos. She's fast. She's fast. Oh, good. Yeah, no, I see.

Well, you're just, you're hitting. Dummy casos. She's. She's fast. Oh, good. No, I see. Well, you're just, you're hitting it at a higher level than I'm able to react to. How many of these do you have? Those are my top three.

Okay, good, good, good. Very good. Good. Tens across the board. That's, that's why you hit the girl up for her number in two topics because that's when it's risky. You know, that's when she gets that tittering and her like, oh, I'm always close.

Otherwise I'll get bored. Always be closing. Okay, so you've done a tremendous amount of research into the madcast, pedophile known as bad ombre. Including... Sure lock bug is going all around. It's fun, isn't it? It's a dicting.

It is very fun and also very dark. The first time puking in a while last night. Yeah, it's disgusting. Well, that voicemail had the facts wrong about what Milo said. Oh, yeah. That was so sad. What happened to him? And that nobody, like nobody defend, I don't know why,

I don't know why gun companies are afraid to defend Cody Wilson. I don't know why Fox News is afraid to defend Milo. Like I don't know who the fuck they think they're catering to. Well, the gun companies, they're not, they're not defending Cody Wilson because he's going to cut fat into their profits. And most they drastically changed their business model, right? But I don't think so. Because Cody Wilson's gun looks like a fucking bento box. I didn't know what it looks so it's just.

Now it does. Well, yeah. Milling plans, right? What's that? He also has the milling instructions. He also has milling instructions, but I would much rather have a gun from the store than one I printed in my fucking garage. Yeah, like I'd love Cody,

but I just I want to have, you know, I want to have the one that is in the store. Yeah, that has a couple hundred years of manufacturing name behind it. They're a QA department looked at. I don't want to get shit-suit with it explodes. Yeah, I want to know. That's a good point. I want to I want to hire of course the shell in the box that it was test fired. I don't want to have to build my own fucking rigs stick system. I think they're just pussies anyway.

So you've got you've got a supercut of all the times the bad ombre has called in to Maddox's show. That's right. Shout out to Cameron Clark and Eric Robinson on Facebook. They did the time stamp work for me. As much as I hate job lynch mobs, it seems like this guy really has to be, it seems like this guy's a bit more incentivized. This is, like he's got Twitter accounts that it's just,, okay, here's what's fucked up about the bad ombre. He's got Twitter accounts where he's linking to porn sites that charge you to sign up, which is,

that charge you to be a member too, that have like a secret stash of porn, which instantly should set off red flags, right, because who the hell pays for pornography. And there's like, there's photosets of kids just kind of being kids on the site. Yeah. It's right above sign up for more hot updates.

Yeah. He's a fucking bad guy. He's a real fucking bad guy and he's gotta be. Well, he can't, according to, you know, it seems like the latest research studies, like you can't fix that. No, that's that's not fixable. Well, you can't fix it and you got to keep them away from from the kids. Yeah. Yeah. Including, including chicks who are so desperate for men that they'll let their kids, which is so fucking common. It is unfortunately, but I mean,

CPS needs to be involved every time. Because they're sick too, man. Something like that happens. Because they're sick too. Ant fat. Don't forget that. Generally. Mm hmm.

Can't forget that. All right, I'm gonna play your super cut here, buddy. I think we're gonna go out on that. How you been anyway? Are you any more film festivals? No, this is my favorite project so far as dark as it is. It feels like I'm actually doing something now. You know, the spectral analysis was fun and all,

but it felt like preaching to the choir. Like, I'm so glad to be at a college. Oh, yeah. What are you doing? Yeah. What are you doing now? Right now, I got my own business now. Very slow, but I have the freedom to do my own shit now. What's your business?

My business, it's basically like internal use videos, stuff like that. It's pretty dry stuff. Yeah. Basically like video dating for lawyers and they their referral partners and shit like that. That's great though. That's big money. It is good money in theory. Once I get more people going, I'm producing shows for public access, also podcasting for people. I loved working on boats, but it's 14 hour days, like five days a week, and my body can't keep up. Yeah.

Okay. Let me find. And I'm very happy to say that Sean, you're a good man to forget all of this, because apparently he called in first to shit on you. Oh. Sean, pedophiles hate you. One out of one pedophiles hate you. Wait, wait, on the old show? Yeah. It out of one pedophiles hate one.

On the old show. Yeah, it's like I imagine you're just a fun. Oh, I remember that guy. Yeah. Hey, Combronis. Oh, what? Yeah, I used to say stuff and get them to call in like I think I said like my Mexicans one time or something like that.

Yep, that was the first one in the supercut. That's the guy, right? That's the kind of comedy you're doing on Madcast. It sounds terrible. I said, yeah. God, fucking dammit. I remember that guy used to call in all the time. We love him.

You'll never guess who reached out to me this week either. You're just, you're gonna do this now? Yeah. Let me see. Dr. Nurse? No, no, no. He's this now. Yeah. Let me see. Dr. Nurse? No, no, no. He's not in the chat or I'd tell you. I'm gonna give him a week to think about it.

You know, Sean, I just, I personally hate pedophiles, offending pedophiles. I don't know. I know it's an unpopular opinion. Yeah. But I can't stand them. Well, just wait. Maybe that'll be the next, in the next comic book series. Did I tell you about the time one of my buddies got kicked out of a bar because of something

like that? No. So we were in South Pasadena, like two or three years ago. There's this buddy of mine, little Mexican dude, who always feels the need to say things that don't need to be said. And we were sitting there. And he'd had about four beers at this point. The students like five, four. And he said, you know who I hate? Fucking pedophiles. Sure. And the dude next to him said, well, what do you mean by pedophile? Because my girlfriend, 17 and my buddy just without looking just started swinging his hand. Fell out of his chair. That's it. Yeah. Just swinging fell out of bars to will got a cat swinging head down. Didn't do anything.

That I had to get between them. The owner came. I mean, it's kicked out of a bar. Yeah. It was it was it was that Irish bar in South Pasadena. Like, like you ballad ones. No, no, no, yeah. And, uh, yeah, the owner said that he was going to call the cops, but he knew me. And so he told you, yeah, as long as, you know, the guy stayed away. Uh, so then I had to take my buddy to the park and explain to him for like an hour, because he was really drunk. Why you can't just throw hands at people in public, even if they admit to a... Plus 17, man, come on. Yeah, come on, yes.

Give me a break. All right, here is Maddox loves, there's the super cut of Maddox loves pedophiles. This all started because of the pedophile episode. Do you remember that one? How fucking weird that was? That Maddox brought in like Nonoffending pedophiles. Yeah told them and gave some weird Forum they could go to get help and then cut my joke of

harassing love like busting their balls. That was a fucking weird episode. Yeah, it was and he was always talking about that friendy Had as a kid. He was And he was always talking about that friend he had as a kid. He was Clegg is a big fan of his all right here. We go here. We go What's that? Click at least we can laugh at Digi bro. We can laugh at Jesus. Well did you know did you bro isn't a he's not a fucking pedophile? He isn't he isn't I don't I don't think so song says he is. I don't think so. He is All right, here we go for a nickname for the I don't think so. Yeah, this song says he is. All right, here we go. For a nickname for the Mexican guy that hates Sean, I got your nickname.

Bad, Tom Bray. I think about it. Bad, Tom Bray. Tom Bray. Yeah. I don't know. Pretty catchy. How do you?

All right. What are you going to do? Is he going to stop calling in if I'm not on the show? I guess. Or maybe, you know, maybe he'll just keep calling in badger you without here. Yeah. Yeah. If you're almost like, I'm gonna give him your home phone. I'm like, good idea.

If you watch the screen, you could see his complaint against him. Oh. Yeah. Okay. I'll tilt it so you can see it. Yeah. Would you mind tilting that thing now that we know that it? I don't want to read it because it's horrifying it really is

Really is he can be one of my Mexicans. Yeah So anyway bad ombre called in Depending me listen to this. Did you have a banana to no? I didn't it didn't have banana in it Banana is a shady fruit to have a different cottage of cheese one day Please who's that there's the bad ombre listen to this? What up? God run it. Hey, why what you motherfuckers hitting on cottage cheese man You motherfuckers here have been broken motherfucker and eatin my cottage cheese for dinner fuck man We put that shit over at the start with the salt and nine man that's delicious dinner if you ask me

Fucking haters Why the fuck is that funny You Mexican man, yeah fucking show. Yeah, we love the bad on bridge So so dread me here. We got a voicemail for you actually from the bad on break. Listen to this Hey, what's up? God run there? Hey, you keep having this dread me a guy on man That guy's best motherfucker. I've heard in a while. I need to introduce this guy to my church youth group, man. Cause those motherfuckers need to chill. This guy knows what's all about, man.

I just wanna go on and say, this guy sounds like every Mexican parents wet dream, man. Fuck you, you're Mexican. You're so accent on radio and shit. There's Ron Babcock, Ron Babcock. I didn't remember who he looked what he looked like Well, here's a caller bad ombre bad ombre is getting a little lippy guys these days I do listen to this call us Let's head ombre Maddox you fucking friend there call yeah

Mad Max the one you're talking about fury road is a sequel to the other one. It's not fucking reboot Number two the movie you were talking about is true grit I don't know if you ever heard of it the one where John Wayne won an Oscar Yeah, and they remade it what I think 2010 bad ombre watch that because he thought john wade would fuck the little kid in that movie it was nominated for a whole bunch of Oscars didn't win any but still yeah watch that one motherfucker stupid thing yeah I've seen true grid why the fuck is that funny why is any of that funny? time and all that. Not a lot of people know he's Mexican. In fact, he's lived in Mexico longer than I have. And Spanish was his first language. However, you're reading the shit. You're reading the shit. I'm not going to talk about it. I'm just scaling out the mother.

I'm not going to understand that. I'm not going to talk about it. He's talking about how Louis CK is not going to be in the Mexican culture. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk about it. He's not going to talk You're not never so much. Yeah, you have Anyways, yeah, that's my argument if you're good and your product is good and you're original enough Then you don't have to exploit anything

That's true Is that about right? Whatever your style audio engineer guy's name is keep at man Uh, whatever your style audio engineer guy's name is keep Batman. You know, good job. Thank you. Well, here's one of my equipment and my templates. Yeah.

Here's from the bad ombre. All right. You like this, Ron. We talked about Ron. Robcock, you loved the bad ombre, right? I'm not even on muscle. Fucking ass. I think so.

Yeah. Well, here's what bad ombre says. Hey, what's up, Governor? Hey, so I hear you have inside knowledge on Elon Musk balls Holy fuck man took like a minute to subscribe in this motherfucker's balls Remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy.

I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy.

I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy.

I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that cast of the regular pedophile wrecka rally sub-bitching about our smart phone debate hey what's up here in this argument that phones are making a thumb up because we use them to fucking argue with others online did you know that there are plenty of other uses for smart phones that don't involve a fucking web browser or any sponsor Yeah, okay

Seriously though, fuck you guys have options. You don't have to fucking just use one thing for one reason fucking a man Yeah, I guess we hadn't considered that you can use your smartphone for multiple uses good call A bad home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a funny thing to me.

Yeah. When when Rucker leaves the show, I'm going to start forwarding the voicemails from bad home please. Yeah. There you go. There's an example of the the point side that he's looking at. Uh, all right. I'm too disgusted with this guy today. Thank you.

That was five minutes too much. Was it? All right, Kean, thank you for dropping by. Thanks for having me. Anything make you a rage? You're no news, babe, but I couldn't believe it. If one of them could show up there because, does anybody have a, anybody got any questions? Anybody got any comments? Do we have any anybody got any questions? Anybody got any comments? Do we have any Facebook news this week? No, he's at a wedding

Cap Jack ass. Sure, that brings them back though on episode a hundred of the biggest problem in the universe What was in the box of t-shirts? Maddox was awkward about I think those were just returns. I Don't remember at all. It was just a return. Somebody just sent back, they wanted to refund. They sent him back shirts. And he cut it for some reason. They decided to wear sandpaper instead.

Yeah. They had two nipples in another box. The big Lebowski, unwound the gauze. Two nipples fell out. Yeah. The huh? fell out. Yeah. Huh? All right, everybody. That's, I think that's a wrap.

I can't fucking believe that news babes didn't show up. I was all keyed up to jerk off to her tomorrow. Oh, boy. Now nothing. I can never get a break. No. you